#bc i do plan on eventually putting all the oc posts i have on my main here

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[cttrajan1206]

hi!! im here to ask about your ocs!!

first of all i would like to say PLEASE read the shadows house manga if you werent planning on it already...! youll get so much more that wasnt offered in the anime since it cuts off at season 2 , its just so good.. SO GOOD ok. ok

about astral and anjem!

i know you said you dont have all the details worked out so its ok if you dont have an answer to any of this atm!

could you talk a bit more about their dynamic/relationship, if you have anything else you wanna say?

what are their goals in the house? are they pursuing roles within relief team, starbearers, etc? are they wanting to get invited?

how good is astral at controlling his soot power? do you think its likely any of his experimenting on anjem could go wrong + how would he react, would he be able to fix it?

love ur ocs :}

WAAA HELLO?? i never original post ever so i was really surprised and excited when you reblogged it saying you'd read it later - AND NOW IN MY INBOX TOO? WAAAA.... >O<

But waa ok ok so! Funny enough, @tsukiomoon was over at my house and convinced me to read Shadow House (having watched the anime) while we were at a bookstore. I'd already glanced at it a few times over the years so I was. Very easy to convince tbh djdhfjf So I actually began with reading the first two volumes!! Then after that, I was thoroughly hooked so we proceeded to binge the entirety of it together in two days. That said, I'd love to read the manga. I'm debating on it because the official translation -> scanlation currency exchange is not in my favour ToT but I think I like it enough to bear through it, the anime missed a few scenes from even just the first two volumes after all.

Onto the ocs!!

Dynamic/relationship: This is a fun one. I've mentioned they both very much love each other already, I think at first they're both very superficial about it and build up versions of each other in their head (Astral even moreso having known longer). It gets deeper as time goes on but Astral isn't obssessed with Anjem just as a person, but also for his quality of being human. Anjem is similar likewise but there's a mighty power imbalance there.

Astral is actually also a special shade! He remembers before morphing. He's probably the worst one to do so though because he doesn't really care about the Shadow House - not when it gives him license to not only have Anjem to himself, but also such close access to humans. To him, the memories just give him a clearer understanding if the Faces' limits. He gets very annoyed with seeing others treat their living dolls badly and will pick fights about it or ask Anjem to give them recompensary gifts to them.

Anjem I'm less clear on... He's bad at cleaning but Astral doesn't mind particularly (and also doesnt produce enough soot for it to be a problem). The rigid structure of his life gives him comfort in its reliability but he does often long for some of the luxuries Shades get. Like nice clothes and better food. He doesn't like coffee though haha. I don't think either of them ever realise the brainwashing thing bc Anjem's too picky and never fully swallows the coffee anyway, sometimes vomiting it out. He still gets the effects partially though

Goals: I think Astral does want to escape the House eventually - he doesn't care too much for getting everyone else out, he just wants to find more and more humans and learn everything he can about them. Anjem I haven't decided too much yet. He knows Astral's goal and wants to be there with him to see it too, to travel the world, but I think he'd be scared of taking that step.

I think he wants to see his siblings again, one last time

Roles: Oop... Astral's power is very good for healing wounds so technically the relief team would be good for him but I personally wouldn't put him in a room with so many humans in it XD He keeps his power very downlow but regardless, I think he'd have made his way into the relief team. He's their bigger advocate on training to treat dolls better.

Anjem wanted to be in the research team instead but, as a Face, he has to tag along and look pretty

Power: At first Astral was pretty bad at controlling his power. He doesn't have blood himself after all, it was very unknown territory. In fact, the only way he Did grow better at it was When his experiments on Anjem failed. They could be very dangerous failures too, in case his soot clogged a vein or he clotted uo the wrong part or forced it to produce too much blood. In his panic to fix it, he tended to reflexively reverse whatever he'd done and so far, though there have been catastrophes, Anjem hasn't died. There was a time when Astral stopped his heart but that's whatever, he's immensely better at controlling them now. He doesn't frequent the training room (especially since his powers require blood), but instead has perfected his powers through practice in his room. He does also keep a few vials of blood he requests from the relief team that uses to practice with at times.

He prefers it best when it's with Anjem though :)

There was once, when the brainwashing had worn off more, where Astral fucked up. In attempting to heal a wound on Anjem's wrist, he accidentally sped up the production of the blood and it poured everywhere, spilling out faster than healthy. Anjem, wide eyed and afraid that this time, he was going to die, scrambled away from him screaming. He tried to run away but the pain was blinding him so much he could barely concentrate. Nothing Astral said could convinve him to calm down, and the last thing he saw before passing out was Astral roughly grabbing at his arm.

Astral was able to stop the blood, working with this as an experiment to control his area of effect, and sealed the wound. He bandaged it up and treated it with care, pressing a careful kiss of regret on the bandage and on Anjem's hand, the black mark staining his skin.

Anjem woke later in his box. He was afraid and angry and upset. He didn't talk to Astral for a full week, only interacting with him as a Face. Astral was heartbroken by this and apologised many times. They made up finally, after Astral stopped him from cleaning and held his hands, about to apologise again, when suddenly Anjem lifted the shade's hands and pressed a kiss to each.

"I'm tired of this. I miss speaking with you. I forgive you, so stop apologising every time I enter a room."

That mended things but going forward, Astral started getting external vials until he was better at his control.

Tidbits!

Astral likes his name but also wants to be separate from it. In private, he asks Anjem to call him "Aster" as a similar compromise. Anjem means "star" in arabic - he named his Face to match the name he preferred :)

Anjem is mostly good at reading Astral's emotions but they have a system of handsignals and body language to indicate the faces they want to make.

I've been thinking on them and their age awhile. I hadn't noticed when I made them that adults get finer clothes than the chikdren but I refuse ti change my design, I'm attached </3 I think they're similar to Barbara and Maryrose - old but still in the children's wing by virtue of not being given an invitation

This is partly due to Anjem's scar but mostly due to Astral's refusal to be useful outside of the bare minimum (this is not a noble thing, he's lowkey just lazy)

Oh my god I wrote a lot sdjbhf

Yeah!! That's them! That's my boys. I'm thinking of making a couple more too - I want to explore the idea of someone using their Face to hide disguise their real emotions

Thank you so much for asking 😭 it means the world to me and got me to think about them more

As an extra, have a doodle of Anjem's second sight of Astral:

[throughtrialbyfire]

20 Questions for Writers

thank you so much to @wispstalk and @dirty-bosmer for tagging me!! <3

gonna tag @mareenavee @changelingsandothernonsense @thequeenofthewinter @skyrim-forever @trickstarbrave @oblivions-dawn @orfeoarte @gilgamish @totally-not-deacon @archangelsunited !! no pressure as always, and if i havent tagged you and you wanna do this, go ahead and say that i did, i'm tagging you in my mind <33

answering under the read more!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

five atm! but i'm planning on splitting my one-shot-as-chapters fic into individual fics. i think i'll have around 11, then, if i don't take out some.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

99,173

3. What fandoms do you write for?

TES and CoD Zombies! though i don't write a lot for CoD Zombies, just when i get in a certain mood for it here and there. old special interest wont grant me a moments peace lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

i only have five uploaded, but i'll put them here!

1. An Inner Sanctity - 41 2. If By Sun and Moon I Swore - 38 3. Cycle of the Serpent - 23 4. The Mark You Left - 15 5. Portraits Under Forgotten Suns - 2 (this is the one i'm gonna split up into their own fics :3)

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes!! i even carry on convos in the comments sometimes for the hell of it, i love interacting with ppl <33333333

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think the one-shot for the prompts "forgotten/devotion" for tesfest '23 about the shipwreck of the brinehammer, since the main character dies lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the one for the prompt "in bloom" from tesfest '23!! it was just a little fluff fic for my ocs athenath and ja'dato <3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

luckily no, the spaces i've found myself in these days are really positive :3 especially compared to when i wrote on FF.net in like 2009

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

none of it is published, but i do sometimes! it's a good way to flex my muscles (haha) in blending thought and action, balancing descriptors (how vivid is Too Much), and seeing how certain characters interact with each other in a vulnerable state. maybe i'll post some someday, idk. mostly i just do it for funsies, so idk what kind you'd classify any of mine.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i havent in many years, so no, but that could chance if the mood strikes me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope, but when i was writing for a different fandom in high school, my writing for a particular character wound up on ppls RP accounts as their versions backstory, as well.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but if anyone wants to translate my fics, feel free!! just give me a heads-up!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yep, on my old ao3, a good friend and i turned an RP into a fic! i enjoyed it immensely bc we wrote really well together!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

idk, i just groove where the dynamics take me <3

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i hate to say it, but An Inner Sanctity needs a major overhaul that i don't have the energy for right now. when i started writing that fic, i didn't have a solid grasp on athenath's personality. now that i do, i'm gonna need to rewrite all the chapters i've had ready for it, and pivot the direction of the fic to get it where i wanted it to wind up eventually. i really do want to finish it, though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i get a lot of compliments on my imagery/descriptions/atmosphere! i love describing shit, so i'm glad ppl enjoy reading those bits of my work <3 oh!! and character/narrative details. i wrote a ~180k word fic in my senior year of high school solely off my mental notes for it, and it still wasnt finished when i dropped it a year or so later due to Circumstances

