#sam kiszka background

[tripthelightfandomtastic]

They all look so good I'm SICK

[honeyfolklore]

And we're taken by the madness. 💛🗡️🩶

The birth of the mighty Starcatcher is upon us. X

Please reblog! It really helps me out to reach more people. ✨

[texas-bbq-pringles]

the music is you 🧡

[ofthecaravel]

Idiots Squared

[s0livagant]

Sav clears out her camera roll: Sam pt. 39

[safety-sam]

Hi Josh 👋

[thefalling-sky]

Did anyone else notice the psychotic laughing/screaming in the background? Or is it just me.

[concreteburialplot]

Wallflower 🌸

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Fem!Reader

Series Masterlist: Here | Crossposted: ao3 | Word Count: 7.6k

Summary: Overwhelmed at your first college party, you catch the attention of the most popular guy in the room. Not only does he offer a comforting escape from the chaos, but he also provides a place to stay when your roommate kicks you out for a hookup.

Warnings: mutual pining, panic attacks, overstimulation, alcohol consumption, college parties, frat boy!danny lol, minor altercation / brief angry sam, hint of forbidden twin?, weed, one bed trope technically?, very soft, enchanted by TS vibes, 18+ MDNI

A/N; This is my first fic for gvf, pls be kind 🥲 - this is a work of fiction and does not reflect any members of the band or their real lives/actions/etc. - i hope you like it 🥲💞🌸

It was only your 3rd weekend away at university and your extremely extroverted roommate somehow talked you into a frat party. You followed Katie into a massive, bustling house illuminated only by strobe and neon lights. The air was thick and hazy with cigarette and marijuana smoke, making your nose scrunch up at the pungent smell. 

She pressed a gentle but firm hand on your back and nudged you forward, not realizing until then that you had been frozen in place.

Katie somehow managed to glide through the crowd effortlessly, skillfully maneuvering without bumping into anyone. She even asked someone for directions to the kitchen, to which they eagerly pointed out the way. It was so foreign to you, the concept of speaking to strangers and receiving such kindness in return so quickly. Perhaps it was her brighter face and friendlier persona that made the difference. 

Following the directions from a blonde girl wearing only a bikini, you made your way across the house into a surprisingly spacious kitchen. The room had an unconventional layout, resembling a triangle with an oddly-shaped island at its center. 

There were people scooting around the edges of the crowded kitchen trying to reach the liquor bottles and jell-o shots strewn across the counters. Surrounding the ample island were party goers all engaged in a rowdy conversation. You followed their focus to the one commanding their attention and landed on what could quite possibly be the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. Long brunette hair flowed past his shoulders and had a slight wave that framed his face perfectly. Even in the dim light of the kitchen you could make out the sharpness of his features. The air in your lungs seemed to vanish and your ears tuned out the booming laughter and thumping party music. Your chest swelled with a feeling of rampant heart rate and your stomach dropped into a flurry of butterflies. Suddenly, you felt even smaller and more out of place than you’d ever felt perhaps in your entire life.

Your life-of-the-party, sunshiney roommate wrapped her fingers around your wrist and dragged you to the group of people on the opposite side of the island, next to where the stunning man stood. She made it to a tall male in a t-shirt with cropped sleeves, large enough to show his ribs.

“Danny!” Katie exclaimed, getting his attention.

“Oh hey!” He smiled wide as he turned away from the counter to face her. “You made it!”

“Y/N this is Danny,” She gestured to the boy with dark curly hair that was tucked beneath a backwards cap, “I met him at the bookstore yesterday.”

You wondered what sort of magic Katie possessed that allowed her to make friends everywhere she went.

He kept a kind smile on his lips as he waved to you.

“Hey.” You sheepishly smiled and waved back to him.

Your roommate gestured back to you, “Danny this is Y/N.”

He gave you a soft grin before directing his attention back to your roommate. “Did you ever get your textbook situation figured out?”

The party had only grown more unruly in the short time you’d been there. You slunk into the background of the lively kitchen until your hips met the cold counter. You tugged at the pink top Katie had lent to you in an attempt to cover a bit more of your midsection. Not only had she persuaded you to party tonight, she also convinced you to borrow some of her clothes, since yours were too “casual comfy”. She managed to get you into a baby tee paired with a high-waisted white skirt paired with your usual white Converse. You didn’t necessarily feel exposed or vulnerable in the outfit, it was just not your preferred level of comfort.

Loud cheering rang through the house and even though you could tell it was from a distance, the loud sound still made you wince. Almost immediately afterwards, a clearly wasted man in a tank stop shoved his way past you, pushing you into the granite counter. The encounter caused you to tuck your crossed arms even tighter against your body. 

“Sam,” Danny spoke over the blaring music to the male that was keeping the group laughing to get his attention. “Sam,” He repeats, though the lanky boy was too caught up in whatever conversation he was in to notice. Danny gently tapped his shoulder which finally got the boy to look over at him. “I’m gonna go find Josh.” He nearly yelled over the music and thumbed over his shoulder towards the living room.

“Okay.” The male nodded in acknowledgment.

Just as his gaze fell from his friend, it landed on you. It was clear that he didn’t expect there to be anything to get his attention as he blinked to do a subtle double take. His eyes flickered over to his friends across from the geometric-shaped island. He snapped right back into the flowing banter like a puzzle piece. The ease of how swiftly he melted back into the conversation reminded you a lot of Katie and her magic socializing powers.

While Katie didn’t originally know the people beside you, it only took for her to ask them to pass the tequila for a friendship to be born and for you to have a mixed drink in your hand. You swirled the contents of your plastic red cup, watching as the ice cubes crashed into each other. It felt as though you’d faded into the background and became one with the cabinets and counters. You weren’t anywhere near as outgoing as her and you knew nobody else at the party. It was just you and the shitty alcoholic punch that was quickly getting watered down in your cup.

“Well, you sure look like you’re having fun.” Spoke a voice from beside you. It wasn’t until then that you realized you had zoned out. Your eyes snapped up to the now half-empty kitchen, and you wonder when it was that everyone cleared out, including your roommate. Finally, you followed the voice and trailed your eyes up to find the long-haired boy from before.

Your cheeks heated up and your gaze immediately dropped back down to your cup. “Oh um, yeah.” You forced a quick smile back up at him. “Having a great time.”

He let out a laugh that was more reminiscent of one someone would offer after a witty joke. “Well that was incredibly convincing.” He said sarcastically although his tone was light and playful.

You could feel the redness spreading on your cheeks getting caught in your (quite obvious) lie. “I just don’t know anyone here.” While it was the truth, it wasn’t exactly the whole reason you were miserable. “Except for my roommate, who,” You sighed and motioned towards where she had stood before. “Disappeared on me.” You let your arm fall to your side in utter defeat.

“Well, let’s fix that.” He said, holding out his hand. “Hi, I’m Sam, I’ve also been known to go by Sammy, Sammy Boy, whatever tickles your fancy really.” He grinned, big and wide, and most importantly, kind .

You offered a small, timid smile back before reaching out and slipping your hand into his. “Y/N.”

His smile only grew as he firmly grasped your hand and gave it a good, firm shake. “An honor to make your acquaintance.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at all his eccentric verbiage. “Nice to meet you too, Sam.”

The alcohol must’ve been hitting your system more than you thought since you probably would’ve barely been able to speak a single word to this man if you had been sober.

“Is this your party?” You asked, trying to cover your bases before talking any more shit about the ensemble.

He laughed hard that time, “Me? In a fraternity? God no.” He shook his head and took a sip of his beer. “It seems like everyone ended up at this party, even you, Wallflower.” He offered a playful smile.

Your cheeks burned hot at the nickname even though it was meant to be comical. “Oh,” You chuckled nervously and your gaze fell back to your red cup. “Parties just aren’t my thing, my roommate just dragged me here.”

“What couldn’t you like about a party like this?” He stepped back and stretched his arms wide. If you weren’t mistaken, his tone sounded half facetious. He smiled then stepped back towards you. “Besides the god-awful music, of course.” He kept his grin as he took a sip from his beer bottle, a lime wedge clunking against the glass walls.

You chuckled at his theatrics, he was quickly becoming one of the most interesting people you’d ever met. “The music isn’t so bad, not really my taste but, it’s not the worst part.” You shrugged. “It’s mainly the people.” Your gaze followed past the boy, through the kitchen arch entrance into the living room where the hoard of college students danced and mingled. “Too many people.” 

“You sound like my brother Jake.” He laughed fondly. “He loves to party, but with the right people. That’s why he’s not up here. My other brother though,” He peeked over his shoulder at the party. “He’s in there somewhere having the time of his life right now.”

“And you?” You questioned, turning your face up to him. “Why aren’t you out there?”

The corners of his mouth turned up like it was the easiest thing in the world, like forming a smile was what he was born to do. “Well, because I’m talking to you, silly.” He stated as if it was obvious.

Heat rushed to your cheeks once more. “Oh, well I don’t wanna keep you from your friends.” You shook your head and tried to keep your eyes on him as you spoke but failed and your gaze fell back to the melting ice in your cup. “I’m sure they’re waiting for you.”

“I’m not in a rush.” He replied simply, keeping his focus earnestly on you. “I’m sure that I’m the last thing on their minds right now.” He joked.

“I suppose you’re probably right.” You chuckled and met his eyes.

Suddenly, a visibly wasted frat boy fashioned in a neon green tank top shoved his way between the both of you. The abrasive action not only shoved Sam backwards but also bumped into your cup splashing a bit of drink onto your shirt. You gasped at the unexpected force then hissed at the coldness now spreading across your skin. 

Sam set his beer down harshly on the island, hard enough for the glass clank to ring through the small space. “What the fuck man?” His tone was irritated but not quite angry yet, until his eyes noticed the blue alcohol bleeding across your baby pink top. 

The boy, who looked like his name was Kyle, drunkenly smirked at the remark, as if irritating Sam seemed like fun to him. “You should be thanking me for getting your girl wet.” 

You’d only known Sam all of maybe 30 minutes but you could tell he wasn’t one to pick fights, however you questioned that truth when you watched his brows lower at the male. He stepped towards him with a strongly pointed finger. “Really bold of you to be so disrespectful to someone who could easily get your ass kicked out of here.”

The boy scoffed at him, “Oh what are you gonna do, ban me from every party?” He asksd as if it’s a joke.

“That exactly.” Sam stated calmly though you could tell it was anger he was suppressing. “I know every fucker in this house, all I’ve gotta do is point you out, and boom,” He shrugged casually. “Say goodbye to every party of the year.”

It was obvious that the boy only half believed him but the threat of being exiled from the campus’ largest and most anticipated parties had his eyes widening. 

“That’s what I thought.” His arm swung towards the kitchen exit. “Now get the fuck out, and don’t let me see you again.”

He nodded quickly and sped out of the kitchen. When Sam’s gaze returned to you it quickly softened and his hands immediately found your arms to comfort you. “I’m so sorry.” He apologized even though it wasn’t his fault. His eyes landed on your chest though you knew it wasn’t disrespectful. “Here.” He swiftly pivoted behind you to snag the roll of paper towels, snapping off a few squares before dampening them in the metal sink beside you. He brought the dampened pieces and went to help clean your shirt but stopped himself before making contact. His chocolatey eyes snapped up to you with a look of apology. “May I?” 

You were stunned by everything that had just occurred so you just nodded. His touches were gentle, patting the colorful stain away. “I’m sorry that happened. I know you just said how you were already overwhelmed with everything.”

You sucked a breath in through your nose trying to steady your breathing, attempting to act normal even though the event overstimulated you enough to border a panic attack. “No it’s okay, I just-“ You closed your eyes and let your chest fall as you exhaled. “This stuff is just, it’s a lot.” You kept your focus off of him feeling somewhat ashamed of it. You’re in college, something so minor at a party shouldn’t bother you, right?

He paused his actions to glance up at you before returning to his work on your shirt. “Don’t apologize. Like I said, my older brother Jake doesn’t like crowds either.” He informed softly, taking extra care to not touch you too much or make you uncomfortable. “I’m used to this.” His shoulders pulled into a shrug. 

“Thanks.” You nodded, grateful for his kindness. You allowed a quiet fall between you as you focused on calming down. After a bit of him going back and forth with new paper towels with little success, you sighed looking down at the vibrant blue splotch. “It’s okay, it doesn’t look like it’s gonna come out.”

The edge of his mouth curved into a slight frown knowing that despite his best efforts, you were right. “I’m sorry.” He added the last used paper towel onto the pile beside you. “Hey, let me at least get you a fresh shirt.”

After cleaning up the mess of paper towels, he led you away from the crowd and upstairs to rows of ample bedrooms. 

“I thought you weren’t a part of this frat?” You asked as he went directly to a specific door. 

“I’m not,” He twisted the doorknob to a surprisingly empty bedroom. The rest of them seemed to be …preoccupied. The room looked like a stereotypical college dorm just in an elaborate fancy house. There were sports posters on each side of the walls above two separate beds, along with soccer and golf gear spread over the floor. It was surprisingly clean but you wondered if that was by design, if it was only clean because they anticipated having company tonight. Without turning the light on, Sam found his way to a wooden dresser and dug through it. You furrowed your brows in confused concern since he just informed you that this was in fact not his room. If you knew him better you’d scold him and ask what he was doing rifling through someone else’s belongings but you held your tongue in favor of curiosity. 

The moonlight peering through the window casted a sparkling light across his features. He seemed to glow, the light loved his smooth tan skin, the sharp edges of his face and the honey in his eyes. It felt wrong to ogle at him like he was some Greek sculpture but you couldn’t help it. He was just so beautiful .

You promptly averted your stare when he finally turned back to you and held out a folded shirt flat on two hands like a gift. “That guy your friend was talking to in the kitchen? That’s my best friend Danny.” He smiled fondly, evidently proud of his friendship. “He does live here and so I end up crashing here all the time so, I have some backup clothes.” He tilted his head to the shirt. “It’s clean, you can borrow it for the night if you want.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that crept up to your lips at his gesture. You gently took the rusty brown shirt and thanked him. He led you to the nearest empty bathroom for you to change.

Being alone in a bathroom at a party tended to be a great place to gauge where your head was at so, when you stood in front of the mirror and assessed yourself you noticed a couple things. You looked absolutely ridiculous with the giant blue splotch across your chest. There was a slight warm redness in your cheeks indicated that you were a little tipsy but not enough to numb your fingers or lips. And finally, a fluttering had made home in your tummy and a smitten grin kept threatening to creep across your lips. You wondered if the pink in your cheeks was truly the alcohol or something else entirely. 

After you changed into the borrowed shirt, you stepped out of the bathroom to find Sam leaning against the stairway railing mindlessly waiting for you. Once his eyes finally landed on you, the edges of his mouth tugging into a smooth and soft smile. “Ah, it looks great on you!” He exclaimed with an arm stretched out to his side before softly landing on your shoulder. 

The warmth in your cheeks worsened at his compliment, which you quickly tried to squash by telling yourself that he’s just being nice. “Thanks.” You replied in a voice smaller than you intended. 

If this had been any other night, with anyone else, you would’ve definitely already been on your way home by now, but you couldn’t possibly cheat yourself out of time with the most interesting person you’d ever met. Even so, the idea of going back to the chaos downstairs wasn’t appealing at all. 

Almost as if he could read your mind, he straightened up a bit like he’d just thought of an idea. “By chance, do you happen to play pool?”

Your brows furrowed and your head tilted slightly like a confused puppy. “Um, a little, a long time ago. I don’t really remember how though.”

His lips tugged into a wide smile. “Perfect! Let me show you something, follow me.”

Now, it wasn’t your brightest moment, letting a random boy at a party lead you downstairs into a basement but for whatever reason you trusted him. He was far too kind to be devious – besides, what sort of sinister person wears a cream-colored knit sweater to a frat party?

You followed him down some carpeted steps into a brick-lined basement. You looked around the room taking it in fully. While it was still busy with people, the atmosphere was much different. The music was softer, and the chatter wasn’t nearly as loud. The room was full of games, from pool tables to air hockey to darts and even some arcade games. It was accompanied by an espresso-colored leather couch and wooden bar stocked with what looked like every bottle of liquor imaginable. The basement was much more your speed than upstairs would ever be.

Sam must’ve noticed your amazement, giving you a tiny smirk. “Much better, isn’t it?”

“Worlds better.” You grinned up at him in gratitude, though a twinkle of fear sparked in your stomach at the thought that he may just leave you there to rejoin his friends upstairs.

That worry melted away when he was instantly greeted by nearly everyone in the room. You were beginning to learn that he had friends everywhere he went. The only one you recognized was Danny from earlier which surprised you since he seemed like the life of the party earlier and it was his party after all. Next to him stood a shorter boy with long brown hair somewhat reminiscent to Sam’s. In opposition to Sam’s sweater, this boy wore a button down held together only by the last two buttons before being tucked into his jeans. Your eyes couldn’t help but follow the long corded, crystal necklace that laid down his exposed chest. When you heard Sam’s voice beginning introductions, you blinked your eyes up to the mystery boy’s face only to find his eyes already on yours with a smirk. Your cheeks burned in hopes that neither of them noticed your wandering eyes. 

“Well you already met Danny, but this is my brother Jake.” Sam grinned introducing him. “Jake this is Y/N, Y/N this is Jake.” He gestured between you both. 

Jake smiled at you but you took note of the corner of his lip curling into another smirk. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.” He pulled the pool stick he was using off the table until he stood it up beside him holding it like a staff. 

“Hey.” Your lips tugged into a tightlipped smile as you tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear before waving at him. 

Sam then grinned wide and clapped his hands together, startling you a bit. “Okay! Now you said that you don’t know how to play, right?”

“Not really, no.” You shook your head, stepping back to turn towards the vacant pool table parallel to the one Jake and Danny were playing on. Your eyes lingered on the green fabric table top and tugged your bottom lip between your teeth as you realized that you absolutely did not remember how to play. 

Sam noticed your lingering apprehension and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, "Don't worry, it's easy! I'll walk you through it, Wallflower." He said the nickname in a playful manner, poking light fun at your timidness.

Out of the corner of your eye you caught Jake take note of the nickname and it made you wonder why - was it because it was clear why it was your nickname or the fact that Sam had already given you one?

He picked up a pool cue and handed it to you, demonstrating how to hold it properly. "First, you want to get your grip right. Hold it like this," he said, gently taking your hands and positioning them on the cue. His touch was soft but firm, and resembled electricity against your skin.

You tried to mimic his stance, but it felt awkward and unnatural. Sensing your struggle, Sam stepped closer, his chest barely brushing against your back. "Here, let me help you," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. His hands gently adjusted your grip and guided your arm into the correct position. "Now, keep your eye on the ball you're aiming for."

You nodded, trying to focus despite the buzzing in your stomach. Sam's presence was both comforting and extremely nerve-wracking. "Like this?" you asked, lining up your shot.

"Exactly," he confirmed with a large, prideful smile. "Now, just take a deep breath and strike."

You took a breath, steadying your nerves, and struck the cue ball. It rolled smoothly across the table, colliding with the intended target and sending it into a pocket. Your eyes widened in surprise and delight. "I did it!"

Sam laughed, clearly pleased with your success. "See? I told you it was easy."

As you and Sam continued to play, Jake wandered over, with a mischievous grin playing on his lips. "Hey Sam, I got a few pointers to give, don’t you mind?" he asked, already picking up a pool cue before the other answered. 

Sam’s tone and deadpanning glare made it obvious that he was used to but far too old for the competitive big brother behavior. "Alright, Jake, let's see what great pointers you got." Sam rolled his eyes already knowing where this was leading but stepped back with a good-natured chuckle to keep peace. 

Jake sauntered over, exuding a casual confidence with every step. While he and Sam both oozed confidence, they were much different in their own ways. Sam was self-assured in the way he could be the center of attention in any room by being solely his authentic self. Jake’s composed demeanor was different. He didn’t make himself the center of attention in the room, he just was - you’d barely been in the room 60 seconds before he captivated you.

Jake stood beside you, his presence more imposing than Sam's, but there was a playful glint in his eyes. "Alright, Y/N, let's see how you're holding that cue."

You showed him the way Sam had taught you hold, feeling slightly nervous under his intense gaze. He shook his head, clicking his tongue. "Nah, you've got it wrong. Here, let me show you."

He moved behind you, much like Sam had, but his approach was different. Jake's hands were firmer, his touch more assertive. He adjusted your grip with a practiced ease, his fingers lingering on yours for a moment longer than necessary. "You need to be more confident with your shot," he said, his voice low and smooth. "Pool is as much about attitude as it is about skill."

Sam watched from a distance, his expression unreadable. You tried to focus on Jake's instructions, but his proximity was a bit overwhelming. "Like this?" you asked, adjusting your stance under his guidance.

"Exactly," Jake replied, his breath warm against the shell of your ear. The sensation alone had goosebumps erupt across your skin. "Now, don't hesitate. Just go for it."

You struck the cue ball, and it collided with the intended target, sending it into a pocket with a satisfying clink. Jake's grin widened. "See? Not bad at all."

You glanced over at Sam across the room, who surprisingly gave you a thumbs up, his smile genuine despite the shift in dynamic. "Nice shot, Y/N!" he called out.

Jake stepped back, leaning against the table with a satisfied look. "Alright, Sammy boy, she's all yours again," he said with a perpetual smirk and a wink in your direction.

Sam rejoined you, his demeanor as warm and patient as ever towards you but you caught him shooting a slight glare over at Jake. "Great job, Y/N. You did so good!" Even though Jake’s proximity had your heart thumping, you were happy to have Sam’s comforting presence back.

Blood rushed to your cheeks at the compliment, “Thanks.” You replied meekly. Between Sam being well, Sam, and Jake’s oddly competitive behavior, you had to admit that you were a tad overwhelmed with it all. Although, it wasn’t necessarily an entirely bad feeling just, a lot for someone who never went out all that much before. It was a lot and your social battery was quickly depleting.

You ended up finishing your rounds with Sam while Jake and Danny continued to play their own game. Every so often you found yourself peeking over at Jake who was cool and focused with a cigar perched between his fingers. 

Surprisingly, you won your game but wondered if Sam had let you win. Regardless of whether your success was genuine, it filled you with a rush of accomplishment. If the night hadn’t been so long already you might’ve even initiated another game, but the ache of sleep started to weigh heavy on your bones. 

You rounded the table with a smile wider than you’ve had in weeks, thinking that maybe college wouldn’t be as scary as you spent so much time stressing over. 

“Thanks for teaching me.” You used both hands to keep the cue in place while you leaned against it tiredly. 

“Ah, you were a great student.” He waved away your politeness. 

You blinked up at him, finally able to see his face clearly in the better lighting of the basement. He looked even more striking under the warm glow, the soft yellow light highlighting his beautifully sun-kissed skin. His features were defined, with sharp angles and a complexion so smooth it was almost unreal. But the most captivating part of him was undoubtedly his eyes. In that light, they were a mesmerizing shade of dark caramel brown, drawing you in and momentarily distracting you from everything else.

“Oh, um,” Blood rushed to your cheeks, turning them a deep pink. “I don’t think so, but I had a really good time.” For some reason the admission felt vulnerable. 

He smiled, “Well, I’m glad. I did too.”

You glanced over to the circular wall clock to find that it was well past 1 am. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize it was so late.” You sighed and met Sam’s gaze again. “I really should get going.”

“Oh,” He faltered a bit, “Did you need a ride? I’m sure I could find someone sober around here.” He twisted his body around to check the room for any candidates. 

You chuckled and shook your head, setting your cue on the pool table. “No it’s fine, I was just gonna walk.” 

“Oh, I can’t let you walk home alone! There’s creeps out there!” 

You mulled it over in your head and while you didn’t want to inconvenience him further, he had a point that hadn’t dawned on you yet. “Well, I wouldn’t wanna bother you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s no bother at all.” He gestured towards the exit upstairs. “You ready?” 

You nodded and followed him up the stairs. Despite it being so late the party still raged on and kept the house chaotically crowded. Before you could really process an escape route, Sam grabbed your hand and began weaving through the crowd. You knew it was just precautionary and in reality it didn’t mean anything, but the action still filled your tummy with rampant butterflies and your chest with rapid thumping. 

Once you were safely on the porch, he released your hand and looked down at you. “You okay?” His brows curved up in concern. 

“Yeah.” You nodded with a small smile. It was almost embarrassing how brave you felt after surviving a rowdy frat party. 

“Okay good.” The smile he gave you was so sincere it almost made your heart ache. “Which way we headin’?” 

“That way.” You pointed to the left where the freshman dorms were located. 

“Cool, I live that way too.” He hopped off the porch while you opted for the three steps down he had skipped. 

You were both grateful and disappointed for the fact of your dorm was rather close to the party. As much as you craved your bed, it meant the end of this night with him would come sooner and you weren’t sure you were ready for that just yet. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way but,” He prefaced a question, “Was that your first college party?” 

A gush of warm August wind washed over you, blowing your hair back. You let out an embarrassed chuckle, “Was it that obvious?” 

He let out a genuine laugh, “Not necessarily.” He lied, his shoulders pulling into a shrug. “Just a hunch.” He teased in a way you could tell wasn’t meant to be malicious. Even though he couldn’t relate, his words somehow sounded completely understanding. 

You fidgeted with your fingers since you didn’t have pockets in your borrowed skirt to shove them in. “You see, I have a history of being dragged to parties.” You joked even though you were exaggerating just a bit, only being ‘dragged’ to maybe 2 large high school parties, 3 if you count the one in middle school. You weren’t a stranger to alcohol or partying though, just preferred it in small, controlled settings with people you knew. “Like I said, I just don’t like strangers.”

“Well, strangers aren’t always bad.” He leaned a little in your direction with a raised brow. 

You giggled, “I guess you’re right.” And paused, “Afterall, I met Jake.” You pressed your lips together, trying to stifle a laugh at your own joke. 

He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to look at you with a completely deadpan expression and eyes filled with mock disapproval. The sheer dramatics of his reaction shattered your resolve, and you burst into laughter, throwing your head back.

“Ha-ha. Very funny,” he said, rolling his eyes with exaggerated exasperation, a playful smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“I’m jokinggg!” You defended nudging his shoulder and felt better once his smile returned to his lips. 

