#really toss up between body back and changing states I will guess BB will have more probably bc

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

preparing for my end of year reading video like :))))))))

[yanderesleepybutwriting]

Perfect || Izuku x Reader

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Pairing: Izuku x Reader  

Request: “Hiya, precious bean! So, I've requested this a few times from other authors, but none have been comfortable with it so far. I found your page recently though, and you're writing is amazing! So, maybe Stockholm! Reader x Yandere Izuku, where reader thinks she isn't good enough for bb Zuku and gets anorexic and loses lots of weight, and when she gets super weak Izuku finds out? Love your work -Anonymous”

Notes: Wow, thank you so much! I’m glad you like my writing, and I hope you enjoy how it turned out. Heads up, yandere themes are ahead [Mentions of Anorexia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Self-Hatred, Kidnapping, etc.]

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All-day you had felt off. Not necessarily feverish, just more tired than usual. Even the usually cozy temperature of the house felt slightly colder than normal. Leaving you with the feeling of not even wanting to get out from your spot within the covers. However, you knew you had to. You had stayed in bed long enough.

Izuku would be home soon, and you wanted to show your appreciation to him for working so hard by cooking him dinner. You had been watching a cooking show earlier in the day and saw them preparing Katsudon. It triggered a memory that you had of Izuku where he mentioned early on in your… ‘relationship’ that he really liked Katsudon, so you were doing your best to recreate it.

You were just about done, which was good because the smell was starting to make your stomach growl slightly. You hadn’t had a full meal for a few days now, and you were definitely starting to feel the effects. You don’t remember what triggered it entirely, you just remembered looking at yourself in the mirror one day and feeling nothing but dissatisfaction. Midoriya would tell you repeatedly how ‘beautiful,’ and ‘stunning’ you were, but you could never understand, and the more you continued to look at yourself, the more you couldn't help but wonder...what if he left you. What if one day, he sees you the way you see yourself. Would he still love you? Would he continue to keep you around? You had been with him for so long that the mere thought of him tossing you to the side was enough to crush you. You didn’t want to give him a reason to leave, so you did your best to change.

At first, you would only skip meals every now and again, but dissatisfied with the lack of results, you started missing more and more. Until you were here. Going on days without eating more than a granola bar. You felt Izuku growing suspicious, so whenever he was away, you would make yourself meals, only to throw them down the garbage disposal after they were completed. The missing food, along with the dirty dishes and silverware giving the illusion that you had eaten something. Then when he would come home, you would insist that you had already eaten.

You finished up a plate for him and placed it on the dining room table before returning to the kitchen to clean up your mess. You pulled out some plastic containers and moved your eyes over the rest of the food left behind. Maybe a bite wouldn’t hurt? Eyes slowly finding their way to your stomach. No. Better not.

You quickly brought your attention back to your pan, moving the leftovers of your meal into a tupperware container. You were so absorbed in your cooking, you didn’t even notice that Izuku returned. Watching you from the kitchen entrance, his expression falling into a state of bliss at the sight of you. His perfect angel.

His feet made their way over to you, hands wrapping around your torso from behind, pulling you closer to him. Gently he leaned down placing his head against your neck, his hair, now even wilder than usual after a day of hero work, tickling your skin, causing you to try to squirm away. But Izuku didn’t back down, only humming, a small chuckle erupting from his chest.

“Mmm, smells amazing, Angel. What did you make?”

“Katsudon. I thought that, maybe, you deserved it after the week you had.” You explained completely oblivious to the ecstatic look, creeping onto his face.

“You remembered?” He questioned, turning you around so you were both facing one another. You felt yourself becoming more and more embarrassed at his lingering gaze before he finally leaned down. Connecting you against him gently, as he savored the taste of your lips on his, sucking lightly on your bottom lip before releasing you. “Thank you. You don’t know how much it means. Knowing that you prepared this meal just for me. Now, come on, let’s go dig in.”

