#sadly this game runs VERY poorly on my computer

[pmpwbrrs]

[dellikay]

Arnold Chiari Malformation Blogs: How it all began & getting a diagnosis

This is the first in a series of blogs where I’m going to be writing about my experiences with Arnold Chiari Malformation (ACM, as it will be referred to from here on out), ranging from how my condition suddenly worsened and made it itself known, all the way to present day and how it affects me now. These will all be likely very long posts, but there is a lot of information to share and it is all integral to address, so that people reading this who don’t know much about the condition can understand exactly what the condition entails and how it feels to actually have it. I’ve split the whole ‘story’ into five parts and will be working to get those typed up and released as soon as possible. What I want to start with is how my condition made itself known to me, having laid dormant internally for 15 years of my life and the ordeals I went through to secure a correct diagnosis. It all started on a perfectly normal day - I was playing Simon the Sorcerer 3D (I’m blaming the game for it all because it was bloody awful and broken beyond all belief) on the family computer. I got to a part of the game (among many others) where the game had glitched and I couldn’t progress any further. I accessed a walkthrough online and read how to navigate around the glitch. I then started to feel nauseous. I tried to carry on as normal, but the intensity of the nausea increased rapidly and I had a really massive headache, one of the worst that I had ever experienced up until that point in time. I had to give up on my game and laid down flat on the settee. Before long, I was having major coughing fits and had to run to the toilet to be violently sick. This, of course, made the headache worse, so I ended up making up a bed on the settee and having to stay on there. I was too weak to do anything and I kept having to rush to the toilet at the drop of a hat to be sick over and over again. After a few days, my other symptoms from what we assumed was the flu started to subside but I was still being violently sick multiple times a day and had agonising headaches that lasted all day and all night. I assumed the headaches were an issue because of how often and how forcefully I was being sick multiple times a day. Months passed and I was still the same. I’d been to see my then GP a couple of times since regarding what was happening to me. Because I had been diagnosed with OCD and depression from the age of 11, he immediately assumed that my symptoms were a physical manifestation of my mental illness, so just upped my dosage of whatever I was on at the time and sent me on my way. I was going to college by this time, after I had to leave secondary school due to being bullied to the point of...well, not being in a very good state of mind, I’ll just put it that way. Somehow, I managed to attend classes and go when I should do and even went on a trip to Alton Towers with the group I was in there, all the while getting worse physically, having to excuse myself from lessons suddenly to go and be sick and having headaches so bad that I had to lay my head down on the desk. Walking to and from college (which was literally a ten minute walk from my house) become more perilous as my balance became affected...on one occasion, I was crossing the road and a car was approaching faster than I anticipated. I tried to run the rest of the way over but my legs immediately collapsed from under me and I fell flat onto the road, about six feet in front of the car. Thankfully, the driver had seen what was going to happen and had the foresight to slow right down. However, I couldn’t get myself off the road because I was dizzy and my legs didn’t want to cooperate and no one stopped to help me or to see if I was alright. I walked the rest of the way home in tears. I didn’t know what was going on and was obviously shaken from what had just happened as well as the sheer rejection from the public who just acted like I was invisible even though I was in dire need of help. Sadly, after a few more months of this deterioration, I had to stop going to college because I was too poorly to make it through lessons and the journey to and from college was way too risky. From one end of the day to the other, I laid flat on the settee and was just enveloped in a complete world of pain.  I persisted with my GP, insisting that there was something physically wrong with me, as opposed to it all being ‘in my head’ (ironically) and that the medication he had put me on my own wasn’t doing anything to stop the headaches or the vomiting. He wouldn’t listen to me and even got cross with me at one point and basically told me to stop putting it on to get attention. I felt defeated - I KNEW my own body and I KNEW that there was something very wrong but no one would listen to me. I could see and feel that it was getting worse. My balance became worse still, my weight had plummeted because I couldn’t keep any food in my system, I was still being sick multiple times a day and by the end, just bringing up water because my stomach was empty. I was accused of having an eating disorder and once again, doing this all to myself for attention. My headaches had got so bad that one time, I was laid on the floor in the living room because my head was too painful to stand or even sit up and suddenly my body started to move of its own accord. It was like I was rolling down a hill but I was on a completely flat surface. My body kept trying to roll to the side as if to balance itself if I was on a slope. It was completely out of my control and certainly one of the scariest parts of pre-diagnosis. I phoned for an appointment with my GP again, ready to stand my ground and insist once more that my symptoms were the result of something physical. I was angry, in incredible pain 24/7, weak, scared and I just wanted to be heard. When I went to the doctors, not feeling the most confident, I was told that my GP was off that day and I would be seeing one of the junior doctors instead. This made me feel a tiny glimmer of hope but I repressed it just in case he was of the same mindset as my regular doctor and he also accused me of being an attention seeker. When I was called into his office, I took a seat and I was asked to describe my symptoms. As I told him, the doctor started to look more and more concerned. He did some balance tests on me, which obviously I was incapable of completing and within five minutes, he told me that in no uncertain terms that my symptoms were way too severe to be merely a figment of my imagination and that he agreed that there was something physically wrong with me. He told me he’d book me in for an MRI. Finally. Someone listened. Someone believed me. I cried, partly from relief and elation that I had a chance of being saved from whatever it was that was destroying me from the inside out - and partly from fear because there really, truly was something wrong with me. Something seriously wrong with me, according to the doctor I had just seen. The following few months are a blur to me and I can’t remember any real details about what happened or the order in which things happened. I just remember going to Queen’s Medical Centre in Nottingham multiple times, being prodded and poked and being sent for more scans and then I saw a man who warned me that no matter what a man called Mr White said to me, I should REFUSE to have brain surgery. Under no circumstances should I listen to what he was saying and carry on as I was. He also asked me outright if I thought I had an eating disorder (basically, that I was causing myself to be sick and lose all of this weight - which was getting on for four and a half stones (63lbs) by the point - and made me feel like I had to concede that there was a possibility that could be the case, even though I knew it wasn’t. Of course, being in the sorry state that I was, I couldn’t understand this path of logic and neither could my parents. It turns out the Mr White was one of the leading brain surgeons in the country, specialised in rare brain conditions and would be the one to perform my surgery if I consented. We (as in me and my parents) met him shortly after and well, basically me and Mum fell in love with him. Lol. He was very softly spoken, gentle and kind - completely different to the man we had seen previously. Mr White was the one who told me I had Chiari Malformation Type 2 and what that meant. I was 18 years at the time (bear in mind my symptoms had started when I was 15) so he took his time with me, was very patient because he could see how terrified I was about what he was telling me and told me everything I needed to know and answered any questions I had. He explained why I was experiencing the symptoms I had and how the surgery would at the very least hopefully stop the progression of them getting even worse. He also told me that alongside the ACM, I also had hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and this was putting extra pressure on my brain and squeezing it into an even tighter space. This also meant I had a rare version of a rare condition (as it was known now - the classification of the illness has now been upgraded to ‘uncommon’, which means it’s not as rare as once thought but often misdiagnosed) so any surgery that would be carried out on me was not guaranteed to have the same level of success as if I hadn’t had the hydrocephalus. In fact, my cerebellum (the part of the brain that controls the nervous system, balance and coordination and reactions to external stimuli) had been wedged behind the top few vertebrae of my spine, which was what was causing the disabling headaches. Despite what the other man had advised me to do, I agreed to the surgery. There was no other way I was going to get better. It was scary either way and the decision was completely mine to make. Mr White was extremely concerned as he could see how poorly and fragile I was and was pushing for me to have the surgery before Christmas (I think we went to go and see him at some point in November). However, I was frightened and I just wanted one more Christmas before going through such a huge life event. I wasn’t sure I’d make it out the other side so I wanted just one more big celebration. Even though he wasn’t best happy with me wanting to wait until after Christmas, he agreed but he said he would book me in for as soon as possible afterwards. Basically, time was of the essence, I had a ticking time bomb in my head and it could have detonated at any second. I was too young and too frightened to understand at the time but me choosing to have the surgery a month or so later than was wanted by the surgeon could have cost me my ability to walk entirely or my life if my health had taken another slump.

[viostormcaller]

Okay so I'm gonna go on a little bit of a rant here. It literally doesnt mean anything, it's not serious by any means and is extremely superficial. It's just a few issues my mom and I have both been having and I just wanna get it off my chest because it's been really nagging at me.

So, about a year ago, mom and I both invested in new laptops from Lenovo. At first, we both really liked them, considering what we paid for them (and considering how long it took to wait for mine, almost forgot about that part). But now... kinda wanting an upgrade even though it's only a year old (not that I can afford one, of course, and I'm not about to ask). Course, it still works (not well, sadly, but it does), and so does my mom's, but I've heard her say on more than one occasion that she absolutely hates her laptop.

I think the main reason I'm so disappointed is because of the battery life. Now, it's a laptop, I shouldn't expect much, but to put it into perspective, a few years back I was using a dinosaur of a Toshiba laptop, which was already years old by the time I got my hands on it. This thing had like no battery life. Lasted 3 hours (if even that, I think after a while it lasted 1 hour) off charger. When I was looking for a new laptop after that one completely broke, I was looking for something with longer battery so I didn't have to wear down the battery life by keeping it on the charger 24/7. So when I got this new laptop (it's the Legion Y520 btw) and saw the battery life was the exact same that I had been dealing with, I was really disheartened. But I wasn't about to complain because, of course, mom was paying monthly for this thing and it was pricey (she just finished back in december), so I was very grateful to have something that runs games well (and actually runs Subnautica without many issues) and I can watch videos in the highest quality settings (which I was super impressed with. Even now I'm still impressed with that fact).

Now, though, mom and I are having deal-breaker issues. One problem on my end that absolutely does not have a fix, is the fact that when I close the lid of the laptop, it acts as if it's still open. So if I minimize chrome, shut the lid, and leave the room (or even, if I go to bed), sometimes I'll hear noise coming from it. When I open it up, it turns out that chrome had re-opened and was playing a video somehow (and you can imagine my absolute fucking confusion when I walk in the room or wake up to hear Jack or Mark screaming). This happens every few days and I don't know if I should blame the cats (who like to run on my computer often), but even so, if the lid is closed that should not happen! It should be in sleep mode. And, I've noticed that the keyboard lights dont always shut off when I shut the lid, so the computer acts as if it's still on even though the screen is black.

Another huge issue: sometimes it won't allow me to start the computer at all. Either it does one or two things. It A) stays on a black screen with the keys all lit (meaning it's on but nothing's happening), or B) it'll stay on the lock screen page frozen so I cant click anything or enter in my pin to get into the computer, meaning I have to manually shut it off and turn it back on using the power button (which scares me because I dont want this computer to blue-screen-of-death on me because I have to do that almost every day). Then, once I do that, the backlight on the keyboard flickers for a few seconds before the computer turns on. Most of the time, though, starting up the computer from sleep mode after I had just been using it takes an unnecessarily long time, and it's super frustrating if there's something immediate I'm trying to do (like catching an upload from Jack). And I'm not gonna get into the issues with the keyboard and touchpad, because almost every review I've seen says the same thing: poorly designed, not very responsive to touch, yadda yadda yadda.

With mom's computer, I've watched it, while she was in the middle of using it, completely shut off on her. The screen went black and she could not turn it back on, even when pressing the power button. It was on the charger, so it didn't die. It just shut off. Also, her computer runs chrome very poorly for whatever reason, almost as if it's incompatible, so she can't even use that browser on her computer because it gives her too many issues. On top of that, she can't watch videos because it buffers and freezes way too much (which sucks because she bought the computer in part to watch videos on), and even when she's just using it normally it glitches out and freezes and she can't do anything on it at all, meaning she has to rely on her phone for a lot of things. She's also in college, like I am, so this isnt ideal if she wants to get things done. Plus, I've noticed her touchpad is way too sensitive, to the point where I can't use it to scroll up or down at all. Idk how to fix that though, didnt see any options for it but maybe I'll take another look and see if I really can't help her.

I can't afford to send mine in; not because of the price (if there even is a fee for sending it in for repairs, idk if mom bought mine with warranty), but because it's my first week in school and I cant take the risk of sending mine in and not having it for about three weeks since I don't have any other way of doing my school work. I dont wanna fail or get dropped from my class. Plus I've read that their customer service is outsourced in India, so I don't know if that's where my computer will get shipped to, but if I have to be without it for too long then it isn't worth trying to get them to fix it. I've also heard bad things about their customer service (and actually recall having a bad experience with them when I was trying to get my computer in the first place. Don't remember them being particularly helpful).

I know I can't afford a new gaming computer right now, so I probably wont be in the market for one for at least a few years (or whenever this thing eventually breaks), but I'm so afraid that my laptop will break before then. I can't afford to lose it but it feels like, with every forced restart, I'm getting closer to having it fall apart. I desperately need a computer on hand for school, now more than ever. It is great for gaming, but right now I'm mostly using it for school, and my computer absolutely needs to be powerful enough to run the Adobe software and other game design programs when I get to those classes in school (this is exactly what my advisor told me, too, so I'm a little bit nervous about this). I'm hoping it holds up until then, but as of right now, I'm extremely worried for it. The fact that my mom is also having issues with her laptop gives me some comfort, at least. I'm not alone, so I feel alright complaining about it (if I was alone in this I wouldnt say anything. Gotta be grateful for what I have, considering I could be much worse off). At least one thing's for sure: neither of us are purchasing anything else from Lenovo when we need to get new computers (and I believe my mom's replacing hers sooner rather than later, considering it barely works properly).

TDLR; both mine and my mom's computers are having major issues, I can't risk sending mine in to get it fixed, there are no fixes for mine that I could try that worked, and I'm extremely worried it'll break sooner rather than later because of constant forced restarting.

[whoshe-sandy-sides]

Hello! Reporter Anon #6669 here, how does it feel to be stuck on a plane for God knows how long? Please give us as much detail as you can, the viewers and followers are very interested! 😄

Well HELLO!!! I shall give you ALL the details you want!! (SORRY ITS A LONG ONE)

It was pretty normal for a landing, a little rough, a slight bump, but all was good. I shifted my computer bag between my legs, ready to pick up and go, keeping in mind that my other bag was in the overhead of the seat behind me.

I took one last glance outside, noticing four large passenger planes lined up perpendicular to the runaway we landed on. They towered over the small plane as we drove in front of them, apparently joining the growing line.

My first instinct is to text my mother, waiting for me, to let her know I’ve landed. She’s on her way. I’ll see her soon, she texts me. I text my friend that I flew away from, I’ve landed and I can’t wait to see them again. He’s happy as well.

A minute goes by, restless passengers shift around waiting patiently. The intercom sings and the flight attendant, Patricia (as her white embroidered font said against her black apron), answered the cabin phone. Her eyebrows furrowed and she spoke hurriedly to the other end of the call… nod nod, fumbled with the phone and it clicked in place. She looked down the aisle at the other attendant, a silent nod later and the intercom dings once more.

“Well, it looks like there’s a ‘ground command’… everything has stopped and all aircraft are on the ground… it’ll be another 5-6 minutes before we’ll get to our gate. We will let you know when more info comes. Thank you again for all of your patience..” The captain, so sweet and sounding young, reports and the cabin settles.

Oohhh if only we knew.

I alert my mother through text about the predicament. I read a few more poems from the antique book I found at the shop my friend and I went to before the airport. Slowly, discomfort grows.

My pinky toe is the first to go numb. The AC rushing out of the floor vent, pointed directly at my feet. I sit awkwardly, trying to keep my feet up and warm. I redirect my attention to my phone, play a few games.

20% battery

Oops. I thankfully had a large battery set and ready for the occasion. Click. And my phone happily charges as I continue to text my mother.

It’s panic. Chaos. Cars parked on the side of the road, security running around, and honking. My mom joins the line of parked cars and texts me confusingly.

I try to keep a light mood for the concern-growing situation, laughing off humanity’s stupidity in moments of stress.

The sweet captain allows people to get up for the bathroom. It’ll be a long wait.

Some one asks Patricia a question and she begins to shake her head from where she sat at the front of the plane.

“No no. It’s not a mechanical thing. This plane is perfectly fine.” Patricia answers quietly. The passenger is hesitant to leave her side, but eventually crawls back into their seat.

My dear grandmother begins to text my mother, randomly forbidding me from flying EVER again. To lock our doors, don’t go outside, it’s DANGEROUS!!

