#safety rails
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#Barricade System#rooftop guardrail system#railing for roof edge protection#roof safety railing systems#rooftop safety solutions#roof fall protection railing#roof safety railing#roof safety guardrail#roof railing systems#roof guardrail#roof guardrail system#safety rails#rooftop safety railing#rooftop railing#roof safety rail#safety roof railing#guardrail installation contractors
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đ§ŞđŹ
#ratiorine#aventio#aventurine#dr ratio#aventurine hsr#raturine#honkai star rail#hsr#veritas ratio#ratio is NOT doing proper lab safety with those sandals#this was supposed to be third and final in this series but there may be more. who could say
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Crucial Safety Bollard Tips Every Facility Manager Should Know
In today's fast-paced and dynamic world, ensuring the safety of people and property has become a top priority for facility managers. One effective way to protect against accidents and potential damage is by implementing a safety bollard to secure life. Safety bollards act as physical barriers, preventing vehicles from colliding with structures or pedestrians.Â
In this blog post, we will explore the importance of safety bollards in facility management and provide crucial tips for facility managers to consider.
Understanding the Purpose of Safety Bollards
Safety bollards are sturdy, vertical posts made of materials such as steel, concrete, or plastic. Their primary purpose is to create a physical barrier, preventing vehicles from entering restricted areas or causing accidents. Safety bollards serve as a visual deterrent, guiding drivers and pedestrians away from potential hazards.
By strategically placing safety bollards, facility managers can protect people, structures, and assets from harm. Whether it's preventing vehicles from entering pedestrian walkways or safeguarding storefronts from accidental collisions, safety bollard plays a vital role in maintaining a safe environment.
Identifying Key Areas Requiring Safety Bollards
Facilities vary in size and purpose, but there are common areas where safety bollards are essential. Let's explore some of these key areas:
Parking Lots: Safety bollards help prevent vehicles from encroaching on pedestrian walkways, protecting both drivers and pedestrians from potential accidents. Additionally, bollards can be used to designate parking spaces for disabled individuals, ensuring accessibility and compliance with regulations.
Pedestrian Walkways:Â In busy facilities, pedestrian safety is of utmost importance. Safety bollards placed strategically along walkways can prevent vehicles from entering and endangering pedestrians.
Loading Docks:Â Loading and unloading areas are high-traffic zones with the potential for accidents. Safety bollards can protect both structures and workers from collisions with vehicles, ensuring a safe working environment.
Machinery Zones:Â Facilities with heavy machinery, such as warehouses or manufacturing plants, must have designated areas to keep workers safe. Safety bollards can create a barrier between machinery and pedestrian walkways, reducing the risk of accidents.

Choosing the Right Type of Safety Bollards
When selecting safety bollards, facility managers need to consider various factors such as durability, visibility, and installation requirements. Here are the different types of safety bollards available:
Fixed Bollards:Â Fixed bollards are permanently installed and provide a high level of security and protection. They are typically made of sturdy materials and can withstand impact from vehicles. Fixed bollards are ideal for areas requiring continuous protection, such as storefronts or critical infrastructure.
Removable Bollards:Â Removable bollards offer flexibility in controlling access to specific areas. They can be easily installed and removed as needed, allowing for temporary closures or changes in traffic flow. Removable bollards are commonly used in parking lots or areas requiring occasional access.
Flexible Bollards:Â Flexible bollards are designed to absorb impact and bend upon collision, reducing the risk of damage to vehicles or structures. They are often made of materials like rubber or plastic and are suitable for areas with low to moderate traffic, such as bike lanes or pedestrian zones.
Facility managers should carefully assess their facility's needs and consult with safety bollard experts to determine the most appropriate type for each application.
Installation Best Practices
Proper installation is crucial to ensure the effectiveness of safety bollards. Facility managers should follow these best practices:
Determine the desired spacing between bollards based on the specific application and traffic flow. Consider factors such as visibility and ease of navigation.
Ensure that safety bollards are securely anchored to the ground. Depending on the type of bollard, this may involve using concrete footings, anchor bolts, or other suitable methods.
Comply with relevant regulations and guidelines regarding the installation of safety bollards. These regulations may vary depending on the location and specific requirements of the facility.
By following these installation best practices, facility managers can maximise the effectiveness of safety bollards in preventing accidents and protecting assets.
