#regardless of the reasons I genuinely want to vote forgive for as many of these guys as I can. including this little fruity man 🍏

[red-moon-at-night]

remember you can vote every day! peace and love on planet earth <3

[alfiely-art]

I'm voting Kotoko Guilty this round for quite a few reasons. First off, the only other two characters who have been voted guilty are Haruka and Muu. Yk. Minors. Who are already in a shitty mindset, who's verdict will most likely make that worse? Yeah. I would rather not have them beat up by Kotoko. And she WOULD beat them up- she would have beat up Amane if she hadn't been stopped, and Amane is much younger than Haruka and Muu.

I don't even mind her fighting injustice to feel good about herself. I mean, she's still fighting injustice. Regardless of her personal feelings about it, she's still doing good things. It's the way she goes about it that worries me. The article she was reading on her phone states that "more violence than necessary was used". Of course, the article could always be biased, but Kotoko has shown herself to be a violent person. Her call to us to vote everyone else in Milgram as Guilty, regardless of their crime, is a request for us to give her permission to make them her enemy and crush them. She would apply the same amount of force to, say, Yuno- someone who simply had an abortion because she didn't want the baby- as a person who kidnapped a child.

Kotoko sees everything in black and white. Yuno's "crime" of an abortion is just as evil as Haruka's crime of murder. Here's a reminder of the character's crimes (from my understanding):

Haruka: killed out of desperation to be seen, to have his mother finally acknowledge him after he wasn't good enough (ie, neurotypical) to keep up with the other kids.

Yuno: Had an abortion because she didn't want the baby. She didn't have some tragic reason why, she had a normal life. She was simply doing as she pleased.

Fuuta: Took part in cancel culture, which ended up doxxing a minor and she took her own life. He didn't want to accept responsibility for this, but it was clearly weighing on his mind.

Muu: She bullied others with her friends, and then her friends turned on her. She reached out to a classmate for help, but didn't receive any. Muu stabbed her in a panic, after alluding to either her or the classmate dying at the end of all of this.

Shido: Medical malpractice ? I think ? It's still not clear to me idk

Mahiru: Abused her boyfriend until he offed himself due to her sheltered life and toxic positivity. She feels as though she can't change, and she wants someone to love even if it hurts both of them.

Kazui: Lied about romantically loving his wife so that he could fit in to society at large. When he finally opened up about his feelings, the shock of it all caused his wife to end her life. He cared for her, but can't continue lying like this.

Amane: Killed her abuser, and is clinging to religion to both justify it to herself and comfort herself.

Mikoto: Still unclear whether he or John did the murder, how many murders there were, who was murdered, etc. The focus isn't exactly on the murder, moreso how mentally ill people are pushed to their limit with no support or help from others and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that can arise from that.

She tells us to throw away our sympathy. But understanding and kindness and sympathy are so so so important- not just in Milgram, but everywhere else, too. Yes, these are just characters, but a popular theory is that they represent societal issues. And I do believe that's true. They may not be real, but they represent real problems real people face. By ignoring the nuance, we blindly swing at whatever we're told is "guilty". Kotoko only attacked the prisoners we announced as Guilty. She won't act on her own moral code, merely the law. We are the law in Milgram, so she follows us.

I adore Kotoko, but her mindset is genuinely dangerous. While this is unlikely (cough, Amane) I hope her Guilty vote will help her. But it probably won't- Guilty votes destroy a person. But I can't vote her Innocent, either. I don't forgive her for her black and white thinking. Thus, she is Guilty to me. I'm very curious how she'll develop after this. I'm a little scared, too, but oh well.

[chriscdcase95]

Reposting for TLDR reasons. 

To see the full rant, click the “Keep Reading”, but this covers what I consider an example of a show taking shipping wars too seriously, giving fans and how it can potentially pull a show down the tubes. Especially at the expense of character development and their stories.

It’s kind of a follow-up to another post I made about canon and non canon ships, and how there’s some ship based stories better left to fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I generally don’t like Ship Policing (bullying, and badgering other people for liking “the wrong ship”) despite this being one of my biggest NOTP’s. I don’t intend to bully people who like this ship, and this analysis is based on my observations and opinions. 

So here I am talking about a barley known show and ship that’s barely relevant anymore if at all. This is a follow up post on a Loud House post regarding a non canon ship called Luaggie. I mentioned on that post , how it was an example of a fanfic ship and it’s best to be left a fanfic based ship. I now bring to you it’s antithesis; Jemma of Every Witch Way. Originally this was strictly about why some ships and stories that are best left to fanfiction, but there are so many problems with this ship, that I don’t really know where to start. I guess I’ll start with an introduction to the show.

Edit: I also had to revisit to trim this down, and correct misinformation.

Edit Edit: Twice. I had to edit it twice!

“What is Every Witch Way ?”

Every Witch Way was a comedy/drama series on Nickelodeon. Anyone who heard of it would know it is an Americanized remake of Grachi, a Latin American Nickelodeon series. The less educated may dismiss it as a Wizards of Waverly Place knockoff. The series focuses on Emma Alonso, a teenage girl who moves to Miami with her father and discovers she is a witch and chosen to one day lead the magical realm. With a group of muggle friends, the enthusiastic tough girl Andi; Emma’s queen bee rival Maddie also being a witch; a subplot about Fantastic Racism that ended with the wiping out of all but two of an entire race; we got ourselves a simple little TV show that could be a passible watch.

