#shoot i need to make a brotp tag for them as well to go along with my other ones

[mothmanwarble]

*voice cracking* oK,,,,,,

(Many thanks to @turquoisephoenix for sharing the Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure Official Sticker Book excerpt used at the beginning of the post!)

[dreamerhideout]

enhypen genshin impact!au hcs

characters: enhypen

word count: ~200 words each

warnings: mentions of alcohol for jay’s part, lore inaccuracies (i haven’t caught up on dragonspine event lore yet), spoilers for mondstadt + liyue main quest

a/n: i’m supposed to be working on something else but this brainrot got to me first... anyways, i’m assigning their visions + weapons based off a few fan theories i’ve read~ please enjoy my word dump! :D

more under the cut!

jungwon

okay so we’re starting off with our leader! hmm... i’d say that he has a geo vision

why? idk, i’m half sure it’s based off how calm and composed he is; i do kinda think jungwon is a picture of maturity and elegance (he literally has to take care of six children wdym)

it was kinda hard for me to choose a weapon because i kept going back-and-forth from sword to polearm, but my final pick for him would be polearm

yes this would mean that he is zhongli

a polearm would probably suit him because i see him as the kind to want some kind of control over his weapon (not saying he can’t control a sword). at the same time i feel like he’d want something lightweight which won’t bring him down

i think he’d work with the knights of favonius. working with the liyue qixing could also work for him, but considering the tension between the adepti and the qixing + the social climate of liyue makes me think that he’d want somewhere more calm

acting grandmaster jungwon? i’m down for it

spends time near the mondstadt church; he likes the peace and quiet of it

heeseung

from the get-go i knew he’d have a hydro vision

this one theory i’ve read says that hydro vision users have a strong sense of morality and justice (i guess i also interpreted it as balance) and heeseung seems like the kind of person who does

for weapon, i think he’d prefer to use a sword. we see that he’s good in a lot of areas when it comes to being an idol, so he’d perhaps want that versatility in the weapon he uses as well

hello xingqiu (wait i kinda think this fits)

i don’t see him particularly associating himself to any organization, so i think he’d simply be a wanderer. he goes from country to country as a vagabond, battling monsters along the way in order to perfect his skills

at the same time, i also see him making a lot of friends and having a bunch of connections from just about any corner of the land (more to acquaintances i suppose? heeseung doesn’t seem like the kind to let people in very quickly)

is probably very curious on elemental reactions and might be studious in a way; he would want to learn alchemy

likes stopping by mondstadt’s library when he needs to look up on something. probably keeps in contact with alchemists too

jay

oh man this is going to probably be very stereotypical

pyro vision, hands down. i was considering an electro vision for him at first but the amount of passion he has in doing the things he loves (primarily hip-hop) screams pyro to me

he would also have a claymore because let’s be real, he’d want something to get the job done quick; claymores are literally the weapon that causes the most damage

yeah he’d be diluc. or xinyan. whatever your pick is

bonks monsters for fun, fight me on this

association... i think he’d be a part of the adventurer’s guild. he strikes me as the kind of person who’d want some kind of reward for something he does for fun (in this case, mora. and a bunch of other items you can get from katheryne once you complete your daily commissions)

this is probably how he meets all his friends. if he wasn’t a part of any association, i don’t think he’d have many (not saying that he’s unable to make friends, he’d choose not to unless necessary)

strives to be a well-known adventurer, probably takes up more commissions than the average one

likes spending time in places with good ambience, food, and booze. probably is a regular at angel’s share and liyue’s street food stalls on days he comes to town

jake

i think he’d have an electro vision. it’s something about the way he fiercely cares for other people that makes me think that this suits him best

okay hear me out but i think he’d be amazing with a bow and arrow. he seems to have the tenacity and upper body strength for it, and i don’t think he’d particularly want something that could do a quick kill, like a sword or claymore per se

uhh... yeah he’d be fischl, i suppose. idk this realization was a bit weird to me but it doesn’t seem so far off from happening

sometimes uses his skills to shoot at fruit from trees; it’s a pretty good party trick

