#really out here writing a fucking dissertation about the opinions people i’ve never met have about a 10+ year old game lmao

[danggerine]

i made the mistake of reading the notes on a lot of trans naoto posts so now y’all get responses to some of the bad takes i keep seeing. buckle the fuck up

• “naoto’s arc is about sexism specific to the japanese workplace and calling her trans erases that to fit it into a western lens!!!”

you guys do know that there are japanese trans people right. like i agree that there are lots of issues with workplace sexism and gender roles in japan, but there’s also lots of issues with transphobia. y’all do know that you do not have to be white and/or live in a western country to be trans, and that queer stories and issues are GLOBAL stories and issues right.

• “naoto isn’t a man, she just pretended to be one to get respect in a male-dominated field, if you say she’s a trans man you’re ruining that whole character arc about accepting your true self!”

here’s the thing! the way that character arc was done was fucking transphobic! the trope of a woman going into disguise as a man for safety/respect/etc is tried and tested, it shows up literally everywhere, and the trope itself is not inherently transphobic. HOWEVER, when persona 4 incorporates Really Obviously Trans elements into that trope, like chest binding and literal gender reassignment surgery, then we have a problem, because now you have a cis character going through a trans narrative in the name of insecurity.

p4 does everything it can to embody the typical narrative of a young transitioning trans guy: binding, changing your name, revising official documents to be known as a man in work and school records, dressing masculine, and forming a shadow literally based on transitional surgery. plus the stuff naoto’s shadow says isn’t about being “a weak little girl” or “no one will ever take you seriously when you’re just a little girl” like you would expect it to be for someone who’s arc is supposed to be about dealing with misogyny, it’s all “you’ll never be a real man,” “you can’t cross the boundary between the sexes,” “no one will ever see you as you are” comments. you know, textbook trans guy insecurity. but the game backtracks on that and says naoto was just insecure about being a female detective and wanted people to take them seriously, and that they should get rid of these feelings and accept their true, female self.

and this is where the problem lies. when you write an obviously trans-coded narrative, but make the character experiencing it an insecure cis person or someone trying to avoid discrimination, you say either 1. trans people are really their assigned gender and are just insecure, but accepting the gender they were given at birth will make them happier and more confident or 2. being a trans man is a way for cis women to escape misogyny. 1 is obviously stupid and has been talked about by plenty of people, but 2 is a BIG problem and a wild assumption to me. being a trans man is seen as an “out” for naoto, or a solution to a problem, as if once they’re a man they’ll face no discrimination whatsoever, when in reality things like getting their gender marker changed in official documents that would allow them to go by “he” and wear the boy’s uniform at school and passing well enough to be seen as a boy in public would be a HUGE ordeal that includes a lot of stress and rejection and danger. realistically, naoto is putting themself in a really precarious position, because if they are exposed as actually afab to the media, to the detective agency, or to the school, they are set for a hell of a lot of ridicule, discrimination, and potential physical danger. but persona 4 doesn’t reflect this at all, because it’s transphobic and thinks that being trans is the easy way out for cis women experiencing misogyny!

• really any argument that boils down to “naoto is a cis woman in canon whose struggle is about sexism, not being trans”

like i already addressed enough of this, i think, but what really gets me is that kanji’s arc is fucked up in a lot of the same ways naoto is and no one is clowning on posts about kanji being gay? his shadow is a very clear (and offensive) gay caricature, and his narrative is very much one about a mlm guy experiencing homophobia from his peers and acting out because of that. and yet the game backtracks to saying “oh no it’s not about liking men, kanji is insecure about his femininity and softer hobbies because of toxic masculinity” and then literally uses naoto to refute his queerness because “look the only guy kanji was ever shown as attracted to was ACTUALLY a woman all along and now that kanji knows she’s a girl he can be openly attracted to her!” in canon, naoto is about as cis as kanji is straight, and yet EVERYONE is on board for portraying kanji as gay in fan works like it’s not even a question, but there has to be a huge debate anytime anyone wants to call naoto trans. legitimately, i think i’ve seen someone argue about kanji being mlm on a post...once? ever? meanwhile every post about naoto being trans has to have a horde of discourse, i’m literally already prepping for the bad notes this post will get because y’all cannot leave this ALONE

in conclusion, i am not saying that everyone has to think naoto is a trans man or forcing anyone to stop liking a character in the way they want or anything like that. i am saying that the naoto’s canon character arc is transphobic and if you’re trying to fight with trans people about how they want to reclaim something that uses a lot of their experiences, don’t.

