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acaplaya-musings · 6 months

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Voiceplay-adjacent Visuals: Jack's Lament

Can you feel me practically vibrating out of my skin???

On one hand, I'm a little sad because this is the last video I'll probably be making a post about for a while (though by the time you see this, Geoff might have uploaded a new video that I can actually talk about the visuals for (EDIT from future me: he did!), and if so, you'll be seeing a post for that one tomorrow), but on the other hand, this is my third (though in no particular order/ranking) favourite Geoff video on his channel so far, and I am so excited to finally be able to make a post for it!

Geoff's cover of Jack's Lament debuted on the 8th of October, 2023, though I didn't see it pop up in my YouTube recommended until the 29th (if you remember from my Hellfire post, I wasn't initially subscribed to Geoff or Voiceplay, and both channels somehow ended up dropping off my radar for a while. Jack's Lament was the first from either channel that I had seen in at least a year, and as soon as I saw that thumbnail, I knew it was going to be amazing, but oh my GOD it was even better (and with me stumbling upon Hellfire the very next day, well let's just say I was pulled even deeper down the Geoff/Voiceplay rabbithole than I had been the first time around 😅).

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll hit image limit on this one, or how much actual commentary I may have, but regardless, let's freaking go!

One hell of an opening shot, not gonna lie. Geoff's very-skeletal-looking hands playing the piano (in a beautiful way, might I add), immediately sets a very spooky/eerie vibe!

And this is one hell of an establishing shot! I mean goddamn there is a lot to take in here! Though one thing I will point out (that I actually only just noticed myself ^^;) is the Haunted Mansion headstone on the left, memorialising Madame Leota!

(Also shoutout to Pattycake Production Studios where this was filmed!)

I of course have to give a MASSIVE shoutout and kudos to Rick Underwood for the makeup job in this one, like holy christ he really outdid himself here! (and I can't thank him enough)

Ngl, if I don't come up with any other ideas between now and October, then I kinda wanna dress as "Jack Skellington Geoff" (Geoff Caskellington? 🤔), makeup and all (or just attempt the face makeup at least)

And seriously take a look at his hands! If it weren't for the super-high-definition closeup of his hands on the piano at the start, you'd be forgiven for thinking those are just really well-fitting gloves, but nope! An amazing airbrush job from Mr Underwood!

Also, if you look at his neck and chest in both this image and the previous one, you'll notice that he's got airbrushing going on there too, highlighting (or more accurately, shading) his ribs and other bones!

Finally, on the subject of the body paint job, if you've been paying attention to some of my other Geoff posts (and some of my Voiceplay posts), you might notice what's missing...

No necklace, and no rings! Had to remove them for costume/makeup/character purposes, rip. Must have felt a bit weird without them, but all that paint must have felt weird too, so maybe the weird feelings cancelled each other out? 😅

(His acting in this is of course 10/10 👌)

This video is one that I do actually know involved Geoff deliberately colouring his hair to make it grey, and it still looks as lovely as ever!

(Also this picture is a better one to check out the airbrushed detailing on his chest! (if you're gonna leave a couple of shirt buttons undone and your chest exposed, might as well take advantage of it! 😁))

The "moon" in this video is apparently just some big spotlight with a moon cover on it or something? Apparently you can fairly easily find them online or something, and you can in fact see the pole it's attached to underneath in this image here, but you likely wouldn't notice the pole if you weren't looking for it, and the usage of the moon is 100% perfect! (I've seen/heard one or two people wishing the moon was yellow like in the movie, but eh, it probably wouldn't have fitted the overall colour scheme of the video as much)

I had to include the "jumpscare" of course I had to! 😁

Also I can't get any good screencaps of it, but the way Geoff shifts from sombre on "a longing that I've never known," to more theatric/dramatic on "I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light" is so good, and the acting/choreography is absolute chefs kiss

"Bonjour!"

(For those of you not familiar with the original, the line "and I'm know throughout England and France" is part of the original song, but the "bonjour!" bit is not 😆)

A Geoff head not connected to the body! It's happened again! 😂

Also it's cool the way Geoff is quickly jumping/flashing from one point to another, reminds me of his Headless Horseman video

"No animal, nor man, can SCREAM like I can!"

What can I say, it's a very cool effect! Really ups the "oomph" factor of the little belt moment!

Tiny pumpkins/jack-o-lanterns in his eyes!!

"But who here, would ever understand..."

(I'm not even at half the maximum image limit yet, so I'm 100% just throwing in an extra screencap (or two) just because 😁)

Geoff pats the side of his leg to call for Zero the ghost dog, just in in the scene in the movie! (Also shoutout to Kathy, who I believe helped with puppeteering for this bit?)

"...that the pumpkin king, with the skeleton grin,"

(Freaking obsessed with this video, I tell ya!)

"The fame and praise, come year after year, does nothing for these empty tears"

This is the last shot before we see the gramophone logo (a very gorgeous shot btw), but there's a little bit of a bonus bit for those who stick around for the Patron credits!!

It starts to snow! Like at the end of the movie! It's a sign of hope and good things to come! <3

The original song is good for the movie, sure, but Geoff's cover feels like it has so much more depth (in more ways than one!) and emotion! And his vocal range is ugh god absolutely stunning and mindblowing! I cannot get enough, can never get enough!

But anyway, I hope you've been enjoying my Voiceplay/Voiceplay-adjacent posts! If there are any videos I've skipped over that you actually would like me to make a post on, please let me know! (And don't worry, I am planning to do all the 2017-onwards Christmas videos for both channels eventually - maybe as a Christmas In July thing?) I'm typing this on the 22nd of February, and if Voiceplay uploads a video in March that I wanna make a post on (nope), well you reading this will have already seen that post, and if Geoff uploads something in March that I wanna talk about (he did), then you'll see that post tomorrow (you will!). But otherwise, thanks for reading!

#geoff castellucci #jack's lament #jacks lament #acaplaya analysis #voiceplay-adjacent visuals

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youve-doomed-us-all-jerk · 2 years

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man of steel watch 2023😁(long af reactions under the cut lmao copied from twitter)

fuck it you already know

still wonder what zacks plan was with the codex🤔🤔🤔was it just there to thematically be him carrying the kryptonian refugees or was there more

still crazy that zack in his unsubtle way made the villain colonizing eugenicists and people got mad at him for saying the appropriate response was killing them lol

minor thing but appreciate jor not saying anything when zod was pleading that lara abort the launch, just a look, he trusts her, feel like thats paralleled with clark and lois's relationship later, again minor but superman medias all about speeches so lmao

"his name is kal, son of el and he is beyond your reach"🥺

lara's theme is so good

the pan to his abs, zack knew the demographic he was reaching for

the worlds too big scene😭😭

if i saw a big breasted man run boobily across a lawn and steal some clothes i wouldnt snitch

he aint need to throw ross out the water like that but he uses words like dicksplash so he deserves it

😭😭😭(got nothing to say about the "maybe" scene, im tired lmao)

forgot how many emotional hits they roll out so early in the movie lmao

lmao remember when people said ludlow wouldnt try to fight clark cuz he was huge, cuz as we all know toxic masculinity definitely doesnt make men act stupid and vile lol anyway proud of clark for fucking up his truck sexual harassers deserve nothing

its her lois lane shes here

genuinely didn't know joe was clark for my first 3 views of this movie lmao

the flashlight to clarks laser eyes transition was cool(so was the pod landing in the farm transitioning to the boat crashing against a wave scene)

super buff sexy drifting doctor clark kent

fuck this nerd who sold lois out after she gave him info. zack was already laying the seeds of the media being dicks from this one blogger lmao

"and kal, that's my name "🥺

jor-el's power point presentation let's go

do remember someone in good faith(hopefully lol)saying jor was "glorifying" colonization when he spoke "fondly" of the era of expansion of krypton, and maybe fair though that could also be why he and lara chose not to escape with kal, the whole they were a part of the problem

genuinely fav supes suit I get the desire to have the ma kent suit but i cant see it anymore as anything other than him reassuring his loyalty to earth(america) to the gatekeepers, martha had a whole lifetime with him let him have one of the few connections to his culture he has

first flight😃😃😃😃

seeing this for the first time as a teen and finally understanding "you'll believe a man can fly"

no superhero media has done flying as good as this, not even bvs or zsjl theres just something about MoS's flying that makes my brain light up

don't forget lois lane figured out clarks identity(b4 he even went public) without luther or bruce's resources, smartest bestest investigator in dcu🗣🗣🗣

should they have had a younger actor play 18 yr old clark in the argument with jonathan in the car scene, maybe, though cavills teen angsty" i didnt say that!" and "you're not my dad !>:(" voice was p believable lmao

the way she drops the biggest story cuz her kindness is as big as her drive to get the truth, no wonder she's what inspires him

ngl recently heard laurence fishburne in moon girl and devil dino and the whiplash between his 2 performances lmao

seeing the butterfly trapped in the chain has new meaning now

soundtrack: *hits those mos piano notes* me everytime:

well maybe for a little bit⚰⚰⚰

you think swanwick was watching the your are not alone message and thought it was a cliche

the military people behind the glass watching these two flirt right in front of them

when he breaks the cuffs while standing up😛😏

"it did to me"

maybe love is real idk

the ship atmosphere thing was such a good way to foreshadow kryptonite lmao(yes did still take notes while my twitter was down lmao)

