#projoconodoko

[randomoranges]

months ago i had a convo with a friend and she said something about ed doing such a thing. the idea’s been in my head for literal months. apparently i had enough juice today to start this at work lamao

also sometimes despite your best intentions and doing what youre meant to do, your own mental health takes a turn for the dumpters and you lash out at those you care about [re the argument fight ill prolly never write maybe who knows but that clearly happened.] [one day i may stop being vague about So Many Things]

Positive Affirmations

November 2020

“Good morning, Sweetheart,”

Those are the words he wakes up to, on most days now. They’re good words to wake up to, Étienne tells himself, and they help settle something deep and old and ugly within him. He feels the bed dip as Edward crawls closer to him and he furrows his face instinctively into the warmth of his boyfriend’s chest.

This has been going on for a few weeks now and honestly, he could get used to it – has been getting used to it.

Edward runs a hand over his shoulder and Étienne let’s himself be lulled by the comfort it provides him. This started accidentally, really, but it has quickly become something he looks forward to each and every morning.

His return to Edmonton hadn’t been exactly – stellar and it had come with a most severe of shifts in his mood. He hadn’t felt this bad – this lethargic and then that angry – in far too long and he’d been set on his usual self-destructive path without wanting to, but without having much control over these things. It was why he’d exiled himself in Edmonton again. He knew he couldn’t be left alone with himself with no positive outlet. Therefore, he’d returned to Edmonton and had hoped that the storm would pass.

The storm had lingered. Had grown and gotten more powerful. Had taken over and had wrecked havoc throughout. It hadn’t been pretty. For a while, Étienne had thought for sure that this one would last even longer. That he’d end up losing everything. Despite the help he had. Despite the progress he’d made. Despite everything, really. That it would linger and fester. Would grow and rot everything to its very core, with no chance of recovery.

But, for some strange reason, Edward hadn’t left him for dead – hadn’t broken everything off despite the words they’d exchanged and the damage Étienne had done. To himself. To Edward. To their relationship. Instead, Edward had given him space to get his head sorted, had let the dust settle and had offered him his support. Unconditional and unwavering. Hadn’t given up on him even when Étienne had very much wanted to give up on himself.

Étienne knew he was a lucky bastard.

It had been after that that Edward had taken to sitting with him – cuddling really – every morning, for a handful of minutes, before Étienne started his day.

Even if Étienne woke up later than he did, or if he was in the other room, Edward would show up, slide in, and wait for him to come to.

“Sleep well?” His boyfriend asks and Étienne shrugs. It had been an on and off type of night, but not the worst ever. Edward places a soft kiss to his forehead and Étienne makes himself smaller still in Edward’s embrace. They tangle themselves in each other, from legs to arms around torsos and faces that get furrowed in necks, until Étienne is completely at ease. It’s cozy in Edward’s arms – cozy and safe and loving and he feels less wrought out when Edward caresses his back and runs careful fingers through his hair. Feels more human than he has in the past few months and it soothes the gashes of his mind that never seem to properly scab over. Old demons that never seem to be far, ready to assault at any given time, for no particular reason.

Edward spends the first few minutes of every morning whispering gentle sweet nothings to Étienne. For every thought of “not good enough”, “has been”, and “irrelevant” that always seems to resonate at the back of his mind, Edward instead offers a “so kind”, “so good”, and “so important”. He’ll accompany some of the affirmations with a kiss to the top of his head, a warm caress, or sometimes, he’ll simply keep running his hand down Étienne’s back.

Sometimes, Edward will tell him the same things as a previous day, other times, his boyfriend will surprise him with something new, but every time, Étienne feels a warm flutter nestle itself in the depth of his soul, taking root and daring to grow just a little more. Étienne had wondered at first what strange angle Edward had been playing at, but when he’d asked, Edward had figured that maybe, if Étienne heard good things about him long enough, eventually he’d start believing them, for they were true.

He’s still not sure he entirely gets Edward’s strange little game, but he’s stopped questioning it. He likes the sound of Edward’s voice as it washes over him and tucks into the crevices of his body. He’s not sure he fully believes everything his boyfriend tells him. He wants to really, but the negative voice has lived rent free in his head for so long that sometimes, it outweighs all the good he knows is buried there, but he does feel calmer listening to him – feels just a little more grounded and a little less down about everything that keeps him reeling day in and day out. Maybe the positive affirmations do help, in their own way, but if anything, he likes these precious moments when it’s just the two of them, away from whatever chaos will come at them throughout the rest of the day.

“I love you, Teddy,” Edward always ends, minutes and minutes later, and every time – every single time, without fault, even though Étienne knows the words are coming, he stills and trembles, overcome with the affection Edward holds (still holds) for him. It makes the rotten and shriveled place where his heart had once been beat again with found hope and he tries his best to process his emotions as Edward holds him close.

On good days, he’ll return the words to Edward. He’ll say them back and watch as his boyfriend’s face will light up with the prettiest of soft smiles. But on the other days – on those when the storm clouds linger too close to him and the words seem too big and monumental to say, he’ll hold Edward tighter to him and hope that he’ll understand just how important he is to him – how thankful he is for Edward – for his presence in his life. For everything he’s done and keeps on doing.

Luckily, they’re in a better place now. There’s more communication and less second guessing and Étienne no longer needs to worry that Edward will never know how it is he truly feels about him. It’s one less thing that creeps up on him and for that, he’s thankful.

Instead, this morning, he manages to look up to Edward’s face and he takes a moment to appreciate the open expression on his face. Edward’s handsome, he thinks, and not for the first time, as he brings up a hand to caress his boyfriend’s cheek. He feels Edward lean into it for a moment and Étienne smiles softly. He loves him, really, and it’s a strange and wonderful thing to think.

