#safiya karimi

[astralprojection]

cursed IM log

"i’m a writer and a content creator”, i tell myself, as i continue to write nothing but IM logs between my characters. (as always: if you’re on mobile i am so sorry)

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Hello evberyone AM I A MILF

sunny: id act surprised but tbh i knew this would happen at some point

sunny: seemed kinda unavoidable

Safiya: I mean, we could’ve avoided it by blocking Niamh.

tinoceles: we don’t wanna do that, safi!

Calista Parker.: Why not?

tinoceles: uh

tinoceles: she’s our friend

sunny: and stuff!

Safiya: I’m not saying we should block her! I’m just saying that we have only ourselves to blame for this.

Safiya: Because we didn’t block her.

Safiya: By the way, love you, Niamh!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: AM I MILF!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: I Google “Am I Milf quiz. And did’t like the results!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: T

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: The quiz asks what I do would if my child gets food, on my jeans. BUT I DONOT HAVE A CHIL;D. AND I DO NOT WEAR JEANS!!!!!!!

Calista Parker.: I don’t understand this conversation. What is a Milf?

tinoceles: uhhhh well

tinoceles: it’s basically a hot older lady, i guess?

sunny: yeah like

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: IT IS: MOTHER

sunny: when theres like th

sunny: oh no

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: ID LIKE

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: TO

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: HAAAAAAAAA

Calista Parker.: OK.

Calista Parker.: But it isn’t that funny. And you’re not a mother.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: It is very funny CALISTA

sunny: hold on theyre kinda right abt the mom part tho!!

sunny: like do u have to be a mom to be a milf?

Safiya: Probably?

tinoceles: i’m not sure, actually

tinoceles: in spanish we call old people “grandparents”, even if they don’t have grandchildren

sunny: yeah tino

sunny: but theres a huge difference btwn calling the nice old lady in the supermarket abuela and calling a hot middle aged woman a milf

sunny: idk the milfdom rules tho

Safiya: Aren’t hot middle-aged women without children called cougars?

Calista Parker.: These names are misleading and useless.

sunny: misleading maybe

sunny: but never useless

tinoceles: hold on, there’s a yahoo answers thread about this

Safiya: Going straight to the good stuff, I see!

Safiya: Answers dot Yahoo dot com, fulfilling all your needs for deep MILF lore since 2005.

sunny: ok wait lets make like a little stop in the road here

sunny: safiya how and WHY do u know when yahoo answers was created

Safiya: What, you don’t think I research every single thing I say????

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Celestino I am on the EDG of my seat. What do ANSWERS OF YAHOO SAY. Am I MILF.

tinoceles: well, according to the best answer, “MILFs are in the eyes of the beholder”, but the rest of the answer is just… creepy

tinoceles: this entire thread is creepy, actually

tinoceles: let me check the IGN thread now

sunny: theres an ign thread about milfs?????????

tinoceles: yup

tinoceles: “MILF is an aesthetic, a look. It really has nothing to do with kids or age” says an IGN user with an icon of, uh,

tinoceles: what do you call goku when he has blond hair?

Safiya: Blond Goku.

sunny: definitely blond goku

tinoceles: well, okay

tinoceles: but yeah, they didn’t reach a consensus here either. some people say milfs are women with children, some say they’re just older women, with or without children. some say hot older women without children are called cougars. and some say hot older women without children are just “hot older women without children”

Safiya: Wow, that’s a LOT of “hot older women without children”s.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: MY QUESTION! IS NOT ANSWERED

sunny: yeah were back to the start ig

sunny: i mean we never rly went anywhere in the 1st place

sunny: so well just have 2 keep looking

sunny: we must find answers 4 this very important very pressing question!!!

