#she would have killed Axel instantly for disposing of Zexion

[talinexa]

Odd Goings-On - One-Shot

So... this was a random idea I had... LOL XD

“Isa!” Lea shouted, running forward across the roof of the Radiant Garden castle. The blue-haired boy’s face was cut up and bleeding, green eyes unfocused and staring up at the sky as he was lying on the ground. The silver-haired man leaning over Isa was smirking as a light emerged from Isa’s chest and glowed and spun for a moment, before shooting off into the sky.

Lea fell onto his knees on Isa’s other side, grabbing his friend’s arm in both hands, searching Isa’s blank stare for some sign of life before turning to the man. “What did you do to him?!” he demanded, glaring at Xehanort with tears running down his face.

Xehanort reached out and placed his hand on Lea’s chest. “Worry not. The pain will disappear,” he said.

Lea gasped as an overwhelming pain and darkness crashed through him. His vision went fuzzy and he blacked out.

He came to moments later, still lying on the floor of the castle’s roof.

The first thing he was aware of was someone shaking his shoulders. “Lea! Lea, wake up!” the familiar voice was one he’d know anywhere. His head was light and his eyes weren’t focusing, but he knew that wasn’t Isa speaking to him. Under his hand he could feel Isa’s arm.

“Astra... get out of here... now...” he groaned. He knew that he should have felt worried for her, but he didn’t. He didn’t feel... anything. No concern for Isa’s condition. No fear for what would happen to Astra should she stay.

He was empty. An empty chasm where his heart once was yawning open inside him.

The sensation left a profound ache in his chest.

“Astra... go...”

“No! I’m not leaving you! Isa’s bleeding. He’s awake but unresponsive and you were unconscious when I found you!” Long blue-gray hair—longer than but similarly colored to Ienzo’s—swam into focus as his vision improved.

“Xe... Xehanort... did this...” Lea muttered.

“What?” Astra breathed, sounding astounded. “What did he do?”

“Removed... our... hearts. You... need... to leave.” Clarity was returning to his mind. “Before you suffer the same fate. Go.” He sat up. Astra’s silvery-gray eyes were full of fear and concern. He grabbed her shoulders. “Get out of the castle. Get out of Radiant Garden if you can! Now!”

“Lea I can’t leave you!”

“You’ll find that boy is no longer Lea,” a deep voice said from behind. Astra and Lea whirled. It was Xehanort—but something was different. He had the same empty look that Lea felt. “He will now be known as Axel.”

“Why?” Astra demanded, putting herself between Lea and Xehanort.

“Astra, no,” Lea tried, a hand on her shoulder attempting to push her out of the way and failing. He was still groggy from his heart being torn from his body.

Xehanort chuckled. “You were always Ansem’s boldest pupil. Perhaps you should join our cause as well. Your will is strong.”

“Give them back their hearts, Xehanort!” Astra ordered.

“I cannot. Their hearts have been separated from their bodies. Only by their death can they be made whole again. And you don’t want that, do you?” He smirked. “And I am no longer Xehanort. I am... Xemnas.”

Astra took a step back, holding Lea’s wrist in one hand protectively. “Take me with you,” she said.

“Astra no!” Lea pleaded. “Get out of here!”

“I told you once before, Lea. You and Isa are the family I’ve found for myself. After my and Ienzo’s parents disappeared, this castle’s been all we’ve known. And if Xemnas is taking you away from here, I’m coming too.”

Xemnas smirked. “How I hoped you’d come willingly,” he said.

Darkness swept out of him and slammed into Astra.

“NO!” Lea shouted. She fell back, dazed, right into his arms. “Astra! Astra why would you—?”

The light glowed around her edges and emerged from her chest before shooting into the sky.

“Stand down, Axel. She will be alright. She will the same as you are now,” Xehanort—no, Xemnas—droned. “And now you won’t have to leave her behind.”

Xemnas swept a hand across the area in front of where Astra was slumped in Lea—Axel’s—arms. Her name appeared in glowing, floating letters. A flick of Xemnas’ wrist sent them spinning around her while she gazed on blankly, gray eyes empty of everything they once held.

