#reesh talks

[reeshtheenderblaze]

OFFICIALLY I'M LEAVING TUMBLR AND I GIVE ALL OF MY CHARACTERS TO MY CLOSEST FRIEND @askthemagesfamily THE OWNER IS THE OFFICIAL PERSON TO USE REESH OT RENAME HIM, RENIR AND EVERY OC OF THIS BLOG. I HAD A LOT OF CRAZY STUFF HAPPENING AND I CAN'T SEE THESE OC JUST PERSIH. THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING BUT IT'S TIME TO LWT GO AND WALK AWAY. TAKE CARE AND BE SAFE-RFLECTA

[krusperichard]

Okay your post about Richard's dance moves got me imagining this Reesh specifically dancing to Blue Monday by New Order 👏 Why does it work so well in my head please help me

IT DOES FIT OMG! 🫢🤭 I aspire to dance the way he does! ( ◡‿◡ *)💚 His lil' dances are universal and go with everything! I wanted to test this with one of my favourite songs: 🚘 Geronimo's Cadillac by Modern Talking (. ❛ ᴗ ❛. )🎶 Brought to you by Näd's Bäd Video Edits!

You can find the sources of all gifs I used here!

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Why is no one talking about Reesh wearing a thong in Mann Gaggen Mann? Like he had that string so deep up his crack!

(older ask, that i wanted to do justice 🍑)

We could talk....but we could also just watch...

must have been tight to make sure everything was neatly tucked out of sight 😊

but when i watch this i'm always wondering...what's with the rag around the thigh? 🤔

[marimayscarlett]

Whoever put Richard last in dick size chart has clearly never looked closely at Mann Gagen Mann video nor seen that poolside pic...

For those who cba - you can see Flake's and Reesh's peens.

In fact, idk why everyone's putting Till so high up when he and Richard are the same size.

Again, for those who cba - Till The End and backstage bj videos.

Hi 👋🏻

This...rather personal topic always seems to grasp a lot of attention throughout the fandom I guess 😅 I'm not going to dive into it further, as I already answered two asks about it last year, and I think that's enough talking about a topic of which I genuinely don't know the literal measurements 😊

[struwwelzeter]

Do we know if Reesh is a cat or a dog person? Cause I can picture him with a gorgeous cat, like a rag doll or a Bombay, but if he’s a dog person I wanna make sure I have the right image of him in my head •v•

I don’t think we know, I don’t think he ever had animals apart from his girlfriends/daughters.

I’m guessing here and gonna go with neither. He strikes me as the kind of person who values his independence too much and therefore doesn’t seek out companionship for comfort and wouldn’t be comfortable with having to care for one. Which I guess would speak for him being more likely to be a cat person in theory but I think even that goes too far. I could see him appreciating dogs too because he loves to be loved. I don’t know, though. He just doesn’t strike me as interested for some reason. Some people aren’t animal people.

I guess most people see him as kind of cat coded himslef - slightly mistrusting and unapproachable, and if we’re talking for fic purposes I definitely would write him as a cat person, because see above, but yeah, no.

[meinewellemeinstrand]

So I am finally rewatching the Rammstein In Amerika doc and the one I found on Youtube is like the original one I think, so the guys are talking in German and the others mostly in English but the subtitles are in Spanish. My head is all over the place.

My first language is Italian but I've been studying English and German for years, they're my second and third language and I am fluent in both, but good god language shifting is so confusing.

Halfway through the doc and I can't even think in my first language right now.

Also the Spanish subs... I mean, I've studied Spanish too at uni and even though I'm not nearly as fluent in it as in the other two languages I can understand it pretty well because it's very similar to Italian.

I'm just so confused right now.

I have no idea if this even makes sense and I came here to write about something else but now I forgot and I think it was about Reesh but I don't know anymore

[reeshyz]

Title: I lost my teddy bear - can I sleep with you? Pairing: Richard Z. Kruspe / Paul Landers Presentee: @annabanansblog Prompt: Teddy Bear Warnings/Tags: Nightmares | Fluff | Cuddling Word Count: 2.312 Summary:  Paul can’t sleep anymore. Nothing helps. Not even an old joke Richard loves to use against him. If he doesn’t find a solution to this then he will go crazy. Thankfully Richard has one. Read on AO3: here

♪

The first time Paul meets Richard, they’re still young and Paul is an idiot. He’s quite drunk and Richard is just too pretty. He just has to speak to him. He even ignores that Richard is actually already in a conversation.

