#probably going to alter my year-end goals in December to give myself a break

[sixofravens-reads]

okay after DNFing Winter's Orbit and going through like a daylong "I just don't want to read anything" crisis, I'm going to start The Copper Crown tonight. I've seen it described as "the fae in space" and that sounds like the kind of weirdness that might make my brain happy right now.

[thatonegirlwhodoesthings]

End Of Year Review

Last time I was here I was way more of a mess yet I had way too much hope and, thankfully, I was right in having hope. Now, here I am at the end of the year in December and so much has changed but that comes with graduating and transitioning into college. Here is my end of year review in which I express what I learned about the world and about others that has impacted what I know and thought I knew about myself. 

I spent half of my July unsure if I was even going to have the opportunity to actually go to college. I worked so hard and was so scared but when July 15th came and I paid my first bill to my school I knew that this was my opportunity. I also knew I needed to work really hard to be able to stay so, on top of this new pride in knowing I was actually, officially going to be going to college, I needed to take on more responsibility and got a second job. July is when I really started working my first job and it was new and exciting. Getting called in on my days off, having something to do and with this came a new sense of pride that I was working towards what I wanted. I became, to some extent, less reliant on my mother. Having two jobs allowed me to prove to myself, and other (but mostly me) that when I want something, I will work for it. 

August was eventful. As it was getting closer to move in day, closer to me finally achieving a goal that has been MONTHS in the making, life around me seemed to fall apart a little bit. I was so focused on my goals and did not have the time or energy to dwell on the domestic abuse my mother was facing, forcing us, just months before one big transition in my life, to make another one. My mother and I were forced to leave our home and move in with her friends because it was the only way she could feel safe in the face of her abusive substance abusing boyfriend. While it was not the easiest thing to go through or witness for a second time in my life in a minimal amount of years, staying focus and having something I was working towards and looking forward to was helpful. Halfway through the month, after finishing at both my jobs and learning so much not only about pushing myself but also about the usefulness of saying no, I packed my things and moved 3 hours away to NYC for school. I was 18, not too naive but eager to learn and experience new things. Orientation in itself was an experience. I met so many new people and some ending up having such an impact on my life, even if they no longer exist as a necessary part of it now. They were relevant when I needed them and aided me for the time being. 

September was when things started to pick up speed. If you told me in September that what happened would happen, I would tell you you were insane. I lost a friend, who even after only knowing a few weeks, was a person who was there for me, just turns out we were not meant to stay friends and that is okay.More importantly, I became closer with other people I had met and even met somebody knew who holds his own special place in my heart.  I also, to my pleasure, had my first sexual experience with a girl while I was drunk and I would never trade that experience for anything. Even if I could not remember her name after and can barely remember it now. This night was actually the first night I really talked to him. Yes, I met him. He, had my heart thumping in September, filled with joy after experiencing this new moment with somebody I had never had before. He caused plenty of useless confusion for me that I know cannot even remember but without it, probably would not be where we are today. 

October, my birth month, was nice in its own way. It was when I began getting close with her. Not only with her though, but I also got to know other people I had not known that well. I am forever grateful for these people as they created a community that I feel I could be apart of, while not having to always be apart of. Distance, I learned, is necessary for me. I need space from people in that being around the same ones constantly drives me crazy. This fact, is something I truly got comfortable with around this time. I also, against my free will, got closer with him but that's alright. I had a pleasant birthday and, came out to my longtime friend. She is great and I love her. I, being a little bitch, had to use ridiculous analogies to come out but it is difficult when somebody has known you a certain way for so long. You do not want to alter that image they have of you and possibly ruin the relationship. Her, being the bestest friend ever, was supportive and it unlocked this part of my life that I had been wanting to tell her. I finally had that chance. 

October was disappointing still, in some ways, in that I did not do as well as I would have liked on my midterms. I was at school to do well and succeed, to further my education. And here I was, blowing that aspect off. It manifested itself in my less than satisfactory grade on my psych midterm. However devastating that was, it encouraged me to study for my other midterms which, thankfully, I did much better on. It was a reminder that procrastination got me nowhere and I needed to focus. It lead to me taking more thorough notes the second half of the semester and studying more. 

While the first half of October leading up to my birthday was eventful in itself, Halloween was its own ballpark. You see, a week before I kissed her for the first time while I was tipsy and then went to him. It, for the first time, brought up a real issue I had to deal with. I like these two people and I do not want to hurt either of them. Halloween, I went to a party with her and, as a drunk dumbass, made out with her. I enjoyed it but it did nothing but confuse me. 

November was filled with me going back and forth between him and her. I did not know what or who I wanted and while that part has not changed, I am dealing with the situation in a healthier way, to some extent at least. It was also filled with me getting my first writing job and therefore, my first step in the door to working with authors in the future and possibly writing myself. Furthermore, it taught me, more than anything, the absolute necessity of communication but we are still working on that one. It was also the first time I went home since August and it was interesting to see how nothing really changes when you leave. I feel as if I could leave home for years and come home and be completely unfazed. Everything is a cycle here. It is nice to be somewhere and go places where everything is always new. I don’t think I want to be stuck watching these cycles anymore now that I know how much more interesting life can be. I went to a wedding too and it was so beautiful. It reminded me that even if for a moment, love does exist, no matter what it turns into. It is so tragic how we let bad experiences way more heavily upon us than the good. Anyway, the wedding was great and it made me excited for when I marry my wife. So many people were complaining but I thought it was beautiful anyway. Watching those little moments between the bride and groom, even if nobody was sober, was so impactful. That is what I want from my wife and I want to not be afraid to let myself have it. 