A Q300 Alaska Airlines, Horizon operated plane (the same type of plane I currently sat in) has been stolen and is flying around Tacoma! There’s fighter jets after it!

My grandmother tells my mother, who, in return, forward the message to me. That’s crazy! No wonder nothing is happening.

I settle deeper in my chair, expecting (hoping) it’ll only another 10 minutes or so… I tell my friend about the events unfolding and switch over to text my brother.

Hit me with some memes bro, I’m bored. I text and later receive 7 different memes to giggle at.

Movement to my side catches my eye. The man in the aisle seat beside me is making eye contact shyly.

“My phone died. Can I use your charger? I need to tell my neighbor to feed my cat… thought I’ll be home by now…” He asks, I smile and excitedly give the cord over. I love being able to help. I’m at 50% anyways after 20 minutes of texting and playing games.

I continue to gather information through my waiting mother. Slowly the story is unfolding.

Patricia comes on the intercom: “sorry everyone and thank you for your patience. I would just like to clarify that there’s a ‘ground command’ so no one can deplane or lift off at the moment. The only thing we know so far is that this is an ‘airport security concern’. Thank you.”

After an awkward minute, people begin to mumble, someone is passing their phone around showing the news feed they were receiving from family. More harsh whispering gains my seat-partners attention.

“do you know what’s going on?” He motions to everyone.

“A mechanic stole a plane, did a barrel roll with fighter jets after him and crashed!” I answered in obvious misplaced excitement. I summarized the jumble of messages i was getting from my mother and friend.

“It crashed? where?!” He sat up straighter. I scrolled through my text messages with my mother.

“Chambers Bay, it looks like.” I answered. He nodded and looked back to his phone.

I went to social media, having barely enough service to refresh a few pages here and there. I asked for entertainment from some and others I simply watched the mayhem.

“We’re so sorry, looks like one of the connecting flights has left already.” Oh dear… that’s not gonna make customer service happy…

2 hours have gone by. Texts message all sent and read. The entertainment I requested was fruitful. I’m sore. My battle with the AC vent is going poorly. They had handed out more airplane biscuit cookies as hunger grew.

“We got our gate! A few more minutes as they get the other airplanes out of the line and we’ll be able to deplane!” The captain’s voice chimes in. Someone claps in happiness. The baby on board stirs and the elder woman in the seat in-front coo it back to sleep. Not now child… just a few more moments.

FINALLY the plane slides forwards. The engines go silent and everyone is reminded to remain patient. It’s my turn to leave, only four rows into the front, I’m happy to get off early! But…

I turn to grab my bag in the overhead of the seat behind me… to see the mother of the infant and her 8 year old daughter… with a broken leg, look back at me. I try to explain my situation. Thoroughly embarrassed to halt progress for everyone else and cause this mother to backtrack for my sake, I take a hold of my bags and practically leap off the small plane with a small thanks to the flight attendants.

IM FREE!!! Only from the plane, however… people are dog-pilling by gate, anxious to get on their two hour delayed flights. I race past overflowing restaurants (mainly pubs) to the exit doors. Traffic is chaos.

My waiting mother is quick to the draw and I only wait a few moments before my patient mother finds me and I hop in in no time.

That was only ONE thing to go wrong that night. My mother sadly says, “I was hoping for a drink and movie tonight … I thought it was Friday!”

We laugh at our misfortunes and drive home with McDonald’s.

[onychaos]

Sonic Gather Battle

So, I want to give my two cents on this "fan game", and all the heat, and controversy, that it is getting has been earned.

So the question here is...

Q: What is Sonic Gather Battle?

Sonic Gather Battle or SGB, for short, is a Sonic Battle / Smash brothers clone, It's a 2D fighting game in Simple terms. You can play as Sonic, Mario, Megaman. This is a crossover "fan game" akin to "Super Smash flash"

But from what I seen. It plays like a action adventure fighting game. A mixed of the two game styles.

So, now that you got a idea of what type of game this is, I can bring you the info, to why this "fan game" has got a lot of heat.

This "game" has come underfire for adding an "DRM" to it, to keep players from cheating online or in single player.

But the real reason is to protect "custom sprites edits" from being "stolen" from this "fan game" That is a awful reason to add DRM.. Sonic Mania had DRM, and that went poorly. And Sonic 2 HD (No, not the 2017 build / demo) that LOst worked on. That tire fire went downhill, seems people don't learn...

Sonic Gather Battle DRM is a virus or Trojan.

One, this fan game will try to attempt to give itself administrative-level privileges. The fact that this "fan game" has the nerve to try to give itself administrative-level privileges is down right sick.

A fan game or a game SHOULD never need administrative-level privileges in anyway. If, a game needs administrative-level privileges, it means trouble.

2. What does this Sonic Gather Battle DRM do?

The DRM will look for the the keyword "cheating" or "cheat" and kill the windows with those keywords. "Doesn't sound so bad" But jimmy, it gets worst. how it knows what you are using. It is spying or rather, watching what it being used on your computer..

Looking up Sonic Gather battle cheat or cheats will kill your browser, It has been noted that the game has access to your web browser

"Ok, that sounds bad but--" BUT JIMMY.....

IT GETS WORST.

If, you happen to use cheat engine while the game is running, the game will freeze or crash, needing to restart. Upon starting up a level, the USA Sonic CD boss theme will be playing while the background will be red with red eyes showing up and watching, followed up by the game spawning ghosts that can't be killed. Making a dead game.

BUT IT gets MUCH WORST.

Your IP via ("what is my IP?") is sent to the game dev to be blacklisted, and when I said that the game knows what you are using, it checks to see what you have done in your browser. All of this is illegal, for a fan game. AGAIN, ALL OF THIS WAS DONE TO PROTECT CUSTOM SPRITE EDITS

From what I seen in comments, Having the game installed, and not cheating won't keep you safe. I believe your IP is whitelisted but the DRM for this game is doing some weird shit in the background.

I heard that uninstalling the game, makes things worst. I don't know how true that is... But I am not going to question it. And there is so much more I have not even covered yet.

After this has blew up, and word of mouth, spread like wildfire. The wildfire being controversy. Leemena has went into hiding, disabling Negative comments that mention the game is a virus (Which is true). I can't feel sorry for them. This was not a mistake or a error. This was a choice that They made to add this DRM into a fangame, just to protect custom sprite edits...

They have been banned from SAGE, I seen somewhere that it was mentioned.

As a Indie game dev in training, this makes me sick for a few reasons.

1 is Sega. The reason why they are ok with fans making fangames is that they know fans will make shitty fans games or good fan games or even great fans. They know that their fanbase is loud and toxic but they have enough trust in fans to know they won't pull shady stuff like this.

Granted, Malware in Sonic Fan games has happened once. But if, this happens again or more then once, sega may crackdown on fangames, if they start having malware, spyware or other shit.

2 If, you are a streamer, youtuber, reviewer, speedrunner, this doesn't have any impact on you. It's where the indie game devs or indie devs who are new, get the shit end of the stick. When people like, Leemena do shit like this. The good side of the community gets dragged through the mud. Each Negative thing will build up.

We want people to like indie devs, not hate them. We want to give people entertainment to love, not to hate. We want to have people to trust us, not question if we can be trusted. Look. Word of mouth spread fast, we don't need people trying to steal info or give users virus. I have plans on being a indie dev and trusted. But if, things like this keep happening every now and then, I will have my doubts.

"those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it"

When the very first version of Sonic 2 HD (2012), there were reports of a keylogger within Sonic 2 HD (2012 version) BUT later was found the cause of the false reports, it was bad coding practices. Sadly, due to word of mouth spreading so fast, there was no way to get the truth out there fast enough

With Sonic Gather Battle, This was, again, a choice that Leemena made to add this DRM to this "fangame" to protect "custom sprite edits" from being ripped or "stolen"

This makes me not trust Leemena or Dan, and I never met them but UGH. I will be linking sources and videos that have more information.

If you find "Sonic Gather Battle" fangame, DO NOT DOWNLOAD THIS Game/virus.

Update: Leemena has deactivated their Deviantart account

Thanks for reading and be safe.

[antiques-for-geeks]

Atari 8-bit lucky dip!

The Atari 8 bit was never a popular machine in the UK. Given its relative obscurity here (...if there's one thing I'm a sucker for it's the obscure) and the fact that it's a product of a fertile period for one of the most famous gaming brands, I've always been interested in getting one to play with.

After a bit of fishing on Ebay I managed to get a 600xl for a reasonable price; old hardware is getting pretty expensive and A8's seem more expensive than most. The 600xl is the smaller brother of the flagship 800xl, and is appealingly diminutive for an 8 bit micro. It does have one main disadvantage - it only comes with 16k of ram, so until I can upgrade it to 64k I'm left with a machine that will only be able to play simpler, earlier titles.

Scrubs up quite well!

I bought a flash cart (an UNO cart, which has worked flawlessly) and loaded it with games that should play on my 16k machine. Among the conversions of popular arcade titles of the time, there were many that I didn't recognise. Over the coming weeks I'm going to trawl through all of the games I can get to work and give them each a short review ...for better or worse...

Abracadabra

TG Software / 1983

Wander round a single screen maze blasting wizards with your magic, collecting keys and treasures. To make things more exciting, the walls move periodically, changing the layout of the maze. 

I really thought I was going to like this game. These single screen maze shooters are often a lot of fun, but sadly the movement of main character is stiff and awkward here. He seems to want to follow a narrow path even where it looks like you have a wider area to move in, leading to frustrating moments where you push a direction and nothing happens. If there's one thing an arcade style maze game needs it's precise control, so I can't recommend this one.

Alien Ambush

DANA / 1983

This is a fairly basic vertical shooter with a scrolling star background. The graphics are chunky, but a bit muddy - more like an early C64 game. One or two aliens appear on the screen - simply shoot them and avoid their wreckage. Sometimes they split into smaller enemies when hit. It’s competent enough, but there's not much to make this one stand out.

Alpha Shield

Sirius Software / 1983

This seems like a simplified Star Castle rip-off, and is a game which I remember previously playing on the Atari 2600. This version is very similar, though a touch more colourful. The original version seemed like a clunky attempt to get around the limitations of the 2600, substituting the Asteroids style point and thrust controls of the arcade for more traditional directional control. While it qualified as a decent effort for that machine it’s a bit out of place on the much better equipped 8-bit.

Anteater

Romox / 1983

Extremely similar to the arcade game Dig Dug with most of the excitement sucked out. A single anteater follows your ant through the tunnels left behind as you dig through the layers of earth. The goal here seems to be to collect ant eggs from a pile on the surface and bring them back to your nest. It might well get more exciting as the levels progress, but I found the first one so tedious I refuse to give it any more of my precious time ...especially as I know there are 2 different official conversions of Dig Dug itself coming up later!

Asteroids

Atari / 1981

F-ugly but functional take on one of my favourite games ever. Asteroids is one of the handful of early arcade games I always enjoy playing. It's an ageless classic, so a mediocre conversion like this is a real shame. It has chunky and jerky graphics, and the movement of the ship is too crude to properly capture the feel of the original. It's not the worst game ever, and has a handy 4 player mode if you're using an Atari 400/800 with enough joystick ports... but it's not a patch on the 7800 version, and even the cut down Atari 2600 is probably more playable despite it's inaccuracy.

Astro Chase

First Star Software / 1982

Can I skip the intro where astronaut walks slowly to their ship and takes off please? This has quite nicely drawn graphics for an early game. You fly through a maze of planets, scrolling in 4 directions. You can shoot some enemy spaceships... but what the hell am I supposed to be doing here? I’m not sure instructions will improve matters, because there seems to be no urgency or excitement to this game at all.

Atlantis

Imagic / 1983

A conversion of the Imagic Atari 2600 classic - like a simplified version of missile command designed to fit in with the limitations of the VCS. You have control of 3 defensive turrets protecting a city from an attacking space fleet. When I say ‘control’ what I mean is that you can choose to fire lasers from one of the turrets, but you cant change where they fire; one goes left, one right and one straight up. It’s purely an exercise in timing shots, made more difficult by the possibility of one or more of your turrets being destroyed. This is just a small graphical upgrade over the 2600 version. It's a playable game for sure, and gets quite frantic, but I never found it quite as fun and well balanced as its inspiration.

BC's Quest For Tires

Sierra On-Line / 1983

A sort of proto-typical endless runner, this has very bold cartoon graphics for early 80's game. You control a cave-guy riding ever rightwards on a single stone wheel. You start off by jumping pot holes and ducking under branches. There are some sections later where you have to time a jump over a river on some bobbing turtles backs. It's got some entertainment value, but I found it pretty repetitive stuff and I got stuck timing the river jumps. Bit of a theme forming here - games that wowed people with fancy cartoon graphics are often exposed as hollow experiences after a few decades have passed!

Beamrider

Activision / 1984

This is more like it! A solid version of a fun old-school shooter. This could be described as being like a simplified version of the arcade game Tempest, played out on a flat plane. You fly over a grid toward an infinite horizon, blasting enemies as they travel down fixed lanes toward your ship. I liked this one on the Atari 2600, and I like it here too. It's got the right mix of stylish but abstract graphics and frantic game-play to feel like it could have been an arcade effort of the time, something that many of these games clearly aspire to.

Berzerk

1983 / Atari

<Thwak!> ... boots Atari across the room ... I can't get this to work on my flash cart for some reason. I love this game, and I know from past experience that this is probably the best home version around (or at least the best that was released at the time). The game-play is spot on, and it has quite a bit of the metallic robot speech that livened up the arcade version. When I get a working copy of this it will get the full review it deserves.

Blaster

Williams / 1984

The only home version of a really obscure Williams into the screen arcade shooter, this is blocky and slow, with crazy psychedelic line drawing graphics. Apparently this was made before the arcade version, but was never officially released. It’s as basic as they come; you avoid things and shoot things. The game-play is shallow, the controls are treacly and the graphics are possibly seizure inducing .... and yet I somehow found this one quite appealing!

Boulder Dash

First Star Software / 1984

A stone cold classic dig-a-thon. You move through a scrolling level, hollowing out the earth a behind you to collect all the diamonds. Once all are collected you can exit to the next level. Making things more difficult, rocks dotted about will fall when undermined - a crush danger - and butterfly like enemies follow you through the tunnels you leave behind in the earth. The levels take on a heavy puzzle element - much more so than in Dig Dug, from which this takes some inspiration. The patterns of rocks have to be worked round with careful consideration to get all the diamonds. This seems like a great version that I'd like to spend more time with.

Bristles

First Star Software / 1983

Here is quite a likable single screen platformer where you catch lifts to visit different parts of the screen in order to paint all the walls. As expected, there are enemies to avoid who will bump you down a level on contact. There's also a 'lady' who wanders the halls leaving dirty hand prints on your new paint work. These have to be repainted to complete the level and she'll make you swear with rage before too long. When all the walls have changed colour on move to the next level with more walls to paint and more enemies to avoid. Being repeatedly bumped down the levels by errant enemies and lifts can frustrating, but once you have the hang of what the game expects of you it's fairly compelling.

Buck Rogers Planet of Zoom

SEGA / 1983

A conversion of the early SEGA into the screen shooter. This one appeared on many of the computers and consoles of the time, no matter how primitive - there's even an Atari 2600 version. The arcade game must have been very impressive at the time, using scaling sprites to convey the impression of barriers and enemies rushing toward you from the horizon. Sadly, like most of these home conversions, this version looks crude in comparison, sporting flickery graphics and jittery controls. It's also missing a 'trench run' stage present in the arcade which I'm sure could have been re-created in some form on the home hardware. It's not a terrible game, but has aged poorly and is ultimately pretty dull. I did like the colourful psychedelic flashing when a level is complete!

Captain Beeble

Inhome Software / 1983

This one didn't look much at first viewing, but turned out to be quite good fun, if frustratingly difficult at times. Fly around caverns on a jet-pack, fighting against the effects of gravity and blasting all the aliens on each scrolling level. Making things much more difficult, large crushing blocks fly across the level and deadly walls fry you on touch. I've always enjoyed games where you had to fight against gravitational effects, and it adds quite a bit to what would otherwise be a simple game. The graphics are quite plain, and this would be an easy game to overlook - give it a go.

