#she thinks because i dont give a shit that im in a little safety bubble no maam i just dont give a flying fuck

[armandism]

no cause i thought abt the talk i had with this gender psychologist or whtever the hell she is and got so mad again

[ketterdamns]

a brief history

so anyway i’ve been doing a lot of work over the last year (hence why im kinda awol and maybe less positive than I used to be) and the biggest thing that has always come up is to stop retreating when I need to be honest about the things that have happened to me, when acknowledging the things in my life that have damaged me and also as an exercise to let trust my friends and others not to use this information to hurt me- the only power of these words in the hands of others is what I perceive them to have. if i give it away freely and own it it can no longer be used to hurt me, or at least, that is the general idea i might regret this. i might not. i just think i need to try because im so so so tired. 

Anyway, under the cut; csa, parental and spousal abuse, rape, trauma,drugs, addiction, basically all of the triggers. a slightly optimistic ending tho!!! 

Additionally; if you read this, please can you in some way acknowledge that u have, via text, whatsapp, dm, pm, messages, likes (no reblogs pls!!)  just so i can keep track of who knows what ty!!!!

its really hard to admit that ive never had a stable home life. never even had a stable home, from the moment i was in the womb my mum was running, away from my dad (who never let her go), from my dad’s mum- who wanted me dead for reasons my mum has never been able to divulge, from poverty and homelessness throughout my formative years. 

That’s when it started maybe, I was about 3-4/5 we ended up having to move in with my uncle (my dads brother) and his wife. it was an uncomfortable situation for all, we were a family of four intruding on newlyweds, but we were desperate and immigrants to a new country without qualifications for work or money to support us or even a job to hold down. My mum tried her best, but my brother was one and i was two years older. I ended up spending a lot of time with my uncle, who often “took me off of her hands” for afternoons. I don’t rly remember those afternoons, except that I would always play up beforehand, not wanting to go. At some point, my aunt caught on, and instead of talking to her husband, or throwing his pedo ass out, she took out her ??jealousy?? on me, and started pinching me so hard i bruised. she would blame me for my uncle’s behaviour. i was a “madame” pretending to be his “princess”, my mum caught her hitting me, and packed our bags immediately, despite my father not allowing us to leave. we had to stay in that house for another two months, and this is when my mum would never want to let me out of her sight again. And this is also the beginning of the pattern that my dad would allow these things to happen to me but I was just a baby. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what was happening or why they were. No-one spoke to me and I had no one else in my life at that time. 

We spent some really uncomfortable years in uncomfortable places, but honestly being homeless for that year, and then moving into council accommodation was sort of the least of my worries. I was eight years old the time I was sexually and emotionally abused by my other uncle (also my dad’s brother). It was my first trip back to our home country My grandma spent all her time telling me I was awful (it turns out... she’s a piece of shit) all because I refused to call her “Mum”, she wanted to kidnap me and my brother, and idk what else. but we scuppered her plans by not going along with it. It was a very toxic and scary environment, so when my Uncle would invite me into his next door flat, and treat me with kindness, I was overjoyed. Finally, another adult I could trust! My grandparents used to police food, and essentially only allowed me one meal a day. Back in the UK we were very poor, and rarely got to have sweets unless they were gifts from other people, so my uncle already had the perfect tool to entice me. That first summer, I ate sweets and let him pamper me, slowly giving him more and more affection like sitting on his lap etc, because it meant more sweets for me and my brother. he was my favourite person in the world and i was sure that he was the one person i could truly trust and talk to about anything. I used to dream of moving in with him and living peacefully, well fed, in a quiet cosy environment. The next summer, I was nine, and my dad had almost finished his uni, meaning we were expecting more money. I had my fill of sweets. He bought me toys instead. Slowly, his requests for affection turned into demands. Slowly, his affection turned into something twisted and horrible, something dirty. I once tried to raise the point to my grandma, that sometimes my uncle did things that scared me. she told me off for being a coward. I didn’t say anything. I was getting toys, my little brother was being fed, my mum finally had a friend in my dads side of the family in him. I knew enough about unstable homes that the slightest disagreement could lead to homelessness again and I didnt want that. Maybe my silence was my strength. 

This was confirmed when he raped me when I was 12. It is the last time I will ever see that side of the family. I was in shock the whole time, I didn’t know what to do. When we got home, back onto firm cold soil and the safety of our shitty one bedroom council flat in the roughest estate , I opened up to my dad that for years i’d been terrorised by my uncle and afraid of saying something. Dads were supposed to protect their little girls from big bad men, even if that man was their brother. 

All I got for my troubles was another man who began to hurt me. Outraged that I’d ever speak something so horrible my dad began to beat me. Constantly. And if my mum got involved? He’d beat her too. she didn’t even know what was happening, but there was a point she also went silent, and it was all on me to bear the pain I’d tried to share. The following summer, my uncle died in a freak accident When I heard the news I laughed because I couldn’t help myself, and getting hit for it was worth it for the news. I never had to see him again.  He died and I was free. Except my dad never quite forgot what I had said, and he never forgave me for it. 