association-wise i don’t think he’d wanna join any, tbh. he’d be an “everyone’s friend” kinda guy. unlike heeseung who’d have acquaintances from all around, jake would generally want to befriend different kinds of people (helps around wangshu inn sometimes because of this)

still though, i think he hangs with members of the adventurer’s guild a lot

don’t be surprised if you catch him befriending a member of the fatui-

i also see him really immersing himself in the culture of each country he visits

he’s the guy who pets all the animals, especially the dogs

also seems like the kind to purchase or collect raw meat just to give to the stray animals he meets on his travels

sunghoon

oh boy am i excited for this one

okay so i know this is stereotypical but... cryo vision. honestly, having a geo vision would also be possible but remember that one time childe said something around the lines of the goddess of cryo having such a warm heart and she loved so much to the point it froze? yeah i think i’m basing him off the tsaritsa-

weapon would be a sword. i considered choosing a polearm for him but i think he’d want something slightly heavier that would get the job done, but not necessarily a claymore. do i think he has the capacity to use a claymore if he wanted to, though? sure why not

hello kaeya (or qiqi, if you’d wish)

okay okay this is where it gets fun... imagine sunghoon as a member of the fatui

mmm villain!sunghoon we love to see it

he’d honestly probably be on the road to becoming a harbinger? like, we see how he works very hard at ice skating and idol training, who’s to say that he won’t climb up the ranks real quick?

yes jakehoon brotp agenda is still on so they would be friends (though honestly their friendship is kinda uncanny)

when i thought of stuff to write for him i kinda think that he’d like liyue a lot; the tradition and order feel like home to him. this also fits lore because there’s more fatui appearances in liyue compared to mondstadt

also seems like the kind to wander around the city when things start to calm down for the day; if he’s not being tasked on a mission, he sometimes likes to head out to huaguang stone forest

sunoo

sunshine baby

okay i think he’d have an anemo vision (and this is not because he reminds me of venti). there was another theory that said that anemo vision-holders are hard workers who sometimes don’t give themselves enough rest, and sunoo seems to make the cut. he’s crazy hardworking at things he know he’s lacking at and strives to improve

i think he’d have a catalyst (yes!! we need male catalyst characters!!); i can see him absolutely fascinated by the way catalysts work like... “there’s no solid object engineering the attacks so... what is that? it seems so cool!” 

so yeah he’d be sucrose, hello

i also think he’d want to be a part of the adventurer’s guild! it keeps him busy plus he likes helping people :D

would then be introduced to jay (and possibly jake) when he’s assigned to do a commission with him. honestly he’d prefer doing commissions with others rather than doing them alone

has a hard time killing monsters because he finds them cute (especially slimes). i think he’d also empathize with hilichurls to a degree

i see him residing in mondstadt most of the time; he’d also like talking to the locals a lot (has a high rep because of this)

loves trying out local cuisine, some of his favorite dishes include sweet madame and zhongyuan chop suey!

ni-ki

oh i’m also kinda excited for his too

so i initially thought he’d have a pyro vision, but after some time i figured he’d have an electro vision instead. i think it’s this weird sentiment i feel that he’d protect his passions with his life (in this case, dancing; he’s literally inseparable from it), so there’s that

totally looks like the kind to have a polearm. he definitely would want something lightweight that he could lowkey flex with

sadly he doesn’t have a genshin character twin yet :(

would also not have any affiliation whatsoever; he just traverses the land like the free spirit he is

occasionally would tag along with some adventurer’s guild members, but doesn’t like the idea of people telling him what to do; he creates his own adventures instead

am i the only one here who thinks that he’d honestly run really fast here (hehe speedy boi)

he’d love dashing through mondstadt’s plains (particularly springvale), sometimes slashing monsters left and right (he likes liyue’s scenery but the terrain is way too mountainous for him)

one thing he does like about liyue though is playing with the kids in the harbor. he’d get them toys with the extra mora he receives when helping people (big brother ni-ki agenda hmm)

[duhragonball]

Bulma

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Somewhere around 1998, Kurt Busiek took over as the writer for the Iron Man comic.   This was back when Iron Man wasn’t particularly popular and the last two attempts to reboot the guy had failed.   I read an interview in Wizard Magazine where Kurt promoted his upcoming run, and he explained the character this way: Tony Stark is a superhero, an inventor, a ladies’ man, and a billionaire.    You could have a blast writing a comic book about any one of those four things, but he’s all four.    I may have gotten those four items wrong, partly because it’s been 22 years, and partly because it was more famous when Robert Downey Junior echoed that pitch in 2012.    Take away the armor, and what is he?   A billionaire genius philanthropist.   

