#shijima go

[t-u-i-t-c]

"Picture perfect, right?"

[kamenridermach]

Even if you lose something else, I'll find it for you. (Chase. I found my answer. I will...see you again.)

[thefoxtherapist]

Therapy

I finally wrote it my god

Chase signs Go up for therapy, again. But properly this time!

Tags: Shijima Go x Chase, hard to pin a genre on this one it has a bit of everything, tad suggestive at the end.

Chase really felt like he had no choice. He had tried before and failed, but he learned from his previous mistake. Kiriko had also asked this of him, which meant he had to. A promise was a promise. He just wasn’t sure how to tell Go. It was hard enough the first time, and he was hell to try and get there. Like a dog refusing to go to the Vet. 

“Go,” the roidmude looked into the living room to see if he was at his desk. Once he confirmed he entered the room properly. Go tilted backwards in his chair, looking up at Chase upside down. “Have you eaten lunch today?”

“Uhhhm,” he sat up straight, looking at the time on his computer. “I don’t think so, no. I’ve been really busy with work today.” He groaned, then spun in his chair to properly face his boyfriend. Chase offered a small reassuring smile, walking up to him, he put his hand on the top of Go’s head, petting him.

“I’ll make you something.”

Go leaned into the touch, appreciating any affection from his lover. Chase’s hand trailed down from the top of his head down to his cheek, so he could cup it. Go closed his eyes, exhaling a gentle breath. He brought a hand up to cover Chase’s, relishing his love. 

“Do you want something specific?” He inquired, thumb running along Go’s cheek. The man hummed, thinking it through. But he shook his head instead. “Alright. I do have to let go.” Go immediately pouted without opening his eyes. “I know, I’m sorry.” Chase pulled his hand away, unable to prevent the ghost of a smile that tugged at his face.

He whined and opened his eyes, watching Chase cross the rest of the room for the kitchen. “Did I forget to take the trash out?” Go questioned, spinning his chair again to face Chase, but this time he leaned against his desk.

“Why do you ask?”

Go tapped his temple and then pointed at the roidmude. “You only get like this when you want me to do something.” A tell, a rarity for him. But they’d been together for quite some time. Go could read him, and in turn Chase could read him too. A standstill between their knowledge of each other.

Chase exhaled air he didn’t need. “I set up a therapy appointment for you next Thursday, at two.” He didn’t want to see Go’s disappointed expression but he still turned his upper body to look at him. “She’s a psychiatrist too so she’ll be able to help with medication.” He explained, watching Go’s expression.

The man sighed, then chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was thinking it over. Go pushed his keyboard forward, placing his arms on his desk so he could rest his head. “Fine, fine.. Big sis will have her way.” Go pouted up at him and Chase returned with a sympathetic thumbs up before he disappeared into the kitchen to make Go lunch.

Go sighed, staring at the kitchen doorway that was now barren. He knew it was because his family worried about him. But he wasn’t exactly excited to have things confirmed about himself. Go wanted nothing more than to pretend he was normal, that he was okay and that nothing was wrong. But even he wasn’t stupid enough to keep denying that. 

He sat up in his chair, dragging his keyboard back down in front of him. At least he had until Thursday. That was enough to try and convince himself to even go. The man sank in his chair, he stared at the computer screen but his work wasn’t speaking to him. The edits could be done later, he already responded to his emails..

He pushed his chair back and stood up, stretching his arms upwards. Go left the living room, seeking out his boyfriend in the kitchen. “Not ready yet.” Chase reported, standing beside the stove. Go made a sound in response, going up to him, he wrapped his arms around Chase’s waist.

Chase returned the action, holding him tightly back. Go rested his head on top, nuzzling his face against the roidmude’s soft hair. “I can go with you next week if you need me to.” Chase’s voice slightly muffled earned another squeeze.

“No, no. It’s okay..” Go sighed into his hair, “I’ll manage, I think.” He kissed the top of his head then looked over him at the stove. “That’s a lot of rice.” 

The roidmude slightly pushed him away, lifting the lid of the pot to check on the rice in question. “I’m making some for you now, then dinner, then tomorrow.” Chase trailed off, putting the lid back down. “We still haven’t gotten a new rice cooker.” 

“Right, I meant to do that.” Go tugged his boyfriend back into his arms, the roidmude exhaling weakly. “I’ll order one when I get back to work.” He wiggled Chase side to side as he held onto him. “How did you break the last one anyways?” Go looked down at the man in his arms. Chase lifted his head to look up at him.

“It caught fire during that electrical storm, it was not my fault.”

“You used a rice cooker during an electrical storm.”

“For you.” Chase defended, and Go conceded with a laugh. He wiggled him again, and then leaned down, closing the distance between them. Chase pushed himself up somewhat, lips pressing against Go’s in a chaste kiss. “Does that make up for the rice cooker, my love?”

“Hmm, yeah.” Go kissed him again. Then again, then he began to pepper his face in kisses until he was chuckling and pink. It always made Go smile to see Chase become flustered, especially when it was due to something so chaste. He kissed him a few more times before finally relinquishing him. “Okay okay, I’m done.”

“Good, now get back to work. I’ll bring you lunch soon.” Chase practically shooed him away and Go grinned, bringing his hands up to do finger guns at him. He left the kitchen shortly after, leaving his partner to his work. 

The rest of the week went much the same, with Chase trying to blow up the oven while baking a cake. “I.. gotta get to my appointment.” Go trailed off, looking at the charred oven. He didn’t want to go to it, but he also did not want to clean that. “Love you!” Go kissed Chase’s cheek, the roidmude exhaling deeply as his boyfriend left.

