#relieve all that anger and tension uh huh problem solved

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 15: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 15 Summary Analysis

Cas, Dean, and Sam are all grieving Jack’s death, but Cas is reeling much more than the other two. Belphagor’s possession of Jack’s body disturbs Cas more than it does Dean or Sam. Dean’s resentment toward Cas lingers from the previous season, and he is insensitive to Castiel’s acute emotional pain. After finding out the truth about God, Dean has an existential crisis because he’s struggling to feel like their lives have any meaning. Dean repeatedly disregards Castiel’s well-being, and Cas decides to leave after realizing that Dean will not forgive him for what happened to Mary. After spending some time on his own and solving a case by himself, Cas returns to the Winchesters to help fight God with renewed vigor. During a trip to Purgatory, Dean apologizes to Cas for how angry he has been and the two reconcile. Both Cas and Dean’s spirits are lifted when Jack returns, until they find out that Jack will likely have to die to defeat God. As they get closer to defeating God, Dean becomes hyper focused, letting his anger and existential frustration overpower his love for his family, even getting close to killing Sam. Cas confesses his love for Dean, telling him that he’s the “most caring man on Earth.” Dean is devastated by Castiel’s death, but he takes his words to heart and lets go of his anger to embrace a nonviolent solution to defeating Chuck. After Dean dies, he finally feels at peace with himself in heaven. 

My interpretation: 

Cas is hurt when Dean says that nothing in their lives is real. He tries (and fails) to convince Dean that the relationship they’ve built over time is what they can hold onto as real. Castiel is able to let Dean’s mistreatment slide off his back for a short time, but Cas is deeply wounded when Dean shows that he doesn’t trust Castiel’s judgment. Cas reaches a breaking point that is compounded by Dean’s refusal to acknowledge Castiel’s difficult sacrifice of burning Jack’s body to defeat Belphagor. Because Cas has built up a strong sense of self-worth over the last couple of seasons, he knows he deserves to be treated with respect and is not willing to stay with someone who does not trust him. Dean has developed a habit of taking Cas for granted and treats him poorly without realizing the impact it will have. Dean is surprised when Cas decides to leave, but does not stop him from doing so because he doesn’t believe it’s for good. 

Cas attempts to make a life for himself away from Dean, but he can’t stop thinking about him (spending his time fishing because of what Dean had told him about its “meditative qualities”). When Cas is forced to use Dean’s phone number as a back up for his fake FBI identity, Dean takes the opportunity to warn him about Chuck because he still cares about Castiel’s safety. When Cas returns, he and Dean have difficulty being in each other’s company because they’re both still hurt by each other’s actions. When they are tasked with going to Purgatory, Cas sacrifices himself to save Dean from the Leviathans. Dean is afraid he might lose Cas for good this time and prays to him for forgiveness in an act of true emotional vulnerability. He is relieved to later find Cas alive. Cas forgives Dean’s past behavior and appreciates how hard it was for Dean to open up to him.

When Jack returns, Dean and Cas share a caring look that shows that they both know how much it means to the other that Jack is alive. Cas knows that Dean feels guilt for being so close to killing Jack, and Dean knows how hard Jack’s death was on Cas. In that moment, they are happy for each other even more than they are for themselves. When Cas finds out that Jack is likely to die, he tells Dean immediately, having learned to trust him more. Because Dean keeps the truth from Sam, Sam finds it odd that Cas would leave for no reason. Sam is surprised to hear that it did not start a fight between them again because he sees how close they have grown and how connected they have been. 

When going after Chuck, Sam is only barely able to steer Dean away from the path of violence by appealing to Dean’s love for his brother. Dean is not able to fully step away from his anger until after Castiel tells him what he needs to hear—that he is a caring man who always acts out of love. Because Sam is one of the people that Dean has cared for his entire life, Sam is unable to fully understand the burden Dean feels to protect the world, but Castiel has felt a similar burden of protection over Dean that allows them to connect on another level (to share a more profound bond).

When Castiel says, “The one thing I want. It’s something I know I can’t have,” he is referring to wanting a peaceful life together with Dean. This is impossible because of the constant danger they are in (not because Dean is incapable of reciprocating feelings). Cas and Dean have had a close relationship for years but have never verbally expressed feelings of love to each other. They have never gone to that next level of intimacy because being in constant danger has made them afraid of losing it once they had it. Since Cas knows he will die, he is able to let go of his attachment to being with Dean and fully embody the love he feels without fear of being hurt by it. He doesn’t fear losing Dean because he knows his actions will save Dean. Dean’s response to Castiel’s profession of love is to clam up because he can’t handle the thought of losing Cas.

