#reached out to my bro and SIL but they want me to come up to them

[thebookofcircus]

Lucina my void kitten with her big ol 🥺 eyes

[francesderwent]

Cate may I have a grown up tip about moving out of your parents' house? it's possibly becoming an option for me sometime soon and I am considering it, but I'm terrified that I'll fall out of my parents' life the way my older brother has — we live like 10 minutes from them, but we rarely ever see my bro or SIL. I don't want to lose seeing my parents often if I move out, so i keep balking at the very idea of it

One: be very clear with your parents that you’d like to be invited around! Tell them to tell you when they’re making your favorite meals. Tell them to tell you when they’re going to watch a family movie. Tell them you want to help make Christmas cookies, or jar tomato sauce, or rake leaves. Whatever it is you do with your parents now, make sure they know that you want to still be a part of that, that you won’t find all the invitations oppressive.

Two: when you need help with something, make it an excuse to come over. Car acting weird? Need to borrow a tool? Call home, go over, and stay for dinner.

Three: Have them meet you out places! If you’re going out for pizza on a Friday night, text and ask if they want to meet you there! If you’re going to the farmers market, if you want to go apple picking, if you’re thinking of going to the movies—text and ask!!

But also: if your parents are happy to have you at home and you are happy to be there, then don’t feel too much pressure to find fulfillment living by yourself. This idea that when you reach adulthood, you have to go out on your own, regardless of whether you’re ready to start a family of your own, is extremely new. Some people may be idyllically happy in a one-bedroom apartment by themselves; some people have bad family-of-origin situations, and the fact that modern society makes it possible for them to get out on their own and live independently is a very good thing. However, I think it is actually normal (and even natural!) for the vast majority of people to be happiest living in a family—whether it be the family they start with their spouse, or the family they were born into. I’ve done the roommate thing, and those were some of the best and most formative years of my life, some of the dearest friendships. But after several years, I had to part ways with those women. Realistically, that’s how it goes: people get married and get job offers and have to care for sick relatives; it’s not possible for five women to follow each other around for a lifetime. And once that perfect, shining era of my life was over, I felt too old to start over with new roommates off of Craigslist or what have you. I was twenty-seven, and I didn’t want to live with people who didn’t love me. So, I moved home, and I have felt so at peace with that decision ever since. The ideal of “living by yourself” is so unrealistic, and so unchristian, actually—you just spend all day every day trying to take care of yourself by yourself, and all your interactions with other people have to be initiated by you, as if you were an isolated, autonomous individual unrelated to the world around you, whose goals and responsibilities are self-created. When you live with your family, you remember the purpose of your life is service! You have to! This isn’t to say I don’t think you should try moving out. I’ll probably try moving out and living alone someday, if I’m in a financial position to do so. But when I do, it might not be for me. I might hate it, and I might move back home, and stay there for the rest of my life—and then I’ll be there for when my parents are aging and need more help. Which, newsflash, is a good and normal thing!

Living by yourself is not actually a requirement of adulthood.

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: isolation

(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)

so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.

look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)

and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.

and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.

SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.

my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.

i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.

fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.

also didnt help nano.

isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.

im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."

i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?

plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!

i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.

ANYWAY.

i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. (crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.

went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.

plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.

i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.

the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.

Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest

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