#really curious as to whether they plan on playing all their songs in rotation and whether we can guess which ones they're playing when

[me-sploh-rada-imas]

someone on twitter made this spreadsheet to document what songs had been played so far

in the concerts, all 10 songs from demoni have been played and 7 from umazane misli. maybe tallinn can expect to hear proti toku, omamljeno telo, and a sem ti povedal? the only other song not yet played is ssol.

they played carpe diem, everybody's waiting, umazane misli, šta bih ja, and almost all of demoni (minus ngvot, padam, and tokio) both nights. also šta bih ja is the only song played three times so far - twice on night one! i'm really curious for how this will change the next few concerts!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’m listening to this Daniel Kitson radio show from 2006, and to be honest when I started it I thought I’d probably end up skipping some of the songs, because his whole thing is being into indie rock and I resent indie rock for being brought into folk festivals by organizers that want to draw in a young and cool crowd and think indie rock will do it. And they’re right, indie rock does draw in a young and cool crowd. The plan would work perfectly if indie rock were folk music, the drawback being that it fucking isn’t, and that doesn’t seem to bother the promoters.

That has, to be honest, probably poisoned me against some stuff that falls under an “indie rock” category (which is a pretty broad and nebulous term, but so is folk music, though the term “folk music” isn’t so broad that we should include Bon Iver in it) that I’d probably like. So I went into these radio recordings thinking I’d give the songs a shot and try to keep an open mind, and I’ve actually listened to most of these 2006 episodes now without skipping a single song. I’ve really liked most of them. It’s a bit weird because a few months ago I listened to some similar radio show episodes he did in 2009, and in that one I liked some of the songs but disliked others and most I thought were just okay. I genuinely cannot tell whether he’s playing better music in these ones (or music that’s more to my taste), or whether I’m just doing a better job at the open mindedness thing. But I’m really enjoying it.

Anyway, the show is Kitson playing songs, telling stories, talking about nothing, and sometimes playing stand-up comedy. So far he’s played Mitch Hedberg, Demitri Martin, and Rowan Atkinson, so, you know, characteristically eclectic. But that last one reminded me of how fucking good this sketch is, which is the actual reason I’m making this post, just to share Rowan Atkinson’s devil sketch. It was on the Rowan Atkinson stand-up album, which was in the rotation of Britcom CDs my dad used to play in the car when I was a kid, and this one was my absolute favourite. I had not heard or thought about the devil sketch in many years, but as I listened this morning to it playing on that radio show, I could still recite almost every word of it along with the recording.

Still amazingly funny. When it finished playing, Daniel Kitson actually said he was a bit disappointed, because it was good, but he hadn’t heard it in a long time and it wasn’t quite as good as he remembered. For once I disagree with him, it was exactly as funny as I remembered. He is amazingly funny. I’m now also remembering some other stuff I loved as a kid - my dad had VHS tapes of the first three Secret Policeman’s Ball shows, and I remember crying with laughter at Rowan Atkinson specifically in some of those sketches. Maybe I should try to find that again, see if it holds up too.

I mean, not everything holds up. I re-watched all of Mr. Bean in 2020, and it’s definitely less funny now that I’m no longer ten years old. And, you know, apologies to James Acaster and everything for venerating this. And Acaster aside, I’m not going to work too hard to talk about how great Rowan Atkinson is generally, when he’s just another comedian from that generation who was a very big deal and then got old and got with a woman half his age and now defends racist comments and complains about cancel culture. But Jesus Christ, he was sometimes very funny.

Oh, and in case anyone’s curious, of all the songs I’ve heard played on these radio episodes that I’m trying to hear with an open mind to indie rock, this is my favourite and one of a few that’ll get added to my collection.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 16 || Thunderstruck Birthday Girl

This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment.

Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.

“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each.

After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar.

Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.

He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.

She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place.

But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.

.

Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”

“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”

“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”

“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”

She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”

“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.

“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…

After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.

“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!”

“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it.

“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”

“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.

“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it.

She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”

“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!”

“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.

“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”

“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.

“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.”

“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.

“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.

“These are really good, Max.”

“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.

“I love it.”

“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!”

“I’m sorry, what kind?”

He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel.

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”

“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…”

“Yes,” she said, snatching it.

“Yes, I’m a madman?”

“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

“To clarify… Was it the letter?”

“It was the… Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him.

.

Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”

“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed.

“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.

Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!”

“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor.

They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”

“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”

“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”

“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.

Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…”

“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”

“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”

“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.

“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”

“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked.

Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”

“I did.”

“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.

“It was.”

Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”

“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”

SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”

“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.

“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”

“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.

Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.

“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.”

“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.

“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said.

Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter.

“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch.

“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.

[neshabeingchildish]

Thunderstruck Birthday Girl

This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment. Tagging, so I don’t get fussed at lol @kiddangers @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @famousflowermagazine I THINK that’s it? Sorry if there was someone else.

Share-a-Lair 16

Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.

“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each. 

After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar. 

Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.

He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.

She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place. 

But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.

.

Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”

“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”

“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”

“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”

She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”

“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.

“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…

After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.

“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!” 

“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it. 

“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”

“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.

“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it. 

She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”

“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!” 

“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.

“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”

“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.

“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.” 

“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.

“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.

“These are really good, Max.”

“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.

“I love it.”

“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!” 

“I’m sorry, what kind?”

He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel. 

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”

“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…” 

“Yes,” she said, snatching it.

“Yes, I’m a madman?”

“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. 

“To clarify… Was it the letter?”

“It was the... Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him. 

.

Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”

“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed. 

“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.

Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!” 

“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor. 

They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”

“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”

“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”

“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.

Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…” 

“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”

“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”

“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.

“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”

“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked. 

Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”

“I did.”

“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.

“It was.”

Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”

“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”

SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”

“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.

“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”

“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.

Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.

“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.” 

“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.

“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said. 

Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter. 

“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch. 

“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Now We’re Only Falling Apart” instant reaction

I avoided Tumblr from Monday afternoon through Tuesday night, when I had my first chance to watch the new episodes. I gave “NWOFA” a first watch and a second, more deliberate watch, and both reactions are below. I was blind to the episode, but had seen the promos.

TONIGHT: The Heart of the Crystal Gems arc kicks off with "Now We're Only Falling Apart". Given the commercials we had, starting literally seconds after "A Single Pale Rose" ended, we know Garnet's the one literally falling apart, and Sapphire's gonna run away screaming and crying. After last episode's hilariously low-key description "Steven helps Pearl find her phone", we get the even more obviously-misleading "Pearl tells a story." So I wonder if Steven will be able to free Pearl from the command to Never Speak of This Again, so that she can explain the situation to Amethyst and Ruby. I also wonder whether my parents' DVR system, which has been malfunctioning and cutting out multiple times today while my mother tries to watch old game shows, will crap out right in the middle of either of the episodes I'm planning to watch tonight (now that they've gone to bed). Well, I guess we'll find out!

As always, my first watch is without pausing or rewinding. The stopwatch starts as close to "We..." as possible.