Hearing how Castiel sees him is what pushes Dean to finally let go of the self hatred and toxic masculinity that he has struggled with his entire life. Hearing that a cosmic being thousands of years old chose to reject Heaven and save humanity out of love for him made a huge impact. Dean has continuously struggled to be truly vulnerable and let Cas into his heart because he never felt worthy of that kind of love. Dean’s intense grief at the loss of his best friend is embedded with regret for not getting a chance to tell him how he feels in return. Right before he dies, Dean tells Sam how much he looked up to him for being his own person and not bending to the will of their father, reminding us of Dean’s lifelong struggle with identity. 

In Heaven we learn from Bobby that Cas helped build the new Heaven, and Dean is pleased to learn that Cas survived. Unfortunately, we don’t actually get to see Cas reunited with Dean on screen, but we can assume that they do see each other again. We can only speculate about what their interaction would be like, but I choose to believe that Dean, having let go of his self-hatred and toxic masculinity to embrace his true identity, is finally able to verbally reciprocate romantic feelings for Cas. Reaching this level of self acceptance is the Heaven Dean “deserves.” Jack’s new Heaven allows Dean and Cas to be happy together for eternity, along with the rest of their found family. 

15.01 Back and to the Future

Dean yells at Cas for ideas, and Cas is frustrated that Dean seems to expect him to solve the problem for them: “Cas, come on, man! Ideas! Can you smite our way outta here?!” “No, you saw them—I would be overwhelmed, Dean.” Cas is adamant that Belphagor leave Jack’s body, but Dean insists that they see if the demon can help them. The lingering tension between Cas and Dean from the previous season causes them to argue about the demon.

When the gang reaches the high school, Dean asks Cas how he his, but then walks away before he can finish a sentence: Are you ok?” “Yes, but...” “Good.” Cas looks completely dejected, and Belphagor recognizes the tension: “Wow. Awkward.”

15.02 Raising Hell

Cas apologizes to Dean about not telling him about Jack, but Dean rejects his effort. Cas explains that he’s angry, too, but he still has hope, and he tries to help Dean see why their lives still matter: “Dean, I recognize that I dropped the puck.” “Ball. It’s, uh, dropped the ball.” “Ball, right. I didn’t tell you about Jack, and then after what happened with your mother...” “Don’t.” “You’re angry.” “Yes, I am angry, at everything, all of it!” “All of it?” “This mess, all the messes. It turns out that we’re just hamsters turning in a wheel our whole lives? What do we have to show for it, huh? Tell me you don’t feel conned. God’s been lying to you, Cas, forever. You bought into the biggest scam in history.” “You don’t think I’m angry? After what Chuck did, after what he took from me? He killed Jack! But that doesn’t mean it was ALL a lie.” “Really?” “Chuck is all-knowing. He knew the truth, he just kept it to himself.” “Well, now that his cover’s blown, everything that we’ve done is for what? Nothing.” “Even if we didn’t know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck’s machinations, how would we describe it all? We’d call it life, because that’s precisely what life is. It’s an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race, we made our own moves, and mostly, we did well with that.” “Did we? I’ll tell ya what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice, but I can’t.” “Dean, you asked what about all of this is real. We are.”

15.03 The Rupture

Dean volunteers Cas to accompany Belphagor to Hell. Cas is taken aback by Dean’s bossiness, but he reluctantly goes along with it: “Yeah, Cas will go. You’ve been to hell before.” “Well, it sounds like I don’t have a choice.” “Good. Great. Go team.”

Belphagor notices the disregard Dean seems to have for Castiel’s safety: “You know, your part in all this is, uh, pretty dangerous. I mean, you could die, get trapped in Hell... Your friends might not ever see you again. Funny, ‘cause, uh, they didn’t seem to think twice about it.”

Belphagor tries again to get under Castiel’s skin by suggesting that Sam and Dean don’t care about him: “You are not growing on anyone. Sam and Dean are just using you. Don’t mistake that for caring about you, because I can assure you, they don’t.” “Wow, you learn that the hard way? What is it, Cas, this, uh, seething animosity?” “You’re wearing Jack, who was like a son to me, like a coat. Every second in your presence is intolerable. It’s an abomination. You’re an abomination.”

Cas attempts to comfort Dean but is met with hostility. Dean blames Cas for Rowena’s death and cuts him to the core by suggesting that their failures are always his fault: “Sorry about Rowena.” “You’re sorry... Why didn’t you just stick to the damn plan?” “Belphagor was lying.” “Belphagor’s a demon.” “He was using us. He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and everything.” “Yeah, and we would’ve figured it out! After! With Rowena!” “The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this, something always goes wrong.” “Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?” 