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

biting off WAAAAAAAY more than i can chew!! i have so, so many things planned for CotS and who knows if those things will get picked up on by folks or even work later down the line. GAHH

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

if you can realistically do it, go for it. if i could fluently speak all the languages i've tried to teach myself, i'd probably include them in fics where they would fit!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

naruto, i was writing naruto fics on a defunct dress-up site when i was a kid AHAH.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Cycle of the Serpent. theres seldom a time i'm not thinking about those elves. yes, i will admit with my whole chest that i'm a tad desperate for people to read it and interact with it, but i think if i could explain everything (without spoiling it obviously) i have planned for this fic and just how much is going on in the background of the details i throw in, the reasons certain characters behave the way they do, and the amount of time i've spent working on it (the doc for it is at roughly ~96k and we're not even at the Real beginning of the solitude arc) and the sheer amount of hours i've spent making sure details line up, you'd understand why i'm losing all my sanity daniel-amnesia-the-dark-descent style over this story. i started writing it as a for fun "no one's ever gonna see this" exercise that also helped me greatly in recovering from long covid brainfog, and i think even if one day i look back and think of it as "not the best thing i've ever written", it'll still be one of the most passion-driven things i've ever written, and i'm happy about that. <3

woof, what a ramble. if you made it to the end of this, thank you, and i hope you're having a good day!!

[cousticks]

also if at all possible u should respond to this ask with a list of all your aus -eyes emoji- bc i also have a ton of them myself so

I have many AUs because every time I see a new media my brain immediately interprets into 'okay but what if it was BSD.' I like to tag my aus with emojis, and I'll tag this post with them too for easier access!

There are two I share with my wonderful boyfriend @pmreaper !

One is called the Sheep AU, which is pretty much how it sounds. Basically, "what if everyone ended up in the Sheep instead?" The Akutagawa siblings, Atsushi, and eventually Dazai all end up there, and we have quite a few OCs for it as well to fill out the Sheep ranks! My tag for this AU is 🏠.

The second is... much less happy. Its our "Beastswap" AU, where the regular and Beast universes start bleeding into each other, causing characters to swap out with their Beast counterparts. It causes a lot of angst and misery, mostly. Its set after the events of the Beast novel. My tag for that one is 🏢.

Other, much more neglected AUs I have include:

A Chuuya-Gets-Raised-By-Verlaine AU. Nothing is written for it yet, but I have the actual planning of it relatively fleshed out. Its a lot of fun. Chuuya ends up pretty weird. I like it. Tagged with 🛬.

A "Real Steel" AU. Knowledge of the movie is not necessary because I borrow the universe its set in, not the plot. Its basically a neat take on futuristic bot fighting that I had the passing thought of "oh I can totally BSD this" and got really attached to. My tag for that is 🤖.

Years ago I made a lighthearted Polar Express AU as a joke, but who knows I might bring it back and actually do something with it for winter. Tagged as 🚂 if I ever do more with it instead of just a joke.

Another kind of 'holiday' themed one I just recently started tossing around in the back of my head is a Dazai-focused Its A Wonderful Life AU, because I think putting him in the situation of that movie would be kind of fun. Again, borrowing the concept, not the plot, so its not a 1:1 AU. I'd really like to do more with it, so I'll assign it a tag here. 🪽.

My last one is pretty old, but I have an Afterlife AU that's good fun. Sure, everyone died and that kind of sucks, but the real fun for them is in the afterlife. Its a "Heaven/Hell/Fallen Angel" sort of thing, but not in the way you'd expect. Everyone spends their times bending the laws of heaven and Earth to manipulate the world. I'll give it the☁️ tag because I should totally talk about it more in the future too.

I've certainly come up with many more AUs in my time, but these are all the ones that have any kind of concrete thoughts to them!

[elvenbeard]

Long long rambly headcanon post regarding my V and Kerry specifically, because I have feeeeeels XD On a meta level this time, bc some coincidences you just cannot plan out beforehand.

I know this all is gonna sound so fake, but I promise, it's not xD Also, it's maybe not as deep, but I want to write about all these things at some point in more detail too and not forget about them, so here they go for now!

I put several details into V's background way before meeting Kerry in game that ended up connecting to his life and questline in amazing ways. Mind you, I went into my first playthrough almost entirely blind. All I'd looked up at some point was the romanceable characters' names and who can romance them, because River was sending so many mixed signals xD.

Heck, I wasn't even too excited about Kerry XD I was hell-bent on River, bc V and he hit it off so well imo, and when I looked up that River is not available to romance for masc body/ masc voice V I was so disappointed xD Thinking "urgh fine, let's see how Kerry is like then, if he's the only MLM option". I was half-expecting though to probably finish the game without playing any of the romances - wouldn't have been the first time that happend to me in a game, sometimes my OC just doesn't click with any of the characters XD

During Johnny's first flashback it didn't even fully register with me that you're actually talking to *the* Kerry there, just his younger self. I'd basically forgotten about him again until the Voodoo Boys job. And overall, the little Johnny says about him didn't intrigue me (or V on that matter) that much, beyond an "okay, noted, it's complicated with you two". Overall I was basically expecting a less funny Johnny 2.0 with Kerry, personality-wise. I was still looking forward to meeting him, because he was taking his sweet time to show up XD But otherwise I had zero expectations.

Since I didn't know the lore or world of Cyberpunk that well either, a lot of stuff I made up for V's background along the way, and it led to so many amazing coincidences in the end...

Like, Vince his half-Japanese. That I settled on while messing in the CC, filling in some gaps as I got to know the world better. His father was a huge admirer of the Arasakas, Hanako in particular, gave his life for the corp, yadayada. He wanted his family and his kid to resemble the Arasakas' grandiosity in as many ways as possible, and so amongst other things V learned how to play the piano when he was a kid. He ended up hating it, stopped playing, because it was not something he wanted to do but was forced to do, more or less. Then, what's the first thing you see walking into Kerry's mansion the first time? Front and center, big piano. Admittedly, pianos show up here and there elsewhere, but somehow at Kerry's villa it felt the most out of place for me, just how V felt like out of place snooping around there. I'd like to think that Kerry inspired him to pick it up again at some point, on his own terms this time, playing what he wanted, not what others told him. Out of the other former Samurai members he also gets along best with Nancy, and they stay in regular contact after he helped her out with her request.

Another thing, I don't even remember where you can read about it in-game - in Kerry's database entry, or in a shard? - that kinda caught me a little off guard, a "what the heck" moment, was Kerry apparently doing yoga on his patio every morning. I think one of the first things I added to Vince's background for flavor was that he did yoga for a long time, picking it up some time after starting at Arasaka (recommendation by his life coach to cope with the stress) and eventually falling out of the habit after leaving the corp, because all his routines kind of went out the window for a while there. Here I'd also like to think Kerry makes him pick it up again, bc it's some additional time they can spend together in the mornings, especially important when the rest of the day they don't get to see each other anymore, until late at night maybe.

When V and Takemura talked about their childhoods during Gimme Danger, first thing I did afterwards was drive to Charter Hill and figure out where V might have grown up, which street and building he and his family could have lived in. The building I ended up settling on turned out to be one of the first you see when you step onto the rooftop lounge of the Dark Matter with Kerry. The thought of Kerry going there during important moments in his life, and the kid that would really change everything for the better for him a few years down the road living right across the street, neither of them aware of the other... I live for shit like that. So if anything, that one settled the deal for me for good XD Not to mention that Kerry was not what I had expected in the slightest, and I mean that in the best way possible.

The more I think about it, and as I'm replaying the game, I might notice or remember even more stuff or little coincidences. But yes... they were meant for each other, from the start, without me or either of them realizing it then, and I love it XD

[dwarfsized]

tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

9!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

63,696

3) What fandoms do you write for?

it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)

3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)

4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)

5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

5) Do you respond to comments?

yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.

also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?

I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.

can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)

i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!

[rarelyseencephalopod]

okay hi beloved friend please tell me about your guild relationship dynamic hcs. 🙏 amen

Yay! Thank you for the ask, my equally valued friend!