[mobius-prime]

142. Knuckles the Echidna #32

King of the Hill (Part Three of Three): To the Death

Writer/Pencils: Ken Penders Colors: Frank Gagliardo

To evade Hunter's pursuit, Knuckles leads a reluctant Monk to a hidden trapdoor in the grass amongst the bushes, which leads them into an underground canal. Apparently, this is part of a larger underground city, Hydro City, which was built ages ago, even before Echidnaopolis. Even in this situation Monk chooses to act like a dick, shoving Knuckles toward the water below before jumping in himself.

As they continue to travel, forced to stay close lest their collars start zapping them again, Hunter follows their tracks left in the grass, using his advanced glasses that highlight details of his environment to him. He finds the trapdoor, and follows them in, not far behind. Meanwhile, Locke and Archimedes have discovered Hunter's aircraft, and sneak aboard to investigate. They're surprised by the lack of alarms, but once they get far enough in the alarms activate, trapping them inside. A countdown begins on the computer - 60 seconds to self-destruct!

I'm sorry, Hunter, but this is literally the worst security system you could possibly have designed. Imagine that in real life - someone breaks into your home, and to prevent them from taking anything, you blow up your entire goddamn house, with all your belongings in it. How in the hell is that protecting your property, Hunter?! All your gross Mobian head trophies, all your expensive equipment, your very living space - gone, because you didn't lock your door and a random echidna and fire ant wandered in. You are, to use the technical term, an idiot.

Speaking of said idiot, he's followed Knuckles and Monk into the tunnel, using heat sensors to track the two. He fires at what he thinks is one of them, but is really a torch that Monk is holding. Knuckles, realizing that's how they're being tracked, grabs the torch from him and flings it away.

They begin to panic, running down the tunnel with no other way to go until they see a ladder, which they quickly climb. Hunter can hear them now as their voices echo through the tunnel, but as he reaches the ladder they go silent. He begins to try to strategize, thinking of where they might have gone and whether they're going to try to ambush him, and then starts to get almost disturbingly excited at the uncertainty of it all, thinking about how much of a rush he's getting and how he "hasn't felt like this in a long while." It's… honestly creepy as hell. While he's down there getting off on hunting down sapient beings, Knuckles and Monk grab a live wire connected to the wall, hoping to use it against Hunter. However, at that moment a bullet flies past Knuckles' hand as Hunter locates him, and as he falls from his perch high up, his and Monk's collars begin to zap them once more. Knuckles manages to keep his head and catch onto a pipe, but Monk becomes overwhelmed with pain and leaps at Hunter.

In the tussle, Hunter manages to maneuver his gun into position, and fires directly at Monk. Monk falls to his death as Knuckles screams his name, and his anger begins to boil over. Hunter, shocked that Knuckles hasn't also been overwhelmed with pain, watches in horror as he pops the collar right off through sheer force of will and then overloads with energy, causing every electronic component on Hunter's body to explode and knock him out. A moment later, Archimedes and Locke poof down into the tunnel to find an unconscious Hunter and Knuckles sadly watching over Monk's body. They help him transport Hunter into a prison pod surrounded by water somewhere on the island, where he sits motionless in his underwear (presumably the only clothes they allowed him to keep) meditating while Knuckles expresses satisfaction that rotting in prison will be enough payment in return for the lives of those he took, including Monk.

My biggest criticism here at the end of the arc is that, well, it's not like Monk even had the beginnings of a redemption arc. He came to the island to kill Knuckles, was forced to work alongside him only under threat of torture, and died not trying to save his former rival, but just going crazy from pain and trying to murder Hunter instead. Usually these "bully and victim have to work together" stories end with the bully having learned a lesson and become a better person, or at the least, they end up sacrificing their life for redemption or something. But Monk, start to finish, was just a jerk who only looked out for himself. Obviously there are cases where a character not having changed or grown as a person is the whole point, but that's not it for Monk - the issue is trying to make it out like his death was tragic and Knuckles forgave him in the end, but there was no precedent for it in his character arc, none at all. I get that Knuckles didn't want anybody to die, not even his old rival, but Monk's death is completely hollow because there's just no reason to care about him. The entire story has basically no weight to it, introducing multiple new characters we have no reason to care about, and then killing one and shunting the other offscreen at the very end. Honestly, I kind of hate this arc even more than the Lemon Sundrop Dandelion one, because as bad as that story was, at least we got to see Julie-Su engage in some semi-interesting action there. Meh.

The Worst of Enemies

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Colleen Doran Colors: Frank Gagliardo

Espio, faced with betraying his friend and Guardian or betraying his people, elects to try to deceive Valdez, counting on him not being in his right mind to pull his plan off. He leads Valdez to the ruins of an old city, "reminding" him that this is where Knuckles keeps the Chaos Emerald keeping the island afloat.

Yes, apparently Robotnik's machines communicate to each other through R2-D2 speak when not addressing organic beings. Espio, worried they're catching onto them, nervously leads them toward the entrance of the city, vanishing into the darkness inside before they can follow. They enter, finding no sign of him, and threaten him to come out, but before Valdez can send the signal to roboticize his friends, a trapdoor opens under him, dropping him into the sewers where Espio tackles him into the water, screaming that they're no longer friends.

Oh no, Espio is being drowned! Then, suddenly, we're outside again and Espio is firing a laser gun at the shadow-bots guarding the rest of the chameleons like nothing happened. Wait, what? Why is there such a weird time skip where it doesn't even tell us what happened? How did he get away? What happened to Valdez? What about the roboticized Liza? Just, what? It's like they were trying to build up drama for Espio to make a grand escape as his old friend tragically malfunctions in the water or something, only to be like "uhh, crap, we can't think of a way to have him escape. Umm - whatever, he just does, now continue on with the story!" He rescues everyone, and as they walk away from the complex they were being kept prisoner in, it explodes violently, raising yet another question of how the hell they pulled that off - did one of them just have explosives hidden up their ass? Where did this blast come from? Ugh, this whole arc - both stories - is just so poorly written and not well thought out at all. It's a rather disappointing conclusion to the Knuckles the Echidna comic series, if you ask me. The series was supposed to continue from here, with the next few issues tying into the Sonic Adventure arc, but then this comic was cancelled, and the planned stories for those issues were slotted into issues of the main comic instead. It's a shame, too, because Sonic Adventure is way more interesting than this crap. But hey, we have our video game adaption coming up in a couple issues, so let's forge ahead!

[bffhreprise]

Entry 297

 “Uh… so bright out.  I couldn’t get here quickly enough.” came a voice from the front hall.  Suddenly, a girl stood in the doorway to the ballroom, smiling as she looked around.

 Cosette… I knew her name from the profiles I read.  She was supposedly… no.  She is a vampire.  James had warned me about her.

 “I’m sooo hungry.  My client had windows everywhere, so finding a dark area to work was the worst.  The kitchen table was sickeningly white, and reflected the sun into my eyes.  Burnt eyeballs are never fun.  The living room had one of those awful, oversized windows that allows the light to pour in even when it’s barely rising.  Worse yet, they had a faux curtain for the enormous thing.  I finally found a spot, just a spot, of relative darkness where I could pretend I was comfortable.” she ranted, gracefully prancing about the room as she looked at everyone hungrily.  As she moved, the fangs in her mouth became longer and longer till they stretched far out from her mouth.

 I sunk lower and lower into my chair, not wanting to be noticed at the moment, despite trying to watch.  Thankfully, Kayla was doing schoolwork in her room, or I’d have to be running out of here with her.

 Reaching Portentia, her mouth opened incredibly wide—wide enough for those enormous fangs to stretch apart—as she prepared to bite.

 “Cosette, behave.” chided James, sounding amused.

 “But James…” she pouted, her teeth back to human-sized again.  When she realized that he wasn’t changing his mind, she sighed and said, “I’m telling Aaliyah.”  She turned slightly to look at the incredible girl before saying, “Aaliyah, the boss won’t let me pick on our new arrivals.”

 I blinked.  She really did all of that just as a joke?

 “Really!?” exclaimed Aaliyah excitedly.  “Do you wish to file a report!?”

 Cosette tapped her chin dramatically as she considered.  “Roughly how long would the report take?”

 “Only a couple hours.  I like to be thorough.” responded Aaliyah without hesitation.

 “I’ll pass.” replied Cosette.

 Then Aaliyah took a turn at pouting as she asked “Why doesn’t anyone like my reports?  Paperwork is important!”

 I understood, sadly.  Paperwork surely was important in a rich business like this, but… that employee contract was far too long to be comprehensible.  Writing the thing must have taken months, even for her.  Just what I knew she accomplished in the last year seemed like an impossible load, but she managed to put out a successful game, create countless advertisements, and help James get this business running smoothly while also creating an incredibly sophisticated A.I. for the company as well as countless other bits of technology throughout the house.

 “Jemal, I should mention that there is a box for memos on the company site as well as the phone app.  I don’t know if anyone other than Aaliyah actually checks those, but they do exist.” announced James, sounding amused again at his little secretary’s expense.

 “James!  Do people really not read my memos!?” exclaimed Aaliyah in shock.

  “If they did, they’d never manage to fit in work, relaxation, and training.  Sorry, but I don’t know where they can sacrifice as I find all three equally important.” he casually replied.

 “We could have a meeting to discuss it!” asserted Aaliyah, grinning again.

 “Man-slave, I’m busy that day.  Would you mind doing the schedule personally for it?” inquired Emma, smiling in a way that showed she was up to something.

 “Emma, did you forget to inform me of something?  I seem to be missing a floating block of time for you.” stated Mila.  “Furthermore, I’m personally capable of fibbing for you, so there’s no need to bother the Master over scheduling.”

 Emma’s grin widened playfully.  “Thanks, Mila!  You’re the best!”

 “Mila!” gasped Aaliyah.

 “Yes, Mother?” replied Mila, sounding perfectly polite.

 Aaliyah turned to face Mila’s body, staring at her with those wide, glistening eyes.  “You’d really help her skip a meeting?”

 “Of course, Mother, especially when the meeting’s regarding memos.” replied Mila immediately.

 Aaliyah’s expression turned to shock as she exclaimed “Memos are important!”

 “I am well aware, Mother, which is why I read each and every one before disseminating the information for everyone in a more effective manner.” explained Mila dutifully.

 “James, I may have raised my daughter poorly… she’s so rebellious!” insisted Aaliyah as she looked to him for help.

 Mila, who also had turned to face James, said, “Master, Mother’s pretending not to notice that I’m operating well within the acceptable behavioral parameters she set for me.”

 Aaliyah stuck her tongue out at Mila, looking adorable.

 “Mother, are you sure you haven’t missed your nap time?” teased Mila with a small smile.

 I could hardly believe what I was seeing.  The two of them bantered effortlessly in a way they both seemed to enjoy.  If not for having seen the inciting cause, I’d have thought this scripted by Aaliyah for her own amusement.  But… I had talked with Mila constantly since moving in.  She was indistinguishable from a human when I ignored how fast she could respond through computers.  Aaliyah and Mila continued their exchange while citing what sounded like bits of code as to whether or not Mila should be arguing.

 “Think you’ll be able to get accustomed to this life?” questioned James.

 A few seconds later, I glanced over, realizing he was watching me.  Realizing that he had asked me the question, I blurted “Of course!  Glad to be here, sir.”  When my mind caught up to my mouth, I pointed to the floor-to-ceiling mirror which acted as my monitor for Ancient Tribes of Earth and asked “But does this really qualify as work?”

 “Jobs vary greatly from client-to-client, so we must maintain our skills in as many areas as possible.” he replied succinctly.  Then he smiled and said, “Besides, playing Ancient Tribes of Earth together not only helps maintain company morale but encourages us to work together in a broader variety of areas, though I will say you’re missing out by not being in my guild.”

 “Sorry.  I really can see about switching.” I asserted immediately.

 “You really don’t have to switch.  I just want you to be aware that we’ll gladly take you if you feel like switching at some point.  We’ll also take anyone for whom you vouch.” replied James as he turned back to his screen.

 “Thank you.” I told him, again amazed that I had such a conscientious boss.

 “Honey, I’m home!” exclaimed Brandon boisterously as he stepped into the room.

 “Man-slave, I think Brandon’s really cracked this time.” suggested Emma playfully.  “He seems to believe that he’s finally gotten a girlfriend.”

 “Hey now!  I could easily get a girlfriend.” argued Brandon as he crossed his arms and stared down at her.

 “Sorry, but I doubt you can stay quiet long enough for someone to miss your personality.” teased his sister, Brenna, without glancing back.

 “Sis!  Come on.  Show me a little love here.” he complained, throwing up his hands in frustration.

 “What?  I was being nice about it.” she insisted, sounding amused.

 “Ouch.  So burned.” asserted Emma with a small laugh.

 “Boss, a little help.” begged Brandon hopefully.

 James didn’t even look up as he said, “Mila, mind signing Brandon up to some dating sites and making him sound good in the profile?”

 “Sorry, Master, but I doubt he’d live up to anything I put down if I were to make him sound good.” replied Mila playfully.

 “Mila!  You too?” questioned Brandon as he stared at her..

 “I’m only teasing, Brandon.  I’ll gladly help you get a girlfriend if that is your wish.” she assured him.

 “Oh, nah.  I can get my own girlfriend.  I had just been hoping you might’ve taken up my side.” he explained.

 “You had a side?” questioned Cosette as if surprised by the idea.  “Sorry, but I thought everyone was merely shattering your delusions of grandeur to save you from such a great fall when you realized all hope for you was a lie.”  Glancing back at him, she was grinning.

 “Oh!  You too now!  That’s it.  I’m really going to get a girlfriend.  Just you wait!” exclaimed Brandon, shaking his finger at her.

 “Though I can hold my breath forever, I still won’t bother.” she taunted playfully.

 “Portentia, want to be my hero?” he questioned as he stepped toward her.  “I could use a wingman tonight.”

 Portentia had been engaged in battle for the past several minutes and didn’t really seem to be paying attention to much.  Brandon’s shadow had apparently gotten her attention.  “Sorry.  What’s happening?” she questioned, quickly looking from him to the screen where a bunch of text showed the past few minutes of conversation.

 “I need a wingman.  Want to go somewhere tonight and help me find a girlfriend?” he asked hopefully.

 “Huh?  Why me?” she asked curiously.

 “You haven’t been picking on me, and Jemal might be competition.” he explained, giving me a wink.

 I felt I should take that as a compliment, but I was still a little dubious.  What if I had missed something during the exchange?  Everyone here was so exceptional, and I was far behind… incredibly far behind.

 “I didn’t technically pick on you either.” asserted James.

 “Yeah-yeah, but I wouldn’t stand a chance with you around.” insisted Brandon as he frowned.

 I could easily understand that sentiment.  James was… James.  Tall, handsome, incredibly kind, and very wealthy…  With none of it, he’d still effortlessly win people over.  He took Brandon’s reply with a shrug.  Having a fiancée, he probably didn’t want to go on a date anyway.

 “I suppose I could, but I might have to take off at a moment’s notice if a problem arises.” replied Portentia, looking at him meaningfully.

 Unfortunately, I couldn’t catch the subtext.

 “Yeah-yeah.  I get that, but it’ll be fun!” he asserted, squeezing  her shoulder.

 She glanced at his hand before saying, “I’ll also break your arm if you try anything.  Don’t be a villain.”

 “Deal!” he exclaimed, releasing his grip and stepping back with his hands up defensively.  He was grinning now.

 After James had told me about Portentia, I had read the company profile.  Supposedly, she’d heal from anything, and had already healed in an instant from countless things that would have killed a normal person.  People here just weren’t normal.

 “Remember that you’re contractually obligated not to impair your value as a best friend with criminal records if things escalate while you’re out.” cautioned Aaliyah without looking up.

 Intrigued, and maybe a little worried, I asked “Whoa.  What’s she mean?”

 “Oh.  Umm… I think there’s a clause stating that I have the right to terminate you if you do something unbecoming for a best friend in public, but don’t worry too much about it.  Image can greatly affect who is willing to hire you, but I don’t foresee anyone here doing something too outlandish,” explained James as he continued maneuvering his character through the game.

 “Actually, he has the right to terminate anyone at whim!” exclaimed Aaliyah giddily.

 Glancing back at me, James quickly said, “No one’s been terminated.”

 “Would you mind hiring a few people to terminate, man-slave?” suggested Emma playfully.  “I kinda want to start calling you ‘The Terminator’ now.”

