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#saw some ppl again that i haven't seen in months ! our fc lead 🥺
noxtivagus · 2 years
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I FEEL BETTER AGAIN HSJFJDJS
#some ppl reminded me again#ppl on tumblr literally have no obligation whatsoever to say anything so i rlly do try to take your words to heart aaaa#then ffxiv!! back on twintania bcs two more friends got married#saw some ppl again that i haven't seen in months ! our fc lead 🥺#i'm a bit lost n confused tho abt what my irls mean to me uh#bcs i've been feeling. distant lately?#w ppl in general i've been feeling distant but#it hits diff w ppl i'm closer w#like i still care for them but#i always just wonder what i mean to ppl. what they think of me#bcs the way our minds n thoughts n emotions work n differ is smth i want to know n understand properly#i hate ignorance. it makes me ask too much questions#n being alone makes it too easy to drown in that darkness#n then i just lose myself in that oblivion. abyss. ocean#but it's so difficult to deal with bcs#i have a lot of contradicting thoughts?#n then when it gets overwhelming i want to hide#but in the end i just want to be who i am in a certain moment. that broken beauty of realness#always remembering the back and moving onwards towards the present#sighh i really just want to understand :') others n the universe n myself#so i'll write. i won't keep all these words to myself. i'll share what i can#n i'll hide some of these words for as long as it takes. maybe someday someone would read them from my eyes and wish to make them reality#n i'll write to myself for myself. every story i've ever dreamed of. every word and musing that crosses my thoughts#my mind's another world on its own. so i'll live in it. i'll embrace and learn it#n maybe that one wish in the deepest depths of my heart#someday someday maybe i'll find someone just like me#n maybe together we can make our stories come true. make our own in our own little real ways#this world's lonely. but i'll rise above it like i always have /#or i'll swim through the rivers of tartarus. whichever way it may be i'll#make it through. :') but i can't help but feel like a part of me's been lost forever. not my loss though. it's not like /they/ care anyways
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