0:00 - Don't know who's boarding anything this week. 0:22 - Lamar and Christine? That sounds like a new person. 0:29 - Garnet's in quiet fury... 0:45 - OK, Pearl is released from that command. 0:55 - She probably did. 1:07 - And here we go. 1:17 - She's entirely right about being pissed off about this. 1:35 - Any longer and the entire Atlantic Ocean will freeze over. 1:49 - Sapphire, don't hold this against Ruby. 1:59 - Now, Ruby's gonna burn the fucking house down. 2:13 - Well she probably was. OK, she still is. 2:32 - "A future I couldn't see because it wasn't there." 2:57 - "I was given to Pink Diamond." That's what we thought, and now we've heard it from the source. 3:15 - PD is still a bratty little kid. 3:36 - Somewhere in the Appalachians, it looks. 3:58 - So that's what it looks like when gems begin. 4:12 - Pearl back in her "All I can do is exactly what you tell me to" phase is a little creepy. 4:38 - HOLY SHIT, IT WAS PEARL'S IDEA? 4:58 - Star eyes! 5:28 - You weren't hard to convince, Pink. 5:54 - So are these the ones who were eventually in the Zoo? 6:12 - I don't remember what our Amethyst's ID was. Was it 6XM? 6:30 - Basically the entire Earth was just a game to them. 6:49 - Kinda like the pre-cursor to "Something Entirely New". Are we going to get an inadvertent Rainbow "Quartz"? 7:17 - Humans! 7:40 - Perfectly-timed storm. 8:00 - Sapphire's got a point. Nobody is completely wrong here... 8:27 - And seriously, where the hell is White Diamond in all this? 8:46 - Oh hey, Topazes. 8:58 - OH SHIT. WE ARE GONNA GET RAINBOW QUARTZ, AREN'T WE? 9:09 - HAHAHAHA THIS WAS A FANCOMIC AND IT WAS BRILLIANT. 9:28 - Imagining things is your job, Pearl. 9:39 - "I'm not yours". Wait, are you? 9:48 - THERE SHE IS. DAMMIT! FOR LIKE, HALF A FUCKING SECOND. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 10:28 - Who else was in the rebellion then? Was it basically nobody? 11:06 - Yeah, Ruby left. Hopefully Amethyst knows where she wound up?

CREDIT NOTES: Well, we've got a song coming up, probably in the next episode (based on promotional copy), "Ruby Rider".

Second watch thoughts below the cut:

Christine Liu is new to Steven Universe, according to IMDB, but has done work for Apple & Onion, a recent CN show I know nothing at all about, and for a recent TMNT series. Don't know whether she's a long-term add or a one-off guest.

Pearl sounds so relieved to be able to spill the beans. Amethyst is treating this all like a big ol' joke.

There's been some speculation about whether "Don't ever question this" was (inadvertently or otherwise) a Diamond command. Sapphire sure is acting like it was.

Loreweaver recently brought up again a post he'd made, way back during "Mindful Education" about how the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire, and how it isn't just "Sapphire takes care of Ruby", but in this moment of anger, Sapphire sounds like that's what it feels like right now. "You never know what's going on!" can be a playful jab or an angry put-down depending on how it's said, and it's clearly the latter here.

And what's worse, because of how pivotal Rose was to the notion of Garnet BEING Garnet, Sapphire thinks the whole thing was a set-up or at least a terrible idea.

"C'mon Pearl. Help me explain everything to Sapphire." Steven, you don't have any explaining to do. Pearl's still got a shit-ton, though.

Is it even meterologically possible for it to be snowing as high up as the Sky Arena is? Wait no never mind ignore that it's Rose's Fountain, not the Sky Arena.

"Our friends: shattered and corrupted. Of course she was a diamond. What a long road she took to torture us like this." Whatever Pink's plan was as Rose, it got away from her. Even before the Corruption, there was a thousand-year-long war which was absolute hell for everyone. At no point did Pink think "Oh hey, maybe this wasn't the best way to go about this plan?"

Steven's attempt to play peacemaker (as always) is appreciated, but Sapphire's right: "I don't know that" she didn't want to hurt anyone, and seriously, Steven, neither do you anymore.

Pink!Pearl taking every question and command literally is great, and we deserve more of these flashbacks.

Pink's so bored of her life, and worried every minute with "What will Blue and Yellow think?" Seriously, how removed from all these proceedings is White?

They made the rotation of the gem look so easy as to be unremarkable. I'm still annoyed by that being glossed over.

The music during Rose's exploration of Earth is preeeeeeetty.

It's a little unnerving that Pearl's response to Rose's epiphany is "I shouldn't have brought you here." It reminds me of that old joke, "If I tell you, do you promise not to get mad?"

Pink really did give a shit, she was on her knees begging Blue to do something. The Zoo is still fucked up though.

"Her status meant nothing to Blue and Yellow". That line is such a close cousin to "My purpose, your status, it will all mean nothing" from "Pale Rose".

While Rose is freaking out about Garnet's existence, the thirst with which Pearl is staring at her. "Wait, we can do that? Fuck yeah, sign me up." And then she GOES FOR IT.

That comic I was talking about is here although it has Pearl on top of Rose rather than vice versa.

OK, I misunderstood the "I'm not yours" line on first watch. She's telling her real-gem fanfiction of how she meets the beautiful Rose Quartz.

Now that I think about it, I'm curious. When did the real Rose Quartzes begin to emerge? We know they're out there, because they're imprisoned at the Zoo.

Seriously WHAT A FUCKIN' TEASE that glimpse of the original Rainbow was! And Pearl with the understatement "This is very not allowed."

lol at ruby misjudging the amount of space needed to write "SAPPHIRE" so that she has to run onto a second line.

[themousai]

Q+A: Beezewax

After releasing 2 singles as a teaser last year, you've just announced that your new record "Peace Jazz" is due to be released via Sellout! Music on May 3rd! Having been lucky enough to hear it already we couldn't be more excited for other people to be able to lose themselves in it too. What do you hope people will take away from the record? That’s a good question, I really don’t know. I think for the first time we’ve made a record where we haven’t really thought about what other people will think or feel about it. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s true. The records before the hiatus we were still on some path—trying to get bigger or whatever. After the hiatus we felt a pressure to prove ourselves. We are in some ways on overtime, in a positive way; this band is more like family now than anything else; we just love doing it, being together. I hope that's what they take away from it.     

The 2 singles released last year, Closer and Rainbows, have now been extensively tested live; so which one do you prefer playing and which one goes down best with the audience? I think Closer. That one became kinda special to us. We played it with Sophia (Nightflowers) who guest sings on it in Oxford not too long ago and that was 4 minutes I’ll remember for a long time.

I read that "Peace Jazz" is supposed to capture a sound more authentic to how your live shows go? Can you tell us how you went about achieving this in the recording process? Yeah, we rented this huge room that had great acoustics and just recorded a lot of what is on the album, live. Loud and with mics all over the place, looking at each other, drinking rum and coke—everything just became a little louder, vibier, and more in the moment and imperfect this way. 

Is there anything else that you did differently for the writing and recording process of this album compared to previous ones? Well, for the writing I had a lot of personal stuff happen that just ended up in the lyrics. I don’t think I’ve been that direct before. 

With such an extensive discography, do you find yourselves changing your live set regularly to keep older songs in rotation? Yeah,  I mean if anything we can at least weed out the ones that don’t work that well, and just have 12 or so for each tour that we do. It is pretty great to start rehearsals for a tour asking each other what we want to play and trying out stuff you haven’t played in years but your body remembers what to do. 

What are your goals going into this new record era? We just had such a great time after the last album, and that was put together in the studio layer by layer. This time it was a more collective thing, so it will just be great to get out and play the songs live. I guess that’s the goal, just get out there and enjoy ourselves with the music we’ve made. 

Prior to your hiatus in 2007 you were releasing music pretty regularly, and as "Peace Jazz" will only be your second record since ending the hiatus I'm curious to know if there's a reason behind this change. Are you finding it a healthier way to be in a band by taking more time in between records? Or is it just due to growing older and having other commitments? Well prior to the hiatus the band was everything, and the reason for us actually breaking up was that we needed to find other things to rely on, to do—whether it was getting an education, making other music, starting a family. The band became a negative, even though things were going well. We became jaded, you know. But after a while, a few years where we really didn’t speak—which was strange as we grew up together—we did a one-off reunion show that just felt great, and we just fell in love with it again. So now we just have to make sure it’s good for us to do the band.