My point is that this is the appeal to Bulma as well.    When we first meet her, she’s an adventurer, but then we find out she invented the device that lets her locate the Dragon Balls.  And her mission is a romantic quest, so she’s like the heroine in a romance story.    Then we meet her parents, and it turns out she’s a wealthy heiress.    Well, I’m assuming Dr. Brief doesn’t plan on leaving his fortune to all of his pets, but you get the idea.  

There’s a lot of versatility to the character.   Some arcs barely make use of her, but others take full advantage.    You can plop her in almost any scenario and it works.    You want to write her at a fancy charity dinner?   She’d fit right in.   You want her teaching shop class in your high school AU?   No problem at all.   You want her to seduce a bad guy?     You want her to shoot a bad guy?    You want her to be the bad guy?   It all works.  

The main thing people dislike about Bulma is the way she treated Yamcha when they were together, and she’s kind of a jerk a lot of the time.    Fair point, but I think this adds to the character.   If she were sweet as could be and a rich, attractive polymath, she’d be downright insufferable.    Also, her attitude plays off of the compassion she shows through the series.   I can’t explain her behavior around Yamcha, but she did offer free room and board to the entire population of Namek, so I feel like that needs to be taken into consideration.

Why I don’t: In the first... hundred or so episodes of DBZ, Bulma doesn’t get a lot of chances to shine, despite all the screentime they gave her.   Early into my DBZ-watching experience, I found her to be something like a shriller version of TMNT’s April O’Neil, a sidekick whose job was to look cute and get into danger so the good guys could save her.   She really doesn’t get back into her groove until she returns to Earth, and once I saw those episodes, and her time in the original Dragon Ball, the character began to make a lot more sense.   Really, the Bulma in DBZ #1 through 108 was probably intended to demonstrate how out-of-hand the situation was.   She fixed the scouter and then it exploded.   She fixed Nappa’s spaceship and it exploded.   She fixed Kami’s spaceship and then Namek exploded.    She just couldn’t keep up with the crisis. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Not exactly any one episode, but one of my favorite bits in the Red Ribbon Army Sagas is that the RRA has their own Dragon Radar, but it’s not portable, or anywhere near as precise as the one Bulma invented.    It’s Goku’s biggest advantage during that conflict, and when it breaks, there’s literally no one else who can fix it.    Those magic babies from Arale could make a new one, but I’m pretty sure they only did that by copying the design or something.   And the RRA assumes that Goku must have an entire team of scientists providing him with logistical support, and that Master Roshi must be their leader, since he’s so old.  

Also, near the end of the arc, Bulma needs to call Yamcha on the phone, but Roshi doesn’t have one, and then Turtle suggests that Bulma should just build one from scratch, since she had just finished building a robot drone a few episodes earlier.    And she’s like “Oh, yeah, I forgot I knew how to do that.”

Favorite season/movie: The Androids/Cell arc is a big deal because it has two Bulmas, and her son is in it too.   

And this is what I mean when I talk about versatility.    That Super Dragon Ball Heroes series has two Gokus and two Vegetas, and I have no idea why, because they’re exactly the same, except one pair does SSJ4 and the other does Super Saiyan Blue.   Bulma’s got more layers, so in a story like this, you can have 30-something Bulma care for an infant son and tackle logistical problems while she figures out her relationship with Vegeta, while the 50-something Bulma in the future can be this strong-yet-gentle post-apocalyptic survivalist, who hopes for a better tomorrow as she longs for her fallen friends.  

Favorite line: I’m gonna stray from the canon for a minute, because I’m having trouble coming up with something, but in DBZ Abridged, when she’s arguing with Vegeta during his training session, they just start shouting “Fuck you!” at each other.    Then she stops and says: “My room.    Ten minutes.” 

