#reading hyperfixation marathons oh how I missed you

[xinhua-jun]

*softly* I read… all that in a day…

[felidaefatigue]

im convinced many people who think they read dont actually read

like i was joking with my bf about how i dont understand when ppl say it took them months to get thru a novel cause ive always only ever been able to marathon hyperfixate read. like 3 sittings maximum no matter the length of the book. i will do nothing not even eat if need be. and he was like "itd be impossible to even comprehend all that- you dont even take notes!"

and yet anytime im in a fandom. ppl will be like "oh i missed all these things i didnt realize xyz was important" and im just like ???????????

like sure i get details confused and miss things sometimes but like. ???? not often? i struggle more with being bored waiting for the hints and implied narrative leads to wrap up. are you not consumed by the novel? how? clearly im understanding more than most people despite my unhealthy need to binge consume god damn

[koexchange]

I don’t know what I’d request exactly but I would die just to have one (1) date with Elaine but I fear my ADHD cursed ass would have far to much energy for her. (Also as a transmasc creature I’m so happy you write for any gender, I hope your charger never breaks)

a/n: AWWW YOURE SO SWEET i also have adhd and I HOPE YOUR CHARGER NEVER BREAKS EITHERR!! uhh im assuming u wanted adhd and transmasc reader x elaine SO here it is :333 its their first date and they met onnnnntinder

cw: slight mention of binding

word count: 769

(Transmasc!Adhd!)Reader x Elaine!

Wow, this cafe is insanely boring.

Seated across from you, Elaine, your Tinder date, stirs and stares into her black coffee, wondering what convinced her to swipe right on you.

Perhaps it was the corgi in sunglasses you were hugging. Is it your pet?

Or your strange bio? What is 'adhd'?

Or the meticulous placement of your photos? Why was your abnormally large figurine collection before the well-lit selfie?

Or maybe it was just you. All of you.

"Hellooooo?" You wave your hand in front of her face, startling her.

Bless her broken heart, her automatic response is to grab your hand, firmly, and jump back. For protection. So she does.

Your face scares her more than the orphanage. You look like you've just seen a ghost.

Quickly, "Oh- sorry", she apologizes and lets go.

"Don't worry!" You smile warmly at her.

You rather miss the feeling of her gloves on your hands. It is with reluctance that you return your hands to your lap.

Your binder is making you itchy.

"So. How is- I read your..." Your mind is running a marathon a minute as you try to focus on her voice.

"The thing about 'add-huh-duh'?" Wow. She thinks the condition is just one odd word.

"How long have you been learning that language?"

Oh even better. She thinks you're bilingual.

Elaine seems like the type to get offended by laughter, so you try to stifle yours.

"It isn't- Adhd is a disorder I have. Don't worry it isn't contagious." Is your favorite show on tonight?

"Oh. Okay." Elaine is a bit disappointed in herself, she has OCD but knows nothing of other disabilities.

At this point, you believe that any spark between you two has fizzed out for good.

You wonder if faking a family emergency would be too rude.

You could really go for seafood.

In an attempt to speed this up salvage the date, you ask if Elaine has ever heard of your hyperfixation.

When she says that she hasn't, you just can't help the words that fall from your mouth.

You ramble on and on about the media, for what seems like years.

You really can't find the compassion to care about how uninterested she looks.

Maybe because you're too concentrated on how beautiful she looks.

Or, maybe it's because her face hasn't changed since she sat down. Talk about are-bee-eff.

As you finish droning on, Elaine finishes her coffee. Her mouth is moving, but you can't quite pick up her words. A small part of you, in the back of your mind, wonders what she would taste li-

"Like or hate it, the Shadow Decree knows what it wants." Her lithe hand moves her hair out of her eyes.

Oh. When did this conversation start?

She's staring right at you. Straight-faced. Expecting a response.

You've never felt so lost.

Other than twenty minutes ago. The time you were literally lost. Who puts a cafe next to a gym?

"Yeah uh. They have goals! For sure!" You shout, way too excitedly to be talking about a crime organization. The smile you forced onto your mouth hurts.

You wonder what hers would feel like.

It's nearly inaudible, her sigh.

Did you do something wrong?

"If I called you later, would you answer the phone?" She asks without shame, standing up.

Guess not.

"Oh! I thought you hated me...?" You don't hide your laugh as you struggle to grab your things.

Elaine laughs with you. You stand with Elaine.

And hallelujah, she can smile. You drink up her expression, and it's better than your tea was.

