#put down the bald jokes and explain the lore...

[sunlight-shunlight]

me breaking into the bioware offices: "hey. why do the evanuris have such a specific idea of gender and even family units, when they literally made themselves out of Intangible Abstract Concepts? what does motherhood or fatherhood even mean for mythal and elgar'nan? were they having biological kids? were they just copying the dwarves? did the hivemind dwarves have gender and family structures like that? how did that happen? humans didn't exist on thedas then, so it couldn't have been from copying humans?"

bioware, capturing me in a comically large butterfly net and then releasing me into the wilderness: "it's, uhhh, because of anaris' ancient arlathan manosphere podcasts 👍"

[mageglory]

And here we go with the last two episodes of

Dragon Age Redemption (Of a Plot).

My baby Josmael finally gets to flip off Tallis -I don't hate Tallis, but this movie has her at her worst attitude- and Cairn and gets a reaver friend. We start with episode 5. Are you ready? Let's go.

-The episode starts with our protagonists fighting in the inn, where we left them and oh Maker did I said how I love the guy with the hammer? Not only he has a gigantic rubber hammer, he's also bald, grinning and with a dark beard. He's the perfect evil enchnman clichè and I want 20 of them thank you very much. He even says "GRAAAWL!" before starting the fight. I love you, random evil hammer guy.

-The fights goes more or less the same, the only thing I'm gonna change is that the innkeeper does not randomly knocks out Josmael because I find not very realistic that a civilian would throw herself in a fight. She still gets angry at the gang for fucking up the inn and takes their money, but she spends the fight hiding to safety behind the table and immediately after the fight and them buying informations from the innkeeper. If we have to add something, I would not mind Josmael or someone else asking what Nyree did, so we can throw some informations about Reaver abitilities to the viewer instead of just assuming I know.

-Ok it's a specific DA movie, so if you are watching you probably know about reavers and lore already, but a good rule of storytelling is to never assume the player/viewer already knows, and I study games.

-Anyway the gang is now in the dark (it was daylight in the previous scene why is now dark? what did they waste time on?? That's a mystery between them and the script) or still daylight if we want to be more realistic. They are talking about how those guys were waiting for them and how did Sarebaas knew they were gonna enter that inn, since Sarebaas is obviously behind this?

-Tallis is like "Josmael told us about the shortcut I don't trust him" and knocks him against the stone. But since we are less than 20 minutes from the end, Josmael is tired of being harrassed by his "allies" and having to take it for the sake of the mission so he hits Tallis with a mind blast and tells her to get her hands off him. Cairn takes out his sword, but he feels cold against his neck and realizes Nyree is keeping her weapon on him, estabilishing sides officially.

-Josmael explains how he followed the instructions on a message for the person he loved, NOT to betray them and Craig snaps towards him yelling "deceitful little apostate!" but is once again stopped by Nyree who growls at him "Don't Try It, Anakin torturer!" since it's a stalemate, Craig does his "I know nothing good could come of you" but Josmael is defiant, not scared (well ok maybe he is scared too but he's not gonna take this from Meredith little boy). At the "You're tainted!" Josmael snaps that the dalish have heard the stories about the Knight Commander of Kirkwall and if he's tainted at the eyes of someone who was hurting elders in chains then he's proud. Cairn tries to surpass Nyree to kill him and is knocked down instead.

-Nyree does her reveal, telling that the boy is right and even if he wasn't Cairn is way worse than a lie out of love, for he caused Sarebaas escape by trying to kill him. Tallis interrogates Cairn about it and Cairn admits how he tried to kill the mage but was overpowered. (Nice to see Templars are usless as always).

-Blablabla Sarebaas killed Cairn family after his village near Kirkwall took pity of him? Ehh no. We are not doing Sten 2.0 on the simple basis that Sten had a (wrong but still logical) motivation.