In December, I came back to campus a wreck. I spent a week long break barely talking to anybody and ignoring the two people who had the most impact in my life. The worst thing is me getting way too high my first night back and then having to have a serious conversation with her. I think she did not notice, but that night is blurry to me. A positive from that however, thanks to her, we were back on good terms after not speaking for two weeks and it brought us, to my displeasure, closer. That’ll be painful later but for now, all is good. Until I face the reality that there is a small possibility that I'll never see her again but that's neither here nor there and I have no right to be selfish and make that situation about me. I am concerned about her and hope she is okay or as okay as any college student can be. I just want to see her happy honestly. She deserves that at least. He I did not talk to for two weeks as well. Not talking to him until a week after I got back, I got drunk and was like alright I need to see him, after listening to Marvin's Room and crying which is my civil duty as an over-dramatic light skin. I then got more drunk and forced us to talk about our feelings. Now, we are in a better place we have been in awhile.

 I left for break in a really good mindset. I feel as if I am in a good spot with the relationships in my life. I am the best mentally I have been in a while and honestly, have little stress. I am going to soak in this place for as long as I can. 

So, how would I rate my year overall. As far as learning goes and accomplishments, I would give myself a ⅘ stars. I accomplished so much and have learned so much. I have done so much and experienced so much. I accomplished things that, if you told my bum ass a year ago, I would say no, I did not do that because I would have never tried. Mentally I would give this year a ⅖. I have had some of my lowest lows that I have had in a LONG time. I believe that comes with big changes and new experiences though. It was just me trying to figure things out and, hopefully, in the future I will be able to process and handle similar situations better. I appreciate this year for everything it gave. Everything it taught me. Everyone it brought in and took out of my life. This will be a year I look back at and call life changing and I am so thankful for that. 

Thank You 2019. 

[kmalexander]

Gleam Upon the Soundtrack

In the past, I’ve released my book playlists before the launch of the book. These tend to be inspiration playlists, not the music I find myself writing to. (If you’re interested in a “writing playlist,” let me know in the comments! I’d be happy to assemble something. There’s very much a “type” of music I listen to when writing a Bell Forging Cycle book.) Since Gleam Upon the Waves has been out for a little over a week, I thought I’d go a step further and not only share the playlist but give a few details, why I chose particular songs, and how I felt they reflected (and inspired) aspects of the story.

First, the playlist! Jam out, roaders.

Not a Spotify fan? The playlist is also over on YouTube.

SPOILER WARNING

The following details will contain Gleam Upon the Waves spoilers. So, if you’re still reading, I’d recommend avoiding the rest of this post until after you finished the book. For the rest of you, let’s head deeper into the playlist.

Prologue

Sons and Daughters – American Spirit

Sleep now child beneath The heavy current Dragging you along

This was the song that inspired this book. Something about life dragging you through the wringer without caring about your desires or plans cemented itself inside my head (even well before 2020.)

Chapter 1 & 2

Baltimore Blues No. 1 – Deer Tick

Can you hear the sound of the crawling flesh Now can you smell the burning desire This place is too small to hide All the ghosts that’s kicking around inside

There’s something gritty to this Deer Tick song. I felt it was a nice pairing to Wal putting on airs and wearing suits—despite his intentions, he can’t hide who he is. His problems will not disappear. Lovat devours.

Chapter 3

Gates of Dawn – Heartless Bastards

I have awoken The footsteps sound of thunder

While this tune more positive than Wal’s experience, I thought opening a new reality deserved a song that had a similar impact. I’m also a sucker for Erika Wennerstrom’s vocals. (Probably why Heartless Bastards make an appearance a little later.)

Chapter 1-3

How Deep Is The Ocean – Miles Davis

Like I wouldn’t include this in an ocean-themed playlist.

Chapter 4

bury a friend – Billie Eilish

Why aren’t you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

I had this chapter in my head since Red Little World. I also read it for Dead Drop Live last week. I loved the idea of Ashton being this ghost that haunts Wal—an echo of his past. One he weirdly cares about despite understanding that he’s an enemy. Eilish’s pop-minimalism just felt right for a decoupled avatar whom you may or may not want dead.

Chapter 5

Wild and Wasted Waters – Kill It Kid

Wild and wasted waters Have come to carry me on

For something so deadly, humans have an odd fascination with water. Also, this song fits with Wal being entirely out of his element. It’s helped by the Alan Lomax sample that works too well as an undercurrent for the story happening to Wal.

Chapter 6 & 7

Blood on your Bootheel – Caroline Rose

Think if you act like a man, you can alter this wheel; You can make it in this world without that blood on your bootheels

“Altering the wheel” is something Wal has attempting for a while (since Old Broken Road, if we’re honest,) but he can’t change his destiny. He can kick against the goads as much as he wants, but fate will drag him along whether he wants it or not.

