#remuslupinxsadreader

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Daisy - R. Lupin

Pairing - Remus Lupin x Hufflepuff!reader

Description - Late Hogsmeade trips led to early Hogwarts adventures, and then maybe some adventures of the soul.

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of self harm,

part one - part two

A/N: not proofread!!

She didn’t know where the boys had gotten an invisibility cloak from, or how they knew where to exit the castle from, but she knew she trusted them, and that she loved it.

It would’ve been better during the day, they could’ve gotten some sweets from Honeydukes, but it was still more fun than she’d ever imagined herself having. They ran all throughout the castle, gone through all those many passages, and then they’d done something to a statue (Remus had to cover her eyes so she wouldn’t see) and had gone out to the little village.

After their little night time adventure outside the caste grounds, they had a little night time inside the castle grounds. James seemed to think that she didn’t get out often enough and made them run through all the halls, got her to play games in long forgotten classrooms, got her to duel with them in the prefects bathroom, and then he got her to fly.

She had been afraid of heights for so long, they figured that out in first year during their flying lessons when she sobbed at the thought of getting off the ground more than a foot or two. Everyone called her a wimp, Sirius had called her sane.

She became even more afraid of heights the summer before their four year, a boy had asked her out, and he took her on a date near an old transport bridge, it was a place where they could see the stars and the entirety of their town, the date had gone fine. But she had never known of that bridge before, it was the only one in her hometown, and so he introduced her to it, and something happened to her on that bridge later in the summer, something that could have made sure nothing would ever happen with her again.

She didn’t know if it was the sincerity in his eyes, or the emotions showing in his face that had made her do it, but she knew something did.

They were on the quidditch field, one moment her and Remus were watching him and Sirius fly around, and then the next James was in front of her, holding out a hand, asking her to get on and fly with him. She didn’t want to, there was no way in hell that she would be getting on that broom but, it was like James knew that.

She started to panic, her hands gripped the grass like they gripped her sheets at night and her face was turning pale at the memories resurfacing in her brain. James didn’t know what was going on in her mind, he didn’t know what she was afraid of, or what she was trying to save herself from by not getting in the air, but he knew he could try. He could try and push her a little bit, get her to loosen the reins a little bit.

She would never get better if he didn’t try.

“ Y/n, I don’t know what’s scared you enough to make you afraid, and I don’t know what dark thoughts are swirling around in your mind right now but, I know that if you take one bad memory and try to replace it with a good one, it helps you regain that control that you’ve lost.”

Her eyes flickered in that moment, and her emotions changed, she went from being a scared little doe to being an angry little beast. She snapped out, standing with her fists clenched, nails digging into her palm.

“ I was hurled off a bloody bridge and fell into a river two hundred fucking feet down James. It’s not that simple!”

His voice never faltered though, “ I know that Y/n, but it’s not supposed to be.”

His voice was no more than a whisper, and yet he’s heard him loud and clear.

It’s not supposed to be.

She grabbed his hand and as he helped pull her onto the broom James couldn’t help but think back to the day that he’d seen her fall off that bridge, he was in town for a week with his mum, dad, and Sirius. His parents went and put their things down at his aunts house and his aunt had said Y/n was down by the river again, likely collecting some more flowers or something.

Him and his cousin had never been the closest of relatives, nor had they had the best connection to each other when hanging out, but he knew her well enough to know that she would be by the bridge, gathering some flowers where they had grown near the end parts. But he didn’t expect to see her leaping off of it when him and Sirius arrived, they were to gather her for lunch, not gather her for a funeral.

He snapped back when he felt her freezing cold fingers wrap around his waist, he could feel them through his shirt they were so cold.

“ Are you ready?”

“ I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

And he took off.

The higher and higher they went the more and the more she thought. He began to hover in one spot soon after he felt the tears from her face. “ You okay N/n?”

He could feel the shake of her head against his back and he went to go back down.

“ don’t go back down yet James, I’m okay. We’ve gotta replace one bad one with a good one remember.”

James smirked, “ We’d better make this memory magnificent then.”

-

She didn’t lose her fear, she just learned how to get past it long enough to have fun. When one bad memory came up, think of a different good one.

She was thinking about the feeling of safety that surrounded her when she was lying with the boys in the grass in Hogsmeade when James brought them down, it replaced the feeling of fright and helplessness from when she hit the water. She was thinking about how solid James’s body was and how the feeling of him being with her brought her comfort when James brought her up, it replaced the distant, unattached thing that she felt when she climbed onto the ledge. She let James’s reassuring words and Sirius’s grin from where he floated across from them help calm her down when they stopped in the air and sat, it replaced how she felt when she was flying through the air, plummeting towards the river.

After the first little bit though, she found that she didn’t need to exchange memories, because having James there to keep her steady and afloat was enough.

Eventually Remus came up with them, and they all laughed and played together for what seemed like decades.

She didn’t know what it was but, something about Remus made her feel like she could be herself, something about James made her seem like she could relax and let her walls down, they called it the cousin calamity touch when they were younger, and of course there was something about Sirius too, she just felt like she go go wild around him, like she could be more than just the quiet little puppy she normally was, like she could let that caged angry, emotional animal inside of her out without wrecking something.

-

It was around three in the morning when they came back inside the castle.

Remus had been walking when he remembered something, “ Say Y/n why were you out and around in the halls earlier?”

The three of them were going to walk her back to Hufflepuffs common room before retreating to the Gryffindor one. She was about to respond to Remus when Filch appeared, they were nearing one of the halls near the kitchens when Filch appeared, they turned around a corner when they saw him, stalking with his cat and his lantern.

He grunted when he spotted them, luckily she was hidden tucked in the back so he couldn’t have gotten a glimpse of her, but if he did, it wouldn’t have been a long enough glance to recognize her.

Remus grasped her hand, and then they ran.

-

“ Remus slow down!”

Y/n was panting, they ran and they ran and they ran, every way they turned Filch seemed to find them.

James shouted out. “ We have to get to the tower first!”

They swerved another corner, coming up to the changing staircases that she despised so much, and then they started climbing. It didn’t matter how much her body begged, she didn’t slow her pace. She kept pushing, pushing, pushing until she couldn’t push anymore without wanting to vomit.

Remus reached back, locking his fingers with hers and pulling her along, “ Hold on Y/n, we’ll be near an alcove soon and we can hide out until Filch leaves.”

There was a stitch in her side and a cramp in her leg, she could feel the wounds on her leg start to open up.

“ Better be soon.”

-

They did stop eventually, and it was an alcove where they stopped at as well.

The first thing Y/n did when she regained her breath was hurl. They didn’t expect that of her, so when she doubled over against the wall, wrenching her guts out, they didn’t know what to do other than hold her hair.

They hadn’t known enough about her then, not even James had, and he was her cousin, to know that she would vomit from all that, of course it could have been from some other reason like, maybe she’d eaten a lot earlier running just stirred it all up.

“ Woah, woah,” Sirius helped Y/n steady herself for a moment, and then scrambled to grasp her hair again. No matter how short or long hair was, there was always the possibility of it getting in the way.

By the time she stood up again, there were two hands on her shoulders. Sirius has his hands on her shoulders, and he was looking at her, his head cocked to the side, “ You good Hufflepuff?”

She nodded tersely and began to lean against the pillar beside the alcove, “ Yeah,”

She laughed, it was a shallow, breathless sound, “ I haven’t ran that much in a while.”

The grin on her face made grins break out across all of their faces and, at the sudden realization of what she’d previously done, and at the realization of the attention they’d been giving her, her face flushed. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, folded her arms tightly under her chest and grimaced.

Sirius had already let her go and went to spell the mess away, she turned her head and the grimace and negative things in her head showed on her face. “ I’m sorry you guys- it’s my fault honestly, Sirius move I’ll fix it up. You should head back to Gryffindor.”

She was greatly embarrassed, and yet they didn’t judge her, they waved off her apologies as they walked out of the alcove and kept on swatting them away as they walked up to the tower. James insisted that she stay in their dorm for the night, if only because they were almost caught by Finch and didn’t want to push any luck.

They walked down the hall, their arms wrapped on each other’s shoulders, and went on to finish their adventure. They ended one and began another all in one night, she would never regret taking Remus’s hand, not even after they saw the disaster she called her skin, not after they heard of the things that occurred in the jungle she called her mind, not after they saw the little splotches of darkness in her bright little soul.

No, she would never regret that decision, because it made her heart fill with glee.

-

“ Remus, are you sure I can borrow this?” She looked at herself in the mirror, the shirt was long enough that she didn’t require a skirt to keep herself covered but, the sleeves weren’t long enough to conceal all of the scars running over her arms. Well, they were but if she stretched certain ways they showed everything.