 “Oh.  Mother, would you consider that as a possible costume for me next Halloween?” asked Mila thoughtfully.  “I feel I’d have significant aptitude for it.”

 “Umm… should I worry about an A.I. wanting to become a terminator?” I questioned, seeing the obviously sinister idea in the suggestion.

 “Worry?  You kidding?  That’d be sweet!” insisted Brandon.

 “How’s Skynet coming along, Aaliyah?” questioned James seriously.

 “Mila’s almost there.” she told him, winking.

 Even when James laughed, I was still feeling a little disconcerted.  Despite knowing that James was an impeccable guy, I couldn’t deny that the people here could probably pull off such an apocalyptic scenario.  Of the things I had seen in my short time here, there was less that anyone outside of here would believe than there were things I witnessed that others would believe.  “Best Friend For Hire” could easily be renamed “World-Redefining Solutions Inc.”

[terryblount]

Project Warlock – Review

For me, there is nothing like taking a break from all the cover-based shooting, open worlds and stealth mechanics with a well-crafted first person shooter. These games are like the taking shots at the bar: They may not be as fancy as wine or as intricate as a cocktail, but they are hard, fast, and guarantee a night to remember!

However, I am hardly thinking of the AAA military shooters that cause angry fans to break the internet every year. No, no. What gets the job done are shooting arenas, an arsenal that would make a warlord drool, and legions of monsters begging to be introduced to your shotgun. What is needed is a classic, arcade shooter.

I was therefore excited to dig my claws into Buckshot Software’s latest indie title named Project Warlock. It has been some time since I tasted that sweet violence only this genre of games can provide, and Project Warlock seemed an excellent place to ‘get back into the game’ so to speak. Ferocious enemies, perilous environments, many weapons to choose from… its all here!

Whoops… might have squeezed the trigger a little hard there…

Unfortunately, my experience with this game fell tragically short of my anticipation. While it boasts all the right features on paper, Project Warlock just makes too many stupid mistakes in its execution. I would be lying if I said my overall experience was a positive one.

Shoot first, ask questions later

Much like every run-and-gun FPS on this planet, the story counts as much as crust on pizza. You play as, you guessed it, a unnamed warlock that has to rid the world of evil monsters and their overlords. Players will basically just shoot the crap out of everything across five main worlds ranging from medieval castles, frozen wastelands, Egyptian deserts and urbanized dystopias, before facing off against the ultimate source of all evil in hell.

It is generic, but it’s all you need. Each world features 5 main missions along with one boss fight. These 5 missions are then divided further into smaller gameplay episodes generally lasting around 6-8 minutes each. You spend your time massacring monsters, searching for multicoloured keys, and making your way through the maze-like levels while keeping an eye out for secrets.

Health. Put every damn XP point on health.

The reason why Project Warlock’s missions are so chopped up is that this game contains absolutely no checkpoints or quick saves. Your progress is only saved at the ‘Workshop’ once you complete an entire mission. If you die during an episode, there is the option of using an extra life to restart the episode from the beginning. No lives? You have to replay the ENTIRE mission.

Most players will find out soon that this game is seriously challenging; even on easy difficulty, most enemies can kill the warlock in a few hits. Playing on the hardest difficulty must be an exercise in outright masochism, unless brutal challenges are your idea of a turn-on.

Pixel perfect

So let us consider the good, the bad, and end with the ugly. What Project Warlock absolutely nails down to the last pixel is its visual presentation. Much like the classic FPS games of old, namely Doom, Heretic and Wolfenstein, this game embraces a visual theme composed of low polygonal environments with sprite-based enemies.

As such, textures, objects and particle effects appear as if they have been plucked straight off an old Pentium 1 machine, but Buckshot Games have used the Unity Engine to add some nice, modern lighting effects. Much like Octopath: Traveler, the final effect is a pleasant fusion of flat sprites that still manage to impart a three-dimensional feeling to the overall visual style.

No effects

More pixels!

Players are even given the option to activate additional visual features like even more heavily-pixelated textures, or classic CRT styling if you really want to go old school. These small little touches shows how Project Warlock strives to be authentically retro in its presentation, and it honestly made me feel like I was a kid again at times. Yes I am THAT old!

This girl is on FIYAAAAAA… man I love Alecia Keys.

The darkness descends

Most unfortunately, Buckshot Games wasted the game’s visual potential by making many environments too dark. I get that they wanted to give the game a more somber tone, but I often struggled to see what was going on. This was totally unnecessary as Project Warlock would certainly have been more visually appealing if it had a more colourful and varied texture palette.

To make matters worse, some levels take place in almost total blackness. The game does provide the player with one spell that throws a small circle of light, but this cannot be used simultaneously with a weapon. Seriously, have we learnt nothing from the whole Doom 3 flashlight fiasco!?

Let us risk a little more light… more… more… more…. and more… little more….

The light spell was not the only useless magical trick. In fact virtually all of the spells I unlocked in the workshop were all a waste of upgrade points (which are really hard to find by the way). A ball of lightning that floats in mid-air and shocks individual enemies sounds cool, until you learn it barely does damage.

So you opt for the magical axe that can be summoned to slash at your foe, right? Might as well wack yourself with the worthless thing for all the good it does. The final nail in the coffin is that I often experienced a bug where the magical spells would not even go off. This usually happened when I loaded into a level for the first time. Not good.

Just shoot me

The one thing that has always defined arcade shooters since Doom in 1993 is that they make you feel super powerful. When Duke Nukem or Serious Sam pick up their guns and put on sunglasses, you know its on. Given the ridiculous irony of not choosing to use magic in a game called Project Warlock, the gunplay better had be very good, and for the most part it is top-notch.

The sound design in particular is impressive. The guns create delightful booms and bangs which later had me casting apologetic looks at my subwoofer… before taking aim at a flying devil lady and KABLAM!

My girfriend when I leave the cap off the toothpaste…

Every enemy that ends on the receiving end of your gun explodes into a gorgeous mess off flying giblets and blood everywhere, which really adds the cherry on top of a great shooting experience. The warlock even has a wood cutter’s axe as a melee weapon that makes a wonderful ‘WOOSH’ sound right before chopping whatever is bothering you in two.

Descending into Hell

Still, the engaging gun action and nostalgic visual impact fail to distract from the really silly flaws at play here. While the opening sections of the game show a lot more attention to level design and gameplay, it is as if the developers just lost their perspective as they were creating the final areas.

Dark Souls games have taught us that a game cannot just be hard for its own sake. A game’s difficulty must exist as a fair challenge for the player to do better. The player might not have the skills to overcome certain obstacles yet, but they must have the tools.

However, when I flip a switch and four robots capable of killing with one or two shots spawn all around me in pitch darkness, that is neither fun nor exciting. That is just poor enemy placement rather than a enjoyable challenge. Don’t forget: You will be forced to replay the entire mission from the start if you run out of extra lives.

I really do not understand why the developers thought it wise to insert these scenarios so frequently into the game’s latter half since it nearly ruined my whole experience.  The only challenge I got from all of this was trying not smash my keyboard through the screen.

The simple addition of a quick save option might have alleviated much of the ham-fisted difficulty curve, and it was therefore a silly but crucial oversight. I know that is not how things were done in the golden days, but Project Warlock paid enough respects to the past through its visuals. It is not essential to bring in every single aspect of retro shooters just for the sake of authenticity.

Stay right there sphinx boss! Now, I will take my flashlight out but don’t even think about moving!

Then there are the boss fights. Did Buckshot Games never play Serious Sam? Now THAT is how you make a player face off against a colossal enemy. What you don’t do is give the boss almost hit-scanning weapons while endlessly spawning lesser enemies on the ground. Even if the boss fight is a separate level, dying means replaying the entire previous mission if you want another go at it. Another design choice that simply baffles me.

This game could have been an excellent homage to everything that made the proto-FPS titles the quintessential video game experiences of their day. Sadly, what little potential it shows cannot outshine its numerous design faults. As it stands, I find it hard to recommend Project Warlock to anyone other than people who absolutely relish difficult games, or those waiting for the next Doom mod to arrive.

Nostalgic art style

Sound design

Variety between levels

Satisfying gun play

Poorly constructed boss fights

Warlock game with useless spells

Frustrating difficulty spike

Several levels are too dark

Shoddy enemy placement

Playtime: 8 hours total for single player campaign

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using GTX 1070, i5 4690K, 16GB RAM

Project Warlock – Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

[comic-watch]

He’s Back! Mega Man turned 30 on December 17, 2017, and Capcom definitely kickstarted the celebration with the big announcement of Mega Man 11. While we wait for the game, we at Comic-Watch would like to discuss a brief history of the Blue Bomber and the road to Mega Man 11. Plus, other highly anticipated Mega Man products, cartoon series, and the movie adaptation all being released to celebrate the Super Fighting Robot’s 30th birthday!

What You Need to Know:

Mega Man is known as Rockman (ロックマン Rokkuman) in Japan was created back on December 17, 1987, by Capcom. The fathers of Mega man, developer Akira Kitamura, and designer Keiji Inafune created this mighty “Blue Bomber” for the NES (Family Computer) which became a massive hit in worldwide. It was not after the release of the 2nd game that the series became one of the most iconic characters in video game history.

For the past 30 years, the game had released multiple spin-offs, each one and everyone continuing the spirit of the original game but adding a twist to it. These series were, Mega Man X, Mega Man Legends, Mega Man Battle Network, Mega Man Zero, Mega Man Starforce and Mega Man ZX.

A lot of the younger generation wouldn’t have even played a Mega Man game much like most of the younger folks don’t even know what a walkman is. These days he retains his relevance as an easter egg or as a guest character featuring in games like Marvel vs Capcom, Tatsunoko vs Capcom, and even in Super Smash Bros. 4. Aside from video games, Mega Man has been popular in other media forms too. In Western television, he appeared in the late 80’s animated series “Captain N: The Game Master.” During the mid 90’s Ruby-Spears Production produced the popular Mega Man animated series (Admit, I know that catchy “Super Fighting Robot” theme song is playing in my head right now!.) Japan also had their fair share of animated adaptations with the 3 part OVA, which was also an educational way to teach kids a few things about Japanese culture, and also the popular Mega Man NT Warrior series.

But, I guess most of your readers why am I talking about a video game franchise on a website that focuses more on comic books? Well, Mega Man was also adapted in the comic book format too. Adaptation of the Blue Bomber was mostly dominant in Japanese manga format. Some of these mangas were so popular that even got a translated into English and released Internationally. A few popular ones were Hitoshi Ariga’s Mega Man Megamix books which are now published in English by Udon Entertainment,  Mega Man NT Warrior by Ryo Takamisaki which was translated in English by Viz Media and Battle Story Rockman.EXE by Keijima Jun and Miho Asada. But Mega Man comics were not only published in Manga format, there were a lot of countries that produced their comic adaptation too. From the disturbingly strange Brazilian Mega Man comics and trust me you don’t want to know about this adaptation. To the former Dreamwave’s short-lived Mega Man series, which was good in its own way despite taking its own liberties with the story but sadly the company had to shut down before it could even release an issue 5 and after teasing a Mega Man X adaptation. And finally to the recent critically acclaimed Archie Comics adaptions written by Ian Flynn. Trust me the Archie adaptation was really well written, even with the major cross-over with Archie’s adaptation of Sega’s Sonic the Hedgehog, the quality of the story was still great.

The Dark Times:

But before Mega Man 11 was revealed, fans were already losing hope with the franchise after Mega Man 10 was released and after co-creator, Keiji Inafune left Capcom back in 2010. Things spiraled down for the Blue Bomber’s franchise, 1st with the character being absent in Marvel vs Capcom 3 plus it’s expanded Ultimate version, then the online side-scrolling game Mega Man Universe was canceled on March 31, 2011. Then the last straw for the fans was the cancelation the highly anticipated Mega Man Legends 3 which was canceled on July 18, 2011, followed by Mega Man Online being canceled in March 2013. The worst part of these cancelations was how all games were still in production. The only thing that kept the franchise alive were other  3rd party merchandises like Kotobukiya’s Plastic Model Kits, Bandai D-Arts Figures, Udon’s Tribute Book and English Publication of Ariga’s mangas, Archie comics’ comic adaptation and the fans.

Capcom, however, did try to release a few Mega Man game after Inafune left the company. Back in 2012, they released the mobile game Mega Man Xover which was received poorly and ironically officially published a fan-made PC game, Street Fighter X Mega Man during both franchise’s 25th anniversary. Despite being developed by a fan, the game gained a favorable response from the fans.

Then on August 31, 2013, Keiji Inafune announced his company, Comcept’s Kickstarter project: Mighty No. 9.

Fans of the blue bomber got so excited that the co-creator of Mega Man is finally creating a spiritual successor. Kickstarter campaign was an unexpectedly a huge success and was able to meet the goal in a short span of 2 days. However, the production of the game was very controversial since the release of the game were delayed multiple times. When the game finally got a release, it was met with poor review and backlash from the fans. The game was poorly developed and felt incomplete. Aside from that, the gameplay did not capture the essence of the Mega Man franchise and also felt flat. Not only was that the issue but those who supported via Kickstarter had reported that the freebies and other exclusive items for backing up the project were either delayed or never arrived.

What You’ll Find Out: 

On December 4, 2017, Capcom held a Mega Man 30th anniversary live stream to celebrate the iconic character’s 3rd decade in the gaming industry. With the announced the live stream, fans speculated that a potential game would be announced. But due to the countless of disappointments for the past 7 years, most fans had low expectations.

Capcom came prepared this time. First, they announced a new Mega Man X collection to be released for modern gaming consoles. After a few interview about Mega Man X series, Capcom then showed a video of 8-bit Mega Man running forward detailing the games released throughout the years. After watching the Blue Bomber passed 7 years of no new games and reaching Dr. Wily, He entered a room with the capsule displaying 2018. The super fighting robot reached out the capsule and we then see the future of the series.

Mega Man 11 is finally announced! After years of fans fearing that Capcom is no longer prioritizing one of their company’s mascot, the Blue Bomber is finally back! Aside from this fans are excited to see that the sequel is not another 8-bit sequel like 9 and 10 but a 3D side-scrolling game (but most people would consider this as 2.5D)

Game Informer is currently doing exclusive updates with the game highlighting the development during their time at Capcom Japan HQ. Aside from that, they had released their January 2018 issue with an awesome cover celebrating Mega Man 11’s announcement and the Blue Bomber’s anniversary.

But Mega Man 11 is not the only product we should be looking forward next year. I’ll list down the most anticipated Mega Man merchandises to be released next year.

Things To Come:

Now, it’s obvious that Mega Man 11, Mega Man X1 – X8 Ports (Collection) and Mega Man Legacy 1 & 2 for Switch is one of the highly anticipated games in 2018. But here are some of the few Mega Man related stuff we are looking forward in 2018, in celebration of the Blue Bomber’s 30th anniversary:

Mega Man Animated Series (Cartoon Network) Release Date: TBA – 2018

Back in 2015, it was announced that Man of Action (creator’s of Ben 10) was going to produce an all-new animated series based on the Blue Bomber for Cartoon Network. Some teasers were already shown this year and the series itself is scheduled to be released next year!

Mega Man Mastermix (Udon Entertainment) Release Date: January 24, 2018

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Next month, Hitoshi Ariga’s critically acclaimed manga based on Mega Man is getting released in an all-new colored re-mastered version from Udon Entertainment. The colors will be done by Josh Perez, well known for his work on IDW’s Transformer series.

You can pre-order the 1st issue at Udon’s Official Store. Also keep an eye on our review for this comic next month as well.

Nendoroid Zero Release Date: July 2018

Good Smile Co. is finally releasing a Nendoroid figure for X’s best friend, Zero and is one of the highly anticipated in the Mega Man Nendoroid series too!

Nendoroid Roll Release Date: TBA 2018

Zero is not the only one getting the Nendoroid treatment. Roll, Mega Man’s sister was announced to be released sometime next year sporting her new design. The figure was announced back in Tokyo Game Show 2017 and her design was one of the clues Capcom was teasing for the upcoming Mega Man 11 (which was not announced then.)

Mega Man Collector’s Plush (Pop Buddies) Release Date: TBA 2018

Pop Buddies announced that they will produce new Mega Man Plushies coming out next year. Aside from that, more designs are teased and will be announced at the Toy Fair in Nuremberg Germany in 2018.