“Hey there,” Paul says and he winks at Richard, who frowns.

“Uhm hi?”

“So I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?” Paul asks and he’s smiling so widely. Schneider and Flake next to Richard don’t look too impressed and Richard outright squeezes his eyes shut for a moment.

“What?”

“I said…”

"No, I heard you. Thanks but no,” Richard says and he turns back to Flake so he can tell him more about this new band he wants to found. Paul sighs.

Shit. Maybe that flirt line really had been bad? 

And Paul doesn’t even know that this would forever hunt him. 

*

“Richard!”

Paul wakes up with a jolt and then realizes that he was actually the one screaming. He wipes the sweat (and maybe some tears as well - not that he would admit that) from his face and looks at his clock. It’s only 3 am, but he thinks that he probably can’t go back to sleep now anyway.

“Reesh,” Paul mutters again and then shakes his head. Lately the nightmares are getting too much and he is glad that Richard’s room is so far away from his own. He doesn’t want him to hear Paul screaming his name at night. Luckily Ollie kept quiet.

“I can’t keep doing this,” Paul mutters and then he finally gets up. He even has to change his shirt and makes a face at that. He dresses in a soft old shirt that is way too big on him and almost cuddles into it. It smells like Richard and Paul relaxes a bit. He knows that Richard is safe right now.

Paul quietly walks into the kitchen and is surprised to see that the light flicked on there. He frowns, because he turned it off, when he had left for bed earlier and all the others were already in their own rooms by then.

“Paul?”

Paul sighs. It’s really just Richard. Paul opens the door all the way and sees his best friend sitting at the kitchen table, laptop in front of him. So he is working again. Paul frowns, because lately it seems that Richard never relaxes 

“Hey, new song idea?” Paul asks and he sits opposite Richard, who nods and then continues to type on his laptop. Paul sighs again, a bit louder, so maybe Richard would get the hint and then looks around for coffee. Seems like Richard finished the last cup.

“Yeah, just some ideas for Emigrate I think,” Richard says and then he looks up. The moment their eyes met, Richard shuts his laptop close and Paul rolls his eyes, when he sees how worried Richard looks. Does he look that bad?

“What?” Paul asks and looks down at his hands, so Richard doesn’t see his red eyes. Richard doesn’t say anything at first, but he gets up. For a moment Paul thinks he is leaving him alone, but then he sees Richard is doing something at the counter.

“Nightmare?” Richard asks, while he takes a mug out of their cupboard. Paul hates to talk to Richard (or anyone) about things like this, but he still feels a bit shaken.

“You could say that,” Paul answers and thinks back to his dream. They were back shooting that damn video, when Richard had hurt himself, jumping on Paul’s back. He can still see how much pain Richard had been in. He remembers how painful every step on stage was for Richard.

“Here that helps,” Richard says and he puts a steaming mug in front of Paul, who looks almost skeptical at it, because that is not coffee.

“What is this? Something to poison me with?” Paul asks grumpily and tries to smell it, but it doesn’t smell disgusting. He raises his eyebrows, while Richard laughs. Paul admires the laugh a few seconds before he catches himself.

“It’s tea, Paulchen,” Richard says and Paul nods, before carefully taking a sip. It’s still hot and he glares, when Richard laughs again. He blows on the tea, before he tries it again and he has to admit, it’s not too bad.

“And?” Richard asks and he is grinning. Paul huffs and takes another few gulps before he answers, he can feel the hot tea going through his whole body and he shudders happily, already feeling a bit better.

“It’s not bad,” Paul says, but he is smiling and even winks at Richard for good measure. Richard rolls his eyes at that, but Paul knows that he is happy he actually drinks the tea. They spend the next minutes in comfortable silence and Paul feels himself getting a bit sleepy again.

“So I will go back to bed, try to sleep too,” Richard says, when he yawns for a second time. Paul nods himself and he freezes, when he feels Richard’s hand in his hair, when he gets up.

“Okay,” Paul whispers, not daring to say more.