Chapter 8

‘Round Midnight – Thelonious Monk

No lyrics, but man what a song. (If you haven’t noticed, any of the jazz numbers I call out in the books end up in my playlists.)

Chapter 9 & 10

Glitter & Gold – Barns Courtney

Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark The dark, the dark, the dark

Wal’s damn lucky for a guy that can’t escape his reality, eh? There’s also an element of foreshowing here. With the cult’s interest Wal can’t escape his past just like he can’t escape fate.

Chapter 11

Lovecraft in Brooklyn – The Mountains Goats

Someday something’s coming From way out beyond the stars To kill us while we stand here It’ll store our brains in mason jars

If you’ve read the last three books, it should be obvious why I included this one. Also, John Darnielle is a national treasure and should be protected at all costs.

Chapter 12, 13, & 14

Sirens – Lola Marsh

In a million years It’ll all be over Within a million years It’ll all be over

Yael Shoshana Cohen’s voice is incredible. There is a vastness in this song that matched the tone of the Wasteland. It also deals with time on an epic scale, and that’s something I appreciated—it’s cosmicy without being overt.

Chapter 15

Postcards From Hell – The Wood Brothers

I got a soul that I won’t sell And I don’t read postcards from hell

I hope you caught how Gleam Upon the Waves reflects the other stories up until this point. Wal waking in a hospital and pushing himself out of bed is awfully familiar. Despite what he’s faced with, Wal tends not to stop. He’s relentless. Tell him things are bad, and he keeps going. His tenacity is admirable, if not a bit foolish.

Chapter 16 & 17

Wicked Waters – Benjamin Booker

This must be where I lose it all, darling Throw myself into wicked waters

Again, water. Maybe our pal acted a bit too rashly?

Chapter 18

Ding Ding Dong – Waipod Petchsuphan

For all its familiarity, Empress is a foreign place, and Wal is a stranger. This poppy Thai luk thung track from ’76 sparked similar emotions for me. It’s familiar, borrowing from common themes, but at the same time it’s different from other music of the era. It’s also a bop.

Chapter 19

Hello, Darling – Conway Twitty

Hello darlin’, nice to see you, it’s been a long time

Should be fairly obvious.

Chapter 20

Figure It Out – Royal Blood

Nothing better to do When I’m stuck on you And still I’m here Trying to figure it out

This is a fairly big reveal, and while the theme of the song is related to Wal’s relationship with Essie, it’s even more complicated. “Figuring it out” is kinda a thing here, see?

Chapter 21, 22, & 23

You Want it Darker – Leonard Cohen

There’s a lullaby for suffering And a paradox to blame But it’s written in the scriptures And it’s not some idle claim You want it darker We kill the flame

Cohen’s last album deals with death and loss, there’s a heaviness to it, and it felt fitting for this section of the book.

Chapter 24, 25, 26

Mean Old World – Big Bill Broonzy

This is a mean old world to live in, I’m just travelin’ through It’s a mean old world to live in, I’m just travelin’ through Yes, sometime I get so blue, that I don’t know what to do

Another one that should be obvious. Poor Wal. Who’s the jerk that subjects him to this?

Chapter 27 & 28

Madness – Ruelle

Nowhere to run from all of this havoc Nowhere to hide From all of this madness, madness, madness

Eventually, you can only experience so much before it all just begins to break down.

Chapter 29 & 30

Sway – Heartless Bastards

So, I stumble and I sway into the room and I fade I hope my darkest day are behind me I want to stay here in the sun for a while I hope my darkest days are behind me

There’s a spark of hope here, and I feel like there’s a spark of hope in these chapters as well. Yes, two Heartless Bastard songs in this playlist. You’re going to have to deal.

Chapter 31

Remains – Algiers

While the captors boast On how they lower your costs The rich men gamble At the foot of the cross

When you make a decision, you need to be ready to deal with the outcome.

Chapter 32

Revival – Soulsavers

Why am I so blind With my eyes wide open, oh? Trying to get my hands Clean in dirty water

A song about people doing something they feel is right even though reality clashes with that desire, and somehow, at their core, they know it. If that doesn’t fit the Deeperists, I don’t know what would.

Chapter 33 & 34

The Church Bell’s Moan – Bror Gunnar Jansson

Don’t you hear them?

Ring the bell and eventually they’ll come.

Chapter 35 & 36

Get Loud for Me – Gizzle

I see my goal and get cold as December when Counting our sins, I don’t have no friends I came here to win, my start is your end Now let it begin now

FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. Also, this is such a great reflection of the previous song that I had to include it.

Chapter 37 & 38

The End – Kings of Leon

This could be the end This could be the end This could be the end This could be the end ‘Cause I ain’t got a home

A song about change and facing that change. Felt like a fitting end to this playlist. 

Chapter 37 & 38… again

I See A Darkness – Johnny Cash & Bonnie “Prince” Billy

And did you know how much I love you Is a hope that somehow you you Can save me from this darkness?