You went to follow him once he resumed on the designated path but stopped short. “Hey, actually this is my dorm.”

He spun on his heels crunching the gravelly asphalt beneath his shoes and pointed up to the brick building. “You live in Lakewood Hall?” 

“Yeah?”

“I live in Lakewood too!” He exclaimed in a way you’d never seen someone be so excited over something so mundane. You were certain that he could probably find joy in just about anything life had to offer.

“Really? That’s cool. What floor?” You attempted to remain nonchalant about living in the same dorm as this wonderful man you thought you may never see again.

“3, you?” 

“Wait, same! How have I not seen you around?” You asked then began walking towards the keycard protected door. 

“I don’t know.” He said, “I guess maybe because like I said I spend most of my time at Danny’s?” As he spoke, he slipped his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a keycard. The door's light blinked green, and the lock clicked open, confirming that he did actually live there too.

Once on your floor, you headed to your door and felt your stomach drop when you spotted a dreaded sock on the handle of your door. Katie must’ve ended up with that tall tattooed boy you’d last seen her dancing with. You let out a defeated sigh, not knowing where else to go at this hour. 

Sam laughed and tilted his chin at your door. “Good for your roommate.” 

You shook your head, “Yeah good for her, not for me, I have nowhere to go now and it’s like 2 am.” Both anxiety and anger began to fizz in your chest.

“Hey, it’s no big deal, I’m just down the hall.” He pointed in the opposite direction of your room. “You can come chill with me. If you want.” He made it a point to add the last bit, not wanting to push you but definitely looking to spend more time with you. 

“Oh no, no.” You shook your head vehemently. “I’ve already bothered you enough tonight, I can’t possibly intrude on your bedtime.”

He laughed hard at that one, “It’s no big deal, I’m a night owl.”

“Well, I-”

He rolled his eyes playfully before getting behind you and grasping your shoulders gently pushing you down the hall. “I’m not leaving you out here alone all night.” 

As much as you wanted to protest, just about anything sounded better than sitting alone in the hall for god knows how long. 

Once he opened his door and flicked the light on, your eyes widened. It was so much different than Danny’s - most notably the smell. Before the door was even fully open you were smacked in the face with a mix of patchouli incense and weed, each one trying to cancel the other out. He closed the door behind you as you fully took it all in. Aside from the potent smell the first thing you noticed was the two beds pushed together, a clear indicator that he didn’t have a roommate. Next was the giant earth-toned mandala-patterned tapestry that hung above the beds while the wall across the room from it was covered in vintage records and posters of various artists. Unlike the sports gear in Danny’s room, Sam’s floor was littered with instruments, more than you’d ever seen in one room outside of a school band room. 

“Whoa.” Was all that managed to tumble from your lips. 

“Cool ain’t it?” He stretched his arms out wide with a proud grin. “Got this place all to myself.” 

“Lucky.” You muttered, still a bit salty you weren’t lying in your own bed right now. “You play all of these?” 

“Yup!” He plopped himself on his double bed. “I’d play something for you now, if it wasn’t so cliche.” He joked. 

You wanted to protest but you weren’t about to argue with the keeper of your temporary sanctuary. As you scanned the room once more you noticed a couple things - thumbtacks shoved into every decoration and the bong casually out on his bedside table next to a glass jar full of green. Your brows furrowed, “How do you get away with all this?” 

He shrugged with a cocky smile, “I know people.”

“I wish I knew people.” You replied sarcastically. 

“Well, ya do now.” The edges of his mouth pulled to a soft, kind grin. It was really beautiful the way his features always seemed to light up any time he smiled. 

“You’re right.” You agreed mischievously, walking over to where he sat. “I know Jake.”

His smile fell flat at your joke. “You think you’re so funny huh?”

You giggled, “Yeah, I do.” 

His eyes glanced up at your face and lingered there longer than he intended. Now it was his time to study you - not that he hadn’t already been doing that all night but now that you were alone together and he could properly take you in. He cleared his throat when you tilted your head a bit at his stare. 

“You wanna smoke?” He offered, gesturing to the glass bong that was poorly fashioned to look like a vase. 

You shook your head, “No thanks, I think the alcohol was enough for the night. But you can if you want, I don’t mind.” 

Although it was traditionally his bedtime routine, he didn’t mind skipping that night. “No I’m okay, I was just offerin’.” He tilted his head towards an expansive vinyl shelf. “You wanna pick somethin’ to play?” 

Normally, Sam was a show-and-tell sort of guy but he was interested in what you’d choose. 

You twisted around to the long row of stacked cubicles full of records. As you stepped closer to them and ran your fingers along the spines you noticed they were all weathered with tattered edges. Almost all of the records were older artists, some big names but also some you’d never heard of. You were tempted by the only modern one you spotted being Hozier but it was obvious he wasn’t a fan of newer music and you wondered if this was some sort of test. If it was a lighthearted test, the last thing you wanted to do was seem uncultured by picking the only modern artist you saw. You thought hard about a Fleetwood Mac record but instead, you opted for an Elvis one and spun around to showcase your pick. 

“An Elvis fan? Interesting.” He eyed you curiously. “Wouldn’t have initially pegged you for one. But I’m familiar with those too, Josh is a huge fan of the king.” He chuckled, pushing himself off the thin mattress to set it up on his record player. “May I?” He outstretched his hands to take the record from your grasp.

The truth was that your knowledge on music was quite limited to mostly newer artists, except for the names everyone knows. It made you wonder if there was a world that existed where he’d be the one to help you expand your musical palate. 

You shrugged, “I just like his music.” Then obliged to his request and handed the record over for him to take it gently. 

He carefully removed the black disc from the worn sleeve. “ ‘Aloha from Hawaii’ you know this is a live recording right?” He questioned as he spun the record by the edges with his fingertips.

You playfully rolled your eyes at how naive he assumed you’d be. You stumbled a bit in your turn towards the bed, the alcohol and fatigue starting to weigh you down. Finally, you reached the edge of the bed and plopped down. You watched as he precariously placed the record down and set the needle at its edge. It was a buzz at first before the grand orchestra intro broke through the silence like a punch. “Mhm, I do.” You hummed. “I love old live recordings. I think the banter with the audience is funny. Things were so different then.” 

He let out a small chuckle, “You’re so right actually.” He crossed the room to a mini fridge filled with what you saw a glimpse, just a bunch of drinks. “Water?” He plucked a fresh cold one out of the glaring white interior and held it out for you.

“Yes! Thank you!” You let out an excited sigh of relief as the alcohol and exertion had dried up your mouth. 

You snatched the water from his grasp and cracked it open before taking a greedy gulp. In the moment, that crisp cool water going down your throat felt like heaven. Your finger tapped your phone screen to illuminate it for the time, it was almost 3 am and you had no messages from your roommate. You sighed and flipped the phone upside down. “Nothing from Katie. Looks like I’m locked out of my room for the night. I don’t wanna intrude on whatever… is going on in there.” You’re focused on the water bottle in your hands, crinkling a bit with your fingers. “I can get out of your hair though, try to find a cheap motel or something.” You anxiously fiddled with your thumbs at the mere idea of doing that.

“Don’t worry about it, really. You can crash here, it’s not a problem.” He said, taking a sip of his own water. “You can even have my bed if you want, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Oh, oh absolutely not!” You protested, using your arm to slice through the air. 

“Then you don’t mind sleeping next to me?” His voice was smoother than silk and it made a buzz fall to your core. You were now regretting your decision to debate his offer. How on earth were you supposed to fall asleep in the same room as him nonetheless beside him. 

“Nope, don’t mind!” Your voice coming out squeakier than expected and it brought warmth to your cheeks. 

His brows furrowed and perked up a bit at your response before following it with a playful smirk, like he had picked up on your nervousness and found it flattering. “Alright then.” 

He pulled open a drawer from his oak dresser and pulled out a stack of clothes before making his way to the small bathroom. When he emerged, his top half was baring his tanned skin while long sweatpants rode low on his exposed hip bones. You couldn’t help your eyes from taking a glance over, then quickly diverting your gaze away to not be caught admiring him.

He tossed his dirty clothes into a half empty hamper and made his way to the bed. He crawled beside you on the other side of the bed, pulling the gray duvet up over his shoulders. Despite he kept his distance, you could still feel the warmth radiating off of him. Against your better judgement, when you finally sunk into the bed you laid facing him since you weren’t ready to knock out just yet. His sheets smelled like cologne, woodsy and herby, similar to the patchouli in the room but with some added notes of bergamot and cedar. 

You tucked your hands flat in a prayer position under your cheek, looking at him. His brown eyes were already on you, a hint of surprise in them at your chosen position to face him.

“Thanks for saving me today.” You said quietly, just then noticing that he’d kept the record playing softly in the background. 

“It’s no big deal, Wallflower.” He matched your gentle tone with a soft smile. As silly as the nickname was, it didn't stop the swelling in your chest and the flutter in your heart. 

“I had a lot of fun tonight.” You added genuinely. Even though you got abandoned at the party and locked out of your dorm, it had been the best night you’d had so far since the semester began. 

He chuckled softly, his eyes flickering to your lips before meeting your gaze again. "We'll have to do it again."

You mirrored his glance for a moment, then smiled up at him. "Yeah, I’d really like that."

A comfortable silence settled between you, filled only by the soft music playing in the background. The warmth of his presence and the cozy scent of his sheets made you feel safe and content.

Between the long night and the calmness he brought, your eyelids grow heavy. As you let your eyes give way to slumber, a smile lingered on your lips, the events of the night replaying in your mind. In this unexpected place and with this unexpected person, you found a sense of comfort you hadn't anticipated. And for the first time since starting college, you felt truly excited about what it might bring.

Next Chapter -> 02 - I Can See You

Taglist; @deathblacksmoke @sacredthefran @measuredingold @persuasivus @broken0mens

A/N; Thank you so much for reading! Lmk how you liked it and if you want a part 2 🫣

[gracev0609]

Need You Close

Josh Kiszka X Danny Wagner

Slash Fic

WC:4k

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI, Slash, Explicit Sex, M/M, Cum play.

Apparently friends that fuck is our favorite trope 🤭

A @lipstickitty / gracev0609 collaboration.

Sam and Jake had decided to call it a night early, leaving Josh and Danny the only two seated in their booth at the bar. They were seated across from each other, the twins having sat together and Sam and Danny basically being joined at the hip. Josh noticed his side of the table felt lonely and cold with no one sitting there with him. “Danny?” He raised his voice a little to be heard across the table in the loud background noise of the bar.

“Hmm?” Danny hummed, his eyes meeting Josh’s so he knew he was listening. He looked down to where their fingers were laced together on the tabletop, giving a gentle squeeze.

“Will you come sit with me? I’m cold.” Josh feigned a shiver, ever the dramatic. He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted his bottom lip out. Danny playfully rolled his eyes but moved to the other side of the booth anyway, sandwiching Josh between his warm body and the wall. Their thighs were touching and Josh could feel Danny’s shoulder brushing his and it suddenly felt much warmer.

Danny wrapped one arm around Josh’s shoulders and used the other to tilt Josh’s face down towards his chest. “Better?” Danny whispered right against his ear, his warm breath tickling the skin of Josh’s neck.

“Much better.” Josh leaned up and pressed a kiss against Danny’s jaw, then another to the very corner of his mouth. Danny felt a shiver trail down his spine, settling in his groin. He breathed out a sigh, and Josh could feel the tickle of air brush across his nose and smell the Jack and Coke Danny had been nursing. Danny leaned into Josh's welcome touch, his lips brushing against his cheek,” You wanna play tonight Joshy?”

Placing another chaste kiss to the corner of Danny's mouth he speaks softly,” I'd like to, it's been awhile. Been missin’ being close to you.”

Danny turns his head inwards towards Josh and the wall, his curls covering most of their faces. He looks at Josh's freshly bitten,spit slicked lips and then up to his big brown pleading eyes,” Been missin' you too.” Danny presses his lips against Josh's, slotting them together reveling in the way they fit together so nicely. Soon their mouths move in unison, deepening their kiss. Danny's tongue slips out, brushing against Josh's bottom lip. Josh groans, feeling himself fully harden in his pants. It never takes him long under Danny's touch. His hand that wasn't trapped against the booth and their bodies snakes it's way over to Danny's muscular thigh. He squeezes the thick muscle, sculpted from years of playing drums, before trailing up to cup his cock hidden away in his pant leg. Danny nips at Josh's bottom lip as his cock jumps at the contact.

“Need more Josh, you're so fucking hot. Especially tonight, amping up everyone in the crowd, handing out kisses like one of them would be lucky enough to land in your bed. But they aren't, are they Josh? I'm the one.”

In between desperate kisses Josh whines,” Don't. Wanna. Talk. About. Them. Wanna be under you.”

Danny's eyes close as he desperately tries to center himself in this booth in the back of a crowded bar in a nameless city.

A devilish smirk twists onto Josh's lips his voice comes out breathy and high pitched,” Come on Daddy.”

Danny's eyes roll behind his closed lids and his jaw clenches, pushing Josh's small body against the corner of the booth he settles into Josh's lap. One of Danny's hands desperately clutches against Josh's plush hip and the other tangles into the curls at the nape of his neck. He presses his hips down into Josh's grinding their painfully hard cocks together, his lips find Josh's once more, nipping and sucking in between moans.

Josh notices through his drunken, lust-clouded haze that Danny is just hovering over him, not letting his weight settle onto Josh’s lap other than the grinding of their hips. Josh separates his lips from their frenzied kiss long enough to pant out, “Would you fuckin’ stop that? Come here.” Before wrapping both his arms around Danny’s waist and tugging him down until he feels the delicious weight and warmth of Danny’s body pressing him into the seat.

In the confines of the booth they’re chest to chest, nearly every inch of their bodies pressed against one another. Danny lets out a little surprised squeak when he loses his balance a little and lands in Josh’s lap but instantly melts into him when he feels the familiar sensation of being so close, Josh’s arms around him and his hips bucking up to meet Danny’s as they make their own sinful rhythm. “Fuck, Josh.” Danny groans, Josh bucking up when Danny grinds down, crashing their lips together once more.

Josh whimpers at the feeling, the friction between them delicious but not nearly enough. Danny is determined to get Josh to make that sound again, pinching his nipple between his thumb and first finger. Josh brings one hand down to squeeze Danny’s ass, reveling in the gasp that pulled from him. “Can we get the fuck out of here?” Josh pants against Danny’s lips, face flushed. Danny pulls back, his eyes dilated, he smiles sweetly before placing a kiss to Josh's forehead,”Absolutely.”

He maneuvers himself to sit back down in the booth, swigging back the rest of his cocktail and allowing them a moment to calm down. Once finished he makes his way to the bar to pay the tab before meeting Josh outside.

Josh smiles at him, cheeks still pink,” You ready?”

Danny places his hand on the overheated small of Josh's back under his jacket, leading him in the direction of their hotel. Josh stumbles a bit on the uneven concrete below their feet, Danny chuckles softly intertwining their fingers knowing he'd keep him safe and upright if he trips again.

Josh looks up at Danny, his eyes a bit glassy from his overindulgence,” Do ya even remember which hotel we're staying at? I don't.”

“I do remember.”

Josh starts pointing at different signs and architecture on the buildings, having a comment for everything.

Once they turn down the block that housed their hotel he points at the large office building off in the distance, rainbow lights crowning the top of it,” Oh! Look at that, so pretty. The lights are so pretty!”

Danny giggles and leans down, pressing a kiss to the mass of curls on the top of his head,” They are pretty, just like you.”

Josh beams, he swears he can see his eyes sparkle,” Yeah?”

“You're really cute Josh.”

Josh smiles, sticking out his tongue and scrunching his nose. He wraps his arms around Danny's waist, pressing the side of his head again the crook of his shoulder. They stumble along in their embrace until they meet at the front door to their hotel. Grabbing Danny's hand he pulls him along through the lobby and into the elevator. Winding him through the hallways to get to his room,” You remember now that we're here?” Danny chuckles, lightly massaging Josh's shoulders as he struggles to coordinate pressing the hotel key to the sensor and pushing the door handle down.

“Yeah.. it all came back to me when we got into the lobby.”

Once the door shuts closed Josh is shedding his layers eagerly getting undressed. Once naked he flops back onto the luxe bed behind him. Danny smiles at his friend, his skin glowing tan against the white comforter.

Danny joins him in his nakedness, crawling onto the bed hovering over Josh.

Josh's eyes flutter,”Ya know, you're pretty too Danny. Gorgeous actually. You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever encountered.”

Danny’s cheeks turn pink, he nuzzles his head into the crook of Josh’s neck trying to hide his blush. “I mean it, ya know.” Josh insists, lifting Danny’s chin to look him in the eyes. He hitches one leg around Danny’s hips, bringing his body closer. Danny leans down and slots their lips together, now skin to skin without the fabric of their clothing in the way. He slides his tongue between Josh’s parted lips and Josh lightly sucks on it making him groan.

“Touch me? Please.” Danny whispers, taking in a sharp breath when Josh’s hand trails down his back to cup his ass, thrusting his hips up to brush their lengths together. They both notice the slippery feel of their combined arousal as their bodies move together. Being able to physically feel their effects on the other man was intoxicating, little moans and sighs escaping into the air in between needy kisses.

“Fuck, wait… can we just… wanna take my time with you.” Josh pants out, arms winding around Danny’s neck to pull him into his neck. Danny obliges instantly, letting his weight press Josh into the mattress, soothing and grounding him. Josh places sweet little kisses all along Danny’s neck, chest and shoulders where he can reach, letting his hands wander the expanse of Danny’s back. Danny sighs, feeling the complete contentment of Josh's lips and hands on his body. The safe, easy love flowing between them. Danny lowers himself even closer to Josh's body beneath him, his hands cup his face, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks all red and blotchy from his arousal. He places a kiss against the tip of his nose before connecting with his pouty pink lips. Josh wiggles his hips, the subtlest whine in the back of his throat.

Danny's eyebrows shoot up,” Am I hurting you? God I'm squishing you.”

Josh smiles as Danny rolls them to their sides,” Hurting me? No. Squishing me? Yes, but I liked it. I was just trying to, ya know, get more friction.”

Josh looks down towards their lengths still hard and leaking. His hand gently trails down Danny's side, fingertips tickling the sensitive skin. They dance down to Danny's hip tracing up and down his v line.

“Go ahead, stroke me. Don't tease.”

Josh giggles,” Teasing is in my nature Daniel.”

Danny grasps his wrist pulling it towards his neglected length, wrapping Josh's fingers and his own around it,”I have no patience for it.”

He pulls Josh's hand down to his base, giving it a squeeze before gliding up the length of it. He does this a few more times until he drops his hand letting Josh take over.

Josh hums, his voice low, raspy with arousal,” There's lube in the nightstand. Top drawer.”

Danny twists his body back towards the nightstand that's decorated with Josh's things, a half drunk water bottle, some earrings and his silver cuff. He opens the top drawer retrieving the bottle of lube. His brows furrow, the substance being unlike what's in his suitcase. This one is white and viscous. His eyes follow the label reading the words, creamy, and, life-like.

Danny looks at Josh, his cheeks even redder than before,” Is this cum lube?”

Bashfully he hides his face into the crook of Danny's arm, burying his face into his armpit,”Yes.”

Danny gently guides Josh's head up to make him look at him,” I've heard of it, but I've never used it before. You like it? It's halfway gone through.”

Finding his confidence, his voice sounds more steady,” I do. It feels nice, I think it feels nicer…. Once it gets warm it does feel pretty real.”

Danny wordlessly flips the cap, and rolls onto his back. He drips some onto his tip, letting it roll down his length. He can hear Josh's breath hitch, the visual sending him spiraling. The lube makes it appear that he's already came, spilling down himself. “You like the way it looks, Josh?” Danny teases, knowing Josh hasn’t been able to pry his eyes away from the sight even once.

“Fuck yes.” Josh answers, taking Danny’s throbbing length in his hand, spreading the creamy substance all over. “More than I thought I would, if I’m honest.” He chuckles. Danny gently moves Josh’s hand aside and dribbles a little more lube down his shaft before taking both their leaking cocks in hand, stroking them together. Josh leans down, pressing his forehead against Danny’s while his hips buck into Danny’s grip.

“You feel so fucking good.” Danny moans, lips assaulting Josh’s jaw and neck with kisses and bites. Josh moans out his agreement, lost in the delicious feeling of Danny’s hands and lips all over him. All of his senses are taken over- Danny, Danny, Danny.

“So…” Danny mumbles between kisses to Josh’s heated skin, “do you wanna fuck, or get fucked? Because… I kinda wanna get fucked.”

“Yeah, you want to be fucked, Danny? I think I can handle that.” Josh pants out, breathless.

“Yeah.” Danny gasps as he squeezes his hand tighter around both of their lengths. “Please. I miss how you feel, filling me up…”

Josh’s eyes flutter closed at that, needing to gather himself for a moment. His big, strong friend underneath him, begging to be fucked was nearly enough to send him over the edge and he shivered.

“I felt you twitch, Josh. You wanna hear all about how I want you deep inside of me? Hitting every spot just right, making me feel so full. So big….”

Josh’s hips still completely and both his hands grip onto Danny’s still wrapped around both of them, his eyes begging Danny to stop, just give him a second.

Danny’s hand instantly retracts from between their bodies, instead moving to hold Josh’s waist. He leans up to press gentle kisses to Josh’s face, murmuring soft praises until he feels his body relax. “You’re okay”, “doing so well”, “you’re here, with me”.

Once Josh's body relaxed Danny pulls him closer,”How do you want me Josh?”

“Just relax Danny, I've gotta get you ready for me. What did you say so big?”

Danny spreads his legs apart, letting Josh settle on his stomach between them, “Yeah I did. Better get me nice and stretched out for yah.”

Josh clenches his jaw and grabs the bottle of lube from Danny's outstretched hand, he flips the cap and squirts some onto his fingers. With his clean hand he pushes Danny's leg up spreading him further. Josh slips his finger between Danny legs easily finding his entrance, gently swirling his middle finger around getting him used to the sensation. He nuzzles his face into the slightly fatty softness of his inner thigh, and he nudges his finger in slightly, letting Danny's body ease wrapping around him.

“Keep going… shouldn't take me too long.” Danny breathes shakily.

Josh sucks a mark onto Danny's thigh,” We don't need to rush anything, just relax and enjoy it.

Josh places a soft succession of kisses to the inside of Danny's thigh when he feels his velvet walls relax enough for him to push in further. After a few minutes of warming Josh's fingers he starts to curl them easing him open. He continues to push and pull, curling and flexing his fingers gradually adding them until he was full and stretched.

“Are you ready for me?” Josh whispers crawling up his body, his thumb moving to Danny’s plush, pink lips. He tugs lightly on Danny’s plump bottom lip, parting them just enough to slide the tip of his thumb between them. Danny nods, looking doe eyed up at Josh as he hollows his cheeks, sucking the digit further into his mouth and letting his tongue swirl around it. Josh’s lips part watching Danny’s mouth work over his finger, a small sigh leaving his lips. Slowly Josh pulls his fingers out of Danny, kissing over his hips and tummy to distract him from the slight discomfort.

Finally he withdraws the digit from the warmth of Danny’s mouth and retrieves the bottle of lube again, coating his length liberally in the substance. He closes his eyes for a moment when his mind wanders, imagining that it’s Danny’s cum he’s working himself with. Danny’s eyes zero in on the sight, realizing he might be just as into the visual as Josh was.

“Inside me. Please.” Danny begs, almost in a whine.

“I’m getting there.” Josh giggles, one hand snaking between their bodies to line himself up with Danny’s entrance. Danny wiggles his hips, trying to will Josh to just fucking do it already.

“Kiss me.” Danny sighs, arms wrapping around Josh’s neck to pull him closer. Josh envelops Danny’s plush lips with his own, letting them move together in the way that always came so naturally to them.

Slowly Josh cants his hips forward, letting just the tip of his painfully hard cock slip inside of Danny, never breaking the kiss. Blindly he grabs for the discarded bottle of lube, popping the cap open and letting a little bit dribble down where their bodies are connected, the visual sending him reeling. He stares at the scene before him, completely fixated on his length halfway inside of him, his voice coming out in a moan,” God Danny, you should see this.”

Josh looks up to meet Danny's eyes,” Take a picture.”

Josh quickly shakes his head stunned,”... W-what?”

Danny twists his body leaning over to the side table, snatching his phone and unlocking it handing it to Josh.

“Take a picture, I want to see. I trust you Josh.”

Opening the camera app with shaky hands he zeros in the vulgar scene before him, snapping a picture,” You better send that to me.”

He turns the phone around so Danny could see for himself. His hard leaking cock jumping was telling enough, he liked what he saw.

As Danny reaches for his phone to set aside Josh quickly snatches it back, sending the picture to himself before handing it back to Daniel.

Slowly Josh begins to rock his hips in and out, easing himself into the hilt and back out again. He plants his hands onto Danny's hips anchoring himself to him. Breathless moans and whispers of praise fill the room as he steadily fucks himself into his friend. A droplet of sweat drips from the tip of Josh's nose, settling into Danny's belly button. Instinctually Josh follows the drop, dipping his tongue into the orifice savoring the taste of the salty liquid on his tongue mixed with the taste of Danny's skin.

“Josh…” Danny moans out, legs wrapping around Josh’s waist pulling him impossibly closer. Josh makes sure he has Danny’s eyes on him before delivering a sharp thrust, angling his hips just right to hit that special spot inside of him. He watches the way Danny’s features twist in absolute bliss, brows furrowing as a loud cry rips from his chest.

“Right there, huh?” Josh grunts, jaw clenching as he focuses all his attention on driving into that sweet spot and keeping those beautiful sounds pouring from Danny’s mouth.

“That's it. Feel it. Feel me. Feels so good, you're being so good for me,” Josh pants out.

“Getting close-” Danny chokes out, and his hand snakes down to wrap around his heated neglected cock. Quickly Josh swats his hand away wrapping his own long fingers around him. Danny whines out loudly once he receives the touch he's been aching for.

“Faster, jerk me faster. Fuck I'm so close,” Josh complies, gripping him tighter within his fist pumping him ever faster. Josh's mouth hangs slack as he works Danny to the proverbial ledge, he watches as his stomach muscles twitch, his tip flushed red oozing even more precum out over his fingers, and Danny's legs pull his hips even tighter. He can barely thrust, he just punishingly rocks his hips into the spot that makes Danny see stars.

