#probably somehow mosey on back to king falls am

[murkycran]

2023 is apparently the year of me revisiting fandoms and pairings which I know have very, very little content outside of the source work. That’s right y’all, I’m ready to be hurt again.

[mordellestories]

The Babes with the Power

A Beetlejuice/Labirynth crossover.

Drabble on Ao3 by mordelle

Summary: All Jareth wants to do is mope in peace, but he is faced with an unwanted guest. A certain poltergeist finds himself in the Fae Realm and needs to find a way into the Goblin King's good graces if there is to be any hope of finding his way back to his bride he unintentionally left at the altar. Can Betelgeuse con his way out this pickle? Not without finding some common ground with his Royal Glitterness, that's for sure. (AN: Rated M for language and handsy-ness. Post both films and utterly ridiculous.)

He was moping. Again. He had every right to his melancholic melodrama, thank you very much, because who wouldn’t curse their very existence after having been scorned by the person you had offered the very world to? True, their meeting was not supposed to take place until much later in Sarah’s life. She was a child for goodness sake! So immature. So whiny and predictable and he could not understand how she’d ever mature enough to catch his interest. Mortals grew older, but not necessarily wiser. However, she had said the words and he had to oblige. Those were the rules. And then it had happened. Somehow, she had gotten under his skin and he could see why his precious crystals had shown him they were fated to be together. Why had the gods hurried their meeting? Jareth was unsure. Perhaps it was to open his heart to her. Or maybe it was to curb her less than attractive, naive qualities. It hardly mattered now, the Goblin King had pledged his heart and soul to an ungrateful, spoiled, infuriating, beautiful, witty, powerful—

“WHERE THE FUCK AM I NOW?!” A grating voice blared and echoed in the unusually empty throne room.

Jareth snapped his head up to find a solitary figure wearing a grimy striped suit, smack in the middle of the large room, back facing him. The intruder growled and gesticulated wildly at the air right before whirling around. The unwanted guest suddenly rooted in place when he realized he was not alone.

“Oh! Didn’t see ya there, pal!” The dead man - yes, definitely a dead man - called out apologetically.

Jareth did have not the strength to bother with the lowly ghost so, he sighed and continued his lounging, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling once more. He barely had the strength to talk to it but he wanted to be alone. “Begone, specter,” he muttered forlornly, “I do not have the patience to entertain the dead tonight.”

The striped ghoul frowned and looked at his surroundings once more. Furrowing his brow, he edged closer to the... man? “Hey, uh, I’d love nothin’ more than ta get outta that beautiful mane o’ yers, but uh... I don’t even know where I am.”

Jareth sighed and waved a hand before him, a crystal ball appeared at once. He peered deeply into its depths to gather information on the soul. “You’re in my castle. In the Goblin City beyond the Labyrinth... Betelgeuse.”

“Ah shit,” the poltergeist pinched the bridge of his nose to keep from imploding with rage. “I’m gonna kill ya, Juno. The fuckin’ fae plane?! Really?!” He shouted, knowing full well his former boss couldn’t hear him. Betelgeuse checked himself quickly and changed his tone. “ Your castle?” He asked with sudden hope. “So, you the... eh...” he wasn’t sure whether to say King or Queen so, he settled for the safest route, “ ruler of this joint?”

The King vanished his scrying tool, sat straighter on his throne, and looked the ghost in the eye. “Indeed. I don’t really care, mind you, but how is it that you’ve come to be here? I made no summons.”

Betelgeuse sighed with relief. A Fae Royal would have enough power to send him straight to Lydia’s side, pass go, collect two-hundred dollars, and shove it down the old bitch’s slit throat! Fairies were tricky little bastards, though. To make a deal with one could have dire consequences. His Fae lore might be a little rusty, but everyone knew they were tricksters by nature. Just plain old common knowledge. Good thing he was quite the con man, himself. However, this was a Royal, he had to be somewhat reasonable… right? Betelgeuse decided to be cautious and give him as few details as possible. The fairy had already divined his name. Hopefully, his Royal Glitter-ness didn’t know anything else about him. He sighed heavily and dramatically.

“Long story, buddy. Don’t really have time to tell it. I need to get back the mortal realm as soon as possible. I’ve been gone long enough already. Ya see,” he began as he placed a moldy hand to his heart and put his most pitiful face on, “I’ve been tragically separated from my beloved bride.” He dried an invisible tear and sniffed. “She’s probably worried sick about me, ya think, maybe ya can send me home? Get me outta here? I don’t got the juice to get me that far and—“

“How tragic ,” the King interrupted, playing along with the ghouls pathetic tale. “Well, my unfortunate friend, it appears you’ve dropped in at a most interesting time.” Jareth smiled most mischievously as he stood up and meandered past the ghost to a window. “You see, I too have been recently robbed of my future Bride.” Jareth glanced at his destroyed city below him while the Goblins went around in circles trying to make repairs. Of course, they were getting nowhere.