Coming from a post iCarly, Victorious and Big Time Rush era of Nickelodeon, where most of their shows were marketed to the younger kids and barely anything for teens to chew on, Every Witch Way was a breath of fresh air. Taking cues from previous Nick shows such as H2O Just Add Water and House of Anubis, and aimed for a teenage audience, it was more interested in telling stories than telling jokes.

I would have called the show an underrated cult classic series to get nostalgic over, like The Troop (a show which I’ll also talk about one day)…then comes seasons three and four and it becomes clear that Every Witch Way is more interested in ship war than it was telling stories. Maybe I was giving the show too much credit or had too much expectations for it. Let’s just say this was no House of Anubis or the Avatar franchise. I don’t know what pulled the show down the tubes; it was either the character Jax Novoa and his story arc, or his relationship with Emma. But they overlap with eachother so I might as well cover all of them.

“What kind of relationship is Jemma ?”

Imagine if you will; a high school drama, that involves a loving, kind and empathetic girl meeting a dark brooding bad boy, who does bad things. But because he has a sad past and bad parents, anything bad he does is immediately forgiven and brushed aside, or justified. And it is by the love of this girl, and only because of this love, does the bad boy get redeemed. 

It’s the kind of story you see in mediocre romance stories or fanfics; the idea that the dark and brooding love interest with a bad past or history can be changed for the better with the love of the protagonist. This describes the relationship Emma and Jax’s relationship to such a tee that it’s borderline parody. The kind of reationship you’d at least put some kind of spin on.

So how does this compare to Jax and Emma’s relationship ? A quick description is that Jax is a new student and a dark seeming wizard introduced in the second season, who immediately displays an arrogant personality and behaviour while befriending Emma and putting the moves on her (and making a quick rivalry with Emma’s then boyfriend Daniel). Emma has a good heart, and a loving empathetic girl, so of course she likes to see the good in people and Jax was no exception. Jax eventually “changes” his darker ways and becomes more altruistic, mainly to get back and stay into Emma’s good graces. 

Normally, I have no issues with an Enemies to Lovers story, but it’s the context and overexposure that puts Jemma in a bad light.

Emma continuously forgives, or ignores Jax’s flaws to near absurdity, mainly because Jax has a dead mom and an emotionally distant, controlling and seemingly abusive father…which is shown to be false in the many retcons season four gives us.

“What are the problems with Jemma ?”

I said in another post that a friend of mine defined toxic relationships differently than I did; one definition was that a ship is toxic based off of fans behaviour in the name of the ship; I define them for how much it romanticizes problematic behaviour. How does Jemma fall into either of these ?

Back when Every Witch Way was on, Jax x Emma fans were pretty rapid, and became the most loud and vocal part of the fanbase. Any attempts to criticize Jax, his behaviour or relationship with Emma is bombarded with “HE CHANGED! HE CHANGED FOR HER!” ad nauseum. 

It’s gotten to the point where they literally vote their preference to make them the shows official couple. This can be partially blamed on the writers because they went about asking their audience what they want to happen in a TV show, having them vote for wat hey want to happen and in turn made season four into a Jemma based AU fic that rewrote the entire show. Kind of lacks integrity if you ask me. It also had to have been one of most one sided and manufactured shipping wars I’ve seen. By the end of the series, Jemma fans were pretty sore winners.

So Jemma fans could be pushy, but did Jax and Emma’s relationship entail toxic ideals I listed above ? On the surface, “no” since Jax doesn’t physically abuse Emma or the like…but Jax is manipulative person, and is rather possessive and entitled towards Emma all things considered. And what else can you say about a relationship where this partner has manipulated and gaslighted nearly everyone around him to get in, and attempts to destroy the world over a breakup ?

There’s so much to cover that stems from Jax that I might as well write a section on Jax himself. The worst that can be said of Emma here is that she was too forgiving and empathetic for her own good.

“Jax and how not to write a redemption arc”

So Jax is an overwhelmingly popular character on the show, so much that season four retconned him into the main character behind Emma. It’s easy to call him a Gary Stu character since he’s a seemingly perfect character who gets his way all the time and soon becomes the center of the show. This trope also fits; “Draco In Leather Pants” where a villain tends to get romanticized or woobified in fanfics regardless of how sympathetic or redeemable they are in canon; mostly because they are cute.

When Jax was introduced, he was the de-facto Big Bad of season two, being the most prominent, and personal antagonist and direct source of most of the drama that occurs in the season. Throughout the season he befriends and puts the moves on Emma with the intent on using the power coming Fool Moon (long story) to take over the world and rule at her side. Jax eventually falls in love with Emma, but when she breaks up with him when she makes right with Daniel… Jax’s response was aiding in an attempt to destroy the magic realm; something they make clear would kill all but a few magical beings in the world and this is something Jax is very aware of In the final showdown Jax makes it clear to Emma that he doesn’t care about what could happen to their loved ones in this magical apocalypse, so long as Emma is with him.

Again, I wouldn’t take this as seriously if the show didn’t treat it as seriously.