They slammed to a stop in the wrong order, a golden X branded into them. “Number Nine, Staxar. Cosmic Channel. Welcome to Organization Thirteen.” Xemnas turned, and called over his shoulder, “Axel. Bring Saïx and Staxar to the courtyard when they’ve recovered.” With that, he stepped down the stairs and vanished into the shadows of the darkened castle.

Axel lowered Astra—Staxar—to the floor next to Isa. Saïx. “You idiot,” he whispered to her. “Why would you do that?”

“He... already... took... Ienzo. You, him, and Isa are... everything... to me. Can’t... lose you.” She reached out with one hand and took Saïx’s, her other hand reaching up to brush Axel’s face. “It’s... gonna be... okay.”

*****

“Hey Saïx?” I called, peering through doorways in the castle, looking for Saïx. “Saaaïïïx?! Where are yooou?”

“Staxar!”

“Oh! Hey Axel. You seen Saïx?”

“He was in the meeting room last I checked. Talking with Xemnas.”

“Oh. I’ll wait for him then,” I said.

“Staxar?”

“Yeah Axel?”

“What are you looking for Saïx for?”

“Oh. Just need to talk to him about my mission yesterday. I think I forgot to put something in my report. And I don’t know where he put it so I can update it.”

“Boring. You’re such a Goody-Goody.”

I paused and blinked. “I... would disagree with you. I... have never made many attempts at being a goody two shoes. I’m just trying to do one thing that’ll keep Saïx from nagging me about being forgetful like he does with Demyx.”

Axel snorted. “Fair enough. Okay. Yeah just wait for him to get done. He’ll probably head to his room. Wait for him there.”

“I will. Thanks Axel.”

I headed for Saïx’s bedroom, and waited outside it for all of five minutes before getting dragged by Demyx to the commons area to hang out—and do a duet. I was, apparently, the only member of the Organization who enjoyed singing. Or was, at least, willing to sing with Demyx when he played his sitar.

We hung out in the commons for a few songs, me singing and Demyx playing. How Demyx got anything done I still had no idea. I swear he never did any work.

“Hey Staxar?” Demyx asked. “What were you hangin’ around Saïx’s room for anyway?”

“I wanted to talk to him about my mission report from yesterday. I think I forgot to put something in it,” I answered honestly.

“You actually fill those out?”

“Don’t you?”

“Not well.”

“No wonder Saïx is always on your case.”

Demyx shrugged and retuned to the sitar. “It’s not like he’s ever gonna do more than talk.”

I snorted. “If you say so. But don’t come crying to me when he beans you upside the head.”

That made Demyx laugh.

There was a lull in conversation during which Demyx plucked at his strings. “Hey. Maybe we should run away and become a performing duo,” he suggested. The sarcasm wasn’t lost on me. I snorted.

“Nah. I can’t leave Zexion and Axel and Saïx behind.”

“Thaaat’s right! I keep forgetting Zexion is your brother. I mean yeah you look alike but you don’t act alike at all.”

“He was always more reserved than I was,” I said, twisting some of my hair around my fingers. “I had to be louder because I had to take care of him. Even after I met Is—Saïx and Axel.”

“Right. Well, at least let me be in charge of the music at your wedding when you and Saïx get married, mkay?” Demyx remarked.

I dropped my hair. “What?!” I demanded.

He looked confused, brushing a loose clump of hair back up into place. “What? Isn’t that why you’re so attached to that stick in the mud?”

“No!”

“Really? I always thought you were in love with him.”

“I am not in love with Saïx!” I exclaimed, voice going squeaky. “I can’t feel anything, remember?!”

“Huh. Oh yeah.” Demyx threw his arms behind his head casually. “Forgot about that. You two just act like an old married couple.”

“Shut your face, Demyx,” I snapped, pushing myself to my feet. “Saïx and I were friends in the old life. Only friends. We were too young when we lost our hearts for anything else.”