Go jumped down the steps of the apartment, helmet under his arm. He wasn’t excited for what he was going to be told. Already making up the most extreme of cases in his head as he headed outside towards the parking lot. Go pulled the helmet on, adjusting the strap. He pulled his key from his pocket. 

He was tempted to fuck around and go somewhere else, but he wouldn’t put it past Chase to have made sure the psychiatrist would call him if Go didn’t show up. “Maaaan..” Go sighed, starting his bike. He really did love Chase. That much was clear.

He spent most of the session thinking about his sister and Chase, how much they wanted him to get better. It was painful. Go answered the questions as honestly as he could, explained how he felt to the best of his ability. It wasn’t like he had every word for how he felt, or any meaning to his desire to harm himself. At least he didn’t think he did.

The doctor was kind and understanding, prompting him to answer questions, scales of symptoms. Go played with the end of his jacket, avoiding her gaze. He didn’t know his family history of anything really, avoiding the concept altogether lest it made him think too hard on the kind of person he came from.

“Alright, Go-kun, I think I have a pretty good idea of what we should start with. I’m going to prescribe you some vyvanse for your ADHD and I think we’ll start with citalopram for your depression.” She concluded, setting her clipboard on the small table beside her. 

“Okay…” 

“Your anxiety and histrionic personality disorder are going to require extensive therapy to treat, however. So I want to see you once a week from now on. Yui at reception will help you set up an appointment.”

Go tilted his head, eyebrows furrowing. “I’m sorry, histrionic personality disorder?” 

The woman nodded and then stood up, she went to her desk. “Yes, I actually have a pamphlet here.. When your partner was describing some of your behaviour I suspected it may be the result of histrionic personality disorder, or HPD. Here it is.” She grabbed a pamphlet and went back to her seat, sitting down, she held it out for him to take.

He took it and nodded. “Alright now, I'll need some information from you so I can send those prescriptions to the right place.” She picked her clipboard up, taking the peh from the top. “Oh, and I'll send you some information regarding your other prescriptions over email later.” 

The psychiatrist began to take down the necessary information as Go told her. But the man's eyes were on the pamphlet in his hand. It felt a bit ridiculous. But he couldn't deny what the pamphlet said. Even if he wanted to. He wanted to believe what he had could easily be fixed by medications, and could be cured by a change in neurotransmitters. 

His ride home was quick, but after nearly two hours, Go wanted to be at home more than anything. His body was exhausted as he dragged himself up the stairs, he was practically falling over by the time he unlocked the apartment door. He kicked his shoes off, uncaring that they landed halfway down the entrance hall.

Go stepped into the kitchen, looking at the no longer charred oven. He hoped it still worked, he couldn’t afford a replacement. He emptied his pockets, tossing his keys, receipts, meds from the pharmacy, and pamphlets onto the messy counters. 

“That took a while.” Chase entered the kitchen, hair wet. Go hummed, picking up the paper bag containing the bottles of medication. The roidmude slotted himself to the man’s back, resting his chin on Go’s shoulder. “Did it go okay?”

“She says I’m insane pretty much.” Go responded with a small chuckle, tearing open the bag to retrieve the bottles. He read the instructions printed on the bottles, looking between the two in either hand. “These should make me less insane, though. And I’ll go see her next Monday.” He shook the pill bottles for emphasis.

“That’s good, my love. The second part, that is.” 

Go set the bottles down on the counter, reaching up to open the cupboard and grab a glass. Then he dragged Chase to the sink to fill up the glass with water. Then dragged him back to the counter with the pills. Chase snorted, amused by his persistent lover. He set the glass down and cracked open the bottles. 

With one of each in the lid, he threw them back, following them up with water. Go then closed the pill bottles, leaving them on the counter. “I am cured.” He joked, wiggling slightly so Chase would loosen his grip. He then turned, promptly picking the man up groom style. “Bed or couch?” He inquired as he left the kitchen.

“For sex or cuddles?”

“Yes.”

“Bed, then.”

“Smart boy.” 

Go carried him through the apartment, there was one worry with starting medications. He actually enjoyed his libido. He’d hate to have it get reduced, but he understood at least. The man dropped Chase on the bed, watching him sink into the mattress. It was just something he’d have to watch out for, he told himself.

Chase pulled his shirt off before his lover even had time to crawl on top of him, prepared and used to Go’s insatiable hunger. His lips were warm despite having been outside in the cold, even his fingers were warm as his hand trailed up Chase’s torso.

He knew he was a needy lover, he was just relieved that Chase seemed so happy to please him. Go’s back pressed into the mattress as his lover pinned him down, cold lips trailed along faded hickeys on his neck. Sex was always a good distraction for him, feeling good and making Chase feel good was important to him. 

He inhaled and exhaled quickly, trying to suck in air after Chase winded him. Go pushed himself up, blanket falling around his lap as he laughed breathily. “You were enthusiastic tonight!” Go grinned at his partner resting against the headboard. 

“Of course. You looked like you needed it.” And he was proud of him for going, it was a Go shaped reward. Chase leaned towards him, kissing his shoulder. “I should clean the kitchen though.” Even he didn’t want to. But he had been the one to destroy it. Go snickered at his misfortune.

“Okay, I’ll go shower.” He brought his hand up, catching Chase’s chin before he pulled away. Go leaned in, kissing him sweetly. Chase kissed him back, lips moving against his in practice motion. They had become part of each other, something both terrifying and exciting. 

Go could never have imagined he would get this far, especially not with Chase. His heart thudded in his chest as he breathed in through his nose so he could continue the kiss. Chase’s hand wrapped around his wrist and he opened his eyes to see the roidmude staring at him with flushed cheeks.