Anyway by this point I was a teenager, we moved again and constantly over the years until we properly settled and actually bought a house and I had a strong group of friends who didn’t mind my weirdness and my lack of skills. My mum at this point couldnt bear that I was branching out from her bubble, and something snapped in her too, she started to search my room, stalk my friends, refuse to let me out. honestly.. no i dont blame her (even tho her behaviour hasnt changed and im 23, but at the time? it increased how trapped i felt)

I was a teenager and I had a best friend. She loved a boy named DJ who was 18. DJ used to stalk me, and I kept quiet because I knew she liked him and I knew speaking up would cause me more trouble. I could look after her, and myself. DJ assaulted me one night at a party. I shouldn’t have been there and I shouldn’t have been doing what I was doing. I was already experimenting with drinks and drugs because I was dead inside anyway. he hurt me and then told my best friend that i’d hooked up with him and hoodwinked him into getting with me because i wanted to hurt her. within days that story was around school. i was the easy kid who would sleep with anyone for the drama, and i was quiet. i was terrified news would get to my mum, or my little brother who was also starting at that school. but most of all i was terrified of telling my side of the story, and to be hurt more than i was hurting already. I unfriended them all, and even though DJ continued to stalk me i kept quiet. DJ sent me a necklace with a dove, explaining the significance was that the dove was my innocence or some other weird creepy crap. my mum found it in the bin where id tried to bury it under rubbish i told her a fraction of the truth, I was being harassed by a boy and I didn’t welcome his advances. I didn’t tell her it was already too late. The school of course told him to keep away, and he did for the most part, and one time he tried to corner me while I was skiving off of a class and there was no one around, I ran and went to tell a teacher. I got told to “grow up” and sometimes “we have to get along with people we dont like”. I was the villain in their eyes. I swore  I would do everything in my power to get out of this school, go to the grammar in a new city where my reputation . DJ was arrested this year for online grooming an d sharing child pornography, and it honestly breaks my heart that its been going on for so long. maybe i should have said more, but who to? 

My time at school wasn’t all bad. And i had my first real positive experience with an older man. My english teacher once caught me unawares and I had a panic attack at being alone with a man-- he was gentle and kind, and worked with me to get to where i wanted to be grades-wise. he let me borrow his books and told me stories about his own son and i understood what real love meant, and it broke me that i’d never experienced it. 

My brother had grown so big now, and threatened my dad. if he ever lay another finger on one of us under our roof, my brother would kill him. my brother spent his childhood learning to fight, he’s in the runnings for the Olympics. My dad recognised the threat was real. And never hit me when my brother was home. However, when my brother wasn’t home... that was another story. my silence then was another kind of strength. I couldnt tell him the truth, because if he followed through on this threat, his life would be over. My dad got more sneaky, he would avoid my face, he’d grab my ankle and twist it so tight that it’s now forever fucked up. 

Despite all my fucked-up ness I did make it to grammar school, despite my parents not wanting me to go there. And im so glad i did. I finally had two years with minimal assault. My dad hurt me sometimes? The first night after my induction class because summer break, my dad took my prized hockey stick- one I’d worked long days to afford, and smashed it on my leg. I had to get crutches and didn’t leave my house for most of the summer, because I didn’t want to explain what happened. I couldn’t play my sport ever again properly. I lied to my friends and told them i was in my home country for the summer. i legit did not leave my house unless it was for doctors appts. 

 occasional nights he would be tired of me doing nothing but homework or making projects, or being loud. Alternately, he’d hate it when suddenly i became withdrawn and uncommunicative. when i physically couldn’t move etc. anyway turns out these were symptoms of my MI which wouldn’t be diagnosed for a long while, despite trying to find what was wrong with me from this point onwards.  but!!! for the most part! it was great! my school was in another city! i had freedom for a couple hours every day to do what i wanted! i made friends who embraced my weirdness! i had no reputation and i had my very own laptop finally so i could finally have some privacy!

too much privacy, i refused to give my mum my laptop password. hearing this, my dad threw my laptop down the stairs. 

i used what little money i had from part time jobs to fix it, but its something im resentful of to this day. my mum, in her eagerness to protect me, just let him hurt me again. 

anyway blah blah blah i moved to london and it was amazing i ran away i was free everything was going to change and i was finally going to be the person i always knew i was destined to be! chic and cosmopolitan and cool and confident and most importantly, safe, and comfortable, and in control. And I was. and then three weeks before halloween it happened again. i’d been away from home for two months now, and i’d started dabbling in harder drugs than weed, but that night i was not high. i was not in withdrawal. i was only drunk. i got raped again. this time, i did report it, but only because my housemates knew it had happened. i got rushed to A&E where they are legally required to call the police. the police took me to their HQ and i was interviewed. they arrested him. none of this was my choice, and my lack of silence led to a lack of control. I know ive been detailed already, but i wont go into detail about the rape kits they have and the questions i got asked and the journalists who dogged me and the nosy gossips who wanted to know the juicy deets. I don’t want to go into detail about how i realised I was a victim and was always going to be a victim, and i cant go into detail about the most recent abuses, not yet. All I know is i once thought i was in love with a boy called ‘T’, and what he did to me was worse because he made me believe this was all I could get and that I had to settle. He made me believe that him getting off on my trauma was love, instead of him picturing me as a child repeatedly brutalised by my male relatives. The moment I came to my senses and he was gone, I realised I was alone again. I failed my second year of uni, because the day before my final exam, my rapists wife found my house in london, idk how. She and her child begged me to help her husband’s appeal. I sympathised with her, she was a non-native with broken english looking after her kid. She reminded me of my mum. I told her for her chid’s sake and for her sake, I couldn’t. She cursed me and nothing has been the same since. actually, the lovely people of tumblr helped me raise the funds to complete summer school and carry on with my life. i now hold a masters degree. i remember each and every one of u who donated or signal boosted. i also remember my choice to keep his wife out of it, and not mention her. silence was golden. 