“ Yeah, besides, I doubt you’d want to use one of James’s or Sirius’s, they haven’t gotten their things cleaned in about two weeks.”

She bit down on her tongue and tried to keep in her groan. She would wear the damned thing, although with her stockings and with whatever underthings she had on, and she would deal with what questions she got asked.

James had already seen some of her scars, it had been once or twice during the last summer and a few times in their classes. But he never directly addressed any of it, only asking or conversing about the situation indirectly or by pretending it was something else that they were discussing inside of the tearing of her skin.

Y/n walked out of the bathroom and walked over to the Remus’s bed, ignoring the two bare-chested boys in the room. She sat down lightly, her hands under her legs to keep her from running them up and down her arms.

“ Whatcha reading there Remus?”

He looked up from his book and his face became a light shade of pink when he saw her sitting there in his bed, that little look to her face as she asked the question.

He put his head back down and kept on reading, ignoring the filthy look she gave him. She scooted up close to his side and began reading over his shoulder. “ You know Remus, it’s quite rude to leave someone’s question unanswered, especially after acknowledging their presence.”

“ Yeah Remus!” Sirius chimed in.

“ Take that Moony, answer her next time!” James added.

He couldn’t believe this, he was being schooled by those two dults.

“ I’m reading Science and Passion.” His cheeks turned a deep red when he said it and despite herself, Y/n laughed.

She leaned further into him and looked down at the book, she had never read anything so filthy!

“ Remus!” She smacked his arm and took the book from him, shoving herself back.

“ Hey, give it back I didn’t save my place!” Remus scrambled off the bed and started to follow after her when James went to pull him back. Sirius was sitting beside with Y/n on his bed, reading the book along with her.

“ James! Let me go!”

Remus was flailing about and it was only when Sirius started reading the paragraphs aloud when James let him go, scrambling to book the thing from Y/n’s grasp.

“ Y/n you don’t need to read that!”

-

She left early in the morning, taking extra care so she wouldn’t disturb the boys. She left the room as she had found it, the bed was made, her uniform was back on, and the shirt was folded on the edge of Remus’s bed.

She couldn’t help but think of how Remus had looked at her last night in Hogsmeade while she strolled down the halls. She didn’t know what it was about the way he looked at her, but while she was holding his hand under the stars, looking at him look at her from the corner of her eye, she felt safe.

And kind of giddy.

-

When she returned to her dorm, Y/n grabbed the article of clothing nearest to her, and she began sewing. Not sewing up any holes, not fixing any fought patches, but sewing in patterns. It was the pattern of a daisy that she stitched into the cloak, it’s weight solid in her hand.

Daisy’s made her happy, and Remus did too.

And so she sewed daisies, she sewed on one daisy, and simply went on to sew another on a different article of clothing. On and on until she felt at peace, only then did she rest.

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year six, Chapter one

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Self depriciation, mild swearing, self doubts

Word Count: 2123

Remus Lupin had been hammered ever since he set foot in the building, from escorting First years to classes and assiting teachers with their problmes to disiplining missbehaving students at all hours of the night and taking too many courses to count.

Godric Gryffindor, he just wanted to take a damn break.

The teachers were piling them with homework and the lectures were so extensive. Not to mention the fact that he hadn't been able to see her all week.

I'd been two weeks since he bumped into her father and yet he still couldn't get his words out of his head. Stupid mutt. To make matters worse the full moon was in two days and all he wanted to do was kiss her in the rain. But no, he had to sit at a stupid desk until he finished writing the rest of those essays, was done drawing an accurate picture of a Doxy, had finished writing down all of the antidotes for poisons from his Advanced Potions textbook (and the ingrediants required to make them). To top it off though, he'd had prefect duties earlier that evening and his head was absolutely pounding.

It was around three in the morning when Y/n came back into the common room and fell onto the couch nearest a fire. She kicked her boots off and loosened her tie before she even began to settle down. Y/n looked as if she'd just ran through a twister. Her hair was a tangled mess and her clothes were wrinkled and torn. He couldn't help but question where she'd been. He had to endure three classes without her and even more with her but he hadn't caught even a glimpse of her at all that week.

Remus missed her horribly and yearned to simply sit with her on that couch for a few moments before she went off for bed.

He almost started to cross the threshold to reach her when that little voice in the back of his head began to speak again. He almost told himself to shut the bloody hell up, but then he thought about how stupid that would be, telling yourself to shut the bloody hell up, that is. So, he turned around in his seat and tried to concentrait on what he was writing but found it rather hard to focus when N/n was exchanging her button-up shirt for one of his sweaters, he found it quite difficult when she began to brush through her hair with a comb and pulled it into a bun at the top of her head (he thought she looked to be wearing a hat with it put that way) and started to yawn.

She hadn't noticed that he was even sitting in the common room until she looked over and saw him staring doe eyed at her. For moments they simply looked at each other. But then she was grabbing her satchel and her shoes and making her way towards his table.

Some part of Remus wanted to break down and cry and yell at her to go away when she plopped down in that chair besides him. But he found, yet again, that he prefered her company much more than he prefered the company he recieved in his head.

Her skirt was so wrinkled, Godric he wanted to steal his mothers iron and steam the thing until all of the wrinkles came out of it. It irritated him far more than it should have. Wrinkles in clothing, he absolutely hated them. Remus's mother used to laugh when he would spend chunks of his day ironing clothing in the sitting room.

The young woman beside him had pulled out three glass vials filled with a redish liquid that he recognized to be wolfsbane. Remus knew he should've been paying more attention to his homework and the potion but he just couldn't stop looking at her, wouldn't stop.

" Y/n."

She turned to him then, stopped rummaging through her satchel and actually looked up at him with those beautiful e/c eyes.

Remus went to reach a hand out to grasp her chin but then stopped abruptly, his voice unnatrually quiet, " Can I just look at you for a moment."

A single 'Yes'  from her and his hands were on her face, caloused as they were.

He was holding her face in his hands again, her face felt cool to the touch, as if she'd been outside for a good while beforehand, and there were purple circles beneath her eyes. Anyone would say that there was no need to look at her for too long because she looked nearly the same as before, but to him, no, to him she looked bloody brilliant (although the circles under her eyes were mildly concerning) and as long as she was sitting next to him he wouldn't stop looking at her face.

It felt like ages had gone by since he'd held her, since he'd even seen her, so for the chance to arrise before him just then, he didn't hesitate to hold her in his grasp, even if it would last only a moment. A moment was all he needed, a moment of salvation.

" I've missed you Remus."

Her eyes flicked up to his and she scorned them for something, anything to let her know how he felt, but she found nothing other than shadows pooling in his irises.

" I've missed you too bunny."

His voice was nothing other than a mere whisper but she loved the sound of it either way. He hadn't uttered a single word to her since those two weeks after the incident at James's house.

" Then why haven't you come back to me yet?"

He tried to retract his hands from her face but found that she was grasping his wrists to keep his hands attached to her jaw.

His eyes flicked up to hers and she held his gaze while he answered her question.

" Because I hurt you and I'm afraid I'll hurt you again if I come too close."

He shuddered, his shoulders shook and he hid his face.

" I know it's four in the morning but do you want to do this homework together."

Remus laughed, a somehow light sound.

And he said, sure.

_______________________________________

Godric fucking Gryffindor, his head was spinning and he didn't even know if walking straight was still an option.

Remus didn't know why he stayed up that late knowing damn well had duties in the early morning hours but what he did know was that he really fucking regretted it.

He'd been ushering children to class and seperating unseperatable tongue-tied couples all morning and if it wasn't bad enough that he was really bleeding tired, it was as if the universe just had to give him a splitting headache too.

So splitting, in fact, that James had to 'escort' him to Madam Pumfrey to give him a potion to take that did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do and so for the rest of the day he was excused to lay in bed.

There was absolutely nothing to do.

Remus's head was spinning but his thoughts were clear as day and he knew that he wanted company.

He ended up curling under his blankets in a sweater his sister had given him and tried to sleep.

------

Sirius Black face planted onto his bed and landed on a pile of homework instead of the soft pillows he'd hoped for.

It wasn't until after he'd gotten through with the first two pages of work that he noticed Remus snoring.

Remus finally got that company he'd asked for, but it wasn't the company he'd wanted.

He simply went back to sleep, not knowing that Y/n would come by soon afterwards to give him the lunch that he'd missed earlier.

She gave it Sirius and turned around on her heel to leave when she felt a hand grasp her wrist.

" N/n I'm begging you, help me with this disastrous pile of work."

