#self. ( A POOR CRIPPLE FROM THE UNDERCITY )

[caspercryptid]

Self Esteem and Disability

I'd like to make a more general post about this in light of a request I just received. Anon, I know your intentions are probably not bad, but there's been an ongoing trend of writing Viktor hating himself, and I have made other posts about it, but I'd like to make my stance very clear.

I will not write Viktor with self-esteem issues, and I don't think anyone else should, either.

If you are a disabled person with self-esteem issues you are of course exempt from this post and can represent yourself as you see fit. However, i'd like to speak from the stance of someone who uses a mobility aid myself.

We live in an intensely ableist society. The standard of beauty is physical health, physical wellness, and yet Viktor has taken root in this fandom as one of its most beloved characters. This is partially because he's physically attractive. And that matters. It matters that we treat disabled people as desirable in the face of a society that tells us that we aren't. It matters that we acknowledge our attraction to disabled people and don't try to rationalize it. He's hot, his disability is a part of him, and so it can be attractive, too.

And along the same thread that we can acknowledge that Viktor is attractive, objectively, Viktor owns a mirror. Viktor is capable of seeing himself and being able to acknowledge that other people see him. Sky, in universe, is into him. We know he's attractive even by Piltovian standards. But even if he wasn't, it is not good for the mental health of disabled people to be told in writing that we should think that we're ugly because we're disabled. That we should consider ourselves less desirable because we're disabled. That we need to be reassured by other people that we're attractive. The line "No one believed in me, a poor cripple from the undercity" is a representation of how society sees him, not how Viktor sees himself. Viktor has had to believe in himself when no one else did. He's self assured in his actions and in himself, and there isn't any indication he thinks he's unattractive.

I am not interested in representing his self esteem that way, I don't think abled people should be writing it, and I won't be writing it myself because i am also not willing to look at myself in a mirror and say these things about myself, as a physically disabled and chronically ill person.

Feel free to reblog this

[fibona-chi]

kinda hmm @ viktor being written as shy / demure. in my mind viktor is closed-off, but he also has biting sarcasm and dry humour. he is also upfront about what he thinks / wants, and he doesn't really shy away from things. except for when jayce asked him to give the address with him. he is closed-off, doesn't like being the center of attention maybe. doesn't deem social functions necessary (probably sees them as a waste of time). but no self-esteem issues. it takes a man with tremendous confidence to go from poor cripple from the undercity to one of the most brilliant minds in runeterra.

viktor has sexyman energy instead of little meow meow and still i call him my little meow meow.

[permxission]

   =| Things that arcane reinforced / introduced about Viktor’s habits as a person that made me happy. |=

   He’s snarky- but he does not judge based on upbringing or appearance. Which makes sense, ever since he came to Piltover he’s been judged for being a poor cripple from the undercity- so he affords others the resect he was denied.

   He wants to save and improve BOTH Piltover and Zaun.

   Cold exterior, genuinely warm and caring interior.

   He isnt above making a fool of himself, and doesnt use the fact he climbed up from nothing as something to brag about. He takes pride in his own self belief not faltering- not where it landed him.

   He’s so animated when he’s in his comfort zone, he goes from stiff and kinda aloof to happy, bubbly, silly goober in the span of one science debate.

   The constant IGNORING of scientific history being made- to look at Jayce.

   The fact that when he got to experience the freedom of movement for- presumably the first time, he couldn't stop frigging moving! Like jayce would move his arms sure but viktor moved so much he made himself go upside-down almost twice because he couldnt help but MOVE

[caspercryptid]

(I am disabled myself) I don’t personally write Viktor with self-esteem issues regarding his attractiveness, but I feel like his acute awareness of how others perceive him could certainly bother him when it comes to being intimate. I’ve always written him with a touch of nervousness that his partner might think differently of him if there’s something he can’t do. Not because he thinks of himself as lesser, but because he’s nervous about that perception. He shows a bit of this (or how I interpreted it) in his “not in front of all of them” line. Viktor isn’t a /shy/ person, but he knows how people perceive him. He knows it’s /wrong/ that people see him this way, and he doesn’t see /himself/ this way (I agree with your interpretation of his “a poor cripple from the undercity” line), but he also knows it’s the shitty truth. So there’s this nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that if he can’t do something, his partner might have that same perception. It’s not healthy, and a good partner obviously shouldn’t care, but the mind kinda sucks, especially when you grow up being treated differently and ostracized just for being disabled right from childhood. Things kinda stick with you, y’know?

In reference to this post about how not to write viktor

that all makes perfect sense! but I don't trust an abled person to write it, to be blunt. Maybe one who knows disabled people personally and has people who have the spoons to consult on it, otherwise? no.

I do think that like. disabled authors have every right to get into these nuances around identity and perception and explore the topic of how others perception of you influences your self worth, but I wouldn't trust a straight person to write internalized homophobia, and I don't trust an abled person to write internalized ableism. This is just such a nuanced and complicated subject, and I don't want to be used as tragedy porn or whump for an abled person's catharsis.

Fundamentally, Viktor's not shy in the show. He's aware of other people's perceptions of him, sure, but he's rude as hell and mouths off and does insane things every time someone takes their eyes off him. I do trust disabled writers like you to add in that element of how he might be nervous around intimacy! I do not trust abled authors with it. Full stop. Hard no.

Just on the record, none of the contents of any of my posts around disability were meant to tell other physically disabled people how to write him, I think other disabled people can have their own takes on it and expand his character and interpret him however (although if other disabled authors had him refer to himself in extremely negative terms i'd ask if y'all were okay? but i digress). I'm just talkin to the abled audience who might not know this stuff. You and I are at the roman agora and I am holding up a triangle block to the arcane fandom going "Please don't use a slur" Love y'all. Happy writing <3