Dean looks away after insulting Cas, and there is an awkward silence. Cas is visibly distraught, but not surprised. He confirms that Dean still blames him for Mary’s death and then leaves: “You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt.” “Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t wanna hear it. You don’t care. I’m dead to you. You still blame me for Mary.” Dean nods. “Well, I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” “Where you goin’?” “Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

15.04 Atomic Monsters

Sam teases Dean for calling himself the meat man, and they exchange an awkward look: “You gotta stop calling yourself the ‘meat man.’ It doesn’t mean what you think it means.” “Yeah, it does.”

15.05 Proverbs 17:3

Sam is concerned about Cas and tries to contact him multiple times (unsuccessfully), but Dean doesn’t seem to mind his absence: “That Cas?” “Yeah, straight to voicemail, again.” “Yeah, well, we gave him the heads-up on Chuck and Lilith, so what else are we supposed to do?”

15.06 Golden Time

Cas mentions Dean wistfully to someone during small talk: “I had a friend who always praised fishing for its meditative qualities. Wish I found it more relaxing.”

Sam comments on Dean’s lack of motivation: “You know what, Dean? Ever since God got back, you’ve been acting like there’s nothin’ we can do, like nothin’ matters. But we can do this. Man, this matters.” “And that’s why you’re here to kick it in the ass.”

While on a case, Cas is forced to use the Winchesters’ phone number to back up his fake FBI identity. When the sheriff calls, Dean asks to speak to his agent. Cas groans, not wanting to talk: “Hello.” “Cas, Sam’s been tryin’ to call you.” “I know.” “Did you check his messages?” “Nope.” “Right, smart. Why would you? Look, I don’t know if you care or not, but, uh... God—Chuck—is back on the board, so watch yourself. And check your damn messages.” Cas is visibly agitated when Dean hangs up.

While Cas is helping Melly find her son, she thanks him for helping her and recognizes the frustration he’s feeling as burnout: “I needed to step away.” “Burnout’s a bitch, right?” “Yeah. My colleagues and I, we, uh... I guess you could say we had a falling out with management. Well, and each other.” 15.07 Last CallDean goes off on his own after seeing Sam and Eileen happy together, and Sam calls out his odd behavior: “Just hold on. Slow down.” “No, I’m good. I’m good.” “You’re good? What does that mean, you’re—“ “It means I gotta, I gotta get outta here, okay? I just, I gotta... I’m gonna take a drive, clear my head.” “Alone?” “Yeah, you know, you and Eileen, you guys are having fun. I don’t wanna spoil that, you know?” 

Cas calls Dean and leaves a message, frustrated that he isn’t picking up: “Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I... WHERE ARE YOU?” 

When Dean returns, he and Cas share an awkward moment, and Cas has difficulty looking Dean in the eye. 

15.08 Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven

Cas feels uneasy about visiting hell to speak to Michael, and Dean is condescending toward him, implying that he’s a coward and/or useless: “Cas, if you wanna stay here, why don’t you stay here?” Cas responds by angrily glaring at him. 

Dean cuts his hand to provide blood for a spell, and Cas offers to heal his wound, despite the fact that his powers are waning and it’s difficult for him to use them: “Here, allow me...” “Thanks.”

Rowena recognizes the tension between Dean and Cas, who are avoiding looking at each other. She sees right through their denial and gives them advice, encouraging them to make up: “What am I picking up from you two? A wee tiff? Tell your Auntie Rowena.” “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” “Boys... fix it! I don’t have many regrets, but the few I do still haunt me. Making Napoleon so short was just bitchy, telling Mick Jagger he had no future when I dumped him, and, well, everything with dear Fergus. Then one day you die, you go to hell, they make you queen, and... you can’t make it right. So fix it!”

Dean and Cas continue to avoid eye contact while they’re in the kitchen discussing Michael. 

15.09 The Trap

When Dean tries to go after Sam, Cas stops him, surprising Dean with his anger: “Dean, will you stop? Just stop being so stupid.” “What?” In Purgatory, Dean suggests splitting up, but Cas refuses, frustrated. Dean reluctantly agrees.

Cas expresses condolences to Dean after they find out Benny is dead, and it leads to a spat: “Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.” “I know you’re sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom.” “I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.” “Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn’t just up and leave us.” “You didn’t give me a choice. You couldn’t forgive me, and you couldn’t move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn’t stop me.”