He was on his knees, an arm draped over his brow in a pretend faint.

In a swift motion he gathered her hands in his and began whining.

She knew he was one of the smartest boys in school but they were all exhausted as shit, and she knew that if she didn't help him with the work he'd be more behind in all of his classes than she had been when she first started the year.

James had been helping her catch up her charms (and had been helping her re-learn some of the more important spells in his free time). He was like-what would you call it?-a tutor. That was exactly what James was like now, her best friend and her tutor.

The boys were all so smart but they were all so bloody stupid.

Her and Sirius ended up fifteen minutes late for their next class, even though they'd been given more free time as sixth years, the group still found that all of the extra time they'd been given was spent mostly on homework and worrying about the Dark Lord and less on pranks and having fun.

Any amount of spare time they'd had in the previous school year was something for them all to cherish, of course they all were still pranking and going off to Hogsmeade for candy but they now had little time to enjoy doing such things.

They were always the brightest group of sorcerers at Hogwarts, they just had to work three times as hard now.

While they were studying Sirius noticed Y/n hadn't been paying any attention to Remus and she smiled more. She always tried to catch his eye, always had been trying to make sure he was okay and well rested but then in that moment, he rejoiced at the fact that she didn't glance his way, it was his way of knowing they were getting better; she didn't have to glance his way if she'd already talked to him, learned of how he was doing.

Whenever they rushed off to class after all their time studying, she kissed Remus's cheek and blew out the candles in the dormitory before she ran off with Sirius.

Sirius didn't let her know, but he saw Remus smile before he closed the door behind Y/n. It warmed his heart to know his lad was smiling again, if only for a moment. _____________

Remus steered clear of her for the rest of the week, only letting her within his sight after the full moon's destructive wave had been over with.

Well, he didn't really let her within his sight, he more or less woke up to her sitting on the edge of his hospital bed, lathering the countless wounds littering his body in the same goo he used ever other day to help the bruises heal over. He felt her fingers delicately brush over his scarred forearms and side and neck and he basked in the pain.

He heard Madam Pumphrey slide open the curtain to his bed to help Y/n wrap his wounds and to give her the medicines to give to him when he awoke.

It wasn't until after she'd left before Y/n spoke.

" You're awake." She said with a frown on her face.

He watched her wash her hands and he watched as she sat back on the edge of his bed.

She tapped the crown of his chest.

" You know, your chest rises with a different rhythm when you're awake."

Was it not Madam Pumfrey but her bandaging his wounds every full moon and other instances? Was it not the Madam but her who left Wolfsbane by the side of his bed the days before the full moon? Was it not himself but her who had been making him feel better every full moon?

When he had cried afterwards and found his favorite chocolates on his bedside in the middle of the night, when he knew the others would be asleep, was it her who had placed them there? None of the teachers would know his favorite bedside flowers were Periwinkle and Blue Delphiniums nor would any of them know they'd always calmed him down after the full moon. None of them would know of his favorite chocolates.

Oh Godric Gryffindor he was a bloody idiot to have thought that Madam Pumfrey had been patching him up for the past month.

Every stupid time he had came in and slept after opening one of his wounds, every night that he had spent with a sore ass in the bloody hospital wing and it was her who had been fixing him up.

What a fucking idiot.

______________

A/N: it's been months people, how's my writing holding up? Still trash or is it better?

I actually went and read every bit of this chapter aloud to myself and I cried a lil at the end because of the emotion ;-; 

But anywaYs- How’ve you folks been? Don’t leave me on read and actually let me know below. also can someone give me feedback if you come across this? I love my feedback :)

Drink some water, eat some food and remember You Are Loved! 

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year six, Chapter two

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: In death descriptions of sadness, brief mention of suicide, tom-foolery, mentioning of an eating disorder, mild swearing

Word Count: 2030

It only hurts while you're piercing through the skin, but after that the pain is almost nonexistent.

Pain, pain to him was like the cold, at first it stings and burns and Godric, it hurts like hell when you're drowning in it but after a bit, it calms down and makes you feel numb. Pain to him was like the cold, yes, what an excellent way to put it.

Although he didn't believe that this was a good idea at first, he was catching on quite quickly.

James had woken the four of them up at the crack of dawn (he hadn't woken Y/n up, she'd merely been in the common room when they'd decided to go) while everyone else was sleeping so they could get a taste of the fresh air. But his idea of 'tasting the fresh air' had nothing to do with getting out and basking in the cool mid-morning, spring breeze, it had something to do with jumping half naked into the lake at 7:00 in the morning.

It was bloody freezing.

Oh he loved it. __________________________________

Sirius was shaking his head off like a dog, spraying them all in water, when they were confronted by Professor McGonagall in the hall.

Her talking to had nearly frightened Remus half to death, although he hadn't a clue why.

She wasn't all too upset with them, the fact that Remus was shirtless and was smiling like a little lad on his birthday with all his scars on display was no doubt part of the reason why they weren't in all too much trouble. That, and the fact that they all were positively bursting with laughter likely had something to do with it.

Stern looks and a mild warning we're probably the only thing they'd gotten. It wasn't much of a talking to.

Remus didn't know why he was so affected, they'd been let off of a nonexistent hook and had gotten to keep the plate of cookies they'd taken from the kitchen. __________________________________

People always think that when you say 'I'm in pain' you mean something physical, which of course you could mean something physical, but pain is something more than just physical aches and wounds. Pain is something exquisite, pain is something you should never cherish, although he always seemed to.

To be honest, pain is like a- what was the word- a ghost, pain was like a ghost in many ways, definitely more ways than one; pain could simply be phantom, pain could be like a hacked limb and it could ache and ache and absolutely ache for months on end, but the worst pain of all, Remus found, was the type of pain that you don't notice at first, that was like a faraway echo, that was like a caress to the skin.

The worst pain of all is the pain that's always been there, because you get used to it and you're adjusted to the unbearable throbbing and the pounding of the pain against your skin and your heart and you don't even notice that it's there until it's been ripped away and it feels like you're an empty husk drifting in the night.

That type of pain, he found, was the worst and absolute best all in one. Because when some other unforseeable factor ripped it away from him, it always came back, always made him feel full again, always became unbearable and untreatable and simply maddening.

That type of pain was like a ghost.

But it was like a friendly ghost in his mind. __________________________________

Remus had never attempted to take his life before, it scared him it did, but sitting there on the hospital bed with Y/n in front of him was really making him consider it.

Although he didn't think it would feel very nice; death was messy and it stained and was not very easy to clean up, neither emotionally nor physically.

" Remus, are you okay?"

Her words jostled him from his thoughts, his head snapping up.

Never in his life had he wanted a hug like he did then, he wanted a big, squishy teddy bear hug that lasted forever and ever and never ended.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring at the floor, but then again, he also didn't know how long it had been since he crashed his face into her shoulder and snuggled up against her.

He didn't know how long they sat that way, he didn't feel as much of an idiot in those moments, or minutes, or hours, he didn't feel much of anything then.

He only felt squishy, and light and happy and carefree- and mild discomfort from his still-healing wounds.

Remus felt everything at first, he felt everything from the hesitant press of her hands against his back to the dull pain coursing through him, but he started to not feel everything after a little while. He didn't feel the sharpness of her collarbone anymore- although he should have, it just stopped becoming so loud in his mind, most everything quieted down in his head after that-, he stopped hearing so much, his brain started to slow, his heart started to too. His panic faded and gave way to relief, to comfort, to safety, to refuge.

His head became quiet a little while after that, all the way quiet, all he heard- whether in his mind or physically- was the steady beating of her heart, and the quiet hum of her voice drifting through the air. He felt her fingers going through his hair, his head still hurt after the transformation but, Godric, her fingers made it all ache a little less.

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, a heavy-hearted sigh but a sigh nonetheless.

Remus felt calm.

And then he was asleep.

And he wasn't woken by nightmares for once. __________________________________

Ugh, infections were the worst.

She knew she shouldn't have gone with them into the lake, it was cold and full of bacteria and a lake full of other stupid medically bad things.

Dammit she'd known.

But Godric did it ever feel so good to be in that lake hanging out with them again, doing something ever so stupid and foolhardy. __________________________________

Adventures were something he'd always loved, whether it was daytime or night, if ever in doubt about his location you could simply imagine you're going on an adventure. You would find him eventually.

They were something she loved as well, had always loved, Y/n absolutely loved going on adventures.

For the both of them, adventures were something freeing, something that made them feel lighter inside. __________________________________

Remus still didn't know why he was bothered by the whole situation with Professor McGonagall, it was something brief and small and it most definitely wasn't supposed to be worrisome.