“I thought you were done for the night?”

The man exhaled and released his face. “I am, I’m done, sorry.”

Chase shook his head, his eyes trailed over the man’s exposed body. “If you aren’t done, Go, that’s fine.” He was used to it anyway, Go was active in bed. And out of bed. Chase had become used to it. He reached over, trailing his finger along Go’s chest scars.

“Ugh, we’ll be here all night if we keep going.” Go lurched forward, head hung. He wanted Chase’s attention, he knew that. It was exhausting for him, always needing to rely on somebody else. Even if Chase was happy to love him in all the ways he needed. He exhaled sharply when he was pushed back into a lying position.

The roidmude kept a weak grip on his neck, more a gentle hold than anything. Chase hovered over him, staring into his eyes. He was concerned, Go knew that look well. It made him feel bad- Chase pressed his forehead to Go’s, releasing his neck to find his hand amongst the sheets, fingers intertwining.

“You have taught me the deepest form of love I have ever known. Please do not run from me.” 

“Chase…” Go trailed off, squeezing his hand. “I love you too.” He knew Chase loved him. He was more sure of that than he was sure of most things in his life. “I’ll get better, for you and Kiriko. I promise!” He grinned up at him and Chase chuckled, but he lifted his head to nod at him.

“Good.” 

“Now go clean the kitchen!” Go gave his hand another squeeze before pulling his hand away. Chase sighed and sat up properly, running a hand through his messy hair. Go watched with amusement as he sluggishly pulled himself off of the bed, he clearly didn’t want to clean.

But Go did take the opportunity, rolling closer to the edge so he could smack Chase’s ass. The roidmude didn’t even flinch, looking down at his grin from over his shoulder. “No class.” He commented, before beginning his search for his clothing.

“You’re the one dating a guy with no class.” 

“Yes, well. What is it your sister says…” Chase pulled his boxers up, turning towards Go. “Opposites attract?” Go waved him off, then wrapped his arms around one of the pillows, hugging it close and resting on it. Chase stepped forward, he placed one knee on the bed and then leaned down to kiss Go’s temple. 

Go beamed up at him when he pulled away, he returned a small softer smile. Chase promptly finished getting dressed, leaving the bedroom afterwards, with the door open. He was in the living room by the time he heard the shower start and loud music begin to play. He entered the kitchen and took a look around, his arms crossing.

Chase grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink, throwing away all the paper towels he had used when leaving everything. Along with some rags that were better tossed than saved. He dropped the bag on the ground when he got to where Go had left all his stuff, rolling his eyes as he cleaned up after the man.

He did love him, but his brain ran at a speed Chase could not comprehend. He grabbed the keys, hanging them on the hook beside the doorway. The pill bottles he had to leave somewhere Go would see them every day, so he put them beside the coffee machine. 

Then he checked all the receipts, mumbling them off to himself and making a toss pile and a keep pile. He threw out the unnecessary ones. Then he smoothed out the needed ones, stacking them and bringing them to a drawer. He stuck them into the draw, carefully on top of other important receipts. 

Chase leaned against the counter as he read the pamphlets. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Clinical Depression, and Histrionic Personality Disorder. Chase recognised two of them, but he knew it wasn’t any of his business unless Go told him. And he trusted that he would. He stacked the pamphlets and brought them out to the living room. 

He placed them down on Go’s desk. He really was proud of him. Chase smiled, turning away from the desk. He hoped things would be better now, for Go of course, but also their relationship too. He would do research later, he decided as he went back to the kitchen. He’d search those things up to try and find out the best way to support Go once he was ready to share it with him. 

Things would be better now.

[couldtherapyhelpthemtoku]

Shijima Go/ Kamen Rider Mach from Kamen Rider Drive

[coolzvillesuckz]

who's the one reflected in the mirror / is it me or you?

[riot-in-bloom]

secondly! this one was rambling more than anything else, but it also consists of go taking photographs of chase.

[iamhereinthebg]

Some old or/and unfinished tbhk stuff

[bee-calm]

you know what’s better than one shijima mei?

[musicalmoritz]

What’s with Mei holding women like this??

Lesbian.

[kermitbread]

ya'll ready for pain next year

also, shameless self-plug! comms still open here :3

[caninerat]

追跡、撲滅、いずれもマッハ！！

[t-u-i-t-c]

"She can fix them all he wants, I'll just break them apart again."

[anacatalog]

they're so, so wrong about you

no-foreground version because i'm still unsure whether it adds to the image or distracts from it:

[thefoxtherapist]

One Night Stand

This entire fic came from the premise of my boyfriend texting me, and I quote, "the heart gou one night stand probably went a lil crazy".

With Heart having been revived, the roidmude has some interesting concepts of "thanking" Go. An exploration on Heart and Go's previous relationship while touching on a recent agreement.

Tags: Shijima Go x Heart, Shijima Go x Chase(Background, Prominent), Smut.

It was a quiet day, for once. With Heart back, he didn’t feel obligated to work on the next thing immediately. Data took time, thankfully. He got to focus on editing photos for a client, curled up in his chair with a blanket and coffee.

Or it was supposed to be a quiet day.

Loud shouting outside caught his attention and the man looked up at the balcony window beside him. Go would be lying if he said he wasn’t nosy, curious what his neighbours were getting up to. He used his desk to help himself up, his legs still somewhat shaky.

Go pulled open the balcony door and stepped out into the autumn breeze, it was a nice day too. He sat on one of the chairs, trying to glance between the gap of the railing and the fence, not wanting to be seen.