Now in his defense, I was originally rooting for Jax to reform himself. No joke, I genuinely wanted to see how Jax would make good with those he manipulated, pushed around and tried to fucking kill. I like a good redemption stoy as much as the next guy, but Jax doesn’t really go through one; he just turns Face at the last minute, apologizes to Emma about not wanting to hurt her, Emma immediately forgives him and Jax wastes no time putting the moves on her and antagonizing Daniel. What punishment does Jax go through ? What atonement did he have to suffer ? He’s put through a boot camp with the threat losing his powers, all the while he agonizes that those who he wronged still resent him. To be fair he does have genuine good deeds in season three; such as heping a dying friend, and even riskiig his life to save another But even then, the sho treats Emma as his prize for being a Nice Guy, and he admits this to Emma during the third seasons finale in a scene we are supposed to find romantic. And when he gets the girl, its all rendered moot in season four.

Helping or not helping with Jax’s character is that in season two he is given multiple “excuses”; controlling and abusive father, seemingly dead mother. They worked back then in making Jax sympathetic. The problem is when we get the actual revelations of his family and in turn make him unsympathetic in retrospect.

“The Mess That Is Season Four”

I don’t like the Fanon Discontinuity trope - where fans refuse to accept an istallment as canon out of a dislike of them. I generally don’t apply this trope with very few exceptions. But let me tell you this; when I say season four isn’t canon to the previous seasons, that’s not me talking, that’s the show itself talking. 

It isn’t a continuation of the previous seasons, it’s a reboot. When Emma and Jax become the shows OTP, the universe literally changes around them. Season four introduces a plot point that where an SCP style anomaly exists called a Continuum Break, in which as a direct result of Emma’s decision, the universe casted Daniel out of everyone’s lives, and their friends memories, and retroactively replaces him with Jax. Subsequently, the events of the previous seasons and their conflicts revolve around Jax and Emma’s relationship. 

One reason why these retcons don’t work is that because the world was altered in Jemma’s image, Jax here isn’t the same Jax as we knew through season two and three. The retcons fail because Jax’s previous sympathy is erased in retrospect, because Jax would hide behind his parents as an excuse for his actions (the dead mother wasn’t dead, but in fact, secret villain; and Jax’s abusive father wasn’t abusive). Jax being sympathetic hinged off of these excuses, and they either never applied, or was hit by the reset button, and thus irrelevant to his development.

And I am left asking myself why the writers came up with the Continuum Break in the first place ?Where Jemma fans that pushy about making their ship canon that they had to make it the only canon relationship in the show ? If so, that’s how wildly Jemma shippers are, if not that’s on the writers for being that much fan slaves. What other point could there be in portraying the Continuum Break as the way things should be ? Not to be pesimeistic, but it feels like this is the show throwing a character under the bus for the sake of rewriting the previous seasons and making Jax the new protagonist.

On top of that, other characters and arcs get thrown under the bus too

Mainly, Mia Black, who was introduced in season three as the de-facto main antagonist, and is added as another member of the love triangle. Mia is also affected by the Continuum Break as she is also cast from everyone’s memories and lives, to live an alternate life with Daniel. This is arguably more jarring than Daniel being taken away because Mia ultimately doesn’t sacrifice her morals for what she believes in and ultimately wasn’t that much of a threat and her own redemption arc is foreshadowed throughout the season by bonding with Daniel and Diego, and the added empathise on how lonely she is. This culminates in Emma reaching out to her in the season finale, and declaring herself her protector.  Like Jax, I was looking forward to seeing where they would take Mia and her arc the next season. Well as a result of the Continuum Break, she’s out of everyone’s lives, and living an artificial alternate one the universe spat out. Like Daniel, she may have been happy with her new life, but it still renders everything they foreshadowed for her and what she’s been through for nothing.

Personal conclusion

I reiterate my first statement Every Witch Way was a great show (first three seasons, at least is IMO). It was a breath of fresh air in a time when most of Nick’s shows were targeting a younger demographic in a post iCarly, Big Time Rush, and Victorious era. I’d call it an cult classic series, but I still feel that season four keeps it from being one of the great ones. I do recommend checking the series out, the story arcs are mostly good. Unfortunately by the time season four rolled in, it seemed pretty clear the show was more interested in shipping wars than it was in telling it’s stories.

I can’t really pinpoint what caused the show to drop in quality; the manufactured ship war ? Jax as a character ? Jemma’s pushy fans ? The writers for bending to fan demands ? Either way, season four’s Continuum Break was something the show could have done without. I won’t say that Jax is the most unlikeable character on the show (that would be Emma’s father) and he isn’t the most evil either (that would be Torres). I consider Jax and his blunders more so the fault of how he was written than anything else.

I will give Jax and Jemma this; the character and ship has so much going for it, I can’t help but compare and contrast them to other similar characters, story arcs and ships. I use it as an example of not to write a redemptive romance, and why some things are best left to fanfiction. But above all else, I hold it as an example as to why writers and creators shouldn’t sacrifice their stories blindly cater to fans and popular ships.

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 1.8

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, in the second half of trial 1, there were seemingly-flawless arguments for both Shuichi and then Kaede being the culprit despite neither being the truth, Kaede encouraged Shuichi to finally face his fears and passed the protagonist baton onto him, Kaito was one of the last people to accept the truth despite being one of the first besides Shuichi to notice it, and Kaede insisted she was a horrible person but Shuichi was having none of it.

Now for the post-trial conclusion and everything being heartbreaking.