“I’ll just finish cleaning up. Your plate is made and is already on the table.”

“Oh…” He trailed off, hands slipping off of your waist, “You’re not going to join me today?” He was disappointed, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You knew how much he enjoyed spending time with you, but being forced to sit through a dinner with him, answering questions as to why you’re not eating was just something you couldn’t do. It would only bring up even more questions you weren’t willing to answer.

“No, sorry. I ate before you came home. I guess all that cleaning really worked up an appetite.” You stated casually, making sure to finish your lie off with a smile, hoping it would be enough to sell it. He gave you a suspicious look, but followed it up with a kiss on the forehead before walking over to the dining room.

“You know you really shouldn’t overwork yourself,” Izuku called out, “You shouldn’t even be cleaning or cooking, although I do appreciate it. I told you so many times that I’m more than capable of doing all of that when I get home.”

“I know, but I want to. I feel guilty since you’re doing so much for me, it just seems unfair. Plus, I like cooking for you.” 

“Well, I do love coming home to you looking so focused.”

Slowly your hearing began fading out, instead  being replaced with a high-pitched ringing, followed by a slow pressure that was brought into your head as you felt your world becoming more wobbly. Your vision blurring before you lost consciousness completely. The last thing you heard being the clattering of the pan hitting the floor, and Izuku calling out to you.

Ironically, the last of the two ended up being the first thing you heard as well, as you began coming to. Izuku was panicking, shaking you as tears were falling down his face. “Y/N? Oh, thank god!” He cried out, pulling you against his chest. You could hear his frantic heartbeat and uneven breathing. Confirming he was just as scared as he looked. “I knew something was wrong. I knew it! And look at what happened. I wasn’t able to keep you safe.”

Hearing him blame himself made you feel sick. You were the one to blame. You were the one at fault, not him.

“No, Izuku.” You spoke up, trying to lift yourself up, only to be pulled back down into his lap.

“Don’t get up! You could have a concussion. Do you feel nauseous or dizzy at all?” He held the sides of your face and and began examining you intently.

“No, I feel fine.” You lied, trying to push him off of you.

“You’re lying, Y/N. Why won’t you just be honest with me?” He sighed frustratedly, “I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me. Have you been eating?”

You froze, caught off guard by the straightforwardness of the question. He didn’t beat around the bush at all, and that was unlike him. He isn’t usually one to say what he was thinking, but this was different. Your health and safety is something he takes seriously.

Your expression giving him all the answers that he needed, he continued. Raking his fingers through his hair before speaking up. “Why? Just…why? Why would you do something so careless? Is there something wrong with the food here? Did I not get you anything that you liked? Because if that’s the case I’ll fix it. I-I’ll get you something else. Anything, just tell me what you want.”

“That’s not it.” You whispered, looking down at your lap as remorse overcame you.

“Then what is it? Please,” He begged, “just tell me.”

You held back tears as your throat started becoming tighter. You felt like you were trapped, and you just wanted to be left alone, but you knew that wasn’t an option. Not until you told him the truth.

“I just wanted to be pretty for you,” you confessed, tears making their way down your cheeks, “I just would look in the mirror and hate myself. I hated what I saw. And I was just so scared, that if you saw me, the way that I saw me, then you would leave. And I would be all alone.”

Izuku was stunned, watching you break down and confess what’s been going through your mind broke his heart. Was that really how you saw yourself? He just couldn’t understand. He could never leave you. His love for you was just too strong. How could you not see yourself as pretty, when to him, there’s no one in this world more breathtaking than you.

“Shh, I’m so sorry,” He soothed, kissing your face between each syllable, “this is my fault. You only feel this way because I haven’t made you feel loved enough. That’s okay though because I’ll fix it. I’ll take time off of work so I can spend more free time with you. I’ll show you just how much I love each and every day until you can’t forget it. You’re just so beautiful, and so incredible, but your beauty goes so much deeper than that. I don’t care about the way you look at all. I love you for who you are. And who you are is Y/N. Just plain and simple. You’re my Y/N. And nothing will ever change that. Especially not something as meaningless as your weight. So please, stop. Just stop for me. I want my happy healthy, Angel back.”

