#red ribbons are a powerup

[cantsomeoneelsedoit]

Ch 61: Interest

Shen's desperate to bring down Feng even if he has to sacrifice himself to do it. Since Feng only responds to strength (and certainly not logic!) there's only one way to keep him in check!

And what's up with that bag at Shen's feet? Are those senzu beans? Shen is going to need a powerup if he's gonna defeat Feng!

Feng doesn't have a scratch on him after Andy's attack! He's gonna be trouble for our team of fighters. They'll either have to collaborate to chip away at him and wear him down or take him out in one catastrophic attack, because fighting him in a traditional sense is going to be a mistake.

Before I get too far into the chapter, I want to look at what I *believe* are *some* of the influences for the character of Feng. I certainly don't know Tozuka's mind, and I'm not trying to say that these are 100% intentional, but these are some other characters who remind me of Feng in interesting ways.

1. Tao Pai Pai

Tao Pai Pai (Mercenary Tao) debuted in Dragon Ball chapter 85 as a notorious assassin hired by the Red Ribbon Army to take out Goku. He's ruthless, greedy, arrogant, selfish, uses his braid as a weapon, and even kills someone with his tongue. He's also 291 years old, despite his middle-aged appearance. I don't think there's ever an explanation for how he lived so long. He's just a sage that way, I guess.

There's an anime filler scene where Tao Pai Pai even gets a black cloud like Feng's, though it doesn't last very long.

Tao Pai Pai was visually based on the villain from the Jackie Chan kung-fu movie Snake in the Eagle's Shadow. Take off the mustache, and you'd have someone who looks a bit like Feng (though Feng smiles a lot more than this guy).

But in the end, Tao Pai Pai proves to be a coward and doesn't have anywhere close to the grit, determination, and near-invincibility of Feng. He fights dirty, pretends to surrender, and generally acts like an arrogant dingus. Our Feng would run circles around this scrub. Still, there are parallels between them that I'll point out during his scenes.

2. Feng from The Iceman Cometh

The Iceman Cometh is a 1989 Hong Kong film that's kind of an isekai of its day. It has a villain named Feng who uses a time-travel device. The hero and the villain travel through time to 1989 Kowloon, where the bulk of the film takes place. Spoiler: Kowloon is Feng's last name in UU.

Though both the Feng in the movie and our Feng are excellent fighters, hate-sink villains and snarkers, the "Iceman" Feng is a much, MUCH, more evil character than the UU Feng, and that's saying a lot. You can see how bad he is because of his evil mustache.

3. Feng Wei from Tekken

I haven't played a fighting game in...decades, but I hear that Feng Wei is a hot-tempered Blood Knight who's obsessed with becoming the greatest fighter in the world. He fights in a different style than Feng's Bajiquan, though. As much as Tozuka loves referencing fighting games, I wouldn't be surprised if Feng Wei was an influence.

Honorable mentions:

Akuma/Gouki from Street Fighter, who's obsessed with fighting Ryu at his peak

Younger Toguro from YYH, who would go to great lengths to preserve his strength and youth

Anyway, the character of Feng is heavily based in the Arrogant Kung-Fu Guy who's always looking for a Worthy Opponent, and if he can't find one, he'll create one. He's neglected almost every other aspect of life in pursuit of power and satisfaction, and it seems he'll never be satisfied until he's killed by someone he deems worthy.

Shen and Feng are two different sides to the same coin-- a life dedicated to martial arts can take a dark or light path depending on the motivations of the user, which is a common theme in works about martial arts.

OK, with all that out of the way, let's continue the chapter!

Yeah, you can't just introduce a character like Feng and then not have Andy fight him! Slow down, Fuuko! We've gotta see Feng slug it out with Andy!

Well, that's certainly a strategy!

Feng's staff can transform into nunchucks to adapt to different kinds of fighting situations, just like a good martial artist. It's a versatile weapon that's well-suited to a quick-thinking fighter like Feng.

Being adaptable and able to shift styles and weapons is a major theme in a lot of Bruce Lee flicks, so it's no surprise to see Feng strike Lee's famous taunting pose on the next page.

Andy accepts the invitation so quickly that he steps out of his panel! He attacks with supercharged punches while Fuuko holds on for dear life! But Feng is still just standing there barely moving...

Despite the frenzy of his attack, Andy's thinking strategically about how to bring Feng down. He's not interested in prolonging the battle the way Feng is.

Feng fights with his hands behind his back the way Tao Pai Pai does.

His foot stomp is so powerful that it cracks the UMA's body, like the Earthquake Foot in Kengan Ashura or this scene from Kung Fu Hustle:

Andy is incapacitated by it, too! Shen is way too powerful!

Pretty rich for Feng to be calling someone else arrogant!

Ouch! Poor Andy! Using his wrist and elbow, Feng dislocates both of Andy's shoulders at once.

Feng's figured out Andy's rules before Andy had a chance to test Feng. Andy's strategy was to "keep dying" until he discovered the rules, but if Feng is only going to incapacitate him, then Andy won't be fighting at his full strength.

But but but it could cause osteoarthritis? Or ligament damage? And that could be deadly because... bone spurs? IDK, I'm grasping at straws here. I don't WANT Andy's power to have a loophole! But I suppose if someone has to discover a loophole, it should be Feng. I wonder if Juiz knows about this detail...

Andy attacks again, but Feng blocks with his forearm. Why can't Andy damage him???

Feng attacks with a double-palm strike:

Oh damn, Feng isn't depending on an ability! Everything we've seen has just been his natural fighting power! He looks genuinely surprised that Andy's still standing. Perhaps Andy is a worthy opponent?

Finally, we learn the name of Feng's style! By the way, if you're wondering about the Japanese names of Feng's moves, the UU English translator David Evelyn explained them here!

I would also like to mention Andy's sad shoulders. Utterly heartbreaking. I don't think we've ever seen him slouch like that before! He really looks incapacitated that way, and from Fuuko's expression, it's concerning her, too!

This page, though! I love this simple layout and how much it shows about the battle. Feng's lost his smile, but Andy's grinning now!

Andy's disinterest in being the strongest is curious. If he DID have that ambition, I'd imagine we'd see a lot more conflict between him and Victor. To Feng though, anyone who lacks that ambition is a coward.

Feng punches clean through Andy, likely attempting to take out Fuuko since he knows Andy can heal from something that catastrophic.

Feng taunts Andy for caring about something more than just his own strength and threatens to kill Fuuko in order to make Andy power up. Jeeze, this guy really has only one strategy to motivate people...

WHAT IF I KILL YOUR LOVED ONES?!? THEN WILL YOU BE STRONG?! THEN WILL I BE STRONGER THAN STRONG YOU?!

Best zombie.

"While I've got you here, let me tell you something..."

Feng, of course, has ignored the advantages of working in a team and fighting altruistically.

Shen's been missing for a minute! He comes back in style to stab Feng through Andy, much to Andy's surprise. Feng is delighted to see that Shen's emotion-powered attack was so strong! He's willing to do anything to fuel their rage. Can the Union work together to beat him without losing their cool?