Jor-els fun informative power point presentation vs zod's very bad no good drug trip

clarks mind vision of himself is literally still a farmboy idk why people still think he isnt "connected to his humanity" in the iteration lmao

black suit but with no silver to symbolize pure darkness, death and to make him look the same as zod

though not to jump to zsjl but we know zack had to smuggle the black suit in with the metal padding and post color editing in that movie do wonder if he was gonna go with a totally different design if he had complete control, maybe capeless, pure metal for the silver and a beard? do also remember him teasing the long hair in one interview lmao

watching superman sink into a mountain of skulls really rewired my teenage brain since i only knew of him from pop culture at that point ngl

will say kinda funny that clark is clearly torn up about killing while lois was just blasting kryptonians blam blam🔫🔫🔫girl boss

the escaping the ship ost is so good😩why wasnt it on the official soundtrack, i know theres a good youtube ver of it but lmao

ok starting to think the jor colonization criticism wasn't in good faith cuz clark does kinda bring up the whole "do you agree with zod about wiping out humans???" thing lmao

clark saving lo in the escape pod scene got me tense af in the theater

"YOU THINK YOU CAN THREATEN MY MOTHER?!" still goes hard

do like when clark is a lil petty lmao "cranky cuz your momma didnt teach you to not be overstimulated hmm"

neat little quirk clark does in all of zacks movies, before he gets in a serious fight theres usually a shot of him clenching his fist lmao

nam-ek popped the pilot like a blueberry

faora's so cool

my man fighting for his life in this ihop in front of all his old friends too

flying really was his one advantage against these soldiers and he loses that when he fights zod too they really put him thru it on his first day😭

faora made him waste all his bullets, wait till he pulled out a knife and then pulls out a bigger one like

like to think zack having the military drone strike smallville is a parallel to when the US did it to the african village in BvS

yeah big floaty alien thing in the middle of the city may be a lil overdone now but half dont look as good as how zack did it back then

world engine sound design so sexy too😋

zacks cape porn👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

oh god🥺best scene, yes am getting emotional, scene means a lot to me

also kinda weird when zack does invoke the moses allegory people arent like "he's literally saying supes is moses!" like they do with jeezy creezy and his imagery lmao he's literally looks like he's parting the sea here lmao

in the wider snyderverse am realizing theres more moses stuff you can connect to even if the timeline is wonky and its not 1:1, obviously darkseid is the pharaoh with his whole enslavement thing, him turning supes to his side could be interpreted as ramses and moses

in this way zod, who believes in kryptons removal of "free choice" like jor and lara said, is the guard moses kills when he sees him mistreating one of his people

and the destruction of the genesis chamber and the other kryptonians being sucked back into the phantom zone could be an allegory for when god killed the first borns of egypt, no moses expert tho so could be reaching lol but fun connections, tangent i know lmao

oh also rather than a race thing it becomes more that clarks "people" are the ones who believe in free will and choice while darkseid and zods dont lmao anyway

"krypton had its chance!" still to this day lives in my mind rent free

lmao love that lois and clark are just horny for each other no matter who is watching not the military not lois's coworkers or the other survivors

zod's monologue👨🏽‍🍳👌🏽

to this day idk if i can think of a cbm fight thats topped superman vs zod, just in like raw visceral action and the fact they actually have stakes in it

thinking about how i remember shannon telling zack "as long as my suit isnt cgi i dont wanna wear those pajamas" or something and zack said yeah and then it was lol

my superman hates and constantly destroys military drones

and welcome to the planet! Glad i watched this again after so long, definitely needed that, hopefully work lets up enough for me to watch the rest of the trilogy✌🏽

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years

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18 March 2023 Saturday 6:51 pmpdt

6:52 pmpdt incubus wants me to say I am a liar 🤥. I wish I wrote more journals about what happened exactly & my thoughts 💭 & feelings. I already wrote how my mom seemed to maybe hate me since I was a kid 👧. & how I wanted to change myself so I guess, also my mom getting mad 😡 at me when I was mad 😡 saying things that made me feel that I wasn’t allowed to cry 😭 or be upset 😠 at her for anything. So I had to lie to about my feelings early on, but I did remember lying 🤥 about my feelings at a group meeting for children 👶 of divorce. I actually felt maybe 🤔 blank? Instead of sad like I said I was Bcz I thought 💭 I was supposed to feel sad 😞 but later on when I forget what happened to really make me upset oh , all I can remember is I thought 💭 mom was mean to me & I maybe 🤔 cried & she said asked if I wanted to move in with dad, who moved close to Oakland already. & she made the decision to pack for me I think 💭, but then my youngest sister said don’t leave don’t go to live with dad, stay. Then she immediately changed her mind & said stay <- my mom. 7:03 pmpdt I remember b4 she left my dad, I got sick 🤒 & I think 🤔 then she had to stay home 🏠 & not go to work. I remember the look 👀 on her face & got the feeling of judgment from her & she looked like she hated me then. Later on, years later she said that back then I was a bad kid. I can’t help but get the feeling that back then Bcz I got sick 🤒 that she took it as confirmation (throat acid pain stabbed pain in groin ish area 7:07 pmpdt) late last year? I found a website about Jewish polygamy & that there was something that husbands did if they wanted to find out from god if his wife was not faithful. It’s strange. Something about mixing dirt into something for his wife to drink 🥤 and the fb her belly became distended (I guess sick?) it meant she was not loyal. This to me sounds dumb. Sounds like witch 🧙 craft. Or like the husband is playing dumb. 7:12 pmpdt left eye 👁 pain. I looked a little at Wikipedia about disturbing Jon Benet Ramsey case. It said there was dna 🧬 they didn’t yet connect to anyone but they can tell it’s from a man 👨. 7:14 pmpdt incubus was probably months away from turning 18 years old on December 25, 1996. 7:16 pmpdt

7:36 7:37 pmpdt when I was very young I can’t remember how old. Maybe 🤔 I was 4 or 5? I was swimming 🏊‍♀️ in a pool. I think 🤔 it was probably b4 kindergarten Bcz I think it happened at a pool 🏊‍♀️ that was maybe 🤔 at the place I lived at b4 kindergarten. Maybe 🤔 I am? Was ? A bad kid 👧. I don’t remember. But if bad things only happens to bad kids.... I wonder 💭. Bcz at that pool 🏊‍♀️ (acid throat pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵7:40 pmpdt) I got a little crush 😻 on a blonde haired man 👱‍♂️ & I smiled at him & I think 🤔 I tried to swim along side of him. I also saw a unicorn 🦄 my little pony white with purple? Hair? Or blue hair? It was pretty 🤩! & I remember picking it up 🆙 & swimming 🏊‍♀️ across the pool 🏊‍♀️ while holding it in the air! & I placed it down when I got to the other side. & I think 🤔 I did it again! But I didn’t take it home 🏠. I left it at the pool 🏊‍♀️. Incubus has magic 🪄 potion 🧪 to make people fall in love 😻. So the current incubus probably made me have a crush 😻 on that man 👨 at the pool 🏊‍♀️. 7:44 pmpdt on the Ellen tv 📺 show there was a 3 year old named Mila who (vag sharp spiky pain 7:45 pmpdt) wanted to marry incubus = Adam Noah Levine. He was able to visit her in the tv 📺 show, hug, & pick her up 🆙 7:47 pmpdt. If incubus is abusing his powers, how many girls have a crush 😻 on incubus? When I was in kindergarten I only remember watching Nick junior on tv 📺. Candace Bailey in goodnight 💤 goodnight? Worked for Nickelodeon & did maroon 5 win kids choice awards? 7:49 pmpdt when I was in kindergarten I only remember cartoons. When I was a little older I remember seeing stuff like gullah gullah island 🏝 & blues clues when I was in middle school 🏫. How old are the kids odor kids choice awards? 🥇 7:51 pmpdt 7:52 pmpdt