She had even let them off with the cookie tray too.

Those cookies, he thought, were the best things he'd ever tasted. Aside from chocolate, that was.

Remus thought to get more, and that was how he'd winded up in the current situation.

He felt so sick, Godric he could've puked then and there.

Remus had overeaten.

Overeating was something he had been doing a lot of recently. If he didn't brush his teeth and shower enough he would be walking around the school reeking of vomit.

The smell of vomit was a smell he could never get used to, it stank.

No, it fucking reeked. __________________________________

Those cookies tasted so lovely, she just had to have more.

She didn't know why, but they tasted so much like the cookies her mother used to bake before she- before she died.

She shuddered, and then continued walking. __________________________________

What was the password again?

She knew it was the kitchen door that she was standing by, she just couldn't quite remember the code to get in.

It took her a few minutes of pacing for her to remember, you were supposed to tickle the pear. __________________________________

Godric fucking gryffindor he felt like shit. Absolute shit.

He didn't know why he went and did that, Godric he shouldn't have done that.

Cookies were so not worth this. __________________________________

What are you left to, besides yourself, when people stop talking? When the noise quiets down?

You're left to a lot of things actually, you're left to your own thoughts, you're left to everything around you; you're left to absolutely nothing and absolutely everything all in one.

All you're left with really, is silence. __________________________________

Y/n found Remus crouched over a toilet in the boys lavatory clutching the bowl, his knuckles white, hurling his guts out.

She'd went in and grabbed her three cookies before she turned around and started back for the common room. It was when she'd walked past the lavatories that she'd heard him. The sound was faint from the hall but Godric, it was really fucking loud after she had stepped in.

Although the sound of his hurling was loud, it couldn't cover the sound of her heart shattering at the sight of him, leaning back against the stall wall for a moment, wiping his mouth.

The sight of him there broke her heart, what broke it even worse was the fact that he went and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes afterwards, because mere moments later he started to cry.

It wasn't a loud, sobbing, emotional type of cry. No, it was a silent one, one that would shake you and shake you and make your lungs over-work. It was the kind of cry that absolutely tore someone apart piece by piece.

After a few long moments a high pitched whine escaped him and his chest deflated and then his arms were over his head and his elbows were locked above his face like he was cowering, as she used to, and his chest was rising and falling so rapidly, she just couldn't help but let out a sob.

She almost dropped to her knees right then and there, but it wasn't until he looked up at her, his eyes puffy and red, tears streaming down his cheeks, that she actually dropped.

Her hands were covering her mouth, like his did not too long ago in the Potter house, and she was rocking forward, her chest was touching her knees and Remus was looking at her like he just wanted to cry even more.

He was crying but his hand was going through his hair and he looked so mentally confronted.

Her arms were reaching out and her hands were motioning for him to come over, she needed him.

Merlins Beard, she needed him then, she just needed him to be in her arms.

The tears dripping down her face were slow and hot and the fact that she was crying was ultimately why he rushed across the floor for her open arms.

Remus crashed into her and she was rocking back and he was just burying himself anywhere he could, his hands were bunched up in her cloak and his head was buried in the crook of her neck and she was grasping his legs and pulling them into her lap.

" I smell like vomit."

His words were muffled and contorted from his now violently verbal sobs but she heard him loud and clear.

" I don't give two shits."

Her voice was cracking and the amount of emotion poured into her words made him sob even more. But her fingers were in his hair and her hand was wrapped around his cheek while the crook of her arm was hooked around his neck; her other arm kept on grasping onto the fabric of his pants and she was still rocking and they were both crying so Remus didn't know why he laughed, he didn't know much of anything these days.

" Even if you reek of puke tomorrow?"

" Even if I reek of puke tomorrow."

He didn't know how long they sat there tangled together.

He didn't know how long she was even standing there watching him before.

But he did know that felt better, even if his stomach still hurt like shit.

He felt like it was okay to cry.

He didn't have to hide it anymore.

_________________________________________________

A/N: I wanted this to be longer but it ended up ending really well so it’s only this long :)

lemme kn0w how you liked iT

Drink some water, eat some food and remember You Are Loved! 

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter twelve

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Depression, mentions of self harm, swearing, claustrophobia, let me know if you find anything else

Word Count: 2187

Remus

_____________

My face, in fact, is not okay.

Y/n's father is a complete arse.

Everyone's doing fine though, Y/n hasn't gone anywhere near the vinyl collection in the sitting room though, which is quite odd because that's where we always play our board games and plot future pranks on rainy days.

I can see where Y/n is hiding under the table but I can't see anyone else, James is supposed to be finding us right now. The first person to be found is the last person to get dibs on lunch food.

" HEY! JAMMMMIE LETMEGOMAN—"

Sirius has been found.

Y/n has been found, her laugh gave her position away. I laughed with her.

"MY POSITION HAS BEEN BREACHED I REPEAT MY POSITION HAS BEEN BREACHED—"

" REMUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS—"

Sirius belly flopped on me anD OH LORD

" JAMES GET THE BLOODY SHITE OFF OF US!!"

I could hear Y/n laughing from above us and I wanted to scowl at her.

Sirius nuzzled into my belly and James patted my head from atop Sirius, " Nah, I'd rather stay right here, it's much more comfy."

————————————————————————

There are three days left until we need to head back to the Hogwarts train so Euphemia is taking the five of us supply shopping in the morning.

Y/n's sleeping, she talks in her sleep a lot. I think she's getting more and more of her memory back every day. Although she still doesn't know why there are cuts running up and down her arms, she's asked us so many times about them but it's too hard to tell her.

I feel like she already knows about the reasoning behind the scars though, something tells me she does.

Everyone else is asleep right now, it's three a.m., and I'm still awake thinking about stupid thoughts using my stupid mind to think about them.

A lot of things seem stupid to me now, like James's 'four meals a day' motto, and Sirius's obsession with paint pranks and showers, oh I hate showers.

At least I used to hate them, it takes up too much time to take a shower in my opinion. Actually, it's not that it takes up too much time it's the fact that you need to be consistent if you take showers.

Schedules, yeah I think they're stupid now too. Why the fuck would anyone want to do everything on a strict basis everyday of the week, it's just dumb.

Showers though, I started taking those again recently because Y/n came back.

There are a lot of things I started doing again because she came back.

I sighed and leant back against the pillows, basking in the scent of her.

I glimpsed back down to make sure she's still there, she is.

I turned on my side and tugged her closer. Even in sleep she looked beautiful, although sorrow still weighed her down.

It's hard to believe she's here next to me, it's hard to remember that I'm not alone anymore, everything's harder now that she's here. I can't just do whatever I please because she makes me stop, I love her because of what she does.

If I decide to lay in bed all day and be silent she lays down with me and let's me curl up on her stomach, if I don't want to eat she coaxes me into it.

Oh how I love her. ———————————————————                                  ________ Y/n awoke to find Remus Lupin curled around her body like a snail and she couldn't find it in herself to wake him.

The red band on her wrist fascinated her though, the red band that both her and Remus now wore on each wrist. He's given it to her yesterday, smiled and showed her that they both had one to match now. There was a black semicolon on the inside of the thing and although the symbol felt familiar in her mind, she didn't yet know what it meant.

Some foreign part of her knew what it was though, it knew exactly what that symbol meant and what it signified. That was the same foreign part of her that remembered everything, the same part that told her she knew exactly what those slices on her arms were and the same foreign part that lived in the darkest depths of her mind.

The young woman pushed that foreign part farther within herself every waking moment of the day though, and it was starting to do something to her. She liked to feel happy, she liked feeling lighter and carefree and when that foreign part bubbled up inside her all she wanted to do was throw a vase at a wall and stomp all over the glass shards.

So down it went.

Sirius's words snapped her to attention.

" James your mum made breakfast."

A quick glimpse to her left revealed James stretching , as if he definitely did not know that breakfast was cooking, and when his arm smacked the other black haired dimbo in the face she couldn't stifle her laughter.

Someone's hand slipped to loosely cover her mouth at the sight of him slapping Sirius in the face.

That foreign part was a part that she had never liked, but it was definitely one that resurfaced often and in the moment when Remus covered her mouth it shot right back up to the top of her mind and took over, not foreign anymore.

Something dark within her cracked and his words about 'Sirius killing her if he heard her laughing' didn't even pass through her mind. Something snapped into place and soon she found herself shoving the hand backwards. Then everything around her began to change, the walls turned to dark wood and everything began to feel smaller and she didn't care that James was coming over and trying to call her down because there was a hand over her mouth and that stupid Hufflepuff prick was there with them and she didn't know why they weren't affected when the lights went dark and someone's head was snapped.