Betelgeuse inwardly screamed in victory. What were the chances that he had his own little sob story about a chick? This gave them common ground, which was perfect to help lower the King’s inhibitions. Swallowing his impulse to cackle, the poltergeist moseyed his way near the Fae King and peeked out the window. “What are the odds, huh?!” At the sight of the destruction below, he let out a loud whistle and clapped a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. “What, uh, what happened here?”

Jareth sent a warning, sideways glance to the offending hand on his person. The ghost had the good sense to remove it. “ She happened.” He said with a mixture of annoyance and sadness.

Betelgeuse couldn’t help but snort with amusement. “She wrecked you too, huh? Women! Man, if I tell ya what my little lady put me through, ya wouldn’t believe it. There’s a reason they’re Eve’s progeny, know what I mean?”

Jareth raised an eyebrow and turned to the sexist ghoul. “Why do you seek her out, then? Do wish to punish her?” He didn’t care really, but his curiosity was piqued.

Betelgeuse was taken aback by the odd and ominous question. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably and scratched at his mossy, stubbled chin.

“Punish? Nah.”

He waved the thought away. Not that he wasn’t going to have more than a few words with her when he got back though. A deal was a deal. The little backstabber needed to understand a few things about loyalty to one's husband, but no, he had no intention of hurting Lydia. She was just a kid, after all. A fact he was unaware of until Juno gave him the lecture of a millennium. It didn’t really bother him. She was just a key to his freedom, but being a standup guy that he was, he had every intention of making sure his new wife got all the husbandly attention she would ever need... when she was ready, of course. Happy wife, happy afterlife and all that. He figured it’d take some years to get into her good graces anyway. He did leave quite a shit storm behind.

“I’m just a regular ol’ Joe in love,” he lied like a pro. Although, there was serious potential to fall head over heels for the sweet, little goth. She was pretty and loved the strange and unusual, and there was no one in life or death who was stranger or more unusual than the Ghost With the Most. “Plus,” he continued, again bringing a hand to his chest, “I take my vows pretty seriously. What’s a man worth if he can’t keep his word, huh?”

“Indeed.” Jareth nodded in agreement. Intrigued, the Goblin King turned around and made his way to the barrels of Fairy Wine. He conjured two goblets and tossed one to his guest. “Let us drink to our fair ladies then, spirit!” He poured himself some wine as Betelgeuse walked over to him.

“Ah, not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but you’ll be wastin’ yer fine vintage on me. Can’t taste the stuff or get drunk. Part o’ the whole being dead thing.”

“Nonsense!” The King exuberated while he poured his guest a glass and held it out for him. “I insist.” There might have been a hint of warning in his tone. He did not like defiance.

Betelgeuse caught his drift and smirked. “Sure.” He took the goblet and waited for the guy’s next move.

Jareth smiled and held up his glass. “To love, however treacherous and ungrateful she may be.”

“Cheers ta that!” They clinked their goblets and drank. The moment the wine hit his lips, Betelgeuse’s eyes bugged out. “Holy Mother o’ Pearl!” He could taste its sickly, sweet bouquet, and not only that, he could feel it warming his essence. Betelgeuse started to chug.

Jareth’s genuine laugh rang out as he watched the ghoul finish the contents of his glass. Betelgeuse wiped his mouth with his sleeve and let out a belch that could rival a giant’s. “You’re welcome,” Jareth snickered and motioned for him to get a refill. “Have as much as your dead heart desires.”

“Don’t mind if I do, yer majesty!” It was a done deal, the tall weirdo was his new favorite person.

Jareth took his seat on his throne and eyed the ghost with interest. “So, Betelgeuse, your bride is mortal?”

After downing another glass with gusto, he hiccuped and poured himself another. “Oh, uh, yeah. Heh! I was hauntin’ her house, nothin’ personal, just business, ya know? And, uh, well, as soon as I saw her, I just knew she was special. Know what I mean?”

“I do, in fact.” He could tell the ghost was already feeling the effects of the wine when he wobbled for a moment and blinked in confusion. “Might want to slow down, old man.”

“Yeah.” He burped again and decided it might be best to sit. After all, he hadn’t gotten hammered since his living days and had no idea how this would affect him. He pulled up a chair near the King and sipped at his beverage. “Anyway, she asked me to do her a favor, huge favor by the way, and then…” he shook his head and suddenly burst into tears, “she hasn’t called! Not once!” He heaved and sobbed, then stopped suddenly, disgusted with himself. “Why th’ fuck amma cryin’?!”

“Because your drunk,” Jareth said simply with a tilt of his head.

“Damn! Thiz iz some shit!” He was chuckling again.

The King scowled. He could sympathize with the poor fool. “I too went out of my way to cater to my lady and she scorned me. I manipulated time, created a portal between our worlds--”

“Speakin’ o’ dat,” the drunk slurred and held up a finger, “wanna he-HIC-help a brother--”

“She left me for her mundane, mortal world.”

“Chicks.” Betelgeuse shook his head. “Kent unnerstand why anyone wou-would leave, uh…” He gave the fairy a once over and scrunched up his face in an attempt to come up with a compliment. “Sucha, uh, hair, like you, ya know?”

“A hair?” Jareth raised a brow questioningly.