[queenofnohr]

The Charming Empire - Otome Review (Soshi Amazaki Route)

I was going to hold off on doing this because 1. I wanted to play more routes to have a more comprehensive look at the game and 2. I don’t really have free time yet. Promptly ignored the above logic mostly to get this out of my system.

Before we begin, a disclaimer - While I do have pretty extensive knowledge about the otome genre in both longer “proper” VNs as well as the shorter, bite sized mobile VNs, I’m able to derive enjoyment from most anything (I feel the need to point this out because I see a lot of reviews that get hung up on stuff I can easily brush off even if I do understand where they’re coming from).

This is going to be a spoiler-free review based on Soshi Amazaki’s route alone.

Firstly, I must note that this is a mobile otome game. If you’re looking for something as long and substantial as, say, Hakuouki, Alice in the Country of Hearts, Dandelion, etc. this is probably not the game for you.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll be rating it based on usual points with a more... comprehensive and personal look at the end (feel free to skip to that if you know our tastes align and/or just want to see me losing my mind).

Prologue - 1/10

Normally I wouldn’t separate prologue from story. However, as this game started as a mobile game, there is no general route in which one gains points toward a love interest as is standard in full-length otome games. However, even by mobile game standards this game’s prologue fails in that it you meet exactly 0 love interests. Indeed, the prologue is the bare-bones introduction of the setting. This flaw is further complicated by the fact that, because it started as a mobile game, routes are bought individually. This means that there is no way to gauge the love interests except by the game’s straightforward summary on the buy screen. Luckily for me, I was sold at “Kenjiro Tsuda voices a love interest who is both a big brother and a lord” so this wasn’t as knee-capping as it could’ve been, but normally you’d have to simply take a leap of faith because if a love interest doesn’t actually end up being your type, you’re out of luck since you’ve already paid for the route.

This is an aside, but translation for the prologue is... questionable. It isn’t unreadable, like some translations I’ve had the misfortune of reading, but it does create some confusion regarding the MC’s family situation which I can’t help but clear up here. MC is the daughter of the previous lord whose mother moved with her out to the countryside. Her mother is died of illness, and MC now lives with an elderly couple. It’s simply when I say it here, but in game the family situation isn’t actually explained until well into the route and the narration refers to the couple as the “old man” and “old woman,” while the MC calls them “Grandpa” and “Grandma” (ojii-san, obaa-san in Japanese, which is a literal translation of what someone would call any older folk with the degree of familiarity MC has with them) while they call her “princess” (literally, hime-sama). The closeness of referring to them as grandparents vs the distance of the narrative’s “old man/woman” + calling the MC princess in a literal sense (vs. a nickname) is jarring especially because, again, they do not clearly explain the MC’s family situation.

Story - 7/10

Soshi holds the most powerful seat in all the empire. Only trusting himself, he rejects the opinions of others as he continues his dictatorship agenda -- breeding animosity amongst the people. He’s a cold man who sees even his own sister as a political tool.

This is the official description for Soshi’s route. Unfortunately(?) for some this... doesn’t really hold true for most of the route and I find it an odd way to bill it.

The initial conflict/relationship growth in the game stems from the MC wanting to be closer to Soshi - not necessarily in a romantic sense - and his distance due to his position. If you’re expecting a more haughty/sneering/pragmatic Kenjiro Tsuda more along the lines of his role as Kazama Chikage and/or a villain archetype who treats MC as a tool (no judgment, we all got our otome types) he’s by and large not that. Things get more complicated around the 10th chapter, but that’s 2/3 of the game in.

The writing is competent. Again, if you’re looking for complex worldbuilding and something deep, you will not find it here. But, while it isn’t poetry in motion, there was at least no point where I actively cringed or asked myself why I was playing it (this is compared to my experience with Voltage Games and Playchoices).

The MC is tolerable. There’s nothing special about her, but she avoids being a literal faceless protagonist with zero presence while also not having such a strong personality as to be polarizing. She shows more competence and restraint than I expected of her (the bar was nearly floor level, but still).