“I’m in my room if you need me. Or I could look for your teddy bear,” Richard says, still petting Paul’s hair a bit. Paul would never admit this to anyone, but Richard’s hand in his hair fills him with more warmth than any tea ever could.

Only then does he understand what Richard had said.

That damn teddy bear joke!

*

“Richard, no!”

Paul opens his eyes and whines. Not again. This video shoot is really haunting him and he has no idea how to fix any of this damn mess. Richard is okay. He’s still breathing and after six months he’s also already walking ‘normally’ again.

Without waiting this time, Paul gets up. Changes into some of Richard’s old clothes and goes to the kitchen. This time there is no light and Paul feels worse, when he makes himself some tea.

He doesn’t think he will get more sleep tonight, since he is still sure it wasn’t the tea that helped him sleep, but Richard’s touch. Paul is ashamed to even have this thought, but he already had tried for years to stop.

When the tea is ready, Paul wants to go back to his room, when he hears a noise. At first he thinks, maybe it’s just Richard snoring, but then he realizes the TV in the living room is on. Maybe Schneider and Till are watching some wrestling matches again?

“Paul?”

Paul can’t help the smile, when he sees that Richard is actually sprawled out all over the couch. As soon as he sees Paul though, he sits up and makes room for him though.

“Yeah it’s just me,” Paul whispers and he wishes Richard wouldn’t have made space for him, just to have an excuse to be close to him again. Paul shakes his head at the thought, hoping Richard doesn’t somehow get the ability to read his thoughts.

“Nightmare?” Richard asks and Paul nods again. He doesn’t feel the need to lie to Richard anymore. He had lied a lot to him before, but now he can’t do it anymore. He doesn’t want to.

“Same shit, different day,” Paul answers and Richard nods to the free space next to him. Paul actually feels like he is disturbing him, but since Richard offered, he sits down, his leg almost touching Richard’s.

“Yeah I wasn’t sleeping too well either,” Richard admits and then he looks back to the TV. Paul is surprised to see that Richard is watching some kind of trash TV. Apparently he doesn’t want to think either.

“God I love this,” Paul mutters halfway through one show. Richard just snorts and cuddles more under his blanket. Paul coughs slightly, because that is an adorable sight. Richard is just always so damn cute.

“Are you cold?” Richard asks, when Paul can’t seem to stop shivering. Sometimes Paul isn’t sure if it’s actually from the cold or still aftershocks from his nightmares, but he nods anyway.

“A bit,” Paul says, only to see goosebumps on his arms. He frowns at that, but Richard just sits a bit closer to him. This time their legs touch all the way and then Richard lifts the blanket over Paul as well. Now it doesn’t even cover his legs anymore, but Richard doesn’t seem to mind.

The next five minutes they neither talk nor move, but Paul can see that Richard is already falling asleep again, so he relaxes a bit into the blanket and cuddles against Richard. Slowly and very carefully.

It takes him a while, but after he is sure that Richard is asleep, Paul even puts his head on his best friend’s shoulder. Now snuggling completely with him. The blanket keeps him warm, but Richard next to him, turns on another heat, Paul doesn’t want to think about.

He closes his eyes and this times dreams about Richard pressing a kiss to his temple.

When he wakes up on the couch on his own, there’s a teddy bear in his arms instead of Richard. Paul frowns down on it, even though it looks pretty cute. The bear is even wearing an ‘Emigrate’ shirt.

It’s not him who helped him sleep though.

*

“No! Richard, come back!”

Paul groans and then squeezes his eyes shut again. He can’t keep doing this, his body is already so exhausted, but his mind won’t let go. He whines quietly, lets go of his teddy bear and then gets up. At least this time it’s already 5am.

The kitchen is empty and Paul looks everywhere, but he doesn’t find Richard. He feels even worse now, that he knows that Richard isn’t awake this time and he slowly walks back to his own room.

He stops in the hallway when he sees that Richard’s door is open. Paul raises his eyebrows.

“Paul?” Richard asks and Paul takes a deep breath. Richard called him, so it would be okay to walk into his room in the middle of the night. Paul opens the door all the way and is surprised that it’s dark.

Not even the tiny lamp on Richard’s nightstand is on.