That swiftly changed when he saw who was arguing.

Or, rather, what.

“Hey!” He stood up and shouted, leaning against the railing. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of Protozero and the Heart Roidmude in the parking lot of his apartment. They both looked up at him and Chase turned back before he said anything else, visibly looking ashamed.

“You two get up here, right now! And switch back before somebody sees you!” 

Chase obeyed quickly, taking his keys out of his jacket as he jogged up to the building itself. “I’m not kidding, Heart!” Heart also assumed a human appearance, lagging after Chase with an expression Go couldn’t exactly read.

When they got to the apartment itself, Go was standing in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest. “I apologise, my love, I lost my cool..” Chase set his shoes beside the door and quickly closed the distance between them. 

Heart looked down at their shoes beside the door, then at them, then back, before leaning down to unlace his own shoes. “Why are you fighting in the parking lot? Was I not clear in the conditions of your return?” His tone held an edge the roidmudes both knew. He wasn’t talking as their creator, but as a kamen rider.

The taller of the two ducked under the doorway and entered the kitchen. “It’s my fault, I antagonised him.” Heart placed his hand on his chest, bowing his head apologetically. Go sighed, dropping his arms to his side.

“Why?” 

Chase’s eyes narrowed as he turned his head upwards to fix his gaze on Heart. The roidmude chuckled, his hand dropping to instead hold his arms behind him. “Your partner here shared some interesting information with me when I saw him last. I merely wanted to inquire about a shared past of ours.”

“He wanted to ask if you remembered when you almost slept together.” Chase turned his head back to Go, the man's eyes widening before he looked away. “It’s true then? I thought he was lying...” There was a slight undertone of surprise in his usually devoid voice.

“It.. It was when I was pretending to be brainwashed.” Go sighed, he rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn’t expected this of all things to come back to bite him. 

He had managed to get pretty far all things considered, he had them all fooled. Especially after what happened with Shinnosuke. Though the thought made his heart clench, it boiled his blood. He’d kill them all eventually, he would. He just needed to get a bit closer, learn a little bit more.

Heart had ordered him to come see him an hour after they returned. The roidmude was using one of the smaller rooms as an office of sorts. Go still wasn’t even sure why they were holed up in a residential building, but it was not his problem.

“You wished to see me?”

“Shut the door.”

Go shut the door behind him, listening to the click that could signal his doom. Did Heart know? If he knew he was as good as dead in a building full of roidmudes. Heart stood up from his desk and Go took a step closer to him.

Heart stopped in front of him, prompting the rider to look up at him. The roidmude brought his hand up, trailing his finger along Go’s cheek, jaw, under his chin. The action made him shudder and he resented that he didn't respond with disgust. 

“You humans really can be quite cute.” And Go’s mind raced, he could not make sense of what the hell was going on here. He had to stay in character, if he got out now he wouldn’t be able to recover Banno. 

So he tilted his head in somewhat genuine confusion.

“What are you getting at, Heart?” 

Heart hummed, releasing his face he instead brought his hands up to push Go’s jacket down. The white material fell to the floor and Go felt an involuntary shudder run through him. The roidmude steered him to the unused bed, pushing him down so he was sitting on the edge of it.

Go swallowed thickly, keeping his eyes on Heart’s. He would do a lot for information, even this. Anything to put a stop to their plans. Heart’s knee came between his legs and he hovered over the rider, prompting him to sit back. The position then allowed the roidmude to push him fully back so that he was laying.

Heart’s hand slid under his shirt, resting at the spot above his hip. The way his taller frame leaned over him made Go’s heart pound. Heart’s bangs fell into his eyes as he stared at his face, stared into his eyes.

He wanted to grit his teeth and tell him to get off, but Go took the initiative instead. He reached up under Heart’s coat, finding where his jeans were buttoned. But before he could do anything else, Heart caught his wrist. His grip was strong as he pulled Go’s hand up. 

“Impressive, little Shijima,” Heart’s voice was quieter, more secretive. “I’m many things but I’m not this kind of man. Your spirit is admirable though.” Heart released his hand then got off of him, standing up and smoothing out his jacket.

Go blinked and then sat up on the edge of the bed. “You know?” The general nodded. “Since when?”

“Since Brain brought you to me,” and Go knew he made a face he hadn’t intended to when Heart stifled a laugh with his hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t tattle. I’m quite amused. Even after the death of your ally. That’s commendable.” 

Go stared forward, finally gritting his teeth like he wanted to. He was still clothed and he felt bare. How had Heart seen through him? Heart looked around and then bent down, picking up the jacket, he tossed it towards him. Go caught it with a sigh.

“What now, Heart?”

“What now? You go back out there and play your role, dear Mach.” 

He pulled his jacket on, pulling the hood out. “Why are you doing this?” He questioned, doing his best to quiet his anger as he stood up. Chest to chest, Heart was more impressive in size, but that didn’t matter to Go. Not with Shinnosuke.. 

“You are not the only one to have lost friends, Mach.” The roidmude’s tone was more serious, staring down into his eyes. “Your commitment to them is akin to the commitment I have towards mine. You are my equal in this regard.”

And Go had left that situation knowing the Heart Roidmude more intimately than he intended.

“Nothing happened.” Go promised after he finished recounting the tale. Chase seemed to be thinking it over, before he nodded.

“Understood, I am no longer upset.”

Go exhaled a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, grabbing the front of the man’s jacket and tugging him into his arms. “Aww,” Heart all but giggled, things hadn’t turned out the way he wanted originally, but he did enjoy seeing his friends happy. 

“And you,” Go looked up at him from over Chase’s shoulder, “why are you making my partner doubt our relationship?”