Can you tell us a little about the Norwegian indie scene? Any bands or artists we should be checking out that are as good as you guys?   It’s amazing, there’s so much going on and it’s hard to keep track of it all. There is this band I really like called Modern Love that are a bunch of great people from the punk scene. Girl in Red is awesome and she is really inspiring, Tuvaband that I got to work with on their new album that they are finishing—they came and recorded basic tracks live at my studio and it sounded huge, and the songs were so heavy and great. I like a lot of the more experimental stuff happening too. 

Having been a band for over 20 years this might be a hard question to answer, but when you think of the best moment of your career, what comes to mind? I don’t have one specific moment, or there might be just a bunch of moments, but long flashes of euphoria playing in front of people singing along and just getting big smiles from the other band members, there have been a few of those moments that have just been unreal, and suddenly something you wrote is not just yours anymore—it belongs to other people too, the music has a purpose. 

And lastly, what does Beezewax have in the works for the future? We will release one more song from the forthcoming album out May 3rd, then tour in the UK, Spain, Scandinavia, Japan. We haven’t really planned much more then that. 

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is... God Only Knows by The Beach Boys.

Three things I can’t live without are... My little Japanese frying pan, my ADR compex compressor, fairfield four eyes fuzz pedal.

Phones out, or phones away if you're watching a band live... Phones away.

Three adjectives that describe my life are... Turquoise, distorted, skaterat.

If I held a world record it would be for... Telling stories without proper endings or points. 

My first memory of loving music is... Watching an Elvis TV concert when I was 3.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… That song Closer, I would listen to that if someone else had that song.

My favourite venue I've ever played is… Paradiso, Amsterdam.

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… In my studio before 10:00.

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… American Analog Set and dEUS.

Disclaimer: all answers by Kenneth Ishak

Follow Beezewax on Social Media!

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Interview by Scarlett Dellow

[kpopfanfictrash]

Binary Star (IV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jaebum / Mark

Rating: PG

Word Count: 3,749

Summary: “In some cases, these close binary systems can exchange mass, which may bring their evolution to stages that single stars cannot attain.”

You and Jaebum have been dating forever when Mark Tuan shows up in your classroom. You’ve always been against change - a bit debilitating, being a writer - but for some reason this new kid has you thinking there might be an upside to chaos.

Before you know it, you’re at the back. At the back during your song. The one Jaebum wrote for you and you’re struggling not to feel upset about that fact. Struggling to hang onto the bubble of excitement you felt when the music started. It’s hard though, when Jaebum is still singing to the crowd as though nothing happened. Is still singing to the idea of you, not to you.

This song is a hit. A smash, actually. All around you the club is out of control. This is the song that could get them famous. But do you want that?

Even having to ask yourself that hurts.

It’s been three weeks since Jaebum’s concert. Three weeks since the blur of meetings and discussions about whether or not Jaebum and his band have ‘potential.’ The whole thing ended with James saying he would call as soon as he heard.

Apparently James now submits a review to his higher-ups. Who submit a review to their higher-ups. Somewhere above that lies the final say in whether or not On the Shore gets signed. When Jaebum asked how long this process takes, James couldn’t say.

“Hard to tell,” he said, packing up his briefcase. “Sometimes a week – sometimes months. Once time I had a band on the ropes for a whole year before someone at corporate finally decided to let them in.”

On the ropes. That’s what agents call their waiting bands. They have signed bands, potential bands and bands who are on the ropes. Jaebum’s band is currently one of these. As more and more days tick by, you know Jaebum is internally freaking out. Every word he says is on edge and you find yourself tiptoeing more than usual. Not that this bothers you – much.

It’s just that with Jaebum so wrapped up in his own problems – there’s no one to talk to about yours.

Mark slides into the seat next to you, glancing sideways as the bell rings. “Hey.” He nods. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” you ask, trying not to smile. “Not much, homie.”

“Oh, god.” Mark winces. “Never say that again.”

“It’s my new thing!” you protest, tapping your pencil on your desk. This is an inside joke with you two now – you doing mundane things and calling them special to get a rise from Mark.

Mark rolls his eyes. “You know you’re completely misusing my concept.”

“Poor Mark,” you sigh. “Lost in a sea of angst. Continually made fun of by the evil Y/N.”

Mark starts to laugh as Mr. David enters the room. “Settle down, settle down,” the teacher says, turning towards the board.

Raising your eyebrows, you grin at Mark. “He means you, giggle nuts. No one else is speaking.”

“Giggle nuts.” Mark starts to laugh even harder.

Mr. David turns with a frown, effectively sobering you both. Mark straightens in his seat, ducking his head into his notebook. He’s still smiling though, as are you reading through the lines of chalk on the whiteboard. It looks like today’s lesson is on solar systems. The suns of solar systems, to be exact.

When the bell rings at exactly 9:00 am, Mr. Davis clears his throat. “Good morning class,” he drones, not waiting for an answer. “Today’s lesson is about the sun. Last class we breached the topic of galaxies – groups of celestial bodies associated with natural law and bound by gravity. This class we’ll delve deeper.”

Flipping to a new page in your notebook, you smooth out the corners. Your previous page is filled with drawings of star clusters. General rules and theory on galaxy formation as well as its degeneration. Concentrating on Mr. Davis’ words, you sketch today’s date at the top of the page.

“Most planetary systems are single star systems,” he lectures. “Meaning there is only one sun. All non-stellar objects rotate around this, drawn in by the gravitational pull. This is not the case in all systems.” Continuing on, Mr. David finds a blank space on the board. “There also exist multiple and binary star systems.”

Raising his hand, Mark waits until Mr. Davis notices. “What’s a binary star system?”

“Good question.” Nodding, Mr. Davis scribbles Mark’s comment down on the board. “A binary star system is one whose systems contains two suns orbiting a common center of mass. These systems balance each other in careful harmony, continuously influencing as they rotate.”

Your hand pauses halfway through your drawing. On the left-hand side of your page lies the singular star system. One sun with its planets drawn orbiting, accepting a singular star’s light. On the other side is a binary system. Two stars circling one another, coexisting together. Both stars are strong, powerful – equal in their light.

You can’t help but think the singular system is Jaebum. Bright, gravitational, drawing everyone into his orbit. In that system, you’re a planet. Maybe the closest planet, but circling him regardless. Allowing him to pull you onward, always thinking you’re surviving while secretly knowing you’re following.

The thought makes you dizzy and you exhale through your nose to steady yourself. Do you really see your relationship with Jaebum that way? No, of course you don’t. He might be a strong presence, sure – but so are you. You’re intelligent, confident and creative. What does it matter if he’s currently successful and you are not? Jaebum is the exception in that regard.

So is the star, though. You fall quiet for the rest of the class, barely even glancing from your notebooks. When the bell rings for second period, you gather your books tightly to your chest.

“Y/N?”

Mark is staring at you. Has been for several minutes, actually. “Sorry, what?” you blink, shaking your head.

Mark frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you say, playing absentmindedly with your pencil case. “Everything is fine.”

Stepping before you, Mark effectively stops your walk. “Liar,” he says, eyes glinting with humor. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Have you filled out all your college applications?” you ask, avoiding eye contact.

Mark’s forehead wrinkles. “Some. Why?”

“What major did you list?”

“Biology.”

This surprises you. “Really?”

Mark nods, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah. After everything that happened to me, I want to do something in medicine. I’m not sure if I want to do research or pre-med yet, though.”

Rather than make you feel better, this only serves to increase your nausea. “Right. Good,” you say, a laugh escaping. “Everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing except for me.”

Mark gives you a curious look. “That’s not true. You want to be a writer.”