And holy shit, the delivery on that line was incredible. I knew they’d try to do something to set up their relationship, but there’s no footage to do that with, so they did it all with one line and some killer VA work.

Favorite outfit: This is a big, big wardrobe to choose from, but I’m partial to the one she wore in the Imperfect Cell Saga.

I can’t really explain the appeal, but I like this hairstyle and the clothing looks like authentic stuff you could actually buy at a store, which just makes it feel more real, even though it’s not any more detailed than her other outfits.    I’m not sure that makes any sense.    The trucker hat looks cute on her, let’s leave it there.

OTP: You know, there’s a lot of chemistry between Bulma and Yajirobe, and even though it’s kind of a rarepair, I can’t help but-- Okay, it’s her and Vegeta.   I’ll stop messing around.   

Brotp: Definitely her and Goku.  I’m imagining the set up to the DBS Broly movie going like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna invite Goku along on our trip.    That way you can fight him when you get bored.”

“Why do you keep asking him to tag along I can’t stand him.” 

“Yeah, but I like him and I paid for the resort, so I guess you gotta deal with it.” 

“...”  

Then he shows up and she sends him on some ridiculous mission to search the ocean floor for sunken treasure or something.   

Head Canon: Future Bulma does tech support in Toki Toki/Conton City, because Xenoverse is canon and the Goku Black Saga can just bugger right off because it never happened.   

She shows up from time to time to check on all the Capsule Corp tech in the city, and she drops by just to say hi to her boy, and also she has coffee with my Mary Sue OC, because Future Bulma appreciates how tough and cool my writing is.

Unpopular opinion: The Vegebul ship probably gets way too much attention.  Not that it’s a bad ship or that it doesn’t deserve the attention, but it feels like a buffet where all anyone gets is ranch dressing.    They just ignore the rest of the spread and fill an entire bowl with ranch and head back to the table to drink it.   Then they come right back and line up for another helping.  

I’m not knocking it.   I have a Vegebul calendar in my kitchen.   But it reminds me of how the “comics fandom” in the late 90′s was really just an X-Men fandom that acknowledged that other comic books hypothetically existed.

They’re gonna come after me now, aren’t they?

A wish: A lifetime supply of strawberries does sound kind of nice...

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I hope we’re done with Bulma’s Resurrection F outfit for good.   The cowboy boots, no, we’re done with that. 

5 words to best describe them: Five would never be enough.

My nickname for them: Don’t have one.   Vegeta calls her “woman”, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well if I started doing that.

[amachja-moved]

SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: I don’t typically tend to have OTPs that are not canon; I don’t spontaneously ship characters on a show that are not an actual canon pairing, even less so when there is no sign of them being the possibility of a pairing. I would say there are fandom-made ships whose aesthetics and possible dynamics I gravitate towards, or that I can see making sense, more than proper OTPs (because part of me also appreciates seeing platonic relationships, blame my lil aroace heart that doesn’t see enough well-developed, important friendships, for instance - doesn’t stop me from loving fanarts and pairings I stumble upon or am introduced to, like Mikasasha or Berusasha!). For Sasha specifically, Sasha & Niccolo is the main one, precisely because it is canon and makes complete sense - there really is no better match for Sasha than a cook, and the fact that he is a Marleyan doubles down on the Braus’ themes of tolerance and open-mindedness.  And of course, I have my ultimate BROTPs, namely the trio Sasha & Connie & Jean, and Mikasa & Sasha & Historia. Bffs and roommates Sasha & Mikasa. And since the train track episode, Sasha & Armin. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: Pretty much anything goes! Except non-consensual stuff, abuse, things such as incest, paedophilia etc - nobody can ever convince me to include that in any ship whatsoever. I rp to have a good time and be full of feels, I love me a good angst, but those things I would not consider good angst. What I’m willing to rp includes pretty much anything else: fluffy ships, angsty ships, soft ships, tragedy, fun stuff, evolution from friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and all and any nuance that we can think of. I like variety in my ships! And I like to go deep into the development, so the upside is, if you choose to ship with me, you will always have a partner willing to discuss the relationship at length and imagine all the details of it all, and start ten different threads (note that this goes with platonic ships too - friendships, family, etc). The possible downside you may find, depending on your own preferences, is that it takes me a little while to find my footing, and I like to put in the time to find the right tone so that the ship doesn’t just... jump out of the blue, if that makes sense? And sometimes I wonder if it may deter people or make them think I’m not as enthusiastic or involved in the ship, when in reality it’s the opposite. Shipping on tumblr also feels very different from my experience of shipping on a forum, where it’s all about long-term development  and commitment, and where I’ve had the same three ship partners for three years now, so maybe I need to adjust to the more ephemeral format of tumblr too. (what do you mean I completely derailed from the original question?)

