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leclucklerc · 11 months

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Roses and Peonies CL16 - Oneshot

Pairings: Charles Leclerc x kpop idol!reader

Summary: When it was announced that bts will do their military service soon, y/n was scared to be left alone. She's scared that the world that she had known before will change, leaving her drowning in her loneliness. That is until she met a man with warm green eyes and dimpled smile.

Words: 14.2k

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It was a beautiful scene. More beautiful that anything that she had ever seen before.

Of thousands of stars like lights flashing around them. Of the adoring cheers and devotions that’s being thrown towards their way.

Of the love, that they could fell reverberating all across the stadium.

Y/n thinks that she wants to live like this forever. To savor this moment and make sure that it will last until the end of time. Of these beautiful lights and firework. Of these adoring chants and confession of devotions. Of this very moment.

She doesn’t want to forget it.

She wants to make this last.

And then, everything stopped.

Honestly, when it was decided that the boys are going to do their mandatory military service, y/n found herself a bit at a loss.

Her family knows it. The members know it. Heck, even the company knows it.

It makes sense after all. She had dedicated more than ten years of her life for the band. All of her youth and early twenties had been solely focused on bts and bts only. To make sure that the band stays together. To make sure, that the band will keep becoming bigger and bigger. Reaching new heights together.

Y/n didn’t regret it. How could she?

After all, those ten years were the highlight of her life. All the bitter memories from her trainee days became something fond to look back to. All of the sweat and tears that she had shed during her days as bts became rows of achievements and beautiful memories. It was amazing, the most beautiful moments of her life.

It almost made her forget that everything in this world will come to an end. The laughs that they shared, the group hugs, as well as the cheers from their fans. A bittersweet feeling always swells up inside of her chest at the mere thought.

Life as a celebrity will only treat you good when you’re still young. That statement is even more true in the idol industry where youth and visuals reign supreme over anything. Even bts – with all of their achievements, all of the things that they had contributed to South Korea – will became the victim of this statement sooner or later.

Yoongi-oppa had always said that he doesn’t want them to crash landed when they’re at the top. He wants them to land slowly but surely. A safe landing point that marks the end of their career as a musician in the future.

(It’s terrifying. Y/n is scared.)

She knows that there’s nothing forever in this world. And yet, when she realized that the members will be doing their military service soon – leaving y/n alone – she finds herself to be at lost.

“Maybe it’s time for you to find a boyfriend,” said Namjoon-oppa, leaning back on the sofa in front of her. There’s beers and other alcoholic drinks in front of them. She thinks they’re already drunk at this point, but trust Namjoon-oppa to still be able to give her advice despite his own state of drunkenness.

Y/n laughed. “You’re crazy,” she said, nestling his head on one of the many pillows located in the older’s studio. “Dating scandal is a death sentence.”

“We’re already in our 10th year,” shrugged the male. “It would be inhumane if we never experience the joys of love.”

The female fell silent at that.

She knows that the other members had their own fair share of love story. Discreet ones that they had never dare to publicized. After all, a dating scandal is something major in the South Korean entertainment industry. You can end your career just for falling in love. Even bts, the biggest Asian act that had ever came out in the past decade, is not an exception to that fact. A harsh reality for them who is part of this toxic cycle.

To y/n, she had avoided it like it’s a plague. Her presence in bts had been controversial enough. She doesn’t want people to say that she’s fucking the members – people who are like her own siblings – behind the scenes. There are already enough talks about that. If she ever gets caught up in a dating scandal?

It will not only be the end of her career. But also, bts.

Though, listening Namjoon-oppa tonight, it really seems as if it’s a good idea. She’s already entering her 10th year as an idol. She had many accomplishments, making South Korea proud and breaking records with every release.

Maybe, just maybe, falling in love with someone is not a death sentence.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for her to learn to live like a human and not the entertainment industry doll.

“Do you really think that that’s a good idea?” she asked after a moment of silence. “I don’t want to inconvenience you or the other members…”

Namjoon-oppa actually let out a laugh at that. “All of us had dated anyone before,” he said, taking a gulp from the alcohol on his glass. “Is that an inconvenience to you?”

“No,” she replied almost immediately, mind recalling all the people that had come and go over the years. Some are celebrities some are not.

“See?” said the male. “The same thing will also be applied to us.”

Y/n nodded, nursing the glass that she’s holding. She’s still a bit hesitant. Finding love had never been her priority, considering how busy she was. And to make finding love a goal during the band hiatus? Doesn’t it seem to be a bit too shallow?

The other members are preparing their solo album while here she is contemplating if she should date someone or not.

She can already see the media headlines.

Namjoon-oppa seems to have sensed her hesitancy because he decided to speak up again. “I know how you get when you’re feeling lonely, I’m just scared that when all of us leave for military… you won’t have your support system anymore.”

Ouch.

Though, isn’t that the truth?

Maybe it’s because for more than ten years, she had grown up with people around her. Her close siblings – even though they didn’t share a drop of blood – that had always been there for her. Her personal emotional babysitter. The people that she can always count on.

It seems a bit pathetic that her state of mental wellbeing is relying on 100% to these seven men. But these seven men are her best friends. The people that she’s closest to. Her soulmates.

Her soulmates, that’s going away for months.

“Maybe,” she finally said. “Maybe I will consider it.”

Namjoon-oppa let out a laugh at that.

Y/n l/n debuted under Bighit entertainment when she was 15, going 16.

A wide-eyed half foreign girl in the midst of the glitz and glamor of the kpop industry. A wide eyed and naïve girl being thrusted straight into fake Versace and the harsh entertainment industry without much of a preparation.

To be fair though, y/n thinks that no one can prepare enough things before they debuted.

It was a controversial debut back then. Still is even compared to today’s standard. For a girl to debut in a co-ed group where the remaining members are boys her age. Some had called it inhumane; some had called it insane; some had called it feeding off the female or even the male fantasy.

Even now, critics would always say that bighit is the only company to be ballsy and desperate enough to do that kind of thing. The company that was going bankrupt in 2013 and bet everything that they had to a controversial co-ed group without a clear future.

There are many nasty things being thrown around here and there back then. Insults to degrading remarks. Things that can make any newly debuted group to regret to ever stepped into the entertainment industry.

Bts initial concept too, didn’t help. Wannabe rappers, fake k-hiphop, weird band name, from the tamest insult to the most vicious ones, they had been called by it.

To y/n though, she would call it family.

After all, bts is the only thing that she could call as normalcy in her life. After her family moved from Italy to South Korea – the country where her mother comes from – she was immediately whisked into the grueling trainee life. She was never good at school to start with, making her job as a trainee her only focus.

It was then when she entered bighit entertainment, a small entertainment company. It was also then, that her life changed when she was being put into the debut lineup almost immediately.

Her life had always been consisted of bts and the members. The first thing that appeared inside of her mind when she starts her day is bts and the last thing that appeared inside of her mind before she went to sleep is bts. Always bts.

Many – even the members – had praised her dedication for the group. Saying that it’s good for her to consider the group as something so important that she puts it on top of her priority list. Y/n could agree on that. After all, she knows nothing but bts in her life. The group itself made her life to have a meaning. It made her to develop a sense of purpose in this world.

To make music.

To make music that can help people.

To make music, that people can lean on to during their hardest time.

Well, who would’ve thought that bts would become the world biggest group?

Certainly not her.

When bts took off internationally, it had been an almost surreal experience to them. After all, all they want is to win in a fucking Music Bank. Who would've thought that just two years after their first win, they would perform in the VMAs. Who would've thought that they're going to win billboard awards left and right?

And that had only been the start.

Stadium tours, multiple number one albums, multiple number one songs, the most famous people in the world.

Maybe that's why love had never been her priority. Besides the dating scandal thing, she had been way too busy for the past few years. She could barely saw her family, let alone thinking to start a relationship.

It was to the point that y/n genuinely thought that maybe love is just not for her.

That love, is not something that she can attain in this lifetime.

The meeting room is almost empty. Way emptier than usual.

Y/n sat there, legs crossed on top of the chair as she stared at her PR manager and manager going through some papers. She could hear some of the interns on the background, murmuring about something with hushed breath.

“Despite the band hiatus,” started her manager. “We’re going to start a lot of solo activity, especially for you.”

She ignored the weird feeling that appeared inside of her chest when she imagined doing her job alone. She ignored the emptiness that spread inside of her as she realized that there will be no more boisterous laughter and weird antics happening on the background.

She ignored the fear that appeared inside of her at the mere thought of being alone.

She ignored all of that as she nodded her head. “Yes,” said the female. “I understand.”

At the start of December, she went to Paris.

It’s her first solo schedule. The company told her that she’s going there to shoot promotions and campaigns for Prada. It’s a big deal, as she was set to become their newest global ambassador. After the announcement of their hiatus, many brands had contacted her, offering her the position of global ambassador.

She guesses it was for the fact that she’s not tied exclusively with bts anymore. That in order to sign her, the brands don’t have to sign the band anymore.

Bitter, she thought as she read the contract over and over. There’s an odd feeling that rose up inside of her chest as she stared at her name. Only her name and devoid of the other members.

Kim Namjoon

Kim Seokjin

Min Yoongi

Jung Hoseok

Park Jimin

Kim Taehyung

Y/n L/n

Jeon Jungkook

Only her name.

She signed it, heart aching inside her chest.

There’s not much going on over the signing of the contract and the shoots itself. She was told on things that she must do and what not. The clothes that she should be wearing during her promotions, as well as the events that she must attend during her stay in Paris.

The event that she’s attending tonight is one of them.

It’s a charity ball meant for the wealthy and famous. The event itself was held to raise money to help the art and sport sector, a good goal if the money will actually be given to struggling artist and athletes, not those who comes from privilege.

But she can’t comment on that.

“A lot of executives will be there,” informed her manager as he draped a jacked over her bare shoulder when they exit their hotel. Flashes of camera immediately appeared as yells and screams could be heard all around them. “Directors, CEOs, star athletes.”

Y/n let out a hum at that, processing that information internally.

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the five-star hotel where the event is being held. And as expected, there are so many rich and famous people in the venue. People that y/n had worked with the previous years, people that is working with her, to the people that wants to work with y/n in the future.

“I saw your billboard near the Louvre, it was phenomenal!”

“I heard that your band is breaking up? If you’re interested my next movie-“

“The met gala is happening in May and-“

She was far too exhausted to plaster a genuine smile. The jet lag catching up to her and all the pent up stress that she had harbor for the past few weeks continue to pile inside of her. So many faces and so many names to remember, it made her dizzy for a bit.

Maybe that what guides her to the bar, desperately searching for a bit of an alone time during the hustle and bustle of the party. She didn’t even remember how many designers and actors had given her their personal contact. No doubt salivating at the thought of finally having y/n l/n work for them, not as a group. But individually.

Manicured nails tapped the bar softly as she watched the bartender made her order. From the corner of her eyes, she could see other people eyeing her, no doubt wanting to make conversation.

She really should get going from here before-

“Rough night?” asked a voice besides her.

Ah, too late.

Turning her head, her eyes met warm green ones. A man, maybe around her age, with dark hair and dimpled smile was staring at her. He’s wearing a suit, a clear indicator that he’s also part of the exclusive guest list.

Handsome, thought y/n idly, eyeing the man in front of her. He certainly fit the conventional standard of beauty for men from his large eyes to charming smile. But she’s standing in a room full of celebrities. Everyone is good looking here.

“You can say that” she said, smiling a bit to hide her uneasiness. “I was just a bit overwhelmed.”

The guy laughed at that. “I can certainly relate to that,” he said. She realized there’s a hint of accent on his English.

“Oh, you’re French?” asked the female after realizing.

“Monegasque actually.”

Y/n hummed. “I never met a Monegasque before.”

“Well, there’s not a lot of us around,” he answered cheekily. The bartender appeared, giving her, her drink. “So, what brings you here tonight?”

It was such a cliché line that she almost snorted. There’s no reason to ask what brings her here tonight because it’s the same reason why the guy is even here. It’s obvious that they were invited to this gala in order to make this charity event look more glamorous. To paint them in a better light as someone who likes to donate and gives back to the poor.

“The same reason as you?” said y/n, leaning forward towards the bar. “Trying to find someone who is alone at the bar and flirt with them?” It was supposed to be a sarcastic reason, a sign for the male that she’s not interested.

Though, instead of being offended, he took it as a good humor as another round of laugh erupted from him. “Am I? flirting with you?” he said, tilting his head.

The female stared at him, blinking. “Are you not?” she asked as if she was stating the obvious.

“Well, I am,” he said with a grin. She can’t help but notice the way his eyes crinkled at that, giving the warm green orbs a more welcoming look. “You have a nice set of eyes; do you know that? I can probably get lost in them.”

That flirting is way too corny and old school that she can’t help the loud laugh that she lets out. The uneasiness that had bubbled on her chest dissipated almost immediately. If her manager is around her, she will probably scold her for that ungraceful manner. “Seriously?” she asked. “Are we playing that kind of game right now?”

“Can’t we?” asked the guy. “It’s fun.”

“Mhm, whatever you say Mr. Casanova,” she said with a hum, heart light. “Don’t you think you should buy me another drink then?”

He shrugged, “I certainly can,” started the guy. “But I don’t want you to drink too much.”

“Why?”

“So that you can remember this conversation and tell your friends that you met an unforgettable guy during this event.”

The laugh that she lets out is more genuine than anything that she had done ever since her arrival at the charity gala. The guy seems to realize this as he too, joined on her laugh.

“I know, it’s bad,” he said. “I’m not the best at flirting.”

“Really?” said y/n. “I would’ve thought otherwise.”

He grinned before thrusting his hand towards her. “Should we start over?” said the male. “My name is Charles.”

She noted the lack of last name. Good. “Y/n,” said the female as she shook his hand. “Pleasure.”

It is a pleasure, because before she knew it, the both of them fell into a deep conversation about music.

Charles seems to be an artist himself, or maybe a huge music fan. He talked about the latest releases to the old ones. The male talked about his co-worker who had a deep love for the 90s rock to his own taste of classical music, even confessing that he had attended numerous concert about it.

Y/n too, talked about music. She talked about how high quality the latest release had been. How there seems to be some kind of trend in the music industry lately. How there seems to be a newer and more talented singer each passing day.

It surprised her a bit, that Charles is a good talker and listener. He seems genuinely interested at what she’s saying, As if she’s not talking about the nerdy side of the music industry. As if she’s not mostly rambling about herself.

The male asked intriguing questions, humming at the appropriate times, and even broaden the subject with his own knowledge.

She didn’t know how long they talked, maybe hours, because the moment she realized that they had been talking too long was the moment when her phone buzzed as a text from her manager appeared.

Ah, thought the female, glancing at the watch that Charles is wearing. I have to go back soon.

There’s a sense of disappointment that appeared inside of her chest when she realized that it was the end of their conversation.

Charles seems to realize her disappointment because he immediately raised his eyebrows, “Something wrong?” he asked, tone full of worry.

“No,” she replied, taking her handbag. “I just realized that I have to go back soon.”

The male probably thought it was weird considering that the gala is going on full swing without a sign of stopping, but well, she has a strict schedule. She has to go to an early photoshoot tomorrow.

“Let me walk you out then,” said Charles as he straightened up, offering his hand.

Y/n stared at the offering hand, pondering about her decision for a bit before she curled her arm around it. “Okay then.”

The walk towards the exit took longer than expected because there are a lot of people that went to greet them. Designers, directors, fellow musicians. On Charles side, she too recognized a lot of people went to greet him. Though she doesn’t know any of them.

He probably doesn’t work in the entertainment industry then, thought the female.

“Should I drive you back to your hotel?” asked Charles as the both of them exited the ballroom where the charity gala was hosted. It was quiet, a far cry from the loud music and the chatters that had surrounded them previously.

Thinking about the offer, she shook her head, “No,” she replied. “My friend will pick me up.” It’s her manager.

At that, the male look disappointed.

It was at that moment, y/n made a choice that changed the course of her life. She doesn’t know what made her do it. Maybe it’s the pouty look that Charles is giving her or maybe it’s just her lonely self craving for love.

She doesn’t know the exact reason was but-

Inside of her purse, y/n rejected the call from her manager.

“You know what,” started the female. “I really enjoy talking to you.”

“Me too,” replied Charles.

“I heard there’s… a really good place to eat late night snacks around here,” she continues. “Do you want to go there?”

It’s blinding. Charles smile is blinding.

They ended up eating a late-night snack that night. It ruined her diet and Charles also confessed that this ruined his own diet too.

Though, the both of them doesn’t seems to care, too engrossed with each other.

Charles continues to give her bad flirting attempts and she too, replied with her own version of flirtation. It was fun. It made her felt a bit free.

She could feel her phone continue to buzz throughout their late night escapades – certainly from her manager – and y/n decided to ignore it. If she had thought that Charles looks handsome under the dim lighting that the charity event provided, under a proper lighting he looks stunning.

Charles had denied being in the entertainment industry and y/n signed in shame. He could certainly make good money with a face like that.

When the night was ending, she lets Charles to drive her back to her hotel.

They arrived through the back door, a far more discreet entrance where no paparazzi and fans can enter.

“Thank you for tonight,” she said as the male opened the car door for her. “I really enjoy it.”

“I should be the one saying that,” replied Charles with a large grin.

There’s a sudden silence between the two of them, as if they doesn’t know what to say. Should she say see you later? Or is this a one time thing?

It would be a shame if this is a one time thing. It’s been awhile since she enjoys her night like this. The silence was broken when the male decided to speak up.

“Tomorrow,” started the male, staring directly towards her. “Do you have any plan for dinner?”

Y/n immediately ransacked her brain for tomorrow’s schedule.

“No,” she said. “I’m free for dinner.”

And at that, he reached out for her hand. Y/n didn’t flinch, completely lowering her guard for this man before her. He brought it towards his lips, giving it a small kiss.

“Then,” said the male, smiling. “Have a dinner with me?”

Thump, her heart beats once. Twice.

Thumpthumpthumpthump-

“Yes,” she answered, large grin overtaking her face. “I would love to.”

They went on a dinner the next day, in a small quaint restaurant that’s overlooking the Eiffel tower. If y/n was not charmed by that gesture, she would’ve called it cliché, but fuck it. She was definitely charmed by the dinner that they had.

Maybe it’s because of the small gesture that Charles did – opening the car door, holding the door for her, asking what her favorites are. Maybe it’s because the food they’re eating was just good. Maybe it’s because she’s just weak for a candle lit dinner in Paris.

She really doesn’t know what’s the reason. All she knows is that she didn’t stop smiling throughout the night.

It’s a bit weird but talking with Charles was unexpectedly easy. She found out that he can speaks Italian fluently, making them converse in Italian all night long. He said it was because of his job, making him need to stay in Italy for some part of the year. They talked about various topics. Like their hobbies where she found out that he can play the piano and from what he claimed, he can play it really well.

“You sure about that?” she had teased him. “I also can play the piano really well.”

Charles had laughed at that. “Should we have a piano battle then?”

