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markersmadness · 26 days

Text

But here was a man mourning tomorrow,

Who drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow.

PAIRING: Pure Vanilla / Dark Cacao

HURT/COMFORT | ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP (?)

no beta we die like dark cacaos respect for his son, spoilers for White Lily's backstory + Episodes 13-14, cookies are written as humans with humanoid appearances!

Set during the Golden Cheese Episode; in which the ancients have nothing to do but prepare and discuss for the battle ahead at the odyssey. But Dark Cacao feels a old, stinging ache. It's familiar, and it's dangerous.

gay ancient cookies with trauma >>>

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TW: PTSD symptoms & brief suicidal thoughts

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"Your eyes falter, my old friend."

Dark Cacao feels terribly sweet and bitter at those words. It brings back memories, nightmares and hallucinations- all simultaneously and yet not at all, perhaps even the same thing? The king cannot tell. Trapped in pain of his own doing, the man forgot how to breath in a endless sea of loneliness. Before he knew it, he had neglected his son, the only son he'd ever have, the only son he'd ever love.

So to hear Pure Vanilla speak like they weren't married once upon a time? Formalities had to be kept, yes, but that was- that was absurd. Cacao grimaced and glared at his comrade. "Friend?" He spoke harshly, "No one else is here." With that, he sternly placed his mug down on the table. It clinked loudly in the silence. Everyone else had left.

Yet another meeting without any news. Why would that arrogant- Clotted Cream, the king remembers to be civilised- call a meeting without anything to discuss? It was like eating without hunger. "I...What do you mean?" Pure Vanilla's eyebrows knitted as his smile seemed to turn downwards, but he tried to keep his expression neutral. It failed.

Embarrassed... There wasn't any other way to describe that bitter feeling rising in him, a flame Dark Cacao desperately fought to put out. He only felt this around Vanilla. Not anyone else. He liked talking and painting with White Lily, and he enjoyed debating with Golden Cheese, even sometimes drank with Hollyberry.

Yet, there was something special about his closest friend. No, his husband. But was he anymore? Did Vanilla somehow forget their time spent together? The long hours spent talking, or sometimes in complete silence with each other's comforting company, the days that they spent writing letters to each other, showing excitement uncharacteristic of their calm demeanor when they finally reunited, and even the way Pure Vanilla would just somehow know when Cacao couldn't handle that overbearing weight of guilt?

He always knew. Pure Vanilla had to.

...Surely that didn't change?

The silence grew louder with each second. Pure Vanilla took a step back. Dark Cacao stood, trying not to cry. Why would he? He's a king, an ancient, blessed with Soul Jam and almost too loyal soldiers. So why is it that he sometimes wants to lose? Why does he think, At least it'd be honorable this way, when he narrowly avoids death in a battle?

An afterlife, or a hope of one perhaps? The king snorts self deprecatingly, something only expressed around Pure Vanilla. But this time, the healer clutches his staff tighter like he's uncomfortable. Dark Cacao eyes the action, and that flame of embarrassment slowly turns to anger, changing hues of color in unison with their conversation, "Pure Vanilla- no, Vanilla." He dropped the formalities. Like he always did with his husband. It wasn't like it was new. He never called Pure Vanilla his full name, but instead loving names. Darling, dear, my love, my dear, sometimes honey on rare occasions.

And before the war, Pure Vanilla had always returned those pet names. Now he stood befuddled. Like he actually forgot. But he looked too aware to not know. "Likewise, Cacao... I really don't-"

"Do you remember our first kiss?" Vanilla clamps his mouth shut, visibly swallowing a lump in his throat down.

But he opens his eyes, his staff closes its, and now Cacao can see there are tears in the heterochromic eyes he once stared into for hours. "Yes." Vanilla's voice is warbling, dangerously so, "At your kingdom. There was a blizzard, you let me in and told me to warm myself. I got distracted by the cookies around me I wanted to help, and you kissed me while telling me to focus on myself because my lips were so cold."

Cacao nodded, jaw tightening as he felt more of his composure leave him. You remember. Why are you acting like you don't? "And our wedding?" He asks, "What makes you act as though that didn't happen?" It didn't sound like a question when Cacao worded it so gruffly, especially when there was a tinge of anger hiding pain in his voice.

Pure Vanilla takes a step forward, looking up into Cacao's eyes as he trailed his gaze over the scars Cacao had visible on his neck. His armor concealed everything else, but Pure Vanilla knew he could still outline Cacao's figure in his sleep. And he did for some time. "I... It's been hundreds of years..."