Calista Parker.: How do I leave this chat.

and yes. i visited all of the pages mentioned on this log. and frankly i believe that was very brave and like, immersive of me

[astralprojection]

these are two little... exchanges i guess i’ve been thinking about for a while, but i could never finish them and/or work them into something bigger so i’m just gonna post them as they are (they’re not related to each other btw they’re supposed to be two different conversations):

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: My friend! Celestino

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: ARe you...... perhaps...

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: “Gay”??????

tinoceles: yup!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: I will Not, be surrounded.  By ANY OF THE “Hetero of Sexuals”

sunny: hiiiiii

sunny: happy new year yall!!!!!! 💛💛💛💛

tinoceles: happy new year!! love you all!!!

Calista Parker.: I would like to remind you that today is the 30th of December.

Calista Parker.: No offense meant, of course.

sunny: yeah but like

sunny: lets be 1000% honest here

sunny: which 1 of us is gonna send a nice message on the 31st??

sunny: i mean i would die for yall but i dont trust any of u 2 have enough awareness of time and/or social constructs 2 remember to do that

sunny: myself included

Calista Parker.: Hm. OK.

Calista Parker.: In that case: best wishes for all the days after tomorrow.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Happy “New Year”, THOT’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tinoceles: uhh

tinoceles: ok i’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt: do you know what that means?

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: YES!!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: I am “Hip”., Modern. and in TOuch. with your hip and modern worsd!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: It means “Terrific Humans Observing Traditions” 🎉🍾🥂🎇🎁🙌

sunny: ?????????

sunny: who told u that???????

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Safiya!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: SHe; knows……… MANY WORDS and will teache me all of them!

Safiya: Happy New Year, folks!

sunny: safi i dont mean to like exaggerate or be dramatic or anything but i kinda genuinely honestly feel u r about 2 create a monster

sunny: n also if niamh suddenly starts spamming our chats w “MEN GET PEGED!!!!” or something im gonna hold u responsible 4 that

tinoceles: it can’t be that bad!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: SAFIYA WHAT DOES “PEGED” MEAN and why do “Men” get it

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: If men can get it I can get it too. I want. A “PEGED”

tinoceles: i take back my words

Safiya: It means... PeglegEducation!

Safiya: For pirates! Dude pirates!

Safiya: Men need training to walk around with a pegleg because they’re largely incompetent at everything. So they go to like, pirate college and get their degree in PegEd.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: OOOH HAHA! MEN

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: ARR! Ahoy MATEY”S” MEN GET the scurvy and the PegEd

[astralprojection]

a group picture! taken in the void apparently

(open the image in a new window if u can because it’s actually huge! i mean you’re not missing out on anything, it isn’t a particularly detailed drawing, but it might make reading niamh’s and tino’s shirts easier

anyway i’ll probably get back to this later and add a background n shit but for now... i am Done with This)

[astralprojection]

the ocs make an attempt at starting to play d-n-d

i know i always post WIPs that i never finish but i absolutely do need to share this part

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: We will play, “The Dungeons and Dragons”

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: AND I.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: WOLL BE.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: YOUR “DM”

tinoceles: uh, do you know what a DM is?

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: I am “Savvy” IN THE WAYS OF YOUR DUINGEONS

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: It Stands for, “Deliciously Marvelous”

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Or perhaps “Divinely Mystical””

Safiya: Actually, it means Dungeon Master.

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: W

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Well that is just nauighty! Ha! Ha! Ha1q

sunny: not that kind of master niamh!

Safiya: Or dungeon, for that matter.