With a cry Danny releases, hot spurts of his cum splattering across Josh's abdomen. Josh shivers at the heat blanketing his sweat cooled skin on his stomach and praises him,” There it is. That's my good boy. Give me all you've got.”

Danny thrashes his head against the white pillow, his dark curls contrasting beautifully,”Fuck! Are you close? God - please cum Josh- I'm so fucking sensitive!”

Danny's back arches as he tries to maneuver away from the overwhelming sense as Josh pounds into him,” You can take it Danny. I'm getting there..Fuck beg for it again!”

Danny whines again,” Please! Please cum! I need it, wanna feel it hot against my skin. Please please please cum for me!’

He thrusts wildly, trying desperately to meet his end,” Clench around me or something, fuck I need a little more.” Josh rasps, his voice sounding wrecked.

A high pitched cry rips from Danny's chest, and his hand flies to meet his overstimulated cock, jerking himself once again as a second load spills out over his fingers.

The visual is what sends Josh over the edge, he pulls out, frantically tugging on himself as he spills his own cum, painting the dark hair of Danny's happy trail white. Chest heaving, Josh takes a moment to appreciate the stark contrast of the pearlescent trail against the dark patch of hair leading away from Danny’s navel.

Catching Danny’s eye, he points his chin toward Danny’s phone still sitting forgotten on the nightstand, eyebrows raising in question. “Yeah, fuck yeah.” Danny nods, his gaze landing on the mess the two of them have made together, all over their torsos. He wants to see it from Josh’s point of view as much as he wants to have that picture to look back on later when he’s feeling particularly needy.

Danny unlocks his phone once more, passing it off to Josh to take a picture. He snaps several different photos at different angles, then he runs the fingers of his free hand through the patch of hair still coated with their combined release, effectively smearing it all around Danny’s abdomen. “Paint me like one of your French girls, Joshy.” Danny giggles as Josh snaps a few more photos of his handiwork.

“Shut up.” Josh cackles. “You just look… really good like this, I wanna remember it.”

“Look at me.” Danny demands, waiting for Josh to look him in the eyes. “This wasn’t the first time and it definitely won’t be the last. But I’m glad we have those pictures, that’ll be… really nice to have.”

Josh’s cheeks flush a little more and he giggles, “yeah, I’ll definitely be looking back at those.” He climbs out of the bed and makes his way to the bathroom, dampening a washcloth with warm water and coming back to gently clean Danny up.

Once they’re both cleaned off, Josh lays back on the bed, curling up into Danny’s side while Danny lays on his back. “Will you stay?” He asks a little shyly.

“Where would I go?” Danny asks, wrapping his arms around Josh and tugging him closer. He kisses the top of Josh’s head, then his forehead when Josh tilts his head up to look at him with pure adoration in his eyes. “What?” Danny whispers, cheeks blushing under Josh’s gaze.

“Nothin’, just really love you.”Josh answers honestly, leaning up to connect their lips in a soft kiss.

Danny tucks Josh’s head into his neck, holding him close and gently trailing his fingertips over Josh’s soft skin leaving goosebumps in his wake, “I love you too Josh.”

Josh mutters his voice soft,”Not ready to go to sleep yet, can we watch tv and snuggle?”

Danny yawns rolling onto his back bringing Josh with him, he reaches for the remote on the side table as Josh nestles in. He presses his body flush against Danny's side, resting his head on his chest.

Danny dips his head down, kissing his hairline,”What do you wanna watch?”

“Mmm whatever”

Danny smiles knowing when Josh doesn't have an opinion on what to watch means he in fact is tired. He just wanted to snuggle and that made Danny's heart swell. Josh pulls the covers up over their bodies, his hand settling on Danny's stomach. His warm palm slides down lower, his fingers dancing in the soft hair on his lower stomach. As the tv droned on his fingers stopped and his breathing grew deep and steady. Josh was fast asleep on Danny's chest, soon enough his own eyelids grew heavy and he drifted off to dreamland too.

[honeyfolklore]

We've spent the weight of dreams in gold. 🖤🌕

[moonlightisdancing]

Dancing With the Devil/ s.f.k

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Female Reader

Word Count: 2243

Warnings: NSFW MINORS DNI 18+, drinking, touching, teasing, masturbation (f), priest rp, defo some sort of religious trauma, rough oral (m receiving), begging, slapping, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!), overstimulation, praise, daddy kink

A/N: this fic was a collab with @belovedsamuel she gave me the sauce and i wrote it out <3

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As you walk into the bar, you’re met with your boyfriend's brothers already several drinks in. You were supposed to be there an hour ago, but Sam looked criminally good in his priest costume. As his little devil, you just had to take care of some business before leaving.

“Hey! Look who finally showed up!” Josh pops up out of his seat to give you a hug. “Ahhh! It buuuuurns!”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that?” You gesture to his pope costume.

“Touché.”

You walk over to Danny and Jake at the bar. Danny’s dressed in an all too short pharaoh costume with now smudged eyeliner. Jake is dressed as Westley from The Princess Bride, his partner seated next to him dressed as Buttercup.

“Ordered you guys drinks.” Jake points over to two glasses on the counter.

You thank him and take a seat, Sam sits between the two of you. His cologne catches in the air as he settles in, filling your nose with the familiar scent you’ve grown to love so much. Josh finds his way back over and starts telling one of his stories, everyone paying half attention. They’ve all evidently had a few drinks before you and Sam arrived, but you feel yourself not too far behind. The liquor surely was working its way into your system as you continued sipping down mixed drink after mixed drink. Past a slight buzz, you only find yourself paying attention to Sam. Watching how his fingers wrap around the glass as he nurses his drink, lips perfectly parting to take in the liquid. The familiar fuzzy feeling finds its home inside of you, getting lost in his mannerisms. Josh goes on with more stories, Jake joining in now that his liquor had hit him enough to crack his introverted shell. The noise in the background is exactly that, Sam being the only thing to fully consume your thoughts. You reach your hand over to Sam and place it on his knee. He turns enough to acknowledge you without drawing attention from the others.

“Hey, sweetheart. Doin’ okay?” He asks, placing his hand on yours and caressing your knuckles with his thumb.

“Yes, I’m okay.” You nod.

“Okay. I love you.” He whispers, leaning over to place a kiss on your cheek.

“I love you, too.”

His attention is quickly brought back to his brothers who are growing quite rammy. You slowly slide your hand up from his knee to his thigh, fingertips tracing circles closer and closer to his length. Sam clears his throat as your hand gets dangerously close to making contact, causing him to turn and shoot you a threatening glare. You can feel the slick building up between your thighs.

“I’ll be back, gotta use the bathroom.” You announce to the group, sliding your hand down his thigh as you get up.

You watch Sam’s eyes trail up and down your frame as you walk away. You walk towards a flight of stairs descending to a hidden bathroom in the basement. It’s typically for employees, but your group frequents the bar so much they’d let you use it whenever. You stumble into the dark bathroom, fumbling for the light switch on the wall. You lock the door behind you, making your way toward the toilet. You rest your phone on the toilet paper holder and pull up the tight red dress as you situate yourself on the toilet in attempts to clean up. Sam has you a mess and he hasn’t even touched you yet. Giving into your temptations you decide to have some time to yourself.

“They won’t notice anyways…” You mumble to yourself.

You rest your back against the cold porcelain lid, spreading your legs a bit wider for easier access. You run two fingers through your folds, tipping your head back in ecstasy as you work light circles over your sensitive bud. Your mind flashes through images of Sam from earlier today, eliciting soft moans of his name that echoed against the stone walls. God how you wished he was here right now, making you feel how he did before coming out for drinks. As if the universe heard your silent prayers, you hear a knock on the door. The knock quickly turns into rustling of the handle, making your heart race.

“Y/N, open this door.” Sam’s voice angrily whispers from the other side.

“H-hold on.” You stand up and fix your panties before flushing the toilet and quickly running your hands under the water.

You wobble to the door and unlock it, creeping it open enough to see Sam’s face on the other side.

“What? I just had to use the bathroom.” You defend yourself before he opens his mouth.

“It’s been 15 minutes, and I have ears.” He chides.

“You were listening?!”

“Yeah, because I kept knocking and you weren’t answering.”

Fuck, how out of it was I?

“Sorry, I was-”

He steps into the bathroom and shuts the door, locking it behind himself.

“Moaning my name in here all by yourself? After pulling that shit out there?” Sam’s hands quickly find their way to your hips, coercing you against the wall.

He presses searing kisses to the exposed skin on your chest, working up your neck until his mouth lingers near your ear.

“Sounds to me like a little someone needs to repent.”

“Do something, Father Sam.”

“Daddy, to you.” Dominance drips from him as the words leave his lips.

He nudges his knee between your legs, pressing it against your core. You try to lower your weight on his knee, but his hands on your hips prevent you from going anywhere.

“Daddy, please?” You beg.

“Only thing you should be begging for is forgiveness.” He moves his leg as fast as he placed it there. “Knees. Now.” He demands, backing away and pointing to the ground before him.

Without hesitation, you find yourself dropping to your knees.

“Always looked so good on your knees for me.” He teases as he firmly grips under your chin with his hand. “Show me how much you want to be forgiven, sinful little thing.”

You reach your hands up, pressing them against his hardened length before teasingly unzipping his pants. You place a kiss against him through his boxers, earning a breathy moan from the contact. The fingers of his free hand find themselves tangled in the hair at the back of your head, gripping up a handful as he pulls your face up to look at him.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy.” His eyes slowly move around your soft features, taking in every detail as he looks down on you.

You reach back up for his cock, releasing him from the restraints of his boxers. Sam, hands still holding your head, guides your mouth to his dick, your hands holding balance on his hips. He presses his tip to your lips, staining the tip in cherry red lipstick.

“Would look better smeared all over that pretty face of yours.” He moves his hand from under your chin to grab his cock, using his tip to smudge your lipstick across your face.

“That’s better. Now go ahead, repent.” Sam places his hand back under your chin.

“I tried pleasing myself without you, and then lied about it. I was wrong.” You look up at him submissively. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. Forgive me, daddy?”

“Good girl. How could I not forgive such a sweet thing like you?” He asks, placing his cock back to your lips.

An unspoken consent is exchanged as you open your mouth, displaying your tongue for Sam’s use. He works his lipstick covered cock into your mouth, hands tightening their grip on your head. His strokes start off slow until he’s fucking himself into your mouth at a steady pace.

“Is this okay?” He breaks character for a second, only continuing after you hum and nod yes.

Sam pushes himself down your throat until tears begin to threaten your lash line, guiding your mouth up and down his shaft. He continues until a mascara stained tear rolls down your cheek, pulling himself out of your mouth.

“Really want forgiveness, don’t you, little thing?” He gently slaps your face and returns his hand to your neck, pulling you up to your feet.

With his grip still around your throat, he pushes you against the wall, pressing his weight against your body. The cold wall causes you to groan from the harsh feeling on your warm skin. You lift a leg up and wrap it around his waist, watching his cheeks grow pink.

“I need you.” You whisper, leaning in to place a kiss to his lips.

“Need me for what?” He urges.

Oh, he’s really getting into this.

“Need you to fuck me until I behave. Until I’m a good little thing just for you, daddy.”

Sam pins the leg around his waist to the wall, allowing your red dress to roll up your thighs. His other hand snakes down to grip his length, brushing the head of his cock through your slick. He drags the tip of his dick up to tease your swollen clit, rubbing painfully slow circles until your knees are about to give out.

“Please? Please just fuck me?” You beg, trying to move your hips to place him at your entrance.

“Slow down, satan. Wanna fuck you so good you forget how to sin.” Sam peppers kisses along your jaw, working his way down your neck.

Once his lips find their home against your collarbone, he gently bites into your soft skin as he pushes himself into you.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He whines, allowing his head to fall weightlessly into your shoulder.

You maneuver your hands so one is resting on his exposed cheek, the other tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck.

Sam slowly starts working himself in and out of your aching core. He brings his free hand between the two of you, settling the pad of his thumb on your clit, rubbing tight circles.

“Think you can take more?” He asks in your ear.

“Mhm. More.”

He halts his movements, rubbing a finger against the space he’s already occupying. Sam slowly pushes his finger inside of you, watching your eyes for any discomfort before moving his hips back and forth a few times.

“One more?” You beg with your fucked out voice barely able to speak.

“Okay. Tell me if it hurts.”

He dips another finger into your core, eliciting a guttural moan and furrowed brown from you.

“Too much?” He asks.

“No, feels so good.”

Sam’s thumb begins working circles over your clit again, curling his fingers up into you as much as the tight space allows. Your head falls against Sam’s as you grow dizzy from over stimulation.

“I love you.” You tiredly moan.

“I love you more, little thing.” His breathing is hitched as you begin to tighten around him. “Can you be a good girl and cum for daddy?”

Almost in command, you fall apart beneath him, explicit noises escaping your lips, his name rolling off of your tongue in a mantra.

“Good girl, such a perfect girl. Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” His hips stutter, movement faltering as he fills you with his warm release.

Combined moans echo off the bathroom walls surrounding you guys. Sam removes himself from you, cupping his hand to your core to stop his seed from spilling onto the floor. He reaches over for some paper towel to help clean up the mess he contributed to. He removes his cum covered hand from your center and replaces it with paper towel. You grab his unholy hand and bring it to your lips, cleaning his release off of it with your tongue. You lick his hand until there’s nothing of him left covering it.

“I love you so fucking much.” He says, planting a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you, too.” You giggle as you wobble to the toilet, legs practically jello below your weight.

As you relieve yourself, Sam takes the time to wet some paper towel to help fix your smudged makeup. He comes over and begins to wipe off your lipstick before dabbing the paper towel along your cheek to fix the running mascara.

“Fuck, I cannot go back out there like this. That was… unholy.”

“S’okay. Let me talk.” He reassures discarding the paper towel into the trash can beside the toilet.

Once you’re as fixed up as you can get, Sam grabs you into his hold. The two of you make way upstairs, the entire party suggestively looking at you. Your hair was still messed up from Sam’s hands being gripped in the roots.

“Y/N got sick. I went to check on her and she wasn’t doing too hot.” He pouts, your orgasm weakened body helps with the sickly look.

“I’m sorry guys, I shouldn’t have drank on an empty stomach…” You play along, you’d rather have them think you’re a lightweight over the truth.

“Awh, okay. Well it was nice seeing you Y/N, I hope you feel better!” Danny offers condolences paired with an awkward side hug, he was trying not to hurt your sickened body.

“Bye guys, we’ll see ya.” Sam says, reaching for his wallet.

He discards a hundred on the table before taking you under his arm again.

“Let’s get you home, baby. I think you’ve repent enough today.”

[builtbykittie]

Play fighting

Samuel Kiszka x f!reader

See part two here

Summary: Your best friend Sam invites you over for a dinner at his place, theres no harm in a little play fighting, right?

Words: roughly 3.6k

Warnings: some friends to lovers action, alcohol consumption, slapping/hitting, sorta bratty Sam, SMUT, dom Sam, slight impact play, masturbation, unprotected sex (don't do it y'all), slight cock warming, BONUS: mentions of Jake having a gf (sorry Jake girls)

A/N: a Sammy fic in honor of his birthday, I had to speed through this to get it out before/by the third because, for some smart reason, I decided to start it hella late so I am very sorry if it is not the best.

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You find yourself at the steps of your best friend's house for about the 2nd time this week. Sam had invited you for dinner with him, Danny, Jake, & Josh after you recently mentioned wanting to see his brothers again. Unsurprisingly, instead of simply making a reservation at a nice restaurant, Sam insisted on making dinner.

"Y/N!" Sam exclaims as he opens the door, throwing his arms in the air and immediately pulling you through the door. "Jesus Sam, I saw you yesterday," you giggle while trying to escape his hold on you.

"Hi guys!" you wave to the boys sitting at the island, you must've been tardy since you got here after everyone else. Setting down your bag on the counter, Sam stabs his index finger into your side, eliciting a yelp and flinch from you.

"You asshole!" You whine, lifting your arm to hit him, but are stopped by a death grip on your wrist. "Calm down, princess," he nonchalantly lets go of your wrist and brings his hand up to your chin, squeezing the skin of your cheeks to make your lips pucker.

"Knock it off," you mumble, pulling his hand away from your mouth to pour a glass of wine.

You walk into the living room where Jake is sat with tequila in hand listening to the music playing for background noise. "So... Y/N," Jake devilishly smiles, your mind preparing for whatever he's about to say. "Yes, Jakey?" You sit down next to him, anxiously sipping the wine you poured just minutes before.

"You and Sam hookup yet?" He nudges your arm with his elbow which causes a drop to jump up and splash back down in your glass. "Jake!" You gasp, and you feel your cheeks start to grow red "I can't remember how many times I've told you, we're just friends!"

Jake lets out a chuckle from within his chest "oh come on Y/N. You're always flirting with each other, I swear to god I've seen his hand up your skirt." You start to become flustered in reaction to his words, and the thought of your best friend's hand up your skirt gets stuck in your mind. "First of all, I can assure you that you've never seen his hand up my skirt."

You stand up in protest "and second of all I would not give up our years of friendship just to relieve some 'sexual tension'." You watch as Jake's lips curl up into a shit-eating grin, now you know you've messed up.

"So you admit it? There is something with you two."

Of course there was. Sam was too hot for his own good and you couldn't stop yourself from thinking it. You would never admit it aloud, but you loved whenever Sam fucked with you. There was no denying you felt something for your best friend, however, there was nothing to do about it.

"No Jake that's not what I meant," you lied "can we talk about something else? Please?"

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"How was it?" Sam smiles as you approach him at the sink, waiting your turn to wash your plate off. "Terrible," you crash your hip into him with a giggle "no, it was really good, thanks Sammy."

"Ah, the wife's calling," Jake jokes in that British accent everyone likes to call 'Oliver Reed', specifically when he's drunk. Not long after picking up the phone, Jake hangs up with who seems to be his girlfriend "hey guys I'm gonna head home."

"You sure you can drive like this?" You giggle, settling next to Sam on the couch. "I can drive," Josh suggests, knowing damn well he's not any less drunk than anyone else here.

"Whatever, just get home safe," Sam wraps his arm around the back of the sofa and leans back, waving to his brothers getting their coats on and ready to leave. "You guys, if there's anyone who has to drive I think it should be Daniel," Sam nods his head in agreement with your words.

"What? Are you trying to get rid of me?" Danny smiles, grabbing his keys and jacket. "No! I was just saying!" you blush, sitting up and leaning forward. "Oh it's fine, I needed to get some things done around the house anyways.. and it'd be better if they didn't die. I'll see you later," Danny meets the other two at the door with a smile.

"Bye, guys! Love you!" You call as they file out the door, earning waves and 'goodbyes' from them before turning your attention to Sam. "Guess it's just you and me handsome," you joke, bringing your knees up to your chest and bumping him with your leg.

"How about we switch this music to something smoother, maybe.. jazz?" Sam gestures to the record player, standing slowly on steady legs. Suddenly, that image Jake gave you of Sam's hand up your skirt pops into your mind. You got nervous at the thought of being alone with Sam, tipsy and listening to smooth jazz.

You stand up to shake the inappropriate thoughts, you'd be lying if you said this was the first time you thought about him in this way. "Aww, Sammy," you giggle "you finally got an incense holder!"

You've been pestering him for not owning a holder for weeks, at some point he must've given in and bought one. You pull a mystery stick out of a mini vase "what is it? The scent."

"I don't know, light it and find out," Sam turns his head to look at you after finally getting the damn vinyl situated, the soothing sounds of jazz filling the room. "You know," Sam adds, his lips curling up into a smirk "Jake was talking to me earlier."

Your heart starts beating at an unimaginable pace, of course Jake talked to Sam as well. "Really? Me too," you step back from the shelf where his vinyls and incense sit, trying to muster up all the confidence you could.

"Yeah? Then I'm assuming he said the same thing to you, huh?" Sam has that stupid grin on his face that he always does whenever he's up to no good. "The thing about me and you?" You put your hands on your hips.

"what about you and me?" Sam smirks "I was thinking of what he said about my cooking."

Suddenly your cheeks get dangerously hot and you plant your face in your hands "oh god, Sam!" Of course, Sam knew what he was doing, it was in his nature to fuck with you. He knew exactly what you were talking about.

His devious laughter at your distaste infuriates you. Without a second thought, you are angrily walking over to him and hitting his chest with just enough force to make him fight back.

Before you can get a second hit on him he's hooking his arm behind your knees and lifting you into the air. "Hey!" You kick your legs as he adjusts you to be hanging upside down. You're lucky the dress you wore was fitted or else everything would be on display for your best friend to see "Sam! I'm wearing a dress!"

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you hit me like a little brat," he chuckles, your slip dress starting to bunch up at your shorts. Before you can protest, you're being laid down on the floor and he's fixing the skirt "wouldn't want my princess to be uncomfortable."

His cocky words spark something inside of you, you start to feel the wetness growing between your thighs and there was absolutely no stopping it. You start to sit up, grabbing onto Sam's legs and pulling him down with loud giggles.

"Agh! Man down!" Sam shouts, prying your arms off from around his legs. You quickly stand up before he can do anything, jolting back to avoid his arms swatting at your feet. "Come on Sammy! Stand up, tough guy!" You cackle, holding up your arms as if to punch.

"Oh, you don't really think you can beat me, do you?" Sam chuckles, rising to his feet and grabbing your wrists in an iron grip. "Well if you'd let go of my arms maybe I could!" You giggle, yanking your arms back and kicking his shins.

"Ow, you little shit!" He lets go of your arms and attempts to tackle you despite your many dodges. Finally, Sam gets you down and wrestles for dominance, the both of you frantically moving around the soft carpet.

Suddenly, you scurry up to your feet and away from your best friend. "Where do you think you're going?" Sam chuckles, quickly standing up and walking over to you. You were standing by a wall, already plotting your escape but too late once he approaches you.

Unknowing what to do, you start hitting his chest, loud giggles escaping your lips with each throw of your arms. Sam slots his leg between your thighs and slams you against the wall, grabbing your arms and pinning them by your head.

You stop giggling, your eyes wide and mouth agape. "What's wrong baby?" Sam smirks as you squirm under his grasp, unable to escape from his hold. Sam's eyes grow dark and blown out with lust "looks like you lost, princess."

"Sam," his name comes out in a broken whisper as you look down to your feet, there was absolutely no chance of shutting him off now. Staring intently into his eyes, you start to stutter "Sam, we're drunk."

By now, the incense has burned out and you both completely drowned out the music playing in the back. "Mm, not really," he inches closer "it's been a while."

He was right, you were buzzed, but not drunk. You were frightened, not sure if this is how your friendship with him would end. Your mind races as he brings his face even closer, his warm breath fanning across your face "Sam.. Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Sam presses a kiss to your cheek "are you?" You stood with your reflections, trying to decide what to do as quickly as possible.

"Mhm," you consent, looking up and locking your eyes with his. "Let me hear you say it, lovely," he kisses the corner of your mouth, letting go of your arm and stroking your cheek. "Yes, Sammy. Please kiss me," you whisper, gazing into his beautiful eyes with great adoration.

Wasting no time, he smashes his lips against yours. Your lips molded together beautifully, locking like puzzle pieces. To your surprise, the slow, passionate kiss turned hungry within a matter of seconds. He drops your arm with his other hand, his arms wandering from your face to your waist, holding you still against the wall, and his tongue swipes across your lips.

You open your mouth slightly to grant him access to your mouth, and his hands move down further to hold your ass with a squeeze. "Sam," you pull back "take me to your room."

"A bit impatient, are you?" Sam smiles smugly, landing a slap against your ass which causes you to release a small moan. With a chuckle, Sam is lifting you by your legs once again and throws you over his shoulder to bring you to his room, now making sure your dress falls to your waist with a slight shake of your body.

With every step up the stairs, you grow more and more impatient, your arousal soaking your panties at the excitement of knowing you were moments away from fucking your devastatingly attractive best friend.

The door opens and he sets you down, you look around the familiar setting of his minimal cozy room, basking in the beautiful scent of sandalwood and possibly eucalyptus. Your moment of contentment is interrupted by the loud slamming of the door behind you and Sam's footsteps toward you.

The first time you had ever considered Sam in this way was after a long day. Stress had piled up due to work and you decided to relieve it by taking a warm shower, but after that didn't work you decided to take it into your own hands, literally. As you reached your peak, you pictured Sam's hand replacing your own, and you couldn't shake that thought for weeks.

"Tell me doll," Sam cups your cheek "how do you like it?" You impatiently pull down your shorts so that they're resting at your ankles "I don't care, just fuck me."

"What's the magic word?" he squeezes your face in between his hands to the point where it starts to hurt. "Seriously, Sam?" you pull on his hands in an attempt to get him to let go.

"I'm not gonna touch you until you say it, spoiled brat," instead of letting go, he squeezes your cheeks tighter. "Oh my God, fine." you muster up the best 'fuck me' eyes you possibly could "please Sammy, fuck me. I need it so bad."

"Atta girl," he lets go of his hold on your cheeks, gently slapping one cheek before pulling the top of your dress down below your breasts. "God, you're fucking gorgeous," Sam marvels at your chest, your nipples instantly stiffening at the air hitting your freshly bare boobs.

"On the bed," Sam demands, undoing his belt. You do just as he says, climbing on the bed and sitting on your shins, your hands tucked neatly between your thighs so that your arms are pushing your breasts together slightly.

The bed you were sitting on was the same bed he held you in while you were crying, the same bed he took you to after blacking out at the bar, the same bed you gossiped to him in, and now it'll be the same bed he fucked you in.

He lets both his pants and boxers fall to his ankles, pulling them off his feet and walking toward you. "Oh my God," you mutter, squeezing your thighs together even tighter than before. "What is it, baby?" Sam wraps his hand around his cock with an iron grip, pumping at a dangerously slow pace that made you wince in anticipation.

"Sam, you- you're big," you stutter, shamelessly staring at his length in awe. "What'd you expect pretty?" Sam smirks, incredibly proud of himself.

"I don't know," you finally break eye contact with his cock to look at his face "not this."