“That wasn’t my intention at all!” He held up his hands and shook his head. “My goal was to propose acceptable ways of thanking you for what you’ve done. We then got caught up in the whole incident.” His lips twitched upwards.

“How does this correlate?”

“He’s not a virgin anymore, thought I’d see if he’d be interested.”

“How- Chase did you tell him that?”

“No.”

“He did not.” Heart confirmed, “I realised when you tried taking my pants off before my boots or coat.” 

Go’s head hit his lover’s shoulder, hiding his face against the man’s neck. “And now you’re offering up your body?” Heart made an affirmative sound, “that’s- you don’t have to do that. Your death was enough. Plus I’m kind of..”

The man hugged Chase in such a way he could shake him side to side. “And that was why I wanted to inquire with Chase first.” 

“I don’t care.” Chase’s voice was muffled against Go’s neck, holding onto him tightly. It was a tad out of character for him, but he knew who Go loved. And he knew it could never be Heart. Go had told him about how he felt when it wasn’t him that first came back. 

Go was quiet for a moment, chin on top of his lover’s head. “I’ll think about it, Heart.” It wouldn’t hurt to experiment and maybe find new things he could please Chase with. But it was such a strange situation. 

Despite everything, he did respect the roidmude’s bedroom etiquette from their past together. It made sure this wasn’t a situation that felt wrong or unsafe. So maybe, if only to learn for Chase. Go exhaled loudly and turned his face into his lover’s hair, nuzzling him.

“Well,” Heart clapped his hands and stepped back under the doorway into the hall. “I’ll leave you two to it.” He bent down to put his shoes back on.

“Goodbye, Heart.” “See ya.”

The door clicked closed.

“You really don’t care?”

Chase shook his head, inhaling the man’s scent. “No, I understand the situation better now. Heart has always been rather emotional, this makes sense for him.” He pulled back just enough he could look at him properly. 

“You have way too big a heart..” 

“I don’t have a heart at all.”

Go rolled his eyes, hand moving up to press the roidmude’s head against him again. “Shut it. Your core counts.” Chase chuckled, clinging to the back of Go’s shirt. Indeed, his core acted as his heart, a dull clenching in it at Go’s overt love.

“I might,” Go started and then nuzzled his lover again, “but only cause I could probably learn to make you feel even better.”

“Reasonable. A simple request.”

“Mhm?”

“Protection.”

Go snorted, the roidmudes in question were both completely synthetic. “You got it.” Chase exhaled in surprise when Go picked him up, he wrapped himself around the man. “I’ll text him later, I have something more important to do.”

“Ha ha.” Chase rolled his eyes at his lover’s joke, but he was amused, if only a little. 

Go actually couldn’t believe he was doing this. It felt so fake. It wasn’t really something he’d normally do, he did keep himself for Chase after all. Not intentionally, but nonetheless. But he was curious, and it couldn’t hurt. Plus Heart was somebody he knew weirdly well. 

“How can you afford an apartment?”

“I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to say when somebody opens the door.”

They stared at each other for a moment, but Go conceded quickly, looking away. “Right, sorry. Hi, I'm here.” He felt so awkward. Heart snorted, taking a step back to let him into the apartment. Go shuffled in, quietly shutting the door behind him.

“I have a job, thank you.” 

“Since when did you get a job? Your papers aren’t even done yet?”

Heart shrugged, watching Go undo his shoes. It was then the roidmude realised Chase was the one who ordered their shoes, if the way the human before him halfheartedly tossed them down was anything to say.

“I work at a bar, it’s in cash.” Go looked up at him, looking him up and down. At first he thought the only clothes the man had were the ones from a few years ago and his normal clothes. But on closer inspection, this black button up and black pants combo were different than the last. 

Go followed him further into the apartment, looking around at the way he decorated. Most of it didn’t remind Go of Heart, but rather.. It was a sad thought he didn’t want to have in this situation, pushing it to the back of his mind. 

“You can drink, right?”

“Uh yeah.” The living room and kitchen were open concept, a table separating the space. Heart went to the counter, picking up a bottle and pouring the red into a glass. He held it out to Go who took it, swirling the wine. “Thanks.”

“I was going to wine and dine you, but I can’t cook at all.” 

Go scoffed, averting his gaze and taking a sip of the wine. “I would ask if that's an inherent trait but I remember 090 was great.” Heart chuckled, leaning against the counter to look at him. 

“She was. It’s a skill like any other. Do you like the wine?”

“It’s wine. Does it do anything for you or are you just loosening me up?”

Heart pushed himself off the counter, “a small effect. I don’t need to ‘loosen you up’ with wine.” That was true, he had agreed to come here of his own volition. “Also they pay me in bottles sometimes. I really have too many.”

Go laughed, choking on his wine, he covered his mouth and turned away. “Do you sell the bottles in back alleys too or?” He was biting back a grin as he looked up at Heart in front of him. The roidmude feigned hurt but it melted into a smile before he took another drink from his glass.

“I do not.” 

“Hm too bad.”

“You have really changed, little Shijima.”

The pet name sent a chill down his spine, it was slightly embarrassing, but he supposed that was what he was here for. 

“Not in a bad way, it’s nice. We could even be friends.”

“We are friends, Heart. I understand where I was wrong before. And.. You have too.”

Heart hummed, his arm snaking around Go’s waist. He pulled the man closer to him, the roidmude stared into his eyes, as if gauging whether or not he was telling the truth. “That’s good then.” He settled on, before lifting his wine glass and clinking the lip against Go’s.