After more words of encouragement from your boyfriend, you finally worked up enough strength to bring yourself to eat. It was only a little at first, but Izuku was on top of the moon regardless. He kept his promise of taking time off of work to spend more time with you, but a lot of that time was spent making sure you were well fed. He always made sure you had cleared your plate before he allowed the two of you to do anything fun together. 

It was so hard at first, but Izuku was nothing if not persistent. Whenever he caught you looking in the mirror too long, he would immediately pull you away, making you lay in bed with him as he counted off all the things he loved about you. It was so corny, but oddly enough, little by little you felt it working. And that little amount of progress was all the hope and reassurance that you both needed to prove that you were getting better. And that it would only be a matter of time before you were comfortable in your own skin again. Something that Izuku was going to make sure happened.

[nadziejastar]

— What are the details of Ansem’s apprentices fall into darkness?

Most of what had happened with Ansem’s apprentices before their fall into darkness is unknown, aside from what was touched upon in Secret Ansem Reports. And the mystery of “the plan that was decided on after Axel and Saix entered the Organization” that was talked about in the Secret Reports in Days still remains. According to Nomura there is still much about the Organization’s humans that has yet to be said.

— At what point were Ansem and Xemnas separated from Xehanort? When did they lose their memories? Sometime between Birth by Sleep and Kingdom Hearts I. It happened during the events in the Ansem Reports from Kingdom Hearts I. Was it really memory loss? In the Birth by Sleep Secret Movie, Braig doubted it.

Thanks for this resource! It’s very useful. One of the most challenging aspects of writing a fic during this time period is just how vague everything is. After I beat KH3, I distinctly remember thinking that the Norts were absolutely impossible to understand.

What were ASoD’s intentions when he was an apprentice? How much amnesia did he have? How much of his personality was Xehanort’s and how much was Terra’s? How did Braig and Isa become vessels if Xehanort was an amnesiac during this time? How did he summon his Keyblade and why did he begin calling himself “Ansem”?  Did he really think he was actually Ansem? If so, why? Also, why did Saix have orange eyes, too?

What was Xemnas’s goal in forming the organization? When exactly was Ansem the Wise banished? What did all the apprentices think they were going to do once they became Nobodies? Apparently they wanted to be free from emotion (or at least Dilan did). How did having Terra’s memories affect Xemnas? When did the organization decide they needed hearts after all and what exactly were they doing for ten years until KHDays/KH2?

— In KHI, the robed man, Ansem the Wise’s apprentice Xehanort’s Heartless (the body of Xehanort’s Heartless before he inhabited Riku’s body), appeared on the Destiny Islands. Is this because it was Master Xehanort’s homeworld?

That may be one reason, but if he somehow had some of Terra’s memories, we can consider that it might be because he had laid eyes on Riku previously. In terms of the elements of Terra and Master Xehanort, I think the questions of how their power is related and divided, as well as who has whose memories and heart, will become a key to the story after this one.

Riku and ASoD had an interesting relationship in KH3. Riku said he’d actually miss him. I think their relationship was supposed to become more complicated in KH0.5, but we never actually got to see that. All we got was the resolution, which was extremely confusing.

Secret Ansem Report 1

One of my own apprentices, Xehanort, has volunteered to be a subject. The young man has served me ever since I nursed him back from death’s door some years ago. He had lost all his memories at the time, but later showed remarkable intellectual curiosity and readily absorbed my teachings, gaining deep wisdom. Any mental immaturity is surely due to his young age.

And on top of that, some of the secret reports were clearly retconned. Ansem said he nursed Xehanort back to help “some years ago”. In KH2, Apprentice Xehanort was made to look like he was in his early 30′s.