This year my rapist  was deported after raping another person when he was released for good behaviour. 

anyway. despite all of this magnitude of shit that has happened to me. despite my numerous addictions that im still working thru (im sorry if u knew me when i was nothing but a junkie. at 19/20 I was not a good person and anything I said that was thoughtful or provocative came from a bad place. I gave bad advice and abused my medication alongside brown and alcohol. My manic episodes got worse than I’ve ever experienced and usually led to me some very dark very scary places. I’m mostly better now but the last year has Been A Lot. I tried to kill myself twice. Once, I was saved by police, which is... embarrassing and I lied my ass off (and brandished the fact i was a MASTERS STUDENT OF LAW and they had entirely the wrong end of the stick) and another time, i was saved by chance. I am making so much progress tho. I’m proud of me. I’ve become more independent. I’m not afraid to speak out when I’m dissatisfied now. I know strength comes from knowing what you want and what you don’t want, not settling for the worst because unknown reactions in my imagination are worse than whatever reality has in store. 

im graduating from my masters next week. i feel as tho ive lost a lot of friends and people i cared about- all i can say is im sorry. i’m trying. but if i fuck up, its on me. if i speak too loudly and it hurts you, please tell me. if i dropped away, its because i had to work on me, and im sorry, and im ready to come back, if you’ll have me.  I’m really excited about the future, but im scared too. the last three months have been so hard and every day i feel like giving up again, but I won’t. there has to be a reason i survived all this, and im yet to find it, but i hope i will. im still going thru shit. my dad is still the worst. but i have a really lovely partner who is so so so patient with me- more than i deserve, im in touch with a doctor and a sleep therapist, my brother is looking out for me and im getting in touch with old friends, and im making new ones all the time. thank you for sticking by me, and sorry for the long read. i just had to get it out there you know? its my truth and the silence was killing more than anything else in this stupid story is. ive left lots of details out, but parts of my story interlink with others and other parts im still holding onto, i cant share everything online i think thats enough oversharing for a long long time. 

[strawberry-lemonade]

dont read this im just seeing if it works, its unedited and currently shit

"Excuse me, but I happen to think Mávri gáta is hilarious. Those puns are spot on."

Aria opened her mouth and paused, before closing it again.

"Zào Fortuna has got spots right?."

"Wait were you trying to aim a pun at her, but then forgot if she had spots?

"Uh, maybe..."

"Dude, you're an idiot in every sense of the word."

Aria hung her head.

"...I know."

"That's nice."

Aria threw a pillow at her before exploding in a fit of giggles.

"Mooncaaaake! You're supposed to give me a hug and say sorry!"

Marinette sighed and blew her nails before turning to look at Aria.

"We both know how that goes down."

Aria sighed and stood up.

"Have you heard from Adrien in the past few days?"

"You know what? I haven't."

"Last time I talked to him, he told me he got a boyfriend."

"He did? Why didn't I know about that?"

"Babe, weren't you on the other line?"

"Uh... I think I fell asleep."

"Wow. You really need to stop staying up all night on commissions."

"Speaking of, any news about that stuff?"

"Well, from what I've heard, my little sister from another mister is traveling to Gotham because her fashion business has taken off. 'The mysterious designer MDC has bypassed Gabriel Agreste in the polls!' 

"Well, what you heard is true-'

"I also heard that you get to stay in Wayne Manor and bring a friend. Maybe Sabine?"

"What? And risk her finding out that I parade around the city in spots every night? No thanks."

"Hm. Chloe?"

"The invitation would be wasted. She's already going to Gotham with her mom."

"What about Alya?"

"Since 2 heroes will be out of commission, Rena is going to be needed here."

"I don't know."

Aria collapsed on the bed with a groan before sitting up and smirking.

"Lila."

"Okay. Your guessing privileges have been revoked."

"Noooooo! How else will I find out who you're going to take?!"

"By asking. Like a normal person."

"How dare you assume that I'm normal."

"Now I'm beginning to wonder if I should actually tell you."

"Okay, okay! I'll shut up! Just please tell me who, so I don't have to stay up till 3, guessing."

"I wanted to ask you."

"Uh, I will give you an entire list of reasons why I shouldn't come. Plus, I don't really think they'd let me bring the cat."

"I'm asking right now, and if they say no, then I'll politely decline the invitation."

"I don't want you to miss ou-"

"They replied!"

"What? Let me see!"

Aria scrambled off the chaise and scurried over to Marinette, tripping in the process. 

"Wait! Let me get up!"

Aria jumped up and stumbled into the desk.

Marinette clicked the email and recited it aloud.

"Dear MDC, your friend's cat will be allowed. If you need to arrange anything to bring your cat on the plane, please do not hesitate to ask.

 Aria squealed and hugged Marinette.

"Ok. If we can start packing now, I'll come with you." 

"Why do we have to pack now? The trip isn't until Saturday and it's only Wednesday! Can't we just enjoy the first sleepover we've had in a month?"

"Babe, please? I hate procrastinating."

"What are you talking about? You love procrastinating!"

"I don't love it, It just happens to be my default."

"Same difference!"

"Um, no, not the same difference."

"Nyah."

-------

"Dante. I am begging you. Don't turn off the computer yet."