-Instead when asked "why" Cairn will tell that his family did took pity on Sarebaas but he did not trusted him. Then one night he entered the barn where Sarebaas was being let sleep (since the family did not had enough room for him) and caught him doing bloodmagic and summoning demons. Cairn, as a Templar who was visiting his family, realized the qunari wasn't "simple" a qunari, but a mage and a maleficar and when he tried to arrest him as is his duty Sarebaas killed his family trying to escape.

-Some of you could say "but this still makes Sarebaas the cartoon villain evil mage?" and I say, in Mickey Mouse voice, "This is a plot point that will serve us later". For now, like the Hinterlands, bear with me. (Yes I know my jokes are great).

-Anyway in the fight and after seeing his little sister die in his arms, Cairn was stopped from killing Sarebaas by the Chantry (specifing they stopped him only because they wanted to "experiment" on him not because murdering mages is wrong), tried to kill him later and messed up.

-Instead of framing Josmael and making Cairn looks #angsthero we have Josmael in the right and Cairn in a "yeah he caused this and I dont like him but I can understand the trauma" (for now) situation.

-Then Nyree realizes Josmael legged out to reach Sundermount alone and Tallis says some curse in qunlat instead of "Andraste's Ass" because if she can curse in qunlat during Mark of the Assassin she can do it now too.

-We start with episode 6, the last episode, with Josmael getting close to the altar (thankfully my Hawke never looted the elven graves lmao. The last thing this boy needs is an horde of angry ravenants).

-Behind him Nyree shows up and says she prefers to help him than help Tallis and Cairn. Josmael points out he has no money and Nyree answers something along the lines of "I already have the money kid. But you know we mercenaries, we have no honor and it's better than a fake one".

-Tallis and Cairn reach them and Cairn wants to fight but Tallis intervenes doing her "we all want to defeat Sarebaas let's keep working more or less together and we can solve this later" so each party goes hiding behind some rocks, waiting for the enemy.

-While Tallis and Cairn talk (with NO romantic music thank you very much) Cairn admits Meredith didn't allowed the mission and says that he thinks he will not be able to go back. "The Knight-Commander is not the kind of woman who forgives lack of control"

-They are very pompous about it but it's made clear to the viewer that one side wants to murder a mage and the other wants to enslave him. Since we think Cairn wants revenge for his family and we have previously seen Sarebaas look of horror towards his collar, we are like "well I hope the bastard Templar kills Sarebaas seems the more justified of the two options and probably Sarebaas would rather die than return to the Qun"

-They still try to recruit each other, but there is no kiss or romance, only two zealots trying to recruit the other in their creed.

-We entirely skip that scene with Nyree and Josmael. You know the one. ENTIRELY I SAID.

-They instead talk about how Nyree has seen Templars harrass mages in Nevarra when they could and throw dirty look at Mortalitasi and Josmael thanks her for siding with him in the past.

-Sarebaas and the bad guys arrive with Fina (Josmael beloved in case I didn't specified already) and a battle plan is made, with the four protagonists reunited on the same rock.

-I take a moment to appreciate how Sarebaas long nails are pained black and way better than Voldemort dirty ones. Remember kids, being an evil mage hell bent on conquering the land with a demon army is no reason to look dirty.

-Sarebaas start the ritual and when Josmael tries to put Fina to safety she tells Sarebaas the enemy is here. Josmael is shocked but then he realizes that Fina is controlled by blood magic. Because that makes at least more sense than "being kidnapped by the villain of the story makes me feel special I so love being a sacrifice"

-I clap at Sarebaas calling the dead to him because necromancy is always cool, even on low budget.

-Fina still gets Stabbed because Sarebaas magic pushed Josmael against her while he was struggling to take the knife away from her without hurting her and the blood activates the ritual. Instead of being immediately defeated, Sarebaas and Josmael are locked into a magic duel until the mask doesn't power up Sarebaas, then Josmael is throwed away.

-As in canon, Sarebaas magically blocks Cairn and thanks him and Cairn yells at him he's a monster but Sarebaas reveals the truth. He never did bloodmagic to kill Cairn family. Cairn killed his family.

