#seriously. just to trim a video i need to SIGN IN and open an entirely new application

[imaginingsoftly]

4 Times You Cooked, and 1 Time He Did - Kevin Hayes

Type: friends to lovers, Y/N insert shorts, 4 + 1 story

Requested: No

Warnings: swearing

(Y/N = Your name)

1. The day we met

Your hand was curled into a loose fist, ready to knock on the door in front of you. Your new neighbors had moved in the day before, and, from the sounds coming from the apartment as the move-in occurred, it was a group of very rowdy boys. That meant you made cookies as a welcome, hoping that it would butter them up so they’d be a little nicer if you needed them to quiet down in the middle of the night. Of course, in order to drop off the cookies and say hello you needed to actually knock on the door and introduce yourself. So far the shyness was winning on that front. 

Just as you finally steeled yourself to knock, drawing in a deep breath in the process, the door you were standing in front of opened suddenly. You stepped backwards in shock, stumbling slightly. An incredibly kind-looking face stared down at you in surprise as a hand shot out to grip your elbow. “Sorry, I-”, “Shit, are you-” You and your neighbor stared at each other in silence as you both spoke at the same time. Your neighbor smiled, nodding his head at you. “Go ahead.” 

Well this wasn’t how you wanted the conversation to go at all. “Sorry. I’m Y/N. I’m your new neighbor.” You gestured at your apartment door, maybe a little needlessly, as you were the only other door on this part of the hallway. “I just wanted to introduce myself, and welcome you to the building.” The guy looked at you seriously as you spoke, like what you said was the most important thing on the planet. He was cute, in a friendly kind of way. He also looked familiar, though for the life of you it was impossible to figure out why. 

“And you brought cookies?” He smiled down at you when you nodded slowly. “I’m Kevin. If these cookies are as good as they smell, I think I’m going to be happy I chose to get an apartment instead of a house.” He chuckled lightly at his own joke, and you smiled gently at him. Kevin. It was a fitting name for him. He let go of your elbow suddenly, like he just realized he was still holding it. Honestly, you had forgotten as well. “I’m sorry to meet you and run, but I’m unfortunately late to a meeting. Thanks for coming by though!” You started to back out of his doorway when you remembered the cookies. “Here,” you said as you held the plate out, “these are for you. Welcome to the building!” Kevin stared after you for a couple of seconds as you backed away before responding quickly. “Thanks, Y/N. It was nice to meet you.” His smile followed you into the apartment and stayed in your thoughts for hours after the meeting. 

You worked through dinner to try and get ready for the upcoming playoff push. As a marketing manager for the Phillies, the playoffs were your favorite part of the season. It was a time where you could change up the content from your usual stuff, and this year’s playoff ad video was going to be great. One of your summer interns had come up with the idea of using fan videos of some of the highlights of the season to create a mashup, and the video her and the rest of the crew had designed was coming out beautifully. The slogan was going to have something to do with the fans being another part of the team. You watched the video over again and marveled at how well it had come out. The intern needed to become a full hire after this season.

A knock at your door made you jump, though when you opened it there was no one. Your plate, however, sat on the floor outside with a sticky note attached. Thanks for the cookies, it read, my teammates really enjoyed them. I barely got to eat one. The handwriting was slightly messy, clearly boys handwriting. You smiled at the note, and then at the door across the hall from you. It would appear you had a new friend.

2. Dinner and a show

“You know,” Kevin said as he walked through your front door, “I think you’re going to get me cut from the team if you keep feeding me cookies.” He said that with a mouth full of cookie so you took it with a grain of salt, rolling your eyes at him from your position in front of the crock pot. He looked good, dressed in his game day suit, though the tie sticking out of his pocket and the curls still damp from the shower ruined the effect a little bit. These nighttime dinners had become something of a tradition over the last couple of months, after Kevin had come home from a preseason game right as you were returning from a playoff game. You’d ended up sprawled on his couch with a pizza between the two of you, and a tradition was born. Tonight it was tacos, and the steak you had slow-cooked while you were in the office getting ready for the upcoming winter meetings made the entire apartment smell like what you pictured heaven to be.

Kevin dropped onto one of your counter top stools with a heavy sigh, and you slid a beer across to him along with an ice pack. He took the beer thankfully, but then raised an eyebrow at the ice pack. “I saw the hit,” you said as a means of explanation. “I turned the game on when I got back from work. Ice your face so I don’t have to look a black eye for the rest of the week.” Kevin raised his middle finger at you, but did as you asked. Your time together had become a nice way to wind down after your work and game days. Both of you spent so much time in the chaos of professional sports that sometimes it was nice to just slow down and enjoy a meal with someone that understood why you sometimes wanted to sit and eat your meal in silence. Kevin understood that more than you had ever expected. Accurate to your first impression, Kevin and the boys could get extraordinarily loud at times. He was the loudest person in the room, minus when he was with his shorter friend that fought so much, Travis something, but he could also be so quiet on these nights. 

The tacos were delicious, and Kevin ate his body weight in home cooking like usual. It wasn’t that he was incompetent in the kitchen; you’d seen him cook pasta and a few other basic things, but he wasn’t one for just throwing something together unless he’d made it a thousand times before. “You know, I think I’m going to have to keep you around just for how well you cook.” You rolled your eyes, like you always did, but you also couldn’t ignore the tug in your chest that your heart gave when he said he would keep you around. Joke or not, you were becoming pretty attached to Kevin. He was sweet, and goofy in an awkward and not at all athlete-like way. Couple the awkwardness with the math skills and you would peg him for a math professor, not a hockey player. “So,” Kevin began, talking around chunks of yet another cookie, “how was work? Did you revolutionize baseball today?”

You laughed out loud at the thought. Like offseason meetings were ever that exciting. “Planning for contract announcements, actually. I wanted to have the guys returning or just signing on make a little video either thanking the fans for their continued support or introducing themselves, depending on where they played last year, but everyone vetoed it.” You rolled your eyes at the memory. Greg, who thought he should have gotten your job despite your better qualifications, very loudly made his dissent clear. In the end, everyone else followed suit. 

Kevin, thankfully, was on your side. “I would have loved something like that! Especially for the new guys; you’ve gotta get the fans on your side before they have time to hate you.” You chuckled at his statement, even as you nodded in agreement. Getting Kevin amped up about any subject was your favorite thing to do. His accent wasn’t always clear, but times like now the Boston really came out. 

“Thanks for the support, Kev. It’s nice to know at least somebody is on my side.” He leaned over to squeeze your hand reassuringly, and you only had one thought: you were in deep trouble.

3. The one where you made his date dinner

Kevin’s voice was frantic as he threw pots and pans around his kitchen, smoking something sitting black in the sink. “Y/N, please! I need help! She’s gonna be here soon, what do I do?” The panic was new, and you swallowed to joke that almost came out of your mouth in response. He really did look stressed, and the hair you knew he had meticulously styled was now running wild around his temples in frizzy curls. He stared down helplessly at what you thought was supposed to be spaghetti. You sighed, walking over to stand in front of him. 

“We’ll make something else.” Kevin’s face still looked panicked, and you reached up to grab his face with both hands. “Kev. It’s gonna be okay.” He nodded. You smiled slightly, and he smiled back. “I’m going to go get a couple of things from my kitchen. Get out a couple of beers, trim the chicken, and I’ll be right back.” You patted his cheek gently and hurried out of the apartment. Hopefully you would be able to get rid of the smell before she got there. Kevin had a date, a girl he’d been dating for a few months, and you had shown up with the flowers he forgot to buy right as the pan of burnt spaghetti went into the sink. You were still trying to figure out how in the hell a box of spaghetti had turned into the black brick sitting in his pot, but that was a question for another time.

With minimal time and a general lack of great ingredients, you settled on beer-battered chicken and a salad. Thankfully you’d gone to the farmer’s market that morning, and had made Kevin go with you. There were tons of fresh vegetables sitting on his counter that would now get some good use. The only thing you needed from your apartment were cashews and some flour, which you grabbed before hurrying back across the hall again. Kevin was still panicking, though slightly less so, and the chicken was almost ready for the batter. You shouldered Kevin out of the way, throwing the beer, flour, eggs, and a couple of other ingredients into a bowl. Kevin hovered over your shoulder anxiously, at least until you elbowed him in the ribs. “Back up, Kev, I promise I’ve got your back.” He sighed, and finally sat on the counter out of your way. 

He didn’t speak until you threw the chicken into a pan of oil, and even then he spoke so quietly you almost didn’t hear him. “Thanks for always having my back, Y/N.” You smiled over at him, though the chicken spitting oil quickly grabbed your attention again. The past year and a half had been nice. Kevin’s exodus from Philly for the summer came right around the time that the Phillies occupied most of your time and visits with Kevin were limited to late night meals, especially as he and the girl started dating. Kelsey, maybe? Or Karly? You hadn’t actually met; honestly, you weren’t sure she’d met any of his teammates either. It was weird no one had really met her yet, especially for a relationship that had lasted for at least two months. “Spring training is soon, right? When do you leave for Florida?” 

“In a week. When do you guys play in Tampa?” He answered the week after next, and you nodded. You had gone to their game in Tampa the year before when it fell during spring training, and it looked like you would be doing so again. The chicken was finally finished, and you threw together a small warm salad with a fresh cashew Caesar dressing. The plates looked good, and Kevin was already washing the dishes when you turned around. “I can get these, Kev, go fix up your hair.” 