The pacing is... odd. I get the distinct feeling that it’s a longer otome shoved inside a mobile otome, if that makes sense. I’ve seen other reviews call it rushed, but that isn’t necessarily the feeling I get. For a game to feel “rushed” to me, it has to show a lack of care and attention to detail; scenes are had just to have them and either don’t contribute to the overall plot/theme/feeling of the game. I feel like this game does take care, especially in it’s early bits, but some developments happen later on which don’t get the development time they necessarily need. Which leads me to-

The plot kind of goes off the rails around chapter 10 or 11. It returns to form in chapter 14ish. This... plot twist, shall we say, is predicated on hiding obfuscating knowledge from the reader that should be apparent due to being from the MC’s PoV. Whether or not this is a dealbreaker will depend largely on the person. Personally, I was loopy off resisting sleep medication while reading this part so I just sort of accepted it and the return to form/explanation in later chapters made it worth it, but your mileage will definitely vary. I have Thoughts on this, but this is all I can really say while still maintaining a spoiler free review.

Playtime if ardently listening to the voices is ~3 hours. Playtime can be cut down significantly if you’re a fast reader and don’t overly care about the voice acting.

I haven’t tried all alternate options, but there doesn’t seem like huge variations regarding the choices. The 16th chapter, however, will change based on whether you get the Normal or Happy End.

Art - 7/10

The art isn’t anything special nor is it terrible. It’s much less stiff and has more style to it that most mobile otome’s I’ve played, but is lacking when compared to, again, full length otome games.

The MC has a face, which gets points from me (I dislike faceless MCs a lot especially when included in CGs). The fact no one but love interests even get sprites is somewhat jarring.

As far as CGs go, they’re standard fare and about the number you’d expect for the length of a route. The game isn’t raunchy like... at all so don’t expect anything too scandalous.

Voice Acting - 10/10

What can I say? It’s Kenjiro Tsuda.

To elaborate, however-

Kenjiro Tsuda does an excellent job. I’m not sure if I’d call it his best work, but even if it is voiced, I think there’s some expectation for a mobile otome’s voicework to be phoned in. This is not the case and Tsuda’s acting gives a lot of life to the character and scenarios. I’ll, uh, save my gushing for my line-by-line dissertation, and leave it at that.

What was unexpected was, despite not having sprites, minor characters do get voices! They also have some rather nice performances, and there was no VA I disliked listening to or whose performance was noticeably lacking compared to the others (the actual sound quality was consistent overall as well).

Overall - 8/10

Aside from the prologue, this is a solid performance from a mobile otome game. Compared to full-length otome games it’s lacking, but it’s still one of the better mobile otomes I’ve played. For the $6 you can get individual routes for on the mobile app, it’s a fun, quick romp that was perhaps not necessarily what was advertised (regarding the actual summary), but instead met the expectations I dared to dream of. While I can’t vouch for the game in its entirety, I can, at the very least, vouch for this route.

Comprehensive Overlook + Personal Rating - 10/10

Okay, I’ve been objective as possible despite this being a very subjective topic and now it’s time for me to shill my little heart out.

Writing a standard fare review for this game was really really hard for me because against all odds, logic, and my own taste preferring shit like Hakuouki, I’m in love with this game. Obsessed with it. Half the reason why I’m doing this is because it is a totally unremarkable (though, again, fun) otome game so of course it doesn’t have, like, a community, but I need to fucking gush about it somewhere.

Why?

Because Soshi Amazaki literally hits every single husband trait I so dearly love. This route is the equivalent of if someone took my taste buds and analyzed each and every one of them, then cooked a meal precisely on my most loved things. It isn’t necessarily fine dining, but it feels like it was scientifically engineered to appeal directly to me. It’s like I was possessed and ghostwrote it. It’s like someone peered into my heart and teased out the essence of everything I’ve ever wanted, then told me to eat shit because the shell it’s rammed into is that of a bite sized otome game. I have never had such a feast before me. I’ve never been served such an exquisite palette of flavors. I have never been so thoroughly outraged that this is the form my heart takes.

And yet, I’m... pretty much satisfied, despite its flaws and shortness, with my only real outrage stemming from the fact there is literally nobody I can talk about this with (the morning after I binged the entire route I made my boyfriend play it just so I could rave like a lunatic to someone about it) as well as my shame for being so enamored with what is essentially a mediocre otome game.