She didn't know who was where and what was real, she couldn't tell James from Peter and then everything went quiet inside her mind.

It was all too quite, everything was too small. The room was too small and she felt terrified of that place she was brought back to. Terror was the only emotion registering in her mind and then Remus was there cupping her face and then be was gone and then her face stung from her mother's slap and suddenly a door was flung open.

She didn't see what was behind the door because as soon as it opened she scrambled to James and he caught her before they went tumbling backwards and all she could concentrate on was the sweet smell of honeysuckle on him.

And then she sobbed, truly sobbed because she was out and everything would be okay again. _______________________________

Remus didn't know what to do after she shoved him away.

She looked so afraid and her shoulders were shaking and she looked at him like he'd just punched her in the face with a brick.

She looked at him and he didn't know what to do, her eyes, in her eyes terror was shown, and in her posture it showed that she was afraid.

The other went forwards towards her and tried to pull her out but no matter what they did she didn't stop staring at him with that look on her face.

Godric it was the same look on her face when he'd found her in that closet with Chad.

He was terrified, he was so terrified and scared and he wanted to just go up to her and hold her in his grasp once more.

But that look on her face, it only worsened when the tears began to fall and she began to curl into herself.

That fucking look on her face.

It shattered his already torn heart.

And he didn't know what to do. _______________________________

Remus Lupin took extra measures to ensure he stayed as far away from her as he could for the majority of the day. He even lied to Euphemia and said that he needed a new set of robes for school just to make sure Y/n stayed clear of him. Although he wasn't really lying, he did need need robes. James told him to talk to her at least four times during the day and he still hadn't listened. When he didn't respond James just took Y/n and made her switch seats with him so Remus was beside her in the booth, and then he left to find Sirius in one of the other shops.

He'd just sat down when James pulled him aside to talk.

" N/n isn't mad at you Remus, you just surprised her for a minute is all. You need to go talk to her mate."

He didn't feel like it was minute, it had felt like hours had passed by when she looked at him like that, seconds of that terror filled look turned into minutes and then hours in his mind when it really had been mere moments of her panic. He wouldn't just go and talk to her anytime soon, he couldn't get the sight of her face out of his head. Everywhere he looked she was there, it was too much for him. It was all too much for him recently.

He was thinking about that locked tin at the bottom of his chest when someone brushed against him. Remus knew who was beside him, he could always tell when it was her. Even while stuffing his face with icecream he couoldn't get that ache out of his chest at the thought of her.

He caused that pain, he was the one who made her feel scared. He did that to her, not james, not Sirius and not Peter either. He did, Remus John Lupin caused that to happen.

Fuck, he wanted to just die alrea-

" Remus?"

Her voice startled him and he jolted upwards, smacking his head on wall behind them. He wanted to leave, he wanted to leave. go, go, go, go, the word stayed on replay in his head and he didn't know that she had grabbed his arm to tug him back into the seat until his face was in her hands and only then did he notice the warm tears streaming down his face. Remus knew that she was infront of his eyes, but he couldn't get the image of her terror filled state out of his head.

He was so scared of making her feel that way again that he didn't notice when Y/n began to pull him in for an embrace.

NoNoNoNoNoNoNo

He couldn't let her do that, he had to get away from her before he hurt her again.

ShitShitShit there was nowhere to go.

Then his head was buried iun the crook of her neck and he was trying not to let any more tears drop.

And then he stood up and walked out of the parlor, dropping a chaste kiss to her shoulder before he left.

But before he left though she heard him mutter an apology into her ear, dropping a letter into her lap.

Remus Lupin turned the corner and slammed face first into Y/n's father.

" Stupid mutt."

Her father stormed past Remus and he was left with his thoughts standing at the edge of an alleyway.

His head hurt, the bruise on his eye throbbed at the sight of F/n and his heart felt so heavy. So, so, heavy.

Stupid mutt.

He stood in that alleyway, his hands in his jacket pockets, and just stopped.

His mind finally went quite.

so, so, quiet...

________________________________ A/N: Y'know I was actually thinking about it a minute ago and it's actually really cruel how Y/n's dad just obliviated her after her sister's death because if you think about it Y/n carried around so much guilt her entire life thinking that she was the reason her sister was dead and her father must've knowingly put that memory in her mind one way or another so he intentionally allowed his daughter to think she'd killed her sister for almost fifteen years and he didn't do anything about it. That's so fucked up.

Lmao hope you liked this chapter, sorry for the super long break I took but it was necessary. I haven't revised this chapter yet though so if you see a grammatical error just point it out please.

I'm honestly not sorry in the slightest, I mean I wanted to make this chapter fluffy but I had enough with fluff. If I'm in a good mood I'll make it better tomorrow

Please give me a lil bit of feedback on this chapter or just comment everything you feel, etc. I just want to know how it was oki

Drink some water, eat some food and remember You Are Loved!

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter five

Remus Lupin x Reader 

Warnings: Swearing, yelling, fighting, shoving, 

" Y/n, Y/n, Y/n, Y/-'

" What James?"

Her voice came out sounding irritated and annoyed as her face showed the same emotions while glaring halfheartedly at the other boy in the room.

James looked down, slowly twirling the quill in his hand and pursed his lips lightly in a nervously pronounced way. Then, he looked up at her, cheekily pushing his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose.

" Well, since Sirius and Remus are in detention and Peter's out getting sweets, I was wondering if you'd like to do something other than homework... maybe one of the things we used to do together?"

His voice came out hesitant, as if he expected her to get angered at the suggestion. Of course they'd only just reconnected with Y/n and still did openly expect her to get mad easily. Y/n felt a twang of guilt string at her heart and James immediately saw the sorrowful look on her face. The girl coughed into her fist and glanced back up to James, beginning to put her papers away.

" Yeah, of- of course James. Just give me a minute to and we can do something."

" It's been a while since we composed, d'ya wanna try that again?"

Y/n timidly looked up and nodded, subconsciously pulling her black cloak tighter around her shoulders. James let out a sigh and started to collect the papers and materials needed for them to write.

Y/n watched as the boy bent over and started to rifle through his trunk and watched as he paused and stopped his actions.

" What happened to you Y/n? What, what made you stop, why did you change? It might not' even been much to you but to us it was like ripping our hearts out Y/n."

The boy turned around to look at her and the girls heart broke.

James looked in her eyes and his face was filled with pain, he was on the brink of tears.

" Do you even know what that feels like Y/n?"

He had to pause and compose himself before continuing.

" Do you even know how it feels for your best friend, your Godamn family, to just walk by one day and decide that you're not good enough? For them to just look at you and say enough with this? It feels like hell Y/n! IT FEELS LIKE BLOODY DAMN HELL Y/N!"

" I KNOW JAMES! Do you even stop and think about how I felt when my dad left? Do you even stop and think about how hard having to do that was on me too? Did you even begin to suspect that I did that for you guys' safety?!"

By that time Y/n had gotten to her feet and had been standing nearly a foot away from James.

" NO I DIDN'T Y/N BECAUSE YOU PUSHED US AWAY AND DIDN'T TELL HIS BLOODY SHIT!"

James pulled his arms up and shoved Y/n back, pushing her to the floor where she scrambled to her feet, moving back towards James. The teenager before her was fuming, absolutely fuming. So when Y/n came back near him, James in his anger-clouded state of mind's first thought was to shove her backwards into a dresser.

" So excuse me if I don't immediately recognize that you pushed us away for our 'safety' when all you did was break our hearts."

The boy stood over the girl as she lay on the ground and scoffed. James began to wait for her to get back up.

Y/n always got back up. She was just that kind of person, immediately rebounding in a fight.

The seconds that had passed turned into minutes and soon James found himself kneeling next to her limp form beside his bed, gently shaking her shoulders.

" Y/n?"

The boy lightly shook her again and worry quickly spread his mind along with horrible, horrible thoughts.

" Y/n, Y/n stop playing with me and get up."

The boy found himself moments later fruitlessly shaking her limp body, tears clouding his vision as he lay begging for her to wake up and tell him it was a prank.

The boy sunk back onto his foot and gently wrapped his right arm under her waist, pulling her body into a sitting position to see the top of her head and his dresser stained with blood.

" James what happened?"

He turned to see Sirius and Remus standing in the rooms doorway and moved his mouth, attempting to find words.

His attempt was unsuccessful.

Sirius took a careful step into the dormitory, as if expecting the girl to jump up and say surprise. After sensing that she wouldn't be doing anything of the sort Sirius came closer to the two and knelt next to James, taking Y/n in his arms and lightly turning her body over. The boy looked at the blood on her head and on James' hand and, his mind still trying to confirm what was happening, he turned and looked at Remus; his words coming out soft as if someone else had spoken them.

