#qots s5

[calliopecalling]

QOTS Rewatch - Season 5 Retrospective

Man, I've been dragging my feet on working on this. I've spent almost a full year on this rewatch (it really took on a life of its own; I didn't go into it planning to write involved metas or reblog a week's worth of gifsets for every episode but I am just THAT over the top) and I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself now that it's over. Watch something else?!?!?! Like what!?!?!?! Seriously though.

Anyway, where were we? Season 5. It's an interesting season to reflect back on. Sometimes it feels like my second-favorite season after season 2, and other times it feels like my second-least-favorite season after season 4. It ends up being really difficult to place. Its primary problem really in my opinion is that it's rushed, and there's so much plot to get through that the writers and editors had to leave us with sometimes frustratingly short character-driven scenes and force us to fill in the gap. But it does feel more Teresa-driven than season 1 does and, Kote notwithstanding, the non-Teresa-centered scenes still somehow feel a little more relevant or engaging than some of the Vargas stuff in seasons 1 and 3 both. (Epifanio and Batman's story took up a superfluous amount of screen time in season 1, I realized on rewatch, and season 3 has soooo much Cortez and Isabela and Loya and stuff that is way more painful to watch than Kelly Anne getting an ultrasound, even if Pote's sexist quips do make me roll my eyes.) So I don't know. I guess you'll have to give me a few more weeks to think about it. But season 5 as a whole entity in my opinion stands up pretty well on rewatch. It's the Jeresa content in season 5 that doesn't hold up as well as season 2 or 3's Jeresa. (Again, largely because of how rushed it is.)

But as always, I'll do my ranking and things:

My Top 3 Episodes

My Top 5 Scenes

Season 5 Episodes Ranked

Teresa’s Journey

Jeresa, DUH

Top 3 Season 5 Episodes

3: 5x05, Mas Dinero Mas Problemas

It actually was hard to choose the third place episode. There are several other contenders for this spot. But this episode as a whole is really fun to me. It's Teresa-centric. It features Oksana (yay female characters). It's set in Berlin. It features awesome Jeresa teamwork. It throws back to earlier show canon (Rocco de la Pena! Oleg!) and Teresa even gets to break an asshole's nose. James's all-black suit is to die for, as is Teresa's high pony, and best of all? The non-Teresa-focused material is focused on George and Boaz in Miami which, while definitely feeling sinister, gives both of them great material to work with. George buying Teresa that boat? Lol. This is an episode that I gladly watch in full without wanting to fast-forward through anything (a rarity for me among episodes after season 2) and it's a queenpin-esque version of Teresa that isn't as painful as the previous two episodes. All great stuff.

2: 5x09, A Prueba de Balas

Listen, I am not going to pretend that this is here for any other reason than the love confessions and long-awaited Jeresa hook-up, though I love every single Jeresa moment in the episode, I love that it's down to the two of them against the world (just like it was in the beginning before Teresa even knew that it was the two of them against the world), and I love that she takes out Kostya like the badass she is. We won't talk about the raccoons and peewee soccer.

1: 5x02, Me Llevo Manhattan

OBVIOUSLY. I mean: this episode might be my favorite episode of the entire series. It's perfect, classic, angsty, electric Jeresa; they actually talk to each other about stuff other than business (several times); they call back in their dialogue to earlier seasons. They KISS and it's magnetic. They dance around whatever the fuck it is that's happening between them. And they both just stumble around incoherently attracted to each other but refusing to talk about it because they are imbeciles. On top of all that, there's James back to his going-all-out-to-protect-Teresa habits and Teresa back to her taking-crazy-risks-but-earning-mad-respect bs. Teresa's whole "you work for me now; when I call, you answer on the second ring" speech to Lafayette is literal fire and even the non-Jeresa scenes in this episode are good: Kelly Anne with Judge Lafayette's business partner; Boaz with the Judge; the pregnancy reveal. My favorite scene of the episode, though, the one that makes me levitate, is the balcony scene between James and Teresa in Manhattan. Wtffffff that scene was like, designed to personally destroy me. But more about that later.