“You were, what? Fifteen? Sixteen? That’s plenty old enough to have a crush on somebody.”

“Demyx, are you trying to goad me into beating your face in?”

“No. Just bringing up something you and Saïx refuse to acknowledge.”

“If I did have a heart and could feel, I would say ‘I hate you.’ Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really do have to attend to business.” I moved to leave the commons area.

“Just don’t forget to lock the door!” Demyx called.

I whirled, daggers appearing in my hands. “DEMYX!”

He was gone, the last vestige of a dark corridor closing. I ground my teeth and let my daggers vanish. That idiot’s teasing was going to get him killed. Probably by me but maybe by Saïx if he caught wind of it.

I rolled my eyes and went back through the halls to Saïx’s room. It was slightly ajar and the light was on. He’d returned from his meeting with Xemnas apparently. “Saïx?” I called, knocking on the frame and pushing the door open. “I was wondering if you would let me edit my mission report from yester—OH GOSH SORRY!” I clapped one hand over my eyes.

Saïx was standing at his window without any sort of shirt on. He had on his uniform trousers but that was it. His blue hair was lying, damp, down his back, looking like he’d just finished combing through it.

“I did knock!” I squeaked, trying not to peek between my fingers.

“Yes. I heard you. Are you feeling embarrassed?” Saïx asked.

“No,” I said. “I don’t feel anything. But it’s rude and indecent of me to—”

“Staxar. Enough. What were you here for?”

I cleared my throat. “I think I forgot some details in my mission report from yesterday,” I said. “I was wondering if I could make sure and edit it.”

“Of course,” Saïx said. He crossed to his desk—he was like the only member of the Organization who had a desk in his room—and pulled open one of the drawers. It was full of files. He rifled through it and then handed me my report.

“Thanks. I’ll bring it right—”

He offered me a pen. “Just go through it here,” he said, cutting me off.

I cleared my throat and accepted the pen before leaning over his desk to glance through it and make sure I had everything in it. I tried really hard not to peek at Saïx while I looked through my report but it was kinda hard not to as he still hadn’t put a shirt on. I had known him for most of my life at this point and had never once seen him without one apart from right now.

He and Axel were built similarly—with Axel being slightly skinnier—but Saïx had more bulk. His muscles were the lean-and-wiry kind while still being whipcord strong. Because how else was he supposed to wield that giant claymore? He wasn’t as obviously-bulky as Lexaeus and Xaldin but he had definition.

If I still had a heart I’d probably be uncomfortable.

I chewed my lip hard and focused on my work. There were a few details I’d left out that I quickly added back in. When I was done I handed the papers back to Saïx. “Done. Thanks.”

“Of course. I appreciate your endeavors to be accurate.”

“Yeah. Uh... thanks. No problem.” I nodded and moved to leave.

“Staxar?” Saïx asked.

“Hmm?” I didn’t trust myself to turn around because I’d probably be too distracted to meet his eye, so I faced the door.

“I heard you and Demyx talking.”

“He was just joking around. You know how he is,” I said, gaze focused on the door.

Saïx’s hand rested on my shoulder. “Staxar we were children when we joined the Organization.”

“Teenagers,” I corrected. “Treated like children and expected to act like adults. Saïx...” I shook my head. “Never mind. Demyx was just being a punk.” I slipped out from under his hand on my shoulder.

“Should his harassment of you continue I could have him reprimanded—or even punished should it come to that.”

“It’s not harassment and it’s not a big deal.”

“Staxar, we were friends. It’s among the duties of a friend to—”

“Okay. Two things. One: we are friends, Saïx. Present-tense,” I interrupted. “And two: you don’t do nice things for your friends out of duty or obligation. You do it because they’re your friends and you want to. Anyway. You really don’t have to play favorites. I’m fine and I can handle Demyx on my own. But thanks.” I gave him a brief smile over my shoulder before rushing out of his room.

I ran to Axel’s and knocked on his door. He opened it after a second. “What’s up? You find Saïx?”