“Reesh?” Paul whispers into the darkness and then he sees that Richard is turning around. He is still laying in his bed, now on his back and watches Paul.

“Another nightmare?” Richard asks and Paul nods, he hopes Richard can see that, because he doesn’t really want to talk about it this time. This time Richard hadn’t survived his little stunt at the photoshooting and it had been Paul’s fault.

“Sorry I uh…” Paul stammers, because this feels awkward.

“Don’t be and come to bed,” Richard says as if it was nothing and Paul raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t question it in the end and just stumbles through the darkness over to Richard’s bed. The right side is still empty and Paul sits down there.

“Reesh,” Paul says again and he doesn’t even know why. Richard just shakes his head and then lifts the blanket. Paul understands and crawls under it. Since Richard has only one blanket, Paul cuddles a bit closer.

Richard isn’t wearing a shirt. Paul’s cheeks burn.

“Better?” Richard asks and Paul feels himself nodding. He would always feel better, just with Richard at his side. Paul puts his hand on Richard’s chest. Feeling him breath. Alive. Reesh is really still alive.

“Yeah. Is this… is this okay?” Paul asks shyly and god he could ruin everything with this, but he can’t take his hand away. Richard chuckles and Paul can even feel it.

“Of course it’s okay, Paul. More than okay,” Richard says and like always he is the brave one in the end, even though Paul always pretends he is the one. Paul pushes the feelings away and just tries to relax. He even puts his head on Richard’s shoulder again.

“I’m tired,” Paul whispers and Richard shushes him. This time Paul doesn’t imagine a kiss, no he can feel Richard’s lips on his forehead. This is real and when Paul looks up, Reesh even presses a kiss to his lips. Paul makes a surprised sound.

“Then sleep. I’m here now,” Richard whispers back and Paul is still so shocked that he nods. He is sure that he wouldn’t sleep now, because Richard had just kissed him. Just then Richard strokes his hair again.

Paul tries very hard not to purr.

“Reesh,” Paul mumbles, sleep already pulling him under. Richard just continues to pet his hair, even humming an old song under his breath and Paul… never felt more safe.

 (He wishes their bear would be there too though)

*

He doesn’t have another nightmare that night.

He doesn’t have one any other night. The solution was actually pretty easy. He just had to change his room, since apparently it had bad vibes.

“Richard, move your ass to bed. I wanna sleep,” Paul grumbles, when Richard takes too long in the bathroom again. He can hear him chuckles and then he finally comes to bed as well. Paul doesn’t wait a second before he lays on his chest.

“Quite demanding, hm?” Richard says, but he starts to stroke Paul’s hair. Paul hums and then closes his eyes, feeling incredibly good and even better when he gets his goodnight-kiss.

Okay so. Maybe it isn’t just a different room. It’s Reesh. It always was Richard and hopefully it would always be him.

“Reesh?”

“Hm?”

“I lost my teddy bear - can I sleep with you?” Paul asks and Richard’s laugh is so damn cute. He can’t believe that this had been his first impression, but now he can’t regret it anymore. 

“You didn’t lose him, he’s right here,” Richard answers and points at the bear next to Paul.

Paul chuckles.

Yeah he knows. 

[laguera25]

Hmm, I can't say I've seen many people discuss this on Tumblr, but from what I've seen from the Twitter crowd, the people calling the T-shirt cringe are the same ones who absolutely destroy Till every time he posts about his wine. I'm the first to be annoyed at the unfair treatment Richard tends to get from the fans but this time it doesn't seem to be the case.

And you're absolutely right, the art is from Patrii_Roma lol. But that's also exactly why the Twitter crowd are calling it cringe/joking if he's okay because they've only discovered her through this and saw that she makes some pretty questionable art (like infantilising the members and weirdly including stuff like diapers and what seems to be a wetting fetish in some of her pieces). So they're mostly wondering if Richard saw that when he commissioned her and decided it wasn't weird or if he's completely unaware of it or what.

I've seen the art you're talking about. I actually thought the recent diaper one was cute; as far as I can tell, chibi!Richard and chibi!mini Reesh are two separate characters, with Richard being more approximate to actual!Richard, and Mini Reesh being a child whose age varies according to her mood.

