#sfdiary

[millfield]

My mind keeps wandering back to this place ☕️ #sanfrancisco #sightglasscoffee #sfdiary #lifestyleblogger #liveauthentic #livesimply #flashesofdelight #vsco #thatsdarling

[primalaska]

#Sf #sfbars #sfx200 #sfmag #sfondateillike #sfbayferry #sfinxentertainment #sfinita #SFTG #sfbrannanstwholesale #sf330 #sf11 #sfmaf #sfbt #SFDiary #sfparents #sftech #sfonditumblr #sfsyrianpics #sfgh #sflow #sfcx #sflcouponer #sfxteeth #sfeater #sfcinema #sfihadebrocolis #sfgoats #sfieoftheday #sfwjeep (at Manassas, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1CzKKZHGad/?igshid=od2hd8bo0gnl

[gokceontheway]

San Francisco 3. nesil kahvecileriyle meşhur bir şehir eğer Alamo Square'e gidip Painted Ladies'i görmeyi istiyorsanız yol üstünde @themillsf 'e uğrayıp kahvenizi almayı unutmayın çünkü bu mekan SF'in en meşhur kahve mekanlarından biri. O zaman afiyet olsun! ☕ #gökçeontheway #sanfrancisco . . . . . . . #sfdiaries #instasanfrancisco #instacalifornia #travelblog #travelgram #travellovers #gezginkadinlar #travelblog #lifestyleblogger (at Painted ladies) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwC6_8xAiCG/?igshid=zs9ehtylm25x

[chiangtiff]

Some pineapple wallpaper 🍍🍍🍍 . . . . . #wreckingballcoffee #sanfrancisco #tiffgoestosf2018 #tiffgoestoseries #sfdiary #pineapple #marina (at Wrecking Ball Coffee Roasters)

[n2pencil]

San Francisco, Week One.

The idea was that I'd take the train all night. I'm romantic about trains. 

But first there was a lot of crying and a lot of almost-crying and a lot of wanting to cry but not being able to make it happen. A partial list of things that fucked me up:

*My fat cat, Arthur, sprawled across the floor and looking needy. *Emily crying just a little for no reason at all, really. *Goodbyes (duh). *Portland at night. *Just the thought of Sauvie Island. *The view from my living room at night. *The ocean. *Uncle John asking what I thought happened to us when we died. "Nothing, I guess. Just nothingness." "Yeah, me too." *The walk across the bridge that night. Making food for Em, drunk in the kitchen together. *Henry at the train station.

So that pretty much brings us to the train, which seemed exactly as it had when I was 17 and returning from the Grand Canyon. I didn't go to see the Grand Canyon, I went to see a hippie girl I liked. No, nothing happened. In fact I never saw the Grand Canyon. I stayed at the San Francisco Hostel, which isn't in San Francisco at all, it's in Flagstaff, Arizona. I got the flu there and a middle-aged black guy in unseemly short shorts brought me soup and told me to drink lots of fluids. When it was over, I listened to the Pharcyde and Alec Empire on my portable CD player on the long train ride home. That's what I remember about that trip: Dark shapes moving into other dark shapes out the observation car window, Alec Empire's weird ambient sounds—some of which where indiscernable from the creaky sounds of the train rocking around and whooshing past freighters—on my headphones. 

The train was exactly the same. Except this time I had an aisle seat, next to a special ed teacher on vacation. "I told my wife and kids: It's nothing personal," he told me. "But I just need a break. I've got a friend with a boat in Monterey. We're going to drink and fish. I just need to unwind." He'd been a special education teacher for 23 years. He was burnt out on it. He got the kids with anger problems. "I don't have a temper," he told me. But he seemed wound pretty tight.

Across the aisle was a girl from Eugene. She worked at a Wine company. She had a huge stack of papers with numbers on them, and occasionally she'd look down at them and take a very deep breath. "It's kind of a lot, right?" she asked the teacher and I across the aisle. Later they both gave me relationship advice. They both thought Emily was pretty cool for letting me go away. They both thought she'd follow me down to San Francisco soon. "You don't know my girlfriend," I told them. "She's very independent. She won't come running after me unless it is a good move for her. She'd go crazy if she had to go back to customer service. I think we're just going to Skype a lot." They both looked concerned for the state of our relationship. When you tell people you're leaving your girlfriend for work, and that she's not coming with you, they make a sad sound. Then I get sad. When people make that sad sound to Emily, she gets sorta pissed off. I love her for this, among lots of other things.

Emily's mom slipped me 20 bucks before I left. Then Kate's dad, through Kate, slipped me 100 bucks. This was way too generous. But I accepted it, because I don't really turn down money. I don't ask for it, really, but I don't turn it down, either. So I had some money to spend on the train. I got a nice dinner. Short ribs and mashed potatoes. They sat me next to a man who I thought for a moment was Jimmy Carter. A friend was on a plane with Jimmy Carter once, and he shook everyone's hand. But my new friend was not Jimmy Carter at all. He was a lawyer and jazz pianist from Oklahoma. He told me the history of Dixieland Jazz, both the factual history and some speculation that he had. He was 84. Across the table was a young man of about 12 named Thomas and his grandmother, who had just beat him seven consecutive times in Mario Party on the Nintendo DS. He was asking for a rematch after dinner. When we went through a tunnel, the lawyer said "Thomas! What have you done? It's all darkness now, Thomas! When you get home and you write about this trip, you're going to write 'it was all dark and ugly.' Oh, Thomas, you've really done it this time." I played along. "Jeez, Thomas. So rude." His grandmother looked a little confused by the whole thing.