" There's blood.... James why, why's there blood on your hands? Why, why's her head bleeding?"

Remus, still standing frozen in the doorway, kept his eyes trained on Y/n as he stated, his voice quiet and full of subtle anger, " You pushed her."

James, still in shock of the situation sunk back down on his knees and his face fell blank of emotion, " I can't believe I pushed her..."

Sirius, still moving the girls body into his arms, looked over at James. " You pushed Y/n? Into a sharp-edged dresser?"

Remus walked further into the room and stood directly infront of James, his anger masked by a calm that Sirius wasn't ashamed to call psychopathic.

" You shoved Y/n into a dresser. Why did you shove my girlfriend into a dresser James?"

James shook his head and continued to stare at the limp woman by his feet.

" I don't know..."

Immediately Remus snapped, hands coming down to pull James off the floor and against the wall where he held him steadfast by the collar of his shirt.

" Well you better find a reason fast because you just shoved my Bloody-Damn Girlfriend into a Fuckin Dresser and SHE ISNT WAKING UP!"

James's bottom lip trembled and he whimpered out, " I didn't mean to Remus, it was an accident-'

" ACCIDENT MY ASS! HOW WOULD YOU 'ACCIDENTALLY' SHOVE SOMEONE INTO A DRESSER AND KNOCK THEM OUT JAMES?! GIVE ME A WAY TO FUCKING DO THAT!"

Sirius stood up and had to pull Remus away from James by the shoulders before he slammed the boys face into a wall. James' face was grim and he looked on the edge of tears as he sunk down to the floor and braced his arms behind his head.

" I didn't mean to."

His voice was trembling and soon he found himself lowly repeating the phrase as tears fell down his cheeks and Sirius held Y/n.

Remus watched James sob on the floor and went to take Y/n out of Sirius's arms, turning to leave the room with said boy. ________________________________

" Tell me you're lying Madam Pomfrey."

" I'm sorry Mr. Lupin but I simply can't lie to you about this. I'm sorry-'

" NO IT CAN'T BE TRUE!"

The boy quickly turned to Sirius and fisted his shirt, pointing at the matron.

" Tell me it's a lie Sirius. Tell me it's a lie!"

Remus had to be held around the middle to keep from screaming out and Sirius couldn't refrain him from running over next to Y/n's bedside and grasping her hand, his head on her stomach.

" C'mon wake up baby. Wake up for me Y/n."

The boy's voice had been brought up to a crack as his voice was muffled by the tears in his throat. Sirius moved over and wrapped his  arms around Remus's middle, pulling him back to his chest as he sobbed.

His voice sounded so broken, so utterly vulnerable.

" It can't be true Sirius... I need her in my life." ________________________________ *Laughs in high pitched cackle-

I'm just gonna clarify that this is not the end of the book and that Remus isn't gonna run off and kiss some random girl and fall in love again.

This is an x Reader and it will stay that way.

Anyway, I will try to get the next chapter out soon bc if it were me I would hate me for leaving myself in this position on a cliffhanger. _____________________________  Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food and Remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter eight

Remus Lupin x reader

Warnings: yelling, fighting, cursing, implied depression and anger issues, abandonment issues, crying, tell me if you find more!

A/N:

Cara- darling, beloved, dear, loved one ————————————————————————

Later the next day Mare decided to take Y/n along to shop for her wedding dress, and of course, Remus tagged along as well.

At first he only agreed because she was going but later realized that they had desperately wanted him to get out of the house and see sunlight for once.

Which meant any means necessary to keep him there. ________________________________

" Wait so Mare, aren't James's parents paying for this? Don't we have to meet them or something?"

Y/n walked beside the older girl as she ran her fingers through stacks of fabrics lying on a back table in the store. She doubled back when Mare stopped.

" No, I'm actually making my own dress. I mean, Euphemia and Fleamont are paying for the fabrics but, I'm going to be making it. And I'm making the bridesmaids dresses too."

Mare turned and winked at Y/n as she grasped her hand and motioned for her to feel the fabric in her's.

Remus rolled his eyes at the blissful smile on his sisters face at the feeling of the fabric and had to hold back a grin at the look of Y/n's face in the sunlight.

He hadn't seen just how magnificent her s/c skin could look in the sunlight recently.

She looked stunning.

Her gorgeous h/c hair was simply sparking in the sun and her beautiful e/c irises looked like crystalline in the ravishing sunlight. The scar on her face was now a thin, yet deep line cutting across her face and the colors were no longer molded together but the skin around it had always stayed pink, as if she were blushing.

The color of it however mixed perfectly together with the rich, titian coloring of the sun light streaming through the tinted, glass stained windows of the boutique and- oh good lord the smile in her face, the sparkle in her eyes.

He hadn't seen her seem so carefree in ages. Her skin glowed with happiness, her face and smile, her grin and smirk, every single one of her expressions showed it. They all showed the brightness bubbling inside her heart and mind, soul and body.

And seeing that sight every single morning when he woke up, simply made him fall in love with her again everyday.

Suddenly a pair of fingers came snapping in front of his eyes and Remus almost dropped the stack of fabrics he'd been carrying for the ladies. Mare stood full height before Remus and shook his shoulders lightly.

" Okay little bro, I get it, your girlfriend looks nice, that doesn't mean you can just stare at her the entire time while we walk around. You're creepin her out Rem."

She glanced back over to where Y/n stood on her tippy-toes next her, her head level with Remus's neck.

Remus glanced over to Y/n and saw her biting her lip again, peering at Remus with a inquisitive, saddened look to her face.

" I heard my name, did I do something wrong?"

Y/n looked between the two and before either could speak a word she began to stammer out a string of words that quickly diminished the light and carefree mood, bringing to light something new Remus hadn't accounted for.

" I mean, if I did do something wrong. I- I mean you can yell at me, o-or you could hit me or anything else you felt fitting."

The girl brought her sleeve up to her mouth and began to chew nervously on it, keeping her eyes low by her feet as if in disappointment, lightly rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

" I- I mean, if you feel the need to punish me I won't backtalk, or blame you or anything. If you see a punishment fitting then I must've done something to deserve it."

The two taller ones stood staring down at the girl in shock, Remus hadn't thought of this new possibility. He had merely assumed that if she hadn't remembered how her mother treated her, then she wouldn't've felt the need to act the same way as before. Yet, standing before her now, he realized just how fucking retarded of an idea that was.

Mare quickly pulled Y/n's tottering figure into her arms and wrapped her arms around her frame, lightly stroking her hair and kissing her head as she stared blankly at Remus.

" No, no baby no, you didn't do anything wrong. And we would, we would never hit you okay. Y/n, I don't- I don't care if you can't remember anything like that ever happening but I can assure you we would never do anything like that honey. We would never raise a hand to you, we would never yell at you either, we would never punish you kid."

Mare pulled back and held Y/n at arms length, looking in her eyes, letting her gaze rake over the younger females frame. At the denim jacket she was wearing, at the f/c tank top under it, at the thin mark over her face, at the glassy look to her eyes.

Mare squeezed her shoulder once and pulled her close to kiss her forehead again, simply wrapping her arms around her tight as they stood there.

" You can remember your parents, can't you Y/n? You remember that your mum used to tell you that, you told James and Peter and Sirius and me about that in fourth year..."

Y/n nodded her head slightly at the taller teens voice and moved her arms upward, wrapping them around Mare's torso as she nuzzled her head into the older girls breastplate.

" I can hear mum's voice sometimes. Well, my auntie really, I can't remember what she did but I hear her voice sometimes and I get nightmares about the bad days at home too. But I can't remember anything in detail."

Mare took a deep inhale and exhaled sharply, pulling Y/n back again, holding her at arms length. Her next words seemed cheery sweet and Remus had been the only of them to tell her anger masked beneath.

" Okay so how about this, why don't you go run off and find some flowers, any kind you want, and bring them back here. Just stay where we can see you okay. When we get back home we can talk about this more okay cara."

Y/n, still biting her lip, quickly swiped her sleeve over her eye and nodded, moving off to find a few flowers for Mare. Remus watched as she left and kept an eye on her as she moved around the store, looking for flowers.

Remus knew the exact kind she had been most likely to pick. Blue Delphiniums, Periwinkle, Lobelia, Lilies (she had always felt that they brought comfort) and Roses.

Y/n had always been the type to do things herself, so she made her own perfume (which she didn't often wear and instead let Kayla have, placing bottles by her sisters grave at times), and her own shampoo and conditioner. She had always used those five flowers and fragrances since they'd known her and if you were to get lucky enough, you could smell the scent of the flowers on her.