He turned around teasingly, flicking water in your general direction. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Y/N?” You shrugged. He raised an eyebrow, and you were saved from a response by the sound of knocking at his door. Kevin quickly dried his hands, and you gathered your flour container. Kelsey/Karly stopped short when she saw you in Kevin’s kitchen, and you held out your free hand with a smile. “I’m Y/N, I live across the hall. it’s nice to meet you.” She raised an eyebrow like she was unimpressed, and your hand dropped to your side slowly. Her next words told you enough about what kind of person she was. “Why the fuck are you here?” So she was going be like that, then. Kevin stood behind her awkwardly, and you hurried towards the door before it got any more weird. He held out a hand to stop you, but said nothing when you turned your head up at him. 

You closed the door behind you softly, knowing that an echo from the door slamming would make the entire interaction even weirder. It wasn’t until the door had almost clicked closed that you heard a soft “thank you” from Kevin. A loud argument and a slammed door later the date was over, and you waited for most of the night for Kevin to come over for comfort food. He never came, though you woke up to a sticky note on your door with two short sentences.

I’m sorry. Thank you for everything.

4. Taco Tuesday

It wasn’t just the fact that there was about half the roster sitting in her apartment, or the fact that they were all halfway hammered. It was the fact that Kevin hadn’t bothered to tell you the ‘couple of guys’ he’d invited to dinner was every member of the team not married with children. Nolan was the only mostly sober guy of the group, and that was only because he was coming off of a stomach bug. Thankfully, that stomach bug meant he was the one designated to help you prep for dinner. The guys had begged for your steak tacos after hearing about them for Kevin and then Travis, who had suckered his way into one of you and Kevin’s post-game dinners. Right now, your main concern was having enough meat to feed everyone. 

Hands slid around your waist, squeezing slightly when you jumped. “I’m sorry for all the guys. I didn’t think they would all be so interested.” Kevin had to lean in close to your ear in order for you to hear him, and not for the first time you were thankful he was your only close neighbor. The people you shared a wall with were only around for about two months out of the year, and it wasn’t quite that time of year yet. “I promise I’ll keep them mostly chill, and we’ll get out early. I know you have an early call time tomorrow.” Oh, yes. First big road trip of the season. The early April roadies were your favorite, because the thrill of the travel hadn’t worn off yet. 

Voices sounded from behind you both, someone commenting on how close Kevin was standing, and he jumped away from you with an impressive amount of speed. You lamented the loss of his body heat, though your next thought was a mental slap on the wrist for thinking about Kevin that way. No matter how into him you were, you couldn’t think like that. You were just friends. Travis slid into the conversation then to make more comments about the two of you, though you knew he meant well. Kevin had finally broken up with Kelsey/Karly, and Travis felt bad because he had been the one to set them up in the first place. 

“So Y/N, how come you never bring a guy around to the bars with us?” You could have killed Travis for making that comment. He knew you had a crush on Kevin, had guessed it one night after a particularly rough day, and you were waiting for the day he decided to tell Kevin. “I might bring one around soon,” you said, much to the delight of the crowd around your apartment, minus Kevin. His head snapped up in a mixture of hurt and confusion, and you almost wished you hadn’t brought it up. “I have a date next week with a guy from your marketing department, actually.” Groans of disgust mixed with teasing met your ears at the same time Kevin slammed his beer bottle onto the counter. You would have to explore that outburst at a later date.

Kevin was distant for the rest of the night, and you had a feeling it had something to do with your date. The look on his face and the knowing smirk on Travis’ followed you into your sleep that night, and you tossed and turned until you finally went on a run around the city as daylight broke. A sticky note was waiting on your door when you got back, three brief sentences that made you release tension you hadn’t realized you were holding. 

Have a great trip. Revolutionize baseball. You’re the best.

+1. Kevin finally says it

The date had been awful. There were really no other words for it. No matter how many times you dated someone involved in sports, their misogyny never ceased to amaze you. Jake had spent most of the little time you’d dealt with him mansplaining his job and hockey to you, no matter how many times you’d explained you understood both. If he worked for the Phillies, his position would have fallen under your management. In other words, you would have been his boss. You knew what his job entailed, but he couldn’t seem to get that. 

But really, the icing on the cake? When he asked if you’d gotten a job with the Phillies so that you could marry some baseball player. As if you could see those boys as anything but loveable idiots. Like hopeless little brothers. You’d gotten up and left then, dropping enough cash on the table to cover your tab and then some before storming out. The text you sent Kevin was angry, a request for beer and a friend, and then you’d walked the mile back to your apartment in heels that were starting to give you serious blisters. The blisters and the red you were still seeing almost caused you to miss the sticky note on your door. Two words, and a scrawl that was very clearly Kevin’s. My place, 8 pm. That note made you smile despite what was quite possibly your worst date ever, and you hurried into your room to change into something more comfortable before heading to Kevin’s.

You walked right in after a knock, and the sight waiting for you almost made you wish you had waited. Soft music was playing from the speaker on Kevin’s kitchen counter, and something in the kitchen smelled heavenly. Kevin looked soft, the Kevin you were used to, in a worn Red Sox t-shirt and some sweatpants that hugged him just right. You were thankful you’d gone with leggings and a long sleeve shirt, especially when Kevin turned around and saw you. His eyes lit up, and you didn’t miss the subtle up-and-down he gave your body. It all felt incredibly domestic, though you didn’t want to drop too deeply into your feels before you’d even had dinner, so you quickly shoved those thoughts away. “Wanna talk about it?” Kevin passed you a beer as he asked, and you shook your head. 

“Guy was a dick. Acted like I didn’t know anything about hockey, and then tried to mansplain his job, which is my job, to me.” Kevin snorted in disgust. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘dick’ under his breath, but the oven timer drowned him out. You jumped onto the kitchen counter as Kevin pulled on a couple of oven mitts. He had baked a lasagna, clearly homemade, and you took a deep breath as he placed the dish next to you. Kevin gave you a knowing smirk, and you knocked your beer bottle against his head gently. He knew you too well. His mother had cooked that lasagna when she was around for the mom’s trip, and you’d fallen in love with both the food and his mother. “Kevin, I love you.” He ducked his head, busying himself with scooping you a heaping plate of food. “That was the idea,” he mumbled under his breath. You chose to let it go, although the comment was filed under your list of things to ask him about at some point. 

Kevin handed you a plate of lasagna and offered up a slice of fresh bread, which you took gratefully. He scooped himself a matching plate, though his portion was definitely smaller and more diet-approved, and nodded you towards his couch. Rizzoli and Isles was set up on the television, a drama that you and Kevin had been slowly working through together. It was fun to watch him pick apart the locations and inaccuracies, as well as pointing out places that he had grown up terrorizing. He didn’t ask any more about your date, for which you were grateful. The silence was peaceful, minus the occasional comment about the show, and you devoured your food in an amount of time that impressed even Kevin. 

It wasn’t until later, when you were cleaning up his kitchen together, that you brought up his earlier comment. “Kev, what did you mean earlier?” He shot a confused look in your direction, and you sighed. “When you said ‘that was the idea’. What did you mean?” Kevin didn’t respond as he finished washing a plate, and he turned off the faucet after he handed you the plate to dry. You were patient, putting away the plate and then dropping the towel as you waited for a response. He would get there, in time. 

“I’ve liked you for a long time, Y/N.” Wait, no. Kevin? Liked you? You were frozen, unable to form a sentence. It was like he’d watched your dreams and decided to play a sick joke. Kevin ran a hand over his face and through his hair at your lack of response. “I always knew I didn’t have a chance with you, so I figured being your friend was just as good.” Now it was really just like the Twilight Zone. Either that, or Kevin was reading your mind. It was the exact battle you’d had with yourself several times in the last year-and-a-half plus. Your head spun as you tried to come up with a response, but the only one you came up with was to surge forward and kiss Kevin. 

It was like nothing you’d imagined. Kevin was a lot taller than you, enough so that it made kissing him a little difficult at first. After he got over the initial shock of you jumping him he crouched a little, and you wound your fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck. Kissing Kevin felt right, like the one thing you had really been missing over the last couple of years was him. He smiled as you drew back for a breath, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah?” You laughed at his question. “Yeah,” you repeated, leaning in for another kiss. Kevin obliged, and you melted against him. 

You finally left Kevin’s the next morning, rushing out the door so that you could shower before heading in for another game day. Kevin’s kiss on your cheek and a promise for an actual conversation followed you out, though the smile on your face lasted all day. You returned to your apartment that night to see a sticky note on your front door, in Kevin’s writing like always. 

My place, 10 pm. Kiss for entry.

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 3)

CHEL: John heads outside, finally, but finds the mailbox empty and the car locked with a package inside. It seems he’ll have to confront his father to get the game he seeks. And then, we get the internet equivalent of a splash page, with ominous wind chimes, slow-pan animation, and lyrical text.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

Regarding the term “ominous”, it applies in ways Hussie intended, implying the strangeness to come, but also in ways he may not have. Notice anything absent from that animation? Go on, guess.

FAILURE ARTIST: John’s neighborhood is more bland than Privet Drive.

CHEL: True, but “character” wasn’t really what I meant. What would one expect to see at least one of, in a nice suburban neighbourhood, even a bland one, in the daytime, when we know John’s dad is home from work, even if through a window? What are we not seeing here?

