#selfishness runs in their blood it’s like an inherent trait

[inkykeiji]

I think Natsuo needs reminding who the BIG brother is around here.

HAHAHAHA i agree anon i agree!!!

[randomwankystuff]

Why I Love Horace Slughorn

I didn’t think much of Slughorn when I first read Harry Potter, but the older I get, the more I love him. I love that he’s such a realistically irritating character. He’s superficial and status-driven. He picks favorites and pampers them excessively. He tends to use people to further his own ego. He has an obvious cowardly streak. Because of these traits, he’s made horrible mistakes, most notably telling Tom Riddle about horcruxes.

But Slughorn also genuinely cares. He’s a good teacher. He’s opportunistic, but never at the expense of others. He rejects the offer to join the Death Eaters time and time again. He picks favorites, but still is a decent person to all his students, even muggleborns and mixed-breeds. He collects noteworthy students like Lily, but he also treasures them and loves them. (The movie scene about the fish is one of my favorites from the entire series and I accept it 100% as canon.) Slughorn has a lot of love in his heart, and an equal amount of regret and loss. He’s a sad old man trying to hide his guilt and loneliness behind an elitist lifestyle.

Early Slughorn seems to very much believe in the idea of “no harm, no foul.” He can tentatively live with himself so long as he doesn’t do anything that causes demonstrated harm to others. He can choose favorites and give them preferential treatment, so long as he’s still kind and reasonable to other students. He can use Aragog’s death to acquire acromantula venom, so long as he also does his best to genuinely support Hagrid in his time of grief. He can alter his memories and hide his mistakes, so long as Voldemort is gone and the repercussions of his mistakes are gone with him.

But when Voldemort returns, Slughorn’s fragile peace is shattered. Slughorn can’t continue to live his pampered life without hurting the people he loves. In the past, it has usually been enough to hide from conflict, avoid doing evil. But now, running from evil is not enough. Running from evil means complicity, and that is unacceptable. Slughorn cannot continue to do the bare minimum, because he will not be able to live with that guilt. He has to be better, he has to do better, even if it means sacrifices. And the first big sacrifice is giving up the horcrux memory.

You can tell that from the moment he has this realization and gives Harry the real memory, he has fundamentally changed. From that moment on, Slughorn is a Good man.

To me, Slughorn is one of the most realistic characters in the series. He actually reminds me so much of my Asian parents. Practical to a fault, likes to avoid conflict. Definitely uses their kids for status and ego boosting, and that’s certainly problematic, but don’t you dare accuse them of not truly loving and caring for their kids. The type of people who are probably a bit emotionally toxic, but would without a hesitation die for you.

Not only is Slughorn’s character a realistic depiction of mentor/parent relationships, but it also is one of the best examples of the virtues of Slytherin house. Slughorn shows that ambition, cunning, and self-preservation are not inherently wrong. The problem is when those traits are taken to the extreme, and are not constrained by kindness, fairness, and good judgment. There are numerous students, Lily included, who genuinely appreciate all that Slughorn has done to help them and their careers. Slughorn is a genuinely good teacher and person. Slughorn shows that good Slytherins do not need to hide their ambition, cunning, and self-preservation. They simply must learn to control their most selfish impulses, and use their traits to lift people up, not bring them down.

I don’t think Slughorn gets enough appreciation for his actions in Deathly Hallows. Slughorn is a master of his craft and a man with both a proclivity for and experience with escape. He could have easily left the country and sought employment elsewhere. Dumbledore is dead, and Slughorn has only been teaching at Hogwarts for a single year, so he has no real reason to stay committed to the school. And yet, he does. He stays for an entire year to protect students from the Death Eaters.

And at the Battle of Hogwarts, he seems to have run away, but actually left to get reinforcements. He uses his Slytherin cunning and networking skills to find more allies for the war. And then he fights. He fights for a bunch of students he barely knows. He fights for a blood purity issue that would never negatively impact him.

This is a man who turned himself into an armchair to avoid even speaking to Dumbledore. This is a man who altered his memories and hid from his guilt for decades. Even in the movies, it’s shown just how terrified Slughorn is - while the other professors show resolve, determination, or even humor, Slughorn alone seems itching to flee. But this absolute coward of a man then goes on to fight an entire war. This absolute coward of a man directly duels Lord f*cking Voldemort. It’s beautiful. It’s one of the greatest displays of courage in the entire series.

I like to think of Slughorn looking his formerly prized student in the eye during their duel. I like to think that he’s physically terrified and shaking, but emotionally, he’s at peace. This is his chance to right his every wrong. He can fix his mistake with Tom Riddle. He can protect the vulnerable students he didn’t pay enough attention to before. He can let go of his vanity and superficiality and finally focus on a fight that matters. He can redeem himself from his previous cowardice and inaction. I like to think that Slughorn was aware he was likely going to die, but he didn’t care. Because if he dies, he’s going to heaven finally freed of all his guilt and regrets, knowing that he was the best possible version of himself he could ever be. He’s willing to die, knowing that this is the only way he’ll be able to live with himself.

[welllpthisishappening]

Only Live Forever in the Lights You Make

Hey, remember that time Killian met Meg in some tunnels in the Underworld and introduced himself as “Captain Killian Jones” before he called himself “Captain Hook”? Because I do and, surprise, I’ve got some feelings about it! As always, I am still on my season five ‘ish, so here is about 4.2K of name-based feelings, some out of place flirting and some, surprise, Captain Cobra Swan that I didn’t plan on until I typed it. I hope you guys got all the carbs you wanted yesterday. 

All credit always and forever to @shireness-says​ for constantly telling me to keep shoving words at the internet. Even before she reads said words. (I only listened to Arctic Monkeys and My Chemical Romance while writing this. Take from that what you will.)

----

The words are heavy on his tongue. 

Still, as if they don’t belong there, or never really did and the feeling makes him ache. Although most of him aches at this point. Killian is sure his gashes have scrapes and those scrapes have bruises and gaping wounds that are likely far more metaphorical than he’s willing to admit. Staring out at the expanse of Main Street doesn’t particularly help. Hazy air hangs low over cracked asphalt, thin branches and dead leaves that only swirl slightly against the barely-there breeze coming from the Gods know where. 

There’s no water here. No hint of salt-tinged air. 

Occasionally there are some strikes of lightning, leaving the sky bright enough that Killian swears he can see for miles. He wishes he couldn’t. None of it looks right, feels even more wrong, and he supposes that’s to be expected in a place like this, but it also seems like another metaphor of sorts and maybe the torture hasn’t ceased yet. 

Maybe it won’t. 

He deserves that, he’s sure. 

Darkness doesn’t scare him much anymore, at least the more literal variety — or so he will swear, but this is somehow even worse. Every flash of light that cracks across the sky dredges up memories of the kind of storms that threatened to capsize any of the ships he once called home, and he imagines it’s something about extremes. 

Complete darkness can blind a man, but so can light. Stunning him, until he has to blink away the dots that hang in front of his eyes and the dots never entirely disappear. 

He shouldn’t have told that lass his name. 

Foolish, that’s what it was. 

“I can hear you thinking from upstairs,” Emma murmurs, slumped against the side of the railing that should lead up to her room in her parent’s loft. Something similar exists in this place, of course. He can’t imagine the blankets on that bed are as soft as the ones he only barely remembers falling into, what now feels like several lifetimes ago and—

“Might be getting worse now, actually,” she adds, “surprised there isn’t steam coming out of your ears too. Y’know, just for good measure.”

Letting out a breath, he’s all too aware of how slumped his shoulders are when he turns. Emma lifts her eyebrows. 

“The streets are already steaming,” Killian says, “anything else seems like overkill, doesn’t it?” “Stupid word.” “Aye, that it is. In poor taste.”

“What are you thinking about?” He tilts his head. Strands of hair fall towards his eyes, but Killian doesn’t make any effort to brush them away. “Did he fall asleep?” “Yeah,” Emma nods, eyes flitting back towards her room and the space she’d marched Henry into nearly fifteen minutes earlier. “About time, too. I think he was half a second away from falling asleep standing, could barely keep his eyes open anymore.” “Stubbornness is an inherited trait.” She clicks her tongue. “You think?” “Rather pointed.” “Nah, definitely round,” Emma objects, “in a circle-type way that could bring us back to my question and what you’re thinking about and—” “—Henry shouldn’t be here.” “No.” Jerking his head up the way he does only guarantees that several muscles in the back of his neck almost audibly object to the movement, Emma giving him a tight-lipped smile that isn’t exactly his, but is at least getting there, and that’s something almost vaguely positive. 

Her hair is longer than Killian remembers it being. 

He tried to remember that. 

Before. 

Wandering — stumbling, more like — around those caves, blood dripping down the side of his face, caking the same strands of hair that now threaten to actually poke him in the eye, and all he could think about was the exact shade of gold Emma’s hair turned in the moonlight. Preferably when she was also sitting in the harbor, feet hanging above the waves as they passed his flask between them. Or on the deck of his ship. 

He didn’t allow himself that particular fantasy very often, though. Getting both felt distinctly like the kind of selfishness he’s now hoping to avoid. 

“Stubborn,” Emma shrugs. 

“Something about circles, love.” “And going in them, yeah. But I’m also legitimately worried about that pinch between your eyebrows, so seems like as good a time as any to fess.” “Fess?” “Confess,” she amends, “more slang.” Killian’s smile isn’t really that. Is more a grimace and twist of his lips, and yet the weight he’s only marginally worried has taken the place of his heart lightens ever so slightly. Nothing beats yet. He’s still dead. “I like that one, actually.” “When we get home I’ll make you a list.” “Of slang?” “Whatever you want.” Neither one of them move. 

He’d like to move. Would love to, really. To cross this space and pull Emma flush against him until she grumbles about the inevitably uncomfortable nature of her perched on either one of his thighs and how his chin digs into her shoulder when he tries to breathe her in, but something about the overall tension in her jaw and the weight of those yet-to-be acknowledged words keeps Killian rooted to the spot. 

Every one of those words came out quicker than the last, as if they were an admission Emma wasn’t entirely ready to make and he’s fairly certain the pinch between his eyebrows won’t ever disappear completely. He hopes she doesn’t cut her hair. 

He hopes to get his fingers in that hair eventually. 

“I mean—” Emma stammers, color rushing in her cheek. “Within—y’know, within...no, fuck that. Whatever you want. Lists of...I don’t know, movies and books and you’re a giant dweeb right? So you’ve got to like books.” “I do, in fact.” “Yeah, yeah, I figured. I just—do they have holidays in the Enchanted Forest? No Thanksgiving or Christmas, right?” Killian shakes his head. Gets the hair away from his eyes. And makes it easier to see the exact moment Emma starts wringing her fingers together. The railing is very likely digging into her shoulder now. “Yeah, that’s what I figured,” she continues, “but uh...shit, what about birthdays? That’s a thing, right?” “Do you think I get two now?” 

One side of his mouth tugs up. Despite any efforts otherwise and his own, rather intimate, knowledge of that edge Emma is quite obviously teetering on. 

Killian’s been balancing there for the better part of the last few days. Ever since she appeared in front of him again, magic wrapping around him and making goosebumps prickle on his skin, a low heat that felt as if he’d been put on simmer without any threat of boiling because he’s not all that capable of boiling anymore, just festering and stewing and—

“I told that lass my name,” Killian says, voice hardly loud enough to qualify as any sort of sound. One of Emma’s knuckles crack. “The one in the caves, another one of Hades’ prisoners. I can’t—Gods, I can’t remember her name.” “Megara,” Emma whispers. “Yeah, I know.” He quirks an eyebrow, a sudden retreat back to flirting that’s not entirely honest. It’s very likely he’s something of a cad. And it’s easier that way. To slink back into the role, and the person he was and that person deserves everything he’s gotten and may still get. 

Of course, he can’t keep it up for very long. 