Masterpost

[svenssvong]

Ranger Kart

Solana: Mountain bike

Lunick: Even crappier truck

Kellyn: Just a regular road-safe cyclist bike

Kate: Some piece of shit she MacGyver'ed out of a skateboard, a microwave and a PS1 controller

Keith: A skateboard. With a jetpack.

Spenser: Comedically small buggy that looks suspiciously like Joel

Joel: Three wheeled nerdmobile

Cameron: Crappy truck with a boat trailer bolted onto the back

Elita: One of those shitty Russian cars. You know the ones.

Murph: Jogs. If you get lucky you can win an ice cream kart from a powerup box

Sven: Motorhome mounted on a motorcycle

Wendy: Her Staraptor (because unlike, say, Joel for example, she has no personality outside of "she owns a Staraptor")

Hastings: Penny Farthing

Erma: Rollerskates

Barlow: Army jeep

Luana: Cute bike with a basket on the front for her Buneary and ribbons dangling from the handlebars and a bell

Crawford: A bike but the wheels are made from shoes

Hocus: Stupid gimmick car, ie, a giant top hat on wheels

Ice: Hoverboard

Lavana: Gigantic pink convertible sports car

Heath: Scooter

Blake: Segway

Wheeler: Tricycle with a Dim Sun flag on the back

Red Eyes: Also a Hoverboard but with edgy flame decals on it

Blue Eyes: Powder blue Mini Cooper

Kincaid: OTT villain car complete with bat wings and a giant replica hair swirl

Nema: Flying heap of shit with crappy steering (but is also extremely fast)

Rand and Leanne: Minivan

Elaine: Shitty ancient looking motorbike, complete with a dodgy-looking side car that she makes Ollie sit in

Tim and Bertha: Tractor with a trailer for all their kids

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Were you the person who had a post about "what if Rayla had died on the mission and Runaan had lived"? I was thinking about that... is there a possible scenario where Rayla had escaped with the egg and princes the same way as in canon, but Runaan and the other assassins had survived and now believed Rayla was dead and both somehow missed each other? The angst possibilities from Runaan's end, at least until he got back to Silvergrove, but even then he would angst over having 'abandoned' Rayla...

You know, I don't remember making a post like that, but I can tell it's an angst I could get behind, so maybe I did?

Fam, I love a good honest misunderstanding, oh man, those are great! Very tasty stuff. So let's see here... oh gosh this really took off, huh? Yas.

________________________

"Runaan, please," Rayla begged, planting herself between her mentor and her new allies the human princes, "this is a miracle, a chance for peace."

"No," came a smug, raspy voice from behind her, "it's not."

Rayla whirled in surprise. How had the dark mage gotten free of her manacle so quickly?

Claudia stood beside Callum, smirking confidently and holding the primal stone she'd just stolen back from him. But her smirk dropped at the sound of Runaan's bowstring. A green-fletched arrow whispered past Rayla's shoulder, headed for the dark mage's heart. Rayla's eyes widened as she realized she was about to watch her first human die.

"No!" Callum held his sketchbook in front of Claudia's chest. Runaan's arrow punched through it with a heavy thunk. Claudia, Callum, and Rayla stared at its poison-dipped broadhead in shock. The deadly metal fell just short of cutting through Claudia's tunic.

Rayla spun back to face the older assassin. "Runaan, wait-" But he was already loosing another arrow. Rayla cut it out of the air.

"Callum!" Ezran called plaintively. Bait, perched in his hair, croaked too.

"Get out of here," Rayla told the humans. "And keep that egg safe." She spared Claudia a single glare.

Runaan began striding closer, and he whipped another arrow from his quiver and nocked it. Rayla knew he'd loose that last arrow before he got close enough to use his swords instead. And that, she did not want to see at any distance. Not when so much else was at stake!

"That's far enough, elf," Claudia called threateningly. She held up the primal stone and began to chant in Ancient Draconic. The air started to crackle with lightning.

"Claudia, wait!" Callum shouted. He grabbed her wrist again, but this time, the primal stone wobbled and fell as they both scrabbled for control of it. Rayla gasped, watching it tumble. Neither of them were going to be able to catch it. She suddenly wasn't sure she wanted to, either. She shot Runaan a regretful, pleading look.

Runaan's arrow loosed. With everyone in motion, Rayla couldn't be sure if Callum would be in his line of fire when it arrived. She folded her swords and turned her back on her mentor, squeezed her eyes shut, and stepped into its path.

"Rayla!" Runaan's voice cracked the air like a whip.

"Rayla, look out!" Ezran shouted.

The primal stone hit the stone walkway and shattered.

The first massive gust of wind struck Rayla and tumbled her just as Runaan's arrow found its mark. With a cry of surprise, Rayla rolled across the high stone walkway, flanked by Claudia, Callum, and Ezran, who was somehow still holding onto the egg. Rayla thumped against the parapet and scrabbled for a grip against one of its crenellated edges, feeling her feet kicking in midair while a screeching gale scattered everyone and everything that had been on the castle roof a moment ago.

Runaan stood on the other side of the walkway, barely on his feet as he braced against the wind. His ponytail whipped like an angry snake, but his face was full of pain and alarm. "Rayla!" he shouted.

"Runaan..." Why was her voice so weak? Shouldn't she want his help?

Crumpled against the crenellated wall below Rayla's tenacious grip, Callum, Claudia, Ezran and Bait huddled together for dear life.

"Rayla, this isn't what I wanted!" Runaan shouted over the wind. He tried to stagger toward her through the strongest of the winds, but they only shoved him back against the far parapet.

"Claudia, help her!" Callum called.

But Claudia was distracted by the alarming amount of rainbow-hued magic that had begun crackling off the egg of the Dragon Prince. "What's happening?" she blurted.

"Help..." Rayla called.

"Fine, I'll help her, then!" Callum stood in the storm and reached for Rayla's hands.

Another arrow zipped past, whirling madly off target in the howling wind. Callum flinched back, then grasped Rayla's hands firmly. "I've got you!"

"And I've got him!" Claudia said. She pulled a glowing orange thing from her bag and started chanting, and she squished the orange shape until it oozed meatily between her fingers. Its gory remains caught fire, quickly swelling to a fervent blue heat that made the princes flinch away.

"No!" Rayla's grip slipped in shock, but Callum braced his feet hard and held on tight.

Then Claudia threw it, just as the storm grew an eye of calm.

Runaan was already leaping high with his swords in his hands. The fireball landed directly beneath him. Rayla's last sight of her mentor, as the blast struck Callum and forced her hands free of his, was of Runaan's tumbling, silent figure flying back over the outer wall of the castle and vanishing into the fury of the storm.

Was he coming to save me, or to kill me? she wondered as she fell too, engulfed by the same winds that took him. She closed her eyes, expecting to meet her fate, but a fluffy and overstuffed cart of hay had other ideas and Rayla flopped safely down into the courtyard.

Her first instinct was to jump up and go find Runaan. But then she remembered: his side of the castle roof had a much farther drop. She'd finished climbing it herself not an hour ago. And with all those rocks dotting the river, she couldn't imagine how he'd survive such a fall.

"Oh no... Ethari, I'm so sorry," she murmured brokenly.

But the storm was only growing stronger, and the rainbow lightning up on the roof grew brighter and brighter. Rayla stared in awe and amazement. Was the egg... hatching?