They talked about their life,

“I was born and raised in Monaco,” said the male. “Though I have to travel a lot because of my job.”

“I was born in Italy,” said y/n. “My family moved to South Korea when I was in elementary school.”

Talked about their favorite food,

“Caprese salad,” he said as he nudged the salad in front of her. “It’s my favorite.”

“I never really liked cucumber,” said the female, grinning a bit stupidly. “Much prefer tomato over it.”

Talked about their favorite things,

"I like flowers, especially peonies," she had said, remembering the peonies that her dad would gave her mom almost weekly. "I will probably become a florist in my next life."

He hummed. "I will probably be a... mechanic?"

Talked about their family,

“I’m an only child,” said y/n. “Though I do have close friends that I thought of as my brothers.”

“Really?” asked Charles. “How long have you guys been friends?”

She pondered a bit. “More or less 10 years maybe? Or eleven and twelve?”

He chuckled. “I also have friends that I know since primary school,” said the male. “The eight of us.”

“But do you have any siblings?”

“I do have an older and younger brother.”

They talked about everything and yet nothing.

Y/n soon realized that the both of them are avoiding certain topics. Like what their jobs are or topics that could probably disclose more of their identity. Oddly, she found herself really liking it.

She doesn’t even know Charles’s last name. She knows almost everything about him but his identity. She doesn’t know anything about the man that’s laughing and sharing dinner with her tonight.

And yet, she doesn’t seem to mind.

This sense of anonymity gave her a safe blanket. It seems a bit fucked up, but she finds the fact that they’re both not disclosing their identity to each other is a good thing. Maybe it’s the wariness, or how she already got used to not trust people easily.

All she knows is that she likes this. This easy conversation and banter that they share with each other.

If she had thought that the dinner was charming, the stroll that they did around Paris that night is more than charming. There’s just something a bit special to walking around the city of love late at night, laughing and talking with someone that you find attractive.

Charles is really playful, always trying to make her giggle throughout the walk. He would ask her to do a failed rendition of a ballroom dance under a streetlight, or he would tell her about the odd history or even his own funny experiences during his previous trips to Paris.

It’s been a while since she laughed that hard.

That one dinner turned into another and another. It’s been three days since they had dinner together every day.

Y/n found herself surprised at that. After all, she’s used to always not let anyone get too close to her. Too used to guarding her heart too tightly, not letting anyone in easily.

Charles though.

Charles with warm green eyes and dimpled smile.

Charles who had talked about his home in Monaco with a too wide smile and sparkling eyes.

Charles who had told her about his travels all around the world – regaling tales about the many cuisines and cultures that he had experienced.

Charles who had looked at her with so much warmth and made her laugh every night.

It made her want to belief. To believe that the warmth that Charles gave her is true. That all the kindness and loving words that he had directed towards her during these past few days is true. That all of this is not a ploy to just get into her pants or a ploy to leech off her fame.

Maybe it’s okay to open her heart up for a bit. To let this giddy like feeling to consume her as she forgets about all the repercussion this small rendezvous can impact her.

To let herself enjoy the wonders of love for the first time.

Please, she had thought as they once again stroll around Paris late at night. If this is a dream, don’t wake me up.

“Hey,” she called out, catching his attention. “I was wondering.”

“Hm?” hummed the male as he kissed their interlocked hands. “What is it, chérie?”

Looking around, y/n turned towards the male. “I was wondering how you even knew so many streets with so few people?” she asked. “Like I’ve been wondering how we even avoided meeting so many people during our stroll?”

She had thought walking around in Paris a bit risky. There are far too many people that knew her and far too many paparazzi dying to know an inside scoop about her personal life. Though, oddly, these past few days, they hardly met any people during their walk.

The female had been suspicious at first, glancing at Charles with doubts on her face. Though, the male acted as if there’s nothing wrong. It seems, the male knew the reason.

Charles fell silent at that.

Y/n thought that she had hit a landmine. That her question is something a bit too personal to him. Immediately, she backtracked. “I mean-!” she started. “I mean if you don’t want to answer is okay! Like I’m pretty sure you’re not a serial killer or anything because you haven’t killed me these past few days- I’m not calling you a killer though!”

The male stared at her; amusement clear on his eyes as she continues to fumble around.

“What I want to say is,” she finally said, stressing out the word. “If you don’t want to answer it’s okay.”

Charles let out a laugh at that, almost making her stumble with how violent his shoulder shook. “Ah, I can’t believe the girl that I had flirted with – heavily I must add – for the past few days really thinks I’m a serial killer.”

“I’m not saying that!” hissed out y/n, pouting a bit. “Did you miss the bit when I said I’m pretty sure that you’re not a serial killer?”

“No, no, no, I heard that alright,” he said, grinning as one of his hands pulled her cheek a bit. “Mignonne.” Cute.

“Stop doing that!”

Charles didn’t stop and his grin merely getting wider. “I’m glad though,” he said as he untangled their hands so that now both of his hands are now pinching her cheeks. “That we established the fact that I’m not a killer.”

Y/n glared at him, hands flying up to hold the hands that’s on her cheek. “Whatever,” she said. “Forget that I even asked.”

The asshole let out a louder laugh at that. “Don’t pout,” he said as he tugged her lips upward. “It’s not a good look on your pretty face, chérie.”

She rolled her eyes at that. “I still look pretty,”

“True.”

“Okay! Don’t distract me with your flirting,” said y/n, huffing. “Are you going to answer my question or not? Because it’s perfectly fine if you don’t.”

“Well,” started the male, still cradling her face as his thumb brushed the apple of her cheek. “I have a… good answer to that.”

“Really?” asked y/n as she released the man’s hands from her cheek, holding it together with her hand as she looked up to him. “You want to tell me?”

He looks a bit hesitant at that. As if he’s debating something inside of his head. She didn’t know what kind of internal mental turmoil that he’s having with himself, though by the end of it, he looks more determined than before.

“I guess you can say it’s because of my job?” said Charles, tilting his head a bit. “I… tend to get recognized a lot.”

Y/n raised an eyebrow at that. “So… you’re famous?”

“In a certain circle, kind of?”

“Huh,” said the female, processing the information a bit. They got that in common then. She’s also famous in certain circles. “And are you comfortable enough to tell me what your job is?”

Charles bit his lips. “I’m… you know, Charles Leclerc.”

Y/n blinked.

“Charles Leclerc?” she repeated, and he nodded. “Leclerc? Is that your family name?”

The male stared at her. “You don’t know me?”

“… Should i?”

“No, no, obviously,” interjected Charles with a small laugh, hand waving around. “It’s just that you went into that charity ball and all, so I thought you will be familiar with my name.”

She tried to remember the event that they both had attended a few days ago. The charity ball that was meant for the art and sports industry.

Charles, obviously, is not from the entertainment industry. Or he could be? Like a producer or director maybe? Y/n is not that familiar with the acting side of the entertainment industry after all.

Or he could be from the sports industry. Looking at his body- yeah. Athlete.

“Ah,” said the female. “You’re an athlete?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “Some would say that I’m not, but I like to think that I am an athlète.”

Oh.

“That’s why I didn’t recognize you,” she said, wonder clear on her eyes. “I’m not really that familiar with athletes – sorry – except the ones that’s representing my country and stuff… or like the popular ones like Messi or Ronaldo-“

“Are you telling me I’m not popular?” teased the male.

“That’s not the point,” she huffed out with a frown and Charles laughed at that. “And I know you must be a popular athlete, you said it yourself,” continue the female. “A bit narcistic but okay.”

“It’s good to have confidence in my line of work.”

Y/n pondered a bit. Should she? It felt a bit unfair to Charles if y/n didn’t say anything about her. He trusted her enough to tell her about his identity after all.

Does she trust Charles though?

She should be terrified how fast a ‘yes’ appeared inside of her mind.

Will he change? will the sweet Charles that she had known these past few days will be gone when he realized who she is. How famous she is. How beneficial it will be for him to continue this... relationship with her.

Again, she should be terrified how fast a 'no' appeared inside of her mind. As if she had trusted this man in front of her her whole life.

“Me too, I guess,” said the female after a while.

“What?” he asked, humor evident on his tone. “Are you also famous?”

“In certain circles, kind of?” she said, repeating his words from before.

Charles let out a huff of laugh before he grabbed her hands and practically dragged her to one of the benches near them. From here, they’re overlooking the Seine River and she could even see the Eiffel tower in the distance. A bit cliché, but at the same time, y/n loves it a bit too much.

“Should I start?” asked the male, fiddling with her hand. “On confessing about our deepest and darkest secret.”

She giggled. “Sure Romeo, you can start.”

“I’m a driver, racing driver,” he said.

And oh, that’s not bad. Y/n was expecting something much worse. Like a sport that she’s not completely familiar with or know even exist. “In what? Nascar?”

“Formula One, I drive for Ferrari.”

Y/n may have never any interest in racing, but she knows Ferrari. Her father is a big fan of Ferrari when she was little and from what she knows, had followed it almost religiously. She also knows that Formula One is practically the biggest and the most famous racing category right now. To drive for Ferrari in Formula One-

“You’re not lying when you said you were famous,” she said instead.

“Glad that we established that,” he said, amused. “What about you?”

“I’m… a singer, you can say,” she started. “Or an Idol, if you want to use the proper term.”

Charles scrunched his eyebrows. “Idol?”

“You know Kpop?”

“Ah,”

There’s silence between the two of them after that. Charles still playing with her hand and y/n still leaning her weight on his shoulder.

“Does this change anything?” she asked.

“No,” replied Charles almost immediately. “No, it doesn’t.”

She let out a breath that she didn’t even knew she was holding. “Good,” she said. “I like this.”

Charles released her hand before he curled his hand around her shoulder. “Me too,” he said.

The predestined one, that’s what they’re calling Charles.

The one that will bring back the championship to Ferrari.

The one that was destined to bring back the glory to Ferrari.

The sea of red and the Ferrari flags waving with the wind as he passed the checkered flag in Monza. The chants, of him bringing back the championship, that people screamed on top of their lungs every time the male appeared.

It was fascinating to see the extent of Charles’s popularity. When the male said that he was famous in certain circles, he was really humbling himself down. Because she knows, she knows when someone gave you this kind of devotion, this kind of love, it means that their love for you is more than genuine.

She doesn’t know how many videos of Charles she had watched that night. From his amazing start in 2022 season until his final standings. From his recent races to some fan’s compilation about the male over the years. Hours must have passed because the next thing she knows it’s already bright out there.

Her manager seems to realize her lack of sleep because he had ordered the makeup artist to add an extra concealer for the spot under her eyes. Though, the older didn’t probed more regarding the reason.

Y/n thinks that her manager can already guess the reason.

“Do you enjoy your late-night rendezvous?” asked the older man.

Looking up from her phone, she raised an eyebrow. “It’s not a problem, right?” asked y/n.

The older male shook his head. “It’s not, as long as you’re being discreet for the time being,” said the male. “We can talk again if you ever want to make your… relationship… public.”

A public relationship. What a terrifying thought.

“We’re still in the talking stage, nothing that serious,” said the female.

“It is if your partner is Charles Leclerc,” replied her manager. She could see he’s staring at Charles’s Instagram page. “Formula One may not be that big in Korea, but it’s huge all around the world.”

She knows that. She knows how loved Charles is by the people.

A sea of red. Of Ferrari’s flag waving with the wind. Of screams full of devotion and reverence.

She knows.

“I know,” said y/n, leaning back on her seat. “I’ll talk to you and the company later if our relationship became more… serious.”

“Good,” said the older with a nod. “Now should we review your schedule once again?”

Charles is holding a bouquet of roses when she met him that day.

“Ah,” she said, smiling. “For me?”

“Of course,” he grinned as he handed her the flowers. “I just realized I never gave you any flowers, decided to fix that.”

Y/n let out a giggle at that, holding the flowers close to her chest. “We met barely one week ago,” she said.

The male merely shrugged, “One week too late then?” he said. "I can't find any peonies, but I hope roses are a good replacement."

She’s not flustered. She’s not-

The heat radiating from her cheek tells otherwise.

They’re meeting during the day today. It felt a bit scandalous, considering all of their previous meeting had always been late at night.

Though, seeing Charles under the sun is a bit too tempting to missed out.

The private room that they book had a balcony overlooking Champs-Élysées, a beautiful sight that took her breath away. Charles had told her that a friend of his had recommended this place to him, saying that it’s a good place to have a date as it served enough privacy for them.

Y/n’s heart beats a bit faster when the male casually mentioned that yes, this is a date.

“So, you’re going back tomorrow?” asked the male.

She nodded. “You too right?” asked y/n. “My flight is early in the morning, what about yours?”

“It’s at twelve,” he replied. “Do you want me to drive you to the airport?”

The female laughed at that. “I think I have too many luggage to fit in your Ferrari.”

“You can ask your manager to bring your luggage and I’ll drive you to the airport,” said Charles, as he reached out, intertwining their hands together. “I just thought… we don’t know when can we meet each other again.”

That’s true.

This situationship between the two of them, she doesn’t know if it will last after Paris. She doesn’t know if she can do a long distance… situationship… or if Charles even willing to do that. This date, could be the last date between the two of them.

She hates it.

She hates the mere thought of it.

“Hey,” started the female. “Do you want to continue this?”

Charles stared at her. “I do,” he answered. “What about you?”

“Me too.”

A smile bloomed on his face. “I’m glad,” he said. “I… was afraid that you doesn’t want to continue this… relationship.”

“I don’t know if this will work,” she started, holding his hand tighter. “I don’t even know how this will even work, honestly,” she said again. “We came from two different world, our job demands us to always travel around, and we don’t live in the same country but-“

She stopped.

She thinks, she will regret it forever if she left Charles here.

She thinks, romance is not something for her if she doesn’t pursue this relationship.

“I would like to try,” finished the female. “I would love to try and see how this relationship will work.”

Y/n thinks a weight had been lifted from her shoulder as she said that. As if, an invisible baggage has been lifted.

The breathtaking smile that appeared on Charles face made her think that she had decided on the correct decision.

“Me too,” said the male. “Let’s do our best, okay?”

They laughed.

Charles did drive her to the airport the next day.

It was a blessing that she will be flying private, because the hug and the kiss that Charles gave to her forehead will surely be the headline of every tabloids if someone ever posted it.

Sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she could remember everything so vividly.

Of days that was spent on the road. Of the hours spent on an airplane as they flew all across the world. Stadiums to stadiums. From one continent to another. Of thousands of fans cheering their name, repeating words full of love and devotions.

She could always remember it. The big plan that they had prepared as a thank you gift for the fans before the boys will do their military service. Of the countless of hours and so much love that they had devoted in those plans. Something that is full of promise. Things, that can close the first chapter of their career with a bang.

But of course, fate, had never been on their side.

When the pandemic hits and the world went into lockdown, it also means the end of all of their plans.

Y/n always regrets it. The way they close the first chapter of their career. She just felt that they didn’t gave the fans enough closure of preparations. That they didn’t give them enough devotion to repay back all of their love.

While it’s true they held a free concert for their fans – albeit a bit of a controversial one – she felt that it’s just not enough. They should’ve done more. They should’ve given them more promise that they will be back soon. That bts will not be disbanding and soon they will reunite once again as a group.

But alas, time continue to pass and so it the inevitable.

In the middle of December, Jin-oppa went into the military.

It was a cold day. She knows that the training will be harsh and cold. Jin-oppa doesn’t like the cold. She doesn’t like Jin-oppa leaving her like this. Y/n did try to not cry, she really did. But alas, the dam broke, and she went full on sobbing as she clutched the older male tightly.

The oldest member merely laughed, teasing her like usual as he patted her hair. As if he’s not going to leave her. As if, they’re in the middle of their normal banter and not in the middle of a military base.

“Be a good girl okay, n/n?” laughed the oldest member of bts. “Don’t be a brat with Jungkook and listen to the other members well.”

She let out a wet hiccup at that.

“Aigoo,” laughed Hobi-oppa as he slung an arm around her. “Our little n/n is crying because her brothers are going to the military?”

“All of you are so mean,” she grumbled, and she can already imagine the reaction from the fans when today’s Bangtanbomb will be released. “Leaving me all alone here.”

Jin-oppa smiled cheekily at that, grabbing her cheeks. “Don’t be dramatic y/n-ah,” he said with a large grin on his face. “You have other friends besides us, and we’ll still talk on our groupchat.”

“But it’s different from seeing you.”

It’s different because there is no Jin-oppa arriving at her house late at night with a bag full of fried chicken. It’s different because there is no Jin-oppa who always laughed and teased her during dance practice. It’s different because there is no Jin-oppa who always bugs her during vocal lessons, joking with that dry humor of his.

It’s different, because Jin-oppa is only the start.

(All of them will leave her soon.)

They parted soon after that, the members leaving Jin-oppa to say goodbye to his family. All of them continue to linger there, watching the older line up amidst other new recruits. She has to admit he looked good and comfortable there. It seems all the preparation that he did beforehand became useful.

As the entrance ceremony came to an end, they said goodbye to Jin-oppa’s family.

“Wanna eat something?” said Jimin-oppa as all of them walked towards the parking lot. “There’s a new restaurant in Gangnam that’s famous for their Japanese food.”

Y/n made a noncommittal noise at that as the other members agreed on that suggestion. Her eyes trained towards her phone.

Her heart did beat a bit faster than normal.

“Who are you texting?”

“No one,” replied y/n almost immediately, shutting off her phone as she directed her attention towards the other member who are staring at her. They had arrived at the Japanese restaurant a short while ago, immediately being ushered towards one of the private rooms. “Seriously.”

Jungkook, the one who asked the first question, quirked an eyebrow at that. “Really?” he probed further. “Because you were smiling dumbly.”

She hit his shoulder. “Rude,” she hissed out.

“Y/n met a guy in Paris,” informed Namjoon-oppa in a true traitorous manner as he casually looked up from his phone. As if he didn’t just betray her absolute trust towards him. “She’s been texting him nonstop since then.”

“Oppa-!” she screeched out.

“Oh?” said Taehyung-oppa, slinging an arm around her shoulder as a teasing glint appeared on his eyes. “Our little sister finally enjoying the beautiful world of romance?”

“Jungkook is younger than me! Stop treating me as if I’m the youngest!”

“But I’m more mature than you though?” piped up Jungkook.

“No no, let’s go back to our main topic,” interjected Jimin-oppa with a knowing grin on his face. “So, y/n finally met a guy? In Paris no less?”

Hobi-oppa laughed at that. “Sounds romantic,” he said, amusement clear on his tone. “Someone we know of?”

“No,” she said with a pout. “He’s not in the entertainment industry.”

The other members raised an eyebrow at that. “How did you even met then?” asked Yoongi-oppa, leaning forward towards the table. “He’s not someone sketchy right? I know this will be your first relationship but don’t meet someone that’s not good-“

“He’s a good guy! Really!” said the female, face red from embarrassment. She can’t believe she’s having this conversation right now. After all, she had only met Charles last week, it’s not like they’re going to get married soon or anything! “I know he didn’t approach me just to… you know, leech off of my fame.”