“Worse. I just walked in on Saïx shirtless with his hair wet like he’d just gotten out of the shower. I have never done anything more awkward in my entire life and I’m not even able to feel embarrassed!”

Axel started laughing, pulling me into his room and shutting the door. “Staxar, you are a treasure to be around. Your strange misadventures are a never-ending source of entertainment for me.” He leaned against the wall and folded his arms. “How’s that crush on Isa from when we were teenagers now, hmm?”

“I did not have a crush on Saïx,” I snapped.

“No, not Saïx. Isa. He’s... changed in the past couple years. Not that you’d notice. He doesn’t act like Saïx around you. He acts like Isa around you. And only you.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. Ever notice how sharp he is in meetings?”

“A little.”

“Yeah. That’s Saïx. But you only ever see Isa when you’re alone with him.”

“Is he playing favorites?”

“I think he had a crush on you when we were teenagers,” Axel remarked. “And the part of him that remembers that treats you special. Because there is a part of him that remembers being able to feel...”

“Axel... If it’s just me... is he Saïx with you too?”

“Oh yeah. But it’s okay. I’m used to him in every mood.”

Someone knocked on the door. “Axel? Have you seen Staxar?” a familiar voice called.

“I’m in here chatting, Zexion!” I shouted back.

The door opened.

“Sure just come on in,” Axel muttered sarcastically. My brother ignored him.

“Staxar, I would like a word.”

“Sure thing,” I said. “See ya, Axel. Thanks for the chat.”

“Any time.” He laughed and clapped me on the shoulder. I dodged out of his room.

Zexion had opened a corridor and gestured for me to go through it.

“Oh. A private conversation, eh?” I said with a smile, ducking through it. My brother’s blue eyes blinked but he said nothing, following after me quickly.

We emerged in Traverse Town. It was after dark and the streets were mostly empty. “Staxar,” Zexion started. “What are your real feelings for Saïx?”

“Don’t have any,” I said. “I’m supposed to love you because you’re my brother but I just don’t. You know we can’t. Our hearts were cast off when we joined the Organization.”

“You sacrificed your heart to come with Isa, Lea, and I. Without a second thought. Why would you do such a thing?”

“The three of you were all I had. You had Master Ansem and Vexen and Lexaeus and Xaldin keeping their eye on you but because I was older and female they assumed I was responsible enough to take care of myself. I rarely saw any of them. Just you, Lea, and Isa.”

“But... you did have feelings for Saïx didn’t you? In the old life?”

“Yes. I did. But it’s... fuzzy to say the least. I remember being aware of how deeply I loved all three of you one second, and the next second everything was gone and I was empty. I remember Axel shouting my name. And my feelings for Isa... I still look at him and remember them. But I don’t feel them anymore.”

“Didn’t you once whisper to Lea that you wanted to marry Isa?”

“Someone like Isa,” I corrected. “Someone less exuberant than Lea but slightly more verbal than you.” We found a park bench and sat down. “Getting you to talk was like pulling teeth.”

“I’m aware. I was a shy child.”

“I know, Zexion. When our parents disappeared... before we were taken into Master Ansem’s care, you and I wandered the streets of Radiant Garden on our own. You were maybe two at the time. You wouldn’t remember it now. I think the experience of the two of us on our own scared you out of talking for a long time.” I wrapped my arms around him. He’d already grown taller than me and he was thirteen. “And I’ve always felt guilty for failing you there.”

“Astra,” Zexion said, brushing his bangs behind his ear in order to look me in the face fully. He only ever did so for me. I hadn’t heard anyone call me my real name in a long time. “You did not fail me. Everything we went through brought us to where we are now. You’ve always done your best to take care of me and you’re the only blood family I have. I’ve always admired your bravery and your strength.” He wrapped his arms around me in turn. “And if it makes you feel any better, I approve of you and Saïx.”

My mouth dropped open. “Zexion!” I protested. “There’s nothing to approve of! There’s nothing there!”

“Everyone in the Organization knows that’s a lie.”