Safiya: Also, why did your mind even go there? Like, did you forget about the “dragons” part? How would dragons figure into THAT?

tinoceles: they can if you’re not a coward

tinoceles: and before you say anything, dragon-fucking is a very respected human tradition

Safiya: Shrek doesn’t count as a tradition, Tino.

tinoceles: according to you anyway

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: oooh drama

💎���NIAMH👑💎: STEEPLES “THE FINGERS”

sunny: ok i do agree w tino here

sunny: i mean shrek notwithstanding

sunny: sadly

sunny: we do have those weird….. dil……… dos

sunny: the dots are there so u can picture my soul leaving my body as i speak

sunny: so there is both a precedent and a very devoted consumer base

tinoceles: THANK YOU

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: Thisd is very interesting but we areno’t talking about Me

💎👑NIAMH👑💎: And that! Is tragic

[astralprojection]

anyway, d-n-d classes!

calista: druid, partly because of their love and respect for nature and partly because they would just be the hermit living in a fuckin shack in the fuckin forest, always looking out the window, ready to run out screaming in case some asshole decides to like, piss on a tree or sth. also... listen i’m sorry but lys still gives me BIG f-rry vibes so them being able to turn into an animal is just the icing on the cake

celestino: bard, since he’s a creative jack of all trades. he’d love to spend his fantasy life just travelling around the world... singing... dancing... helping people in whichever way he can, be it with healing spells or just a nice medieval tune... doing some magic here and there... hitting assholes over the head with a lute and making terrible puns about it

lesedi: sorcerer. i mean he could be an ungodly mix of every single class out there but for the purposes of practicality and me not spending too much time on this i’m going with sorc. charismatic as hell, innate magic abilities, powerful and a bit wild, “somebody in my family fucked a dragon and honestly i can appreciate  that, they were living their best life.” gets wings. tino is SO fucking jealous

niamh: “pick a Class? Oh no....... i AM Class..... i am eLEGANCE 😂”. honestly i can’t think of anything niamh is just Too Much. i thought of warlock initially but she values her independence and would not tie herself to anybody or anything. although tbh i do like the idea of her making a pact then completely fucking her patron over, like finding legal loopholes in the pact or sth, and getting away w/ it somehow

WAIT OR. what if niamh was a warlock patron herself, like some kind of archfey or sth!!!! shit yes i am into that concept... “pact of the Blade this...... Pact of the BOok that..... what about pact of the NIAMH???? THAT is where the FUN HAPPENS!”

safiya: hmm paladin? but her power would probably be derived from her oath/commitment to hust being a Decent Fucking Person and not from a patron deity. so maybe just a plain fighter. kjdsfgjnk i’m not too sure really, all i know is that she’d have a blacksmithing background and only stopped doing that as a profession because she was like “yeah making weapons is cool but you know what’s cooler than that? GIRLS wielding SWORDS and i am GIRL and i am SWORD and i am going to SWORD some IDIOTS”

[astralprojection]

ok listen dont. laugh at me but sbdy reblogged a  compilation of b-zzfeed uns-lved videos and it immediately got me thinking about tino and safiya doing a show like that. i mean the dynamic’s there since tino firmly believes in... and wants to fuck... the supernatural, while safi is very much a skeptic of everything really

so it’d be sth like

tino: “people have seen odd things in this house, such as lights turning on and off at random-”

safiya: “because apparently faulty lightbulbs are satan’s work, now...”

tino: “ - as well as smelling sulfur in the air, and seeing a tall, shadowy figure walking around, which leads us to believe there’s a demon haunting this place. and a very fuckable demon, at that”

safiya: “okay. dude. working on the assumption that demons exist, which they don’t, but let’s assume that i’m wrong, which i’m not - do you really wanna bang something that reeks of sulfur? i can look past the horns and the tail and the evil, but sulfur? that’s not a dealbreaker for you?”

tino: “no, because i’m not a coward!”

[astralprojection]

safiya + celestino log, wip

(this has a first part that is a log between tino and lesedi -who is the person safi and tino are talking abt here- but that one's kinda barebones as of rn so i’m posting this instead)

tinoceles: hey safi!

Safiya: Hey Tino!!

tinoceles: i just talked to this really enthusiastic person from the cryptid forum

Safiya: Oh, the one that banned you because of all the cryptid dick you were bringing to the table?

tinoceles: yep, that one

tinoceles: but this person had seen my fic and absolutely LOVED it

tinoceles: to the point where he offered me a publishing deal

tinoceles: he’s not a publisher, from what i can tell, but he knows a lot of people

Safiya: So we’re talking about a very well connected person who lurks on shady forums, offering publishing deals to writers who are extremely talented, but also just kind of horny?