"Were you really about to fuck me while expecting me to be small?" Sam fakes offense, a shit-eating smirk you knew all too well playing on his lips. "No! I thought you were gonna be, I don't know.. average," you stutter, your head dropping to look down at your knees.

"Look at me," Sam's voice gets deeper. Your head darts up, meeting his lust-blown eyes.

Sam takes steady steps toward you, climbing on the bed and sitting in front of you. He taps the underside of your thigh "Sit up." Without another second to waste, you're rising, shifting your weight fully onto your knees.

Sam hikes up your dress, sighing at the inconvenience of your panties blocking his access "take these off." You shimmy the fabric off of your hips and down to your knees as he removes his shirt from his body. Sam does not wait to slot his fingers between the lips of your heat.

Your hand flies to his cock as he starts to rub merciless circles around your clit, swirling your hand around his rock-hard length. "Oh God, Sammy," his name flies out of your mouth so effortlessly, like it was always meant to emerge from your lips in such a lewd situation like this.

Sam speeds up his pace, your upper body collapses into his shoulder and your legs start to quiver. You begin to slow down your arm, leisurely stroking him and tugging with each pump. "Fuck Y/N just like that," Sam groans, almost as a whisper.

"Sammy!" you moan "oh my God Sam, I'm close." The sensation was so addictive, jutting your hips forward to chase your upcoming high.

"I know baby," he could tell by your breath significantly speeding up and your moans progressively getting louder and louder.

Before either of you can reach orgasm, he pulls his hand from you and rips your hand away from him. Leaning in toward you, he whispers deeply into your ear "don't think I'm letting you off that easily, after hitting me and saying you could beat me."

"Please Sam," you whine, falling back down onto your shins with a pout. "Jesus Christ Y/N, don't be so impatient. I'll make you cum once you've earned it."

"Yeah? And how do I do that Sammy?" you furrow your brows, annoyed at his cocky attitude. "When you stop acting like a spoiled, needy bitch," he grunts, flipping you over and shoving your head into the sheets.

You've seen sam upset before, but never like this. It was intriguing, and without a doubt hot.

With your ass pointing up in the air, he situates himself behind you and lays a smack against it. "I think you need to apologize before I can fuck you," Sam grasps the meat of your ass.

"Oh my God," you mumble, just loud enough for Sam to hear and slap your ass in disapproval. "Sam, I am so sorry for being a brat. Please, fuck me," you beg, swivelling your hips for him to know you're ready.

"Good," Sam swipes his hand over the red mark on your ass before grasping the base of his cock and flicking his tip over your soaked pussy which is just enough for you to moan his name softly.

Without warning, Sam is stretching you out in one slow and agonizing thrust before pulling out to come back down with one quicker, sharper thrust into you. The sting of him stretching you out felt so amazing "how does it feel doll?"

"So good Sammy. Please, never stop," you moan, moving your head to make sure your words are heard. Sam bends down so that his chest is flush against the skin of your back not being covered by the silk fabric, snaking his arm around you to meet his fingers with your clit, your body jolting at the sensation.

You mewl as he starts to rub harsh circles on your little bundle of nerves whilst thrusting deep into you. "Yeah? You like that baby?" Sam mutters between thrusts and heavy breaths. You shriek his name into the sheets of his bed before frantically nodding your head, your arm snaking down to meet his hand and adjusting his fingers to be pressing hard against the swollen bud.

"Oh God Sam," you cry, the head of his beautiful cock hitting a different sweet spot with every thrust. He hit spots you didn't think were possible to hit, spots that you didn't even know existed and were desperate for attention.

"Come on princess, let go for me," Sam whispers, his cock beginning to brush against your g spot with each movement of his hips. Sam sits back up, fingers still rubbing around your clit and still thrusting mercilessly into you, now just covered in a thin layer of sweat caused by your hot bodies pressed against each other.

"Shit," he mumbles, his orgasm quickly approaching him. A heavy fog takes over your mind, completely blurring your vision as the knot in your stomach tightens.

The band of pleasure inside you snaps, and you cry out as he helps you ride out your high, his orgasm coming just seconds after. The warm sensation of his cum spurting out inside you was addicting, you would let him stay inside of you like this all night if given the chance.

The pleasure he gave you was unlike anything you've ever felt before, it was so different from all your other partners that failed to please you. It's like Sam already knew your body, like you've done this with him a million times before.

His thrusts come to a slow stop, staying still in the same position for a few moments to fully come back down to earth. Sam starts to pull out "wait," you mutter, not ready to miss the contact just yet.

"Just tell me when you're ready baby," Sam's tone is much different from what you've seen tonight, it was soft and sincere. As much as you loved his sassy attitude, this sweet tone could instantly make you fall in love all over again.

"Okay," you mutter after waiting a few seconds, bracing yourself. Slowly, he pulls out of you, and you hiss at the sensation followed by a breathy moan. Sam slowly crawls around and lays next to you, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer.

You cuddle your head into his chest, damp due to the thin layer of sweat coating both of your bodies. "Jesus Christ," you start to giggle, your head tilting up to get a good look at his gorgeous face.

You slowly sit up and crawl toward the edge of the bed, struggling to stand on weak legs, Sam following you. You shed off the remaining fabric on your body before lifting the toilet seat and sitting down, Sam wetting a washcloth with warm water as you go pee. "Wait," he places his hand on your shoulder to sit you back down while you go to stand up.

Sam taps your knee "open for me." He gently wipes the sticky slick off of your inner thighs before peppering soft kisses to the area. "Thanks, Sammy," you smile, kissing the top of his head and holding onto him as you both stand up.

"So what now?" you say, laying back down next to him in the bed, your mind flipping through every consequence of having sex with your best friend. "Shh," he whispers "we can talk in the morning."

You nod your head, lifting your upper body to press a kiss to his beautiful lips before tangling your hands in the soft tresses of his brown hair. It was within a matter of seconds that you start to doze off to the warmth of his body.

"Goodnight Sam," you whisper, getting even closer to his body, as if that was even possible.

"Goodnight lovely."

✧

✧

✧

[builtbybrokenbells]

Catch-22 | vi

Hope creates just as much possibility for disappointment as it does promise.

Masterlist

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 14k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!receiving), oral (m!receiving), biting, nipple play, praise, degradation, name calling, lots of dirty talk, slight dom/sub, possessiveness, choking, touch of spit play, touch of breeding kink, edging, orgasm denial, simultaneous orgasm, swearing, mentions of heartbreak, awkwardness, embarrassment, emotional talks, anxiety, mentions of depression, fluff, sorry if I miss any!

so sorry for the long wait, my loves 🤍 i hope this serves as a sufficient apology

The type of anticipation that makes you tap your foot against the ground, pacing and scratching at your head while your heart thuds against your chest, was a feeling you had not felt in a very long time. Just the same as the type of excitement that makes your head spin and your stomach twist with butterflies. It was accompanied with the type of love that fills you up so completely and wholly that you could not possibly imagine fitting anything else in your body. Those three feelings were so abundant inside of you that it was hard to think of anything else, and they were showing themselves in the most violent and loudest of ways. As you took post in the entryway of your home, your family got the brunt of the emotion bleeding out in response to the nervousness flooding your mind. You had snapped at both of your siblings when they distracted you from watching your phone, angry at the prospect of missing a text message, and you had completely ignored your mother when she called out to you, wondering what had gotten into you.

Sam Kiszka was the only person in the world who could elicit such a reaction from you, and you nearly forgot how much power he possessed. Since inviting him over earlier that morning, you had been counting down the seconds until you could see him. The anticipation was so intense that you were not even able to enjoy the coffee date with your sister. As soon as she parked her car in the driveway, you were rushing inside to jump in the shower and make yourself look presentable. After the heartbreak of having him again and forcing yourself to stay away, you had neglected self-care in every aspect. When Jake showed up at your doorstep that morning, you were surprised he even recognized you underneath the messy presentation.

Once you deemed yourself presentable, you had texted Sam and told him that he could come over anytime. Of course, after days of radio silence, he was in his car and driving as soon as the message was sent. It was not a long journey, but it seemed like an eternity as you watched out the front window, waiting to see the familiar face in the driver's seat of the vehicle.

Just when you thought he might have changed his mind and disappointment began to take over, your head snapped up to look out the window at the sound of tires on pavement. When you saw him park beside your car, you held your breath as you waited for him to get out. After what seemed like forever, you saw the familiar head of brown hair flash against the snow in the background. Your heart sped and a smile broke out on your lips. Before he even had the chance to knock, you opened the door to greet him, catching him off guard. His surprise didn’t last for long, and it only took a few seconds for his smile to shine.

“Hi, Rapunzel.” He said, his voice barely breaking through the air. He was anxious, and you could tell; his stature was rigid and his shoulders were not slumped like they usually were. He was terrified of making one move, because he thought it might ruin everything.

“Hi, Sammy.” You stepped back, inviting him inside. “Thanks for coming. I know it was short notice.” You apologized, looking up to meet his eyes. The shine of admiration made you forget all of your earlier fears. It was the same look you’d grown so accustomed to all those years ago, and you could recognize it even if it had been so long since you had seen it. It made you feel like you were the only person in the whole world, and it was just as dangerous after all that time.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” He assured you, stepping inside but holding himself back from reaching out and touching you. “If you want to talk, I’m all ears. I’m really happy you reached out at all, even if you just want to tell me to go fuck myself.” He chuckled, still talking lowly so nobody else could hear the exchange of words.

“No, I definitely didn’t invite you over just to say that. I’m sure I could have said that well enough in a text message.”

“And you have before, so I don’t doubt it.” He grinned. In an instant, the tension disappeared between you two. He was the man you first fell in love with, childish with his jokes but impactful with his words.

“My parents are heading to a dinner party with dad’s boss, and I think Ellie and Brooke are going out to watch a movie… so we have some time alone, to talk about everything.” You clarified the last part, hoping he did not equate alone time to sex. Even as you spoke, you regretted putting that barrier in place at all; sex with Sam was the only thing you were able to think about since you went to dinner, and it was the only thing you truly wanted with him that night.

“Oh, good.” He tried to hide his anxiety. “So we won’t be interrupting anything if you start yelling at me again.” He wanted to pass it off as a joke, but it landed poorly and caused a sinking feeling in your stomach. You had been the worst to him since he walked back in your life, and you felt terrible about it. As badly has he hurt you, you knew that you were doing the same to him.

“No yelling tonight, I promise.” You breathed, reaching out and landing a soft touch on his arm. His gaze travelled down towards your hand, his eyes lingering for a moment as if he was trying to process it. He’d shown up at your door fully expecting you to end things for good. He hadn’t let himself believe that there was a chance, because even he felt he did not deserve another. Now that he was standing before you, with your fingers gently wrapped around his bicep with such sweet intent behind it, his heart began to burst with hope.

Hope was something the two of you had not felt in a long time, yet was effortless when you were standing beside each other.

“Come upstairs with me?” You asked, so quietly that he almost missed it.

“Of course,” he nodded, hanging on to every syllable your tongue had to offer. You let your hand drift downward, taking his hand in your own so carefully that it made it seem as though he was delicate, breakable if you moved too quickly or too harshly. Instantly, as if his body had been waiting for that exact thing, his fingers laced between your own. It was like muscle memory, and the feeling of holding you was the only thing his body wanted to remember.

As you led him around the corner to the stairs, you were immediately intercepted by another body before you could make it from the entryway. “Sam!” Your mom exclaimed, excitedly pulling him into a hug. “I didn’t realize you were coming tonight, dear!”

“Mom-“ you tried to stop her, embarrassed on her behalf.

“I didn’t even make dinner!” She gave you a pointed stare, scolding you with her eyes. You could tell that she was livid that you didn’t tell her he was coming, but you didn’t really care.

“That’s okay,” Sam assured her, giving her a smile.

“I didn’t realize you and y/n were so close again. It’s lovely to have you back around.” She smiled, brushing off her annoyance with you. You fought back an eye roll, allowing her to say her piece before you went upstairs and locked your door, ensuring she could not corner him again.

“Yeah, it’s really nice to be back here. I missed her a lot.” He said, looking over at you through the corner of his eye. You felt your stomach flutter at the words, still amazed that he was thinking of you after so long.

“Oh, she missed you too, dear.” She whispered as if you weren’t standing right next to her.

“Okay, okay,” you chuckled, grabbing Sam’s arm a little tighter as you gave him a gentle nudge towards the stairwell. “As lovely as this reunion is, don’t you have a dinner to get to, mom?”

“Oh, stop it.” She gave a disapproving tsk, waving you off.

“See, dad thinks so too!” You exclaimed, looking to your father who was making his way down the stairs. He was dressed in a nice shirt and dress pants, already looking at his watch. At the sound of your voice, he looked up over the frames of his glasses, trying to piece together the details from a distance.

“Dad thinks what?” He asked, his stare lingering over Sam for a moment too long, as if he was trying to remember why he recognized him. You nearly rolled your eyes at the sight, unable to comprehend how he watched the boy grow up, yet still seemed to blank on his name every time he saw him.

“That it’s time to get going.” You tried again, hoping the awkwardness of the situation would absolve itself.

“Mhm,” he nodded, his eyes still burning into Sam. Now, you were certain he recognized him, but he did not seem happy to see him. Your father had always been much less forgiving than your mother, and this was no different, even if he was still friends with Sam’s parents. “Long time no see, Samuel.” He said, finally reaching the ground floor to join you all.

“It has been, sir.” He nodded, extending his hand out for a handshake. “How’ve you been?” He looked down to Sam’s hand, debating the offer, but eventually deciding that it was not worth the energy to respond. Formalities meant little to him, especially with Sam.

“Hope you’re not here to break her heart again.” He muttered, looking over at your mother. His silent stare gave you the impression that he was not happy you had invited Sam over. Your face turned red, embarrassed at the entire exchange and desperate to get out of it.

“Alright, then.” You cut in, forcing a smile. “Don’t have too much fun tonight. I’ll see you guys in the morning!” You said, wrapping an arm around your mothers shoulder and giving her a half-assed hug. You gave Sam a harder shove towards the stairs, feeling the need to get away from the tension as soon as possible. He responded this time, stepping forward and giving you an easy way out. Your father seemed to want to stop you from leaving, but your mother laid a hand on his shoulder, wordlessly telling him that it was okay. Your dad had a hard time digesting the fact that you were an adult now, which ultimately meant he had a difficulty understanding that he had much less authority than he once did.

You did not stop pushing Sam forward until you were at the top of the stairs, and from there he navigated his way to your bedroom door. Once he was inside, you jumped in behind him and closed the door, flipping the lock. You rested there for a moment, back against the hollow wood as you heaved a heavy sigh. You let your eyes close and your head fall back too, imagining how wonderful it would be when you fully moved out on your own. Sam was watching you, a laugh stuck in his throat as he processed the whole interaction.

“Your dad really doesn’t like me anymore, eh?” He joked, hoping that humour would distract you from whatever you were feeling. You slowly opened one eye, gazing over at him for a moment. Eventually, a smile broke out on your lips and a laugh got stuck between your teeth.

“No, he does not.” You giggled, already feeling better now that you were out of the uncomfortable exchange.

“That’s okay, I don’t think he ever liked me much, anyway.” He chuckled, recalling the memories fondly.

“You were his daughter’s boyfriend, of course he didn’t like you.” You grinned, moving towards your bed and sitting down on the edge. “Besides, I think he always knew you were sneaking in here at night. Was just too uncomfortable to say anything.”

“Fair enough,” he nodded, collapsing in your desk chair. The wheels rolled him back slightly, the chair colliding gently with the computer desk. You watched him for a moment, amazed at how comfortable you both were despite it being so long since you were in the same position. He was the most familiar part of your entire childhood home, and it was endearing having him back without any hesitation or looming fears. “So you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, pulling your leg up under you, resting your foot in the pit of your knee. Before speaking again, you ran your fingers over the frayed hem of your jeans, thinking of the best way to begin.

“Did I… did I do something wrong the last time we were together? I mean, it was a lot, and definitely not what I was expecting, but did I… fuck it up, somehow?” He asked, needing to clear his head and unable to wait for you to speak first.

“No, Sammy.” You shook your head, saddened that you made him feel that way. “You did everything right, and that was almost… worse.” You tried to explain it, looking down at your fingers knotted in the loose threads of your jeans. “I was hoping you would do something wrong, to make it easy to fall out of love with you so we could move on, but you didn’t. You let me vent, and you took it all in without making me feel bad for it. You said all those sweet words, and we laughed together… it was better than what I hoped it would be, and it scared the shit out of me.”

“Why did it scare you, Princess?” He asked, his voice quiet. He wanted to understand, and he wanted to show you that he wasn’t upset that you had chosen to ignore him. The last few days had been a whirlwind for both of you, and being in each others lives was something to mourn just as much as it was something to celebrate. With the good of being together also came the bad, and with the two of you, bad was abundant. He wanted to start fresh, to build a life on happiness rather than heartbreak, but he was not foolish enough to believe it could be so easy. He’d hurt you too much to think you could throw it all aside and love him again.

“Why didn’t it, is probably the better question.” You let out a long sigh, closing your eyes to gather your thoughts. “I love you, Sam. I’ve loved you since we were little kids, and I loved you through every triumph and every failure. I even loved you while you weren’t with me, and the prospect of loving someone so wholly is absolutely terrifying.” He nodded slowly, absorbing everything you had to say. “I loved you even while you hurt me. While we were sitting there, happy and smiling together again, it felt so good, but the feeling of losing you is always lingering around me. I want to love you again, just like I used to, but it’s hard to stop thinking that it will only be temporary, because temporary is something only we know about. We say forever and a day, and it turns out to be… sometimes and week.” You chuckled, finding your wording stupid. “Every time we try again, it’s nothing like we hoped.”

“I know, Rapunzel.” He said, feeling the same ache spread in his chest. Just because he had been the one causing the separation did not mean he was immune to the effects.

“I spent two years trying to get over you, and now I’m faced with the fact that I will never be over you.” The confession was heavy, but you managed to stay upright even underneath the weight of it. “I thought we’d never be here again, but here we are… again.” You laughed at your inability to phrase your thoughts, and so did he. Even though the conversation was coated with misery, the two of you still felt a certain type of peace that stemmed solely from being with each other. “It’s hard to believe that you’re here, saying all of the things I wanted to hear so badly for so long. I don’t really like to feel hopeful anymore, but I do, now, and it’s scaring me. Right now, and that night, it felt perfect, and I’m terrified of losing it again. My rejection hasn’t been because of a lack of love, but a lack of courage. I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through this again.”

“Baby,” he whispered, shaking his head at your words. He came closer, the scratch of the chair’s plastic wheels against the wooden floor filling the silence hanging in the air. Before he spoke again, his hand reached out, settling on your cheek as his thumb brushed over the warm skin. It sent a tingle down your spine, and it made you crave more. “I don’t want to do that again. I want to do this part again, but not the leaving part. I want you, and two years without you had proven that more than anything else.” He explained, not moving any closer until you gave him explicit permission. “We’re different, now. Not so much that we’re strangers, but enough that we can try again and do better than last time. I’m not that person anymore, y/n. The only person I want to be is the one who gets to love you, not the one who hurts you.”

“I want to believe you, Sam, because I know you’re telling the truth, but my body is screaming at me to stop. Sometimes I think about how fantastic it felt to be loved by you, but most of the time I remember how horrible it felt to be hurt by you.” You kept your eyes closed, knowing you did not have the strength to look him in the eyes. “I want this, and I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted before, but I don’t know how. I ran because I forgret how it feels to be happy with you, and I’m scared we’ll never get to feel that again.”

“Let me show you, Princess.” He whispered, the smell of his shampoo tangling with the scent of his cologne in a deadly concoction. Although, you believed it was only lethal to you, yet you hadn’t learned your lesson yet. “I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to love you, but you have to want it, too. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, but if you say the words, I’m yours.”

“Do you really think we can do better this time?” You asked, still trying to keep your eyes closed. You so badly wanted to open them, to admire his face in such close proximity with your own, but you feared that if you did, your heart would stop and your lungs would deflate. “That we can love each other without hurting each other?”

“I know we can, y/n.” He assured you, leaning forward ever so slightly. His forehead was nearly resting on your own, and it was a feeling too addicting for you to resist. You leaned forward, your head resting on his while your eyes remained closed. For a moment, you began to doubt that you were awake. It felt too good to be real, and you thought you would wake from the dream empty handed and miserable. “After all of these years, we had to learn something, right?”

“Fuck, I hope so.” You whispered, your voice so quiet that it barely reached his ears. “If not, we don’t deserve to be together.” You managed a small laugh at the words, to which he joined.

“We do deserve to be together, and we deserve to be happy.” He promised, holding himself back from kissing you. He’d never faced a temptation quite as strong, and he wasn’t sure if he could withstand it much longer. “Do you trust me?”

“Not really,” you chuckled, finding the parallels to the other night too comedic to ignore. His hand on your cheek tightened ever so slightly, his firm grip sending your head spinning and your stomach erupting with butterflies. “I do, Sam.” You admitted, finally giving in to the tugging of your heartstrings. You wanted him, and denying yourself of that was only causing you more pain. Before you’d reuinited, it was easy to convince yourself that the misery of being without him was better than the misery of being with him. Now that he was so close, his nose brushing against your own and his breath searing your skin, you knew that no pain nor pleasure could ever triumph what you felt for him in that moment. You would gladly get your heart broken a million times just to have a moment alone with him like so.

You were so caught up in loving him that you failed to realize that exact thought was what forced you in this position in the first place. You hadn’t grown, nor had you healed from the pain he caused. You were willing to sacrifice yourself all over again at the drop of a dime, and it would inevitably be the reason for your demise. You had always been so determined to love Sam that you forgot to love yourself, and in that moment, you felt yourself falling into the same old trap.

But you couldn’t help but think, maybe it was different. Maybe he changed, and maybe he changed enough that you did not have to adjust the amount of love you had for him. Maybe the problem never had anything to do with you in the first place, and he finally found a way to love you the same as you loved him. After all this time, he had come back to you with a new outlook on life and a newfound sense of self. You wanted to believe he had finally learned how to love, and that he learned to love you enough that you did not have to feel guilty for feeling so strongly for him. You needed to believe it, because it was the only thing giving you enough courage to stay seated before him with his lips hovering over your own.

After years of pain, and years of silence, Sam had finally realized that you were everything to him. It should not have taken so long, nor should he have sacrificed you in the process, but forgiveness was plentiful because you were young, and you were so stupid. You were kids who did not know how to love, falling in love faster and harder than anyone else in the whole world. You were bound to make mistakes, to scrape your knees and bump your heads, because you were learning. Now, you had learned, and you did not have to waste the lesson on someone lesser. You had learned enough to finally love each other the way you always should have, and you didn’t want to run from it any longer.

After all this time, he was still what you wanted, and you knew that no amount of time would ever change that. You were born to love Sam; it was the very thing you were put on the earth to do, and you would be damned if you wasted all of that potential. Being apart was agony, and you had both found that out in the most difficult of ways. The both of you were done being foolish, and you were done making mistakes. If any mistakes were to be made, you knew that they would only be worthwhile if you had each other by your sides.

You could only get over him if you wanted to, and if anything, it was the last thing you wanted to do. You wanted to love Sam until your lungs gave out and the earth separated below you. You wanted to hold his hand until the bitter end, lips locked together while the world burned around you. Not even death could scare you, because you knew that a lifetime spent with him was more than enough. You would succumb to the darkness with hopes that the next lifetime would allow you to love him all over again, and if it did not, you knew you would search the ends of the earth for even a slight glimpse of him once again.

It did not matter who you were before the heartbreak, because you could never be that person again. Who you were now was all that mattered, and you knew that despite the pain, you could still love with every fibre of your being. Love was the only thing you knew how to feel, and even after breaking down all of the bitterness and despair, love was the very thing that caused such cruel things. You were so angry because you loved him so much, and you were so miserable because you missed him more than your heart could handle. All of the nights spent crying were not because your heart was broken, but because you were grieving something you wished you still had. The hurt was because you had so much love with nowhere to go, and now you had a place to put it down for a moment. You had the very thing you craved to love, and you never wanted to let it go ever again.

“I’d like to kiss you, Sam.” You whispered, finally opening your eyes to catch a glimpse of his face. “If that’s okay with you.”

“That is more than okay, princess.” He said, leaning forward off the chair and wrapping his other arm around you. He used his hand to guide your face towards him, your lips meeting in a moment of emotion that was so intense that it took your breath away.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tangling in the locks of his hair to pull him impossibly closer. You needed him more than you could comprehend, and more than you ever cared to admit. Two years without him was equal to a lifetime of torture, and the only time you had ever felt at home was when you were in his arms. Days ago, when you were tangled up in him, awkwardly fitting yourselves into the driver's seat of a car, you had felt more comfortable than you did in years, and it was all because of him. He was what made the world turn, and he was the very thing that put the stars in the sky. Sam was the whole world, and it felt like you were just living in it sometimes, but that was okay; living a life so delicately intertwined with him was the best way to spend your days.

You never wanted the sweet moment to end. His lips on yours was a type of euphoria that you thought you would never feel again. The way his mouth moved against your own, his tongue dancing softly against your lower lip, begging you for more, was almost too much to handle. You needed Sam in every way that was humanly possible, and you feared that the desire would never fully be fulfilled. Your hands in his hair felt right, and his palm cupping your cheek felt familiar. You knew at that moment, you had spent so much time missing something so dearly, yet never knowing exactly what it was. You missed Sam, but it was more than him as a person. You missed the way his body connected with your own, piecing together like a puzzle only the two of you could complete. You missed the softness of his touch paired with the rough calluses of his fingers, drawing you closer to him and holding you in place. You missed the warmth of his skin on your own, and the way your heart beat in time with his.

Sam made you feel complete and without him, you could survive, but never thrive. There would always be something missing, like losing an arm yet certain you could feel your fingers clasp around an object. You missed him so bad that when you closed your eyes, you could trick your heart into believing he was still there. Now that his hands were on you and you were immersed in the comfort of his company, every daydream and fallacy that your brain had conjured was disappointing compared to reality. No figment of your imagination could come close to the feeling of truly being with him, and you would risk a million heartbreaks for just a moment alone with him.

