It's Fictional Throwdown Friday!
This Week's Fighters...
Saron vs Tom Hansen!
Conditions:
No Restrictions
Scenario:
Saron has finally returned with his vampire army ready to take over the world. The government sends Tom Hansen to stop him.
Analysis: Hansen
The ocean depths are a mysterious and dangerous place. At the lowest survivable levels of Earth's surface, strange creatures straight out of Lovecraft's nightmares evolved to survive the dark, cold, crushing depths of the ocean floor. And humanity was about to unearth some of its most dangerous creatures.
In the coldest parts of the Atlantic Ocean, Russian oil diggers discovered a new form of life within the ice they were mining. Exocels. Parasitic creatures that were completely uncategorized by existing scientific theories. Capable of overtaking the higher brain functions of their host and mutating them in response to dangerous external stimuli. Naturally, the crew of the Star of Sakhalin begain trying to weaponize these new creatures to sell for a profit. Predictably, it didn't work out. The ship was quickly overrun by mutant zombies and a distress call was sent out.
The call was answered by Tom Hansen, an officer of the United States Coast Guard who really wants to be Leon Kennedy. He and his crew were sent to rescue everyone on board, only to find everyone already dead or zombified. Narrowly surviving the massacre of his crew, Tom was left alone on the ship as the only thing stopping the Exocels from falling into the shadowy hands of the CIA.
Luckily, Hansen comes equipped with every weapon a survival horror protagonist could ever need. He comes decked out with the usual affair of pistols, shotguns, and automatic weapons, each laser scoped to ensure perfect accuracy. Even his standard M1911A1 can completely pop a human’s skull like it was made from confetti, to say nothing of his MP5, AK47, and Benelli M4. But all of that pales in comparison to his sawed off M79 Grenade Launcher to blow apart any Exomutant that gets hit by it, even shredding through Exo zombies that evolved specifically to withstand bullets and fire arms.
Tom would quickly adapt against the rapidly evolving Exocels, using a modified harpoon gun whose harpoons emitted a protein gas, allowing his shots to distract Exocels with delicious smelling harpoons. Perfect for luring them into a trap or grouping them together for a grenade. Hansen has fought through squadrons of Russian mercenaries, defeated invisible Exocel zombies, dodged a steel door that was blasted at him by an explosion, and survived getting infected by an Exocel that tried to eat him alive from the inside out twice.
With nothing but raw wit, determination, and witty one liners, Tom rigged the entire ship to blow with C4 and faced down the man behind the entire disaster. Kamsky, the mad scientist turned sentient Exomutant out to replace humanity with his zombified master race. Kamsky is strong enough to completely demolish a metal bridge just by jumping right through it, generating an energy equivalent to 397,700 kilojoules.
Source:
Ultimately, Hansen defeated Kamsky, blowing the Star of Sakhalin to pieces and exterminating the Exocel threat once and for all.
Analysis: Saron
Eternal Evil is a 2022 Resident Evil clone with vampires instead of zombies.
6000 years ago, the vampire king Saron ruled the earth and used humans as cattle to feed vampires. Alukar, a vampire who liked humans, decided this was fucked and helped start a human revolution. Saron got so mad about this that he turned into a tree(?) and turned the Earth's oceans into a blood(??). This escalated the conflict so badly that now all vampires are dead.
Decades later, in the year 2001, a group of vampire cultists resurrected Saron's minion Safar, who begain scheming his master's resurrection. To this end, he murders the wife and daughter of Cross, the local hotel manager, manipulating him with the resurrection of his daughter if he turns his hotel into a feeding ground to turn guests into vampiric minions. With Saron resurrected with blood and a vampiric plague spreading across the city, local cops Marcus and Hank team up to put a stop to the nightmare.
As the strongest of all vampires, Saron has all the powers you'd expect of a vampire king. He can fly with gigantic bat wings, tear you apart with superhuman strength, survive and regenerate from normallu fatal injuries, such as numerous headahots, and turn you into a vampire by drinking your blood. More over, vampire blood is infectious. Not only will any human who drinks it get turned into a mindless ghoul, but animals exposed with mutate into giant beasts with near human levels of intelligence. And, of course, vampires can be resurrected just by exposing them to human blood.
Saron is tough enough to defeat a revived Alukar in single combat and is stronger than his minion Safar, who is fast enough to dodge bullets and tough strong enough to punch through solid stone walls, which would require roughly 148,018 kilojoules.
Source:
Of course, he also has the standard vampire weaknesses. He requires blood to survive, silver weapons will completely vaporize him, and.... he has a conspicuous red glowing weakspot on his chest? Specific.
Eventually, Marcus would defeat the evil overlord, avenging Hank and becoming a vampire himself to defend humanity alongside Alukar. But, there was some complexity to this evil overlord. Saron genuinely believed that vampires and human healthily co-existed, with vampires keeping humans in line, preventing us from destroying ourselves in his own eugenicist philosophy.
Eventually, as humanity fell into a capitalist dystopia, Marcus would agree with his fallen foe, turning his back on humanity to rule them himself. Even long dead, Saron's dream of vampire supremacy lives on.
Also, Hank's backstory involves him failing to kill Osama Bin Laden and thereby allowing 9/11 to happen. This is mentioned once in an audio log and never comes up again. It's just there and sticks out like a sore thumb in an otherwise unremarkable vampire B movie plot.
Throwdown Breakdown:
A simple fight between two simple characters.
While Saron definitely has the skill advantage on paper, there are a few things holding him back here. Saron was a vampire king for a long time, he fought a hundred year war against other vampires for control of his kingdom.... but most of his fights are against either other vampires or pre historic humans. Against modern humand with modern weaponry, he struggles to adapt and cope.
Conversely, while a vampire king may sound like something Hansen's never fought before, all of Saron's powers are something he's seen before from the Exocel zombies. Regeneration, infection, flight, and mutation are all common abilities among the Exocel infested. This means that Saron would struggle against Hansen just as much as did against Marcus for roughly the same reasons, while Hansen is if anything better prepared for this fight than the Eternal Evil protagonists were. Guy who fights zombies and monsters is better equipped than guy who *checks notes* failed to kill Osama Bin Laden.
This just gets more definitive when you consider Tom's stat advantage, with roughly comparable speeds and a 2.6x strength advantage. Sure, Tom's lack of silver bullets means Saron could eventually be revived, sure, but he'd still solidly win the fight.
As for the whole "turning into a tree" thing, it's suggested that Saron can't do that anymore after being dead for thousands of years, so any god tier amp from the Tree of Vampires is outside the scope of this fight.
This Throwdown's Winner is...
Tom Hansen!
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2119w, complete, teen and up, rly not sure about whether parts of this count as major character death so erring on the side of not using archive warnings
Fandom: Disco Elysium (Video Game), Püha ja õudne lõhn | Sacred and Terrible Air - Robert Kurvitz
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois & Ulv | the Self-Chiller, Harry Du Bois & Steban the Student Communist
Characters: Harry Du Bois, Saron Voronikin, Ulv | the Self-Chiller, Steban the Student Communist, Kim Kitsuragi, Original Characters
Additional Tags: ...and Ignus Nilsen with a steel chair, The Pale (Disco Elysium), 5+1 Things, Ancient History, Future History, History Facing Itself as that one tweet put it, Entroponautics, Pale Communes, End of the World, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lovey-Dovey, Ignus Not Beating The Trotsky Allegations
Summary:
Harry’s words untethered, scattered, cast across all of history for mankind to hear (and the one time they stood against the advancing of the pale and no-one noticed).
My @palestaticexchange fic for @randomisedmongoose with the best prompt “pale related esoterica”!
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