He ran warm, Go realised. In hindsight, it made sense, Heart had access to the dead zone. But Chase was so cold in comparison, it was surprising. Even through his shirt, Go could feel the heat radiating off of him. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant, he figured. 

Go wasn’t much of a wine drinker so he finished the drink quick, only smiling when Heart raised an eyebrow. The roidmude didn't ask, tipping his head back to finish his glass. He held his free hand open and Go handed him the glass. 

As he watched Heart rinse the glasses in the sink, he hesitated. His hands on his jacket. He knew the roidmude could see to some degree in the dark, Chase could too. There was no point in hiding the scars. But he still hesitated, he hated the idea of anyone seeing his scars.

“Want me to hang it up for you?”

When had Heart gotten in front of him again? The man shook his head, he pulled the white and red jacket off. He moved past Heart to drape it on the back of one of the chairs at the table.

It wasn't like he could keep his arms pressed against him either. The scars covered both sides. Go stretched, leaning against the table while Heart looked him up and down.

He didn't say anything.

Heart stepped over, bringing his hands up to rest on Go's hips. He brought his arms around Heart's neck in return. He really was tall, it was kind of strange. Especially compared to Chase who was shorter than him.

“Have I hosted enough to suggest the bedroom?”

“Hm, I think so.” Go squeaked when he got picked up suddenly. “Whoa- okay-” he wrapped his legs around Heart's waist and clung to his neck. He didn't seem at all bothered, easily carrying him from the kitchen to a hallway.

Go was dropped onto a surprisingly large bed, the sheets were red satin, with a black fluffy blanket on top. It was so Heart it made him want to laugh. But being dropped on his back reminded him.

He lifted his hips and grabbed something from his back pocket. Then he sat up, dropping several condoms onto the bedside table. Heart looked at the table, the condoms, then back at Go.

“Do you have something to tell me about the body you've given me that I don't know?”

“Chase's stipulation.”

“Oh! Alright, I get it.”

“Say.. Heart. How much do you know from back then?”

Heart practically recreated the position from then, his knee pressing between Go's legs. “I knew from this you weren’t, hah, equipped as I thought.” So he did know, that saved Go some trouble. Or well, it saved him any concern.

“Great,” Go ran his hands up the roidmude's chest, coming to the top of his blouse. He began to unbutton the black shirt, swiftly and efficiently. Heart shrugged his shirt off, tossing it behind him.

Well, his body matched his face. He was gorgeous, Go couldn't deny that at all. But what he felt, it wasn't really sexual attraction, not in the same way he felt for Chase. But the aesthetic attraction was there, and that would have to be enough for Go.

It was Go's shirt next, arching his back so it could be pulled off of him. Heart eyed the top surgery scars. He tilted his head, and Go knew he was counting the hickeys on his chest and neck. Or maybe the bite marks? Chase loved to mark him.

“Active sex life, huh?” Heart teased, trailing his finger along a faded bruise on his collarbone. He pressed his finger harder against it and Go inhaled sharply, confirming the roidmude's theory. “You do strike me as someone who likes it rough.” He commented, eyes flicking to Go's arm at his side before back at him.

No point in hiding that.

“The question is,” Heart reached down instead, unbuttoning Go’s pants, “rough by human standards or roidmude standards?” He unzipped his pants.

Go lifted his hips so the man could tug his pants off, pushing them onto the floor. “In this form, you're stronger than Chase, right?” Heart nodded. “Let's start with human standards first.”

Heart got off of him and took his own pants off, watching as Go laid on the bed properly. While standing he pondered something, before choosing to turn the overhead light of the room off. Instead, he turned the lamp on.

“Mood lighting, nice. I assume you have experience, Heart?”

“Some.” Go clued in he wasn't going to say anything else. A roidmude who didn't kiss and tell, interesting. Well, that wasn't fair to Chase. His roidmude was special. 

Heart crawled onto the bed, getting comfortable between the other man's legs. “Are you sure you actually want to do this, Go?” The usage of his first name made his question feel more serious.

“Yeah, I'm sure. If only to learn.”

He chuckled, lips twitching upwards. “If you want to make Chase feel good in a new way. Have him turn into Protozero and touch the heat regulation wires and tubing in his chest.” Go hadn't thought of that before, his cheeks pink at the idea. 

“Now then, your attention please, little Mach.”

Go nodded, focusing on the moment at hand and the man on top of him. He actually calmed down significantly when Heart finally kissed him. His lips were unbelievably warm, but also very soft against his own. He tasted faintly of vanilla and Go had to assume it was chapstick.

A warm hand ran up his side, his kissing growing more passionate. He was an eager person, but Go already knew this. If anything, seeing how that translated outside of battle actually sort of amused him. He tangled his hand in Heart’s hair, tugging the dark brown locks. 

Lips turned into teeth as Heart bit and tugged at his bottom lip, pulling hard enough he pierced the flesh. But Go didn’t mind, just tugging his hair harder to make him groan. He’d been given the go ahead for rough, and rough he’d be. 

Go made sure to return the energy, his nails dug into the skin above the roidmude’s hip. Pinpricks of blood bubbled up from his lip, spilling onto his chin when Heart pulled off of his mouth. The roidmude began to kiss his neck, kissing downwards. Go ran his tongue over his lip, cleaning the blood.

Heart’s teeth were sharp as they dug into the bruise that Chase had left on the man’s collarbone. A soft hiss escaped the man when Heart broke the skin there too, his warm tongue lapping up the blood to soothe the new injury. Go let his head fall back against the pillows, swallowing thickly.