Remus knew, he just knew, that Y/n would remember those. She had been using those flowers her whole life, they would be bound to have an imprint on her memory.

Godric be damned if she didn't pick those. ________________________________

" Okay so Y/n, I have to go and meet up with someone. Could you possibly stay here and just, help Remus?"

Mare soon recoiled and came back, using hand gestures to talk.

" You know what I mean Y/n, just, y'know, hang out with him some. You two can chat or goof off or something I don't care really just get him up and moving okay. Get him to take a shower and make him eat breakfast, help him clean his bedroom and do some laundry. Just, You know what I mean Y/-'

The younger girl cut in and placed her hands on the elders shoulders.

" Marabella Louraine Rosa Lupin. Stop stressing, I would've stayed here with Rem anyway. I haven't hung out with him in forever. Now do me a favor and go take your boxes to his car, go to your fiancé's arms and take your things okay. You're coming back here later anyway. Now just breath and trust me."

Y/n watched as Mare walked away, hesitation in her face, before she turned and yelped at the sight of Remus standing behind her, a sad and slightly annoyed look to his face.

" I can take care of myself thank-you-very-much."

Remus scowled and crossed his arms over chest.

" If you have something to do then go ahead and do it Y/n. For all means Y/n, don't let the 'mentally ill man' weigh you down. Go ahead and do your thing Y/n, I dare you to go and do something else, you'll just forget what you did an hour from now."

Snide, Anger, Discretion, Disappointment.

Those are the feelings and emotions that laced his words.

His posture showed as such, his voice showed it even more. But the look of pure rage was what best displayed the extravagant mixture of emotions splayed across his frame.

You'd think that his words and flame would've been enough to silence the girl before him. Yet, it was the meaning behind them that only made her anger worse.

" No, Remus what makes you think you weigh me down? And I bet you think I'm just some daft dimbo who'll just turn around and continue to be ignorant of things for on such."

Her words had twice as much flame, twice as much snide, and so much more passion and caring twisted into them.

She now matched his posture, except her back and shoulders weren't broad as his were, she didn't look stiff and rigid, she didn't have the same scowl coating her features and she definitely didn't have the same raw anger and harshness masking her true feelings.

Remus immediately retaliated, his jawline defined broadly as he began to grind his teeth in an attempt to keep the slur of incandescent and crude curse words from falling his tongue.

" Well, there's the facts that you and my sister talk behind my back about how much of a mess I am, at least I didn't walk up to James and Sirius and Peter and Mum and Dad and Mare and goggle about how messed up your brains were."

He took a daring step closer, she could feel the heat radiating his body.

" And Yeah Y/n, maybe I do think you're a daft dimbo with no brains who can't remember for shit."

His voice was cold and filled with a hatred he didn't mean. Of course Remus didn't mean the words spilling his lips. He was simply upset.

Upset at Mare, upset at his parents for leaving him alone, upset at James for causing this whole mess, upset at Peter for not even being there, upset at Sirius for being at James's house and goofing off while he had been at home barely even eating his food as he struggled not to blade his skin, the only think keeping him from quitting completely being the picture of his loves face laughing and grinning and smiling as he spun her in the air above him.

Y/n's face fell, sadness displayed on her features as realization swam in her e/c irises.

Her posture lost the protective nature it had held beforehand as she stood away from him.

" I get it now. You think I'm some stupid kid who needs saving because I don't have the brain to save myself. You think you can't help the daft dimbo because you're mentally sick and find it hard to even hold yourself up at times."

She paused, wanting to find a reaction from the boy.

She wished he had done something other than talk and retaliate more.

His voice came out as a whisper, filled partially with regret, the other half filled with pain and sadness as he tried to step nearer her.

" That's not what this is about..."

His sentence ended swiftly as she looked him in the eye and moved to grab her backpack from the couch.

" If that's not what this is about then you'll be fine if I leave right. If this isn't what this is about then you would encourage me walking out actually. If that isn't what you think is happening then Remus Lupin would be perfectly fine with me grabbing a bag and calling a cab to take me over to my dad's."

The tension in the air between the two of them started to fade as Y/n moved to drape the bag over her shoulder, gradually making her way to the door where her shoes lay.

" No Y/n, that's not what I meant..."

" But of course Remus, it must be what you meant because it is exactly what you said."

She carefully slipped her shoes on, keeping enough care to keep eye contact with him as his facade broke and she saw the man she'd fallen in love with behind it once more.

" No Y/n,'

He reached up and leaned against the wall for support.

" Y/n that isn't what I meant. I didn't mean any of that..."

She looked him in the eye and gave him the same look he used to give her when sensing lies.

" Stop lying to yourself Remus. You meant all of that. Now I'm about to leave. You can either try and stop me or you can sit back where you are and watch as I walk out."

Her face showed sadness and a certain level of calm that Remus was surprised to find on her face.

" Y/n, no, I don't want you to go. That's not what I intended..."

" Then why don't you try and stop me Remus?"

His posture broke, his shoulder slumped against the wall fully and the tears falling down his face that had once been silent now turned noise-full.

His voice broke, it cracked, it was filled with pain and sadness as regret molded into it in full force like a wave crashing against the hull of a ship. The ship being his heart and body, emotions and feeling.

" Because I'm scared."

" Can't you see that Y/n?"

He paused and gulped down a few breaths, pulling oxygen into his lungs as he refused to meet her saddened gaze.

" I'm scared to lose you again Y/n."

He leaned over and used his free arm to motion at the living room windows.

" I'm scared that I'll wake up in the morning and come to find that I dreamt all this up. That you're still asleep and I'm still at home in bed moping around again. I'm scared that one day you'll decided I'm not good enough for you. Hell, I know I'm not good enough for you Y/n I'm just hoping you don't realize that'

He cut off his sentence with a shaky sob as he sunk to the floor slowly.

" Because I can't live without you Y/n. You don't realize how hard it was to even go to class without you sitting there beside me. You- you take being alive for granted Y/n, but I will never take you for granted that way."

" Because I need you in my life Y/n and you don't even realize it. I'm scared because I know one day someone will see you the way I do."

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, letting the tears slowly cascade down his rosy cheeks as Y/n progressed further towards his figure.

" Y'know Y/n, people ask me what I see in you. But I never respond because I'm afraid if they knew they would fall in love with you too."

The silence between them felt like an eternity and when he next spoke his voice was filled with so many emotions, so much raw pain, that she couldn't even begin to compensate how much of it there was.

" And I wouldn't be able to live with that. Because you would see how much better they were and just go off for them."

He sucked in a huge breath and simply sat there, crying for a moment, before he turned his head to where Y/n was kneeling next him. He briskly grabbed her jaw and leaned her closer to him.

" So yeah, I'm scared and I won't try to stop you from leaving because I know you'll find someone better out there than me."

Remus pulled himself onto an elbow and Y/n found herself going down with him as he stared into her tear-brimmed eyes.

" But I will fight tooth and nail if it means I'll get to see you one more minute of another day. Even if it means I won't be with you."

Y/n let out a sob as Remus pulled her lips to his in a soft, delicate kiss before he let her go.

She dropped next to him on the ground and pulled the boy into her arms as they lay quietly sobbing in the kitchen walkway area beside the living room.

Y/n pulled him closer in his arms and pressed a sloppy kiss to his head as he sobbed into her chest and shoulder.

" I would never leave you Remus, even if you think you're not good enough. Because I love you, and I would miss seeing your smile too much to leave."

Remus would be damned if he said that he knew Mare was still standing outside the house while they fought.

Because he knew Y/n would just try and make him get up and take a shower, clean his room, if he had told her.

But Remus rather preferred their current position on the floor to anything else.

He still got to hold her then, even if there were tears shed. ________________________________ I swear I tried so hard to make it happier- _____________________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food, take a screen break and remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter nine

Remus Lupin x reader

Warnings: Alcoholics, mentions of blood, yelling, cursing

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes,

But it's the only thing that I know

Sirius downed another shot of vodka as James pulled Y/n up to dance. His cheerful banter was broken for only a split second at Y/n's grimace by Sirius's actions, his smile plastered back again as she turned.

Remus spared a glance at Y/n as he danced gracefully with Mare, his sister looked beautiful that day, her dress had a simple layout but the sleeve atop had small, almost unnoticeable, pink fabrics layering up to the collar. Mare had earlier told her it was part of a dress her sister used to have before the accident.

Mare laughed as Remus spun her around and smiled as he dipped her with a flourish.