Wait, never mind. This is even more fitting.

Chapter 37 & 38… for real this time

The Parting Glass – Hozier

Of all the comrades that ere I had, they’re sorry for my going away, And of all the sweethearts that ere I had, they wish me one more day to stay, But since it falls unto my lot that I should rise while you should not, I will gently rise and I’ll softly call, “Goodnight and joy be with you all!”

No… this one.

So, that’s Gleam Upon the Soundtrack, a Gleam Upon the Waves playlist! I hope everyone enjoyed a glimpse into my musical inspirations. It’s really fun to assemble these things and reflect on why particular songs spoke to me over another. I totally understand why other authors do it as well. This isn’t the only playlist I’ve made for my novels, you can check out the other ones here.

Once again, thanks to everyone for picking up Gleam Upon the Waves. I’m really proud of it, and I hope you enjoyed your time back in the Territories. If you haven’t nabbed your copies yet, you can do so from any of the links below.

Buy the paperback:

Amazon – Barnes & Noble 

Buy the eBook:

Kindle – Kobo – Nook – Apple Books – GooglePlay

Finally, if you’ve finished Gleam, please leave an honest review, and if you liked it, tell your friends! Thank you for making Gleam Upon the Waves one of the books you chose to read this year. Time is finite and it’s an honor you decided to spend some of yours with my book.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2PPh4wG via IFTTT

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/the-benefits-of-mantra-meditation/

The Benefits of Mantra Meditation

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function() n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments) ;if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n; n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window, document,'script','https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); (function() fbq('init', '1397247997268188'); fbq('track', 'PageView'); var contentId = 'ci023f9e4a5000267d'; if (contentId !== '') fbq('track', 'ViewContent', content_ids: [contentId], content_type: 'product'); )();

Source link

[topicprinter]