— Where did the Organization’s coat and mark come from?

Xemnas remembering his human years. One year after BbS, Xehanort as well as five other apprentices toss aside their hearts. Then the Nobody Xemnas was born, and the Organization which he creates takes a lot of things from his memories as a human. But as Xemnas had two people who he was, Terra and Master Xehanort, he takes from both of their memories.

Then he changed it. Ansem found Xehanort in BBS, and one year later, the five (Lea and Isa were not apprentices) apprentices lost their hearts. And Terranort was made to look like he was in his early 20′s in Blank Points.

–About how old is Xemnas? Nobodies don’t age; they exist as they were at the time of becoming a Nobody. He seems about 30 years old?

He specifically said Nobodies don’t age, though. Xemnas looks a decade older than Terranort, but Nobodies don’t age. So...Xemnas isn’t really a Nobody? And neither were any of the others, apparently. Well, since they had hearts all along, I guess that was supposed to explain it.

— In Ansem’s Other Report #13, DiZ had the unanswered question, “How did Xehanort open the door in Hollow Bastion’s underground?” but….

I can’t talk about this yet. But, weeell, it’s something you can speculate over, I think.

— Where is Master Xehanort’s keyblade? As was stated in Secret Ansem Report 13 in KHII, while studying darkness the young Xehanort opened the door to the heart of Radiant Garden. This would have been possible if he had a keyblade, but according to the Ansem Reports 4-8 in KH, he did not yet know about the keyblade at the time. In Last Episode Master Xehanort used his keyblade up until going to the world of darkness, but what happened to it after that…?

— Roxas, the “Sora + Ventus” Nobody, was able to use a Keyblade. In contrast Xemnas, the “Terra + Master Xehanort” Nobody, wasn’t able to use a Keyblade. Why is this?

I’d rather that point remain a mystery. It’s possible that he intentionally wasn’t using one.

I hate how we’re never gonna get to know the full story of Xehanort. The whole thing with his Keyblade was dropped. I wonder if Dark Road will actually go into any of this or not.

[valkerymillenia]

Omg there's so much I want to talk about in TLJ that I don't even know where to start!

And my ships 😏 hehe I see what the authors are doing.

Red herrings everywhere.

Spoilers ahead.

These are random disjointed fangirlish thoughts on the movie that I have to spill out before I can become coherent again. Bare with me.

THE HUMOUR! So good and yet so well nuanced that it complemented the seriousness of the  movie very well.

GENERAL HUGS and SALT GUY need to be memes. I mean, c’mon guys, you know I’m right.

LEIA USING THE FORCE TO SAVE HERSELF, IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE! My gods, she always had so much potential and it’s good to see some of it finally being expressed. They built Leia up so well in this movie, so much development, I love it but now I’m so afraid of what they’ll do for ep IX without Carrie...

Billie Lourd having way more protagonism! The legacy continues.

WOMEN EVERYWHERE!  As many as the men and in equal posts! Thank you, gods! Also, POC everywhere! YES, THANK YOU!

Rose is freaking adorable and well written, the viewers form an instant connection with her through her sister and she has that innocent and wonder that we haven’t had since New Hope’s Luke.

Though Rose describing Canto Bight made me laugh because it was a perfect echo of Obi-Wan describing Mos Isley... In fact when she described it as an ugly horrifying place filled with the most despicable people, all I could think was ‘girl, you’ve clearly never been to Mos Isley’. Though in the end Canto Bight is more civilized but morally worse than Mos Isley so she’s not wrong.

Still wondering was the message Rey asked Chewie to give Finn...

Shipping wise... They're baiting us with Finn x Rose AND Finn x Poe AND Finn x Rey all at once. Interesting to see the guy being the center of a love tangle for a change. Anyway, they are clearly letting the audience chose how to interpret each relationship.

Now, I’m trying to analyze this without shipper goggles (yet) so...