When the Leviathan capture Cas, Dean is upset and tries to find him. Afraid that he might lose Cas forever, tearfully he apologizes to him through prayer: “Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it’s not too late. I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know... I know that it’s, it has just always been there. And when things go bad, it just... it comes out. And I can’t... I can’t stop it. No matter how... how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And... and I... I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long... I’m sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I’m... I’m so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me.”

Dean is elated when he finds Cas alive. He pulls Cas in for a tight hug. He tries to apologize again: “Okay, Cas, I need to say something.” “You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer.”

15.10 The Heroes’ Journey

Dean has a dream sequence in which he tap dances to “Let’s Misbehave” by Cole Porter. He dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss, then dances on top of the map table while enveloped in light. Sam teases Dean about his relationship with Cas as Dean is holding Garth’s son, who is also named Castiel: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” “So kinda like the real Cas.”

At the end of the episode, we see Garth dancing with his wife, and Dean says, “You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.”

15.11 The Gamblers

When the Winchesters return home to find that Jack is back, Dean takes Jack’s face in his hand and looks hard at Cas, who gives him a kind smile.

15.12 Galaxy Brain

Dean and Cas share a friendly drink while talking about Jack’s return. 

15.13 Destiny’s Child

Cas displays a deep understanding of Dean’s character while conversing with Jack about Mary’s death: “You know, Dean, he feels things more acutely than any human I’ve ever known, so it’s possible he could work through this. One day he may explode and let it all out, and then breathe deeply and move on.” “How long will that take?” “I don’t know.”

15.15 Gimme Shelter

At a faith-based group gathering, Castiel recounts his experience breaking away from Heaven’s authority: “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond The Plan. And then, of course, when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed, something amazing. I... I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” 15.16 Drag Me Away (From You)Sam remarks on how odd it is for Cas to leave for no apparent reason (because Dean did not tell him): “Cas just bailed, I guess. He’s didn’t say anything to you about why he left?” “Not really.” “And you guys didn’t get into a fight or something?” “It’s just Cas being Cas.” “Right.”

15.18 Despair

Cas decides to go with Dean instead of staying with Sam and Jack. When running away from Death, Cas leads a wounded Dean to safety: “I’ve got you.”

When Dean blames himself for the predicament they’re in, Cas realizes that he can save Dean by summoning The Empty, and uses his final moments to tell Dean how he truly sees him: “I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.” “What’re you talkin’ about, man?” “I know... I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken. You’re... you’re daddy’s blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that’s... that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.” “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” “Because it is. I love you.” “Don’t do this, Cas. Cas...” “Goodbye, Dean.” “What?”

After Cas is gone, Dean sits on the floor and sobs into his hands, ignoring a call from Sam. 

15.19 Inherit the Earth

Sam and Dean offer to go along with Chuck’s story and kill each other to bring everyone back, and Dean mentions Cas specifically: “I’ll kill Sam. Sam will kill me. We’ll kill each other. Okay? You pick. But first, you gotta put everything back the way it was. The people, the birds, Cas. You gotta bring him back.”

When Lucifer tricks Dean with a fake phone call from Cas, he rushes to the door as fast as he can to let Cas in.  After stripping Chuck of his powers, Chuck assumes they will kill him, but Dean refuses: “Is this where you kill me? I mean, I could never think of an ending where I lose, but this... after everything that I’ve done to you, to die at the hands of Sam Winchester, of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer. It’s kinda glorious.” “Sorry, Chuck.” “What? What?” “See, that’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

15.20 Carry On

Dean asks Sam what’s bothering him after noticing he looks sad: “I’m just... I’m thinkin’ about Cass, you know? Jack. If they could be here.” “Yeah. Yeah, no, I think about ‘em, too. You know what? That pain’s not gonna go away. Right? But if we don’t keep livin’, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothin’.”

As Dean is dying, he tells Sam how much he has looked up to him: “I’m so proud of you, Sam. You know that? I’ve always looked up to you. Man, when we were kids, you were so damn smart. You never took any of dad’s crap. I never knew how you did that. And you’re stronger than me. You always have been. ... I love you so much, my baby brother.”

Bobby explains to Dean how Heaven has been improved: “Heaven ain’t just relivin’ your golden oldies anymore. It’s what it always shoulda been—everyone happy, everyone together. ... It ain’t just Heaven, Dean. It’s the Heaven you deserve, and we’ve been waitin’  for ya.” 

When Bobby mentions Cas, Dean is pleasantly surprised. “Jack did all that?” “Well, Cas helped.” Dean smiles, and Bobby raises his eyebrows knowingly. “It’s a big new world out there. You’ll see.” Dean smiles wider.