A newborn dragonling would need more protection than an egg. She scrambled out of the hay and darted through the wind, trying to find her way back up. Before she could, though, the storm wore itself out, and she ran into Callum, Ezran, and Bait as they bolted down a curving flight of stairs.

Rayla whipped out her swords. "Where's the dark mage?" she demanded.

"She ran to find her dad," Ezran said.

"Yeah, , but after she got giant heart eyes and squeed over the baby dragon," Callum added, looking starry-eyed in a conflicted way.

"The wot?" Rayla asked.

"Look!" Ezran opened his coat and showed her a cuddly, fluffy dragonling nestled quietly against his chest.

Bait grumbled, but Rayla gasped in delight and held the dragon's little face. "Oh, he's just so cute! Why is he allowed to be so cute?" she demanded playfully.

"His name is Zym," Ezran said.

"Hello, Zym," Rayla said quietly, ruffling his soft fluff. The dragonling sniffed at her hand and licked it, and then he nipped at her binding ribbon, pulling it off. Rayla stared at it in shock, allowing Zym the opportunity to nibble off the other ribbon, too. "Huh," Rayla mused. "Guess these things were just decorative after all."

They ran to the bottom of the stairs and began to hurry toward the main gate. "But what about Dad?" Ezran asked, looking worriedly at the uneven towers.

"He'll be alright," Callum said. "He has the finest guards in the kingdom defending him."

"Yeah, of course!" Ezran piped up.

Without Runaan, the others won't stand much chance, Rayla thought angstily. They'll soon fall too, if they haven't already-

"Rayla, uh..." Callum gingerly touched something stuck in the back of Rayla's hoodie. "You've got something on your back. Ez, go hide for just a second, okay? I need to help Rayla with something."

"...Okay, but hurry," Ezran whispered, as he darted into a shadowy tunnel. "Bait, no glowing, he didn't mean that kind of hiding."

"It's an arrow," Callum murmured to her, once Ez was out of earshot. "Is it, um, does it hurt? I didn't want him to have to see any blood or anything..."

The arrow. Rayla straightened her shoulders to see if she'd actually been hit. "I think it just missed me," she said lightly, not wanting to think about what would've happened if it had pierced even one more layer of clothing and scratched her skin with its deadly poison.

Callum tugged it out of the cloth and awkwardly offered it to her. Rayla took it and stared for a moment. The arrow's shaft had broken when she fell, and it dangled like a felled bird in her grip.

Runaan. He'd fallen, too. Probably permanently. Rayla's shoulders slumped, and she added, "I... We need to hurry. They'll be comin' for us soon, and it's a long journey to Xadia."

"Rayla!" It was Callisto, perched overhead in full Moonshadow form. "Where's- It's done?" he blurted, interrupting himself. His eyes locked onto Rayla's wrists.

A clamor of guards ahead drew his attention, and he leaped toward them, staff at the ready. Rayla grabbed Callum by the arm and ran, snagging Ezran's sleeve a dozen steps later. "Don't look back," she hissed, shifting into full Moonshadow form mid-stride. They didn't need to know she was only talking to herself.

In a few minutes, they reached the forest. Its cool shadows swallowed them whole, and they ran all night. There was no reason to wait anymore.

***

Runaan woke to gentle hands pulling him from the water. He coughed himself awake and sat up slowly, holding his head. When his focus returned, he shot an alarmed glance at the sky and saw that the Moon had nearly set. "We must hurry-" he began, trying to stand.

Four sets of hands pressed him back onto the grass.

"Easy, Runaan," Callisto said. "It's done. It's over. We can go home."

With wide-eyed disbelief, Runaan checked Callisto's wrists, then Andromeda's. Then Ram's and Skor's, too. Their binding ribbons were indeed gone.

A strange sort of lightness flitted through Runaan's chest, heady, intoxicating, and refreshing, erasing his injuries--or his perception of them, at least. His reward for a job well done. The ribbons around his biceps loosened and turned red before drifting to the grass as softly as newly fallen leaves.

Runaan reached back for his shadowhawk arrow and found his quiver gone. No... Ethari's arrow! He scanned his squad's expressions hopefully.

"Sorry. We couldn't find it. But we did find your bowblade," Skor said, offering it.

Runaan took it gratefully, feeling a bit of calm returning along with the familiar weight in his hands.

"We did it. We actually did it," Andromeda said as she got to her feet. Her smile beamed like the Moon. "I can't wait to get home."

"Unless Runaan needs a moment first," Callisto said mildly.

"No, we should leave now, and we should hurry," Runaan said. "Without the shadowhawk, the Queen of the Dragons will be waiting on my personal word. I should not keep her, not in her condition." The rest of his team stood immediately, and he took the hand Callisto offered and stood with focused effort. "We only need to make one stop along the way."

But the rock he'd parked Rayla on was empty. And so were the next dozen rocks. "You're certain you saw her?" he said, clasping Calisto by the shoulders, turquoise gaze boring into his eyes.

"Aye, clear as moonlight," he replied. "But only for a moment. And..."

"What?"

"The human with her pulled your... a-an arrow... from..." Callisto looked aside awkwardly.

"If she took even a scratch..." Andromeda breathed.

"Shh," Skor hushed her.

The assassins went quiet, waiting respectfully.

Runaan's eyes widened. He thought he'd struck true when Rayla stepped into the path of his arrow. Then he thought he'd missed, when she survived long enough to cling to the parapet and call his name. Then he thought the explosion had taken her. Then, hope again, only to have it ripped away one final time. He knew how terribly deadly his chosen poison was. His face froze in a mask of pain, and he shut his eyes. He felt like he was falling from the parapet again, except this time, there wouldn't be any merciful oblivion to put him out of his misery at the bottom. There'd never be a bottom to this fall from grace.

Ethari gave me one job. And I failed him. Does he know yet? Did he watch her flower sink?

Runaan gulped and gritted his teeth. Mourning would have to wait with all his other feelings. He still had a job to do.

He stood straight, gripping his bowblade, and met everyone's eyes, one by one. "We run for home. Ethari can make me a new arrow there. Move out."

They flowed into motion, and Runaan let them take the lead. It was only logical to track and follow the other elves, he reasoned, since he was having such trouble seeing the forest clearly through the tears in his eyes.

[millenniumfae]

Video Game Cooking: Nectar (Hades 2018)

Nectar is one of the in-game items Zagreus can collect. By gifting these bottles of golden liquid to other characters, he raises his affinity with them, which in turn gives him powerup items and advances character questlines. 

Hades (2018) is a retelling/adaptation of the classical Persephone and Hades mythos. All items, settings, and characters are from classic Greek mythology; Zagreus’ foster mother is the primordial goddess of night. Achilles’ personal questline is about reuniting him with his lover Patrocles. Zagreus has spent his entire life sheltered underground in Tartarus, so he doesn’t know what birds are, or what winter is. 

In turn, ‘nectar’ exists in Greek mythology. It’s sometimes interchangeable with ambrosia; both are the legendary foods/drinks of the gods, said to grant immortality to anyone who consumes them, amongst other positive effects. In-game, nectar is the more commonplace counterpart to ambrosia; Zagreus finds nectar as a dungeon drop. But he needs to defeat the champion of Elysium boss to gain a single bottle of ambrosia.