His head trailed further down, a mix of kisses and bites, each one random, leaving Go guessing. Heart eventually tugged on his nipple gently, before releasing it to drag his sharp teeth along the sensitive scar under his chest. Go’s back arched with a groan, Chase had done a number on his scars to make them so sensitive. And that didn’t change here.

“Lift your hips,” direct and commanding, Go did as told. Heart slid his boxers off, and then got back to kissing down his body immediately. Heart let out a small hum as he properly lowered himself between his legs, and Go had to bite back the instinct to antagonise his curiosity. 

His thighs suffered the same response as the rest of his body, Heart’s teeth bringing blood to the surface of his skin. And while it did hurt, it also made Go shudder, steadily growing wetter from the arousing mix of pain and pleasure.

Go ran his fingers through the roidmude’s hair, sighing shakily as Heart’s mouth finally settled on his cunt. He was certainly experienced at this, that was apparent with the way his tongue pressed against him. Go wondered then if his other partner had been Medic? It was possible, she did seem interested in him.

He whined at the sensitive feel of Heart’s lips around his tdick, the sucking wasn’t quite the perfect pressure, but it wasn’t too rough that it hurt either which he appreciated. Brown eyes flicked up to watch his face, gauging his enjoyment. 

And Heart seemed pleased with his effect, looking away from the man’s flustered expression to focus on his body. Heart kept up his pace for a while, and with no need to breathe, he gave Go no moment of reprieve. As he drew closer his hand tightened in Heart’s hair, his other hand covered his mouth as he whimpered into it. He didn’t want to embarrass himself too badly with how loud he could get.

But right before he came, Heart pulled away, easily tugging Go’s hand from his hair and sitting up on his knees. “Oh that’s evil.” Go mumbled, still muffled by his hand as he looked up at the roidmude with wide eyes. This was some sort of cruelty, the man thought, his body heated and wanting. 

Heart’s expression was smug, a barely contained smirk as he patted the man’s shaking thigh. “You’ll be okay,” he cooed, leaning over to grab one of the condoms from the bedside table. He held the packaging between his teeth as he sat back. 

Go could finally uncover his mouth, but he frowned as he watched the roidmude. Heart didn’t seem to pay his expression any mind, he was clearly enjoying teasing the man in such a way. But with his boxers off, he was able to tear the packaging of the condom.

The remains were tossed onto the bedside table and Heart shifted his position to hover over the man. “I really hadn’t taken you for such a submissive man, Go.” Heart teased him, balancing on his hand beside the man’s head. He rolled his eyes and turned his head away, but Heart used his free hand to grip his jaw; making him look at him again.

“Nothing wrong with that.” Heart clarified in a saccharine tone.

Heart released his face to instead pet his hair, brushing the messy strands out of his face. Compared to his teeth, his touch was gentle, almost soothing but not quite. Heart managed an interesting energy. Eventually his hand trailed from his hair down his body, the warm touch making Go shudder.

“Are you ready?”

He tilted his head to the side and Go inhaled a deep breath, he then exhaled it. “Ready.” Go gave him the go ahead, getting comfortable against the mattress. Just from the tip he could tell the man was going to be sizable, but that didn’t particularly surprise him either. He inhaled shakily, and Heart took the chance to slide into him.

Go never really had a need for condoms, he never did end up sleeping with anybody else. He didn’t hate them, but he wasn’t a fan either. It was a temporary difference to his routine, at least. Even now he was still thinking about Chase, it really was embarrassing how attached to the man he happened to be.

Though Heart actually pressing into him seemed to reset his thought process, the stretch wasn’t painful, but it was more than he was used to. He exhaled the breath he forgot he’d been holding. Heart chuckled above him and Go actually focused his attention on him.

“Are you alright, little Shijima?”

“Yeah,” he wet his lips, adjusting himself again slightly. He brought his hand up, resting it on Heart’s lower back. “All good.” Heart nodded, turning his focus on his pace. He didn’t start off immediately rough, making a point to test and feel out Go’s body, its depth and sensitivity. 

Though almost immediately it was like a flame reignited, the previous sensitivity he had before he was so rudely edged returned. His stomach fluttered at the sensation, biting the inside of his cheek to stifle a moan. His fingers twisted the sheets as he gripped to them beneath him.

Heart himself wasn’t very loud, panting quietly in his ear. He heard the roidmude swallow, lifting himself slightly to look him in the eyes. “Are you as flexible as you were?” Go gave a nod. “Good.” And Go didn’t exactly have time to ask why he wanted to know, not when Heart gripped his thighs, using them as balance to push himself up. He then leaned forward, hands still on Go’s thighs, effectively pressing his legs into his chest.

The position wasn’t uncomfortable, he easily bent in this way. But it was bold. Go’s cheeks flushed red at the unsanctimonious position. Heart seemed pleased, it was in this position he used him relatively roughly. The pace was brutal and deep, but it was exactly what Go enjoyed, it was impossible for him to muffle himself now.

Heart leaned forward, continuing his earlier attack of Go’s skin, making sure to leave behind deep bite marks. It did intrigue Go to some degree, though he found it hard to focus due to the pleasure. Heart was quieter than he anticipated him to be. His cervix was going to hurt after this. Another, unrelated, thought.

Go gasped out when the roidmude managed to also jerk him off, timing the tugs of his sensitive tdick with his thrusts. If anything, Heart was good at unfolding the human body, it was impressive. Though the position was a bit awkward for it, Go dragged his nails down Heart’s back, or rather, closer to his sides.

The roidmude was not going to be the only person to draw blood during all this, Go would make sure of that. He did have to close his eyes, finding it harder and harder to focus on anything that wasn’t the pleasure. Go could feel the synthetic skin under his nails, dragging his nails back up and then down again sharply.