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: I absolutely will not rp a ship where one character is a minor and the other is not. When it comes to AoT, I also will not ship Sasha with anyone who is already an adult when she is still a Cadet, including post-timeskip - for instance, I will not ship Sasha with a Levi, even when she is an adult. It just doesn’t sit right with me. 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: Aye I am. I’ve never shipped a lot (I’m pretty sure this blog is where I’ve shipped the most, ever), partly due to being selective, partly due to not necessarily being very good at understanding the tumblr shipping etiquette because I’m a wee bit of a simpleton. But basically, I will not ship unless I have talked ooc with the mun of the other muse, and we’ve had a few interactions pointing towards compatibility of writing styles and personalities. I just want to get along with the people I ship with and enjoy their writing, and hopefully that they enjoy my writing too and want to interact regularly too! (what’s the point in shipping, otherwise) (or interacting at all, for that matter!)

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?: Eeeeeeh clothes go off and/or mentions are made of what happens below the belt?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ time to whip out that nsfw tag. WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?: As of the writing of this post, Sasha is shipped with free-us​‘s Niccolo, gerichteter​‘s Bertholdt, and libartes​‘ Porco (you should check out their blogs, they’re awesome muns and muses). All three are very different ships in nature, which is always my main concern when shipping with multiple muses, so I am very grateful to them for writing those stories with me, building these relationships, and exploring very different dynamics that I find super compelling to write! DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: Yes please, though I believe this has become common standard in the rp community, so, yay!  HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: I love shipping, but I would rather have fewer ships that I have the chance to explore and develop in depth, through ooc talk and ic interactions and threads, than have many ships and not get to write them or very little. The interest of a ship, for me, lies in development. I also need balance with other kinds of ships (friendships etc), so all of you out there writing intricate friendships and other relationships with me, know that you have my love and gratitude and that you keep this blog going and my heart happy. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: See answer above. I don’t know that I’m ship-obsessed, but I would say I’m ship-committed (good lord I hope I’m not scaring anyone away with this). And that goes for all kinds of relationships, not just romance! I’m always happy to trade headcanons and tailor our muses’ relationships, regardless of nature, so that it feels unique and can develop over time. Or just gush about our characters because if we’re threading/interacting, it means that I love them. (also platonic ships are awesome) ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: Yessir I am - though I do tend to ship with only one iteration of any given muse, because of my preference for variety I already touched upon. I don’t know that I would be interested in shipping with another Bertholdt as long as I’m shipping with Lani’s, for instance. Just a preference on my end, that absolutely does not constitute a requirement for my shipping partners - unless of course we decide to be exclusives, but that’s a different matter of etiquette. 

WHAT IS ( ARE ) YOUR FAVORITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: Aaaaahfgdh Sasha & Niccolo, Reiner & Bertholdt (yeah, remember what I said about not shipping pairings that are not official? They’re the exception), Annie & Armin.  Also Reiner & a good therapist, this man needs help. 

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: Write with me, see if you like what you read, and shoot me a message so that we can discuss it :)

TAGGED BY: a friend on a different platform! TAGGING: if you want to do it, say I tagged you!

[foramomentonly]

Nail In My Coffin, Part Five

Part One    Part Two    Part Three    Part Four

Summary: Alex and Kyle are fashion designers on a Next In Fashion style reality show. Michael is their model. Dom/sub elements. Prompt courtesy of @signoraviolettavalery . We can have a little unabashed Kylex BroTP with this one. As a treat.