Top 5 Season 5 Scenes

This was so hard for me. The truth is that there are two types of scenes, Jeresa scenes and non-Jeresa scenes, and they belong on parallel ladders to me. The Teresa who shows up with James and the Teresa who shows up otherwise is so different (I mean: compare literally any of the 5x02 Jeresa scenes to, say, how Teresa interacts with Oksana and Oscar and the Judge in that same episode). And I love both kinds of scenes for her. The way she almost coyly greets those real estate developers in 5x06, knowing full well she's going to slaughter them? *shivers* sooooo good. But when push comes to shove, it's the Jeresa scenes that all slide to the top, because it's the version of herself she gives him that is the one we're ultimately rooting for. So without further ado:

#5:

The scene: Episode 5x02, bedroom conversation

What I love about it: Soooo muuuuuch subtext here. After Teresa in the previous episode gave James literally nothing to work with, now that she's wrapped her mind around him being back she is completely unable to keep up the act. Watching both of them dancing around what they're actually trying to talk about is so delightful, and the icing on the cake is Chicho walking in right in the middle of a particularly intimate gesture.

#4:

The scene: Episode 5x09, the balcony kiss

What I love about it: Do I really need to explain myself? I love this kiss so much because it's written all over Teresa's face what combination of fear, desire, and love is driving her. It's no longer impulsive as it was in 5x02 or tenuous as it was in 3x09 or generous as it was in 3x05, it's for her, it's because she wants him and she's terrified of dying without him knowing it. And then he returns it so wholly and confidently and damn. To me it's the moment they catch up to each other and finally land on the same page. The I love yous that follow were made possible by this kiss.

#3:

The scene: Episode 5x07, the waterfront launch party heart-eyes

What I love about it: Again, so much subtext here. The intense intimacy of a moment in which relatively little gets said (and all of it completely innocuous). The verbal callback to the season 3 finale made the fandom's collective hearts jump to our throats as we wondered, with Teresa, if he was about to say he was leaving. Teresa's clear display of vulnerability in this single 90 second scene made up for the four previous episodes of distance between them. But really.... it's all in the subtext here.

#2:

The scene: Episode 5x10, the final Queenpin scene

What I love about it: It's the perfect Queenpin send-off. It's perfectly appropriate that she shows up one last time and the way it's done here is so beautiful. She looks so serene and her nod of approval closes the circle with episodes 2x06 and 3x10 where Queenpin seemed to be nudging Teresa towards James. And THEN, as Queenpin departs, James steps in. 'You ok?' Could it be any clearer? She doesn't need Queenpin to be her guardian angel anymore. She has James. God, I must be in a mood today because I'm literally choking up as I write this 😭 Excuse me while I go rewatch this scene 28 more times.

#1:

The scene: Episode 5x02, the balcony scene

What I love about it: Was there ever any doubt this was going to be my number one scene of this season? No, there was not. It is the perfect combination of classic Jeresa--James pining, Teresa being cool and unruffled, an almost visible electric current of tension between them, and oh my god the subtexttttttt. Yes, I'm predictable. I don't even think I have enough words to convey exactly how much this scene breaks me apart and I definitely don't have the words to confess how often I rewatch it. Literally I AM JAMES when she says "you and me can't happen" and I feel my entire body turn to jelly, and then when she says "maybe in some other life" I'm like EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GO GET IT JAMES. This scene to me is their crowning achievement as actors playing this couple of idiots. That chemistry is crazy.

Season 5 Episodes Ranked

5x02

5x09

5x05

5x06

5x08

5x07

5x01

5x03

5x04

5x10

Yes, the finale is my least-favorite episode of the season. There's just nowhere near enough Teresa, or James. Waaaaay too much Pote, and Pote is just not an interesting character. Plus it's so dominated by men. I just could not care about the fight between him and Boaz. It all felt like male viewership fan service. Ew. So, looking at episodes in their entirety, it falls at the bottom. Really though I think this speaks to honestly how strong the season is overall, when it comes down to it. I loved it on rewatch and looking back at this list I even feel sad about having 5x03 and 5x04 so low! I've grown to like even those, despite how painful some of the scenes are.