Monokuma:  “The blackened who killed Rantaro Amami is the Ultimate Pianist, Kaede Akamatsu!”

You big fucking liar, Monokuma.

Kaede:  “Good…”

Kaito:  “Wh-What…? Good? What do you mean, good!? Is this how you want it to end!?”

Kaede:  “Not really, but… it could have turned out a lot worse. So this is fine, too.”

Tenko:  “I-It’s not fine! This is super horrible! The worst ever!”

This is not going to be the only time that the culprit will come out of the vote smiling and relieved that everyone got it right, while everybody else freaks out and wonders how anything can be okay about the fact that their friend committed murder and is about to be executed. And I especially love that Kaito is one of the people freaking out over it this time, given where he’ll be standing the next time this happens.

Kaito:  “Yeah… I won’t be satisfied… Until I hear it straight from you…”

Look at Kaito desperately wanting to understand exactly what drove someone like Kaede to do something like this.

Kaede:  “Okay… Please allow me a few more moments of your time, then.”

Guh, the way Kaede says this super-politely, like she feels like she doesn’t deserve to be taking up their time after she did something so horrible, not even to explain her motives.

Kokichi:  “Oh, Kaede… it never dawned on you? As soon as that thought entered your head, Monokuma had you right where he wanted. Because what mattered most to Monokuma was that the killing game started.”

Kokichi being very perceptive again. He definitely understands Monokuma’s desires and intentions better than anyone else here. Which is appropriate, because his way of thinking is not entirely dissimilar to Monokuma, at least in terms of wanting to have fun by messing with people. The only difference is that Kokichi usually only likes to mess with people in relatively harmless, petty ways, but that’s still enough to put him on the same wavelength as Monokuma in a way nobody else is.

Kokichi:  “Regardless of your reasons, the moment you felt the urge to kill, you had already lost. You agreed to be part of this killing game when you allowed murder to fill your heart.”

This goes a long way to explain why, despite his selfishness and how much he secretly hates being part of this game, Kokichi never actually tries to commit a murder to escape it – because he already considers that as “losing” in the sense that he’d just be doing what Monokuma wants and playing the game.

(Mind you, what he actually ends up doing ends up serving Monokuma’s purposes even more, but since he’s not trying to purely become blackened and escape, he can tell himself he’s totally not playing the game even though he absolutely still is.)

Kokichi:  “That’s why I’m so… pissed off! Pissed off at myself for being so… so useless!”

This is far too genuine-seeming a reaction from Kokichi to be truly genuine, because he would never actually be this honest about how he feels. Even if there is a part of him which actually feels this way, on the surface he is telling himself that this is just a lie and he’s only pretending to feel like this and it’s not like he actually cares at all about the fact that Kaede’s about to die, right.

Shuichi:  “Kokichi… that’s enough. I can see through your act.”

Kokichi:  “…Whoops. That obvious, huh?”

And it certainly looks like he’s got everyone else fooled into thinking that any accidental outbursts rooted in genuine emotion from him are totally all just lies.

Kaede:  “I took an innocent life! I’m nothing but a horrible murderer! You should all hate, blame, and be disgusted by me!”

Gah, Kaede, not even expecting any kind of forgiveness or understanding for what she did despite her intentions being really quite reasonable given the awful circumstances.

Kaede:  “I thought about ending this by confessing to you what I had done… But… I couldn’t. Because of Monokuma’s First Blood Perk.”

Ryoma:  “I see… If you’d confessed then and there, you would’ve been able to leave… But you decided you couldn’t leave this place by yourself, so you kept quiet.”

Exactly. She wouldn’t have just been able to leave – she’d have had to leave. And there’s no way Kaede would ever want to leave on her own and get off scot-free for the awful thing she just did while everyone else remains trapped and continues to struggle and suffer without her. She’s just far too selfless for that. The only thing she ever cared about was helping everyone else escape, not herself.

Kaede:  “If I did this for everyone, then instead of making things easier by confessing… I thought I should lie to you all, so it would motivate you to keep moving forward.”

So instead she did the only thing she could think of under the circumstances that would keep everyone else working together and turned herself into the villain.

Kaede:  “I never wanted to keep my crime a secret… I was going to tell you all eventually… But before I did, I wanted to expose the mastermind first… Then the killing game would’ve ended, and everyone but me would be saved.”

I’m not entirely sure why the thinks that if she caught the mastermind, she would still have been executed? But regardless, hearing her be so explicit about how she was only trying to save everyone else and didn’t care one bit about herself… aaaaa.

Shuichi:  “…This is my fault. I was wrong. There is no mastermind…”

Tsumugi:  “You were wrong…? But didn’t you say the mastermind was one of us?”

Pff, I like how Tsumugi is the first one to question that.

Shuichi:  “But even when the killer was about to be condemned, they remained hidden. That has to mean that the mastermind is not among us after all.”

This is awkwardly worded – based on the fact they’ve just been discussing the point when everyone was focused on Shuichi and then Kaede convinced him to explain that she did it, his “the killer was about to be condemned” probably actually means “I was about to be falsely voted as the culprit”. But even assuming that, it’s also a very flimsy argument. Why would the mastermind have wanted to stop people voting for Shuichi anyway? If people vote wrong, that’s just how the killing game goes. Shuichi has no reason to assume that actually the mastermind would want people to find the true culprit because they want a nice long entertaining killing game that doesn’t end at chapter 1.