Hey guys!Sorry for the delayed update, it has been a CRAZY couple of months (as I’m sure you’re all aware). A lot has happened since my last update and I’ll try to get into a bit of everything – sorry for the long post.A really really really brief recap of the past twelve partsI started in December of 2018 with $1,165 with the goal of making $10,000 in one year. In 2019, I had bought and sold over $40k in baseball, football and various sports trading cards. I had a few great successes ($1,165 into $3,085 before fees - $2,771.20 into $6,200.10 before fees - $1,086.68 into $3,190.54 before fees) and a few duds. I generally sell my cards on ebay, but utilize auction houses every now and then. The biggest bottleneck I face is submitting cards to PSA (a third party grading company), a card might have a 2-4 month turnaround time. To successfully "flip" you need to balance some of these purchases with shorter flips. In 2019, I ended with a final profit of $9,262.28 – a tad bit short of my goal. In 2020, my goal is $20,000 (fitting). Using my margins from 2019, I would need to sell around $85k in cards.You can find the previous installment hereCOVID-19First, I hope everyone is safe and inside. I am fortunate enough to be working from home and busier than ever – I do mostly forecasting and budgeting for a company in Manhattan, so it has been very busy on my end trying to keep pace with everything that is changing.Vintage baseball cards seem largely unaffected by the crisis. The biggest disruption is the closure of PSA – a third party grading service. If you remember, I have a significant number of cards with PSA (146 as of today for this project) with an estimated value of around $6-10k that are now sitting stagnant in their warehouse. This is inventory that will significantly be delayed processing and will have a material impact on inventory turnover. I had written previously about the dangers of leaving inventory with PSA – it is a good thing that I have a diverse store and don’t leave all my eggs in that basket. Another impact COVID has had with this industry is the delay in the baseball season – this is having serious implications on the modern card market (new products are being delayed, rookies aren’t seeing price movements, etc.). Luckily, the vintage market doesn’t rely on the baseball season as much.As of today, I have had two cancelled orders with buyers directly referencing COVID – one was a person who claimed unforeseen costs (understandable) another was a Canadian individual who ships his cards to the NY border and drives across to pick them up (which he can’t now). I have ten unpaid orders sitting right now, which is higher than usual. I’d imagine some of this may also be COVID related.Some positive impacts – everyone is home! It looks like there are a lot of older collectors stuck at home working on their collections. I am still seeing fairly robust BIN activity and auctions have done well so far. Hopefully things go back to normal sooner than later.PurchasedIn February I had purchased a 1953 Topps Partial Set for $1,472.00. The timing is a little funky, the auction ended at the end of January, my last installment was on February 14th, but I am not including this until now? There were some invoicing issues and I hadn’t sent payment until mid-February, so I am including this now. I pulled out a few cards to send to PSA (which I need to wait until their office reopens), pulled a couple to sell myself and sent the rest of the cards to PWCC. There are seven days remaining in the PWCC auctions, and already past what I paid for these, so I should do well.At the end of February, I managed to win a couple nice lots from Huggins and Scott; the first was a near complete set of 1953 Dormand Postcards purchased for $685.00 after fees and the second was a small group of 1959 and 1960 Venezuela Topps cards for $216.00. Both of these are obscure issues, many of the Dormand postcards are rare with some neat variations (large autograph, small autograph, photo variations, etc). These postcards I immediately listed separately at a $.99 auction and turned a profit. There are two cards that I still have – an oversized Mickey Mantle postcard that is very difficult to find (which I would like to send to PSA) and an oversized Phil Rizzuto postcard that I need to still list. For the Venezuela Topps cards, if you’re unfamiliar, they were literally from Venezuela – some of the cards are written in Spanish, some feature non-MLB Hispanic players, etc. Naturally, these are much rarer than the USA counterparts and, because of that, more valuable. I already sent several to PSA, but sold the rest for $58.66..I purchased a group of 1970 Topps Super Proof cards for $405.41 after fees. I love these sorts of lots. These proof cards are too obscure for anyone to try to collect the set, but collectors who collect players need them for their collection. Player collectors are a different breed of animal, they will hunt down every Roberto Clemente card, Mickey Mantle card or whoever their favorite player is. They have no interest in this group of cards together, but separately they are willing to pay retail. I listed every card on ebay and sold three for $360.00 – so I’ll do well on these for very little work.Finally, I bought this near complete 1959 Topps set for $1,557.30 after fees. These cards are freaking beautiful. The set is missing the three most valuable cards and the star cards appear to be in worse condition, so it went for a relative steal. The “common cards” (players that you’ve never heard of) are in a solid Near Mint condition though. I already pulled about 150 cards to send to PSA, and plan to give the rest to PWCC to sell as a group. Buying high grade sets and breaking them up is a legitimate source of income for many dealers. There are several different approaches to it, the first would be buying the set and selling each card individually ungraded – this would be the approach of Greg Morris Cards, this is incredibly time intensive, and not possible for me at this time. Another approach would be to take out the cards worth grading and sell the rest in bulk (my approach), it leaves money on the table, but takes minutes rather than hours. Another approach would be to pull the high grade cards and replace them with low grade cards to sell the set – I have never had luck with this.What SoldOkay, too much is selling for me to talk about everything, so I updated the GOOGLE DOC to include everything that I currently have in inventory, the status of every item and the sold price (if sold). Take a look, I’ll update it for each installment and can discuss an item you see. For now, I’ll stick to highlights.With the sale of the 1970 Topps Super Hank Aaron card for $76.00 I officially have sold all of the Hank Aaron cards from that Heritage Auctions lot! The final tally was $2,285.98 profit after fees. Not too shabby. What’s notable about this sale was that it was made through the eBay watcher best offer feature. I was able to send an unsolicited offer to an eBay watcher, and he accepted! I have had mixed results with this feature, but overall I’ve seen 2-3 sales every time I send them out (one every two weeks).The two 1979 Topps Cello packs came back from PSA, the Pete Rose pack graded a PSA 8 and the Mike Schmidt pack graded a PSA 7 – I sold them for $250.00 and $130.00 respectively. I have had a couple Redditors ask about how accurate my inventory valuation estimates are, and I have always told them that I try to be as conservative as possible, in this case, I ended 2019 with an estimate of $250.00 on my books for these packs, they ended up going for $323.00 after fees. For the Hank Aaron cards I had $150.00 on my books, but ended up selling them for $660.70 after fees. I try to be very conservative with these estimates. It’s an estimate. I hate losing money because I “thought” something was worth more than it actually is. I also don’t want readers to think that I am inflating inventory value to make results look better, I try to manage expectations and value items with a buffer in case an auction doesn’t go well.Along that same thread, I sold most of the multi-sport cards from Goldin Auctions that I sent to PSA. The highlight was the 1980 Larry Bird/Magic Johnson rookie card that sold for $501.00. This card is iconic. I was very happy to see it graded a PSA 7 (I was worried with the printer marks on the front). In total, these cards sold for $1,075.68 after fees and I still have the Tiger Woods SI Kids rookie card.Wrapper sales keep coming in. If you remember, I had been buying up hundreds of wax pack wrappers and listing them as BIN’s on eBay. I am probably averaging 2-3 per week – I sold this 1961 Topps Football wrapper for $100 in March. I’ll let these sit for a while longer and see if sales continue.The B14 blanket sales have been much slower – with only three sold in March. I think I might try to send a few to auction soon if it doesn’t pick up.PSA UpdateHere is a link to the Google Doc with the status of all of my PSA cards. The spreadsheet also includes a summary of where the project is.PSA has asked customers not to submit anything until further notice, so I am holding on a bunch of cards. Two orders did complete before the offices closed though – the remaining tobacco cards from that July 2019 Grey Flannel auction (see how long this takes). Unsurprisingly, two more cards came back trimmed. I’m a little pissed at Grey Flannel for selling altered cards, but I knew it was a possibility. The cards were fine. Nothing crazy to report (lines 10-18 on the Google Sheet). The two more expensive Mickey Mantle cards also finished and shipped – the 1953 Topps Mantle graded a PSA 1 and the 1953 Bowman Mantle graded a PSA 2. I was really hoping for a PSA 2 and PSA 3 respectively, but can’t complain, I should do well on this group.Below is an updated summary:The summary has changed since the last installment. Rather than include all of the 2019 sales, I removed everything that doesn’t relate to 2020 to make it easier to read and cleaner. For items purchased in 2019 (denoted with a “*”), the “cost” column represent the ending 2019 inventory valuation. For items purchased in 2020, the cost column is the cost. In the Google Sheet I included an in depth P&L with full results and 2019 details.ItemCost*SoldFeesInventory^Profit1936 Goudey Lot (8)*50.0030.00(4.50)20.00(4.50)Hank Aaron "Odd-Ball" Collection*150.00777.29(116.59)-510.70(16) Pre-WWII card lot w/ Cobb*1,300.00978.76(146.81)300.00(168.05)(23) Sandy Koufax 1950's and 1960's lot*250.0098.00(14.70)200.0033.301977-1979 Topps Baseball Rack & Cello Packs (6)*250.00380.00(57.00)-73.001957 Swift Meats Game Complete Set (18)*800.00--800.00-(36) 1950s-2000s Multi-Sports Collection*500.001,265.51(189.83)150.00725.681933-1989 Wax Pack Wrapper Hoard (650+)*400.001,023.99(153.60)300.00770.391941-2004 Multi-Sport Group (33)*800.00419.34(62.90)500.0056.441912 B18 Blanket Find (100)*1,270.80393.50(59.03)1,000.0063.681962-63 Parkhurst Hockey Lot (45+)*500.00287.26(43.09)400.00144.171953 to 1969 Mickey Mantle Group (16)*1,000.00--1,000.00-1956-1959 Baseball Star Collection (48)*1,130.00167.04(25.06)1,000.0011.981961-1969 Baseball Star Collection (61)*804.95257.78(38.67)600.0014.161948-1965 Yogi Berra Collection (26)*1,400.00399.50(59.93)1,050.00(10.43)Lot of (4) Signed Perez-Steele Postcards676.59--676.59-1950's-1980's Football Wrapper Lot (42)920.00887.00(133.05)500.00333.951953 Topps Partial Set (208)1,472.00--1,472.00-1953-55 Dormand Postcard Set (47/52)685.00795.83(119.37)300.00291.461959 & 1960 Venezuela Topps Lot (34)216.0058.66(8.80)200.0033.861959 Topps Baseball High Grade Set1,557.30--1,557.30-1970 Topps Super Proofs Lot (12)405.41360.00(54.00)200.00100.59$16,538.05$8,579.46($1,286.92)$12,225.89$2,980.38*-denotes inventory purchased in 2019 valued at 2019 y/e figures.^ -inventory on hand is valued at a conservative estimate of fair market value for remaining items.`-grading fees are expensed when the card is sent to PSA, fees are not paid until PSA has completed the order. Fees that are expensed, but not paid are sitting in Accounts Payable below.2020 Grading Fees`: $366.13Current On HandCash: $2,546.13InventorySee the Google sheetALSO! If anyone is interested in what the financials for this project would look like, see below. With 2019 officially in the book, I moved the final 2019 financial statement over for a year-over-year comparison:As of 4/6/20202020 YTD2019 FinalCash$2,546.13$1,680.15Accounts Receivable$-$-Inventory^12,225.89$10,605.75Accounts Payable`($1,730.47)($1,858.62)Retained Earnings($9,262.28)$-Initial Capital($1,165.00)($1,165.00)Revenue($8,579.46)($40,163.15)Cost of Goods Sold$4,312.16$22,582.96Fees (15% of Rev.)$1,286.92$5,956.97Grading Fees$366.12$2,360.93I look forward to continuing to update everyone on this. Hope you enjoy as much as I do.Jason

[chocolate-brownies]

Here’s What Happened When I Tried Mantra Meditation During The Hardest Month of My Life

Here’s What Happened When I Tried Mantra Meditation During The Hardest Month of My Life:

Hint: It helped. A lot.

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

[krisiunicornio]

Hint: It helped. A lot.

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

[cedarrrun]

Hint: It helped. A lot.

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

[remedialmassage]

Here’s What Happened When I Tried Mantra Meditation During The Hardest Month of My Life

Hint: It helped. A lot.

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2UlDFRC

[amyddaniels]

Here’s What Happened When I Tried Mantra Meditation During The Hardest Month of My Life

Hint: It helped. A lot.

Want to know the benefits of mantra meditation? Here is what happened when one writer tried mantra meditation during the hardest month of her life.

If someone would’ve told me back in December that the first month of 2019 would be the hardest of my life, I probably would’ve thought twice before signing up for Yoga Journal’s 30-day meditation challenge. Because let’s be honest: Meditation is the exact opposite of running away from your problems. Instead, it inspires you to sit your butt down right in the middle of those problems and face your resulting emotions head on.

In January, all I wanted to do was run away from my ongoing relationship problems, self smack-talk, and most significantly, the immense sadness from the death of my beloved aunt.

See also YJ Tried It: 30 Days of Guided Sleep Meditation

Yet even though there were many days that stared at my cushion with pure, unadulterated resentment, or put off my practice until the end of the day, I can honestly say that the practice completely transformed how I handled some of the most challenging times I’ve ever faced. It not only gave me the space to confront my feelings, but it also helped me learn how to take care of myself along the way.