I talked about how the story kind of went off the rails 2/3rds of the way through, but honestly? I didn’t care because the payoff was incredible. Was I scared the game wasn’t going to end up where I wanted it to while it was happening? Was I prepared to be immensely disappointed because I felt, briefly, like I was baited and that of course nothing would never let me have my cake and eat it too? Yep. But you know what? I don’t know or care if it’s because I set the bar so low or what, but my expectations were thoroughly blown out of the water.

I’m still committed to making even this part of the review spoiler free, so I won’t be going into depth about what I loved (I’ll save that for another post because this is long enough as it is), but I’ll add this apart from just character archetype and themes being what I loved.

That is, shockingly enough and even considering the pacing and, ahem, weirdness - this is a route where everything seems to serve a function. Again, the story isn’t necessarily deep, and while perhaps I would’ve gone about certain things a different way (and had there been space allotted for greater development), there are many, many, many things that are called back to or that seem insignificant, but serve as thematic backbone and create delicious implications.

As a big brother connoisseur, I give this route 3 Michelin Stars.

If you followed me for/like Fire Emblem’s Marx/Xander, I highly recommend this route.

[sammyspreadyourwings]

Harmony in my head (love in my heart)

I am a simple author, I see a soulmate AU prompt and I write it. And much to my surprise, I have an entry for Maycury week day 1, so that’s exciting. Everything will be cross-posted to AO3!

Their language is music.

Brian isn’t entirely surprised, but he reads every dissertation that he can on the Language of Soulmates and why one would be chosen over the other. Outside influences? Internal influences? Fate? The last one seems impossible and so many scholars agree that because soulmates are rarely a decade apart that it’s a combination of both, what culture is rising at the time and a common interest.

Most people have a shared spoken tongue. A few people, predominately within the deaf community, form a visual language. Brian reads about Languages because he’s never heard anyone have the language of music. Lyrics, yes, but that’s an offshoot spoken languages. No, theirs is in scales and chords and keys.

Always has been even before Brian heard his first guitar and they communicated in xylophone notes. They sort of formed a code. But then Brian fell in love with guitars and his soulmate fell in love with, he guesses, piano. Then their conversations became a continuous ebb and flow of emotions.

His tended to stay within minor keys and frequently followed a diminuendo because he didn’t want to bother his soulmate. He learned in his youth that their time zones hadn’t quite lined up, but then one day, he was hearing his soulmates music at the same time he thought of a questioning crescendo.

Brian soon learned that his soulmates music was typically a major key espressivo, but it wasn’t uncommon to hear a cacophony of notes, scattering Brian’s thoughts as effectively as nails on a chalkboard. It takes him years to realize that was the noise his soulmate made when they were anxious.

While his classmates had learned all about their soulmates, because they could get such simple things as addresses and names and favorite colors, Brian started composing songs matching his day and emotions. Occasionally, on very good songs, he would add lyrics. Excited to say everything he’s ever put into the shared music in their head to his soulmate when he meets them.

The first day he plays the Fireplace in all of her glory, varnished and sealed, he heard a crescendo in his head. Unaware that he can translate the sound of his guitar into the music of his head. He shouldn’t be surprised but then he feels a soft song swirl around his head, littered with excited sharps.

He smiles and plays more on the Fireplace, and each round is followed by a mirroring song. The excitement is palpable, and Brian can’t wait to combine their music in the real world.

At twenty-one, Brian nearly thinks Roger is his soulmate. The blond talks about hearing music in his head too, but when pressed his talks about it being very rhythmic, steady.

“Something a drummer like you would like, eh?” Brian laughs.

Roger rolls his eyes, “at least I know they can stay on time. I think they might play bass.”

“You should find them and then recruit them into our band.”

“Wouldn’t Tim get upset?” Roger raises an eyebrow.

“His vocals are better than his playing,” Brian shrugs.

It isn’t saying much. Brian hates to think it, but sometimes he wonders if Tim treats music with the same seriousness that he and Roger do. They learn that he does when he bids them a fond farewell before jumping to a band called Humpy Bong.

“Should we be offended?” Roger asks, “or take this as a new start?”

“Find that bassist of yours and we’ll see,” Brian counters.

“Well, you find your pianist.”

“I think they sing now.”

“Oh, you can hear both?” Roger tilts his head, “I think mine can hear my vocals, but I never hear theirs.”

“Maybe they just don’t sing?”

Brian pops open a beer and takes a long sip. Roger shrugs and steals his bottle. He pretends to be offended for a second before his attention is captured by a new song from his soulmate. It’s catchy, and Brian sinks into it. Closing his eyes and bobbing to it.