Today, we’re gonna re-create the nectar of Hades (2018) for ourselves! It may be contraband in Hades’ domain, but it’s not like anyone pays attention to that rule, anyways.

Why are we recreating nectar, and not ambrosia? Because there already exists tons of ‘ambrosia’ drink recipes. Maybe not based off of the Hades (2018) version, but there’s nothing new or exciting in making yet another ambrosia drink. Nectar, on the other hand, gives us more room for invention.

Hades (2018) Nectar Recipe  (Makes One Serving)

1 1/3 cups Martinelli's sparkling cider

2 tablespoons orange flower water

1 tablespoon honey

1/4 teaspoon edible gold shimmer powder (make sure it lists all ingredients, and is certified food safe)

A pinch of coarse sea salt

A pinch of lemon zest

A drop of mint extract

The first times Zagreus gifts nectar to npcs, they describe honoring some sort of godhood custom and exchange with him with a ‘keepsake’ - an in-game powerup he can wear. Unlike with gifting ambrosia, their eyes don’t pop out with shock at receiving such a luxurious gift, it’s instead just something nice, even if relatively commonplace. But nectar is still prestigious enough that gifting the actual Olympic gods nectar goes over well.

If ambrosia is the equivalent of Zagreus gifting $30,000,000 Breguet watches to his friends and family, then nectar is the gourmet-wrapped basket of cheese and crackers you see in the ‘gift’ section of the grocery store. Something you spot while on errands, and impulsively buy so you have a hostess gift the next time someone invites you over. It’s a gift borne of societal custom, and implores the giftee to give you something in return, eventually. Everyone from your multimillionaire uncle Poseidon to your humble jailbird neighbor Sisyphus are pleased to receive such a gift, even if they might value its contents differently.

(In the early-access versions of the game, nectar was ambrosia. The final release wrote ambrosia as the coveted, rare prize you earn after defeating the champions of Elysium. True enough, Zagreus can only find ambrosia after defeating the Elysium boss.)

In original Greek mythology, ‘nectar’ and ‘ambrosia’ aren’t two distinct things. Homer describes nectar as the god’s drink, and ambrosia is the food. But in Sappho’s and Anaxandrides’s poems, it’s the opposite. There’s more recorded mentions of ‘ambrosia’, rather than nectar. Some take this to mean that both nectar and ambrosia can be seen as something both food and drink, like honey.

Both share canonical similarities. Ambrosia and nectar are fragrant foods/drinks, sometimes used as literal perfume by the gods. Makes sense that nectar smells good, if in the AD period we’ve taken the word to mean the sweet stuff within flowers.

Other than its smell, we’ve no canonical information about nectar (other than in the Odyssey, nectar is described as either ‘rose-red’ in color, or in scent). Hades (2018) rendered nectar’s appearance as an opaque, warm gold liquid in a cute little round bottle, wrapped with a ribbon to benefit its ‘gift merchandise’ reputation.        

Nobody in Hades (2018) describes the taste/smell of nectar. Ambrosia, on the other hand, is said to be rare ‘vintages’ that you’re guaranteed to like. Sometimes, gifting either results in a cutscene where Zagreus and co. hang out at the lounge, complete with a sound clip of uncorking a bottle and pouring it into a tall glass. You can also see characters drink nectar amongst each other, savoring both the occasion and the taste. Eurydice also offers a ‘Refreshing Nectar’ power up item, which just kinda looks like normal nectar but in a tall glass. 

There’s a clear alcohol equivalence. But nobody references drunkeness in-game. Even original classical Greek culture didn’t have a drunk culture like we do; wine was revered, but it was mixed with water to be savored, not to intoxicate oneself. Maybe nobody in-game can get drunk in the first place; everyone’s either an immortal, or a ghost.

(In my opinion, it’s always a bit weird when videogame characters can nurture deep, trusting relationships purely built upon a system of gifting items. But Hades (2018) does make it clear that Zagreus already has established relationships with most of the cast.)

Ambrosia’s a rare vintage. So what does that make nectar? We need to make something sweet, pleasant, attractive-looking, and also tangibly related to its rarer sibling. So we’re using another liquid that’s distilled and sometimes fermented; apple cider. 

A bit of this decision comes from the soundbite of opening up a nectar in the lounge; it’s a thin viscosity with a slight hint of foam, almost sounding like beer. And the color matters too, since different distillations of apple cider can result in different colors, ranging from dark brown to a light, bright gold.

Apple juice, when fermented, can have alcohol contents going from light apple wine, to brandies that have 10-25% alcohol. As a culinary ingredient, its modest fructose content means a higher temperature tolerance, and its citric acid can be used as a brine. It’s a popular ‘new world’ ingredient in cooking and baking. 

It’s also an ‘old world’ food. Hades (2018) doesn’t take itself super seriously, with its foil-wrapped gyros and french fries as in-game healing items. But any character/worldbuilding they do have, they keep it consistent. 

Zagreus says that Hermes’ symbol “almost looks like a bat wing”, when it’s very clearly a bird wing. Because he’s lived underground his whole life, he doesn’t know what a bird is. Weapons upgraded with the aspect of people like Guan Yu, or King Arthur, are time-bending powers that no one has ever heard of, with hints that these mysterious people live in places with their own gods/mythology. Zagreus catches a trout/bass/sturgeon fish for the first time, and it’s completely foreign to him, but Achilles fondly recalls these Greece-native fish fitting of his Nereid heritage. Characters have discussions about how mortals fear death, despite Thanatos being a gentle god represented by butterflies. There’s no sun, therefore no time, in the underworld. Hades is the god of minerals as well as the underworld, hence gems and diamonds being an in-game loot. 

Apples originated in Central Asia. During the Classical Greek era, they would have resembled what we call crabapples; small, hard, sour, cherry-sized. “At the Sammardenchia-Cueis site near Udine in Northeastern Italy, seeds from some form of apples have been found in material carbon dated to around 4000 BCE.”

It implores me to find ingredients that fit the setting, as with my other Video Game Cooking recipes. No pumpkins, no corn, potatoes, chocolate, tomatoes, vanilla. Instead, we have things like almonds, lentils, oranges, honey, garlic, onions (haha, suck it Achilles)

To reflect nectar’s ‘sweet smelling’ trait, we’re using an ingredient common in Persian cooking - and later the French royal court of King Louis; orange flower water. I found mine in my local Asian grocery. It’s a byproduct of making essential oil, and it’s colorless/flavorless, but with a strong aromatic smell that affects any food you mix it with. It’s also a known ingredient in modern day Greece, called anthonero (ανθόνερο). 

(Eeurydice is confirmed to use both nectar and ambrosia as a cooking ingredient, and her food is apparently amazing. Maybe one day, I’ll make another Video Game Cooking recipe based off of her Pom Porridge, or Ambrosia Delights.) 

And to really make it look like the food of the gods, we’re adding an ingredient found more and more in swanky bars worldwide; edible glitter powder. Originally, people only used this to decorate baked goods and candies, but come Instagram, people are making these really picturesque cocktails that shimmer rainbow. You gotta be careful when buying these for yourself, though; the tiny tins of decorative edible shimmer power you find at Michaels may not actually be as edible as they claim. I found Bakell-brand Luster Dust at a bake-supply shop. If it doesn’t list its ingredients, or certify itself as FDA-approved, then don’t use it for food.