Like, I can kind of understand why Shuichi drops the idea of there being a mastermind at this point because the fact that he assumed there was one in the first place was why Kaede did what she did, and he’s upset and blaming himself and lacking confidence and not thinking straight at all. But this particular supposedly-logical reason for it is frustratingly flimsy, and I wish the narrative gave more of a sense that it really is flimsy and that the real reason Shuichi is dropping the idea is simply because of his issues.

Shuichi:  “If I hadn’t been so stupid… If I never said anything about a mastermind to Kaede… Rantaro wouldn’t have died… and Kaede wouldn’t be a murderer! This is all my fault!”

At least we still do get plenty of Shuichi having issues and blaming himself.

Kaede:  “No, it’s not.”

Shuichi:  “…Kaede…?”

Kaede:  “I killed him. Not you. …Right? Didn’t I?”

Well, as a matter of fact, Kaede—

Okay but even that aside, just the very blunt way Kaede states this to try and bring Shuichi out of his self-loathing is adorable. She’s smiling as she says this.

Keebo:  “If your intent was to kill the mastermind, there was no reason for you to cover your tracks.”

Kaito:  “Isn’t it obvious? It’s because… she didn’t want Shuichi to know.”

Hee, of course this would be obvious to Kaito. Why would Kaede ever want to let Shuichi see that she’s not as much of a hero as she was trying to be?

Kaede:  “I said I wanted to escape this place with everyone. But you guys wouldn’t want to be friends with a girl who killed someone, would you?”

Oh, Kaede, still just hoping to be friends with everyone. I really, really get the feeling she didn’t have many meaningful friends in her memories because she was too much of a “Piano Freak”. But even if she had successfully killed the mastermind without anyone realising, that guilt and the feeling that she’s an awful person who doesn’t deserve to be their friend would have eaten her up inside nonetheless.

Gonta:  “Be… friends?”

Aww Gonta who also probably doesn’t have many friends and can absolutely understand that feeling!

Tenko:  “Kaede… put a lot of thought into this.”

Kokichi:  “She put so much thought into this, it drove her to commit murder like a lunatic…”

Yeah, since she committed murder she’s obviously a lunatic and a bad person and so clearly we should all completely ignore the part where she still genuinely cared about us and wanted to be our friend, right? Obviously everyone who talks about helping other people and being friends doesn’t ever truly mean it, because look at her.

Shuichi:  “Kaede… I didn’t know how, but I wanted to get out of here with you. I wanted… to be friends.”

YOU ALREADY ARE FRIENDS. But yes, you could have been even more friends if you’d escaped together and gaaaah.

Kaede:  “I’m so sorry…”

And of course, Kaede’s still just apologising for the fact that her actions have hurt him like this, rather than expressing her own feelings that she had that same desire to escape together and be friends.

Kaito:  “So you’re saying… everything you did was because you were thinking of us? And you hid that you killed him just to stay and help us…? How did things—”

Of course she did! You should understand that better than anyone, Kaito! If you were on a time limit, and killing someone then lying about it was the only way you knew of that stood a chance of saving everyone else before time was up, you would do exactly the same.

Monokuma:  “But we can’t let this boring display grind the action to a halt, so…”

I don’t know why you think this display of tragic friendship and selflessness is “boring”, Monokuma. This is the best story you’ve had for a Chapter 1 in… probably ever?

Aaaaa look at Kaito and Gonta and Tenko facing up to the Exisals to protect Kaede they’re so brave and selfless and determined. (It’s a little awkward in Tenko’s case knowing she wouldn’t do this if Kaede were a guy, but.) Kaito in particular, since he almost got killed by an Exisal a few days ago, so he knows better than anyone else there how completely fucking impossible it is to take one on unarmed. Note how while he’s the one at the front, his stance is the most defensive out of the three of them. He is definitely scared as hell (I mean, they all are), but that’s not going to stop him risking his life for Kaede, dammit!

(Also, Kaito again doing something that he’s going to be on the other side of the next time people pull a “we’ll fight the Exisals to stop you getting executed!”, hee.)

Shuichi:  “Y-Yeah! I’ll help! I can—”

Shuichi you are a noodle how on earth do you think you can possibly help in a fight. This goes to show how desperate he is to protect Kaede against all logic, too.

Kaede:  “Everyone, stop!!!”

But of course Kaede can’t just let them all get themselves killed on her behalf.

Kaede:  “…I’m not giving up. Because I have you.”

Shuichi:  “…What?”

Kaede:  “Even after I’m gone… my wish will still be here. So I’m counting on you all! I’m entrusting my wish to every one of you!”

This is absolutely lovely – she’s not thinking of this as the end, or as her defeat, because she knows that everyone else here (well, most of them anyway) still wants the same thing she always did and they’re going to try their hardest to reach it. Even though Kaede’s not the true protagonist after all, her passing on her wish to everyone else and especially Shuichi does a great job to make her still feel involved and important to the story after she’s gone. She was the protagonist for this first chapter not just for the sake of a fake-out and a plot twist, but because she still is meaningfully a protagonist of this story, in a sense.

Kirumi:  “I will do my utmost to fulfil your final request.”

Tenko:  “I won’t give up! I’ll get out of here, no matter what!”

Gonta:  “Gonta work hard and keep friends safe till very end!”