Author’s Note: Chronologically this one is set farthest into the future. The events of Parts 1-4 and then some have already taken place. I’ll be returning to some of those in-between events with future parts. Enjoy! 

@alexxmichael So I had this queued and didn’t realize it? lol Thanks for reblogging Part Four and for your tags that helped me figure out I’m an idiot who can’t work Tumblr!

Read on AO3

Kyle sits in the large hotel dining room, sipping a cup of dark roast coffee with cinnamon—it’s no café de olla, but in a pinch—and waiting. It’s too early on an off day for most of the show’s cast and crew, and the place is nearly empty. Still, he knows Alex must be on his way. They have breakfast most days, just to spend some downtime together. They’re so hyper-focused these days on the competition and their shooting schedule and sneaking in time to keep their brand afloat that they need structured opportunities to just be bros. Kyle had even stopped by Alex’s room earlier, thinking they would ride the elevator down together, but he hadn’t answered. He could have been in the shower or sleeping soundly for once. Or he could still be with Michael. He’s probably still with Michael. Kyle smirks. This is gonna be good.

Not a minute later, he watches Alex stride into the room looking skittish, but well-rested. He raises an arm from his spot at a small two-top in the corner. It’s near the emergency exit, pressed against a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, and Kyle’s taken the seat with its back to the flapping kitchen door. Alex should be comfortable. When Alex sees him he nods once and heads Kyle’s way, detouring to serve himself a cup of coffee at the beverage and pastry bar. The hotel isn’t much, but it does have a cold breakfast bar and full-service hot breakfast options. Kyle’s already ordered for them both. 

Alex slides into his seat looking shaken, gripping his coffee like it’s a life raft and he’s lost at sea. Kyle suspects this morning he kind of is.

“Good morning,” Kyle says, smiling brightly at him.

“Morning,” Alex mumbles.

“I ordered you the omelet. Mushrooms and peppers.”

“Thanks.”

There’s a beat of silence. Alex is staring into his coffee like it’s a crystal ball, and Kyle can’t help but guide him along a little.

“I stopped by your room this morning,” he says lightly.

“I wasn’t there.” 

Alex states it like a fact Kyle might have somehow missed.

“So I noticed,” Kyle replies, amused.

“I slept at Michael’s.”

He seems a bit dazed by this fact. Kyle smiles mildly.

“I figured,” he says, then adds, “On purpose?”

Alex nods, and Kyle grins.

“So, you’re in love with him,” Kyle states easily, taking an admittedly smug sip of coffee. “Let’s talk about that.”

Alex looks genuinely shocked, then terrified.

“W-what?”

“Alex,” he chides, fixing him with a knowing look, “you let your guard down with this guy, you are opening up to him in ways I’ve frankly never seen you do before, and right now you look like you’re about to run off and re-enlist to avoid having this conversation with me, so, yeah. I’d say you love him.”

Alex takes a deep, steadying breath and nods, almost to himself, and Kyle smiles, holding up his mug in a salute.

“Good for you, man,” he says.

A shy, almost bashful smile plays on Alex’s lips as he takes a sip of his own coffee, which is frankly ridiculous considering the kinky shit Kyle’s overheard him practically purr into Michael’s ear over the past few weeks in broad daylight, in a fucking room full of people and cameras. But Kyle is sincerely happy for his friend, who is historically slow to trust and lightning-quick to shut down when it comes to personal—especially intimate—connection. Still, Kyle knows Alex well enough to understand that getting him to admit to a particular emotion is only the first step in a long process of convincing him to act on it.

“So, you ever gonna tell him?” Kyle teases, and Alex looks at him like he’s lost his mind. 

"I can't just tell him I love him," Alex scoffs, "who does that?"

"Uh, literally everyone," Kyle groans. "All the time. Watch this." He takes Alex's hand. "Hey, man. You're my best friend. I love you."

Alex smirks.

“Gross.”

Kyle chuckles and leans back in his seat, tossing his hands in the air in a dramatic gesture of surrender.