And since it’s called ‘nectar’, we’re also adding honey. Which has long history of its divine status as a holy food. To take down the intense sweetness a bit, the tinest pinch of sea salt - another holy, pure substance. And to really bring out the brightness of the apples, we’re adding a sprinkle of lemon zest. A tiny drop of mint extract brings a complex depth to the orange flower smell.

To make a glass of nectar; cover the bottom of the glass with mint, lemon, sea salt, honey, and orange flower water. Then, pour the apple cider with the gold shimmer dust together, so that the two mix together a bit, to avoid clumping of the powder. Then you mix the drink a bit, so that the honey, zest, and salt aren’t sitting at the bottom.

It only now occurs to me that this recipe might actually be a rendition of Eurydice’s Refreshing Nectar item, rather than pure nectar itself. But just take my word for it; when you open up a bottle of nectar, you get that whiff of blossoms with the slight coldness of mint, and the sea salt/honey taste goes really well with the apple juice. I imagine that Eurydice’s somehow making a further delicious drink by adding a splash of Bailoni and ice. 

Enjoy! Just imagine that you’re hanging out with Zagreus and his three partners, cracking a cold one open over stories about how crazy the surface world is. Did you know that we have machines called computers that instantly relay information all over the world??

[mahou-furbies]

Azusa Mifuyu

For some reason Mifuyu’s design just doesn’t do work for me but it’s very hard to come up with a reason for that. When she first appeared in the anime I remember my reaction being “uh, so this is what we’re going with for a major character?” Maybe it’s just the colour palette? But then again doing anything outside the usual primary and pastel colours should be a good idea so I don’t want to think that that is the problem either. The bathrobe look is a bit strange but I do like the fluff, and it works as that one prominent element that ties the design together and is very unique to her. The pom poms at the end of her coattails and the fluffy ribbons tied to her hair are just the kind of memorable details that make the design stand out. The horned hair manages to make the otherwise very simple hairstyle distinct with little effort. As for actual problems the in-game model is a bit of a “please put on some pants” kind of design but even that doesn’t look so bad.

So in the end the design has no glaring flaws and a ton of stuff in its favour so I suppose there’s nothing I can do but to say this is just a matter of taste. Or maybe my issue really is the colour palette, isn’t this shaded with just a darker shade of grey, which all colour tutorials tell you not to do? Maybe the red ribbon should be a brighter colour? But I don’t think a very muted colour scheme should be unacceptable if that’s what you’re going for. 

In the end I really want to like this design so I’ll give it a 9/10. Maybe it’ll grow on me.

As whined in a previous post I’m not a fan of how MagiReco keeps giving us repeats of the same characters instead of new ones, but I do like how we got the child versions for Yachiyo and Mifuyu for comparison purposes. As also complained earlier MagiReco doesn’t really do powerups but I’m glad we can get a bit of an evolving design here, with how her coattails and hair ribbons have grown but how there really isn’t anything new or more powerful about the new look. The child version has a lot better skirt but otherwise I like the adult design with the longer flowing parts. 

[shinygoku]

OG DB Anime - Mini Thoughts

I wanna have a little moment for an Anime Retrospective before I advance on to Z! Not much took me by surprise, having read the mangas cover to cover beforehand, but the anime is another beast...!

The first draft of this post went on and on, so if you’re sufficiently interested in a more deep version of my regards to a particular arc, feel free to ask, but I’m not good at writing for too much at once lol

So! My likes, my dislikes and if anything much was changed by the anime~!

PILAF ARC

Pros: It gets things started, which is always nice. A lot of important characters are introduced, as well as several elements that’ll reoccur, like Kamehamehas, Oozarus and speculation on what the heck Goku is (even if it’s clearly a joke instead of foreshadowing!)

Cons: I’ve always felt that this is the weakest offering by Classic DB, the characters being much flatter and the filler being tedious padding. Some is necessary evils, you gotta start somewhere, after all, but the crass jokes don’t do anything to help out here. I hate the pinball episode as it’s 20 minutes of precious time wasted. Goku is lacking a lot of his personality outside the iconic scene where he meets Bulma, mostly being a food-charged punching machine.

Anime Changes? Pretty much just more filler. And Goku eats a hamburger instead of a meat bun? Curious.

KAME SEN’NIN TRAINING & 21st TENKAICHI BUDOKAI

Pros: This is actually where DB starts to find itself and take off. Seeing Goku and Kuririn grow is satisfying and Lunch is also added to the roster. Kuririn’s growth from resenting Goku to becoming his bro is excellent. The Announcer Man is introduced. The Jackie Chun vs Goku fight is great and helps establish how strong and tenacious that little monkey kid is. A rad insert song for the Budokai!

Cons: Still rather lowbrow, cringy humour. Half the characters in the 21st are joke gimmics who bring nothing but quick yuks. Or yucks, because Ew, man, I can do without some of this stuff.

Anime Changes? Roshi gets cockblocked many times in karmic ways. Giran and Namu are expanded in filler, which makes their presence a fair bit more interesting. I’d list Namu as a Pro, but sadly he only makes a couple of brief appearances going forward after this, but at least we do have this filler!

RED RIBBON ARMY (Part 1)

Pros: Goku adventuring solo and beating up the weird jerky soldiers who keep getting in his way. All of Muscle Tower and Hachan. Bulma forcing her way in and getting more than she bargained for. Goku, Kuririn and Bulma in the Pirate Cave. Arale in Penguin Village.

Cons: Blue makes for some very uncomfortable watching. I don’t particularly want to go into depth here but hoo boy is this homophobic. Also Silver is boring. You’re boring me!!

Anime Changes? Boring ass Silver filler and a brief moment where they make Blue a pedo as well. Urrgggghhh. HOWEVER! Also some nice filler with the Jingle Village crew. We get introduced to the man who made Hachan (Jinzonigen Hachigou / Artificial Human #8) who will get forgotten about during Z where some ugmo is the new Jinzo maker guy, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

RED RIBBON ARMY (Part 2)

Pros: All of it. Bora and Upa’s relationship! Tao Pai Pai being the first villain to actually be high stakes and also does it while being entertaining! Goku’s character development when he resolves to avenge Bora and wish him back to life with the Dragonballs! Karin-sama! Goku obliterating TPP and the RRA base! The image song! The Baba Miniarc! Jiichan Gohan!! The first time Shen Long revives somebody...!

Cons: Almost nothing, really, mostly that dirty joke moment with the invisible man lol

Anime Changes? All for the good, expanding the characters and training to give it more substance. Goku’s character growth is really highlighted and he goes from a tough, nice kid who happens into foiling evil into much more of the bringer of hope and justice! He makes a very clear choice here which is still present in the manga but the anime really performs it better.

TENSHINHAN SAGA & 22nd TENKAICHI BUDOKAI

Pros: The filler, which I like to refer to as “Purple Goke Adventures” is all high quality stuff, and even makes the bold move of introducing Tenshinhan (and Chaotzu) early to give us a taste of what’s to come, and what will change! The 22nd Tenkaichi Budokai is Fantastic, with much less dumb gimmicks and much more interesting fights, personal stakes, gorgeous animation and that sweet, sweet character development. Also, Yamcha gets a rad image song.