Maintenance and Inspection Guidelines
Regular maintenance and inspections are essential to ensure the optimal performance of safety bollards. Facility managers should consider the following guidelines:
Conduct routine checks for damages or signs of wear and tear on safety bollards. Look for cracks, dents, or any structural issues that may compromise their effectiveness.
Implement a proactive maintenance schedule to address any issues promptly. This may include cleaning, repainting, or replacing damaged bollards.
Train staff members on the importance of reporting any damage or issues with safety bollards. Encourage a culture of safety and responsibility to ensure that potential problems are addressed quickly.
Conclusion:
Safety bollards are a critical component of facility management, providing physical barriers to prevent accidents and protect assets. By understanding their purpose, identifying key areas requiring bollards, choosing the right safety bollard type, and following installation, maintenance, and inspection best practices, facility managers can enhance overall safety measures.Â
Implementing these crucial tips will not only safeguard people and property but also contribute to a safe and secure environment for all.
Source :-Â https://trafficsafetynlogs.blogspot.com/2023/11/crucial-safety-bollard-tips-every.html
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Not me brainstorming a fic where our Cale gets knocked out or faints idk after spitting out blood again. Everyone thinks (because theyâre literally so traumatized from this) itâs gonna go as normal: Cale is going to be unconscious for a few days (maybe weeks), wake up, eat a shit ton of steak, and then promptly drop some batshit crazy lore/new information so that he can immediately go back to work.
A week passes, then two, then three. Cale breaks his record of twenty one days in a coma. Everyone is worried but they try to stay calm, since this
had happened before and the best thing they can do is keep things running in Caleâs absence.
Then Cale wakes up around a month after, with no warning.
He looks around blankly, barely processing the people in front of him nor the baby dragon crying in his lap. He touches his hair for a bit, notes the fantasy setting & and the talking cats.
Then he looks at Choi Han and frowns. He keeps frowning long enough that Alberu steps in and says his signature âmy dongsaeng is driving me nuts.â
Cale goes wide-eyed, head whipping towards Alberu.
Then he whispers.
ââŚThe Dark Tiger?â
Alternatively, our Cale gets knocked out of his body. Who else wakes up in his absence but our baby Kim Rok Soo from the Sealed God Test?
Cue chaos.
#inspired by the previous baby krs post#idk how the plot would go tbh#probs our cale is fistfighting some god out there#meanwhile god of death is doing damage control in the worst way#aka yeeting baby krs into caleâs body temporarily#in this au baby krs has fragmented memories of our cale#cuz he doesnât have record yet#so its a game of baby krs fumbling through this fantasy world#while choi han and alberu are the safety railings#and these two ACTUALLY get to spoil and baby cale for once#because heâs actually his physical and mental age#once cale was like move iâll get u your slacker life#now baby krs is like lemme repay the favor#we donât talk about baby krs enough#baby krs is legitimately disappointed he never gets to pet his fluffy tiger hyung#but the three children help#angsty af cuz baby krs would see how loved heâd be in another world#insane implications#tcf#trash of the count's family#lcf#cale henituse#lout of the countâs family#tcf fanfic#kim rok soo#sometimes i have ideas
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Greetings from Cafe Pietra ââ¨
#Dragon Age#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#DATV#Veilguard#Lucanis Dellamorte#I wanted to get some nice screenshots with the beautiful backdrop in Treviso#but there's railing everywhere#good for safety#bad for trying to make a companion stand there for screenshots#maybe I also blurred the background too much đ
#ah well#I captured all the important parts đ
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mumbo foreshadowed his own death earlier in the session. the minecart track is very finicky, with lots of levers and powered rails to make sure it works correctly. its the kind of system where if you breathe wrong everything can blow up in your face. multiple times mumbo got overzealous and forgot to check that everything was set back the way it should be which meant the minecarts just ran off the edge instead of gaining momentum. and this was still fine, because it didn't kill any of them.
the thing is though, on the part of the track you're supposed to initially place the minecart on they used a powered rail, but most of the time they had it turned off and just nudged the minecart until it ran onto the loop. but this time, someone had turned it on. mumbo, in his haste to try to kill gem, didn't bother checking if everything was safe. by the time he noticed the minecart was moving on its own it was too late.