It’s still a shit-show out there and he knows – has resigned himself to admit that they’re far from out of the woodworks, but, again, and not for the last time he’s thankful that he gets to be here despite everything that’s going on out there. He knows he’s part of the lucky ones and he doesn’t take it for granted.

Edward places a gentle kiss to the palm of his hand and Étienne lets out a content sigh. He doesn’t need to get out of bed just yet and Edward knows. They choose to linger in bed a little longer, holding each other close, healing in their own way and as Étienne listens to the rhythmic beating of Edward’s heart, he dares to hope that this – what they have – will never end. Not again.

 FIN

[project-canada]

Hi, I just wanna ask is there a reason why the Dominion Day video is unavailable right now?

Okay I’m coming out of my retirement to answer this ask because it genuinely shocked me. Our entire YT channel seems to have vanished. I no longer had access to the channel but it seems to have something to do with Youtube’s COPPA settlement that is out of our control.

I’m kind of bummed about that because we put a lot of hard work into those videos and I’d have liked to have kept those as an archive. That video was absolutely my baby and to see it gone out of the blue really hurts, especially because I don’t currently have all of my files since I’m still living out of a suitcase until this summer. 

I’m at a real loss of what to do now guys and I apologize. At best, I can reupload DD to my own personal Youtube channel when I have the files/time to do so and hope it stays up. I can also put up some of the stills that I did for the video on my art blog, which I meant to do ages ago. 

(Ex-Admin) Hapo / @allbeendonebefore

[project-canada]

Project Canada: Gaelic Month 2017 with Nova Scotia

ENJOY!

Let’s have a great big round of applause for @enter-the-darkside and @eyes-unblinded​ and their ability to pull together such a great and informative video so quickly! :D

Admin Hapo

[project-canada]

Fan Art Deadline Reminder!

Hi all! There is a ONE WEEK until your time is up to submit fan art to be featured in the ending credits of the Dominion Day Episode. This will be your Final reminder until the morning of the 15th. Rules can be found HERE.

Thanks guys!

Admin Hapo

[project-canada]

Dominion Day Test is Up!

Cast and crew! I have released the test version of Dominion Day on the forum for you to critique and enjoy. I’m so tired of watching this that I’m unable to notice any glitches or glaring errors, and if I misinterpreted anyone’s panels or anything now’s the time to let me know before I release it to the public. The ep is a whole 20 minutes in length... so set aside some time for it! I’m hoping for any critique to be voiced by June 15-ish when I have all the fan art so I have another couple weeks for editing, but any grievances must be voiced before June 30.

Please go check it out, I hope you enjoy it. :)

Admin Hapo

[project-canada]

Procan: Call for Fan Art?

Hey all, 

I was musing about the 150th and it’s bothered me for a while that despite the good timing and the hard work, Dominion Day is primarily the story of the first provinces to join confederation. While all the provinces and territories (except for Nunavut) appear at least once each, only six of the twelve have spoken lines and roles. Yes, yes, I know, I wrote it this way, but at the time I was thinking of it as a stepping stone to talk about the others and well... plans change.

Anyway I was thinking in the spirit of the old IAMP I’d suggest that if anyone- fans, cast and crew, anyone with the time and the interest- would like to produce a piece of visual art to celebrate the 150th and have it featured in the end credits, please consider sending us a submission. It’s a way of getting everyone involved and perhaps giving a bit more screen time to the provinces and territories who were left out of this story. 

I don’t know if anyone would be interested or have the time to get it into me by mid-June, but if I receive enough interest or submissions it’s something I think would really round out the piece and bring back an old tradition. 

Rules would be simple:

1. Must feature and focus on aph canada or sherry’s provinces/territories

2. Please keep it tasteful and for all audiences!

3. All art styles, mediums, and skill levels are welcome!

Give me a shout on this blog or by email at projectcanadia@gmail.com if you are interested, have questions, or have a submission for Dominion Day. 

Admin Hapo

[project-canada]

Procan Updates

Now that April Fools is officially over I feel obligated to reveal that the trailer was indeed partially A Joke! But apparently not everyone got the reference, so please watch this

The trailer did indeed feature a clip from the episode, so I did try to spoil you a little bit :p featured were the lovely voices of (forum names) Kirkles as Canada (English), Orangepencils as Canada (French), and Ethanosaurus as Quebec (or Monsieur Ananas anyway). Art in this scene was done by me since I’ve gotta keep you on tenterhooks a little longer for the work of the other fabulous artists on this ep ;)

Since I’m here, some general updates: i’ve just had surgery and my medication makes me super drowsy and I’m not allowed to be moving around much, and I’ve got a test tomorrow I should be studying for... I’m still waiting on some files, but I’ll try to use this downtime to transfer what I’ve got onto my new computer which theoretically has better graphics and memory. My old computer was having a lot of trouble with a couple of the Dominion Day scenes and would even refuse to edit some parts without crashing completely which was really a hassle when I just wanted to put on a simple pan effect. Let’s hope this works out now.

Oh, and I do have a new artist for scene 2a, don’t worry! :) I also finally managed to type up all the provincial/territorial personality bios, but since the layout of the forum has changed, the text is a bit all over the place ToT I’ve been messing with it but I lose patience quite easily when it comes to coding lately, that’s not my department xD

While I’m waiting on files, I finally got my university to order the quebec history book I required, and I’m about 5-6 chapters in out of ten. I’m aiming to finish it before classes end, and if not then at least by the end of April. I don’t know how long it will take me to draw, but I’ll be taking another semester here to finish up my thesis so it’ll be nice to have something a bit more creative to work on in the meantime. Everything Project Canada related I have to work on will be done by July, if all goes well.

My meds are definitely kicking in now so I’ll end this here before I end this post with my head hitting the keyboard. Take care, everyone!

Admin Hapo