Not with Emma staring at him like that — far too appraising and understanding, and the whole thing fails rather quickly. 

Completely. Immediately. A few other words that end in ‘ly,’ just to drive the point home. “Wow, you totally suck at that.” Laughter rumbles in the back of Killian’s throat before he can even begin to rationalize the sound, rubbing his fingers into the raw skin just above his brace. “Fraid you’ll have to be more specific, darling.” “Low blow.” “Endearments, or…” “It’s not going to work,” Emma objects, rolling her eyes when Killian’s mouth shifts in the very specific kind of smirk he knows has always worked. “You don’t just get to start playing pirate and think I’ll swoon enough to get distracted.”

“Suggests I’m still able to distract you.” “Like that would change.”

Heat ripples up his spine. Surprisingly, so. The flicker of normalcy catches Killian off guard, facade slipping for half a moment, and that’s far more time than Emma needs. His hair is greasy when he runs his fingers through it. “Are you something of a soothsayer then, Your Highness? Good at reading minds now?” “More circles, babe. Open books, and all that.” He hums. Can’t do much else, actually. Emotion claws at the center of him, threatens to take root in that stagnant heart of his, and maybe that will help, but it also feels like it could drown him if it had a mind to. The give and take of all this may very well drive him insane quicker than anything Hades could hope for. “How do you know that?” “Which part?” “About the girl,” Killian says, “did you find her?” Emma scrunches her nose. “Regina and I did. In the forest. There was blood and—” She shivers. Tries to hide it, but open book works both ways and he’s always been able to tell when she’s thinking too. Or being inherently stubborn. “I was...well, I wasn’t cool about it.” “Sounds suspiciously like a compliment.” “Ass.” Staying upright is becoming increasingly difficult. “I believe that’s been well-documented, m’dear. I’m sorry about that.” “My inability to insult you better?” “That you thought it was my blood.” 

“Presumptuous,” Emma grumbles, although that sort of misses the insult mark as well and he’s genuinely not sure who moves first. Creaking joints give way to a groaning floor, a tangle of limbs and hands that almost immediately search for skin. If only to remind the other that they’re here and real and at least partially alive. 

If Killian feels his pulse pick up, he’s sure he imagines it. 

That’s not possible. 

“And,’ he adds, Emma’s back against the nearest wall now. He has no idea how his head found her thigh. He’s not going to complain. She doesn’t when she inevitably notices how goddamn greasy his hair is. Fair is only fair, after all. 

“And?” Eyes fluttering shut, Killian briefly worries for the state of his muscles. Which appear to be unspooling the longer Emma’s fingers move, tracing over his temple and the furrows of his forehead and it takes all the self control he’s only marginally in possession of not to wrap his arms around her, bury his face in her stomach and sob. 

“And,” he repeats, “that you were ever uncool about any of this.” Her body shakes when she laughs — soft and disbelieving, which is another marker in the stubborn column, really. Killian doesn’t mention that. He closes his eyes. Breathes. Counts his inhales and takes his time on his exhales, only a little disappointed that the honeysuckle scent has disappeared from Emma’s hair. 

“Can I tell you something?” “Anything.” “Half the reason I think we should make a slang list,” Emma says, “is so you can say more of it. Might be one of my favorite things.” “A slang puppet, huh? Here to entertain you.” “Why are you freaking out about telling Megara who—by the way, was not nearly as snarky as her Disney counterpart would have me believe.” “I’m sure being chased around by the three-headed beast of the Underworld will do that to a person.”

Emma’s thumb taps his jaw. Three times. Exactly. “Ah now I feel like an ass.” “Impossible,” Killian mumbles. Turning his head isn’t easy, but he doesn’t have to worry about the rest of his body when he’s splayed out across the floor like this and the muscles in Emma’s stomach noticeably contract when he noses at the hem of her shirt. 

She squirms. Above him and below him, and there it is again. More metaphors. More dichotomy, or some other philosophical bullshit he’s not willing to think about now. When Emma’s breath noticeably hitches. As soon as Killian’s teeth graze her skin. 

“Distracting—” Gasping, Emma’s nails drag across his scalp. Which isn’t as unpleasant as it probably should be. “Ah shit, I can’t think of—” “Scoundrel? Miscreant? Blackguard?” “What century is that last one from?” “Not nice at all, love,” Killian chides, but Emma just widens her eyes and perhaps they’re both dancing. Without any music. “Probably around the time the first King George ascended the throne.” “There was more than one King George?” “Several, if memory serves. You know those royals. Can’t concern themselves with naming creativity, have to honor the past and whatnot.” “Whatnot,” Emma echoes with a smile. “You want to tell me now? About Megara and how she knew your name.” “I told her, we’ve been over this already.” “Yeah, but—” The rest of the sentence disappears on Emma’s shrug, her lower lip twisted between her teeth. Nerves radiate off her, falling in waves Killian can almost see and nearly remind him of the real thing. 

Time doesn’t mean much here. Days pass on loop, and exhaustion is a guarantee more than an occasional state of being. And yet, somehow — as the last few flickers of warmth continue to lap at the base of Killian’s spine, and Emma’s fingers return to their pattern through his hair, something almost like moonlight casts a welcome shadow across the floor. Stretching over Emma’s outstretched legs and bent ankles, it curls up her arm, lingering at her elbow before it drifts towards her hunched shoulders and the edge of Killian’s wrist and then—

It’s gone. 

Disappearing as quickly as it arrived, Killian wonders if he imagined it. He didn’t. He knows, he didn’t. Just as easily as he knows it didn’t happen simply because of him. 

He licks his lips once. 

“I found her,” he starts, “or she found me, I suppose. Not easy to keep your direction underground.” Glancing up, Killian finds Emma’s eyes on him. Wide, they don’t quite demand an explanation, but they want one and he supposes wanting is half the battle. At least metaphorically. “No stars underground, you see.” “Real confident in your navigational abilities huh, Captain?” “Only if you’ll keep saying that.”

She can’t be comfortable when she bends. Twists towards him, and kisses the top of his absolutely disgusting hair. 

There’s a shower upstairs. In the right version of it. He’s not sure what’s here. He can’t bring himself to go up there. 

An absolute coward. 

“Anyway,” Killian continues, “there was a three-headed monster, this lass, and I—we weren’t both going to get out.” “You let her go, though. Told her to go.” He nods. Talking is something of a challenge once more. “As if you’d ever do anything else,” Emma mumbles, a note of pride in her voice that makes every one of Killian’s internal organs clench. That’s all they can do, really. None of them are working all that great, after all. 

“That’s not true.” Tensing, Emma’s fingers still. “That wasn’t really you.” “Ah, that’s not totally true, either. It was at least partially me, all those deep-rooted desires given free reign. But I wanted...she was so scared, Swan.” He doesn’t bother mentioning the rest. Being more specific seems pointless, especially when Emma’s fingers stay exactly where they are. And she knows, anyway. He was terrified. Of what he’d lost and what he’d done and what he’d still be willing to do, if it meant she got out of here. 

Safe. 

He wants them all safe. 

“I told her to find you,” he rasps. “That—I knew you were here, could...feel it, almost. No matter where I was or—” This may be their least organized conversation. Full of tiptoeing and heavy words, unspoken meaning that neither one of them is entirely ready to give credence to yet. “Gave her my name, my—my real name.”

Hair brushes the top of his head, softer than it has any right to be and several things in Killian’s chest threaten to combust. “I was doing a lot of yelling of your name in that bloody forest.” “Joke, or…” “Fresh out of jokes, I think.” He noses at her jeans, not sure if he’s desperate to touch her or the opposite. Desperate to brand himself there, so she’ll remember. No matter what else happens. “I didn’t even think about it,” he admits, “just—I told her to find you, said I was Captain Killian Jones, like that was something I could say, and that you needed to know I was here.” Emma’s silent for a moment. 

Another. Two moments. That become three and four and then Killian’s counting his inhales again and doing his best not to stare too intently at her. She kisses his hair again. Luke she can’t help herself. 

“Had to use the title, didn’t you?” Killian exhales. “Haven’t in quite some time.” “Did you think I wouldn’t have known it was you?” Emma teases, so the joke-thing was something of a lie. A nice one as far as misplaced lies go. Making another noise, he finally burrows closer to her until it’s closer to snuggling and clinging and another round of goosebumps explode on his skin when her hand flattens against his back. “Or,” she says, “was it something else?” “Several somethings, maybe.” “Wanna ballpark for me?” “Not sure I understand that one, actually.” “I don’t need all the somethings, but a few would be good right now. We can get to the rest of them later.”

Those words don’t necessarily fall on top of him. They’re as heavy as the rest, all that meaning and the possibility for a future that seems as distant and impossible as the past or the overall softness of the bedding upstairs. So, while gravity does its best to pull the words down on top of Killian, there’s an ease to them that makes it feel as if they’re simply resting across his back, a reminder that helps keep him pressed to this plane and this place and Emma’s left thigh. 

Which is one of his favorite places to be, quite frankly. 

Usually without the jeans in the way, but dead beggars can’t be choosers. 

“I don’t know why I did that. The name, I—” “Liar, liar.” “Would you like to talk about pants, Swan? Because I have my fair share of thoughts regarding the ones you were wearing in Storybrooke.” “I didn’t pick that outfit.” “Rather good happenstance, then.” “Is deflection a required pirate characteristic?” she asks. “Distract your enemy with half-hearted compliments and—” “—Oh no, those are full-hearted, I guarantee.” “If nothing else, I did look stupid good in those pants.” “Hair left something to be desired, but the pants fit like a glove.” Her smile almost reaches her eyes. Obvious when light filters through the gauzy curtains, once more. “Flirt.” “Only with you.” Emma’s eyes widen. Not in surprise. Closer to frustration. A hint of impatience. The stubborn sort of determination that requires an answer. “And, I—I wanted it.” “Wanted what?” “To be that. Again, I suppose. After everything. All that I’d done, and how much I’d hurt you, I—”

“—You didn’t…” “Swan, let’s be honest that’s the worst lie either one of us has told.” “Ever?” “If not longer.” Huffing out a laugh, she slides further down the wall, a move that can’t feel good on her spine, but does ensure that she’s closer to Killian and he’s still enough of a pirate to want exactly that. “But I—a very long time ago, Captain Killian Jones believed in something. Wanted something, and thought he could get it. Even if some of it was distinctly lawless.” “Probably a requirement for your line of work.” “Ah, well that king deserved all the insults you could come up with. Stealing from him, destroying everything he’d built. That felt like justice, somehow.” “Should I mention the circular nature of time again or is that redundant?” “Unnecessary,” Killian agrees, his mouth inching further up Emma’s ribcage. The noise she lets out is closer to a giggle than he’s capable of dealing with. In a place that’s always tinged vaguely red. “I suppose part of me wanted to return to that. To the ideals, maybe not the laws or the uniforms, but certainly not the…” He swallows. “Villain. Evil. Wrong.” “I never thought you were wrong,” Emma says, soft enough that it’s difficult to hear. Over the ringing in Killian’s ears. And whatever rushes off her. Magic, of course. Responding to emotion and its innate desire to meet him halfway. 

Gods, but he loves her more than he ever believed he could. 

“I know that,” Killian promises, “even when I didn’t want to. Especially then.” “Make it sound less like an insult next time.” Tightening his arms isn’t easy when there’s this blasted wall in the way. Killian tries all the same. Emma doesn’t tell him to stop. “You were Captain Hook,” she adds, “when we found you. Buried under all those bodies in the Enchanted Forest.” “Eventually that’s really all that was left.” “I can make some more snide comments on pants, if you want. What’s the flammability of leather?” “I have no idea, honestly.” She smiles. He doesn’t check. Knows, can feel it in the very center of soul. “Ah, well, they can probably catch fire. Regina’s going to teach me how to do those ball things, anyway.” “Absolutely menacing, Your Highness.” “Don’t you forget it.”