#this is why we have occupational health and safety regulations folks#work safe ad but its please make sure all powered rails are turned OFF before placing tnt minecart#mumbo jumbo#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#trafficblr#geminitay
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Trip the Sungazer vs. Noodle House
#maybe you should put up some safety rails for her in your shop#trip the sungazer#my art#sonic superstars#sonic vs restaurant
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give me chaotic dan heng. give me dan heng who would do the most absolutely wild shit if he thinks its justified. give me dan heng who would deck someone on sight for picking on march. give me dan heng who would narrowly avoid an assault charge after hearing a researcher insult the trailblazerâs intelligence. give me dan heng who would offer to cause trouble so bailu can run off and play and have the childhood he never had
pls give me chaotic dan heng
#pls this is the man who got in a fucking CAGE FIGHT within like 2 days of arriving in belobog#but thats just canon dan heng?#i know i miss him#give me back my stupid emotionally stunted dragon man#honkai star rail#hsr#dan heng#hsr dan heng#dan heng my beloved#dan heng imbibitor lunae#danheng my beloved#danheng#dan heng honkai star rail#honkai dan heng#dan heng hsr#i miss the trailblaze trio. give me back my sillies :(#hes like hermione i absolutely believe he would set someone on fire if it meant the safety of his friends
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Discover the Benefits of Muzata Blocking Rods for Your Stair Railing Projects
Are you looking to enhance your home with stylish and secure stair railings? The Muzata brand offers an exceptional selection of blocking rods that are perfect for your needs. These high-quality components ensure that your stair railing kits and cable railing hardware fittings are not only safe but also visually appealing.
Muzata's blocking rods are designed for easy installation, allowing you to transform your space effortlessly. Whether you're a DIY enthusiast or a professional contractor, you will appreciate the durability and functionality of these products.
Explore Muzata's range of stair railing kits and cable railing hardware fittings today, and take the first step toward creating a beautiful and safe environment in your home. With Muzata, you can trust that you're investing in quality and style!
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Finally playing Argenti's quest before I likely pull him tomorrow and no one warned me that he's a) definitely insane, and b) desperately needs to be on a watchlist for how much he talks about dying đ
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Bollards vs. Barriers: Which Is the Better Access Control Solution?

Access control is a critical aspect of any space, whether it's a bustling urban area or a private property. Bollard and barriers are two popular choices for managing the flow of vehicles and pedestrians. But which one is the superior solution bollard or barrier? In this article, we'll delve into the world of access control and explore the benefits of both bollards and barriers.Â
By the end, you'll have a clearer understanding of which option might be the best fit for your specific needs.
Understanding the Role of Bollards
Bollards have become a familiar sight in urban environments. They are short, sturdy posts, typically made of metal or concrete, strategically placed to control traffic flow. Originally, they were primarily used to prevent vehicles from entering pedestrian areas, making them a vital tool for enhancing safety in crowded spaces.
One of the standout features of bollards is their versatility. They come in various styles, from sleek and modern designs that seamlessly blend with urban architecture to more robust, industrial options suitable for high-security applications. This adaptability makes bollardsan excellent choice for a wide range of settings.
The Strengths of Barriers
Barriers, on the other hand, offer a different approach to access control. They come in various forms, including gates, fences, and retractable arms. These physical structures serve as a deterrent to unauthorized entry, providing a more substantial obstacle than bollards.
Barriers are often favoured in situations where a higher level of security is required. They can effectively block access to an entire area, making them ideal for locations like military bases, government facilities, or sensitive industrial sites.
Safety First: A Closer Look at Bollards
One of the key advantages of bollards is their emphasis on safety. They are designed to absorb impact, making them an excellent choice for protecting pedestrians from rogue vehicles. In areas with high foot traffic, such as shopping districts or public squares, bollards offer a robust defence against accidental collisions or, in worst-case scenarios, intentional attacks.
Additionally, bollards can be equipped with various features to enhance safety. These may include reflective coatings for improved visibility, integrated lighting for nighttime use, or even automatic retractability for temporary access.

Balancing Act: Security with Bollards
While bollards excel in safeguarding against accidental collisions, they may not provide the same level of deterrence against intentional intrusion as barriers do. In scenarios where preventing unauthorized entry is paramount, barriers may be the preferred choice.
The Cost Factor: Bollards vs. Barriers
Cost is a crucial consideration when evaluating access control solutions. bollards tend to be more cost-effective upfront, especially for lighter-duty applications. They require less maintenance and can be installed relatively quickly. Barriers, on the other hand, often involve a higher initial investment, but they can offer unparalleled security in return.
Aesthetics and Integration
Aesthetics play a significant role, especially in urban environments where design and functionality must coexist harmoniously. bollards can be customized to complement the architectural style of a space, blending seamlessly with their surroundings. This level of integration is often more challenging to achieve with barriers, which tend to have a more utilitarian appearance.