Teresa's Journey

So, this is the season that obviously brings her as close to Queenpin as she'll ever come, the season in which she faces the ultimate choice: fully abandon herself in a quest to become untouchable in her power, or fully abandon that quest in order to save her soul. Both of these are different sides of the "survival" coin. And both involve incredible risk. Having taken out Kostya, she came as close as really was possible to that untouchable power that the Queenpin visions throughout the series evoked. She would have been protected by the American CIA and would have run the largest and most powerful drug empire in the world. Of course when you're at the top, someone is always ready to take you out, so the risk of staying--despite the promise of safety and protection--was huge.

On the other hand, disappearing. So much risk there, too. So simple in concept: shed your identity, go somewhere remote, and start over from scratch. But when you're in the cartel world that deep, obviously it's not just possible to get out. Your continued existence is too threatening to everyone who stays in; you know way too much. And SO much could go wrong in the process of trying to escape.

So both of these choices offered the promise of safety and both came with a heaping side of risk. But the Teresa we were introduced to in season 1 would've had absolutely no difficulty picking between them, right? So in retrospect, her full character journey was to slowly and gradually become someone who would believably struggle with that choice, someone we would believably worry might make the "wrong" choice.

And I think they really did pull that off. Already by season 2, it's less clear that she would choose to disappear rather than become all-powerful. She'd already lost everyone she'd loved by then and felt herself to be alone, and I think loneliness was one of the biggest drivers for her in seeking power over feeding her soul. It was always loss and trauma that pushed her further into the business and, even though season 5 didn't super explicitly link her rapid power grabs to Tony's death the previous season, it was clearly the darkness of that loss (maybe combined with the unsettling reappearance of James) that pushed her over the edge.

So was it believable that, in the end, she chose her soul? Yeah. They made us worry about her for the first half of season 5, pushing away everyone she cared about and seeming like a hollow shell of herself. But by episode 5x08 her vulnerability is palpable again. Like George's loss, combined with pregnant Kelly Anne's kidnapping, and faced with the possibility of dying herself, and losing James in the process, that she gets her wakeup call. So to me, her final decision feels very earned. I just wish they hadn't wasted a full episode trying to convince us she wasn't going to make it 😂

Jeresa

And all inextricably tied up with Teresa's character turnaround in season 5 is her relationship with James. This is another thing the season didn't make super explicit, at least in the written dialogue, but on rewatch it feels exceptionally clear that his presence allowed her to make what no doubt seemed like an impossible decision to turn the train around that was fast hurtling towards a cliff. He:

showed up mortally wounded trying to save her life

stuck by her side even when she made a disappointing decision that showed how much she'd changed

tolerated her snapping at him and pushing him away because he wasn't going to just give up on her after the huge way she'd busted into HIS life and changed HIM from the inside out

gently challenged her, wherever possible, despite having had it made clear to him that doing that was risky

backed her up 100% and went the extra mile to show his loyalty (beating up Navarro's connect), care (delivering an entire army of ex-Mossad for her security), and competence (stealing the painting)

And then, when she'd sent Pote and Kelly Anne packing and it was just the two of them again (the symmetry to the beginning of the series is so lovely there), his steadiness in the face of her emotional undoing is such a visible factor of her turning everything around. Yes, she's scared for Kelly Anne and her baby. Yes, she's upset about George. But in 5x09 after she's sent Kote away and it's too late to save George, those aren't her motivators anymore. James is. You can see it in her eyes on the balcony that it's not her own death that she fears but the possibility of dying without having loved.

Teresa is a lover. We knew that from the very beginning. She essentially told us that in her own voice over in the pilot. Her drug of choice was Guero. Comparing Guero to a drug is so apt (and foreshadows all the events of the first three seasons and how Guero's actions underlie so much of what she had to go through) so that her fear of love also becomes understandable. She was so slow to fully trust James because of the betrayal she'd experienced before; she was slow to open herself up to him as a lover because the risk of that vulnerability was too devastating. But when she stares down death and realizes she's held real love at arm's-length, its pull and its promise is way too great to turn away from.