FAILURE ARTIST: No people and not even any pets.

CHEL: Hot dog, we have a wiener. Not character, characters. There are no signs of life at all. Not even a wild bird. Now, John is the focal character here, so that might come under the heading of unnecessary detail, but considering what happens later, this becomes very creepy. The big dangerous thing has not happened yet, so there should still be people in the neighbourhood, and the sound of wind chimes implies at least one of those houses is inhabited. But we don’t see them. Come to think of it, John never mentions his school at all, nor any other friends apart from the other kids featured in the comic, and nor do they. It’s as if they literally sprang into existence on that day and got plopped down in place just in time to be in the comic.

FAILURE ARTIST: Given that John is home in the middle of what would be a school day I think he might be home-schooled.

CHEL: That didn’t occur to me. I’m a Brit and I guess I was thinking “Easter break”, but the school year pattern in the US is different. But that raises further questions. Doesn’t he know any local kids? His dad works full-time and he has no other family - when does his dad find the time?

FAILURE ARTIST: Maybe it would be Spring Break in Washington State. I don’t know.

CHEL: Regardless, it’s eerie. If he’s home-schooled, he still ought to have some local friends or at least be on wave-hello terms with neighbours, unless he really is stuck in his bedroom almost all the time. I’m tempted to add an ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY point for the implication that John’s been raised locked in a room, but that’s just silly speculation so I won’t.

While on the topic, John does live in a literal suburb, but I’m not going to give points for WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM here. That count is for when the characters’ behaviour comes across as white/suburban/wealthy and that contradicts how the author is trying to present them. John is supposed to be the everyman figure with an ordinary life, living in a regular respectable town.

Let’s move on. It’s time to confront the Parental Figure.

TIER: John finds himself heading to the kitchen to retrieve his game, and it's now that we get a good look at his dad, along with one of the neat little details about Homestuck's world being brought to the forefront.

I am of course, talking about STRIFE!

"[S] John: Enter and Strife!" (Watch on YouTube)

The more or less fighting system for lack of my vocabulary, and seemingly a thing you just do in this world.

CHEL: John gets to actually use his “hammerkind” weapon, and Dad’s preferred method of combat is offering yet more cake.

FAILURE ARTIST: John threatens his father with a hammer. In the real world, this would be horrifying. But it’s not in this video game world. The other Beta Kids have “STRIFE” with their parents and in only one case does it end up as being treated seriously. Yet that will wait to be seen.

CHEL: One case which is significantly less disturbing than one of the other cases, in some ways. But yes, that’s for later. To be fair, John could have been trying to hit the cake with the hammer, not his dad, but most parents still wouldn’t be pleased to have their kids waving hammers in their direction regardless.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 2

TIER: After a short few rounds, John manages to properly distract his dad and successfully gets to his mail. A winner is you Johnny boy. Then we find ourselves with another hit of sylladex fuckery happening, joyous.

When we get back to John's room, it's pesterlog time, this time with a little sneak peak at the last of our fabulous foursome of thirteen years olds, gardenGnostic, or GG! They're only present for three short lines, but damn if they aren't pretty telling. From what little is seen they're an overall pretty chipper person, and to me at least adorable with those emojis.

CHEL: The beta’s finally in John’s hands, after all that effort to get it. So what do we do now? Why, it seems like a great time to go waste some time reading an entirely different imaginary webcomic promoting Hussie’s other work! Though, to be fair, the Midnight Crew will turn out to be relevant later. Keep that name in mind.

FAILURE ARTIST: The Midnight Crew actually started as the OCs of Problem Sleuth fan Mayonka who paid to have a extra episode.

CHEL: And then, FINALLY, he installs the thing, and it... gives us a loading page, and he goes off to read up on data structures and fuck about with his fucking sylladex some more!

TIER: The sylladex thing really knows how to wear its welcome thin with the shenanigans, thought I'll admit that John getting a razor embedded into the face of one of his posters was amusing in how dangerous the dang thing can be.

GET ON WITH IT!: 3

"Get on with it! (Monty Python)" (Watch on YouTube)

CHEL: Because I’m feeling bitter, I’m adding another point too!

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 5 The Lost Sock - wherein the plot is too slight Here the main conflict is barely adequate to sustain a Partridge Family episode. Remember that this drama has to carry the reader through 300-odd pages. The central dilemma of a novel should be important enough to change someone’s life forever.

Our main plot hasn’t been introduced yet, so as far as the reader knows, what’s happening now is the plot. Getting a video game out of the kitchen should not take this long and is not much of an epic adventure! By now, Hussie’s committed almost all of the sins listed in HNTWAN’s section on beginning a story! NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

Okay, something happens. It’s not plot, but it’s adorable. John opens the birthday present from Dave, to discover a souvenir of his favourite movie; the very stuffed bunny prop featured in Con Air. Look at how happy he is!

TIER: I do believe that up to this point, there hasn't been much of a plot, just people doing stuff. It's boring in the same way that someone telling you about an average day is, not much going on to be honest.

FAILURE ARTIST: I enjoyed reading Act 1 when I first read it but I was coming in under no expectation. Homestuck as a deep meaningful story hadn’t begun yet.

CHEL: Okay, NOW a thing is happening. The game is installed, on comes the loading page, and… Well, that’s peculiar. Now, at last, we see what the big deal with this game is. It permits TT, who installed the “server” section of the game while John installed the “client” section, to reach into his actual bedroom with the cursor and move things around, place bizarre-looking machinery in the rooms, or even add parts to his house a la The Sims. Now that’s a game worth the hype it got! Too bad it took almost 140 pages to actually reveal this.

The kids don’t seem very surprised by all this, yet the reviewer hadn’t heard the game could do that. One would think even such a disaffected dudebro would be curious about that, if he knew. Maybe the game really does have some kind of built-in failsafe to keep adults away?

FAILURE ARTIST: This is a world people have inventories instead of pockets and an RPG battle starts every time you argue with your parents.

CHEL: Does that apply to all people in it, though, or just the lead characters? They are, as it turns out, special already, and we never see a person who’s not involved.

John wants to try moving things around, but he needs the “server” CD-ROM to do so, which is still in the car. TT’s attempts to help result in not only a large machine called a “Cruxtruder” blocking the front door, but also the toilet, which John earlier accidentally filled with cake during sylladex shenanigans, being ripped out and dropped in the yard, and the bathtub similarly ending up in the hallway, which is pretty funny, I admit.

EB: you can see me, right. EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.

Perhaps sylladex shenanigans could be trimmed without being deleted entirely. SBurb shenanigans, similarly, are funny but might possibly do better to be compressed into fewer pages, but that’s not as big a deal, I think. The shenanigans aren’t entirely TT’s fault; she keeps losing her internet connection due to bad weather. GG’s earlier mention of an explosion near their home implies that things are starting to happen around them, too. Meantime, John finds a sledgehammer, a much better weapon, the implication being he’s going to need one, even if he turns out to be unable to lift it. TT helps him to hit the Cruxtruder with it, and said machine produces a glowing… thing and starts a four-minutes-and-thirteen-seconds countdown. Countdowns are never good in this context.

The glowing thing is a Kernelsprite, which needs to be “prototyped”, so into it goes the harlequin doll, causing it to take on the shape of a harlequin’s head and hand. Attempts to use the mysterious machinery TT has deployed result in the production of a shiny blue cylinder called a cruxite dowel and three green cubes labelled by the game as Perfectly Generic Objects, using up the game’s abstract building currency dubbed Build Grist. Wasting time playing with the machinery proves to be an unwise idea, however, as John looks into the sky and sees…

Even worse than the meteor heading directly for his house, Dad is coming back!

FAILURE ARTIST: THIS is where I came in. It is the most impressive flash animation so far. It is still awkwardly animated compared to later ones.

CHEL: I think it’s one of his earlier efforts, so I wouldn’t say it was bad. It succintly gets the point across and it’s better animated than anything I could do.

John messages TT again.

EB: oh man who cares about the bathroom, now there's a meteor heading for my house!!! TT: I see. TT: Do you suppose it has anything to do with the game? EB: i don't know, maybe! what do i do! TT: I think it's very likely. TT: The walkthroughs vaguely suggest an impending threat before they end. TT: The already poorly constructed sentences become even more curt and ambiguous. TT: As if written hastily and with a sense of alarm. TT: Actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable.

TT concludes that if the meteor is caused by the game, succeeding at a game objective must be the way to stop it, and investigates while John talks to TG, resulting in one of my favourite conversations in the comic, but also leading into another count.

EB: we'll talk later if i am still alive and the earth isn't blown up. TG: like the size of texas TG: or just rhode island TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir TG: OH SHIT TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir TG: OH SHIT TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick TG: OH SNAP TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter TG: you mean like the planet? TG: yeah TG: well its that big sir TG: hmm that sounds pretty big TG: i have a question TG: is it jupiter? TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter TG: OH SHIT TG: anyway later

I don’t know if TG is supposed to believe John here. If he is, then we get another count:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 1

FAILURE ARTIST: Hate to be a killjoy but the line about your mom’s dick is transphobic.