There are more Mega Man related products that are coming out in 2018, like Bandai’s new Rockman X: Mega Missions 4 trading cards. But what everyone is asking now is the upcoming live-adaptation movie by FOX. Mid this year, the studio announced that they had found the directors for the movie. The recent biggest news, however, was Disney buying out FOX which also happened this month. After the Disney-Fox merger, the talks about the movie is still unknown as of the moment. But if ever it is still in the works it is interesting to know that Disney is now the movie rights holder of the Mega Man movie franchise.

At the end of the day, it’s good to see that Mega Man is getting back to the spotlight again and it’s good to know Capcom has big plans for the series again after a long hiatus. Here’s to hoping that Mega Man Legends 3 gets a revival and Archie comics will continue its comic book adaptation again soon!

For now, let’s all wish Mega Man a happy birthday and here’s to more of the Super Fighting Robot’s fight for everlasting peace!

#MegaMan turns 30 and is back in action! What are you looking forward the most for franchise? He’s Back! Mega Man turned 30 on December 17, 2017, and Capcom definitely kickstarted the celebration with the big announcement of Mega Man 11.

[hmepblog-blog]

Clash of cultures: what will be different in Saint Louis?

Although life in Europe and US is quite similar and the two continents largely share cultural heritage, it may come as no surprise that living in Saint Louis has its perks and cons for someone coming from Central Europe. I assembled my own list of "culture shocks" and differences related to moving into Saint Louis, based on an experience of 3 months.

by Gergely Kemecsei, HMEP Scholar at MBA 2019 at Saint Louis University

Pros:

It is easy and cheap to get a driver's license: it takes literally 1-2 hours and $10 to obtain a full license without any restrictions. Learn the state-specific driving rules from a 100 pages guide (sample tests are available), walk in to the Highway Patrol's office, take the computer-based theoretical test (they allow you a second try), do the eyesight examination, then wait 10 minutes until an officer appears who administers the approximately 30 minutes practical test. Based on experience, foreigners are expected to meet the criteria of a more thorough examination, but it can be done in a peaceful suburban environment without any traffic – and automatic cars are allowed! The driver's license is also useful for age verification purposes in stores and bars.

Please note: HMEP scholars can use a Mini Cooper in St. Louis from time-to-time as a part of the scholarship, so you don’t need to drive this archeological piece.

Affordable tickets to baseball matches: the city revolves around the Cardinals, one of the most successful baseball teams in the world, boasting 11 World Series Championship titles. It is not only quite often (up to 4 home games a week), but it is a cheap outdoor activity: tickets can cost as low as $8. One full game will be required to learn the sophisticated rules, but the thrill is unmatched when fireworks are launched for a Cardinals home run.

HMEP Scholars & Spouses (Left to right: Daniel Tamasi (WashU 2018), Brigitta Tamasi-Pere, Gergely Kemecsei (SLU 2018), Monica Postovaru (SLU 2018), Dora Hargitai (SLU 2017), Zsuzsanna Dorosz, David Dorosz (Webster 2017), Tamas Javor (UMSL 2017)

Pedestrian and cyclist friendly rules and drivers: in most intersections, all cars must come to a full stop at all times (all-way stop), allowing priority crossing for pedestrians. Contrary to prior expectations, Saint Louis is a relatively cyclist friendly city with designated bike lanes on most major avenues. However, cycling is not a common way to get around: it may happen that you won't see another cyclist for a full hour (as cars are kings). In addition, my general observation is that non-rush hour drivers are more courteous than their European counterparts.

Outstanding customer service in restaurants and stores: "dismissal at will" (employer can fire a waiter on the spot) results in waiters and store employees being extremely helpful and kind towards customers. Expect personalized and caring service every single time you buy clothes or eat out – something not always a common practice in Europe.

Low taxes: sales tax (more or less the equivalent of VAT) is less than 10%, and the overall tax burden is approximately 30-35%. Moreover, excise duty on gas is so low that a gallon (3.8 liters) of gas costs around $2.5. I am confident that even a 1% tax increase would cause massive upheaval here. Obviously, the low taxes have adverse consequences on the status of infrastructure (railways, roads), public services and social security – but it is another story.

There's Uber, and it's cheap: Uber dominates in this city, providing convenient and affordable service. The average cost of a 5 miles ride would be no more than $10 – cheaper than a cab in Budapest.

Mobility is a real thing in the US: people move from one corner of a country to another because of studies, family or a new job. I know only a handful of bona fide Saint Louisan – every other friend of mine moved here for studies or job.

Neutral:

Every food is sweet and has an excessive amount of sugar: for a European, it is very difficult to digest that every single type of bread is sweet (not to mention that it is prepacked and toast bread like). It requires a way more attention during shopping to avoid products with tons of sugar in them and the healthier products often cost 2-3 times more. Bakeries as such don't really exist here: I am certain that every European start craving for a crunchy freshly baked bread after one week here – a need that is rarely going to be fulfilled.

Expensive grocery shopping – relatively affordable to eat out: vegetables, fruits, dairy products and other groceries are significantly (2-3 times) more expensive than in Central Europe. Cooking is, therefore, most costly because of the prices of the ingredients. This being said it is often cheaper and easier to simply eat out. Dining options are vast and most places offer huge portions, and Saint Louis University has dining halls that offer all-you-can-eat & drink menus for $6-8.

Little knowledge of the part of Europe that is east of Germany: it happens too often that more explanation of elementary level European history and geography is needed in an everyday conversation. I came to a conclusion that I introduce myself being from Hungary, EUROPE (same way as Missouri, US) – to give a solid keynote on my origins. To be fair though, what prior knowledge an average Central European has of Missouri (a state which actually has a population of Slovakia)?

0.08%: it is the level of blood alcohol content above which it is illegal to drive a motor vehicle. Missouri is famous for its non-strict alcohol laws and while DUI (driving under the influence) accidents do not happen as often as I expected, it still gives me the cringes that everyone here just hops into their cars and drives home after a sizeable amount of booze.

There is no one designated and centrally located party district, there are less student-budget friendly dive bars, musical events and EDM gigs: house parties make up for these shortcomings though!

Expensive healthcare: even though hospital services are outstanding and doctors make the highest amount of money among all trades (an example to be looked at in Central Europe), it comes at a price. I was told never to call an ambulance because it is almost never covered by the health insurance and costs $300 – advice is to always call an Uber instead. People here are really forced to think twice whether to go to a doctor or not, even when having dire medical conditions. Insurance companies top this by not covering all types of treatments and diagnostics, leaving a patient no option but to pay the medical bill at least partially. This is no big worry for HMEP scholars though, as the full-scale student coverage is part of the scholarship.

Cons:

No extensive public transit network: Saint Louis metro area spans across an area 4-5 times bigger than that of Budapest – with a similar population size. At the same time, it has one and a half metro (not a subway, rather a fancy tram) line, no suburban rail and a sparse and infrequent bus network. This implies that car is the basic way of getting around. Distances are huge, and cars are the only way of getting around (sadly, to and from bars too…). So far, a bicycle is a good short and mid-distance alternative for me, but you'll need a car or a friend with a car for grocery shopping and longer distances.

Imperial units of measurement: I keep trying to express everything in feet, pounds, and Fahrenheit with more or less success. But I never fail to add the equivalent in meters, kilograms, and Celsius and end the sentence with the phrase "in non-retarded units". It is crazy how inconsistent the imperial system is with itself (even more than when converting to metric): 1 mile equals to 1760 yards, 1 gallon equals to 128 ounces – it is impossible to make such head calculations, not to mention that hardly any American knows these conversions anyway.

Mandatory tipping: I understand that waiters earn below minimal wage and they need the tip to get by… wait no, I do not, minimal wage is systematically disregarded and defied in the hospitality industry! It is a complete nonsense and a stupid excuse to expect customers to pay wages of a waiter directly. 20% is a must here, but I often just round up the bill. I am convinced that tip should be a reward for exceptional service, not a mandatory supplement.

No European standard low-cost fares on domestic flights: the airport of St. Louis is poorly connected to the rest of the US, only being served by less than 10 carriers. As a consequence, no super low fares are available to fly around the US, a return trip usually starts at $200 – even on Southwest. You might need to drive up to Chicago for better fares.

Net prices are displayed stores: even though sales tax rate is really not significant, it is quite bothersome that the grocery tab is always topped by around 10%, which is not shown on the individual products' price tags. It is an unpleasant surprise at the cashier to which it is nearly impossible to get accustomed.

Gun culture: I will not rant about it too much as it is a politically divisive issue, but Missouri has one of the laxest gun laws in the US. Consequently, possessing a firearm is an accepted norm here. Of course, most people do not even carry guns with them concealed but keep it home (it is forbidden on university campuses), yet it is a behavior hard to digest for a person raised in Europe.

Lack of comprehensive and institutionalized social care system for the poor, the unemployed, the sick: again, a consequence of the laissez-faire capitalism – a well-educated person can make a fortune, have luxury cars, buy a mansion than in Central Europe, whereas it is even tougher to be poor here than in underdeveloped regions of Central Europe.

The average level of public safety (especially during the night) is lower than in the worst districts of Budapest: there are ways to stay out of trouble – Saint Louis University offers complimentary transfers in the vicinity of the campuses, Uber is always there and the risk is greatly reduced by avoiding notoriously bad neighborhoods.

Every city can grow on you and turn out to be your home for one reason or another. Saint Louis is already there for me for this one year: it has everything an American mid-size university city has to offer to entertain, feed and lodge one well!

[anavoliselenu]

Stepping stone chapter 15

There was a faint beeping noise in the distance, sounding over and over again until I was dragged away from my peaceful slumber. It took me a minute to remember that I was in a hospital. I opened my eyes and saw Justin sitting in the chair beside me.

 “Hello, sleeping beauty,” he said to me.

 “Hey.” I gave him a sleepy smile.

 “How are you feeling?”

 “Better. A little more with it,” I told him. I thought about what Dr. West had said about needing sleep. He couldn’t have been more correct. My thoughts weren’t nearly as clouded anymore, and I felt remarkably refreshed.

 “Are you hungry? Thirsty? Dr. West has given you clearance to eat something more substantial. I can order anything you want.”

 “I’m not really very hungry right now.”

 “You need to eat, Selena,” he pointed out.

 “I know. And I will. I just want to talk first.”

 “Whatever you want, angel,” he agreed, although somewhat hesitantly. “What do you want to talk about?”

 About everything. About what happened. About what Trevor and Charlie may or may not have done to me.

 “I want you to tell me about everything. I need to know what happened.”

 “Selena, the doctor said that you shouldn’t push yourself,” he warned.

 “I’m okay, Justin. If I get tired, I’ll let you know. I just need answers,” I implored. “Please, tell me.”

 He leaned back in his chair and looked at me thoughtfully. His brow furrowed from internal conflict and I could sense his uncertainty.

 “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

 “No, I’m not,” I told him with a slight shake of my head.

 “I figured,” he said with a frown. He raked a hand through his gorgeous dark waves and sighed. “Charlie, Justine’s ex-husband, has been blackmailing her for a couple of years now. I thought that I took care of the situation for her, but I was wrong. He has a gambling problem and is completely driven by his addiction. I should have never underestimated how powerful that addiction could be.”

 “Why me though? And why was Charlie with –.” I stopped short, unable to speak Trevor’s name aloud because of my fear of a very possible truth.

 “Why was Charlie with Hamilton?” Justin assumed. Bitterness crept into his voice. “The two met over a dice table. Hamilton was bitching about losing his membership to an exclusive nightclub, Charlie was complaining about his ex-wife’s brother. They began to talk to one another, and eventually discovered a very loose mutual connection. Me.”

 I tried to comprehend what he was saying. Even though my thought process was clearer, I was still feeling a bit sluggish and I had to fight to keep up.

 “I’m trying to connect the dots here, Justin. What does any of that have to do with me?”

 He stood up and began to pace the room.

 “How you got dragged into it is complicated. As it turns out, Hamilton was recently cut off from his trust fund. Apparently, his parents were tired of bailing him out of trouble. Sexual assault. Possession of cocaine. You name it, and he seemed to be into it. Charlie is a different matter. He’s nothing but a gambling degenerate, but he was also piss broke. He knew that his well had run dry with Justine and me. He had to come up with something more creative to increase his cash flow. Once he found out that Hamilton had a slew of computer hackers at his disposal, the solution to their money problems was simple. Or, at least they thought that it was,” he added acidly.

 “What was their solution?”

 “They came up with an artless plan to steal my phone, obtain bank information, and bleed me dry,” he said with a sneer.

 I thought back to the time I was dating Trevor, and about his circle of friends. They were always up to something or another on a computer, but I had dismissed them as just boys and their video games. I never thought that they could possibly be doing something illegal.

 “Did they?” I asked incredulously.

 “Hell no. Little did the assholes know, I don’t keep anything like that on my mobile device. It was a bold move, and an extremely stupid one. They never would have gotten very far.”

 The memory of Justin’s phone being shoved into my face flashed in my mind.

 “No. It wasn’t just bank account numbers,” I said and shook my head. “There was a video. Of us at Club O. It was on your phone.”

 “I know, angel. I’m so sorry for that. If only I could go back in time. If I had just deleted the damn thing…” he trailed off. He rubbed his temples and then looked to the ceiling. “If they were able to obtain the bank information that they were looking for, they could have attempted to go through with their original plan. Since they didn’t, Charlie got desperate. That’s when he stumbled across the video that was in my inbox. They put together a last minute change of plan, one that was poorly thought out, based on the assumption that I would pay big to get the video back. That’s where you come in. You were their insurance policy in the event that I didn’t.”

 Insurance policy.

 I remembered Charlie and Trevor saying that while I was bouncing around in the trunk. I also remembered Charlie plotting my murder. Tears stung my eyes, burning until they began to fall.

 “They were going to kill me, Justin,” I sobbed.

 “Shh, no. No, angel. It wouldn’t have gotten to that point,” he said and brushed away a tear from my cheek. “I would have found you. I was tracking your phone. That never would have happened.”

 I hiccupped through another sob, feeling annoyed that I was falling apart. I took a deep breath and looked at Justin. His face was twisted in pain and I knew that he hated to see me this way. I had to stay strong, for him just as much as myself. But the sudden burst of tears had left me feeling incredibly drained. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I still had more questions that needed answering.

 “Why was the video from Club O on your phone in the first place?” I asked.

 “I had it because I was trying to find out who the man was that confronted you as we were leaving Club O. Once I found out that it was Trevor, I began looking into his background. I never wanted him to hurt you again,” Justin said sadly. “He was there with Charlie the night of the charity gala, angel. I knew it and should have told you. I’m sorry that I failed you. That I didn’t protect you. I never should have let you out of my sight.”

 I knew there was more to it on that night.

 “It’s okay. You’re here now,” I said sleepily.

 “Selena, I have to ask. Why were you in that alley?”

 “I was on my way to the library. I wanted to help you.”

 “With what?”

 “Your parents. I wanted to see if I could find answers about your parents.”

 “Of course that’s what you were doing,” he broke off in a garbled laugh. “Always so many questions, Miss Cole. Never satisfied until you have an answer.”

 My eyes burned from both tears and exhaustion. I wanted to desperately close them and I was starting to get a headache. My exhaustion was frustrating, as I had barely been awake for twenty minutes. But no matter how tired I was feeling, there was still one more thing that I had to find out.

 “Justin, tell me how this ends. Where are they now?”

 “There was a car crash. Trevor was killed upon impact. Charlie is sitting in a cell as we speak.”

 A crash. He’s dead. Trevor is dead.

 “So they didn’t – Trevor didn’t…” I sputtered, unable to speak the words. I picked up my head to glance down in the direction of my thighs.

 Realization dawned on Justin’s face.

 “No, angel! No! Nothing like that happened!”

 Reassurance surged through my veins after hearing his words. They gave me a sweet and heady sort of feeling. The weight that had been pressing down on me lifted and I felt like could finally breathe again.

 Nothing happened. I wasn’t raped again.

 My eyes welled once more with tears, but this time they were tears of relief. I looked to Justin, the man who had sat by my bedside for weeks on end. For the first time in a long time, I was filled with hope for the future.

 I’m okay. Everything will be okay.

 “Thank you. Thank you for being here with me,” I whispered.