“I...”

“He liked you too, you know,” Zexion said. “But he’d never admit it out loud.”

I snorted. “That sounds like Saïx. But how would you know?”

“I overheard him telling Lea in the castle a few days before we gave up our hearts.”

I sighed. “Well, unfortunately, the situation we’re in now doesn’t really allow for anything to happen.”

“If you say so.” Zexion opened another corridor around himself and vanished.

I sighed and followed him through my own corridor back to the Organization’s castle. I appreciated that Zexion opened up to me—because as Ienzo he hadn’t much—but I was getting really tired of the teasing. Demyx and Axel I could understand. They were playful by nature. But Zexion? It was almost bizarre to have my quiet, intellectual baby brother poking fun at a five-year-old crush on Saïx that I was currently incapable of feeling.

Back at the castle, I went to my own room and got ready to get some sleep.

Once I showered, I stood at my window, looking at our Kingdom Hearts, with my wet hair hanging to my waist, standing only in my sleeping clothes and bare feet.

Knock-knock-knock!

“Who is it?” I called out of habit, despite being able to identify most of the Organization’s members by their knock alone.

“Me,” Saïx’s voice said.

I pulled my black coat on over my nightdress. “Oh boy here we go,” I whispered before pulling the door open. “To what do I owe the visit?”

“May I come in?”

Ignoring the warning bells going off in my mind labelled Awkward Situation Alert!!!, I opened the door wider. “Sure,” I said, letting him enter and backing up. He shut the door behind him, quiet and polite.

Saïx folded his arms. “I spoke to Demyx,” he said.

“Isa, I told you, you didn’t have—”

“He sought me out.”

“I doubt it was to apologize.”

“Demyx? No.” Saïx shook his head. “He sought me out and told me it was about time you and I were honest with ourselves.”

“That punk,” I muttered.

“Staxar...” he trailed off. I stared at him for a moment. The thing about being a Nobody was we didn’t feel anything. No shame. No remorse. No happiness either. No love. The love I once felt had been stripped and hollowed out of me a long time ago.

But... for some reason... I could feel that love. Fluttering in my chest like a large moth.

“Ye... yeah?” I asked quietly.

“I believe... for all his faults... Demyx may be right this time,” Saïx said quietly.

Shut up and kiss me, you big idiot, I thought, but didn’t dare say aloud. “You... you think?” I said instead.

“I do.”

I lifted my head. “Then kiss me.”

That earned me a smile. “I’m the one who gives the orders around here.”

“Not with this.”

Saïx’s hands found my shoulders and pulled me closer. He was a lot taller than me despite being the same age, so he had to lean down to reach me.

When our lips met, it felt like everything crashed down around me. Nothing else mattered. My chest was on fire and my knees grew weak. I never wanted it to end.

Five years of being a Nobody—of having no heart or emotions—made the experience overwhelming. A rush of feeling rushed over me like an ocean wave.

I probed at the kiss slightly, testing Saïx’s boundaries.

I was surprised when he went along without resisting me or chastising that I was going too far. But he did.

Caught up in a riptide of reckless passion, I shoved him back against the wall of my bedroom. He responded by holding me closer, hands finding the zipper of my coat and pulling it down to reveal my night dress.

He tasted like hundreds of missed opportunities.

I don’t know how long the kiss lasted, but it wasn’t nearly long enough.

Saïx pulled away, closing his eyes and turning his face away from me. “No,” he said. “We... I can’t,” he muttered.

“Saïx...” I didn’t want to apologize—because what was I supposed to apologize for?—but I didn’t know what else to do.

But, before I could say anything, he swept out of my room, the door hissing shut. I was alone, my coat sliding off my shoulders. I let it fall to the ground and collapsed onto my bed.

“What was I thinking?!” I muttered.

*****

“Quite the display, Saïx,” a voice remarked as Saïx strode down the corridors towards his bedroom. “I mean, I didn’t see it, but I heard it.” Xigbar chuckled, falling into step beside Saïx—who rolled his eyes. “You two’ve had it bad for each other since Ansem took her and her baby brother in.”