Making the Right Choice
Ultimately, the decision between bollards and barriers hinges on your specific needs and priorities. If safety in high-foot-traffic areas is paramount, bollard offers an excellent solution. On the other hand, when maximum security and access restriction are the primary concerns, barriers may be the better choice
In many cases, a combination of both bollards and barriers may be the most effective approach, allowing for a tailored solution that addresses various security and access control needs.
ConclusionÂ
In conclusion, there's no one-size-fits-all answer in the bollard vs. barrier debate. Each has its strengths and is better suited to different contexts. By carefully considering your requirements and consulting with access control experts, you can make an informed decision that ensures the safety and security of your space.Â
Remember, it's not about finding the "better" solution, but rather the one that's best for you.
Source :-Â https://trafficsafetynlogs.blogspot.com/2023/11/bollards-vs-barriers-which-is-better.html
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Big Train managers earn bonuses for greenlighting unsafe cars

Tomorrow (November 16) I'll be in Stratford, Ontario, appearing onstage with Vass Bednar as part of the CBC IDEAS Festival. I'm also doing an afternoon session for middle-schoolers at the Stratford Public Library.
Almost no one knows this, but last June, a 90-car train got away from its crew in Hernando, MS, rolling three miles through two public crossings, a ghost train that included 47 potentially explosive propane cars. The "bomb train" neither crashed nor derailed, which meant that Grenada Railroad/Gulf & Atantic didn't have to report it.
This is just one of many terrifying near-misses that are increasingly common in America's hyper-concentrated, private equity-dominated rail sector, where unsafe practices dominate and whistleblowers face brutal retaliation for coming forward to regulators.
These unsafe practices â and the corporate policies that deliberately gave rise to them â are documented in terrifying, eye-watering detail in a deeply reported Propublica story by Topher Sanders, Jessica Lussenhop,Dan Schwartz, Danelle Morton and Gabriel L Sandoval:
https://www.propublica.org/article/railroad-safety-union-pacific-csx-bnsf-trains-freight
It's a tale of depraved indifference to public safety, backstopped by worker intimidation. The reporting is centered on railyard maintenance inspectors, who are charged with writing up "bad orders" to prevent unsafe railcars from shipping out. As private equity firms consolidated rail into an ever-dwindling number of companies, these workers face supervisors who are increasingly hostile to these bad orders.
It got so alarming that some staffers started carrying hidden digital recorders, so they could capture audio of their bosses illegally ordering them to greenlight railcars that were too unsafe for use. The article features direct â and alarming â quotes, like supervisor Andrew Letcher, boss of the maintenance crews at Union Pacific's Kansas City yard saying, "If I was an inspector on a train I would probably let some of that nitpicky shit go."
Letcher â and fellow managers for other Tier 1 railroads quoted in the piece â aren't innately hostile to public safety. They are quite frank about why they want inspectors to "let that nitpicky shit go." As Letcher explains, "The first thing that Iâm getting questioned about right now, every day, is why weâre over 200 bad orders and what weâre doing to get them down."
In other words, corporate rail owners have ordered their supervisors to reduce the amount of maintenance outages on the rail lines, but have not given them additional preventative maintenance budgets or crew. These supervisors warn their employees that high numbers of bad orders could cost them their jobs, even lead to the shutdown of the car shops where inspectors are prone to pulling dangerous cars out of service.
It's a ruthless form of winnowing. Gresham's Law holds that "bad money drives out good" â in an economy where counterfeit money circulates, people preferentially spend their fake money to get it out of their hands, until all the money in circulation is funny money. This is the rail safety equivalent: simply fire everyone who reports unsafe conditions and all your railcars will be deemed safe, with the worst railcars shipped out first. A market for lemons â except these aren't balky used sedans, they're unsafe railcars full of toxic chemicals or explosive propane.
When cataclysmic rail disasters occur â like this year's East Palestine derailment â the rail industry reassures us that this is an isolated incident, pointing to the system's excellent overall safety record. But that record is a mirage, because the near-misses don't have to be reported. Those near-misses are coming more frequently, as the culture of profit over safety incurs a mounting maintenance debt, filling America's rails with potential "bomb cars."
Rail mergers and other forms of deregulated, anything-goes capitalism are justified by conservative economists who insist that "incentives matter," and that the profit motive provides the incentive to improve efficiency, leading to lower costs and better service. But the incentive to externalize risk, kick the can down the road, and capture regulators rarely concerns the "incentives matter" crowd.