 “Oh, angel. There’s no other place I’d rather be.”

 I closed my eyes and smiled when he decided to crawl into the bed beside me. We barely fit together in the narrow bed, but the warmth of his body was a welcoming comfort.

 “Are you going to stay the night here with me?”

 “Yes, angel. Just like I have for the past three weeks,” he said. He positioned his arm under my head, tucked me in close, and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

 “Where do we go from here, Justin?”

 “Oh Miss Cole, we can go many places. But you need to get better. Once I bust you out of this place, the first place you’ll be going is home with me. As in, you’re moving in.”

 Perhaps it was exhaustion taking over. Or perhaps I hit my head harder than I thought. But Justin’s words had a pleasant sort of appeal to them, as if moving in with him would set everything right in the world.

 “I suppose I could do that,” I murmured sleepily. “I’ll need to pack my things.”

 He placed his hand to the side of my face and chuckled. I leaned in, but didn’t have the energy to open my eyes.

 “Go to sleep, angel. I’ll take care of everything.”

     ****

     I lay next to Selena for a long while, just staring at her beautiful face. She looked peaceful, but I was still worried about her. When she spoke, she sounded incredibly weak, as if it took every ounce of her energy to just say a few words. It was difficult to hear her this way. She was normally so energetic and full of life. I missed her spunk.

 She’ll be okay. She just needs time. And care.

 Care was one thing that I was absolutely set on giving her. I would do everything that was within my power to make sure that she was restored to her normal self once again.

 Satisfied that she was sound asleep, I carefully untangled myself from her limbs and climbed out of the bed. I had a call to make to Allyson, and it could go one of two ways. Either Allyson would agree with what I had to say, or she’d fight with me over it. But no matter what happened, I didn’t want my conversation to disturb Selena’s rest.

 I stepped out into the hallway and closed the door. Walking by the nurse’s station, I ignored the ogling from the two young female interns and made my way to the waiting room.

 I frowned when I saw that the room was full of people. They all varied in age and appeared to be related. They were all arguing an opinion on the medical treatment of someone that I could only assume to be a fellow family member.

 And they were loud.

 So much for hushed hospital voices. This will never do.

 Heading back to the nurse’s station, I hoped that someone there could point me to someplace quieter.

 “Excuse me,” I said to the woman behind the desk.

 She looked up and all conversations around her stopped. She looked behind her, as if I wasn’t the one addressing her, only to find the two interns staring wide-eyed at me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

 The gawking from the interns was getting old. One would think that they would be used to seeing me here by now, as well as understand the fact that I was quite unavailable.

 The woman shifted her attention away from them and back to me.

 “Um, ye – yes,” she stammered and turned ten shades of red.

 Christ, get it together woman.

 I looked down at her nametag. It read Michelle Fogarty, RN Unit Coordinator. I hadn’t seen her around before, and half wondered if she was new. She seemed to lack the air of authority needed for someone in her position.

 “Michelle, I’m in need of a quiet place to make a telephone call,” I informed her. “The waiting room is a bit too noisy.”

 “Oh, um. Of course,” she said and scrambled to get up from her seat. I held up my hand to stop her.

 “It’s okay. You don’t have to get up. Just point me in the right direction.”

 “The nurses lounge is empty,” one of the female interns offered. She flashed me a toothy grin. “I would be more than happy to show you the way.”

 Intern number two made a strangled choking sound.

 Unbelievable.

 I ignored them both and kept my attention on the Unit Coordinator, who looked momentarily shocked at the brazenness of the intern that stood behind her. However, she covered it up quickly enough.

 “Yes. The nurse’s lounge will be fine for you to use, sir. It’s just down the hall, third door on the left. And I’ll make sure that you are given privacy,” she assured and turned to glare at the interns. They shrunk under her icy gaze.

 Perhaps she’s more capable than I thought.

 I nodded my thanks and made my way down the hall. Grateful to find the lounge empty, I pulled out my cell and dialed Allyson.

 “Justin, how is she?” she immediately asked upon answering.

 “Good. Tired, but good.”

 “I was so happy when Matt called me!” she gushed with relief. “But he said we should give you some time alone with her. I’ve been anxiously waiting for you to give me the go ahead to come up.”

 “Selena is sleeping now. She’s only managed to stay awake for short periods of time, so there’s no rush.”

 “Even if she’s sleeping, I still want to see her. It is Thanksgiving after all,” she added. “Did Matt give you the Thanksgiving dinner leftovers that I packaged up for you?”

 I frowned.

 “He did, but I thought that they were from his mother?”

 “Oh, well…” she trailed off in hesitation. “They were technically from her. I just packaged them up after we finished eating.”

 Well, now isn’t that interesting.

 I noticed how often Allyson and Matteo had their heads together in whispered conversation, but I just assumed that they were talking about either Selena or me. Perhaps there was more to the furtive glances that they tossed at one another.

 “You’re free to come up whenever you want, but I’m actually calling because I have a favor to ask of you,” I told her.

 “What is it?”

 I was careful with the selection of my words. In the weeks that I had spent in the hospital talking to Allyson, I learned about the bond that that she and Selena shared. They had been inseparable for most of their lives. I had to handle Allyson carefully so that Selena didn’t have a reason to change her mind.

 “You and I have discussed the care that Selena might need once she’s released. I spoke to her about it and she’s agreed to move in with me.”

 She was quiet on the other end of the line for a moment. When she spoke again, her tone was flat.

 “I get the feeling that she won’t be staying with you for just a few weeks.”

 “No, Allyson. The move will be permanent.”

 “I’m surprised that she agreed to it,” she said somewhat testily.

 “Don’t be upset,” I said calmly. “This would have happened eventually anyways.”

 “Maybe, but…” she paused and sighed. “Selena and I have always been together. It will be weird not having her around.”

 “You’re not losing her as a friend. She’ll only be a few miles away.”

 “But things will be different.”

 “Change isn’t a bad thing. Think about her and think about who I am. You’ve gotten to know me pretty well over these past few weeks. In fact, you know me better than most now. You know that I will be good to her.”

 “I do know that, which is why this is hard. You’re not just another boyfriend, Justin. You’re the real deal.”

 “I love her. This is as real as it gets,” I said honestly.

 “Have you told her yet?”

 “Told her what?”

 “That you love her,” she clarified.

 “Not yet, but I will. I’m heeding your advice. You once told me that I would have to tread carefully on the stepping stones to Selena’s heart. That’s exactly what I am doing.”

 “Elizabeth Long will be furious,” she commented.

 “I know she will be, but I’ll handle her.”

 “Alright, then. You said that you needed a favor. What do you need me to do?”

 “This move has to go as smoothly as possible for Selena,” I said adamantly. “I don’t want her to be stressed about anything. I’ll need you to pack up her personal belongings. Hale will be at your disposal to assist with anything that you need.”

 “Packing is the easy part. It’s the unpacking that is a royal pain in the rear,” she pointed out.

 “Very true,” I acknowledged. “I’ll take care of doing that. Just let me know when you have it all ready to go.”

 She agreed to do as I asked, albeit somewhat reluctantly, and I ended the call. I took a seat in one of the chairs and leaned forward to rest my chin on my fist. I contemplated all the boxes full of Selena’s belongings that would be arriving at the penthouse in just a few days time. Between the books, CD’s, and various trinkets that highlighted Selena’s personality, I was having a hard time picturing her things in the lifeless space in which I lived.

 Where should I put it all?

 The spare bedroom that I had would be ideal. Not much was in the room, other than basic furniture. I tried to picture Selena’s things in there, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want the essence of her to be confined to just one room. I wanted her to have more space and freedom to make it feel like her home.

 I could leave everything packed and let her decide. Or maybe….

 Another idea came to mind and suddenly everything was very clear.

 That’s it!

 I pulled out my phone again and dialed Laura.

 “Hello, sir,” she greeted.

 “Laura, where do things stand with the Westchester deal?”

 “Everything it set, but with everything that you’ve had going on, I’ve delayed the closing until further notice.”

 “Perfect. I need to change some things.”

 “Sir?”

 “I need you to write down everything that I say and then get with Stephen. He’s going to try to argue about what I want him to do, so you’ll need to reiterate that I am resolute about this. He must make all the necessary modifications that I am going to lay out for you.”

 “Yes, Mr. Stone. I have a pen and paper in front of me as we speak. I’m ready when you are,” she told me.

 I quickly outlined my plan. Laura probably thought that I was out of my damn mind. Stephen would most likely rupture an artery over it. But it didn’t matter.

 I had never been more sure of anything else in my life.

Two weeks later, I lay sprawled on Justin’s couch with him curled up behind me. I still viewed the couch as his, just like I saw everything else in the penthouse as his. He insisted that I should view everything as ‘ours’, but it was a hard notion to grasp.

 After my release from the hospital two days prior, I came here to find that all of my clothes from my apartment in Greenwich had been brought over and hung neatly in his enormous walk-in closet. My toiletries and makeup lined the shelves of his bathroom and my books were added to his office library. I knew he did it all to make me feel more comfortable, but I was still struggling with the concept that this was now my new home. It was a surreal sort of feeling.

 His housekeeper, Vivian, had just left. The idea that I had a housekeeper may very well be something that I never got used to. She arrived daily to clean, do laundry, and bring groceries. Today’s groceries included Christmas cookies from a local bakery, reminding me of the fact that Christmas was just over two weeks away. I had nearly forgotten, as there wasn’t one bit of holiday cheer to be seen in the penthouse.

 “You’re quiet. Are you feeling okay?” Justin asked.

 “I’m okay. Do you want to put on some Christmas music?”

 “Sure, angel,” he agreed. He reached over my head to grab the stereo remote from the end table. A moment later, a soulful a cappella by Pentatonix filled my ears. I smiled to myself, appreciating the soothing effect that their breathy vocals had.

 “Justin, I was just wondering. Why don’t you have a Christmas tree?”

 “Honestly, I’ve never had one. I didn’t think about it,” he said as he lazily twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. “Would you like to get a tree?”

 “You’ve never had a Christmas tree?” I asked in complete astonishment.

 “Not since I lived with my grandparents, no. Holiday’s have always just been another day to me,” he shrugged off.

 I sat up and turned to face him.

 “Christmas is not just another day! We’re not talking about some random Hallmark holiday here! I mean, you live in New York for crying out loud! How can you be immune to Christmas? It’s my favorite time of year in this city. It’s not just the decorations either. Everyone just seems a little bit nicer, a little bit kinder. It’s magical!”

 He laughed.

 “Lay back down, angel. Your not supposed to be over exerting yourself.”

 “Oh, hell no. I’m perfectly fine. You are not going to use the ‘you need your rest’ excuse to get out of this one. First thing tomorrow, we are going to get a Christmas tree.”

 He held his hands up in surrender.

 “Okay, okay! If it means that much to you, then that’s what we’ll do. But why wait? Let’s go out tonight to get one. Maybe we can even walk around the city afterward and you can show me a bit of that magic,” he joked.

 I reached up and tousled his hair.

 “You’re teasing me.”

 “I would never,” he said with a wicked smile. He lightly traced the line of my collarbone with his fingertip. I loved when we shared moments like this, and we had quite of few of them when I was in the hospital. The fun, flirty, and lighthearted exchanges gave me a glimpse into the future and what could be between us. My heart swelled.

 I love him. I really do love him.

 I fretted over how to tell him exactly that, unsure of how he would take to hearing those words. I needed to find the right setting. The right time and place. I wanted it to be special when I told him for the first time.

 Rockefeller Center. Next to the Christmas tree. No. That might be too cliché.

 “Are you serious about walking around the city tonight?” I asked.

 “Maybe,” he murmured and leaned in to nibble along the line of my jaw. “I could call Hale to pull the car up right now if you want.”

 His hand skimmed up my waist and brushed past the side of my breast. We were fully clothed, but even without the flesh on flesh contact, I was turned on in an instant. Shivers raced down my spine and heat crashed between my legs. The immediate arousal was all consuming, as Justin and I had not been together physically since before the car accident.

 “We don’t have to go right now,” I breathed.

 His hand moved down to slip under the waistband of my sweatpants, scorching a path over my skin. I sharply sucked in a gulp of air when he made gentle contact with my already moist folds. It had been too long since I last surrendered to his touch. I arched under him and moaned.

 “Easy, angel,” he warned. “I don’t want you to push yourself.”

 I did as I was told and settled my hips back down on to the couch cushions. He was right. I shouldn’t push it, as I was still feeling exhausted more often than not. But that didn’t mean that I didn’t want this – that I didn’t want him. To say that it had been a rough month would be a gross understatement. I needed that physical connection with him, even if it was only a little, just so that I could feel normal again.

 “How do you want me, Justin? I need this,” I pleaded. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

 “Oh, baby. You don’t know how those words thrill me. So submissive,” he said in a voice that was heavy with desire. “Just relax and let me do the work.”

 Slowly pushing my t-shirt up, he palmed the weight of my breasts and circled each nipple with the pads of his thumbs. I gasped when he latched on with his teeth, slowly suckling each one and coaxing them to an aching, straining peak. He worked me into a desperate frenzy before moving a hand back south.

 His lips moved up to meld with mine. I kissed him desperately, our tongues sliding deep, clashing and then tasting. My passion grew at a fevered pace, too quick after being so long without him. I needed to feel him, the other half of two souls that were on fire.

 He worked his finger gently through my swollen flesh and teased my clit, his repeated flicking motions causing me to squirm. He pushed a finger in to the knuckle, flexing it against the heated walls just inside my entrance. My hands flew up to grip at his hair, the build up to my orgasm coming swift and sweet.

 “Oh, god,” I moaned and began to convulse around his fingers. Our time apart worked against any sort of self-control that I may have once had. I stiffened beneath his merciless hand, and came quickly and unexpectedly.

 My body took over and I went off like a rocket. Fireworks exploded before my eyes. I quivered around him as he gently worked me back down from the explosive release. And after so many weeks of being lost, I finally felt like I was home again. Where I belonged.

     ****

     I could sense Selena’s desire, her longing for more, as she squeezed my bicep and rode out the rest of her orgasm. My cock ached, as I wanted nothing more than to claim her hard and fast.

 But not today.

 No matter how long it had been, no matter how impatient I felt, she needed delicate handling. Today was not the day for dominance and submission. There would be no kinks, no exploration of limits. We had plenty of days ahead for that.

 Fate, the fickle bitch, had finally decided to smile down on me. I had been given a second chance and I didn’t want to fuck it up. Selena was here, alive and well, and I’d be damned if I would allow Fate to get the last laugh.

 Selena purred beneath me as I slowly worked her pants down her legs. I left a trail of kisses down each thigh as I went, down her calves, ankles, and toes. I tossed her sweats to the side and stood to remove my own. After I shed my t-shirt, I moved back to the sofa. Positioning her ankle over one of my shoulders, I continued where I left off. She gripped at my hair as I made my way back up, provoking a fierce desire to surge through my veins.

 My lips trailed up her body, over her hips and across her smooth stomach.

 Perfection. She is nothing short of perfection. And she’s mine.

 I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of her skin, needing her more and more with every breath that I took.

 She placed her hand on my chest and over my heart as I looked into her rich chocolate eyes. So expressive. So unguarded and exquisitely tender.

 “Take me, Justin,” she whispered. “I need you.”

 Her words almost broke me and my heart began to hammer in my chest.

 I took her hand in mine. I kissed each of her fingertips as she scissored her legs around my hips and pulled me closer. The weight of my cock pressed against her warm and velvety heat. Blood surged from the desperate need to possess her.

 “Be still, angel. It’s been a while and I don’t want to come the minute I get inside you. I want us to come together.”

 Her eyes glowed sultry and provocative, but she nodded her consent and remained still as I slowly slid in. I pushed all the way to the hilt, instantly lost in her all consuming heat.

 Oh, fuck.

 I watched as her eyes rolled and head tilted back in unabashed pleasure.

 Yeah, baby. I feel it too.

 It was as if I were feeling her for the first time, and I was overcome with complete and total bliss. Her tissues constricted around me to adjust to my girth, each pulse threatening to send me over the edge.

 Not yet.

 I began to move, slowly and deliberately, fighting with every shred of my being to hold on. To wait for her. She just felt so damn good.