I think the writers and show runners of this season struggled with this because the love story they'd created was so powerful and yet they knew (and I agree) that this show wasn't intended to be a love story. The book that it's based on is not a love story. It's the story of a woman and her incredible journey from life on the streets of Culiacán to becoming a powerful druglord and then her final escape from that life. But Jeresa is so powerful that even without explicit efforts on the part of the writers this season it's clear that it's a story in which love wins. She gets out, because of love. She makes the choice to disappear, because of love. Yes, platonic and familial love play into it, too; and stacking up the losses of those she's loved over the years and the risks to those who remain are explicitly part of the story. But by 5x09 the only ones who remain are her and James. She's lost or sent away everyone else.

I guess I forgive the writers for leaving much of their relationship this season to the imagination. I would've loved more conversations between the two of them that were 5x02 or 3x08 caliber, but I think the writers were trying to strike a balance between the people who clearly watched the show for Jeresa and the people who clearly cared less. Do I think they should've just written the show the seasons 2-3 writers set up? Yes. Do I blame them for trying to please a broader base? No. I don't, because I think it's ultimately so obvious anyway that James helped Teresa out of the cave in the same way she did originally that it still ties together beautifully in the end.

So. Now what?

As I said yesterday, I have saved many hundreds of gifsets in my queue still to reblog that I didn't reblog as part of the "official" rewatch. And I'm sure I'll continue to find more, and will reblog any others that get created. I'm also a huuuuuge Alice fan (in case that's not abundantly obvious by now) and will stick around to reblog whatever Alice content I consumer and maybe even Peter content from time to time. I'll post a full series retrospective eventually, but I doubt it will be quite as comprehensive as these season metas because I think I've kind of covered a lot of the analytical ground by now!! But I still want to do my rankings and all that. All that to say: I'll be around. And I hope to continue to see some of you around too 🥰 Thanks for sticking with me.

[sietegotas]

Alice Braga || Soul Press Interview 2021

[jeresadaily]

Season 5 Besos - Darkness to Light

[la-ermitana]

James thinking Teresa might die 1x02 | 5x09 

requested by @calliopecalling​

[jamesvaldez]

Or who you love.

[scottieharveys]

“you and me... it can’t happen. maybe in another life, but not this one”.

and now they’re together, happy and at peace in a new life of their own 😭

[tre-ang-fer]

James basically told George, “If you gon’ shoot me, make sure you KILL me !”

[moprocrastinates]

damn

jeresa are now painfully in love with one another

[folie-lex]

Imma need people who are currently alive because James saved their asses to CUT the attitude  

*side-eyes Kelly Anne and George*

I mean the DISRESPECT! I’m 100% over everyone treating James like a punching bag...

[jerepars]

All I got from that EW interview is that maybe no happy ending for Teresa and James but apparently one for Kelly Anne and Pote is most likely? Forget James, Devon should just kill ME.

[demoanais]

why do I get the feeling that Pote and kelly Anne will both die and Teresa and James will end up having to escape to raise the child in secrecy lol

[calliopecalling]

QOTS Rewatch - 5x04 - La Situacion

This episode isn't quite as hard for me to rewatch as 5x03 is, something about the scale of Teresa's moral failings isn't quite as severe as last episode, but it feels somehow out of place in the rest of the season and it's taken me a year to really figure out how to make sense of Teresa's character journey such that this episode actually makes sense to me. When you read my original debrief after watching live you can see I was clearly like ... wtf was that? What is going on with Teresa and what are they doing with her character? I've made sense of a lot of it now (and kind of processed it ad nauseam in my gifset reblog tags) but this is still in my opinion perhaps the weakest episode of the season.

