#regularly scheduled check please and mistborn nonsense will surely be returning soon

[titsthedamnseason]

i can’t help but feel like a bad friend right now even though i know it’s not my fault. but my best friend is studying abroad right now and sent me the sweetest message about how she finds it hard to be herself around the girls she’s there with and misses me and really values our friendship. but when i studied abroad last year i truly consider it the best part of my college experience and felt the exact opposite because i wasn’t closeted on that trip. even though my best friend knows im gay, she’s straight and doesn’t understand a lot of my struggle with my sexuality on an everyday basis, we barely talk about it because neither one of us really knows how. even though she’s definitely supportive it’s a bit of a barrier between us at times because of that disconnect. and it’s not that i didn’t miss her while i was away, but i felt so free on that trip and was able to be myself with my group + roommates in a way that i can’t even do with her. she’s my best friend first and foremost (i hardly talk to anyone from my study abroad now that we’re back at school actually, so it wasn’t ever that we were better friends. just easier friends?) and i feel so guilty that our experiences were so opposite and i don’t know how to talk about it or comfort her now that she isn’t having the best time