“I think we need to find yours mate,” Roger tilts his head.

He’s about to comment on Roger’s unusual seriousness when a wide grin splits the blond’s face, “because then you might have something else to bob on.”

“Oh, piss off.”

“And leave you lonely? What kind of friend would I be?” Roger clutches at his chest.

“A good one,” Brian grumbles.

Roger barks out a laugh and then hands the bottle back in a peace offering. Brian smiles fondly and thinks that life won’t be so bad if he has Roger at his side. Musical genius soulmate or not.

“Oh, speaking of friends, you still haven’t met my flat mate, Freddie?”

“I haven’t.”

“We’ll have lunch tomorrow,” Roger says, “stop by. Freddie’s mum gave us curry last time he stopped by.”

Brian grimaces.

“Don’t worry, most of it is vegetables,” Roger takes the bottle back, “although I really don’t understand why you’re on this kick.”

He opens his mouth. Roger sticks the bottle in it, “doesn’t mean I want the lecture.”

Brian finishes off the beer and then sticks his tongue out at Roger. The imp just keeps smiling before staring off into space with a cocked head. The smile shrinks into something delicate.

“They’re happy that I’m happy.”

“Mine’s composing.”

“Tragic.”

⭐⭐⭐

He shows up at Roger’s flat with a bottle of wine, even though it’s a casual lunch this is his first introduction and his mother’s lessons about manners scream in his head. Bring wine if nothing else. Red, because most people eat red meat so it’s a safe guess. Flowers if there’s a woman. Don’t slouch!

Brian straightens as the door opens. He had also bought flowers, even though he knows Freddie is a man. Roger is usually thrilled to have something in his flat that isn’t brown, matte, or disgusting.

Roger laughs, “this isn’t a first date, Bri.”

“Damn, I wore my good trousers too,” he laughs.

“Oh? They’ll look good on my carpet, that is?”

He tosses his hair. It’s not straightened for once since it took him so long to pick out the exact brand of wine to purchase. Tim (and doesn’t it get awkward at times when they still live together) is probably going to ask about the seven different wine catalogs on their kitchen table he borrowed from their neighbor.

“I hear I’m quite the conversation starter.”

Roger rolls his eyes, “come on then, curly boy. Woo me.”

“Have you raised your standards?”

He ducks to avoid Roger’s swat but then realizes his mistake when he ducked straight into the hand. Roger tilts his head up in victory, before strutting off to the kitchen.

“Freddie! Come here! We’re day drinking!” “On Sunday?”

His soulmate starts up with an amused etude. Brian tilts his head, wondering how badly he is causing a cacophony in his soulmate’s head.

“Absolutely scandalous.”

“What’s scandalous is you not wearing pants! We have company!”

Brian flushes when Freddie struts out into the walkway in nothing more than a silk robe and boxers. He looks away to conserve some of Freddie’s modesty before looking at him anyway. Freddie is gorgeous. His jaw pops open. Roger is stunning, but Freddie is just as stunning, if not more. Especially with how he has kohl framing his eyes.

“Oh, you didn’t tell me we had a man over,” Freddie blows him a kiss.

A flirty harmony starts in his head. Harmony? Brian frowns. Is his soulmate flirting with someone? He feels jealous for a moment, before getting distracted by Freddie strutting towards him.

“Hello.”

Brian squeaks. What does he even say? You’re gorgeous. I’m Brian. Okay. Flirting or classic. Simple. He can do this.

“I’m gorgeous,” is what comes out of his mouth.

Roger lets out a strangled noise before bursting out laughing. A loud thud tells him that Roger has fallen off his perch. Brian looks up to the sky in mortification. The etude is back, with a slightly shy tilt to it now. His is probably a dirge because he wants to die. He had one chance to not completely mess this up.

“You certainly are,” Freddie winks, “can I get your name, gorgeous?”

All he has to say is Brian.

“You’re Brian.”

Fuck.

Brian feels tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Roger is still cackling in the background.

“No, I’m Freddie.”

Freddie is just smiling at him. Staring at him in wonder, even. Brian smiles a little sheepishly.

“Want to try again?”

“Not in particular. I think I’ve made enough of a nonce out of myself.”

“Nonsense, Roger’s done that plenty for you already.”

For some reason, the embarrassment melts away as the song in his head grows gentle, entrancing. A love song. What the fuck is happening?