Introducing Myself to Mantra Meditation

I’ve been consistently meditating for a little over a year now, practicing everything from guided 10-minute meditations on the Calm app to classes at MNDFL meditation studio in New York City. However, I would say my relationship with meditation didn’t become a real commitment until I got a meditation cushion for my apartment about five months ago. It’s dramatically changed my practice, which used to happen in my bed. (You can imagine how that went on the days I was tired.)

Even though I had heard positive things about mantra meditation—a practice where you silently repeat a mantra, which you either choose for yourself or is given to you during an initiation—I was pretty intimidated by it. However, when I spoke with Alan Finger, meditation teacher and author of Tantra of the Yoga Sutras: Essential Wisdom for Living with Awareness and Grace, he told me that mantra, just like asana or pranayama, is simply a tool used to alter the consciousness. “When practicing with a mantra, it’s important to say the mantra aloud first, so that you can feel the sound vibrations in the body,” he told me.

See also Tempted to Skip Savasana? 10 Top Yoga Teachers Explain Why It’s the Most Important Pose

As a somewhat experienced meditator, mantra meditation was still very new to me. I didn’t really have a plan to choose a mantra, but after practicing alongside Hilary Jackendoff in a guided meditation video, she helped me discover “So Hum,” which means “I am that.” Finger mentioned that different mantras can be used for different feelings, such as sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and more, but this mantra felt pretty versatile, so I stuck with it.

Jackendoff taught us to meditate with the mantra, using the breath. On every inhalation, I would silently say the word “So.” On every exhalation, I would silently say the word “Hum.” I’m used to meditating with my breath, so this seemed doable.

Week 1: When Sh!t Hits the Fan, It’s Time to Sit

Disclaimer: I didn’t meditate at all the first two days of January. I also didn’t work out or eat healthy (some of the habits I stick with regularly). I was feeling really down on myself, because January is supposed to be a time to start new habits, eat clean, and get fit—and I felt like I blew it already. It sounds ridiculous, but that is my thought process sometimes. When my good habits don’t happen, I tend to beat myself up.

Then, as I was working at my laptop on the third day of January, I had a thought and told myself: You can sit here, work, and feel miserable—or you can take a 20-minute break, step away from your laptop, and meditate.

See also Get Your Sit Together: 7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

It took everything in me to walk upstairs and grab my cushion, but I was desperate to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did.

Week 2: When “I am that” becomes “I am love”

After my first week of mantra meditation, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddenly, my goals for the new year weren’t tied to perfecting myself through diet and exercise, but instead, doing something every day that made me feel loved—and meditation became that thing. I switched my mantra. Instead of silently repeating So Hum, I started repeating “I am” on every inhalation and “love” on every exhalation. I found myself looking forward to making a cup of tea, plopping down on my cushion, and sitting for 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Having a week of solid practice under my belt really helped me for what was to come. Because my theme for 2019 is self-love, I became hyper aware of my relationships—with myself and with others. My boyfriend and I got into an argument in the beginning of the month and I wasn’t able to let it go. Every time we tried to talk about it, we couldn’t come to a fair conclusion.

See also 5 Poses to Help You Reconnect With Your Partner After a Miscommunication

During the second week of my meditation, the lingering argument kept coming up in my meditation. I would sit on the cushion, silently repeat my mantra, and cry. How could I practice “I am love” if I didn’t feel loved? How could I love him if I kept beating myself up?

So, what did I do? I continued to sit, to cry, and to come back to my breath. Giving myself that space during meditation allowed me to tap into what I was really feeling. It also gave me the space to go to my boyfriend later that week with a calm heart. Instead of arguing, we were able to have a productive conversation. I truly believe that if I didn’t give myself that space, we would still be arguing today about the same thing.

Bee and her Aunt Gigi in 2011.

Weeks 3 and 4: Sitting with Sadness

For the past eight months, my beloved aunt had been living with metastatic breast cancer—the terminal kind. On January 21, she passed away.

A few days before her death, I my mom called me to let me know it was time to come home. I took a bus from New York City to Maryland on the morning of January 21 and repeated my mantra for about 25 minutes. An hour into my journey, my brother texted me to tell me that my aunt had passed away.

See also Spiritual Leader Ram Dass on Zen and the Art of Dying

In the days following my aunt’s death, I felt so much hurt I didn’t even realize was possible. Every time I came to my meditation cushion, I would cry, breathe, and simply sit in a feeling of numbness. The cushion gave me space—to feel sad, to mourn, to feel angry, and sometimes, to do nothing. Every time I came back to my mantra—“I am love”—I remembered that my aunt wouldn’t want me to live in grief and sadness. It was inevitable to feel these emotions, sure. But I realized the only way these feelings would pass is if I really felt them.

The difference I noticed thanks to my new mantra meditation practice happened when I wasn’t on my cushion. Every single day after my aunt passed, I would ask myself how I could bring a little more love into my day. Some days that meant resting and watching movies with my mom. Other days that meant working out, going for a long walk, or spending time with friends.

Moving Forward with Mantra

Now that it’s February, I still hold my mantra in my heart. I still ask myself every day, “How can you bring more love into your day?” or “What will make you feel more loved?” I think I will continue to keep my mantra in my practice until something else seems like a better fit. Just as Finger told me, there’s a mantra for everything—and I look forward to discovering more mantras as my life’s journey, and all its ups and downs, unfolds.