Okay so I'll list off the ones I have fleshed out/mean the world to me etc:

First one, no surprise here is Hawmitch:

Hc that I'm gonna focus on here is specifically the post-canon I created for them, in which they leave the Guild and live together, eventually marrying and just... getting to have a damn normal life. there's also some kid ocs to go along with that. Margaret carves a new wooden cross necklace for him on their first year anniversary, to replace the bloodied metal one. The wood one she carved their initials on it, as well as the edges are smooth and so cannot slice skin

They still tease each other, their love shows itself in strange, silly ways...but absolutely the core of it is they're so so united. They're a whirlwind together

Second is the ICONIC friendship of Francis and Poe

Basically, Poe did not betray Francis, and in fact had his help the whole time. Basically, Francis wanted to trap the agency, and manages to technically do this to Atsushi ONCE THE PLANS ARE HANDED OVER. Francis just slides those plans over to Poe like "go get ur man" and thats that. Had Poe won, he would've just been all smug like "I'll let you take the plans anyway as a consolation."

Poe aka one of the first members for the new Guild, hes seen it all

Theyve got a blood pact or something going on

Francis and Mark:

IUAAGHHHH Mark is literally just here for something to do and WHAM thinks Francis is the neatest

Francis appreciates Mark being like...the one member of the Guild not exerting pressure/hatred at him lmao

So its...nice, they get along really well

Nathaniel and Melville:

HE RAISED THAT BOY

Basically Nathaniel escapes his cult at about 13 (my hc) and its Melville who finds him (Melville previously was attached to the cult but also left as a teen)

At this point Melville is still leader of the Guild, and looking for a successor

Considering Nathaniel, he sets the boy up with proper schooling (tutoring), finally sending him off to public College

Ultimately, Nathaniel proves unequal to the task, but a certain Francis he's befriended at school is put in contact with Melville

Regardless, Melville is pleased to see Nathaniel again once Francis re-makes the Guild, and they get along

Real to me Melville tried to stop Nathaniel from leaving, tried talking to him etc

Nathaniel and Francis:

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

Same college, Nathaniel's first friend since the Cult

Basically That One homoerotic friendship you have in gradeschool that ends in a nuclear fallout

Nathaniel still has an old school sweater stashed in his drawers (it's Francis')

Margaret, Lucy, Louisa

GIRL GANG GIRL GANG

Margaret and Lucy is more equally abrasive, but it works with Louisa to balance it out (if she's not freaking out the poor dear)

Louisa is especially grieved a Margaret's injury, she misses her

Mark and Margaret:

Country siblings hell yeah

They oddly get along, in their own way of teasing and jokes

In the hawmitch post-canon, Mark regularly visits and the kids consider him their uncle

Poe and Nathaniel:

DOOM AND GLOOM BUDDIES WHOOOO

John and Lovecraft

god. Theyre absolutely stupid mad in love they just dont know what that is

BUT the devotion remains

Okay thats all for now bc really I have a MILLION thoughts but only so much brainpower, so I might follow up with this later on

[rj-masky]

Introduction post bc y not

Pt1

Names Rj or Masky, which ever you prefer to call me is fine. I'm kinda new to tumblr a bit but also not. I've been on here before under a name "Masky Myers" or something like that but deleted it bc I'm not very into social media. So here I am back again with a new hyperfocus, last time was portal and half life, now its somehow fnaf.

My hobbies;

-Digital art, I've been doing this for about 3-5 years or so now, my signature is usually "RJ-mask" but some times I add a Y to mask just for fun. I love the way I write Y's. I was born an artist, picked it up from my mother who now makes things outta yarn or wood burning.

-Car enthusiast, also all my life I've been obsessed with cars, I have a lotta "backyard mechanics" in my family and grew up with all types of cars. I just got my very own car last year, it's not the best car but I love it. No joke I will spend hours cleaning and generally taking care of it. It's a 1999-2004 Chrysler sebring convertible. It's a bueatiful looking car, expessialy after a sunny rain. My dream car is a Nissan skyline, I plan on it being painted green and black.

-Fanfiction writer, I dont write very often, but I've posted a story public before, honestly I've improved so much since then so now that story looks like garbage. It's on wattpad called "regret game" a slenderves based story. (If it's still there) I'm surprised it got as much attention as it did, it's got a great plot but my writing skills were not the best back then. I'm currently working on a fnaf based story, its actually my own version of fnaf about my oc who I'll eventually introduce. (Your welcome to give me small scenarios to write about if I'm in whatever fandom your intrested in, sfw only please, fluff is fine)

-role-play, I also dont do this much anymore but the memories are so much fun. I've created my own rp servers on discord between me and friends, amazing plots and stuff but not enough attention was put into it so it even got quite.

-collector, I've always had interest in collecting old electronics that are broken and or hotwheels, remote cars, stuffed animals, video game merchandise, movies, jacket/shirt flannels, and monster energy cans. I'm actually currently in the process of taking apart a old laptop I broke the screen to, I'm not sure why but I enjoy it.

Pt 2 link here

[wetcatspellcaster]

2, 7 and 29 for rose :0

Hi lovely, thank you for the ask!

2 and 7 were replied to in a previous post, apologies to the scrollers for the copy and paste, just for the ease of the person asking!

2. What relationship did your Tav have with their family/guardian(s) growing up? Has that changed with age?

So Rosalie is your stereotypical filthy only child lmao. She had a very good relationship with her parents (and also her aunt/aunt's children, as they all live on the same road in the same town!), although she is closer with her mother than her father because it's a pretty matriarchal family (it's the mother's line that's all based in the same place!). They paid to help her study magic in after school lessons the same way a middle class parent might pay for violin, etc.

This has changed with age - as of the game timeline she had not been home in two years due to the agoraphobia she is hiding from her family. She tends to write home regularly (lol she hasn't written yet in the adventure so that's a concern) but when her parents try to organise dates to come visit or for her to come home she invents extensive excuses to do with work, and then sometimes literally books extra work when her parents push her on it. As a result, they have grown increasingly distant.

7. What circumstances led to your Tav becoming their class/subclass?

Divination wizard - honestly, Rosalie isn't a Gale, she isn't a child prodigy or anything. I imagine her as a very intelligent girl who's parents decided to keep in school when she was shown to be good at it in the hope of bettering her. She was essentially put into a 'gifted and talented' programme, and I imagine that in the D&D world a 'gifted and talented' programme probably involves some taster lessons/aptitude tests in magic. Rosalie enjoyed learning magic so it became her hobby, and it opened up opportunities for her to study a 'mundane' subject but at a magical university - she essentially did a History and Classical Languages programme, which is how she got into translation, but at a magical university like Blackstaff so there was a lot of minors in magic she could take and her classes in non-magical subjects were still considered magic specialisms: essentially doing history of magic rather than just straight history.

Not to build my OC's CV (lol) but it was only in her master's that Rose probably started thinking of her self as a 'wizard' rather than 'a scholar who does magic', as her translations became about very high level spells - even though she couldn't cast them herself, she understood them on a level that a hobbyist wouldn't. This is when she became a wizard, and joined the Watchful Order with the plan to become a wizard (kind of like a graduate programme or law conversion lmfao). But she starts the game at level 1 bc her agoraphobia prevented her pursuing that at all, and she became a scribe and studier of spells rather than a caster of spells.

29. What advice would you give your Tav?

LMFAO. What advice *wouldn't* I give this woman???

I guess, after hitting her over the head repeatedly being like "communicate! your! feelings! to! the! people! that! matter! to! you!" you! dumb! fucking! wizard!"...

...I would sit her down and say: "Depression lies to you. It twists your view of the world to suit the narrative that allows it to survive and live on in your forever, like a parasite. Depression looks for any evidence to sustain itself because it doesn't care about your survival, only its own. Don't trust anything it tells you: don't think the bad things about you are intrinsic but the good things are fleeting, don't hate yourself just for the sake of hating yourself, and know that even the most inescapable moment will eventually pass."

(and then I'd be like, "also, tell the vampire man you like him, in literally every timeline this is your fucking downfall, i stg.")

30 questions for your Tav!

[raeygina-george]

Every third remaining ask from the game

ill just answer the whole thing in one. LONG ASS POST GUYS

💖Favourite thing to draw

WAVY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💯Favourite piece(s)

you get a sneak peek of the art project im working on yay. the perks of putting up with my bullshit <3

some of these i like more than others but as of rn these are the pieces i show people who haven't seen my art. my makeshift portfolio, i guess

🌈Favourite colour palette(s)

i think this is obvious enough if you look at my previous answer, but pinks, oranges, purples, and blues!

🤴Favourite OC(s) to draw

oooh yikes. to DRAW???? i never draw my ocs... i really like kyrie's design but i've never drawn her outside of that so i feel like she'd be really hard to get right..... idk i mean i guess saturn????????