 I continued to drive into her, absorbing every sensation and savoring her every reaction. I loved that she was so responsive. I was so close, but I knew that she wasn’t there yet. Knowing what she needed, I changed the pace and increased my thrusts. I could only hope beyond hope that she would get there soon.

 I saw when she closed her eyes and her face reflected the pleasure that was imminent.

 “Oh, Justin,” she said in between panting breaths. “I missed you. I missed this. It’s been too long.”

 Her words were enough to launch me over the edge.

 “Angel, I hope you’re there. I can’t hold back much longer.”

 “I’m there. Come with me, Justin.”

 I withdrew once more and then pushed forward. Then again and again. Her fingernails raked down my back and I felt her stiffen beneath me. Our gazes locked and I hurled us both to the brink of ultimate pleasure.

 At her shattered cry, my orgasm burst forth in an explosive surge that was both agony and ecstasy. I choked out a strangled cry, pouring myself inside her. It was a moment of earthshattering intensity, a perfect union of heart and mind.

 I collapsed down on top of her, careful to balance my weight on my elbows so that I didn’t crush her. My cock twitched as she quivered around me, still giving up the last remnants of our release.

 Once our breathing returned to a more normal rhythm, I reluctantly withdrew from the heated clutches of her body. She whimpered in protest.

 “I’ll be right back,” I told her and kissed her softly on the lips.

 “Where are you going?”

 “Just to get a washcloth before we make a mess. I’m rather fond of this sofa and I don’t think Vivian will take kindly to having to clean it,” I said with a light laugh. There were some lines that my housekeeper would simply not cross.

 After retrieving the washcloth from the master bathroom, I returned to Selena and began to wipe the evidence of our lovemaking from between her legs.

 “I can do that,” she protested and tried to sit up.

 “Lay back down. Let me take care of you,” I scolded. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m fine, Justin. You don’t have to baby me. I’m not helpless you know.”

 I folded up the washcloth, placed it on the coffee table, and looked pointedly at her.

 “I’m not babying you. I’m asking for a specific reason,” I told her as I slipped back into my jeans.

 “Oh? And what reason would that be?”

 “Because I wasn’t planning on this little impromptu reunion that we just had. I’m not sure where your energy level is. If you’re still up to it, I thought that I would call Hale about taking us to get the Christmas tree that you want.”

 She beamed instantly, her grin splitting from ear to ear.

 “I’m definitely up for that! Then afterwards, we can do as you suggested and walk around the city. I can show you all of my favorite things. We should probably start at Bloomingdale’s for all of the window displays first. Then maybe head over to Rockefeller Center. I know it will be crowded, but there’s no avoiding that. Oh, and we should go to Little Italy to eat!”

 I raised my eyebrows, startled by her zealous display of enthusiasm. I already had a plan in motion, none of which included any of the things she was saying. She was talking rapidly and making my head spin.

 “Whoa, whoa! Easy tiger,” I laughed. “One thing at a time. Remember, you can’t over do it. Let’s just go get a tree first, and then we can see what you feel up to doing afterwards.”

 She frowned.

 “I’m just tired of sitting around and doing nothing,” she complained. “All those weeks in the hospital, now here. I don’t know. I feel restless.”

 “That’s because you’re starting to get your energy back. Trust me when I say, nobody is happier to see that than I am. But you’re still tiring easily. Remember the doctors orders?” I reminded her.

 “Yeah, I know. I know. Rest when I need to,” she waved off.

 “I know that you’re excited to get out, but let’s see how much you can handle before we go full out on Christmas in the city,” I said and reached down to take her hand. I pulled her up into a standing position, noting that she no longer seemed to be embarrassed over being naked in front of me.

 “You��re right,” she conceded.

 “I know I’m right, angel. Now, go get dressed while I call Hale.”

 She made her way to the bedroom and I went to the foyer closet to see about winter gear. It was cold outside, the temperature just below freezing. I wanted to make sure that Selena had something suitable to help keep her warm, as I didn’t know how long we would spend out of doors.

 Pleased to find that she had a down jacket and thermal gloves, I pulled a matching scarf and hat from the top shelf and brought everything to the dining room.

 Once I had everything laid out, I took my phone from my pocket and dialed Hale. I was surprised to find that my hand was shaking slightly. Not overly so, but enough so that I had a hard time selecting the buttons for speed dial.

 It was irritating. I was not the nervous type. But then again, so much hung on the balance of what I was about to do. I shook off the feeling of trepidation and made the call. Hale answered on the first ring.

 “Bring the car around. It’s time,” I told him, emphasizing the last word.

 “Time for what?” Selena asked from behind me.

 I spun around, surprised to see her there. She dressed quicker than I anticipated. Without saying another word to Hale, I hit end on the screen and pocketed the phone.

 “Time to get a Christmas tree, of course. Come on, angel. Let's go for a ride.”

ded as ўPJ��

[randomisedgaming]

Castlevania II: Simon's Quest - Review - Vol 20

Format: Nintendo Entertainment System Publisher: Konami Developer: Konami Release year: 1987 Genre: Platformer / RPG

Randomised Gaming reviewed the European Nintendo Entertainment System version of Castlevania II: Simon's Quest on both the original NES at 50hz & the Wii U Virtual Console at 60hz. Castlevania II: Simon's Quest was originally released on the Famicom Disc System in Japan. However, for the western release it was changed to a cartridge game.

If you ask any uninformed fan of the Castlevania series, known as Akumajo Dracula in Japan “what do you think of Castlevania II: Simon's Quest?”. You will likely get a response along the lines of “that the rubbish one on the NES”. Sadly that's the all to common line you hear on this game, even from some fellow reviewers, many of whom sound like they've played Castlevania II for five minutes and decided that it must be a bad game as it plays differently to the original Castlevania. Giving up on the game after about twenty minutes of play or just throwing the joypad at the wall at the slightest hint of frustration. Although it has to be said in many ways Castlevania II is far less annoying than its predecessor on NES.

In fact this is a good example of how a hardcore fan base can actually damage the design and evolution of a franchise. As they will often cry fowl at the mere hint of change even if that change is for the better. While lapping up identical sequels that take the series backwards in game design and ultimately costing franchise sales in the long run, as everyone gets sick of playing the same game time after time. During the NES era companies were far more willing to make braver design choices (in part due to the much lower cost of games development back then) between games, even if it meant making a game very different from the previous title in the series. Konami did just that with Castlevania II when they released it. As a result Castlevania II, sits alongside games like Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, Fire Emblem Gaiden, Resident Evil 4 & Final Fantasy XII all of which break the series mould and do something a bit different from the previous games.

Simon's Quest is far from your average Castlevania game

Now these new ideas don't always work and all the above-mentioned games have plenty of flaws, but they also do a lot of things very right and it's fair to say the previous games in all the aforementioned series also have their own sets of problems.

Historically Konami's games tended to have a very arcade feel in design, owing to their arcade heritage. The first Castlevania stayed true to this heritage and is a fast-paced action platformer that sees you fighting across six stages to defeat Dracula. Each stage has its own boss and enemies, the game only uses two buttons one for whip attack and the other for jump. Like any arcade game it can be finished in around an hour and is very easy to pickup and play.

If you are expecting a straight sequel to the original Castlevania you would be solely disappointed. As Castlevania II is clearly heavily inspired by two earlier released Famicom Disk System games in the form of Zelda II & Metroid both of which had been released within the previous year. It's not hard to see why some fans hate Castlevania II as the start is very different than the previous game seeing Simon Belmont arriving in a town and able to talk with the various NPCs who live there. You are also given the choice to freely explore the village and the surrounding areas at your own pace, giving the game a much more RPG feel than its predecessor. The original game on the other hand throws you straight into the first stage of Dracula's castle, knee deep in zombies and other monsters. It's classic arcade game stage design, with an added timer to keep the player moving and the usual boss at the end of every level.

While it may not have as much jumping as previous games there’s still some tricky platform sections in there.

Just because a game is different in a series to previous instalments doesn't mean it should be treated like some possessed monster that's threatening to blow up the world and shunned at parties. If you liked the original Castlevania, then you're more likely to enjoy Castlevania III Dracula's Curse on NES. That said Dracula's Curse is a little bit of a hybrid of both previous NES games and Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles & Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth are the closest titles in gameplay and mechanics to the original. Now that I've covered that point, if you're still complaining about the fact it's a bit different from the first game, get lost.

Approaching and playing Castlevania II: Simon's Quest as a game is somewhat different to other titles in the series. This is not a pickup and play game, this is a game that will absorb hours of your life as you wander Transylvania in search of Dracula's body parts. This is an open world, platformer and role playing game hybrid that forces you to interact and explore the world like no other game in the series. To start with you would do well to grab yourself a pen and paper as you're going to need to keep a map of your adventure. Secondly, see that NES box you took the cartridge out of, well inside it is something called a manual and before you do anything open it up and read every page. It's going to teach you a thing or two about the game and the items you will need on your adventure. The 3DS and Wii U version both come with a digital manual so press the Home button then press the button on the right of the screen that you've never touched before, with the word manual on it! If for any reason you don't have a manual then it's going to be a bumpy start.

Amazing the things we had to do in the 80s and 90s video games didn't hold your hand back then. Unlike some of the later towns in the game Jova provides you with some good information to get started. However, the game does have two core problems from the out set that do hinder your progress in the game. First, is the poor quality of the English dialogue from the villages with much of it being random gibberish at best “Don't look into the death star or you will die.” is one catchy piece of dialogue, but a nod to Star Wars isn't going to help anyone. Neither are the lines “Hit Deborah Cliff with your head to make a hole” or “To restore your life, shout in front of the church“ which don't really help anyone. Part of the reason for this is the fact that the Japanese text in the FDS release is also little better than gibberish. The reason for this is the other big bugbear I have with the game and that is that many of the core mechanics are either poorly explained or unexplained in the game entirely.

No true game in the series would be complete without a battle with old fanged tooth himself at the end

One of which the manual hints at, but doesn't fully explain is that each different type of non player character in town has different odds of telling the truth or not. The manual just mentions about the odd town prankster, when in fact the sprite used for the NPC is the key to knowing if what they say is useful or not. Old men NPCs largely give you good advise around 75% of the time, Young men are around 50% and female NPCs both young and old are around 25%. Finally, Gypsies will always offer to sell or give you items that will help you in your journey.

As the previously mentioned three quotes all come from NPCs it's fair to say they are all lies. For example, another NPC from a different village tell you this “You look pale, my son you must rest in the church” so we can tell from this line the other quote is a lie.

Most of the real clues in fact come from the thirteen clue books / tomes that are hidden inside destroyable holy water walls, all over the world. These clues are vital if you plan to finish the game and includes hints such as “Clear a path at Berkeley mansion with a white crystal”, “To replenish earth, kneel by the lake with the blue crystal” & “Wait for a soul with a red crystal on Deborah Cliff”. They're still a little bit cryptic, but they give you a very good idea as to what to do, at certain locations. Some other reviewers mistakenly seem to think that the previously mentioned Deborah Cliff dialogue is a mistranslated hint, it isn't. Rather it is intended as an insult to Simon as it comes from a female NPC who thinks Simon is trying to chat her up, the Japanese text for that NPC is also largely the same. So finding the clue book is vital to working out what the red crystal does. It is fair to say that one or two of the clue books are badly translated, but nothing that's going to hugely spoil your game.

If trying to solve clues and puzzles isn't your thing then this is not a game for you, but as someone who grew up on the Dizzy adventure games it is very much my cup of tea. There's something quite exciting and indeed euphoric the moment you solve a puzzle for the first time, specially if you've been at a loss for the past thirty minutes as to what to do. Ultimately many gamers may decide to use a guide and there's no real shame in that. It really depends on how much time you have to explore the game fully. As finishing the game without a guide will probably take around 10-15 hours and involve throwing a lot of holy water around. In many ways the game has an 80/90s home computer feel in some aspects of its game's design, certainly in the way you have to explore the world to figure out problems.

The thirteen hidden clue books are the key to finishing the game without a guide. Typos and misspelling add to the difficulty of solving them

Combat works just the same as any other Castlevania, outside of the towns various monsters block your paths from Skeletons, Werewolves, Mummies and the series favourite Medusa Heads. Most can be dealt with a few well timed whip strikes, but as this is an open world game, the strength of the enemies grows the closer you get to Dracula's castle. So running off to Deborah Cliffs without an upgraded whip and a few level ups to your name, is just asking for trouble. As with any good Castlevania there's even a few boss fights, but with only three bosses in the game, Death, Carmilla and Dracula. Most of the dungeons in-game are rather anticlimactic with little more than an empty room with an orb in it at the end.

Weapon upgrades and secondary weapons are permanent this time around and you can freely change between them. Only consumable items need to be repurchased, so you only need to keep an eye on how many Laurels & Garlic you are currently carrying. Although you can also only hold one oak stake at any time and this has to be used to obtain a body part of Dracula from each dungeon. Hence, why they are also only ever sold in castles and dungeons.

Collectable hearts once again act as ammunition for sub-weapons, this time round they also act as the local currency and as experience points. Making them a key tool for both trading with Gypsies and for increasing Simon's power. Likely due to a quirk of binary you can only hold 256 hearts at any one time, so if you plan on buying a morning star whip best not to go crazy with the sub-weapons while you're saving up for it. The level up system that goes along with heart collecting is also fairly restrictive, you gain your first level at 100 exp and after that at every fifty to hundred intervals. What's not made clear to the player is that all monsters have their own hidden level stats and once Simon's level is above a monster's level. Hearts dropped by that monster will no longer award experience just currency. It's also fairly easy to reach the maximum level in-game even if it does require a bit of heart farming in the last castle. While levelling up Simon isn't required it does make the game slightly easier due to the increased health, attack & defence you gain.

Neither Death or Carmilla will offer much challenge for series veterans

Death in Castlevania II is nothing to be feared as you can continue from the spot where you died. Removing any gameplay frustration and giving the game a very smooth and balanced difficulty, very much in the same manner as the series golden child Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Which is in direct contrast to Castlevania I & III on the NES, which both make plenty of use of trial and error gameplay, along with trying to knock you into an instance death trap at almost every moment. Both games are not for the quick to angrier as they deliberately used these frustrating gameplay tricks to slow your progress in game, something Castlevania II never does. Instead Simon's Quest encourages you to explore the world. Yes there are the odd cheeky moments like invisible holes in the floor and walls in the odd dungeon, but these tricks aren't overly used and you won't find yourself unceremoniously dumped back at the start of the stage when you lose a continue. Finally, it's best we don't discuss the golden dagger Death drops, as it's the best secondary weapon in the game and can be used to stun lock and quickly finish any enemy in the game including Dracula. So if you want to kill off any remaining challenge just equip it.

While the original Japanese FDS release included a save system this has been replaced with a password system for the NES version. That allows you to continue from the town of Jova with all your collected items and gear intact, this is a much needed feature as you certainly won't be finishing Castlevania II in a single sitting, first time around.

Towns cease being a place of refuge once night falls

Another huge part of the game is the day and night system, at first glance it appears just to act to create a real time world feeling. However, secretly it also affects which of the endings the player will see upon finishing the game. The in-game clock can be checked in the inventory menu and during the hours of 6am to 18pm the world is in daylight. During these hours monsters have reduced health and you can converse with the town folk. When night falls however, the town folk, border up their doors as the towns become overrun with monsters and all world map enemies also get increased health. The night can be a lonely time in this world, as even the church won't allow you to enter preventing you from restoring your health. This clever system make for interesting gameplay as timing when and where to travel is vital if you plan to finish the game within eight days to see the best ending. As the last thing you want is to arrive at a village in the dead of night and have to wait until morning, before you can heal up and trade for essential items. The in-game timer takes around ten minutes to cover a full day. However, the clock remains static inside buildings and dungeons.

One complain that should be mentioned is the lack of a world map both in-game or in the manual. While drawing your own map might be fun it's not what a gamer wants to do and this is in fact an oversight by Konami's North American and European branches. As a map was included in the Japanese manual and it should also have been included in the western one. Without it exploring the world is a bit of a daunting task at first and you also misses a few major location clues as a result, to where certain castles are in-game.

The lost map from the Japanese Famicom Disk System manual, this is the colour version

Despite the complains of some fans Castlevania II mechanics both new and old work together really well. The day and night system encourages players to keep moving and thinking about where they are going. Hidden secrets and a huge open world forces you to explore every nook and cranny. Controls are as tight and rigid as the first game and the jumping is the same pixel perfect weighted feel as well. Weapon collision is also pretty much spot on and every hit you take feels like it's down to your own mistakes. The puzzles and clues also test you too the max, sometimes a little too much.