"I apologize if I came off that way. I am very interested in you." She saunters over to the exit, with you close behind. Looking like an obedient dog.

"Oh!" You truly look like an idiot with your mouth agape in shock. It snaps shut with a click, taking way longer than it should.

"Of course I would! I'd have to be out of mind not to!"

Elaine's expression softens, marginally.

Elaine finds your expressions cute.

She would never say that out loud though.

The faint blush rising on her cheeks might give you a little hint.

Crazy how fast you went from debating running out of the shop to asking her to stay longer.

Once you get yourself together, she wraps her arm around yours and steps outside with you. You lean in close to her.

You get a glimpse of her teeth this time, her grin feels comfortable on her face. Real. "Want to show me around?"

She read your mind.

You've never been so centered on someone before.

a/n: HOWD I WRITE SEVEN HUFNRE WORDS IN ONE SITTING uhh im so sorry if this isnt what you wanted anon im a little dumb but uhhhhh i hope you enjoyed! thanks for reading! <3333

[smoochkooks]

—chapter four: white lies

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, future smut

word count: 1.5k

summary: it came easy to you to lie. but with every untold truth, you were hurting more on the inside.

previous || next

one year and 6 months ago

April was exceptionally moody that year.  

Every day you woke up to either heavy rainfall or a beautiful, cloudless sky. Alternatively, it could also snow for a couple of hours just to have it all vanish once the sun reappeared. As much as you loved Spring, you hated the capricious weather with passion.  

It was a normal, peaceful, Saturday afternoon. Saturday meant no classes to attend, no work to do on the side. It was just you in your small, cozy apartment, tucked underneath the blanket and binge-watching Attack On Titan.  

You were never an anime enthusiast per se, but you happened to befriend a doe-eyed weeb all those years ago. Your current occupation was just a part of the aftermath. It wasn’t like Jungkook was obsessed, not at all. He was actually far from it. Now, at the tender age of twenty-three, his old hobby was like a relapse. His love for anime was coming in waves every once in a while, gradually transforming into a two-months-long hyperfixation and then, it was nothing. And the cicle continued.

He was currently in the stage of re-watching Attack On Titan, hence why you had been forced to finally give the damned anime a try as well. Hell, he was even coming over tonight to have a marathon with you.

(He’d said that season three, his favourite, you had to watch alongside him.)

You: eren's annoying little shit  

Jungkook: told you so

You: but levi? damn I’d sell my soul for him  

Jungkook: for a 5’2 emotionally unavailable man?  

You: yep. that’s my type

It was far from truth. As much as you liked Captain Levi, he wasn’t Jungkook. You are my type, you wanted to write instead. There hadn’t been a man in my life who managed to even come close to you. But, as always, you kept those confessions to yourself.  

Right when you were about to play another episode, your phone buzzed again.  

Jungkook: I have a weird question  

You: I’m used to that  

You: shoot your shot.  

Jungkook: what’s your finger size?  

Confused, you read his last message once again. That was indeed a weird fucking question to ask, you thought. You had never really been a fan of rings. You only owed one - a gift from your grandmother she gave you for your sixteenth birthday. Rummaging thorough your drawer, you found it in a separate, black case.  

It still fit just right, so you took a ruler, measured the size and googled the results.  

You: it’s 7.5 I guess

You: why do you ask tho?  

Jungkook: I need you to go somewhere with me before our marathon if that’s okay

You: you didn’t answer my question  

You: but okay. what time?

Jungkook: ill pick you up at 5pm  

Jungkook: you’ll see  

Maybe it was for the better he hadn’t told you where he was taking you. If you had know, you would have backed away last minute. Come up with so lame excuse, blame it all on a headache or period cramps.

If you had known Jungkook was taking you to pick up an engagement ring for Soojin, you would have never come with him.  

When you parked in front of one of the most high-ranking jewellery stores dowtown, the solemnity of the situation hit you like a whiplash. You took a deep, shuddering breath. Jungkook was thinking about marrying Soojin. Jungkook was going to propose to her, soon. He was ready to spent the rest of his life with her. 

Jeon Jungkook, the love of your life, was about to slip out of your reach for good. 

You couldn’t cry. Not in front of him. You clenched your fists so tight the knuckles turned white.  

“I figured out you could help me,” Jungkook said, breaking the silence and unbuckled his seatbelt. “I checked Soojin's finger size once when she was showering and then I found out that your’s the same and well, you’re a girl so you obviously know more about jewellery than me and–”

“Jungkook,” you cut him off with a dry chuckle. You didn’t want him to speak. You didn’t want to see him. You wanted to jumped off his car and ran away from that place as far as possible. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I get it.”  