“Ah, yes. How practical,” you laugh. You feel breathless, unable to regain control over yourself. “I need to find a real job.”

“A real job?” Mark folds his arms over his chest. “Writing is a real career.”

Staring past, you start to walk again. “I know,” you sigh, voice hesitant. “I know that if you’re successful writing can be a career. But if you’re not…” Trailing into silence, you allow your lack of words to speak for you.

Mark’s pace is even, footsteps lost in the deafening shouts in the corridor.

“Look,” you say, turning to face him. “I’m not being self-deprecating or searching for compliments. I’m just saying a lot of people are talented. There are a lot of good writers and there’s only a small chance I’ll succeed, even with talent.”

Rather than object, Mark falls silent. “That’s true,” he admits.

“So you agree?” you ask, raising your eyebrows.

“Yes,” Mark nods. “But I don’t think that’s a good enough reason not to try.”

His words give you pause and somewhere inside, a voice you’ve been shoving aside lately grows slightly louder. “No?”

“No.” Mark looks thoughtful. “Put it this way. If you try, you have two options: either you fail or you succeed. If you don’t try, there’s only one: you fail.”

Considering this, your heart beats strangely. A new kind of courage enters you and for the first time in a long time, you find yourself wanting to try. Wanting to fight, wanting to fly - or wanting to fall trying.

Mark grins at your expression. “There it is.”

“Fine,” you exhale, turning towards your classroom. “I’m doing it. I’ll apply to college as an English major.”

Mark lets out a whooping noise. “Thank god! I was scared I’d have to do a covert ops mission. Sneak into your house, switch out your application – something like that.”

Shaking your head, you shove him away as you enter your classroom. Sliding into your seat as your front pocket vibrates. The teacher is still busy setting up for lecture, so you chance a glance at your screen. 

Hey, babe <3 excited for tonight?

Tonight. Tonight; your and Jaebum’s four year anniversary. He’s had something special planned for months now – dropping hints while unable to hide his grin. You quickly type back.

Tell me what we’re doinggggg

The bell rings then, so you shove your phone into your pocket. Jaebum won’t answer before lunch anyways, which is the next time you’ll see him. The rest of the morning flies by like this, filled with people and notes. At lunchtime Jaebum still refuses to tell you where you’re going. He grins each time you ask, folding his arms over his chest. Today he’s pushed his hair back, which he only does when you’re going somewhere nice. 

“How nice is nice, though?” you whine, poking him. “Should I wear a floor-length dress? Would a high schooler even be allowed into a place fancy enough to wear a floor-length dress?”

Jaebum just grins. “It’s not that fancy. Just wear something you like.”

“I like sweatpants. Is that good?”

Jaebum shrugs. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

He’s being stupid but he says it with such sincerity that you groan and lean into him. Allow his arm to wrap around your waist and pull you close. “Fine,” you mutter, kissing his cheek. “I’ll dress nicely.”

Hours later, you’re regretting this edict. 

Your mouth is pursed, hands on your hips while you stare into the mirror. Pushing your hair back with both hands to see what it would look like off your neck. You let it drop - down, definitely down. Grabbing your purse from your table, you hurry downstairs.

Jaebum said he would be here at 7:00 pm and its 6:58 pm now. He won’t be there a second before 7:00 though, he’s just like that. So now you sink into your kitchen chair, watching your mom work on her laptop.

“Happy anniversary.” She glances up from her work. “What has it been now, four years?”

Nodding, you find yourself happy she remembered. “Four years exactly.”

Your mom sighs, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Growing up so fast,” she says, folding her arms across her chest. “Your dad would’ve loved to see this.”

“Would he have?” You laugh quietly. “I seem to remember him threatening Jaebum every time he came over.”

“Yeah,” Robbie nods, entering. “It’s why I’ve taken up the mantle. Fight Jaebum always.”

Your mom laughs at this, leaning back in her chair. “Your father loved Jaebum,” she counters. “Or rather – he loved how much he loved you. It was always terrifying how much you loved Jaebum.”

This is the first your mom has ever spoken of this and you find yourself wanting to hear more. “What?” you ask. “Why?” From the corner of your eye, you see headlights swing into your driveway.

“Well.” Your mom shrugs. “Losing the people you love hurts, even if it’s losing them by choice.”

You blink at her words. Even if it’s by choice.

It’s been two years since your dad passed away. It’s just now getting to the part where it doesn’t hurt as much to talk about him. But saying that it doesn’t hurt as much is like saying you’re only hit by one lightning bolt, not five. One may hurt less than five, but even one is enough to kill you.

You usually think of your dad in terms of your own emotions. Never really in the light of your mother. She lost her husband though – her partner, life, love. Lost the man she thought she’d be spending the rest of her years with, not just his. This makes you think of Jaebum and when you do, your heart clenches. Losing someone you love hurts.

Leaning over, you give your mom a quick kiss on the cheek. “Love you,” you say, drawing back. “Thank you.”

She doesn’t ask what your gratitude is for. Your mom knows there are things your family do that go without saying. That’s one thing about loss – it either tears you apart or makes you stronger. The three of you are stronger now than you were before. Even Robbie has had to grow overnight.

Like now. He stands before you, arms folded in the doorway. Frowning as you walk past. “Be home by eleven,” he scolds.

From behind him, your mom laughs. “Midnight,” she corrects.

You wave at both when you leave, blowing Robbie a big, exaggerated kiss. Jaebum sits in his car, immersed in some game on his phone when you slide into the passenger seat. “Hi,” you greet him, leaning over.

Jaebum kisses you, lingering for just a second before pulling away. “Happy anniversary,” he grins, putting the car in reverse. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go … to the park?” you ask, settling back in his seat. “To the circus? To an airplane show?”

“No, yes and no.”

“We’re going to the circus?”

Jaebum looks over. “You’re so crazy already, why not give in completely?”

He’s in a good mood tonight and you find yourself giggling, sliding lower in your seat as you turn to face him. Jaebum’s hand finds yours on the console, pulling your fingers into his lap. He lowers the windows, allowing the early breeze to caress your cheeks. Curling into your own seat, you watch him. Watch the sun play across his face.

“What?” Jaebum asks, glancing sideways.

“Nothing,” you smile. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The drive is quiet after that, silent except for the music on the car’s speakers. Jaebum turns the volume up, sliding his fingers over yours and humming in time to the music. Before long he pulls into a parking lot, coming to a stop beside a restaurant.

A restaurant you recognize. “Really?” you ask, starting to laugh.

Jaebum nods, eyes sparkling. “This time we’re eating inside.”

You laugh unbuckling your seat belt. This restaurant is known for its food and amazing views and on your fifth date, Jaebum tried to take you here. After just one glance at the menu though, you realized there was no way in hell you could afford this. The two of you ended up out on the cliffs, just sitting and talking.

That day was also the first time Jaebum kissed you.

Now though, Jaebum takes your hand in his, pulling you forward. You’re glad you decided to wear a dress when you enter the lobby, realizing this place is even fancier than you remembered. Jaebum blends right in, completely at home in a button-down and slacks, blazer thrown over top.

“Im,” Jaebum says, walking up to the hostess. “Reservation for two.”

The hostess nods thumbing through her booklet. “Here – Im.” Grabbing two menus, she smiles back at you. “Follow me.”

Raising both eyebrows, Jaebum gestures for you first. At the table, Jaebum pulls out your chair, holding it while you sit. Sitting across the table, he watches the waiter fill your glasses with water. When the waiter leaves you peruse the menu, flipping open to the first page. Smiling gently when you travel back to that fifth date.

“You’re smiling.” Jaebum sounds suspicious. “Why are you smiling?” 

You set your menu down. “I was thinking about the first time we visited.”

