#sbi god au I made in the shower my beloved

[technofade]

Imagine being so cool that the god of life and death is pining after you (and then his godly children make fun of him for it)

Philza, looking down at mortals from his place in the gods’ realm: *soft sigh*

Wilbur, leaning towards Techno while looking at Phil, whispering: What’s wrong with Mr. Life n’ Death himself? He’s been moping for… a while now.

Techno, also curious: Perhaps the mortals have ruined another one of his forests?

Wilbur, still whispering: No… last time they did that, he just killed a bunch of them with a plague…

Tommy, having just came back from his godly tasks of the day: HELLO, FELLOW GODS- *Techno slapped a hand over the gremlin God’s mouth*

Wilbur, pointing towards Philza: Quiet, child. We’re trying to figure out what’s got father dearest so down.

Tommy, pushing Techno’s hand away: Why not just ask?

Techno, shifting to ‘War’ with a blank look on his face: ...

Tommy, who is terrified of the negative forms of his godly peers: Alright! Alright… I get it. You can stop with the whole ‘murder pig’ thing.

Techno, scoffing at Tommy, but still reverting back to ‘Agriculture’: You just came from the surface, right? See anythin’ down there?

Tommy, shrugging: Nothing that should be upsetting Phil like that.

Wilbur, humming: Maybe it’s-

Philza, who’d been listening to the entire conversation: When are you guys going to realize you can’t hide anything from me. I’m literally everywhere. I’m the manifestation of Life and Death, you can’t do anything without me knowing.

Tommy, cowering behind Techno in fear at the potential of seeing ‘Death’:

Wilbur, nervously adjusting his hair:

Techno, being blunt: We wouldn’t be actin’ so secretive if you’d just tell us why you’re bein’ so… sad.

Philza, softly sighing again at the mention of his ‘sadness’: I’m not sad. Just… alone, I suppose.

Wilbur, slightly confused: Alone? Isn’t that why you made us? 

Philza: Well, yes. You guys keep me company just fine, but… I’m afraid this is a different kind of loneliness.

Tommy, still cowering slightly: What’s that mean, big man?

Wilbur, having figured it out: *gasp*

Techno, side-eyeing his twin: Care to share what’s got you so shocked, Wil?

Wilbur, pointing an accusatory finger at Phil: Dad’s got a crush on a mortal!

Philza, sputtering: WH- WHAT?! HOW’D YOU COME TO THAT CONCLUSION?!

Techno, understanding now: Dreamily sighing, slacking on godly duties, more intense than normal fixation on a specific viewpoint to the mortal plane… Yup, definitely sounds like a crush.

Tommy, a bit baffled at how fast the twins figured it out: wha-

Wilbur, excited and smug: Who’s the lucky lady?

Philza, still resisting: No one. I don’t have a crush-

Techno, whose eyes briefly flashed white as his minions telepathically sent him reports: Hmm… Accordin’ to my goons, you’ve been starin’ at a woman who goes by the name… ‘Kristin’? *his eyes flash again* Oh? Just received news that her primary patron is you, Phil. She prays to no one else.

Tommy, waiting for Techno to high five him: Damn, get shut down, old man.

Philza, getting defensive: Praying to me isn’t anything special. Everyone does.

Techno, not high fiving Tommy: Well, yes, but most people pray to at least 2 of us. It’s quite rare that someone only prays to you.

Philza, grumbling under his breath: I hate that I gave you that ability.

Wilbur, still being a smug bastard: So, when do you plan on bringing her here? I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to have a mom.

Philza, speaking at the same time as Techno: Woah there, let’s not jump to conclusions, Wil.

Techno, speaking at the same time as Philza: Wil, we’re gods, we don’t need a mom-

Philza, nodding towards Techno: And you two haven’t been children for a long time now. If you were mortals, you would’ve already left me.

Wilbur, grumpily replying: If we were mortals, we’d all have died a long time ago.