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#probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people
seilon
·
2 years
Text
pretty sure I’ve been hypomanic the last week or so and I’m not sure what to do about it
#weird to be hypomanic and extremely self isolating and avoidant of addresssing important things at the same time but here we are
#i have no idea what fucking amalgamation of mental illnesses and whatever else is going on with me lately but it sure is alot
#there is something very wrong with me and at this point i cant pinpoint it to any one thing it’s just. i think. a handful of things
#that uhhh don’t work well together that’s for sure
#i feel like I should maybe look up some stuff on comorbid bipolar II and autism cause that’s probably the best way to describe the totality
#of whats going on with me
#whatever it is it’s wrong there is something very very wrong with me
#i need a therapist badly but guess what??? whatever’s fucking wrong with me has made me avoid looking at my email for like a week for no
#god damn reason and I haven’t been able to make myself do anything important and applicable to myself in the Real World
#again for literally no fuckign reason and it’s just making things progressively worse cause they stack up and ssome of those things can/will
#piss off my mom who I also want to avoid but I can’t because if I don’t pick up the phone the second time she calls she will call my
#roommate and threaten to call the police basically
#so
#that’s where I’m at
#this is the first time I’ve ever ghosted literally everyone before though. that’s new. really funny how that works. self isolation is
#probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people
#you don’t see in real life? what if you put all your effort and thoughts into one topic and obsess over it for god knows how long to the
#extent of not wanting to do anything else basically but shit related to that special interest or whatever it is
#it’s so funny that I’ve literally not hung out with friends at all in real life nor made any new friends irl this entire year
#like literally. literally I do not have friends. that’s so wild cause I’ve been saying this for literally months and it never changes
#anyway I’m probably gonnna go back to frantically writing notes on this one topic and neglecting all communication and responsibilities
#so. yeah
#kibumblabs
#I need serious help. i wish I had people around me who cared enough to make me get it
#i wish I didn’t have to do literally everything myself
#my ‘bf’ (if you can call him that. i doubt it at this point for several reasons) hasn’t spoken to me nor I to him in I don’t even know how l
#long now and my radio silence on discord and texts doesn’t seem to matter to him. i could be dead for all he knows lol
#he doesn’t care he has other people now.
#no one else I know irl reaches out and if they did I’d probably not answer for no reason. i guess because I love sabotaging myself
#it’s great. I’m great.
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