…These lines are just painful, knowing what happens to each of them.

Kokichi:  “Well, Kaede, you definitely weren’t boring.”

And that, folks, is the highest praise Kokichi can give. Be proud, Kaede, I guess?

I really like this shot of Shuichi desperately reaching out to Kaede at the beginning of the execution.

So. I used to find Danganronpa executions so disturbing that I literally couldn’t watch them. But while me being not particularly disturbed by this one is partially just gradual desensitisation over a lot of time, I think it’s also partly in the way it’s presented. Some of the executions bother me because they kind of stop treating the victim of them like a character from the moment it begins. They just become like an object for this twisted, horrifying deathtrap, and something about that really wigs me out. But this scene isn’t like that as much because there’s a lot more focus put on Kaede’s expressions and what she’s going through and how desperately you can tell she’s still trying to survive for as long as possible. And I totally get how a lot of people might find that more disturbing, but I actually personally find it easier to deal with that way. She’s still a character, right up until her last moments.

Even so, yikes. On my first time through I was still teetering on whether I should skip the execution or not, but I told myself I should watch it because I needed to understand exactly what hell Shuichi went through. And, man. Fuck. Ouch.

Shuichi:  (The moment it was over, I felt my legs give out under me.)

No wonder this is his reaction.

Shuichi:  (What I just saw… didn’t feel real. As if all reality had vanished, and the only thing left was a fictional world.)

…Yup. That’s a thing the writers put in there.

Kokichi:  “I… I can’t believe this happened to Kaede… I liked her… s-so… m-muuuuuuch…! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! KAAAAEEEEEEDDDDEEEEEE!!!!!”

Again with the overacting to be able to tell himself it’s all a lie and he doesn’t really feel anything. Not that he actually did like Kaede all that much – he was never on board with all of her talk about co-operation and was quite happy to be a gigantic manipulative dick to her over the whole tunnel thing. She wasn’t boring, but that doesn’t mean he really cared about her as a person. But on a basic, fundamental level he’s just as horrified as any normal person would be at seeing someone get killed like that, and that’s what he’s trying to lie to himself about.

Monokuma:  “Cuz if human life wasn’t precious, ending it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun!”

I don’t think any of the previous, Junko-driven incarnations of Monokuma ever expressed this sentiment. But this version understands that the whole reason a fictional death is heartbreaking and therefore worth having happen is because people cared about the character who died.

Monokuma:  “There’s no greater joy than witnessing such a display of despair entertainment!”

Really laying the not-really-fourth-wall-breaking on thick here, huh. Is it any wonder Kokichi figures out that this whole thing is being watched?

Kiyo:  “Kehehe… You’ve surpassed psychotic by a wide margin.”

And that’s saying a lot, coming from Kiyo.

Kaito:  “I… I won’t ever forgive you for this! Got that!? I won’t ever forgive you!”

Monokuma:  “Spoken like a marked man!”

Oh, really, Monokuma? Surely you’re aware that Kaito exists to make Shuichi his sidekick and he shouldn’t be getting himself killed until he’s at least started to do that. Although I guess he might also be referring to the fact that Kaito is marked to be killed off sooner or later no matter what happens regarding the murders. Plus, this is the out-universe writers trying to make Kaito look nice and expendable too.

(Also aaaa Kaito being so desperately furious and yet powerless to do anything about it.)

Maki:  “…Do you hate us? If so, have we done something to make you hate us?”

I dunno, Maki, you should be used to the idea that people can do awful things to others without having any particular hatred for them. Although it does make sense that she’d assume someone might hate her specifically, but then that means she’s also assuming everyone else here has secretly done things they might be hated for.

Monokuma:  “He died before his talent could be revealed. If he had lived long enough to reveal it, maybe he could have been more useful…”

You act like you wanted the story to get to the point where Rantaro discovered his talent, and yet the message on his Survivor’s Perk was clearly deliberately setting him up to be this first case’s victim or culprit.

Kokichi:  “Dammit! You may have gotten us this time, but we’ll get you next time! You’ll see!”

This sounds like some kids’ cartoon cliché – which is to say, Kokichi is probably deliberately trying to come across this way to make everyone else realise how ridiculous and foolish their defiance sounds.

Monokuma:  “I have a feeling you’re gonna live for a while.”

Unfortunately for the patience of everyone else who’s going to be stuck with him, but fortunately for the story taking some interesting turns, yes, he is.

Kaito:  “Got it!? I’m gonna punch that grin right off your face. For sure!”

Monokuma:  “Oh, really…? That seems unlikely. I’m pretty sure you won’t live long enough to do that.”

Are you sure, Monokuma? Because I think you’ll find that Kaito ends up living just exactly long enough to do that.

(Space.)

After Monokuma and the cubs leave, everyone is, quite understandably, very lost and downtrodden after what just happened to Kaede. But…

Kaito:  “Aaargh! Shut up! SHUT! UP! You all just need to SHUT UP!!!”

(Kaito’s voice boomed in the air, and the room went silent.)

Kaito:  “Every single one of you… and your meek little complaints… You’re pissing me the hell off!!!”

