#qrow bronwyn

[punkkris]

In regards to the latest RWBY episode...

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

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The Narcissistic Parents: Parallels in the Lives of Jacques and Raven

(Sorry to take so long. I forgot how unpleasant it is to write about narcissists.)

Jacques and Raven are both narcissists who are also the parents of grown children. There's a lot we don't know about their pasts, but what we do know fits the narcissism pattern perfectly.

Narcissism is a combination of great egotism, inflexibility, and a complete lack of empathy and compassion. It seems to be caused by a lack of consistent attention growing up, leaving the person to believe that attention is a resource that can be fought for and won, and that other people are just obstacles in the way of that goal. We don't know anything about Jacques' past, but it's easy to believe that Raven encountered such conditions growing up in a bandit camp.

This next fact is something that people who haven't met a narcissist find hard to believe, and people who have one in their life that they want to have a relationship with find very, very hard to accept: narcissists see people as things, and they always will. It's not just that they "don't get it", they lack the ability to ever "get it". The connection can't be made because the connector isn't there. It just doesn't make sense to them. As far as the narcissist is concerned, being asked to not treat people as exploitable resources is like sitting a starving child in front of a plate of food and asking them not to eat. It's obvious the food is there to be eaten, and the resources (the people) are there to be exploited. To assume otherwise is stupid and actually offensive as far as the narcissist is concerned.

This condition is permanent. There is no "growing out of it". There is no deathbed conversion, unless it's a final performance for status points from a sympathetic audience. From personal experience I can say that while they're very likely to be bitter and angry at how ineffective their coping strategy has been on their deathbed, they still won't change it.

In recent years our culture has slowly come to comprehend that there are certain concepts that people with severe autism will never understand. We need to comprehend that narcissists have the same inability to understand empathy and compassion.

Narcissists can be very flamboyant in early adulthood, cutting quite a social swath with their combination of charismatic egomania and a willingness to buck convention out of a genuine lack of concern for the consequences of their actions on other people. This matches both what we know of Raven at Beacon and Jacques at the time of his marriage to Willow Schnee. Over time the people they knew in their youth usually come to see through them and distance themselves, which will leave the narcissist isolated and alone. The only solution for this is if they have reached a high enough social status that there will always be a fresh supply of willing syncophants to replace those they lose. Both Raven and Jacques have reached such a position, but the difference is that the later syncophants rarely form as strong a bond as the earlier ones did, before the narcissist developed a reputation as a user. This could prove especially damaging for Raven, as her ability to use people as teleportation anchors depends on her ability to form a close bond with them, which in a narcissist tends to diminish over time.

Narcissists can be socially useful. I once knew a narcissist who worked for the UN, using her overly aggressive personality to bully third-world leaders into complying with UNICEF, saving children's lives in the process. The high social status points she got from the work were enough to keep her at the task, although her husband had a full-time job managing other people's expectations that she be anything other than a bully. Their kids didn't come around anymore.

I think Ozpin had something similar in mind for Raven, hoping the high social status of being a Huntress would be enough to keep her at the job. It worked for a while, and might have worked longer if she hadn't found out that he had lied to her. Then again, there probably came a time when the allure of being a bandit queen simply won out over the drudgery of being a new mother. A bandit queen is always the center of attention, whereas a new mother must cede the spotlight to her baby.

But Jacques and Raven aren't simply narcissists, they are narcissistic parents, and that's a special kind of awful. There are distinct differences in healthy families and families of narcissists,and distinctive ways they damage those around them, especially children.

To the narcissistic parent, children, like all people, are things, either tools or obstacles/enemies. Tools fall into two categories, syncophants or scapegoats. In contrast, healthy families with children are designed to guide them on their path to becoming independent adults, with deference given to their personal wishes when doing so is realistic and appropriate. These different approaches cause some very distinctive differences in how healthy families and families of narcissists organize themselves.

A healthy family with children consists of a series of stepped barriers designed to protect the children from harm. The highest barrier is around the youngest children, keeping out much of the outside world and even protecting them from harm from older siblings. As the children age and become more competent, the barriers gradually lower.

There is also a barrier between the children and the parents/caregivers. For the safety of the children certain topics are not discussed in their presence and certain pieces of information are withheld from them.

We see an example of a family with healthy boundaries in the Xiao Long household. Ruby mentions in the third episode that the girls were sheltered from boys at a younger age. We find out in the third season that Tai and honorary caregiver Qrow have conspired to hide information about her mother from Yang, fearing another incident like the one that nearly killed the girls early on. Even when Yang is considered old enough to be told the truth, Qrow still holds back telling her so as not to distract her from her normal life, only revealing it when she needs a distraction after being disqualified from the Vytal Festival Tournament. Qrow also mentions having "a number of inappropriate stories" he could tell about their parents now that the girls are grown or nearly grown, but lets the subject drop when they express disinterest.