The lawyer talked a long time about Immanuel Kant and John Philip Sousa and the song "Accidental Racist," which he thought was pretty savvy for a radio song. I told him I thought Dwight Yoakam was the last great country singer. He said "You may be right." He said that he thought I should run a story in the Believer about the end of organized dance in America in favor of "rock and roll dancing," which he posited was really more about individual expression than shared experience. He said that if there were rock and roll bands with good lyrics, good melody and good harmonies, then he hadn't heard them. I thought about the Beach Boys, but decided to just say goodnight. I really liked the guy, though. He said he thought he might get a subscription to the Believer. I think he just may. His parting advice to Thomas went like this: "You should play an instrument, Thomas. You will find, as you get older, that the heart is a muscle and it needs to be exercised just like the brain and the body. Music will exercise that muscle."

I made my way back to my seat and saw all the awkwardly folded bodies of passengers trying to get some sleep. Lots of large men with feet hanging out into the aisles or heads bent up against the window. I wanted to diagram all the different approaches to sleeping on the train. Back at my seat, the teacher was gone. He had taken his sleeping bag down to the luggage car and slept there. I saw him, swaying back and forth slightly with the train, when I went to brush my teeth. I took up both our spaces in trying to find my own sleeping position, but it never really worked.

In the morning, the teacher told me he hadn't slept well either. "This guy asked me if I had any food, then he laid down across from me. I just didn't trust him. He seemed like he was on drugs."

San Francisco, on first sight, was bright and pastel-colored. Everything seemed to be in soft focus. So I squinted and wandered toward the nearest subway. I was half asleep. I had to ask a lot of questions. I bought a $20 BART pass, but it wasn't the BART I needed to get on, it was MUNI. So I spent two dollars on a subway ticket and went down the stairs. I stared at a map for a long time. A black guy in unseemly short shorts asked if I needed help. I did.

Three days later, I'm still not fully recovered from that train ride. My new coworkers at McSweeney's have been extremely patient and helpful. I am ashamed to admit that I thought working for a hip literary imprint would mean accepting a certain level of snobbiness in the air. I could not have been more wrong. It is an office full of sweet, hard-working people who seem very genuine and who have gone out of their way to make me feel at home. Today was full of donuts and good music. I caught myself feeling completely relaxed for a minute in the middle of the work day. Then I realized I had an awful lot to do and to learn, and that I probably shouldn't relax.

That's all I'm going to say about work for now. People shouldn't blog about their jobs.

I'm also not prepared to tell you about the differences between Portland and San Francisco. I'm the least objective person you could ask about that, and anyway, I'm still very much in-between. My San Francisco is a handful of streets I walk every day and a sublet room with fly fishing lures hung neatly on the wall. But the people here have been good to me, and for that I am grateful.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I'll try to do that from time to time.

[millfield]

Having major SF withdrawals 😣 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #sightglasscoffee #takeusback #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #coffeeshopcorners #vsco (at Sightglass Coffee Roasters)

[millfield]

Mesmerized by this painting 💛 #sfmoma #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #lifestyleblogger #teammadewell #everydaymadewell (at SFMOMA San Francisco Museum of Modern Art)

[millfield]

I often wonder how life would be if I had never left this city... #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #goldengatebridge #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #rainyday #vsco #perfectview (at Golden Gate Bridge)

[millfield]

Rainy day at The Mill 💛 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #themillsf #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #rainyday #vsco #windowseat (at The Mill SF)

[millfield]

By far the best brunch I’ve ever had 😋💛 #plowsf #borntobrunch #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #liveauthentic #livesimply #goodeats #vsco (at Plow)

[millfield]

Someday I’ll have these pretty little tiles in my own house 💛 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #sightglasscoffee #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #coldbrew #vsco #fromwhereistand #oldskoolvans (at Sightglass Coffee Roasters)

[millfield]

Kind of surprised at the amount of coffee I’ve had in the last two days just to keep up with this city 😳😋 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #sightglasscoffee #liveauthentic #coffeeshopcorners #livesimply #thatsdarling #coldbrew #vsco (at Sightglass Coffee Roasters)

[millfield]

Serrano’s missing @neekolodian_ #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #sfmoma #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #lifestyleblogger #everydaymadewell #teammadewell #vsco (at SFMOMA San Francisco Museum of Modern Art)

[millfield]

My first time at Moma 💛 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #sfmoma #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #allthefeels #lifestyleblogger #vsco (at SFMOMA San Francisco Museum of Modern Art)

[millfield]

Totally in my element mapping out places to explore 💛 #sanfrancisco #sfdiary #everydaymadewell #themillsf #liveauthentic #livesimply #thatsdarling #flashesofdelight #vsco (at The Mill SF)

[millfield]

I wanted to go up to this girl and tell her that her style was super cool lol 😎#sanfrancisco #sfdiary #themillsf #liveauthentic #livesimply #darlingyou #vsco (at The Mill SF)