Safiya: Sounds trustworthy!

tinoceles: uh

tinoceles: yes?

tinoceles: okay wait

tinoceles: no

tinoceles: first off, the forums are NOT shady, they’re very reputable places

tinoceles: secondly, i’m not “kind of horny”

Safiya: No, true, you’re very horny.

tinoceles: yes

tinoceles: no!!!!!

tinoceles: safiya it’s ART

tinoceles: art is just naturally horny

tinoceles: i know you love renaissance paintings, and what do they all have in common?

Safiya: Terrifying cherubs?

tinoceles: NUDITY fiya

tinoceles: everyone is ASS NAKED

Safiya: Yes, because the artists were horny!

Safiya: I mean, just look at all the lovingly drawn titties!

Safiya: It’s like those mannequins with nipples. You just know there was some horny activity going on there.

tinoceles: safiya, why is it ALWAYS about titties with you

Safiya: Why is it always about alien dick with you??

tinoceles: touche

[astralprojection]

ocs playing d-n-d

so since i’m talking d-n-d on my main i thought i’d post this here because it’s relevant (i have to repost it because my theme, for some reason, doesn’t show the RB buttons and all that)

under the cut because it’s, i was gonna say long but it’s medium length, still worth a readmore though

this is also known as [redacted] 5ocs wakinghour can not, for the life of them, make ocs that do things properly and seriously, they’re all dumbass bastards but that’s just how it is on this bitch of a whatever

calista: they make a yuan ti rogue and put like… 18 points in dexterity, leaving every other stat at 9 or sth like that. they ignore battles, conversations, and crucial plot points - all they ever do is look for things to climb. they become increasingly more and more frustrated with each minute that passes. around halfway through the game they slam their hands on the table. “i’m sorry, but i’m starting to think you people don’t know how to play snakes and ladders,” they say

celestino: “uhhh i forgot my dice is it okay if i uhhh -” [pulls out one of those big fluffy pink dice you put in the windshield of a car].  also he does weird, nonsensical shit to see what’ll happen - not really out of a desire to be annoying, but because he accidentally built a character who sucks at everything but, idk, animal handling, so in order to be helpful to the group he really needs to think out of the box and try out strange things, like having a kangaroo carry your loot in its pouch (”we don’t even have to reach in and get it because the baby kangaroo will hand it to us!!”)

lesedi: starts off with a sorcerer. makes lore and perception checks on everything. (”you stand in front of a house–” the DM begins. “I ROLL FOR LORE”. nat 20. with a weary sigh, the DM pulls up the wikipedia entry for ‘house’). eventually, he multiclasses into ranger. then fighter. then cleric. at the end of the campaign he has at least one level in every class and the DM is just banging their head against the table and crying

niamh: every DM’s nightmare. she’s constantly tries to talk circles around the DM and confuse them into letting her do things she normally wouldn’t be able to do (like cast a warlock spell while being a plain fighter). she tries to cheat by bringing loaded dice; when called out on it, she reaches into her bra and pulls out more loaded dice. when called out on it again, she spends the entire session sulking and trying her best to derail the plot

safiya: she likes to pay attention to the smallest details and she’s good at thinking on her feet, so she’d actually be really good at it if she didn’t spend so much time trying to optimize her character and plan out the best possible strategy. at some point she realizes she’s taking it way too seriously and just… gives up. “i roll to seduce the dragon,” she says, while absentmindedly juggling her dice. “you dont speak draconic, safiya”. “i dont need to speak draconic to show it THESE TIDDIES”

[astralprojection]

you heard it here folks... disaster lesbian/disaster gay solidarity is real!