🎨Favourite artist(s)

i dont have a lot of these, but i like hanacue, aidairo, and milkie2's art styles (these r just what i could think of off the top of my head)

✒Favourite medium 

i like gouache cause im a whore bitch

📏Medium you’d like to work with more

gouache because im not typically a traditional artist and every time i sit down to paint i just end up suffering for like an hour before i finally accept the fact that i cannot save this little kitty from its fate of looking like a vaguely animal-shaped blob. such interactions further repel me from the world of traditional art. im taking a painting class soon though so i'll just get my act together then

💭Go-to subject matter

humans?? usually just like. smiling. not doing anything too interesting

💜Drawing staples

i don't know exactly what this means but if it's an art piece of mine, it's got pink in it

💬What you’d like to draw more of

i'd like to draw more like backgrounds and animals? there's a shit ton of stuff i wanna improve with my humans but idk i've been wanting to branch out a bit more for a while i just haven't had the time or energy to draw more than like 1 of my blorbos a month

😂 Funniest drawing

i play tee k o with my family (you) so i draw stuff for that that's silly. WAIT HANG ON

this isn't my funniest drawing but it's what i have

❓Weirdest drawing/drawing with a weird process

im doing an art telephone w my friends that i might post when we're done? i can't post it now cause that would ruin the fun but yeah

🕑Drawing(s) that took the longest

uhhhh i mean earlier in my drawing journey i took forever to draw and i really hated drawing bc i took a super long time to draw and i didn't like anything i made and no one else liked anything i made so it was just like wow i spent all that time for nothing. still glad i did it though bc that era was still an important step in my art development. anyways as for more recent pieces uhh. my piece for the yorknew auction took a while, mostly because i had 0 time or energy and it was a really involved piece

👑Favourite fictional character(s) to draw

as you will see, i really like drawing lust from fmab

👿Least favourite fictional character(s) to draw

i've found out that unfortunately drawing olivier is not very fun for me. so sad cause i really like her

👔Design process for [x] character 

oh my god guys ask me about my magical girl designs and i will go insane i will type up a whole essay. i'll talk about kyrie cause i like her a lot

here's the design! so she drowned (or rather, was drowned by someone else) at 16 after being stalked for a couple months and eventually kidnapped. not exactly the lightest story, but bc it was so traumatic her brain erased the memories, and she doesn't find out the real cause of death until much later in the story, when kye comes across a guy who lived in kyrie's town and gets the full story.

her outfit is themed after ophelia for. obvious reasons. i looked up paintings/common interpretations of ophelia and found that she was commonly depicted in a white and gold dress with reddish-brown hair half up. oh, and flowers. so i ran with that. the white streaks in her hair were actually not part of the initial plan, but when i was using the bucket tool it left blank streaks and i just thought it looked nice.

for the flowers i chose forget-me-nots because she loses her memory, and then the hands on the skirt represent her fight to stay alive (both while drowning and before) and how she reached out for help in the months leading up to her death but no one answered. she's also, in a way, reaching for her lost memories, who she used to be, etc etc. the blue thingy in the back was initially supposed to be a mermaid tail as like. a single callback to the little mermaid (and the fact that she was a really good swimmer, so it's ironic that she drowned), but i took the mermaid aspect out & added in the two eyes.

the eyes are like. the feeling of being watched. the eye at the front will always look at kyrie no matter what, and the eye in the back will look at anyone else it can find, as if pleading for help. i just noticed the bracelet? not sure why that's there. probably just for fun. anyways the ring with the star on it is from a play called 'the princess who had no name', which is about a princess with amnesia who's trying to find out who she is and where she came from.

and finally, the weapon! it's meant to be a sparkler, like the little fireworks yk? it's a callback to the very first draft of her character from like 2 years ago, back when the kyries shared the name lylie instead & i had written absolutely nothing about her character. but i was reading through the old plot/character info a while ago and i found out she apparently really liked fireworks??? that was like my only piece of info about her. i figured since she'd changed so much it was only fair i put a little something from her roots. but the sparkler can also represent how 'bright' she appears to be; people are drawn towards her, for better or worse.

📆Earliest fandom you did fanart for/first fanart

the first fandom i remember like really being hyperfixated on was.... miraculous ladybug................. BUT i didn't make any fanart for it, so instead you get the very first real piece of art i ever made on my computer :)

shoutout to me for drawing those wings by hand. i didn't know how to use the flip tool so i just spent like 4 hours trying to make them symmetrical. and now i can't even remember how to draw butterfly wings. smh

HOLY SHIT WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED. BACK WHEN YOU FIRST SHOWED ME FAIRY TAIL I DREW HAPPY A COUPLE TIMES. I DONT HAVE ANY PICS BUT THAT'S DEFINITELY EARLIER THAN THIS. oh my god and don't even get me started on my warriors phase. wow i guess i've been making fanart since forever lol

📖Sketches 

this post is already too long. no

📝Process for [x] drawing 

my general art process is idea > rough sketch > real sketch > lineart (if applicable) > coloring > rendering > SHADE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT THING > send it to my friends and say 'anything else i should add 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺' > add a little more shading > done. you can ask me for more detailed instructions, i'd be happy to give a more in-depth tutorial about something specific

✨Inspiration for [x] drawing 

uh idk i do a lot of redraws. lately i've been doing redraws + asking friends for cool poses + looking at stock images for inspiration

💚Things you like about [x] drawing

i'll go with that aubrey piece from one of the earliest questions. i like how the emotions came across in both her expression and the coloring, and how much more fluid the pose is. i think the shading & rendering is neat. overall it's a big improvement from the piece i was redrawing so im really proud of that & it's nice to see how far i've come in a relatively short amount of time

⏳Things you’d do differently with [x] drawing

using the same drawing, uhh... idk there's some stuff with the proportions that like. sometimes looks fine to me and sometimes looks off? i really just eyeball anatomy and stuff so it's not always particularly Good. i like the colors i have here but they're not the colors i was intending to use. i didn't really know how to draw the jacket and everything i did with the top just looked strange so they're not As Detailed or 'good' as they probably could be? there's parts where i got lazy and all that but all in all i really like this drawing and nothing big really jumps out at me, these are all just nitpicks

💌Some favourite feedback on art

hmmmmmmm i really like the few like. paragraph responses i've gotten. i appreciate every single comment i get but like when people rave to you about your art???? that's so nice. i can't really pick out a critique i've heard that super super helped me off of the top of my head, but there's power in knowing what you can do better next time

[bbboar]

@boogerwookiesugarcookie asked me to answer ALL of the end of year asks so here we go! Thanks Naja!

Going to put it under a readmore bcs long

1.Song of the year? Dream Girl Evil by Florence and the Machine So nice of Miss Florence to make a song thats not only a bop but also specifically the theme song for my oc Hydrangea

2.Album of the year? I don't listen to many full albums but for me it would have to be a tie between Give me the Future by Bastille and Impera by Ghost 3.Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Ghost 4.Movie of the year? Everything Everywhere All At Once! Like i don't even need to think about it. Unlike anything ive ever seen, so interesting and heartwearming. Excellent performances and costuming 5.TV show of the year? Oh man this one is touh bcs i had 3 shows ive been obsessed with this year…. Our Flag Means Death, Severance or Interview with the Vampire 6.Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? Not defined the year but the best ep of anything ive seen this year was the the season finale ep of Severance. It was so excellent at keeping up the tension for the entirety of the ep. I was pacing and yelling and restless for the full length of it. Just amazing storytelling of everything coming to a head and the editing...my god!!!

7.Favorite actor of the year? I don't care that much about actors to have a fave of the year 8.Game of the year? I was a teenage exocolonist. Just finished my 4rth playthrough and i think i may have 2 more in me bc i want to see different outcomes/choices 9.Best month for you this year? Idk they sorta all blend into one? But December is when i have 2 weeks off work and also the weather is beautiful and sunny so im going to say that and not think about it too much.