CHEL: My original intention with the PROBLEMATYKKS count was to point out cases where it wasn’t justified by the character saying it, so I wasn't going to count this. Thirteen-year-old boys trying to be witty say all sorts of awful bullshit. Though the writer’s old enough to know better and it didn’t ever get called out, so yeah, okay, I’ll expand the original intention.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 4

The rest of it’s still funny, though. Besides, I was more immediately concerned with the fact that TG seems remarkably unconcerned about the possible risk to his friend’s life. There isn’t really anything he could do about it even if he tried, obviously, but one would expect he’d at least say “oh shit, run!” or something. This will become a recurring pattern in the comic, as will be shown fairly soon, hence the DO NOTHING count.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think that conversation is also from real life. Hussie and a friend talked about meteor movie conventions and Hussie decided to use it. However, I assume during that conversation they weren’t threatened by an actual meteor.

CHEL: Possibly he’d have done better to make it clearer that TG did not believe John actually had a meteor heading for him. John is a known joker, after all. It would be quite easy, and I would have assumed that in a comic which had had fewer unremarked wacky happenings already.

Dad Egbert is also remarkably calm about the bathtub in the hallway. TT’s attempt to move it is foiled when her connection is lost, causing her to drop it in front of John’s bedroom door, trapping him inside. John is now on his own.

[altean-plance-au]

What was the moment Lance realized he had feelings for Pidge ?

Sorry for the very delayed answer. I figured it would be better if I wrote the thing. The previous chapters to the New Assignment arc and others can be found here.

~~~~~~

The situation was lose - win - win.

Lance wasn’t going to get to go to the Groggerian Gala. It was an opportunity missed to soak in the elegant party atmospheric and expand his ever growing social network. He would also miss seeing Allura, who would be looking even more radiant than usual. (Difficult because she was always beautiful.) He saw her most every day now thanks to being attached at the hip to Pidge, but still mentally slapped himself for thinking it wasn’t that big of a loss.

A win, in that he had the night off, as much as a personal bodyguard to a princess a guy could have. Pidge had been fighting a twenty varga bug and was in no shape to be attending social functions, even an important annual one.

Pidge was spending the night in her room under the careful watch of her mother, who had insisted on some treasured mother - daughter bonding. Colleen was a skilled medic, so Lance had no problem being outranked for that decision. If it had been just him, he probably would have been able to keep her fever down with his magic. Pidge likely would have insisted on it so he could keep practicing. Pidge was in better hands this way though, so he didn’t mind spending the evening in his own room. (Adjacent to Pidge’s as he was always on call.) This would be an evening of self care.

He also suspected Colleen hated fancy parties about as much as Pidge did. It wasn’t so much the dressing up that annoyed Pidge, but rather the socialization. There were a select few nobles who didn’t care for how close Sam and his family were to the Crown, and they were not above making Pidge’s life miserable in whatever petty way they could. Lance ran interference - distracting Pidge by engaging in whatever conversation he could think of. She seemed to brighten up usually at that, and her genuine smile was much prettier than her fake one.

Lance froze mid step, his brows furrowed at the use of the particular adjective. Yes, pretty was the right word. Pidge was objectively very pretty. Smiles were always pretty.

He felt his cheeks flush. It wasn’t from the long, hot bath he’d just emerged from. He shouldn’t be thinking such things. Pidge was his charge. His job was to protect her, that was it.

It was too late for that though, they were already friends. Had they met under non-professional circumstances, it was likely they would still be near inseparable.

Pidge was endlessly fascinated with his magic, a trait that allowed him to experiment with it more than he ever would have by himself. He in turn loved watching the beautiful displays she put on with her plants, making maneuvers and feats seem effortless while she insisted on still being a novice. Lance felt like he knew her immediate family near as well as his own, and even the uneventful days passed quickly with her company as they puzzled over the drone.

Reminded of his reason for getting out of his bath, Lance pushed the thoughts of Pidge to the back of his mind and snatched a tablet he had left on the end of his bed. He plopped down into the mass of pillows and blankets. Adjusting his gold trimmed blue nightgown, he opened a video call, a wide smile on his own face.

He would never give up a free opportunity to call home.

His mother picked up shortly, the tips of her own mouth growing outward upon seeing her son’s face. “Lance, what a wonderful surprise! I thought you would be working tonight.”

As one of many grocers to the Castle, she was home on the family farm to oversee the planting and harvest of the crops. Even though he would be able to see her regularly during the winter months, the summer still felt too long.

“Hi Mom, love you too,” he chuckled. One side of his mouth curled up, half happy to see his mother and half sad at the reason why. “Pidge is sick, so I’m free tonight.”

She frowned, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Is it the twenty varga bug? We took Veronica in to see the doctor yesterday. It’s been going around in town, and now it’s going around the house.”

Lance grimaced. “Is she okay?”

“Nearly back to full strength now,” his mother assured him. “Fluids and rest did wonders. I’m sure Pidge will be fine too by morning. You tell her hello for me.”

“I will Mom,” Lance recited lovingly. “She says ‘hi’ back from the last time we talked.”

“When are you bringing her to the house?”

Lance laughed. “Mom, I’m her bodyguard, not her date.”

His mother rolled her eyes. “Could have fooled me. She is all you ever talk about when you call.”

“Because that’s my job,” he explained, exasperated by the direction of the conversation.

“It is not part of your job to talk about the way she uses her magic, the morning skin routine you made for her - you talk about her more than yourself. She may as well be part of the family with how much I know about her.”

Lance felt the blush come back as his back slowly slid down from the headrest to the mattress. Quiznak what was he doing?

“Okay, I think I get the point. Pidge is a good friend, and I’m not ready for any serious romance.”

His mother regarded him with a pitying expression, though for what he didn’t dare ask her to clarify. “All the more reason to bring her out to the farm. She would have so much joy seeing everything we grow here.”

Lance smiled again. She was right. Pidge would have a field day with all the different fruits, vegetables, and grains his family grew. He wondered what her magic would make of them. “I’ll ask. No promises though. We’re both really busy.”

She gave him a kind and cherishing smile. “Of course.”

They proceeded in idle chat for the better part of the evening. How was the rest of the family? (All his siblings stopped to say hello.) His young niece and nephew both were up past their bedtime, and would not go back to bed until they had heard a story from life at the Castle. Lance told them how Pidge was going to control a whole forest one day, and that their dear uncle was well on his way to becoming the most famous knight on Altea.

Once bidding his family good night, he switched off his tablet and set it on the nightstand. He got up and arched his back with a grimace, he’d not been sitting well during the long call.

Lance knocked on the door between his room and Pidge’s. Colleen answered, and neither of them needed anything. Pidge was on the recovery. She might be a bit groggier than usual in the morning, but would likely be herself by the afternoon.

Lance nodded, told her good night and the obligatory ‘wake me if you need anything’. He left the door closed, but unlocked, and tucked himself into bed.

He dreamt of Pidge. And himself. Together. Romantically.

Lance awoke hours before sunrise, his mother’s words echoing in his mind as he lay under the covers. That pretty smile. Pidge’s was infectious. Just thinking about it filled his chest with a warmth normally reserved for the fondest of memories. He thought to all the times thrived on making her happy, to see that smile. He wondered if she would be happy sharing a kiss with him. He envisioned her confident smirk softening as they embraced, soft lips on his own -  

This was bad. Friendship was one thing, but romantic feelings was an entire can of miniature weblums Lance did not want to open. He hadn’t lied to his mother but… what if this was it? His soulmate? What if Pidge didn’t feel the same way? What if he was wrong? That would make their professional relationship more than awkward.

He had until the afternoon to figure out what to do about it.

~~~~

“I quit.” A tablet containing the necessary transfer request form fell onto the desk with a thud.

Shiro’s jaw dropped, which would have been the most amusing thing if Lance hadn’t been so serious.

“Denied,” the Captain said seriously once he’d gathered his wits. He placed the tablet off to the side and cupped his hands on the desk in front of him. “Why?”

Lance sputtered, the response not what he had expected. “You can’t refuse me when I quit.”

“I can if it’s out of nowhere for no reason. You’re still under my command. Why?” he repeated.

A fake answer wouldn’t work. Shiro would know. Lance sighed with a frown, but then straightened up at attention. “I think I have romantic feelings for the Princess, Sir.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “I think the whole Castle knows about your crush on Allura.”

Lance’s straight face faltered. “Pidge.”

“…Pidge,” Shiro repeated slowly, face showing slow comprehension. “You think you have romantic feelings for Pidge.”

“Yes,” Lance agreed earnestly. “I’d like to stay at the Castle, I just want a reassignment. I can’t be Pidge’s bodyguard like this.”

He was already breaking social etiquette by hiding his powers, he couldn’t break another taboo.

Shiro sat back in his chair and considered, his sharp eyes burrowing as far as they could into Lance’s soul.

“The answer is still no,” Shiro finally told him, turning his attention back to his desk work. He grabbed the tablet with the transfer request and officially signed off to reject it. “I’ll do you a favor and not tell anyone you tried to quit.”

Lance’s eyes bulged. “You can’t!” He begged passionately. “I can’t be objective. It will drive me insane if I can’t say anything.”

“Talk to Pidge about it.”

“Talk to - Shiro do you know what you’re saying? If I do say something, what - what if she doesn’t feel the same?” Lance asked incredulously. “That would make things really awkward.”