-The true story is that yes Sarebaas, being Sarebaas/a mage was using his powers in the barn, but he was doing enthropic magic. Cairn, already blinded by hate and rage because of the difficulties with th Qun in Kirkwall and his own racism (fueled by Petrice, altought she's not directly mentioned because he couldn't know this, but we know), assumed entropy was blood magic without taking a second to check/ask and tried to kill Sarebaas.

-In the fight, the family and others ran in to see what was going on, Cairn tried to kill Sarebaas and instead stabbed his sister who was trying to stop it and a flying spell set the barn on fire. After being arrested and taken to Kirkwall, Sarebaas -enslaved by the Qun all his life and now an attempt to a new life destroyed by racism- decided that it's better to be feared than a weapon in other people hands and so when Cairn tried to kill him again, making him escape, Sarebaas seized the occasion to chase the mask and exact revenge on everyone.

-Still a villain, but a villain caused by Cairn himself and by the Qun treatment of people. It's a very "Luke I'm your father" "That's not true! That's impossible!" moment, except Luke is the bad guy who caused everything and Vader is still the bad guy but he's spilling the beans.

-So Sarebaas thanks Cairn for "showing him the truth of the world" and the fight goes on.

-Josmael asks Tallis to pass him a knife and cuts himself on the hand, using blood magic to stop the bloodmagic. While the rest of the group keeps Sarebaas busy, Josmael calls the blood out of the mask. No blood, no mask power, no mask power, no ritual. The Fade rift that was forming closes. Cairn gets ellectrocuted by magic but Tallis manages to put the qun control collar on Sarebaas, making him powerless.

-Cairn dies *world smallest violin plays* and when Tallis asks why he didn't tried to live his life Sarebaas tells her "You heard me talking to your Templar. I try and failed. Then I had the means to do harm... So I took them." and his "Qunari made me this way" bit, making the audience realize that while this doesn't justify Sarebaas actions, Thedas denied his attempts to be something that wasn't a weapon at every turn.

-Since there is no romance nobody particularly cares for Cairn, so Tallis is still intentioned to bring Sarebass back in chains.

-Sarebaas and Tallis are stopped by Josmael, who tells him he can't forgive him, but he knows part of his struggles, since the same people who denied a new life to him are the people who try to kidnap dalish kids with magic.

-Josmael looks at Sarebaas who nods and two spells make two things happen: his collar is broken and the second spell turns him into ice, breaking him in pieces and killing him. Sarebaas dies, but he dies free.

-Instead of having Josmael randomly hug Tallis in the end after she stabbed him, stole from his clan and treathened him, she argues with Josmael because she wanted to bring the prisoner to the Qun, but then she realizes that she is alone against two and angrily leaves.

-But first, Nyree throws the money of her payment (who were the clan stolen money) to Josmael, then takes Tallis money for herself.

-Nyree tells Josmael he is a great First and will one day be a great Keeper too and Josmael gives her an elven token of friendship so that other clans she could meet will recognize her as a friend of the People. He tells her it's not guaranteed that all clans will accept her, but still.

-They bury Fina together.

-Camera shows the sunset on Soundermount.

-The End.

Also yes, it is possible to interact with Josmael the First in Dragon Age 2 at the Sabrae camp in my mind. Because Merrill needs her people tp support her.

[aoriethetheif-blog]