“And how do you know that?” asked Namjoon-oppa. All of them went quiet when the door to the private room was opened as the waiter gave them their orders. The leader of the group only continues when the waiter left the room. “I know I’m the one that’s encouraging you to get a boyfriend, but I also want you to meet a good guy.”

“He- he doesn’t know me,” said y/n, remembering the look on Charles’s face when they both revealed each other jobs. “Really. I also didn’t even know of him, or even his last name back then.”

Yoongi-oppa raised an eyebrow at that. “So, he’s someone famous?”

“Well, kinda? In certain circles?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” interjected Hobi-oppa. “Didn’t Namjoon told us that you spent the week hanging out with him in Paris?”

“Yes?”

“And back then you didn’t even know his last name?”

“… Yes?”

“Wow,” marveled Hobi-oppa. “It’s a wonder that you didn’t get killed.”

Jimin-oppa actually hits Hobi-oppa’s shoulder at that.

When they arrived back at the company, a red-faced secretary appeared in front of them.

“Y/n-sshi?” called out the woman, catching her attention.

Perking up, she gave her a small smile. “Yeah?” she said as her manager beckoned closer. She could see the rest of the members raising their eyebrows, also stopping on their track as they watched one half of their youngest member being called up. “Do you need something?”

“There’s a delivery for you,” said the woman. “It’s um-“

“Is it a fan gift?” asked her manager. “You know we’re not accepting fan gifts anymore.”

“No, no, no,” denied the woman with a frantic wave of her hands. “It’s a bit big but the managerial office did approve it! They said that it was given by y/n-sshi’s friend!”

And that made her raised an eyebrow. Her friend? She could count her friends with her hands. And knowing them, all of them are not the type of people that would send gifts to her office, and not her directly.

Though that train of thoughts stopped when another man appeared, holding the so-called gift.

It’s a bouquet. A large bouquet of peonies was being held by someone from the managerial office. It’s so big that it’s clear the man is struggling to hold the flower as he walked towards them. Y/n was thankful that they’re already in Bighit floor because she’s sure that her surprised face looked incredibly stupid.

Immediately, one thing came inside her mind.

Charles.

The conversation that they had during their dinner appeared inside of her head. Of her blabbering about her favorite things, peonies being one of them.

“It’s not even in season,” she breathed out, though she’s sure that there’s a large smile appearing on her face as she went to received the flowers. There’s a note in the middle of with English words being written on it. It says-

“Keep smiling for me, from Char, love emoji and a smiling face” reads out Namjoon-oppa as he appeared next to her, startling her. There’s a teasing smile on his face as he turned his attention to her. “Huh, this is actually really romantic.”

“Oppa!” she whined out, trying to hide the note from his prying eyes. “It’s rude to read it like that!”

“But we’re dying to know!” said Hobi-oppa as he slung an arm around her shoulder and peered towards the bouquet of peonies she’s holding. “Oh, so this is from your mysterious man?”

Y/n wants to die. She’s so embarrassed that she’s sure her face is flushed like a boiled seafood at this point.

“Char? Who is that?” asked Yoongi-oppa as he too approached them, staring at the flowers with a narrowed eyes. “The guy you’re seeing?”

“Char sounds like a foreigner name,” piped up Taehyung-oppa.

“It could be Kim Char,” said Jungkook, chiming in.

“Kim Char sounds stupid,” interjected Jimin-oppa with a frown.

She really wants to hide in a hole as the other members began teasing her and the so-called Char.

Though, she really can’t deny the warm feeling that appeared inside of her chest. He knows that she’s really close with the members. He knows how important the members are to her. He knows, that if one of them are leaving, she will be incredibly sad.

It’s the small things. The small gestures that always made her heart beats uncontrollably.

Doesn’t this mean that he also thinks about her? As much as how she’s always thinking about him? Doesn’t this mean that Charles wants to take their relationship a step further?

Warm smile and green eyes.

Dinners and late-night stroll in Paris.

Bouquet of roses and flushed faces.

Hands, intertwining together, and a conversation full of confessions.

This should scare her. This feeling that slowly started to bubble inside of her. This feeling that should not be subjected to a man that she had just met a few weeks ago. A man that should’ve been a stranger to her.

But romance always work in a mysterious way.

Ah, she thought. Incredibly giddy. I really really like him.

Nearing the end of December, Charles invited her for a ski trip with his friends.

She accepted, of course. Despite all of her nervousness, all of her overthinking, she still decided that it’s a great idea to be there. After all, Charles asked her to come. He had invited her to have a glimpse of his world. To introduce her to his friends and letting her in inside of his social circle.

It was nerve wrecking, especially after the realization of her feelings.

When she realized that she likes Charles – too much, too overwhelming – y/n almost went into a denial phase. After all, she had never felt something like this before. She had never allowed anyone to reach her heart this closely before. To realize that there’s someone in her heart-

It’s scary.

She doesn’t know what to do.

Both her and Charles still haven’t talked about their relationship. She knows that she really likes the male, and she knows that Charles probably also likes her. But they never talked about… whatever this was between the two of them.

This easy relationship between them. Where they both openly flirt with each other. Where Charles sent her flowers almost every day since they day they separated in Paris. This relationship where she felt comfortable to talked about everything and yet nothing to the male.

This relationship, where she decided to open her heart to a male with warm green eyes and large dimpled smile.

Maybe that’s why this trip seems important to her. She doesn’t want to lose this relationship after all. She doesn’t want his friends to not like her because they seem important to Charles. She wants them to see that both her and Charles are meant to be.

Despite the sunny smile and the hug that she received from Charles as she landed in Monaco, one glance towards his group of friends made her want to hide in a ditch somewhere. Charles had talked about them. The group of friends that he had been friends since forever. Almost like how bangtan is to her. All of them are guys, though some did bring their significant others, promising her girls company during the trip.

During that trip she met his younger brother for the first time, Arthur Leclerc. He’s three years younger than them with brown hair – lighter than his brother – and a huge smile. Just like Charles, he’s also a racing driver who is competing in the lower category right now.

“It’s good to finally meet the girl that my brother talked about nonstop,” was the greeting that Arthur gave her when they first met.

Y/n pretended that it doesn’t make her flustered.

As time went by, she must admit that the trip was fun. Y/n’s nervousness about giving them a good first impression seems unfounded as all of them welcomed her with an open arm. Some of the girls even giggled and whispered to her that they’re a fan, surprising her greatly. A lot of them seems fascinated by her job, saying things that it’s not every day that they’ll see a kpop artist hanging out with them.

The trip itself seems like a good idea. They had played boardgames together, enjoying the snow, and other activities. Y/n found herself enjoying every minute of it. Until today that is.

“No,” she said, hand shivering – not from the cold for once. “Charles, seriously, I can’t do this.”

Charles let out a laugh, hands gripped her own gloved ones. “Believe in me, chérie,” he said, standing beside her. “It’s not that scary, look at Arthur.”

And of course, Arthur is in front of them, gliding through the snow easily.

“I never went skiing before!” she yelped, flinching back at the mere thought of having to go down the steep mountain with these thin pieces of wood. “I’ll seriously die!”

“No, you’re not,” said Charles with a laugh. “You’re too pretty to die, and I’ll guide you.”

“Are you a professional at skiing?”

“Well, no-“

“Then you don’t have the qualification!”

If possible, he only laughed harder. Somehow finding amusement in her own state of panic. She wants to call him an asshole, but at the same time, Charles is the only thing that’s making sure that she will not tumble forward into the thick snow in front of them.

“Just follow me, three, two-“

“No!”

Charles, who had inched forward, was immediately yanked back by y/n who had surged backwards in pure instinct. The male didn’t expect it, making them tumbled backwards into the heaps of snow.

They landed in a bit of an awkward position. With y/n sprawled across the snow and Charles being practically on top of her, hand caging the female to prevent him to stumbled down towards her. It was an awkward and uncomfortable position, and yet, they didn't made any move to get out from that position.

Both of their eyes met as they stared at each other. Breath mingling with each other.

There was silence between them, as they processed what had just happened. Though, it was soon broken when they both let out a snort and began laughing with each other.

“Hi,” whispered Charles, face so so close. “You, okay?”

She wants to kiss him, she realized as she stared at him. The male looked breathtaking. There is snow on his darker locks, clinging and hanging for dear life. His eyes crinkled from how large his smile is.

Her hand grabbed the side of his face, almost unconsciously. Charles seems a bit surprised at that, though it didn’t take long for him to nuzzle on her gloved hand before giving her palm a kiss.

Thump, her heart beats once. Twice.

Thumpthumpthump-

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “Doesn’t mean I’ll try skiing again though.”

It was also during that ski trip that she asked Charles what they are.

Maybe it was because what happened earlier. Maybe it’s just her inpatient self. Maybe it’s just her wanting some sense of validation.

The both of them are sitting on the porch of their rented villa, hot chocolates on their hand. In the distant, she could hear the loud laughs and screams from their friends, no doubt enjoying the snow together. Both her and Charles had decided to retire early, far too worked up from the drama that y/n had made over skiing and how the male had basically force her to try it.

It didn’t work, leaving them sitting here as they watched the scenery together.

“Hey,” she called out, gaining his attention. “This thing between us… what are we?”

She could see the moment Charles wanting to answer something stupid like a ‘table’ considering there is a small table between the two of them right now. Though, her raised eyebrows seems to deter that intention.

“Well,” started the male, leaning back on his chair. “To start, I really like what’s going on between us.”

“Me too,” agreed the female as she curled her legs towards her chest. “I really like this.”

Charles chuckled at that, hand snaking towards the back of her chair before curling around her shoulder. “What do you want?” he asked. “I’ll follow whatever you want, I know your line of work doesn’t really accept dating but I…” trailed off the male, “I just want you to know that I never had these kinds of feelings with anyone before.”

It’s the same for me, she wants to say. I never felt something like this before.

(“I want you to experience the joy of love, even just once,” said Namjoon-oppa one night. “I think that’s one of the reasons that made us human. To be able love and being loved by others.”

Y/n had stared at him with eyes full of doubt. “Are you sure?” she had asked. “With our line of work, I think that love will only be an inconvenience.”

The male had laughed, patting the top of her head. “You have to experience it yourself to know it, n/n.”)

Maybe this is what Namjoon-oppa meant.

The grip that she had around her chocolate burns, though she really doesn’t care.

Why should she care when Charles is staring at her as if she’s the answer to all of his problems? Why should she care when Charles is staring at her as if the world revolves around her? Why should she care when her heart beats almost erratically – far too fast than usual -?

Why should she care when she’s sure that she shares the same feeling as Charles?

“I…” she started, staring at those warm warm green eyes. “I want us to date,” said the female finally. “Make it official.”

“Yeah?” grinned Charles as he leaned closer. “I also really like that.”

She hummed, cheeks flushed and heart far too loud on her ears.

“Hey, chérie?”

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Her world stopped.

Thump, her heart beats once. Twice.

Thumpthumpthumpthump-

E/c meet Charles’s warm green ones. Looking at him this closely, it was as if she could map out the constellation that’s peppering his face. How his long eyelashes perfectly framed his eyes and how his breath almost mingled with hers-

“Yes,” she whispered out.

The first kiss that they shared tasted like chocolate and peppermint.

The first of many.

Video calls had become a norm in their relationship.

Every day, without fail, they would call each other. Most of the time it was when Charles is finishing up his morning workout and she’s having her lunch. Sometimes it’s when Charles just went home – late at night – and y/n had just woken up from her sleep.

It’s nice, to be able to see his face and hear his voice every day.

When they’re not calling each other, the texts between them had become almost unstoppable. Y/n thinks the reason for that was because right now – during this point of time – the both of them are on their respective off season. Charles is having his winter break before the next season starts, and while y/n is preparing her solo debut, it’s not as actively as the other members who have a closer deadline compared to hers.

Despite only being limited to calls and texts, y/n finds herself really enjoying it. There’s just something about being woken up not by an alarm or her manager but by a call from Charles. Or there’s just something about seeing Charles after he had just finishing up his morning workout.

She will literally kill someone to be able to experience all those things directly.

“You’re still chatting with the guy?”

Closing the messenger app, she turned her head towards Taehyung-oppa who’s sitting next to her. Feet stretched and hands curled around the pillow on her lap.

“Yeah,” she said with a hum. “And I told you already, we’re dating now.”

The older chuckled at that. “My bad,” he said with a grin. “It’s a bit weird to think that the girl that always follows me and Jimin around now dating someone,” at this, his tone turned a bit dramatic. “My baby really grew up~”

She snorted at that. “You’re saying the same exact thing to Jungkook.”

“The both of you are my babies though,” said the male. “Anyway, are you going to meet him soon?”

Nodding, she showed him something on her phone. It’s a plane ticket, one way trip to Italy. “We’re going to meet up in Italy in January, before pre-season testing starts.”

“Cool,” replied the older man. “You said he’s a racing driver?”

“F1 driver,” she corrected as she shifted her attention towards the tv that had become, more or less, a background noise for the both of them.

They’re sitting inside bts artist lounge in HYBE, a room dedicated solely for them. She had been eternally grateful when the company made this room. After all, despite everything, a lot of the younger celebrities can’t relax when they’re in the same room with them.

“Why the sudden questions?” she asked, cocking her eyebrow together.

“Well,” started Taehyung-oppa. “You know how I went filming that new variety show in Mexico?”

Y/n nodded.

“My co-stars asked for your number,” he blurted out. “They’ve been asking for a while, to be honest. But they did become more persistent when it was announced that we’re having a group hiatus for a while.”

She fell silent at that.

Bts group hiatus had changed a lot of things, be it professionally or personally. More brands had approached her for their advertisements and campaigns, realizing that for the next few years, she wouldn’t be tied with bts as a group. Even collaborations, dramas, or even variety shows, had contacted HYBE for a chance of collaboration with her.

The female knows that the same thing also happened to the boys. More chance to do solo work, more chance to branch out of bts – the very thing that had become their life for the past years.

In a more personal manner, well-

Somehow, many had interpreted their hiatus as their disbandment. That this is the end of them as a group. That there is no way for them to reunite once again under bts. Which means many people had tried to get to know her more… personally.

She had enough discreet confessions and veiled flirtation during her time as an idol to last a lifetime. Somehow, those kinds of things increased dramatically now.

“You know my answer to that,” she chuckled weakly. “It’s like dating the best friends of your brother, weird,” continued the female.

“I know, I know,” waved of Taehyung-oppa.

A lot of things are changing, and she never felt so scared before.

She greeted Charles with a hug as he descended from the private plane.

“Hey,” said y/n, releasing the hug. Though, she could still feel Charles’s hand still curling around her waist. “Welcome to Korea,”

The male let out a laugh. “Such a warm welcome,” he teased.

Y/n rolled her eyes at that, still grinning, before she grabbed her hand and immediately drag him to the privacy of her car.

When Charles said that he wants to visit Korea, y/n immediately had everything prepared. From places to visit to foods that they should try together. Before this, she never realized how fun arranging a trip is.

For obvious reason, they can’t go to the popular places like Everland or other amusement parks. Museums though, is still an option. Charles had shown interest in arts and things like that, so y/n had asked Namjoon-oppa recommendations about museums that they should visit.

Besides museums, she had also dragged him to all of her favorite restaurants. Restaurants that only local knows. From the authentic Korean foods to fusions with western influences. She’s glad that Charles is not afraid to try different kind of food, though the expression on his face when he saw a still moving octopus on his plate is a bit too funny to not be recorded.

Despite its being a short trip, she had taken so many photos of Charles. There’s one from Jeju Island, there’s one with him holding a bts album, there’s also one when he fell asleep on her bed.

It warms her heart, to see her boyfriend inside her house.

It warms her heart so much that that photo became her lockscreen.

A team from Cartier had come to South Korea to shoot a campaign with her.

They had marveled and exclaimed, patting her skin with makeup as they talked in rapid French and English.

“Dearie,” said one of them, painted lips smiling widely. “You’re glowing, more so than when I saw you in Paris.”

She hummed at that.

Paris felt like a lifetime ago. So many things had happened that she almost lost track of time. “You think so?” she asked with an easy smile. “Do I look better?”

“Of course,” said another as she clasped a diamond necklace on her neck. “You look amazing, dear.”

Y/n laughed at that. “You give me too much praise.”

“No, no, no,” said the woman. “I’m telling you the truth here!”

“Of course, of course,” she answered easily. “So, what kind of glow do I emit?”

“You look like a woman in love.”

Her heart almost stopped at that.

Love.

Isn’t it far too soon?

Isn’t she falling in love far too easily?

“Really?” asked the female, trying to not show her wavering voice. “Do I really look like a woman in love?”

“Yes,” breathed out the woman. “A woman, who had fell in love deeply.”

Maybe I am.

She went to Italy late January.

The first thing that appeared inside her mind when she arrived to Maranello is, obviously, Ferrari. From her hotel room with bright red walls and a picture of a Ferrari Formula One car team hanging everywhere, to the prancing horse statues that she sees everywhere in the town.

It seems, the team is the pride and joy of the town, she thought as she watched the Ferrari flag hanging from the building as she made her way to the city center. Which is good, because this means that no one will recognize a random kpop idol in the middle of this formula one obsessed city.

Charles is the star here. Every time he appeared, every time he went into town, everyone would crowd around him.

“Charles!” yelled one of them in Italian when both y/n and Charles is having lunch. “You did good last season!”

The male laughed, yelling a “Thank you!” towards the other.

It happened so many times that she almost lost count. It’s clear that he’s adored and loved. Though, to see how loved he is, is a bit surprising.

“You’re so famous,” she said as she entered their hotel room. “It’s amazing to see.”

He hugs her from behind, wrapping his arm around her torso tightly. “It’s a bit weird for you to say that” he said, a bit muffled on her neck. “You have like 50 million followers, chérie.”

“Followers doesn’t mean everything,” she laughed, as they moved towards the balcony on their room.

From here, they could see the city of Maranello almost at its entirety. Something that she surely will remember when she went back to Korea.

Charles had released his hold over her, entering their room before appearing besides her with two glasses of wine. He handed one of them towards her without a word.

“My name is going to be here one day,” said Charles, hand circling around her shoulder. “In one of the streets.”

Y/n nuzzled further towards the crook of his neck. “Is that a Ferrari driver privilege?” she asked.

“No, it’s Ferrari’s world champion privilege,” said the male with a grin. “I’m going to win it.”

She let out a hum at that. The way Charles phrased that statement is not ‘if I win it’ but ‘I’m going to win it’. It’s so full of conviction and truth. He truly believes that one day, he will win the championship under Ferrari.

“You really love Ferrari,” she stated, looking up towards him.

Charles looked down, one hand coming to her face to pinch her cheek softly. “It’s my dream team,” he said. “All my life- it’s always the red car for me. I remember watching the grand prix from my friend balcony and all I could see it the red car winning the races.”