The game in many ways is perhaps a little too ambitious, there is no question it is a big game and far bigger than the original. That comes at a cost and the graphic and music do suffer as a result as it appears that Konami were getting a bit low on space for some aspects.

The graphics themselves look good for a NES title with some nice bold and well drawn 2D sprites. With all the various monsters looking very different too one another, there's not a huge amount of animation in many of the sprites, but that's part of the course for early NES games, but it's fair to say games like Kirby's Adventure are far more animated in comparison. One thing to note is that some sprites do seem slightly smaller than a few of their counter parts from the original game. The bigger enemies from the first game like the skeleton dragons have been scaled back somewhat. Even Death looks like he's been on a bit of a gaming diet too.

Skeleton dragons are just one of the many undead foes that return from the first game

What does become apparent, is the heavy reuse of some monster sprites, castles & dungeons primarily only use the same four sprites which include Skeletons, knights, gargoyles and slime leeches, the odd bat and spider can be found in a few of the later castles for good measure. What's strange about this is the fact that there are a huge number of different types of monsters on the world map. Wolves, flame men and man eating plants only appear in only one or two scenes each, where as mummies, dragon heads, medusa heads, ravens and zombies are just some of the many monsters that only appear in the open world. It makes for some needlessly bland castles and just leaves you guessing as to why this is?

The level design and background art also suffer from much the same issue. As nice as they look the backgrounds are reused far too much. All the castles use the same title set just in a different colour, the original Castlevania used a different theme for each stage, making you feel as if you were exploring ruined hallways, walking atop the battlements, crawling through dimly lit caves and climbing the rusty cogs of the old clock tower. That's all gone replaced at large with the same forest or dead forest background in the open world. The towns do the same trick as the castles and just largely change colour and the inside of houses all use the same layout format regardless of which town you're in. Castles also use the same type of level design and most follow a square box layout, so don't expect any interesting tower designs like the rather awesome clock tower seen in Castlevania III.

Castle to castle they really don't change that much between them

Another quirk of the level design is the boss rooms as you can walk straight past Death or Carmilla if you want just leaving them floating in the air. Both also re-spawn if you defeat them and re-enter their room straight after. Quite why the game doesn't just lock you in the boss room, until you've defeated them and taken the equipment they drop is a mystery.

Looking at the world layout Castlevania II feels like the developers spent a lot of time on how the open world should play and only at the last minute remembered they needed to add in some castles and bosses. Either that or they knew they were running out of disk space at this point for the game and had to make some cuts to content. Whatever Konami's reasons behind these decisions they do impact and drag down the quality of the game.

The sound effects and music are both top class stuff. The sound design shows that even on a 8bit console you can still achieve great things. Simon's whip has a satisfactory lash sound and there's a clear thud after every jump and there's the standard stuff for killing enemies and picking up power ups and levelling up. A few grunts and shouts from the enemies would have been nice, other than that the sound effects achieve their task for the late 80s.

Much of the early part of Simon's journey will be spent in the forest

On the music front it's worth remembering that Konami altered the music for the NES release, so the music is slightly different in the FDS version. The highlight in this game is the daytime theme of Bloody Tears a series classic and a song directly written for this game. Most gamers will end up rocking their head to its beats, as you venture around Transylvania. There some other great music tracks in there as well and it's a NES game that really tries to deal with the restraints of the console sound hardware. There is one problem, however, and that's the lack of music, as most tunes are heavily repeated. Bloody Tears plays everywhere on the world in daytime and Curse Monster Dance is the same for the night. After about three hours or so of listing to both, you get a bit sick of hearing them and zone out to the music. Towns also use the same themes and only dungeons have a couple of different ones, but again they are repeated at least once. The final battle with Dracula and the ending do at least have their own music, but they aren't until right at the end of the game. Even Death and Carmilla lack their own music when you confront them, killing the atmosphere boss battles in the series traditionally have.

Uneasy mix of new ideas or the mad rants of crazed fans averse to change.

OK, so Castlevania II is not without flaws, but when you reflect and weigh up the pros versus the cons. Castlevania II has plenty more going for it than against, in fact in many areas it blows the first NES game out of the water. Until now this review has kept the mention of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night to a minimum and the reason for that is to let readers understand how Simon's Quest works. As a large part of this review text could be dumped straight into a review of Symphony of the Night, as it wholesale borrows almost all of the gameplay mechanics from Castlevania II. Even the ferryman cameo's in both games, Symphony just has the advantage of being a bigger game with more polish and a ton of extra junk to collect. Seriously Alucard would be a walking tombstone by the end of  Symphony with all the gear he's carrying by the end, Simon just packed his bags with only the required equipment he needed.

Castlevania II was perhaps a tad ambitious for 1987 game and the lack of cartridge / disk space for the time shows up in some of the design a little, if it had been made in say 1991, when bigger cartridges were available no doubt all the flaws would have been removed. Yet, when you compare it to the original NES Metroid, Simon's Quest hugely improves on the rather messy and almost unplayable Metroid these days. The development team clearly set out to make a better game than Metroid and they did in some style, even Metroid II is a far weaker game than Simon's Quest as both early Metroid games suffer from major copy and paste map design issues. It's fair to say the now coined phrase of Metroidvania, often is mistakenly used for Symphony of the Night being the first Metroid style game in the series. In fact that honour falls to Castlevania II: Simon's Quest.

The curse of the ferryman is just one puzzle that must be overcome, what part of Dracula is he seeking?

While finishing the game without resorting to looking at a guide even once is rather tricky, it's not impossible. Yes the translation isn't great, but most of the problems come from the poorly or unexplained mechanics like the clue books and Konami's oversight in not including and translating the Japanese map.

The rest of the game blends perfectly together to give you an open and enjoyable game. Yes, it isn't a game for everyone, if you like RPGs, puzzle and adventure games or are just a fan of Symphony of the Night then you will no doubt enjoy Simon's Quest. If you want a short arcade game that you can pickup and play straight away, then skip over this instalment of the series.

Of the three Castlevania games on the NES, Simon's Quest is the most well balanced, as the original Castlevania is too short, Castlevania III on the other hand make the difficulty as obtuse and obnoxious as possible to try and increase the game's length to the point where it becomes rather tedious to play on later stages. Spoiling the good design of the early levels, in many ways Simon's Quest is the best of the bunch on NES and certainly the one I had the most fun in playing through. It's also the most forward looking of the series in games design as even the later 16bit games such as Super Castlevania IV and Rondo of Blood for the large part stick with the original Castlevania's gameplay.

The church is the only place Simon can rest and restore health

I'm left feeling that Castlevania II largely gets a bad rap for no good reason, yes it has some problems, but so does just about every good NES game, nothings perfect. I suspect if this had just even been called “Simon's Quest: A Castlevania RPG” the game would have been more fairly treated by many. As it stands, if like me you enjoy a game that takes time to discover its secrets and gets your brain cells working as to where you need to go next, then you will have a lot of fun with this classic. As for that monster that fans ignore at the party, well if you sat down and actually chat with him you might discover he's rather friendly and not as menacing as everyone else makes out. It also turns out he's the father of the super popular kid, as without Simon's Quest there would have been no Symphony of the Night.

Review by Random Gamer Riven.

Twitter: RDGamerRiven

Email: randomgamerriven@gmail.com

Sources and sites of interest:

Castlevania Crypt fan site which included a great screenshot map of the game and the scans of the Japanese manual: http://www.castlevaniacrypt.com/

Japanese guide site that detailed many of the hidden game mechanics: http://castlevania.jp/a_main/03/index.html#m3

Simon's Quest dissected, a finnish site that details the original game script and the various mistakes and errors in the official translation. Also includes a fan patch for the NES game that addresses many of the problems with the game: http://bisqwit.iki.fi/cv2fin/diff

The video version of this review can be found here:

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[ihopeyourewell-blog]

Dear 25,

Dear 25,

My first vivid birthday memory is my 7th birthday party. I didn’t really have “friends” when I was 7, but I did have the girls in Mrs. Hudak’s 1st grade class. Mrs. Hudak was the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She would walk around the classroom and check to see if the inside of our desks were messy, and if your desk wasn’t tidy enough, she would flip it over in front of the entire class, throwing your books and belongings all over the floor. One time a boy’s desk was so messy, she flipped it over on top of him. He was 6 years old. Holy shit that was so fucked up!!! Luckily, she got knocked up and had to leave halfway through the year and was replaced by a straight up angel named Mrs. Hamski.

Even though I wouldn’t have considered any of the girls in 1C my friends (No one under the age of 12 has actual "friends", there are just people you play with. Friendship, much like the Real World, starts when people stop being polite and start getting real.), the trauma of Mrs. Hudak bonded us enough for me to invite all of them to a slumber party celebrating my 7th birthday. I was the first person to host a big sleepover in our grade, which, looking back on it, is insane because I wasn’t really cool enough to make such a bold social decision. I made the invitations on my family’s Gateway computer in some program that had invitation and greeting card templates (it would be so cool if I could remember the name of the program, but I friggin DON’T!). I would run home from the bus stop every day (the bus stop was literally outside of my house, so it wasn’t a far run. I don’t want you to overestimate the work I was putting in. I did have to run up my hilly driveway so there was a bit of effort, but not like a TON of effort. Ya feel?) to check to see if there were any messages on our answering machine from the mothers of my “friends” RSVPing to my party. Ugh I miss the days of telephone RSVPs. An answering machine RSVP was fun, but when it was a live action, directly speaking to someone’s mom on the phone RSVP, I felt like I was goddamn Miles Davis. It was truly a thrilling experience to check “yes” or “no” on the chart my mom had made for the party. Most of the girls had responded yes and I was very excited to show them my basement. My siblings and our Au Pair, Julia from Germany, had been working for months on drawing flags from every country and hanging them on the wall above one of the couches. I can’t imagine anything more exciting to a group of 6 and 7 year old girls than a wall of poorly drawn international flags.

I carefully picked out my outfit. I wanted to be cool and casual because I was in my own home, but I also wanted to look like the lost Olsen triplet. I think that's what every girl in the 90s was striving for. I decided on a long sleeve white shirt and velvet maroon overalls with a matching bucket hat. No shoes, just socks. I was ready to party!! Guests started arriving and it was the first time in my life I ever really felt cool. I am somewhat obsessed with being cool now, or just being perceived as cool, and I guess I can pinpoint it to that moment, that first taste of my own coolness. People thought my house was nice, and that my mom had ordered the right pizza and bought the right juices, and don’t forget I was wearing a velvet bucket hat INDOORS! I was a sleepover goddess giving these bitches the night of their freaking LIVES! We watched movies and played games that my mom and German Julia had organized. My brother and sister left us the FUCK ALONE and I wondered what shrine the girls in my class would make to honor the evening this sleepover made them all women.

On my perfectly designed invitation there were 2 options; you could come and be picked up at 9:30pm or you could spend the night (I guess there were 3 options, the 3rd being sucking ass and not coming at all). My mom figured that giving the option of leaving early would boost attendance for my party for the girls who weren’t comfortable sleeping over. I feel like I should mention that my mom got an almost perfect score on the SATs and is straight up brilliant, so of course she figured out how to maximize attendance at a 7 year old’s birthday party. Viva la my mom. At 9:30 half of the party left and the remaining warriors changed into our PJs. I wore a worn-in, white night gown covered in teddy bears, that I am pretty sure you could see my nipples through. I thought it made me look skinny (KNOCK, KNOCK! SOCIETY? You home? That is fucked up that a freshly 7 year old girl thought about how her body looked in pajamas in front of a group of girls. And this was BEFORE social media! Fix yourself please). A lot of girls asked my mom to use our house phone to call their parents to say goodnight. I remember the first time I slept at someone else’s house, I called my mom to do the same and she flat out said “why are you calling?” Damn. We watched a movie and then an episode of the Disney Channel Original Series So Weird. So Weird was kind of a spooky show and a lot of girls got freaked out, and 2 of them ended up calling their moms and going home. Up until this point, I had been so confident about how the party was going, but I began to worry everyone was going to go home. Luckily after the episode of So Weird finished, Christina Aguliera’s music video for “Reflection” from Mulan played on the Disney Channel, and everyone sang along, and I knew the party was still a hit.

The following Monday I went back to school and a few girls mentioned how much fun they had, but I kinda just went back to being the not so cool me. There was no first sleepover shrine built in my honor. Boys didn’t immediately start having crushes on me. No one asked if they could turn any of my replica flags into t-shirts. But it was an awesome birthday.

I’ve had a lot of incredible birthdays. My parents were amazing and threw me parties throughout my entire childhood. For my 9th birthday I had a party at an ice skating rink, and I made everyone watch me skate alone for an entire song. In 2005 my mom threw me a surprise 13th birthday at a kid’s dance club called Beat Street, and she threw the EXACT same surprise 13th birthday for my brother in 2003 and my sister in 2006. For my 14th birthday my mom took me to New York City to see Rent. For my 15th birthday my mom, once again, took me to New York City to see Rent. I had a massive country club Sweet 16 filled with mozzarella sticks and grinding. My 18th birthday was celebrated with a Jersey Shore themed keger in my basement (the wall of flags had sadly been removed by that point). I celebrated my 19th-23rd birthdays with some of my best friends in Chicago at the same restaurant year after year. For my 24th birthday I invited some of my closest gal pals to my apartment for a breakfast for dinner party and made everyone come dressed as me. I have been so lucky to have such incredible celebrations of my life, and even luckier for the people I’ve celebrated with.

I was so excited to turn 24. My birthday is January 24th, so turning 24 on the 24th meant it was to be my Golden Year. I had always thought "everything would happen” for me when I turned 24. I don’t know what I meant by everything, and I don’t know exactly what I thought would happen but looking back on my year everything and nothing simultaneously happened. It was a great year. Even my bad years have been great years.

25, I realize I have never thought about turning you. I’ve never really thought past turning 24. Like I said, I looked forward to turning 24 for my entire life because it was my Golden Year, but I’m realizing now that I never looked past that. I’ve thought about my life after the age of 24, but I didn’t think about turning another age. 25 sounds so much older than 24 to me. I know that sounds so silly, because 25 is still so young, but it’s a bit monumental, don’t you think? A quarter century! It feels steep and kind of weird. I am one of those people who gets a bit weird around their birthday. It’s funny, I love New Year’s Eve because I think the passing of time is so beautiful, but birthdays, specifically my birthday, scare me a bit. I guess I am okay with the world getting older, but not myself. For the week or so around my birthday, I almost mourn the loss of me at that current age. I will never be 24 again. 24 year old me is done. I had 366 days (hey, leap year!) to be 24, a full year to say “Oh, I’m 24”, and now I’m just not anymore. I don’t know why that makes me sad. I have a hard time saying goodbye to things. I have a harder time saying goodbye to people. I have to say goodbye to me at 24 and I’ll miss 24 year old me. And I know I’ll still be the same me at 25, but i just won’t be 24 anymore. This all makes so much sense to me and you’re probably just like “bitch, shut up and blow out your candles”.

This year I will turn 25 just four days after Satan officially becomes president. This year I will turn 25 on a cruise ship, the floating buffet I currently live on. This year I will turn 25 without any of my best friends to hug me or parents to throw me a party. This year I will turn 25 and have, quite possibly, my last year of good healthcare, because at 26 that shit is going bye-bye and who knows what the hell is going to happen. This year I will turn 25 and in 365 days I will mourn the loss of 25 year old me.

I never thought about turning you, 25, but it’s happening, just like every other age I have turned (and also all other humans and animals and trees and every fucking living thing has a birthday every year, even though I sound like an unreal narcissistic, whiney bitch making it seem like I am the only person  who has ever gotten older). It’s a little hard to be excited when our world is in such turmoil. So much is up in the air, and I’m kind of surprised that Mrs. Hudak wasn’t appointed to Trump’s cabinet to go around flipping desks on children throughout America. But even with all of the crap that is currently happening in the world, I am constantly in awe of the goodness within the people I love and admire, and I enter you (that sounds freaky and naughty) with confidence that 25 will be as good as every other year has been.

I hope you’re well.

Xoxo,

Jacqueline Felker