“Look, Lance,” Shiro sighed and once again lay the tablet aside. He stood up and walked over to face his subordinate. “You’ve made a friend in the guardian of the lake, I trust your judgement,” he said compassionately. “That’s part of why I gave you this assignment in the first place. Your heart often works over your brain,” he placed his prosthetic hand over his own heart and then pointed to his head, “and that’s something that Pidge needs. Someone who is flexible and lets her breathe by not always following code to the letter. I really hate to transfer you when things are going so well.”

Lance shifted nervously, not this uncomfortable since his first day at training. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Shiro. I’ve never felt this way before. This isn’t something bodyguards are supposed to do.”

Shiro gave him a wry grin. “There are no rules against bonds of this kind between nobles - yes I’ve read your file and I know - so just do what comes naturally. If it becomes awkward, well, then we can talk. Until then though, I’m not letting you quit ”

Lance dropped his unvoiced protest and slumped his shoulders. “It’s really okay?”

Shiro gave him an encouraging smile. “I knew there was a slight chance something like this might happen. I wouldn’t have paired the two of you if I didn’t think you wouldn’t at least become close friends.”

Receiving the blessing, Lance finally smiled. “Didn’t you go through a full regiment before putting me on the job?”

He was given a glare for his troubles. “Back to work, Lieutenant.”

~~~~~

“Urgh, this place is a mess! I can’t believe I did all this while I was sick!”

Lance sat with an amused grin, chin propped up by the palm of his hand as he watched Pidge magically move overgrown plants back to their respective homes within her room.

She focused her magic on a juniberry flower the size of a pillow, trying to revert it back to a normal size. Even as the volume of plants decreased in the room, leaves and petals fell off and remained scattered across the floor. “It looks like the forest itself is in here,” Pidge moaned.

She was even more cute when flustered, Lance regretted thinking. Pidge had no idea of his internal dilemma and Lance intended to keep it that way at least for now.

This was different from his previous infatuations. Pidge had been a friend first and foremost after being his boss. Before telling her anything he wanted to be absolutely certain his feelings were genuine. If he was not sincere, his job and friendship would be ruined simultaneously. Shiro thought he was doing a good job, he didn’t want to betray that trust out of a false alarm.

“They wouldn’t have grown if you didn’t want them to,” he told her with a smirk. “Your mother was not happy that you were practicing magic while sick.”

Pidge glared at him. She collected the now much smaller flower and replanted it in it’s previously tipped over pot. “What about you? Did you do your exercises last night like I told you to?”

“I had other things on my mind,” he said neutrally. “Mom says hi by the way.”

“Oh,” Pidge said, anger quickly deflating. “Next time I promise to say hi to her myself.”

“The offer to visit the farm is still on the table,” he said.

“Not without knowing who is behind the drone,” she said resolutely. “I don’t want to get your family involved in this.”

Lance let the statement hang and Pidge went back to work. She cared so much, so passionately, and always finished what she set her mind to. It was inspiring, even if he couldn’t follow her talk on a tech level. Thanks to her tutelage, he was beginning to on a magical level.

He had a feeling this was a bond that was going to be near impossible to break. The only way to know was to ask. He just needed to find the perfect moment.

“Hey, let me try and help,” he said as he stood. “I can put my magic prowess to the test.”

Pidge put her hands on her hips, intrigued but not convinced. “What are you going to do to clean this up with water and ice?”

Lance grinned and summoned his magical energy to the surface. He reached out to a teapot full of water, slightly more volume than what he had been used to working with. Thanks to the more consistent practice, he found it easier to connect with than a small amount in a glass cup.

He bade the water to spread across the surface of the floor, picking up stray leaves as it moved the length of the room. Reaching the end, Lance stuck his tongue out in concentration and mimicked some hand movements he’d watched Pidge perform hundreds of times now. He rolled his wrists counterclockwise to the pale blue ball of light centered between his palms and the water filled with leaves and stems responded in kind. It swirled up into a ball and he moved it closer to Pidge so she could see the feat in its fully glory.

Lance turned to Pidge with a smirk. “They are all yours, Princess. Where would you like them?”

Pidge blinked rapidly at his words, as if she had been in a trance. Lance swelled with pride that he had done something impressive. Perhaps this would be a good time to approach her regarding his newfound feelings for her, at least she would look on him more favorably than normal, hopefully leading to a more positive result.

He soon mirrored her sudden frown as Pidge summoned her magic in equal measure.

“I’ll take them from here,” she said, gaining a smirk, that confident smirk that made Lance’s heart skip a beat. A light green energy outlined each plant part and one by one they floated magically into a giant bag, ready to be taken out for decomposition.

Lance found it was his turn to gape. “How did you do that? Those are dead parts! I thought you had to ask plants for permission?”

Finished, Pidge regarded him with a smirk. “It takes more energy and concentration. You’ve seen me play with leaves before.”

“Yes, but - “

Lance didn’t get a chance to finish as he lost his own concentration, sending his sphere of warm water all over Pidge.

Pidge stood in astonishment, raising her arms stiffly in disbelief as the fabric of her dress clung closer to her and water dripped from her sleeves. She glared at him. “I hope you have the energy to pick all of that up.”

Lance bit his lip. The outward manifestation of his magic flickered to nothingness and he grinned at her sheepishly, twiddling his thumbs.

Perhaps this was not the right time to have a conversation about their relationship.

[lovemesomesurveys]

ONE - HI THERE ! It's an intro ! What do most people call you? Stephanie or Steph.

In what month is your birthday? July.

What country were you born in? America.

Do you have siblings? How many, if you do? I have two brothers.

Who do you live with? I live with my parents, brother, and doggo.

Are you in a relationship? Nope.

Do you go to school? No, I graduated UC back in 2015.

What mood are you in right now? A crappy one. 

What does your shirt look like? It’s rose gold with a glittery gold Disney “D” in puffy paint on the left corner with est. 1955 written underneath and then across the top on the back it says Disneyland in the same glittery gold puffy paint. 

What's your zodiac sign? Leo.

TWO - Your Appearance If you could have plastic surgery on any one body part, what would it be? I don’t want to have plastic surgery.

Are you satisfied with your hair? No. It badly needs to be dyed and trimmed for one. I also just don’t do anything with it besides throw it up in a bun because I have no energy or motivation to do anything else and blah.

Do you have a hitchhikers or a straight thumb? A hitchhiker’s thumb.

What colour are your eyes? Brown.

Do you have any tan lines? Nope. I’ve hardly gone outside for the past year.

How old do people usually think you are? They tend to guess early 20s.

What about your appearance do you get complimented on the most? Nothing. 

Are you comfortable with your weight? No.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Where? I just have my earlobes pierced. No tattoos. 

How tall are you? Like 5′4.

THREE - True or False. I love winter. I have eaten meat in the past five days. I have painted a room in a house. I can whistle. My keyboard is black. I have never bought something off an infomercial. I own a snuggie / would like to own a snuggie. I bite my pens / pencils. I wear glasses / contacts. My nails are painted right now.

FOUR - Childhood Memories ! (Cue the 'AWWW') What was your all time favourite movie as a kid? Disney movies. I also watched The Mask a lot as a kid for some reason haha I could quote the entire movie.

Do you still have your first pair of shoes somewhere? I actually do. 

Did you have anything you always dragged around the house, like a blanket? No.

What toy did you play with the most? I was a Barbie girl. 

Did you ever bring your favourite toys in the bathtub? Yep.

Did you used to take baths with siblings/cousins? No.

Are you still friends with your best friends from long ago? No.

Do your parents ever tell you stories about how cute/silly you were? Yeah, I’ve heard many stories. 

Did you go to the park often? Yeah. 

What was a typical outfit for the 5-year-old you? Something Osh Kosh B’gosh probably. It was a common kid brand back then. I think still is?

FIVE - FAVOURITES ! (Yes, I spell it with a 'u') Actor/Actress. Alexander Skarsgard.

Singer/Band/Both. I have many.

Chocolate. White chocolate.

Toothpaste. Sensdodyne. 

Picture of yourself. Ones from when I was a baby or little kid.

Pair of sunglasses. I don’t wear sunglasses.

Vegetable. Potatoes, spinach, and green onions.

Sandwich. Breakfast sandwich.

Aspect of nature. The ocean.

Word to say. Hmm.

SIX - Love Life ;) Who was the first person to ever ask you out? My first (and technically only) boyfriend, Derek.

What does your ideal date consist of? Food and something chill.

What's one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? The health stuff I’m dealing with and some of the things that come along with that.

Does your ideal person have any special talents? Such as...? I mean, if they’re artistic at all or play an instrument that would be cool.

Do your parents like the person you're with? (Or the last person) They liked Joseph.

Do you like pet names? They can be cheesy and cute. I prefer made up ones for each other over like “babe” or “baby”, though.

What is your age range? I’m 31, so somewhere in the 30s.

What is one attribute that your ideal partner must have? Patience.

When was the last time someone seriously said "I love you." to you? My mom did recently.

Have you ever been in more than one relationship at a time? No. 

SEVEN - The wonderful world of the Internet ! What is your most used website? Tumblr and YouTube.

Do you play any online games? No.

Which chat program do you use most often? None.

Facebook vs Myspace- which is better? Myspace isn’t even in the running anymore, it died over a decade ago.

Have you ever sold something on Ebay or Craigslist? No.

Have you ever gone on Chatroulette? Or Omegle video? I’ve gone on both before.

Are there any videos of yourself on Youtube? Yes, but they’re all private now.

Mac or PC? Mac all the way.

Have you ever Googled your name? Yeah.