Cons: Honestly nothing much is coming to mind lmao. I’m not saying it’s flawless but the dirty humour has largely been shed by now. I will say that Namu shoulda been a featured character instead of New Randos we don’t give a rat’s ass for, but that’s a small complaint.

Anime Changes? Great exclusive content here, and also Yamcha listening to the radio for a lot of it. Lunch also beats dudes up while holding an ice cream cone, which is amazing.

PICCOLO DAIMAO SAGA & HEAVENLY TRAINING

Pros: You thought the shit got real with Tao Pai Pai? Well boy, the shit gets so much realer here!! Damn though, this arc goes hard in all the right places! We see Son Goku at rock bottom and higher than he’s ever been before, while also having an interesting side story focused on Tenshinhan. After all that, there’s a bunch of training Goku’s gotta go through, which makes him again much more compelling, as even though we’ve seen him do what no one else can, we also catch a glimpse of how much further there is yet...

Cons: Some animation and filler antics are a bit of a let down, though only in a couple of episodes. Nothin’ too big, mind you.

Anime Changes? Filler, almost all of it is really good! Of note is Goku and Yajirobe searching for the Super Actually Real This Time Magic Water, which makes Goku’s Massive Powerup feel a lot more earned (hey, if it’s poison does that mean he Zenkai’d into more strength?) and the training he goes through with Mr Popo, which shows how much of a noob he is on the grand scale and makes the stuff he does in Z more noteworthy and well deserved, too! Also I sure love the Back to the Future Episode~

PICCOLO JR & GOCHI ADVENTURES

Pros: Another lot of characterization and beautiful fights! Watching Goku vs Piccolo really reminded me of how many notes future fights in Z, most of all Goku vs Vegeta, would take from this. Everyone (who isn’t Chaotzu) gets some time to shine, even Yamcha! After the tournament, we get the adorable pair of Goku and Chichi on their five-episode quest to put out the blazing inferno on Frypan Mountain, which really intensifies my love for them as a couple~

Cons: Not a whole lot, really. It’s main crime is maybe not being quite as rad as the adventures 15 year old Goku was having. Also no insert songs. And the Gochi pacing as a little odd, poor Gyumao is stuck in the burning castle in each of the eps as Goku and Chichi meander about (not wasting time, but it’s very fetch quest-y) and I was honestly really shocked to see all of 3 minutes dedicated to their wedding! What?! We don’t even get half of an episode?! Even 1 more episode would have been a lot nicer, imo.

Anime Changes? All the Gochi content after the tournament, smaller character moments during the Budokai, too. We even get to see Piccolo saving a young boy from a poorly-timed clock falling (haha), before doing a dick move by squashing something or the other the boy had, but it foreshadows his eventual Heel-Face turning in a neat way~!

There we are, I hope this sums it up nicely~

Coming soon: The Liveblogging of the second half of the story!! Which has rather overshadowed this one lol

Obviously I’m looking forward to most of Z, but it’s still bittersweet to be done with DB. Even when I knew the plot beats seeing it all in order and high quality for the first time was wonderful! I’ll return to it, some time after I’ve consumed all of Z and GT too, so it may be quite a while anyway. Maybe watch other things to make DB feel more like coming home? I’m getting rather ahead here, my main point is that

💕 I LOVE DRAGON BALL!! 💕

[infiniteilluminator]

Ascended

(Going under a cut because fairly major blood/violence/self-harm descriptions, just in case)

Kate Lancaster is no longer human.

Or at least, she’s so close to not being human that it doesn’t matter anyway.

Her scars are gone. Scars from years of fighting, athletics, mishaps- 

The scars on her knuckles, when the thoughts and the feelings after losing Jacqueline had been too much and she ran out into the city and punched a wall in an alley somewhere, over and over, until there was blood all over the bricks and she couldn’t feel her hands but she just couldn’t stop-

The lumpy burn scar on her shoulder where Liege Passion accidentally hit her with a fireball, the poor kid had been absolutely mortified, must have asked her if she was okay a million times-

The jagged lightning bolt down her shin where she dropped her favorite coffee cup and it shattered on the ground and in her haste to stop her idiot cat from getting a pawful of hot coffee and ceramic shards she had fallen full-force onto the wreckage-

The last ones to go were the scars on her forearms. They weren’t straight, horizontal ridges, like the ones she’d seen on others so many times- now, of course, they weren’t anything.

She could still remember the pain- almost thirteen years old, the sting of her parents’ deaths still fresh in her mind, alone in a house that was all stiff, rough furniture and the old, stuffy, dusty smells of poutpourri that filled her sinuses every day and every night until she could hardly sleep or think or breathe, accused of everything from laziness to possession when the scratchy, stiff, stinky fabric of the sheets sent her into a frenzy or her chin was grabbed and she was forced to look straight into their eyes, when the weight of her hair almost suffocated her and she couldn’t stand the way it was pulled and scraped and tied into ribbons and sharp barrettes every morning and she took the kitchen scissors to it, caught red-handed in the funeral-home-smelling, bedoilied bathroom sitting in a circle of strawberry-blonde scraps-

So she took the scissors to something else instead, late, late at night, biting her lips and tongue against the sobs, partly from the pain and partly from the storm of feelings inside of her, pushing the edges against the bellies of her forearms until the skin split-

Even now, every detail, every sensation of that night stood out to her.

But the scars were gone.

Ever since she had passed teenagerhood, her hair gleamed with a faint, pale purple in the right light. One morning, she woke up to a swathe of fragrant lilac cascading around her shoulders and halfway down her back, curling and waving and bouncing impossibly. After several panicked hours chopping and hacking, until the sink was clogged with shining purple and her fingertips were numb and she was back in that bathroom again, throat tear-heavy and eyes burning, it seemed to get the message. It was still lavender, and still unnaturally perfect, but now deigned to bounce and curl and wave above her shoulders.

The empty space in her life that was once filled with something furry, soft and alive still felt strange and awkward. She still stepped carefully when carrying her food to the coffee table, expecting Honey Mustard to dart out from behind the couch and twine around her ankles, meowing plaintively for her toast. 

Two or three months ago, Kate had woken up sometime very late at night with an unshakable sense of wrongness. The black-and-white lump at her side was oddly stiff and still. She shook him, hoping, even in her sleep-addled state, that she was wrong, that he would lift his head, twizzle his ears and mrr back at her sleepily.

He didn’t.

She tried to convince herself that the sudden, violent thunderstorm that day was a coincidence. She tried very hard to ignore the fact that the thunderclaps coincided almost perfectly with her sobs, that the harder she cried the harder the rain came down, that when a despairing sound that was almost a scream managed to claw its way out of her throat, the sky was rent by lightning so bright it was almost blinding.

She tried, but she couldn’t ignore the multiple videos, pictures and news stories the following day, all illustrating in vivid detail how the churning clouds almost glowed purple, how the lightning crackled with opalescent colors around the edges, and rainbow fire roared up wherever it struck.