8:54 pmpdt incubus/miñion keeps on eating my anus with acid. I think 🤔 he wants me to poop 💩 in my pants 👖. I’m not sure what he wants now. Bcz he makes me look at the time when it looks like bet beg 837 839. I begged a long time ago many times & I asked my mom to take me to the c*ps & (pain back skull 💀 heat & acid burning 8:59 pmpdt) 😱😰 she said she could not. 8:59 pmpdt incubus is a b*tch. 9 pmpdt

12:16 am pdt I saw 👀 from ecosia search beautiful mistakes won kids choice awards. 🥇 I don’t think 🤔 that’s an appropriate song for kids, but maybe 🤔 I’m being a unnecessarily critical? 12:19 am pdt there’s a thing now on the news 📰 the scientist 👨‍🔬 figured out there’s a schizophrenia gene 🧬 that’s connected to autism. Waiting to hear 👂 more about it. Not going to comment on it until I know everything. 12:21 am pdt 12:22 am pdt I wanted help with stuff from the doctors 🥼 but they seemed to have forgotten stuff, so I’m going to blame the incubus again for lack of help, again. Thanks. 🙏 12:23 am pdt acid burning pain top lip. 12:24 am pdt maybe 🤔 the incubus is right & really knows me better than I know myself. Maybe I am the worse person in the world 🌎. At least I didn’t mess around with minds of people in a very big way. That I probably can be thankful for. I tried to do better but I guess it was always too late. Scott already showed signs 🪧 of being trouble & I should have turned him down instantly instead of giving him a chance 12:28 am pdt he already made his ex girlfriend Jessica upset for inviting Tara to sleep over who is now married to Jorge? & Scott said Jessica had too many secrets. & he made flirty eyes 👀 at me when they were together still for a while. Probably for 2 years? 😖😒12:31 am pdt

12:43 am pdt If no one got extremely hurt from my actions then I probably cheated myself a lot. Now I feel very incapable of having relationships. Maybe I always was incapable. Is that Bcz of a curse? Or is that Bcz of my genes 🧬? I wanted to be capable. But maybe I’m not. 12:46 am pdt & now I’m very broken 😞. 12:47 am pdt

1:27 1:28 am pdt I don’t think I ever invited any guy to sleep 😴 at my place while I was with my first boyfriend. 1:29 am pdt it occurred to me that maybe 🤔 incubus justified lying 🤥 to me about being my husband Bcz of Q, & Bcz I had s*x even though usually used condom. 1:30 🕜 am pdt. I never told anyone I was pregnant 🤰 but I took plan b Bcz of Scott. 1:32 am pdt I feel like a loser. Trying to fight feelings of delusion(?). Seeing incubus at a cancer ♋️ research 🔬 event does not look good to me. Initially I thought 💭 he’s adding insult to injury. I don’t appreciate this. 1:34 am pdt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years

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15 March 2023 Wednesday miercoles? 4:07 pmpdt

I want to remind the incubus that I was physically a virgin until I was 19 years old. I didn’t even make out 💋 until I was 19 years old! I only had 2! Satisfying s*x experiences! Only 2! All the other times were subpar? & I was basically celibate since 2008! & usually I said 2010 Bcz I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ WHAT Scott did to me. !!!! Why! Are you destroying me!?!?!?!? Left side rib pain after gurgling & #3 suddenly ready mild hint of sting. 4:12 pmpdt

4:50 pmpdt I forgot about the lap grinding... I guess that counts???? Am I being punished Bcz I probably embarrassed 🙈 Nick & Scott? I also got mad 😡 at Scott at his front door 🚪 outside in 2007. I might (#3 mild burn 🔥 feel 🐒💨 4:54 pmpdt)

5:18 pmpdt “Brendan” (#3 hot fart 💨😞I went to the bathroom 🚽 mins ago!) 5:19

5:40 pmpdt “Brendan” said he was 17 years old in early March 2001. He told me his birthday is June 16. I think I asked him when his birthday is when it was my birthday. I told him my birthday 🎂 Bcz I wanted someone to wish me a happy birthday, & that maybe was when i asked. When it was June 16, 2001, I wished him a happy 18th birthday 🎉, & then he said again that he was 17 years old. If it was true, then it would have been a little lie, but Bcz years later I saw on Friendster he’s year of the monkey 🐒 = 1980 it was a big lie. I also felt like maybe 🤔 he could be liar 🤥 when he said he was 17 years old still. & then when I supposedly was instant messaging with the (surprise) girlfriend after Xmas 2001 she said that I was 17 years old. Which means he really likes rounding up 🆙!!!! Why roundup my age? Bcz he’s a liar 🤥. & would be extremely frowned upon/ look bad ... maybe 🤔 was it against the law back then???? To be s*xually involved online & on the phone ☎️ & then say he liked me so much he would buy me plane ✈️ tickets 🎫? 5:49 pmpdt so if “Brendan” was incubus, & maybe 🤔 I was possibly a little slow? From banging up my head the dense wooden couch 🛋 & steel beams/tubes of bunk 🛏 bed, was he looking to do something bad to me? S*xually ? If you have to lie about your age & give me false information ℹ️ such as use someone else’s (light headed nausea heart ♥️ slight pain/discomfort 😖😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😞 5:54 pmpdt) art webpage & tell me your friends w/ gym class heroes & say you look like Russell Crowe when you don’t & you aren’t then what are you trying to do???? 5:55 pmpdt doing this Bcz I probably embarrassed Nick? 5:55 pmpdt

6pm pdt if you are incubus were you instant messaging a lot of girls instead of going to guitar 🎸 class? 6:01 pmpdt

6:02 pmpdt if you lied 🤥 about being In love with behati & got involved with all those women then maybe 🤔 it was you who played love 💕 like it (vag sting pain acid? Head skull 💀? Pain 6:05 pmpdt) was only a game? Maybe 🤔 Jane was the one in love 😍? & you shamed her w/ that line in that song 🎶 & the name of the album 💿? Why she won’t answer my questions about 2001? & blocked me? 6:07 pmpdt was she the girlfriend who was instant messaging me but too afraid 😱 to confirm? Bcz of incubus? 6:09 pmpdt

6:10 pmpdt vag acid pain. Or was it maybe 🤔 the real Brendan?

6:11 pmpdt I probably wrote this already (back burning 🔥 uncomfortable 🥵 pain 6:12 pmpdt 6:13 pmpdt I got mad 😡 about needing to take (vag acid pain 6:14 pmpdt) plan b for the first time & being scared 😱 about it (Bcz was afraid 😱 could be pregnant 🤰 when I was sooon to go to UCB) please read all previous posts to know the back story. ... he still had a smile on his face & said he can feel the anger/heat radiating from my body. Some of his neighbors consequently probably heard & saw us. So someone on his street probably knows that what I say is true. 6:18 pmpdt 6:19 pmpdt maybe 🤔 incubus doesn’t like me Bcz when I was probably 6 years old I told my sister let’s not fight so auntie will buy us Barbie dolls. Maybe he prefers us fighting? More authentic? Or that I filled the coffee ☕️ table with toys 🧸 & instead of clearing it , I pushed it to the side so I had a clear spot & it was infront of my sister. 6:22 pmpdt I suppose it is about principle & honesty. I probably wrote in a recent post that I became self conscious about my thoughts 💭 when I was 7 years old & worked a little harder at having good thoughts 💭. If I were god I would not mislead people by doing them a favor like what happened in blossom hill, & showing I controlled traffic only to put me in a weird desperate situation. I would answer a prayer 🙏. But I get it! Always drive (acid pain vag while coughing from being burned skull 💀 pain 6:28 pmpdt) safely. But I probably would not did that if you didn’t mess with my beliefs! 6:30 🕡 pmpdt

6:44 pmpdt accidentally typed O. I m guessing it’s exciting & gives incubus a rush to go away from home 🏠 & have affairs/flings with random women. & if he was using someone else’s screen name who did have alibis & Bcz instant messages aren’t usually saved on personal computers 🖥 on aol back then that maybe 🤔 he would’ve been able to get away with it. 6:48 pmpdt thinking 🤔 trying to figure him out. 6:48 pmpdt 6:49 pmpdt

11:12 pmpdt I’m afraid 😱 that I’m going to end up with out a vagina ... that I’m going to lose my vagina Bcz the incubus is lying 🤥 to me, faking me out, giving me the run 🏃🏻‍♀️ around until I’m completely broken 😞. I m afraid 😱 he’s faking me out & making excuses to perpetuate the cycle. He seems to throw every excuse at me to continue this heinous act of burning 🔥 me with fire & acid and breaking down my bones 🦴. I think 💭 that he likes to toy 🧸 & trick me into doing things. Controlling my mind with deprivation & magic 🪄 potions 🧪. I think he’s trying to fake me out into believing something that isn’t true so the world 🌎 will continue to excuse his heinous actions. Pretending to be good pretending to be bad when he’s REALLY bad. 11:20 pmpdt I will not forgive him. 11:20 pmpdt this had gone too far. 11:20 pmpdt

11:57 pmpdt probably every person (guy) I dated I tried to like. & some people it’s really hard to say no to. & I worked on trying to be more honest about my feelings. & I told Scott too late. & he punished me for it by biting me & whore shaming me. But he was the one who pushed for the actual s*x too soon, & I can probably say that 2-3 out of 4 guys pushed for s*x too soon. If they really didn’t want a whore, then don’t solicit? Don’t ask for it. Don’t counter or challenge it when I say no. 12:03 am pdt 16 March 2023.