Lowering his head, Jaebum hangs a few centimeters from the table. “Will you never let me live that down?” he groans.

Starting to laugh, you reach over. Lifting his chin with your finger. “I was thinking about the end of the day,” you correct.

Jaebum’s frown lifts in a smile. “Oh.”

After leaving the restaurant that day, the two of you hiked over the tops of the cliffs. You talked about a lot that night – both about everything and nothing at all. Whatever thoughts popped into your mind. That was the thing you liked most about Jaebum. It was so easy to be with him, like you could say anything and he wouldn’t judge you for it.

Jaebum was a great listener. He took everything you said with a grain of salt, listening with a small tilt to his head. You noticed that that day on the cliffs. It was the first time you ever felt close to Jaebum - the two of you sitting close enough to feel but not touch.

You kept glancing at one another. Looking sideways until one of your eyes met the other’s. His gaze was enticing, entrapping in a way you couldn’t get out of. It’s often said that the last hour before sunset is called the golden hour. Called so because the light at this time of day is so soft, muted with diffused rays of the sun. People are most flattering during the golden hour.

The way Jaebum stared at you was as though he saw you clearly for the first time. As rays of sun slipped from his cheeks, they illuminating hair half-ruffled by the wind. When Jaebum leaned in, you hardly knew what he was doing.

When his lips met yours, you understood.

It was your first kiss. The first time you’d even considered kissing someone. As Jaebum kissed you, his lips pressed firmly to yours, you wondered if Jaebum might also be the last.

Now he sits across the table from you, smiling in the same way he did that night. You find yourself ashamed for the emotions which have churned your stomach since his band’s last performance. Ashamed of the fear you felt. The fear of him pulling away. Of him embarking on a new part of life which you can’t follow. 

Or won’t. Because now you’re realizing that although you’ve applied to college, Jaebum hasn’t. He keeps holding this in his back pocket, patiently waiting for the call from James Marolin. His future is at fork in the road, while yours is at an arrow.

It’s just as you’re thinking this Jaebum’s phone rings. Wincing, he shoves his hand deep in his pocket. “Sorry,” he sighs. “I thought I turned it off – let me just check if it’s my mom, she –"

He stops talking. At the look on his face, you feel yourself sinking. Stomach churning, thoughts scrambling because you know exactly who is calling him.

“Hello?” Jaebum answers, switching his phone to his other ear. “Mr. Marolin?”

You can’t hear the other side of his conversation. Can’t hear what the other man is saying but you watch Jaebum’s eyes widen. Watch his mouth drops and no words come. Instead he just nods, suddenly recalling that he’s on the phone and can’t be seen. “Yes,” he blurts, continuing to nod. “Yes. This is amazing news – thank you so, so much! We won’t let you down.”

Jaebum hangs up. He doesn’t speak at first, just staring at the phone in his hand. Reaching across the table, you touch his arm. “Jaebum?”

His gaze snaps to yours and suddenly – brilliantly – he smiles. “Y/N,” he gasps. “Y/N, They want us to sign. They want us to sign and record an album. An album,” he laughs, full of disbelief.

“That’s amazing,” you say, struggling to smile. “Congratulations!”

It is amazing. It’s amazing and wonderful and perfect. Jaebum’s eyes find yours when he jumps up, fumbling across the table to grab your face. His lips press quickly to yours and you start to laugh. “Wow,” you say, grinning when he sits back down. “I guess now there’s two things to celebrate tonight, huh?”

“Oh.” Jaebum freezes. Glances at his phone. “I just – ah, shit.”

The knot in your stomach tightens. “What? What is it?”

Jaebum looks away, unable to meet your gaze. “I was just thinking… It would be nice to tell the guys in person.”

It’s a reasonable request. You know this, know you’re stupid for wishing it otherwise. Of course Jaebum would want to tell them himself. Of course he would want to see their faces at the news. Of course, of course, of course. 

Your gaze drops to your lap.

“Y/N?” Jaebum asks.

Exhaling softly, you look up. “You should go.”

Jaebum doesn’t move. “Are you sure?” he asks, watching you carefully. “This is our night, Y/N. It’s our night and if you want me to stay, the news can wait until tomorrow morning.”

If you want me to stay. These words echo in your mind, making you feel guilty for wanting this. You do want Jaebum to stay. You want Jaebum to be yours, want him beside you because right now every step he takes seems further and further away from you.

Lifting your gaze, you force a smile. “Of course,” you say, though your voice sounds robotic, unsure. “You should go. Our night is any night – tonight is about the band.”

Jaebum smiles. “Thank you,” he says, jumping up. Kissing you briefly before helping you upwards. “Let’s go,” he grins, lacing your fingers with his.

You’re practically pulled from the restaurant, Jaebum stops quickly at the hostess to mumble an apology. Then you’re outside, in his car. Speeding down the highway, barely able to hold yourself together. You think you respond to everything – you must, because Jaebum doesn’t seem to realize something is wrong.

Once you’re dropped off in front of your house, you wrap your arms around your waist. You don’t want to go inside, not yet. You’re afraid that if you see your mom and hear her questions, you might cry. Tears are already threatening to spill over onto your cheeks.

You don’t want to cry and so you walk over to the tree in your front yard. Folding your legs beneath you to lean against the rough bark. You’re not sure when you began to feel like you couldn’t tell Jaebum things. It used to be you told him too much. Told him everything, no matter how difficult or sad.

Not anymore.

Sighing, you look down at your phone in your hand. There’s a small kernel of anger growing larger by the second. Yes, you should have told Jaebum this tonight was important to you. Should have said you wanted to celebrate his most recent success together.

But should you have had to tell him?

Without stopping to think about what you’re doing, you unlock your phone.

Hey.

It only takes a few minutes before Mark texts back.

Hey?

He sounds confused and you don’t blame him. The two of you rarely text on weekends.

What are you doing tomorrow? Something crazy?

Maybe. Why? Want to join?

After staring at your phone for a long second, you lower your fingers. Fighting every natural instinct in your body to respond.

Yes.

[Master List]

[ellebeebee]

A character study of Victoire, Sabine’s foster sister/lady’s maid.

1749 words, no paring, general rating

Once, Chrétien, the second child and the oldest son, asked her where she came from.

“I am a fae,” Victoire had said. “Sent out from the other realms as punishment.”

“Did you do something bad?”

“Yes, very.  I was too inquisitive.  You see, Her Majesty, the Fae Queen, has a little room she locks from the rest of us with a little golden key.  Beneath the door is a crack from which such strange shadows slipped.  I could never get a hold of the key, so instead one day I peeked into that crack.  I was caught and cast out.”

“What was in the room?”

“Perhaps I will tell you when you are older.”

“Ugh, you’re just like Mama and Papa.”

“And you are just like the silly little gnomes of the other realms.  Foolish and impatient.”

“Is Madame Jean a fae?  She is very strange.”

“No, she’s a witch.  I don’t think there is anyone like me here.  I think I shall always be alone.”

“You’re with us though.  Won’t you be like us?”

Victoire had sent Chrétien out to play.  No, she would never really be like this family.  She stuck out like sudden snow on spring soil, among their brown and tawny faces.  Two foolish parents with more blood than sense, and eight children riding a thin edge between little aristocrats and wildlings.  Victoire was not one of them, but so what?  What was one more amongst their brood?  Especially when she could cook and clean and play a pretty tune on the pianoforte.

Inevitably, she became Sabine’s companion by way of the closeness in their ages and the girl’s own persistent sociability.  Sometimes the other girl had moods of sullenness and vanity, but she did have much to resent in her situation and too few opportunities to merely be herself without the responsibility of irresponsible parents.  Victoire weathered it all coolly; the excessive bad temper along with the sweetness desperately struggling to survive in such hostile conditions.