You smiled at him with reassurance. It was actually hilarious, how you mastered the art of feigning your real feelings when you were with him. It came easy to you to lie but with every untold truth, you were hurting more on the inside.  

“I’m here, so you don’t have to worry about chosing something horrible.”  

He grinned and you noticed a dust of pink covering the apples his cheeks. It was hard, so fucking hard seeing him happy because that was all you ever wanted and yet it pained you not to be the main source of it. Jungkook was twenty-three and already so in love he wanted to get married. You were going to see him in a black tux, a prince charming waiting in front of the altar for his princess.  

It ached. Why did it ache to see him happy?

The lady who worked at the jewellery store greeted you politely with a bow. “What can I do for you?” she asked.  

“We are looking for engagement rings.” Jungkook answered.

You could tell she was a bit astounded but her professional smile never faltered when she responded with, “Oh, that’s still quite unusual to see the couple chosing an engagement ring together.”  

You were about to protest but then, Jungkook did something you would never expect him to do.  

He grasped your hand.

(It was warm. His touch was soothing. Comforting. Then why did it hurt so bad?)  

“My girlfriend wants to chose the ring herself but she doesn’t know when she will get it.”  

To make matters worse, he sent you a wink. The store’s clerk cooed at the scene and clasped a hand over her chest. For her it was yet another day at work, yet another pair of adults who had decided to get marry.  

“You make a really beautiful couple.” she said. 

Even Jungkook’s hand squeezing yours couldn’t ease the sting you felt hearing her speak those words to you. You smiled lightly for good measure. She then pointed at the display and gave you some time and space too look at the options.

Your whole face felt hot. Jungkook was still holding your hand, still playing the role of a perfect boyfriend. He didn’t seem to notice what kind of effect it had on you. He didn’t know how fast your heart was beating, how warm his touch felt on your skin. It was all just a silly joke to him.

He leaned closer to you, so the store's clerk couldn’t hear him. His breath tickled your skin. “You’re blushing.” he whispered.  

“Shut up.”  

He chuckled and let go of your hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”  

(No matter how much it hurt you on the inside, you already missed his touch.)

“It’s okay. Let’s chose my damned ring, shall we?” you proposed, mustering a nonchalant tone.  

Dodging uneasiness with humor always worked out, it seemed.

You felt odd and out of place standing next to him and staring at all those glimmering jewels. In the corner of the eye you saw the lady who worked there glancing at you from time to time and that was when you remembered you were supposed to act like a soon-to-be fiancée. 

“They’re all pretty.” you said to Jungkook. 

“Which one you like the most then?”  

You didn’t have to think long about the answer. The ring with an emerald stone caught your eye from the beginning. It was different than the others, definitely not a standard choice for engagement but something about its peculiarity made you want it to have it shinning on your finger one day.  

Except, you weren’t here for yourself. Jungkook wasn’t your boyfriend. You were helping him chose a ring for Soojin. And you knew exactly what she would like.  

So you pointed at the number thirty-two. A sparkling, white-gold ring with an oval-shaped diamond.  

Jungkook let out a hum. “It’s really pretty, yeah. Excuse me,” he called. “My girlfriend would like to try out this one.”  

You ignored the phantom pain you felt as you put the ring on. You flexed your fingers and just for a moment, you pretended it wasn’t a farce your best friend came up with. The diamond shone brightly just like the glimmers of happiness in Jungkook's eyes. He didn’t have to worry about Soojin's answer. He knew it would be thousand times yes.

You were good at pretending. After all, you had been practicing the art of it almost your entire life.  

So you drove with Jungkook to your apartment and listened to him babbling about his newest project at work. You made snacks, sat in front of your TV and spent the next couple of hours watching Attack On Titan. You cursed him for spoiling you a few bits of the show and Jungkook, like the petty Virgo he was, reminded you how you accidentally revealed him Little Women's ending because you had read the book years before.

As you laughed and bickered with him, you still remembered about the crimson box tucked in the pocket of his leather jacket, but you didn’t allow yourself to break. Not yet.  

It was only when Jungkook fell asleep around 1am that you stepped into the shower and let the tears flow.  

And a week later, when the dreaded became real–

Jungkook: she said yes!!!

A white lie was told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

You: I’m so happy for you, Jungkook!  

After all, the best you could do was give up your happiness for the sake of his own.