I must say I find the wetting thing a spectacular stretch. It didn't strike me as a fetish at all, but rather as something a baby would do. Cheesy, mayhap, but certainly no diabolical perversion. I can only boggle at the ways in which anodyne drawings get sexualized by people with an outrage jones. Frankly, I found the belly-rubbing picture more discomfiting than the diaper, if only because Mini Reesh was way too ribald for someone who, as far as I can tell, is usually depicted as a child.

And I'm fairly certain Richard does know and does not care, as Olga de Mar has liked and laughed at at least one of her drawings before(the mistletoe one where he's wearing a sprig over his crotch.)

[frauschneidersridingcrop]

I think I might have been a bit too ambitious with this current drawing, but I’m in too deep at this point to give up. So I guess I’ll just keep working until I die 🤷🏻‍♂️

It’s Richard’s left hand. His left fucking hand. The right one turned out just fine, but the left one is the bane of my existence. And the way the pose is, I can’t just hide it. It HAS to be visible

[hotgirlscoups]

gosh ananya you give dev patel 3/10 & salman khan 6/10 im literally obligated to block u rn 🔪😄

IM SO SORRYI WOULDNT EVEN BLAME YOU

[mrsfitzgerald]

Christoph Schneider back on DW drums - Interview / Rammstein Stadium Tour 2019

[reeshtheenderblaze]

Reesh: If it’s a human ...NO! Reflecta: It’s kinda hard for him going back to the wartime! @enderscorpio

[evermoredeluxe]

.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

interesting, adieu was filmed quite close to the start of the tour, wasn't it? because honestly it would make a lot of sense if there was another injury apart from the one we know about from zeit.

i remember when i first saw footage from the first couple of concerts and being surprised by the level of difficulty moving properly richard seemed to have (getting out of the boats, kneeling at the end). i always assumed that it must have been because of his injury from the filming of zeit, but i also remember wondering how bad it must've been if it was still causing him problems by the time the tour started, because the zeit shoot was quite long before that, right?

so either the zeit injury was bad enough to still be causing him trouble by april/may this year but he still decided to power through a video shoot which used trampolines (honestly surprised he pulled that off) and the tour (props to him but also, please look after yourself reesh). or there was indeed another injury which happened during the filming of adieu and that's why he was visibly affected on tour. which would make more sense to me because how much damage can landing on paul's ass really do? to still have an effect that much later on... idk i just think that timing wise it would make more sense if what they're talking about in that comment happened during adieu but honestly the comment doesn't really indicate either way.

hi anon! Yeah, it just goes to show that we need those "making of's" don't we? (Are you reading this Rammstein? 😊)

I agree it could be both, but when we learnt of the Zeit injury it was because Richard mentioned it in interviews he did for his Emigrate record in 2021 (which also brought us the "Paul's ass of steel" quote 😊), and from what he said, it didn't seem to me as if he was really *very* seriously hurt, but more "i'm having trouble getfing up and about at home" hurt (and at that point it had happened a relatively short while ago). Indeed if it was still that same injury, it must have worse than it sounded.

From the comment of that production team of the Adieu video to his ig post, i some how had the idea that he injured himself at that shoot, and like you say, that was really close to the tour, so would definitely explain the physical difficulties he seemed to have at the start of the tour (not bowing and going off stage quickly at the try out concerts, getting in and out of the boats, getting up from bows); fortunately by the end of the tour whatever bothered him seems to have healed. 🌺

....if only we had a making of....

[anastasium]

I broke up with my love sold my car that I’ve really grown fond of (it wasn’t the first car I drove but it was the first that i OWNED so selling it was particularly heartbreaking) and even though it’s been a week already, looking for a new car to buy actually seems like cheating to my stupid little brain.

Binge-re-watching (is that even a word?) the Top Gear of old really makes me feel better. Those legendary blokes truly do keep me from falling into the dark pits of depression by putting a smile on my face.

Still feel a bit guilty looking at other cars tho. I just wish the next owner will be my precious boy’s best friend.