I don't have a WHOLE lot to add to that original debrief, honestly. I think I captured it all pretty well and I'm still not entirely sure what the queenpin takeaway was. I know I keep saying that it would've made more sense for her journey to just be towards this chillier, stonier, inaccessible white queen rather than going down this snappy, brittle path. It is really hard to see her like this and it feels very out of character for someone who through all the trauma she's been through has always maintained an outer calm. Obviously the trauma has really kept piling on and she has a lot more to lose now than she did five seasons ago (and more people relying on her) so that's how I explain it to myself--her irritability and stress and all that. But it still feels jarring and uncomfortable. And since they never truly address it or have her apologize for it, it feels like a loose end.

I mean look: James was super irritable and gruff and snappy with her, too (I'm thinking about late season 2 especially), and I wish he'd apologized to her for it because she truly didn't deserve it. She wasn't doing anything to him back then that he wasn't doing to her here, which was stepping slightly out of line to challenge him. But James got his full redemption arc. James got all of season 3 to prove to her (and to us) that he loved her. More than anything. And that he'd literally die for her. He never apologized to her for his behavior towards her in late season 2 but it wasn't all that necessary story-wise because it was so obvious that he'd changed. She'd changed him. And he knew that and felt it deeply.

But there wasn't time in this short season for the full reverse arc to take place so we have to fill in a lot of those gaps on our own and assume it's meant to be understood this way. It all does happen eventually, in 5x07 on, and the more I've watched this season the more I do see it that way. It just doesn't really have a lot of time to truly settle that she's had this realization and it's changed her. I mean in some ways Teresa doesn't have to go through a full character transformation because she always was this person of integrity and heart. She's just here on the brink of losing it and then she luckily springs back from the edge.

A few other miscellaneous thoughts that I'm too disorganized to try to capture in a cogent way:

I do appreciate that this season humanizes Teresa to James. That he has to take her off the pedestal he's put her on and see her in all her flawed glory. How weird does it make me that I almost want to write a fic about some big retirement processing sessions where their trust issues flare up bc of the ways they've both treated each other unfairly in the past? Lol. Is that a fic genre?

Can we talk about the FBI plot for just a second and how they introduced it and wrapped it up within the span of a single episode? Whew, whiplash. They could've played that out a little bit longer as she continued expanding.

Speaking of the FBI, I realized on this rewatch that Lucien was way more deeply to blame in so much of the BS this episode than is really clear when you're just watching casually. He's the one that tipped off the FBI to her in the first place. It continues to piss me off how the havoc other people wreak becomes HER problem that SHE has to fix and somehow held accountable for.

And just in general: WHY are women held to SUCH FREAKING DOUBLE STANDARDS AT ALL TIMES???????

Just saying.

[missmagnolita]

Alright so I love Jeresa truly. madly. deeply

But PSA - this show is not 👏🏼 about 👏🏼 Jeresa👏🏼

Now, I honestly think that it is very possible they’re gonna give us those two faking their death into the sunset, especially because they’re clearly not getting them together earlier than that

But here’s the thing - I’d rather have this show remember what it’s about than fan service us to high heaven

I came for Teresa’s story, I stayed for Teresa’s story (hello season 4 troopers) and I’m still here for Teresa’s story

Idk about y’all but my love for this show isn’t contingent on all my head canon dreams coming true. If the only reason that’s not happening is because the writers are maintaining the integrity of the show, then please carry on, ignore me, you know?

[jeresadaily]

You came back because you’re in love with her. 

Action vs. Reaction

[xcoldcoffeesx]

perfect shot

This was it. Kill or be killed. The story of his life.

The tall silhouette approaches the window slowly and James catches his breath. It’s what he always does when he is about to pull the trigger.

Three.

His eyes are fixed on the point. No movement.

Two.

She just stops in the shot, perfectly still. His hands still aren’t shaking.

One.

It seems she is waiting for him and for the first time in his life, James believes.

a/n: so I needed to write something before the series finale and here we are. I've been rambling in my head alone since last episode so I though I'll do something about it. I have to confess that I wrote this on my phone at 2 a.m so I’m sorry if there are some mistakes x) (also English is not my first language). Stay safe!

Read on AO3

This was it. Kill or be killed. The story of his life.