When he pulled away, his breathing was heavy, like he’d just ran a marathon. His heart was erratic in his chest and his lips were swollen from the intensity in which the two of you were kissing. He could not voice his enthusiasm for the moment, but he didn’t have to. You felt it with the same intensity, and you did not need him to speak to know what his eyes were telling you. That was one thing you adored about your relationship with Sam, and no matter how long it had been since you last saw him, you never had to speak your feelings aloud. He understood you better than anyone else in the entire world, and as much as you hated him at times, you would not want anyone else to know you so well.

As you opened your mouth to voice your feelings about the reunion, a soft knock sounded on your door. Your eyebrows furrowed in frustration, and you debated ignoring the disturbance. You wanted to exist within the bubble of happiness you had created with him in your childhood bedroom, so similarly to how it was all of those years ago. For a moment, you wished to be seventeen, waiting patiently as the night engulfed the last few shreds of daylight. You wanted to hear the sound of the pebble against glass, signifying that Sam was outside. You would let him in, sneaking him quietly through the window and snuggle under the blankets together while your family believed you were asleep. You wished for one more youthful, undisturbed night of innocent love. In that moment, it felt so far away.

In another universe, you could exist within that scene for eternity and never have to worry about any external forces.

In this one, you knew it was not the case. The soft knocking continued, and you had to force yourself away from Sam. It felt equivalent to torture, but you mustered out a few weak words, granting entry to the person on the other side of the door. As the knob twisted and the hum of the home’s static air filled your bedroom. You turned to greet them, and Sam cleared his throat, straightening up in the chair and attempting to look presentable.

“Hey, El.” You said, feeling the resentment flee you upon seeing her face. “What’s up?” She was dressed in her winter coat, a hat sitting atop her head and her purse slung over the bulky jacket.

“N-nothing,” she stuttered out, her cheeks tinged red at the sight of Sam in your room. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was here.”

“S’okay, bug.” You promised, giving her a smile. “What’s up?” You asked again, wanting to know what it was that she needed.

“I think Brooke and I are headed out now. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t want to come.”

“Thank you for checking, but I think we’ll stay here.” You assured her, not wanting to feel bad about leaving you out. As much as you loved the idea of having a sibling movie night, you loved the idea of getting Sam’s clothes off more. “Have fun, bug.”

“We will. I’ll see you later.” She smiled, stepping backwards and back out into the hallway. “Bye, Sam.” She said, addressing him separately. As much as he had hurt you in the past, you and Sam together was all she had ever known. The world seemed right when the two of you were existing side by side in your childhood home.

“See ya, bug.” He chuckled, watching as she closed the door behind her. He was grateful that she did not seem to detest him like the rest of your family did (well, excluding your mom), because after everything, he still thought of her as his own sister. Even if the two of you did not end up together, he was certain he always would. Once he was sure she was out of earshot, he looked back to you. In the distance, you heard the slam of the front door, cementing your seclusion.

“So the house is all ours now?” He asked, a small smile tugging on his lips as he raised an eyebrow.

“Seems so.” You shrugged, biting down on the inside of your lip to hold back your own smile. “Come here.” You held out a hand to him, beckoning him to join you on the bed. As soon as you gave the okay, he sprung forward off the chair and wrapped his arms around you. The two of you tumbled back onto the bed, laughing at the simple moment. It was something you missed so badly that came so easily with him. Never had you met another person that made everything seem so easy, and never had you encountered anyone who felt so right.

You shifted underneath him, resting your head against the mound of pillows at the top of your mattress. You gazed up at him, your eyes sparkling with adoration as you tried to familiarize yourself with the newest version of him you had yet to know. “I take it we’re done talking?” He asked, looking down over your face with a smug little grin.

“Very much done with talking.” You agreed, nodding your head. The two of you had done so much talking over the last few weeks that it sickened you to think about it.

“I missed you, princess.” He muttered, his hand finding its way underneath the t-shirt you were wearing. His hands were still cold from the harsh winter wind outside, sending shivers down your spine at the touch. Although, you could not fully accredit it to the chill, because the feeling of his touch alone often sent your body into the same reaction.

“You saw me a few days ago.” You reminded, trying not to focus on the feeling of his skin on your own. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and it made it hard to think of anything else.

“Yeah, I know.” He said, looking down over your face. A new emotion seemed to appear in his eyes, less sad and more intense. “And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” Your breath caught in your throat, staring up at him with a burning sensation deep in your belly that only he knew how to spark. He noticed your eyes telling him the same old story, the only one in the world that came close to the story his heart loved to retell. You wanted him just as bad as he wanted you, and it was driving him crazy.

His eyes flickered down to your chest, but he did not advance. For a moment, he actually seemed to be frozen in place as he studied the worn logo and familiar fabric. You watched his face, unsure of what seemed to be running through his mind. When he did not move or speak any further, you spoke for him. “What’s wrong, Sam?”

“The shirt,” he muttered, his eyebrows knitting together as he looked back up at your face. “I-is that mine?”

“Y-yeah?” You said, phrasing it more as a question. You looked down, surprised that he recognized the old thing. You’d thrown it on in attempt to make yourself feel better earlier that day, but you never thought to change before he arrived. “Yeah, it is. Is that okay?”

“I thought you threw out all of my old stuff.” He whispered, his eyes still scanning over the logo. “I mean, I didn’t know, but I expected you to.” He explained, phrasing his thoughts better.

“No, I never… I didn’t have the heart to throw anything out.” You confessed, neglecting telling him that every so often you sought out the items for comfort when the world seemed a little too overwhelming.

“I never thought I’d see you wear this again.” He continued, almost laughing at the thought. “You used to wear this all of the time.”

“Yeah, it was my favourite.” You nodded, smiling back at the memory. “Guess some things never change.”

“You’re making it incredibly hard not to fall in love with you again, y/n.” He said, glancing back up at your face. As he did, you both knew that love was unavoidable, because you had never fallen out of love in the first place. Even after years apart, your heart still felt the same, and so did his.

“I… I never said you couldn’t, Sam.” And you were telling the truth; of all the things you had told him over the last few weeks, you had never told him not to fall in love again. Maybe it had slipped your mind, but it was more likely that you wanted him to fall in love again, just so you wouldn’t be the only one still hopeless pining. You wanted him to love you, and you wanted to love him, even while you hated him. You needed it like you needed air, and you needed to hear him say it. It had been two long years of being deprived of the sweetest sound in the whole world. “I can’t be the one to say it first, this time.” You whispered, looking carefully over his expression.

“Is that you giving me permission?” He asked, hoping for a yes. “Because I thought it was a mistake when you said it the other night.”

“It’s never been a mistake, Sam. Loving you is the only thing I know how to do.” You promised. “It’s easier than falling asleep, but I just… I can’t always be the one to say it first, and I don’t want to be the only one who means it, anymore.”

“You were never the only one who meant it.” He said it with so much sincerity that it made your head spin. “I’ve always meant it, Princess, I just didn’t know how to do it properly. Now, I do, and that all I ever want to do.” You swallowed hard, giving him a nod as your heart pounded against your chest.

“Okay.” You agreed, unable to manage any more than that. With a new breath of hope, he smiled down at you.

“I love you, y/n.” He whispered, his hand still wandering underneath your t-shirt.

“I love you, Sam.” Before he could speak again, you reached out and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him down until his lips met your own. The kiss was so much sweeter than the last, the taste of the proclamation of love still lingering on the tips of your tongues. It was more addicting than the taste of sugar itself, and you wished to savour it until the end of time. His grip on your hip tightened, showcasing his enthusiasm for your advance. As eager as you were to advance further, you were just as content existing in the moment, memorizing the feeling of his lips moving against yours.

It was familiar, welcoming, yet so much different than it once was. The tickle of his facial hair against your chin was something you’d never felt before, but it was just as addicting as the rest of it. You were both more experienced than you used to be, and you hated knowing that it was because of your escapades with other people, but it was paying off for you now. Back then, you were young and stupid, blindly loving each other and uncertain on how to do it correctly. Now, you were grown, using your life experience to come back to each other and do it over again, but right this time. His hand on you felt so good, and if you had to admit, better than it used to. You weren’t sure if it was because you missed him so much, or if it was because the youthful awkwardness seemed to flee him.

The kiss was messy, desperate for something you were already promised to have. That was one thing that never fled you nor Sam; your desperation for each other, and your desire to have each other, even if it had only been days since you saw each other. There was a flame burning inside both of you that only you could ignite, and anyone else who had ever tried gave up after a useless, futile attempt. He knew you so well, and no distance or amount of time could change it. He knew exactly where to touch you to make you melt, and he knew exactly what to do to make you feel good. He needed no direction, no instruction, and remembered it as if he’d spent the last two years studying it even in your absence.

When he pulled away, hearts were dancing in your eyes as smiles blossomed on your cheeks. The joy seemed to aid you in forgetting the pain that was so devastating. After so much heartbreak, you expected it to feel less beautiful and more melancholic, but kissing him was just as meaningful as it was in the beginning. “Let me take this off, beautiful.” He said, slipping his hand further up your shirt. You leaned forward, allowing him to pull it over your head and toss it to the floor. “As good as you look in my clothes, you look even better out of them.”

“Charming, as always.” You rolled your eyes as he unclipped your bra, throwing it in the same direction as your shirt.

“Some things never change.” He grinned. The sight filled you with a sense of adoration for him. It was the same goofy smile that you’d fallen so deeply for when you were young, and the sight of it pointed in your direction again nearly made you weak in the knees.

“And I’m happy that it hasn’t.” You reached out, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head. It got tangled up in his hair, and as you tried to pull it off, you noticed it was stuck on his head. You let out a laugh, loosening your grip on the fabric and allowing him to take it off himself. He couldn’t help but laugh too, reaching up and taking it off. Once it was was on the floor with the rest of the clothes, you reached up and brushed the hair from his face. “Hi, baby.” You breathed, the soft brown of his eyes nearly pulling you into a trance.

“Hi, beautiful.” He smiled, letting his hand trail over your bare stomach. The light tickle made goosebumps prickle your skin, and you couldn’t help but feel the need to kiss him again.

As if he felt the desire just as strongly, he leaned down and captured you in a soft kiss. He laid gently atop of you, careful not to put his entire weight on you. The feeling of his body against yours was intoxicating, the warmth from his skin wrapping you in a blanket of comfort. His lips did not linger there for long, but trailed down to your jaw and eventually landed on your neck. You reached up, tangling your fingers in his hair as his lips explored the sensitive skin on your neck. A breathy moan pushed past your lips as his tongue found the sweet spot just under your ear. The sound encouraged him further, and he took it upon himself to suck gentle marks into the skin, easy to cover with your hair but enough to remind you of him when he was not with you.

He moved further down, his lips ghosting over your collarbone as he raised his hand to your breast, cupping it in his hand and squeezing it slightly. As his teeth grazed over the skin, he let his thumb brush against your nipple, the sensation causing it to harden under his touch. You let out a shaky breath, trying your best to keep the feeling to yourself, but the pleasure from the small touch was plaguing you. You had never felt a sensation so euphoric from anyone else, and you never wanted to go without it again.

“Does that feel good, Princess?” He hummed, looking up at you with a heavy lidded stare. You could see the desire clouding his vision. Moments before, he was concerned with everything and anything; the love he had for you, the joy he felt being back in your company, and whether or not the world would allow you to be together again. Now, he was concerned with one thing and one thing only: catching up on all of the time he missed out on.

“So good, Sammy.” You uttered the words in a hurry, hoping that you could urge him to keep going. You needed him so badly and you were unsure if you could wait any longer. As he listened to the desperation in your voice, he debated leaving you there to suffer for a moment, just to make the release so much more pleasant. As he lowered his mouth to your chest, taking your other nipple into his mouth and running his tongue over it, he knew it would be too hard for him to do such a thing. The night spent tangled up in each other in the driver's seat of his car was good, but it was nothing more than a messy reunion to hold you over until you had the chance for something better. It bridged the gap between dire need and desperate want, but it did not last for very long. With every minute that passed, it seemed like you were one step closer to death without him.

As his tongue ran over the sensitive nub, your back arched in response. Your fingers tightened in his hair as you felt your breath catch in your throat. You could feel him smile against you before he pulled away, looking up at you through dark lashes. “Needy, are we?” He teased, letting his fingers trail down your bare stomach. The light tickle made you want to shy away, but your love for him wanted to invite him in for more. Everything about him was conflicting, yet it only ever made you fall deeper in love.

“I am,” you breathed, hoping the desperation in your eyes would urge him to continue. “Need you so bad, Sammy.” You pleaded, pushing your bottom lip out slightly. The pout seemed to strike a nerve in him as his hand settled on the waistband of your leggings.

“I want to hear how bad you want me.” He said, dipping his fingers below the elastic. The sudden movement seemed to make your brain short circuit, but after a few moments you managed to speak your mind.

“Please, baby. I need you… missed you so much.” You whispered, lifting your hips off the bed while maintaining eye contact. He used the opportunity to pull the leggings down over your ass, moving away for a moment to pull them from your body completely. As you looked down, you realized he’d been swift enough to remove the thong you were wearing, too.

“What do you want me to do, baby?” He pried, tossing the clothes to the side. His eyes raked over your body, taking in every detail of the exposed skin. His mouth was watering at the sight of you, and part of him wished he had waited to have you again. As much as he enjoyed your date night in the car, seeing you so openly was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. It was too limiting, too restricting, and he was only now beginning to realize he had the luxury of having you however he wanted.

“Whatever you want, Sammy. M’all yours, baby. You know that.” You rushed out, uncaring that the statement was soaked in desperation, which had always been an unflattering look on you. To him, he thought it was the hottest thing in the whole world. “Just need you to touch me, please.”

“You know that I’ll always give you what you want, sweetheart.” He crooned, settling on his stomach between your legs. He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, sending jolts of electricity through your whole body. “Especially when you ask so nicely.” He hooked his arms under your thighs, pulling you down towards him a little further. A gasp fell from your lips at the sudden movement. Before you could say anything else, he leaned forward, his tongue connecting with your core and instantly turning you into a mess.

“Fuck,” you groaned, letting your head fall back on the pillows. It had been so long since you’d felt the pleasure of his mouth, and it was immediately overwhelming. You prayed that your need wasn’t astonishingly obvious, because to you, it felt as though it was written all over you. The men you’d found yourself entangled with in university were unfulfilling and disappointing, and it had been so long since anyone had gone down on you, let alone done it well.

He let his tongue run through your folds, getting a taste of the arousal he was causing. His movements were slow, calculated and careful. He did not want to miss a single drop, and it was obvious in his approach. After a moment, he let out a hum of satisfaction, showcasing his own enthusiasm for the moment. Your fingers twisted delicately around the strands of his hair, the slight tugging and pulling giving him encouragement. He let his tongue circle around your clit, the light motion causing your stomach to twist into a knot. Your eyebrows furrowed as your heart pounded against your chest, and you worried that despite his intent to start slow, you were already embarrassingly close.

Before you had time to recover from the initial shock of his tongue on you, he began to pick up his pace. You uttered a slur of curses, feeling the words get strangled in your throat. The sensation was intense, and he’d barely even begun. Although it had been a long time since you’d had good sex, you never really had much of a tolerance for Sam’s unruly charm. He’d always known how to pry an orgasm from you without even trying, and he could send you into a climax merely by looking at you the right way. You weren’t sure if it was because he was so good at sex or if it was just because you were in love with him. Perhaps, it was a mix of both.

You let out a shaky breath, looking down between your legs and admiring the sight of him. He was working at you with intent, almost as if he’d spent the last two years imagining himself in this exact position. In some strange way, it was true. Although he had missed you for more than sex, between your legs was a place where he felt most at home. The taste of you on his tongue and your thighs squeezing his head was a feeling he could never seem to forget. The sounds falling from your lips paired with your fingers tangled in his hair was euphoric, and his name hanging so sweetly in the air was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. He felt that if he could not see you in such a state, he was wasting his life. He could search for the same thing in a million places and thousands of women, but he was certain nobody would ever hold a candle to you.

His tongue dipped down towards your entrance, giving your aching clit a break from the constant stimulation. You managed to catch your breath for a moment, the pulsing pleasure easing for a second as he changed his focus. Just when you thought you thought he might be generous and take it easy on you, he pulled back for just long enough to bring his fingers to his lips. You watched him as he let a trail of spit fall from his lips onto his hand. He caught your eye for a moment, but did not say a word. A familiar feeling ignited in the pit of your stomach as you noticed his lust blown pupils. He did not need to say a word; from his expression alone you could tell he was enjoying it just as much, if not more than you were.

He brought his mouth back to you at the same time as he added his fingers. Your back arched up off the mattress in reaction to the sensation, the stopping and staring making the pleasure return with a whole new force.

“Fuck, Sam.” You hissed, the sensation overtaking every other feeling in your body. “Feels so fucking good.” The second part of the statement came out strained as he curled his fingers as he pumped them into you, hitting the spot only he knew how to find. He did not respond, but seemed to focus on making his movements even more prescise. His tongue circling your clit paired with the feeling of his fingers inside of you was throwing you into a state of euphoria you weren’t sure you had ever felt before. You needed it, and you knew that you could not wait any longer.

One of your hands released the hold on his hair, dropping to the sheets to grab a fistful of the fabric. You were so close to the edge, the pleasure completely engulfing you and throwing you into a whole other dimension. Your breathing was ragged, your chest rising and falling rapidly to try and catch up on lost air. Your skin was glistening with sweat and your head was spinning. All of the above usually seemed unpleasant, but when it was paired with the waves pleasure coursing through your body, all the way from your head to the very tips of your toes, it was addicting. The whole scene felt otherworldly, like something you had been dreaming of every night yet could not remember in the morning. It was something you longed for, even if you did not realize you were actually searching for it. You looked for Sam in every face you passed, and you hoped to find him in the touch of another, but now that you had him, you knew that there was not another person in the world that could ever make you feel such a way. Nobody could compete with him, because he existed within his own league.

He could feel the pressure building within you; it was so powerful that he was bearing the weight on his own shoulders. He could feel the trembling of your legs, the intensity of your hold on him increasing with every breath. He wanted to give it to you, to feel your body give in to the temptation, but there was another part of him that waited to push it as far as he could, just so the moment wouldn’t end. He spent a few moments debating his feelings on the matter all whilst pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

A particularly sharp intake of breath let him know that you were pushing the point of no return. In a split second decision, he pulled his mouth away entirely and showed his fingers to a stop. The only thing you could process was the fact that the steadily building pleasure had suddenly disappeared, and the loss was so detrimental that you felt the need to grieve it. “Sam,” you choked out his name, a whine stuck in your throat as you lifted your head up from the pillows. You looked down at him, holding his gaze with as much confidence as you could. He gave you a smirk, moving his thumb over your clit as he began a slow pace.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” He asked, acting as if he was oblivious to the reason why you were upset.

“Why did you stop?” You asked, your cheeks flushed with emotion. He gave a dry chuckle, applying pressure to his thumb. The feeling caused your muscles in your legs to twitch and your breath catch in your throat.

“‘Cause you look so pretty when you beg for it.”

“You want to hear how bad I need you, Sammy?” Your voice dropped as you spoke, willing to give him exactly what he wanted in exchange for what you wanted. “You want to hear how good you make me feel? How nobody else can make me feel this good?” He watched your face, his cheeks reddening at the sound of your words and his chest heaving with every breath. He wasn’t sure where this side of you was coming from; two years ago, you never would have spoken to him in such a way. He realized quickly that two years can change a lot more than he ever imagined it could. “Is that what you want, baby?”

“That’s exactly what I want, gorgeous.” He affirmed his intention, beginning to pump his fingers into you again. “Tell me how badly you want to get fucked.” The obscenity rolling so sweetly off of his tongue made the ache between your legs grow stronger, and you could not deny him of the request.

“I missed you so much, Sam.” You choked out, feeling his fingers curl against your g-spot, sending your skin tingling with pleasure. “I-I need you to make me feel good. I need it so bad. Nobody else could do it right.”

“Nobody else knew how to take care of you, hmm?” He hummed, his eyes drifting down at his fingers buried in your cunt. The sight seemed to send him into a feral state, his eyes darkening and his jaw tensing.

“I used to think of you, the way you’d take care of me, how well you filled me…” you trailed off, feeling the delirium return as the orgasm began to creep up on you once again.

“You thought of me while someone else was fucking you?” He couldn’t hide the amusement in his eyes, not liking the idea of someone else’s hands on you, but loving the knowledge that not even that could make you forget about him. “Such a little whore, aren’t you? I don’t remember you being so bad.” He was leaning closer to you with every word he spoke, not even realizing the gravitational pull you had on him. “You’re all mine, aren’t you? You just can’t help yourself…” He asked, trailing off near the end of his sentence. His words were quiet, yet incredibly impactful. Your walls clenched around his fingers, the possessive claim sending you in a downspiral.

“I’m all yours, Sam.” You agreed, your eyes squeezing shut as your body began to tremble. You were bracing yourself for the storm, and he was doing his best to coax you through it.

“That’s it, Princess. Doing so good for me.” He crooned, leaning his head down and letting his tongue take over for his thumb. A moan slipped past your lips, so obscene that it was nearly pornographic. You could feel him smile against you, but you were too far gone to chastise him for his cockiness. The muscles in your abdomen tightened, and your legs locked in place.

“Sam,” you warned, your hips rising from the bed to meet his mouth in reaction to the overwhelming sensation. “M’gonna cum.” You forced out, your eyebrows knitting together as your lips parted. The sound falling from your lips filled the room, painting the walls with yet another memory of Sam’s company.

You needed it. No, you needed him. He was the only thing that mattered, just like always, and it felt like you would die without it. He was the only person in the world who could drive you to such insanity, and the only one who could bring you back.

Just when you thought you could not hold on any longer, he pulled away from you again. This time, instead of protesting with your words, a guttural cry tore through your chest as the frustration took hold. He looked up at your face, knowing exactly what he was doing, yet unable to feel any remorse for doing so. Seeing you so worked up was his favourite part of the whole process, and he’d been deprived of it for far too long. You gazed up at him, tears of anger pooling in your eyes as you tried to silently express your distaste for his actions.

“Come on, gorgeous.” He tried to comfort you, pulling his hand away, too. “I have to have my fun, too. You just look so pretty when you’re desperate for me to fuck you.”

“You’re an asshole.” You forced out through clenched teeth, uncaring of the consequences of your words. You did not believe he’d be such a tease after such a loving conversation, but you knew you had your hopes a bit too high. Sam always had a knack for making you suffer, even if it wasn’t always intentional. The fact that you were in the position now was just a comfort to you, knowing that not too much had changed after all. Part of you was fearful it would not be the same as it once was, but as you looked over his face, it was the same old Sam that once sat between your legs, just older and hopefully, a little bit wiser.

“Get up,” he ordered, seemingly ignoring the insult you’d thrown his way.

“You could ask a little nicer, especially after that.” You grumbled, challenging him only slightly.

“I’m not asking, sweetheart.” He said, looking down at you with a stern expression. His words were calm, but his tone was strong, and you knew you should not test your luck. Even if you were annoyed with him, you couldn’t help but feel a rush of arousal at the statement. “Don’t make me say it again.”

“S-sorry, Sammy.” You stuttered, sitting up in response to his newest demand.

“On your hands and knees,” he said, unbuttoning his pants and kicking them to the side. You watched for a second, amazed by the sight and excited by the idea of being able to have him again. When he ultimately threw his boxers in the same pile of clothes on the floor, he did not seem pleased that you hadn’t changed positions yet. When he noticed your eyes were not focused on his face, a small smirk grew on his lips. “Or would you rather just get on your knees?” He offered the alternative. You looked up to meet his gaze, wordlessly sliding from the bed and on to the floor. He was too shocked to respond, expecting at least some kind of argument or protest. He didn’t have time to recover from the surprise, because you were already eye-level with his cock and reaching out for him.

You wrapped your hand around him, making sure to continue looking up at his face as you brought your mouth forward and landed your lips on the tip of his dick. He let out a shallow sigh, his hair falling forward into his face as he looked down at you, awaiting your next move. You parted your lips slightly, running your tongue over the sensitive skin. The taste of his pre-cum lingered on your tongue, making your mouth water and your desire grow stronger. The look in his eye only made your cunt ache with even more intensity, and even as you willed yourself to tease him as much as he’d done to you, your desire to keep going was growing stronger by the second.

You opened your mouth a little wider, taking him in, but only slightly. You suctioned your lips around his head as you continued to move your tongue over him. He let out a hiss of pleasure, taking in a long breath as his eyes fluttered closed. You let some saliva accumulate on your tongue before moving your head down further, taking him in a few more inches. You could feel him throbbing, aching for more but allowing you to take the lead. It had been so long since he felt something so heavenly, and he was willing to take whatever you allowed him to have. His lack of protest for your slow pace made your annoyance grow weaker, and now you were only determined to make him feel the same as he made you feel. You took in a long breath and closed your eyes, moving your head down further until you felt him hit the back of your throat. You focused on not gagging, the sensation foreign, yet not as bad as you remembered it. The control was in your hands, making the situation all the more comfortable.

When the feeling grew familiar, you began bobbing your head at a pace that was pleasurable, yet not too much for you to handle. “Fuck, Princess.” He muttered, opening his eyes just enough to catch sight of your face. He watched as you bobbed your head down on him, already noticing the sensation grow stronger. You were not the only one with a hair-trigger, and that was exactly why he did not have the heart to chastise you for it earlier. When it came to you, any kind of stamina in the bedroom seemed just out of reach. “Looks so good with my cock down your throat.”

You hummed in response, the vibration making the pleasure all the more intense. His head fell backwards as a long string of curses fell from his lips. He did not remember you as someone who was so vocal, nor one who took the ropes for any type of action, yet the newest version of you seemed to send him straight to the brink of insanity. You looked up, looking at the exposed columns of his neck, tense from the strain of his head tiled back so far. As he let out a groan, his adams apple bobbed with the sound, making the sight all the more beautiful. You sped slightly, now only concerned with his pleasure and in turn, hearing the beautiful sounds that were falling from his lips.