Brian decides that too much is happening.

He takes a deep breath and extends a hand, the one with the flowers, “I’m Brian May, and it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“It is a pleasure,” Freddie purrs.

Roger stops laughing abruptly, popping over the back of the couch, “oy! I said you can’t fuck him the first time you meet him!”

“Unfortunately, your descriptions gave me an entirely different person in my head, and therefore our deal is void!”

Brian smiles wryly. At least today will be interesting.

⭐⭐⭐

Much to Roger’s chagrin, they do end up making eyes at each other for the entire lunch, which sends the blond to the nearest pub to nurse his wounds from being ignored.

“I’m going to find someone to love me! Freddie, don’t break Brian!”

Things were awkward without their third party. Freddie turns from a charismatic personality into something Brian is more comfortable dealing with. He does much better with shy personalities and quieter people as a whole. Roger is an outlier, but he does have his calm moments.

“So, what’s your language?” Brian asks.

That’s a thing people ask strangers, right? Or was that just a secondary school thing? Ah, well, he can’t get a much worse opinion than his first introduction.

“Music,” Freddie says dreamily.

Brian blinks, “same here.” “I can't wait to meet him,” Freddie says, “he sounds quite interesting. Sad, though. Brilliant too.”

“I understand that my soulmate is going through a very… fantastic mood right now. They all sound sort of dream-like? A fantasy.”

Freddie perks up, “think you could play something of that?”

“My guitar is in my car,” Brian gestures, “I couldn’t play it on the piano to save me. I can play the piano though, just. Not like that.”

Brian hurries out to his car. Excited that hasn’t blown this badly enough that Freddie still wants to try making music with him. Roger had mentioned when he called earlier that he wants to ask Freddie to join Smile as Tim’s replacement.

He climbs up with his case. Freddie tilts his head as he examines the Old Lady.

“What is that guitar? Roger said it was homemade, but I didn’t think it was anything special.”

Brian feels offended, and tries to push it to the side, “she’s incredible.”

He plugs into one of the spare amps Roger must’ve stolen from one of their shows. Brian spends a few seconds tuning, and strumming. Freddie sits on the couch, chin on his hands, smile bright.

They nod and Brian launches into the first song that he can think of. He stumbles over the chords in unfamiliarity. The guitar responds eagerly, singing out her song. His soulmate song filters into his thoughts, but he doesn’t pay much attention to it. Freddie is putting his hand over Brian’s.

“Huh?”

“I should’ve gone to one of your shows earlier,” Freddie mumbles.

“Why is that?” Brian tilts his head.

“Because then I would’ve known that your guitar is the guitar.”

“I don’t follow?”

“My soulmate’s guitar.”

“That’s impossible, she’s the only one like this in Britain. The world probably. One of a kind.” Freddie raises an eyebrow.

Brian frowns. Thinks about the words for a moment. Then his eyes widen, “oh.”

Freddie laughs, “Roger mentioned you’re a little daft, despite your intelligence.”

Brian shrugs. Freddie is reaching out to touch his face softly.

“So, you’re my soulmate.”

“I suppose so,” Brian looks away with a flush, “er, I don’t exactly know what happens now.”

“We can kiss or continue playing or never speak to each other again,” Freddie shrugs, folding in on himself.

Brian considers his options for a second, “I want to continue playing and then kiss. I guess we could kiss first, but I want to make our music finally.”

Freddie smiles at him, for the first time since they’ve met he doesn’t cover his lips. Brian echoes the look; a happy song harmonizes in his head and he leans forward to place a light kiss on Freddie’s cheek.

“I wonder how amazing we’ll be.”

“Oh, we’re going to be fucking rock stars, darling.”

He can’t wait.

[starberry-cupcake]

You know, I’ve been thinking about why I’m still using tumblr, with all this thing of it declining its traffic after all the bad choices it’s been making concerning the user-base and the fact that this July my blog turns 9 years old, which makes it unquestionably the longest form of internet space I’ve ever had (and I don’t say social media because I’ve been using internet platforms since before social media was a concept). 

I knew, when people started migrating, that I was going to stay here until they forcibly removed me and that I don’t think I have the energy to start this all over again elsewhere. I also know that, despite it all, tumblr is still, and has been for a long time, my most used “social media platform” (if we can call it that) and the one I’d like to lose the least. I’d erase my twitter, instagram, fb and whatever else in a heartbeat if I had to and not much would be lost emotionally, but it would hurt to leave this space. 