That got a quiet groan from Heart rather than the consistent panting. It just spurred Go on, hips weakly pushing upwards in rhythm to Heart’s thrusts whilst he clawed the hell out of him. The roidmude above him chuckled, then tugged at the skin of his collarbone again, roughly pulling.

This was never going to be a long lasting session, not with the focus on rough and fast. But with enough stimulation, Go really dug his nails into the other’s skin, coming with a stilted moan. It was embarrassing how easy he was sometimes, body shaking as white spotted his vision for a moment.

Not that Heart lasted particularly longer, not with Go’s tightness and whining. A few more stuttered thrusts and the roidmude bit his neck, sharp teeth breaking the skin again. Then Heart let go of his legs and they fell to the mattress like jello. His body still shook and he opened his eyes again, blinking a few times to get his vision to focus. 

“That was…”

Go swallowed, his throat felt dry, too much moaning. He exhaled a sigh and then laughed, tilting his head back. “Great!” He patted Heart’s back. The roidmude snorted, carefully sliding out of him. Even that made him whine. Go pushed himself up on his arms as the other man got off of him. 

“As good as I envisioned it to be.”

“Good to know I didn’t disappoint, Heart.” 

Heart threw the condom out, and the remnants of the packaging. Go moved over slightly so that the roidmude could actually lay beside him. “Chase is a very lucky man.” Heart ran a hand through his sweaty hair, pushing the waves out of his eyes as he looked at Go. “As are you. I trust you’re treating him well?”

“Of course. He’s the love of my life.”

“Good, and thank you again for bringing me back. I will cherish this second chance.”

Go smiled, letting himself fall back on the mattress, he stretched his arms upwards. “I’m sure you will. The alternative is death.” He didn’t have to look to feel Heart’s smile. They both knew Heart admired an honorable man. 

“You can stay if you want.”

“No no,” he sat up properly this time, “I have someone waiting at home for me, after all.” Even though his chest and thighs hurt like hell from Heart’s biting. “He’s gonna hate that you marked me this hard.” Go informed him as he slid off of the bed to begin collecting his clothes from around the world.

“I can do the same to him if he’d like.”

“Hey don’t test your luck. I’m more possessive than he is.”

“Oh? Good to know.”

Go slid his boxers up, then rounded the bed to grab his pants. He zipped them up and then buttoned them. “Don’t file that away in your mind.” Go knew how the roidmudes could get, if Chase was anything to go off of. No comment went forgotten if they really willed it.

Heart bit back a smile, watching as the man looked around confused for his shirt. Go did a small spin, eventually finding it half lodged under the dresser. He pulled it on. “Mm, too late.” The face Go made was all the entertainment he needed. The man rolled his eyes, looking for his jacket before remembering he left it in the kitchen.

“Whatever,” Go placed a hand on the bed, leaning over Heart. “This was great,” he pecked his lips and then stood straight before he could return any sort of gesture. “Don’t mention any of this to anybody else.”

“Does that include Chase?”

“He’s going to ask me questions.”

And Go didn’t really need to say anything else, they both knew what that meant. No part of this was going to be withheld from the roidmude in question. Whatever Chase wanted to know about the arrangement, as Go’s boyfriend he was going to know.

“Drive safe, Go~”

“Bye, Heart.”

[spookythesillyfella]

Mei Shijima – The Fourth School "Wonder"

[mari-lair]

Hey love your analysis. People like you make this series so great by appreciating the complexness of the story and characters.

I had a quick question regarding your last post about H’s attachment to N and K.

The line at the end “his love is selfish and doomed to fail” do you mean that because his love was initially rooted because H liked the company of N and K that his love will hurt them because of H messy morals and self sabotage that stem from his lack of self value or fail as in his love for them is not substantial not “real” because of it originated from H’s selfishness?

I think H’s love and compassion for the two, himself, and the value of life will make or break the ending if it’s a happy one. N and K have their own personal growth also tie to the series ending. It is too soon to predict the series ending but with this arc I can see N’s character grow to understand about the fragility and preciousness of human life seeing her friends die or getting close to. So hopefully we can see these insights in H’s and K’s characters too.

Thank you, happy you enjoy my analysis! I had to go search up the post you're talking about cause I hadn't done a big analysis about Hanako in 2 years.

I am 90% sure you mean this one though, which ends with this:

I would do some changes on how I formated the whole analysis but my main opinion didn't change in these two years: His love is selfish and doomed. HOWEVER I didn't meant to imply being selfish is the reason his love is doomed.

The reason I believe that his love (which is definitively genuine btw, he is haunted by this love, he becomes irrational and vulnerable and confused and so so fond of Nene and Kou) is selfish and destructive is because of *points at the whole analysis*

But the reason I believe the love is doomed and can't last is because he is dead. It doesn't matter if he start loving himself and figure a way to express his love without being harmful (to himself or others) because he was doomed from the start. What is the best case scenario here? He does the impossible and Nene lifepan is cured without hurting anyone in the process! But then what...? He is 13 forever, stuck in the school forever, while kou and nene will keep growing old, they'll become adults, he will remain hanako. He can lose them by simply being unchanging by nature, and he knows that.

Hanako's life is already over, he can't build a new life, he can't grow with his human buddies and learn/change the same way a human can. Everyone's development will decide how his love will end though. Maybe it can be a happy, bittersweet thing, maybe he will become another school wonder full of even more regrets and no idea how to process his regrets. It's indeed too early to know how the manga will end, specially now that changing the timeline is a thing??

(not that changing timelines make it less doomed, if Amane never dies he would be too old by the time he met Nene and Kou to be their buddy)