10.Something that made you cry this year? A friend was never available to see me despite my multiple attempts to meet up and even though i didnt mind for a lot of it, eventually it started hurting my feelings. 11.Something you want to do again next year? Go on a mini vacation. I took a week off work to visit friends in Tasmania and i think i would be nice to visit some other place next year as well. 12.Talk about a new friend you made this year? I think we'd chatted a little on twitter and also possibly met irl once? But anyway yeah i formally met and befiended the partner of a friend and we rly got along! 13.How was your birthday this year? I went to this super expensive viking themed restaurant ive wanted to go to since 2019! Food, drinks, service, all excellent. I was dressed to the nines in my sequin dress and after i went for a little night walk around the city. It was gr8! 14.Favorite book you read this year? A nobleman's guide to scandals and shipwrecks by Mackenzi Lee. The Montague siblings series is such easy reading for me so i had a fun time! 15.What’s a bad habit you picked up this year? Forgetting to take my acne medication but i also took steps to prevent that so were good now 16.Post a picture from the beginning of the year Actually the first pic i took in 2022

17.Post a picture from the end of the year

Food from yesterday (27/12/22)

18.A memorable meal this year? Oh i already mentioned my birthday dinner so instead ill mention the brunch i made for my friends when i visited them in Tasmania.I was going to make eggs, bacon, homemade flatbread and some other stuff but my time management was off and it took me sooo long to make everything.In the end it was more like a lunch than brunch^^; But everyone was so patient with me and in the end the food was yummy and everyone liked it and we played dnd and had a great time :) 19.What’re you excited about for next year? Going to be getting a new phone and also....idk i havent made any big plans but i look forward to the little moments of joy and indulgence that will come. 20.What’s something you learned this year? Im sure theres life stuff i learned but what im psyched about is learning how to make scones. Its so freakin easy!!! 21.What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? After living here for about a year,i decided to finally put shit up on the walls of my room.Paintings and fairy lights and i plan on having a little colection of magpie prints too.It rly lifted my mood and brightened up the space. 22.Favorite place you visited this year? Oh man i was just stoked to visit Tasmania and see friends! I need to travel more bcs i love seeing new places. 23.If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? Do not catastrophise when someone upsets you. Just sleep on it and then act. People sometimes are stupid and thoughtless,not secretly malicious. 24.Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? I usually have a few and some years i end up completing them, other years i dont. This year my only resolution is to comment on people's art more. Thats fucken it. 25.Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one. Many actually bcs aside from various ocs, i run some trp games where i make 10+ npcs for. I guess one would be Winnie an npc i made for a game who i put so little thought in. Like i needed a character to fullfill a certain role so i recycled an old oc design and gave her like 2 personalty traits. Then though as we played, we all ended up liking her way more than id planned so anyway now she's in the queue to be an upcoming pc for a dnd campaign (with a slight redesign)

[mcalhenwrites]

Now that Geckos is out, I plan to work on the side stories for a little collection of them. "Don't" and "Dancing Bones" will be edited, but I plan to post them online for free as well as put them in the story collection.

It'll likely only be an ebook, though, and it'll have a few more stories. That includes a finished version of "Late Returns" (what I've posted is only the first part of a WIP). I want to get back to Stargazers' Hill and the Warren/Henry story that isn't titled yet, but right now, Seasons has taken over my brain again. I'm editing and reposting chapters on AO3. I thought people might be upset that I was reposting it, but so far the reception has been kind. ;A; (I still feel bad somehow? But that's on me.) After publishing Geckos and having an amazing day in the next town over, the following day was... not so great. We had storms. I'm gonna be vague for location reasons, but I live in one of the towns hit by a tornado the other day. I saw a map of it, and uh, I could've seen the tornado out my bedroom window if it had hit during the day instead of at night where visibility is shit. And if I hadn't been huddled in the downstairs hallway with my cats and roommate. I was panicked about the weather all day, and that was worse because it was the anniversary of Andover 1991 (a tornado). I lived through that. Uh, very luckily I lived through that, it hit my neighborhood and was scary close to my house, to the point the sirens 50 ft away or so were drowned out by the sound of the tornado. We had no basement and no good inner rooms or closets in such a tiny house at the time. I've been through other tornadoes since then, but none were as terrifying as that one. Before the tornado and after the reminder that it was Andover 1991 aniversary... I also got an email that I didn't get a job that would've been good for my disabilities. Like, worked around it well and not been too straining on me. Plus I would've worked with animals. I'm struggling financially, so writing is the only way I'm getting any income - outside of crocheting, and I don't want to fucking do that for money. I want my hobby back. I want to make gifts. I want to make OC dolls. I want my limited physical spoons for crocheting to be for ENJOYMENT. Not so stressful it makes me fucking hate crocheting. Which... yeah, I'm kind of there again. That said, I have made a few book sales, but... Well, I'll keep trying. I've got other novels cooking. I'll double down my focus, maybe. I will sketch more. Maybe I'll reconsider using something like Patreon, which... don't love, but like. What can you love? Every site is screwing over creators in some way or another. :'( It's depressing, actually, bc I hop on facebook, and I can't see ANY posts of the people and groups I follow, but you know what I DO see? Fucking suggested pages for AI art. I really hope all the people who gentrified the tiny house movement get scammed into buying stupid fake tiny houses due to AI images and end up taking legal action eventually that helps to bring about the (hopefully inevitable) death of AI? I'm mean, but like, tiny houses and mobile homes and caravans and shit like that were houses before rich people decided they were cute and they went up to $200k-$300k. I wanted a tiny house bc I thought, "at least I might someday afford this" but nah. They took even that away. So enjoy your shitty "this is perfect for me" gushing when the fucking pillows are melted into the planks and the switches for the oven and stovetop are underneath the burners! Anyway! I should probably do more writing and take my anemic ass to bed soon. It's been... a shitty couple of days. I'm trying to be cheerful and remain optimistic and just boost Geckos, Automata... but eh. I'm also trying to survive when everything is against that. I had a suicidal thought earlier today that I should just gulp down all the pills I can get my hands on and be done with things. yay. (I won't. It was a passing thought. A desperate "oh god I can't afford to live and I should give up, I'm in my late 30s and nothing ever gets better" thought.)

[astralprojection]

ocs playing d-n-d

so since i’m talking d-n-d on my main i thought i’d post this here because it’s relevant (i have to repost it because my theme, for some reason, doesn’t show the RB buttons and all that)

under the cut because it’s, i was gonna say long but it’s medium length, still worth a readmore though

this is also known as [redacted] 5ocs wakinghour can not, for the life of them, make ocs that do things properly and seriously, they’re all dumbass bastards but that’s just how it is on this bitch of a whatever

calista: they make a yuan ti rogue and put like… 18 points in dexterity, leaving every other stat at 9 or sth like that. they ignore battles, conversations, and crucial plot points - all they ever do is look for things to climb. they become increasingly more and more frustrated with each minute that passes. around halfway through the game they slam their hands on the table. “i’m sorry, but i’m starting to think you people don’t know how to play snakes and ladders,” they say

celestino: “uhhh i forgot my dice is it okay if i uhhh -” [pulls out one of those big fluffy pink dice you put in the windshield of a car].  also he does weird, nonsensical shit to see what’ll happen - not really out of a desire to be annoying, but because he accidentally built a character who sucks at everything but, idk, animal handling, so in order to be helpful to the group he really needs to think out of the box and try out strange things, like having a kangaroo carry your loot in its pouch (”we don’t even have to reach in and get it because the baby kangaroo will hand it to us!!”)

lesedi: starts off with a sorcerer. makes lore and perception checks on everything. (”you stand in front of a house–” the DM begins. “I ROLL FOR LORE”. nat 20. with a weary sigh, the DM pulls up the wikipedia entry for ‘house’). eventually, he multiclasses into ranger. then fighter. then cleric. at the end of the campaign he has at least one level in every class and the DM is just banging their head against the table and crying

niamh: every DM’s nightmare. she’s constantly tries to talk circles around the DM and confuse them into letting her do things she normally wouldn’t be able to do (like cast a warlock spell while being a plain fighter). she tries to cheat by bringing loaded dice; when called out on it, she reaches into her bra and pulls out more loaded dice. when called out on it again, she spends the entire session sulking and trying her best to derail the plot

safiya: she likes to pay attention to the smallest details and she’s good at thinking on her feet, so she’d actually be really good at it if she didn’t spend so much time trying to optimize her character and plan out the best possible strategy. at some point she realizes she’s taking it way too seriously and just… gives up. “i roll to seduce the dragon,” she says, while absentmindedly juggling her dice. “you dont speak draconic, safiya”. “i dont need to speak draconic to show it THESE TIDDIES”

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Matters of the Heart Ep. 2

Pairing: Best friend! Yeonjun x gn. reader

Genre: Fluff; Angst; Maybe eventual smut. This part has lots of angst bc that's what I saw in my dream lol

Content Warnings: University au!; lots of pining; our main leads being stupid; Yeonjun with an oc! girlfriend; I haven't planned smut for this one, but it might well turn suggestive or maybe even smutty

Word Count: 2.12k words 

Mellow speaks:  Here's part two oh my gosh!! I'm nervous for this one but I hope you guys like it!!!

Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedamology @enhacolor @axartia @hyunsuksmygod @yogurteume @duolingofanaccount @zurimochi @yogurteume @blahbluhblahbluh @yeonyeonyeonjun @yjs6x @silent--cry @delacyrose224 @rlajjunie @jjunbugg @blue-last-page-514 @bluxjun @yutacchin

(Taglist is open!! Send in an ask/dm to be added, or simply comment under this post!)

《Previous  Next》

"G-girlfriend?" 

Even the word sounds foreign rolling off your tongue, somehow leaving a bad taste in your mouth. You're dumbfounded to say the least, the happiness you had been feeling for the past half hour sinking into the depths as your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. "This can't be happening...," your mind says in a whisper, as all the memories of the years you've spent knowing Yeonjun, and especially of the past six months, come rushing back to you. 