I’m also fully aware that it’s the less viable platform for anything social media savvy. With the right content and the right skill, platforms like youtube, instagram or maybe even twitter could give you some sort of compensation. However, having a space here, especially for someone who writes more so than does anything visual, and even more so after the last changes, means little to nothing in terms of transforming content to profit. It’s the place where I have the most followers from all my accounts, by a long margin, but it doesn’t make much of a difference.  

Still, I stay here because there’s no other space that gives me what this does. This is the only place that feels the right amount of in-between, it’s partly like the old kind of internet, that one of the forums and old-fashion blogs, and partly like the new social media sphere, which allows for a variety of content types and not just one or two things, and easy shareable content. 

More so than anything, what I always liked about tumblr was that I met people through content rather than socially. I followed someone for something we had in common and then maybe I met them and grew a friendship out of it, but I didn’t follow out of knowing them irl or seeing their personal lives or what they chose to show me from it but the stuff we had in common, like in old internet fandom times. 

And much like the internet past, tumblr gives that ironic sense of both anonymity and oversharing. 

I feel less personally exposed in terms of my life, because I feel other social media are designed for showcasing that, at least in part, and even if you use it for business or art, some personal aspect ends up filtering through at some point. But that distance allows me to be more open in terms of what I think or feel, which is really what matters most to me. I feel I can share what I want to say without a social form of proximity or acceptance beforehand. 

Other social media feel designed for personal image, this feels designed to rant to the void. I feel I can talk crap here without much consequence but in other spaces I feel less free and whenever I cross that line, whenever I say something elsewhere that I’d say here, I feel immediately that I made a mistake, that it’s not the right space for it. 

The community in here and the ways of it have changed through time, massively, progressively, but there is a sense of understanding of the hell hole that we all share. Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing, but at least it’s a known thing. 

And, all in all, I feel that even if this space doesn’t end up giving me any sort of profit, nor does it make me advance professionally in any way, as other social media could do, I’d rather have my growing pains encapsulated on this space that saw me grow in these past almost 9 years to remain unseen. I’d rather find my way professionally elsewhere and get to keep this floating around unconnected to that, because I’ve seen friends becoming big names in their crafts with the help of social media platforms, and I see how difficult it’s become for them to separate their personal bits with their public image bits and, honestly, I don’t want that. 

The fact that I’m irrelevant af in this blue hell space of ours, because the concept of “tumblr famous” has become a vague empty indiscernible term and because numbers of followers and notes here don’t count for much in the profitable social media landscape of today, is fine by me. 

I guess I could never fully grasp the social aspect of social media in the way other folk have. Possibly because I don’t quite feel at ease in social situations in general, and platforms that recreate those kinds of dynamics virtually, where your image is what speaks for you and your personal life is what’s been showcased, at least in part, don’t work for me. 

This hell space of rants, shitposts, puns and memes, but also of long dissertations about media consumption, the issues of capitalism and essay posts about why the fuck I’m still using this site, those are the things I feel I want to come to at the end of the day, and the things I want to meet people through. 

Maybe tumblr has always been a space of introverts with strong opinions. And that’s why I’m still here, in spite of all its shit. 

[imaginaryboyfriendcollection]

HiddleHamlet: A firsthand account (part I)

Okay guys. Here goes. I’m going to try to remember and describe as much of the experience as possible, so you can all feel a little piece of it too. This is your warning... this is going to be a long post.

Disclaimer: this review is going to be very little about the play, and very lots about how mindblowingly gorgeous and excellent Tom was in the play. If you’re not in this to hear a dissertation on that man’s thighs in his tight-ass jeans, don’t read further. I love and deeply appreciate theatre (this is the 14th play I’ve seen since moving to London 10 months ago), but this is tumblr and I’m not really here to be a theatre critic or to dissect various interpretations of Shakespeare. I’m here to drool over sexy men. It’s right there in the title.

So, to get that boring, non-thigh-centred discussion out of the way first - the play was seriously great. I enjoyed it hugely, even apart from the magic of Tom’s Hamlet (and somehow in spite of the distraction that was my brain screaming “HE’S RIGHT THERE!!!” for 3 hours straight). I saw a similarly intimate staging of Hamlet back in January, which I found... overly intense. This one was much better. I especially liked the touches of humour throughout, which helped to break up the heavier moments and moved the story along in a nice rhythm, and brought out the humanity and likability of the characters. The cast were all fantastic, and the sparseness of the stage worked well - the focus was fully on the actors and the words they were saying. 