"Aria. it's almost 1 A.M and we both have class tomorrow."

"I knoooow! But I put my fucking heart into this, and if you turn it off right now, it will delete and I have no way of saving it."

"Aria. Go to bed now."

"Nooooo! I have to finish it!"

"Fine. But as soon as the clock gets to 1. I'm turning everything off. Just because you're my favorite doesn't mean I'll let you get away with anything."

"Boi! I let you get away with so many illegal things! Can I not just stay up for another hour to finish a damn design?!"

"Aria?"

"Hi, Minette."

"Are you gonna stay up again while binge-ing on coffee?"

"Maybe..."

"Marinette. Please tell my idiot sister that she needs sleep too."

"Aria-"

"Noooo! My favorites are teaming up to defeat me!"

"Aria. Go. To. Bed."

"No!"

Aria jumped up, seized the computer, shot into the bathroom.

"Ha! Now you can't stop me from finishing this!"

"Okay. I give up. Marinette, she's yours now."

Dante slowly backed out of the kitchen with his arms raised.

"Aria. Come out. Please. It's not a sleepover if it's only one person. Plus I need someone to binge-watch movies with!"

"...What kind of movies?"

"Um, MIB International, Charlie's Angels, Hanna, Atomic Blonde, La Femme Nikita-"

"I'm in. Just give me a second."

The sound of shuffling around could be heard in the unusually silent house. The bathroom door opened to show a dark room a few seconds later, and Aria emerged holding a closed laptop.

"I thought it wasn't going to save?"

"Yeah uh, I lied. I just wanted to keep working."

"Geez. I bet you'll be the only person in Gotham like this."

"Well, I do try to be unique!"

"Okay, we need to finish packing."

"But what about the movies?!"

"We'll watch them while we pack."

"Yay!"

-------

Five movies and two panic attacks later:

"Mooncake! Do you know where my-"

"Beanie? Downstairs in the tardis."

"Oh my gosh, thank you! I need to take a shower, are you almost finished packing?"

"Yeah, two more outfits and I'll be done."

"Kay. My phone is charging next to the window, the password is 314159, the flashy purple app turns on the TV."

With that, Aria walked out of the room and shut the door. Not even 2 minutes later, the sound of running water could be heard, along with the song 'Consideration' was blasting through the house. Marinette shook her head and laughed.

"Geez Ember. Too loud."

Marinette folded the last outfit and placed it in her suitcase. Walking over to the window, she was attacked by Kiro.

“Ack! Get off!”

Marinette started to try and shake the cat off and Kiro released her leg. She jumped onto the bed and yanked her legs up to avoid any further scratches. The door slammed open to reveal a soaking wet Aria in a towel. She still had soap bubbles in her hair and it had stuck to her face while she was running.

“I heard a screech! Is everything okay?”

Marinette stared for a second longer before laughing so hard she fell off the bed.

“OH MY GOSH! Did you just- holy crap! The cat just jumped on me!”

“...are you freaking kidding me? I literally jumped out of the shower to see what in the world was going on. I thought you were being abducted.”

“I’m so sorry! I just-” Marinette collapsed into another fit of giggles.

“Okay, since you’re obviously fine, I’m gonna go finish my shower. Next time, don’t screech unless it’s an emergency. Now my clothes are wet because of my idiocy. Goodbye, Little Missy Macaron.”

Aria walked out of the room, leaving Marinette to try and clean up the water mess. She just threw a towel over the puddle.

Aria walked into the bathroom while shaking her head slowly. She picked up her phone and pressed shuffle on her playlist. Once again, a song started blasting through the house.

————

Marinette grabbed Aria’s phone and unlocked it. She pressed the purple icon that Aria had told her about and clicked the red power button at the top. Nothing happened.

Right. The TV is downstairs.

Marinette sighed and checked under the bed before leaving the safety of the mattress. She picked up her two suitcases and took them downstairs. 5 minutes later, the sound of gunshots and suspenseful music coming from the living room rivaled the pop music coming from the upstairs bathroom.

—————-

Dante, Evita, and Armando came home to three girls shouting and running around, with another standing off to the side and filming. Chloe and Alya had come over to help after Aria had gotten out of the shower. Though it quickly turned into Chloe chasing Aria around and trying to get her to put on some clothes that weren’t covered in paint, and Alya filming Marinette freaking out about losing her deodorant.

“Dante! I stole your Pikachu boxers because they were in my drawers!” Aria ran past him, a disgruntled Chloe in hot pursuit.

“Why do I care?”

“Just thought you should know in case you start looking for them while I’m gone!”

“Speaking of being gone, shouldn’t you guys get going? Your flight leaves in 4 hours.”

“Crap! Evita! Do you have work soon? Can you drive us to the airport?”

“Can’t you guys just bike?”

Aria stopped and stared at Evita incredulously. Chloe didn't slow down quick enough and slammed both girls into the ground.

“Okay, are you stupid? Because we have like, 4 bags each, and the airport is like 45 miles away. ”

“Okay. I’ll take you, but I do have to work soon so we have to go now.”

“Okay. Akiv! Stop! Do you have your bags?”

“Yes, Ember.”

“Mousinette! Are you ready?”

“I NEED DEODORANT.”

“We can get some at the airport.”

“GAH! Okay, fine. Let’s go.”

The three girls ran to give Alya a hug before they left.

“Bye Als! Love you!”

“Adios, Vixen! Te Quiero!”

“Salut Alya!”