After taking note of his reaction moments before, you decided to try your luck. As you felt him reach the back of your throat again, you let out a muffled moan. You weren’t expecting the sound to cause a gag to rise in your throat, and when the muscles tightened around him, he took in a sharp breath. You felt his cock twitch in your mouth, letting you know you were affecting him much more than you thought you would. He pulled back from you, his chest heaving with his breaths and his eyes crazed with lust. He reached out, taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger as he guided your head towards to look at him. You were still trying to catch your breath and your eyes were watering, but he thought you were the most beautiful thing in the whole world, and nothing could change that. He wiped away the trail of spit still lingering on your lips, giving you a soft smile.

“Stand up for me, beautiful.” This time, you did exactly has he asked, rising slowly to your feet. When you were steady, he took a step towards you, backing you up until your legs hit the mattress. He gave you a smirk as he leaned down, capturing you in a kiss that was just as heated as the rest of the evening. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as his chest pressed into your own. You could feel his heart against your chest, and he could feel yours against his own. It seemed like they were in perfect harmony, and the universe was willing you two to become one once again.

His hand drifted down your side, his fingers tickling the soft skin as he moved until eventually, his hold remained on the curve of your back. He guided you down on the mattress, gently and securely, just so you knew he would never let you fall. When you were down on the mattress, he anchored his hands on your hips and pulled them to the edge of the bed. Then, he reached over and grabbed a pillow from the stack of them, moving it beside your head. You lifted your neck, allowing him to slip it underneath. He smiled down at you for a moment, the animalistic attraction seeming to wear off for a moment as he looked down upon you. For a moment, he just felt the need to admire you and the beauty that always seemed to take his breath away.

“Comfy?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Very.” You assured him, giggling at his expression. With a smile, he ran a gentle hand down your bare thigh, stopping at your knee to give him a leverage point. “I want to say it again.” You confessed, caught up in the moment of sweetness amidst the chaos.

“You can say whatever you want, Princess.” He assured you, lifting your leg and anchoring it around him. He leaned forward slightly, resting himself on your entrance. You took in a sharp breath, already distracted by the idea of what was to come next. One thing you loved about your childhood bedroom was that your bed, although uncomfortable by times, was the perfect height for Sam to do exactly what he was doing then. Using his hand on your thigh, he pulled you towards him as he pushed into you. There was a collective sigh of relief shared between the two of you, and then, as if you could not hold it back any longer, you spoke the words your heart was begging you to share.

“I love you, Sam.”

“I love you, princess.” He crooned, but the sweetness did not last too long. He withdrew his hips and slammed himself back into you as the pet name was rolling off of his tongue. You let out a sharp moan, a painful type of pleasure shooting through you. You closed your eyes as he began at a steady pace, but he was having none of it. “Eyes on me,” he ordered, catching your attention. You did just that; your eyes opened and fell upon his face, drinking in the stern nature of his expression. “That’s it.” He praised you for listening so well, studying every detail of your pleasure ridden expression. As he did, his hips sped again, and his grip on your leg tightened. “Look at you, taking me so well.” You thought that you might come undone from the sound of his words alone, but you managed to keep yourself under control. You let out a shaky breath, laced delicately with a moan that was begging to be heard. His hair was hanging down over his face, something that was new to you, yet undeniably attractive. The long hair suited him, and you wished he would have grown it so long much sooner.

“Fuck, Sam.” You groaned, reaching out and licking your fingers around his wrist.

“Does that feel good, baby?” He asked, finding your growing desperation intoxicating. You nodded, your lips parted as another moan forced its way from your chest. You caught his eyes, the glossy stare seeming to shake him to his core. He let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes for a moment and shaking his head slightly. “I’m not going to last for very long if you keep fucking looking at me like that.” He muttered, taking in a long breath as his hips continued to move at a bruising pace. With every re-entry, the tip of his cock brushed perfectly against your g-spot, sending a wave of pleasure through your entire body. The sensation was almost too much to bear, and the orgasm seemed to be pulsing underneath your skin stronger than even your own heartbeat.

“You want me to stop looking at you?” You teased, grinning up at him.

“Fuck no.” He said, resembling more of a growl. He reached down, letting his thumb drift over your cheek for a moment before trailing it across your bottom lip. As if on instinct, you parted your lips slightly, catching him off guard as you brought the digit into your mouth. Your closed your lips around his thumb, settling your tongue on the pad of his finger, looking up at him through your lashes. For a moment, it seemed as if his brain short-circuited. His hips stuttered and his breath caught in his throat as he watched you. You suctioned your cheeks and moved your head back far enough that his thumb slipped back out of your mouth with a slight popping noise.

He clenched his jaw, realizing that the woman underneath him was much different than the one he had so long ago, but in every good way possible. With his sudden realization, he was eager to explore your new found confidence even further. He dropped his hand around your neck, his fingers loosely anchoring around the sides and settling just atop your jugular. When you did not recoil from the new position, he took it upon himself to tighten his grip. As he did so, his hips did not speed, but each thrust became more forceful. The strength at which he was moving sent the bed frame knocking into the wall with every move of his hips. As his fingers tightened further, you could feel your heartbeat fill your ears as your head began to swim with an airy feeling. The wooziness that accompanied the newest position made the knot in your belly tighten, and the pleasure to reach a new peak.

You wanted to cry out, to make a sound and let him know how good he was making you feel, but you could not. A burning feeling began to rise in your chest as his palm pressed against your trachea, but you could not find a complaint about it. As your head began to spin and your lungs felt as if they were on fire, you realized that even death at the hands of Sam Kiszka would be the most pleasant experience of your entire existence.

He began to notice the far away look in your eye, and he loosened his hold, allowing you to fill your lungs with a breath of air. You coughed slightly, the sudden rush of oxygen seeming painful after being deprived. His fingers gently massaged the area his hand had been moments before, worried that he might have hurt you. When you finally caught your breath and the obscenities began falling from your lips again, he knew you were more than alright.

“That’s it, baby.” He muttered, his voice hoarse from the sheer amount of carnal desire burning within him. “That’s my girl.”

The possessive claim once again made you weak, and you could not help but clench around him, drawing him in further with hopes of keeping him there forever. His eyes trailed downwards, settling intently on the point in which your hips met his. He seemed mesmerized as he watched himself fuck you, and it was driving him closer to the edge with every thrust of his hips. He knew that if you did not cum soon, he might get there before you, and that was one thing he refused to do.

“Are you gonna cum for me, beautiful?” He asked, reaching between your legs and settling his thumb on your clit. He began a slow circular motion, watching your expression in hopes of a reaction. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, biting down hard enough that you were certain you drew blood.

“Are you going to let me this time?” You forced out, your breathing ragged and your forehead glistening with sweat. It was a terrible task trying to hold yourself back, but you did not want to get your hopes up again only for it to be ripped away from you.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Princess.” He smirked, applying a bit more pressure with his thumb. Although he did intend to allow you to cum, it was fun to tease you. When you rolled your eyes, he knew that he could not bear to push you any further. “Come on. Be good for me, baby.” He said, his words permissive although not outright. As you caught his eye, you knew his intentions were genuine, and you felt the defensive nature of your actions begin to fade. “There you go.” He hummed, making sure to keep his thumb in time with the thrust of his hips. Before you knew it, your entire body was overtaken by the euphoria once again, and this time, there was no going back.

“Oh god, Sam.” You breathed, realizing that he had no intent to stop. After being pushed to the edge so many times and pulled back so harshly, it seemed like the orgasm was taking over with an intensity you had never felt before. You opened your mouth to utter a warning, but there was no time to say the words aloud; the climax hit you hard, starting at your core and quickly spreading all the way throughout your body. It made your muscles tense and your legs shake, and it knocked the air from your lungs as your mind swirled with nothing but desire for the man between your legs. He thought for a moment that he would be able to hold himself back, just for long enough to give you a second orgasm to apologize for his relentless teasing, but at the sight of your expression twisted into pleasure, his own orgasm began to take hold.

“Look at me,” he snapped, his harshness completely unintentional. He was panicking, needing the eye contact for one last moment of innocent intimacy before it was all over. “Want you to look at me while I fill you, angel.” Your eyes snapped open, searching for his own in with a new found sense of urgency. The words twisted your stomach into a tighter knot, and his gaze pushed you into a whole new wave of pleasure.

“Fuck, Sammy.” You whined, reaching out for him. As the pleasure took hold for him, he leaned forward into your arms. His hips stuttered, his movements quickly becoming sloppy as his cock twitched inside of you. He tried his best not to collapse into your arms as he spilled his release into you, a long slur of curses falling from his lips as your nails dug into the skin of his back. Your hips moved upwards to meet his as you tried to ride out the last bit of euphoria the moment had to offer.

Just like that, the two of you had fallen back into old and incredibly reckless habits, and neither of you seemed to have a shred of remorse about it.

He heaved a sigh, both of you sweaty and exhausted from the excitement. His hair was sticking to his face and his eyes were begging him to sleep, but he would not let himself give in to the temptation. He was enjoying the closeness with you too much to give it up just yet. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close to you. His heartbeat was rapid against his chest, and you could feel it coursing through you, too. The reuinion was plastered all over the room; the bedsheets tainted with your inability to stay away from each other, and the walls dripping with the obscenities and vulgarity of the night. Even when you were both long gone and forgot the fateful night, you knew the memory would remain indefinitely.

“How was that, princess?” He asked, placing soft kisses to your collarbone. The ghost of your orgasm was still lingering, and every time he pressed his lips to your skin, it sent jolts of electricity through your whole body.

“It was so good, baby.” You breathed, keeping your eyes closed as you tried to steady your heartbeat. He was silent for a moment, fearful that if he moved too fast, you would disappear before his very eyes. You could sense the tension in the air, knowing he wanted to speak but he was holding himself back. “What’s wrong, Sammy?” You asked, running your fingers through his hair as you pushed it away from his face.

“You’re… you’re not going to disappear again, are you?” He asked, lifting his head from your chest to glance up at your face. The words struck you hard, making you feel like you were drowning in regret. You felt so guilty for ignoring him after the last time you were together, but you had really thought that it was for the best. Now that he was with you, laying in your arms and asking if you were going to stay, you knew that this was for the best. Despite all of the pain, you and Sam were meant to be together, and the world would stop at nothing to ensure that it would happen.

“No, baby.” You shook your head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I promise… I want to stay. I want you to stay.”

“It’s okay if you don’t, but I just… I’d rather know, you know?” He said, uncertainty flashing in his eyes.

“I do, Sam.” You assured him. “More than anything else in the world.”

“Okay,” he said, giving you a smile. He believed you, and he wanted just the same. “So… we’ll try again? You want to try again?”

“I want to try again.” You whispered, feeling yourself melting into the warm brown of his eyes. It felt sometimes that if you looked to long, you would get lost in them and never find your way back. “I want to try harder than we ever have.”

“Me too, princess.” He sighed, placing a gentle kiss to your chest. “We can do it. I know we can.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, smiling weakly at him. “We can.”

You weren’t sure if you believed your own words, but by god did you hope that you were right. It took everything in you to find the strength to try again, and you weren’t sure if you had enough strength left to face the world if he were to leave. As you looked down over his face, it didn’t seem to matter; when Sam was with you, the entire world seemed right. For the first time in two years, things seemed okay. There was no cloud of misery hanging over your head, nor any sorrow lingering in your bones. You were happy, and it felt like the weight was finally lifted off your shoulders. All of the love that had been lying dormant for so long finally had a place to live, and you could finally rest. Loving Sam was all you had ever known how to do, and it was all you ever wanted to do. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world, and you hoped that it would stay forever.

In a single night, he had managed to give you the gift of hope, which was something you had not felt in a very long time. Now, you could only pray that this time, he really had no intentions to take it away, again. Hope was a fantastic thing to feel, but it was also a loss so harrowing that it made the whole world seem bleak, and you were already exhausted from walking an earth that only ever seemed barren and empty.

TAGLIST: @itsafullmoon @freefallthoughts @lightsofthe-living-gvf @heckingfrick @sagekiszka @clairesjointshurt @thetroublegetssoloud71 @torniturntomyarrow @dannythedog @jordie-gvf @lallisonl @peaceloveunitygvf @gretavangirlie

[ourtearsofrain]

Slow It Down (D.R.W/S.F.K)- Chapter 15

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka, (background) Josh Kiszka x Male O.C.

Genre: fluff, smut ish? (they get spicy but don’t go far)

Word Count:  2.5k

Warnings: Sam’s anxious at first but that’s like it, ^ like I said things get spicy but don’t go too far

A/N: I hate to say it, but this is the last official full chapter, although there will be an Epilogue set in the future

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4:43 PM

“Hey.” Josh flashes the pair a nervous smile as they enter the kitchen where he and Austin had set in on unpacking the few groceries they had gotten to pass the time, trying to test the waters to see how their talk had gone. “Everything good?”

“Yeah.” Sam freezes, his mind racing out of nowhere. What if Josh doesn’t want me to live here? What if I don’t have somewhere to stay after all that? I can’t afford a place on my own, and I couldn’t make Danny leave Josh.

Josh’s focus moves to Danny, hoping he would elaborate. “Yeah, it did.” Danny looks to Sam, nudging him forward gently in encouragement. “Sammy has something to tell you.”

“Yeah, uh.” Swallowing hard, Sam’s eyes dart between Josh and Austin, looking to Danny behind him one last time before finding his courage. “I’ve decided I want to move here. I’m gonna finish the semester at Saginaw State, then transfer to NYU for the Spring term. I’m gonna start looking for jobs here like right now so I’ll try to visit as often as I can for interviews. And I- I was wondering if you would be ok with me moving in with you guys. Danny’s already agreed to sharing a room, I just wanted your opinion too, Josh. So, uh… yeah. That’s it basically.”

A beat of silence passes between the group before Josh whoops, startling everyone else as he practically throws himself at Sam, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and jumping up and down in excitement. “YES! IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?! OF FUCKING COURSE YOU CAN MOVE IN WITH US, SAMMY!” He releases him, taking a step back to grin at him. “Austin and I were actually going to ask Danny if he would mind if he officially moved in, so now this’ll take our share of the rent down by half!”

“Woooow, so the only reason you’re fine with me moving in is to take the rent down, huh?”

“You know it, why else would I want to live with you? Did that for 15 years, never again unless I’m getting something out of it.”

“Fuck off.” Despite his words, Sam beams at Josh, his worries gone at the excitement his older brother had shown.

Josh’s eyebrows shoot up, as if he had just come up with a genius idea. “We should celebrate!”

Austin glances at his watch momentarily, speaking before his boyfriend could start rattling off ideas that would more than likely involve alcohol or weed as it was so early in the night. “Well, it’s almost five, darlin’. Anyone hungry?”

“Fucking starving. I’ve had nothing but plane peanuts since like ten AM.” As if on cue, Sam’s stomach grumbles, loud enough for everyone to hear as his face twists with hunger. “See?”

“Yeah, you’re all skin and bones, Sammy.” Josh swats his stomach as he passes him, too quick for Sam to retaliate as he darts towards the door. “We should go to Baazi, I’ve been craving Indian all day.”

Met with no complaints, the four men get ready to leave once again, slipping on their shoes and grabbing their phones, wallets, and keys before setting out with Josh in the lead. Out of earshot of the other pair, Austin leans towards Josh as they descend the stairs of their apartment, dropping his voice low just in case. “Not that I got any complaints, but you know Baazi is a bit pricey, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t care.” When Austin gives Josh a knowing look, he waves his hand in the air between them, slipping his hand into Austin’s as his arm drops. “It’s my treat tonight, and don’t try talking me out of it. Sammy’s moving here, we’re celebrating.”

“Fine.” Austin lets out a sharp sigh, slightly annoyed with his stubbornness but in admiration of Josh nonetheless. “You know, it’s sweet. You treatin’ us to dinner tonight, your reaction to Samuel movin’ here.”

Josh shrugs as if the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, his actions coming naturally to him. “He’s my little brother. He’s finally taking control of his life, he’s finally gonna be happy. Sammy rarely makes this monumental of a step, this is really big for him. I love him and I’m proud of him; and I know how terrified he must be, so I’m gonna do all I can to make him feel welcome.”

“You’re easily the most beautiful person I reckon I’ve ever met, Joshua Kiszka.”

Josh missteps at his words, luckily having just stepped onto the ground floor, and he regains his balance before glancing over at him with a sheepish smile. “I don’t know about that, baby. I mean have you met yourself?”

Austin only grins down at him as he holds the door open, pausing to wait for the other pair. “Shut it and take the compliment.”

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7:28 PM

“That place was fantastic, best I’ve had in a while since Frankenmuth doesn’t have many good Indian places. Thanks for picking the bill up, Josh.”

“No problem, Sammy. Like I said, we’re celebrating. Speaking of,” Josh grins wide, the other three men immediately knowing what he was about to suggest. “We should continue this celebration back home, if you know what I mean.” He brings his pinched thumb and index fingers to his lips, winking theatrically as if his words and actions weren’t an immediate hint to what he was implying.

When Danny and Sam voice their agreements, Josh turns to his boyfriend, gently elbowing him in the ribs. “Yeah, yeah alright.” Austin laughs. “I won’t be smokin’ too much tonight though, gotta wake up early for work tomorrow mornin’ and I can’t exactly show up to the shop high… again.”

“Wait, again??” Sam exclaims, eager to know more. “Where do you work?”

“…local auto repair shop. Don’t remember any of that shift. Last time I try Josh’s ‘special brownies’ the night before I work, I’ll tell ya. Probably don’t help that I got a low tolerance since I haven’t been smokin’ for long.”

“Oh my god, I knew Josh was a bad influence!”

“Am not!”

“Yuh huh.”

“Shut the fuck up, Sam.”

“You’re just mad I’m right.” Sam looks over his head at Austin, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Did you know Danny and I were 15 when he let us smoke with him and Jake?”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Josh punctuates each word with a smack to Sam’s arm, resulting in Austin gently steering him to his other side to put some space between the brothers. “In my defense, there’s literally nothing to do in the fucking Midwest, especially Frankenmuth.”

“Aw don’t worry darlin’, I won’t hold it against you.”

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9:17 PM

“Bedtime.” Josh mumbles out as the end credits to Cars 3, Austin’s movie choice, plays on the TV across the room, his eyes barely cracked open from his high.

Sam immediately sets in on teasing him, having smoked less than his brother. “Awww, is Joshy tireddddd?”

“Shut the fuck up, I went through most of a J on my own. I’m higher than bat pussy right now.”

His choice of words sets the other three men off, snorting before dissolving into laughter before Austin finds his words first. “What?! Where the hell did that expression come from, darlin’?”

“Dunno, some random bar here. Anyways, I’m tired, sleepy time now.”

“Alright, c’mon.” Austin stands, wobbling on his sore legs before reaching down to pull Josh up. “It was great gettin’ to know you, Samuel. Heard so much about you but I’m glad I finally got to meet you, and I’m glad you’re movin’ in with us soon. Imma get him to bed, goodnight y’all.”

“Goodnight Austin, see you tomorrow.”

“Night, it was great to meet you too.” The pair watch the other two stumble from the room with Josh leaning heavily on Austin, Josh’s bedroom door quietly clicking behind them a few seconds after they disappear from their sight. Sam’s head falls on Danny’s shoulder, relaxing into him easily.

“You tired too?”

“Not really, I probably should be after all the traveling today and… emotional exhaustion, but I’m not.”

“Understandable.” Danny makes a move to stand, much to Sam’s dismay until he reaches down, offering his hand to him. “Let’s go, we don’t have to sleep, but my bed is more comfortable than this couch.”

“Oh, so you’re trying to get me into your bed now?” Sam questions with a mischievous grin, allowing the other man to pull him up nonetheless.

“Shut up, I’m not trying to pull any moves on you, I just want to get my ass off these threadbare cushions.”

“Likely story.”

Danny shakes his head as he opens his bedroom door, rolling his eyes as Sam passes him. “Keep it up and you’re sleeping on the couch, Kiszka.”

“You wouldn’t.” Sam puts on a wounded expression, flashing puppy dog eyes at Danny as he closes the door behind himself.

Danny melts at his act, making his way back to Sam and placing a gentle kiss to his lips. “I wouldn’t. Anyway, do you need anything to change into? I probably have some sweats if you don’t want to sleep in your jeans.”

“Na, it’s alright, I brought something.” Sam leaves him, crossing the room to where he had thrown his small suitcase and crouching to unzip it. “Usually, I sleep naked, but I won’t subject you to that tonight.”

“Who says I don’t want to be subjected to that?” Danny jokes, his tone lighthearted but his heart hammering in his chest as he swapped his sweater for a faded tie-dye shirt.

“Someone’s eager.” Sam cocks an eyebrow at him as he stands again, a pair of short, red and blue shorts in his hand.

Taking his comment as a sign of discomfort, Danny rushes to clarify. “I was just kidding, we don’t- we don’t have to do anything tonight.”

“I know, Danny, I’m just fucking with you.” Sam grins wide before unbuttoning his pants, barely giving Danny the time to avert his gaze out of respect as he pulls the tight jeans down his legs. He laughs when he sees Danny’s cheeks go red, his eyes darting around the room to focus on anything but him. “You’ve seen me change before, Danny. I don’t care if you’re looking.”

“I know… It’s just, it’s different now.” He looks back up at Sam, his voice timid as he began to fidget with his hands.

Sam makes his way over to him quickly, bringing his hands to his mouth before kissing his skin lightly. “I know. Thank you for respecting any of my boundaries, but again, you can look when I change. Especially if I’m just putting a different pair of pants on.”

“Alright.” Danny offers him a small smile before Sam turns away, making his way over to the bed as Danny strips his own jeans off. Noting the two pillows on his bed despite living alone, Sam hesitates by the side of it as Danny joins him. “You got a preference for which side you sleep on?”

“Nope, I end up sprawled in the middle when I sleep alone. You?”

“Can I have the right side?”

Danny smiles at him before making his way to the left side of the bed, pulling the comforter back before crawling under the covers. “Of course.”

“Thanks, Danny.” Sam follows suit almost immediately, clicking the lamp beside him off and settling into the bed. He hesitates for a moment as he feels Danny’s arm brush his, unknowing whether or not if the other man was a cuddler outside of unconscious camping habits.

As if he were reading his mind, Danny snakes his arm under Sam’s back, pulling him into his chest. “This ok?”

Sam breathes a sigh of relief into the fabric of his shirt, relaxing against him. “More than ok.”

Danny’s arms tense around him, as if he was holding something back. “Can I kiss you, Sammy?”

Instead of answering with his words, Sam tilts his head up, blindly searching for his lips in the dark until they finally connect. Danny’s hand moves up to cup Sam’s jaw as his other splays across his lower back, pulling him into his body. What starts out as a slow and tender kiss quickly heats up as Sam’s lips part, giving Danny the opportunity to test the waters by licking across his lower lip, reveling in the quiet hitch of Sam’s breath. As their breaths become more erratic, Danny moves his hand to Sam’s hip, grinding his body into the quickly forming tent in his boxers.

“Wait.” At the word, Danny freezes immediately, pushing Sam’s hip away from himself slightly to put some space between them, afraid he crossed a line. “Can we take it slow, please? Believe me, I want to but, maybe not tonight.”

“Of course, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” As Danny settles back against his pillow, Sam props himself up on his arm, bending slightly to reconnect their lips briefly.

“Thank you. Like I said, I want to eventually, I guess I’m just kind of in my head right now.”

“You’re alright, we can slow it down.” Danny hesitates again as Sam relaxes into his own pillow, the space between their bodies increasing as he untangles his legs from Danny’s. “Can I- can I hold you?”

“Yes, you can.” Sam’s heart soars as Danny wraps his arms around him again, pulling his back flush against his chest as he nuzzles his face into his hair, placing a gentle kiss to the back of his head. “Remember when we raced to the lake while camping?”

“Yeah, I remember you cheating very vividly.” Danny prods his finger into the soft skin of Sam’s side, grinning to himself as Sam squeals and tries to twist out of his grasp.

“I did not cheat, never have and never will, thank you very much. But I ask because I believe I still haven’t gotten my prize yet.”

“Oh, really? And what do you think your ‘prize’ is, huh?”

Sam turns, his front pressing into Danny’s as he looks up at him in the dark. “This. Us. This is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Really?” Despite his best efforts, tears quickly come to Danny’s eyes at Sam’s words, barely succeeding in keeping them from spilling down his cheeks.

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Sammy.”

Sam grins in the dark, his exhaustion beginning to catch up to him now that he was in the arms of a man he could now proudly call his. “I love you too, Danny.”

Within minutes, only the soft sounds of their quiet snores can be heard, both men drifting easily into sleep with the other securely pressed against their bodies.

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taglist: @gretnavannfleet @aioba1503-sdm @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @milojames16 @sanguinebats @theres-a-tvjoe @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @currentlyfangirling10

[yetanothersparrowofthedawn]

St Jude

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 5k

Pairing: Jake x Reader

Genre: Angst, hurt, ex!Jake

Context: Y/N’s Bachelorette Party and an open bar don’t mix very well for one Jacob Thomas Kiszka.

Disclaimer: English isn’t my native language, so I apologize in advance for mistakes and awkward wordings to come.

Previous Track: The Way I Loved You

Chapter soundtrack: St Jude – Florence + the Machine

Another conversation with no destination, Another battle never won, Each side is a loser, So who cares who fired the gun? And I'm learning so I'm leaving, And even though I'm grieving, I'm trying to find a meaning. Let loss reveal it. St Jude, the patron saint of the lost causes. St Jude, we were lost before she started.

(By the way, for every ‘Chapter Soundtrack’, basically the idea is that it’s a song that YN eventually wrote with that chapter of her life in mind)

Alright, let’s get into this.

_______

The Florida sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the expansive beach. Gentle waves whispered tales of excitement as the beachside bar awaited the arrival of the bachelorette and her entourage.

The atmosphere was charged with anticipation when Sam, Danny, and Jake walked through the door, greeted by a lively crowd of friends and colleagues of YN’s.

As they took in the venue, Sam couldn't help but chuckle, "Well, would you look at that? The three of us are early for once!”

Danny grinned in agreement, “Must be some kind of cosmic event."

Jake, however, remained unusually quiet, his eyes scanning the room as though searching for something elusive.

The trio made their way to the bar area, where the clinking of glasses and the murmur of conversations offered a lively background. Sam raised an eyebrow at Jake, sensing something brewing within his brother. "You alright, man? You're quieter than a library on a Sunday."