[reeshyz]

Title: Who could my Santa be? Pairing: Paul Landers / Richard Z. Kruspe / Christoph Schneider Presentee: Revovovo Prompt: Secret Santa Warnings/Tags: misunderstandings | hurt / angst | polyamorous relationship Word Count: 2.601 Summary: When the whole band agrees to do a secret Santa, Richard is happy that he drew Christoph as his presentee. But then Paul wants to switch their papers and Richard discovers who Paul didn’t want as his giftee. Richard. Read on AO3: here

♪

“Really you wanna do a secret santa?” Flake asks and Richard chuckles at that. He’s not really happy about the idea either, but how bad could it be? If it would make Paul and Christoph happy (who had the idea) then Richard would do it. 

Till looks at him as if he’s worried that Richard had hit his head, when he agreed to it. 

“Do you always have to be against everything?” Paul snaps at Flake, who grins back at him.

“That’s why I am in the band right? To tell you when ideas are stupid. So this is me telling you,” Flake says and he leans back into the couch. Paul glares at him for a moment, before Ollie chuckles.

“I like the idea. It could be fun,” Ollie says and Richard nods. They all deserve a bit of stupid and ridiculous fun after the last few months of hard work. Besides this is the last week before Christmas and they’d all leave soon for their own homes. 

“See, they all like the idea. So we’re doing it. Chris always has the best ideas,” Paul says, still pouting and Till nods to Richard as if he understands now why Richard had agreed in the first place.

Sometimes Richard hates how obvious his feelings are. At the same time he’s glad that at least Christoph and Paul are too oblivious of them, otherwise he could for sure look for a new band. 

Richard sighs.

“Okay so we need to draw names first,” Paul says happily when it’s decided and Flake had just given up to even answer him. Christoph helps his boyfriend and Richard has to look away, when his hands find Paul’s hips.

What would he give up to be touched like this by one of them? By both of them. Richard feels how the emptiness seeps back into his heart. He shouldn’t think about stuff like that. 

When they come back Paul is holding a little bowl with some papers in it. He sits down next to Richard now, touching him way too much. Richard gasps when Paul’s hand finds his thigh for a second. 

Holy shit. Christoph sits down opposite them and Richard can’t even look him in the eyes, even though of course nothing is happening.  Just his thoughts running wild again. 

“There we go,” Christoph says and he takes the bowl away from Paul, before everyone takes one of the papers out of it. Richard is the last one to pick a name and he glances quickly down at it.

Chris.

Paul’s handwriting. 

Richard swallows. He already has a million ideas about what he could give him. He already made him a rather adorable present for his birthday and - 

“Reesh? Can we talk for a second?” Paul asks and he bites down on his lower lip. He’s clearly nervous and Richard frowns. Had he said something wrong. 

“Yeah sure,” Richard agrees and Pal nods towards the door. Flake is already bitching about his piece of paper, while Till is laughing so loudly. Everyone seems pretty much distracted, especially when Ollie tips his mug over on accident and everything spills on Christoph’s jeans. 

Paul gets up and Richard follows him. 

Outside it’s much quieter. 

“I know this is probably eh… cheating but I saw that you drew Chris and I’d really like to switch our papers? Please I have such a great idea for him,” Paul says and his eyes look so big and cute. 

He knows how to play Richard every time. 

Richard looks at his paper again. There is even a tiny heart over the ‘i’ since Paul had written it. His heart sinks, his mouth tasting like blood. It shouldn’t matter. His feelings can’t matter.

“Oh yeah, no problem. I mean…, he’s your boyfriend,” Richard says, his hand is shaking when he holds his paper out. Paul takes it happily and presses his own paper into Richard’s hands.

“You are just the best friend ever,” Paul says and he hugs Richard as tight as he can. Richard feels frozen, especially when Paul kisses him on the forehead. He feels like his head is swimming.

As fast as it had happened, it’s over again. 

Paul takes a step back and then he’s gone back inside. Richard stares at the door for a moment, a small smile on his face. Paul had kissed him. Even softer than he did on stage. Richard would fall asleep to this thought for the next few weeks. 

Just then it feels like cold water washes over him.

Paul had called him his friend. 

Richard would never be more to him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath, before he opens the paper in his hands. He’s kinda nervous to see who’s name is written on it now. Richard looks down to it and sighs.

It’s his own name. 

Paul didn't even want to give him a gift. That… makes sense. 

There is no heart over the ‘i’. 

Why would there?

*

Just a week after this… unpleasant day, Richard finds himself on the damn couch again. He’s not really in the mood for this right now, but it seems like he has no other choice than suffering through this.