——————-

ONE EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG CAR RIDE LATER:,

Marinette, Aria, and Chloe stepped out of the Envoy and took their bags out of the trunk.

“Zai Jian, Evita! Te Quiero mucho!”

“Adios Mija! Je t’aime!”

Aria gave Evita a hug before slinging her book bag and purse over her shoulder and pulling her suitcase over to the entrance. The girls watched the car drive off before turning and walking into the airport.

“Ay Dios Mio…”

“What?”

“Look at the lines!” Aria gestured over to about fifty people standing in front of a counter.

“Oh, mon Dieu.” 

“Um, no. Look at your tickets. We have first-class. Which is the line over there.” Choe pointed over to a short line with only a few people.

“Oh, thank goodness.” Marinette sighed as she scanned over her plane ticket.

“Wait, really?” Aria scrambled for the small slip of paper in her wallet, accidentally dropping it.

A young male, probably around 15, picked it up. He smiled and held it out to her.

“Here you go, m’lady”

“Thanks, bro,” Aria grunted.

The boy froze for only a second, but it was long enough for her to pluck the leather contraption out of his hand and walk away with the other girls. When they were out of earshot, they all burst out laughing.

“Oh my gosh! Did you see his face when you called him ‘bro’?!”

“That was hilarious,” Aria wiped tears from her eyes.

“Welp, now we know how she keeps guys away.” 

“Who knew it was so simple?”

“No. It’s simple for me. I am the Goddess of repellent. You two are mere mortals.”

“She’s right! Oh, Great One! We are unworthy of your presence, but we beg to learn your ways!” Marinette got down on one knee, with one hand over her heart and the other being held out to Aria.

“Oh, get up Mooncake. They’re looking at us crazy again.” Chloe pulled the smaller girl onto her feet and ruffled her hair.

Marinette giggled, then bowed and took Aria’s hand. 

“I am forever indebted to you for teaching me.” She kissed the brunette’s hand before standing up straight again.

“Mooncake, I love you, but that was the weirdest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Thanks, Abelle.”

“No problem babe.”

Aria rolled her eyes. 

“Next!”

The girls looked up to see it was their turn in line.

“Please place your bags in the designated area.” The lady behind the desk gestured to a wire container.

Marinette looked to the side and placed her suitcase into the basket. The other girls quickly followed suit.

“Names?”

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“Aria Couture.”

“Chloe Bourgeois.”

The lady typed their names into the computer before waving them away. Marinette saw the dull look in her eyes and pulled out 3 macarons before whispering something and smiling.

“Excuse me, Madame? Here are a few macarons. I hope you have a nice day!” 

Marinette picked up her bags and walked away with her friends. She didn’t miss the small smile that appeared on the woman’s face.

“So, what’d you do to the cookies?”

“Let’s just say the rest of her week will be much better.”

“Minette, I have absolutely no idea what you're implying, and at this point, I'm too scared to ask.”

————

“This is why I hate flying. I’m already exhausted and we haven’t even been at the airport for 2 hours.” Marinette groaned.

“We’re done with all the security stuff, and our suitcases are already boarding the plane, which basically means we can currently do whatever we want. And don’t you still need deodorant?”

“Ugh. You’re right. Let’s go.”

Aria grinned and walked towards a sandwich restaurant.

“Aria, where are you going? The toiletries place is over there.” Marinette pointed to a little kiosk next to the bathrooms.

“Come on. You didn’t really think we would get deodorant before we got food, did you?”

“...I am kind of hungry…”

“Let’s go then!”

Aria grabbed Marinette’s right hand and Chloe’s left hand and yanked them over to the restaurant.

——————

“Flight Number 763, First class, Now boarding.”

Aria jolted awake at the sound of the announcement. She looked over at Chloe and Marinette sleeping peacefully and contemplated waking them up. She'd rather not lose an eye, or two.

Chloe woke up as the brunette picked up a small pink bookbag.

“Good morning Chlo,” Aria yawned.

“...hi Ari.”

Grabbing all of their backpacks, she took the tickets and passports out and walked over to the admittance booth.

“Tickets please."

“Here,” Aria handed him all three tickets and passports.

 Aria looked up at the man in the booth.

“Can we go in or do you need sleeping beauty over here to confirm something,” Aria pointed at Marinette.

“Um. You can go in…”

“Thanks, have a nice day!”

The girls walked to the plane and found their seats quickly. Chloe helped Aria set Marinette down and put the carry-on bags in the capsules above them. Both girls fell back asleep about 10 minutes after they buckled up.

——————

GOTHAM:

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I love this girl. She make me laugh. She make me smile

And I know she's suffering and I know she's being honest.

But I feel and I understand her frustration and that is what makes me smile.

Y'all gotta watch she goes off on Corona and COVID -19 calling it a her and a she.

Saying she didn't do no wrong and she don't deserve house arrest.

I believe her and I love her for her pure honesty and raw anger and hate for the situation.

I felt that same so many times in my life for aliens and for situations beyond the means of the Earth.

People like her i been worried for. People trying their best But just one day its too much.

I worry because I'm like that myself.

While she seem like... A volcano... Realize she took herself outside. Yelled loud enough so the kids were warned to not approach her she needed her own anger time out.

And she yelled her heart and mind out. She yelled it so strong and powerful.

And for that i am proud of her.

I'm sure she went inside and gave them kids all the love they deserve and juice without making a pool.