"Yeah, just tired,” Jake took a sip of his drink, the bitter taste doing little to soothe the turmoil within. “Probably just need more of this," he quipped, attempting a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Truth was, he had been having a hard time getting proper sleep. Eating too, but he’d blamed it on the stress of their upcoming album.

Guests mingled, sharing anecdotes and laughter as the sun set over the horizon. Yet, Jake remained on the periphery, a shadow among the revelry. His gaze occasionally flicked towards the entrance, a subconscious yearning for something unseen.

In a sudden burst of energy, YN and her bridesmaids, including Josh in his bright pink bridesman attire, finally made their grand entrance. The room erupted in cheers and applause and the air filled with an infectious effervescence.

YN, radiant in her sparkly dress, moved with a grace as she made her way through the crowd, greeting friends and well-wishers. Jake was surprised to feel his chest tightening with an indescribable unease.

As YN approached the trio, her infectious energy lit up the space around her.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, behold the miracle,” Sam playfully teased, “she has arrived, and only an hour late!”

"Very funny, Samuel,” YN chuckled, giving a light shove to his shoulder.

Danny smirked, raising his glass. "Taking punctuality lessons from Josh, YN?"

Amidst the banter, her eyes met Jake's. "Hi," she beamed at him, her tone warm and friendly, “I’m so glad you could come.”

"Wouldn’t miss it for the world," Jake replied, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

As the night progressed, the sky darkened, and the party came alive with the sounds of music and champagne bottles popping open. The bachelorette, seemingly everywhere at once, danced from one group to another. Her laughter mingled with the rhythm of the music, a joyful symphony that echoed through the night.

Meanwhile, Jake found solace at the open bar, the cool glass in his hand offering a temporary escape from the overwhelming ambiance.

Each drink served as a futile attempt to drown out whatever was going on with him as he watched her from a distance. The alcohol in his empty stomach brought a temporary numbness, but the reprieve was only fleeting.

The atmosphere in the venue grew electric as the bridesmaids gathered to present YN with a playful gift—a sparkling tiara adorned with rhinestones spelling out ‘Mrs. Styles’. The crowd erupted in cheers as they crowned her, and YN, with a laugh, embraced the moment, wearing the gift with an air of mock regality.

Jake, however, felt an odd pang in his chest at the sight. He could’ve sworn the glittering tiara had been taunting him.

The night wore on and the tension within the guitarist continued to escalate amidst the pulsating beats and laughter. The bar, as per usual, turned out to be both his refuge and prison.

His gaze regularly flickered to her figure, unable to escape the magnetic pull she exerted, however much he tried to convince himself otherwise. And she looked so fucking happy.

The event carried on, and it seemed everything and anything only added fuel to the growing fire. A well-intentioned bridesmaid, unaware of the complexities that lingered beneath the surface, approached Jake to toast to the newlyweds.

A bitter taste lingered in his mouth at the girl’s words, and he thought he might just get sick all over the poor girl. It’s probably just the whiskey, right?

He somehow managed to retain composure, turning back to the drink he was nursing while the confused girl walked back to the dance floor.

It’s only a while later that a familiar voice interrupted his wandering thoughts.

“One Negroni, sugar.” Patty. “And don’t skimp on the Gin.” YN’s manager materialized to his side as she addressed the bartender. After a moment she turned to the guitarist. Leaning against the counter, she broke the silence.

“It’s nice for you to have come, Jacob.”

He clenched his jaw at her words. Yes, that was him, Jacob nice-guy Kiszka. He absolutely had not considered setting himself on fire for the past three hours.

The two of them once had a lovely friendship, if you could call it that. They never had that much in common, but they’d always shared one priority. YN’s well-being. Everything, of course, had turned sour when the rocky days of his and YN’s relationship creeped in, forcing Patty to step in more than once.

Memories of years past came back to Jake. Hushed conversations between the manager and him. Arguments behind closed doors. It’s for the best, Jacob. She won’t admit it, but she’ll eventually break if you two keep on going that way. It’s a necessary evil.

Patty had almost always been right, of course. Still, the bitter memories left his very flesh feeling raw.

“I can’t imagine it was easy,” she continued with a knowing look. Jake stared at his glass in silence. “But trust me, this, it’s good. It’s right.” she stated, “I suppose some things are just- meant to be.”Jake knew exactly what she’d meant to say. And some other are not.

He couldn’t help but wonder if Patty truly knew YN. Not the performer, not America’s sweetheart, not the tabloid-pleasing, award-winning, photo-posing girl. The true YN.

To be fair, she probably did. After all, Patty had been by YN’s side much longer than he had. She’d protected her in ways that went far beyond her role as manager. She’d cared the way a mother does. She’d wanted the fairytale for YN and, of course, with that came the prince charming, on his white fucking horse, with his stupid fucking English accent.

The chaos that clung to Jake’s very skin had most definitely clashed with that picture. Of course, the early days were fine. More than fine, in fact. Before Patty had witnessed them at their worst, she’d seen them at their best. But when the time came, when the chips were truly down, she had, of course, put YN’s interest first.

“If that make you feel better,” Patty carried on, “I’ll still look after her in London.”

Jake’s heart skipped a beat and he thought he might have misheard. He finally looked up to meet her gaze. Patty nodded, as sad understanding in her eyes, “They’ve been looking through houses, for after the honeymoon.”

Jake’s grip tightened around the glass in his hand. He might have burst out laughing had it not been so ridiculously tragic. He hadn’t even considered that an option. Why couldn’t Harry just move permanently to the US, huh? If he really was so giving and good? Why couldn’t he make that sacrifice? Asshole. And why on earth would YN ever accept to settle down with that guy to the other side of the world? Since when was she the kind to just follow someone around?

“You must be happy,” Jake eventually mumbled, taking another sip.

He couldn’t help but act as though it was all Patty’s doing. As though she had somehow planned the whole thing, the way a Bond villain does. As though she had wanted to make sure YN remained out of reach forevermore.

Maybe it was simply easier to believe that, than to accept the fact that YN, his YN, had wanted to follow her husband so far away. 4000 fucking miles away to be precise. That she had chosen all this.

“I am,” Patty replied with a gentle nod, “so long as she is, too.”

Some voices beckoned Patty back to the dance floor and with a gentle squeeze of his arm, she finally retreated. “Go easy on the whiskey, Jacob,” she uttered as she walked away.

Jake let his mind wander. A London townhouse. With a backyard and a fucking cat. An extra room on the second floor, just in case, with walls waiting to be painted in shades of pink or blue. Fucking baked beans for breakfast. And tea. Yeah, Harry probably drank tea. Harry probably wasn’t one to drown himself in booze and send the car flying off the road, glass shattering all over her skin.

YN would go to bed without worrying about where he was. Harry would be in bed before her, probably reading some posh poetry collection; reciting some Keats verses as she slid next to him.

Jake had never been one for words. It had been the delicate strumming of his guitar that filled the air when YN slid next to him in bed. Of course, that was before the stupid fighting, the tears, and the nights away. She must’ve had gotten used to sliding into an empty cold bed, with only the sound of city construction nursing her to sleep.

Now he was the one going to bed alone. Or he might as well have been. The coconut-smelling girls coming in and out of his apartment didn’t exactly constitute company worth mentioning.

 A bitter ache ran through him, and he ordered another drink.

It was around two in the morning when toasts started echoing through the venue.

 One of YN’s bridesmaids, took the stage. As she stepped forward with the microphone, the room fell into a hushed silence, the soft murmur of the ocean outside the only background noise.

She spoke eloquently, weaving tales of love and destiny, her words painted with the vibrant hues of celebration. "And here's to the happiest I've ever seen YN," she declared, raising her glass. "It's like fate itself intervened to bring her and Harry together. It's a love story for the ages, one that was truly meant to be."

Jake, further lost in the depths of intoxication, sat at the bar with clenched fists, the whiskey in his glass nearly forgotten. Each word intensified the throbbing ache within him. His gaze fixed on YN, who smiled with genuine joy, seemingly oblivious to his anguish.

As the applause erupted, drowning the room in a symphony of congratulations, Jake felt a surge frustration. No longer tethered by reason, he downed the remaining contents of his glass in one swift motion. The sharp burn of the alcohol igniting the dormant embers of his emotions.

 With an intensity that surprised even himself, Jake pushed away from the bar, his movements unsteady as he navigated through the sea of well-wishers.

Without a second thought, driven solely by a raw, unfiltered impulse, Jake ascended the small stage. The bridesmaid, caught off guard, relinquished the space, her eyes widening in surprise as Jake snatched the microphone from her hand.

The atmosphere hung heavy with a mix of tension and anticipation as Jake took center stage with a stumbling step. His jaw clenched, and a fire burned in his eyes.

"Good evening, everyone," Jake began, his squinting gaze momentarily lost in the sea of faces before him. His words slurred slightly, a testament to the alcohol coursing through his veins.

"As some of you may know, I am the ex-boyfriend and now dear, dear friend of the bride-to-be,” he paused for a second, the words making him nauseous. “Anyway, where was I?" he chuckled, the sound tinged with a bitter undertone. "Right. Y/N. What can be said about her? I mean, she truly is something, isn't she?" A nervous ripple of laughter spread through the crowd, uneasy with the unpredictability of the guitarist's unfiltered words.

Sam and Danny exchanged concerned glances, realizing that this impromptu speech had the potential to become quite a spectacle. "She's full of- surprises, a real freak, if you know what I m—" someone from the crowd attempted to interject, but Daniel swiftly got on stage, a diplomatic smile plastered on his face. He gently grasped Jake's shoulder, a silent plea for restraint.

"Come on, man," Daniel murmured, his voice low and soothing. "Let's go get some fresh air, huh?"

Jake brushed off the boy’s attempt with a dismissive wave, his focus resuming on the microphone. "No, no, no, it's okay," he insisted, his words carrying a touch of defiance. "I'm just- joking around. That's what you do at a bachelorette party, isn’t it? Recount the future bride's past adventures,” he giggled bitterly, looking to the crowd, “and boy, you would not believe—"

"Jake, let's go," Sam intervened, his presence adding a sense of urgency to the situation. The crowd's gaze shifted from Jake to Sam, to Danny, and a hushed murmur swept through the venue. Jake, however, seemed caught in a trance, his eyes seeking YN’s figure in the crowd.

Sam and Danny attempted to guide him off the stage. "Hey! Let go of me," he protested, swaying unsteadily in a mix of intoxication and defiance. "Come on, I'm just joking around!” he resisted, his hand still holding tightly onto the microphone, “Sammy, come on, you, of all people would know what I'm talking about. I mean, you did catch us fucking a couple times, didn't you?" A collective gasp swept through the crowd in audible shock.

The atmosphere shifted from celebratory to uncomfortable in the blink of an eye. Jake's words hung in the air, leaving those in attendance in a state of stunned silence.

Before Jake could utter another word, Josh leaped onto the stage. Swift and decisive, he forcefully grabbed the microphone. The screeching feedback filled the room, momentarily drowning out any further words from Jake. The abrupt halt cut through the tension and the venue filled with an uncertain hush.

Sam and Danny, each with a firm grip on Jake, guided him away from the unfolding chaos, their expressions a mix of concern and frustration. "Alright, time for bed," Sam asserted, his tone firm as they led Jake out the door.

Back on the stage, an uncomfortable silence lingered. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Josh, perhaps for the first time ever, found himself dumbfounded with a microphone in his hand and spotlight shining on him.  

 His gaze met YN’s. Clearly shocked, she stood completely still. Patty at her side, was offering a comforting presence by rubbing her shoulders. He searched for words to fill the void left by his brother's reckless outburst.

"Alrighty then,” Josh quipped, attempting to inject a dose of humor into the tense atmosphere, “seems like my brother has, in true Kiszka fashion, overindulged in the open bar." A few chuckles broke through the awkward silence, and he offered a sheepish grin, acknowledging the awkwardness that lingered. "You know how it is with rockstars, always a bit- unpredictable." The crowd responded with a mixture of laughter and relieved smiles, grateful for the comedic relief.

As Josh said a few more words, the music gradually resumed, filling the venue with lively beats once again. The party mood, momentarily disrupted by Jake's impulsive antics, slowly rekindled.

____

A few yards away from the vibrant venue, Sam and Danny grappled with Jake, who continued to argue drunkenly, his resistance growing more erratic with each step. The trio moved further away, the rhythmic waves providing a somber soundtrack to the guitarist's inebriated protests.

Eventually, Jake crumpled to the ground. His suit, now adorned with wet sand, presented a testament to his unwillingness to cooperate.

Danny sighed, glancing at Sam who, frustrated, chose to distance himself from the situation for a moment. Few things could truly irritate the youngest Kiszka, and the disruption of a good party just happened to be one of them.

Left alone with Jake, Danny stood silently by his sitting figure, his expression a mix of concern and frustration.

Sam returned after a brief respite, holding a glass filled with seawater. "That ought to sober him up," he declared, tossing the contents of the glass in Jake's face.

 "Hey, what the fuck?" Jake sputtered, lurching to his feet abruptly. His venomous gaze settled on his younger brother, and in an instant, the atmosphere shifted. Jake, fueled by alcohol-induced bravado, was in a fighting mood.

Sam, unyielding, met Jake's gaze with a stern expression. "Just calm down, Jacob,” he urged, his tone firm but laced with brotherly concern, “You're making a fool of yourself.”

The stars overhead witnessed the unfolding drama, casting a gentle glow on the sand as the two youngest grappled with the complexities their bandmate’s emotions.

Jake stood defiantly, wet sand clinging to his clothes.

"Come on, man” Daniel's voice cut through the night, firm but gentle, “you have to know you were way out of line." He always served as the voice of reason, an anchor attempting to steady a ship tossed in turbulent waters.

In that moment, however, Jake couldn't help but despise the drummer's calm demeanor. He only wished for a spark, an ignition to match the wildfire within him, and his bandmate's rationality only seemed to fuel his own frustration.

 "And what the fuck would you know about that, huh?" Jake spat with anger. His words edged with bitterness as he got up in Daniel’s face, "Always playing the calm, collected one, like you're above it all. Just back the fuck off." The night echoed with the strained conversation, the waves crashing against the shore.

Jake, fueled by a concoction of alcohol and resentment, wanted a release, a confrontation to validate the storm within him.

Daniel sighed, a weary acknowledgment of the futility of the situation. "We're just trying to help. You don’t want to do this."

Jake scoffed. Feeling the weight of his own frustration, he muttered in defeat, "Whatever.” The sand crunched beneath his shoes as he turned away, a solitary figure against the backdrop of a restless sea, “Just go back inside."

"Oh,” Sam sneered, “if you think we're about to leave you unsupervised after this shitshow, you are dead wr—"

"You should get back inside," someone interrupted from behind them. Jake's face dropped, recognizing the voice instantly. Sam and Danny turned around to see YN standing a few feet away with her arms crossed. An unreadable expression was etched on her face.

Sam and Danny exchanged glances. The tension hung in the air like a thick fog that refused to dissipate.

 Sam sent YN a inquiring look. Are you sure? They respected YN's judgment, yet the worry lingered like a silent undercurrent beneath the surface. They were all too aware of Jake’s unpredictability when he drank too much.

She nodded wordlessly, her gaze shifting to Jake’s back. Her eyes, once filled with laughter and joy, now held a depth of emotion that was difficult to decipher. Sam and Danny eventually walked past her, offering apologetic smiles. They headed back into the bar, leaving Jake and YN alone on the moonlit beach.

The distant murmur of the party and the sound of waves crashing against the shore served as a backdrop to their silent standoff. The night held its breath, caught between the residue of a disrupted celebration and the muted tension.

With his back still turned, Jake closed his eyes.

The stillness was finally broken by YN, unable to bear the quiet any longer. "Aren't you gonna say anything?” Her tone was sharp, a mixture of bitterness and anger lacing each word, “you seemed to have a lot to say back there."

Jake flinched, the gravity of his actions washing over him like the freezing tide. Slowly, he turned around to face her. There she stood, arms crossed against the night chill, her hair gently swaying in the wind. Goosebumps adorned the delicate skin of her arms as she seemed to shiver against the breeze. The moonlight cast a melancholic glow on her features, framing a face etched with disappointment. Caught off guard by her candor, Jake struggled to find the right words.

"I—" he began, but before he could complete the thought, she sprung towards him.

"I cannot believe you would do this to me," she spat, her words cutting through the night air like shards of glass. A forceful push against Jake’s chest caused him to stumble backward, "you, fucking asshole!" The sting of her words hung in the air as she continued to unleash her frustration.

Jake, attempted to downplay the situation with a dismissive sigh. "Come on, no one will remember a thing in the morning," he remarked, reaching out to grab her wrists to stop the damage.

YN struggled against his grip, her eyes ablaze with a mix of anger and hurt. Feeling the weight of her gaze, Jake's eyes met hers, and for a fleeting moment, he saw the hurt reflected in her eyes. "Come on, it's a just party, for Christ's—"

"That's not the issue here!" she asserted, pulling away from him. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? How could you pull that crap?" Her voice wavered slightly, and he could feel the weight of her hurt settling in his chest. "Why even bother coming?" she shook her head in disbelief, "If you were just going to—"

"Well, it's not exactly like we'll have that many opportunities to see each other,” he spat, the bitterness in his words slicing through the night air like venom, “once you officially become Mrs. Styles."

"Yes, I am getting married!" she yelled in frustration. "I know that! And I tried doing what I could to make it easy on you, but—" she paused, her words hanging in the air like a heavy curtain, "Honestly? I don't even know why I should anymore. We broke up ages ago—"

"Yeah, and whose fault was that?" he interjected, his tone accusing and filled with a bitterness that had long festered in the shadows of their past. The charged atmosphere between them crackled, the pain of their shared memories surfacing like ghosts in the moonlit night.

YN's reaction cut through Jake, the hurt evident in her downturned gaze. In that moment, regret gnawed at him, his impulsive words now a bitter aftertaste. He knew well that their breakup had been entirely his doing, fueled by demons of his own making. But the anger, amplified by the drink, had led him down a senseless path.

 “Believe it or not," she stated, "things were as difficult for me as they may have been for you.” Her voice was a mix of hurt and frustration, "I honestly thought we'd outgrown all of that. But- you—saying that shit about me, in front of my friends, my colleagues, m-my future stepfamily? What is wrong with you? That’s just—” she shook her head, “do you really despise me that much?" he flinched at her words, guilt settling heavy on his conscience.

"Of course, not—" he started.

"Do you hate me so much that you can't stand, let it only be, the thought of me finally being at peace?" Her words pierced through him, each syllable carrying a vulnerability that echoed in the stillness of the night.

"No, that's not it—" he tried to explain, a desperate attempt to bridge the gap between them.

"Well then, what the fuck is it, huh?" she demanded, frustration evident in her voice. "A few months ago, everything was fine, we were fin-"

"You wouldn't get it!" he snapped.

"Well, I sure as hell won't get it if you refuse to talk to me," she retorted in exasperation. Almost six years down the line and they were still stuck, facing the same issues they did on day one.

Despite his strong front, Jake remained silent, the weight of his emotions stifling any coherent response. "Jake—” she continued, calmly, “you—this past couple of years, us- managing to be- to get along, it’s been so good, I’d missed it so much," she confessed, stepping closer until her chest touched his. Her eyes sought his, "I’d missed you so much, but this? This angry, bitter jackass? I don't want him in my life,” she scowled. Her words cut through him like shards of glass, each syllable a painful reminder of the person he had become in that moment. “And yes, I know, it probably sucks having an ex get married first but- Jesus Christ, Jacob, grow the fuck up. We're friends, aren't we?"

He clenched his jaw, his throat tightening as he struggled to contain the whirlwind of emotions. Stepping away, he attempted to shield the tears that threatened to escape.

“Aren’t we?” she repeated, her voice breaking. A fragile silence lingered in the night.

"Just—" he finally muttered, his voice laced with a bitterness that mirrored the bitterness within him, “just go back to your fucking party,"

The sadness on her face slowly morphed back into anger. She gulped, her resolve finding new strength.

"Gladly," she spat, turning on her heels to walk back to the bar.

He clenched his jaw, hands on his hips, frustration and self-loathing churning within him as he watched her retreating figure. In a futile attempt to reclaim some semblance of control, he shouted out, "Fuck you!"

She didn’t bother turning around, but without missing a beat, she shouted back. "Well, fuck you too!"

____

Jake sat on the sand alone. The weight of the night’s events settled heavily on his shoulders as the alcohol-induced fog slowly dissipated. The crashing waves seemed to echo the turbulent thoughts swirling in his mind.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" a voice erupted, and Jake didn't bother looking up, recognizing the tone of his twin brother. Josh sat down next to him, a mixture of frustration and concern etched on his face. "An asshole, too."

"Yeah, right," Jake scoffed, bitterness coloring his words. "I'm the asshol—"

"She doesn't know," Josh cut him off, gently. The words hung in the air: a heavy truth finally spoken aloud. Josh, with his intuitive understanding, had always read his twin better than anyone.

"Please," Jake eventually muttered, his voice low and strained. "Of course, she does."

"How could she?" Josh retorted; frustration evident in his expression. Jake had watched as YN got in the stable, healthy relationship he had failed to give her. And he had sat patiently as she stepped towards the life of a married woman. Yet, through it all, he had remained silent, failing to express the one thing she’d needed to hear.

"Yeah, well," Jake mumbled, eventually, clearing his throat as he stared off into the distance, "It's not like I can do anything about it now."

Josh remained silent. His brother had a point. The opportunity to come clean had passed, and the consequences of his silence weighed heavily.

"Come on," Josh said finally, getting up on his feet and brushing the sand off his suit. "I'll drive you back to the hotel."

"You're a bridesman,” Jake said, “isn't it your job to be here?"

 "My job” Josh stated, “was to make sure everything went smoothly for Y/N, which I miserably failed to do tonight, thanks to you, brother. Now, come on," he held his hand out, a silent invitation, "I'll drive back here once you're in bed."

Jake chewed on his lower lip, his gaze fixed on the sand beneath him. He finally asked hesitantly, "Shouldn't I go and apologize first?"

Josh chuckled sadly, a knowing expression on his face. It was always impossible to stay mad at his twin for long. "It's probably better to give her some space right now."

____

"Alright," Josh called out, his eyes on his phone as he texted Sam, informing him he was on his way back. The ride to the hotel had been quiet and Jake had collapsed on the hotel bed the second they arrived. "I put aspirin and water on the table, your phone is charging and—" he stopped abruptly as he heard a muffled sound, his eyes lifting from the screen.

"I—" Jake muttered shakily, the word barely escaping his closed throat, as Josh approached his bedside. "I just- I don't know what to do," he managed to get the words out of his closed throat.

Josh didn't need more to understand what that meant, his heart breaking at his brother’s unusual display of vulnerability. He knew the pain that must’ve been tearing him apart. The admission hung in the air, a poignant acknowledgment of the emotional turmoil that swirled within him.

Jake had had his fair share of flings after their breakup, and he had expected YN doing the same. After all, she was nothing short of incredible, and admirers were bound to line up at her door. But marriage? That was a different realm entirely. Marriage meant forever. Marriage was the final nail in the coffin of what they once shared.

Josh sat silently at the side of the bed as Jake, exhausted both physically and emotionally, slowly succumbed to sleep.

“Me neither, Jakey,” Josh eventually whispered, pulling a blanket over his twin, “me neither.”

Next Track: All You Had To Do Was Stay

Series Masterlist

Hope you liked it! Once again, I am begging you all to interact and leave comments it makes me so happy to get feedback and reactions xxx

Also, this is only the beginning lol. I have a billion drafts for other chapters so stay tuned, peaceful army.

Taglist

@aintthatapity

@sinarainbows

@vanfleeter 

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Finally! My first request from @gracev0609 is done! I’m so happy with this and hope you all enjoy reading it and much as I enjoyed writing it!

Pairings: Josh Kiszka X reader (male OC)

Warnings and tags: 18* only minors need not go any further! Adult content including drinking, mentions of smoking, strong suggestive language, some angst, smut including: explicit m/m sex, oral, fingering, unprotected sex

Word count: 6.8k

Summary: 10 years after Josh Kiszka left home to pursue his band, you meet again at one of his shows leading up to a night of reunion

August 2 1969

You stood with your hips pressed against the barricade, trying to give your feet and knees a break after standing all day. It was worth it though, worth the extra nights you’d stayed camped at the sketchy RV lot on the edge of town, the hours of waiting in line, the years spent lost- all leading up to this moment.

Half an hour and they would be taking the stage, and you were dead center front row surrounded by hundreds of young and old fans alike, ready for their own glimpse of the band just as you were.

By the time the stage lights dimmed and the massive stadium speakers started booming their instrumental introduction your body was buzzing with the vibrations as well as the anxiety of it all. Your eyes caught movement on the side of the raised stage and you immediately stood up straight, a rush of adrenaline making all the aches and pains in your legs and hips subside.

Sam took the stage first, waving excitedly and blowing welcoming kisses as the crowd hooped and roared, their combined volume only growing louder when Jake and Danny came up the steps next. Your mouth already felt dry but you yelled along nonetheless, expelling all air from your lungs with one giant cry until finally, Josh appeared.

Your throat clenched shut and your hands gripped the railing in front of you. You’d expected this, expected to see him here performing just the way he was always meant to be. Shining like the bright diamond star that had led all of you here tonight. But with him actually right in front of you, so close you felt like you could almost reach out and brush your fingertips against the satin of his bedazzled pant leg- and most around you did try to, it still didn’t feel real.

The first two songs were a blur, you sang along every word without even a second’s hesitation, but you couldn’t even hear yourself. Just the thundering of the drums, the rhythmic thumping of the bass commanding your heartbeat to palpitate along with its powerful strings. The resonating guitar, wailing its own meaningful melody alongside its musical counterparts. And above all, you heard Josh.

By the third song your senses were starting to come back to you. The ringing in your ears had faded into the background, you could feel the tiredness in your bones turning your body rigid, but you fought the stiffness as you swayed side to side, shoulders and arms bumping and brushing against the others around you without a care in the world. You were all too swept up in the moment to care, mesmerized by the spirit of pure rock n roll, and love, and devotion, and sex.

What happened next did not catch you off guard, you’d heard the stories, met first hand the groupies before who’d been following them around the country and experienced this magic more than once. During a long guitar solo Josh descended from the stage, embracing all his eager fans in hugs, gleaming smiles, desperate grabbing hands just trying to touch him once so that maybe a little bit of that radiating love would rub off.

What did catch you off guard, as you ignored what was still in full swing onstage and watched intently as Josh made his way down the line, just a few hopeful faces before you, Josh stopped, hugged, and planted a kiss right on this young girl's face. Your heart started beating faster in your chest, losing the pace set by the bass and the drums above you as you waited for Josh to get closer.

Then there he was, holding hands with the girl right next to you, he was so close you could see the tiny scar on his cheek, make out the small gap in his front teeth as he smiled and mouthed I love you to the excitedly crying girl and offering her a quick peck as well. Then he turned to you, the brightness in his eyes never fading as you made eye contact.

You took your opportunity and reached out, not expecting much. Josh had willingly kissed a few girls, but that didn’t mean he’d be so open to kiss another man right here in front of the entire crowd. He never ceased to amaze you though, as he easily cupped your scruffy face in his hands and planted his lips right on yours.

Maybe it was time dilation from traveling too close to the sun, Josh’s intense gravitational pull bringing you in closer so that your chest pressed firmer against the railing, but it felt like Josh had kissed you longer than the others. Or maybe it was just your imagination because before your mind could fully grasp what was happening he was gone, moving on to the next fan vying for his attention.

Though your moment was special, more than hundreds of others could ever say they’d had, you couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of disappointment. Instead of focusing on the rest of his interactions, not wanting to see if he’d kissed anyone else, you turned your face back to the stage and took a deep grounding breath.

Of course he wouldn’t remember you.

Michigan August 1959

“What am I going to do when you're gone Josh?” You asked as you sat across from your best friend of four years while he picked long pieces of funnel cake off the shared plate on the table between you two with his hands, the powdered sugar now thoroughly coating his thumb and pointer finger.

A thought ran across your mind as your eyes jumped from sugary fingers, to mouth, to the way his Adam’s apple became prominent as he tilted his head back and dangled the fried treat over his tongue. The funnel cake was good you admit, having had a few bites yourself, but you were much more entertained by the idea of licking Josh’s fingers clean. It was temptations like these you’d recently been finding harder and harder to keep to yourself.

“You gonna go to college?” Josh asked after chewing and swallowing his bite, already reaching down for another.

You pushed the inappropriate images in your head away, focusing instead on what Josh had asked you. “Don’t know, I haven’t even applied anywhere. It seems like a waste of time to write all those entry essays if you don’t even know what you want to do or study”.

“But how are you supposed to know what you want to do until you try?” He replied, the serious tone in his voice contradicted by the way he casually sat on the top of the table with his feet in the chair next to you.

Josh made a good point, he himself being the very example of his words. He never knew he wanted to be in a band until he and his brothers formed one. His bubbly and outgoing personality paired well with the position of front man, but Josh never knew singing would ever be a serious career choice up until they managed to land a label deal. Now here they were, a bunch of teenagers about to embark on the wildest journey of their lives and this was your last night to say goodbye to the only person in this small town you’d ever felt like you could truly be yourself around.

Well, maybe that was a bit of a lie. There was one thing you were hiding.

You and Josh had grown awfully close these past few months, closer than you ever were while in school together. Despite the short amount of time he had left with all of his friends and family here, Josh had spent most of the summer with you. The closer you got to him the more these strange feelings started to take root.

No matter how hard you tried to grip the weeds that rapidly grew and pull them out by the stem, they had wound their way deep into your heart and by the time you were sure of it- that you were in love with him, it was too late.

You looked up at Josh, still trying to get used to the way he’d sheared his hair short at the beginning of this summer saying he needed something fresh for this new era of his life. God he was a beautiful boy. You’d liked his long hair but you’d warmed up to this look by now, and honestly the way it fluffed at the top made him look so soft. It took every ounce of restraint in your body to not just stand up and bury your fingers down to his scalp as you kissed him with all you had.

“What? Do I have white powder on my face?” He asked when he noticed you staring. “Can’t be giving anyone the wrong impression even if I am a big shot rock star now”.

“No stupid, but you do have crumbs all over your shirt”.

Josh looked down in disbelief, quickly jumping off the rickety table and brushing the crumbs onto the ground. He offered you the rest of the mangled funnel cake and when you declined, took it over to the large plastic barrel chained to the lamppost being used as a trash can.

When he returned, Josh had pulled a single perfectly rolled joint out of a metal tin he had hidden in his pocket, cheesing over at you as he asked, “what to get high on the ferris wheel?”

“I thought you’d never ask”.

1969

You were brought back to the present when the set ended and the sea of people facing the stage all started to turn and retreat back to their own lives. Having all shared the same beautiful moment, you only hoped some of them had taken the message sent forth and were out to spread some good back into the world.

As for yourself, you were about ready for a lukewarm shower, dinner, and bed when someone calling your name stopped you in your tracks. A security guard approached you and you thought maybe you’d dropped your wallet otherwise how would a stranger know who you were, but all he said was “follow me”.

Behind the stage there was a large tent set up. It had just started to grow dark outside, but plenty of electric lamps and headlights of buses and vans lit your path through the chaos of working road crew until finally you were being deposited in front of a separate tent with a note hanging from its white canvas entrance that read ‘reserved’.

You glanced over your shoulder in question, but the security guard was gone. Off to finish what he needed to be doing before he was assigned the task of tracking you down. No one else passing by seemed to pay you any mind, probably thinking that if you’d made it this far then you had a reason to be back here. The reason was unknown to you though, as you took a deep breath and slid your hand between the slit in the opening to the tent and pushed inside.

“Josh?” Your voice came out in a quiver when you took in the only two people inside. One, a woman dressed in a pair of pinstripe pants and a button down with a badge hanging from her neck, maybe a manager. The other, still dressed in his stage clothes with his back turned towards you, was your long lost friend.

It had been a long time since you’d seen Josh. Nearly ten whole years if you didn’t count the first Christmas he came back home while you were still there. He hadn’t ever been lost though, you only chose not to keep track of everywhere he and his band went otherwise you’d go insane with regret for what never was and never will be.

“Thank god they found you!” Josh exclaimed when he turned around to see you standing there, unsure of how to approach. Josh made the decision for you, running over and throwing his arms around you to pull you into a tight hug. “What are you doing here? How have you been? What is that on your face?” He bombarded you with questions, pulling back but leaving his hands in a firm grip on your shoulders.

“Umm, I’m working here right now, I’m doing good I guess, and I assume you’re referring to my beard? I could ask you the same thing”. You answered each of his questions as shortly as you could, though really you could have spilled your heart out to him right there because you were so excited to see that he did remember you and apparently he’d sent that security guard to find you.

Josh burst out into laughter, his mustache and goatee combo haloing his pearly white teeth. “I suppose you’re right. I’d love to catch up, are you doing anything for the rest of the night?”

You had work tomorrow, but none of that seemed to matter with him here, touching you again, smiling at you again, looking at you with those same doe-like endearing eyes filled with marvel that you’d fallen in love with all those years ago. “No I’m free, what did you have in mind?”

“Drinks?” He raised a brow, of course the last time you’d seen him you were barely old enough to be allowed a glass of wine at Christmas dinner. A lot had changed since then though, and you’d had your fair share of wild drunken nights, some good, same bad, but all unforgettable. Hopefully tonight would be the same.

“Yeah that sounds great. I know a place that’s not too busy, only the locals really go there” you suggested.

“Perfect! Just let me get changed real quick then we can head out”.

“What about the others?” You asked. Though you would very much like to hear from Sammy, Jake, and Danny again, the thought of spending time alone with Josh just like you used to sounded even better.

“Oh they’ve all got their own stuff to do. Unless you want them to come I thought it’d just be us”.

Before you could explain yourself, Josh dropped his pants and your jaw nearly dropped to the floor as he switched into some going out clothes.

“What? You like what you see?” He teased as he slid his sparkly stage jacket off, trading its gems and rhinestones out for something more simple and muted. “I saw you watching me out there you know”.

For a second you thought Josh might be flirting with you a little bit, but you quickly pushed the thought aside marking it up to his effervescent personality that only seemed to have grown over the years. “I mean you guys were all fun to watch. I can’t believe that’s the first show I’ve been to since the garage days”.

“Seriously?!” Josh looked shocked and hurt learning this, though the pointed look in his eye told you that he might’ve known anyways considering this was the first time you’d met since the last goodbye.

Had he ever looked for you in the crowds before? How many shows did it take of him not seeing you there before he gave up and moved on? These thoughts were plaguing your mind now, but Josh finished changing and grabbed a light jacket to throw on as he led you out the tent and to the back artist exit.

One quick taxi ride from the street over, and you two were at the bar you’d frequented for quite some time now. Walking through the doors it didn’t take long for you to realize the reason why this bar wasn't as popular was because everyone who came here was just a little off.

You never met anyone bad here, nothing besides the ordinary light weights and messy drunks, but these were more than just society’s rejects. They were the type of people who challenged the status quo and in turn got labeled as freaks and queers. Josh didn’t seem to mind one bit though, already cozying up to the bartender to order the first round.

“So, what brought you this far from home?” Josh asked once drinks were ready and you’d found a place to sit.

“Well, I did start college that spring after the last Christmas we had together. Moved into the dorms and my roommate and I got pretty close”. You took your time explaining things to Josh now, feeling more and more comfortable being around him again. The way he met your gaze with such interest and excitement made it seem like no time at all had passed.

One thing you did choose to leave out of your story though was the part about your roommate being your first gay awakening and all the time spent in the dorm together. Except for your undying crush on Josh, he had been the first boy to help you really discover yourself and learn who you wanted to be and without that experience you weren’t sure where you would have ended up. Certainly not here surrounded by a bunch of bar-goers who were clearly not of the straight orientation.

“His uncle works for the company I do now. He got me this job when I decided I didn’t want to finish school. Basically we travel and build sets for films. I’ve been working out here for about six months but we’re about to finish up and move onto the next site”.

“You work on film sets?” You didn’t think Josh’s eyes could light up any brighter, but his irises seemed to sparkle now. “That’s amazing!”

“Sure” you chuckled, thinking to yourself that you wouldn’t exactly call the job ‘amazing’ but it definitely came with its perks. You’d gotten to travel a lot, meet so many interesting people on all walks of life, even learned a few skills here and there. Overall, you think you turned out alright.

Josh talked for a while about tour life, learning the music industry at such a young age, and more than just a handful of hilarious stories about nearly killing his brothers along the way. A few rounds in and your sides were hurting from how hard you were both laughing, the addition of sweet alcohol making catching up as smooth as the last shot Josh brought from the bar.

“Gonna go catch a break in the restroom real quick” you mentioned after your glasses both clanked against the table top.

“Me too” Josh stood up with you, following behind since you knew the way.

Somehow the air seemed to shift from the light laughter at the table to something more heavy along the way. You could feel Josh’s eyes on your back as you weaved through the small crowd. Your extremities felt heavy but they carried you anyways and you nearly bumped into the person coming out of the men’s room. After excusing yourself you slipped inside, stopping in the middle of the room as you heard the door shut and lock behind you.

Josh, I need to tell you something rang in your head, the idea of telling him how you’d felt all these years weighing heavily on you with your inhibitions fading the faster your blood pumped the alcohol through your system. You turned to gauge his expression, attempting to read the room, but before you could make sense of what was happening Josh was jumping at you.

His lips crashed against yours in a frenzy and his hands came up to cup your face to pull you closer to him. It took you a few seconds to process, but then something clicked in your head and your arms wrapped around his waist as you kissed him back.

“So you do feel the same way?” Josh broke the kiss momentarily to question.

“Feel the same way?” You answered breathily, “Josh, I’ve been in love with you for ten years”.

His brows furrowed, trying to process his own feelings flooding through him right now. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

That was a loaded question, one that seemed obvious to you. He was leaving, you were young and stupid, but more than any of that you were scared then. The small town back home wasn’t exactly the ideal place to grow up queer in, but even now that you’d gotten away you only learned first hand about how prejudiced and judgmental the world could be. “What would I have said? You were my best friend, things were harder back then, things are still hard now”.

“Were” Josh repeated that one word. “I was your best friend, but after I left that changed. At Christmas you were distant, I thought you hated me. I tried calling home a few times, mom said you were around but didn’t come over anymore. She missed you, I missed you”.

You sighed and took a few steps back, creating a bit of space so you could think clearly without his warm body pressed against yours. “I was upset. Maybe even a little angry, but not at you, at the situation. I wanted out of there so badly but I hadn’t found my purpose in life, fuck I still haven’t if it even exists, but you did. I missed you so fucking bad Josh it physically hurt. I went to go see your mom a few times but it just made me more sad so I stopped. I stopped doing a lot of things that used to make me happy because they didn’t anymore and then I realized that the only reason why those things ever made me happy in the first place was because I was with you”. A small tear slipped out the corner of your eye, rolling down next to your nose until you swiped it away. It had been years since you cried even a single tear, having learned men didn’t show their emotions like that in the real world, but around Josh you couldn’t help it.

“So what now?” Josh’s voice was whisper soft now and he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself.

You looked at him in silence for a moment, asking yourself what really could you do? The truth was out in the open now, it was uglier and harder to admit than you’d ever imagined, but Josh seemed to reciprocate your feelings and that you never really seriously considered. The only problem now was Josh was still in a very successful band, and you didn’t even know where you were going to be next month. This couldn’t work, it’d be messy, and you debated whether it would really be worth it, but when you looked over at Josh you knew you didn’t care anymore.

You closed the gap between you again, grabbing at the collar of Josh’s open jacket and pulling him into another hungry kiss. Josh ran his hands up your chest and around your shoulders, tangling his fingers into the strands of hair at the nape of your neck that had come loose from your bun.

“Your hair is so long now” he mumbled between kisses. “I like it”.

“I know, I’ve really leaned into the homeless hippie look” you replied, smiling at the way your comment made him chuckle. It felt so good to hold him while he laughed that you had to fight back the thought of how bad it would feel when he was gone again and you couldn’t have this every day.

The kiss you shared started to grow deeper, and Josh responded by stepping impossibly closer so that he could press his whole body up against yours, moaning slightly at the way your thigh felt pressing into his groin.

Your eyes opened when you felt that he was hard, well you were too, but the physical proof that he indeed was as into this as you were was about to send you spiraling over the edge. Before you could make a move to touch him, see if you could pull another pretty sound from his pretty mouth, a pound bang came from the otherside of the door.

Looks like your bathroom break had taken too long.

“You have somewhere we can go?” Josh asked, trying to regather himself after being startled.

“You want to come back to my place?”

“Why not?” He replied and pushed his hips into your thigh once more. “Come on, the night is young”.

-

“You weren’t kidding about the hippie thing” Josh laughed when you showed him where you lived. An old beat up RV trailer passed down to you from your old roommates uncle.

“Like I said. I move around a lot”. You shrugged your shoulders and unlocked the rickety door that could probably just be forced open with one hard enough tug, locked or not- you were thankful you never had to find out if that was true, and allowed him to take the first step inside. “It’s nice to not have to pack everything up when I move, I can just take it all with me”.

Though it was small, you’d taken the time to keep the inside nice. Most of your furniture you’d taken off of sets once they were torn down and all the pieces the directors crew didn’t want to haul back to the studio were thrown away. It was a bachelors pad to say the least, but it was cozy and welcoming nonetheless.

“It’s like the tour buses” he commented as he moved around and took everything in. “I never expected we’d be living so similarly without even knowing it”.

He was right, it had never crossed your mind that Josh lived life on the road as well- he just made more frequent stops whereas you stayed put for some time. Maybe you still had a lot more in common than you’d expected.

“You want something to drink?” You asked, trying to be a good host. You didn’t bring people back to your RV often, and when you did it was usually just for a quick fuck or a weed deal. Josh didn’t feel like either of those, though if he was anything like the Josh you knew before then he did have a stash somewhere on him.

“No” he answered, finding his way to the back of the trailer where there were two doors. One was cracked open so he could tell it was the washroom, the other behind him was shut. Without breaking eye contact, Josh reached back and found the door knob giving it a half twist. “What’s in here?”

“I think you know what’s in there”. The space in the trailer was small and intimate, just enough room for one person to live comfortably. The bedroom on the other hand, he was sure to be surprised that it wasn’t much of a bedroom at all but only

a tiny space with a mattress stuffed inside.

You approached, matching the mischievous look in his eye showing him now that you were both here, you weren’t going to back down. He twisted the knob the rest of the way and turned around to pull the door open, stopping in his tracks when he saw it really was just a raised bed with a window behind it that had the curtains drawn shut.

Even if he wanted to back away now, you were already behind him, wrapping your arms around his midsection and kissing at his neck. “What? Expected a California king?”

“I don’t know what I expected,” he laughed again, leaning into your touch and letting out a little sigh of relief now that he was being touched and kissed again, “but this will do”.

Josh pulled his jacket off and tossed it aside, allowing you a wider plane of shoulder to press your kisses against. Then he whipped around and pulled at your shirt, prompting you to take it off quickly before he started to kiss you again.

Feather light brushes against clavicles with fingertips, warm breath caressing the apples of your cheeks, and a hitched voice as you wedged your knee between Josh’s thighs. It was all so intoxicating, and soon you were both stripped down crawling into the bunk you called your bedroom.

“It’s a little bigger than mine” he commented as he looked around at the walls surrounding you, the ceiling just high enough that you could sit up but nothing else.

“Let me see for myself”. You kissed him again, slipping your hand between your bodies to take hold of his length. “Hmm, it’ll do”.

“I’m gonna make you eat those words” Josh teased back, though his body arched into your touch.

“Why do that? When there’s so much more I can do with my mouth?”

He cocked a brow, trying to remain as calm and resolved as you were with your hand still wrapped around his cock. “Oh? Please enlighten me”.

You smiled, secretly relieved Josh was following your lead and seemingly enjoying himself too. Hopefully he’d be enjoying himself even more once you had your lips around him instead of your fingers.

Your mouth was watering already as you made your descent down his body, kissing and licking at his milky smooth skin, paying special attention to the rosy pink buds on his chest. His legs parted for you and you settled comfortably between them, determined to stay there for as long as he liked, giving him one testing lick to the underside of his head and watching him twitch and suck in a breath. Taking the whole tip into your mouth next, you tasted him fully with a swirl of your tongue, his salty essence present with each flick against the slit. Then you bobbed your head all the way down, holding back your gag reflex as you held

Yourself there while he squirmed underneath you and reached up to tangle one of his hands in your hair. When he’d settled back down you started your motions, tucking an arm underneath your chest so you could cup his balls while you sucked him off.

“So- ah- so so good” he moaned, not even bothering with trying to thrust on his own because you were taking him down so well.

After a while your name was falling from his mouth like a musical melody when his hand in your hair tightened into a fist and he was pulling you off before he could finish. “Fuck, that’s good but I want more” he panted, his eyes glazed over already as he watched you wipe the spit from your mouth. “Will you fuck me from behind? I like it like that”.

You’d thought you’d nearly sobered up by now, but by the way your head spun and you fumbled to get into position you weren’t so sure anymore. Grabbing a bottle of lube you kept handy, you squirted a little bit onto the fingers of your dominant hand, then put the bottle back somewhere it’d be safe but still in reach and placed your opposite hand on the round of his ass.

“God Josh you’re so fucking hot” you mumbled as you took in the picture below you for a moment before continuing.

He was propped up on his knees and elbows, and he looked over his shoulder with a smirk. “Even more than before?”

“What do you think?”

Your crush on Josh before was nothing more than puppy love. You loved him before you ever even knew what that really meant, and you had your heart broken anyways. This Josh was still the same person you’d spent that summer with, your night at the fair, even the Christmas he’d said he thought you hated him, but he had also grown.

You had grown as well. Loved someone else and had your heart broken again, delved into your sexuality with more than a couple one night stands. Even throughout all that time and all those lovers, you’d never forgotten Josh, and he’d never forgotten you. Your meeting now may not have been destined. You knew his band was playing at that festival and you’d spent all those hours standing at that stage so you wouldn’t lose your spot in the front row. Just for one hopeful glance at the ghost of your past, and now look at where you were.

This reunion wasn’t sweet, it was desperate and animalistic, years of pent up yearning coming out. But you were gentle as you took your time stretching him for you, petting him deep inside until he was choking back sobs.

“Are you ready?” You asked, knowing the answer already by the way your fingers slid in and out easily, but you wanted to hear him say it.

“Yes, I’m so fucking ready”.

Josh lifted himself from his elbows onto his palms, balling up your sheets in his fists. You waited for him to hold still again and retreated your fingers slowly. He whimpered at the loss, but you were quick to find the bottle of lube and squirt some into your palm to lather up your own throbbing length with.

Before lining yourself up, you leaned over his back and kissed him deeply, placing the bottle of lube into one of his hands. While he kissed you back, sloppy and full of tongue, you wiggled your hips against his ass and with just a few adjustments you were slipping inside.

Josh broke the kiss, letting his head fall and his shoulders roll back when you set in at a grueling pace. You straightened up and grabbed his hips, angling your thrusts in the spot you’d found just a moment ago that had him coming apart. He jolted forward from the shock against his nerves, but then widened his knees and rocked backwards, meeting your thrusts in the middle.

“That’s it, right there” you groaned as you pumped into him harder, threads of your hair sticking to the sweat on your neck and face. You could feel yourself getting close, the burn in your belly fighting against the burn in your legs for which would give in first.

With the lube still tightly gripped in one hand, Josh decided he couldn’t bother with trying to get the cap open right now, instead spitting into his other palm and reaching underneath to start hurriedly stroking himself. You relented only when he started to cum, focusing on slowly fucking him through his orgasm and trying to hold it together as he clenched around you. His elbow folded and he collapsed onto the bed just in time for you to pull out and finish yourself, shooting all over his back while he caught his breath.

Your exhaustion caught up to you all at once as you threw yourself onto the bed beside him. You landed on your back and he immediately crawled on top of you, resting his cheek against your chest and humming. “I’m so glad you came to the show. I was worried I’d never see you again”.

“I went far too long without seeing you Josh Kiszka. I guess ten years is my limit”.

“Please tell me it’s not going to take another ten for us to meet like this again” he whispered, trying not to ruin the mood but also needing some sort of consolation to ease his mind before he could go to sleep in your arms.

“Not if I have a say in it” you answered him with a squeeze and a kiss to the top of his fluffy curls. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Josh turned his head so that his chin was against your chest now, peering up at you through his long dark eyelashes with his chocolatey sweet eyes. He looked like some sort of woodland nymph leisurely laying in the nude with nothing but the moonlight filtering through the thin spots in your old curtains illuminating the features of his soft face as he waited for your question.

“Earlier at the bar, you said ‘so you do feel the same’… how long have you felt this way?”

“Just as long as you have” he answered plainly, no point in hiding it now. “I don’t think I would have changed anything though. I wasn’t ready for any type of commitment back then, I think I would’ve just made a mess of everything then still had to leave. I enjoyed that summer, enjoyed spending it with you”.

So he wasn’t ready. That was a reasonable excuse, nothing worse than the one you had, but there was still the bigger question either of you had yet to resolve. “And now?”

“Now…” Josh sighed, laying his head back down and tracing invisible circles with his finger to distract one part of his brain while the other thought. “Now life is busier than ever, one tour ends and the next begins, we’ve still got lots of music we’re working on recording”.

You held your breath as he spoke, staring up at your ceiling in wait for the pen to drop, for Josh to tell you he still wasn’t ready.

“But, I'm freer than I’ve ever been, and I’m ready. I want to share the rest of my journey with someone”.

“And you think I can be that someone?”

“I think I’d very much like to try. If that’s what you want”.

“I think I’d very much like that too”.

-

It was early in the morning, you could tell by the way your eyes prickled with the first of light. That wasn’t what woke you though. No, you were used to sleeping through the sun coming up, it was the warmth around your cock and the subtle slurping sounds filling the tiny space that pulled you from sleep.

“I gotta go soon” Josh popped off for a moment to speak, having noticed your awakening by the way you suddenly went from only half hard to completely rock solid in his mouth. “Wanna love on you some more first”.

“No complaints here” you replied as he went back to work, though not before grabbing the bottle of lube. Josh pushed on your thighs to spread your legs wider, then pressed a lubed up finger to your entrance.

He wasn’t easy with you like you were last night to him, giving you just enough time to adjust to the first finger before he added another. As soon as he was able to, Josh sat up and positioned himself, gradually pushing inside until his hips were flush against your ass.

The stretch burned a little, but you welcomed it with a deep exhale as he squirted more lube into his hand and started pumping his fist over your length, each downward stroke meeting his thrust into you. Josh stared down at you the entire time, his eyes only flicking away from yours every so often to watch the way he slid in and out.

“Can I cum in you?” He asked through a moan that signaled he was getting close. “Please? I want to leave you with something”.

“Fuck Josh yes, fill me up” you cried out, your own orgasm starting to wrack through your body. “I want to feel it”.

“Fuck here it is” he groaned, letting go of your softening cock so he could grip both your hips and deliver his final blow.

He pulled out and you shivered from the feeling of his warmth leaving you as well, laying there in your messy sheets as he got up and started to gather his things.

“I’m sorry, running late already” he mentioned as he quickly pulled all his clothes back on, bumping his elbows and shoulders in the narrow opening of your RV.

You sat up and watched in silence, trying to figure out what to say. He remembered everything you said last night right? Or was all that just pillow talk?

Once Josh was fully dressed again, he grabbed his jacket last and threw it over his arm then leaned back through the threshold of your bedroom and gave you one last kiss.

When he was gone you felt your heart breaking all over again. You wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep until this all felt like just a dream, but you got up anyway to make a pot of coffee.

There it was, a piece of paper sitting on the counter right in front of the coffee pot. A note from Josh.

This is my address. At the end of this week I’ve got the rest of the month off. Come stay with me and we will figure everything out.

I love you, J

A smile tugged at your lips as you read the note over again. This really was happening, after all this time he was back in your life. You had no idea how this was going to work, but if he was willing then you were too.

Fin