3

"The temple is under attack by a red dracolich in the shadow realm. This dracolich is why the temple has never been returned to our realm. There is a High Priest that keeps the dragon away from the temple but as long as it threatens he cannot return the temple. So, I study dragon lore and search for spells that will help me get to the temple and destroy the dracolich." They discussed other things while they finished eating. Aorie was just passing the last bit of hers to Shima, when the door of the taproom was kicked violently open. In the door stood a bald dwarf with half his face and head covered in old burn scars. His bright blue goatee reached past his belt, and he glared at Aorie and Shima with fire in his green eye, the other had a milky film and was partially buried in the scar tissue. Draga followed the dwarfs glare to find the drow wearing a merry grin and the dwarf trying to smother a laugh. "Commander," Aorie called. "You are looking well this morning. Did you change your beard? I like it!" Shima almost repressed a snort. The Commander started towards them roaring, "Ye did this," he lifted his beard, "Ye damned troublesome half-drow. Ye've been a pain in me backside all yer damned life. Tell me one good reason I shouldn't just put an end yer endless pranks and run ye outa me city!" Shima had slid under the table; it heaved with her suppressed mirth. Draga and River tried to clear the table before something fell off and broke. Aorie stood and fearlessly met the enraged dwarf commander in the middle of the room. She picked up the end of his beard, rubbed it between her fingers and showed the blue tips of her dark fingers to the dwarf. "This is a comb in color. When have I ever combed your beard?" She asked with infuriating calm. "What's that got to do with it? Ye're a sneaky one," the captain roared. "Which is why you pay me enormous piles of gold to catch thieves for you," she replied dryly. "But does not explain how I dyed your beard. So, why do you think I had anything to do with this." "Where were ye last night? Did ye go to Dwarftown? And just how do ye know this is a comb in job done on me beard?" "Look around," Aorie said, rolling her eyes. "I live in a brothel. I do the hair of many of the...employees on my off days. Of course I know about hair stuff. That stuff in you're beard will wash out next time you take a bath. And I was on the wall last night, per your orders." She slipped into a good impersonation of the commander's brogue, "Humans ain't no good on the durned wall on moonless nights. Ye round up them as can see for the new moon. And be there yerself." "BATH! I have to take a BATH to fix this," he bellowed. "Baths make ye sick. And me armor will rust!" Shima's laughter filled the room. Draga and some of the other patrons joined her. And the commander's anger was redirected. He stomped over to the table and drug Shima out from under it. "What're ye laughing at ye damned unnatural dwarf?" River had taken refuge in the rafters, as Draga returned the rescued crockery to the twins, who stood behind the bar, enjoying the show. "Aren't you guys going to break this up?" Bardo smiled at him, "Our guard Commander is only happy when he is yelling. Those two are his favorite targets, and they seem to enjoy upsetting him. He's not going to do anything but yell. And our gossip mongers," he pointed with his chin at a table full of well dressed patrons, "will talk about this for weeks. He usually keeps his fits in Dwarftown or the barracks." "Dwarftown?" Draga asked. "There are a couple hundred dwarves in the Citadel. They have their own district in the city's warren of tunnels," Zaria answered. Shima was sputtering, "Captain Bluebeard, you seem to have lost your eyepatch. Would you like me to go find you a new one?" It was only then that Draga noticed Shima did not carry the typical dwarvish accent. "See," Bardo said to Draga, "They can't help but wind him up. They say he takes himself too seriously. He'll be renamed throughout the city by the end of the day. The rest of the guard will take up the joke and present him with soap and eyepatches for a month or more." "Then, he'll most likely keep the color." Zaria told him, "The Guarda need the laughter, and he knows it. They are the ones charged with keeping peace in the city. They have to deal with all the horrors some people do to others and not become horrors themselves. Its hard on them." "Ye're both fired!" The commander declared. And with that, he left, slamming the door. Bardo said, "Now those two will spend the next month or two gambling, and starting bar fights. And there will eventually be some huge robbery, or murder that the rest of the Garda can't figure out. And he'll come stomping in here to get them back on the job, because they really are some of his elite." He grinned. And called out, "I think he means it this time, Aorie." "He means it every time," Shima answered for her friend, still laughing. "You want me bouncing the rabble out tonight?" "How many times has he fired you," River asked. "This makes five," Aorie said still wearing that tiny half smile the seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face. She yawned. "I'm tired. You guys still want an escort up to the monastery?" She looked at Draga. "Elite?" He looked at Bardo. "What kind of elite soldier lives in a brothel and plays childish pranks on superior officers?" "We've lived in many places," Zaria told him. "So, I would say, with some certainty, all of them. Soldiers, garda, watch, or whatever the local name for them, usually spend most of their off duty time in brothels much less genteel than this one. And they all play pranks on each other. People who depend on each other in the way the Garda do become family, but since they would feel awkward with traditional familial shows of affection, they play pranks." "Ok," Draga said slowly. He looked to Aorie, "When do we go see Grand Master Castellen?" "Give us four hours," she told him. "Explore the city, and meet us here. I'll send word up to Grand Master Castellen so he'll be expecting us this afternoon." Chapter 2