You can send your kids in the backyard and play. I see there's a garage open... Let them draw with chalk and get out your pretty hair.

They're bored as you auntie. Idk if you're baby sitting or live in... But it seems like you got someone essential working, or someone other than you that isn't pulling "at home weight" as much as you.

Being in front of the open garage... Laughing a bit at yourself when you said you wanted to make lil girl a pool... Drinking.. Feeling trapped ... Just seems like Some one else is leaving every day and you can't. And if you ask me to look real good you was waiting the last few minutes outside for them to come driving up.

So you may wanna go pick up a Wal-Mart pick up order of grocery. It sometimes is a long line. I looked this morning and its all booked to Monday for my local one. But doing that will keep you in less contact with others thus ideally healthier. Then spin through the drive thru and take the long way home.

There's no law saying the stay at home personnel must stay home at all times. Just limited.

You wouldn't necessarily wanna go in the stores seeing as yoh are the number one to care for the children, auntie. As the germs are more likely to be there. But to do a pick up. Idk who else is doing pick up. We just have Wal-Mart here... But may be others,in your local area. Well pick up you Just verify its your order. Through your car window so it's very limited contact with one person and they load up your groceries and you sit and wait in the car.

At the same time there's no law you and the kids can't go in the store. Its just limited.

It's clear you're not going anywhere. You can go places. Just limited. I do believe you can get in the car and just go for a drive. Just get out in the car and drive wherever. Idk where you live and if they have a ban but here in New Mexico we can drive anywhere in the state. And hotels are still operating. So drive to the next city and get a hotel for a night.

Its okay in many areas to do so. Even in NYC you can book a room.

But if we have to social distance. And we are in our cars following traffic laws and just driving without getting out of our cars. Then we are obeying the rules.

Loop hole baby.

Many of us feel like our cars are as personal as our homes. So #stayhome would be same as #stayinthecar on a nice drive.

And she has a 3 year old. Its a perfect time to show her the neighborhood and let her get familiar with it and how to get to the store. Test the little one

So, then it falls under education.

Loop hole baby.

How a cop gonna be all "you can't"???

Now as long as you remember to say "we're doing this in case you get lost (or kidnapped) or get a ride from your friend's parent that i said you could and you can make sure you can tell them how to get home and/or make sure they're going the right ways to get home"

Then for sure a cop can't tell you you can't.

Just in case neighborhood watch don't recognize your car... And calls you in. And you have the little one repeat the lessons to you because you explain it So in case you do get stopped then they know what they are doing in the car with you. And the SMS if the cop check it will also notify "safe distance patrol" which means all you need is verification you live there. Car registration or ID is preferred. That is for a worried cop. What it does actually signal is "having fun let's join in, too" So, when or if you see the cop you can pull over and they can give you tips on being safe if the cop wants interaction currently they probably will not pull over because of social distancing. But all they're doing is saying "SMS notified action in the area. We want you to know if this happens you're safe"

Because home invasions will often use the victims car, if a a person inside is moving around or the cop senses something not,right they will pull over the car to double check. So an ID is the most preferred method and they will visually check all ID of all adult passengers if they choose but it is recommended.

So make sure you're following laws. Kids are buckled and you're going the posted speed limit.

If you're going to your house then back out and over and over.

This case im speaking would look suspicious. So you drive down to the 711 four times so they can memorize and no one gets out and yoh just keep driving that circle

Its how you need to teach the kids but it would look suspiciously to the SMS computer system and for our safety I don't want to override it.

I'd rather a nice cop check and speak to the kids and thank the adults for looking out for the children's safety and for helping them do their jobs.

Usually a cop isn't in protocol to pull over unless its a wreckless danger. So like if I'm a kidnapper I'm a trip out. And either gonna try to get away from the cop or drive super cautious.

So cops may do some Dick moves around you to check you.

So y'all teaching your kids how to get home safe realize the cop is trying to protect you and realize they are in practice mode they may not think so but you know they are. So they may pull you over and so you have already explained to the car what y'all doing. So everyone should be able to explain it back to anyone.

So otherwise just take a nice long drive to the next town and then turn around and just have a nice drive.

Take time to see sights you don't normally see. Or like say you been wanting to go to the zoo but you're unsure of the drive. Well there's no traffic so you can practice driving there so you learn that way to get there easy.

But #StayInTheCar.

I love this girl in the video so much i made a movement after her.

Remember #DriveSober

So staying in the car does mean drive through!

Get you and your babies a treat. So them Quarentine Loop Hole fries are all jacked up and down under the seat until for eternity.

So y'all Just let your family out. Don't keep your beauties locked in because it's safest. Get a little creative.

So babies with some chalk. Or in the backyard playing ...pick up some balls online... Like Oriental Trading company is cheap and i know that you can get a dozen of a variety of different balls. And jump ropes and all kinds of things delivered straight to your house. Chalk, too.

Now you could stay in your little square in the front yard but i would imagine the back yard is more contained. Something with a fence and that is just for safety and not so much about social distancing But just to "stay in the yard" and not deal with nothing bull shit someone bored can come up with.

So I know

.i been waiting... I been i know people are losing their shit.m. I need to see it so I know what to say or do.

So thank you, ma'am for being so public and raw and straight from the soul and heart.

Letting your frustration out so the dark grainy images of my imagination have a voice and a way to be visible to the needs of the world.

Because I'm not realizing what all is going on every where so i need my Soul Warriors letting it out to be known.