“Okay,” he says, “walk me through it. You tell him. He obviously reciprocates, because the phrase ‘heart eyes’ was invented to describe how Guerin looks at you.” Alex shakes his head and opens his mouth as if to deny Kyle’s words, but Kyle holds his hand up to silence him. “What unspeakable tragedy befalls you next that makes it impossible for you to go through with this very simple and possibly life-affirming thing?”

Alex arches a brow and Kyle raises his chin defiantly. If there is one way to engage Alex Manes in any conversation or task, it’s to pose it as a challenge. And Alex clearly means to accept this one.

“Well,” he says, leaning forward and tilting his head saucily, “for starters, in secret is not the healthiest way to start a relationship.”

"Wow,” Kyle says, shaking his head in amusement, “So, you know everyone knows at this point, right? Designers? Models? Most of the crew?"

Alex pales.

"What?"

"Do you think you're being subtle?" he laughs. "You make eyes at each other all day long, there's got to be hours of soft-core background footage from your 'fittings' at this point, and last week you were both gone for like thirty minutes and came out of the bathroom I really needed to use looking like you just got fucked. By each other."

Alex gapes as Kyle takes a deep breath, expelling the lunacy of Alex’s statement as he exhales. A server drops off their plates and they busy themselves with napkins and silverware and passing condiments between them. Alex shakes hot sauce over his omelet slowly.

“No one cares?” he asks softly, hesitantly, and Kyle is quick to reassure him.

“No one cares,” he parrots. “It was hot gossip for a minute, and now everyone’s just kind of resigned. Occasionally annoyed.” Kyle glares at him. “I really needed the bathroom.”

Alex laughs and raises a teasing brow.

“It’s all those coffee breaks.”

“I told you, those are to protect my innocence and our friendship.”

Alex snorts but falls silent after, flipping open his omelet and toying with the diced vegetables inside. 

“So,” Kyle goads, “what else you got?”

Alex rolls his eyes, speaks so low he could be talking to himself.

“We don’t even know each other that well,” he breaths, shaking his head.

Kyle shrugs easily.

“So actually talk to him. You clearly have a connection.” Kyle’s voice goes soft as he continues, “And he might not know your middle name or whatever, but he gets you. It’s like he just knows what you need and how to support you. It’s a little creepy, to be honest.”

Alex looks downright dreamy for a brief moment, then shakes his head as though to banish frivolous thoughts.

“I need a plan,” he whines, “I can’t just go in blind.”

“This isn’t combat, Captain,” Kyle insists, but he backs off when Alex grimaces.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” he says, and Alex shakes his head.

“You didn’t offend me, it’s just-” he laughs, “‘Captain’ is kind of a thing Michael calls me. When we’re, you know, doing things you’re vanilla ass couldn’t handle.”

“Oh, no,” Kyle groans, dropping his head into his hands. “No, no, no, no, no. I reject that information.”

He looks up at Alex laughing and glares at him, but his own treacherous lips are pulling into a smile. Kyle piles egg whites onto his toast and raises to his lips.

“And?” he asks, taking an exaggerated bite of his breakfast and motioning Alex to do the same. 

Alex flips his omelet closed and cuts off a piece.

“And what happens if it is just a scene for him?” His tone is light, but Kyle hears the hesitation to be vulnerable, the fear of uncertainty and loss of control and all the things his restrained, stoic friend dreads most. 

He smiles warmly, reassuringly at Alex, dropping his chin in his hand.

“Then I’ll come over with whiskey and ice cream, and you can talk about your feelings and cry on my shoulder, and then we’ll drunkenly egg his car.” 

Alex’s shoulders shake with laughter and he finally, finally spears a large hunk of omelet with his fork and devours it. Kyle grins.

“You know I got you, bro,” he teases.

“Stop,” Alex laughs.

“Wanna practice your speech on me?” Kyle continues. “Or I could read over your text before you send it.”

Alex lays his fork down and folds his arms over the table, his trademark come-to-jesus stance.  He gazes steadily at Kyle and smirks, tilting his head slightly as though amused by what he sees. Kyle is suddenly very nervous.