EIGHT - This or That? Twilight or Harry Potter? French fries or potato wedges? Liquid or tape white out? Digital or film camera? Nail clippers or nail scissors? Rock, paper, or scissors? Beard or mustache? Knee high or ankle socks? Hockey or basketball? Mr Clean or sponge and 'the other leading cleaning product'? NINE - Be cool, stay in school! Ugh no that was a lame rhyme.. What subject are/were you best at? English.

How old will you be when you graduate high school / how old were you? I was 18.

Isn't there that point in the year when you stop caring so much? I definitely would get burnt out towards the end.

Do/did you have any really cool teachers? Yeah, a lot of my teachers were pretty cool.

Who is/was your most strict teacher? These two math professors I had in community college. They were awful.

Where do/did you sit at lunch? I didn’t have a particular spot.

What do/did you do at recess? Hung out with friends.

There's always that one kid who no one really knows, right? I’m sure that was me in high school.

Is/was your cafeterias food actually any good? I liked some of it. In high school I only ate school lunch freshman year, though.

Do/did you have a stereotypical school, with all those cliques and such? I mean yeah there were cliques, but it wasn’t how it was portrayed in the movies. 

TEN - Randomly Platypus. Do you like your toothbrush really wet when you're brushing your teeth? Yeah. 

What song are you currently obsessed with? There is one currently. I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Do you enjoy playing with tape? I don’t find tape entertaining. 

What's one word/phrase you say too much? “I don’t know”, ha.

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? When I was like 17. One last hoorah. 

What did you last use a knife for? To cut a piece of brownie.

When you open a pack of gum, why is everyone your best friend? Trueee.

What has been on your mind way too much? Health related stuff. 2021 decided to start off with everything bothering me at once. 

Did you actually enjoy my survey? Yeah, it was cool.

[ntrending]

How to clean retro gaming systems

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/how-to-clean-retro-gaming-systems/

How to clean retro gaming systems

Ditch the 3D graphics. Haven’t you heard? Retro is back. (Lorenzo Herrera via Unsplash/)

Collecting retro video game systems can be dirty work. As time goes on, there are fewer consoles in circulation, so if you want to score good deals, you’ve got to be a lot less picky about condition. Fortunately, there’s still plenty of great stuff out there in relatively good shape—you’ve just got to be willing to scrape years worth of dust from grandma’s attic off them.

Cleaning video game consoles takes some delicacy, and you want to make sure you use the right tools and solvents, lest you damage labels and plastic. Yellowing from sunlight exposure can be a significant issue as well, and you can pick up many systems on the cheap if you know how to take care of that corn chip-colored coating.

So if you’re looking to breathe new life into your TurboGrafx-16, look no further than this list detailing the dos and don’ts of cleaning vintage tech. You can use them for modern electronics, too, but we’ll be placing particular emphasis on the situations you’ll run into while cleaning retro consoles or computers.

What you’ll need:

The most important part of cleaning retro systems is making sure you have the right tools for the job. These machines contain a plethora of materials, but the primary one is plastic—usually either acrylonitrile butadiene styrene (ABS) or polybutylene terephthalate (PBT). That means you’ll need a non-corrosive solvent and very soft cleaning tools. Fortunately, the best stuff to clean old electronics is also relatively cheap.

My recommended cleaning kit is:

<a href=”https://amzn.to/2KqGJX6″>Paper towels</a>

<a href=”https://amzn.to/2YV5n65″>Cotton swabs</a>

<a href=”https://amzn.to/2YV5AGp”>Cotton balls</a>

<a href=”https://amzn.to/2KpBEOx”>Soft toothbrushes</a>

<a href=”https://amzn.to/2GWy7W6″>99% isopropyl alcohol</a>

The five items above will cost you about $20 and allow you to tackle any dirty console you find. If you use everything carefully, you won’t have to worry about scratching or warping any plastic you encounter.

Prepare yourself and your machine

Dive into your parent’s basement and you’ll probably find your old Nintendo. Don’t expect it to look like this, though. (Franck V. via Unsplash/)

We’re going to assume you’ve got a real dirty system—something that has sat in an attic, barn, or shed for years, is covered in bug poop, dust, and has an old funk to it that makes it smell like Dracula’s castle.

Before you start a thorough cleaning, you should disassemble your console. Depending on which system you’re working on, this will take up most of the time you were planning to invest in the project.

First, make sure you familiarize yourself with the disassembly and assembly process, which will vary in difficulty depending on the model, and may require specific tools. Do yourself a favor and run a quick Google search to see exactly how hard the job will be. Some systems, like the Super Nintendo or Nintendo 64, are relatively easy to take apart, but you’ll need to purchase a special screwdriver to do so. Others, like the Sega CDX, are held together by standard Phillips-head screws, but their complex construction makes them a huge pain to take apart and put back together.

If you couldn’t convince your parents to get you a GameBoy Clear, this is your chance to get up-close and personal with your console’s guts. (Dimitri Houtteman via Pixabay/)

I’ve never run into a system that didn’t have in-depth disassembly instructions posted somewhere—you can check enthusiast forums, Reddit, or use the Wayback Machine—but it’s still good advice not to bite off more than you can chew. Many a retro enthusiast has taken apart a console only to break a vital, hard-to-replace part during the process.

With that said, for any restoration or cleaning process, you’ll first want to take a good, hard look at everything as you open it all up—you don’t want to have to take it apart again. Take a snapshot if you need to, because you may need to reference it later.

Once you’ve stripped your console down, you’ll need to sort its parts into groups according to how you’re going to clean them. For parts such as regular plastic casing, you can just use a toothbrush and alcohol with impunity. With others, such as circuit boards, wires, and plastic with labels, you’ll want to be much more careful. When I’m cleaning a console, I like to sort the parts by how much attention they need. This way, I can get all the harder-to-clean stuff—with lots of nooks and crevices—done first so it has a chance to dry while I’m doing the easy bits.

Take a good, hard look at everything

The reason you disassembled your (presumably) super-dirty console was so you could take care of the dirt both inside and out, but also to inspect the guts of your system for damage.

The biggest threat to a retro system’s life—especially if it was manufactured before 2000—is bad capacitors. These little cylinders of death are the bane of anyone who seriously collects retro consoles, and catching bad ones early can help save your machine.

Most console capacitors are filled with electrolytic gel. Unfortunately, a lot of pre-fifth generation consoles (made before 2000) were built with exceptionally poor-quality capacitors to reduce manufacturing costs, and 30 years down the road, many have started leaking. The electrolytic gel inside is corrosive, which affects consoles in two ways. Obviously, a failed capacitor will prevent the system from working properly, but the leaked gel will also eat through the circuit board and cause permanent damage.

The easiest way to tell if a capacitor is bad is if you notice a yellowish-brown residue on top of it. That means it’s leaking and you need to remove it as soon as possible. Sometimes they’ll burst directly onto the board, so make sure you examine the area around any capacitors for a poopy brown crust, which is a telltale sign you’re in for some trouble. They won’t spontaneously burst while you’re working on the console, but you’ll want to look out for those that have gone through the process in the past—no explosions to be wary of here, thankfully.

Yes, your NES probably looks good on the outside, but gamer gunk gets everywhere! (RobinLe via Pixabay/)

But before capacitors burst, they start to swell. That means you can have failed or failing capacitors with no leakage. Finding a swollen capacitor is harder than finding one that’s leaking, because the difference is often subtle. Your best bet is to mark for replacement any capacitor that doesn’t have a perfectly flat top.

There are capacitor replacement kits available on eBay or specialized websites for even the most obscure systems, and if you can’t manage to find one, you can purchase replacement capacitors individually on Amazon for reasonably cheap. This should cost about $15 to $20 for more obscure systems, and much less for more commonly available units.

The consoles most heavily affected by capacitor issues are early CD-based systems. In particular, the Sega CD (Model 1, especially), Sega CDX (but not the JVC X’Eye, for some reason), and TurboDuo (known as the PC Engine Duo in Japan) are the most notorious offenders. Sega Game Gears and Pioneer LaserActive PAC-S1s and N1s also have lousy reputations when it comes to capacitors. If you have a rare machine, like the LaserActive PAC units, just change the capacitors, whatever they look like. You don’t want to take the chance that a printed circuit board (PCB) on a machine with a production run of less than 50,000 is destroyed by something as weak as bum capacitors.

Another thing to look for during your inspection is rust. PCB components won’t oxidize under normal circumstances, but if the system has been submerged in water or stored in a particularly humid location, you may be looking at some rust damage. Most of the time, it affects non-essential components like PCB shields and switches, so depending on the level of damage, you might be able to run the console without the rusted part or just clean it the best you can and live with the rust.

Clean the circuit board

Circuit boards are delicate. Treat them with some special TLC. (studdedmagpie via Pixabay/)

Now you’re ready to clean your console. I usually start with the circuit boards since they are the most fragile part and will need more time to dry than the case. Less is more when cleaning these pieces. When scrubbing your board, you want to use as little pressure as possible. Just dip your soft toothbrush in a light amount of alcohol and gently dust the entire surface of the PCB. Under most circumstances, even on a console with a filthy exterior, the motherboard isn’t going to be caked in anything. A good dust-off should be more than adequate.

On the off-chance that your board is caked in dirt, dust, snot or whatever, you might want to think about desoldering some of the more frail components, such as through-hole capacitors and resistors (the ones that go through holes on the board, not the ones mounted on its surface), so you can scrub the board more freely. If the board is absolutely filthy, you might be better off, in the long run, replacing these parts, since they frequently cause issues if they’re damaged. You may be able to find these at hardware stores like Lowe’s, but most of them will be special-order only.