Of course, it was not always so bad.  There were periods of better situation, and it is curious to note that as wealth became more plentiful in the house, Victoire’s own position as companion or foster sister became demoted to lady’s maid.

It mattered little.

It was all the same to Victoire, as long as she had warm feet, a square meal, and a quiet corner in which to read and recover from the day.  She did not desire further relationships, but did not begrudge Sabine’s desire for her company.  She did not harbor ambition, but did not mind assisting with Sabine’s deep-rooted dissatisfaction.

Victoire had no great designs on being a grand lady’s maid, but neither did it repel her.

Yet when they entered Namaire’s house, and certain entrenched women in the staff began vying for a spot on the baroness’s personal staff, her reaction surprised her.  Victoire dug in her heels and rebuffed those that could not be trusted.

“It’s not as if you have any say in it,” a particularly brazen of these had said to her face. “After all, I heard you were just some foundling-- a little orphan that wandered into that decrepit old house of theirs.”

“Well, you were misinformed,” Victoire had said. “I am a ghost made flesh.  I had haunted that house for centuries, in such pain and distress that I had long since forgot my original humanity.  Then I heard a pretty little song sung by those children.  My feelings were so moved, I became corporeal again, so that I could protect them.  But I do still feel dark currents of the dead.  Everywhere.  Especially in this house.”

“W-well, I never!”

When the baron died, Victoire had ordered all the red silk, helped Sabine through her tears, and given the widow all the names that should be expunged from the household.  The days were much more orderly, afterward, and Victoire was pleased to be able to read a great deal more. Not that there weren’t things to be done; no, there were the parties, and the scheming, and all the new business and political speculations.  Not to mention to mention the romantic misadventures.

Victoire sometimes supposed she should attempt to get more from life.  Being good at being a lady’s maid or the staff supervisor was one thing.  But a family or a lover or anything of that nature did not interest her.  People, on the whole, did little to interest her.

So she did not think much on her own feelings when Sabine departed for the Summit.

“What will you do, Victoire?”

“Perhaps I will fly back to my homeland on the moon where there is perpetual twilight.  Or visit my mer cousins deep beneath the blue waves.”

“Oh haha, very funny.  This may be the last time we see each other.  I will write, of course, to tell you if I make any decisions, but…  I want you to know that you are free to choose another life.”

“You say that quite a lot.”

“Well, I mean it.  You do puzzle me, dear.  I can never tell if you are happy with me or not.  And I have known you too long to be insensitive to your well-being.”

“The barony still needs looking after.  That steward can’t handle everything.  I am quite content with that.”

“Very well.  Do write.  And not just about the barony.  About yourself, and if you change your mind.”

“Good-bye, Sabine.”

As was her habit, the baroness parted tearfully.

And Victoire spent some weeks walking the quiet halls of the Namaire estate, only half-remembering the peals of laughter and the clink of champagne flutes and the music of the absent guests and their entertainments.  Everyone walked on timid feet, especially around Victoire.  If the baroness married again, and moved away, then much of the staff would be let go.  And Victoire would be making many of those decisions.

It was nice to be respected, but it was better to be left in peace.

-

My darling Victoire,

I have been quite foolish, my dear.  I have somehow misplaced my senses entirely these past few weeks, and allowed myself to be swept up in the empty flatteries of a paramour.  I am to be wed.  To His Highness, Prince Zarad of Corval.

What can I say?  He is a fool, I am a fool, and we shall be terrible little fools together.

I know you don’t care for these sort of details, but I am helpless in the face of my own silliness-- I must confess that he is dreadfully glib and overtly charming and with such an ego!  And before you say that sounds familiar, I shall inform you that I am always sincere, and never do I participate in his sort of chicanery. 

But I am so fond of him.

I am sure I am losing your attention at this point, so I will get straight to it.  I would like to know what you want to do.  You are free to stay at Namaire, but if you wish for a different position, in Revaire or wherever your heart should fancy, merely say the word and I will manage it.  If you wish for an alliance, I may have some ideas that could put you in a very nice station in life.

If, and I will confess this is the option I selfishly prefer-- if you wish to follow me to Corval, I will exert my utmost influence to allow it.  I think Corval will suit you, and I mean that in the most complimentary way.

Perhaps not the heat, though.  You do burn so easily.  We shall buy hats.

Write to me soon, as there are only a few weeks left.

Your loving Sabine

-

The next day, Victoire pinned a list of names to the board in the servants’ quarters where unpleasant announcements were attached.

She spent the morning in a rotation of brief meetings with certain staff members.  Several generous parcels of coins sat in her desk drawer, and as one maid or under-butler came in, they left with their severance pay, instructions on when and how they should exit the Namaire estate and whether they would be getting a recommendation.  Also, tears.  They often left with tears.

Victore finally pushed her door open to stare down the line of servants sitting in a row of chairs against the wall.

“I have had quite enough of the crying,” Victoire stated coolly. “It is unprofessional and is quickly dissolving any desire I have to impart pay and recommendation letters.  I suggest leaving this moment if you plan on shedding tears in my office.”

The door clicked decisively behind her, shutting out the wide eyes and trembling lips.

Really.  Trembling lips!

It was easier when Sabine was here.  It was easier for Sabine.  She could be the sweet and sympathetic one.  Victoire was the authority, the hammer.  She didn’t mind.

It suited her.

Suitably threatened, the last of the fired maids and manservants passed in and out of her office with dry cheeks.  Afternoon bent back high in the yellow sky before Victoire was finally left alone with her thoughts.  Her office: cozy at about six paces in any direction, with a little worn desk, a velvet tufted chair on her side, and a plain wooden seat on the other.  Neatly organized staff records in her desk drawers, a brand new blotter on the surface, and an elegant mother-of-pearl fountain pen.  A gift.

Victoire pulled open her top drawer.  She was half-startled by the palor of her own slim hand on the mahogany woodwork.  She took out Sabine’s letter.  Outside her half-open window, the stablemasters were discussing the plans for selling the estate’s horses.  Not all of them could go; Precious, Marble Oracle, and Tantivy were all great sources of income as proven studs, and of course the work horses for the estate’s skeleton crew would stay.  But the others would be sold.

Victoire looked back down at the letter.

“Perhaps I will transform back into a fine mare; dun-colored and white-maned with violets in my tail.  I will run and run and leave nothing behind.  I will be flotsam and jetsam on a cold summer breeze.”

There was no reply.

Victoire sighed.  She pulled blank stationery out, and plucked the mother-of-pearl fountain pen from its stand.  She would write to Sabine, and admit a preference for headscarves over hats for the Corvali sun.

After all, she would perhaps miss the girl.  Perhaps.

[justinscala]

interview with Billy Howerdel for Orlando Weekly 10/24/18

Justin Scala

On your previous records you handled, most of the production on those albums. What was it like working with producer Dave Sardy on Eat the Elephant vs. the production approach on past records? There were pros and cons to it. It was great having the pressure off me. To get out of the janitorial duties of the engineering and producing side. Managing, scheduling, budgets, etc. can be distracting. Being able to sit down with a guitar and just play music with no distractions.

The hard part was, the way that I write music is being part of that file management. Seeing music on a screen and recording it, and being able to clean things up. Having hyper-focus on it and looking at it visually. In working with someone else, I found myself having to prove to that person to trust me with direction.

It was a challenge in balancing those things, to speak about music to someone vs. self- producing. I had to learn to communicate better about music to another person this time around.

Some of the themes on (the new record) Eat the Elephant touch on how the world has become disconnected, people focusing only on themselves, (being disillusioned).What do you feel needs to happen in order for the world to become what it should be? for people to reconnect?