“I’m so excited what I’ll get,” Paul says and he’s rubbing his hands. He’s not sitting next to Richard, who picked the furthest place away from him. Which means he’s next to Till and tries to relax. 

“Okay since I thought the idea was dumb, I will start,” Flake says and he gets up and takes the golden wrapped gift on the table, that has his name on it. He shakes it very carefully, before he sits back down and opens it.

It’s a book and Flake actually smiles at that.

“Oh wow okay, thank you. I wanted to buy this for months by now,” Flake says and he hastily opens it. Olli smiles at him and they hug for a second. 

After that it goes rather fast because Till hastily grabs his present and opens it. Flake had gifted it to him and it’s a nice bottle of whiskey. Richard has to smile when Till immediately gets up for some glasses. 

They all clink their glasses and Richard groans at the taste.

Just what he needed.

Oliver opens his one next and shows them his newest sweater, that has something very graphic on it. Richard snorts, when Till proudly announces that he had bought that for him. Ollie is not even embarrassed he just throws it on. 

“I got this for you,” Paul says now and he holds a red package up. Chris seems happy about that and presses a short kiss to Paul’s cheek. Richard doesn’t want to look at them but he can’t help it. 

It’s a necklace and Paul even helps him to put it on. Christoph seems rather touched and they kiss again. Richard has to admit that the necklace looks very beautiful and it suits Chris perfectly.

Richard touches his own chest for a second.

He wonders what it would feel like to be so special, that someone would give him a necklace too. He’d wear it everyday and he knows how much it would mean to him. Especially because this one looks like drumsticks are hanging from it.

Maybe in another life Paul would’ve made him one with his guitar?

"Okay, next one. I don’t wanna see you kissing all day,” Till says and Christoph chuckles. Richard sighs and looks down at his own lap. There’s a package of cigarettes waiting for him, a brand new one.

“I have something very special for you,” Christoph says and he holds out his gift to Paul. It looks beautifully wrapped, even with a red bow and everything. 

Till next to Richard frowns. 

“Wait a second, how did you draw each other?” Till asks and Paul looks a bit embarrassed but he’s not saying anything. Richard wouldn’t either.

“Yeah that means…,” Flake says and he looks directly at Richard, who’s suddenly very interested in his fingernails. Damn maybe he should’ve painted them red today? Just like the blood that’s leaving his face. 

“Richard?”

“Huh?”

Richard looks up when Oliver calls him. He looks kinda nervous and that is never a good sign. Ollie hates it to show emotions like that so openly. 

“What did your piece of paper say?” Till asks, the worry so clear in his voice. 

Richard takes a deep breath and then goes for his best fake smile. He could do this. He’d been lying to the press since he’d been twenty-five and he had lied to his friends before as well. Not that he’s proud of either.

“It had my own name,” Richard says and suddenly it’s so quiet in the room. Richard doesn’t dare to look at Paul and Christoph. He doesn’t want to see the pity in Christoph’s eyes and he’s not even sure if wants to know what Paul had been thinking. 

“Then why didn’t you switch with one of us?” Flake asks and Richard shrugs. He feels overwhelmed and slowly gets up.

“Nah, it’s okay. I got myself something,” Richard says and he’s trying to smile again. Why does it feel so wobbly and why are his knees so weak? He’s barely holding himself up, this is all so embarrassing. 

“What did you get?” Christoph asks and Richard finally turns to the love birdies.

“Cigarettes. A whole new package. Which I will use now. Excuse me,” Richard says and he walks out of the room before someone can stop him. 

Outside it’s really cold but it calms him down for a second. 

Never had he felt this unloved and while he knows that it’s his own fault, his heart doesn’t seem to understand that. Richard isn’t sure why he still had some hope sometimes left in him, but right now it feels like it’s all gone.

“Being alone can be something good too,” Richard lies to himself, ignoring his own tears.

He’d always been good at both.

*

“This is my fault,” Paul says quietly when nobody is saying anything. Till looks rather angry and Paul wants to hide behind his boyfriend for a moment. He had fucked this up.

“What do you mean, baby?” Christoph asks and Paul can’t even look him in the eyes.