See also Why Does Meditation Make You Feel So Rested?

[elsevierstudentlife]

Complicated Grieving: Losing a Loved One During Nursing School

By Daniel C., Sponsored Elsevier Ambassador

 This is my first blog as a student ambassador for Elsevier. As I sat thinking of how I wanted to introduce myself, I thought of starting with my story. As I was trying to get a grasp of how I could possibly summarize the last two years of my life as a nursing student, I realized just how many immensely life altering events had happened that I would’ve never overcome had I NOT been a nursing student, as contradictory as that may seem.

I decided to go back to school at the age of 30 after realizing my career as a restaurant chef was never going to be personally or financially rewarding. My father, who was my best friend and biggest advocate, was never more proud of me in his life than the day I told him I would be pursuing a career in nursing. He always told me, “Whatever you do in life, do your best to be the best at it, and never give up.”

During my first semester in my school’s nursing program, my dad’s health and weight deteriorated at such an alarming rate that it seemed like every time I lifted my nose from my books he had lost another 5 pounds. The night before my first med/surg rotation, my siblings and I finally convinced him to go to the hospital. After a few hours, a young resident came to his room and not so subtly told us that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer that had metastasized to his liver, lungs, and pancreas.

I went to my med/surg rotation’s new facility orientation the next morning in complete breakdown mode. I was extremely late and I couldn’t hold back tears longer than ten minutes. I was at a real crossroads in my academics.  I had professors, friends, and family members telling me I should take a leave of absence. I asked my father what I should do, and of course, he told me not to worry – he’d beat this and I needed to push forward and succeed. But I was filled with doubt, about myself, about everything.

It was the professor of my first clinical rotation who was my saving grace, constantly reminding me that my father wants nothing more than to see me successful and happy. She kept me focused, eyes on the prize, with the constant mantra: my dad will never see me graduate… if I don’t graduate. My classmates in my rotation kept me grounded, rooting me on, giving me an ear to complain to or a shoulder to cry on when necessary. The first semester was the toughest time of my life, until the next semester came around.

With the first semester in the books, we went on break for the holidays. Over the course of those four weeks, my father went from the bright eyed man that was my rock to a shell of his former self. I couldn’t even converse with him because of metastasization to the brain and the pain medication made it too hard for him to maintain a train of thought. That noticeably frustrated him often, and looking back on it, that was probably my most painful memory from his last few weeks. He had so many thoughts he wanted to convey to us before his time was up, but he simply couldn’t. The thoughts came in jumbled sentences ending in sad, frustrated sighs.

A week before the second semester of the program started, he was placed on hospice after being denied for a third clinical trial. Nothing had worked. He came home from the doctor’s office and asked us if he was going to die. That was a hard conversation. The last words he ever said to me were as I was walking out the door to go speak to the new incoming nursing students at their orientation on behalf of my school’s student nurses’ organization. I looked over at him to say goodbye, but before I could, he said in the firmest voice he could muster, “Be strong.” At that moment, I was the weakest I’d ever felt in my life.

That following weekend, his mom, my nana, drove with my dad’s twin sister 50+ miles to come see him one last time and made it all the way to his front doorstep before falling and fracturing her hip. She never got to say goodbye. She was rushed off to the hospital; that was Friday. The following day, Saturday, my other grandmother passed away suddenly from undiagnosed lung cancer. Monday morning, while I was in orientation for my second med/surg rotation, my father passed away. I felt like my life was in ruins. If ever there was a person at risk for complicated grieving, it would have been me.

But I wasn’t in business school, I wasn’t in an engineering program, I wasn’t surrounded by students learning about cars or history or physics. This was nursing school. I was surrounded by natural empaths, some of the most compassionate people I had ever met. I continued to lean on my first rotation’s professor for guidance. I had classmates that came to my aid like I had never even thought possible. I was so lucky to be enjoying the serendipity of having nurses at my side through every emotional set back as I struggled through school. Had I chosen another career path, I might have never graduated. I might have dropped out or sunk into depression, or worse. My program saved me.

 As I’m entering my fourth and final semester of the program, I feel truly grateful for being in the profession that I am. It’s very important that we, as nursing students, never forget that we can reach out to faculty and classmates and utilize their natural born talents. Nurses are natural nurturers, teachers, advocates, friends. We fill the enormous role of being the most trusted profession on the planet.

NANDA suggests interventions for complicated grieving: identify areas of hope; encourage expressions of grief; help the person form goals for the future. These are things my classmates and faculty did for me on a daily basis naturally. They kept me going. They are the reason I’ll be graduating in December of this year.

 A lot of us go through world shattering events during nursing school, a time when we barely have a moment to clean the house, let alone grieve properly for the death of a loved one. But we have it so much better than we would if we had done anything else. Senescence, terminal illness, and death are all imminent parts of a nurse’s career. We push forward, relying on the support of our classmates and co-workers. We learn through these experiences how to be strong for those who feel weak. Keep pushing forward. Be strong!