Clean the CD drive

If your console contains a CD drive, you’re going to want to clean it as well. A good rule of thumb here is to not actually touch anything unless you have to. Be especially aware of the adjustment potentiometers, which usually look like cross-shaped dials. Unless you know what you’re doing, don’t mess with these at all. Definitely take a picture of these before you get to cleaning, just in case you nudge one by accident.

These little dials control the alignment, voltage, trim, and other aspects of your laser. If these are set to the wrong values, the best case is your laser won’t work well. In the worst case, the incorrect adjustments will bust the laser and you’ll need to find a new laser assembly.

After a deep clean, the only thing you need to do with a CD drive during a routine touch-up is dab a bit of alcohol on a cotton swab and gently wash the lens. That’s it—your laser assembly will be good to go.

Remember that round, bubble-like thing you used to blow at when your Earthworm Jim game wasn’t running? Yeah, don’t touch it. (Hello I’m Nik via Unsplash/)

Cleaning the console case

Cleaning the case is the easiest part of this whole process. Most of the time, you can just go wild here. Get your paper towels out, pour a good amount of alcohol onto them, and give all the parts of the shell a good wipe-down, inside and out. This might take a few passes on particularly foul systems, but it shouldn’t take too long to get most of the enclosure looking pretty good.

The tricky part of cleaning a system is getting into all the cracks and crevices. There will be residue and gamer gunk left in the nooks and crannies even after a good scrubbing with paper towels. When this issue presents itself, the toothbrush will likely be your best recourse. Just dunk it in alcohol and start scrubbing wherever there’s dirt left. Take it easy, though. If you scrub too hard, the bristles will bunch up and the brush will lose its effectiveness.

If your case happens to have adhesive labels, you’ll want to avoid scrubbing those areas on your general passes. Instead, use a cotton swab and only clean the very edge surface of each decal. The main thing you want to avoid is getting under the edge. As long as the sticker remains flat, you’ll be fine.

Take it easy on stickers and adhesives—you don’t want to scrub Diddy and Daisy Kong off of your cartridge. (Kevin Roden via Pixabay/)

After you’ve done your pass with the toothbrush, look for any remaining dirt. For tiny areas, you may need to use a cotton swab. But at this point, you should be pretty much good to go. Still, even after everything looks clean and you’ve set your toothbrush aside, give the whole case one more wipe-down with paper towels in case you stirred up any gunk.

By now, your console should be looking near-new. There’s not a lot you can do about any existing scratches or dents, but it should, at the very least, look refreshed. If there was any yellowing, the thorough cleaning should have helped some, especially if the discoloration was from cigarette tar. If it’s from sunlight, though, you may want to leave the console disassembled—now that it’s clean, it’s a great time to put it through the Retr0bright process which can reverse damage from ultraviolet light.

If you’re satisfied with the results of your cleaning, reassemble your console. The cool thing is: as long as you keep a clean house, you should only have to dust your system and wipe it down with a paper towel every once in a while. You shouldn’t need to do a full deep clean ever again, so you’re free to just enjoy your console and game away.

Written By Brittany Vincent

[cathrynstreich]

20 Step Checklist to Prepare Your Home for Real Estate Photos

If youve ever sold a home, you would probably agree that the daynbsp;the photographer arrives is one of the mostnbsp;anxious times of the entire selling process. Everything has to be completely ready by the appointment time. Its a lot of stress. As a photographer, its common for me to show up on the day of a photo shoot to find the sellers frantically trying to finish the last steps of their cleaning amp; staging process. If youve ever been in this position, you understand the stress. The struggle is real. Our Realtors work hard to help our clients get to this point of the selling process without much chaos. We use checklists and coaching visits from stagers, cleaners, and experienced agents to create a clear scope of work that makes our sellers homes look amazing BEFORE the photographer shows up. I emphasizenbsp;BEFORE the photographer shows up because there are sellers who think that the photos, videos, 3D tours, Floorplans, and marketing are just a small piece of the selling puzzle. They plan to have it all done before showings, but may not take the deadline before photos as seriously. In reality, these marketing strategies are the MOST IMPORTANT piece of the puzzle The marketing of your home will dramaticallynbsp;impact your buyers opinion of your house, and your sales price. The understanding of this is why real estate marketingnbsp;has changed so drastically over the past few years.nbsp; Its important for home sellers to understand the role of the photographer/videographer and how valuable they are to home selling success. One of the most important things to know about your professionalnbsp;real estate photographer/videographer is that they are truly artists. They can make your home look absolutely amazing with their skill sets. When your photographernbsp;shows up, they are going to walk the house and spend some time searching out the most important aspects to highlight for potential buyers. Seasoned professionals have developed a uniquely honed in ability to identify the pros and cons of the home, and know how to showcase the best parts ofnbsp;the property to lure buyers in. Their experience and trade tools allow them to manipulate light and space to make your home look as big and bright as possible. Since your photographer/videographer is an artist, you will get significantly more out of their services if your house is completely ready when they arrive. Artists can get distractednbsp;if they have to rearrange and tidy rooms before a shoot. After all, thats not exactly part of their job description. You want their attention to be focused on a bright amp; tidy home, not on the work it takes to get the home to that point. Theyre often on a tight schedule, and time spent doing your job is time they cant spend doing theirs. To get the most out of your professionalnbsp;real estate photographer, follow the checklist below. It will help ensure that your house is photo ready and welcoming to the artist coming to film/shoot your house. It will help the photographer/videographer emotionally connect to your home, allowing inspiration to flow freely, enabling them to make it look as alluring as possible. This translates to more money in your pocket when you sell your homenbsp;nbsp; Heres a checklist of the top 20 items to prepare your home for photos. (Each item is explained in more detail below the infographic.) nbsp; Clear amp; Clean Kitchen Counters amp; Sink When the kitchen counters are completely cleared off, it makes the kitchen look bigger, and buyers can imagine how they might use the space. Coffee makers, mixers, and decorations only distract buyers, and often make the kitchen feel cluttered. Remove everything but perhaps a few decorative items from the countertops and clean all surface areas, including the appliances, kitchen sink and back splash. nbsp; Clear amp; Clean Bathroom Sinks, Tubs, and Showers Place all of the shampoo bottles, soaps, shaving razors, and other items into a bin that can fit underneath the bathroom sink. Take everyhing off of the bathroom counter as well. You want the bathrooms to appear vacant. Clean, neatly folded towels on towel racks are fine. Replacenbsp;Burned Out Light Bulbs This is one of the most overlooked items on the list. Be sure to check all of the ceiling lights, as well as extra lamps and exterior lights to make sure that they all work. If there are dark areas in the homes, such as a basement, add a few extra lamps to brighten them up. Floor lamps that provide up-lighting are great The more light, the better nbsp; Turn Onnbsp;ALL Lights Throughout The Entire House Lighting is one of the most important aspects of photography. Its important to have as much light at possible. Turn on all of the lights in the house, including lamps and exterior lights. Your photographer will be happy to find your home in its brightest light when they arrive. nbsp; Open ALL Window Treatments Natural light from windows brings life and emotion into real estate photos. We recommend opening all of the window treatments throughout the entire house to let in as much light as possible. If its too bright outside, your photographer will alter your shades and curtains to balance the shot. Dont forget to clean the windows nbsp; Remove Unnecessary Furniture amp; Decorations This is probably the most difficult request for sellers, but its one of the most important items on the list. Removing and storing excess or large bulky furniture can be challenging, but it opens up the floor space and makes the home look much larger. Its wise to consult a professional stager to determine which items should stay or go. This is truly one of those situations where less is more. nbsp; Remove Floor Mats and Runners Floor mats and runners are great at protecting your floors, but they can make the overall floor space look smaller, which in turn makes the room look smaller. Make sure to roll up and remove all of the floor mats in the bathrooms, kitchen, and laundry areas. If you have any rugs, consult a stager to determine whether or not they should stay. nbsp; Turn All Ceiling Fans, TVs, and Computer Screens Off Most photographers use HDR photography, which takes multiple light exposures for each photo and combines them into one final shot. Any moving items like ceiling fans or active TV/Computer screens look very strange in HDR. For this reason, we recommend turning off anything that moves or causes motion blur. nbsp; Clear Appliance surfaces of Magnets andnbsp;Clutter Its common to keep magnets, notes, reminders, and other personal information on the refrigerator. We ask our sellers to remove all magnets, calendars, and personal items from the refrigerator and any other place where they place notes.nbsp; It will not only make your home appear tidier, it keeps your personal info safe from the general public. nbsp; Make All of the Beds This is an obvious one that surprisingly gets overlooked often, especially in the secondary bedrooms. Be sure to make and decorate all the beds with matching sheets, blankets, and pillows. Use bedding that covers the entire bed and fits the mattress correctly. Use decorative pillows to brighten up the bed, if possible. If a room is clean, and the bed isnt made right, it makes the whole room seem off. nbsp; Remove ALL Personal Photos and Items Its hard for buyers to visualize themselves in your house if your personal items are everywhere. Since you want your buyers to focus on the house and not on you, youll need to remove all personal photos and items from the entire house; including patios, porches, and