Poe's body language is all over Finn who seems clueless, Poe just acts so differently around Finn compared to others, hell, he even acts possessive of Finn (the way he examines all of ‘naked and leaking’ Finn, and, his face when he meets Rose and slightly places himself between her and Finn- “Who’s this?”).

Rose kisses Finn but he doesn't kiss back, it's not even shock he just looks confused and more concerned with saving her. In sum- Rose's body language is all over Finn, even more explicitly than Poe (because heteronormativity and all) but once again Finn looks absolutely clueless of what others feel towards him.

The only times Finn's body language and attitude go beyond more than friendship and admiration are when it's related to Rey... Though then she’s the one whose body language only denotes platonic feelings.

I see what's happening- the authors are showing all these options as red herrings under our noses, which often happens in the middle of trilogies, all so the fans won't be able to guess what's coming. Hell, I could almost feel an asexual vibe from Finn and the Rose x Finn kiss echoes the red herring Leia x Luke kiss in ep V so much...

Personally I still ship stormpilot (though not averse to Rose and Poe sharing Finn but that will never happen and still prefer stormpilot), even though I openly admit that it's clear they wanted to show obvious Finn x Rey chemistry and some Finn x Rose (albeit more one-sided).

Moving on...

ALL THE FUCKING REYLO! My poor shipper heart was exploding!

Topless Kylo! Flustered “please-cover-up-that-distracting-bod” Rey! LMAO!

I'm so happy that reylo is a cannon thing now. Sure, it's in a tragic ship sort of way instead of openly romantic, but damn, that back to back battle against the praetorian guard... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Scarred Kylo! 

Kylo hesitating and refusing to shoot, most likely because Leia was on board the ship...

Rey crying when she touches Kylo and connects to his emotions. 

Official confirmation that Snoke was already manipulating Ben when he was Luke’s apprentice (like what was stated in the novelization of TFA).

Ben turning to the dark because he felt betrayed by Luke (echoing Anakin and the Jedi Council). 

Kylo constantly conflicted and expressing it through anger and obvious emotional vulnerability, even (or even more so) as he becomes “the big baddy”.

Kylo BEGGING to have Rey on his side. And vice-versa.

Kylo killing Snoke, not for power but for Rey, the power was just his ambition and greed bubbling up as Rey denies him.

Pretty sure Kylo will get a redemption arc- I know it doesn't seem like it but the clues are there and I'm a good 90% sure of this, otherwise we'd just have a copy of Anakin's conflict all over again albeit Kylo being more ambiguous and also less determined in about his intentions. Now, if this redemption ends well or not, with love or without it, with grey jedi or otherwise, that is where the mystery lies.

Ok, I admit, Reylo is my otp but objectively in canon I don't know how the ship will end, at this point it can go either way; but imho Kylo will be redeemed somehow. As a writer and someone very much used to deconstructing plots, I can tell that there are enough clues for this, not just in this movie but in the big picture of the whole SW movieverse. 

One thing is for sure- the old dichotomy of jedi and sith as we know it is dead. Luke, Kylo and Yoda give us enough confirmation of this (and admittedly the whole black-white/good-evil extremes thing was getting SO old).

Personally I'm praying with all my might that we get Grey Jedi at last! And that would make both Rey and Kylo’s predictions true- she strays from the light and him from the dark and they meet in a middle term... It would make sense and seems to have been foreshadowed but unfortunately it’s not one of those things I can say I’m certain off. 

Let’s also have in account that the title of the movie is “The Last Jedi” but intended as plural (even here the subtitle was plural) so when Luke says “I will not be the last jedi”, I don’t think he means Rey exclusively.

Kylo was not made for leadership and rule either so I do wonder who will take the reigns of this crumbled government when it’s all said and done.

What else...

POE BEING A HOT-HEADED DAREDEVIL! He had such an aura of competence and poise in TFA but in TLJ we saw so much development, he was so humanized and flawed (but in the best way).