…of course Kaito can’t just let that be. At the best of times, Kaito will proclaim that it’s not good to spend time moping around and complaining and wallowing in your sadness when you could instead be thinking about what to do to make things better. But right now, Kaito’s just as upset as everyone else, probably second only to Shuichi in how much he’s hurting over this. He’s not thinking clearly enough to be able to turn his pain into something productive and is instead just desperately covering it up with unhealthy reactionary anger. So seeing everyone else still being upset reminds him of how he’s really feeling on the inside and he can’t stand it.

Kaito:  “But the one who’s pissing me off the most… is you, Shuichi! 

And of course Shuichi, who is both being the most upset and has the most reason to be trying to do something about this instead of just moping around, is the one who bothers him more than anyone else.

Can we take a nice long moment to appreciate that in this illustration after Kaito punches Shuichi, Kaito is crying. His anger is a desperate defence mechanism, all right.

Kaito:  “Clench your teeth!”

Keebo:  “Kaito! You are supposed to say that *before* you hit him!”

…Is saying that before punching your friend in the face a common trope in Japanese media, or has Keebo simply seen Gurren Lagann?

Kaito:  “Didn’t you hear what Kaede said!? She said… she believed in you! That she passed her wish on to you! But what the hell’s wrong with you!? You didn’t say a damn thing to Monokuma! You call yourself a man!?!?”

This invocation of manliness is still about the idea of sticking to your convictions and taking responsibility. Kaede passed her wish onto Shuichi, so Shuichi should stand by that and stand up to Monokuma because that’s what Kaede would have wanted him to do.

Of course, it’s not fair of Kaito to be insisting this right now. Shuichi will start to do that, to hold on to Kaede’s wish and try as hard as he can to make a difference even though it’s still difficult for him. He just needs time. Kaito isn’t thinking clearly enough to realise that Shuichi is simply responding to this pain in a different way to him, by retreating into himself instead of lashing out, and that no-one should be expected to be able to stand up and fight back immediately after what they’ve just been through.

Shuichi:  “…”

Kaito:  “…What’s the matter? Say something already. I just hit you! Aren’t you pissed off!? What’s your problem!?”

Usually, Kaito’s powers of empathy are better than this, but right now it seems he’s too upset to comprehend the idea that someone else might react to things differently than how he would. Obviously if somebody punched him in the face he’d be pissed off and respond to it, so Shuichi should be doing that too!

Shuichi probably doesn’t respond not just because he’s in so much pain but also because a large part of him must be thinking that he really isn’t strong enough to carry on Kaede’s wish and that Kaito is right to be angry at him for this. It’s probably just as well he doesn’t say anything. I doubt he could have mustered up the courage to say something that would satisfy Kaito and not just make him angrier, and the less damage Kaito does when he’s not thinking straight like this, the better.

Maki:  “Can we leave now? Staying here will only make us more depressed.”

Meanwhile Maki is resistant enough to horrifying situations full of death that she’s still thinking clearly and can suggest the most pragmatic response to this situation.

Tenko:  “Shuichi… don’t beat yourself up, ‘kay?”

I appreciate these occasional moments of Tenko being kind to Shuichi, genuinely not even seeming to consider that he’s male and just seeing him as a person for once.

Kokichi:  “Yep! Just hit the reset button on your feelings and you’ll feel happy and cheerful in no time!”

I’m sure you’ve had a lot of practice at doing that, Kokichi. Also, way to be a dick to someone who’s going through horrible trauma, good job.

Gonta:  “Let Gonta know if you need his help, okay?”

Regular reminder that Gonta is Good.

Everyone leaves, except Kaito. Kaito seems to have calmed down already – probably having everyone else agree to get some rest and seeing (some of) them be kind to Shuichi made him realise on some level that getting angry and lashing out was not the right thing to do.

So instead he’s already trying to make up for it and help Shuichi by suggesting he go to Kaede’s lab.

Kaito:  “Understand? There’s only one way to get through this awful feeling. No one’s gonna be able to console you if you’re just sitting here alone. If anyone’s gonna help you, it’ll be her… in your memories.”

This whole bit from Kaito really stood out to me on my first time through as being surprisingly sincere and heartfelt coming from him. This surprise was because it was the first time I’d properly seen Kaito being considerate and trying to help someone, not realising that actually this is what Kaito is like literally all of the time and he just hadn’t had much of a chance to show it until now due to Kaede overshadowing him. So I assumed that the only reason he was doing this was because he’d had some kind of personal experience with losing someone close to him, and maybe we’d go on to learn more about whatever he’d been through and have that be a whole big part of his character.

Now, knowing how Kaito is, it’s obvious that he’d say something like this to try and help Shuichi anyway whether he has any personal investment in these kinds of feelings or not. But it still kind of sounds like he might be speaking from experience here, just based on the way he talks about it. The fact that he never mentions what he might have gone through at any later point in the story doesn’t remotely rule out the possibility that such a thing happened, because, well, it’s Kaito. He doesn’t like to talk about his own problems, ever.

So, well, hold this thought. You might already be able to guess where I’m going with this, but I’ll get there in the next chapter.

The full moon outside the window of Kaede’s lab is very fitting, considering what Clair de Lune means.

Shuichi:  “What a magnificent piano… I would have liked to hear her play it… if only just once.”

It’s still such a shame Kaede never got to do this! She totally could have invited people to her lab for a mini-concert! Admittedly, by the time her lab was open, everyone was scattered and divided because of the time limit, but she could still have invited Shuichi (and Kaito and Tenko and at least some others would probably have been happy to join too if they’d known).