“Need I remind you that, as Nobodies, we don’t have hearts or emotions. Any feelings I once held for Staxar are long gone.”

Xigbar scoffed. “As if,” he retorted. “I can see right through you, kid.”

“I am no longer a child, Xigbar.”

“Whatever you say.”

Saïx turned into his bedroom and slid the door shut in Xigbar’s face.

After so much passion had filled him moments ago, fear was taking its place. Fear of the love and passion he’d felt. Fear of what the kiss would mean for Staxar’s and his safety in the Organization.

*****

Saïx stopped talking to me after that outside of assigning me to missions and ordering me around. Axel insisted everything would be fine—I just needed to give Saïx some time—but the more time passed, the less Saix spoke to me. And the less hope I had that Axel’s words would come true. I’d lost Isa five years ago. And it looked like I was losing Saïx too.

Empty and confused, I couldn’t figure out what to do. I wanted to confront him but I didn’t want to demean him in front of the other Organization members. He had a lot of responsibilities for being Number Seven.

“It’s okay. It’ll blow over,” Axel reassured me when we were paired together for a recon mission.

“What if it doesn’t?” I retorted.

“It will. Saïx—Isa—he’s just not used to... any of that. Even when we were kids. Remember? He was always pretty reserved. Just give him a chance to come around.”

And I tried. Good light I tried to give Saïx a chance to come around.

It wasn’t my fault that he didn’t. I acted the same as I always did—friendly and cheery—both around him and everyone else. And he still wouldn’t talk to me except to give me orders.

“This is driving me mad,” I complained to Zexion after a few weeks. “Saïx won’t even talk to me anymore!”

“Perhaps you overwhelmed him.”

“It’s not that kind of avoidance! This is the mean kind.” I sat down with a huff and looked around. “Where are we, anyway?”

“Agrabah.”

“No wonder I feel like I’m going to melt.”

“Would you rather go to Atlantica?”

“Yes.”

Zexion snorted. “Let’s not. Please.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

“Staxar, I have a suggestion.”

“And what’s that?”

“Focus on your work for now. Let Saïx figure himself out and just work for now.”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah alright. Okay, Zexion.”

So that was what I did. Threw myself headlong into my work. I pushed myself to my limits and then kept pushing. It turned into a welcome distraction from the suffocating pressure of knowing that something about the kiss pushed Saïx away from me when I’d kind of hoped it would bring us closer together.

“Hey, uh, Staxar? Maybe you should slow down a little,” Axel remarked one day about a week later.

“I can’t. Because the second I do, all I think about is Saïx and what happened.”

“What exactly did happen?”

I recounted the story again, not really expecting Axel to listen—

But got cut off by a large monster swooping overhead.

“Whoa. That thing’s... enormous,” I said. I summoned my daggers and looked at Axel. “Come on! Let’s take it down!” I took off after it, hurling myself headlong into danger.

“Stax, I don’t think that’s a good idea—STAXAR!” Axel shouted.

*****

Many Years Later...

*****

“Y’know, I wasn’t always Number Nine,” Demyx said to Roxas, strumming away at his sitar. “I started at Number Ten.”

“What happened to the original Number Nine?” Roxas asked.

Axel glanced up from his chakrams where he was sharpening them. “She destroyed herself,” he said. “Everyone underneath her moved up a number and Larxene was recruited in her place.”

“Who was she?”

Axel shuffled uncomfortably. “Her name was Staxar. She was... Zexion’s older sister. She and Saïx were close. She was my friend too. She joined the Organization so she could stay with us—Saïx, Zexion, and me.”

“What made her unique?”

“She had an incredible cosmic ability. She could channel the energy of the stars,” Axel said.

“Why did she... destroy herself?” Roxas asked.

“Something bad happened,” Axel answered evasively. “It’s a... long story for another time.”

“Oh. Will you tell it to me?”

Axel scratched the back of his head. “One day.”