A pitiful excuse. How could that be the only reason? Much more than time had failed to keep them apart. "If you don't love me any longer, say it."

Pure Vanilla's frown deepens, and he raises a hand to Dark Cacao's cheek. "Dark Cacao-"

"Say it!"

Despite the fact Cacao had raised his voice, he made no move to take away the nice, comforting hand that caressed the side of his face. "I do love you. I never stopped, my... my dear." Vanilla's eyes break eye contact with that, as though there was something wrong with what he'd said.

Cacao feels his lungs tighten and it gets harder to breathe. Look at me. Don't forget me. Don't leave me again and make me think you're dead or worse. "Why do you hesitate?" His deep voice reverberates with each syllable, trying desperately to understand. He never did understand Pure Vanilla.

The healer would talk about how his best friend and their comrade, White Lily, would never talk to anyone. Yet he'd run off and do the same. Sometimes it sparked fights in their youth, but Cacao chose to trust Vanilla even when he had no idea what the in the-witch's-oven his lover could possibly be doing. But it had been years.

Does that same trust still lie in Cacao's heart? Frost corroded it, sorrow chipped at his joy like icy daggers, loneliness came like a wave that crashed over Dark Cacao and made him stumble and break. How could someone as terribly bitter as he love such a passionate healer? How could he trust when his friends had been thought to be dead for years? Golden Cheese didn't even bother writing a letter, apparently her kingdom was doing just fine. Hollyberry had been in hiding, but why didn't she ever come to him?

He didn't understand, he never could. Why things happened the way they did. Just one visit, one sign that his friends still breathed for another day... Just one, and it would've kept the king going without his newfound bitterness.

But the sign, the visit, it never came. A letter did, years and years later, after Cacao has grown oh so close to impaling himself on the same blade he once carried proudly. A shameful, weak thing to do that he swears he'd never act upon, and that they're just thoughts... But are they really?

Did Vanilla understand and share in that same sorrow?

"Hesitate? No, I..." Pure Vanilla looks back to Cacao's face, his sharp jawline, hair that has grown somewhat thinned and unkempt, eyes that seemed to never once lose sight of the battlefield, despite the freezing blizzards. The same eyes that would crinkle at the edges when he denied being happy, when he was with Vanilla, or drinking with Hollyberry. His eyes always gave away how much the king loved his closest allies.

The healer gulps. "You still love me... Even though I...?"

"Even though you what?"

A sigh leaves him, like it was obvious what he'd done. "I know it's silly, but I was the one responsible for all that death. I didn't reach out enough to White Lily. Had I, maybe things would be different," He rambles, oblivious to the look on Cacao's face, the kind of look that said, 'What are you talking about' without a single thing leaving his lips, "I'm so sorry." Tears begin to fall down Pure Vanilla's cheeks as his lips quivered, sputtering out words but they all blended together, "I knew instantly when I saw you what I'd done, I just- I can't believe that everyone, everything crumbled because I-"

"Pure Vanilla!" Cacao shouts, interjecting the other's spiral, "What on Earth-bread are you saying?" His words fell from a shout to a quiet whisper, as if hushing a secret. Comforting never was Cacao's strong suit, but even so here his lover cried, blaming himself of all people for the downfall of thousands.

It had to be the absolute dumbest thing Cacao had seen.

The healer widens his eyes whilst staring at Dark Cacao's expression. Despite being blind, he still managed to make out things close to his vision without his staff. Cacao calms himself. Forcefully. Then his eyes trail downwards to Vanilla, their height difference just a few inches, locking eyes with one another. "It was never your fault. How could it be? One kingdom is almost too big for one cookie, let alone the world. Expecting yourself to live up to those expectations..." Cacao shook his head, "No one else will blame you for what you will blame yourself over."

Pure Vanilla laughed sadly, already wiping away evidence of his tears with his offhand's sleeve, "Thank you." He whispers, resting his staff against the wall to cup Dark Cacao's face with both hands.. Hands that are calloused from war, fingers long and skinny with scars covering each and every one. Just like the rest of the ancients.

He leans in, and their lips meet for the first time in hundreds of years. Despite the pain, suffering, sorrow and guilt...

Despite it all, there is a reunion.

There is hope of a everlasting love.

FIN.

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Thanks for reading! Comments are highly appreciated. My requests are open, but keep in mind I reserve the right to decline requests that make me uncomfortable. ♡

TO BE CROSSPOSTED ON AO3 UNDER THE ACCOUNT AZRAELCARES122

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#purecacao #pure vanilla x dark cacao #hurt/comfort #fanfic #cookie run kingdom

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