#reddit lurkers... I see y'all checking to see whether your flair made it. ya nerds

[boinin]

Flairs on /r/BlueLock

A meta commentary/shitpost. I'm not sure which.

For Tumblr-onlys: Reddit allows users to add a flair beside their usernames, much like Tumblr allows badges. Flair are unique to individual subreddit, and only appear when that user comments or posts in that subreddit. The Blue Lock subreddit allows users to set custom text flairs, which may include a selection of emojis or character thumbnails.

This post contains adult humour/explicit references.

I posit that there's three categories of user flairs on Reddit.

The first category is what I refer to as normie flairs.

These include much of what you'd expect, if you maintain the false assumption that enjoyers of football shounen are straight, well-adjusted young men. Many users take this opportunity to represent their appreciation for a particular character (i.e. "Isagi Yoichi"). Admirable, but ultimately boring.

Much like Tumblr has its microcosms and meta humour, so does /r/BlueLock. In flairs, users make reference to fandom in-jokes (e.g. "Red Keys #1 fan", or "#1 Paralympic Footballer" next to a thumbnail of Yukimiya Kenyu). Other flairs reference quotes from the manga that inspire them (e.g. "Shut the fuck up Ness", "There is a monster inside me"). Although edgy in tone, these flairs are still reasonably explicable, should their parents check their browsing activity.

A recurring theme among this user group is a desire to distance themselves from homosexuality. Although excessive gayness is canon in Blue Lock, some users are defiant in their assertion that the series is about ball handling and nothing else. Hence, the existence of flairs such as "Miss Me With That Gay Shit" and "I'm just here to talk football dude".

For these users, the most relatable character in the series is Adam Blake: Mr. "I have no interest in male bodies" himself.

True martyrs. We salute them.

On to the second category.

Again, this is a loose category in terms of content and theme. You may question why I've chosen to differentiate these from the normie flairs. However, while all of these users are expressing admiration for the characters, the way they do so is hornier than a bunch of imprisoned football virgins. They are more worked up than Shidou, when he scores a goal.

I introduce this grouping as… the down bad flairs. There's a lot to unpack. Take your time.

We cannot infer that all the flairs in this group are the result of users biting their lips and moaning whenever a certain character appears. There may be a innocent explanation for why someone would designate themselves "King Barou's Chair" or "Muscle Mommy Kunigami's Squat Bar Pad".

Perhaps they simply kin as furniture.

Users among this group embrace the fruity nature of the series. Although it's untrue to say all Redditors are male basement dwellers and thus, in gay denial. There's evidence that women also frequent the subreddit to thirst over pretty manga boys, using the broadband their parents paid for. At least, this is what flairs such as "Kenyuu's beloved waifu" and "Impregnate me, Shidou!" suggest. There's even straight men present, if "Drinking Anri Mommy Milkies" and "Bachira's Mom's boyfriend" are anything to go by. Forgive them their sins, they know not how to play along.

But cis-heteronormativity is a scourge, something Blue Lock fans understand better than most. After all, no particular gender is required to become "Noel Noa's sugar baby" or "Isagi's personal toe sucker".

In terms of distribution, no one is safe from the thirstiness of /r/BlueLock users. Nearly every character has a thirst flair to their name. The ones that seem to inspire the most unhinged flairs are Shidou "dress sluttily, I can fight" Ryusei, Michael Kaiser ("Reincarned as Kaiser's Wet Underwear") and Bachira Meguru ("Bachira's leaking rosebud").

As the protagonist, Isagi naturally attracts a lot of favour. Some flairs highlight his prowess (e.g. "I love it when isagi shoots from behind", or the more possessive "isagi meatrider get out kaiser"). These users are, unfortunately, deluded. I regret to inform them that there is no universe in which Isagi is a top. He'd be devouring your dick, not the other way around.

To the conclusion. If you are a /r/BlueLock veteran (my condolences), you will have noticed a conspicuous absence among the second flair group. You may be thinking, is this chick blinder than Yukimiya? Can they even read?? They missed the worse ones.

To this I say: Do not cite the deep flairs to me bitch. I was there when they were written.

One image lies below the cut. Unlike the other two, the third category of user flairs has an obvious theme.

However, there is no returning beyond this point. Once you have borne witness to this forbidden knowledge, you will be irrevocably changed. It may ruin your life... or awaken something in you. Either way, a price must be paid.

Consider this my final warning. You may yet walk away from this post unscathed. Even with the words "Devouring Aiku's Hairy Ass" branded on your psyche.

But if you are determined—if you have steeled your mind (and your eyes), open this video in another tab and read on.

Anyone who guessed horny Chigiri flairs, take 1,000 Jeopardy points and a shot of something strong.

I'm not going to invent pseudo-intellectual commentary for this. Y'all came this far, see for yourself. I can't justify some of these, nor begin to explain them—and I write Blue Lock fanfiction. These users are in another dimension of Chigiri worship, one I can never bridge.

Source and references: this