We were sat in the front row, far stage left...which was basically on the stage. The theatre is teeny, with no raised stage, which meant the actors were walking by us close enough to touch. Being that close to Tom for an extended period of time was full-on exhilarating. When he’d run by us, we’d get a waft of air and could actually smell him. I didn’t get to last time, so I breathed in deep this time...and it was absolutely delicious. I’m sure we were visibly swooning after each inhale.

(I’m really sad that only a limited number of people will get to see this, and I know there’s been much discussion over the supposed “exclusivity” of this show, but I must say, in being one of the lucky ones who got to be there, that it was magical how intimate this was. It was immersive - a unique and beautiful theatre experience. I feel incredibly grateful.) 

Important things must be addressed, so: couch humping. Was SO FUNNY. It wasn’t a full-on dry humping (oh god…I just had to take several minutes to think about what that would be like. I’m back now) but rather a couple of energetic thrusts. Which was enough. This was met with laughter and tons of quietly imploding vaginas, I assume.

In this same scene (a great scene), Hamlet sits on the recently-violated couch with Polonius and laughs loudly with him. It’s rather forced (he’s putting on a show here), but also - seriously adorable. Because Tom. It gifted us with a huge Hiddles grin, which is so damn infectious (as you well know). In the third bout of this laughter, Hamlet dissolves into tears. One of the best things about Tom’s Hamlet was how perfectly and naturally he navigated the quick shifts in his mood - swinging wildly between grief, rage, lunacy, amusement, earnestness - and it all felt incredibly deft and real. Also, that man is gifted when it comes to crying. I think there were real tears in his eyes for about 75% of the performance. At one point, you could see the tears falling, illuminated by the stage lights. It was beautiful. I managed to stay seated and not run to throw myself on him and cover him in kisses, which was obviously what first instinct was telling me to do.

Okay...let us talk about how good he looked. IT IS GROSS, AND MAKES NO SENSE. My brain can’t compute this level of attractiveness, and I have no appropriate words to convey it. It’s even worse in real life. And truly, this is Peak Tom, look-wise. I missed probably large sections of dialogue due to thinking about his hair (I wish this was a joke). I could not stop staring at it. The curls are entrancing. It is perfection. I will cry when he gets a haircut. THIS IS THE HAIR HE WAS BORN TO HAVE. Also, THE JEANS. Holy fucking hell. I could write a Hamlet-length soliloquy about those jeans. Maybe it was because I was on the side, so I spent a good amount of time looking at the back of him, but...I have never appreciated a view more. Those jeans were, um, very tight, and I have zero complaints. I think I could actually see his thigh muscles flexing through them. I was equally entranced by his legs and thighs throughout the whole thing. My stream of consciousness went something like this: hair-legs-thighs-jaw-eyes-voice-words-legs-ass-kill-me-now...!

Yeah... his ass in those jeans. Specifically when he was moving or jumping around a lot. I leave it to your imagination.

Overall, there is truly just something about him. We have not been imagining that. His physical presence is undeniably, overwhelmingly attractive. He’s all legs and cheekbones and curls, and the way he moves is impossible to look away from. He’s so damn FIT. His body, his face, his every movement...it’s all just sex incarnate. I can’t be eloquent about it. What the fuck do you say about this. Just. Ugh. Fuck me up.

Will you look at this? GOD.

Wardrobe stuff: I love his new peacoat. It’s really nice and looks so soft, so he looks super huggable in it. I will continue to swoon over the upturned collar look on him - it works so well with his long neck and impeccable jawline. I also like how well he rocks the hoodie-and-peacoat combo. Really, is there anything that doesn’t look good on him?! Oh, and...there was no appearance, sadly, of the beloved grey boots (those boots are like a secondary celeb spotting for us by now). He was wearing dark brown boots through the whole thing. But they looked really good too no duh, so, no big loss.

Uh-oh... this post is already very long, and I have at least 26 more things to say about all of this. I’m think I’m gonna stop here for tonight and write a part two tomorrow. Coming up: tummy peeks, dancing, leather gloves and the opinions of the lady sitting next to me on Tom’s ass in those jeans (you didn’t think I was done talking about that yet, did you?)