Listen. Listen to each other. But every time I think there is a simple solution to fix a macro problem it is maddening. I think whatever side of view you’re on, there are intentional or unintentional evil forces at play that have intentions for something else. It seems like we are entering more rapidly to this place where we are being sold; where the salesman always wins. People are relying on the familiarity of immediacy & instant gratification.

What have you been listening to recently? Anything in particular that inspired the music on Eat the Elephant?

I have recently been revisiting the first Crowded House record, The Wall (Pink Floyd), and a mixture of The Cure songs. Singing these songs is where I felt comfortable with my vocal range. The first crowded house record is one of those records I would put on in my car, right after getting my license, singing at the top of my lungs with the windows down. Listening to these recently brought me back to that time in my life.

As far as stuff that inspired the record, I listened to less music around that time. I did listen to some minimalistic electronic stuff. There’s also a new band, The Black Queen, that I really like. I listened to their record Fever Daydream a lot at the time.

How has the time between your last record eMotive and Eat the Elephant allowed for creative breathing room?

It is all about being in a creative place.But when you’re overwhelmed, take a walk. Whether its literal or metaphorical. Taking a walk....without a phone, without a distraction, without a conversation. Reconnecting to your chatty-brain and letting it subside. The definition of mindfulness is paying attention to how you feel in that moment. Finding those places, and taking a break from music for some time. For me putting down the guitar and taking up keyboard (which I’m not very good at), was for me, “taking a walk”. When you come back to what you’re good at, I think you’re more inspired to get your best work.

Is there any other style of music you enjoy creating in your free time? Can we expect to see more from your solo project, Ashes Divide in the future?

Yeah! Definitely have plans for Ashes Divide. I hope to get a lot done on this next US run, in particular over the next month, for a new Ashes record, which I intend to put out in‘19.

As far as other styles, I don’t know, I think the notes are notes. A lot of the time I just go with the flow when writing. The song Gravity, for example, when I started, was a straight up Rob Zombie song. It had a pretty massive riff. I brought the song idea into band rehearsal. I played it my way and Josh, Paz, and Troy played it a different way and added something really beautiful to it. The notes are the same but the song can be changed by emotions. I think with different styles of music, its informed by the emotional mood you’re in. I guess I just can’t escape who I am with my style of music.

You mentioned in a previous interview this year, you have a passion for cooking. Do you ever find time to cook on the bus? What is the Billy Howerdel tour diet like!?

Cooking is definitely one of the big things I miss while being on tour. Cooking is my happy place! I actually bring a rice cooker with me. My ritual is rotating with white rice, brown rice, quinoa, etc. When ordering lunch, I’ll ask someone from the crew to get me a piece of protein. I make sauces, with Yuzu, mustard, soy sauce, etc. and throw it all together with some vegetables.I kind of cook in a camp fire way on the road, eating healthier and more regimented which is probably the opposite of most people on tour [laughs]

A Perfect Circle has toured with a variety of diverse opening acts. How do you guys choose who opens for you on tour? 

I have to say I’m really excited to tour with Chelsea Wolfe, who open for us in Europe this Winter. I never met them before, (Troy Van Leeuwen) introduced me to them. I think it is the perfect pairing.

We have Tricky opening up for us in the states on this run. He is a big influence on me. I’m curious to see where he is at now-a-days. He is royalty to us in the music that we came up on in our 20’s.

As far as who chooses, it depends. Maynard and I, don’t really discuss with each other. We usually just go to management with some ideas for bands. Sort of a marriage of compromise, if you will!

With Eat the Elephant, sort of marking a return for the band and after a very successful musical career, what is it that you are still looking for within yourself as a musician?

Growth. Movement forward. Having music that is, hopefully, as timeless as it could be. Having music that people listen to today and 20 years from now.

I put your records on all the time still, for me and for so many others, the music is indeed timeless. Every listen, the music is fresh and as beautiful as it always was.

That is why I got into music in the first place. There was music that did that for me when I was younger.... And you can only listen so much for a while, and you think “what can I do next?”, for me it was picking up a guitar. I was a late bloomer at 17 years old. So, I must say..that’s the nicest compliment I could get, thank you!

[leiyahime]

A Distant Song - Summer Challenge

Aaaannd the next part: The world tour. And a first guest appearance of someone who has been very much missing in this story until now.

Chapter 04

 Working with Kase turned out to be difficult for Shuusei. He tried to talk to him, tried to explain why he didn’t want to take part in every single interview, why he really despised socializing after concerts... He tried to explain to him that the music was his way to deal with the world; that he had problems with anxiety since his childhood and the music had been part of his therapy, but Kase was unable to understand him. “It’s just talking to people about random nothings”, “You can perform on stage, so it shouldn’t be a problem to shake a few hands”, were his arguments. Shuusei could only shake his head. He hated small talk. And talking to people he didn’t know.

At least he didn’t force Shuusei to take model jobs but he knew that was also thanks to his friends who also talked to Kase. Really, they were a group of different characters. One reason of Shuusei’s popularity was his scarce presence off stage.

 Nevertheless Shuusei felt exhausted after every concert. He despised small talk. He despised to talk about nothing at all to people he didn’t know. Of course the fans were more than happy that the shy young man was more present lately, but they didn’t know how much it drained Shuusei from his energy.

So the time flew by, they finished a few new songs which they would present on their world tour. Everyone was a bit nervous. They had already been to Korea, Indonesia and China before but this small world tour of four weeks was the highlight of their career. Until a year ago they had still only joked about playing in America and Europe, but now it was becoming reality and they all were very excited and triple checked if they had thought of everything they needed and practised all the new and old songs they’d be playing until late at night.

 “Soo... that would be six more concerts, and we’ll be away almost six weeks! The first tickets are already sold! Isn’t that great?” Kase looked at the band excitedly. It had been one of the first things he had done as their manager: organized more concerts for the tour. Sairi and Tsukumo seemed indeed happy about it. They were excited to see more of the world. Ria and Touko looked at Shuusei who was sceptical.

 “Don’t you think you should have asked us before you did something like this?” Touko asked.

 “You don’t want to play more concerts?” Kase raised an eyebrow.

 “That’s not it, but we would have liked to have a word in this decision as well. Ishida-san always talked about these decisions with us beforehand. What if one of our grandparents would celebrate their 100th birthday?” The young woman continued. Or one of them needed his alone time in his well-known surroundings to be able to perform his best.

 “You’re idols, aren’t you?”

 “First of all we’re people with lives, no matter how much they rotate around the music.” Even Sairi agreed with Touko after hearing her arguments no matter how much he liked the idea of having more concerts around the world. “We want to know what’s ahead of us, then no one would oppose too much.”

 Kase looked at Shuusei who had not said anything but his expression showed clearly that he didn’t like the sudden change.

 “Usui-kun? Do you have something to say?”

 “I just agree with the others. I’ve already told you, I hate surprises. Please talk to us when you want to change existing plans. Now excuse me.” Shuusei got up from his seat and left the room. He needed fresh air. It would probably not be too bad to be away from Japan with the others and he thought too much negativity into it, but it took some time to get used to new plans.

 “Shuusei?” A few minutes have passed and Touko appeared next to him. “He’s just left. And we have talked to him. He promised to talk to us in the future. We are no newbies who will do anything the manager says just to keep the job. And we will continue to speak our minds whether he likes it or not.”

 “Thank you...” Shuusei smiled weakly.

 “Can I hug you?” When Shuusei was down he often enough didn’t want to be touched so she had learned to ask.

 But he nodded and accepted the girl’s arms around his body.

 “Is it really okay for you? Six weeks?” Touko seemed really worried about him.

