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builtbybrokenbells · 1 year

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ah how else to introduce myself other than to write the most basic of tropes for you all 😌

Complicated

Childhood friendships are fantastic. A lifetime of shared jokes and stories. A certain way to maintain sanity while growing up in a small town. However, fantastic can be quite a subject term, especially when you’re in love with your best friends brother.

pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

word count: just shy of 14k

warnings: making out, mentions of sex (but alas, none), alcohol consumption, use of wacky tobacky, embarrassing high school crushes (deserves a warning of its own)

sorry for any grammatical errors!! please be kind 💕

Complicated. That was the only way you could describe your feelings for him. It was funny, at first. You never minded being the brunt of the jokes for a week or two, but when the weeks turned into months, and eventually years, it had begun to get old, and the joke had long ran its course. Although you’d never outright admitted how you felt for him, anyone with a working pair of eyes and/or ears could infer. The blushing, the stuttering, the gazes that were casted for just a moment too long. It was all textbook signs of a case of the lovesick blues. And your friends seemed to find it hilarious. But it wasn’t. You were in love with your best friends brother, and there was no world where you could believe he loved you back.

It started all of those years ago on the porch of your childhood home. Your group of friends had decided to go for a swim on the sweltering summer day. Somewhere between the lines of middle school ending and that fateful day in august, he somehow turned into more than just your best friends brother. He was Jake. Jake, with the stupid grin, and the pretty eyes, and the nice arms (they weren’t really that nice back then, but to a fourteen year old, they were for sure the best you’d ever seen). He wasn’t just an extension of Josh anymore, the separate entity that encased all of the same loveable traits as your best friend. He was Jake, with his own traits that you weren’t sure had always been there, or had suddenly developed overnight. His own jokes, and his own distinct laugh that was more than music to your ears, and his his newly found theoretical hold he had you in. And he was breathtaking.

“Hey, Sunny!” Josh yelled from the pool in your backyard. “When you’re finished checking my brother out, feel free to join us!” He’d shouted, splashing a handful of water at you. This caused a chorus of laughter from the group of boys. Your cheeks burned crimson and you wanted to curl up in the corner and pass away. Luckily, Jake caught your gaze and smiled at you, making a motion with his head as if to tell you to jump in. Your embarrassment fizzled, replaced with eagerness to join your friends. By the time the sun started to set, you thought the staring had been long forgotten. Boy, we’re you wrong.

The next joke had been made that same night as you settled into your sleeping bags in the basement of your home. You were nestled on the pullout couch, squeezed in with Josh and Jake. Sam and Danny had sprawled out on the air mattress. “Did you want me to sleep on the air mattress?” Josh asked as you shifted to get comfortable.

“No, why?” You had taken it as an honest question.

“I just thought that maybe you’d like some alone time with Jake,” he giggled. You rolled your eyes and smacked him on the arm while the room filled with laughter.

“Ha! Clever! You should be proud of that one.” You patronized. After a few moments of small chatter, sounds of snores filled the room, but you couldn’t sleep. You stayed silent while gazing up at the ceiling, hoping Jake wasn’t weirded out by Josh’s antics. Somewhere in the midst of your thinking, Josh had tumbled off the couch to find his way to the bathroom. When Jake spoke, it startled you.

“Don’t listen to him, Sunny. He’s just being an ass.” He reassured you.

“Thanks, Jakey. I know what he’s like, it’s okay.” In the darkness, Jake’s hand reached out to meet yours. He gave it a short-lived, reassuring squeeze before turning on his opposite side, back facing you. You fell asleep with a smile on your face before Josh even returned.

The jokes fizzled out by the time school rolled around, the boys quickly finding another subject to fixate on. High school starting was exciting, yet intimidating, but grew to be routine once the novelty wore off. Things became easier when you had all realized that nothing really changed. At the end of the day, you all still had sleepovers and movie nights and relied on each other above anyone else.

The staring sessions had only worsened over the course of your freshman year of high school. Now, from across the classroom, or the lunch table, or maybe over the top of a textbook. You still got red in the face when you finished conversations with Jake, or when your hands brushed unexpectedly, but you had never admitted you had feelings for him, even to yourself. As far as you were concerned, it was just nervousness because it was the first time you saw a boy as something attractive, rather than just annoying.

That year, you and Josh went to the homecoming dance together. He wore a tacky suit with a bow tie that matched your abhorrently pink dress. The pictures were terrible, but the memory was fantastic. Although, you spent the whole night wondering what it would’ve felt like to slow dance with Jake. Josh still continued on with his absentminded teasing, and instead of getting flustered, you brushed it off and avoided it as if it were a profession. Josh had no idea that you had real feelings developing for his brother, feelings that were barreling towards you at the speed of light. You never mentioned it, and he never thought to ask. And that was that. Nothing changed in the slightest until the eleventh grade.

You had been laying your head on Josh’s lap, his hands laced intricately in your hair while music played softly in the background. You chattered absentmindedly about a new film he had discovered. To any onlooker, the scene would be plastered with romantic implications. To you guys, it was nothing short of normal. The thought of viewing Josh Kiszka in any intimate way made your stomach turn, and his as well. He would always be your best friend, your lifeline, as you would be his. It was written that way in the stars. Nothing more than two lost souls navigating life alongside each other, rather than intertwined.

The rain pelted the windows softly, enveloping the home in a coziness that was hard to describe. One that was almost untouchable. But, of course, there is always an exception. The sound of a closing door and a round of giggling expelled through the thin walls that separated Jake and Josh’s room. You looked up at your friend with a questioning gaze. He shrugged. “Jake and his new girlfriend, probably.” The words rolled off his tongue so smoothly, as if they had no meaning at all. You were perplexed that he could say that so easily when to you, the words were stronger than a punch to the jaw. Laced with venom and scripted perfectly just to hurt you.

“G-girlfriend?” You tried to swallow your stutter. He nodded, not seeming to notice. “oh,” you whispered, unable to produce a sound any louder. After a few moments of silence and gut-wrenching sadness, you made a move to stand. The giddy chatter and soft giggles from the room next door were actually quite sweet sounding, but to you, they were nothing short of nails on a chalkboard. Josh was startled at your suddenness, not understanding how the mood shifted so drastically.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” He asked. You tumbled backwards toward his bedroom door. He stood to follow, but you vanished into the hallway before he could say anything else. You would have been in the clear, free to run and cry in solitude, if not for Sam’s lanky presence looming in the hallways. You had bumped into him midst your getaway, and he, being the type of guy he is, couldn’t let you leave without talking to you.

“Sunny! I didn’t know you were here.” He boomed, always happy to be in someone’s company. “Sunny?” He asked as you pushed past him. He looked back at Josh, who had followed you out of his room. He motioned to you, speed walking away, asking a silent question to his brother. Josh ignored him as well, running after you. “Fantastic, nice to see you guys too, I guess!” Sam’s voice echoed through the home. Always something snarky from him. You would’ve laughed had you not been so distraught.

“Dammit, y/n, stop!” Josh said, following you into the driveway. You knew you couldn’t escape him so you came to a stop, not turning to look at him yet. Tears were pooling in your eyes and your lip was quivering. Josh caught up to you, grabbing your shoulders and spinning you around to look at him. When he saw your expression, everything seemed to click into place for him, like he had found the missing piece to the puzzle. “Oh, sunny,” he whispered, pulling you into a hug. “How long?” He asked. You let out a quiet sob into his shirt.

“Since that day by the pool, the summer before high school.” You whispered. You never said the words, never genuinely admitted it, but he knew exactly what you meant.

•

Jake’s new found relationship only lasted a few weeks, but to you it felt like eternity. You had done your very best to avoid him without being questioned about it. You’d take not seeing him at all over watching him with another girl. Admittedly, you knew that Jake had shown interest in almost every girl in your grade except for you, and that you should probably take it as a sign to move on. Of course, knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two very different things. When the end of eleventh grade rolled around and Jake had yet to find another girlfriend, you had found yourself embarrassingly happy.

“Do you have a partner for the year-end English project?” Josh asked you from his bed. You were sitting at his desk, jotting some homework down. You looked over to him, knowing you should have recognized the mischievous glint in his eye, but responding anyway.

“No, I was kind of assuming you and I would partner up. You know, like every other project we’ve done in the last eleven years.” You rolled your eyes.

“Ah, yeah,” he nodded, looking past you know, formulating his response. “Well, I was actually planning on doing my project with Jess this time.” You had given him an incredulous look at the statement.

“Oh, so you’re replacing me?” You placed a hand over your heart in mock hurt.

“Not exactly, sunflower.” He said, sitting up now. You watched him, nervously waiting for him to continue. “It’s just that you and I are much too talented to do this project together, it would be robbing the rest of our grade of any chance of passing.” His tone was dramatic, begging a reaction from you.

“Okay,” you pried further.

“So I actually told Jake that you would be more than happy to be his partner. And I will be Jessica’s partner, just to even out the playing field.” He smirked.

“Joshua, you did not!” You scolded. He gave a shrug, laughing at your response.

“Oh come on, did I lie to him?” He took your silence as an answer. “That’s what I thought, sunny.”

“Way to be subtle about it, you dick.” You mumbled, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at him.

“Subtle about what, mama?” He asked with a smirk. Although your emotions had been so bluntly on display, Josh had yet to pry the confession out of you. You’d keep that to yourself as long as humanly possible. “You’ve been friends with him just as long as you’ve been friends with me! There was no weird implications there, at all.”

“I have not really been friends with Jake the same way I’ve been friends with you. To him, I’m just his twin brothers annoying best friend, that’s about it.” Josh snorted at your response.

“Whatever you say, y/n.”

•

It was weird sitting in Jakes bed rather than Josh’s, but it was a feeling you wanted to get used to. Jake had been overjoyed when his twin informed him that you agreed to be his partner for the class project. The project was due in three days, taking place of the classes final exam. By this point, you’d spent a few weekends in a row crammed in the same bedroom with the same boy, planning out this show stopping presentation. Not only did you get to partner up with the one boy who made your heart go crazy, but you and Josh had placed a running bet. Whoever got the better mark would win fifty bucks.

It was nearing the final days of the school year, when the sun was achingly warm and begging everybody to go outside and enjoy it. To you, it wouldn’t matter if it was the brightest and nicest day in the world; sitting in Jake’s room, scribbling on papers with nobody to interrupt was exactly where you wanted to be. You were dreading the end of the semester. Not because you were nervous about grades, but because you were scared you’d never get alone time with Jake again.

“I gotta say, Sunny, you really went above and beyond for this. May I ask why?” Jake inquired with a ghost of a laugh on his lips.

“Brother dearest hasn’t told you?” You asked, looking up at him from your notebook. He shook his head, never letting his gaze falter from you. “Well, he must be scared he’s going to lose then.” You said with a triumphant tone. “Since this is the first project we’ve never partnered up for, he thought it would be a great idea to place a little bet on it. Whoever gets the better mark gets fifty bucks.”

“I see, so you’re using me for my brains.” You looked at him from the corner of your eyes. He let out a chuckle. “Josh is an idiot if he thinks he can beat you.” You felt your cheeks turn red, quickly hitting another note down on your paper, hopefully avoiding having to reply to his statement.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.” You managed to whisper out.

“Can I see what you added?” Jake asked, reaching for the notebook. When you handed it to him, his fingers brushed against yours. You felt your heart speed, trying not to focus on the calloused fingertips he adorned. While he looked over the papers, he let out a long exhale. “So are you going to the junior prom?” He asked.

“Um, I have a dress. I assume Josh and I are going together. It’s basically tradition at this point.” You mustered out a laugh.

“Oh,” he said, a hint of sadness dripping from the word. You paused, taking the word in. It was so similar to that “oh” you had spoken when you found out he had gotten a girlfriend. No, that couldn’t be right. There was no way Jake was sad you were going to prom with his brother.

“What about you?” You switched the conversation back on him. He shrugged.

“Not sure, honestly. I don’t have a date yet.”

“Oh,” you both nodded in unison, awkwardness dripping from the walls.

•

“What do you mean you’re going with Jess?!” You said, panicked. Josh’s eyes were wide, staring at you with anxiety.

“I-I’m so sorry, Sunny! We never explicitly said we were going together, and she asked me and I got nervous because she’s pretty and I said yes!” He rambled.

“No, don’t say sorry. I’m happy you’re going with her. I just… I don’t know, we always go together.” You sighed. “I just don’t really have anyone else to go with.”

“I can ask Jake-“

“Nope! That’s okay!” You cut him off. “I do not want him to ask me out of pity!” Josh rolled his eyes, about to interject, but you held up a hand. “I’ll figure it out, Josh, it’s okay.” You smiled. “I’m happy you’re going with her, really.” He pulled you into a hug.

“Thanks, sunny.”

“I’m just gonna go get some water.” You told him, leaving the living room. You made your way to the kitchen, knowing their house better than any other. You ran a hand through your hair, letting out a small groan, not sure of what you were going to do.

“Josh stood you up, then.” You heard a calm voice say from the table as you appeared in the kitchen. You looked up to see Jake sitting there, textbook in hand and a plate of food beside him. He must have been studying for his exams. You wanted to shrivel up and die on the spot.

“I take it you heard all of that, then.” You said, awkwardly shifting on your heels. He nodded. You finally got the courage to meet his eyes and he gave you a smile. One so similar to the one he gave you in the pool that day. You felt the tension melt off your shoulders.

“Go with me.” He offered. “If you want to, of course.” His eyes looked sincere. Your stomach erupted in nerves.

“Really?” You whispered.

“Yeah, Sunny. And not out of pity, either. I’d love to go with you.” You felt yourself break out into a grin.

“Yeah, okay.” You tried to be nonchalant, but everything inside you was screaming.

“What colour’s your dress?” He asked.

“Dark green,” you squeaked.

“I’ll have to buy a new tie, then.”

•

Jake showed up at your front door that night with a bouquet of flowers. Sunflowers. When you opened the door, you felt like you could throw up. “For me?” You asked, gently.

“Yeah,” he said, holding them out for you. You took them from him, inspecting them carefully. They were beautiful, just like him.

“You remembered my favourite flower.” He rolled his eyes at your statement.

“Do you not remember who gave you that nickname all of those years ago?” He chuckled. Your cheeks went red. Through the years, the memory of your nickname got muddled in with the mess of other ones. You had always thought Josh had come up with it.

“I thought it was Josh,” you admitted.

“Nope,” he annunciated the P. “You always had sunflower everything: Dresses, pins, necklaces. I think you even had shoes with sunflowers on them.” He was right, you did. “You always painted them in art class, or doodled them on your homework.”

“I can’t believe you remember that.”

“F’course I do.” He said, taking a step inside. “They remind me of you, every time I see them.” You felt your heart flutter, but for once it wasn’t nervousness, it was happiness. “I called you sunflower and the boys just copied me. Never have been very original.” He laughed. You joined in with him.

“You’re too sweet, Jake.” He brushed the comment off, pulling you into a short lived hug.

“Honey, come get some pictures before you have to go!” Your mom called for you. You shared a look with Jake and he smiled, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“You look beautiful, Sunny.”

That night was one of the best nights you’d ever had. After pictures with your parents, you’d met up with Josh and his date. The boys parents fawned over you and Jessica, raving about how nice you looked. At the dance itself, there were photo booths and a snack table, and they were playing half-decent music. You and Jake stayed close with Josh and his date the whole night, making another lifetime of memories.

Jake had pulled you to the photo booth, taking some Polaroids with the camera provided. When he thought you weren’t looking, he slipped one in the pocket of his suit jacket. You noticed, though. You always noticed when it was about him. You took some with Josh and then of all of you together. You made sure to keep them all in a safe place, hating the thought of losing them.

“Oh, Josh!” Jake beckoned his twin over to the two of you. He parted from his date and joined you, giving a questioning look. “A little birdie told me that you owe someone fifty bucks.” Jake said, giving a smile.

“Hm, I don’t know who that might be.” Josh had been elusive as to the whole bet ever since the report cards came back.

“Really, Joshua? Hate to admit that you shouldn’t have given up your partner like that?” You asked, pinching his red cheek. He rolled his eyes as dramatically as he could.

“Fine, okay! I’ll give you 100 if you never bring it up again.” You and Jake shared a smile.

“Sounds good to me!”

The night was full of laughs and jokes, and slight tipsyness due to the flasks the twins had snuck in their suit jackets. When the night was coming to a close, you had found yourself in a group of girls from your grade, sharing mindless chatter and gossip about the night. The sound system boomed over head, transitioning out of a high energy song into a slow beat. You didn’t pay any mind to it, but the rest of the girls flocked frantically to find their dates, hoping for one more awkward, handsy slow dance. You sipped away at your drink when a voice sounded behind you.

“Care to dance?” You swung around to see Jake. You grinned as he held a hand out to you, taking it and making your way to the crowd of other students.

“I wasn’t expecting a slow dance from this, Jakey.”

“You really think I’d skip out on a dance with my favourite girl, especially when you look this nice?” He asked. Your chest burned. You were unsure if it was from the alcohol or the romantic words from the boy before you. His hands found your waist, and your arms snaked around his neck. For a minute, you had never felt more at peace. You thought back to your freshman year, how 14 year old you would have been freaking out if she knew this is where you’d be now.

“Thanks for asking me to be your date,” you whispered to him.

“Thank you for letting me bring you.” He replied. “Best school dance I’ve ever been too.”

“Me, too.” You breathed. “Don’t tell Josh, though.” You both shared a chuckled. When the song was nearing the height, Jake pulled away slightly, looking down at your face. If you were in your right mind, you would have sworn he was going to kiss you. You were hoping he would, at least.

Before you could find out, you found yourself being pulled away by someone else. You looked quickly to find Josh. He flung you around in a twirl causing you to erupt in a fit of giggles. “I couldn’t end an event without dancing with you!” He announced.

“Good to know you’re still thinking of me, darling.”

“Of course, mama.” He replied. You didn’t think too long about the scene Josh had disrupted, but Jake sure did. You caught his eyes when Josh twirled you one last time, seeing his look of disdain. You felt your stomach drop. Jake left the dance that night with a sour taste in his mouth, more annoyed at his brother than he’d ever been.

•

You thought that maybe things would change after that, a shift in the dynamics at least mildly. You were wrong. So wrong, that you found yourself feeling stupid for even thinking that in the first place. In the final stretch before senior year starting, you’d found yourself in the basement of the Kiszka house, watching Sam twiddle away at his bass and Josh make miscellaneous noises into the microphone. Danny was beating his drumsticks on the arm of the couch as he sat beside you. They were waiting for Jake so they could begin one of their many band practices.

You had to admit, they’d definitely gotten better of the course of that summer. Before, they were more or less making a bunch of noise with their instruments and not much else. Now, they’d even written a song or two and already had plans to play a few local shows in the upcoming months. You were proud of them, more than you could ever explain. You were so happy they’d found a calling that they actually wanted to pursue. It was way beyond what you’ve done so far.

You had a stack of college applications, all in various stages of completion but none finished. They were sitting on your desk at home, begging to be looked at and turned in, but it didn’t feel right to you. Nothing did. A lifetime of not spending every day with Josh seemed too unrealistic; it was painful to imagine. So, you didn’t. You let the time whittle away, hoping that the decision would get easier the closer you got to having to make it.

It didn’t.

Your parents were breathing down your neck, waiting for you to pick a college. You didn’t have the heart to tell them you weren’t even sure you wanted to go. You never once imagined you’d never want to go to university, but the closer it got to having to go, the more it scared you.

You were broken from your thoughts when the door to the basement crashed open. You looked to the stairs to see Jake tumbling down, a girl you’d never met before following closely behind. You met his eyes and he paused for a moment. It only lasted for a second, and then he barrelled to his guitar case and pulled it out. The unnamed girl dropped onto the couch beside Danny. Josh looked at you, then at her, at Jake, and back to you.

“I didn’t know anyone else would be joining us.” Josh said coolly, obviously prying for more information.

“Well, y/n’s here, so I thought it’d be cool if I brought my girlfriend, too.” Jake replied. You felt that knot in your stomach, the same one that showed up last time. You swore you saw Josh’s heart break for you.

“You say that like she’s my girlfriend, Jake.” Josh said, quite short with him.

“She’s not?” He chuckled, not caring to look in your direction. “Could’ve fooled me.” He said, plugging his guitar into his amp. You stood, mentioning something about getting some air. You carried yourself up the stairs as if your legs were made of lead. You didn’t let the first tear fall until you made it to your car. It was getting harder and harder to hide your feelings, especially when your heart broke more each time he found a new girlfriend.

•

“I got in!!” You squealed, almost breaking down Josh’s door as you entered his room. You were breathless, tears of happiness still trailing down your cheeks. When you stopped to regain yourself, you saw both twins occupying his bed. Josh took a second to process what was happening, then sprung to his feet, picking you up into a hug and spinning you around.

“I’m so proud of you sunny!” Josh yelled. He put you down and you practically shoved the papers in his face. You’d been waiting for word back from your university of choice. Originally, you’d applied as a joke, but when you gotten promising word from early acceptance, you had to send in your full transcript just to see what they would say.

“That’s not it, Josh.” you wheezed, still crying over what the letter contained.

“What?” He asked, trying to read the paper in your shaking hand.

“They’re paying for all of it.” You sobbed. “I got a full-ride scholarship.” Your voice quivered as you spoke, still not believing this was real life. You saw a tear fall from his eye as well before he pulled you into a bone-breaking hug.

“I knew you could do it, mama.” You couldn’t help but look over Josh’s shoulder to see his brother, and you cried even harder when you saw that he had a tear falling, too.

•

Your eyes were begging you to shut them, hoping for one minute of sleep, but you persevered. Josh was snoring on the couch behind you, his textbook slung haphazardly beside him. You were still furiously writing down important lines, too nervous to look away. You only broke from your focus when you heard footsteps enter the living room. “What are you doing awake, sunny?”

Jake was standing, shirtless and clearly freshly showered. His hair was still damp and he smelled very strongly of Jake. You felt yourself swoon, but it was soon covered up by embarrassment, realizing the state you were in. Sweatpants and Josh’s hoodie, hair thrown up wildly and under-eye bags darker than they’d ever been. “Yeah, sorry, I should probably go home.” You scrambled to gather your things.

“No, no! It’s okay, I just meant that you should get some sleep - you can stay here if you want.” He rushed out.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I probably should sleep, but I’ve got three AP exams to study for. I don’t really think I have any time to.” You let out a dry laugh.

“Well why don’t you come up to my room and study. Im sure Josh’s snoring isn’t helping your focus.”

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to intrude.” He scoffed at your words.

“You’d never be intruding, sunflower.” He offered a smile, coming over to gather your things. “I’m a bit of a night owl anyway, I’d love the company.” So the two of you retired to Jake’s bedroom. You hadn’t been in here since the English project in eleventh grade. You smiled at the memory. “Been a while since you’ve been in here.” He noted. “Sorry for the mess.” You didn’t mind the clutter, because it was so effortlessly Jake. The clothes on the floor, the messy bed, the vinyl records astray on his desk.

“Don’t be.” You assured him. Studying grew to be troublesome with him in your company. You seemed more engrossed in his quiet picking on his acoustic guitar than you’d ever been in your books. “I miss hanging out with you.” You let your thoughts slip, not meaning to actually say it aloud. He paused his playing momentarily, looking up at you through his hair. It was longer now, he was working on growing it out.

“Me, too.” He said. “We never really hung out enough, just the two of us.” He said.

“I know, I wish we had’ve.” You admitted. He nodded in agreement. “And now I’m leaving,” you finally said it aloud.

“I know you are.” He whispered. “I’m really happy for you, Sunny.” You gave a soft smile. “I know Josh has said it a million times, but I’m more proud of you than he could ever be.” He paused. “More than anyone, really.”

“Thanks, Jakey.” You met his eyes. They had that same look in them, the one he had before Josh whisked you away at prom. He didn’t let it linger, but you wished he did.

•

“Josh!” You yelled, trying to sound angry, but a laugh slipped out. “You’re standing me up again!”

“Oh, but for good reason, my darling!” He reminded you.

“So you can get laid?” You rolled your eyes. Sam got a good chuckle out of it.

“Perhaps, but only time will tell.” You all fell into a fit of laughter. Josh had told everyone he’d asked Jessica to the senior prom. The two had been back and fourth with flirting and then radio silence for the entire year. You were happy Josh had finally gotten the nerve to ask her, but you were a bit put out that you would not be going to your senior prom with him. You always thought you would, but you could never be mad at him for it.

When you went home that night, you felt a sadness fill your chest. Prom was right around the corner, and with no date in mind you were dreading it. You also felt frozen with fear at the thought of graduation, and the dwindling time you had left with your friends. Yet, the scariest of thought of them all, was leaving Michigan without telling Jake you were in love with him.

You tossed and turned as you tried to sleep that night, and fell asleep with a hole in your chest that you were scared you’d never get rid of. When you woke the next morning, birds were chirping outside your window. You smiled at the sound and the rays of sunshine warmed your face. You checked your phone and saw a missed text message. To your surprise, it was from Jake.

Jakey: Meet me at the park down the street from your house at 12

You found the hours leading to noon we’re the longest you’ve ever lived through, but the time finally came. You walked down the street and through the gate to the small park that was mostly abandoned. You’d frequented it when you were kids, but not many people visited it now. When you looked to the old tattered gazebo, you saw Jake sitting there. You felt your palms get clammy as you got closer, seeing he was holding something. He heard your footsteps and turned to look at you, a smile breaking out on his face.

“Hey,” you said, walking up the steps.

“Hi.” Was all he replied. You arched an eyebrow, waiting for something from him to let you know why you were here. In his hands he held a single sunflower and a very worn piece of paper, looking like it was torn from a journal. “I… uh…” he stuttered. “Here, this is for you.” He handed you the flower. You took it from him, grinning down at it. “I didn’t think this would be this hard.” He forced a laugh out.

“Come on, Jake, it’s just me.”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “I know.” You found the redness creeping to your cheeks again. “Okay, well, up just say it I guess.” He fiddled with the paper in his hand. “Last year, at junior prom, I got the chance to go with the best girl I’ve ever met.” He started. “And I was hoping that maybe this year, I’d be lucky enough to take you to my senior prom, too.” His voice was shaky as he finished. Your heart swelled with affection. “I just thought I’d make the asking part special this time, cause I really didn’t get to last year.” You both laughed. He handed you the paper. You observed it carefully, seeing what was clearly scratched out and rewritten numerous times. They looked like song lyrics. “I was writing a song for the band, and I guess it just turned out to be about you, so I thought I’d give it to you, first. All of the songs turn out to be about you.” He barely spoke the last part. “I think I’m gonna call it Flower Power.” You we’re so in love with the boy before you that it physically hurt to think about it.

“What about your girlfriend, Jake? What was her name? Uh, Lily?” You asked gently. He chuckled.

“She and I have been broken up for a while.” He cleared his throat, looking hesitant about what he was going to say next. “I’ve always liked sunflowers more than lilies.” He mumbled.

•

“Y/n y/l/n!” Your name was shouted through the loudspeaker. The crowd erupted in cheers. From the front row, your parents were crying and yelling your name. You walked across the stage, gown flowing freely in the wind. You shook the principals hand as you accepted your diploma. Your eyes met Josh’s from the crowd of classmates. He made a heart with his hands, followed by blowing you a kiss. You looked at Jake, who was sitting next to him. He didn’t make a gesture, but the gleam in his eye told you just how proud he was of you.

•

The music pounded in your ears. Bodies were running into each other, some dancing, and some just trying to get past the crowd. The Kiszka’s basement was more lively than you’d ever seen it. Josh was wrapped around Jessica, completely lost in conversation with her. You smiled to yourself, watching them together. You were happy he was happy. The smell of alcohol was potent, and the noise was almost unbearable.

You pushed your way to the stairs and found solace in the outdoors. The music drummed softly in the background. The sound of nature soothed you, relaxing you a bit. You were a bit more drunk than you thought you were. Then again, how could you not be at your best friends graduation party?

“Coming out to say hi?” A smooth voice said from beside you. You whipped your head around to see Jake sitting on a lawn chair.

“Why are you out here all by yourself? This is your party, is it not?” You giggled.

“Maybe I was hoping I’d run into you.” He offered. You felt the familiar blush rise to your cheeks. This time, much less noticeable due to your face already being red from the liquor.

“Maybe I was, too.” You grinned. He motioned for you to sit beside him. You took the chair graciously, feeling sturdier when you weren’t on your feet. He had a joint lit between his fingers and you couldn’t help but poke fun. “Jacob Kiszka, are you smoking weed?” You asked, incredulously.

“Care to join?” He held it out to you. You took it from him and took a long haul. Silence ensued between you two, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. “Sunny?” He asked eventually.

“Hmm?”

“I’m really gonna miss you.” He finally admitted. You felt your heart break.

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Jake.” You said.

“Just come with us, then.” He said. You whipped your head to look at him. “What? It’s not unbelievable.” He responded. “Go to school, finish up your big degree early, cause I know you can, and when Sam graduates, come with us around the world.” You laughed at his words.

“That’s a long time away, Jakey. You still think you’ll want me around by then?” You asked. He sat up, leaning dangerously close to you.

“Sunny, there is no lifetime I could live that I wouldn’t want you to be in.” Your eyes softened, looking down at his lips, then back up to your eyes. He pulled back, causing you to frown slightly.

“Okay, we’ll when you make it big, give me a call.” You whispered.

“I think I’ll be calling long before then.” He smiled. “The minute you get in your car, I’ll be on the phone, making sure you don’t forget me.” You scoffed.

“As if I could ever forget you.” His eyebrows knitted together, signalling he was thinking hard about something. Before you had time to process it, he had his hand on your cheek and he was pulling you in for a kiss.

You revelled in it, wishing you could live in the moment for the rest of your life. It was so inviting, finally ceasing the internal nagging that had been killing you since middle school. His lips were soft and warm, the taste of smoke still lingering on him. When he pulled away, you had to stop yourself from protesting. He kept his face close, almost scared to look away. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He speaks quietly, so quiet you almost miss it.

“Not as long as I’ve wanted to,” you laughed.

“Middle school,” he challenged. You’d felt your heart drop.

“Me, too.” You lifted your hand to tangle it in his hair, pulling him in for another kiss. “Why’d you wait so long?” You asked when you broke away.

“I don’t know, was scared I guess. I always thought you’d end up with Josh.” You grimaced at his admission.

“It’s always been you, Jake. No matter how complicated the feelings were, no matter how much it sucked watching you date those other girls, it was always you.” You sighed. “Everybody knew it but us, I guess.”

“I begged Josh to let me be your partner for that English project,” he said, earning a small laugh from you. “And I also begged him to go to junior prom with Jess. He was so bent out of shape, not wanting to hurt your feelings when she asked him. I told him I’d take you, and he still wouldn’t budge. I think it took two weeks before he finally agreed to let me take you.” The two of you found yourself in another fit of laughs.

“Josh is my best friend, through and through, but I’ve never once felt for him what I do for you. He was right, that day at the pool, way back before high school. I absolutely was checking you out.” You said, his lips ghosting over yours once again. He pulled you from your chair into his lap, finding your lips on his once again.

“I was hoping you were.” He smiled into your mouth. “It looks like we have a lot of time to make up for, then.” He said. His hands were firmly planted on your hips. His calloused fingertips felt like heaven on the soft skin hidden just above the hem of your jeans.

“Then take me upstairs, you idiot.” You laughed. “I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

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