The room is getting brighter. 

Or Killian’s finally fallen off that edge. Either one seems entirely reasonable and maybe even a little enjoyable and he’s not sure when, exactly, he decides to start talking again. Only that the words arrive without much thought and even more feeling and Emma’s eyes don’t leave him.  

“It was a mask. A reason for everything else, an excuse that I’d rationalized so I could fall asleep. Captain Hook was a product of his own misfortune, all those unfair hands he’d been dealt. The loss, the anger, the fury that grew every single time metal found skin. Being that, being him, allowed me to drift further and further into that darkness.” “But?” “But,” Killian repeats. “You found me under a pile of bodies in the Enchanted Forest.” “Oh, that’s kind of nice.” “It kind of was. After you got rid of the blade at my neck.” She flicks his chest. The knot of their limbs is another kind of miracle. “And then everything else that happened. Beanstalks, and Cora, and magic beans and—” “—You came back,” Emma cuts in. “Seems you’ve returned the favor several times over, love.” “That’s how it’s supposed to work, I think.” Maybe he’ll marry her.

The thought strikes him as suddenly as the lightning that flashes outside, a spark that’s eerily similar to the flames Emma was just talking about and there are far too many metaphors bouncing around his skull. He might just have a headache. 

And yet the thought doesn’t disappear. Not immediately. No, it settles. Threatens to grow at the forefront of his brain, where the institution of marriage has never been given much consideration. Until now. With his left shoulder close to popping out of his socket, and Emma’s fingers in his hair and her back contorted while half a dozen bruises on his legs refuse to heal. 

“I love you,” Killian says, unable to do anything else. Except propose, apparently. He should be alive for that. 

And sitting up. 

He can’t bring himself to sit up. 

Only pull himself closer to Emma, until it’s obvious how much he wants and possibly needs and something about a circle. Coming back. Over and over. 

“I know. Which is—” “—Good?” “Better,” Emma says. “I love you, too. Just you, you know that right?” Nodding leads to jeans scratching at his cheeks, but these pants fit fairly well too and both of them flinch at the noticeable creak coming down the stairs. Tufts of Henry’s hair stick up in every direction. 

“You ok?” Emma asks her son, only to get a teenage-type shrug and genetically inherited head tilt. 

Killian narrows his eyes. “What’s the matter, my boy?” The head tilt reaches an angle unaccomplished by anyone over the age of twenty-five. Killian isn’t even sure he could attempt such an angle. But it doesn’t seem to bother Henry and neither he nor Emma point out the use of those particular words in that particular order. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mutters, already stumbling forward. Falling is likely far too generous a descriptor for whatever Henry does next, another mess of limbs that adds to Killian and Emma’s knot, and there are a few more grunts than there should be. 

From all of them. 

Until they find something resembling comfort, Killian’s head still on Emma’s thigh and her legs stretched out so Henry can take advantage of her right one and— “Probably should have found a pillow,” Killian mutters, hoping it sounds like the apology he wants it to be. It’s not enough. Nothing ever could be, really. And he’s not all that surprised by Emma’s head shake, the way it makes her hair sway and brighten under the bit of light they’ve probably created just now and she winces when Henry’s chin digs into her knee. He starts snoring five seconds later. “I’m fine,” Emma says, and it’s impossible to argue with her. Even in this impossible place. “You’re comfortable like this.”

His heart thumps. 

With wishful thinking or more misplaced hope, but it’s there all the same and he kisses exactly where his lips land. 

[sasorikigai]

My muse in a relationships || @ephemeralkryonics​ || accepting (Part 2)

👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private?

Publicly, Hanzo may come across as stern, reserved and repressed with his affection (even when he attempts to sneak in knowing gazes, brush of hands and any part of exposed flesh, etc.), as he’s running high on rampant, prompted introspection and overwhelming onslaught of responsibilities that come as freight train of thoughts. So it may prevent him from fully capable to display physical and mental affection, compared to the private setting. 

In private, he is definitely much more at ease, without tension and hardened countenance and aura, which makes it effortless to commit to both physical and mental affection. While he feels more than comfortable expressing his affection with vocalizations, such would not be a possibility when he is fulfilling his Grandmaster’s responsibilities and duties. 

💕Are they open to threesomes or a polyamorous relationship?

It’s a hard no; Hanzo is a strict believer of the ethical philosophy and that “what’s good is what feels good” approach of polyamory or non-monogamy relationship repulsive. This can be more gross, as in the orgiastic pleasures of indulgence, or more subtle, as in weighing long term vs. short term pleasures and pursuing sustainable pleasures, seeking more subtle pleasures such as art and community, and considering the greatest pleasure for the greatest number of beings. While he understands that that it’s not only about sex, and being about the intimacy surrounding sex, Hanzo doesn’t that the pursuit of pleasure is as important to human beings nowhere near as to live a meaningful life, and I think the monogamous family model has been preferred for many good reasons. 

He is a traditionalist by heart, so he prefers one woman or one man is an equal balance with himself, instead of having primary and secondary person whom he could divide his attention. He isn’t very open regarding polyamorous relationships either, so trying other arrangements is out of the option too. Hanzo thinks polyamory is very egocentric and exploitive of participants. There is a primary lover and then secondary lovers, so there is an inherent caste system in Polyamorous relationships. So he would much prefer to have and thinks that it’s better to just find one person to make love with, and stay open to a community of friends. 

Also, time demands and emotional complexities may hinder Hanzo from ever pursuing it for himself. While Harumi and Kuai Liang share self-responsibility and integrity when it comes to their emotional strength and jealousy and commitment wouldn’t be an issue for them, he doesn’t think it’s sustainable long term as it is selfish in nature, even if the premise is that he can love a lot more abundantly than he originally believed we could. Monogamy is not just a belief system – it’s called pair bonding. Nature wants him to team up with and fall in love with one partner. Monogamy doesn’t mean he has to mate with one person for life, but Harumi will always be the one whom he’d consider his soulmate even before Kuai; Kuai just happens to share many paramount traits which Harumi possessed. 

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with?

Anyone who is shallow, one-dimensional, goes against the Bushido Code, which are code of eight virtues he will follow with all his heart. Those individuals don’t deserve Hanzo Hasashi’s hard-earned trust, loyalty, devotion and love. 

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship?

Because of his past as a misguided hellspawn spectre and being used as a pawn without self-governance, Hanzo’s trust towards others and the time it takes to be completely comfortable with his significant other may take a while. With Kuai Liang, the duration which it takes for Hanzo to become more comfortable may be significantly reduced, simply because they have a long history between them. Even as mortal rivals and being a prominent member of opposite factions that had been in such a bitter rivalry for centuries, only exacerbated by Quan Chi’s machinations, the gravitational force of attraction was always there. 

There was an intrinsic intrigue, ever since the OG time where even as Scorpion, he caught up on how significantly different Kuai Liang was compared to Bi-Han. Kuai Liang’s major story arc revolves with the fact that the death of older brother had big impact on Kuai Liang, who in Bi-Han’s honor took name of Sub-Zero as he sought revenge against Scorpion. It was one of his biggest motivation during all MK stories - at least until he made a peace with Hanzo Hasashi. Kuai Liang is idealistic and naive, and Hanzo finds his sympathy, kindness, empathy and mercifulness (despite being absolutely ruthless and ferocious when he’s engaged in kombat) and Hanzo finds that endearing. 

Elder Kuai Liang may seem very composed, but Hanzo now knows in the Lin Kuei’s youth, he was driven by emotions (anger, guilt) - just like he is, anger fueled by guilt - and forced to do many things against his will by various powers (Lin Kuei, Quan Chi’s magic, cursed blade) and still he stayed on the heroes’ side. Kuai Liang even made peace with murderer of his brother - himself - and blamed only Quan Chi for what happened to Bi-Han. Hanzo forever feels indebted and grateful for Kuai’s forgiveness.

🤐Would they ever confess their feelings first?

Hanzo most likely would to Kuai Liang, than having it the other way. While Hanzo isn’t much experienced when it comes to having romantic/sexual relationships, for his one and only partner for life had been Harumi and I headcanon that they were friends from childhood years, in which Hanzo soon became Harumi’s suitor and they became lovers from friends, which also lead to them becoming soulmates. Because Hanzo is more emotionally in touch with himself and have no qualms of expressing his thoughts and feelings, it would come much more natural to him than Kuai Liang, who is rather naive and hasn’t experienced all the life’s joys as his childhood and normalcy to experience various appropriate things in Lin Kuei. 

❌Would they ever cheat on their partner?

Cheating is wrong, because it breaches his hard-earned trust, devotion and love. The golden rule for arguing about morals is the golden rule itself: One should treat others the way one would like others to treat oneself. The special exclusive bond he shared with him/her would degrade to become never exclusive or special. It would feel like such a violation and make him doubt his own self-worth, that maybe he is not deemed worthy enough. A relationship is heavy, involves a lot of opening up and intimacy, and breaking that trust makes him feel vulnerable and betrayed. The searing mental image of his loved one being intimate with someone else is hard to erase completely from your head, and would haunt him for long. It’s a shattering blend of impotent anger, envy, loss of self-confidence, possible erosion of faith in love, disgust at having opened up to such a person, and mind-numbing  regret and sorrow. 

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Do they want children?

Hanzo always thrived better with having his offsprings; regardless of biological (Satoshi) or surrogate (Takeda Takahashi), Hanzo’s paternal prowess has not only kept him in check from his severe depression and sole survivor’s guilt, but it boosted his hellfire and fighting capabilities, making him even capable of coming on top of Raiden and Sub-Zero (albeit he was injured before their battle). 

🐶Are they a cuddler?

As I have mentioned before, physical intimacy is one of the most crucial and profound part of romantic/sexual relationship. Cuddling often gets conflated with sex because it releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding, and like sex, cuddling can lower blood pressure, ease pain, and increase sexual and life satisfaction. While cuddling doesn’t always make sex as an end result, Hanzo regards cuddling itself as one of the most important communications in relationships, as those subtle, grounding touches anchor him to reality. It only fosters tight-knitted bonding opportunities and cuddling increases his sense of security with Kuai Liang, which in turn, increases his desire to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable with him. There’s no denying the positive effects cuddling has on his relationship.

🔮Do they believe in soul mates?

I think Hanzo both believes in destiny and growth beliefs; it’s the same with Harumi and Kuai, that he was destined to be with a specific person (in this case, people) and that he would have one person who is meant for me in different timelines (if Harumi hadn’t met her gruesome death, Hanzo would have dedicated his life for her). And this is especially important with Hanzo’s relationship with Kuai Liang, and that their relationship slowly progressed and they both grew to fit together - like yin and yang - as they both made conscious effort to become needed and fill in the gaps of their imperfections. While he believes that he and Kuai can be the most compatible person on the face of the earth, but he doesn’t believe there's an invisible force that draws complete strangers towards each other; they have to continue to make conscious effort to understand and perceive each other, even as they begin to know them in-depth. 

⚔️ Are they protective of their partner?

Extremely. Although Hanzo knows Kuai is a strong and ferocious warrior who can very easily protect himself from peril and throes of death, it’s the past trauma of losing his clan - not once, but twice under supernatural forces he couldn’t control nor predict - and most definitely his family. 

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love?

Once Hanzo commits in romantic/sexual relationships, he will literally go to the ends of the earth and to Hell and back; it’s literally the entirety of his story arc regarding Harumi/Satoshi when you think about it. It it weren’t for Hanzo’s love, Hanzo Hasashi as a character we know as of now may have been nonexistent, and so does Scorpion. 

❤️ Do they fall in love easily?

While the severity of his trauma may have been slightly mitigated by the decades of his desiderium and deep longing, Hanzo still has dreams and nightmares about Harumi, whom he considered not only as a longtime friend, a lover, a beloved and devoted wife, but even more so, his soulmate. She was a quiet, but a strong presence who served as Hanzo’s emotional pillar and guidance. 

📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family?

Initially, Hanzo would be very discreet and hesitant about their relationship; at least until it becomes truly serious and fully devoted. For Hanzo, strategic disclosure and manipulation of co-presence (especially in regards to their shared Grandmasters’ positions and being Earthrealm’s protectors) signals will become the most frequent ways in which information was managed. The most frequent reasons for revelation were felt obligation to reveal based on the relationship with the target, the desire for emotional expression and the desire for psychological support from the target. The most frequent reason to withhold information was the anticipation of a negative reaction from his surroundings, specifically to the Shirai Ryu and perhaps beyond.  

This sharing of personal details about his life - your feelings, thoughts, memories, and other such things - Hanzo’s self-disclosure is on the low side; while he is completely open about sharing them to the most trusted, loved individuals, he is much more reserved about such things. 

♦️Are they concerned with the social status of their partner?

Social status is most likely the least facet Hanzo is concerned about, but I think Hanzo certainly has a type for someone who is either 1) a commanding leader in any manifestations and forms - Grandmasters, Commanders, those who have been in the leading position where they are responsible for numbers of individuals under their wings, so to speak, and 2) possesses insistence, the iron-will stubbornness that is able to meet his own hot-tempered decisiveness. 

💭 Do they tend to sleep better when in bed with their partner?

One of Hanzo’s most absolute favorite things to do is to cuddle naked; while he is much more of a sensual being than sexual, Hanzo does enjoy both physical or emotional closeness. While the term intimate relationship usually implies the inclusion of sexual activity, the term is also used to indicate a relationship with more than just sexual activity. Intimate relationships maintain a key role in his overall human experience because they involve emotional connections with others. This may be romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual activity, or emotional support, while also helps him to develop strong interpersonal connections. 

Hanzo desires physical intimacy of some sort at least occasionally, being that it is a natural part of human sexuality. Because this is most often sensual touching of any sort, it requires an entrance into another's personal space, while it may be an emotional or sexual act anywhere from a hug to a kiss or sexual intercourse. Emotional or sensual touching of this sort aids in the release of oxytocin, dopamine,and serotonin, which reduces stress. Also, without physical intimacy, there are increased feelings of loneliness or sadness and Hanzo is highly prone to suffering both without the intimate proximity with his significant other. 

Specifically with Kuai Liang, he finds the quality of his sleep significantly improved; he finds the cryomancer’s coolness extremely comfortable, relaxing and natural. Even as a pyromancer and someone who is more or less used to stifling heat of Japan, regardless of humidity, he finds majority of summer and fall a bit unbearable - since he is the type to sweat a lot in those hot seasons and it’s hard for him to cool down rapidly without feeling significant discomfort beyond where he feels unhygienic and disgusting. Having some kind of weight under him is also a comforting presence, and he dreams less nightmares and unpleasant dreams because of it. 

[rasoir-national]

5 male characters I love

So I got tagged by @antirococoreaction​​ to name 5 male characters I love, and as always I asked myself the immortal question : do I pick characters I love as characters, as in, characters I love for how interesting they are, or do I pick characters I love as people ? And for once, I decided to go with the narrowest of the two, the second one, for two reasons.

First, because there’s this latent belief in media that bad is more interesting than good, leading to the pernicious trope that characters who are “good people” are boring. That’s patently false : just as it’s difficult to be a good person, and I think we should highlight characters who demonstrate that.

Second, because there’s this tendency, in tumblr culture, from which I am not at all exempt, to avoid giving focus to masculinity in a positive manner, because mainstream media would do that already. But you could argue that mainstream media is much more focused on toxic masculinity and masculinity as a “default” than on exploring masculinity in its richness and uniqueness. So I want to do that too : to highlight characters whose masculinity is a inherent and essential part of who they are and why I love them. Let’s roll.

Dionysus/Umar from The Wicked+The Divine (Kieron Gillen & Jamie McKelvie)

He is such a good person. That’s what you think the first time you meet him, and that’s what you’ll continue to think, even as the comic goes on and adds nuance upon nuance on every character. The god of wine and parties reincarnated as a young man with rave/hivemind and ecstasy-like powers. And also a kind friend, a sensitive listener, someone who is keenly aware of the limits of what you can do for other people yet will give all he has so people can have at least that, be it one good night amidst sorrow and depression, or a shoulder to cry on. Dio is good to a fault, as in, his goodness is arguably his flaw. He gives himself so completely, to everyone, that it endangers his own sanity, and make other people’s selfishness and entitlement come out. He is a perfect illustration of why putting yourself first is not just a flaw when done in excess, it is at its core a survival skill : if you do not put barriers between you and the others, you will crumble. Dio is a study in true altruism that not many stories have the courage to make. He is also canonically asexual, and strongly implied to be biromantic, although that’s almost incidental in Wicdiv, in which almost every single character is lgbtqia+ and treated with respect. Seriously, read Wicdiv guys.

Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho (Yoshihiro Togashi)

YYH is one of the most insidious yet brilliant deconstructions of the shoûnen tropes out there. While some of its material, while groundbreaking at the time (starting with a fleshed-out, sympathetic gay character coming with a critique of japanese homophobia), has aged with the strides made in matters of representation, its commentary on masculinity and especially how it’s usually handled in the typical shoûnen holds up extremely well in my opinion. And one of its centers is Kurama. Created to be a riff on the classic “bishounen” character (to the point that one of the running gags of the manga is Kurama getting increasingly annoyed with the attitude of female side characters around him), Kurama is my favourite kind of good person, the one who is deeply aware that he is capable of horrible things. He is the rare character who begins the story at the tail end of his redemption arc, having already decided to change ; his arc in the manga is about trying to figure out what that means. And the manga does not pull punches with him : he has to reckon with what he’s done, to try and navigate his new moral compass in a world that’s just waiting to use it against him. And it gets... cruel. Kurama is a perfect example of how quickly and often certain traits can toe the line between making you a terrible person or a good one. Everytime he fights, Kurama has to make the choice to do good, over and over. And it’s not easy. It’s not supposed to be easy. And if YYH has one message, it’s that everyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

Father Marcus Keane (Ben Daniels) from The Exorcist series

Memory functions best by association, so reading @antirococoreaction​‘s list immediately got me thinking about The Exorcist and Father Marcus. Just like Cardinal Gutierrez, he is both a man of faith and a mlm. And while his orientation is not the focus of the show, it’s present, layered and realistic in all of it - credit to openly gay actor Ben Daniels who portrays him. It’s especially present in his relationship with the other lead, portrayed by Alfonso Herrera as a young, charismatic priest whom the Church sees as a political pawn, whom I could also have chosen for this list. Just like I could have chosen John Cho as the single foster father of adopted “problem” children who has to cope with the death of his wife. See, what’s extraordinary about The Exorcist series is exactly what I was talking about in the intro : whatever masculinity means, it doesn’t take it for granted. Which is why the second season manages to have three male leads that are all incredible characters, incredibly good people, while vastly different from one another. Marcus is probably the most “morally grey” of the three, but in what that term sholuld mean rather than what mainstream media tends to make of it. Marcus in an unquestionably good person in a world where doing good often means making excrutiating choices. Marcus is someone devastated by these choices, who has to try and find hope again, guided in part by the young Father Tomas. While Marcus roughly fits the “jadded brooding lead” archetype, but in every detail of his character and portrayal he is imbued by a depth that’s rare in the horror genre. I will never forgive Fox for cancelling this gem of a series right as both the plot and the main characters were coming at a turning point. My advice if you want to watch it : don’t read anything, just go in blind.

Jean-Baptiste Adamsberg from the Adamsberg novels (Fred Vargas)

Adamsberg is a cop. I know that’s a dealbreaker for some people, and I respect that. But his profession seems almost incidental to the character. Adamsberg shouldn’t be a cop, Adamsberg is that guy you see in the street who stops all of the sudden, fascinated by something, and it drives you crazy that you don’t see what. Adamsberg is a dreamer, he feels things rather that he knows them, and yet somehow is always right in the end. He’s like a magician. He’s not always kind. He can be violent. He’s not always clever. In fact, sometimes he acts downright stupid. Yet there is always this kindness, this intelligence around him, about the way people are and the way people should be. When I was a kid, the Adamsberg series was the first I read in which, hearing another man using a degrading language to talk about women, the main character immediately shut him down. As I grew up, I came to think of Adamsberg as the way women wished men were, though they weren’t. In reality, there is a lot in Adamsberg that’s exactly how men are, both good and bad. He’s a character who shouldn’t feel real yet does in the strange, poetic world created by Fred Vargas for what is one of the strangest crime series I’ve ever read. If the Doctor was the protagonist of a crime series, they would be Adamsberg. Growing up afab, Adamsberg was one of the few male protagonists I didn’t feel actively disrespected by as I was reading. The first four books of the series, The Chalk Circle Man, Seeking whom he may devour, Have mercy on us all and Wash this blood clean from my hand, are absolute classics I heartily recommend. It’s some of the smartest, weirdest crime novels out there.

Zeno Ligre from The Abyss (Marguerite Yourcenar)

I... God, what do you even say about what may well be your favourite character in all of literature, in what may well be your favourite book ? I fell in love in Zeno when I was fifteen, fell as hard as you could for someone who didn’t exist. Zeno starts the story as a young adult and ends it as an old man. You follow his entire life, from his childhood as the bastard child in a rich belgian family in the 16th Century, to becoming a respected yet feared and misunderstood alchemist, all through the turmoil of religious and political wars and plagues. Zeno is the best representation of what it was truly like to be a man ahead of his time in a time of intolerance and obscurantism. As an isolated high schooler who felt like I had nothing in common with my peers, you can imagine how I could relate. The Abyss is a strange, dense book which I probably read too soon, but which absolutely enthralled me to the point that I refused to even open another book weeks after finishing it because I simply couldn’t bear the thought not to be still reading The Abyss. It made History and Philosophy realer than any of my classes. And front and center of it is Zeno, Zeno you see grow and age, with whom you discover and fear, who utterly captures you with how grand a man can truly be, how extraordinary life itself, from beginning to end, is. Zeno is a man trying to shine a light on the world, trying to live by the precepts of philosophers, and once again is faced by what being a good man means, and whether it even matters to be one in a world such as the Middle Ages. I don’t know what to say except read it, and you’ll see why I’m at such a loss for words. Oh, and you might cry a lot. I know I did, not necessarily because it was sad, but simply because it was over, and I couldn’t read it for the first time again.

Here you have it. Wow, that was way too long.

And of course there’s almost no one left for me to tag, because we’re like 15 people talking in a circle.

[marshmallowgoop]

I can’t think of anyone else who does this kind of year-in-review compilation for writing, but I put one together for 2017 and would like to continue to do so. It’s just nice to get a sense of what I’ve accomplished in 12 months, especially when I feel that I haven’t accomplished much of anything.

Unlike last year, though, I’m including all kinds of writing I’ve done this time around. My non-fiction work is important to me, too.

Mental health talk and text versions of these snippets under the cut.

To cut right to the chase, 2018 was rough. No matter all my flowery pep talks trying to be positive and uplifting, my feelings of inadequacy skyrocketed. I drenched myself in my own self-depreciating “humor,” and I ridiculed my hopes and dreams. Every time I felt my work was poorly received, I’d tell myself, “Well, what did you think would happen? That people would actually like what you do?”

But I never wanted to stop “keeping on.” I wanted to continue what I loved no matter what, and I threw myself into my writing. There would be days where I wouldn’t eat or do anything else until I’d finished an essay. I spent practically the entire month of November sleeping on my couch because I never wanted to “go to bed” until I had written more, posted more, done more. My head became filled with a constant mantra of, “You’ll never be enough.”

And I wanted to prove myself wrong. I wanted to be something—even if that something was just being happy with myself. But all the proclamations that I’m “getting better!” and “improving so much!” never did much for my confidence. What good is progress, after all, if I still feel like I’m nowhere?

Still, I tried to be productive about my failure. So I wasn’t satisfied with what I was doing. What could I do to be satisfied? I took different approaches to my content. I asked for advice, opinions. But that feeling of being nothing remained.

And yet, I’d always say things like, “I’m okay. I’m just frustrated.” Or, “I felt better after I binged some Netflix, haha.” I wanted to be helpful, inspiring. I wanted to tell people that it’s hard, but it gets better. I wanted to come off as the happy person I so wish to be, and I felt guilty every time I revealed any of my insecurities. Nobody wants to hear that stuff. Everyone suffers. I’m not special.

So maybe that’s why I feel it’s important to say now that I’m not okay. I’m hurting. I’m in pain. There are times I hate myself so much that I can think of nothing but how I’m ugly both inside and out, that I’m selfish, ungrateful, a total bitch.

And I want to be better! Of course I do. And I want to continue to work to be better.

But right now? I’m not okay. And running away from that fact and trying to hide it won’t help me or anyone else.

It was a rough year. I feel I made a total fool of myself more times than I would care to admit. But I also created a lot of art. I shared a lot of art with the world.

And you know what? I am proud of myself. I did impact people with what I did. I answered over 100 asks! I added more than 17 pages to my “replies” tag! I’m not nothing, and I need to stop treating myself like I am!

On to a better, healthier 2019!

Texts

January

Yes, DARLING goes way further than I’m comfortable with, but in doing so, and in doing so seriously, it tells the viewer in no indirect terms that the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two isn’t a joke. This ain’t another Ryuko and Senketsu, where all the blatantly suggestive themes between a human and a non-human are easily neglected and there’s the insistence that the relationship is akin to that of a child and their parental figure (yuck), because unlike Ryuko and Senketsu, there is 1,000% the sense that this series intends for its leads to be like that. There’s practically no other way around it. Just look at the title.

DARLING also doesn’t seem to be following in the footsteps of a run-of-the-mill monster movie, either, where a relationship between a human and a non-human is treated as something terrifying. There have only been two episodes so far, but I would say that there is something genuine in the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two already.

February

So, I don’t have a “bad” section this week. While DARLING might have tonal problems as a whole, as far as “Your Thorn, My Badge” is concerned, there’s little to complain about. The episode is serious, and it stays serious. For the first time ever, there’s a distinct lack of gratuitous fanservice, and other issues that plague the show are also wonderfully absent. No awful cockpit set-up can be seen here, abuse from a woman isn’t depicted as funny, quirky, and cute, and what’s unsettling is portrayed as unsettling.

March

Senketsu’s story—intentionally or not—has easy parallels to stories of marginalization and “otherness.” Like Akira Fudo of Devilman, Senketsu has the body of a “monster” but the heart of a human, and consequently, he can’t fit well in either world. No matter how silly Kill la Kill is, there’s something incredibly worthwhile in a narrative where someone who feels worthless and as though they don’t belong anywhere finds love and comes to understand that they matter. The fact that Senketsu’s story gets so neglected is beyond disappointing for exactly this reason.

But the erasure is also disappointing because Senketsu’s story is plain good. Throwing out everything I just wrote, isn’t it sweet, for a girl to decide that she cares more for a kind, compassionate person than what anyone thinks of her for being with him? Isn’t it heartwarming, that she would push herself to be as strong as she can be to return him to full health when he’s injured? Isn’t it worthy of praise, that there’s the depiction of a relationship built on communication and respect between the two, without either of them unhealthily idolizing the other even though they are both among each other’s first friends, and where they openly discuss their thoughts and feelings and concerns together? Isn’t this all something to be celebrated?

April

To make matters worse, the almost-final version of the script (as included in The Complete Script Book) doesn’t even include that tiny moment of Ryuko’s grief in the end at all! To quote:

街(数ケ月後)

可愛い服を着てマコとデートしている流子。ソフトクリームを買おうとショップによる。そこにもう一人の手が伸びる。買っているのは皐月。彼女も私服だ。驚く流子とマコ。はにかむ皐月。三人、笑いあう。その姿は屈託のない１０代の少女だった。

Incredibly rough translation:

City (a few months later)

Mako wears cute clothes on her date with Ryuko. The two go to buy soft-serve ice cream. Another person’s hand extends, and it’s revealed that Satsuki is buying the ice cream for them. She’s wearing normal clothes, and Ryuko and Mako are amazed. Satsuki is shy. The three laugh together. It is the image of carefree teenage girls.

May

Of course, as I’ve said before, I do think it’s important to talk seriously about media, because media is important. Media constantly impacts and influences us. #TheDiscourse definitely has a place.

But the goal of these kinds of discussions should be to improve. We should strive for better and more inclusive media. We should strive for better and more inclusive fandom. When #TheDiscourse instead becomes more about who’s the most morally superior and who’s the most garbage, it’s failing at this goal. Instead of being about bettering our art, #TheDiscourse seems to, more often than not, be about bullying other people under the guise of righteousness. And it’s utterly repugnant.

June

But what bothers me most about the argument isn’t really the argument itself. What irks me more than anything else is how this widely held belief emphasizes a disheartening trend: whenever something as popular as Kill la Kill comes along, there’s perhaps an eagerness to accept some of the most negative interpretations possible, almost as if there’s a desire for something awful.

And, sure. Maybe I’m just “reacting in shock and horror” to interpretations that are separate from my own. It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with a negative view of a work. It’s not like any of my more positive readings are “more correct.” I can’t claim to “get” a piece of art more than anyone else does.

But I can’t help it. I wish things were different. I wish negative interpretations weren’t seen as “more valid” simply because they’re negative. I wish more people weren’t afraid to disagree with popular negative interpretations for fear of sounding like they’re “reacting in shock and horror,” as though there’s really something so wrong about being passionate about art and finding a negative interpretation of art to actually be negative in itself. I wish for more nuance. I wish for more discussion. 

July

I mean, just imagine this. You’re fighting a battle whose outcome will literally decide whether or not your entire planet explodes into a billion pieces in like two hours. It’s not only your life on the line. Everyone you care about have their lives on the line, too. 

To make matters worse, it ain’t going well for your side. You’ve been rendered basically immobile by a cheap attack from these world-destroying baddies… and so have all your allies. Things are looking pretty grim, to say the least.

And then one of your big-name enemies goes and does it. She laughs at your efforts and taunts you and—get this—she says something that totally insults your OTP.

Now, a normal person would probably not be thinking about OTPs during a fight to save the Earth from turning into confetti. 

A normal person is not Mako Mankanshoku.

August

But I find Grosz’s thesis compelling in regards to Kill la Kill because, in a lot of ways, Ryuko and Senketsu do rather embody typical positions of men and women in fictional stories both East and West… except, the roles are reversed. Ryuko is the unruly, aggressive, and hot-blooded protagonist just as a man often is, and Senketsu exhibits many traits that are traditionally associated with women; he’s sensitive, emotional, and a considerable worrywart. Further, while I find the term “love interest” both degrading and unfitting for Senketsu in a series that Word of God denies any romantic intention for, I have to admit that he fits many of the conventions. In an anime with a cast primarily composed of women, the fact that Senketsu is arguably coded as male makes him, just as the standard heteronormative “love interest,” the most narratively significant character of another gender in the show (for just a few other examples, see Ran from Detective Conan, Sam from Danny Phantom, Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon). Whether I’m watching an anime or an American cartoon, I don’t think I’d be too surprised to see a scenario like the one from the end of Kill la Kill’s thirteenth episode, where a man tells a woman that he’s afraid of losing control and needs her to be there for him so that he doesn’t.

September

The official website for Kill la Kill the Game: IF is now up.

As of this writing, the site details gameplay mechanics and other general information regarding the game. There are also short bios and new game-specific artwork provided for the four confirmed playable characters: Ryuko Matoi, Satsuki Kiryuin, Ira Gamagoori, and Uzu Sanageyama. The “Video” section features the trailer from Anime Expo 2018 and the original 30-second commercial (which now has English subtitles available).

The “Top” page also includes a link to the Arc System Works Event Portal Site, where any potential players can download a detailed Play Guide for the game. Additionally, the site provides a schedule for the upcoming showcase of Kill la Kill the Game: IF at Tokyo Game Show 2018:

October

She catches their reflection in the long mirrors that line the gym walls and asks how in the world it all works.

He does not know what she means.

She holds a hand to her hair. The strands are bright and red, leaping into the air like fire.

His voice is a low rumble. The sound fills her as though it is her own.

We are one now, he says. Your skin is my skin, and mine is yours.

The words remind her to once more return to herself.

But when she looks to the glass, she still sees him.

November

Gridman is also quite stunning from a directorial and visual standpoint. As I wrote up some notes for the premiere while waiting for my multiple-hours-delayed Greyhound bus (hey I can’t not recommend that service enough, but those of you who were in full-out cosplay at the station are so much stronger than me), I made sure to mention how much I enjoyed the focus on scenery and environments. A lot of anime will rely heavily on stale shot-reverse-shot conversations in which the characters hardly move, but Gridman mixes things up. When the characters talk, viewers get these wonderful glimpses of their world. Sometimes, you’ll hardly even see the characters at all! This choice feels so fresh and different, and I was particularly taken by how the opening moments of the show are just about entirely background shots.

Takeuchi mentions in the interviews that Gridman director Akira Amemiya is incredibly skilled at what he does, and everything in a cut—from objects to angles to facial expressions—all have meaning. I think I could definitely see that from episode 1, and it’s a real treat. That’s exactly what visual storytelling should be doing.

December

Jiro’s Mubyoshi is neat, but Ryuko’s? It’s sweet as all heck. No matter Houka’s complicated info dump about what she’s doing, the actual scene simply plays out like one of the purest expressions of love. There’s a reason that there’s nudity here, and it’s not for fanservice or titillation. It’s to signify the closeness of Ryuko and Senketsu in this moment—to say that, right here, the two of them are uniting as one.

And it’s beautiful. Intimate. Absolutely heartwarming. Ryuko openly shares a part of herself that even Senketsu hadn’t known before, and he adores it. He loves being with Ryuko so much. He loves her so much.

And Ryuko? Shy, closed-off, keeps-her-distance-even-from-her-family Ryuko? She’s completely unabashed. Senketsu has always paid attention to her pulse and breathing and so on and so forth, and she doesn’t even hesitate to reveal more. This is her sound, and she wants him to listen. She wants him to hear nothing else. She trusts him, fully and completely—and this trust is so breathtakingly powerful that Houka even unzips his hoodie in awe of it.

[hogsteeth-archive]

alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously

[bloodvbonerpg]

BASICS :

Name: Aurora “Rory” Wolfgang-Child Age: 25 Race: Vampire Occupation: Hunter Faceclaim: Eliza Taylor Sexuality: Demisexual Status: Taken

TRAITS :

+ : spirited, buoyant, approachable  

- : temperamental, artless, impetuous

THE STORY :

Her people were cave dwellers, living their lives between crags, hunting game and fishing in rapids, hiding their tracks and their smell and retreating behind easily-defended entrances amongst dizzying labyrinths of stone. Even as a human, she’d rarely seen the sun, and so learned to appreciate it all the more, whenever she ventured outside with foraging parties. She grew up learning to move as a shadow, able to see in the dark, trained to sharpen her hearing to detect the smallest flutter in the leafage, to track the path of the tiniest dislodged pebble. She learned what plants were good to eat, and what plants were good for healing. Like most people in this new world, hers was a life of bare necessities, of skills learned from need, where smiles were fleeting and laughter almost entirely absent.  

At least, that was true enough for most of her tribe, moving like ghosts, taciturn and solemn, but silence had never came easily to her, not as easily as laughter did – she delighted in the smallest things, almost hell-bent on enjoying herself, fabricating small adventures and begging stories out of her older siblings to keep herself entertained during the long days bleeding into night inside their caves.  

She was young enough to have no memories of the plains, and that transient existence, fraught with danger that came from such exposed places, and while she knew, like everyone else, of the Upyr and vampires, she had never witnessed an attack upon her own. They were protected by the heights they inhabited, by the foul weather and treacherous paths – easier prey was to be had further down, and they’d reasoned it’d have been a dire need indeed to prompt those creatures to scale such forbidding mountains for so meagre a bounty.  

They’ve found as much peace as could be found in the world, but it was not to last. Spring was often a more dangerous time in the mountains than the coldest winter, for the snow turned soft and treacherous and the most inane of movements would summon an avalanche to bury them all. The rivers, too, swelled dangerously, their cave turning damp and cold. Dry wood was not to be had anywhere, and fire was slow to catch, and was more trouble than it was worth, smoking too much and barely giving off any heat. They had to leave the relative safety of their sanctuary, lest they all sickened and died. It was better to run, and return on better days, for catastrophes such as this did not happen every year.  

Having lived in the forest for so long, they knew how to be quiet, how to cover their tracks, and they were not planning to leave the mountain range completely at any rate, just go low enough to keep safe from the fury of nature. It had not occurred to them that if the weather had so avenged itself upon them as high as they were, that the plains had suffered from flooding as well, scattering the already scarce human population and the vampires hunting in those parts had felt compelled to turn their sights to higher ground.  

Aurora was awake when the descended on their small party, staring at the stars, cold and damp and so miserable she could not sleep. She didn’t even realize what was happening at first, they moved so fast, she thought herself so exhausted that her vision had begun playing tricks on her. It kept her still for long enough to be almost unnoticed under the bundle of furs, it saved her from the brutality of the first wave, where killing was foremost in their minds. By the time she rolled out of her makeshift bed, she was convinced she was going to die. Such certainty did not dim her outrage, even if it was mainly born out of desperation.  

She’d always been reckless, a daredevil who gave her older siblings no small amount of grief with her antics, with a complete lack of self-preservation, just as quick to anger as she was to laugh. She didn’t want to die, but if she had to, she preferred to go down fighting. Capricious by nature, ever in the grip of her emotions, Aurora let them rule her, as she always did, and right then she was trapped by a sense of surrealism at the scene around her – one could never truly fear creatures they’ve heard of only in stories, not from the very first. And a few seconds of insane courage was all it took for her to make her move.

It probably wouldn’t have worked if she’d been the target, but as still as she’d been, she must have seemed beneath their notice, so she grabbed a burning log from the fire and tossed it into the melee of blurring forms. She always did believe fortune favoured the brave, and her act of defiance proved fruitful. Not a killing blow, but one of them tripped over it anyway, and she gasped, elated and feeling avenged, even though they saw her then, even though she’d just brought death closer.

She was certainly prideful enough to meet her end with a snarl on her face, an expression that froze, and slackened as one of the vampires slowed down enough for her to see his face. She’d always assumed she could tell monsters apart, a childhood belief she never grew out of, but the sight that greeted her looked close enough to her own kind to give her pause. Not that struggling would have made much of a difference, but by the time she recovered, his teeth were already breaking skin, sucking the life out her.

She remembers the moment mechanically, the pain dulled by shock, how she only realized she’d burned her hand when she tried to push him away, and she remembers feeling thirsty, swallowing salt by the mouthful, making it worse with each gulp. The sickness, the kaleidoscope of nonsensical images, an impression of being moved, her indignation at the ingloriousness of death, at the blinding agony of it, wondering when it would end and failing to figure out the answer.

She remembers her vicious, ineffectual struggle only distantly, her desperate flailing and kicking, the realization that while most of her blows connected they seemed to hold no weight. She thought it a dubious honour to be told she’d been turned by the Blood King himself, might have even blurted it out loud in the first few moments of waking to find the world unbearably sharpened, so alarmingly loud she shied away at first (noise still meant death to her, it would keep on worrying her for months), and she half-heartedly swiped at those closest to her, surprised to find herself so steady on her feet. Other than a maddening thirst, her throat so raw she could barely make a sound, she felt surprisingly whole, quite a contrast from her most recent memories, but none of the small pains she had expected troubled her.  

“This one’s got nerve,” someone had said and Rory narrowed her eyes at the words, unsettled to find herself the centre of attention. Her sister called her foolish once, during one of their worst fights. Foolish, and mule-headed and selfish because she had vanished for two days into a snowstorm and returned dragging the half frozen carcass of a stag on a makeshift sleigh. Bravery was seen more as a curse, a threat to those around her and to find someone who appreciated her flashy bravado was disconcerting.

“I’m thirsty,” her gaze settled on the single face she recognized, and her voice croaked with disuse, and she did not know why she’d even chosen to speak, or why she’d decided he was the one she should address. It took all the iron in her veins to not flinch at the way he smirked at her.

Although Aurora was most shocked to comprehend she continued on, it was even more shocking to realize she didn’t mind being a vampire at all. She’d been keen-sighted before, now she was one of the best scouts in the Blood Hunt. What she’d learned of stealth as a human couldn’t hold a candle to how silent she’d become now. And it was exhilarating to feel so strong and so fast, if only the hunger wouldn’t so easily drive her to distraction. It was hard to control herself, harder still when no one else encouraged it. She tried, though, and when she failed and killed, she tried again the next time.

When word of Sanctuary reached the Blood Court, she was amongst the first who wanted to go, the most disappointed when the king refused, and when it finally looked like he’d finally decided to join this settlement, she pleaded with her maker to take her with them. She wanted to know if there was any hope of humans and vampires coexisting peacefully, she dearly wished it would turn out to be more than a foolish dream.

CONNECTIONS :

Wolfgang Arcturus-Child : Part of her is terrified of her maker and uneasy in his presence. Vampires might not put much stock in bloodlines, but when one’s sire is the Blood King, the others’ scrutiny is a heavy burden to bear, especially to someone with her mercurial moods. She’s constantly torn between deference and defiance, between her desire to be loyal to him, and her inherent urge to rebel against authority. Her devotion is absolute, but grudgingly given, and she cannot say how much of it is genuine, and how much is a by-product of the bond formed on one’s turning. It is the first time she has had to face these doubts head on, for it is the first time she’s not in accord with him – she wants Sanctuary to thrive, she truly believes vampires can survive on the blood the humans donate, and it’s disheartening to know that given the chance, he would break the truce as soon as it suits him.

Ayanna Cadeyrn : Aurora likes her more than she probably ought, and she feels mildly guilty about that. She cannot help but admire the Sanctuary’s Keeper, and want to be near her, content to just talk about plans for the compound. She’s not entirely comfortable in her presence, though, and questions the wisdom of bringing the Upyr in on the truce. In her view, what Ayanna demands of them for the citizenship is nothing short of a slow, torturous death. It isn’t that she pities the creatures, she hated them as a human, and her animosity wasn’t quenched by her becoming a vampire. She’s worried about everyone else’s safety, though. She cannot help but judge the world through her own perspective, and she would never accept starving to death for the sake of peace, herself. The Upyr are doubtless planning something, and while it will be the humans who suffer the brunt of their uprising, she does not want to see her kind caught in the crossfire.  

Reginmund Wolfgang-Child : She finds him somewhat distant, too placid and absent-minded to really put her at ease, but she’s endlessly curious about all the things he tinkers with, curious, like him, about how things work. She wants to learn to read and write, and while she’s too restless and boisterous by half to enjoy spending much time coped up with only books for company, he’s proven to be quite a restful presence on the few occasions she seeks out peace and quiet.

Ragar Wolfgang-Child : Training with him is the one thing that helps distract her from the hunger, from the constant sound of rushing blood and beating hearts. His unconcerned charm is a source of delight for her, and she finds him easiest to talk to out her new found family of undead hellions. Not terribly discerning by nature, she was quickly won over by his smooth talk, and readily believes much of what he tells her.

FC is NON-NEGOTIABLE

[lunuanaki]

Your favorite ship. I'm talking about the one that gives you the butterflies and happy feel good feelings. Talk to me about that. I wanna know what your brain words say about it. :)

THANK YOU, SYN, FOR SENDING ME THIS MESSAGE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD because probably they know what’s going to happen and they don’t want any part of it---  *glares at entire dash like that one picture of the assmad cartoon pig*

I’m going to cut this because it’ll definitely get long, but... if you wanna know what kind of ships I would throw myself in front of a ruby dragon for, you’re boutta find out... I’m gonna explain it for the unfamiliar as well, though. So I get to talk more. I don’t know how anyone on this website could dislike this ship. Fight me. Anyone who reads this and agrees gets the warm fuzzy feeling of my everlasting favour. 

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

It’s Velka and Gwyndolin, is anyone surprised?! Nahhh... BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEM BC I BET YOU DONT KNOW EM?!For those unfamiliar with Dark S//ouls, Gwyndolin is the youngest child of the Great Lord Gwyn, God of War/Sun/Lightning, all that big noisy man stuff. Gwyndolin was born weak and fragile and corpse-white, so, realising he wasn’t much of a trophy child, Gwyn raised him as a girl. Gwyn’s rejection never quite sat well with him, though - he’s always been insecure about his appearance and how others interpret it. He hates being stared at, and has been known to kill servants who aren’t careful where they look. Actually, he’s not fussy about murder in general, but he does have a strong sense of who deserves it and who doesn’t.Gwyndolin’s talents lie in moon-related magic and archery. As an adult, he still presents as female, he’s still horribly weak in a physical sense, paper-white, and for unspecified-in-canon reasons, has six or eight snakes where his legs should be (he still has legs, but the snakes tend to boost him off the floor). I’m not going to link any images. Picture white silk, gold, delicate, intricately made bows and faintly glowing arrows, and a gold mask he hides his face behind that mimics the shape of the sun his dad is so obsessed with.His canon personality is cold and apathetic; this is no tragic princess to be rescued. Suggest as much, or try to cross him, and he will kill you where you stand, with a shot so fast you’d never see him draw the arrow, or raise his staff. He leads a covenant of followers who hunt down sinners. As proof that they killed for their master, these followers tear off their victim’s ear and bring it to his doorstep for his approval. He’s pure grace and moonlight, and the definition of the phrase “glass cannon”. He knows his place, and even though he will never be a true part of Gwyn’s family, at least to his father, he works to support them. You can kill him in-game; if you do, the sun will go out. It was an illusion. The sun went out in Anor Londo centuries ago; Gwyndolin has been maintaining the false image of its better days, as a comfort to visiting Undead, even though it must grate at his soul to do it. His title is Dark Sun. This is not his natural habitat. 

Velka. Velka is a name, and a concept. That’s all we get in-game. She appeared in the third game as a statue (that confirmed my headcanon appearance for her to be spot on). Her title is Goddess of Sin. She’s known for being sneaky, “eccentric witch”, difficult, changeable. Gwyn’s friendship with her was always rocky; she could see his pride and his self interest, and he knew she waited for the day he met her judgement. Flames help him; after the massacre of the dragons, if he ever knelt at her feet, it would be the last thing he did. If Gwyn is the sun, she is the darkness waiting for him to sink below the horizon. Her covenant are absolvers of sin, for a price, their faces covered to separate them from the material world. She has no concept of the Christian idea of sin, because that just doesn’t exist in Lordran. Sin is decided based on her moral compass - conflicting philosophies, like the Way of White, might claim she has none, because she sees no inherent sin in drinking, or sex, or gambling, as long as no ill intent or effect is there. She only wears black, silver, and that one splash of red, the wedding ring from the husband she outlived. She was human once; not a born Lord like Gwyndolin. That mortal vitality is still about her; she never had the luxury of living without the concept of death. Picture extremely long, thick black hair (that she’s famous for in game), crystal-clear lavender eyes, blood red lips, porcelain-coloured skin and purple dark circles, lace and velvet. Her mother taught her to scheme and spy her way up. Gwyndolin was naturally suspicious of her at first, as he should have been. But their covenants had a mutual interest, and she began to supply her list of unrepentant sinners for his covenant to hunt down. It became a bonding ritual, I think both of them enjoyed it more than they’d admit. 

Gwyndolin to begin to get. Jealous. Velka was known for spending nights with anyone she pleased, servant to knight, never getting attached to any of them. There were rumours that the crown prince of sunlight himself was on that list. Gwyndolin seemed to be the only one she wouldn’t look at in that way. Was that because of the way he looked? Did she pity or avoid him the way everyone else did, even after all this time? Every hour she spent with one of them was one she wasn’t with him. His own anger at her is confusing to him, because he’s never had any interest in anyone, male or female, not like this. It was, she said, because she valued him more than one of her throwaways. She paid close attention to him, enough to know he didn’t like to be approached like that, or looked at. Whenever people had shown interest in him before, he’d assumed they were mocking him. She didn’t want to make him feel the way they did, so she was content with the distance she stayed at, as long as she could pride herself on being the one he was most comfortable with. It was selfish, really, but she liked being his favourite, so she’d do anything to stay that way. Velka does not recognise the word love, because she’s never experienced it before, so she doesn’t use it, not yet.

When they finally stopped dancing around each other, her reputation for impropriety died, along with anyone who spoke about her like that in front of Gwyndolin. Gwyndolin is extremely possessive, and Velka, for once, finds she wants to be possessed. There’s still no power imbalance, though. With her support, Gwyndolin’s confidence can develop (she’s so proud of everything he does). With his favour, she can’t be sidelined as badly as before. They have to be careful as a couple, because it’s dangerous to be seen that way. Not because “Gwyn won’t approve of her”, but because between them, with their combined covenants, Gwyn’s distrust of her, and the growing unrest among Gwyn’s human subjects, they present a very real threat to the throne, and as if to prove their point, Gwyn will soon exile his own son and heir for less.

They’re like Morticia and Gomez, if all that overly romantic stuff were silent. Because they don’t need to say anything. Like the time he panicked over an instinctive murder of a wayward servant, and she helped him clean the blood off his hands and let him calm down alone when she wanted to kiss him until he remembered how much more important he was than such a silly mistake as that - to her, and who else matters? Or the time someone made an untoward comment about her at the dinner table and no one saw Gwyndolin draw the arrow, just the sight of it hit the speaker and kill them instantly. She only laughed as politely as she could, because he already knows how much she adores his overprotective homicidal tendencies, and he thrives off it. Her sense of justice has a blind spot that exists just for him, and she can forgive him anything.

There’s a little piece of lore in the game that says Velka sided against the gods in a war, and lost. The AU that could happen if they won gives me life. If they won, she wouldn’t have taken Gwyn’s place herself, she would have given it to Gwyndolin. They would make a terrifying but brilliant leader between them. The sun would set in Anor Londo for good, and Gwyndolin’s intelligence and clarity would get a chance to prove itself more useful than Gwyn’s brute force and genocide tactics. Gwyndolin isn’t much for titles, but you can be damn sure Velka would take it. If it made Gwyn turn in his grave to hear her called Queen, she’d insist on it, after the way she watched him treat Gwyndolin. As if he weren’t worthy of Gwyn’s pathetic legacy. 

Of course, as the series goes, in the third game, Gwyndolin is gone. Reportedly cannibalised by a cult leader and his apprentice while he was weak and sick. Velka’s verse for that revolves around her finding and saving him - whatever that means. 

If anyone stuck with me this long, please offer me emotional support, because I am compromised. I haven’t run out of words or feelings, I’ve run out of energy to convey them. These two are precious to me. Not only is there all this intensity and unrelenting devotion behind them, they take the usual framework for a hetero relationship, shatter it and piece it back together in completely the “wrong” order. Velka has some of the masculine traits, the forcefulness of her mannerisms, the proactively destructive one, however undercover it might be. Gwyndolin is the formal, delicate, princessly one, and has to be pushed to react badly. Both of them are beautiful, in totally opposing ways. You would usually expect the  female to be the sexually inexperienced one and the male to be the opposite, but that’s flipped on its head as well. And yet, the hyper-feminine one is Velka. Gwyndolin is androgynous, even in feminine clothing. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a pairing where each one adds to the others’ existence to such a degree as they do. I reject the events of the second and third games and substitute my own, because anything else is a waste of one of the best pairs I’ve seen in anything, ever. I don’t think I’ll ever top some of the threads I did with enasaliin with these two, honestly, I might as well log out and never come back. I have to go do some starters now. My heart hurts. ;-;

[pro-exotics]

Again, this is not my work and I take no credit.

1. Pet suitability judged by how many people own them

‘Exotic pet’ is just a term that means ‘uncommon pet’, and what constitutes such is completely subjective. Every animal that isn’t a dog or a cat, for some reason, can qualify. This includes other ‘domesticated’ animals. Very few people believe cats and dogs are the only animals people should own, because the stupidity of that position is obvious. What isn't so obvious is that thinking there is a simple way to classify animals by which are ‘exotic’ and therefore ‘unsuitable’ as pets is not different. There are no substantial differences between most animals and their needs in captivity no matter what they are.

Exotic pet = Uncommon pet

Wild animal = Animal that lives in the wild or is un-socialized (can be domesticated)

2. Everyone is OK with ‘working dogs’ and feral cats

Many people place domesticated animals in the suitable pet category, and exotic, or so-called wild animals in the bad pet category. But some exotic pets are easier to manage than some domesticated animals—even dogs and cats. Owners of ‘working’ dogs love to talk about how the average owner can’t handle their border collie, or ‘high-drive’ Belgian Malinois. Some of these dogs give ‘high-maintenance’ exotic pets a run for their money. Caring for feralized cats as pets is not unlike owning a wild cat from Africa, but you are free to do this. When some domesticated breeds require advanced care, possessing the same or more intensive traits of some exotics, and no one thinks they shouldn’t be available as pets, the talk about how unethical it is to have exotic pets amounts to prejudice against them for being non-conventional.

3. Hundreds of species, 2 semi-serious zoonotic diseases reported

Monkey pox, an outbreak originating from imported African rodents in 2003, is the ‘go-to’ example of disease that is brought up by activists to prove the exotic pet trade can result in a deadly pandemic. Salmonella, prevalent in some reptiles (and to a lesser degree in even dogs and other mammals) is also frequently mentioned. Just like all animals, non-traditional pets can carry pathogens. Some might even be transmissible to humans and cause mild illness. Despite the fear mongering, there is no incidence of severe illness spread from the most ‘unaccepted exotic pets’. In fact, the more common and accepted the pet, the higher the occurrence of notable disease. When it comes to lethal zoonotic disease, such as rabies, domesticated pets, notably cats, are the most common pet-type animal to contract it. The unaccepted exotic pet’s relatively low population and the fact that they most often do not come from the wild lowers their much overstated threat to public health.

4. Worst invasive species order: cats>plants>fish>pigs>....exotic pets?

Once again, while the always accepted domesticated pet species are not only what exotic pet owners are urged to acquire instead of what they want, said species are causing the environmental problems that people theorize can occur with exotic pets to an extreme degree…and very few people care or want to do anything about it! Cats have a widespread invasive presence in the environment, from Maine to California, Hawaii to Alaska. Other prominent invaders are fish and plants that do not come from the pet trade. How many people are passionate about stopping the ornamental horticulture trade? Some exotic pets that happen to be more accepted are causing big problems, although their populations are restricted to certain areas and may not even be established. What about the unaccepted exotic pets [exotic mammals]? There are just a few isolated populations of escaped captive animals that have been reported, mainly in Florida.

5. Job opportunities down the drain

Many veterinarians and vet techs specialize in exotic pets. Numerous retail stores fulfill the exotic pet niche. Many individuals begin their animal-related careers as exotic pet owners and some develop interest in the cause of animal conservation. The exotic pet trade develops job opportunities, strengthens the economy, and shapes lives. It should be accommodated and appreciated just like any other hobby involving the natural world.

6. Exotic pets are ‘dangerous’ when they are large, just like other animals

Wild animals aren’t dangerous. If they were we wouldn’t be able to leave our homes with all those squirrels and deer running around. Some animals are dangerous, of course, it just isn’t an inherent trait of so-called exotic pets or wild animals. There are both dangerous exotic pets and dangerous conventional pets. Tigers, being a powerful cat weighing hundreds of pounds, are dangerous. Believe it or not, your average cat would be just as dangerous if it were the same size, maybe even more. We need to stop labeling exotic pets as dangerous because it makes no sense and results in a grave injustice to exotic animal owners whose animals cannot be considered a public safety threat no matter how you look at it.

7. The ‘black market’ is already illegal

Most pets considered to be exotic are not majorly threatened by the pet trade. Most of those that are affected are mainly declining due to habitat destruction. The few exotic pets that are mainly threatened by the pet trade in modern times are collected and sold in their own country, or countries that are not the U.S. Most of these animals are birds and reptiles, the more ‘accepted’ exotic pet types. Some species have been impacted from unregulated collection in the past and while their populations might have sustained permanent damage, laws were put in place to prevent it from happening in the future. As the illegal wildlife trade is illegal and being dealt with accordingly and effectively, this is not a strong reason to strip people of their pets.

8. The right to own pets: as fundamental as it gets

The idea of someone making it illegal to own a dog or cat seems unfathomable. It is irrefutable that the ownership of these species has problems but no activist would dare try to ban the right to own them, they know they would be laughed out of the room anyway. Our culture recognizes the need for pets and it’s more profound than just for plain amusement. Pets have been shown to lower blood pressure and increase longevity in humans. Pets can improve mental health. Pets open up doors for people. The benefits of pets outweigh the negatives. That special pet might not be a dog. Some people gravitate towards unaccepted pet species instead of conventional ones (or both) and are denied in most states because it is an unpopular species. Banning someone’s pet deer, fox, or kinkajou is no different from banning someone’s cat, and it causes the same distress.

9. Cushiest ‘animal exploitation’ ever? People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones

It’s no surprise PETA is against owning exotic pets when they are against owning all pets, zoos, and use of animal products. But how does hate for owning exotic pets spread to average people who aren’t against barbeques, honey, and ice cream? Most people agree that the substandard conditions in battery farms need to change; yet just banning the entire industry is not what most consider to be reasonable. Such people are seething mad at the idea that someone wants to own a certain pet—and whether the pet’s care needs improvement, or if it appears to be pampered—that doesn’t stop them from declaring that exotic pet owners are selfish egomaniacs that need to have their pets taken from them.

They make make up, so they KNOW.

10. Remember when it was wrong to dictate other people’s lives?

“Should people be taking these animals out of equatorial habitats so they can be pets? We’re not crazy about that idea.”

-Colorado Parks and Wildlife spokesman Joe Lewandowski on the subject of allowing sloth sand kangaroos as pets in Colorado

Remember, there are millions of people who are more than ‘not crazy about’ what animal products you use or eat, what you spend your money on or what businesses you patronize, yet I don’t see officials scrambling to regulate such things based on their personal feelings.

I can provide counter arguments to that all day but when it’s all said and done, it should be my decision if I want to buy a non-endangered animal that is less harmful to the environment than a cat, less of a public safety issue than a dog [or equivalent], and has a public health threat status that is only theoretical and unlikely. When it comes to more dangerous pets, people should have the opportunity to acquire the rights to own them if they can demonstrate they have the proper facility.

When state wildlife officials are considering what ‘exotic’ animals should be legal—when arguments against it start to sound like: “I’m just not a fan” or “it seems pretty unethical to me” or “those animals really belong in the wild”—the only reasonable conclusion should be that those species should be legal and this should have never been a debate. This is especially true if the other arguments against the animal are nutty or just plain dumb, such as concerns that a sloth or a kangaroo might cause invasive diseases, habitat loss [in Colorado!], and parasites, and that indoor pot-bellied pigs might contract rabies, or ferrets might escape into apartment walls. These reasons have all actually been suggested.

When someone comes up with unsubstantiated reasons to prohibit certain animals, that’s their way of saying BECAUSE I SAID SO. And if that is your mentality, you’re no better than the people in this video:

[thefaithfulexecutioner]

Hero Killer: Stain / Blood Type Character Analysis

There are already plenty of video and written essays and analysis of Stain’s character, so I was wondering what else there was to put on the table. Then I thought: has anybody looked at Stain’s character through the lens of blood type personality theory?

Maybe someone has. But heck, I’m writing this anyway. This is happening. Hope people like it :) Comments/critiques/debates are all welcome :)

Below cut are SPOILERS for the Boku no Hero manga/anime and ESPECIALLY for the Illegals spin-off.

The Hero Killer’s fight with Deku, Todoroki and Iida demonstrated that his Quirk, Bloodcurdle is most effective against those with Type B blood - like the hero he attacked, Native - and the least effective against those with Type O blood, like Deku. 

This fits Stain’s ideology perfectly: his Quirk is most effective against the kind of people he wants to purge from society (selfish and lazy heroes who do or don’t do their work for money or fame) and least effective against the kind of people he wants to see become true heroes (strong-willed, agreeable/kind individuals who save people selflessly like Deku).

The irony is that Stain himself also has type B blood. Whether this makes Stain a hypocrite, a self-hating or self-aware and introspective person is up for debate. Here I’m only going to analyse the specific traits that are attributed to Type B individuals and see how they reveal themselves in Stain.

Let’s start with the best.

Best traits

Passionate

Seriously? You wouldn’t have Stain if he didn’t have passion! Passion runs through him like a stick of rock. It encases his unflinching moral code and drives him every waking moment of the day. It’s what makes his charisma so powerful, even to complete strangers.

His passion remains a product of his steadfast will, morals and idealism. Before he walked the path of a vigilante and serial killer, Stain was more than likely a sincere, self-sacrificing and highly moral individual who would aspire to emulate the just and selfless heroics of All-Might. He must have exuded the same sincere passion when he made his soapbox speeches, only to be entirely ignored or rejected. Currently a not so insignificant portion of his passion is likely fueled by the despair he felt then.

You could argue that Stain is so devoted to the example set by heroes like All-Might, the ideal hero, that he is willing to destroy himself for the sake of the greater good. From the apparent dissociative attitude towards his alter-ego Stendhal in the Illegals spin-off, where Stain refuses to view himself and the blood-stained killer as the same person, and unyielding commitment to his reasons for killing as Stain - taking every opportunity given to him to justify his methods to others - Stain seems to be fighting a constant battle against himself. 

The notion of killing the very people whom he had once idolised and wished to become, who he would most likely be far happier being right now, may account for his crazed tenacity and bloodlust. By convincing himself it is the only way to bring about change, Stain has trapped himself in a life of killing. The young man who onced dreamed of being a hero has become a murderer  - no amount of conviction can wipe away the inherent despair, rage and self-destruction that entails.

Stain is not your typical maniacal villain, who derives happiness and satisfaction from killing. In fact, the only time he ever really smiles is when he is confronted by Deku in the alley, and perceives All-Might’s selfless heroism in him. Though the smile appears crazed, I believe it was genuine. Stain has dedicated at least twenty years of his life to bringing about a world where true, noble heroes like Deku exist. Seeing one in front of him, believing most others are nothing but fakes, must have elated him. 

Not only does he see Deku as someone worthy of being kept alive, but Stain actively goes out of his way to save Deku when he could have easily escaped.

Active

If you dedicate your teenage years to making speeches in the name of reforming what you believe to be a corrupt society, crying out for a revival of heroics and return to a more just and selfless world, then dedicate your twenties and thirties to making that a reality through action, researching and disciplining his body and mind through self-study in order to achieve this... you are not lazy by any stretch of the imagination.

This man has been nothing but active for his entire thirty-one years of living, for better or worse. Since childhood he has always set himself a goal and done whatever he thought was best to achieve it. Even his enemies comments on his drive. It is unfortunate that this extreme drive and tenacity was poured into become a murderer, however.

Creative

This trait is evidenced by Stain’s fighting style. Though he is not as clever as Deku or powerful as other heroes, he is a thinker. He analyses Deku’s movements during their fight, comes up with a strategy to get close to Shota and paralyse him all in the space of a few seconds, and utilises his weapons in a multitude of different and inventive ways. His weapons are all specially utilised to facilitate and accentuate the effectiveness of his Quirk.

Even when severely injured and having only just come to after being knocked out, Stain is able to act to save Deku from the clutches of a Nomu when nobody else can even move. He thinks outside the box, using his Quirk resourcefully, albeit creepily, by licking the blood off a Pro Hero’s cheek in order to paralyse the Nomu before charging in for the kill.

His creativity in battle is lost, however, when he is pushed too far against the wall and he becomes more and more violent and erratic as the battle with Deku and co. drags on. 

Animal-loving

As far as I know there is no canon evidence for this, but this adorable fanart by @ghostalebrije of Stain with a kitty friend gives me life. Maybe before his killing days Stain had a pet. Hell, maybe even as Stain he still had animal friends. He had to live somewhere in-between his hero-hunting, right?

Flexible

Physically, very. In battle we see that he gives it his all even in disadvantageous situations and combats multiple Quirks and battle styles, often at the same time. By analysing them as he fights, Stain proves himself a formidable opponent. 

Personally, not so much. He is so driven and committed to his beliefs that anything outside the confines of his own moral code and ideals is rejected. For instance, he rejects Iida’s commitment to changing his ways, insisting that Iida will “always be a fake”. 

This flaw in his methods/logic could be said to reveal a defensive mechanism that Stain employs to keep himself going. For example, if he were to admit that heroes he despises, like Iida, could change, then years of training and bloodshed and despair would have all been for nothing, in Stain’s eyes. If he admitted his methods were wrong, or that he could have gone about it all differently, Stain may not be able to psychologically deal with it.

This black-and-white view of heroism does not account for those who wish to attain hero status for selfish reasons, but those reasons involve benefiting the lives of others (e.g.: Ochako) and which will not interfere with their duty towards society.

Cheerful & Optimistic

In his younger days Stain was more like Deku, a starry-eyed kid dazzled and inspired by All-Might and dreaming of nothing else but following his example and helping others. If he had followed that path, Stain would have been happier for it.

The reality, unfortunately, is that Stain has become a bitter, rage-filled adult consumed by his ideology, hating the hypocrisy and vanity of pro heroes. He takes no joy in killing, though he perceives it as a necessary evil (he never smiles or laughs like maniac when killing or facing opponents). His conviction and killing intent were born from the despair and hopelessness he felt as his words and ideal view of a hero were ignored by society at large. He generally comes across as a very, very unhappy man who has all but killed himself for the sake of others. 

Once he was a cheerful youngster, full of promise, but no longer.

As for optimism... it depends. When it comes to individuals, Stain is pessimistic. His black-and-white morals guarantee that those heroes he sees as immoral/fake will always be so. 

On the other hand, Stain believes that an ideal world can be achieved, and that through heroes like Deku the corrupt hero system/community can be reformed, and that this will in turn benefit wider society. He does have confidence and hope in the future... but only he and people who share his ideals can act upon it. Stain’s optimism is, therefore, narrow.

Worst Traits

Irresponsible

If anything, Stain puts far more responsibility on his shoulders than any human being out to. While he may not be under the illusion that he alone can purge all the ‘fakes’ in hero society, he places himself as the one whose sole duty it is to make society see the ‘fakes’ the way he does and acknowledge his worldview.

He wants to be the giant red stain that makes society realise just how dirty it has become. It is a path to self-destruction that no human mind and body can take for long, and while his actions did have some short-term benefits (e.g.: lowering crime rates in the places he was active due to hero awareness) in the long-term they, however unintentionally, caused more misery and danger than before.

Forgetful

Stain literally forgets Deku’s recovery time as he becomes more and more stressed and pressed for time, costing him the battle. 

It’s difficult to attribute this trait to him with solid evidence otherwise. You could say that Stain has become so obsessed with his goals and motivations for killing that he has forgotten who he used to be (someone very similar to Deku) and has lost a sense of perspective that could have helped him see alternative ways of promoting his ideals (like Deku does).

Selfish

Nobody asked Stain to take action on their behalf. Stain mutilated himself and stained his hands with blood, robbed himself of the chance of ever becoming a hero like All-Might (of which he had dreamed), committed himself to saving people from the darkness of alleys by killing heroes he sees as neglecting or outright abandoning their duties to the people.

I would argue, however, that Stain’s actions are selfless in the way Ayn Rand understood the word.

Rand writes, "[A]ltruism permits no concept of a self-respecting, self-supporting man—a man who supports his own life by his own effort and neither sacrifices himself nor others…it permits no concept of benevolent co-existence among men…it permits no concept of justice".

Stain has sacrificed his own body, mind and life on the altar of his ideals for the sake of a better society. Through his actions towards this goal, he eviscerates any opportunity of ‘benevolent co-existence among men’ and sacrifices others on a regular basis for the greater good. 

This is directly opposed to Deku, who can in this way be seen as selfish. Both live by All-Might’s quote: “Meddling when you don’t need to is the essence of a hero”, but while Deku supports his life and that of others in order to achieve his dream of succeeding All-Might and helping people, Stain does it without any thought to himself or the individuals he deems sacrifices to his cause.

Stain never asks for alternative opinions and outright rejects any notion different from his (like Iida’s). In the Illegals spin-off, his final words after cutting off his nose show that he has entirely ceased to view or respect himself as an individual but instead as an ideology, calling himself “one without an existence who takes action” and a “colour which dyes the world”. 

He is neither self-respecting or self-supporting (achieving his end goal appears to be the only thing he lives for and his bloody methods are “proof of his significance” - meaning he literally has no reason to exist unless ‘fake’ heroes give him that reason).

Stain has murdered his own sense of self for others. Personally that’s the most destructive example of altruism I can imagine.

Lazy

See ‘Active’ Best Trait. This man is only ever inactive when he is asleep.

Impatient

Stain is so desperate to revive the values and ideals of heroism that have been lost on the majority of heroes he has encountered that he is willing to kill to force society to pay attention. He has committed his life to be the “guiding bloodstain that cannot be wiped away”. He perceives killing (”purging”) fake heroes as the fastest route towards his end goal, abandoning his former, peaceful method of public speaking.

Unreliable

This is a tricky one, as so far I don’t think we’ve seen a moment where Stain was actually relied upon for anything. At a stretch you could say Tomura was relying on him to accept his invitation into the League of Villains, which Stain rejected. 

Stain works alone, and neither society or any individual relied on him to push for change.

Deku has, however, come to understand the Hero Killer’s motivations and ideals, and has defended him from the force of wanton destruction and chaos that is Tomura. Deku knows that Stain abides by his strict moral code and strives towards his goals at detriment to himself (as seen when Stain saved Deku from the Noma). In this way, it could be argued that Deku in particular could rely upon Stain to adhere to this code and his ideals no matter what.

‘Going own way’

Stain’s passion has become so intense and obsessive that it has almost entirely lost his ability to think of any other way of being and acting, and at its worst is expressed through bloodlust and a killing intent Deku and his friends know too well.

He works alone, and though he was initially intrigued by Tomura’s offer he rejects it due to a complete conflict of motives and end goal. He believes he alone has the strength and commitment to make society see the problems he feels they are ignoring.