When she handed in her resignation, Lady Lune took a long, lingering look at her from behind her desk, fingers interlaced and vibrant teal eyes piercing and intelligent. In the years that Kate had worked for W.I.S.H., Lune had changed- she had gone through several powerups and outfit changes, of course, but the rigid, no-nonsense, almost obnoxious 19-year-old had grown into an intelligent and refined woman. The long, straight black hair was the same, and the smooth, dark skin, and her costume still resembled ultra-streamlined armor, gleaming white and glowing teal with silver accents, but there was something in her face. While still beautiful, she was undeniably mature.

Kate still remembered when her eyes were chocolate brown.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Lune had asked her, for once dropping the businesslike tone of voice in favor of something softer and more sympathetic.

Kate had nodded wordlessly, airy lavender bouncing around her shoulders as if she was underwater. “I- yeah,” she muttered after a moment. “I’m... I love what we do here, I love fighting and helping and-- all that-- it’s just...”

There was a long moment of silence. Lune had learned to give Kate breathing space in conversations- one too many debriefing sessions had turned into shouting matches- but if they dragged on for too long, the other Magical usually cleared her throat or rapped her knuckles on the desk to get her back on track.

This time, she didn’t. Which Kate was extremely thankful for.

Once she had gathered her thoughts, she took a deep breath. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “The Stylus- the pencil form- is gone- I don’t need it anymore to transform or to do magic. It feels like... even when I do transform, it’s harder and harder to change back... Even just like this,” she gestured to her ripped jeans and graphic tee- “I think I’m almost as powerful as when I am transformed.... I just. I think it’d be safer for. You know. Everyone. If I wasn’t an active agent anymore.”

There was another silence. Suddenly, Lune pushed her chair back and stood up, hands on her desk. She stood like that for a moment, almost unsure- then she walked over to Kate and laid a silver-gauntleted hand on her shoulder.

“When you came to us, we were.... I hate to admit it, but we were a mess,” the taller woman said. “We were so wrapped up in obeying the Council and guidelines and even regular laws that we forgot why Magicals were granted their powers in the first place. You... You were the first step to change. You changed W.I.S.H., Kate- and because of that, you changed the world.”

Kate nodded, staring at the floor.

Lune sighed and withdrew her hand, taking a few steps back. “There was always a possibility that this would happen,” she continued. “Being chosen by something as powerful as the Infinispark... It was completely unprecedented. Kate- I wish I could do something to change this, but.... You’re more powerful than I am. You’re more powerful than... than anyone in the organization.”

“Heh- don’t remind me,” Kate replied, a note of sardonic humor entering her voice- for the first time in what felt like weeks.

“Well... Thanks, Lune. It’s been... You know.”

She turned and left the office, feeling her former director’s piercing gaze burning on her back all the way to her apartment.

Faceplanting directly onto her mattress, Kate wrapped herself up in the tangled sheets and weighted blankets, sighing heavily. 

She would Ascend soon- she could feel it. Like her bones were filling with carbonation, her cells were turning into stardust. Gradually, to be sure, but steadily... inexorably.

Kate didn’t know if she would become a deity, like most Magicals who Ascended, or if the Infinispark was too powerful to have a consciousness attached to it. Maybe she would just... be gone. 

Regardless, she would find out soon. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but... soon. 

For now, though, she wrapped her arms around her torso and focused on being alive.

[mahou-furbies]

I actually really liked those insight posts about Precure brooches, items, and fairies. I was wondering if you could do one about their weapons?

The Precure rankings take quite a lot of time to write so it’s nice that someone reads them!

But yes, the weapons. I haven’t made it a secret that I dislike the toy ad-like weapon designs so I don’t really care for many of these (common complaints: looks ugly and cheap, too much pink even for non-pink characters, rainbow buttons where they don’t belong, buttons or lights that don’t seem to serve any purpose, too much detail), but reading about me complaining about that for dozens of paragraphs probably wouldn’t be very fun. So I won’t put that everywhere and this will be more about judging the items in relation to each other than how they’d fare against all fantasy item designs I know.

Especially with the season I haven’t seen it was a bit bothersome to see if an item was weapon or not, so I just made some quick judgements. I’ll do the other items that aren’t in this or the other precure item posts later.

Futari wa Precure

Not a huge fan of these kind of items where the design philosophy seems to have been “it doesn’t have to resemble a weapon in any way, a pink plastic thing with buttons will do”. I’m not against all weapons looking incredibly impractical (like I love Mew Ichigo’s Strawberry Bell) but here these just look incredibly bland and cynical to me (I mean cynical in a different way than me). 

I was going to be more generous with this since I thought it was a bow and bows are always elegant weapons and I’m always happy to have those regardless of how dumb the design looks, but reading the wiki I guess this is a baton instead. Boo! Still I like how it can be both a heart and also be bent open. The design makes me think of a baby toy though with all the round corners.

Futari wa Precure Splash Star

I like how the girls wear their items differently and the way the heart is framed is nice. But apart from that I don’t find these particularly aesthetically appealing, and they also look a bit too busy compared to the rest of the costume. Busy item designs are less of a problem if its a handheld item that’s clearly not a part of the base design, but when the characters are supposed to wear the item it often looks very out of place, as if it was just tacked on because the marketing team demanded it. Okay I’ll stop with this now

Not pictured: the versions with a star instead of heart, but they look otherwise the same and I like the heart better.

Yes! Precure 5

We now reach weapons I actually like! They’re pleasantly simple without unnecessary buttons everywhere, but with the tulip-like design with the cute little swirl there’s actually some point to it and it’s not just haphazardly placed buttons and lights and jewels. And as a fan of customisation I really like how everyone has their own take on the item. The pink girl apparently doesn’t feel the need to fit the theme though and hers is a lot less interesting to me, but at least it can sort of look like a flower (more like a butterfly though) so it’s not completely out of place.

Laser swors? That is a good idea. The flower is pretty too but I’d prefer it if it was a bit smaller, now it looks a bit unbalanced, and also why does everyone have to have a pink one again? Meanwhile the powerup version looks a lot more cheap, busy and gaudy.

Not a fan of this one, it feels like a portable lottery wheel, which would be a fun idea if Milky Rose had to work around with an item that gives her random powers, but I’m guessing that’s not the case. Another option would be that she’d use this to cut pizza. The blue roses and purple handle would make for a pleasant colour scheme, but then there’s the rainbow mini roses which break that, I think this would look more appealing if the roses were detachable and she’d attach the one she wants to use, but I guess the spinning wheel is supposed to be the Thing here.

Fresh Precure!

Pretty standard magical girl wands, white with obligatory pink for everyone and rainbow lights. At least everyone gets a crystal thingy at the tip in their own colour and card suit and it’s nice that they use their items differently (though Berry this is not a sword no matter how you try to slice it) but otherwise I’m not really interested.

Nice colours and the wing is cute, and I actually like the bizarre idea here. Like you could add power to the harp with the heart while playing it, or attach different attacks or whatever. But this exemplifies my main issue with the Precure items: okay, you can’t sell an actual harp with actual strings to kids so you sell this instead, ok. But why does the item in the show have to be a 1:1 replica? Disney can sell Elsa’s castle legos or inaccurate cheap-looking dolls but the counterparts in the movies look perfectly serviceable, so why can’t Passion have actual strings in her harp instead of these huge led lights?