garages. nbsp; Put All Shoes amp; Jackets in Closets When buyers see shoes and jackets on coat racks and entryway floors, they subconsciously assume that the home lacks storage space. Its best to remove all jackets and shoes from anywhere that they can be seen throughout the entire house. Store away any loose items to remove all distractions. nbsp; Clear All Night Stands and Dressers Night stands tend to accumulate items naturally. Half-read books, prescription bottles, tissues, and electronic devices will quickly clutter these areas. Remove everything but a lamp and one decorative item, such as a small floral arrangement or decorative book to make the area look clean and presentable. Think of a freshly cleaned hotel room. nbsp; Remove ALL Pet Items Not everyone has pets. In fact, some people are severely allergic to animals. Its extremely important to make sure that your house shows no signs of pets; especially pet smells. Spend some time getting this part right, as it is one of the biggest factors in home price reductions and negative feedback from home buyers.nbsp; Consider that you could be nose blind to the smell, as you live in it every day.nbsp; Ask a neutral party for their honest opinion before listing. nbsp; Tidy Up the Yard amp; Landscaping First impressions are very important, so make sure that the front yard is cleaned up and all of the landscaping is trimmed back and tidy. The first picture that people will see of your home will be the outside front yard shot, so it really needs to be presented in its very best condition. nbsp; Sweep up the Porch/Patio/Deck This step is imperative in the Fall when leaves accumulate daily. Make sure that the entire front and back porches are swept clean, and remove any items that you can live without. If possible, stage these areas with flowers and decorative items to create a relaxing space that invites home buyers in. nbsp; Clear All Cars from Road amp; Driveway Its never good to have cars in the driveway during real estate photos. Always remove all cars, trucks, RVs, and trailers from the driveway and front of the house. If you are friends with your neighbors and feel comfortable doing so, you could even ask them to move their cars from the road to make the street look quiet and inviting in your photos. nbsp; Hide All Garbage Cans amp; Lawn Equipment Large garbage cans and unsightly lawn equipment can be very distracting in real estate photos. Put all of the trash cans in the garage, along with garden hoses, lawn mowers, and other yard maintenance tools. Keep the lawn free and clear of any small toys and pet items as well. nbsp; Remove Outdoor Cooker Covers Its time to show off that awesome bar-b-que grill, not hide it Smoker and grill covers should be removed so that cookers are exposed and ready for use. If its an old grill that needs to be covered because its rusty and unsightly, its better to just remove or throw it out completely. nbsp; Open Up Patio Umbrellas If its not too windy during your photo shoot, be sure to open up any patio umbrellas to stage the area. Dust off chairs and set up the area as though you are going to enjoy it with friends later. Fresh outdoor pillows and flowers will create an inviting space for your photographer to highlight while theyre in your backyard. nbsp; A Few Extra Things to Be Aware Of: Be Prepared to Reschedule Most photographers work around the weather because it has such a strong impact on the final marketing materials. Its impossible to fly drones and get footage if its raining or extremely windy. Be prepared to have your agent call and reschedule your photo shoot if the weather takes a dramatic turn for the worst. If a professional determines he/she should wait, trust them that its for the best. Be Prepared to Leave for a Few Hours At Great Colorado Homes, we use 3D imaging technology that will scan every part of the home, yard and garage. If you have pets or kids running through the house during a photo shoot, they are likely to be in the 3D tour somewhere. This is a big problem. Its best to plan to leave your home and give the photographer a non-occupied space to work with. It also helps them to not get distracted. Even if youre just shuffling from room to room to stay out of the way, its very distracting. You will get the most out of the process if the home is unoccupied. Leave Instructions for the Photographer to Lock Up When your professional photographer/videographer is finished, they will usually message the Realtor who scheduled the photo shoot to let them know that they are done. If youve followed our advice and arent home, leave a key and/or instructions to let the photographer know your preferred method of locking up when they leave. nbsp; Final Thoughts: The marketing of your home is the most important piece of the selling puzzle, and it begins with your preparation paired with a great photographer/videographer.nbsp; Having the items on this checklist completed will ensure that your home will be ready before they arrive, which will enable you to get the most out of their time and talent.nbsp; Youve likely done a lot of work to get your home ready to sell; dont fizzle out at the end when these details matter the most Remember, great marketing leads to great offers nbsp; 20 Step Checklist to Prepare Your Home for Real Estate Photos published first on https://thegardenresidences.tumblr.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewmawby]

KEEN Factory Tour Summary

The first week of August, 2017 I found myself in Portland, Oregon. As fate would have it I arrived in the midst of an historic heat spell.

I had been invited to visit the KEEN Utility factory, headquarters and epic KEEN Garage where they have a retail store in downtown Portland's Pearl district. About ten other hobby bloggers and one or two full-time professional members of the media like myself were part of the tour group.

This is the company canteen side of the KEEN Garage. On the other side of those garage doors with the glass panels is the retail store. CLICK HERE to read a story about the amazing restoration of this historic building built in 1907. Copyright 2017 Tim Carter

Best Tour Ever

I hate to admit it, but I've been a member of the working media for so long that I've lost count of the number of factory tours I've attended. The reason is I cover an industry that makes lots of tools and products.

The company owners are always proud of what they make and they invite media to see and share with their audiences how things are done. Some tours have been fascinating as you sometimes don't realize how many aspects of building a thing are still done by humans. That may change moving forward, but that's a story for another day.

This KEEN tour was the best ever for a number of reasons. KEEN is a family-owned business. Rory Fuerst, Sr. started the business just a mere fifteen years ago in 2003. Two of his sons work each day in the factory, Rory Jr. and Connor.

Connor Fuerst is holding his arms up praising the members of the media. No, seriously, I caught him at an awkward moment. His brother Rory, Jr. is in the blue t-shirt opening the door to lead us out to the factory. Marshall Alexander, a member of the KEEN marketing team is on the left against the wall. The woman between Connor and Rory, Jr. runs the quality control lab at KEEN. I forgot her name! Sorry! Copyright 2017, Tim Carter

I got to spend lots of time with them and they are as friendly and normal as can be. Both were wearing t-shirts and you'd never know they were part of the business if you just happened to see them walking around the factory.

On a selfish note, I felt it was the best tour I've ever attended because they allowed me to work on the assembly line! How silly is that, but it meant so much to me.

Three people are going to wear a pair of boots that I helped work on. I was able to fit an upper onto the form before it goes into the assembly line, I got to load two soles into the forms and I got to trim off the urethane flash from one boot.

Connor had to do some extra trimming because my workmanship didn't meet their standards, but he was very understanding of my first attempt!

The Process

Watch this video to get an idea of what it's like to be in a factory that makes amazing boots and shoes. I could write about it, but it's better that you just see it.

The People

At the end of the tour everyone gathered in a conference room at the factory. It's somewhat normal for this to happen. The purpose is for those on the tour to ask follow-up questions.

A few of the hobby bloggers asked some tech questions, but I then jumped in with my over-arching question I always ask. I pointed the question to both Connor and Rory Jr.

"If you could wave a magic wand that would allow you to communicate to all consumers messaging you feel they don't really know about KEEN Utility and what you do, what would that message be?"

You could hear a pin drop. Connor and Rory, Jr. looked at each other and with their eyes said, "Dude, you go first!"

I think Rory, Jr. finally said, "Boy, that's a great question." He shook his head and then said, "Connor, you go first."

Connor thought for a second and replied, "I really would love consumers to know about the dedication and values of the entire team that assembles here each day to make our boots and shoes. These people love to come here and they work hard. They take real pride in what they do and I feel it shows when you open the box and try on your boots."

Rory, Jr. then jumped in. Rory runs the Fuerst Innovation Lab where all the conceptual ideas are born about all new products and processes. They often look at failure points of products made by others and try to solve them with a new KEEN product.

"I think that our customers need to know that money doesn't drive all decisions. We try to remember that all the time. I'd like them to know that we thrive on doing things that are challenging. It's easy to do easy things.

What's more, I'd love for them to know that sometimes you have to ignore the experts and consultants who say you're going to lose money on something. In certain situations you need to do what's right, not what's going to make you the most money. Finally, I'd like our consumers to know we have fun here."

The Takeaway

I think Rory Jr.'s comments hit the nail on the head for me. After all, the AsktheBuilder.com motto is:

Do It Right, Not Over!

I could see the workers at the factory trying to do it right. Everyone was diligent that I saw. They want your boots and shoes to fit perfectly, be comfortable and last a long time.

It's also about fun. What a dream to have a job that's fun. I've got that with my AsktheBuilder.com vocation and it's obvious Connor, Rory, Jr. and the other dedicated employees at KEEN Utility in Portland have this rare gift where work is fun.

What you see under the signs is a tiny fraction of the KEEN product line. CLICK THIS PHOTO now, buy a pair and you'll get them delivered to your home in days. You'll have a similar smile on your face once you try them on!

CLICK HERE now to purchase a pair of KEEN shoes or boots and put a similar smile on your face when you insert your foot into the cocoon of pleasure. That's what I call my KEEN boots!

  from T2C http://www.askthebuilder.com/keen-factory-tour-summary/ via http://www.rssmix.com/