Was it all a lie, then? All the lovely petnames, the sweet nothings shared through the computer screen during the dark of the night, the lingering touches and the stolen glances whenever you went out on lunch with the group? Was it all just meant to be a friendly gesture, something done just in the name of being a good friend? But then why had they made you feel the way they did, made your hear flutter and your knees grow weak? 

Or maybe it had been you who had misinterpreted his affectionate ways, had confused the way he used to throw his arm around your shoulders or pull your form into his chest and place soft kisses to your forehead, for something more than it actually was. But then, why would Taehyun always tease him by saying he was possessive about you, and why would Beomgyu always be at his throat for favoring you more than the others? 

And as if that wasn't enough, you can't forget the way every person on campus, from the professors to the freshman, had mistaken the two of you for a couple at least once, only for Yeonjun to play along with their confusion half the time and lie about being your boyfriend. All of that couldn't possibly be a lie, a mistake, could it? Couldn't possibly have been your mind playing tricks on you, making you fool yourself into believing he felt something more for you than he let on. 

It's only a moment, but it still feels as if an eternity has passed with you being alone with your thoughts. There's only so many questions in your head, a whirlwind of emotions as you feel your heart break a little. Yes, you had been trying to deny your feelings for your best friend, but they had only been pushing forward more and more each day. And seeing him in person after so long had made you feel like you wouldn't be able to hold back any longer, but here you are. Confused and just a teensy bit hurt, the only thing you can ask is, "How long have you guys been dating?" 

No "Congratulations," no "How could you not tell me, Jjun? I thought we were best friends." Instead, all you could muster was a question that probably completely betrayed your shock, putting on display to the world just how broken you felt. Of course, that's just your thoughts making it impossible for you to wrap your head around the news, but as you look into Yeonjun's eyes, hardened and with a faraway, almost guilt-stricken look in his eyes, there's nothing you can do to stop them. 

It's at least a few beats before he even attempts to reply, his mouth opening and closing as if he's contemplating how to come clean. Which is nothing if not absurd, because why should he have to come clean when he hasn't done anything wrong? In the end, he can't seem to find the right words, but lucky for him, his girlfriend is there to pick up the conversation. "About two months," she says, throwing in a quick mention of her name being "Yena," before launching into the tale of how they met when she auditioned for being his co-host on the radio four months ago. 

"Two months," you repeat to yourself, trying to simultaenously force a smile and stomach the fact that during the time you were dreaming about running into Yeonjun's arms and confessing your feelings to him the second you met him again, he had been getting involved with another girl, showing her the love you used to think he had kept aside for you. It's a lot for you to take, and all you want to do in that moment is dash to your apartment that you haven't even stepped foot in since coming back, curl into a ball on your bed, and cry. 

But you know you can't do that, so instead, you force yourself to smile just a little wider, an "I'm so happy for you guys" finally slipping past your lips, long overdue. And as your words make their way towards Yena, the smile that she sends you is enough to make you give up on being petty (at least for a while), and focus on being a nice friend to the person who's done the same for you, for years. 

So you choose to let your guard down, asking questions and giving answers and swapping anecdotes with the newest member to your gang, telling her all that is to know about her boyfriend and asking her what he's been up to while you were gone. "You need to tell me all that he did behind my back," you laugh, your tone teasing as it starts to get a little easier to breathe again. The commotion around you that had come to a halt barely a couple minutes ago starts again, the fact that the cake 

"And you have to tell me everything about what he likes and what he doesn't, because he hardly ever tells me that," replies Yena, lifting her head up to look at the man standing next to her. You can't help but follow her gaze, looking right into Yeonjun's eyes as the words die in the back of your throat. You're only pretending though, pretending you're looking at him when in reality, your own eyes are glossed over by the unshed tears that are visible to no one. 

Because there's no other way you could have failed to notice the sadness swimming behind the brown of his irises, or even the way his lips quivered a little as he watched you smile at the prospect of him finding a partner, at the prospect of someone having the right to call him hers, and of that person not being you.

"Does it not hurt you even a little?," is what he thinks to himself, a silent observer as you launch into another monologue about him, your arms waving wildly to emphasize just how much of a cuddle bug he is, even though you face bears no hint of even acknowledging his presence. It breaks his heart in two, your lack of reaction. He knows that he should be happy with Yena, should be happy that you're happy for him. And yet, all he finds himself feeling is an emptiness, as if the last embers of hope that he had kept hidden away inside hum were put out at last, washed over with the ice cold sensation of your indifference. 

If only he knew of the pain you were feeling. If only you could see the hurt he was suffering.

But no, neither of you do, instead choosing to turn a blind eye to how much you mean to the other. It's painfully obvious to everyone except the two of you, and of course, poor Yena too. Taehyun can clearly see the way you're desperately trying to keep your composure, and Beomgyu can tell that as you stand there, talking animatedly about the guy you insist on just being you friend, you're like water filled to the brim in a glass, ready to fall over by the slightest of noises. 

Yeonjun, on the other hand, seems no better to Kai and Soobin, the looks on their faces full of concern as they watch him crack a soft smile at the one holding his hand, letting go only to pull her closer to him in a move that's belated at best and reluctant at worst, his expression clearly betraying the longing in his heart. The longing for you. They want to say something, to do something, to shake you by the shoulders or punch him in the face, anything that would make you see that your feelings aren't one-sided. 

Yet, there's nothing they can do except trying to lighten the mood, eager not to let your return party turn sour. 

So they do what they do best, acting like idiots in a bid to distract at least one of you. One second Beomgyu is clicking selfies next to the cake that's lying untouched to the side, and the next, he's pouncing on you with a huge section of it, slamming it right onto your face and coating it in cream. "Jjun, you remember that time when-," the question that was falling past your lips never sees the light of day. Why, you ask? 

Because it gets replaced with a "Beomgyu what the fu-" as you take to hitting your classmate on the shoulder, completely mindless to how the nearly indispensable but genuine smile that had made its way to Yeonjun's lips threatens to fade away again. That is until he sees you playing around with the boys, Kai and Soobin whisking you up onto their shoulders and doing a parade as you laugh your heart out. 

That's the first time since you met Yena that he's witnessed you laugh like that, your face shimmering in the sunlight as you stick your tongue out, licking whatever is left of the cream, off your fingertips. He doesn't know why, but that laughter somehow makes him feel at ease, reminding him that even if you don't return his feelings, even if you never come to know of them and he never gets to confess, he's still your best friend, something he is intent on continuing to be.

And that's liberating if nothing else, his eyes skimming over to Yena who's looking on at the procession in wonder. "Let's join them, shall we?," he finds himself asking, making her smile before pulling at her hand as he launches himself into the chaos. Soon enough, he's hugging you again, careful to keep his distance this time as he tells himself that Yena is the one he's dating, reaching out for her hand and placing random kisses to her cheeks, finding his happiness with her. 

As the two of you lose yourselves in the festivities that surround you, the pain and despair gradually take a backseat, and the happiness that had been buzzing and bubbling for the past few days fills your veins up. You know you only have the boys to thank for making you smile, and you know you're going to actually have to treat them to a drink later, but for now, all you want to focus on is cherishing the love you're feeling. 

And that's what you do, letting loose and catching up with old friends, and swapping secrets and making bonds with the new ones, Yena being on top of the list. You think to yourself you ought to dislike her, on principle anyway, but the warmth with which she's treating you leaves no room for even thinking ill of her, much less making her your enemy. So you choose to make her a pal, letting her into your life your life on your terms, and not because you were forced to. 

The afternoon finally feels sweet, the air a little lighter as you enjoy a few moments more as people start trickling away one by one, but not before giving you one last hug. Yena is among the first to leave, pressing a kiss to Yeonjun's cheek as she rushes off to class. Before you know it, the only ones left behind are the boys and you, the gang. 

It feels like time hasn't passed a bit as you look around, the smiles on their faces making your heart clench. Yet, you know everything has changed, something that's made even more obvious as you get left alone with the person you don't want to be alone with, the others making up excuses before disappearing into the crowd. It's awkward to say the least, as you are made to meet his eye. The look in them is something you can't quite place, his gaze piercing into your very soul as he stares you down. 

But you're too stubborn to relent, not wanting to let him see you break. So you do the one thing you know will be the make-or-break for you, and ask him the question that's been bugging you since you came to know.

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

[1kook]

ZOOM CALL

⇢ meeting two

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

⇢ series masterlist

summary: Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group. genre: fluff, slice of life, smut (tags tba) warnings: ITS A SLOW BURN OKAY...., sweetheart jk, campus crush jk, college crushes, social distancing, zoom -_-, jk owns a keroppi plush, oc thirsts over his hot bod, jk’s sweet attempts at flirting </3 he’s just 2 cute for his own good ratings: e for everyone <3 wc: 3.7k

notes: this took long bc i wrote one version but it was SO LAME u guys r lucky my friend and editor ( @kigurumu​ 🖤 ) stopped me from posting it. so then i had to reorganize my thoughts n b like girl. the ppl are waiting. get it together. anyway here’s zoom jk 😎

Being grouped with Jeon Jungkook (he/him) for your first class on the first day of your first Zoom semester truly sets the standard.