Here's an incentive that matters. Rail managers' bonuses â as much as a fifth of their take home pay â are only paid if the trains they oversee run on time. Inspectors have recorded their managers admitting that they have quotas â a maximum number of bad orders their facility may produce, irrespective of how much unsafe rolling stock passes through the facility.
Inspectors have caught their managers removing repair order tags from cars they've flagged as unsafe. Inspectors will log orders in a database, only to have the record mysteriously deleted, or marked as serviced when no service has occurred. Some inspectors have seen the same cars in their yard with the same problems, and repeatedly flagged them without any maintenance being performed before they're shipped out again.
Former managers from Union Pacific, CSX and Norfolk Southern told Propublica that they operated in an environment where safety reports were discouraged, and that workers who filed these reports were viewed as "complainers." Workers furnished Propublica with recordings of rail managers berating them for reporting persistent unsafe conditions the Federal Railroad Administration. Other workers from BNSF said that they believed that their bosses were told when they called the company's "confidential" work-safety tipline, setting them up for retaliation by bosses who'd falsified safety reports.
Whistleblowers who seek justice at OSHA are stymied by long delays, and while switching their cases to court can win them cash settlements, these do not get recorded on the company's safety record, which allows the company to go on claiming to be a paragon of safety and prudence.
The culture of retaliation is pervasive, which explains how the 47-cars worth of propane on the "bomb train" that rolled unattended over three miles of track never made the news. There is a voluntary Close Call Reporting System (operated by NASA!) where rail companies can report these disasters. Not one of America's Class 1 rail companies participate in it.
After the East Palestine disaster, Transport Secretary Pete Buttigieg pushed the rail companies to join, but a year later, none have. It's part of an overall pattern with Secretary Buttigieg, who has prodigious, far-reaching powers under USC40 Section 41712(a), which allow him to punish companies for "unfair and deceptive" practices or "unfair methods of competition":
https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge
Buttigieg can't simply hand down orders under 41712(a) â to wield this power, he must follow administrative procedures, conducting market studies, seeking comment, and proposing a rule. Other members of the Biden administration with similar powers, like FTC chair Lina Khan, arrived in office with a ranked-priority list of bad corporate conduct and immediately set about teeing up rules to give relief to the American public.
By contrast, Buttigieg's agency has done precious little to establish the evidentiary record to punish the worst American companies under its remit. His most-touted achievement was to fine five airlines for saving money by cancelling their flights and stranding their passengers. But of the five airlines affected by Buttigieg's order, four were not US companies. The sole affected US carrier was Spirit airlines, with 2% of the market. The Big Four US airlines â who have a much worse record than the ones that were fined â were not affected at all:
https://prospect.org/infrastructure/transportation/ftc-noncompete-airline-flight-cancellation-buttigieg/
Rather than directly regulating the US transportation sector, Buttigieg prefers exacting nonbinding promises from them (like the Tier 1 rail companies' broken promise to sign up to the Close Call Reporting System). Under his leadership, the Federal Railroad Agency has proposed weakening rail safety standards, rescinding an order to improve the braking systems on undermaintained, mile-long trains carrying potentially deadly freight:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/11/dinah-wont-you-blow/#ecp
The US transportation system is accumulating a terrifying safety debt, behind a veil of corporate secrecy. It badly demands direct regulation and close oversight.
If you are interested in rail safety, I strongly recommend this episode of Well There's Your Problem, "a podcast about engineering disasters, with slides" â you will laugh your head off and then never sleep again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BMQTdYXaH8
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/15/safety-third/#all-the-livelong-day
#pluralistic#safety third#safety#whistleblowers#trains#railroad#rail safety#propublica#east palestine#monopoly#osha#bnsf#csx#bad orders#federal railroad administration#fra#association of american railroads#norfolk southern#union pacific#incentives matter#bomb train#Confidential Close Call Reporting System
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i finally played argenti's story quest... i hope when velite is a pilot they can journey together
#honkai star rail#argenti#hsr argenti#argenti x velite#if that even is a tag hkffjhdjffk#this is the worst tumblr has ever obliterated the quality even tho the canvas is from the same canvas preset i use for all my drawings#and im really sad bc this is like my fave thing ive ever drawn lmao â°ď¸â°ď¸â°ď¸â°ď¸#idk how to fix it i hope you can enjoy it anyway#yeah doing that quest i was like why is hoyo making me feel so much for a pc x npc pairing đ#i know the knights are loners and argenti was like my fate is to wander the cosmos alone but im like... what if you didnt have to <3#the concept here was what if he gently carried velite to safety when he rescued him
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trying not to make this scene too much like "he would not fucking be that self-aware" but in this case abbot is canonically in therapy so maybe he would?? would he be aware of the atlas metaphor is the real question
#i've decided he wouldnt say Atlas specifically but he is aware of like. a weight#trying to make him say poignant therapy things while also trying not to ignore the fact that this is a man that regularly stands#on the wrong side of a rooftop safety railing#thats the trick#he is not healthy either he just has a therapist#the pitt#vague ramblings about my wips
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What an awesome day (1.6.)