My life i go out and my daughter has been trapped in and she don't mind so much but last night finally i could take her to the gas station just for a minute late late night... We both had to wear masks... She was all "I don't want you getting sick" and so i told her "you need to wear one too"

Which i was glad we did because the car we borrowed is leaking antifreeze into the car and it stinks like Hell and a smoker it makes me cough like Hell so the mask actually helped a lot. So i didn't cough with it on. So after this is all over if i borrow his car youre gonna see me wearing a mask just so i came breathe unless i fix my car... And Idk...

So y'all if you're tripping or tense or even if you're not because you're just trying to chill and cope and Don't realize you're building up a bubble of lava

Switch it up a little bit!!! Y'all are all up in there together you know your schedules. Who does what and who dont do what.

Who don't ever leave.

At least open windows. Something. Switch it up.

Y'all essiential workers coming home to dinner made and a clean house... Y'all gonna come to a volcano one day and don't know why

Then you gonna make it worse all what the Hell? What i do?! You wanna go to work?! I'm doing all i can to keep this home together and you act like that?!

And mother fucker honey. You're gonna get stabbed in the throat.

The shit just builds. This is why I didn't like this plan.

It builds on both sides. Believe it or not the ones going out are worried about the ones at home getting sick. And actually about them being cooped in... Some are.

But i know without a doubt they're loving home cooked meals and the family all home and safe and the house all clean

Hello were in the 1950s

So yo let the adults trapped at home drive the car if they are licensed. Let them capture that freedom..sit in the passenger seat and be the host. Sit side way and make sure the back seat is being good. Talk to them. Give them love and attention

Let that adult box herself in to a space filled with love for the family and her have that freedom at the wheel

Because that is what it is. She/he running that home. You need to give her a break stop them kids from going on about auntie and momma and so on and give them the strong love and attention they deserve. "How was your day?" "You looking how to get to the store?" "What is that street name?"

Just let her be quiet and enjoy the ride.

As women that's all we want.

Control. Lol. And love. Attention. Help. Strength. Patience.

And I know men want the same exact thing.

But we need to switch it up. Add some spice to the bland. Or its gonna taste like lava and not lots of lova.

Y'all know i am the Queen of Lava.

And y'all going out. Make sure you're on time!

But take them stuck in the house out.

I prescribe no less than a 30 minute outing. I saw gas here was $1.58 on the interstate for regular. I know places like California and New York are lots more and i know some places are even cheaper. But point. DNA4U says y'all should be able to afford it. Every where it must be less than $3 per gallon for even premium. Right?

So #StayInTheCar and check out some low cost online shopping. They are essiential employees.

And love yourselves even if you turn into a tornado spewing lava hurricane

And if someone around does. Love them

Help them. Add something they need to your routine.

Its not too late to save a life.

[ilygsd]

170918: 1

everyone i hear and everything i read says i should leave. i would never let my little sister or friend be with a person like him. so why cant i? why do i still want him? why do i think that he has what i want? he’s just an empty shell. he’s just manipulating me. he’s an asshole. but i just want to give him more chances. i just want to feel THAT whatever the fuck it is im feeling. im not even in love with him, im just obsessed with the feeling. its everything ive ever wanted. safety and unconditional love. from a sociopath??? safety from someone so impulsive and unpredictable? unconditional love from someone who cant even feel basic empathy? HAAH.

i know with every bone in my body that i dont want to be with this person. i JUST had a fredh start, i dont want to be ruined again. i dont want to be destroyed again. not again. not so soon. i wouldnt be able to get up this time. i really wouldnt. i KNOW FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART that i DONT WANT to be with a sociopath who cant fucking ever love me in a normal way, who cant ever respect my feelings in a normal way. i DONT WANT to spend my precious time on someone like him

so WHY is this so hard? ffs i didnt even realise i was obsessed until my mom and ex challenged me to not talk to him for a week. its not like i was super engaged and texted him all the time, but now when i KNOW i cant talk to him…. fucking abstinence. i feel like shit?? ive known this guy for max a month and i feel like absolute shit. i feel lonely and worthless without him, which is weird because i know my mom and ex loves me so much more than he’ll ever be able to do. i feel ashamed like im disappointing him. i feel WEAK for letting my emotional ass get manipulated like this

he didnt even have to do much tbh. its not like he’s giving me attention and love 24/7, he’s pretty……… normal?? maybe its not the attention i want. maybe its his intellect. he seems so sure of himself and as i said, i can identify myself in him. i want to think good of him because i want to think good of me. that i deserve to be happy like him.

this is so dangerous im so fucked. at least i cant smell him on my skin anymore (omg pls i sound like a fkn creep, do u know how much i’ll cringe over this when this is all over 😔😔). ive become obsessed with other ppl too, thats why i partly want to blame myself and not him. the difference is that those were good people. normal people. they realised that im fucked up and unstable so they ditched me before i could start anything. this little fella right here doesnt. he wants to control people, we’re a perfect fuxking match made in heaven.