By no means do your other classes suck; they’re quite enjoyable, more relevant to your area of study. They’re familiar which makes them comfortable, your Zoom meetings filled with faces you’ve seen time and time again the last four years. The material interests you, so you definitely don’t have anything against them or your classmates. 

That being said, no one is prepared for the awkwardness that comes with each and every Zoom meeting. You never thought you’d be embarrassed to turn your mic on— to speak in a class filled with your peers. And the meetings are all like that, filled with uncomfortable silences and endless black screens. 

You wish there was a Jeon Jungkook (he/him) in every class. 

Jungkook’s just got this bubbly aura to him, this magnetic presence that staples itself into the back of your mind with each passing day. No one fills a Zoom call like he does, making every person laugh and smile like him. 

Wednesday rolls around and you find yourself a little disheartened when you don’t get sorted into the same randomized group as him again. Disappointment melts into annoyance when you find out how incompetent your other classmates are, refusing to speak in the small group or just completely clocking out all together. A lot of them didn’t do the reading— the one you stayed up all night doing —and your first partnered assignment of the semester finds you doing it all by yourself. Muted mics, black windows, complete radio silence; you hated it all. 

You find yourself weirdly longing for Jeon Jungkook’s presence, even if he’s only there to talk about some movie he saw last night. No one is as much of a chatterbox as him, can’t even hold a candle to the way he draws everyone in with his mindless conversations. At least he speaks during Breakout Rooms, you think bitterly. 

Anyway, the first week of classes ends and your brain is a frenzied mess. There’s schedules to memorize, professors to impress, assignments to plan out. There’s definitely no time to sit around and fantasize about the curly haired cutie in one of your general classes. The weekend is spent trying to organize your planner, filling in due dates and exam days ahead of time. It’s your last semester and you’re dead set on making it your best one yet. There’s a lot of written work this time around, analyses and research papers that need to be organized. The road ahead is manageable, but you’ll have to work hard to keep it that way for the next five months. 

Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group.

Jungkook is early this time, not like on Monday where he’d been one of the last to filter in, and he’s looking as chirpy as ever. Donning this horrendously hot pink shirt, completely unlike the neutral tones he’d worn during your last two meetings and that decorate his room, and the cutest pair of circle glasses sitting on his nose. He says his regularly scheduled ‘good morning’ to you all and receives a collective response from the rest of the class that not even your professor got. 

Speaking of the professor, you’ve been giving him the stink eye this whole time. Not that he can tell, given the fact he’s probably miles away in his own home while you angrily glare at him through your webcam. It’s this old guy who’s decided to sort you all into semester long groups for the class, which is the absolute worst. These types of groups always go the same way: you make a group chat promising to study together, those plans fall through, and then everyone just leeches off of each other for homework answers. And in most cases, it’s you handing over your homework answers because no one else ever bothers to do anything. Sadly, it’s a routine you’ve had to suffer through many times in your academic career. 

The thought makes you sick. Having to spend another semester being labeled as the bossy, nerdy dictator of the group? Not exactly how you wanted to spend the last few months of college, but there’s nothing you can do. Maybe this time around you’ll just let it be, won’t fight it (and by it, you mean your lazy classmates when they inevitably try to guilt trip you for homework) and simply let it run its course. 

“I’m going to put you guys into Breakout Rooms with your new groups!” your professor claps excitedly, and then you and the rest of your classmates are forced to watch him lean too close to the camera as he begins clicking around to find the preset groups he’s assigned the class. “Remember, guys, this is it for the rest of the semester. So if something isn’t right, let me know by the end of today.” 

Man, this was going to suck, you groan. The syllabus had said that the purpose of these groups was to keep you all connected with your classmates during these trying times, to give you the same opportunities in-person learning would. Frankly, you’re not too worried about making friends with everyone in this large class. Most of them are younger than you anyway, save for Jeon Jungkook (he/him) and a handful of others who are apparently in your year. Befriending lowerclassmen only to have to bid them adieu in a few months seems awfully sad, a little too heartbreaking. You really just want to get a good grade in this class, collect the last of your credits, and put this whole college experience behind you. 

Your thoughts are wrapped up by the pop-up message that appears on screen. 

The host is inviting you to join a Breakout Room: Group 12

You sigh, contemplate dropping this class for all of two seconds, before dutifully accepting the request. Worse comes to worst, you make up some lie to tell your professor that you’re allergic to group work and hope it works. (It won’t.) 

You sit through the mandatory loading screen for a few seconds before being abruptly dumped into your new room, Group 12, or so the message had said. There’s no one else here yet, which isn’t really a surprise. A lot of your classmates are probably like you, scowling at the pop up message every time your professor sends you into small groups before accepting the request. So you chill by yourself, eyes tracing over your own mirrored image. The notes on last night’s reading are neatly laid out before you, your copy of the book off to the side. 

Another beat and then, much to your surprise, Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is appearing in your room. “Oh,” he says, round eyes magnified by the thick lens of his glasses, the glare of the computer’s glow casting a funny shape across the lens that momentarily robs you of his pretty eyes. His pretty pink lips stretch into a smile, upper lip thinning out a bit when he flashes you those perfect teeth. “Hi, __,” he greets politely, bubbly. 

It’s embarrassing how much his presence affects you, your back going ramrod straight in a terrible attempt to compose yourself. “Hi, Jungkook,” you manage to get out, fingers nervously reaching for something, anything, to ground yourself. They land on a pencil. 

Jungkook doesn’t seem even the slightest bit aware of the commotion he causes within you. “I was really nervous for these groups,” he begins rambling right away, lips pushing down into an exaggerated frown as he shivers at the memory. “But I’m glad I got placed with someone hardworking like you!”

Despite how sweet he sounds, you’re not entirely sure if he’s buttering you up just to take advantage of your ‘hardworking’ attitude later down the road or if he’s genuinely being polite. The little information you know about Jungkook wants you to believe it is the latter; he’s very kind, sweet and nice in a way that makes everyone he speaks to feel warm. Still, for all you know this could be some elaborate ruse of his to make you trust him now and then convince you to do all the work for the rest of the semester. 

Tentatively, you ask, “and how would you know that?” You try your best to keep your usual snappiness out of your voice, pose it simply out of curiosity. But everything you say or do feels like a stark contrast to Jungkook and his bubbliness. 

His head tilts cutely to the side, imploring brown eyes looking at you for one hard second. And then, “I read your forum analysis from Wednesday,” he admits, breaking into a smile. Shy and tiny, bashfully looking down at his desk. “I thought your perspective on the piece was really interesting,” he says, lips pursing together as if he’s suddenly too embarrassed to admit such things to you. 

Stunned, all you can manage is one slow nod. “Thank you,” you eventually choke out, trying to ward the heat away from your cheeks as Jungkook sheepishly nods back, cute smile still on his face. 

“Oh, please,” he chuckles, raising his hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Don’t thank me!” 

It is in this exact moment that you are suddenly made aware of two things. 

One: despite his collection of soft sweaters and t-shirts, his bouncy curls and sweet smile, Jeon Jungkook’s body is neither as cute nor as soft as any of his belongings. In fact, Jeon Jungkook’s body is all hard planes and prominent veins. Arms beefy, biceps that bulge beneath the fabric of the short sleeve t-shirt he’s donned today. His shoulders fill out the material nicely, making him look broad and huge, but that’s not even the worst part, because—

—two: Jeon Jungkook is covered in ink. Dark streaks and swirls paint his forearms, curling around his elbow. Every inch of his pale skin is littered with tiny designs. They dance along the back of his hands, over his knuckles, and end at an unidentifiable point beneath the sleeve of his t-shirt. When he tugs at the neckline of his shirt in an effort to readjust it, you hope your eyes are deceiving you and that isn’t a hint of ink by his collarbone. 

Your normal composure seems to slip away at the mere thought. 

It’s Jungkook’s voice that brings you back, a soft timbre that asks, “aren’t we supposed to have someone else in our group?” You flinch as if you’ve been caught ogling him, never mind the fact he’s started mindlessly shuffling some papers around on his desk, not the slightest bit concerned with you. 

“Oh— um, yes. I think,” you stammer, feeling like some creep for ogling your very cute, very sweet classmate. The memory of his inky skin nearly sends a shiver down your spine as you navigate back to the class syllabus. “We’re supposed to have at least three people,” you read off, glancing at the boy on your screen who frowns at the news. 