Narcissistic families are organized for the benefit of the narcissist. Other family members orbit the narcissist like planets orbit a star. They occupy roles assigned to them by the narcissist, in different variations of syncophant and scapegoat, with the syncophants usually, but not always, kept closer. They are controlled through manipulation, which may take the form of either flattery or threats, but always contains an element of coercion. The children are used as tools to accomplish the goals of the narcissist, and information is withheld from them or provided to them in the service of these goals, without any consideration for whether or not it is age-appropriate,or whether they express actual interest. Internal barriers are minimal or non-existent. External barriers exist to protect the narcissist, not the children.

Growing up with narcissist parents/caregivers leaves marks on a child's psyche. The biggest one is a lack of self worth and self-confidence. In extreme forms this deficit can lead to an individual who lacks an internal compass and who must rely on others to tell them right from wrong. It also leads to an individual who has difficulty connecting to other people. These tendencies can take various forms, including but not limited to the Perfectionist, the People-Pleaser, the Rebel, the Observer, and the Manipulator.

Jacques has three biological children, Winter, Weiss, and Whitley. Raven has one biological child, Yang; and two defacto foster children, Vernal and the previous Spring Maiden.

When speaking of and to their children, both Raven and Jacques are bored and disinterested in them as people. They show no interest in them unless their children can be used to their benefit. The emotion they express the most in regard to them is annoyance. No matter how much their children accomplish, they never once express pride in them. Nor do they ever show love or tenderness towards them. This is in marked contrast to the concern, pride, and love that the Belladonnas show Blake, and that Tai and Qrow show Yang and Ruby.

Yang is more affected by Raven's abandonment than by her direct narcissism, so the damage done to her was indirect, but still substantial. The writers have said they will address that issue in V7.

We don't know much about Raven's relationship with the last Spring Maiden. Raven took her in, trained her, and murdered her for reasons which Raven is vague about, but probably had to do with Raven nearing the upper age limit for inheriting the power. I used to say that Raven was a better parent than Jacques because she removed her toxic presence from Yang's vicinity, but Jacques hasn't committed filicide -- yet.

Vernal is a perfect syncophant to Raven, loyal until death and only concerned with "family", i.e. what Raven wants. Cinder even compliments Raven in front of Vernal on how well Raven has "conditioned" Vernal.

All of the Schnee children appear to have self-esteem issues. All of them seem to have been syncophants at one point in time, although the girls may now be scapegoats. Certainly Ironwood is the scapegoat blamed for "stealing" Winter away from Jacques (because of course she would not have left him of her own free will!)

From what we have seen of her Winter has Perfectionist tendencies. When she arrived at Beacon Weiss had both Perfectionist and some Manipulator tendencies, although those have lessoned since Volume 1. Whitley seems to be manifesting Manipulator tendencies. He appears to be the most damaged of the siblings and also the most terrified, judging by the look on his face immediately after Jacques struck Weiss. Unlike the girls, he would have been subjected to Jacques' undivided attention after they left, and as I blogged earlier, I suspect Jacques may be planning to use the Aura transfer technology to take over Whitley's body at some point in the future.

A lot of people want Jacques to acknowledge what he's done, break down, and beg for forgiveness. This is unrealistic. A narcissist never does that unless they are backed into a corner and performing for an audience, and even then it's just a performance.

What I would like to see is the Schnees get out from under Jacques' thumb -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. This won't happen without a fight. He already set the Armor Gigas on Weiss to stop her from leaving the first time. He'll no doubt employ more and dirtier tricks next time.

(I'm leaving Salem and Cinder out of this discussion because I'm not entirely convinced they are narcissists as opposed to some other malignancy. Salem isn't an egomaniac. Cinder is certainly an egomaniac and probably a narcissist, but the jury's still out.)

Next up in the Parallels series will be Sisters or Heirs, followed by Drunkards and Scapegoats. They should all be much shorter.

(Art not mine.)

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Raven's Grudge Against Ozpin

One reviewer noted that Raven spoke of Ozpin with far more venom than her ambient level of bitterness against the rest of the world. There's probably a good reason for that. Raven and Qrow grew up among the dregs of humanity, in a camp that was doubtless far more chaotic than we saw it with a Beacon graduate at the helm going all Fredrich von Stueben on their ass. Coming to Beacon may well have been their first exposure to a predictable, fair, and compassionate environment, with Ozpin their first positive authority figure.

Qrow obviously blossomed at Beacon, going from an unwanted scapegoat to a respected authority whose reports are sought out by world leaders. Raven probably blossomed as well to some extent. It looked like the twins had finally found their place in the world, and people they could trust.

Then Raven found out the one authority figure they thought they could trust, couldn't be trusted at all.

Even Raven, who as a narcissist inherently doesn't trust people, would be left bitter and angry by such a betrayal. And Qrow, who inherently does trust people, would refuse to believe her and be utterly devastated when confronted with the truth.

So it's not surprising that Raven holds a serious grudge against Ozpin, which she will no doubt transfer to Oscar. It will be interesting to see how far this grudge drives her.