[astralprojection]

anyway here’s wonderbuds

safi and tino, the best friends in the world, true gay and lesbian solidarity

[bitchsexuality]

i was bored so i went to this random character development question generator, spent like three hours trying to find questions that made sense, and answered them for my ocs. this got long even though it’s only 4 questions cause it’s like, 5 answers for each question and i got a little carried away on some of them, but. its good

anyway if u wanna and you think it’d be fun pls answer these questions w/ your ocs and mention me in it cause i’d love to know!!

If your character's first crush gave xir a documentary about chess to watch, would xe?

calista: they'd decline by coming up with increasingly dumber excuses (like "hey, lys, did you watch the documentary i gave you?" "oh, no, sorry, my um, my neighbor's turtle was sick and i had to look after it and it was uh, it was a very high-demand turtle so i couldn't look away from it or it'd die" [three days later] "so about that documentary..." "OH um my priceless 8 foot tall vase broke into a thousand pieces and i had to fix it")

celestino: he'd agree to it and then either fall asleep five minutes in or dissociate all through it

lesedi: he's really curious and interested in pretty much anything and everything, so he'd be okay with that, but he'd insist that his crush watched it with him and then he'd be pestering them with questions about why things are the way they are  

niamh: no, but she'd pay someone to watch it for her and then tell her the most important parts, so that she can later mention them in a conversation with her crush and look like she did

safiya: she's actually the one who gives her crush a chess documentary to watch

What would your character consider giving xir least-favorite teacher/tutor as a gift?  Why?

calista: lys is too much of a baby for that like they're petty in theory so they'd spend days upon days thinking about the best, subtlest way to say fuck you but they'd chicken out and end up giving the person an actual nice gift to make themselves look good

celestino: "hey happy birthday, here's this uh, this gigantic metal wheel" "what does it do" "well hypothetically if you attach it to a wall and turn it, it should fix the cracks on the wall, but that's an hypothesis you'll just have to find out yourself"

lesedi: he's too nice to get them a bad gift and not nice enough to get them a good one. he probably just glumly stares at the teacher and sniffs contemptuously. "ms eos why are you looking at me like that" "why are you looking at me looking at you"

niamh: nothing, she can't even be bothered to think about something suitably petty, she just... doesn't give a fuck. she's not going to spend time/energy/money/resources/etc on someone she doesn't like (she barely even does it for people she DOES like)

safiya: she does research on what the teacher/tutor likes best and then passively aggressively gets them something that's close to it but not close enough

If your character's paternal grandmother gave xir a magic wand, what would xe do?

calista: "i mean, thanks but why would i take anything from you" (their relationship with their grandma is... less than stellar)

celestino: "granny. this is an amazing gift and i love you. but let's be realistic. there's like, an one percent chance that i won't blow up the entire world with this thing-" "honey it just summons butterflies" "okay, a two percent chance"

lesedi: gasp really loudly and begin making a lot of scenarios in his head about all the amazing things this wand surely does, trying to guess just how powerful it is from the shape and size of it, daydreaming about how many incredible discoveries and achievements there will be as a result of this amazing powerful wand, making plans on what he will do with it and how many things it can help with, starting his mental research on it, and then he'd forget about it completely and find it fifteen years later in his underwear drawer

niamh:  "grandma? you're alive? what the fuck?"

safiya: sneer at it. if she knows what it does she'll make a point of inventing something that works just like it but that's less magical and therefore more reliable; if she doesn't she'll return it; and if for any reason she can't return it she'll find a metal lockbox with 394 locks and stuff it in there, bc she'd feel bad about breaking it if it's from her grandma but she also wants Nothing to do with it

If your character found a million dollars someone had obviously lost, what would xe do?