“Do you think they dropped?” Given it was still only the first week of school, probably. There had been a fewer number of people in the call when it started, you remembered. Jungkook sighs, this rather light sound that ends in a hum. “Well, we can always wait a few minutes just in case.”

So you wait, nervously bouncing your leg up and down. It’s not awkward, or at least, not as awkward as it would be with anyone else. The other week you had silently sat with another classmate in a one-on-one discussion and hadn’t uttered a word for five minutes. It wasn’t because you didn’t care about the class, but because said classmate had been tapping away on their phone the entire time and hadn’t even responded to your simple greeting. That was awkward. 

With Jungkook it’s more weird than awkward. You can tell the silence makes him uncomfortable because he keeps doing these tiny inhales like he’s about to speak, followed by a little head shake where he seemingly stops himself from saying anything at all. He wants to talk, very badly it seems, but holds back for some odd reason. 

He’s scribbling on some sheet of paper, leaning forward to give you a view of the top of his head. From this angle, his shirt hangs forward and a silver necklace falls out from beneath the neckline, thuds against the table. And then your suspicions are nearly confirmed, and oh god, is that a chest piece—

You quickly look away. 

Robbed of his handsome face and feeling like you’ll die if you look at his body any longer, you settle for your newly acquired favorite pastime: inspecting your classmates’ rooms over Zoom. Yes, you’ll admit it is incredibly nosy, but what else can you do? You can only look at your professor for so long until you inevitably grow bored, attention drifting off to your classmates tiny windows. And with no professor in sight, just gorgeous Jeon Jungkook, you quickly begin your examination of his bedroom. 

Jungkook’s room is pretty much the same as you remember it, rather neat and plain. There’s not a lot going on in terms of decoration, which is a little surprising to say the least. Over the course of the week, you’ve watched your classmates’ dormitories and bedrooms gradually change, decorations and tapestries decorating the walls, mountains of pillows added to their beds. It’s only natural that everyone has an innate need to show off who they are now more than ever, and you thought Jungkook would be the same. 

Apparently not. 

Aside from the guitar you had spotted on Monday, his little dorm room remains unchanged. Blank walls, grayscale sheets. The same perfectly fluffed pillows and then—

A tiny Keroppi plush smack dab in the middle of his bed. 

It’s adorable but a little out of place amongst Jungkook’s rather masculine decorations (or lack thereof). A tiny green doll sitting by his pillows, cute striped shirt and ridiculously dopey smile. 

Leaning forward, you unmute yourself and conversationally say, “I love your Keroppi.” 

At the sudden sound of your voice, Jungkook abruptly straightens up, glasses practically at the very tip of his nose. Eyes wide, it takes him a second to process your words before jerkily whipping around to stare at the aforementioned item. “Oh,” he jumps, slowly looking at his screen again, lips pulled into a tight line. “Um… it’s not mi—“

“It’s adorable,” you add, propping your chin in your palm, absolutely endeared with the rosy color that paints his cheeks, fades down the column of his neck. 

He squirms, hurriedly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He looks like he’ll deny it again, nervously nibbling at his lower lip, before eventually he settles with a sigh. “I won it from a crane machine,” he confesses with a sheepish huff of laughter, rolling backwards to the edge of his bed to snatch it from its spot. 

(Of course he manspreads as he sits, dark jeans hugging his thighs as he rolls back your way. His arm looks so strong, covered in all that ink, you nearly drool.)

“It’s cute, isn’t it?” he says, abandoning his embarrassment as he shakes the little figure around, makes it look like it’s dancing for you. “My mom said it looks like me.”

At that, you laugh. Loud and boisterous because you were definitely not expecting Jungkook to say that, such an odd but weirdly fitting comparison that has you looking at the doll in his hands with renewed interest. And through the pixelated screen, you can see the similarities: Jungkook does have the same smile as Keroppi. 

“Your mom was right,” you agree, wiping a faux tear from the corner of your eye. “Very cute.” 

Jungkook’s got this big goofy smile on, shaking his head in disbelief that you would ever dare agree with his mom. Like he’s genuinely enjoying himself, you think, oddly proud to have evoked that reaction from him. Granted, Jungkook always looks like he’s pretty happy during class, but it feels nice knowing that you were (confirmed) the reason why.  

A little caught up with the bumbling feeling in your chest, you’re not expecting his next words. “Does that mean I’m cute?” he asks, still with that same dopey smile on his face. 

It’s a bold statement you wouldn’t have expected from him, someone who seems content being the world’s friend, but apparently Jeon Jungkook also craves compliments. 

Slowly, you nod. “...yes,” you say, trying to keep the tumultuous emotions inside of you at bay while you grant him this one compliment. Outwardly, you give him what you hope is an obviously feigned look of disbelief, managing to lace it with a little amusement as you shake your head at his inquiry. On the inside, your mind and heart are a thundering racetrack, the roar of the engines and the screams of the crowd enough to momentarily make you lose your senses. “Very cute,” you repeat, hoping he can’t hear the same pounding of your heartbeat in your throat and in your ears as you do. “Like a little frog.” 

Jungkook graces your robotic response with the most boyish laugh, head tossed back as one loud cackle (because, really, there is no other way to describe the sound that tears itself from his throat) escapes him, curls bouncing back from the movement. “Cute like a frog,” he wheezes, seemingly to himself as he shakes his head with a grin, scooting closer to the camera again. “That’s a new one.” 

“You set yourself up for it,” you defend, busying yourself with the papers spread out in front of you before Jungkook can distract you any further. “Anyway!” you announce, neatly lining the papers up. “Our group.”

Jungkook does his best to wipe the glee off his face, but even as he reaches around for his things, it’s still there. “Right,” he agrees, “we have to, um—“ a huff of laughter “—group contract! Or, well, partner project.”

Briefly, you consider calling in your professor to inform him of your missing partner. He had said to let him know by the end of today if something was wrong. But, honestly, you didn’t see a problem with your group the way it was now. While you can only hope he’ll turn out to be as dedicated to his work as you, as it stands now, there weren’t any major red flags surrounding Jungkook’s character. 

Besides, you didn’t mind being with him for the rest of the semester. 

You nod, forcing yourself to ignore the glimmer in his eyes when he looks at you through the screen. “I think it’s safe to say it’ll just be the two of us, which I don’t mind,” you say, glancing at the time on the corner of your screen to see five minutes have passed since you agreed to wait. “Do you?”

On screen, Jungkook profusely shakes his head, curls bouncing all over the place. “Nope,” he hums. “I don’t mind at all,” he reassures you, resting his chin in his palm as he regards you, and then sweetly adds, “it’ll be nice with just us, __.”

Right. 

You gulp, heart fluttering at the dreaminess he exudes through your screen, the soft strand of hair that falls over his forehead, tickles his brow bone when he flashes you another smile.  He was so handsome. Before you say anything silly, you quickly attempt to move on. “But it does make us more of a duo than a group.” 

Jungkook looks away from his screen for the first time in what feels like forever and you finally let your heart rest for a second. “A duo,” he murmurs, shuffling through his papers. “Like Mickey and Minnie?” 

You nearly choke on your spit, coughing to hide the surprise from his rather cute suggestion. He’s not even looking at you, doesn’t even realize the absolute shock he’s thrown you in by comparing the two of you to one of the most famous couples— that’s what they are, a goddamn couple, not a duo! the words mean two completely different things! —in the world. Instead, Jungkook is humming the theme song to Drake & Josh. 

This man was dangerous for your heart. 

After having felt all the emotions in the world in the span of ten seconds, you eventually gather the courage to say, “sure,” and quickly try to move the conversation along. “We just need to, um, make some ground rules and responsibilities for us to follow.” 

Jungkook nods, finally glancing up again, but not at you. He’s glaring at some point behind his computer, brows furrowed together as he begins brainstorming on his own. You try to, really, but his lips pout adorably when he’s deep in thought, and they’re just so pink and look so soft and would feel like—

“Well, we should probably exchange numbers first,” Jungkook says, interrupting your spiraling thoughts with a new topic to spiral over. He tilts his head to the side, brown eyes focused on you. 

“Yes, of course,” you stammer, fumbling for your phone as Jungkook lets out a soft yay at your acceptance of his request. Quickly, he recites his number and you type it in with trembling hands into the number pad, giving him a quick call so he can have your number as well. 

You save him right away, just his name followed by the class you share with him. Not like you know any other Jeon Jungkooks, and if you did, you doubt anyone could ever leave such an impact like this Jeon Jungkook. 

“__, look,” Jungkook calls, that same excitement lacing his already lovely voice, and you raise your head up at the screen again. He’s waving his phone over his camera, so you don’t get to see his face when he says, “It’s a little mouse emoji and a pink bow— just like Minnie!”

Dangerous for your heart and, most likely, the death of you this semester.

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[darlington-v]

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.