“It's suicide” he knows she made her decision already and that there is nothing that he can do or say to change her mind but he can’t help it. He tries not to think about all the times they nearly lost each other, all the missing bullets, the hours of torture. He tries not to think about the blood, the pain, the death. “You wouldn't let me do it, so why should I?”

She looks at him and he swears at this very moment a second becomes a lifetime. There is something about the sparkle of fierceness she has in her eyes that always makes the world stop moving around him. The silence is peaceful, yet scary. There are so many things he wants to tell her, so unresolved feelings he wants to clear out but he can’t. Not again. His heart is still bleeding from last time. The bullet hasn't come out. He needs a sign first.

He never believed in destiny. How could he? The world is ugly. He knows that better than better than anyone. Hell, he is part of the reason why.

Her eyes are shining and before he can make a move she is the one closing the gap between them. She always is. He is the one waiting. Somedays, it seems like it is all he’s been doing since the moment they met. Perhaps even before that. Waiting.

He never experienced faith. It’s always been a foreign concept to him and well, the more he started climbing up in the business, the less it made sense. There was no point in believing. Prayers couldn’t save him in Afghanistan, nor in Texas. It wasn’t about faith. It was all him. Kill or be killed. Fighting or dying.

Surviving at all costs.

They kissed before but this one feels different. It’s deeper, heavier. Honestly, it takes him by surprise. He never thought she would kiss him again and he had come to term with it. They were different people now. Two sides of one coin, close and yet never together. Crossing paths without walking the same street.

Until survival caught up with them.

Then again, the timing is bittersweet. They’re on the road toward death. Their own camino de la muerte. She knows it too.

Fighting or dying.

James knows he is good at what he is doing. He wouldn’t trust anyone else. He doesn’t need prayers. Yet, for the first time in his life, he wishes he’d had faith. Faith in the world, faith in himself. Someone, something telling him that he made the right decision. That everything is going to be okay. He wishes he’d had a piece of hope he can hold on to. For the first time he actually wants to believe they can make it; that they are meant to.

He needs it.

Lying down on the rusty floor, ignoring his beating heart as he adjusts the rifle and chooses the perfect angle, it’s all he can think about.

Please let it work.

She looks surprised too when she pulls away. Not by the kiss, he guesses, but by the rush of emotions that came with it. His, hers. He knows she worked very hard to become untouchable. A queen who would never let anyone close, ready to sacrifice a part of herself to make sure nobody would ever have the chance to hurt her. Perhaps she thought she would never feel love again. Perhaps she thought she didn’t deserve it.

Either way now she knows.

It’s a beautiful day. The light is perfect and he can see the red walls and big closet in the room behind the big window. He planned everything, he made sure of it. James knows he’s been waiting for a couple of minutes only but it feels like hours. His breath is short but his hands aren’t shaking. As he looks at his watch James holds back a sigh. It shouldn’t be long now.

He’s never been one to talk a lot and make big speeches and declarations but in that moment, hundreds of words are rushing through his mind. There are so many things he wants to tell her but nothing comes out. Except for one thing.

“I love you” It comes so naturally he doesn’t even realize he says it.

In his mind he already told her tons of times before.

“Be careful”

“Answer me, are you hurt?”

“I need you to come back”

“I haven’t told Camila yet.” “Why didn’t you tell her?” “You just don’t get it do you?”

“We’re in this together”

“No, I can’t leave you”

“I’m gonna do whatever it takes to protect us”

“How are we going to get out of here?” “We’re not. You are”

“Since the first day we met, I’ve been trying to keep you alive. I’m still trying to”

He didn’t even know it at the time.

Perhaps they’re is really a meaning to life. Perhaps it was written from the beginning and he ended up being exactly where he was supposed to.

This is a good plan. If he succeeds, everything will finally be over. He’ll be free. They’ll all be. No more missions, no more Devon, no more just survival.

They’ll start living.

This is the only plan.

He kisses her again before he can start thinking about how he just shifted their entire relationship. Words are out, no more hiding. By now he hopes she believes him. It seems too little for everything they’ve been through together but they’re running out of time. She is meeting death soon, and so is he.