fuck keep your head, keep your head. i low key regret i ever told my mom and my sister and thats dangerous. i will NOT hold secrets to them. if i do i’ll only turn to him. i’ll isolate myself. not because he tells me to, he wouldn’t need to be that controlling. i’d do it automatically because i want to. fuck me. i want to meet him. i want to cuddle with him just one more time. just a little longer. i want to hear his voice, i want him to sweet-talk me to sleep. i want to live in his little dream world and let him live for me. im too tired anyways and he knows that. i always tell him things before i realise myself. one of the first things i said was that he makes me feel safe and calm and that i just want to give in. ive told him so many things because i cant shut the fuck up and hold my feelings and thoughts to myself. im too anxious, i need constant reassurance because i dont trust mysef

one day i wont need my mom or my ex. one day i will be able to make these decisions completely on my own. and when i can do that, i wont have to be afraid of people like him using me. i will be able to be with him….. what the fuxk is that my motivation again? ”recover and heal so you can be with this sociopath?” as long as i want to be with him im not recovered right. its when i DONT want to be with him right

wow im so proud and happy i recognised this so early though. in that way its kinda good i dont shut up but have to talk to my mom all the time so she can give me advice. i mean if i didnt tell her, i’d probably go back to him. i’ll probably go back to to him again after this week is over. thats how fucking much i miss him. i cant eat, sleep or think. i dont even watch any series anymore. i dont know what the fuck is up with bts or anything. i cant study. i want to go back. i want to sleep next to him. i want to hear his heartbeat and i feel his scent. i want him to play with my hair and smile when he kisses me. i want to sleep with him. but i can absolutely the fuck not let that happen holy shit

he was right abt that. i wasnt aware but its true i need an emotional bond to sleep with someone. thats probably why i got this weird mating/impregnation kink anyways EW SORRY FOR TOO MUCH INFORMATION I HATE IT BUT I CANT HELP IT. I DONT WANNA BE USED AS A SEX TOY OR BABY MACHINES BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN…… the intimacy. if i were to let myself have sex with this manwhore, this really fkn horny bastard…….. i would basically try to bond with him again. i want to be a hoe, i want to be promsicous but i dont think i can

fuck that makes me so sad though for real. ive been aromantic and asexual for like 2 years, i was honestly scared i’ll never feel anything anymore. then i met him and i was so HAPPY THAT FINALLY I KNOW HOW TO BE IN LOVE AND SEXUALLY ATTRACTED AGAIN but SIKE, he’s a fucking sociopath it doesnt even count bitch. erasw him from your mind and you’ll realise that you still dont find anyone in this fuxking world attractive

fuck me in the asshole, someone save me. someone tell me WHY cant i be with him? who cares? i just want to die anyways right. i mean he makes me feel stuff i obviously want to feel. im obsessed, its my drug. its the easy way and im too tired to fight anyways. i just want to sleep. i just want to be taken care of. he could do that for me. everyone would be happy, he could brainwash me until i no longer have any individuality. great, right? would he really do that though? in a very subtle way in that case. he’s smart, he wouldnt want anyone to notice

i wonder how he feels about his diagnosis. if he likes it, dislikes it…. he said he was jealous of ppl who can feel empathy and that he used to feel it when he was younger. lost it when he was around 13. but like…… that could be bullshit because he only says shit after my reaction. he only started with his ”maybe it will come back” crap after he realised how……… not attracted i an to his sociopathy

and i wanna be a good person. i want to ve openminded. I IF ANYONE WANT TO UNDERSTAND SOCIOPATHS AND PSYCHOPATHS BECAUSE I MYSELF LOW KEY FEEL LIKE ONE, ALSAYS HATED AND DESPISED BY ANYONE AND EVERYONE. but wow…. when it comes to it i really cant. i feel superior. what the fuck is wrong with him. i feel sorry for him. this guy cant fucking feel basic love how sad isnt that. he’s a machine. a master ar disguise. he only lives to use. thats so fucked up

its scary how im isolating myself without him even telling me to. like he encourages me to talk to my mom and ex and get to know people and do my thing. right now its like im living in a bubbel. when im with him im in a bubble. i had trouble going to school yesterday because i was so caught up. when i meet other people its like i realise wow ih yeah im here. thats why in panicking. thats why i want to meet so many new people again now. i stopped chatting with people after i met him but now i feel like i have to.

he was worried i was rebounding with him after my ex. its more like the other way around. im trying to rebound from him. im trying to meet someone else like him so i can forget about him, but no one else is as interesting or as smart or as charming as him. its fucked up. je is a great guy…… uh…… if youre not in my position and let yourself get manipulated and used. i would NEVER have guessed if it wasnt for me being in love (or smth) and therefore wanting to know his TRUE intentions/feelings with out relationship whatever the fuck it is. i didnt understand his ”im just interested, it takes time for me to like someone”. but then we continued to fight and i realised this fuxker doesnt know how to stop, he doesnt feel guilt or regret

can i still be friends with him though? like he’s super smart i’d love to hear his advice on certain things. WAIT. why the fuck do i even want to be his friend?? hes still a fucking weirdo and you still dont know his intentions……. what if im overthnking? what if he’s avtually nice? NO ITS NOT BICE TO FORCE SOMEONE TO DEINK COFFEE ITS NOT NICE TO THREATEN SOMEONE TO TAKE AWAY THE BLANKET IF I DONT DRINK HIS COFFE AND TEELS HIM IT TASTES GOOD. ITS NOT NIXE TO GUILT TRIP ME OR ACCUSE ME OF TRYING TO MANIPULATE HIM WHEN HE JUST HURT MY FEELINGS SO MUCH I STATTED TO CRY. ITS NOT NICE TO ACCUSE ME OF GASLIGHTING WHEN I AVCUSED HIM FIRST OF GASLIGHTING.

im scared of him. im scared that he’ll be angry if i tell anyone about this