As the song finished James pulled Y/n over to where Remus was standing, gently presenting the flushed girl to him with a caress of his hand and a wiggle of his brows. Y/n looked dizzy and tipsy in a way, in Remus's opinion, and she looked beautiful in the dress Mare had gotten her to wear.

The bridesmaids, Y/n and two of Mares other friends, all had to wear light periwinkle dresses. They were feathery and easy to move around in and they dropped down just above her knees. Mare had also added greyish colored shawls to them and a pair of elbow length gloves the same color.

Remus slipped an arm around her waist as she attempted to find balance and he quickly, but carefully, navigated her over to the chairs with their names. _____________________________

He guided a glass of water up to her mouth with an easy hand and watched as she gulped half of it down before he took it away. " C'mon, time to get you to bed. Wait, Love who're you staring at?"

Remus moved onto his elbows beside the girl and looked at where her eyes were trained.

A man, who looked to be in his thirties, with short brown hair and e/c eyes stood outside of the Lupin's house door and was talking politely with his mother and father, gesturing towards the two teens seated at the couch. After a moment of their talking Hope pulled the door open and gave him a polite smile, inviting him inside.

Y/n shuddered inadvertently against the cold wind and pulled Remus's coat closer over her shoulders as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

The man came into the light and took a seat on the couch beside Y/n, Remus noticed the similarities between the two immediately.

She had his eyes, his jawline and the same smile his face that glowed up with sight of her.

Hope gently handed Y/n a cup of tea as she sat down on the other side of Remus, looking intently at the only other female in the room.

" Y/n this is your-"

" I know who he is."

She diverted her eyes from the man and looked down, taking a sip from her tea. Without looking up, she said, " Why's he here?"

Hope's face morphed into confusion at her question and she found herself stuttering out the answer.

" To t-take you home dear."

She finally spared another glance upward at him, her face a mask of neutral emotions and her eyes cold and skeptical. The teen locked eyes with him and kept his gaze as she took another sip of her tea, Remus's arm steady over her shoulder as he squeezed it reassuringly.

She looked upwards at Remus, her head tilted upward to meet his eyes, searching for something in them, anything to show his feelings on the matter. His eyes showed a positive attitude as he squeezed her shoulder again and pulled her close to his chest, dropping a chaste kiss to her forehead and moving his lips to her ear as she nuzzled her head into his neck.

" What'd you think I should do?"

" You haven't seen him in years Y/n, you should take this opportunity."

" I won't be able to see you though..."

" His house might be near James', I can always go over there and visit if you'd like."

" What if something happens?"

" You can always come back here love."

Y/n broke apart from the whispered discussion and turned to see the man, his elbows on knees leaning forward and brows furrowed as he looked back and forth between the two.

The man reached a hand up and pawed at his forehead as he stared at the boy holding his daughter.

" And- Who exactly are you in this story kid, and why did you just, do whatever it was you did?"

Remus launched forward immediately and leaned upwards, extending his left hand while simultaneously keeping Y/n close as to not drop her from the sudden movement while she buried her head in the collar of his shirt.

The man accepted his hand automatically and shook it as he gave Remus a once over, glaring lightly at the hold he had on his child.

" Remus Lupin sir, Y/n's boyfriend of four months, her best friend of six years sir."

Remus's face displayed a smile as he shook the man's extended hand, wincing at the amount of pressure being put on it. The brown haired man gave the boy a smile and moved his gaze back over to his grip on Y/n. His normally soft eyes hardened and Remus was quick to release her. ________________________________

Remus stood in the doorway as he watched Y/n put her trunk in the car's boot with a thump.

She turned around and glanced at her father before he nodded. The teen walked up the walkway and met Remus by the door, hooking her arms into the pockets of his jacket where his arms lay, lacing their fingers together. She pulled his forward lightly and he unlaced their fingers, instead opting to pull her closer while simultaneously slipping a hand to the dip of her back, dipping her backwards with a flourish. Her arm came up to his neck and she stared into his eyes, their noses mere centimeters apart.

His voice came out husky and low and filled with love.

" I'll miss you Y/n. Make sure to come back to either mine or James' if you need anything mi amore."

He smiled down at her with a simple, bashful smirk and Y/n laughed at him lightly, shaking her head.

" You always loved your Italian..."

She sniffled and Remus pulled her back up, slamming his lips against hers full force before she let go.

As the female closed her door Remus could've sworn he'd heard her say 'Until we meet again.'

If only he had know the exact date he would next see her, he wouldn't've let her leave. ______________________________

" What do you see in him Y/n?"

" He makes me happy, he makes me feel loved F/n."

" Yeah but, what makes you love him? I'm not criticizing you or anything I'm just curious kid."

" What makes me love him is the fact that he's been here with me ever since I was eleven and didn't know what to do, he stuck by me when I was sad and didn't get mad when I was the same, he showed me love and respect and he showed me that he cared by staying through it all. I know that my memory isn't all that perfect right now but I remember that much."

The man bit his lower lip in thought, his hands gripping the pickup trucks steering wheel tighter, before he nodded his head and turned down a familiar road she'd seen so many times before.

" Okay then, I respect that." ________________________________

Y/n's P.o.V.

" F/N YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE THEM ANY LONGER AND YOU KNOW THAT!"

" I KNOW THAT M/N BUT I CAN'T STAY HERE ANY LONGER!"

" Just one more night F/n. One more night to explain and let them choose."

Liz came over and cradled my head to her chest while we tried to block out the noises of our parents. This was a weekly occurrence so it wasn't hard for us to block it out, it was no use trying to listen in anymore anyways. We knew what they always argued about, Me, Liz, the house, our schooling, Liz's condition, auntie Candy, auntie Angeline.

" Come on Y/n, let's try to lay dow-'

Screams.

Screams were what erupted from the hallway, a masked man shoved into the room we were in. He had our mum in a choke hold and kept on kicking her, punching her, slashing her as we-

" Y/n? You okay kid?"

" Oh, yeah, yeah I'm okay. Just thinking."

He leaned forward and went to shuffling the cards again, passing me ten of them where I laid them down atop the same glass table we used to play garbage at when we were younger.

I arranged the ten cards in two rows face down on my side of the table as he did the same. Then I picked a card up from the good pile and looked down at it.

7 of Ace.

I traded out that card for the one in place of the facedown seven card and placed the new one there, looking at the one previously in place.

3 of Diamonds.

I kept on switching cards until I got a blasted 7 again.

F/n snorted and flicked the card from my fingers with a snap, taking it for place on his arrangement.

We went on this way until I filled up my deck thrice and he gave in.

He stood up and grabbed our glasses.

" We ran out of tea kid, let's go back in before you kick my ass."

Since when do you curse? You never cursed while I knew you.

" Yeah, yeah okay. No. No F/n no, I'll get the notebook, you go and try to find something else to do."

I turned around and took the pen from his hand before I dropped it on the counter beside him. The house wasn't fancy, it wasn't big or small, but it was a house. He grew up on a farm when he had been a boy so naturally, we live on the ranch with him too.

We.

I'm stupid.

We don't live here anymore, mum and Liz are dead.

I stumbled, almost dropping the notebook in my hand. An arm came to rest on my side as I tried to find my footing again. " You okay Y/n? This stuff's been happening all week, you've been spacing out and stumbling everywhere."

" Well, in my defense I am very clumsy and I space out a lot."

A shallow, hollow and numb, laugh cascaded my lips seamlessly as he eyed me with concern.

" Yeah, I forgot, you wouldn't know. Y'know, seeing as you've been in and out of my life since I was seven. Mostly out."

I turned and looked at him, my face neutral as he gaped at me, his face saddened.

I spun around on my heel and stood on my tippy-toes to grasp the tea kettle.

" This is how it goes F/n you can't just expect to randomly walk back into my life without complications. If you did, then you've expected someone else's kid."

" Y/n, you know I didn't mean to. Me and your mother just, had some differences to sort out."

I turned and glared at him with a heated passion, my voice coming out cold and with snide.

" No, you can't keep using mum as an excuse. She's dead, I watched her die and you, what did you do? You sat with a knife in your leg and stared at her as she was beaten bloody and killed. So do me a favor, and don't bring her up okay."

I figure I went a bit too harsh on him but that doesn't really matter.

What matters is the fact that he's using his dead divorced wife as an excuse for leaving me.

" I didn't realize taking care of a teenager would be this hard..."

" You realize that just because I'm walking to my bedroom, that doesn't mean I can't still hear you right." ________________________ Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know this is really frigin short but uh, I have my own reasons for the shortness of it. Just be glad, I could've made it as short as I am. ______________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food, take screen breaks and remember You Are loved! ^ - ^