Phasma’s death was... as we say in Portugal “soube-me a pouco”, aka it felt lacking. Don’t get me wrong, it was epic, but they made such a huge deal of her in PR and marketing (especially in TFA) that it feels like she had a bigger role that got edited out in post-production. The fight with Finn was perfect and excellent for his growth but it felt like we needed more on Phasma to make it more meaningful.

HOLDO’S KAMIKAZE MOVE! Goddamn, I had mixed feelings about her through the whole movie but, although I usually dislike the kamikaze martyr trope, at that moment I just adored her. I feel like we could have gotten a bit more personal with her but either way it was tragically perfect.

Luke’s death felt unnecessary. Again, don’t get me wrong- I was afraid I’d hate it but it was a good death, an appropriate and meaningful one; however, it felt anti-climatic and unnecessary in the progression and pacing of the story itself. Perhaps if framed differently... Either way, the only way the manner of his death can be justified to me is if he has an important role (big or small, whatever, but meaningful) as a Force Ghost in ep IX.

Kinda wish we'd have a Luke-Anaking force ghost reunion; the two of them guiding Leia and Rey and even Kylo... But that's just wishful thinking.

The sweet moment between Leia and Luke broke me, I wanted to cry. They deserved so much more time together, hell, WE deserved to see so much more interaction between them as close siblings.

The almost imperceptive glance we get of the Jedi books safely stored in the Falcon! Begging the questions- who and why?

I wanted more Chewie and definitely more Maz! I really, really, REALLY want more Maz as a sassier modern version of Yoda.

Speaking of- loved the Yoda cameo- Mr ‘if you don’t have the balls then I’ll do for you’.

I get a feeling we’ll be seeing DJ again... But, honestly, so many new characters and they COULDN’T BRING BACK LANDO FUCKING CALRISSIAN?!

Please tell me Rey will build her own lightsaber now! And make it a lightsaber pike, it fits her much better than than the Skywalker saber. 

Liked Rey’s parentage reveal, honestly so much better than having her conveniently be the heir of a pre-existing character. Also gives her tragic past much more intensity.

Porgs were cute but screw them, the Vulptex’s were soooooo much better.

I’m conflicted about Snoke’s death... It was brilliant but at the same time it wasn’t as impactful as it could be if his role had been more pronounced in TFA. Still, very good though.

Best of all- HUX BEING TOSSED AROUND LIKE A DOLL. Deflates his ego beautifully. And when Kylo gives the “shoot with all you got” order when Luke pops up and Hux repeats the order word by word but louder to the troops and Kylo just gives him that ‘bitch, I just said that’ face... Priceless.

I loved BB-8 before but now I ADORE HIM! In Poe’s ship trying to fix the circuit board and then just goes “fuck it” and smashes into the whole thing. xD “Finn, wet, leaking” ! And taking out the prison guards! And piloting a damn AT-AT alone to shoot troopers! He’s so fucking smart and resourceful and just as much a daredevil as Poe, not to mention cute AF! 

BB-9E was interesting we didn’t get much more from him than appearance so BB-8 FTW!

Give me BB-8 merch. All the BB-8 merch!  Pillows, plushies, the drone! I’m in love with all things BB-8!

But when it comes to droids, I wanted more from R2, he felt neglected. Though that move of showing the old recording of young Leia’s distress message to push Luke really was genius.

Wondering if the little boy at the end is force sensitive or if he (or other kids) will have any role in the Resistance, there was a lot of foreshadowing there.

OMG the movie was just sooooo good! The spoilers terrified me but it was so good, for a mid-trilogy movie it was just right. Let’s hope IX lives up to it.

Finally, one last question- WHY IS NOBODY ASKING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER HANDFUL OF PADAWANS (KNIGHTS OF REN) THAT LEFT WITH BEN??????

I got up and practically saluted when the “in memory of” showed up. It got me in tears.

Ok, end of rambles... for now.