Heartcatch Precure!

I like the metallic or glassy sheen at least in this shot and the shape of the handle. What I don’t like is the middle heavy design, I’d rather have the rainbow thing in the middle (which I’d prefer not be rainbow) either be smaller and moved to the tip, or the end part being longer so it’d look a bit like a sword.

This one is rather basic, like it’s just a circle with hearts around it. But at least it doesn’t do anything stupid and the colour palette checks out.

Suite Precure

I like the idea of being able to split the item in two but especially Rhythm’s looks a bit silly when it’s not in two parts, like now it’s not a baton or staff or really anything I could describe. But somehow I still like Melody and Rhythm’s items, at least they have consistent colour schemes and despite initially looking very different actually use the same base so that’s nice customisation. But how come the pink girl didn’t get the more ornate one? The guitar looks more on the cheap side, this is a toy guitar, not a magic guitar. And are those multicoloured buttons I spy again? But thanks to the more calm colour palette it’s not the worst toy guitar ever at least.

Smile Precure!

My first impression on this was “wow this is so dumb”, but the horse’s sleeping eye with the glamorous eyelashes makes it loop back to awesome. This is girly fairy tale magical girl design cranked up to eleven and I can only marvel the boldness. However like with the Heartcatch wand this one feels a bit unbalanced, the bottom and middle are pretty big so I’d prefer if the “blade” part was a bit longer and again the rainbow hears feel unnecessary.

Based on design alone this is a contender for my least favourite battle item, but I’ll have to hold my full judgement until I see it in action. But this has it all, there’s obligatory pink and rainbow, overdesigned, looks very cheap and gaudy. 

Doki Doki! Precure

This is some seriously extreme lipstick. I guess this is a serviceable design if you want to make a lipstick based weapon, it’d probably not look very impressive if it was regular size. I like the twist-able red jewel, and the fact  that while she can use different lipstick colours, the item sticks to just red and yellow.

Here we have the collapsible bow I was hoping we’d get with Shiny Luminous. Apart from the obligatory pink palette for everyone I really like these, again bow makes for a great weapon, and I also like its collapsed form, that thing just invites you to press a button and have it open up. Though holding the bow looks kind of awkward. And is this the largest Precure weapon we have? Where are the huge staffs?

For starters, I find there’s something absolutely hilarious about the name “Magical Lovely Pad”. Story-wise it has the baggage of belonging to an attack where the other characters send their power to Mana (of course) so she can take all the spotlight, but as far as the design goes I guess it’s alright for a magical tablet. And I thought this was one of the items where it just floats in the air awkwardly but apparently the Cures do hold it in their hands, so points for that.

The harp is kind of silly looking but i have to commend it for at least having the strings not be thick as a straw.

Happiness Charge Precure!

A pretty straightforward item, nice colour palette and the heart ribbon things at the ends are the same as the bracelet and resemble the brooch too so it’s consistent with the reset of the items in the season. I also like how it can be split into maracas too.

I think the idea of a star-shaped tambourine is perfectly serviceable, but this one just looks kind of cheap, like we’re in the baby chew toy category again. But I feel this could be salvaged if you gave it a more harmonious colour palette, made the heart look more like a crystal and the jingles metal (i.e. not so plastic-y).

This one always felt hilarious in that you have a grown man character showing interest in this thing. But as a weapon it’s one of my least favourites. The makeup pens that come with this are fine I guess (though the makeup the girls put on themselves looks like the “this character doesn’t know how to use makeup” kind) but the main item is very unappealing to me. I guess it boils down to the fact that this kind of items feel more like that the Cures just push a button and then the item does its magic light blast of goodness and love on its own, while with the wands and musical instruments and such the Cures feel more like they’re actively using the weapon.

Go! Princess Precure!

An alright wand, even if the tip feels a bit too heavy. The mostly white-and-goldd design is a lot more preferable to the usual pink, the dress up keys get to take a part, and the tip looks a bit like a crown.

This is in the same category as Passion’s harp, nice colour palette and a musical instruments make for a great magical girl weapon in theory, but here the result is just too cheap and toylike. No way I can imagine a violin sound coming out of this, the only thing I hear is two pieces of plastic rubbing together.

This is it, the worst item. Magical girl weapons don’t all need to resemble actual weapons, but there are some limits to how far you should go. Out of all the Precure items this feels the most like the toy department just said “we want to sell a toy castle, so have the main characters play with one in every episode after its introduction”. Can’t they use a less awkward item to conjure this castle around them and sell a miniature version of that as a dollhouse or something?

As a toy this is fine, like I had a similar little castle (it was semi-transparent blue and you could turn on a pink light in it) and sure I could imagine placing some Pikachu toys on it and have them dance, but as a weapon in a story I hate it. 

Mahou Tsukai Precure!

These look pretty nondescript and forgettable. At least they don’t have multicoloured beads running down the staff, but there’s not much to talk about.

This one is cute but kind of basic too; the gold butterfly feels a bit unnecessary but if you remove it the whole thing would be pretty bland. Still, there’s nothing overly stupid and I like that the flower bud doesn’t miss the obvious that it should open in an attack.

Kira Kira Precure A La Mode

This one is a bit too bulky, but at least it makes it stand out a bit more. It also helps the item not look so unbalanced with the huge glass (?) ball in the middle. And it’s nice how you can see the Kira Kiraru in it; it makes the item feel more real when you get to see the resource it uses. The cream like decorations are cute and appropriate and the walking cane shape reminds me of the candy filled plastic canes I used to get from the summer market as a kid.

I got nothing on this, it’s another magical girl wand that doesn’t particularly stand out in any way. At least the rainbow buttons fit the theme this time?

Google tells me it’s an actual product, but to me ‘creamer’ still sounds like a Wrong kind of name to use in a kids’ show. That aside the idea of piping cream on the enemy is fun, but I don’t think they do that in the attack... But for the potential I like the design; unsurprisingly I’d remove the multicoloured decorations on the handle but otherwise it’s alright.

Hugtto! Precure

This one feels really generic, white staff with pink accents and rainbow jewel thingies. Not interested, next!

These look a bit too bulky for my taste, I think they’d look better if the neck was longer. The colours are also a bit too gaudy for my taste (and the guitar totally disappears in Macherie’s dress), though in their defense in better pictures you can see they have more white so the result isn’t quite so stuffy. But still magical guitars make for a good weapon for idol themed characters.

This feels really generic, like it’s just a bunch of hearts glued together. Next!

Star Twinkle Precure

The wand is pretty basic, but there’s something in its simpleness that I like. If you removed the pink and purple crown thingy it would be better, like only neutral white and gold, and everyone’s theme colours equally in the shooting star (or I guess the star is also yellow for Soleil but it still feels more neutral than the usual pink). With its many colours and short tail the shooting star feels like something from a baby nursery but I guess if the tail was longer it’d start feeling more like a sickle.

As for the prefume bottle, I don’t find the design particularly attractive, and it also feels like yet another case where pink has been shoehorned in. And the little ribbon feels very unnecessary.

Healin’ Good Precure

My criticism on Passion’s harp also applies here, and this time I also find the overall design less appealing with several of the details feeling a bit tacked on.

(the wands have already been bitched at in the henshin item post)