His dedication to his team is inspiring. The way he talked about Ferrari, it was as if he’s talking about his family. There’s a certain shine on his eyes as he rambled about his races and how great the car that they had last season.

It almost reminded her of her own team.

Devotion. That’s what she could feel from Charles. He had devoted his life for Ferrari. He had made his mind – and she knows that the male is a really stubborn guy – that he will win with Ferrari. That he will prove his nickname as the predestined one to be true. To bring back, the championship to Ferrari.

After all, when you win with Ferrari, you became legend.

“Of course,” she said, smiling. “And when you win your first championship, I will be there, cheering for you.”

The smile that Charles gave her is almost blinding.

“Do you think making our relationship public a good idea?”

Y/n stared at him, unable to answer.

She doesn’t know.

Surprisingly, Hybe doesn’t object her decision to make her relationship public.

“You’re in your tenth year already,” said PD-nim as the older male ate his dinner in front of her. “And this kind of things… didn’t we promise all of you that we will give you full reign over it?”

She tightened the grip on her chopstick.

Because what the male said is the truth. In order to make sure that all of them can do their reunion in 2025, they had decided to renew the contract with HYBE. Full reign over their artistic directory and personal life is one of the clause.

Still, even though HYBE gave her their permission, y/n can’t help but second doubting that decision.

Dating scandal is a taboo. It could ruin her career. It could ruin bts’s career. The stigma of her sleeping around with her members would grow once again. People would talk. How she’s a slut. How she’s only dating rich men.

It could be the end of her.

“I don’t think you should worry much,” said Jimin-oppa as she asked him about his opinion. “You should belief in our fans, not random online trolls.”

And the thing is- yes. She believes on their fans.

She knows that ARMY wants her to be happy.

She knows that ARMY won’t turn their back on her over these kinds of things.

But still, it’s only normal for her to be a bit nervous at this kind of things. She’s going to share a huge part of her life after all. The first one to ever publicized her relationship in bts.

Scary.

So so scary.

“We’re going to put up the announcement tomorrow if you’re sure with this,” said her manager, showing the already written announcement. “There will be backlash, obviously, but I think this decision will be healthier for you.”

“Yes,” she answered. “I know.”

“This can also be the start of a movement, y/n,” said the male. “It’s about time for the Korean entertainment industry to get rid of the dating taboo. Idols are human. They’re not some machine and dolls that the public can control. They deserve to love and to be loved.”

Idols are not dolls.

It’s normal for them to crave a romantic relationship.

“You are the biggest celebrity in South Korea,” continue her manager. “With you publicly announcing your relationship, we can change the industry to have a better culture around idols.”

And,

And isn’t that what bts stands for?

They want to change the culture in the South Korean entertainment industry. They want to break all of the stigma that everyone has over idols. They want to make a better working environment for the idols in this industry.

Less abuse.

Less control.

More freedom.

They want idols to have more power over their company and the public. They want idols to have their own hold over their life. They want idols to be able to live like an actual human being. To know things and to be able to experience normal emotions that they never had felt before.

They, want to change this industry.

With that, she steeled her nerve one last time.

“Yes,” she finally said. “Let’s announce it to the world.”

Hello this is Bighit Music

This is an official statement regarding Y/n L/n, one of the artist under HYBE labels.

Recently, Y/n had entered a romantic relationship with a close friend of hers, Charles Leclerc. They are maintaining a serious relationship.

Please show lots of support so they can continue this beautiful relationship.

Thank you.

Truth to be told, when Charles first started a conversation with the pretty girl on the bar, he was not expecting anything besides a quick hookup or maybe a mere short conversation.

While it’s true that she’s beautiful – probably the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen – he doesn’t have any plan to pursue her. He was so sure that he’s not looking for any relationship. The sting of finishing second on the championship after completely dominating the first few races had still annoyed him greatly. Charles was determined that for the next season he will only focus on his racing career and the battle for the title of world champion.

That is, until the woman smiled at him.

He had never been a believer of love at first sight. He had always thought that love is something that you need to nurture. Something that you should put a lot of effort in. He had believed that love is not something spontaneous. It was not something that struck you all of the sudden in the middle of an overpriced celebrity exclusive charity gala.

Though, what does Charles know about love anyway?

When the woman let out that bright grin – eyes crinkling, and eyebrows raising a bit – he felt as if his world became a brighter. That all of the sudden the loud music around them became quiet and the only thing that he could focused on is her and only her.

As if, there is no burden of the Ferrari legacy on his shoulder. As if, he haven't let down the tifosi these past few years. As if, the sting of coming second place in the driver championship had been nonexistent.

Throughout the night as they continue to converse, he can’t help but follow each of her movement. The way that she will twirl her hair around her finger when she got nervous, the way her long nails gripped the glass, the way her painted lips would stretch into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen as she laughed and converse with him.

They talked about everything and yet nothing. From his horrible attempt of flirting to her decision to drink alone in the middle of the event. He could see the glances that was being thrown around towards them, a blatant show of them being interested on their conversation.

When the night was over, he was half in love already. Giving her his name and number is a no brainer.

Honestly, he was not expecting her to response to his offer for dinner. They didn’t know anything about each other after all. Though another part of him is trying to convince himself that that’s what having a dinner for. To get to know each other.

He had stared at his phone for a long time, glancing at it every couple of minutes until his manager reprimanded him about being distracted. That is until she responded, saying that she would love to have a dinner with him.

The few days where they had dinner together is the highlight of his trip to Paris. Which is a bit funny because he doesn’t even want to come to Paris at first – citing about medias and promoting brands that he had never even used before. Though in the end, he had been grateful at his decision to come.

Meeting y/n, had changed his world.

It was as if, his previously monotone world is now being filled with color. As if, before he met this woman, he never truly knows what living means.

It’s crazy how much he enjoys being in her presence. How much he loves to make her laugh and to show him sides that she had never allowed anyone else to see.

It’s crazy, how fast he’s falling in love with her.

“Are you serious with her?” asked Pierre when they met in Monaco. “Because dating her will bring a lot of media attention. This isn’t like your previous relationship, Char.”

He knows.

He knows that there’s a lot of risk from dating her. From dating such a high profile star like her. He knows all of that. If Charles is a smarter man, he would’ve ran. If Charles is a smarter man, he would stop all of his advances towards her. If Charles is a smarter man-

Y/n lets out a laugh.

It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Well.

Charles had always been stupid, isn’t he?

Spending time with her is addicting. It was as if he wants to spend every second of her life with her. As if he’s ready to commit-

The skiing trip had been blissful. He had felt that him and y/n had grown closer and closer. The kiss that they shared during the trip also helps the giddy feeling that always erupted inside of his chest every time he thinks about her.

I’m in love with her, he thinks. I’m in love with her, he wants to scream so that the world knows his feelings.

It’s addicting. He thinks this feeling will never fade.

He thought that there is no way he can love her more than now, though, as he saw her walking in the paddock, wind brushing her hair as she stood there inside the Ferrari garage-

Yes, he thought. I want to spend my life with her.

Going to a Formula One race is not something that she really had thought of before.

Her dad is a big fan though. When she was a kid and before her family moved to South Korea, her dad used to take their family to watch the Italian Grand Prix every year. Back then, she was not that interested – to the dismay of her father – and then as she grew up, she got way too busy to even think about the sport anymore.

At last, until today.

The loud sound of the engine reverberated throughout the track.

Y/n could feel the tense atmosphere that engulfed the Ferrari garage. All of them watching the screen with nervousness clear on their face.

Charles is leading the race with a red bull hot on his tail.

She doesn’t know that she will be this invested on watching fast cars going in circles, but this is Charles. This is the love of her life riding the fast cars going in circles.

There are a lot of hushed whispers, people commenting and watching the race with a bated breath. The sky is dark, only making the bright light around the track a bit more intimidating.

“Do you think he’ll win?” she asked Fred, the team principal of Ferrari. He had welcomed y/n with an open arm earlier. It seems that he’s delighted by the attention that y/n had brought to the team. “I’m- I’m really nervous.”

“If he keep this pace,” started the older man. “I’m positive that he will take the win.”

("I'm going to be a world champion," said Charles, tone full of confidence. He's sure of that. He's sure, that someday, he will bring back the championship to Ferrari.

And y/n wants to believe.)

It’s really nerve wrecking to see the last few laps. After all, from what she knows, the Red Bull that’s chasing Charles is last year championship winner, Max Verstappen. Charles had also said that there’s an ongoing intense rivalry between him and Max. A rivalry that had spanned across their childhoods up until now.

Their rivalry had been compared to the greats of Formula One. Niki Lauda and James Hunt. Senna and Prost.

Leclerc and Verstappen.

It meant a lot to Charles. He had confessed that he had been chasing Max's back for years. To desperately prove to everyone that Charles is too, a once in a generation talent. That he too, will be one of the greats in Formula One.

This time, it's Max chasing Charles.

She can only breathed out a chocked sob when Charles entering his last lap, still leading the race.

“Oh my god,” she said as the Ferrari team ran out of the garage. “Oh my god!”

She watched as Charles takes the win.

It was a celebration that he had only ever watched through the screen. A sea of red. Ferrari flags waving from the wind. Words full of adoration and reverence.

Charles, who had climbed out of his car and standing on top of it, pointing towards the sky as he shouted out his happiness.

"YES!" he had screamed, joy clear on his face and on his voice. "YESS!"

Y/n chocked out a sob.

He really won the first race of the season. An amazing way to start the season. A season that meant so much to him.

She stood there, amongst the crowd of red as she stared at her boyfriend being hugged by his team. Soon, his attention drifted towards her, and an even larger grin appeared on his face.

“You did it,” she whispered out as she hugged him. He let out a a loud laugh at that. “That was amazing-“

The female didn’t finish her words as Charles cut it as he pressed their lips together. She could feel countless cameras and eyes directed towards them as whoops and hollers appeared all around them.

She will be scolded by her manager.

The company will call her after this.

Though, she seems to not care about all of that at this moment.

“I love you,” he breathed out as their lips parted.

Grin still wide and a bit teary eyed, she lets out. “I love you, too.”

It’s safe to say that their fans broke the internet shortly after.

End

#formula one fanfiction #f1 fanfic #formula one x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula one imagine #f1 fic #formula one fanfic #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfiction #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc fanfic #f1 fluff #formula 1 fanfiction #formula 1 fanfic #Formula one x reader #idol!reader

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futchrina · 3 months

Text

1. Where's the doctor???

"So as I was saying , Ralph Lauren really got some great polos. You see the one I am wearing right now, it's Ralph Lauren as well. Don't take me for a blowhard but this one is custom made and.....". Karina forced a smile towards the man sat in front of her going on about some polos she was least interested in.

"So is it all a lie?" , she thought bitterly. Those love stories they show in dramas, those forever lasting love dramas she has seen since she was a child. She had dreamt for a lot of things. A successful career in the kpop industry, a loving and supportive family and some friends to whom she can share whatever she wants.

But among those dreams, there was also one where she yearned for a loving partner. Someone with whom she would share all her childhood shenanigans, her secrets, her fears, her tears, her happiness and everything she owns. Someone with whom she would grow old.

"Karina, are you listening?", the man said.

"Yeah, sorry I zoned out. What were you saying?" , she apologized.

"I was saying since the date went so well, would you like to continue our conversation in my apartment? " . Karina internally cringed and felt disgusted by the man's audacity. She wanted to slap the smirk out of his annoying face but she had a reputation to maintain.

"I'm sorry but I don't think we are a good match. Thank you for the dinner but I need to leave now. "

Karina left the restaurant irrespective of the man's requests for another date and dialed her manager's contact asking him to pick her up.

"I guess it really is all a lie"

"Move!!!!!!! "

Karina looked towards the direction from where the sound came. Her eyes widened in horror when saw a bike coming towards her speedily.

"the area is still very sensitive as the wound hasn't healed completely. So I would suggest a complete bed rest for 2-3 months. A visit after a month would also be appreciated so that I can monitor the healing process." Y/N said to the woman accompanied by her what she assumed to her husband. The couple nodded their heads in acceptance and thanked their way out. The doctor batted her eyes at the couple sharing a loving kiss in relief and huffed internally. She felt disgusted. It wasn't like she hated them or had anything against them. She just hated the fact that there were people who still believed in love.

Her family and friends did everything they could to make her think otherwise. That love really existed. But she was at last a doctor. Someone who believed in practicality rather than on something which existed only in fairy tales and some k-dramas which cringed her to no limits. Her belief only strengthened last year when her parents got divorced. Her parents who were together since their college days and were deeply in love with each other.

"It was never real and it will never be. They who still believe will realise it soon."

The young doctor was deep in thoughts when she heard a loud voice from the reception area. She hurriedly went outside to see the matter when she heard another scream.

"Where's the doctor"???

"What's the matter?" Y/N asked the man sternly. Karina, who was trying to calm down her manager, looked towards the doctor.

" I'm really sorry doctor. It's just ......". She couldn't speak further. Karina just couldn't. She didn't realise what was happening when she suddenly felt it. Her heart suddenly increased its pace and was beating rapidly in her rib cage. She felt the blood rushing towards her cheeks turning them crimson red and found herself incapable to speak anything in front of the beautiful doctor.

"Maybe it's true!"

#aespa x reader #aespa karina #karina x reader #karina #yu jimin x reader #yu jimin #aespa #kpop au #kpop gg #kpop

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pickingupmymercedes · 4 months

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I'd like to believe - Lewis Hamilton

Alternative sequel to Maybe in another life / When I get to meet you

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

warnings: mentions of mourning, angst, will make you emotional

wordcount: +1K

a/n: Alternative-ish ending (this was actually my first draft to continue their story, so the happy-ish one is the alternative, sort of).

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

MILD TRIGGERING CONTENT UNDER, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

______________________________________________________________

My dearest little one,

Today marks ten years since you should have been here, celebrating another year of life. Ten times the snow has fallen, making everything quiet outside.

They say time heals all cuts, but some cuts go real deep, leaving scars that never quite go away. And I still find it hard to believe that a whole decade has passed.

You'd be so grown now, so full of life and curiosity, brimming with questions and dreams. I often wonder what you'd be like – would you have my stubbornness and determination, or your mother's grace and patience?

Maybe a beautiful blend of both, creating someone truly unique.

I’m going to visit your stone again later today. Leave this letter like every year. I suspect there’ll be fresh flowers, as always, probably from your mother.

She never forgets.

We never reconnected, not like I'd hoped for. But I think about her often.

I searched everywhere for her. I just really needed someone to share the pain with, someone to hold onto while everything fell apart. We tried talking, spilling out all our feelings, but the words wouldn't come out right. Maybe we were afraid of saying the wrong thing or making things worse.

Maybe we were both thinking the same thing – maybe if we'd done things differently, maybe you'd still be here.

After a while, the space between us just kept getting bigger, too big to cross. You see, your mom, she found a way to move on. She built a life for herself, a life where the pain was still there, but it didn't control her anymore.

I hope she's found peace and happiness, something she deserved more than anyone. She was an incredible woman, and I wish I had been the man she needed me to be.

I hope she reads these letters someday, that she understands how much I loved you both, how much I regret not being there when you needed me most.

Maybe one day, when the weight of these years starts to feel a little lighter, I can finally forgive myself.

Maybe then, I can find the strength to reach out to her, not to get back together, but to find some peace, a simple way to say thank you for the love we shared and sorry for the loss that tore us apart.

You know, life has changed quite a bit since I last wrote to you.

I'm with someone, have been for the past four years. She's patient, kind and knows about you. I don't think we'll ever have children though. She's got her own ghosts.

I retired from racing. Shortly after I won my eighth championship with Ferrari. It was a dream come true, but also bittersweet because I couldn't share it with you. I work as a consultant for the team now, just like Niki was for me at Mercedes. You’d have loved him.

It's a different kind of thrill, guiding the next generation of racers, helping them navigate the same challenges I once faced, but it drives me forward.

I’d like to believe you’d be proud of your old man for that.

I sometime wonder if you would have been drawn to racing too, or maybe you'd have found your passion in something entirely different. Whatever it might have been, I would have supported you every step of the way and with all my heart.

I think about the things you'd enjoy often; you know?! The hobbies and interests you'd develop.

Maybe you'd love music, like your mother. She had an incredible ear for it, always humming a tune or singing softly to herself. It’s what got us close in the first place so many years ago.

Perhaps you'd have a knack for building things, creating something out of nothing with your hands and imagination.

Either way, I hope you'd have found joy in the simple things, just like I try and do now.

There's so much I wish I could’ve shared with you. So many lessons I've learned the hard way and would to show you. Life isn't always easy, my little one. It's filled with ups and downs, triumphs and failures.

One of the most important things I wish I could’ve taught you is the value of love. Real love, the kind that fills your heart and soul, and is worth every bit of pain and sacrifice.

I had that with your mother, even if I didn't realize it at the time. She saw right through me, saw the man behind the driver, and loved me for who I was. I'd hope you'd find someone like that, someone who understands and loves you unconditionally.

It might hurt sometimes, but that's how you know it's real. Love isn't always easy, but it's the most beautiful thing.

I would want you to know that it's okay to make mistakes though. I made plenty, and each one taught me something valuable. The key is to learn from them, to grow and become a better person. But each moment, whether good or bad, shapes who you are.

I wish I could have been there to guide you through it all, to help you navigate the challenges and celebrate the victories. My motto has been “Still I Rise” for the longest time and if you wanted it could’ve been yours as well.

Life isn't about being perfect; it's about being true to yourself and striving to be the best version of you.

In the quieter moments I still dream about you, you know. In my dreams, you're a whirlwind of energy, your laughter filling the air. We go on adventures, explore the world together. I teach you what I know, and you teach me about everything else.

Those dreams are my sanctuary, a place where we can be together, even if just for a moment.

Sometimes, I catch myself talking to you out loud, as if you were right beside me. I tell you about my day, about the races, about the world. It might sound silly, but it brings me comfort. It's my way of keeping you close, of making sure you're never forgotten.

Even though we never got to meet, you are a part of me, and I carry you in my heart every day.

You are my greatest loss, but also my greatest gift. You've taught me more about love than anything else in this world.

Sometimes, under a sky full of stars, I imagine you up there with the constellations, looking down at me with curious eyes. And I need you to know that we love you still, deeply and unconditionally.

Ten years old. A whole person with your own personality, dreams, and wishes.

The world missed out on knowing you, and so did I.

But your memory, my precious child, it lives on. It lives on in the way I cherish every moment, every sunrise, every laugh shared with a friend. It lives on in the way I try to be a better person, kinder, someone who would have been a good dad to you.

This letter is my vow written down. A promise that even though you're not here, you'll never be forgotten.

Happy birthday, my sweet child. I hope, wherever you are, you're smiling, knowing that you are loved and cherished.

You are my light, my angel and a part of me. And though the path I walk may be lonely sometimes, I carry you and your mom with me in my heart, always.

With all the love that would have filled a lifetime.

Dad.

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @happy-golden-hour @vicurious28

@0710khj @thecubanator2 @neilakk @bigratbitchsworld @adriswrld

@fearfam69691 @cmleitora @goldenroutledge @timmychalametsstuff

If you’d like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton imagine #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #lewis hamilton #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fic

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jexnkookie · 1 month

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The Law of Attraction (Lawyer! Jung Kook x Reader) [Part 12]

Story Synopsis: Throughout his life, Jung Kook has only ever loved one girl. Despite her being out of his league and of an elite class that he wasn't born into, he fell hard, keeping his feelings a closely guarded secret. When they parted ways, and Jung Kook pursued his law career, he did so with the intent of moving on. But when she unexpectedly arrives back into his life, Jung Kook finds himself once again face to face with his own insecurities, and the girl of his dreams.

Story Rating: M (18+) [Language, sex, depression, alcoholism]

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Characters/Pairings: Lawyer! Jung Kook x Reader (feat. Jimin x Reader)

Chapter Word Count: 2.4k

Taglist: @cassies-cookies @crisle19 @dream-cvtcher @jimincrystal @jksusawife @jk-190811 @khadeeeeej @kooklovee @lalataegi @lallataegi @mukeovernetflix @rispwn @shellyyy177 @smoljimjim @taetaecatbo @user-190811 @whoa-jo @11thenightwemet11

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter (Coming Soon)

Series Masterlist

“I think I’ll let you start our conversation today. Whatever you’d like to talk about. I want you to take the reigns.”

Dr. Moore’s voice was calm and quiet, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in Jimin’s head, and in his heart. He sat in her office chair, like a scolded child, completely embarrassed of his actions. This was a new low, and it was a wake up call when Taehyung held on to him as he stumbled back to the treatment center in the cold rain. Finding the bottom of the bottle didn’t erase his memory of the look on your face. You were so afraid, fear written on every feature of your face, illuminated by the bar’s neon lights, and he did nothing to even attempt to comfort you. Even he was a mess, tripping over himself and slurring his words, you chose to run to Jung Kook and make sure he was ok instead. Jimin knew, in that moment, that he had lost you. He had used up all of your patience, and what he found was his true rock bottom.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Jimin admitted. “I wanted to be sober for Y/N. But, I know she’s not mine anymore. I… I can’t talk about last night. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t want to talk about it?” Dr. Moore asked, and Jimin nodded his head.

“I’m afraid.” He said. “I’m scared to tell my father.”

“Is that your biggest fear right now?”

Jimin thinks for a moment, and he nods his head.

“He’s going to be so angry with me, knowing that I lost her. He was very happy about our engagement… Losing her was my biggest fear, but I know there’s nothing I can do about that now.”

“Why was losing Y/N your biggest fear?”

“Because,” Jimin started, a bit offended. “She’s the love of my life.”

“But now that she’s gone… Your fear is placed back on your father.”

Jimin furrowed his brows and crossed his arms defensively, not understanding her thought process.

“Please correct me if you think that I’m off base, but have you thought that maybe, you weren’t afraid of Y/N leaving because of the love you have for her, but because if she left, it would mean disappointment from your father?”

Jimin’s lips parted to protest, but the words were caught in his mouth. He knew that the heart of what Dr. Moore was trying to point out was true. He loved you, undoubtedly, more than he’s ever loved anyone else. But the root of that fear, much like every other fear in his life, is his father’s disappointment. Parks get what they want. But Jimin didn’t get what he wanted, not this time. His father wouldn’t accept that.

“During our conversations together, Jimin,” Dr. Moore began, leaning in to focus on him. “Something you bring up time and time again, is your fear of your father. It’s an insecurity of displeasing him. It’s what made you angry with your mother’s death, what clings you to Y/N, what began your drinking. You look for ways to escape, or to never be left alone with him. That fear is what we should conquer. Everything else is secondary, and can’t be fixed on their own, without tackling that fear.”

It clicked. For the first time in Jimin’s life, the puzzle pieces were put into place. He was more terrified, and more heart broken, than he had ever felt in his life, but with it came a new kind of freedom.

Jimin spoke with her for a few more moments, attempting to articulate those emotions, and Dr. Moore just smiled supportively. As he worked his emotions out verbally, he could begin to untangle the web of connections. He left her office feeling just a bit lighter. The pain of losing you was still burning, fresh and hot in the center of his chest, and the threat of tears was ever present. But being able to lay out exactly what he needed to unravel inside himself, gave him a new pathway to happiness that could be more lasting. He wanted what was best for you, and he knew very clearly now that it wasn’t going to be him. He still had a long, long way to go.

——————————————————————————————————-

Jung Kook walked into his apartment after a long day of work, and noticed a sticky note on the kitchen counter. Your handwriting spelled out, “Wanted to go out for a bit. I’ll be back soon! :)”

He smiled to himself at the little smiley face at the end as he walked towards his bedroom, and changed out of his suit and into something more comfortable. He took the time alone to video call his mother, who he hadn’t been able to speak in length to.

“Hi, Eomma.” Jung Kook greeted her.

“Oh, I missed you.” She said with a sad chuckle. “How do you like it there?”

“I do.” He replied, looking out the window onto the city. “But I do miss home, of course. It’s hard not to.”

“Home misses you, too.” She said. “But you must be so busy with work, aren't you?”

“Very much.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Eomma, do you remember… Do you remember Y/N?”

“The girl you talked so much about?” Jung Kook could practically hear her smile over the phone. “Yes, I remember hearing about her.”

“You won’t believe what’s happened.” He said, laying back onto his bed.

As he continued to explain to her everything that’s happened, he was oblivious to your presence in the living room, right outside of his bedroom. You had come home from a solo shopping day, and you placed your bags on the coffee table in front of the sofa. You were excited to show Jung Kook your gift for him, as a thank you for all that he’s done for you. But as you walked towards his bedroom door, and heard him on the phone, you couldn’t help but stop when you overheard what he was saying.

“She’s the only girl I’ve ever wanted, Eomma.” Jung Kook said. “You know that.”

“I do.” She smiled sweetly. “I still remember how you came home from Seoul after breaking off your engagement, and you told me you just couldn’t go through with it. You were so upset for hurting her, but you did the right thing by being honest.”

“I didn’t even think I’d ever see Y/N again.” He admitted. “I just… I couldn’t get married, knowing I had feelings for Y/N. I know those feelings are never going away.”

You snuck away to your bedroom, with your breath caught in your lungs. You had already known that Jung Kook had left his engagement because of how he felt for you, but hearing him say that those feelings are something that he thinks will never leave, set an indescribable feeling in your chest. Maybe it was just butterflies, or maybe it was a newfound sense of hope, that there was a lasting calm to be found after weathering the storm. You turned your attention to the bouquet of flowers he had given you, somehow still vividly colorful and in bloom by your beside. Red and pinks painted onto the soft petals, somehow still not wilted. It was a reminder that if you take care of something seemingly delicate, it can be strong.

“Y/N?” Jung Kook asked from the living room, breaking your thoughts. “You home?”

Home. That word wasn’t lost on you.

His voice was the same, but it sounded sweeter somehow. It lingered, taking it’s time and resting comfortably in the room. Your feet took over, throwing themselves onto the apartment’s hardwood floor, and rushing over to find him. He stood in the living room, same stars sparkling in his dark eyes that you’ve become so familiar with. You walked over to him, and took him by surprise when you wrapped your arms around him, and rested your head on his chest. His eyes widened, thinking that maybe something else bad had happened, but no tears came. Instead, you just held him, and he rested into your touch, putting his arms around you too.

“Hi.” He smiled, before placing a kiss to your hair. “Missed you today.”

“I’m really happy you’re here.” You said, looking up at him without letting go. "Thank you.”

Jung Kook’s gaze became incredibly soft and gentle. He knew in that instant, that he had become a safe place for you to run to. So, he kept his arms around you, and somehow managed to pull you in closer, before connecting his lips to yours. Every movement was a promise; the smile he felt your lips turn into as he kissed them, the way his hands traced your curves, how your fingers found his hair to pull him in. They were all promises of a better, but undefined future. Jung Kook knew you wouldn’t leave him lonely anymore, and he knew you understood that he was yours. You just had to let him in.

—————————————————————————————————

A few days passed, and during that time, you worked up the nerve to meet Jimin again. You knew that what you would receive when you met him, was closure. It was the inevitability that you were somehow hoping to avoid.

Love doesn’t die all at once. It’s an unhurried death, with shallow breaths and the slowing of hearts. And like everything else, no two loves die in exactly the same way, because no two loves are ever the same. You didn’t want to know how your love with Jimin would end, but you knew that in order to start again, this was a step you had to take.

When you walked in to meet Jimin, as you had done so many times before, you were taken aback. He sat alone, with an aura of peace in his presence that hadn’t been there for as long as you could remember. He looked at you, and he offered a gentle, knowing half-smile. He could feel love’s slow death too, and much like you, he was in the final stage of mourning. Acceptance.

You sat down in the meeting room, sharing his company on a soft, blue sofa. The air was fragile, and both of you were aware of its unpreventable breaking. Jimin’s knee touched yours, as you sat close together on the edge of the cushions. He wondered silently if that was the last time he would ever touch you.

“Do you remember,” Jimin spoke up, breaking the silence. “How my mother would watch you whenever you jumped off the diving board into your pool, and then try to convince me to do the same?”

“Yeah.” You smiled at the memory. “Mrs. Park would always comment to my mother that I was fearless.”

Jimin laughed with a tinge of sadness, his eyes beginning to water.

“And there I was, shaking as I climbed the latter.” He said. “She watched me, and when I stood up there, looking back down at her, I was so scared. But Eomma would give me a nod, and a smile, and a thumbs up. It was enough to get me to jump, and once I hit the water… I realized, every time, that I never drown, or sunk to the bottom. I always managed to swim back up.”

You watched Jimin as he spoke, but his eyes never met yours as he told his story. He looked down at the floor, as though he could visualize the pool below him. Jimin transformed in his mind to that scared kid once again, looking down at his mother, who stood right by the water and knew he could make it.

“I think what she was teaching me, is that I don’t have to be afraid to jump.” Jimin said. “I think she knew that no matter what, I would always find a way to… swim back up again.”

“I think so, too.” You smiled, and took his hand in yours. His eyes met yours, and your tears matched his.

“I want to apologize to you, honey.” Jimin said. “For everything. I’m so sorry for hurting you. You never deserved any of it. I know I haven’t acted like it, but when I told you that you’re the love of my life, I meant it. But I also know that I can’t sit here, after everything, and ask you to stay with me.”

His hand tightened its grip on yours, and tears that had been lining the waterlines of your eyes were now overflowing. Jimin had droplets of his own, and he smiled a sad smile. He knew you were exhausted, and he understood that to love you, in this moment, would be to let you go.

“I’m going to miss you, angel.” Jimin said, his voice almost a whisper as he committed your features to memory. “I’m sorry. I hope you know that I’ll always love you, no matter what. And if you ever need anything… If you’re ever lonely… I’ll be there.”

You nod, unable to speak.

“I love you, too.” You said with a sad smile of your own. “No matter what.”

Jimin leaned in, and stole one last kiss from your lips. He knew he’d never forget how your lips tasted, or how they felt on his. It was tattooed onto his memory, and had been since the first time he had ever kissed you that night on the beach.

You never knew that a kiss could hurt until that moment. It felt like a burning in your chest, like your body was screamingatyou that this is what you need. But you knew it wasn’t. Your heart felt like it was being ripped away from you, leaving your body cold and empty. You were truly saying goodbye to your Jiminie, watching your future together crumble and disintegrate with a few words and a kiss.

When he finally mustered up the power to let go, you reached into your bag, and took out the engagement ring he had given you in front of your families. Jimin watched as you placed it in his hand, and curled his fingers around it. The metal was cold, indicating just how long it had been since it was on your hand.

Words failed the both of you. There was nothing else to say. So instead, you looked at his delicate features one last time, before slowly rising from the sofa, and exiting the room. Jimin, who wanted so badly to chase after you, couldn’t bring himself to move. So he sat alone, watching you walk away, as he held the ring meant for you in his hand.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fic #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #the law of attraction #lawyer!jungkook #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin x y/n #jimin fanfic #jimin fic

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jocelynscrazyideas · 5 months

Note

I NEED MORE QUINN CONTENT

Hurts | Quinn Hughes x Reader🫶

NOT PROOD READ

🚨‼️none of my blurbs are ever proof read‼️🚨

Summary: Quinn gets defensive in his take of having kids, in order to be happy in a successful relationship, you feel that you need to have a partner that values having their own family. Quinn disagrees and decides to focus on his career, which you agreee and support, but you bring up having to split. Quinn makes a decision…

Warnings: physical contact, no abuse, argument if kids?

A:N- Ik you prob meant some smut, but I’m in a mood and I decided to write something else🫶 Quinn smut coming next after a Jack smut!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

I told myself that I would stand up for myself, I would never let a man tell me what to do. I’m an independent woman, who occasionally lets herself have fun with her boyfriend. It’s difficult trying to fulfill your childhood dreams, but this isn’t a dream. This is a full on goal, I know I can keep up to it, it’s just Quinn makes me want to disrespect myself.

He literally screams out my name, he listens, he helps me understand things that I don’t get, he supports me, and most importantly, he gives me respect, and true loyalty and honesty, he fully trusts me. He would give me anything I want.

“Lovie?” Quinn breaks the silence from our previous argument. He places his hand on my inner thigh. I feel a pulse in my pelvis.

“Hm.” I responded, just letting him know I’m listening, but still upset about our disagreement. Early on in the morning, Wuinn and I disagreed about the love for our jobs and our future together. I wnat kids, he doesn’t. I know, I said he would give me anything that makes me happy. This is one thing he doesn’t agree upon.

Quinn had previously mentioned that kids isn’t in his future, just because he’s so focused on his career. Do I agree with his story? Yes. I understand where he’s coming from, but I’m truly curious when we can have babies.

“I know some people break up from not agreeing in a future family. But that’s not us.” Quinn stated.

I’m disappointed. I really am, I thought he would understand where I’m coming at.

“Well, just saying… when you get the handle of being Captain, maybe we could fit in having a child, or more.” I insist. I know it’s hard, you know being Captain, but after a few years of Captain.

I mean we’re at the perfect age to start considering kids. Mid-20s, that way when our kids are about 10, we’ll be 30, and when they’re 18… well we would be about early late 40s. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wait a few years to have kids, especially Quinn story.

I’m staring out the window, I know it’s hard for Quinn to feel so left out of my thinking, but I’m truly horrified. I’m scared that this will split us apart. Maybe this is a sign from God. Maybe I’m getting signals by the universe, “this is what’s best for us.” Quinn says as he looks over at me.

Suddenly the trees look so beautiful. Maybe I should just jump out of this car, the ride home is taking to long.

We’re driving home from a party at Peteys house to kick off the season. Our first game is next week and the roster is finalized, the letters are printed on the jerseys. Everything is ready.

“We have to finish this.” Quinn says, not letting this go.

“fine.” I say making it clear I don’t want to finish this “debate” and this so called “problem” of mine. I pull out my phone and call Ellen.

“Hey Mama Bear!” I say, Ellen can’t know that Quinn and I are going through something. This “debate” isn’t just happening, it’s been brought up about four times.

“What’s up Y/n? Something wrong?” Ellen askes, she gets up from her kitchen table and walks into her bedroom, where Jim lays on his computer finishing some work.

She points the camera at them both and Quinn speaks up, “no mom. Nothings wrong, I’m not sure why Y/n keeps calling.” Quinn motions to put the phone down. I obviously don’t do as he says.

“Yes, actually. I’m just wondering-“ I imply, but Quinn cuts me off.

“No. Nothing is wrong.” And he takes my phone and turns off the video call. He chucks the phone in the back. He pulls into the driveway of our home.

“We can fix this ourselves.” Quin eyes my belly. He climbs over the panel that separates my seat and Quinn’s.

“no, I don’t think we can.” I say as I pull away from Quinn’s request to kiss me. I see the look in Quinn’s eyes as he sees my pain.

My voice cracks, I sure I can’t be with someone that doesn’t wnat the life Ive fancied since I was a girl.

“Lovie. Come back.” Quinn slams his car door, and he locks the vehicle. He storms behind me as I run into our bathroom.

“Unlock the door.” Quinn pounds not once but twice and his feet trail off to our garage.

“Unlock it before I wreck it.” Quinn says as he grunts as if he picked something heavy off the ground.

“I don’t want to have makeup sex, or talk about it. Just let me live, or let me think this through. Because Quinn, right now it sounds like you want me to give up my dreams of being a mom.” I know hate is a sin. I just- I’m not sure if I can even think about leaving my childhood goal behind.

“Okay. If that’s what you need, I’ll leave.” And I hear a crack and a boom from above me.

I look up from the ground and I see Quinn has stabbed the door with a hatchet. I didn’t even know we had that in our home.

I stand up from the ground and back up towards our shower. I hit our wall that’s parallel to our wood door.

“I love you.” Quinn says as I see the door bang. The door is about to give up. Quinn runs into the door once more and I see him fall to the ground with our door. I’m stuck inside our shower. Quinn is on the door that had fallen. The wind was knocked iut if him.

“Baby?” I say as I step carefully out of the bathroom and into our room. I grab a first aid kit.

Quinn is bleeding from his head.

“Why did you do it?” I say in a frantic tone. I pick Quinn’s head up and I clean his wound.

“I’m fine. And I want kids.” Quinn says as he smiles.

Quinn gets up and sticks a bandaid on his cut. He takes his pants off and followed by his boxers. He throws his shirt off. He’s bare skinned and he jumps into bed.

I do the same. I throw my shirt off, leaving my bra on, and I slide my jeans off. Taking my thong off and sliding it onto if Quinn’s pile of clothing, I snap my bralette off and I throw it elsewhere. I jump into bed as Quinn hold me. The lights are off, doors are locked. We’re exhausted.

Quinn holds me in his arms, legs wrapped over me. Dick pricked up looking at me. My boobs hang to the side as I’m laying on my side as well. Quinn pulls me in, kisses my shoulder, and he whispers a name.

“Vada.” Quinn kissed my forehead and sets his head in my breasts. He falls asleep, not a care in the world about our broken door that he had slammed down.

This argument is settled, we’re having kids.

#jocelynscrazyideas #hockey #nhl #umich hockey #quinn hughes #captain huggy #captain quinn #🍇🍇🍇#nhl fic #hockey blurb #quinn hughes x reader #emotional angst

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dollediary · 2 years

Text

He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen smut #kpop smut #jake x reader #jake x fem reader #enhypen jake #enhypen jake smut #jake smut #jake scenarios #jake angst #jake imagines #enhypen angst

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igotanidea · 1 year

Text

Puppy love : father!dick grayson x mother!reader

request by @parkjammys " no, we cannot get a puppy" with Dick.

A/N: as announced, I put it in a single parent!verse, hope you'll enjoy. You can find other stories from this verse under the tag :)

***

„Pretty please?” Sienna’s eyes were wide open and shining like stars as she was looking at her father pleading to make her dream come true.

“Sienna….” Dick sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. It was always hard to refuse his little girl. Given everything she had been through, starting from being abandoned by her own mother, didn’t she deserve some joy and fun. But life was hard sometimes and he had to be a responsible adult. “No, we cannot have a puppy”.

“But why?” the girl pouted, her eyes turning sad and that view broke Dick’s heart. But he was a single father, who had to balance life, job, taking care of his kid and now, making time for some who was pretty much in love with. “daddy?”

“ I’m sorry princess. I’m just not sure if we can fit a dog into our life at the moment…..”

“This is so not fair!” Sienna smoothly came from being sweet and charming to throwing a temper tantrum, stumping her little feet on the ground angrily. ‘I want a puppy!”

“I know, honey, but…..” before Dick could finish the sentence, Sienna started crying, sobbing and almost threw herself on the ground. In the kindergarten entrance in front of every mother who came to pick their kids after a whole day. Freaking great. What was he supposed to do now? Wait until she stops? Use some force, lift her up and pack her into the car? Dick Grayson, who was capable of handling almost anything became completely helpless in the clash with his girl’s fury.

“Hey, everything all right here?” a bit concerned, but still optimistic and familiar voice interrupted hysterical sobbing and Dick sighed in relief. Thank god, Y/N showed up to pick up Thomas. Maybe she could reach to Sienna and make her calm down.

“Miss Thomas’s mother!” Sienna immediately stood up and threw herself at the older woman, hugging her legs tightly.

“Mummy!” clearly Thomas heard his mother’s voice from the open door and mirrored Sienna’s action, running at the woman, sudden impact from two sides, almost making her trip and fall.

“Hi there, kiddos.” The woman smiled wrapping arms around both boy and girl, throwing a glance at Dick and chuckling at his desperation “How was your day?”

“Daddy won’t buy me a dog! Why not? I can take care of it! I would hug it and love it and take care of it! Please, Miss Thomas’s mum, can you tell him I would be good? Can you tell him to get me a puppy?”

“Where does this come from? Why puppy all of a sudden?’ Y/N asked, her gaze meeting Dick’s. It was like he forgot where he was, his eyes just showing all the love sickness he held for the woman in front of him. Like a schoolboy. “Richard?” she called, reaching out and poking him in the chest lightly finally getting his conscious attention “Hi there.”

“Hi…..” he whispered, but quickly realised she was waiting for some answer “Oh, um…. Sorry” he cleared his throat “Apparently one of the girls….”

“Alicia!” Sienna corrected

“Yes, of course, Alicia. Brought photos of her pet and Sienna became enamoured in an instant.”

“I see. And now you want one for yourself, don’t you?”

“Yes, please….” Sienna hid her face in Y/N’s knees hugging her even closer.

“Can we get one too, mummy? We could take walks together with Sienna.” Thomas looked up at his mother with pleading eyes. “It would be so much fun!”

“You know what?” Y/N put both kids on the arm’s length, crouching to their level and focusing on both little faces. “I think I might have an idea about that….”

“You do?” Dick, his daughter and Thomas eyed Y/N like she was their salvation and she just smiled and nodded.

“Yeah We’re gonna take a little trip. Buckle up. I’m driving.”

“I will not take the passenger seat!” Dick objected out of instincts.

“too bad for you, Grayson. Either you shotgun and follow my lead or go home alone while I kidnap your daughter.” Y/n let out a laugh, opening the car and letting the kids in. Luckily they were too busy with the belts and talking about what kind of trip it was going to be to notice Dick coming close to Y/N and brushing his lips over hers briefly.

“I hate you…..” he whispered, smiling into the kiss “you make me so weak and compliant…..”

“Unlike your daughter, huh?” she caressed his arm and shoulder. “I really hope to see your dominant side soon….. I missed it…..”

“Y/N…..” he groaned

“Get in the car before any of the parent sees us. There are enough rumours…”

“I don’t care about adults.” He chuckled, stepping away from her “but if Sienna and Thomas starts asking questions, we’ll be toasted.”

***

The car ride was shorter than anyone may expect and filled with talks and laughter. It was almost like they were a family. But once Y/N parked in front of a grey, omniscient looking facility the kids got quiet. They couldn’t quite decipher what was written on the front door but something was telling them this was going to be serious and their laughter stopped.

“Mummy?” Thomas stuttered “what is this place? I’m scared.”

“There’s no need” she smiled at her son “no one is going to hurt any of you here. I promise. I just want you to see and learn something very important.”

“And then we’ll go get the puppy?” Sienna was extremely stubborn.

“We’ll see how it will turn out, all right little one?”

“Sure. Whatever…..” the girls crossed arms over her chest, looking way more adorable than resentful.

Once they got out and walked through the door, Thomas grabbed his mother’s hand, refusing to let go, still a bit scared and far more focused than his little friend who just busted right through ready to check whatever tour this was and go to an animal store.

“Not so fast!” Dick caught her and lifted her up, getting the plan Y/N had. “You cannot really run here. We came for a lesson.”

“What lesson? I don’t… Oh!” the voice froze in her throat as she noticed the cages with dogs in them. All kinds of dogs. Big, small, white and brown and black. Old and young. But what made them all similar was the pain and fear on their muzzles. And once the four people appeared, all of them moved towards the front, begging and pleading eyes focusing on the kids.

“What is this place, mummy?” Thomas started turning his head around.

“It’s called shelter. This is home for all those dogs that no one wanted.”

“But why?” Sienna sobbed again, struggling against her father’s grip and Dick finally put her down “why would no one want them? They look so sad…..” her little fingers rested on the glass of the cage as the little dog put his little paw on it “it’s not fair…..”

“You see, a puppy is not only about fun and playing.” Y/N explained, feeling sudden warm as Dick’s free hand entwined with hers “but it’s also about taking care of it. Feeding, cleaning, taking to the vet, spending a lot of time with it. Some people just get bored with those animals or have too much to do to care.”

“I don’t understand…..” Sienna frowned

“Oh!” Thomas’s eyes grew wide “I think I do.”

“Really? Tell me then, son.”

“I hears someone says once that a puppy is not a toy and you should not get one unless you are sure you know how to care for it. Is that what this was about mummy?”

“My clever boy.” Y/n couldn’t hide the pride in her voice “that was exactly it.”

“so…..” Sienna frowned again, a lot of thoughts forming in her head “this would be too hard to have a puppy now?”

“I’m sorry, sunshine.” Dick crouched next to his daughter “But a lot is happening and we don’t want to end up hurting whatever puppy you will get, do we?”

“No…..” the girl hesitated “No, we don’t, but…. What about all those doggies? Can we help them?”

“Actually, we can.” One of the workers, dressed in an apron chimed in “Hey there, Y/N. Giving the kids a tour?”

“Hello Dave. Something like that. I see we came right in the feeding time. Would you mind it our little Sienna the explorer and Thomas the Indiana jones, joined you? You can tell them about the volunteering and helping here.” Y/n winked at the man who were clearly her friend.

“More than happy, Y/N. You busy parents can take a little break, those two are in good hands.”

***

“You’re so smart.” Dick whispered once they took Dave on his offer and sneaked outside. His arms wrapped around her, pressing her close to his chest, wandering around her back.

“Because of how I handled the kids or because it gave as alone time?” she smirked

“Both.” His lips found hers and he kissed her gently, slowly, carefully. “Don’t you think it’s time to talk to kids about us? I’m tired of hiding and sneaking around.”

“Dick?” she tried to pull back, shocked by his question, but he didn’t let her, chasing her lips and kissing her more, this time reassuringly and she melted. Of course she had objections about it. Not about Dick, but about introducing another man into her son’s life , which could been hard. And Thomas’s acceptance was everything for Y/N. His father run away when the boy was two years old, so that wound was still fresh and she had to have her son’s well-being in the back of her mind. It was not only about her.

But god, how she wanted to try.

Dick made her feel everything she never had. Love, partnership, care. Even when they were bantering or teasing or even fighting from time to time, it was all because they had so many emotions for each other, not because they wanted to cause pain and hurt.

“Don’t run away from me….” He whispered, holding her tighter, brushing his nose over hers “Please, just give this a chance. Give us a chance. I don’t want to hide how I feel. I don’t want to have to deflect the advances of the mother’s. I want to be able to kiss you and hold you in public and not watch out if someone may see us. God, Y/N. I love you. “ there, he said it. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I ……”

He will keep on saying it if it wasn’t for the fact that her hands locked on his neck and pulled him down to kiss, effectively shutting him up. He loved how her fingers played with his hair and how nice her body felt against him when she pressed herself closer.

“I hear you, Dick.” She finally had to let go and take a breath, leaning her forehead on his.

“And?” he smirked, but his heart was doing flips in anticipation for her answer.

“God, you fool! Of course I love you too! With all my heart! I loved you from the moment I first saw you at the parent-teacher meeting! You were so lost there, the only father, like an odd duck amongst the mother hens” she laughed wholeheartedly

“Good thing I had you to take a place next to me and save me.” He gripped her waist and pecked her lips again.

“You broke me. Ever since then I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“During the days or the nights?” he teased again

“find someone to take care of the kids tonight and I can show you….” She whispered into his ear, getting a groan from the back of his throat just as he imagined all the things he would do to her. “But first, let’s get our kids back, before they make us adopt every dog in here."

#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x you #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson x oc #dick grayson #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson fanfiction #dick grayson fluff #dc fluff #father!dick grayson #dick grayson x mum!reader #single parent! verse

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sturniolo04 · 4 months

Text

Boyfriend's Brother M.S. & C.S.

Bf!Chris x Gf!Fem!Reader x fwb!Matt

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

Emmy's POV: His hands were all over my body making me feel safe and loved. His lips roamed all the places I wanted him to roam finding all of my sweet spots in need. I tugged on his messy brown hair not being able to contain myself from his touch.... i giggled at his cuteness finally sitting next to me on my bed cuddling me finally

Matt: jesus youre adorable

Emmy: you are too

Matt: whatever

Emmy: You have to go back home otherwise Chris is going to find out about this

Matt: fine leaving now

he says rolling off of her bed putting his clothes back on

How long has this been going on you may ask since the day we became best friends. there was this spark between me and Matt and it just happened so fast I couldn't see it coming or stop it from coming.. it just happened...

Matt: I will hopefully see you tomorrow night maybe princess

Emmy: we'll see Matthew

I replied after he leans over and gives me one last peck on the lips. He leaves to room as i stand up getting ready ironically enough I am supposed to be hanging out with Chris today.

Madi came back in the room, Madi was my roommate in our new apartment together

Madi: heyy

Emmy: hey how was Jacob's

I ask seeing she stayed over last night

Madi: great he is just amazing

she states plopping on my bed

Emmy: well thats good Madi

Madi: what about you? you and Chris good

Emmy: i mean kinda

Madi: ooo spill sista

Emmy: its totally nothing were fine

Madi: Emmm

Emmy: i just- i dont- got alot to figure out is all

Madi: Okay well i am here for you love

Emmy; I know

I state as Madi gets up and head back to her room

and it was true me and Chris are good

Emmy: oh hey i am leaving with the Chris in 10

Madi: okay have fun

Emmy; Thanks i will definitely try just that

i tease as she throws a pillow at me laughing. We posted a new roomie type instagram since we live together now

@itzemmy

itzemmy: look at my roomie <3

and I headed out the door

I met up with Chris and we were just walking around the mall hanging out like normal when well

Chris: i just dont feel like you feel the same way about me that i do for you

Emmy: What no i totally do Chris

Chris: yeah

Emmy: yeah i wouldnt be dating you if that wasnt the case silly

you say pushing him playfully as you guys walk through the mall

Emmy: we are back

I announced walking in the Sturniolo house, since I knew madi said she was hanging out here today, sitting on Chris' lap seeing Matt glance over in my direction

Madi; im going to go see Jacob so see ya losers

she sates walking out the door. i walk into chris' room sighing after Chris left to go run some last minute errands, hopping in the shower to wash off the day as i feel a presence behind me

Emmy: Matthew!

i whisper/yell

Matt: Pincess

he responds leaning in for a kiss

Emmy: no Matt we cant not now not ever

i say freaking out turning the water off and getting out and grabbing a towel wrapping it around my body walking into my room with him following

matt: why not Emmy

Emmy: Because i'm dating your brother thats why Matt

Matt: ...

Emmy: and we cant hurt him

i said on the verge of tears seeing i did really like him

Matt: your right

he says walking out the door closing it behind him.. i couldnt help but cry... as Madi walk in

Madi: I knew you would-... Emmy

Madi: whats going on love

she says as the she squat down next to me by the bed

Emmy: i-i like a boy i am not suppose to like

Madi: Chris..

Emmy: no... its...

Taglist

@adirtylittleheart @mintsturniolo

#sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x you #sturniolo triplets x reader #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris x reader #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo

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slutouttanowhere · 8 months

Text

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Desiree Simons(oc)

a/n: This was already posted once on ao3, but I figured the non ao3 readers would prefer to have it posted here on tumblr. My oc has a mini introduction if you wanna check that out, it lined to my pinned post. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure how to go about this fic, but then Never Lose Me by Flo Milli—the inspiration—started playing and my brain instantly clicked on. Even though this is the same story still gonna tag my wonderful beta @insatiableorsmthn especially bc she’s not even a wrestling fan and put up with my man–splaining. Hope you all enjoys this, reblogs are appreciated, questions and comments are welcomed. Love ya ✨💜

Chapter 1: Never Lost You

Monday Night Raw

“Desiree, I’m serious; if you’re still not feeling 100, maybe it’s a bad idea to return early,” my dad’s worried face deepens over his end of the FaceTime call. When Hunter put together Becky, and I’s Wrestlemania match two years ago, my dad was the first person to know. To say he was happy is an understatement, that was the cause of our real first argument. My dad’s need to protect me kept clashing with not only original creativity, but also my independence. I lost count on how many times I had to tell him to stop handing me baby gloves. My vision for Wrestlemania was me finally stepping out of the shadows, proving that I have my own personality, and that I can be the main event without any help. He always supports everything I do, but he absolutely would not have it with the tables, latters, and chairs. So when I lied and told him it wouldn't be involved, I lied. Truth be told Becky didn’t want to put my knee through that chair, only after I begged, and wore her down about it she agreed to it. In the end, we were both proud of how everything turned out, that year's Wrestle Mania event sold out Madison Square Garden. I remember my dad waiting backstage that night with tears in his eyes, both tears of joy, and disappointment. From that point on my dad stopped asking about my matches, all he asks about is my health, and if I was satisfied with the outcome. However when he found out I’m returning earlier than what I was originally scheduled, that’s when he expressed true concern.

“I know, Daddy. I’ve thought about that…” I trail off for a moment as I weigh all my impossible options. My father’s Hall of Famer ring glints from the sunlight coming in from his patio window. That’s when my previous doubts about returning to the ring, got put to bed. If I want to be the greatest, better than my dad, then I can’t sit around the house all day. “I don’t have time to wait for 100 percent; you can’t become the greatest by waiting for perfection.” I caught a glimpse of the fire in my eyes from the reflective image through the phone, I can feel the way my eyebrows are pinching together, and my lips purse in resilience. The reassurance of my words were his reserve, any worries he had are long gone.

The smile on his lips shines brightly, and just then my mom pokes her head into frame. “Whatever you decide, you know we support you, baby girl.” She smiles warmly, her tone soft and loving as always. My heart aches as I start to feel homesick. I haven’t been home to Huston in god knows how long, but instead of crying about it, I suck it up so as to not make my parents worry about me.

“Alright then, you’ve put your foot down. I’ll let you go, I know you’re very busy tonight. Love you Dee.” He waved his hand, and my mom blew me a kiss. I kiss them back, and hang up the phone. I inhale deeply, collecting my thoughts; a plethora of emotions pass over me and I would like to get them all down to one constant before I step through the curtain tonight.

“I’m all done, girl.” My hair stylist, Janelle, fluffs my long curls. I look up from my phone, and into the mirror in front of me, my lips curl into a sly smirk. Everytime, she knocks it out of the park with every style I request of her. The pink highlights match my bright pink under eyeliner – not my favorite color, but I’m really trying to lean into showcasing my alternative fashion sense more on tv. I was originally opposed to a heel turn, I felt like the fans wouldn’t be into it, but I seriously underestimated them. Besides, I’m having fun pretty much getting away with being an emotionally spiraling asshole on TV. My outfit for the opening of the show is simple with a little bit of edge, but it’s still stepping on necks. You can never go wrong with all black.

“Yesss ma’am,” I dance around in a circle emphasizing my gratitude and excitement. “Now that’s what I’m talking about! Thanks, Janelle – I’ll see you next month.” We hug, and kiss, then I go on about my way, making my way down the hall to catering. I pass a few people here and there waving and responding to small talk on the way by, until I spot Mercedes in the back with Becky. Upon seeing me, their faces light up, causing me to dance my way all the way to their table.

“Well aren’t you just glowing, bursting full of energy.” Mercedes slaps hands with me before I take a seat at the table. I steal a grape from her fruit salad, to which she playfully stabs me with her fork.

“Doc put me back together now I’m a real boy again.” I joke playfully, and Mercedes bumps her shoulder into mine, a sly smirk on her lips. Becky doesn’t buy what I’m selling her, so when our gazes meet, I silently beg her to leave it. She remains silent, but I know I’ll be getting an ear full later. Despite us all being booked tonight, it’s been so long since we were all in the same place at once so, we all sit around joking, chit-chatting for a bit, and it feels like picking up right where we left off before my hiatus. Time gradually begins to dwindle down for me, creeping closer to the match. Tonight is supposed to initiate a tag team with Drew and I versus Seth and Becky. I have yet to find Drew and catch up with him, though I would be saying I’m lying if I haven’t been trying to avoid him. I manage to steal another piece of fruit from Becky, and this time she doesn’t fight me on it. “Kay, this is where I leave you ladies. I’ll see you out there Becks.” I stand up from my seat, phone in hand. My eyes scan the room once to see if he was already here before I waste my time running all over the arena. I’m not surprised when I can’t spot him; Drew’s always been a chill loner type. I’ve almost never seen him hanging out with groups of people, it’s one of the things that brought my attention to him when we first met. He’s a quiet guy that lets his abilities speak for themselves, in more ways than one. A shiver runs down my spine as flashbacks detour my mind from the mission at hand. A week before my return, I had a meeting with Hunter, and Vince to figure out where the story should go once I return. We ran through a few ideas here, and there. They wanted me to go just skip ahead and go right for Rhea Rippley, but I wanted it to be as natural as possible. I felt like the previous story didn’t quite close how it was supposed to. So when I brought up Becky that’s what led to Vince’s idea of getting Seth, and Drew involved. “The ending of your story with Becky, will be the beginning of not only Drew’s story, but now the beginning of your feud with Rhea Rippley.”

I wave the girls goodbye, and set on my way once again. The amount of people in the hallways are thinner than they were a half hour ago. I pass a ref gently grab onto their shoulder, “Hey have you seen Drew.” They smile at me, no doubt happy to see me back, but when their lips tilt down in a frown, its all the answer I need. That was the fifth person that had come up empty and I was starting to think he either didn't make it to the arena, or left.

“Wassup DeeDee, lookin for your boyfriend?” Colby’s voice comes from behind, a knowing smirk plastered onto his lips when I turn to look at him. I roll my eyes deeply, ignoring the pain I cause myself, and fold my arms over my chest.

“Ha ha, have you seen him or not?” I cut to the chase. Colby is like the older brother I never wanted, always putting his big nose in business that isn’t his own. He shrugs his shoulders, a look of feign confusion etched across his face as he brings a finger to his chin tapping it. He takes his sweet time pondering, long enough that I begin to turn and walk away. Usually I’m in the mood to goof around, but there were too many things on my mind. Drew being the main one, and truth be told he’s been living rent free in my head.

“Geesh okay, okay, calm down. I think the doctor may have accidentally screwed your brain up in the process. What happened to your humor, Dee?” His frown deepens when I continue to stare him down; if my annoyance isn’t evident a moment ago, it sure is now. I shift the weight in my hips, my arms falling to my sides, and my hand coming up to pinch the bridge of my nose. I get a good glimpse at his outfit, and I won't admit to him out loud how well his new sense of fashion is working for him. He’s bringing out his Randy Savage, and Ric Flair in these outfits. I’m sort of jealous.

“It was my knee, you dumb ass, I injured my knee.” I tap my knee cap with the other hand, to which he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. His WWE Heavyweight Championship was an eyesore, and I am quite honestly tired of looking at it at the moment. It’s just a reminder of how long I’ve been gone, and just how many opportunities I’ve been missing out on because of this stupid injury.

“I’m sure you’ll find your…friend lurking in some dark corner, I passed by him like 30 minutes ago that way.” Colby jabs his thumb in the direction behind him. My heart speeds up unexpectedly, it’s been a year since I’ve seen, or even spoken to Drew.

“Thanks.” I mumble, my body already moving past Colby, he grasps me in the shoulder giving it a light squeeze, but then lets me go afterwards. I keep walking until I reach a break in the white brick walls. It's odd to place a break off hall here, but that’s why it made the perfect hiding place, I suppose. Looks like it’s used to store tools, and such. There he is, leaning against a crate with headphones over his head. His eyes are closed, and his arms crossed over his broad chest. He’s already dressed for the first segment of the night, he kept it simple in a pair of jeans, a merch t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers. I don’t really want to disturb him, but I don’t really have a choice. “Stop being pussyfoot Des, and just do it.” I murmur to myself, taking a step forward. Drew’s eyes fly open, his head snapping in my direction. I squeak out of shock; his intuition is freaky and accurate. His eyes soften once he realizes who is standing before him. He pulls off his headphones and the sound of heavy rock bleeds from them piques my interest for a moment. We used to stay up all night till we fell asleep on the phone, talking about our favorite bands. Between me wanting to keep things between us private, and me letting my injury cause a wedge between us, it’s safe to say I felt responsible for ruining whatever it was we had. “Wassup Andrew, been a while, kid.” I play it off cool, I try to step away from our past, and just get through this moment. I should have known better.

He walks closer, his tall frame towering over me causing me to have to look up at him from this distance. “I would ask how’s the knee, but you seem to be just fine don’t ya, princess.” His tone is sharp and I’m thrown off by his response. Instantly, I lose my chill. My arms fold over my chest, an attempt to calm myself down, but he’s always gotten underneath my skin with ease.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I’m quickly reminded of the last argument we had, in fact all of our arguments usually start because he goads me into them. Every time, without fail, I fall into the trap. The corners of his lips pull into a smile ever so slightly. He had been waiting for this moment, to tell me off, to embarrass me. Drew didn’t care if there were five or zero people around, he’d say what he had to say.

“You had a career ending injury, you disappeared, you didn’t speak to me for what feels like an eternity, and you just pop up with a ‘Wassup’? Is that the best you got?” And there it was, the truth. He inhales deeply, his tongue sweeping across his lips to wet them. He isn’t done ripping me a new one. I deserve it, I expect nothing less, I didn't have a reason to close off all communication, I just wanted to be left alone. He can be so smothering at times, I didn't have the stamina to keep the facade up in order to spare his feelings at the time. So here I am, waiting for him to take me back in like a stray.

“I…I called you. Not once did you answer, and I know you think I want you to baby me. I don’t need that from you, I’m a grown man, I can handle rejection, but what I won’t tolerate is disrespect. So if you wanna sit here and claim that I wasn’t worth one fuckin phone call, and that all that time we spent together ment nothing to you, at least have the balls to say so.” Man that stings, I crumble under his gaze, those icy blue eyes softening, but he wasn’t backing down on his statement. I wish we could just laugh it off, and bury the hatchet, and maybe we could, but only if I’m really careful. I’m right at eye level with his chest, and I can’t help but think of how comfortable his body felt when he held me despite how muscular he is. No matter how mad he got, or how much we roughhouse, he was always very gentle with me. “Ya’aren’t even listening to me.” I’m snapped out of my day dream and back into the present, but before I knew it, he’s walking away.

“Shit” I curse to myself, and chase after him. “Hey don’t walk away from me! Drew!” He refuses to turn around which leaves me with no choice. I run and jump on his back. For once, I catch him off guard, he yelps out in shock. I manage to crawl around to his front side while hanging onto his shoulders. My legs wrap around his waist, and without hesitation, his large hands hold onto my hips, his grip tightens, and his nails lightly dig into my flesh. I bury my head in the crook of his neck, taking in his minty scent, and just hug him as tightly as I can. “They say ‘you don’t miss the water, tell the well runs dry’, and boy did I miss you the most of all, and I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I have so much I want to say and catch up on. If you want, can we hang out later, and I’ll answer anything you want to ask?” I unwrap myself from his torso, and slowly slide down, bringing his face with me. His thick beard feels soft in my hands. I want to kiss him so badly– anything to take me back to where we left off.

He hesitates and my stomach flutters. Finally, he says, “I’d like that.” His lips pull back slightly into a soft smile. I hold his face between my hands, not wanting the moment to end. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach refuse to settle as he leans in closer. He doesn't reject my touch, encouraging me to come closer, while I was in the mood to have him smother me with his body, I bring my arms around his torso. His long muscular arms wrap around my shoulder, and he holds me there. His chin resting on my head.

“Sorry to interrupt guys, but we gotta start walking down now.” One of the WWE officials informs us, my body jolts in surprise, I got lost in Drew, and I’s reunion that it didn’t occur to me that we actually have a job to do. I’ve never been one for PDA, and though we weren’t doing anything inappropriate, I still felt exposed. I drop my arms from Drew’s waist causing them to flop at my side, he, however, holds onto me for a second longer, and lets me go. Reluctantly, he peels his eyes away for a second to nod his head, but that intense gaze of his returns right back to me before I get a chance to exhale. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it.

The walk from the hallway to the front of the backstage area is silent. As we get closer to the Gorilla, more people show up throughout the halls. “Alright, show time.” I sang in a melodic rhythm. As we approach the curtain, I catch a glimpse of Hunter staring at us with this expression I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“See ya out there, princess.” Drew spoke so only I could hear him. It’s not until I feel his warm hand squeeze mine did I realize we had walked all the way down here fingers interlaced.. I look over to Hunter and sure enough that was the reason for his odd reaction to us. His eyebrows pull upwards, the corner of his mouth twitches upwards into a smirk. I can feel my face getting hot. I know he won’t go blabbing to everyone what he just witnessed, but Colby knowing about Drew and I’s situationship is already one person too many.

Choosing to ignore it, I stand by the monitor and watch the events unfold. The Miz’s segment was always used as a tool to get the pot stirring between superstars, and boy is he good at stirring the pot. Colby and Drew seem to be going back and forth about whether or not Drew was worthy enough for a title shot. “You think you’re too good to face me? What, am I not cool enough for ya, Seth? I know I’m no Jey Uso, I know I don't come out here dancing every night, shaking hands, and kissing babies. So let’s get real Seth, look me in the face like a man, and just admit that you’re scared to face me. You’re scared to face me because you see how I turned your friend Roman Reigns inside out with a Claymore straight to the face!” Drew leans forward in his seat, the roar of the crowd rings throughout the whole of the arena from Drew’s call back to his match against Roman two years ago for the undisputed champion title. The tension between them is palpable, I begin to jog in place as I stand near the Gorilla, switching my weight from one foot to the other. Colby parts his lips to speak, but Beaky cuts him off, her voice coming out with a nonchalant arrogance. “Maybe you’re just not man enough.” The crowd goes crazy. I roll my eyes letting out a chuckle, Drew inhales deeply trying to retain his focus. Or rather trying to not lose his temper, and give into his anger, that’s the other side of the coin with him. He could be the sweetest, a complete gentleman, but man oh man is his patience thin. Colby cackles, throwing his head back with his mouth wide open.

Becky takes this as an opportunity to capitalize on, and really amp things up. “I mean, aren’t you supposed to be the Chosen One? And what exactly were you chosen for – to fail?” I felt second-hand embarrassment by her words, she’s really on a roll lately, and I can’t help but feel proud. She’s come such a long way, especially on the mic, and dare I say she could do this whole promo by herself ? Drew stands from his chair, Colby, and Becky follows suit. Drew throws his microphone to the ground, his composure long gone. They are beyond talking, the shouting match is now on the brink of a physical altercation. Becky pushes her way past Colby, and shoves Drew in the chest as hard as she can. Her improvisation threw them all for a surprise – Drew’s eyes widened, I wasn't sure what his next string of words were, but Colby sure as hell didn't seem to like it. By the time they hit my music, Miz had already exited the ring, and is now watching from the commentary table.

Spitbrain ft. Willow—Purge

Purge, you can't take it away

Purge, you can't take it from me

Sink into the dark, I can't seem to find myself (Oh, oh)

I tried to come back but it's so hard (Oh, oh, oh, oh)

I don't know the truth anymore, perspective shattered to the floor

Fucking up like most of the time, coming to terms with all of my lies, not taking advice (I don’t really wanna know)

Tryna find my way to the light, through traps in my mind, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be fine

My entrance music blasts through the arena, and the crowd pops for me harder than I had expected. I dance my way to the ring, slapping hands with a few fans, and waving to some. An official sitting by ringside hands me a mic before I climb in between the ropes that Drew is kind enough to hold open for me. As I stand from my bending position, our gazes meet, his eyes are on fire. I slap him on the chest playfully, and he flexes his pectoral muscle. ‘Show off.’ I think to myself, not nearly as annoyed as I pretend to be. Instead of acknowledging Becky and Colby, I turn towards the crowd. I climb to the top turnbuckle and the audience jumps to their feet, shouting and clapping. I make sure to show the other three sides of the crowd the same love before I come to a halt between Drew, Becky, and Colby. Before speaking I revel in the reaction of the crowd for a moment longer, then bring the mic to my lips, “I guess you ran out of female competitors huh, Becks?” My face morphs into an expression of feigned confusion, and my heart thudded with an unexplainable excitement, but I pull myself back to reality before I spiral too far.

Becky smirks, “pretty much – I mean, ever since I made you tap, the competition has been slim. How’s the knee by the way? Must have been hard recovering something that's been smashed to thousands of bits by a steel chair.” She gloats haughtily, her lips turned upward into a sly smirk. My head drops; I re-enter the darkness of those twelve months. Becky’s words stung, reminding me that I let my ego get in the way, I was so desperate, I needed the fans to love me because I earned it, and not because my fathers last name is attached to the main event.

Colby could be heard from behind Becky, “Ohhhh!” Ever so quietly, I cough as an attempt to not break character, and laugh.

“Crazy, because I’ve been gone for a year, and some change. But you have not challenged Rhea for the title yet, it seems to me that it’s you that ain't man enough, Becky. Sigh, I guess you were just riding the wave till I returned so you could hop onto my coat tails, and use me for clout like you always do. I mean, when’s the last time you had an original thought? Your merch should start sayin ‘Seth’s Mini Me’, instead of ‘The Man.’” I was starting to feel that fire burning at my core, the fire that’s gotten me through some of my toughest days of recovery. “All you are is a one trick pony, and I think your show has already played its last episode!” I don't give her a chance to react, I drop the mic, and kick her in the gut. I turn to grab her head into a reverse headlock, and then drop her into a Stunner. Following my lead, Drew pushes Colby, he goes for a counter, bouncing off the ropes, but Drew catches him mid way with Glasgow Kiss straight to the skull. The sound of two skulls connecting like that is enough to make a person vomit, but I’m too lost in the moment to care. Colby drops immediately after Drew’s head butt, the crowd roars to life, and I’ve never felt more alive in my life. I snatch a mic off the floor, “If you think you still got it in you, Becky, how about the two of us duke it out for a title shot against Rhea! You know where to find me when you regain consciousness.” I threw the mic down, and look out into the crowd. My music plays, Becky musters the strength she has left to pull Colby out the ring, and they both stumble up the ramp. I turn to see Drew’s forehead is bleeding, I’m a little worried at first, but he’s already enveloping me into a bear hug lifting me up off my feet. Still bleeding, Drew held the ropes open for me again, and we made our way up the ramp. His harm is long enough to wrap around me twice.

When we make it back behind the curtain, the medical team is waiting with all types of tools to put Drew back together. I stand to the side for a moment to let them work, but I start to feel awkward being of no help, so I turn to leave. I don't get far before his hand reaches out and grabs my wrist. He holds me in a firm grip, and with one eye open he says, “Come find me.” He doesn't let me go till I nod my head confirming that I indeed hear him, and promise to find him after all the hype has calmed down. He slowly let me go. Our fingertips graze each other, the electricity that sparks between us sends a shiver down my spine right between my thighs. Even if my mind has forgotten Drew, my body hasn’t.

I finally made it to the locker room to prepare for our tag match later tonight. Becky is already ahead of me as she stands in front of her locker half dressed. There’s quite a few other women scattered throughout, but they all seem to be in the zone so to speak. Bayley nods her head in my direction but nothing more, so I respect her space and throw her a smile from a distance. “How you feelin’?” Becky turns to me, a soft smile on her lips, I want to answer honestly, but I’m not in the mood to make a display of myself while everyone is around to listen.

“Feelin’ like money, as always. The boys looked good out there, especially Colby, you gotta get me in contact with his stylist.” Swiftly, I change topics. I know she’d ask me for a third time later, so I decide to save it till then. Taking the hint thankfully, Becky’s can-do attitude amps back up and the mischievous smirk from earlier is back. She bounces on her tiptoes, then beats her chest before responding.

“Yeah we’ll see about that, DeeDee, all money on me tonight.” She laughs with her mouth open, and head thrown back. My heart flutters with joy knowing our dynamic is the same as it was before I left. I had put her in a tough spot with that whole WrestleMania ruse. I stride over to my duffle bag to pull out my ring gear, smiling to myself, proud that it came out exactly how I drew it. I sort of got inspiration from Mugler, and just ran with it. An all black leotard, with leather, and sequence detailing. I step my legs through my tights carefully so as not to rip them, then I pull on my gear over that, and sure enough it fits like a glove. The sleeves are made of mesh with sequins, that I glued on one by one throughout the entire sleeve. I top it off with a pair of black Jordan 11. Now that I’m finally suited up, I feel like I’m officially back, and I take a moment to bask in it. My phone suddenly buzzes from inside my bag, when I see who’s texting me it’s Drew. My breath hitches, seeing his name flash across my screen, made my face heat up, and the good memories outweighs the guilt of me ignoring all his calls last year. I shake my head to clear the impending depression, and tap on his text.

Drew🧸: Where are you?

I quickly shoot him a text that I just got done getting ready, a moment passes before he replies.

Drew🧸: Come find me when you’re done getting ready.

I can’t hold back the smile when I see his reply, his voice in my head as I reread it. Knowing him, he's exactly where I found him before– he takes his pregame very seriously, and doesn’t like to be bothered. Fortunately for me, I'm an exception to that rule. It was a little tricky finding that same hidden hallway seeing as my starting point is from a different side of the arena. After walking around aimlessly for a little bit I finally find him on his own, with his headphones over his head. He’s doing wall push ups. Slowly approaching him, I just stand and admire for a while. The way his arm muscles flexes as he pushes himself off the wall reminds me of the way he used to use my body as weights for fun, our unhinged version of foreplay because workouts always led to sex. I get lost in the memories for a moment, then, “You’re going to have to stop biting your lip like that.” Drew’s soft, yet deep voice pulls me back to reality in time to notice how much closer he’s gotten to me. No matter how long we’ve known each other, I still haven't quite gotten over his size, 6 '5, 275lb, I’m always having to look up at him when we're this close. ‘They don't build ’em like this in America.’ I think to myself. He flexes his pectoral muscles as he takes a few more steps towards me, I drop my head, suddenly feeling embarrassed for drooling. He reaches out to grab my chin gingerly, as if he might break me if he’s any rougher.

“Don’t look away from me.” He demands softly, his voice barely above a whisper, his resolve is one of the things that caught my attention. For such a large man, he can be incredibly tender and I don't know what is about that that turns me on so much.

“How do I look?” I ask awkwardly, he doesn't break his intense gaze as he quickly gives me a once over, then he steps back for a moment. I felt naked, and on display, his eyes slid over each detail. He slows to a temporary stop at my chest, you couldn’t see much of anything with the way the designs cover me, but the size of my breast is prominent. His gaze lingers before he continues to move down my body, he tilts his head to the side, a pensive expression passes over his face, and at this point I wasn’t sure if he was still present. I jolt a little at the sound of him suddenly speaking.

He twirls his index finger, “Give me a 360.” On cue, I slowly turn, giving him the full display of my gear. I feel his eyes taking me in from head to toe, one hand on his hip, and the other on his chin, scratching his beard. I bring my leg out and lift my foot up for him to see my shoes. He nods his head, and a look of impression crosses his face.

“Oh, nice touch with the Jordan’s. You look great, Rey, absolutely gorgeous.” He compliments me, and I come in closer, my hands pressing to his chest, and slowly sliding up to his neck. Or at least as far as I can reach. His arms wrap around my waist, and his hands slide up my back before coming to a rest on my lower back. I originally came here to talk, but as usual, my mind and my body are not on the same page. “We could pick up right where we left off, but I think we’re going to have to work at it very slowly, is that okay with you?”

Like an idiot, I moan in response. I’m at a loss for words; the only thing I can compute is how his hands feel on body. He finds a tiny opening of skin on the back of my neck where the zipper to my outfit stops. He takes my response as a sign to keep going, pressing his lips to my neck, and I don’t protest. Instead, I tilt my head back, giving him the space he needs. I feel him kiss the shell of my ear; Drew inhales my scent deeply, “You’re such a good girl, that’s why you always get so much attention from me, even if you made me wait a whole year before I could see you again.” His hand slides between my thighs, caressing me over the fabric of my gear, and I’ve never wanted to rip off my clothes for a man so badly in my life. “Which means, it’s only fair that I do the same.” The meaning of his words don't hit me until he fully steps away, withdrawing his hand and everything. As if I could look any more dumb than I do right now, he boops me on the nose, and walks away with a devious smirk on his face. Leaving me to simmer in my own juices.

#wwe fanfiction #black!oc #drew mcintyre fic #drew mcintyre x oc #—tokio

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vanfleeter · 4 months

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Matched: Chapter 5 - The Band or The Film

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Foster Warnings: 18+. Angst. Language. Yelling. Arguments. Mentions of physical violence. Smut. Sex. Oral sex (f receiving). Fluff. The usual fluffy stuff. Mentions of pregnancy. A/N: Sike! I'm giving you the next chapter tonight! No more waiting! We have reached the midway part of the series. The whirlwind of this love story approaches soon.

The following morning I woke up to an empty bed beside me. It still feels warm as I brush my hand over the tousled sheets. She hasn’t been gone for long. Climbing out of bed, I slide on my slippers and head out of the room. The rich smell of coffee fills my nostrils as I descend the stairs. Stepping into the kitchen, I find Thea at the kitchen island with a book in one hand while the other cradles a cup of coffee.

“Good morning,” She smiles as she sets her book down on the table along with her book. “I just sat down for coffee, would you like some?”

She starts to move but I hold up my hand. “You shouldn’t be moving so much,” I say as I walk over to the coffee pot. “You should be resting.” I hear her scoff before the sound of the stool scrapes over the floor. She winces from the movement and I cross the kitchen to catch her arm. I look at her, the stern order in my eyes to tell her to sit back down. She returns the look, but with more sass as she slides back onto the stool. I can’t help but to chuckle and I kiss her cheek.

She reaches for my hand, the hand I had used to punch Sam in the face. It’s still bruised slightly, though it was managed to be covered well during the few shows that we have done. “Does it still hurt?” She asks as she gently rubs the pad of her thumb over my knuckles.

I shake my hand, placing my other hand over top of hers. “I’m a lot better off than you,” I say, crackling a smile on my face.

“Ass..” She mutters as she shoves me away.

I can’t help but to laugh and pull her back into my body. “I’m only joking, love.” I say as I kiss her forehead. “It hurts every now and then, but it’s healing just fine, according to our physician.”

“Good,” She says as she lowers our hands. “I still can’t believe you punched your own brother in the face.”

“Not the first time,” I say.

“But was it ever over a woman?”

I shake my head. “No, he and I have never fought over a woman.”

“And will you ever again?”

“No..”

“Good,” She brings my hand up to her lips and gingerly kisses my knuckles. “Because I am yours, you doof, and I always will be. Don’t ever question my love for you again. Do you understand?”

I smile and lift her chin with my other hand. “I love you,” I say before pressing my lips to hers. “I promise to never question you again.”

I never wanted to doubt her love for me, nor do I want her to doubt my love for her. I vowed to myself in that moment that my love would run deep for the both of us, for our future. I still think of creating a family with her, the three children still resting in the back of my mind, willing me to stay true to this love that we share.

I realize that we haven’t been together for a long time, but I knew from the first day I met her, she was the one for me. I saw her in every corner of my life, there wasn’t a space where her presence wasn’t missed. Even today as I show her my love in a simple kiss, I am thinking of her invading everything once again.

I wish to make love to her every day, take her out for romantic dinners or trips to the bookstore. Which reminds me that there’s a Spring sale going on at the store. Every book is fifty percent off for two days, ahead of a new shipment coming in. She’d like that–no–she’d love that. If I could buy the whole store for her, I would. Make a whole library just for her to enjoy. Well–for both of us to enjoy.

“You’re thinking again,” She says, pulling me away from my thoughts. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I know there’s a sale going on at the bookstore,” I say. “Maybe we can go there tomorrow and pick out more books.”

“You’re walking a dangerous line by fueling my love for books.” She says, making me chuckle.

“Great knowledge comes from books,” I say. “Even the ones that are filled with all of those love scenes.” I see her cheeks flush and I smirk. “Yeah, I know what you’re reading.” She tries to give me an innocent smile, but I know her all too well. “You are a very naughty woman,” I say, kissing her again. She bites down onto my bottom lip as I lick my tongue over her top lip.

She releases my lip and licks her tongue over it. Immediately I attach my lips to her neck, sucking and biting and licking, leaving marks in a trail as I make my way down to the top of her cleavage. I press a kiss in between her breasts before falling to my knees in front of her. She’s only wearing her oversized shirt, seemingly having discarded her pants throughout the night. I feel her lean backwards against the island as I kiss the tops of her thighs. Voluntarily, she spreads her legs open, revealing her naked center. Seems she has discarded her underwear too.

When I happen to glance up at her, I come to find that she’s already looking down at me with a small smile gracing her beautiful face. I press my lips to the innermost part of her thigh and begin to suck at it before nipping at the sensitive skin. I hear her suck in a sharp breath as I swipe my tongue through her folds. I tease her a little, jiggly her now throbbing clit.

Her legs wrap around my head as I begin to devour her pussy. She’s completely soaking wet, her arousal painting the bottom half of my face as I lick and I suck. Thrusting my tongue inside of her, one of her hands flies to my head, entangling her fingers with my hair, while her other hand flies to the counter with a loud smack. She moans deeply as I feel her body lean further back, pushing her soaked core harder against my face, my nose adding the needed friction against her clit.

I grasp tightly to her ass, pushing her harder against my face as I delve deeper into her, as far as I can go. If suffocating myself inside of her is the way to go, then by all means, take me now.

My name slips from her mouth in a breathy moan, “Jake..” I have learned the movements of her body, what signals her impending release. She squirms ever slightly, chasing the needed friction she needs–craves–as her body draws nearer to its end. Seconds later, I have her gushing. The walls of the dam are finally breaking and flooding me with the sweet taste of her undoing. I devour every drop that she makes, not wanting to waste a single bit of it.

Once I clean her up well, I pull away, wiping the back of my hand over my mouth. I’m still on my knees as I lift my eyes to look at her. Her head is hung back still as her chest heaves with every breath.

Running my hands delicately up her thighs, I stand to my feet and lean over top of her. She opens her eyes to look at me, a lazy smile spreading across her face. I chuckle and kiss her lips.

“If this album can be completed within the next six months, we could have a tour as soon as the album is released.”

“Why so fast?” Sam asks. “Doesn’t it feel a little rushed?”

“Your contract is almost up, unless you decide to sign a new one, in which case you will be contracted to produce three more albums within the next five years.”

“And if we get this album done within the next six months, when will the tour start?” Josh asks. “Because my film just got accepted into a festival in New York..”

“Not until September.. First show will be on the 21st in Los Angeles.”

“That’s the same day as the festival,” Josh says. “I can’t do that. Can’t we push it forward a day?”

“No, the venue already has days booked for hockey games. This is the best timeline we got.”

“But my film.. I have to be there..”

“The band is your highest priority right now.”

I can see Josh’s eyebrows knit together, not out of confusion but anger. “This band can wait!” He shouts as he stands to his feet. “I worked hard on this film! I am not giving it up this time!”

“Josh, please calm down..”

“No, I won’t!” He pushes his chair back and steps away from the table. “I have given the last decade of my life to this band, to support Jake’s dream! I am just asking for this one day! One day! This could be big for me!”

“You have a choice, Josh, the band or the film. But if you choose your film, it will make you and the band look bad to the label.”

“Oh fuck the label!” He continues yelling. “I do everything that this fucking label asks of me!”

“Josh,” I say, grabbing his arm. “We’ll figure this out. Come on..”

“Don’t you ‘come on’ me,” He says. “Had you not come back from your stupid boat trip, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He rips his arm out of my hand and storms out of the room.

I give a quick apology to the team before standing from my chair to leave the room. “Josh!” I call as I rush after him down the hallway. “Josh! Stop!” I finally catch up to him just before he steps outside of the building. “What the fuck was that?”

“That?!” He spins to face me. “That was me yet again having to give up my life for you!” He stabs his finger into my chest, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine.

“J-Josh, I’m sorry.. I didn’t know, but the band–”

“Forget about the band for one second, Jake!” He pulls his hand away and drops them both to his sides. “What about me?! Your brother! Your goddamn twin for fuck’s sake! Don’t get me wrong, Jake, I’ve enjoyed being a part of this, and it’s been amazing–but when will it be my turn?”

“Josh, we-”

“We? Who is this ‘we’?” He jabs his finger into my chest again repeatedly as he speaks, “You decided to be a fucking baby and take off on a boat because you got your heart broken! You left and we started moving on to our own endeavors because we didn’t know when you were coming back or if you were coming back at all!l

“I needed to leave!” I shout back. “I did it for me because yes, my heart was broken but I needed to get out and find me–who I am! I’m sorry that this is all happening so quickly all of sudden, and I’m sorry that your film is being pushed to the back burner again, but what am I supposed to do, Josh?! I didn’t want to come back so quickly either! Don’t you think I’d want to be in New York with you celebrating your film at the festival?! Yes! This is your chance to make a name for yourself in the film industry! Get your directorial debut and show everyone the fucking multitalented bastard you are!”

“But the fucking tour, Jake, it’s the same day as the festival.”

“Okay so we scrap that day and officially start the tour on the next one.” I bring my hand up to rest on his shoulder. “We can do this, I know we can. We are in this together–whether you like it or not, because face it, Josh, we’re stuck with each other for the rest of our lives.”

Josh chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do. Now.. Let’s go back to that meeting and make some negotiations. I’m not letting your dream slip through the cracks.”

As we make our way back down the hall and to the conference room, he stops me in front of the door. “On a scale of one to ten, how much of a diva was I back there?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Eh.. I’d say an eight–eight and a half.”

“Damn.. That’s gotta be a record.”

“No, I don’t think so. You weren’t nearly as bad as you were during that first festival show. Now that was at least nine and three quarters.”

“Oh fuck off..”

I laugh and pat his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you to that festival.”

Coming home that evening, I find Thea’s car parked in the driveway. She came back after work. Shutting off the car, I get out and make my way up to the door. “Thea?” I call out as I close the door behind me. Kicking off my boots and hanging up my jacket, I start to head for the kitchen when I spy her in the living room, lying on the couch.

Stepping into the room, I go over to the couch only to find her fast asleep and curled up underneath a couple blankets. Gently I shake her awake. She hums in response as she peels her eyes open.

“Have a good nap?” I chuckle.

“What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” I say. “How long have you been here?”

She sits up, the blankets falling from her shoulders. “Not long.. I was going to go home but I missed you all day..”

“That makes two of us..” I say as I lean back against the couch and pull her with me.

It was quiet for a few moments, neither of us speaking but just enjoying the silence together. I can’t help but to wonder if it will always be like this? How many quiet nights can the two of us be together before the chaos sets in? I have to tell her about what the next year entails, and if it would be something that she is ready for. Would she want to go with me? Willing to drop everything and follow me on tour when the time comes. I know she said that she would, but was it the truth? Or will I have to part from her again for six months and only get to see her on the occasional trips she’ll take out to visit.

After Josh’s meltdown, rightfully so, we managed to make negotiations with the tour scheduling. Instead of starting on the 21st of September, we’d start in October and that last week and half of September would then be moved to the end of the tour in March.

Six months. Could I live those six months without her constantly by my side? Sounds selfish, I know. That word seems to be a perfect way to describe us both lately. And we are selfish. Selfish for each other, for all of the time spent together and never apart. Selfish in the means of keeping each other to ourselves. I am selfish. I’ve admitted it before. But six months away, should she choose to stay back. I won’t force her to go, though I’m sure I could convince her to. I would never use the ploy of sex, but would she survive without my cock for that long? I don’t think any dildo will satisfy her needs.

God that sounds horrible.

“How was work today?” She asks, dragging me out of the spiraling of thoughts inside of my head.

“It was okay.. Josh and I got into a fight..”

“Jake..” She sighs.

“Don’t worry,” I laugh. “We just used strong words versus our fists, I promise.”

“What did you two fight about?”

“The band and his film… The original start date of the tour would have been the same night as the film festival. Management wasn’t giving him a choice and he blew up…”

“Oh..”

“He started blaming me for this whole thing–said that if I hadn’t come back from my trip then he wouldn’t have to give up film again.. He was angry, saying that he gave the last decade of his life to the band and wondering when his turn will come..”

I shifted on the couch, slouching a little further so she could lay comfortably on my chest before I continued.

“I managed to calm him down, explain our options.. Then we went back to the meeting and negotiated with management. We’ll start the tour a week and half later than planned so Josh can attend the film festival.”

She hums against my chest and reaches for my hand. “That's good, I’m sure he’s happy about that.”

“He is..” I say. I flip my hand over and she tangles her fingers with mine. “He deserves this.”

“Do you think he’ll ever get his turn?” Thea lifts her head to look at me.

I nod my head. “He will, I know he will.” I bring her hand up to my lips and press a gentle kiss upon her knuckles. “Which brings me into the next thing..”

“Uh oh..”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “It’s not a bad thing.. I hope.”

Thea sits back up but still keeps our hands intertwined together. “Is it about the tour?” She asks.

I nod my head. “Six months, starting in October. We’ll be gone until March–with the occasional breaks in between for holidays and such.. The team is making the necessary adjustments for anyone that we decide to bring along with us, should we want to..”

“Is this your way of asking me if I would like to come along with you?”

I nod my head. “I would love for you to join me, but I understand with work and all if it’s not possible.”

“Well lucky for you, my job is pretty flexible.. I can do it pretty much from anywhere.. From my bedroom, to the streets of Paris, maybe even Rio–if we go there,” She shrugs her shoulders and I laugh.

“Oh, we are.” I say. “And we are going to have so much fun. Brazil is beautiful, I seem to fall in love with the country even more each time I go there.”

“Yeah?”

I nod my head and kiss her cheek. “I want to show you the world, but until then–I need food.” I say as my stomach grumbles.

“When was the last time you ate?” She asks.

“Noon.” I sigh. “Didn’t have time to go back out to get something to eat and the donuts at the office were stale..” I grimace before hanging my head back against the back of the couch.

She pats my belly before pushing herself off the couch. “Come on then, let’s go make dinner.”

There’s come a time in one’s life where, in one sliver of time, that they feel complete. Where everything feels as if it’s in the exact place that it’s meant to be. At this moment, I feel like that. In this moment, of quiet and of peaceful nature, all feels right.

I lie there in the bed, softly tracing my fingers over the expanse of her shoulder. She’s fast asleep, after the first five minutes of the movie we had begun to watch flickered on the television screen. I remained awake to watch it, and stayed awake even after it ended just to watch her sleep. Some might find that creepy, others romantic. Admiration for their lover, their soulmate, the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. She is all of that and more to me.

Thea is the light in the darkness, the one who leads me back to safety. Who has led me back to safety. Though she lures me to the deep waters, I find it’s only to explore my darkest self in order to be able to swim back to the surface and breathe in a deep breath of fresh air, and to find me. Who I really am.

I’m not Jake Kiszka, guitarist in a rock band. Not with her, no. With her, I’m just..Jake. And just Thea. My Dorothea.

“Dorothea..” I whisper into the dark.

I’ve never said her full name before, and it felt foreign rolling off my tongue in that hushed whisper. But it also felt sweet, like chocolate melting on one’s tongue.

She hums in her sleep, twisting slightly to turn her head and look over her shoulder. Her eyes flutter open and search the dark until they land on me.

“Why are you not asleep?” She whispers.

“I just wanted to watch you sleep,” I say.

She turns her body over and curls into my body. Her hand rests on my chest and she kisses my skin before laying her head to rest against me too.

“At least the dark conceals how awful I must look.” She says with a giggle, knowing full well I’ll laugh and disagree.

“Remember when I told you that the sun makes your eyes glow like root beer barrels?” She giggles again, nodding her head. “Well,” I shift my body slightly to meld with hers as I wrap my around her. “The small little streak of the moonlight shining in right now casts the perfect, cool glow over your skin. Skin that is so soft, about as soft as cotton.”

“About?” She tilts her head back slightly so she can look at me.

“Mmhmm, because what I like about your skin is that it is equally soft as it is a little rough.”

“Jake, I think you need some sleep.” She says as she pats my chest. “You sound a little delirious.”

I chuckle and lean down to kiss her forehead. “Sleep won’t help much, because you make me delirious.”

“I guess the same could be said about you.”

Eventually she falls back asleep, her light breath tickling my skin just the slightest. But soon I find myself falling asleep soon after she does.

When morning comes, I wake up to an empty bed once again but this time she left a note on the pillow:

Went to breakfast with a friend. Left you coffee in the pot, just needs to be warmed up. I’ll be back soon. I love you, Dorothea

I smile at her use of her full name before setting the note back down and sliding out of bed. Sure enough, she did leave coffee so I warmed it up as I cooked myself breakfast. Soon the morning came and went and she hadn’t come home yet, so I busied myself, working on some of the new songs for the album. Despite Josh’s outburst yesterday, we came up with a few new ideas for songs. To ease his stress, I took Josh’s notebook home with me to go over lyrics, maybe come up with a melody or two.

I had barely gotten through the third song when I heard the front door open and shut. It didn’t take Thea long to find me in my study.

“I thought I heard you playing,” She says as she leans on the threshold. “Figured you’d be in the studio until I found it empty.”

I give her a small smile and set my guitar off to the side. “I was too lazy to go back downstairs..” I say. Pushing off the threshold, she makes her way over and leans down to give me a kiss.

“How was your morning?” She asks.

“Quiet,” I answered. “A little lonely.”

“I’m sorry, she called when I woke up this morning and said she had news to share.”

“News you can share with me?”

Thea nods her head and sits down on the couch beside me. “She’s pregnant–twelve weeks along.”

“I guess congratulations are in order,” I say as I lean over to peck her lips. “Is that why you came back later?”

“Mmhmm.. After we finished breakfast, I went to the store and bought some stuff.”

“Already spoiling the baby and it’s not even born yet.” She grins and eagerly nods her head making me laugh.

“Do you want to see what I bought?”

“Sure, why not?” I say standing from the couch and following her down to the kitchen.

First she showed a bag for a boy, the usual. Clothes–matching outfits, socks, shoes, hats. It was the same for a girl, just all pink. Literally everything was pink, and sparkly. She even went all out and bought toys, and a stack of books.

“Hmph,” I pick up a copy of Treasure Island and flip through the pages.

“Never too young to start learning about pirates,” Thea says. “So, what do you think?”

“You really went all out,” I comment as I look over all of the baby stuff. I picked up a pair of small boots. They’re tiny enough to fit into the palm of my hand. “And say the baby is either–or.. What will you do with the rest?”

“Return it,” She shrugs her shoulders. “Or maybe keep it–you never know where the future might lead.”

We catch each other's eyes and I can see the gleam in hers. If only she knew the dreams that I have for us. The home that I have built in my head, the life we live with our three kids. But I can’t tell her that. What if she doesn’t feel the same way that I do? What if we aren’t meant to be? We had already parted once because of my stupidity–what if it happens again and we never find our way back to each other?

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