Aorie was dressed in tan breeches and a bright yellow blouse that made her eyes seem gold. Shima had thrown a green tabard over her armor that made her eyes look like sea foam. She carried a large covered basket that Draga assumed held the strawberries that the twins had asked them to carry up to the monastery. "Grand Master Castellen is expecting us for the midday meal. Shall we?" Aorie said, gesturing with a sun hat that matched her blouse towards the door. They walked up a slight rise though blueberry fields that were just waking from their winter slumber to the monastery. River danced and played in the fields as if glad to be free of the city. "What is she doing?" Aorie asked. Draga smiled gently, watching his fey companion. "She is fey. Her life is closely tied to nature, specifically to rivers, but all things in nature call to her. She is putting her blessing on the fields and most likely playing with other fey that live here," Draga replied. And at Aorie's raised eyebrow continued. "Most fey use their glamour to remain unseen by 'the big folk' as they call us. But, they can see each other. River decided to travel with me for reasons she has never explained. She knows I won't let any of the other big folk bother her so feels safe using the glamour to make herself look like a halfling or gnome." The gates of the monastery were open. He could see that when they were closed they would show the symbol of Ilmater, pale hands bound with a red cord. Just inside the gate, they were greeted by a young accolite, "Miss Aorie, Miss Shima, who have you brought to us today?" "A priest of Denier, interested in the library," Shima answered. "Brought some strawberries from the Widow in thanks for helping out our girls this morning, too." The lad grinned, "I'll make sure most of them get to the temple." "Where is Brother Abbott?" Aorie asked. "He took over the Grand Master's dining room this morning. I don't know what he is preparing but it smells wonderful. May I join you?" he answered. "Not today, Brother Joist. Maybe next time," Aorie sounded strange. There was a slight nervousness to her voice. When the boy had gone, Draga asked, "Joist is some carpentry thing, isn't it?" That got a laugh from Aorie, who had not said much since leaving the inn. He did not know her well, but she liked to talk, he knew. Her silence worried him. "His brother's names are Dowel and Mantel. Their father was a carpenter," her tone was the same dry amused one she had used when talking of her salary, "and wanted his boys to take up the trade. I think the oldest, Dowel, will. The boys came here when a fever took their parents," her tone was now matter of fact, as if this was were all the orphans came. And when he thought about it, he'd seen very few beggar children when he and River had explored part of the city. "Are there many orphans here?" Draga asked. "Ilmater loves children," Shima answered. "So, the Garda brings the kids that have nowhere else to go here. At least half the people in the Citadel have lived here or have friends who have." They continued across the courtyard to what looked to be an oversized barracks building. Shima pointing out different buildings and their purpose and greeting friends as they went. Aorie had gone silent again. Inside the barracks, they went up a stair on the right, and down a hall when they heard a weird noise, sluup-pop, sluup-pop. Aorie signaled to Draga to stay put, she had a dagger in her hand. Draga never saw where she had been keeping it. She moved around a bend in the wide hallway, Shima next to her with what looked like a cut down halbard, axe on one side balanced by a hammer head on the other. They looked up. Aorie relaxed, the dagger vanished and she sounded disgusted when she said, "What in nine hells are you doing here, gnome?" She held up a hand. "No, I really don't want to know. Do the Brothers know you are in the Monastery?"