calista: briefly considers keeping it, then has a very vivid mental image of being thrown in jail forever, freaks the fuck out, and desperately looks for the owner so that they might give it back

celestino: has a mind blank and no idea as to what to do with it, so he probably just leaves it laying around while he waits to know just what to do with it, loses it, and the cycle of People Losing One Million Dollars Somehow, What The Fuck, starts all over again

lesedi: fuck! the! rich!! (keeps the money but gives it to charities and ppl in need, probably finds the owner only to send them an anonymous letter saying "you are a little fuck of a shit and one day the bourgeoisie will be devoured. prepare yourself")

niamh: finders keepers, and finders also finders of the owner of the money, callers of the owner under a fake identity, askers of a "small reward" in exchange for giving back the money, makers of a fake million dollars to give in exchange for the reward in order to be keepers of the reward AND the original million dollars, and then removers of any trace of that fake identity to avoid any repercussions

safiya: "how do you lose one million fucking dollars, this has to be a trap", and she just doesn't touch it and leaves it there

[bitchsexuality]

safiya: 6, 18, 21, 22? :O

thank u!!!

6. what do they like to wear?

her style can only be described as like… sports goth soft butch. she wears a lot of black/dark colors, and she also loves wearing comfortable clothes that give her freedom of movement,

but she’s also massively gay so she tries to wear sleeveless tops to show of her muscles so she can impress girls w them (which often backfires because she’s not v good with the cold)

also she wears fuzzy colorful socks but she would never admit that

18. what kind of music they enjoy?

mostly classic + hard rock, but she likes anything that has a lot of energy, good drums, that was made to played really loud, and that u can easily scream along to (she doesn’t rly sing she just likes to shout lyrics very loudly)

21. favorite kind of weather?

moderate! like, not too cold, or even remotely close to cold because as i said she’s terrible w the cold and becomes an icicle in 0.5 seconds, and although she likes the heat in theory she doesn’t enjoy it in practice bc she does a lot of physical work that makes her sweat, and sweating in the heat is Not Fun

so basically she likes temperatures that are warm but not outright hot, w/ a nice, mild breeze

22. favorite color?

black and dark red!

[bitchsexuality]

safiya: 2, 7, 8!!!

thank u!!!!!!

2. their smile

safi smiles with her body language, mostly! like, ofc shesmiles with her mouth too, but you can truly tell she’s smiling by the way hereyes crinkle at the corners and by how she starts kind of bouncing up and down/ rocking back and forth on her heels.

her lips almost seem like an afterthought in her entiresmiling process. (except when she’s flirting, cause then she tries to bringattn to her lips). she’s good at not moving her mouth when she’s trying not tolaugh/smile, but her body language always betrays her

also she often snorts when she laughs

7. how they like to dress        

goth wannabe (lots of black n darks n red n like gothymotifs), mostly comfortable/sport clothes (partly because she’s a mechanic andpartly because she just can’t stand clothing that isn’t at least mildly loose)but also lots of sleeveless things and sometimes she’ll even wear tiny shorts(of like, the sporty kind) bc she’s perpetually trying to flirt w girls byshowing off

however in spite of her overall aesthetic being “gaypseudogoth sorta butch sport girl who is gay and likes girls” she wearsfuzzy rainbow socks and has light blue pyjamas with drawings of sheep in them

8. what they like toeat

she fuckin loves fruit. like, is there fruit? safiya isgoing to eat. that. fucking. fruit. she’s gonna monch it all right up. her alltime faves are raspberries and blackberries

as for dinner/lunch… i gotta admit i can’t think ofanything other than “she likes savory foods and probably hates soup forreasons that i can’t really explain, it’s just like, a gut feeling i get”

[astralprojection]

ocs as wolfp-py tweets

also know as “i told yall i was gonna do this, part 1″

CALISTA:

- i am going to lay completely still on the forest floor until either things start going my way or i disintegrate into nothing

- talking was invented when humans heard howling and decided to do that but with the beautiful and interesting qualities removed

- hey kids, i know youre struggling right now but im here to tell you, everything gets worse forever 

CELESTINO:

- time heals all wounds, makes us stronger, and grows us gundam robot limbs over our old ones

- regardless of how anyone feels about it, things continue to happen

- i want to apologise for earlier, also for later, and i guess right now isn't great either.