(Sunday hike + other ramblings, feeling pos)
Did a hike to one of the highest points in my region (which unfortunately is not that high) and this cool ravine (or gorge? There was a stream flowing through it) where ice doesn't melt on the cliff wall until mid summer usually. Most of it was gone now tho bc it has been unusually warm :/ but i saw a beaver dam and a buzzard :3
It was a chill 4 km. I climbed to 280m (2nd pic) in 7 mins according to my health app. I don't have anything to compare to so idk if that's good time or not. U can't rly see the steepness in the pics at all :p
It was an hour plus drive so we split the trip, my friend drove us there and i drove back. Her car is so cute & small and has a turbo so i was getting in a pissing contest w some beamers on the highway. She's such a racer at heart too, i love being her passenger prince cuz she's always overtaking others being like "imagine getting beaten by a girl đĽşđŤś"
After the hike i went to sauna, cleaned my apt and then had tuna wraps. V nice sunday.







I feel hopeful abt getting better. Yesterday I had the urge to get rid of my dinner but the chest pain and arrhythmia I've been having made me stop myself. It was like i cared for the first time in a while, and i felt in control.
(Side note as I'm writing this my quads r killing meeeee)
#the safety railings at the gorge were ridiculous imo like if u fall then that's j natural selection baby#i'm kidding ofc#no i'm not
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girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??
#yknow when your whole body freezes bc youre struck with the realization people SEE you and CARE about you#my fightflightFREEZE kicked in so hard all i could do was cry and pretend to act chill texting back sowkwowkwl#at one point i thought abt going through gender affirming means for a reduction (vs plastic surgery) but THATS ILLEGAL NOW <33333#đđđđđđđ#THIS IS WHERE I VENT NOW OK PLEASE BLOCK THE NOT TS TAG LMFAO#not ts#me @ myself: girl this is not the time or place#also me: IAOAKQKW đłď¸âđđłď¸âđđłď¸âđđŤ¨đŤ¨đŤ¨đđđâźď¸âźď¸đđđłď¸âđđłď¸âđđŤ¨đŤ¨âď¸âď¸#like I'm proud of myself too :)#i wish I'd done it sooner like everyone told me to. like this has been a reality for me since i was 12 or 13#when ppl talk about me they always mention my boobs. family friends teachers peers#at a funeral for a loved one when im 13 and an elderly relative brings up breast reduction surgery#but i was so scared (i have a surgery phobia and also extreme control issues when it comes to my body/safety) that i put it off#and now i am forced to be stagnant or else i cripple myself. which is a life i dont want to live#i dont want to lie in the floor unable to move bc my sciatic nerve is crushed btwn vertebrae.#crying hysterically bc i think ive paralyzed myself and there's no one to help me#being unable to dance or play volleyball or lift weights again.#i want to run :( for the first time since i was 8 i want to be able to run..#and that's just medical stuff. chronic pain stuff#that's not delving into gender identity or how this has destroyed my mental health in 7 billion ways since puberty#turning 25 this is the 1st time i feel like an adult and a Person. & i realize i need to accommodate myself & my own happiness#if i want to enjoy the life i have.#like i cant keep procrastinating my life#for a long time i've been like âmy life just feels like procrastinating suicideâ & that's very true. & i dont want to live that way anymore.#it's time i do things for myself. because i'm the only one who can. i can't live for other ppl anymore. it's destroying me.#this went off the rails sorry#i just wanted to make a quirky post abt the gay experience but it's much deeper than that and#i wont un-deep my thoughts and feelings for an internet post :) i am real & messy & multifaceted and#i seek for others to See me :)
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