12:05 am pdt b4 I typed the last part above this, the incubus miñion was burning 🔥 hot acid it felt like, under the skin of my arms. Is this the start of psoriasis? & he still been stabbing at my hip bones 🦴. 12:07 am pdt every time I see 1207 I think 💭 it looks like the wor (spine left foot 🦶 bone pain 12:08 am pdt nausea) word Rot. Ooh Rottweiler? I have to (acid pain throat mouth 👄 12:09 am pdt) I was thinking of Maluma but that might be Doberman pincher 12:10 am pdt am I afraid 😱 incubus is going to make me truly delusional after he destroys my hip bones 🦴 & my vag is cut off. 12:11 am pdt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years

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15 fe bru ar y 2023 Wednesday 2:23 am pdt

Incubus is mean enough to lie about children. He made me think gio is my daughter & the new born is my son. I think I have been burning up too hot all last year to probably be able to conceive. 2:25 am pdt I just can’t believe anymore. Did anyone else see gio’s baby reel of her crying when they turn off Adam’s music? Did it first look blue then it looked brown? Her eyes? I don’t believe 2 blue eyed or green (brain pain 🧠 cutting I don’t like the way they cut it 😖😭🥵😱😰😞I don’t know if it got cut off! Chopped off!! 😭😰😱2:29 am pdt) they cannot make brown eyes 👀. If you have painted 🎨 you know you need an extra color to mix in to get brown. 2:31 pmpdt b4 news 📰 of the baby 👶 welcoming they made me hear 👂 a baby 👶 cry 😭 (hunger 2:32 am pdt) & yesterday & day b4 made me smell 👃 like baby poop 💩 & diapers. They’re really BAD. When I barricaded the bedroom 🛌 door 🚪 last year Bcz I got distressed? At how they were hurting me? I think? They played a baby crying sound in my head to make me think gio was crying & wanted 2 see me. 2:35 am pdt he did this also by showing a black haired little girl laying lazily tired 😴 in the sand at the 🏖 beach as if she was tired Bcz she was up all night visiting me. 2:37 am pdt I don’t believe them (head pain 2:38 am pdt) anymore. They’d say & do anything to make me believe them. I can’t stand ‘em. 2:38 am pdt

2:46 am pdt 2:47 incubus attacked my intestines? Or flesh area (neeart autocorrect nearby beware authorities 2:49 am pdt are u saying police 👮‍♀️ are here? Probably same police 👮‍♀️ who said Sierra LaMar s account was hacked/hoax asking for help In Saratoga? They liars 🤥 those police 👮‍♀️ are I bet 2:51 am pdt I bet they’re kidnappers 2:51 am pdt & car 🚗 thiefs)

2:55 am pdt 🤯wow I found an article back dated to April 19 2012 about the hoax I never found b4 saying they traced it to the Philippines 🇵🇭???? I skimmed it. Mayb I should look at that again. & something about “by the way, we do punch” ??? I need to look at that again nbc. I need to write the url Bcz I looked at a lot of articles & I think I would have recalled such a bizarre article b4. Wow. Must be the real kidnapper hacking nbc. That’s weird. 2:58 am pdt

3:02 am pdt https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/detectives-seek-to-find

-Sierra-lamars-hoax-tweeter/1944744/

3:04 am pdt

4:13 am pdt they’re incubus being extra jerks again. Extra extra. They make me cry 😭 & then they manipulate me. Flip flop 🩴. Mean, then flip to manipulate me using love 💕 💗such as a baby 👶 cry, Etc. 😖😭incubus put hard painful balls of air coming up my throat when I try to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ in, even though I have to cough b4 I can breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ after they burn 🔥 me. 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵🤬😫😖😭😖😭😖😭😖😭😵😵😵😵 4:18 am pdt

4:50 am pdt I don’t believe in the walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ through fire 🔥 & surviving. It might be a mirage at best 😱😰.

4:52 am pdt I guess people are afraid to help me Bcz of ghost 👻 ship 🚢 fire 🔥 in Oakland December 2, 2016. A david died, uc Berkeley graduate 👨‍🎓 I think double major? I remember 2 guys names caught my attention but I don’t remember exactly anymore. Incubus has burned my skin so it looks sunburned. Any hotter & I will be gone/dead. 4:55 am pdt David = dowd = Susan boyles. I guess it is a threat to me. 4:56 am pdt one of the guys was a brother of an aqauintance I met @ uc Berkeley. 4:57 am pdt I don’t think 🤔 they would have known anything but who knows, maybe they did. 4:57 am pdt & incubus killed them off as a warning ⚠️ to me. Warning ⛔️ wore I think I looked it up last year or the year b4 & saw it used to address ? sailboats ⛵️ ... apart of original family name. Peter Pan ride at Disney land was my favorite ride when I was a kid. 5 am pdt I don’t recall what abba means when I first looked it up but that was part of the name (right side too hot 🥵 nauseas b4 writing felt acid 2xs this morning touch inches at a time of intestinal wall. 😱😰😞😖😭😤🥵😤🥵🤬 I don’t like them they’re all conceited jerks 5:03 am pdt) of the yeshua who was forgiven & allowed to live even though he murdered people & was violent while yeshua son of Joseph was crucified that’s what I read online. 5:04 am pdt listening 👂 to something random my mom picked from online. 5:05 am pdt

5:15 am pdt the spikes feel too big wide. Reminds me of tenderizer meat 🥩 hammer 🔨 into my brain 🧠. They hurt what’s in the inside Bcz it’s more destructive. More death ☠️. 5:17 am pdt

they set up a pattern of lying 🤥 to me flip flopping to normalize it & to accept it. It buys them time for false promises. It is deception. They should not be trusted. Not trustworthy . I don’t trust them. They’re dead? ☠️ found dead bodies right? 5:20 am pdt

5:22 am pdt they rely on my naïveté? Naïve ness to trick me. They want me to believe they rescued them from the fire 🔥 5:23

5:24 am pdt brain 🧠 hot 🥵 they really are sacrificing me. This economy is evil 🦹‍♀️ & will continue to be evil after I’m dead. Rape & murder & torture will continue for the masses all 8 billion. 5:35 yyoutr all wicked evil fucks. 5:25 am pdt

5:35 am pdt Jesus was said to be sacrificial lamb 🐑. Are lambs gentle? Gentlemen? So some stuff is fake news 📰 theme saying otherwise but he’s a lunatic for believing goodwill save him? Even though he put him prob through hardship being a carpenter & having to hide himself from baby killers like herod. Lived in poverty & probably chaste? Pious? What does pious mean? Life growing up w/ Virgin Mary & churchy? Saintly? Grandparents & parents? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ still need to read more! 5:39 am pdt you sacrifice lambs & keep the bad for 2000++++++ years? Humans around for how long? 70000 years???? 5:39 am pdt I don’t get it. He wants to burn my brain now cuz he labels this as haughty Bcz he wants most of us to be satisfied with less nearly povert level living torture abused existence 5:40 am pdt he doesn’t want anyone to be smart enough to know what’s happening is all wrong? But some people do know it’s all wrong & do stuf anyway such as child rape! 5:41 am pdt justify it now! Tell me why now! 11 years old! Masturbating next to elementary school caught b4 it happened! Rape of a 14 year old!!!! Ignored by society!!!!! That means doctors 🥼 are guilty? 5:43 greedy fucks?????? Burning 🔥 hip right side. I warned my cousin when she was 9 years old to watch out for “confused adults.” Some people become confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ & easily manipulated by the devil. Some people are the devil 😈. 5:46 am pdt

7:55 am pdt had heart ♥️ pain minutes ago. Ok big reveal biggest reveals that I’m a sum bag dirty cheat greedy whatever: I once tried to get my sister to agree to a bad deal when we were elementary school aged? I remember it was at a person s house that I played w/ Barbie dolls ... & across the street from this house b4 fourth grade photos I fell from the tallest bar attempting to do a cherry 🍒 drop (brain pain 😖😭😤🥵 7:59 am pdt) but failed! It was probably sometime after this that I wanted to play with some specific pieces of LEGO’s . That’s right, LEGO’s! I wanted to see what I could build with this pieces so I tried to make a deal, u can play w/ those pieces & I can play w/ these & then tomorrow we will switch. But I probably had bad intentions of hogging all the pieces the next day. I don’t remember, I feel like that was in my head. Somehow I think she figured out it was a bad deal immediately and said “i don’t care” I guess I’m a mean kid Bcz I think what I did next made her cry. Maybe I took the pieces forcefully 😓 then the lady who was watching us called me a “pig.” & I don’t think I did it again. I feel like there were a lot of times I was greedy with toys 🧸. Although I think I have memories of also being nice. I feel greedy. & mean. Once we did cooperate b4 my parents separated & built a woman’s restroom out of tinker toys 🧸 that was supposed to kick 🦵 out men. 8:07 am pdt we did not know about cross dressers & transsexuals then. 8:07 am pdt we played dolls & video games together & watched cartoons together. & when inspector gadget came on we hid behind the couch 🛋 together to pop out & surprise dad when he came home. 🏠 maybe I am bad. 8:11 am pdt I guess I did it the wrong way. I wonder 💭 how Ivanka trump managed to take the whole set of LEGO’s to build a tower w/ press on nail glue. She didn’t upset her siblings when she did it? I guess maybe they had more than one set so she didn’t have to fight over anything with them. 8:13 am pdt I should have never made my sister cry. Happy? Karma for not letting her borrow my if (identification 8:16 am pdt) card is I lost it ≈2020. 8:13 am pdt

9:44 am pdt I think I omitted a detail: LEGO’s pieces I was going to let her use were not very good pieces small type probably trying to remember. 😓😬 9:46 am pdt

9:56 am pdt Instagram suspended my account again. I don’t know why 🤷🏻‍♀️

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years

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12 fe bru ar y 2023 Sunday sun🌞 8:29 am pdt

Gurgled. #3 mins ago 😞. Gurgling usually happens now b4 #3. & not being able to breathe sometimes happens afterwards. Probably incubus assistants again w/vinegar. 8:33 am pdt my aunt came home & told me to do like 12 our father prayers. Now she’s gone. 8:34 am pdt

sweat shirt the incubus is wearing says HELL incubus is warning me “HELLO HELLFIRE” I guess that’s what they call it. When Jesus de ends descends autocorrect:”devil death” into hell for 3 days - it’s more then 3 days in reality. 8:39 am pdt every one lies. Some people say they do white lies. What is a white lie? I confessed recently here. Not something I’m proud of. But it seems white lies are essentially when there are people wanting to tear your neck apart when you are finally summoning up the courage to be honest about romantic feelings to try to do things differently. To end something that I really had felt like for a while after giving a chance to & finding that it wasn’t going to work out. I t could have been we were not the right fit for each other, but he started showing a pattern that I don’t think it’s going to work out. 8:44 right breast stabbing piercing pain he incubus might be extracting tissue again to make it smaller 😞 8:45 am pdt & then he’s going to give to someone else???? 8:46 am pdt

when I was in the first grade I heard my dad talking to his doctor in the phone ☎️ & I repeated it to my teacher. She just smiled & nodded & said uh huh. It was something personal & probably gross. Something about blood 🩸in the toilet 🚽. 8:48 am pdt kids say the darnedest things. 8:49 am pdt

miranda lambert I don’t know why ... white? Liar... & it spreads just like a fire ... like turpentine 8:50 am pdt

HE🏒🏒🥅 double hockey sticks goals ... Nick played hockey in the streets or parking lots? Somehow I heard. Maybe he bragged in class. 8:52 am pdt

9:37 am pdt

10:28 am pdt I believe Scott lied to me, about why he didn’t call me back after I went to live on campus at university. I was glad he didn’t call me back. 10:30 am I don’t care to argue with him about it. I suppose that was his “white lie.” Also when I saw him again in 2010, I think I said something about abstaining from s*x bcz I remember his response was “me, too. I m a virgin again.” Something like that. I don’t know when he’s telling the truth & some guys like strip clubs & prostitutiin & his dad’s’ rich si he lived at home w/his parents in a neighborhood where the houses cost $2 million now. (Coughing & peeing left shin bones pain 😖😭😖😭 literally 20 minutes ago was in bathroom 🚽) 10:35 am pdt

10:36 am pdt his girlfriend he was with b4 me once posted pictures online of herself in lingerie bust covering bra top thing? Spelling (I’ve never bought lingerie) it seemed like maybe revenge for him ignoring her maybe? Once at Q’s party he made flirty eyes 👀 with me in front of her & she seemed to get mad. I think 🤔 they probably had s*x. & dated for more than a year. (Keep feeling #3 coming. 😞😖😭tired) 10:41 am pdt bcz they were together when I met her in 2004, & that was probably end of 2005 or 2006? Bcz I think 🤔 my ex boyfriend already broke with me then. The high school 🏫 graduate 👩‍🎓? Typed on his wall calling him “Mr.Big” so it seems he probably had s*x w/ her too even though they had not been together long yet? His 🍆is big like a horse’s p*nis. Looks like he probably broke up with her after she went to college in Las Vegas? There was a picture of the two of them probably in Vegas w/his hand up her T-shirt to feel her breasts. 10:46 am pdt no shame? 10:47 am pdt

11:29 am pdt the #3 keeps on coming. 😞😖😭😤🥵😤🥵anus very acidic pain 😖😭😖😭😖😭😖😭 I think this is how incubus kills people. #3 & burning 🔥 hellfire. 11:31 am pdt

Left arm pain 😖😭😖😭😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 when my friend called Nick out of curiosity, his little brother answered the phone ☎️. There might have been caller id back then? Trying to remember. But her number was private probably. She said to him “be nice to your brother,” in a very soft but firm way. 11:35 am pdt

11:46 47 am pdt hellfire on my back 😤🥵😱😵 don’t feel good.

11:49 am pdt I think the incubus likes to give me signs 🪧 to let me know that no matter what, whether it’s right or wrong, I’m going to die & Scott & Nick will live on & get what they want. 11:51 am pdt

They are his favorites. It’s the way the 🌎 world works & will continue to work. 😞🥵😭😖😵😵😵😵11:53 am pdt once I read in a Bible, I think the incubus planted it in my home 🏠 & then took it back after I read it, I think 🤔 it was around 2017, & it was weird & shocking & I wonder if he did this to anyone else. I don’t want to write it or type it though. 😵😞😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵11:55 am pdt

11:57 back muscles or organ feels scorched 🥵 & pained.

11:59 I think her name was Courtney. Am pdt

12 pm pdt stuff I thought 💭 about while I was in the bathroom 🚽 & suffering from stinging anus pain...: Nick borrowed my graphing calculator junior year that I wrote in a previous post. That was English or history class. Why would he ask to borrow my calculator then? Krystle, I saw in the year book 📖 she had taken accounting 🧾? Class. I think 🤔... she hung out in the clique that usually looked very polished & preppy. Was he trying to help her w/ something? 12:04 pmpdt that same year I was taking algebra 2, & one day I went in I think for a question & unfortunately Nick was there, too, & trying to make small talk w/ the teacher I guess smiling. Said something about liking small towns? 12:06 pmpdt I didn’t talk to him & he didn’t talk to me. 12:08 pmpdt brain 🧠 stabbing pain . @ this high school 🏫 we had A days & B days. I guess he had algebra 2 on the Opposite Day of the history English classes which were intentionally back to back w/ the same students that year. 12:11 pmpdt left shin pain left side ribs pain. Exhaling hot air. 12:12 pmpdt

12:31 pmpdt I thought I saved this... did I open it again 😖😭😞gurgled 12:32 pmpdt

12:56 pmpdt Nick worked @ Safeway then Whole Foods. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ for how long, I saw 👀 it on MySpace. Scott’s friend also worked @ Whole Foods in 2010. Saw on his friend’s girlfriend’s Facebook she befriended some one from Nick’s & my middle school 🏫. Small world 🌎. Small towns. 12:59 pmpdt I don’t know if either of them went to college. 1 pm pdt

2:59 pmpdt 3pm pdt I’m having difficulty remembering when I did this. Courtney here Courtney there Courtney everywhere. There was a Courtney in our freshman year English class,too. She was prettty, cute, & she had a friend who was also cute & pretty who was obvious when she looked 👀 @ Nick in a flirty way. But I saw the way Courtney & Nick looked at each other, looked like there was something there mutually. Wasn’t until a following year that Nick finally made a move to ask her out. I forget when that was. (I’m burning up 🥵 probably falling apart bcz of the heat. 3:05 pmpdt) I forget what I was feeling when I heard the news I don’t even remember how I learned it. When I instant messaged him I don’t even remember his response for some reason. But I think I wanted to test him so I said “I like love you.” I think he still dated her for 2 days or a week. Didn’t last long. But obviously 🙄 to me he didn’t love me, & confession I didn’t love him. A friend during sophomore year thought 💭 I was in love bcz my cheeks blushed while I talked about him, but I thought 💭 this is a crappy way to feel ? Or crappy situation? To think 🤔 that love should be this way? Something. It would I thought have been wonderful to be in love , to really love someone but this situation btwn me & him was not beautiful. 3:10 pmpdt he never asked me to be his girlfriend. He never asked me out for a real date. Only to “finger” me in the back room of his work. 3:12 pmpdt when the Courtney thing happened it was after the friends with benefits had ended. I think 🤔 I ended it? Bcz I started talking to “Brendan.” 3:13 pmpdt

3:16 pmpdt so there’s another karma reason for me not to trust Scott or incubus. I think it was also the last time we had dinner in 2010? After dinner, he said he wanted dessert? I think? I remember? But he didn’t mean dessert.. if he said that. Then he said he wanted to “make love” & we were in his car 🚗 in my neighborhood? It was the only time I had ever heard him say “love.” I don’t believe he loves me. He made an excuse that was probably a lie why he didn’t call me when I went to university. He went with Courtney to her college it seemed. He calls me back in 2010 saying he found the phone he lost w/ my number on it. Bites me in the neck which was painful & vicious, then says wants to make love.... weird... no thanks. But I don’t say anything & I don’t fight back & I stupidly cooperate when he wants me in the back seat 💺 & I am in an awkward uncomfortable position with my head/neck bent & pushed up against the 💺 seat. Why the hell did I continue seeing him after he bit me???? 3:27 Merlin 🧙‍♂️/incubus???? Spells 🪄???? 3:28 pmpdt I feel numb from the waist down. I thought ‘‘twas the beer 🍺 I drank but I started remembering that it was uncomfortable for my head & neck. 3:29 pmpdt I should have been running 🏃🏻‍♀️ away from him after he did that to me. 3:30 🕞 pmpdt

3:30 pmpdt incubus doesn’t (brain pain 😖😭😖😭😖😖😤🥵😤🥵 3:31 pmpdt) he doesn’t like me. I get signs 🪧 from him he’s going to cut off my legs 🦵. 3:32 pmpdt

3:33 pmpdt I worked a lot on my legs 🦵, & I’ve done ✅ some physically challenging work. I probably would have continued doing physically challenging work like printmaking if I didn’t have eczema. Even though it went away temporarily when I visited New York in 2010, I still had to figure out why/how. & fear also kept me from making the move. I procrastinated. I think 🤔 the incubus was messing with me, making me fearful of moving. 3:37 pmpdt I tried to figure out if I could find a cure for it even though a doctor 👨‍⚕️ has told me there’s no cure. 3:38 pmpdt

3:39 pmpdt Scott had a long big bar & big weights at each end for weight lifting 🏋️‍♀️ in his bedroom which I tripped over & it hurt my big toe when I did. 3:41 pmpdt but I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he ever did any hard work. He showed off his strength when he flipped the rods fast 💨 on the foosball table to whip the little paddles that look like little athletes so I didn’t have a chance to hit the ball ⚽️. 3:43 pmpdt

3:44 pmpdt what’s the point on staying quiet about it if he’s already hurting me b4 I said something publicly like this? I never reported Scott or “Brendan” or Nick to the police 👮‍♀️. Maybe I should have? In Oakland police 👮‍♂️ officers were guilty of prostitution of a 16 year old girl/young woman 👩🏻 3:47 pmpdt 3:47 pmpdt

3:48 pmpdt bcz I was stupid all my life, not questioning whether “Brendan” was a bad guy or not until it was too late. Mvrykv_, everything has been weird since 2017. It’s not mercury in retrograde?? It’s bcz: incubus. 3:50 pmpdt

4:12 pmpdt I fear every thing. I fear incubus changing history. I fear incubus double crossing/back stabbing/ lying 🤥 to me. I fear that I don’t really see the real internet bcz he showed me 2 different versions of goodnight goodnight & his brother Sam’s account name changed. I fear people’s memory changing w/ deep fake memories created by incubus + company. 4:17 pmpdt I fear this awful wicked heat feels like flames 🔥???? 4:18 pmpdt getting scorched 🥵. 4:18 pmpdt head/brain, etc. I dont know if people really are responding me bcz incubus controls people’s thoughts 💭 so it looks like they’re responding to me when they are not. 4:20 pmpdt

6 pmpdt incubus is going too far, abusing me & going too far w/ his jokes that he’s my husband & that we have kids together. TOO FAR! No one should joke about that EVER! 6:02 pmpdt

I also fear that I am not a good person to befriend. That I have major flaws that make it difficult for me to be myself around anyone. I fear people seeing my confessions. I fear the real me. 6:05 pmpdt

7:24 pmpdt Instagram suspended my friend’s account. She doesn’t know why. It says type in email 📧. Which is weird. She thinks she only used her phone number. Not an email. 📧 7:26 pmpdt or code from email? 7:27 pmpdt shouldn’t there be an option to send to the email 📧 address or phone number on file? Not have to type it in? At least make it an option. 7:28 pmpdt

it won’t let me add more... 7:35 pmpdt

7:42 pmpdt friend reread what it was ... still think it’s weird. Just make it available via the app too w/ option to send to email 📧 to self later. ??? Incubus stole my passwords. It’s too hard to keep making new email accounts bcz lost passwords. 7:44 pmpdt 7:59 pmpdt looks (left knee pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵8 pmpdt) looks as though incubus decided to delete a photo from my phone 📱???? I should check th trash 🗑 first. I think it was the French kissing part of goodnight goodnight music video. 8 pmpdt 8:02 pmpdt nothing in trash 🗑. Weird. 8:03 pmpdt

8:05 pmpdt #3 pain. 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 mayb I should not believe in soulmate stuff. It maybe is brain 🧠 washing from incubus to torment me. 8:07 pmpdt he does not look like he believes in that. He looks like he’s all about casual s*x. Maybe 🤔 it’s ridiculous to believe? Even though I had hoped for one? But I was unreasonable to think that I should look 👀 for someone attractive. The first guy I thought I was going to marry isn’t that handsome. But I thought 💭 he was. He was handsome enough. But I was never good enough until I was accepted into university. 8:10 pmpdt the #1 public university at the time. I was told on the phone ☎️ after I was accepted. But not for a academically challenging enough probably for anyone to really be impressed. It was challenging. But it wasn’t physics or science 🧪. 8:12 pmpdt 8:13 pmpdt incubus makes me see reality? That soulmate stuff is invented. Lose all faith in men. Egalitarianism. Et cetera Et cetera. Let’s go backwards again. 8:14 pmpdt bcz that’s what’s real.

8:37 pmpdt incubus are terrorist aliens from outer space, come to guilt trip you and manipulate you about everything & abuse you. And they ruin your life from day one and murder you everyday. & they pretend they love you to manipulate you into doing things they want to do to kill other people. 8:39 pmpdt they should be outlawed.

They will guilt trip you on things that relatively small in comparison to the things they chose to do to everyone. 8:40 pmpdt

8:49 pmpdt incubus burned top left side of brain 🧠 then put acid & sand papered it. 8:51 pmpdt incubus are extremely detached & don’t care about me. They lie about love & marriage. They only care about keeping power. They’re is no softness to their hearts ♥️ they pretend. They are extremely unfeeling beings that only look human on the outside. They’re cold blooded killers. 8:53 pmpdt

I don’t know if anyone sees & hears & reads the same things I do on the internet.... Jaycee dugard stuff.... 9:23 pmpdt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years

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1:32 am pdt 28 Jan u ary 2023 Saturday 🪐

The neighbor is playing music 🎼 loud again it’s got a booming loud bass speaker 🔊 it’s providing very dramatic 🎭 background sound as if I were in a thriller movie 🎥 like Jurassic park. 1:36 am pdt I had very strong painful cramps when I woke up after midnight 🕛. More diarrhea. Mom gave me medicine from the hospital 🏥 but it feels a little painful to drink. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it’s the medicine or the incubus. 1:38 am pdt I drank it b4 midnight 🕛 b4 falling asleep 😴 I think 🤔 getting difficult 😞 2 remember. Need to write ✍️ it down next time. But I probably won’t take it again. 1:39 am pdt

tired. And hot flash. Exhaling hot 🥵 air. Nothing feels hot 🥵 on the surface. It might be inside closer to the lungs 🫁. 😞😖😭😫 ow my left ear 👂. Incubus wants me paranoid about the music. It’s more distant sounding this time than all the previous times. 1:42 am pdt maybe 🤔 the guy has a car 🚗 now and took it to his car 🚗???? 1:43 am pdt idk 🤷🏻‍♀️.

1:45 am pdt when I went to toilet 🚽 several minutes ago I saw 👀 something that looked like a vitamin I took b4 falling asleep 😴. 1:47 am pdt

1:47 am pdt I I saw 👀 in auto correct devil seven . Did not notice what was in the first square. Feels like he’s calling me those. 1:50 am pdt

29 Jan u ary 2023 Sunday ☀️ 12:12 pm pdt

HOT 🥵. My family doesn’t want me around. I have been too much trouble 4 them I guess all these years. From being too afraid 2 get a job when I was 16 years old and chatting online... and when I was 9 years old? I wasn’t understanding of my mom using my birthday 🎂 money from my grandparents to buy a microwave which I complained 2 my dad and it seemed 2 open a can of worms 🪱 I guess with my dad. I think 🤔 he might have used it as a reason 2 take my mom 2 court. I don’t know how that makes any sense to him 2 do that in retrospect. Maybe 🤔 my mom made more money 💰 than she let on and did not need 2 spend my birthday money 💰 (butt cheeks flesh PAIN 😖😭😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) I felt guilty about that for years. When my sister was in middle school 🏫 and I was in high school 🏫 my mom told her 2 ask me 4 money 💰 2 buy yearbooks. I think I took it from my own money 💰 I saved from dad. Usually dad gave equally to both of us? I think? So she could have easily bought it herself if she saved it. She went out with friends a lot and I usually stayed home 🏠. 12:21 pm pdt so she probably spent it then. From 2011- almost end of 2012 I didn’t go out often 4 fun. I had little time outside. 12:27 pm pdt my aunt is acting crazy to me for barricading the door 🚪 to make it more difficult for incubus to come in. She’s telling me I’m powerful and stubborn and telling me to pay the rent. I couldn’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ since 2019 but everyone ignored me. I was crawling on the floor when I had difficulty breathing in 2019/2020. She’s behaving like this after I confided in her about Scott. Same thing happened when I confided in my cousin. They both turned against me. 12:31 pm pdt

12:34 pm pdt my friend double checked her messages to Jane page Herman. It looks like Jane didn’t feel comfortable answering any questions and blocked her. It looks like incubus tormented Jane, too. 12:35 pm pdt

12:41 pm pdt incubus tore down my bones 🦴 a lot. My body looks very unattractive and absurd. I once thought 💭 I was falling in love with a former classmate who found me on MySpace. We hung out with out becoming physically intimate. He allowed me to take photos of him for a class project on Halloween 🎃. We went out a few times to eat. There was a moment I was ridiculously? Happy. I question now if it was natural. But he is a really nice guy. He feels like a safe person. And sometimes I wonder 💭 if I had committed to him if I would be happy now. When I decided to stop 🛑 seeing him I felt love 💕 sick in bed 🛌. 12:48 pm pdt oh I felt pain and difficulty breathing my thoughts 💭 lost the train 🚂. I asked once both mom and sister if I should marry him when he was in his way to pick me up 🆙 to go out to eat. I don’t remember him saying if it was a date and I didn’t say it was a date, but after I asked that, he arrived wearing a tie. 12:51 pm pdt shamefully, I didn’t think I could commit bcz I wasn’t attracted to him the way he was, but it didn’t stop 🛑 me from hanging out with him. I like having platonic? Friendships with guys - nice, fun guys; and if I wasn’t very attracted to them it made it easier to hang out with them for clean fun bcz of my curses. I once played drums 🪘 with drummers and I got a good beat going and we played together. When I was 11 years old and got kicked out of a bedroom for the way I played with Barbie dolls (I took something I should not have) I was kindly told to play video games with the stepbrother, and I think that was probably more fun than the Barbie dolls, and I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he was pretending to have fun with me, but he begged me to play video games more. 12:58 pm pdt my ex and I watched anime together in his bedroom a lot, bcz it was what he wanted to do 😅 and then 2015 I was hooked on inuyasha, and after the breakup I marathon watched sailor moon 🌙 he gave me while I waited out my bleeding 🩸 nose 👃 that easily broke open every day that summer. 1 pm I have a lot of cramps diarrhea pain ever since she unbarricaded that door and I haven’t rebarricaded it. 1:01 pm pdt the incubus makes me hotter 🥵 than I ever been in my life. I don’t think it’s necessary to make me this hot 🥵 I feel like I’m going to die from the heat. I’ve been living in hot apartments all my life. Rarely I use air conditioning yet my mom gave my sister money 💰 to buy an air conditioner but she won’t buy one for us. 1:03 pm pdt

1:04 pm pdt 1:07 pm pdt heart pain incubus has intentions to kill me. I noticed yesterday my right eye looks a little dark as if it’s been bruised. What it is though is he’s been scratching the inside, the white part. 1:10 pm pdt I think he’s giving me the run around and the ring of fire. It burns burns burns the ring of fire the ring of fire 🎶🎼🎵🎤 1:11 pm pdt

Bcz I was shy and probably bcz of chronic eczema and a lot of head trauma, it was difficult for me 2 interact with a lot of people. Usually i got a little more comfortable with specific types of people but I won’t say what types here. From ≈2010 I relied more and more on my mom. She didn’t like me relying on her. When we visited my sister in New York after she had the baby, my mom told me to go out by myself to find more food. And when we were out together sometimes she was stingy even though it was my money. At the airport I wanted more than 1 slice of pizza, but she wouldn’t ask 4 me for more than 1 slice. And then I let her have the chair at the table and then people ran to me to give me chairs. I typed this in (chest getting hot exhaling HOT air 1:19 pm pdt). I don’t know why everyone was being mean to me including incubus. 1:20 pm pdt my eczema (and probably my head trauma ) made living in my body feel like a torture chamber I could never escape. 1:21 pm pdt 1:22 pm pdt. I remember once we shared a large? Pizza with my cousin when she was 9 years old. She wanted 2 eat half of it by herself. I told her she had to share and that I wanted a slice of the other toppings and she could have a slice of the other topping combination. She didn’t want it bcz it was vegetarian? And claimed she got diarrhea from eating vegetables. I think bcz of this I suggested that her dad take her to dinner b4 bringing her to our place. After that happened she bragged she ate a whole big pizza by herself. It probably wasn’t long after this? That she punched me very strongly in the head and my performance capabilities started 2 decline at work. 1:27 pm pdt

1:30 pm pdt when I was about 4 years old I borrowed a girl’s (neighbor) Barbie doll clothing without asking. But always had the intentions of returning all the clothing and I did. She noticed probably but didn’t like it probably bcz I didn’t ask and stopped playing with me. 1:32 pm pdt

1:37 pm pdt I started watching sailor moon when I was in middle school grade 7. I try to learn how to use the vcr to record it so I don’t miss it. 1:38 pm pdt heart pains 1:39 pm pdt

1:40 pm pdt on the phone after we were home from our trip to New York I told my sis I lost a l lot of weight during our visitation there. She tells me maybe I wasn’t a walking enough b4, and when she’s telling this to me she sounds like she hates me. I probably wasn’t friendly enough to her during the trip but it was bcz probably mostly that I had a lot of shame and guilt about past stufff and was trying to distance myself from her to keep myself out of trouble, so I don’t accidentally do something or so people cannot blame me for future bad stuff. But b4 she got married? (Brain/skull pain 1:44) they visited us at my apartment and she’s extremely distant to me and avoids talking to me and being alone with me and I don’t know why. 1:46 pm pdt(she came for a friend’s dads funeral 1:51 pm pdt) incubus makes every one distant and mean to me? 1:46 pm pdt she had her kids after she got married. It’s ironic she told me I don’t walk enough, when I wore myself extremely thin that trip and did 3 seasons of running sports. Diarrhea cramps. 1:48 pm pdt

1:52 pm pdt I guess I’m too selfish and I suck. No one likes me. Incubus hates me. I feel it on the inside that I’m wicked and selfish. I feel I emit bad vibes like Elsa in frozen. mom’s best friend for Christmas 2002? I think she gave an Elsa photo frame with pink roses painted on. Rise rising risen rose 🌹🥀🏵 I’m probably going to lose my hips and pelvis bone now. Incubus is giving me a lot of diarrhea cramps painful for the past 2 hours that’s been going fast. 1:57 pm pdt

2:01 pm pdt one evening I stayed at work extra hours in the evening to get work done, and everyone else was going out for dinner. She decided to come into the office and meets my boss. She acts as if she’s disappointed that I’m not going out to dinner with them even though she seems 2 disrespect me and avoided me beforehand. 2:03 pm pdt there are times we talked on the phone and she would say she will talk to me more next time. Next time she’s on the phone she doesn’t seem to ask to talk to me. I don’t know if it’s my blunder. (Sometimes we have a nice time talking. I don’t remember if I was trying too hard like I usually do 2:08 pm pdt) 2:05 pm pdt there’s something I was. Going to type but cannot remember again. This happens all the time. 2:06 pm pdt I don’t think they are going to let me remember it this time. 2:06 pm pdt oh I remember now. 2:09 pm pdt about adnan. I think I didn’t learn until after my wrist was broken that my sister actually had a crush on him. I met adnan first I think bcz he was in my class. They combined 2nd and third grades into one class. He was 2nd grade and I was third. I remember he was in my group after I came back to school from having the chicken pox. 2:11 pm pdt they let me name our group when I returned. 2:12 pmpdt incubus is trying to trick me again. Too much is going on with my body to believe anything he promises is anything good for me. Bcz he keeps saying marriage, wedding, rings, but all I get is flamed until I feel like I’m dying. No thanks incubus, no false promises necessary 2:14 pm pdt my sister had said one thing to adnan that made him angry that I never said. And she innocently told me later that she was like “ I like playing with you, too” to adnan, and even though I no longer had a class with adnan after that year and completely forgot about him the following year, she blamed me that they couldn’t be together. I guess she didn’t care that he broke my wrist and likes someone who might become a future wife beater. 2:18 pm pdt she was able to see him while I was stuck inside with chickenpox. She gave him my drawing. I did make her promise though to not date anyone my age or older than me at that time. But we were too young to be dating? I don’t really remember keeping her from him, or him from her. She dated a guy 11 years older than her that she met days b4 turning 18 years old. She has a lot of power. My mom empowered her probably for along time. 2:22 pm pdt there were times she locked me out of the bedroom and my mom allowed it. When we moved to blossom hill I remember allowing her decorate the bedroom however she wanted to. She did sleep on the top bunk. Maybe she didn’t like that... it’s hard being in a weird divorced family. It’s weird bcz I think when we were kids we maybe used to argue about who would get the top bunk (2:57 pm pdt b4 we ever got a bunk bed ? Hypothetically? we talked in case we would get one?? 2:58 pm pdt) but I got the bottom bunk with the fold out futon. It actually wasn’t good for my back it was all bumpy. 2:27 pm pdt but I used that bed for many years. From 2000? To end of 2014? No it was ≈ 2012/2013. I think I easily forgot about that. 2:29 pm pdt my sister almost caught up to me in height when she was 6th grade. 2:30 pm pdt I gave my nice twin mattress to my friend. 2:31 pm pdt

3:02 pm pdt still cannot breathe. Coughed. Pain skull right front bone skull😖😭😖😭 I never punched anyone that I can recall but god incubus likes to get me punched in the head and ram my head into dense hard objects that are stainless steel? And dense wood? And it makes me pass out or almost pass out, and for years I feel like putting my head on people’s shoulders. I remember when my parents were still together once, when I’m probably 6 years old, my sister says she’s done with eating dinner and she said it sweetly. Yet she didn’t eat vegetables. I don’t want to eat vegetables either. She then says she wants ice cream and my dad gives it to her. I say I want ice cream, too, but he tells me to eat the vegetables. 3:08 pm pdt I screamed for the ice cream. 3:08 pm pdt

3:11 pm pdt I remember finding drawings my sister did that illustrated our mom was dying of debt. I’m trying to recall if I added to that grief. Shortly after those drawings she transferred to New York to go to an expensive art college on loans, and maybe a partial scholarship? I don’t recall it covering everything bcz I remember the loan payments were complained about and I think I remember a big number for the loans. I would have stayed at the coummunity college longer to figure out what I wanted to do but the grants were coming to an end. I did federal work study and was still very shy. When I applied to transfer to a 4 year I remember one of the teachers thought I would not be accepted at one of the colleges. Maybe bcz it’s really hard to get in, but I don’t recall. For some reason I felt probably a little pain? From the comment? Maybe he didn’t mean it that way. Maybe he didn’t intend for it to hurt. 3:20 pm pdt

============= going back to thinking about the twin who I felt unwelcomed by, I dont know if (heart pain) he intended to make me feel that way, or if he has an anxiety introversion problem. 3:22 pm pdt

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maybe the incubus did not like that I ate a lot of cookies or pizza when I was in middle school and high school. But my sister caught up to me and surpassed me in height anyway. I thought I remember not eating much 4 breakfast and lunch for years and so I sometimes was a little greedy around cookies and pizza. I don’t know if it was pure greed at this point bcz it was long time ago or if it was an addiction problem. There were a few times I didn’t pay someone in middle school back 4 ice cream. She was smaller than me and I don’t know what her financial situation was back then. In 8th grade ? I tried to help her on a drawing. She won the school’s mascot drawing competition and she took oil painting classes for her 8th grade project. I remember I made a lot of social mistakes. A lot of bad choices like that that probably made people not like me. 3:30 pm pdt in 2010 I thought about sending her a gift card but procrastinated on it. 3:31 pm pdt I remember I earned a lot of credit card rewards but it 99% expired b4 I thought about redeeming on one card. 3:33 pm pdt I still don’t know if I deserved all those head traumas though. In second grade I shared colored pencils and markers with the whole class. I don’t know if that’s who I really am. And even though I was jealous Of my sister I don’t really recall being very mean to her. We played Barbie dolls and video games and watched cartoons together? And we had to be well behaved while our mom slept b4 her work at the grocery store. I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t kill my sister. And I don’t remember hurting her? We shared a bedroom for @ least 18 years and she seemed to be idk maybe thriving? 3:39 pm pdt 3:41 pm pdt

9:42 pm pdt woke up to very bad acid burning feeling pain cramps in pelvis area. I don’t think me hitting her with a very thin Barbie cardboard box counts especially since she started crying b4 the box made impact. The box was about a foot above her head when she started crying. 9:45 pm pdt I am as probably still 8 years old. Wrote about it in an earlier post. 9:45 pm pdt

the incubus gas lights a lot = faking out. If you’re a real avid maroon 5/Adam Levine fan you will know what I’m talking about and why I say this. 9:47 pm pdt I’m so afraid of him wiping the memories of everyone of the things he’s lying of now. He already covered up his dove tattoo (9:48 urge toilet) which I read he got 6 days after 9/11/2001 bcz he was in New York when it happened. He was supposed to be going to classes in five towns college. I think he enrolled bcz it would be easy for him to earn credits. Why? Idk. 9:50 pm pdt

10:10 pm pdt I watched an interview that he took a cross country trip to get to Long Island New York. It might be true but I think he’s omitted something very important that I read probably 5+ years ago that he went with Jane Herman originally to New York because she was going to go to school there. Whether the oberlin stop over was true or not, prior to that I believe he probably went with her and chose to omit it? 10:13 pm pdt my friend tried asking questions to re-confirm what we read 5* years ago bcz we didn’t save the article and cannot find it anymore. If Jane page Herman is reading this, please know it appears you blocked my friend and left her questions unanswered. 10:16 pm pdt

10:24 pm pdt (pain right thigh bone? Flesh? 😖😭🥵😤🥵😤 near joint. Bleeding 🩸) 10:26 pm pdt on Friendster Brendan had girl friends I think I remember a Carly, collette, and a petite red head Katie who I think he wrote to saying she had moved like mj (probably Michael Jordan?) I think 🤔 I remember Carly put Brendan is a PIMP. Collete seemed to have a past affection (affectionate 11:08 pm pdt ) relationship? With him but they are still friends? Katie looks like she’s unrequited love 💕. 10:29 pm pdt a pimp, huh 🤔? 10:30 pm pdt on spokeo it showed that he lived at least once with a heather. And there might have been a Ryan?? I am trying to recall heather’s astrological sign 🪧. 10:32 pm pdt

11:08 pm pdt when I was 8/9 years old I thought 💭 I got diarrhea from Raisin Bran cereal 🥣 after I tried it again at my dad’s. It took a few days for me to think 🤔 this, but I also observed my dad ate the same cereal 🥣 straight out of the box 📦 with his hands 🙌 in the box 📦 but I didn’t make that connection until years later I think 🤔 about the hands 🙌 to the foods. And now it (brain stabbing pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) it doesn’t matter anymore. 11:13 pm pdt

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