Because the truth is, he was ready to die for her.

He was also willing to kill.

Readjusting himself on the floor, James finally catches a glimpse of a silhouette behind the window. Long dark hair on white robe.

He is not a believer. But she is.

He’s never felt more human than in her arms. It is a feeling he can’t quite place. Love, respect, fear and joy all at once. They move as one and he knows he should feel afraid and angry about what’s coming next but he can’t right now.

He is just fucking happy.

So he kisses her again and again until they’re both back in the room -did he carry her at some point? he can’t even remember- and he runs his fingers on her waist, back, neck until her hair and unties her tight bun. Dark hair falls on her shoulders and bare collarbones and he smiles against her mouth.

“You have no idea how many times I wanted to do that” his breath is hot against her cheek and he doesn’t need to look to know she is blushing.

They stop a second to catch their breath and he caresses her cheek, putting a curl behind her ear at the same time.

“Teresa” it’s just a whisper and he is not even sure why he says her name but she does.

“It’s our only chance” she traces his bottom lip with her thumb and he knows she is not only talking about Kostya.

Camino de la muerte.

So he nods and their lips meet again. She quickly presses him to lose his sweater -his leather jacket is probably lost somewhere between the terrace and the room- and proceeds to kiss his neck and shoulders, right on his tattoos. He shivers.

“I was wrong” she comes back to look at him and she is smiling -a real, bright almost childish smile- “we don’t need another life”

“I love you”this time he is fully aware of what he says the second he says it and Teresa’s smile grows bigger.

By now he knows she believes him.

It’s time. One second, one shot. No more chances,  no space for mistakes. Kill or be killed. Fighting or dying. He must not overthink. After all, he’s done that hundreds of times before and never missed from this distance. His mind is on fire, screaming loudly but his body is ready. No shake, no sweat.

“We could just run away right now” she whispers in his neck, arm wrapped around his side “disappear”

He is playing with her hair, eyes closed.

“I would like that.”

“Start over” she sighs “I always wanted to live around mountains. We could go to Switzerland”

He smiles as his mind wanders. It’s nice to stop for a second and just allow dreams to fill in.

“What will you do in the mountains?” He asks, voice hoarse

“Read. All day” she pops on her elbows to look at him “you?”

“Maybe I’ll give Pote's recipes a try. I’ll probably need 5 to 10 years though” they both chuckle and for the second time in a few hours he finds himself completely happy “also I’d like to have a dog. A big one.”

“I’ve always imagined you with a dog” she kisses him softly, letting her lips hovering other his, both of their breath interlacing.

Their smiles are mirroring but quickly fade away as the silence takes its place.

“But we can’t, can we?” Teresa falls back on the pillows and he rolls on his side to face her.

“No we can’t.”

They both know what is coming. They’ve known for quite a while now.

“Do you think he’ll ask you to do it?”

“Probably”

“Then you should.”

The tall silhouette approaches the window slowly and James catches his breath. It’s what he always does when he is about to pull the trigger.

Three.

His eyes are fixed on the point. No mouvement.

Two.

She just stops in the shot, perfectly still. His hands still aren’t shaking.

One.

It seems she is waiting for him and for the first time in his life, James believes.

“If anything happens I want you covered” he doesn’t want to think about all the things that could go wrong but it’s his job to. Worst, it’s is who he is. “Two shots. Use them wisely”

“I love you” it’s sudden and she is just whispering but he hears it loud and clear

They finally found each other and yet they have to be apart.

Teresa made him a believer.

“Are you willing to put your life on the line?”

“More than ever”

He looks at her throat dry.

“I know what I’m asking” she says softly caressing his cheeks

“No you don’t” and really she can’t possibly imagine how broken and torn he feels but he closes his eyes under her touch. He knows she is right “what if I miss?”

“You won’t” her fingers sliders on his torso “I trust you. I believe in you. I love you.”

Teresa believes in him.

“It’s our only shot to get out of the cave”

So he pulls the trigger.

[jamesvaldez]

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