LESEDI:

- you’re going to have to try a little harder to insult me, i’m rarely paying attention

- one of these days i will float up off into space and no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa

- things are going really well for me now that i’ve changed the meaning of really well to the opposite of what it means in my head

NIAMH:

- just because i caused the problems doesnt mean i have the solutions to them

- learning from mistakes is for people who recognise that they make mistakes. i dont give a shit

- it happens to the best of us, the best of us such as me, out of both of us im the best one, probably too great to give you usable advice   

- dont speak i know just what youre saying, something about how beautiful and strong i am probably

-  where people like you see a problem i see opportunity to create worse problems

SAFIYA:

- i did the best i could with the resources i was given, which was nothing

- things haven't been going well these past few as long as i can remember

- funny how they are called "healing magnets" when all they did was make my tamagotchi sick.

[bitchsexuality]

anyway let’s talk ocs for no reason other than i want to. today’s topic is: sneezing

lys says “bless you” probably

safiya says “feel better/get better soon” because she thinks it’s more to the point even if sometimes it makes no sense

lesedi says “bless you” too but sometimes he’ll blurt out “are you okay”. like if the person has a sneezing fit he just stands there distressed going “are you okay. are you okay???? oh my god are you okay”

tino says “bless you” now and then but since his first language is spanish more often than not his first instinct is to say “salud”, however sometimes he goes ??? and gets it all mixed up and says “health”. like someone sneezes and tino goes “OH! HEALTH”

niamh says “gesundheit” to seem like a cultured polyglot or some shit but she pronounces it wrong. nobody tells her so she carries on being smug

[bitchsexuality]

ocs playing d-n-d

calista: they make a yuan ti rogue and put like... 18 points in dexterity, leaving every other stat at 9 or sth like that. they ignore battles, conversations, and crucial plot points - all they ever do is look for things to climb. they become increasingly more and more frustrated with each minute that passes. around halfway through the game they slam their hands on the table. “i’m sorry, but i’m starting to think you people don’t know how to play snakes and ladders,” they say

celestino: “uhhh i forgot my dice is it okay if i uhhh -” [pulls out one of those big fluffy pink dice you put in the windshield of a car].  also he does weird, nonsensical shit to see what’ll happen - not really out of a desire to be annoying, but because he accidentally built a character who sucks at everything but, idk, animal handling, so in order to be helpful to the group he really needs to think out of the box and try out strange things, like having a kangaroo carry your loot in its pouch (”we don’t even have to reach in and get it because the baby kangaroo will hand it to us!!”)

lesedi: starts off with a sorcerer. makes lore and perception checks on everything. (”you stand in front of a house--” the DM begins. “I ROLL FOR LORE”. nat 20. with a weary sigh, the DM pulls up the wikipedia entry for ‘house’). eventually, he multiclasses into ranger. then fighter. then cleric. at the end of the campaign he has at least one level in every class and the DM is just banging their head against the table and crying

niamh: every DM’s nightmare. she’s constantly tries to talk circles around the DM and confuse them into letting her do things she normally wouldn’t be able to do (like cast a warlock spell while being a plain fighter). she tries to cheat by bringing loaded dice; when called out on it, she reaches into her bra and pulls out more loaded dice. when called out on it again, she spends the entire session sulking and trying her best to derail the plot

safiya: she likes to pay attention to the smallest details and she’s good at thinking on her feet, so she’d actually be really good at it if she didn’t spend so much time trying to optimize her character and plan out the best possible strategy. at some point she realizes she’s taking it way too seriously and just... gives up. “i roll to seduce the dragon,” she says, while absentmindedly juggling her dice. “you dont speak draconic, safiya”. “i dont need to speak draconic to show it THESE TIDDIES”