“I… I switched my paper with his. B-but only because I found the necklace and I wanted to give it to you so badly, I even have a matching one for Richard too!” Paul says and he can’t help but curl more into himself.

“What?” Till asks, his voice is so sharp. 

“Paul? Did you even look at the paper before you switched it with him?” Christoph asks and Paul looks down to his shoes.

“No… I was just so excited when I saw that he had your name,” Paul says and Christoph hugs him. Paul hides his face against his shoulder. He feels so bad. They all knew how often Richard had to fight his insecurities. 

“Okay good. We need to explain that to him,” Flake says and Paul nods against Christoph’s shoulder. He didn’t want to make Richard feel bad.

“But you said you have a necklace for him too?” Till asks, he sounds a lot more soft now and Paul turns to him.

“Yeah I wanted to give it to him on Christmas, i-if Chris and I would finally have the guts to ask him out,” Paul explains and to his surprise Till starts to smile at that. Even Ollie and Flake seem a lot more happy.

“That’s good. I mean he never said anything, but I can see how he looks at you,” Till admits and Christoph smiles at Paul.

“We really hope that he likes us back, but yes I have seen it too,” Christoph says and Till nods at them. Paul tries to relax.

“Okay I’ll get Richard and you get the necklace!” Till says and Paul nods hastily. He’s out of the door before anyone else can say something.

He would make Richard happy again.

*

“Scholle?”

Richard tries to act natural and he wipes his tears away, before Till has fully opened the door. He doesn’t want his best friend to worry.

“Yeah?”

“Will you come back inside? You’ve been out for some time and it’s fucking cold,” Till says and Richard sighs. He throws his cigarette to the ground and steps onto it, ignoring the other two he had already smoked next to it.

He could consume his present like he wanted to.

“I’m sorry you felt like we didn’t love you. And don’t even deny it, I know you think that. But I'll let the others explain,” Till says and Richard walks over to him. He even gets a small hug. 

They walk back inside and to Richard's surprise they’re all still in the living room. Paul is sitting on Christoph’s lap but they’re both getting up when they walk in. Paul is holding a small box in his hands.

“Richard?”

"Uhm, yes?"

“I’m sorry for making you switch with me. I didn’t know that you would get your own name, I didn’t even look at it. B-but I… I also had a present ready for you. It wasn’t planned to give it to you now, but…,” Paul holds the small blue package out for him.

Richard frowns.

“Thank you but, uh you don’t have to. I mean if it’s my Christmas present you can give me it then,” Richard says and he smiles. He hates that Paul feels bad for this. He didn’t want to make Paul sad. 

“No, we really want to give it to you now. So you understand what you mean to us,” Christoph says and he takes the package into his own hands, when Richard doesn’t take it. Christoph even opens it and shows Richard what’s inside.

It’s a necklace.

Of his guitar.

“Oh.”

“We weren’t sure if you, well if you ever liked us back, but we were kinda hoping that you would,” Christoph mumbles, there is a blush on his cheeks and he looks so cute. Richard frowns.

“Is this a joke?”

“No, darling, we would never joke about something like this. We just were too scared to ask you out and then we fucked this up. I’m sorry,” Paul says and Richard finally takes the necklace. 

“It’s beautiful,” Richard mumbles, he can’t believe this is real. He does hear how Till, Oliver and Flake leave them alone though.

“You deserve a sweet present as well,” Paul says and he helps Richard to put the necklace on. Richard’s heart beats so fast. He had wished for this moment and he can’t believe it’s really happening. 

“B-but…”

“No buts. Since I don’t have such a beautiful necklace, I want to offer you another present,” Christoph says and Richard frowns.

“Like what?” Richard asks, squinting at him.

“What did you wish for the most this year?” Christoph whispers and he comes even closer. Richard swallows dryly. 

“To be loved.”

Christoph kisses him and Richard finally feels like he’s coming home. He can’t believe that any of this is real but he feels that Paul takes his hand into his own. Christoph hums and then takes a step back.

“You are loved,” Paul says before he also presses a short kiss to his mouth as well.

“I… I love you too,” Richard mumbles, the embarrassment back at full force. 

He knows that he can’t believe his luck right now but he also knows that Christoph and Paul would show him what it’s really like to be loved. 

Richard smiles.