#roy is good for that evil and sick catharsis lol....

[castingcomets]

Sometimes i listen to those 'edit audio playlists' and one of the songs in them was straight up the one in that jacklyn edit that calls you a simp at the end... i was like 'thats jackie's song!' Anyway if you decided to turn another pl character transfem who would it be - amii

I Literally still think abt Ronnie All Of the time... not just cos shes soo cute but bc her story has got some juice in it and I like to dwell on it.

Like the idea that Roy is some cis guy and is sort of ugly in a worm sort of way is Importsnt to me but I also totally love the idea that Roy's not cis not even in an AU just straight up as a perception of canon .

Bc I already think that Roy has deeeeep issues with feeling Disgusting, Gross, Worm-like, Pathetic, Etc bc he kind of looks like a worm And Bc he is so Cowardly and bc Joy has always done everything for him it seems . And shes sort of an asshole abt it, and part of her character is that she thinks it's easier to just Do Shit Herself and is still learning how to instead give ppl the tools to grow, as per her beliefs and personal philosophy that shes acquired w Ninjoy. In their youths she would stand up for him a lot and fight his battles, sometimes bc she thought it was the honorable thing to do, sometimes bc she thought she had to. In her defense her parents did put all the expectations onto Her as the Oldest to be completely capable and caring.

And so to Roy it just feels like hes Weak and Pathetic and ppl Have to take care of him bc he Cant on his own evidently, he evidently Cant learn for whatever reason, Joy doesnt believe in him and shes always known best, Papa Louie used to believe in him genuinely but then he just became absent over the years and essentially abandoned him, and it feels like these ppl in Roy's life who know hes pathetic are Resentful of it.

That also explains why he cant keep a friend despite being able to be so placidly and generically friendly - he has 0 confidence and ppl can sense it. Hes like a generic background character and he presents himself as one. Allan keeps coming around to see him and acting like they're friends and every single time Roy feels a pang of affection/confidence from that he is so quick to smother it with "Allan is friends w literally everyone . This is his loss. And it means nothing " bc he knows better than to get his hopes up. It's also why he tends to get so irascible with Allan - bc hes overworked, lonely, too old to be doing this for so long, and bc Allan is emotionally Confusing him by being so persistent. Most- no, all- people have abandoned him by now, and Roy is cranky that Allan is being different . It's just confusing and hard to swallow.

Any Way I think the transfem idea would add a whole extra layer to the feeling Disgusting bit from earlier , bc like I said Roy is ugly in a worm sort of way, and there is 0 chance of her ever being able to reconcile w that and feel comfortable w that bc first of all it's the wrong body to begin with . The cross section of dysmorphia and dysphoria would be blurred and Roy would be sooo insecure abt not being masculine enough , bc a masculine attractive man is better than someone who looks like Bob the Builder , and lack of masculinity does not necessarily equate to femininity; and even if it did, that would just be sick, wouldnt it ? And Roy already has issues with feeling pathetic and like a worm - if you tried to throw "feminine" on top of that, it would feel derogatory and deeply shameful. Like a worm drying out on a sidewalk, nowhere near any sort of acceptable lawn. And there are only two to choose from.

It's a process. Roy has a looot of time to think working alone in that pizzeria, though. And there is a point where you've lived in the sludge of shame long enough that you might as well become the bog witch . The idea tho is that she learns that she was never a witch to begin with .. jus a pretty lady trapped under a bad haircut and a lifetime of being stepped on by loved/trusted ones <3 also shes ugly as a guy sometimes it's just like that. Ppl shouldnt have to feel so damn ugly just bc they're ugly but it happens .

Literally Chiron in Aries in the 4th house . Straight-up . No I will not elaborate either you put yourself through the ordeal of knowing it or you're sane .... Thanks for reading xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo