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emcandon · 11 months

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Eyyyy I got asked to write an essay about big robots and digressed into mulling over monstrous metaphors

There’s Bones in that Bot By Emma Mieko Candon When people met me at 25, the wrongness of my body was immediately apparent. It was the thinness, the frailty, the new scars and fragile veins. Another clue: the walker and its cat-mauled tennis balls. So too the oxygen tank—the fancy kind you keep in a bag that spurts air up the tube into your nose only when you inhale. Tst-tst-tst. Even when I graduated to a cane and a steady gait, I made no effort to hide the red tangle of knotty scars at my throat, though I did my best to contain the chronic cough. (A mistake, BTW. Cover your mouth, but don’t hold it in. Great way to put even more stress on the flesh apparatus.) I had by then long since been convinced by Donna Haraway’s thesis of cyborg humanity—that we as entities exceeded our flesh the second we developed tool use, and that it got even worse when we introduced the context of gifts and possessions. But as the years go on, the extended thing-ness of my body only grows more apparent. I am artificial and constructed; I am alive because I have been built. I thought this was what brought me to a fascination with robots and AI—the extension of humanity through embodied machines! But no, my friends said. We remember the whole Gundam thing. The Machine is a Monster Right, the whole Gundam thing. About that.

This might sound weird coming from someone who’s just put out a book about beautiful giant robots, but I’ve never really been interested in robots—at least when they aren’t moving. When a giant robot is just standing there/floating in space/being a Gunpla model, a monument to itself, my eyes pass over its silhouette as they would any other large structure. Perhaps I’m impressed by its artistry, or intrigued by the underlying design, but it isn’t really an object of curiosity.

But when that titan lifts its hand? When its leg rises and its foot crashes down—when it turns its arm to reveal the medium of great violence?

Then I am afraid. Then I am fascinated.

I am drawn to large machinery in the way I am to monsters. When I describe something on the magnitude of a spaceship, I know it can be warmth and a home, but it is also, to me, an existential threat of size and speed and impact. My body is all too familiar with its own fragility. I cannot perceive this immensity without thinking of my fundamental physical relationship to it.

I don’t know that I was thinking any of this, even on an intuitive level, when Gundam Wing first stomped into my life—when it was Toonami’s heady alternative to Dragon Ball Z that I was instantly in love with for the pretty boys and twisty political intrigue. Now, though, I am well versed in the brittle nature of my body, and I have been taking new hikes through Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans, then more recently (it just finished! go watch it!) Gundam: the Witch from Mercury. Both series are immediately and intimately Gundam at its best:

1. an interrogation of exploited bodies in the context of vast systems and machines

2. the absurd and precious possibility of human connection.

Ah, right, and 3., the eternal backbone of Gundam as a narrative: War…bad???

The Monster is People

War bad. Seems silly. Pithy. Of course war bad. No one right with their mind, body, or soul wants war.

Do they? Enh. Reality seems to beg to differ. War is happening, right now, all over, in all its ugliness and horror. The great machines of nation, capital, hunger, and hatred grind our smallness through cruelty after cruelty. And for all these great things are the dire mechanisms, it is small human hands that pull the triggers and incise flesh. It is a devouring cycle, it is corrosively sick, we are so pitifully trapped.

I struggle to write this with any kind of resonance or meaning. War bad. Simple, two words, three letters each, and yet abysmally less than the entirety they gesture toward. How many more words would I need? How many more letters and syllables and theories and treatises and grotesqueries must I lay down to properly express war?

Because you have to say something. The nothing is worse. Deadly.

But how? How do you encapsulate the monstrous enormity? How do you even begin?

I don’t know, I don’t know. But I see how some have tried.

The People is the Machine

Giant robots are shockingly silly. They’re physically impossible. They’re often being painted bright LEGO colours or being constructed out of mechanized lions. As often as they’re the centre of gritty stories of human suffering (with a touch of transcendent human connection), they’re goofy warriors for goodness, light, and the power of friendship, taking part in schlocky melodrama. When asked by a stranger what I write about, I say “Oh, giant robots” in the most self-effacing tone. SILLY!

Here’s the thing: this genre has a legacy, at least in Japan. There, mecha stories arrive in the aftermath of World War II, during which Japan both suffered and was the perpetrator of unconscionable violence. And in that aftermath, the Japanese government was (and still is) often eager to honour only its own dead—and to sweep under the rug all the horrors it committed.

How do you live with that? How do you breathe? What do you say?

I don’t think it’s always—or even usually—conscious. Maybe you just find yourself drawn to the idea of samurai and ronin, men of violence bound by rigid hierarchies and honour codes. And maybe you particularly like to write stories where their moral centres are flayed open by the commands of their superiors. “Kill that man,” says the lord. “This doesn’t seem right,” says the samurai—as he kills the man, and then has to somehow goddamn live with it.

Maybe this is what you need to express the overwhelming pressure of complicity and silence.

Or maybe you find yourself thinking in terms of the sheerly absurd. Monsters of incredible magnitude. Robots of like immensity. Maybe you use them to evoke atrocities lived and visited upon your world and body. Maybe it seems only right that they should also dance, that they should be cartoonish caricatures of human experience. Because maybe this metaphor of ludicrous size and self is just the best way to articulate a raw immensity that you cannot otherwise grasp.

Maybe that’s why the robot needs to be larger than the world should ever let it be.

They’re Metaphors, Harold

Small wonder that, when I started writing a book driven by the dissolution of my body, I reached for the magnitude of mechs. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened. Here was an idea perfectly fashioned for a story of total self-destruction and survival. I wasn’t looking to express how I had been let to live because of my artificial hips, or because of the machines that pumped air and blood out of and back into my body. I was trying to capture a giant.

No. That’s not right. I was trying to say that I had been captured by that giant.

No. That’s not right either. I was trying to say that the giant had pulverized me, and that in so doing, it had made me part of it, and that now I live with the tremors of its weight in my every step.

I got so fucking big.

#the archive undying #writing

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colethewolf · 1 year

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🎄 Merry Christmas! 🎄

I bring presents (in the form of new fanfiction) for all to enjoy!

The Knotty List - Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski (6,273 words)

Derek hears a strange noise downstairs in the middle of the night and decides to investigate, stumbling upon a sluttishly dressed intruder—an elf from the North Pole named Stiles. With Derek's husband fast asleep upstairs, the alpha werewolf decides to have a little Christmas fun and promptly fucks Stiles' brains out.

2. School of Hard Knocks [Chp. 25 of The Drabble Factory Series - Mr. Harris vs. Stiles/Scott

Prompt: Mr. Harris is tired of Scott and Stiles talking in his class. So one day during their senior year, he gives them detention. He tells them they are going to do an experiment, staring at a video of a black and white spiral to test who can watch it longer. In reality he hypnotized them. Soon they are on top of one of the lab tables, sixty-nining or as Mr. Harris would say, using their mouths for something other than talking.

3. Double Dog Dares [Chp. 26 of The Drabble Factory Series - Stiles vs. Jackson, Scott, Liam

Prompt: Stiles is out of college when learns he can make people do things as long as he dares them. So he uses it to have fun with the pack. He dares Jackson to give him a sweaty jockstrap. He dares Scott to send him nudes. He dares Liam to sit on his face, etc.

#sterek #teen wolf fanfiction

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causeitsagame · 11 months

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For the fic ask meme! Literally all of them? I’m so curious

Well, it made the most sense to answer this particular ask and let it cover others!

ANSWERS INCOMING.

Keyboard or notebook?

KEYBOARD. When I write by hand, my wrist soon hurts. (Old tendonitis from undergrad, it loves to flare up.) But my fingers can fly across the keyboard fast enough to keep up with any words as they come. When I get into a groove, I can type awfully fast. My single-day writing record was around 18k words, but uhhhh that has not been approached since.

Now, the risk of typing on a keyboard: the computer has all of those other fascinating elements lurking behind the writing window, and it's just so, so easy to tab over to them. To counter this impulse, I'll often fire up Composition Mode in Scrivener, which takes over the screen and hides all of the other things I could be doing.

Beta or no beta?

I don't use a beta, but I do have a writing buddy. We mutually talk each other through knotty/stubborn structural plot elements of our current pieces, and that's where writing challenges usually lie for me.

In terms of cleaning up the fundamentals, I typically do two things before making anything public. One, I bump the font size way up and/or change the font, to make it look like a "new story." Two, I read every word out loud. I've found this to be an incredible way to catch awkward phrasings, repeated words, run-on sentences, etc. that I'd otherwise miss. (It can also help with pinning down character voices if I go full Audio Book Voiceover and add in some vocal flair for each line of dialogue. But you need to be willing to feel like a little bit of an idiot for that part.)

Plot?

My writing buddy constantly makes (friendly) fun of me for how much I'm into PLOT. I cut my teeth on the Wheel of Time and A Song of Ice and Fire series as a younger reader, and those authors fucking. Love. PLOT!

Foreshadowing! Plot twists! Callbacks! The tiniest of hints! The smallest of details! ("No one cares about those details nearly as much as you do, [Miggy]." "DON'T CARE.")

I will say that GRRM's famous Architect vs. Gardener paradigm doesn't fit my plotting style, though. I use what I've dubbed a Road Trip approach, and I'd explain that here, but this is already long enough! I can do it at some other point if anyone's interested?

Smushy or smutty?

I'm fine with smut, I guess, but I prefer it to serve a plot purpose. "These two, overcome with desire for each other, are overjoyed to be reunited" is an example of a place where it could absolutely contribute to the narrative, for example. Otherwise, I'd rather just stick to emotional development and find it to be generally more engaging.

Summary?

Fucking hate them. Ugh. I usually do a quote from the story and then a vague description. Worst part of posting to AO3, truly.

Funniest fic?

Probably something that was lost in my old Livejournal account? I filled an incredible number of anon fic meme prompts there and some of them were actually quite hilarious.

(I miss anon prompt memes so bad. :( That's a huge thing that both Tumblr and AO3 lack.)

Most popular fic?

Legal Partners (Ace Attorney), and it's not close.

Most fun to write?

Probably a poll-driven fic series that I did on Livejournal. I'd write the setup, let people vote on the outcome, and have to figure out how to make it work for the next installment. It was incredibly fun and engaging, riiiiiiight up until some people decided to start setting up a bunch of burner accounts to cheat and managed to ruin the experience for everyone. 🙄

Best and worst?

Worst would definitely be one of the random Yuletide fills I've done. I like the idea of Yuletide, where you gift someone with a fic in a tiny fandom they'd never otherwise get to read. But in reality, the recipients kept adding specific details about romance, timeline, events, etc. that went beyond what they were supposed to provide. As an author, you're technically not constrained by anything beyond the requested fandom and a few specified characters. But if the recipient makes their preferences so very clear, then you're unfortunately faced with a choice between "write the specific thing that would apparently make them happy" and "write a story that you can actually envision, structure, and be proud of." There's a reason I haven't done Yuletide for years.

Best? Well. See. Okay.

I challenged myself to write the stupidest crossover possible. Which meant that I had to make it work. Which meant that I needed to worldbuild. I needed to plot. Weave in foreshadowing. Explain the details. Respect both universes, both in content and mood.

The end result: a Marvel/Glee crossover (really) that a Hugo & Nebula winner has repeatedly encouraged me to file the serial numbers off of, to publish as original work.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Most underrated?

Special, the answer to the last question. I've downloaded it as an eBook, and when I've reread it on a plane (or wherever), I do find myself going "man, this IS good."

Strengths?

Plot. :D For the reasons previously detailed. I try not to hold back from swinging at the fences with developments, both negative and positive. At the same time, I want any positives to feel earned and I want any negatives to carry proper dramatic weight, which means not otherwise rolling around in gratuitous suffering.

I just got some great and thoughtful AO3 comments on my current story (need to reply to comments!!!) and this one: "I called it. I FUCKING called that unimaginable agony and pain was coming!"

came two chapters after this one:

"I’m falling in love with these kids so much. Which can only mean we’re in for a whole lotta pain in a chapter or two."

That's what I'm going for, along with the bad -> good reverse direction, too. (…Usually.) I'm basically a Nagito of plotting. You know: hope leads to despair, and vice versa. I want to elevate the mood before everything crumbles, for the reader will feel even more despondent if everything falls from even greater heights. Or flip it around, and happiness feels like an even bigger relief if the plot previously didn't seem to allow for the slightest scrap of it.

Weaknesses?

I absolutely know that this comes from cutting my teeth on fic: environmental descriptions. It felt weird and repetitive to describe locations that any fan would be familiar with, so that led to me glossing over descriptions of where things were happening. Which is all well and good if it's in an existing location, I suppose; a DR fan doesn't need a loving description of a HPA classroom.

But! While editing, I'll often see that I've done the same thing for some new spot, as well. I'll have an image of this new place in my mind, but that description doesn't make it onto the page with more than a few loosely-sketched lines. That doesn't just harm the story's overall quality, but it also lessens the emotional reaction of the reader as they can't wholly picture the scenes as they happen. It's something I keep kicking my own butt over as I repeatedly catch this pretty fundamental error in editing.

Dirty little secrets?

This 'dirty little secret' is all about how I've tee-heed over some reader reactions.

I think the behavior itself is good! For a story of any real length, I have a cardinal rule that I always, always follow: "every important character has to screw up at some point." No one is allowed to be a perfect cinnamon roll, in other words, while other less ~awesome~ people handle the fuck-ups.

Why it's a dirty little secret: I have giggled a LOT in private over responses I've gotten from clear [their favorite character] stans… because they blatantly ignore how their favorite also screwed up. They've cheered me on for having [their non-favorite] fuck up, and are so relieved that I obviously hate [their non-favorite], too.

Meanwhile, other people have told me the exact same thing... but with the two characters reversed! It's just such a blatant example of how people will have their stan blinders on. It amuses me every single time, even if I never ever mention specific examples outside of private conversations.

(Knowing that I have my own stan blinders is what keeps me using that rule, by the way. My favorites have gotta fuck up just like everyone else. Fair's fair!)

#Anonymous #writing stuff #is this a tag? i guess now it is

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luuurien · 2 years

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Kali Malone - Living Torch

(Drone, Electroacoustic, Dark Ambient)

Trading her traditional pipe organ compositions for drone pieces stitched together with trombone, bass clarinet, and ARP 2500, Living Torch glows like Kali Malone's music never has before. These two vibrant, charged ambient pieces explore the rich textures and harmonics of just intonation and make for a milestone in Malone's repertoire.

☆☆☆☆☆

Though best known for her radiant pipe organ compositions, Kali Malone's music is best described in emotional terms rather than their pure structure. Her pieces are dark and lustrous, mysterious sculptures that tower over you and leave you drenched in shadow, songs that sound more like forces of nature than plain old pieces of music, and Living Torch is the perfect embodiment of that. While Malone's pipe organ work is cerebral and invigorating with her intricate harmonies and delicate progressions, Living Torch trades that for a dark duo of trombone and bass clarinet played by Mats Äleklint and Isak Hedtjärn respectively, instruments with golden lower tones and sensitive higher ranges that blend around Malone's blends of pipe organ, ARP 2500, and modular synth like dark red paint swirled into a murky black canvas. It feels at once meditative and like the end of the world, the sky splitting open through Malone's engrossing drones while you fall into a trance watching it all unfold, Living Torch one of the most captivating electroacoustic albums in recent memory as she meticulously pieces the album's two halves together through stitching individual recordings of Äleklint and Hedtjärn into them as they recorded each each sound one by one, matching their pitch to a sawtooth wave tuned to 11-odd limit just intonation - where each pitch has a ratio that is a multiple of 11. Through that complicated recording process, the three of them create something truly reverent that shudders and breathes at its own whim as Malone shapes its nervous system and muscle tissue across Living Torch's 33 minutes. While the technical side of Malone's knotty, just intonation framework isn't all too important to the listening experience of Living Torch, it makes it easy to understand why it has such a rapturous and looming presence. While it's a bit complicated to explain, here's the gist of things: by tuning an instrument and its pitches as whole number ratios (3/2, 9/8, 5/4), the intervals between the numbers all come from tones in a harmonic series that all connect back to the starting note (the fundamental), creating just intonation. With the 11-odd limit just intonation Malone uses here, those intervals all have to be rational numbers that divide either the numerator or denominator without being larger than 11, meaning that there are six different numbers that can be used to create those ratios. Compared to the usual twelve-tone scales used in most modern Western music, largely using either the Pythagorean or five-limit tunings, the 11-odd limit that Malone uses on Living Torch gives the music a much wider range of tones to play with, Äleklint and Hedtjärn's instruments giving a vast expanse to groan and rumble and hum atop brooding synthesizer chords, a sound that feels unfamiliar yet perfectly in line with the mystic atmospheres of drone. Living Torch is a gloomy album, one that puts emphasis on low-end fuzz rather than serene layers of bright brass and woodwind, but the extra level of depth Malone's compositional detour gives to things makes it feel both despairing and elegant at once, a musical revelation unearthed from the aftermath of a forest fire. No other album gives me the goosebumps and captivation that Living Torch does, because nobody else is going for this wild a sound and making it work so well. Split into two different sides, the different halves of Living Torch aren't separated by their sound as much as by their intensity. Living Torch I is much softer, more covert, opening with Malone's traditional pipe organ swells before quickly trading them in for Äleklint's rumbling trombone and hushed drones from Hedtjärn, laying the foundation of the album's sound while keeping everything careful and minimalist. It's also the longer side of Living Torch at eighteen and a half minutes, but by giving this lighter half of the album more space, Malone not only helps you sink into her liberated timbral palette, but getting to stretch and bend the shape of the piece as it goes on: the twilit first nine of so minutes enveloping into a dewy second half where more space is given to Hedtjärn's misty bass clarinet and soft splashes of trombone, Malone's ARP 2500 and pulsing pipe organ painting the background rather than taking center stage. The second half, though, is clearly the superior one (though the first half is still nothing short of fantastic), Malone taking things to the max as she seeks to get the absolute most that she can out of Living Torch. While it may start quite relaxed similar to Living Torch I, the song quickly takes a turn into the mouth of a Leviathan, Malone layering distortion and noise onto the 2500 until it can't take any more of it, shuddering and shaking from the impact of its own roar. Äleklint and Hedtjärn are still present within the music, but as they continue to layer down the same tones that they have been for the rest of the album, it begins to feel like they're slowly being pulled away from you, Malone's massive synthesizers shooting you into the stratosphere and leaving them nothing more than a dot on the Earth. Despite its long length, it's one of the most cathartic songs I've heard this entire year, Malone pulling so much power and emotional force from her synthesizers that the fifteen minute length makes for an utterly sublime listen. Living Torch is a brief album, but as a singular experience it is simply unparalleled. There's one moment around the end of Living Torch II that stuck with me more than anything else here. About 12 minutes in, Malone lets those massive ARP 2500 drones from before slowly die down as the piece comes to a close, and in the aftermath of them, the low end of the music begins to rumble like the aftershock of a 9.2 magnitude earthquake. It sounds like you're standing directly under a windmill spinning so fast that the blades are about to fly off, Äleklint's trombone and Hedtjärn's bass clarinet the only things you can hold onto as Malone lets Living Torch II come to an end. It's that kind of natural movement, how the sounds an instrument makes shifts the air around it long after the note has stopped being played, that makes Living Torch II such a milestone in Malone's discography. Her pipe organ work and time spent in bands like the shoegazey Swap Babies or the folksy Taxi Taxi have previously shown off her raw compositional strengths, but never before has she reached for something so singular and cosmic, let alone pull it off this perfectly. These songs grow like an alien egg inside a containment chamber, beautiful yet strange and unwieldy, Malone giving it new stimuli through her synthesizers and brass and woodwind to see just how far she can take things. I'm not sure I'll find anything even close to how magnificent and enchanting Living Torch is, but I don't want to either. When Kali Malone has been able to make Living Torch such a powerful, outstanding achievement for herself and modern drone music, there's no way things could be any better than this.

#kali malone #living torch #portraits grm #ambient #dark ambient #drone #electoacoustic #experimental #microtonal #microtonal classical #minimalism #modern classical #post-minimalism #2022 #10/10 #classical

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unnursvanablog · 1 year

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His Dark Materials, s3 / tv show review.

This is just my opinions on the final season of His Dark Materials. Pretty much spoiler free.

The end of His Dark Materials has always been a bit of a knotty and perhaps disjointed story in many ways, and people ether love it or hate it, because there is a lot going on in this final chapter of this massive story but somehow the story always comes to the end in a rather good, well-deserved way that is never overally sweet or nice without betraying the essence of what this story is like.

There's something about the feel of the final series that feels both heavy but hopeful and bittersweet at the same time. The story seems to take a slight detour from our main characters, Will and Lyra, and instead focus a lot on Lyra's parents and their whole war effort. It's a point of view that isn't seen as much in the books.

I think this works really well for the shows that they explore these characters in a much more complex, deeper way than they do in the books. It just works better in the world of the TV, as the story grows with each series and the story also gets to mature a bit more with the characters and it explains things more to the viewers at home.

There is a time when Will and Lyra almost feel like secondary characters in their own story, although their story is explored and told well enough when they story actually gets to them and to me that decision sort of makes sense in the narrative. They are after all, despite all the prophecies, only children and in many ways pawns in the adults' game of power, which is clearly shown here. But sometimes there is a little too much going on in each episode and the story lacks a bit more rhythm. It occasionally feels like there is just a little too much going on.

War, the tyranny of religion and its prejudices are themes that are all mixed together in a rather powerful way and the episodes manage to deliver that quite well although the story tends to stretch perhaps a little too far at times. The jump between different storylines was sometimes rather hasty and Pullman's themes may seem too direct in their approach at times. This shows has always seemed to have had a pacing problem and just told stuff a bit too hastily, but with this season I especially feel like the show is being rushed just so they can get it over will. But they still deliver on most things regarding the story.

His Dark Materials may not quite live up to the bookseries, but I still think it's a solid adaptation of one of my favorite stories. Some of the characters may not work the same, like this Lyra has never felt like the Lyra I read in the books, and some have been changed to adapt to tv, but I still feel like the essence of the story, the core of it all, has been delivered with this adaptation. It was never going to be very easy to adapt this story anyways. And the ending manages to touch me in a similar way as when I read the ending for the first time (and sobbed my little heart out). The ending is quite satisfying, both for fans of the books, and even those who have only enjoyed the story through the shows.

#His Dark Materials #TV Show Reviews #tv show review

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shailacanlolobo · 1 month

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A blog entry of a purple and pinky girly in her way to unravel the botheration and worriment of CMUans in their university journey.

HERE'S WHY

First final term blog for this academic year.

Months ago, I found myself in a thread of knotty thoughts woven thoroughly to bring light to the issues of environmental degradation. I profess, "we live under the same sky, hence, I should be one of the front liners for environmental protection". This statement made our series of interviews light and exciting because if you advocate for something, it fuels your motivation to step up and continue thriving. Hence, when we completed our Business Model Canvass (BMC), we were in the state of jovial mind and heart because of our achievement. Although there is a change of plan for our product because during our Midterm pitching on March 1, 2024, we were advised to not pursue EverLeaf bond paper because of the costs, bleaching that actually leads to carbon emission, and the effort to actually pursue it is expensive. However, it doesn't change the fact that our cause is for the green economy because. Hence we were advised to pursue crafting papers instead which actually channels my vibrant outlook in life. Although we were somehow grilled on the cost structure, the midterm pitching was actually conducive for us to pursue EverLeaf product that connects to the youth, manufacturers, companies, universities, and environmental and fashion enthusiast individuals.

before the midterm pitching

picture with the panels and instructor

Because of the midterm pitching, we were able to develop our BMC and product into a more plausible one especially that we hear advice from the experts. Hence, during the brainstorming, our group comes up with three questions that the ten students can answer. The questions revolve on whether they will purchase our EverLeaf crafting paper, the justifiable price for A4, A3, and B4 sizes, and the things we need to improve for our product to be known in the mainstream and its competitiveness.

Documentation with the interviewee

For the first question, the chart below shows that 40% of the interviewees will purchase the product depending on the price and quality of the product while 30% affirmed that they are going our crafting paper, 20% said that affirmed but it depends on the design they are working on, and 10% responded that they will possibly purchase it.

For the second question, we itemized the pricing of sizes A3, A4, and B4 based on the quantity of the product. Hence, the chart below is divided into 2 parts which is first for the pricing per sheet according to the interviewees and second, the pricing per pack.

A3 size per pack and sheet

A4 size per pack and sheet

B4 size per pack and sheet

For the third question, the qualities that should be improved are shown in the chart below. It is highlighted that 40% of the interviewees said that the price and quality are the ones that the customers will first consider. Second, 30% is for packaging and marketing strategies which is actually a challenge on how to advertise the product to the mainstream. The third is the uniqueness of the product or the signature of EverLeaf crafting paper which has 30% responses. Lastly, with a 10% response is the sustainability and durability of the product.

Based on the data above, there is a possibility for the EverLeaf crafting paper to prosper. However, it needs good marketing strategies and brainstorming to be.

DOCUMENTATION FOR THE INTERVIEW

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sagewordstarot · 6 months

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I don't think this works quite the way the guidebook says.

I could be wrong, so let's stick with two card readings for a while and see what turns up.

With the Lenormand deck, a "tableau" reading puts the cards on the table in a simple grid, with the "Grand Tableau" using the entire 36 card deck.

I've used the classic 10 card Celtic Cross layout and one of the first layouts I learned was the 9 card in Sam & Carson's Medicine Cards. It was interesting to compare those two. Even years into reading experience 9 cards was a tipping point for me. 9 was a lot, but it was a perfectly serviceable layout with plenty of detail, but it was a heavy lift at times to work through it, even later with plenty of reading experience behind me. As soon as I would use a 10 card cross, the energy would get knotty, and contradictory and verge on nonsense. Double digits seems to be a tipping point. Rather than perpetually dancing on the edge of spilling the beans, I wrote the 5 and 7 card Modern Oracle and TaoCraft layouts that I've used for private readings from the beginning.

All along the time that we've been looking at individual Lenormand cards, the guide book has mentioned how pairings and connections with other cards could modify the individual card's meaning. We saw energetic connections and flow in the three card reading we did last time, but it was more of a flow of meaning, like making a sentence rather than changing meanings through the series of cards.

It might be interesting to do some two card sets to see if any of those specifically meaning-modifying connections emerge.

In this case, the guide book doesn't give a modification for either the moon card or the fish card relative to the other. I get the flow, sentence like connection again. The water connections to both cards gives the sense of intuition and flow as being the main message with the fish's association with prosperity taking a little bit of a back seat to the mental image of actual fish swimming and in motion.

I get no sense of energy at all from the playing card insets, so will let that sit for now. Follow your own instincts if you think they are meaningful. Research the 8 of cups or King of Pentacles if either of those grab your attention.

My hunch is to keep up with the two card sets for a little while. Water, tides, depth all are associated with the images here. In RWS tarot deep water has to do with mystery, deep knowing. My hunch is that there is something here that hasn't quite shown itself yet.

Let's abide with it, and see what else two card sets have to say.

See you at the next sip!

Winter Hours: All of them!

While in-person sessions are closed for the holidays, email private readings are OPEN to order 24/7, no appointment needed. Most orders arrive in your inbox within 24 hours.

Delivery times may vary in December depending on the Elfcon status.

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theeverlastingshade · 1 year

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Holy Red Wagon- Bruiser & Bicycle

As the 2020s continue to progress it feels increasingly apparent that the indie sleaze revivalism isn't going to die anytime soon. For every great record that draws from anything even remotely in this realm (this year's example being Dogsbody, the excellent debut LP by Model/Actriz) there are dozens more that aspire to the hedonistic highs of Brooklyn's mid-aughts DFA greats without any of the ingenuity, talent, or personality of bands like Black Dice or Liars. While it's hard to say what indie micro-trend will be "revitalized" with any real kind of legitimacy through the lens of nostalgia cycles next, Albany's Bruiser & Bicycle make a strong case for a return to the freak-folk of the mid-aughts. While the vocal mannerisms of Bruiser & Bicycle may never escape those Animal Collective comparisons (while sonically there are shades of mid aughts art rock outfits like Deerhoof, Battles, Ponytail, etc) their imaginative 2nd LP, Holy Red Wagon, is far more than just a pastiche of yesterday's arty Brooklyn touchstones. On HRW, B&B draw on a wide palette of experimental strains of rock and pop, but sound beholden to no one but the vast expanse of their whims alone.

B&B began as the duo of songwriters Nick Whittemore and Keegan Graziane, and their 2019 debut, Woods Come Find Me, struck much closer to freak-folk proper with wispy song structures, propulsive acoustic guitar strumming, cavernous reverb, and a plethora of negative space. For HRW they recruited Joe Taurone on drums, which naturally added quite a bit of comparable heft and dimension to these songs, like Joe's chugging breakbeat on "Lunette Fields Speak" or his pensive snare rhythm that gives way to an infectious series of rolls throughout the hook of closer "We Thought the Sky". But the biggest leap forward on HRW in general is the widened scope of Nick and Keegan's songwriting, which doesn't entirely abandon the freak-folk stylings of their earliest work but finds them incorporating psychedelic pop, art-rock, math-rock, emo, and straight up indie rock into the fold. There are no songs shorter than 5 minutes, which comes across far more by necessity to give these ideas the space to develop than any kind of obtuse disposition. These songs are technically dazzling yet still giddy with the possibility of sound, and never come across as belabored academic exercises despite some considerable chops from the band's 3 members.

The songs on HRW are easily the most ambitious and adventurous that B&B have ever written, but the playful energy that they exude gives them an appeal far behind their considerable scope. The knotty rhythms of "Cinnabar Alter" and "1000 Engines" are complimented by bright vocal harmonies that coalesce into sharp hooks that never succumb to the weight of their complex foundations, while songs like "Rats Come to Play" and "Lunette Fields Speak" are by no means straightforward, but place a premium on the band's impressive command of melody. Opener "Aerial Shipyards" opens to a procession of wordless wails that practically beg for those AnCo comparisons, but it quickly locks into a mathy groove accentuated by brisk cowbell and finger snaps while the vocal melodies progress into a jovial sing-along that loses none of its luster throughout the song's spellbinding 7 and a half minutes. Closer "We Thought the Sky" is a steady march accentuated by rapid-fire snare fills that eventually blossoms into a psych-pop free-fall punctuated by lively vocal melodies that close things out. On HRW, B&B offer a rich sonic tapestry far beyond the rigid sonic parameters of their debut, one that gives plenty of reason to believe that they're onto something special.

Essentials: “We Thought the Sky”, “Cinnabar Altar”, “Aerial Shipyards”

#bruiser & bicycle #holy red wagon

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snickerdoodlles · 21 days

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fake omegaverse??? im sold tell me more hehe 👀

went to the ren faire and spent yesterday in a recovery fuzz, time to catch up on these!! :D

but oh man okay, fake omegaverse AU my BELOVED ❤ i have some notes on the idea posted here, and i've posted some of the story here. but the tl;dr of it is that i think the omegaverse trope would massively appeal to Kim and his kinks and i think Kim would be mortified over how seen he feels by it, and i love nothing more than putting him thru that ordeal <333 an incomplete list of things that i think would massively appeal to him:

scenting and the uh. claiming bite/mark/bond thing i just forgot the name of (i don't read this trope 😂). i will always see KimChay as being extremely grabby and clingy with each other and loving every second of it, and Kim esp would be wild over the thought of having what's more or less a permanent wedding ring. the scent thing is just more of the same, he absolutely wants every pore of himself to be screaming "CHAY'S!!!" in a way no one could doubt or easily cover oh yes please 👀

the pheromone thing. is that how pheromones work in nature? not in the slightest. does Kim desperately wish he could just emit a sex pollen scent that tells Chay "am horny, FUCK PLEASE" and puts Chay immediately in the mood without Kim having to admit to wanting such things with words? MHMM MHMM.

the marathon sex. he's young and horny and his boyfriend is hot, yes please ravish him all night.

breeding kink! i actually don't see Kim or Chay as wanting a child, it's not really something i see for any of the kp boys, but i think Kim would really like the fantasy of another permanent tie to Chay. Chay's like "yeah, you'd be hot pregnant" as a joke or something but Kim instantaneously zips through six fantasies of domestic bliss and Chay guaranteed to stay with him at least until all their children are grown and them growing old together and hello, legs spread, ass out, please Chay-

anyways, it's mostly just humorous scenarios of Kim discovering new kinks and then making him admit how badly he wants them, because making Kim self-discover via kink is SO much fun <33 case in point, these are my notes for the first story in the series:

i was also about to say this was going to be a short thing except i just checked my wordcount and somehow have 2.5k written even tho i haven't even hinted at any clothes coming off yet. if this winds up long like most of my other things, i'm going to fling myself into a pool.

[ WIP game ]

[ prev asks ]

#WIP game #kinnporsche #series: something knotty

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knottywoodbbq · 1 year

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Best BBQ Pellets and More: What’s New at Knotty Wood

Now that you have the best BBQ pellets, are you looking for ways to get the most out of them? Here at Knotty Wood, we don’t just make the pellets – we cook with them, too. So, we know how important it is to get as much as possible out of your grilling, to make the most delicious meals time and time again. We’ve been doing this for a long time, so we like to share our experience with our customers. As you may have seen, we put out videos on a fairly constant basis sharing our information with the world. We see it as one more way we can provide a better grilling experience.

How to Clean Your Cast Iron

If you’re like many folks, it’s been a minute since you cleaned your dutch oven. If you’re like us in this video, “a minute” is actually “a few years.” This video covers how to get it into a position to where it can be re-seasoned which, of course, is to pressure wash it first. As we understand, that’s not an option for everyone. By heating it up, we can expand the metal out, and open it up, so that when we wash it, it’s easier to clean out and start anew. To learn how it works, watch here.

Finding the Best Smoker

A smoker grill is an investment. For many, it’s not unlike buying a car: you want one that you’ll be able to rely on for a long time to come. So, we decided to make a series of videos that show which pellet smokers work best for us. In our first video, we touched on the “Pitts & Spitts.” We use it just about every single day: for family, parties, and the like. It’s expensive, but is it worth it? You can find out here (but, spoiler: as we use it just about every day, that tells you something). Our videos don’t just touch on which pellet grills are good, but also how to get the most out of them.

Is a Cheap Grill Worth the Money?

“Pitts & Spitts” is not “Pitts & Spits & Discounts,” as that’s a pricey piece of machinery. So, we wanted to find out which of the affordable pellet grills could provide a grilling experience well above its price range. This video is our review of the “Z Grill.” There’s nothing “Z” grade about it. You certainly wouldn’t know it’s cheap with the grilling it provides.

Best BBQ Pellets All Summer Long Those are just some of the recent videos that we’ve put out there. We’re always posting new content, finding new and easy to help inform our customers. We started Knotty Wood for many reasons, not the least of which was to provide other folks with a better cooking experience. These videos help to accentuate exactly that, letting you know what goes best with our grilling pellets. To experience our pellets for yourself, you can find them at our site or that of the Home Depot.

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cyarskj1899 · 1 year

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Documentary

Boys in Blue: a high school football team grapples with race, police and violence

Andrew Lawrence

@by_drewSat 7 Jan 2023 02.11 EST

When George Floyd was unlawfully killed by a Minneapolis police officer in May 2020, the moment hit home with Peter Berg. Before the 58-year-old New Yorker turned Angeleno was a distinguished film-maker, Berg was a theater major at Macalester College in St Paul, Minnesota. He had long had fond memories of that late-80s heyday – back when the Twin Cities were famous for compassion, low crime rates and artistic revolution.

It was a special time. “Purple Rain had just come out,” Berg recalls. “There was a famous nightclub in Minneapolis called First Avenue. We would go there twice a week and see Prince, the Time or Alexander O’Neal. There was this diverse musical phenomenon happening when I was there, and my memories are of people getting along really well – Black, white, Hispanic, Vietnamese. It was very disorienting to see George Floyd brutally killed in a place I remember so differently.”

Keen to understand why and how the Twin Cities community changed, Berg found himself looking for answers in sports, a comfort zone he’s made his own like few in Hollywood – turning high school football bestseller Friday Night Lights into a mammoth on-screen franchise, producing and acting in the HBO dramedy Ballers and launching ESPN’s 30 for 30 docuseries with a look back on the NHL trade that sent hockey great Wayne Gretzky to Los Angeles. When Berg read a New York Times article about a Minneapolis high school set in the shadow where Floyd was killed that had a football team coached by cops, he knew that was where he had to be. “I sensed that there was something unique and special going on in the community.”

Under his Film 45 production company label, he marshaled a film crew to spend the 2021 season embedding at Minneapolis North. Unsurprisingly, the school community – with its hard scars from neighborhood and police violence – was suspicious of the cameras at first. Bit by bit, Berg & crew had to win them over. “We spoke to Black and white police officers coaching at the high school, spoke to the families, spoke to the kids and said, ‘Look, our goal was to go in there and observe what is happening and try and create a little bit of separation from the binary opinions that are surrounding these issues.’ We have no idea how it’s going to end.’”

The result is Boys in Blue, a four-part series that debuts this week on Showtime in the US. And at first glance, it’s tough not to miss the visual and tonal echoes to Netflix’s Last Chance U. But where that docuseries homes in on the fallen football stars seeking redemption in junior college and the week-to-week prospects of their team, Boys in Blue’s focus is much broader. It not only places those personal stories within the context of a crime-addled city at the center of the defund movement, the individual characters are vastly more textured.

The players are virtually babies, the core contributors just high school sophomores – forced to grow up too fast; the most tender moments are the ones when they can just be kids. The coaches wear two uniforms, and the professional one makes some kids fundamentally uncomfortable. While the Twin Cities’ liberal white protesters grapple with police in the streets and call for their abolition, Minneapolis North players fret for their coaches’ safety and job security on the sideline. If a ballot measure that proposes to replace the police with a more nuanced public safety department passes, Minneapolis North’s coaches would be forced to find new jobs that might not offer the same flexibility for football.

Anchoring the series is the relationship between offensive coordinator Rick Plunkett and quarterback Deshaun Hill Jr – one, a Minneapolis beat cop; the other, an incredibly police-dubious 15-year-old who’s lost loved ones to violence of all stripes. It’s a layer of complexity beyond the typical play designer-triggerman dynamic, and it makes their journey to develop trust in each other that much more compelling. But once Hill discovers that Adams isn’t that much different from him, a neighborhood kid who went into policing to actually serve and protect, Hill comes around. And once they’re on the same page, Minneapolis North rounds into a scoring juggernaut with a real chance at playing in a state championship in the home stadium of the NFL’s Minnesota Vikings before college scouts.

Boys in Blue could easily have tipped into Dick Wolf-grade copaganda. But by maintaining focus on the complete story and withholding judgment all the while, Berg paints the fullest picture of the defund debate yet‚ one that makes it nearly impossible not to have empathy for all sides – even the white assistant coach who grudgingly winds up at the center of his viral video moment with a Black bus rider. “It’s certainly not our goal to tell people what to think,” Berg says. “I don’t believe there are sides in this particular story. There is just what there is.”

But the biggest gut punch comes in episode 4, when Hill is killed by random gunfire while leaving school on an icy February day. The documentary was in the midst of its final shooting week. The night before Berg’s crew had filmed him out on a date with his girlfriend, dreaming about their futures, debating whether to kiss on camera. His teammates and coaches knew it was Hill the moment they saw a shot of the walking boot on his left foot, the byproduct of late-season injury.

The man charged with Hill’s killing – ruled second-degree murder – is expected to go on trial this month. “It obviously traumatized us involved in making the show and re-traumatized people in the community,” says Berg, choking up. “George Floyd was the inciting incident for us coming down there. And then here we are, nine months later, having a memorial for Deshaun in the same auditorium where George Floyd’s memorial was.

“I’ve made scripted films about Navy Seals, police officers and rig workers who have died. I’ve met with their families and gone through the process of trying to respectfully tell their stories. But I’ve never been through anything like this.”

Hill was such a loss – a reticently sweet soul, an honor roll student and NFL aspirant who was just starting to draw recruiting attention from major colleges. Without him, Berg wrestled with how to complete the series. Ultimately, he wound up screening rough cuts for members of the Minnesota North community before delivering a final product to Showtime. It’s an ending Berg never could have imagined – harsh and yet deeply poignant. “There’s no playbook for processing the grief that comes when a 15-year-old boy who hasn’t even begun to hit the prime of his life is just brutally murdered in a nonsensical manner,” Berg says. “I told the crew, ‘It’s gonna take a lot of time, it’s gonna hurt and those emotions had to be honored.’

“But for anyone who’s open to taking a look at the doc, it’s also beautiful to see Deshaun Hill in all of his glory – laughing, scoring touchdowns, kissing his girlfriend, loving his sisters. It’s one of the odd, unpredictable opportunities that documentary film-making gives you to touch something special.”

Boys in Blue is airing on Showtime in the US with a UK release to be announced

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sandythereadingcafe · 2 years

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COVER REVEAL Title: KNOT INTERESTED Author: Crea Reitan Series: Knotty & Sweet Omegaverse Release Date: January 1, 2023 Preorder Links: Amazon: https://amzn.to/3TftFEQ Universal: https://books2read.com/u/mK62kZ Cover Designer: Rebeca Covers Blurb: I moved to Howling Cove to get out from under the oppressive thumbs of the alphas that run the city I grew up in. Although Howling Cove only has a population of 11,000, I thought I should be able to blend right in as any other basic beta might. I find a rental with a quirky ghost that overlooks the cove the town was named for and a job at a souvenir shop that hypes up the haunting lore of the cove to tourists. Just as I'm finally feeling the freedom and peace I so desperately sought, I somehow catch the eye of the alpha pack. And although I think I can get away without much trouble and return to my anonymity, it's their omega that stops me in my tracks when he gives me those big brown eyes and insists that I join their pack. As I'm struggling to deny him, something is wrong at the cove. Something that's ending in visitors coming out looking like they've been petrified, like vegetables, like something has broken their minds. Nobody can figure out what's happening - but I think the ghost I live with might have some answers. This is a polyamorous story with content not suitable for those under 18 years of age due to graphic scenes and situations. Author Bio: Crea lives in upstate New York with her dog and husband. She has been writing since grade school, when her second grade teacher had her class keep writing journals. She has a habit of creating secondary, and often time tertiary, characters that take over her stories. All of her RH relationships end up being heavily polyamorous - meaning it's not just all the men for one woman. There's also some M/M action going on. When she can't fall asleep at night, she thinks up new scenes for her characters to act out. This, of course, is how most of her meant-to-be-thrown-away characters tend to end up front and center - and utterly swoon-worthy! Don't ask her how many book boyfriends she has... When not writing, Crea is an avid reader. Her TBR pile is several hundred books high (don't even look at her kindle wish list or the unread books on her tablet). Sometimes, she enjoys crafting; sometimes, exploring nature; sometimes, traveling. Mostly, she enjoys putting her characters on paper and breathing life into them. Oh, and sleeping. Crea loves to sleep! Author Links: https://www.facebook.com/groups/creasgodlings https://www.facebook.com/crea.reitan https://www.instagram.com/creareitan/ https://www.tiktok.com/@creareitan www.creareitan.com https://www.patreon.com/creareitan https://linktr.ee/creareitan The Hatters

#books #cover reveals #Knot Interested #Crea Reatin #The Hatters

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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years

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you’re the one that i want (part 25)

word count: 5k

fluff

(part 24) (series masterlist)

almost every summer of your life, you spent at the beach.

and while you loved it each and every year, a place that served as a safe space you always so desperately needed, a part of you also knew it wasn’t a choice.

you came here because your parents sent you, because they didn’t want you with them and you didn’t have anywhere else to go.

you’d spent those years feeling completely unwanted and terrified of everyone and everything; thinking at any given moment, someone was gonna hurt you. that no one cared about your thoughts or feelings or even your existence.

and you’d grown used to that mentality for so long. you were sad and hurt and just living day to day with that knowledge because what else could you do?

but now, you don’t even get the chance to think like that. because you have so many people around you as a reminder that you’re not alone anymore.

you have your aunt who, from day one, you always knew was there for you.

you have yunho and san who served as the people who were patient and caring from the second they met you, made you feel at ease when you were so obviously uncomfortable in a new environment.

you have hongjoong and jongho who always make you smile and laugh despite whatever mood you’re in.

you have wooyoung, mingi and yeosang who, while you might’ve gotten off to a bumpy start, have proved time and time again how much they care about you. how they’ll ruin anyone who tries to mess with you now and have seen the error in their ways.

you have seonghwa who, despite everything he’s done, has always loved you. made you the happiest a person could be but also maybe the lowest; though even with that, you were able to get past it.

he showed you how to love but also how to be loved, a concept you truly never experienced until him. how much power that feeling has over a person and once you see that it’s something completely pure and real, it could help heal a person.

but that’s not to say it completely healed you because you know that’s just not how it works. you still have your doubts and anxieties and some long-lasting trauma that you’ll have to work through. but he makes it easier, everyone makes it a little easier because you know they’re there to listen.

you know seonghwa could take one look at you and just know you’re having a bad day, place a kiss on your forehead and comfort you in the form of your head on his chest and his hand rubbing your back.

but for the most part, these long summer days have been amazing. even seonghwa thinks so, despite the way his friends have been staying at his house, stealing his food and giving him a headache more often than not.

“can someone please go on the ferris wheel with me!”

the loud bustling of the summer carnival truly rivaled the youngest boy’s whines, sick and tired of them all standing around and attempting to win a giant teddy bear for the past thirty minutes.

“jongho, if you ask one more time i’m gonna-”

“can someone PLEASE go on the ferris wheel with me!”

you let out a small sigh as you look at the boy, his eyes focusing right on you when he sees he finally has your attention.

“please, y/n, we’ve just been standing here. they’re never gonna win.”

“yes we will!” mingi, wooyoung and hongjoong blurt out, causing you to snort and jongho to shake his head; it takes just one more look from him, one of pure and utter devastation, for you to give him a small smile and nod.

an excited yelp leaves his mouth and he grabs your hand, fully prepared to pull you away and lead you to every ride possible. but then you stop in his hold and his head snaps back to see seonghwa’s arm wrapped around your waist, his mouth in your ear asking where you think you’re going.

“she’s coming with me!” jongho says, “we wanna go on rides, not wait around for a stupid teddy bear.”

“it’s not stupid, you’re stupid,” hongjoong snaps, eyes narrowed as he aims a dart at a purple balloon.

“seonghwa, please,” jongho whines, tightening his hold on your hand and attempting to tug you away from him. but the dirty blonde only narrows his eyes at his friend, eyes moving to see you looking at him in amusement.

“come with us,” you say sweetly, despite the way you’re being pulled, almost painfully, in two different directions.

“you know i get dizzy, baby,” he whines, a giggle leaving your mouth as you cock your head to the side.

“ah, that’s right, forgot i was dating an old man,” you quip playfully, his eyes narrowing and his hold on you tightening. he tugs you closer and your hand gets pulled out of jongho’s, the boy behind you letting out a groan as he flails in a circle.

“y/n! apologize to him, god damn it, and let’s go! seonghwa, she didn’t mean it.”

“oh, i think i did though,” you tease, the smile pulling at seonghwa’s lips making you bite down on your lip.

“you’re pushing it, you know that don’t you?”

but you only roll your eyes as you turn in his hold, lifting on your toes to peck his lips sweetly. he meets the kiss and keeps it as chaste as possible, smiling against your lips before you pull back and look at him with one of your own.

“we’re gonna go now,” you say, “are you sureee you don’t wanna come old man?”

his eyes narrow at you, about to pull you into him again when jongho, now teamed up with san, pull at your hands and charge away.

“we’re going on rides! fuck you lover boy!”

seonghwa shakes his head as he hears your parting giggle, smacking wooyoung in the back of the head when he misses the balloon for the 40th time.

“you are terrible.”

“you are terrible!” you squeal to jongho, watching as he shakes the cart of the ferris wheel and sends san screaming.

the blonde had been hesitant to go on this ride in the first place, a fear of heights that has made him have mental breakdowns at amusement parks before.

but you promised that he’d be okay, and it took a little bit of begging on the line to really convince him, just for jongho to mess it all up within the first ten seconds of being secured in.

“i’m gonna scream for wooyoung to beat you up if you don’t stop,” the blonde whines, his hand clutching onto the edge of the ride desperately.

“i’m not scared of that short little man, i could easily take him.”

“i don’t know, it’s usually the small ones that are crazy,” you reason, overlooking the calm evening sky despite the vigorous shaking beneath you.

“stop!” san yelps.“please, you little shit!” and now you can really hear the anxiety and fear cracking in the blonde’s voice.

“no more!” you scold, pinching jongho’s arm and watching his face pull into a pout. “stop! or we’re not going on anything else.”

and even though your threat was empty, because you wanted to go on more, it did the trick. you three bounced around to every and any ride you could get on, even the ones that weren’t san approved; he just shut his eyes tightly and screamed directly into your ear.

but you and the youngest had your heads thrown back in laughter, your hair zipping through the wind with your arms up in a sight seonghwa watched with a smile.

he was leant against the side of a booth, blueberry slushy in hand drowning out the sound of the boys arguing over who gets custody of the giant teddy bear.

“i was the one who popped it!”

“but we all paid for it!”

“you only popped it because we loosened it.”

“you can’t loosen a balloon dickface.”

your happy squeal rips him away from the nonsense bickering, your eyes finding his as you immediately run to him.

“you should’ve came, it was so much fun!”

“yeah?” he says, offering you a sip from his slushie. you take the straw between your lips with a smile, sucking down the sugary blueberry before pulling back.

“that’s good.”

he smiles when he sees a blue speck on your lip, wiping it off with a delicate swipe of his thumb and soft look in his eyes. he knows you have your good days and bad days, the former more often than not during these past few weeks, but he can’t help but love the good days.

when he gets to see the smile he was robbed of for the first few weeks of knowing you and then again the first few months after reuniting. but now it’s like he makes it a personal mission everyday to see it; not even for his own enjoyment but to know you’re genuinely having a good, happy day.

“your hair’s a mess,” he chuckles out, voice deep and amused as he runs his fingers through your knotty hair. but you only narrow your eyes at him and take the slushie from his hand, pecking his cheek quickly before running over to see the $100 carnival prize you eventually get custody of.

you remember how uncomfortable you felt at the first bonfire you went to, when yunho’s bright smile or hongjoong’s charisma or jongho’s funny antics did little to calm you.

you remember being scared of seonghwa, the way he watched you with emotionless eyes and nearly threw a water bottle in your hand with demands for you to take it. you had usually felt out of place but it really stuck out that night to you, watching everyone talk and laugh and bond around a crackling fire.

you never would’ve thought that, just a year later, you’d be around one of your own. laughing and giggling and kissing your boyfriend around a fire with people you felt comfortable and safe with. with people you went to, what felt like, hell and back with but came out okay.

more than okay, really.

because you watch wooyoung and san shove each other lovingly, two people who also overcame struggles in a strained relationship. you watch all of the boys with the blonde, once tumultuous and non-existent friendships that were able to blossom again.

you watch from mingi’s shoulder seonghwa and yunho play cornhole, giggling when you see that after a year, yunho’s skills with the game still haven’t quite improved - and that’s obvious in the way the four boys charge down to the ocean.

“okay, honestly, he might’ve gone worse,” you mumble to mingi, the boy scoffing lightly and pushing you off his shoulder playfully.

“leave him alone,” he whines, a soft smile on your face that causes him to roll his eyes in embarrassment. you giggle and knock your arm into him, looking around the dark beach with a sense of tranquility.

you always loved the beach at this time, that solitary part of you itching to feel the cold sand between your toes and hear the gentle lull of the waves with no one’s presence but your own.

but you wait until the boys are occupied, until mingi eventually sneaks over to yunho and defends him against everyone’s harsh insults; you also saw san and wooyoung go down to the ocean a few minutes ago, the blonde not having learned in his lesson from back in febuary.

so it’s then that you quietly sneak away, catching your boyfriend’s eye and he already knows where you’re headed off to.

you make your way to the cliff you became well acquainted with during these types of events, watching your feet in the sand before you climb your way up and shimmy toward the end.

you watch the waves crash under the bright moonlight as your pelt with memories, good and bad. how this beach marks almost every journey you and seonghwa went on together from first meeting,

“you don’t talk a lot.”

his eyebrow raises at your comment, turning to look at you and the close eye-contact causes you to sharply inhale; he smells good, like the beach and cologne.

“neither do you,” he counters, “i don’t even know your name.”

your eyebrows furrow together, turning your neck to the side as you realize you haven’t told any of them your name yet. “i thought it was seonghwa,” he finds himself saying with a smirk, your confused gaze prompting him to speak again.

“you looked back when yunho said it yesterday.”

“oh,” you giggle awkwardly, remembering turning around in your flustered state and seeing him looking at you from your front yard. “no. my name isn’t seonghwa,” you tell him before telling him your real one.

he hums at the information, eyes roaming your face before his eyebrow quirks up again.

“so, why’d you come tonight, y/n?”

to your first kiss,

“...so i’ve never done this before.”

he hears the way nerves and embarrassment seep into your voice, looking at him wide-eyed with pink cheeks and now he’s really never wanted to kiss someone more in his life.

it’s why he takes your face in his hands, his palms cupping your cheeks and causing a breathy exhale to leave your mouth. “good,” he says, his thumbs stroking your face as he leans down and presses a feather light kiss to your lips.

it feels almost like nothing but still shocks you, not even having the time to close your eyes before you’re looking at him again; because that was one thing you knew, you knew you weren’t supposed to kiss someone with your eyes open.

“g-good?” you squeak after a few seconds, not even sound enough to feel embarrassed by the shake and waver in your voice.

“good,” he confirms and if the look on his face and smirk on his lips didn’t make you weak enough, his next words absolutely do.

“i wanna be your first.”

to your first confessions and vulnerable moments,

“i…don’t really know why you like me,” you say with a hiccup, “you could probably be with any girl ever who’s a lot prettier and more…experienced and-”

“don’t,” seonghwa growls lowly, his thumb running over your face sweetly. “no one’s prettier than you.”

your eyes widen and you want a laugh to bubble out of you but for some reason you can’t. you can only pout and look at him with your glossy eyes, your stupid little self feeling sad and insecure all of the sudden.

“that’s a lie,” you tell him softly as you shake your head. “no one thinks that. no one ever really likes me, actually.” you wanna say that not even your own parents or classmates like you, that no one has ever looked your way and actively cared about you felt.

“i do,” seonghwa hums, his heart hurting because he hates that you feel this way. “i liked you the second i saw you.” you look up at him and feel your eyes water, the softness and sincerity in his words causing a lump to form in your throat.

to even the heavier stuff, when you really weren’t sure if you two were gonna make it this far.

“i don’t know what i want,” you admit quietly, confused because there’s the matter of trust at hand making this process incredibly daunting. but you also can’t escape the one fact you knew was true this whole time, no matter how much you didn’t want it to be because you were so sad and hurt.

“but i know that i’m still yours.”

he doesn’t think he’s ever felt the feeling that rips through his chest when you say that, an overwhelming, all consuming feeling that would’ve knocked him on his ass if he didn’t have some sort of hold on you.

he has to stop himself from completely breaking down in front of you, shaking his head and holding back a cry as he pulls you into his chest.

“you really shouldn’t be fucking saying that to me,” he mumbles against your head, his voice tight and throat constricting as he tries to keep his shit together. “i don’t deserve to hear that.”

you pull away and meet his gaze, his eyes wide and teary and full of such love you can see clear as day. you reach up with a small, sad smile and brush your hand through his hair, longer pieces of dirty blonde on the top such a contrast to the short, shaven ones he had during the summer.

“maybe not,” you say quietly, head cocking to the side as your wide eyes meet his. “but it’s how i feel.”

but you think that’s maybe why you’ve grown to love this beach town just a little bit more.

because it not only shows the story of you and him but also of you as a person. someone who came here sad and lonely and a shell of a girl but was able to blossom into someone who, for the most part, was genuinely happy and content with life.

and you never thought you’d be able to say you were happy with your life. that you felt like you belonged anywhere or with anyone because you were just always in the way.

but you see now that that’s not the case. you see that you were never the issue but your environment was. an environment your mind still drifts back to and makes your heart sink, wondering what went so wrong in your parents lives for them to act the way they do.

to never, not once, contact you or your aunt ever again to see if you were okay or adjusting well; but you try not to dwell on that. you try not to think about and dwell on things like that anymore.

because you’re in a better place and have more than enough people who care about you and-

“you have a death wish?”

your head snaps back to see seonghwa standing a few feet behind you, his tall frame looming above you as he cocks his head to the side teasingly. you can only smirk at him with pink on your cheeks, your arm reaching out for him to come over and sit next to you.

but he plops down behind you until you’re right between his legs, your back pressed against his chest and his lips mumbling into your exposed shoulder.

“you okay, baby? i saw you sneak away.”

“yeah,” you hum lowly, taking his hand in yours so you can play with his fingers absentmindedly. “i just like it up here.”

he smiles against your head, pressing a kiss to your hair lightly as he watches you intertwine your fingers together. it’s something so small but it makes him bite back a smile, remembering when you were too scared or shy to initiate things.

but he’s watched you become more confident, not only with him but in general. the way you can hold eye contact now and your voice doesn’t always have a tremor. how you’ll kiss him sweetly before running off, like the action was so natural and immediate you didn’t think anything of it.

he can only describe everything as easy; nothing is ever forced or feels fake. if you guys have problems now, you talk it out right away. you don’t throw his past mistakes in his face and he doesn’t ever push you to talk about something until you’re ready.

it’s at those moments you guys find yourselves here a lot, enjoying the usual quietness and tranquility of the dark beach. tonight, however, that’s not the case because even from this spot, you hear the distant screams and shouts coming from your crazy group of friends.

“they’re so loud,” you hum quietly, seonghwa laughing against you as he nods his head and mumbles a string of expletives.

you giggle softly and crane your neck backwards, looking at him upside down to see him already staring at you. you raise your eyebrows playfully and his deep chuckle sends your heart fluttering, his face meeting yours to place a soft peck on your nose.

you giggle and pick yourself up, turning around so you can crawl into his lap. his arms wrap around your waist as he holds you to him, tucking a stray piece of your windblown hair behind your ear.

“so...did you think about what your aunt said the other day?”

you bite down on your lip as you let out a sigh, knowing that you need to come to a decision but your heart hurting at both prospects.

because when she first mentioned you transferring to the school here, you knew it made the most sense. it was only a seven minute drive and you already would have a small group of friends, hongjoong and yunho in your class and jongho in the year below.

but then you’d have to sacrifice the school and environment you just got used to. you’d have to sacrifice your time with seonghwa and the other boys, your job at the cafe where you can’t imagine not ever working again.

because who would work with san? you can’t let the blonde work there alone again, after seeing the after-school crowds and knowing how much he loved having someone to talk to there.

but the hour commute back and forth is rather taxing, depending on the day and traffic sometimes making it longer. and you can’t help but feel bad for seonghwa and your aunt’s gas bill - both of who never allow you to pay them back.

your aunt also thought it’d be a good idea to get a fresh start - away from a town and school full of bad memories and reminders of how life used to be.

“i don’t know,” you say quietly, pulling back from seonghwa’s shoulder to meet his gaze. “i know it makes sense to and i wouldn’t mind it,” you tell him honestly, “but...i’d miss it. i’d miss working with san and seeing the other boys everyday.”

“i know, love, but you’d still see them,” he says sweetly, “they’d probably drive out every fucking weekend for you.”

you giggle softly as you shrug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders before you look at him with the smallest of pouts. “but i wouldn’t go to school with you, either. i’ll reallly miss seeing you every day.”

a low chuckle leaves his mouth before he places a firm kiss right on your lips, the way in which he does it so surely and easily still surprising you after all this time.

“like i’m not gonna stay here every night and make the drive,” he says lowly, amused that you think he’d actually go a week without seeing you.

“then i might as well keep going,” you whine, his look hardening because he’s truthfully with your aunt on this one - he thinks being away from that town littered with bad memories and trauma, some of which he himself contributed to, would be better for you.

but it’s your decision after all. it’s gonna be you going through the two years, not anyone else - not him or your aunt or your friends. all of them can only give gentle encouragement and be supportive of what ever decision you make.

“it won’t matter what you pick, we’ll be okay,” he says when you two stand up, his hand in yours as he runs a hand through your hair. “and if you’re scared about starting a new school, don’t. because you’ll have yunho and jongho and hongjoong and they’d be way too fucking excited to help you and show you around.”

“but what if i meet a mean, bad boy there?” you tease lightly, eyes glinted with amusement and a smirk pulling at your lips. “like right in homeroom or something, i don’t know.”

you watch his tongue poke into his cheek as he narrows his eyes at you, a giggle leaving your mouth as you wrap your arms around his waist.

“just kidding,” you squeal, his eyes rolling before he pulls him into you.

“not funny,” he says despite the humor laced in his voice and then his lips on yours. he slips his tongue in and you smile against him, only breaking away when you hear shouts and gags from directly below you.

“can you stop making out for five fucking seconds and play with us!”

everyone took the news of your decision to transfer schools...differently.

whereas jongho, hongjoong and yunho tackled you in a group hug and cheered in amusement, wooyoung, yeosang and mingi resembled children who just found out santa isn’t really.

seonghwa and san watched from the side, the two boys you consulted with most and eventually shared your decision with not all surprised by these reactions.

because despite how hard it was, despite how many factors you had to consider and people you couldn’t help but think about, you felt as if this was the right choice.

it was a fresh start and closer and just made more sense. even though you’d miss the familiarity of the other school and working with your best friend every day, you know it’ll be like you’re barely gone.

because seonghwa was correct in saying the boys would come every weekend to see you, the first idea coming from their mouths after their initial heartbreak and whines.

but it didn’t lessen the blow when the last day of summer did eventually come, when you sat around the pool with seonghwa and your friends and uttered dramatic goodbyes.

“it’s only an hour away,” seonghwa grumbled, watching san and wooyoung cling to you for the past fifteen minutes.

“you can say that because you’re-”

“just shut up,” seonghwa says, a sense of urgency and warning in his tone that goes unnoticed to your ears. because the whole time you say your goodbyes and hug the boys, you’re holding back tears.

tears that don’t surface until you’re back in your room with seonghwa, watching from the balcony as yeosang and mingi stick their heads out the window and wave goodbye until the car is completely out of sight.

you turn around and seonghwa’s eyes soften upon seeing your expression, wide teary eyes and lower lip threatening to wobble from holding back cries.

“baby, it’s okay,” he mumbles against your head, tightening his hold on you when you fully slump against him and let out a few quiet whimpers; because tomorrow, he’s gonna be gone too.

the feeling isn’t as gut wrenching and consuming as it was the last time you two separated like this but you still feel sad and a little scared. you still have to face a new school tomorrow, adjust to all the different teachers and classmates while also getting used to not having your familiar circle of people.

you’re not gonna see him everyday when you first wake up, fall asleep to him kissing your head or the sound of his heartbeat against your ear.

“maybe it’ll be good,” seonghwa mumbles against your head, the two of you now laying in your bed under the covers. “maybe you’ll like getting a break from me.”

“no,” you immediately whine against him, a small smile on his face as you push yourself up and straddle his waist. your fingers trail down naked his chest, making figure eights on his abs in a way that makes him groan lowly.

“why?” you ask, cocking your head to the side with a pout on your face. “will you like the break from me?”

“fuck no,” seonghwa growls out, grabbing your hips roughly so he can put you on your back. “i’ll be surprised if i make two weeks before transferring.”

you didn’t even have time to think about that being a possibility before his mouth is on yours and he’s sucking hickies into your neck. trails his lips down your stomach until he’s slipping off your shorts and you’re moaning into the crease of your elbow.

moans that turn to muffled cries into one another’s mouths, his cock steadily fucking into you until you both come in unison. your sweaty bodies and labored breathing fill the room, you on your back and seonghwa making his way into the bathroom to get a warm rag.

you hum at the feeling of it between your legs before you’re back in his arms, your head buried in his chest as you fall asleep to the sound of his deep “i love you.”

the same one that wakes you at five a.m., his hand softly running through your hair as your eyes fluttered open.

“i gotta go, baby,” is all he says. but it immediately makes you frown and bury yourself further into him, mumble words he can’t quite make out besides little whines of “no.”

but you do eventually pry yourself off of him, after he presses soft kisses on every bit of your face until your nose is scrunching and you’re pushing him away from you playfully.

“okay, okay,” you whine, morning grogginess still in your voice and on your face. “please call me when you get home.”

“of course, baby, how ‘bout i come back after school? to see how your first day went?”

“mm it’s okay,” you mumble tiredly, knowing you have an hour and a half left before you have to get up and get ready. “just stay till i fall back asleep, please.”

and that tiny, whiney request almost makes him wanna drop the act entirely. but he sees your heavy eyes already threatening to shut and shakes his head, waiting until your breaths even to peck your cheek and he sneaks out of your room.

you wake later to the sound of yunho’s voice, his head peeking in your room before a sigh leaves his mouth.

“y/n! we have to leave in twenty minutes!”

he watches, and is totally not helpful, as you rush around your room to get ready quickly, his head thrown back in laughter in a way that makes you smack his arm lightly.

but you all eventually get there with a few minutes to spare, the boys walking you through your schedule and introducing you to a few more people they’re friendly with.

“everyone’s really nice,” hongjoong tells you, hoping to ease your obvious anxiety. “you’re gonna think it’s suspicious but they’re all genuinely pretty good.”

“okay that makes me feel better,” you say with a smile, the five minute warning bell making your eyes widen and stomach knot even more. “oh no.”

“it’s fine,” yunho smiles softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into him. “i’ll walk you to homeroom, c’mon.”

he guides you through the halls until you’re standing in a doorway, the teacher in the front of the room greeting you with a small smile and saying hi to yunho.

“this is my friend, y/n. she’s new and a little nervous so please be extra nice to her.”

the teacher rolls her eyes as she waves yunho off, warning him that he’s gonna be late just as the bell rings; she doesn’t even say a word as she walks over and grabs him a late pass, shoving it in his hand before telling him to move his ass.

“so, y/n, was it?” she asks, looking over the paper in her hand with a curious gaze. “that’s funny, we were supposed to have two new students.”

your eyebrow raises at her statement and you think maybe you could befriend them. they’re probably just as scared as you, if not more because they don’t anyone at all.

you think that would be nice, having another friend to get to know and help feel as ease and-

“oh, are you the other new student?” you hear the teacher ask, hearing footsteps slowly come up from behind you.

there’s a few beats of silence before chatter erupts from students, quiet mumbles about how he looks familiar and they’ve all definitely seen him before.

“yeah,” you hear the boy say and you immediately whip around at the deep voice you know so well, the handsome face that woke you this morning looking at you with soft eyes full of amusement.

“i’m seonghwa.”

you can’t even hear the teacher welcome him or tell the other students to settle down, biting back a smile at the the way he so cockily and teasingly mouths ‘hi baby.”

complete

tag list: @chogiout ; @psshwa ; @yeocult ; @seongghwaa; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars ; @kuaenam3g ; @byungaji ; @floweryjh ; @joeycheungg ; @lostscenarios ; @atinyxtopia ; @sanisms ; @kpopnightingale ; @simpforhyunjin ; @89staytinyzen21 ; @lokicaramel ; @hwaxbum ; @sakura-uji ; @songsoomin ; @toffee-hwa ; @deobitiful ; @hyunjeansuniverse ; @chrryhwa ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know ; @tiny-whatsername ; @fairieofeternity ; @yixing-jaehyun ; @sleepyseonghwa ; @revehosh ; @atletino ; @yeol-wish ; @cxcxlxlee ;

#srry!! some of the flashbacks got messed up #and shes donee! :(#kind of sad but tysm to everyone who read!! <3 #seonghwa #seonghwa fluff #ateez #ateez fluff #seonghwa scenarios #ateez scenarios #seonghwa imagines #ateez imagines

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