Guhhh the image of Kaede playing the piano even though it’s just Shuichi’s imagination.

And just, man, this whole scene. By this point I’ve seen it so many times that it doesn’t make me cry any more, but for the longest time, and especially the first time, it absolutely did.

I also did not realise until I totally messed it up here by waiting too long between lines that, assuming you read the lines at a normal pace with natural pauses between them, this scene is really nicely timed with the music so that it ends just as the song reaches its climax and ending.

---

[Chapter-end bonus ramble] [Next post]

[angrykpoprants]

have you shared your thoughts on the a-bomb shirt incident? i can't believe so many armys are letting it slide and even defending it. if something like this happened to literally ANY other kpop group, they would get so much shit!!!!! i'm not hearing anybody critique bts. they didn't even properly apologize… they only apologized for not making their appearance on tv in japan…

I haven’t yet, I was unsure if people wanted me to talk about it since it is very controversial, and I was waiting to see if or what bighit would say something about this. I understand both sides of that shirt, yes, its about Korean liberation, but at the same time its very offensive towards Japanese. I’ve seen comments saying “Jimin didn’t know better” or “It was the stylist”. Looking at the photos, I believe it was taken when they were in Santa Monica in 2017 for their wings tour because of the V in front wearing a Hawaiian shirt and the Rasta hat. 

If you couldn’t tell, by my icon and the photo on my theme, it shows that I favor Jimin the most. However, I am not going to give him an excuse, that doesn’t mean that I hate him or I’m an anti now… I’m just very disappointed because 1.) “Jimin didn’t know better” I’m tired of hearing that “”idol” didn’t know better”. I know there are times when that statement is true, however going off of the different cultures he has been exposed to in the length of the career, and by the fact that they are extremely popular in Japan, he should have made different choice. Jimin is an adult, though, he still is young… I mean he’s only 4 years older that me, but I would know not to wear a shirt like that, when I’m potentially going to be photographed and/or followed. I mean, I’m all about reping your culture and race but if you know that its going to offend a group of people or its controversial, only wear it at events where like-minded people are around or in your own home. Now with 2.) “it was the stylist”, there have been many Idols that have worn a offensive shirt before, that sometimes was the stylist fault but the fact is, this was during his leisure time, regardless if they were filming or not… they have released so many dvds and the CH+ content which shows that they choose their own clothes unless they are doing a photoshoot. Which means, Jimin knew what shirt he was wearing, he made the choice to put it on, and also… he owns it. 

With the other issues that they addressed it seems to be slightly more excusable. More so the hat then the performance. When RM wore the nazi hat that was done when they were still rookies. Now I know I say that people shouldn’t make excuses for idols actions but in this I’m trying to a logical reason as to why I believe he wore that hat. As I said earlier, this photoshoot was done when they were still somewhat rookies, and why I’m saying that is at that time they were new to the industry and most likely did everything they were told and were scared to voice their opinion, as most rookie idols are. However, I still think that this is very wrong and it should never have been worn.

Now with the performance, I’m just going to say that it is very nazi-esque… it was very borderline. It really emulated nazi like Germany, but by watching the performance I could understand why they did this because it was to portray a message,  though, that doesn’t mean that I’m for it or I like the performance. Now again with this this could be a bit more excusable too. As they were working with Seo Taiji, a predominate icon in Korean society. It could have been that they were too scare to voice their opinion because they were working with a legend, however, when they did that performance they were very known and should have known better or said something regarding the extreme similarities. 

But the apology didn’t seem genuine, in fact, there really wasn’t an apology, it was more like excuses. In all honesty, it looks like when you catch a kid doing something they know they weren’t supposed to. Also, this is another reason why I say that kpop is not ready for America just yet. I know Korea and Japan can be brutal when it comes to idols doing something wrong but when it comes to American media, once the celebrity is at their “peak’ thats when media starts to dig deeper and deeper into the past to look for something that they did that was wrong, I know that it sparked news mainly in Japan it has since blown up, and honestly I feel like it blew up a little too much though. 

There was one part of apology that just didn’t sit well with me, and that was when they said something like “maybe our artist can perform at a denuclearization event” which I can’t seem to find on their facebook page anymore. When I saw that, I was like “did I really just read that?” Your asking for forgiveness by asking if BTS can perform at a denuclearization event? However, I do feel like it was a good thing to apologize to the Simon Wiesenthal Center.

Still, overall… to me it seemed like it was like “I’m legit so scared because bts has done many things that offended a bunch of people and its catching up, and America and Japan is going to hate them” 

Like you also said, if it was any other idol they would get shit for it, and thats very true. Most idols when they are involved in a scandal or something controversial, most of the time they either take a hiatus from social media or they private their social media, in a way to say I’m sorry even if they didn’t do anything wrong. When Mino was accused of being a pedophile, he unfollowed everyone on social media, When Seungri asked people to vote for is friend for the Maxim contest he went private because it caused such an issue. It took T.O.P over a year to return to instagram. Heck, even look at Himchan, when the accusations started he avoided instagram, even after when the shady stuff about the girl came out and Himchan’s name was cleared he still hasn’t retuned to Instagram. Its really sad… but here you have bts, still posting on twitter, still very active on social media… it’s really messed up. 

[taco-calamitous]

Ha-HA! Have THIS long-ass shit on your page!

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :(