#sam's demon blood freak nonsense is the reason i breathe actually

[incesthemes]

read two insane wincest fics in the last two days and honestly i have no idea how to move on from them. they've bored into my skull like worms and i will not get over them any time soon

watch you weigh your powers

selfishly, i wish there had been more actual mind control in the fic because i have problems in my brain and the horrors attack me nightly, but otherwise this is just really great. i love the focus on sam's emotions and the fear and horror of what he's been doing. the paragraph spacing is all kinds of wonky and honestly really off-putting, but once i pushed past that, it was an awesome read.

camdon inn

deadass i think this author lives in my brain. i can't believe they wrote my exact kink, wrote it well, and gave it a satisfying ending all in one fic. i love how they executed their incest headcanons and developed the background for their relationship, and jesus christ i can't even stress how good this soulbond is. i can't be normal after reading this. author has a tendency to skip over words on occasion, but otherwise it's really well written and i'm so impressed with it.

i've never done a fic rec kinda thing before but idk leaving a comment wasn't enough for me. i need more people to read them. holy shit

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Women in SPN—Seasons 2 and 3

Previously on Joy Obsesses over a Show That Creatively Expired in 2010

Tessa

Introduced back when the Winchesters dodging the coffin actually qualified as an episode, she follows in Meg’s tracks by continuing to make monsters seem more approachable and less a malevolent force of nature. Starts off with a completely flat affect but gets annoyed with the Winchester bullshit real quick—a sure-fire sign of an SPN character with a brain. A powerful being capable of returning one’s memories by a smooch which is… convenient. As is the fact that bad guys keep using her for their ebul plans. Serves the typical secondary-character function of a springboard for a main guy’s development. Plants hints of the “natural order”, “destiny”, and “inevitability” which will become major themes down the road and be explored by characters with deeper writing.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor, remembered primarily because she keeps popping up.

On her own: A nice addition to the lore.

Jo Harvelle

Originally Dean’s love interest until she got written out for the crime of having tits around the fandom’s husband. Driven by a wish to honor her dead father and become a hunter, she’s held back by the unfortunate fact of not being all that good at it. Cheerful, temperamental, and a pretty skilled hustler, she’s mortally wounded when charging in to protect Dean. Ends up sacrificing herself so that others can escape and attempt to end the Apocalypse.

Status: Dead as of s5, dragged back and disappeared again in s7

Importance: Major

On her own: A soldier going out in a blaze of glory. I bawl every time.

Ellen Harvelle

Unlike her daughter, very good at what she does. No-nonsense authority figure, she’s one of the few in the show to pull off a combination of a hand-wringing mama bear and a pro-active badass with a life outside her family. Not perceived as a threat because fans don’t know the meaning of MILF yet, and so is allowed to stick around for the season 2 finale. Dies to make Jo’s plan to obliterate Meg’s hellhounds work, though it’s strongly implied she mostly refuses to survive her kid.

Status: Dead

Importance: Major

On her own: SPN’s Molly Weasley, sullied by the implications of her death

Lenore

A head-strong leader of a nest of vegetarian vampires, she’s deliberately contrasted with Gordon’s Terminator schtick and to a lesser degree with Dean’s black-and-white monsters vs. humans kill-everything grief-cope in order to further cement SPN’s ongoing crusade of challenging who in fact is the monster around here. Has a crowning moment of awesome when she refuses to feed while covered in Sam’s blood. The entire point of her is her determination not to give up her humanity even when no longer human. Would be shame if the show decided to later abandon this essential part of her character and twist it for cheap drama…

Status: Alive as of s5, annihilated in every way in s6

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and the boys’ development

On her own: An effective mirror to Dean’s stroll down the slippery slope

Diana Ballard

TheGoodCop manipulated by her professional and romantic partner, she has a surprisingly functional tension with Sam. Luckily for Linda Blair it goes unnoticed because the fandom doesn’t view older women as competition. Noteworthy mostly because she actively participates in uncovering the episode’s mystery which automatically elevates her above the standard clueless civilian, man or woman, who needs the duo to save them. Despite fewer appearances arguably more memorable than Henriksen, precisely because of her active involvement.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor overall, a major player in the episode

On her own: Interesting take on the usual boilerplate cop

Ava Wilson

To present a very, very generous interpretation, she foreshadows Sam’s eventual turn to the dark side. Spirited, a little bit airheaded, and freaked about her Azazel-given powers, she gives enough of a damn to prevent her visions of people dying from coming true, though she clings to her intention to lead a normal civilian life. Does a complete switcheroo off-screen to become a villain because… power is awesome? Ends up the most advanced special child in season 2’s battle royale, the very concept of which is just… eh? Still gets dispatched no problem because… why not?

Status: Dead

Importance: Minor

On her own: A prime example of why the special children subplot is just…wot?

Molly McNamara

Memorable primarily because of the experimental (for SPN) narration which frames her as the duo’s partner when in fact she’s one of the things being hunted. For plot reasons spends her episode switching between being terrified, worried for her missing husband, and heartbroken. Can be somewhat tortuously argued to fit the theme of (not) overcoming grief and letting go, one of the few detectable threads in the directionless slog that’s season 2.

Status: Dead

Importance: Minor overall, major because she’s arguably the main character of her episode

On her own: Torture porny. Very torture porny.

Madison

Intelligent, educated, and with an endearing love of soaps, she’s responsible for one of the three watchable sex scenes in the entire show. Has a nice theme of personal growth and healing from trauma going on, although it’s cut short and undermined when she’s revealed as a werewolf and euthanized by none other than Sam himself. Her death is filmed as a narrative-changing tragedy before it goes on to become a joke in season 4.

Status: Dead

Importance: Major

On her own: No matter how you look at it, she’s a diseased dog that needs to be put down for her own good while the menz wallow in their manly manpain. A rare example of a storyline I don’t think can be tweaked to be even marginally less awful.

I believe maestro may have wanted to portray sadness here.

Tamara

Told to be an excellent hunter, she’s shown as needing to be saved in order not to end up like her husband who’s literally forced to gargle bleach. Introduces the notion of growing hostility against the Winchesters in the hunting community. Full of wrath to fit the episode’s one-off seven deadly sins schtick, she’s emphasized as emotional and not in control of herself to such a degree that it overshadows how she’s in fact fairly competent in the second half of the episode.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: Wouldn’t stand out this much if she weren’t one of the few POCs in the blinding whiteness that’s SPN’s Americana.

Ruby

Doesn’t have the most organic introduction (A cool intriguing sexy French fries loving not like other gurls sassy badass, with a superdooper special knife? How 2000s cringe can you get?) but quickly becomes one of the show’s most distinctive villains allies. She’s an ally. Totally. Don’t worry about it. A sarcastic smartass jerk who breathes lies and manipulation, she’s resourceful, thinks on her feet, and throws herself into the thick of action without hesitation—a trait that gets especially interesting in retrospect as it suggests a fanatic devotion to her real goal. Sadly, her motivation doesn’t get fleshed out beyond “she really likes Satan, I guess” (which, hey) as the writers prioritize the surprise of the revelation over her further character development. Has the second watchable sex scene in the entire show; the fandom weeps itself to sleep. Gets killed by her own weapon when the writers decide that a character who’s smarter than both protagonists combined could well do with a bit of the good ol’ lobotomizing.

Status: Dead

Importance: Supermegadoublemajor

On her own: The stupid nature of her demise and occasional wooden acting do their best but never overshadow the awesome that’s Ruby.

Lisa Braeden

Dean’s past fling who becomes a living symbol of his desire for the white-picket fence. Is implied to possess mad financial skills as she owns property on a yoga teacher’s salary while a single mom below the age of 30. A blank slate the likes of Cassie, she’s salvaged by better acting. Frequent frowning suggests the presence of an inner life though it doesn’t tend to manifest itself on screen or affect the plot. Her single established trait—blow-out assertiveness the moment things get too far—is exercised mostly in service to her son. Exists solely to give Dean something to pine for.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: A tertiary character who so-so sustains her own episode.

Bela Talbot

The best expansion of the show’s lore after the host of heaven, she’s unequivocally a bad person who nevertheless evokes huge amounts of sympathy. A cynical self-serving dealer in supernatural objects who mirrors Dean’s cracking tough guy persona, due to her abuse and the resulting trauma she refuses to open up and rely on anyone out of principle, or be indebted to them. Her pride makes her clinically unable to ask for help until it’s too late, and even forego mentioning personal history when it’d actively benefit her by softening the horrible impression others have of her. Switching between being an antagonist and the duo’s reluctant ally, she manages to outwit them roughly 90% of time. The fact that she has sexual tension with Dean while Sam lusts after her to the point of literal drooling sends fans apoplectic.

Status: Dead

Importance: Major

On her own: A complex character brought down by her own flaws.

Casey

A demon, she’s torn between wanting to enact the Apocalypse and just chilling with her soulmate. Definitely a fanfic reader because her idea of dealing with danger is to shut herself with her enemy in a room and have a lengthy theological debate. Very outspoken about humanity’s propensity for evil. Outcomplexes Lilith and to a lesser extent Ruby as she’s allowed to openly address her life philosophy. While the dialogue format of her scenes is designed to give Dean space to talk about his feelings regarding his impending demise, it’s more or less an equal push-pull exchange. She’s smart, captivating, capable, and in love, i.e. things SPN just isn’t interested in keeping around.

Status: Dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: Could have been so good if allowed to stick around

Gertrude Case

A rich elderly creep whose gropy ways are played for laughs because she’s a woman I guess. Either can’t read social cues or doesn’t give a fuck about people’s obvious discomfort. But don’t worry, it’s hilarious. She’s a woman, you see. What harm have those ever done.

Status: I’m going to assume dead by now, otherwise alive as of s5

Importance: A major figure in Sam’s life since she sexually assaulted him. Otherwise minor.

On her own: Sexual harassment is fun, kids

Lucy

Take Molly McNamara, strip her of any pretence at thematic relevance, minimize her importance while playing up her suffering, and then remove her like a broken Christmas decoration while making sassy remarks—voilà, you’ve ended up with the exact simplistic image that pops into one’s head when the words Supernatural and women are mentioned in a sentence.

Status: Dead

Importance: Non-existent

On her own: Just… why

Astaroth

Approaches awesomehood as her demonic business operation is built around preying on bored suburban hausfraus and taking their souls in exchange for magical powers, which they then use to secure benign materialistic keeping-up-with-the-joneses crap and devour one another like a bunch of assholes whose death you can’t help but eagerly anticipate. Srsly, eff those ladies. Stands out as the only (implied) lesbian in the Kripke arc.

Status: Dead

Importance: Minor, not even the real monster of the week when compared to the coven

On her own: There’s probably another discussion about Doylist sexism hidden around somewhere that I’m not really interested in having. Go Astaroth.

Nancy Fitzgerald

Sugar and spice and every other cliché about kindness combined in a pretty sweet package. Plot demands her to be a virgin for some reason, even though this aspect of her character doesn’t amount to anything in the story and only serves to contrast Nancy’s… purity with Ruby who we’re being constantly told is a “slut” and a “whore” and I have no idea how that’s supposed to work. Then again, Nancy’s virginity is framed as a valid personal choice in a rather empowering moment so that’s good. Has standards because even after deciding to let go of her chastity vow, she won’t settle for just any loser who happens to stand around converting oxygen into CO2. Her “cause manpain out of nowhere”-type death is one of the few of this category in the show which actually work because the cruel pointless nature of it is precisely the point (and at least she’s not the only one who doesn’t survive, please ignore how the episode literally says her demise is the most tragic because she never got laid, barfs).

Status: Dead

Importance: Minor

On their own: A textbook definition of a cinnamon

Lilith

An overarching menace that doesn’t spend too much time on screen, she’s a prop rather than her own person. This gets highlighted the moment the show stops casting her as a clichéd creepy child who likes to larp as that Twilight Zone kid, and turns her into the standard hawt chick in a will-they-won’t-they episode. No interiority as she goes along with a plan which requires her obliteration, without at least allowing her to explore her religious motivation. Ruby does all the heavy lifting in this partnership.

Status: Dead

Importance: Major

On her own: For the life of me I can’t make sense of her actions in s4. But the clichéd creepy kid is adorbs so points for memorability.

Maggie Zeddmore

The straight man to the Ghostfacers’ utterly delightful douchefacery. Manages to keep up with Harry and Ed in terms of hilarity because not only is she exactly as out of place as them, she decides to role-play her childhood-friends-to-lovers fanfic in the middle of a haunted house as the best sister that she is.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: Love at first geek

Next, season 4 and 5 before I try to figure out what this all adds up to.

[sam-winchesters-lost-shoe]

Day 10: Sam x Ruby

Ship: Sam x Human!Ruby

Trope: One of them becomes human

Mood: Hurt/Comfort

Words: 1.7K

Sam didn’t know that Dean and Bobby had managed to track down Ruby. He had no idea that they had found a way to turn her human with consecrated blood, either.

When they led him to the panic room beneath Bobby’s house where they had been keeping her, Sam refused to go until he got to talk to her. Dean and Bobby eventually agreed, letting him go inside and closing the door behind them so they could talk.

Ruby was sitting on the small cot when he walked in, getting to her feet the moment she saw him.

“Sam, I’m so sorry.”

“For what? You’re.....you’re human now.” Sam shook his head. Ruby held his hand and looked up at him with a shake of her head.

“Sam.....I used to be human. I can handle it, but.....I can’t give you blood anymore.”

“It’s fine, we’ll figure something else out.” He replied simply, but he could tell something was wrong by the look on her face. When he turned back around, Dean’s eyes met his through the small opening in the door.

“Sorry, Sam. She told us everything. We’re not letting you out of this room until you’re clean. No more demon blood, man. This is for your own good.”

“Dean, no.” Sam begged as realization set in. He ran over and pounded his fist on the metal door, but Dean only mumbled that he was sorry and turned to go with Bobby.

Sam turned to go sit with Ruby, shoulders slumped as both of them realized how miserable the next few days were going to be.

—————

About 24 hours later, Sam was pacing the room. He had started to go into serious withdrawal at this point, and the side effects were starting. He was shaking and his heart was racing, and all he wanted to do was punch the wall until he could get out and find another demon he could drain.

Ruby had tried to keep him calm, urging him to sit down and take a few breaths, but he couldn’t sit still. She tried once again to get him to sit down before he passed out, since he’d been freaking out and almost hyperventilating for hours.

She finally managed to force him to sit long enough to drink some water and eat a granola bar, but she refused to let him get back up. She managed to eventually convince him to lay down, threading her fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down.

Luckily, it worked, and it didn’t take long for his feverish body to fall asleep.

————

Sam had been hallucinating for hours now. Ruby had been trying to cool him down by wetting a washcloth that Dean had provided, but he continued to sweat profusely and writhe around on the cheap mattress that seemed far too small for his frame.

He was mumbling nonsense, his eyes darting around beneath his eyelids. Ruby wasn’t sure why she was so scared for Sam in all honestly. Maybe it was that she was feeling actual emotions for the first time in......well, a really long time. She couldn’t believe it, but....she was actually kind of scared for him.

That was when another hallucination seemed to hit and Sam shot up off the bed. His eyes were bloodshot and wide open as he shakily clambered up.

“Sam. Sam, it’s just me!” Ruby tried to calm him down and got to her feet with her palms up defensively. His chest heaved as he looked around the room frantically. It was like he didn’t know where he was.

“Sam. Look at me.” Ruby continued and gently put a hand on his arm. He jumped and looked down at her, his eyes not exactly seeming to register that it was her. He put a hand on his chest like he couldn’t breathe, panicked eyes finally locking onto Ruby’s.

“Breathe.” She instructed calmly. She took a few deep breaths as if she was teaching him how, and Sam tried to copy her. He took a few shaky inhales and let it out, but it didn’t seem to be helping at all as he continued to panic.

“Sam, you have to calm down.” Ruby instructed. Her voice grew a bit firmer this time, and Sam did his best to steady his breathing, but nothing seemed to be working. His eyes glossed over and he seemed to almost dissociate with reality.

“Sam?”

Ruby tried calling his name, but he didn’t even notice. Sam’s eyes rolled back and his legs gave out beneath him. He fell to the ground and landed on his side, already beginning to seize.

“DEAN!” Ruby screamed. She had no idea what to do with the man spasming on the floor in front of her. She sank to her knees next to him and tried to use her hand to stop his head from hitting the concrete floor. Sam continued to seize, only the whites of his eyes visible beneath his fluttering eyelids.

“DEAN!”

Two sets of footsteps thundered down the stairs and to the door. There was a mumbled “shit” and the metal door swung open quickly. Dean was beside them a moment later with Bobby at his shoulder.

“What the hell happened?” Dean demanded. As he forced Sam onto his back. The younger man’s legs continued to kick and twitch, his hair falling haphazardly onto his face with each spasm.

“I.....I don’t know....” Ruby shook her head. Dean undid his belt and looped it in his hands before fitting it in Sam’s mouth to keep him from biting his tongue.

Bobby mentioned something about tying him down, but both Ruby and Dean were too focused on Sam to really make out what he was saying. Seizures were terrifying enough when they happened normally, but one that was a side-effect of demon blood withdrawal was uncharted territory. There were a few moments where all three of them could hardly hold him down, and it only panicked them more.

Eventually Bobby got the two of them to snap out of the worries and help him get Sam onto the cot. They managed to do it, hauling him over carefully before strapping him down. His seizing had begun to calm down at this point, but Dean was still panicking inside. The only outlet he had for his emotions was Ruby, who was watching Sam just as intently as she was.

He turned and grabbed her by the front of the shirt, slamming her against the wall behind them. Her head snapped back and cracked against the metal, and she wasn’t expecting it to hurt that much. She wasn’t expecting it to hurt at all, actually, after being a demon for so long.

“This is all your fault!” Dean spat in her face. “I should kill you right here and now.”

He dug out a blade from his pocket before holding it against her throat menacingly.

“Dean, I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would happen to him.” Ruby started, only to be cut off by Dean again.

“That’s bullshit! You’re the one that did this to him, now you tell us how to fix it!”

“There isn’t exactly a handbook on demon blood junkies, Dean! I don’t want this any more than you do!”

Ruby was sure that he was going to kill her then and there. He raised the knife as if he was going to drive it into her chest when there was a pained groan from behind them.

“Sam...” Ruby mumbled. Her heart ached as she watched him over Dean’s shoulder. The spams has finally stopped, but now it seemed like he was having another nightmare.

“Dean, let me help him...”

The older brother thought for a second before grunting and letting her go. He looked over at Sam on the mattress while Ruby went to wet another cloth and resume her pattern of attempting to cool his forehead. Dean and Bobby watched her work, seeing how Sam actually did seem to relax a bit under her touch. She brushed his hair out of his eyes and removed the leather belt from his mouth before handing it back to Dean. She then sat back down and resumed her work with the washcloth, completely ignoring the looks from the other two men in the room.

Dean took the belt back silently and took a step towards his brother. Sam was still feverish and sweaty, tending his fist inside the restraints every once in a while, but when he did Ruby would put a hand on his cheek and he would seem to calm down again. Dean kneeled on the opposite side of the cot that ruby was on, putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder before addressing her.

“Listen, I just......i don’t understand. Why do you care? I mean......you were a fricking demon, Ruby. Why are you taking care of him?”

She frowned and paused, holding the washcloth above the bucket and avoiding eye contact as she thought about her answer.

“I.......I guess I feel guilty. I don’t know, I haven’t felt anything in a long time, but.....you’re right. This is my fault, and I feel bad about it.”

She resumed the action of dipping the cloth into the bucket and then wringing it out while Dean got to his feet. He didn’t say anything after that, just walked over to the door with Bobby with tired eyes. They slowly left when they were sure Sam was okay for now, closing the door behind them and trudging upstairs.

She would never tell both of them that part of the reason she cared so much was the warmth in her chest when she was around Sam. She might’ve been doing everything for her own personal gain, and to break the final seal, but now that she had actually gotten to know Sam she regretted it all.

She loved him.

She just hadn’t realized it until she became human. When she was actually able to have feelings, and that voice in the back of her head that was constantly telling her to hurt people had finally gone quiet.

She huffed a quiet sigh and continued wiping Sam down with the cool water, pausing every now and then to press a kiss against his forehead.

[myinconnelly1]

Snicker-Snack Picking up the Pieces

Masterlist

Previous

Word Count: 1,409

Andie rested while they waited for Bobby to show up. Between their various injuries and the state of the dead body, they were hiding it was best if they just stayed put. Sam continued to fidget uncomfortably as he thought about everything that had happened. If the cops showed up right now, things would be very bad for the group. They might let Andie go since she seemed like a victim with the bullet hole that Sam had put in her shoulder, but with Dick out to get them, even that was an unlikely scenario.  

He also couldn’t stop replaying the time he had spent alone with Andie before they came to Dean’s aid. He wasn’t sure what that was all about. The way she acted toward him had never suggested that she was interested in him before, and even during the sex things were very disconnected. He looked over to the bed where he had laid her down, her chest rose and fell with the depth of sleep.

“Hey, Dean. Remember last time we met up with Andie, and you told me you thought she was sick? Did you ever figure anything out about that?” Sam asked the question tentatively, trying not to give too much away.

“She never said she was sick, just that she had been hurt. Why do you ask?” Dean looked at Sam, the lines of worry and suspicion never far from the older Winchester’s face.

“Well, I think you were right. I think she is sick. When I found her in the mirror she was feverish and doubled over in pain. And I remember her being like that when we last saw her.”

“Well, she seemed fine when you guys came into the room, at least until you shot her.” Dean offered. “What happened in between you getting her out of the mirror and coming here to get me?” Dean asked looking from his brother to Andie.

“Uh nothing,” Sam answered kicking himself internally for answering too quickly. Dean eyed him carefully.

“When we saw Andie last time,” Dean’s voice was strained and even. “She was sick like that and then we screwed, did the two of you have sex?” Sam couldn’t bring himself to look at his older brother, and Dean’s temper was almost to its boiling point when a knock sounded at the door. They both turned startled, neither one of them moving. The knock came again.

“You idjits need to let me in before I start to look suspicious.” Bobby’s voice sounded from outside the door, and both brothers let out a breath before Sam got up to let him in. Andie sat up a little in the bed, Bobby’s voice waking her. Dean looked at her, the hurt evident in his eyes, then gave Bobby a quick hug in greeting.

“Hey there, I’m Bobby Singer, and you are?” Bobby asked taking in the tension in the room, and Andie’s physical state.

“Andie Neale, hunter and walking bullet magnet for Sam Winchester,” Andie said with a half-hearted smile.

“Oh, so this isn’t the first time he’s shot you then? So what kind of trouble are you boys in?” Bobby asked turning just in time to get a glimpse of Sam giving Dean a drop-it look. “I guess it’s pretty bad.” Bobby huffed. “Why don’t you two get that body and dispose of it. I’ll talk with Andie and we will make up some kind of excuse for the locals to buy into.” Everyone nodded and went about their appointed task.

“Alright, spill it,” Bobby said as soon as the roar from the Impala’s engine was gone.

“What are you talking about?” Andie said pouring herself a shot of the alcohol that Sam had poured on her.

“Sam and Dean. And you. Where do you fit into this and why is Dean looking bullets at Sam, while Sam can barely look at Dean at all?” Bobby was a no-nonsense kind of person and Andie respected that.

“I fucked both of them,” Andie said quite calmly. “Dean first, and a few times over the last several months, Sam just before we called you. Last time I saw the boys Dean tried to tell me he was falling in love with me. I am poison and not good for either man.” Andie finished looking away from Bobby.

“Why would you sleep with both of them?” Bobby asked completely taken aback by the ease that she answered him with.

“It’s complicated but the gist is that I'm sick. I literally need sex, or I will go crazy or possibly die. I had been trapped in a mirror for days, and Sam was there able to help me. He didn’t want to be with me, and I didn’t want to be with him, but that is my life. I make the best of it.” Andie gave a sour laugh before walking away from Bobby to where the blood had pooled from the fight. Bobby stood there stunned. He had heard about sex magic and curses, but he had never actually talked about them or ever met someone who was afflicted by one.

“What happened to make you this way?” He asked trying to get to the center of the situation so that everyone would be in the best possible place after. Andie seemed to take him in for a minute, then put her hands on her hips.

“When I was eighteen I fell in love. He was the most intoxicating person I had ever met and I felt like I would die without him. I wasn’t far from being right. Three years into our ‘relationship’ I found out I was pregnant. I had the natural reaction of every twenty-one-year-old I freaked out and then was excited when he told me it was the best thing ever. Three months later I figured out he was an incubus and this was just part and parcel to his whole sha-bam.” Andie pulled her clothes apart some, showing the jagged scar that ran along her hip line.  

“I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital after I stabbed the little demon out of myself.” She had hot tears streaming down her face.  

“I think it was the only reason that I didn’t die and why I’m not with him anymore. Being separated from him for a long enough time disconnected me from his poison, but I was never the same. See my body was used to the constant rush of the demon sex and now I crave it to the point of insanity. Fever, cramps, seizures if I let it go long enough. These are just parts of me now, and no one should have to put up with this.” Her voice was breaking at the end of her explanation, and it wasn’t until she readjusted her clothing and looked up that she realized Dean and Sam were standing in the doorway staring at her. They had heard at least part of what she had told Bobby.

“Andie…” Dean said softly. She turned her face away from him in pain and embarrassment.

“Do you need my help with anything else? I’m kinda in desperate need of a shower and a change of scenery.” She said harshly.

“No,” Bobby said, noticing that no one else was going to answer her. Andie pushed past Dean and Sam.

“Wait, Andie… You don’t…” Dean grabbed her by the arm as she walked by.

“Let go of me, Dean. You don’t need to pretend with me.” She spit his words back at him but he could see the anguish in her eyes. “I am not the girl for you. I don’t love you.” She pulled at her arm with a muffled yelp as it tugged slightly at her stitches.

“You don’t mean that,” Dean said letting go of her arm.

“I fucked your brother, didn’t I?” She all but snarled at Dean, and Sam’s eyes dropped to his shoes. “Don’t call me.” And she walked out the door without another word.

“It’s probably for the best Dean,” Sam said quietly.

“Shut up.” Was the only response he could give his little brother. His blood was practically boiling and his entire being deflated as the door slammed shut behind Andie.

“Listen to your brother, Dean. That girl is not in a good place and needs space.” Bobby said.  “Come on, help me get this blood out of the carpet. The maid is going to hate us.”

Next

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[hekate1308]

Lost & Found

It's one thing, stumbling across Crowley as a homeless man. It's another to realize he has no idea who Dean is. 12x23 fix-it

I don’t think I’ll ever be done with these. Enjoy!

His first thought isn’t even Oh God or How? but Of course Crowley has to be fancy even as a homeless guy, because that is what his life ultimately boils down to. If he freaked out over every weird stuff he’s confronted with, he’d probably have a heart attack within an hour.

So the former king of hell sitting on a park bench and reading Robert Burns’ poems while his belongings are neatly packed away in two Armani backpacks next to him is no big deal.

“I’ll give you that, it’s a good cover” he says, stepping up to him.

No disgruntled demon would look for Crowley out on the streets of all places.

A small part of him feels annoyed that he hasn’t even thought it necessary to let them know he was alive, let alone that he’s back. Sure, they didn’t exactly part as the best of friends, but in his own small way, he even grieved for the guy. And continued to, after they dealt with Satan Jr. and Cas was resurrected once more, grieved through the whole year it took him to find Crowley here on a nondescript park bench in a nondescript park of a nondescript town.

The reaction he gets astounds him. Faster than he can blink, Crowley has put his book away, grabbed his two backpacks and stood up, saying tiredly, “Don’t worry, officer, I’m on my way”.

He waits. Waits to be hailed as “Squirrel” and thoroughly laughed at because of the face he’s certainly making right now, for the self-assure demon he knows to come through, but it doesn’t happen.

Instead, Crowley starts walking away.

“Wait!”

He rushed after him and grabs his biceps.

He flinches.

“Crowley?”

He turns around.

There’s absolutely no recognition in his eyes, and Dean almost can’t hide his shock when he realizes.

Crowley has no idea who he is.

“I told you, I’m on my way. I have no wish to get into trouble – “

“You’re not in trouble. Crowley, it’s me – Dean Winchester – “

“Crowley? Is that my name?” he asks so innocently Dean has to take a moment to breathe.

“Yes. It is.”

There’s something like hope in his eyes, now.

“You know me?”

“Better than anyone, I’d imagine”.

At least anyone alive right now. He doesn’t mention that detail.

“So we’re... friends?”

“Besties, actually” that same voice says loud and clearly in Dean’s head, so very confident and at ease, the complete opposite of the – man? standing in front of him.

“Yes. Yes we are. You disappeared a while back. We –“ he stops, realizing Crowley has no idea who “we” are.  

“Me and my brother and our best friend” he finally continues, “we were all worried about you”.

Well, less worried and more... kind of sorry no red-eyed dick was going to drop in anymore to annoy them. They even went so far to tell his story on hunter get-togethers, so that he wouldn’t be entirely forgotten.

How ironic. The only one who has forgotten all about him is Crowley himself.

“Look, I know you have no reason to trust me – “

“That’s quite alright. I haven’t got anything to lose either”.

Well if that’s not freaking depressing.

“So you’ll come with me?” he asks, somewhat astonished at how eager he is to have them all together again. “We’re working a case in this town, so it’s only a motel room for now, but you’re welcome to stay with us if you’d like”.

He hasn’t cleared it with Sam or Cas yet, but I can’t imagine them turning their... somewhat-ally away in his condition.

“Better than on the street” Crowley decides and Dean breathes a sigh of relief.

He sends a quick text to Sam, who’s been visiting the morgue with Cas – Found Crowley. Ask no questions; he has no idea who he is. Amnesia or something. Just get a bottle of holy water ready.

“You said case... did we work together?” Crowley asks (so freaking innocently).

“Now and then, yeah” Dean says truthfully.

They did after all hunt Lucifer’s hell hound together... that must count for something, right?

Oh God, he suddenly realizes, Juliet. Damn dog has been hanging around the bunker since a few weeks after Crowley’s death, when she just showed up out of the blue; each of them had an angel blade in hand in turn and couldn’t bring himself to do her in.

She’s going to flip out and Crowley will be thrown down on the floor by an invisible mutt slobbering all over him.

First things first: get him to a motel.

“Can’t be the feds” Crowley said suddenly. “Someone would have come looking for me then”.

He sounds so resigned Dean can’t take it.

“We thought you were dead. That’s why we didn’t search for you. Something... went wrong on a case”.

Crowley actually looks pleased.

Dean doesn’t stop to think whether he would have looked for him, because...

Well, because the answer would probably be an all too enthusiastic “Of course”.

Sam and Cas have readied themselves for the sight that awaits them and don’t even jump when Crowley walks into the motel room in front of Dean.

“Crowley” they say almost at the same time.

“This is my brother Sam, and this is our friend Cas”.

Crowley nods before drawling, “Sorry, boys, no idea who you are”.

That... almost sounds like the old him.

“I’m thirsty. You want some water too?” Dean asks casually.

He nods and he goes to the fridge.

Sam has left two bottles of holy water to cool, and while it’s thrown away on Dean, that’s a prize he’s ready to pay.

“Here” he passes him a bottle, and, as he expected, Crowley waits for him to take a drink before he does the same.

No reaction.

He came back as human as Cas, then.

That settles that.

“Look” he says once they’ve all sat down at the small table, “I know this will sound insane...”

“You have no idea” Crowley mumbles.

“Trust me, I do. Okay, there’s no way to sugarcoat this. I told you we were on a case... a supernatural one. Because almost everything you can think of – ghosts, monsters, et cetera – they’re real. And we hunt them”.

He thought he was prepared for every answer Crowley could think of, but he’s still shocked when he reacts with, “Do some of them have black eyes?”

“Yeah” Sam says, “how do you –“

“I see them from time to time. I try to get away; they attack me when they realize I’m there”.

His expression tells Dean there was more than one close call involved.

“Yeah. Those are demons”.

Again, not a single sign of recognition, not even the smallest suspicion he could ever have been one of them.

“Did they say anything?” Cas asks. “Before they attacked you?”

Crowley shrugs. “They mostly sprouted a lot of nonsense... about taking revenge or stuff like that. Of course this explains it.”

He waves a hand towards all of them.

Right. He thinks they were colleagues.

They could tell him the truth... but frankly, what would be the point? He’s already had it hard enough during the last year, and he did sacrifice himself for them.

Alright, also to get rid of Lucifer, but still.

Neither Sam nor Cas make any attempt to tell him.

Okay then.

And two days later, after they’ve solved the case (Crowley doing a pretty good job of manning the phones in the meantime) they’re on the way back to the bunker, and Dean is surprised just how complete the team feels with the former demon in the backseat.

They’ve warned him about Juliet (he seems to think she’s just their team’s pet) so he reacts pretty well when she jumps at him, barking excitedly.

“Guess she missed you” Dean says calmly.

And then they have Crowley living with them, and the goddamn guy seems so freaking comfortable.

It’s annoying Dean to no end because, if anything, he finally wants his make-shift family to be honest with one another, but how can they be when the truth would probably freak him so badly he might not recover?

What’s frustrating him the most is how obvious it must all seem to Crowley. They recognized him and took him in immediately, so they must be his pals, right? And because he’s been around since the First Apocalypse that never was, all their stories make it seem like he hung out with them all the time, and because they were on cases then, cases they can’t help but mention, and he’s got pretty good fighting skills, he must be a hunter in his mind.

See? Freaking obvious.

Naturally the thought of being anything else but human never occurred to him. Why would it?

There are a few things they have to tell him, though; he takes the news of his mother’s and son’s death pretty well, probably because why he understands what it means, there is no single remembrance he can connect with either of them.

Instead, it can be said that he grows more and more attached to them all, in exactly the way it happens when you become friends with someone.

And goddamn it – they like him to, alright?

The last thing Dean would have imagined, from his brief problem with human blood, would have been that Crowley could end up not only a decent man, but a pretty good one.

He’s just – he’s nice and kind and friendly all the time, exactly what you’d expect from a homeless guy who suddenly finds himself surrounded by friends with a room of his own.

Even Jody has to admit that, and he almost killed her some years ago.

As soon as she hears Crowley’s back, she comes rushing, only to stand absolutely still and stare at the ex-king of hell who’s leaving it up to her whether she wants tea or coffee, and oh, would she like something to eat with that? He’s sure he can scrounge up something for her –

“Oh God” she mumbles after he disappears into the kitchen, “how do you deal with those puppy dog eyes?”

“I’m in training, think of Sam”.

“Is he like that all the time?”

“Yep. Best roommate I ever had. And I’m living with an actual used-to-be-an-angel these days”.

“And he has no idea?”

“None. And to be honest, none of us can bring themselves to tell him. He’s so freaking happy here, Jody”.

“I can see that”.

She sighs.

“Alright then, looks like your “Team Free Will” got another member”.

It does indeed. Crowley is a pretty good fighter, and some of that demon knowledge he had must still be flying around in his head, because he finds lore incredibly quickly.

So, yeah, things are... good.

For a while.

Until... Dean can’t really explain it, but he knows Crowley isn’t happy anymore. He’s always slinking around in the shadows, suddenly, and Dean could swear he hears him walking around at night when before he had no trouble sleeping through.

One night, Dean has enough and catches him just as he’s about to go to the library.

And if those are not the eyes of a haunted man, Dean has never looked into a mirror.

“You remember”.

It’s not a question.

Crowley nods.

“A few weeks now”.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You want to know the truth, Squirrel?” he asks tiredly.

“Because the past you allowed me to believe in was far more pleasant”.

“It was, wasn’t it.”

Juliet comes up to them, invisible to every inhabitant of the bunker now.

“You wouldn’t have your doggie then, though”.

Crowley actually chuckles.

“I guess”.

After a pause, he asks, “Do you want me to leave?”

“No”.

He can say that with conviction. None of them would feel comfortable, just sending their – friend out into the world.

Crowley nods.

“You’ll still bake pies, right?” Dean asks hopefully. It’s one of the talents he definitely didn’t expect Crowley to have.

He groans.

“Fine, Squirrel, but only if you make burgers.”

“I can do that. Now, come on; we both need a night cap”.