 “It will work out. Don’t worry so much. I’m not that fragile. I’ve already made very clear I want a room for myself so it will be okay.” Shuusei smiled and separated from his friend again. “Do you think we could play a song or two?” he asked

 “I wanted to get you for exactly this. The others are already at their instruments.” Touko grinned. A good session of playing together had always helped when one of them was in a bad mood.

 ~~~

 The first week they travelled through the countries they had already been to: China, Korea, the Philippines and Indonesia where they spent their first week filled with concerts and meet-and-greets. And they started a video documentation of their tour for a new DVD.

After that they had two concerts in Russia before they went to Europe. The program was tough and they barely had time to relax and look around the cities they played in. Even though they stayed in most cities for more than a day Kase had scheduled something every day. At the end of the second week and the first part of their tour through Europe Shuusei already felt like he’d need a break. He was glad that on that Saturday they’d only play on an anime convention in Germany. And Tsukumo and Ria were curious how it would be on a German convention. They loved anime and manga and games so they strolled around and Shuusei had decided to join them in the afternoon. He had spent the first part of the day in the quiet of his room but later he wanted to see something and why not have a look at the location even though it had been a while since he had last watched an anime.

 “Wow! There are so many cosplayers here!” Ria was excited. Tsukumo and Ria had looked around the whole day. They were in civil clothes and were glad that almost no one noticed who they were in their simple outfits. They were free until the concert and the following Q&A panel so they enjoyed the day. She had her phone in her hands ready to ask every person who cosplayed anything she knew and liked for a selfie in broken English. Tsukumo was also impressed. This was completely different from Japan where the cosplayers had their own space.

 “Yeah. We have to go to the near park as well! I’ve noticed many cosplayers walking towards it as well.” Tsukumo smiled and looked like he was in paradise.

“Later I want to see what kind of merchandise they sell here” Ria dragged her friends with her.

 Shuusei was content to follow the two and look around. Two times they were recognized and had to give autographs. Shuusei was impressed by the amount of work everyone seemed to put into their cosplays. He got curious when Ria talked to a person in a historical looking outfit and when he learned that it was self-made he was very impressed and started to ask questions about how she learned how to make this 18th century dress. Now he was really glad that he was so interested in foreign languages so that it was possible for him to speak halfway fluent English.

 Later they went to the near park, which was also full of colourful people in cosplays of all kinds.

 It happened in the early evening when the stage room was already prepared for them and they had to come together for the sound check. They were on their way to the stage when Shuusei noticed a cosplay he knew. He had loved Rurouni Kenshin when he had been a kid and used to watch it with his best friend. Just seeing someone cosplay the main character gave him nostalgic feelings. And when his eyes made contact with the cosplayer’s he froze. It was clearly an Asian guy and he had the feeling he knew these features. But could it really be? So many years had passed. But then he saw recognition in the other’s eyes.

“Shuusei! Come, we’ll be late.” Ria had appeared next to him. Shuusei sighed. She was right. Kase was an impatient person and they didn’t have the time. No matter how much he wanted to talk to that one person.

 He sighed and nodded to the Kenshin cosplayer before he turned around.

 But the cosplayer didn’t accept this and hurried after them

“Shuusei!”

 He stopped.

 “Don’t you dare turn your back on me right now!”

 Shuusei looked down. “I’m sorry, I don’t have time... Although I’m really happy you still remember me.”

 “Are you kidding? How can I forget you?” The Kenshin seemed filled with indignation.

 Shuusei smiled but then Ria tucked on his sleeve.

 “I’m really sorry I have to go. Will you see the concert?” Shuusei asked.

 “Of course I will. That’s the only reason I’m here.”

 “Then... have fun.” Shuusei nodded to the other guy and turned around to leave. He didn’t want to be late.

 “Shuusei!”

 Shuusei turned his head around again.

 “Take care of yourself. You look terrible! Take a break!”

 Shuusei smiled sadly but nodded. “Don’t worry so much,” he said and left with a sad feeling in his gut. He wanted to talk more to this guy. Wanted to know how he had been all these years but it was not supposed to happen.

 “Who was this?” Tsukumo asked curiously.

 “...”

 “Shuusei?”

 “My best friend.”

 ~~~

 “Soo, for the next song I will take a break from singing. Enjoy the great voice of our guitarist!”

 The audience cheered and seemed very excited. Shuusei smiled. “Thanks. Tonight we’ll play a brand new song we’ve not yet played on any concert but it fits tonight so we will present it to the world ahead of time. It’s a song about a friendship which got broken but never forgotten. It’s a thank you to a person who is here tonight. Thank you for existing!”

 He started to play the first notes. Kase would be furious about the spontaneous change of songs but Shuusei didn’t care right now. He really wanted to play this song tonight when he knew Hotsuma would listen to it. Touko was right, they were all strong characters and would not give themselves up for anyone.

[chefbstrikesagain]

“You’re the only 10 I see”

So a few days ago we were told that we had to put on an English camp for 250+ Malaysian students at a nearby school. Honestly, that in itself was super intimidating as I still feel I have so much to learn! As a group we were allotted 500 ringgit (About 100 USD for all supplies) and just 24 hours to plan everything. After dinner we all met one night in the hotel lobby and began our brainstorming. A few ideas were tossed around but we ultimately ended on “A Party in the USA Theme”. This involved Miley Cyrus’ song on repeat for approximately 3 hours and the kids LOVED IT. 

We broke the kids up into smaller groups of around 25 students and rotated them around the “USA”. During our opening ceremony we distributed ‘passports’ to the students that had a map of the U.S. inside. We then created stations, based on where we were all from, and wanted to show a little bit about the local culture of that state/city. Some of the places included were; Pittsburgh, New Orleans, NYC, Minnesota, Miami, California, and Washington D.C.. For our D.C. station, which Kelsey and I worked on, we cut out monuments and buildings all around the National Mall. These included: The White House, the Washington Monument, The Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, and the Capital. The kids then had to create ‘their American Dream’ out of magazines and pictures and cover each of the monuments with them. I loved this station but was only able to stay for around 30 minutes as I was a ‘tour guide’. This means I stayed with my whole team (team black) and walked with them to each different station. 

This proved difficult in the beginning as the English proficiencies of the kids varied way more than I was expecting. It was hard to not give the better English speakers more attention because I really needed to work with the kids that were too shy to talk. Through playing ice-breakers, learning to salsa, singing Justin Beiber with them at the top of my lungs, letting them spray my go-pro with silly string, and taking selfies - they finally came out of their shells. Once they were out of their shells I couldn’t get them stop talking. “Mr. Brendan, Mr. Brendan, look at me, take a selfie with me”. It was honestly a blast. At the end of the camp we had a half hour devoted to selfies (which are taken very seriously) and autographs. I’m not kidding I signed about 30 autographs. My two roommates and I, Martin and Joey, commonly referred to as the Ranau Boys, are a hit. We get called One Direction in public and are are often asked for pictures- whether we’re willing or not.. Curious to see what life is going to be like in my community.  

Tomorrow, we will be departing Kota Kinabalu and will be moving into our house!! I’ve been living out of a suitcase for nearly a month and am so excited to see my town and my wonderful view of Mount Kinabalu! However, we are only in Ranau for 2 days and then we are travelling back to Kota Kinabalu (the capital city of Sabah) to meet up with some Embassy folks and become Scuba certified. Because I am already scuba certified, I’m going to legit post up on the beach for 2 days (well deserved) and then do 1 full day of diving with my coordinator AJ and Frank from the Embassy. Should be interesting!

I really need a haircut and am not sure how that works here as I haven’t seen one barber in my 3 weeks of walking around the city....I’ll get back to you (hopefully) soon on the status of that and with pictures on my house in Ranau.

Also, already feeling way more confident in my abilities to be a good English teacher. You truly have to infect the children with high positive, silliness. This year won’t be that bad after all.

-Cigku B