“Heir! Ya know, heir of, like royalty n’ shit.” He thought it was a nice save considering his current inebriation.

“Ah, well, I suppose it couldn’t be helped.” Jareth sighed and stared into his goblet. “I pushed her away. Scared her off for her own good. Still hurts like hell though.” He took a swig.

“Wait. Whuuuut? Why’dya do that for?”

“Because she’s fifteen in mortal Earth years. Barely a woman yet.”

“What the hell ya doing messing with a kid?!” He conveniently forgot Lydia’s age at the moment.

Jareth’s eyes turned to daggers at the insinuation. “She and I are fated to mary in the future. I, however, did not seek her out. She came to me .”

It was like someone had slapped Betelgeuse in the face. What the fuck was this guy saying? Who the fuck was this fruitcake talking about? The stories were too similar from what he was hearing. Two powerful, supernatural beings both dumped by teenagers. Or… teenager? He pushed down his rage and tried to think logically, which was proving to be difficult. He needed to be careful, but he also needed answers.

“Heh, sorry there, your Highness. Don’t mind me… I guess I’m just… erm… projectin’. Yeah, that’s right. See..” he set his goblet down and hunched over, placing his forearms on his lap as if to tell him a secret. “I’m on the same boat.” He gave the King a wink.

Jareth narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “How so?”

“Well, I don’ wancha ta get the wrong idea or anythin’ but…” he paused for dramatic effect, “my mortal is fifteen too.”

All of Jareth’s former amusement vanished. “Is that so?” He took a casual sip from his glass.

Betelgeuse no longer kept up any pretenses. He could sense the tension rising between them as they stared each other down. It was time to get his answers. “Yeah. Poor kid. She wanted to be saved from her pitiful, boring life and come to the other side.”

Ever so slowly, the Goblin King set his goblet aside and sniffed loudly. “You remind me of the babe.” He said as he surmised the same thing Betelgeuse had thought.

There was no way in hell that he’d give up his freedom to Mister Buldge, yeah he saw it, no way he’d ever give up his babes. With a snarl, Betelgeuse shot to standing and jutted a finger in the fairy’s direction. “WHAT BABE?!”

Jareth stood quickly and braced himself for a fight. “The babe with the power!”

“What the…?” That threw him. “What power?”

“The power of voo--”

“What the fuck is her name ?!” The poltergeist had lost all patience.

“How do I know you won’t pretend she is another to save your hide?” He spat as he pointed his horse crop at the ghoul.

Betelgeuse threw his hands in the air in frustration, then came up with a solution. “Okay, how ‘bout this? We say her at the same time. Okay?”

“Fine.”

“Alright, one, two, three--”

“LYDIA” “SARAH” They yelled in unison.

There was a pregnant pause before Jareth’s laughter bounced off the walls. The threat extinguished, Betelgeuse relaxed and chortled.

“Well, well,” Jareth smiled, “what a pair we make. You’re quite amusing, poltergeist.” He magically refilled their goblets and beckoned Betelgeuse closer. “I’m glad to have you as my guest for as long as you’re staying.”

“Yeesh,” the ghost looked at his watches and grimaced. “Yeah, about that. I was hopin’ you’d open a portal fer me? Now that were pals?”

“Not possible.” He replied resolutely.

“Aw, c’mon, help a guy out!”

“I can only open a portal when someone wishes aloud for me to take a baby away.”

Betelgeuse blinked twice. “So, yer sayin’ that you… can’t leave… without being… summoned.”

“That’s correct.”

He was trapped. Again. “And, uh, how often would you say that happens?” He asked dryly, knowing the answer.

Jareth smiled wickedly as he wrapped an arm around him. “Let’s just say we’re going to be the best of bosom companions.”

“Fuck me,” Betelgeuse breathed.

“I’d be delighted,” the King murmured into his mossy ear with a leer.

Betelgeuse slowly turned his guarded gaze to his host to see if he was serious. He was serious. “I’m sortuva... ladies man, ta tell ya the truth,” he gruffed quietly.

“I see,” he replied, his smile never faltering. “Well, we have plenty of goblin women who I’m sure would be interested.”

The specter shuddered. He had seen what those goblins looked like when he peered out the window into the city. “No, er, humans, female fairies?”

“Afraid not, old chap.” He tightened his grip on his new favorite toy and gave him a suggestive wink. “We need to wait for our young brides to grow up anyway, and who knows how long it’ll take for us to leave this realm. You know what they say,” he gave the specter another lecherous grin, “time flies when you’re having fun.

Betelgeuse took stock of the feminine-looking male next to him and scratched his head. The flowing blonde hair, the makeup, the glitter… he ignored looking past his belt. Maybe with a little more wine…? Throwing his head back, the Ghost with the Most swallowed the entire contents on his goblet. His vision blurred some when he finally looked to his shimmery host again.

“Well-ah, like my dear ol’ mom always said… ‘a hole, is a hole, is a hole.’” He shrugged his shoulders. “Fuck it.”

Before he could regret his decision, he turned into his host swiftly, grabbed a handful of bulge and sighed. “Yep-ah. Definitely a dick.”

THE END.

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