“You know,” he says, and Kyle swallows a mouthful of egg whites with a gulp, “I think I’d rather talk about you and Liz Ortecho. Or did you think I didn’t notice that you’re ‘coffee breaks’ are perfectly timed to hers?”

Oh, shit, Kyle thinks, this is gonna be ugly.

[heartfeltheart]

Alchemy: Tiny Steps

Chapters: 10/45 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter Rating: T Relationships: Edward/Winry, Lan Fan/Ling, and May/Alphonse. Primary Characters: Edward Elric, Severus Snape Additional Tags: Crossover, Teacher!Edward, BrOtp Edward/Severus. Sassy beyond measure. Pro!Snape Series: Part 2 of 9. Summary: Part two of the Alchemy Series.  Politics. Either you love it, hate it or you live it. For Alchemy Teacher Edward Elric, he lives it, hates it and loves it when he gets the upper hand. Here is to another year of hell… D/C: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Discord: La Red(Mesh Mash of… stuff.): https://discord.gg/KYjmVAb Alchemy Series: https://discord.gg/DejEYNJ

Draco watched in awe as he watched Princess Mei use her own from of Alchemy to heal Mr. Elric. He had wanted to see what the Princess had on planned for the wounded Alchemy Professor. Of course, the Malfoy wasn't going to outright ask if he could be present. From what he learned, alchemy is a secret art and knowing too much is highly dangerous. Which came to a huge surprise when Professor Elric placed his hand on his shoulder and guided Draco to the room where the supposed healing process is going to occur.

Mr. Elric laid on the floor and Draco cringed when he saw the princess pulled out several knives that had ribbons tied to each of them, and stabbed them around the eldest Elric's head. A bright light enveloped Mr. Elric as Princess Mei, from what Draco assumed, healed him.

"This is called Alkahestry, it is also called Purification Arts. It is a different sort of form of Alchemy, in terms of practice and goal." Professor Elric explained to the curious Draco Malfoy.

"How are they different?" Draco asked, not taking his eyes away from what was happening in front of him.

"It is in chapter 22 of my DRAFT!" Mr. Elric squeaked out his last word when Princess Mei poked his stomach. "I can't feel my legs!"

"Don't move."

-.-

"Tell us who and what exactly they are?"

"Who? Which ones? Depending on who will decide what my answer is." Severus nursed a glass of firewhiskey, Demon sleeping on his lap. "Keep in mind, I have no clue what their bodyguards are."

The Princess's bodyguards had made themselves scarce, the house elf had made several comments on how they sensed something wrong with them. The only times they ever made an appearance is during breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or whenever they want something from the kitchen and to check on their charges. Even their mere presence made even the Head of the Malfoy family is wary of them. For now, any questions regarding them will be put on hold.

"Who exactly are the Elric Brothers?"

"Ah… Well… Do you want the long or short version? Keep in mind I do not have all the answers that concerns them, they are… rather secretive." Severus held his glass against his forehead in an attempt to ward off any upcoming headaches. "Merlin knows it takes a lot for them to open up about anything…"

"Short version?" Lucius replied with a bewildered expression.

"They did something stupid and the end result of trying to fix a mistake is Edward no longer able to perform Alchemy."

"What did they do?"

"What they attempted to do the ultimate taboo in Alchemy, it backlashed on them and resulted to who they are today."

Lucius frowned. "Long story?"

"They're idiots." Severus deadpanned. "Irresponsible, pathetic, weak-minded and far too intelligent fools whom were tempted by the darker side of Alchemy. They defeated their demons and proceeded forward to fix their mistakes while becoming the young men whom we see today."

"That's it? Details?"

"I made the promise to not talk to anyone about this without Edward's approval."

"Don't tell me… He expected I would ask you questions?"

"Edward may act like an idiot, but he's anything but that. There are more pieces to the puzzle he keeps hidden away from the world."

"Do you believe Draco is capable of doing Alchemy?"

"…Keep in mind that the eldest Elric has no filter and does not follow proper etique-" Severus was caught off when a familiar scream ranged out throughout the manor. It was quickly followed by a not so familiar scream.

"WHY THE FUCKING FACE!"

"BIG BROTHER! BEHAVE!"

Severus took in a deep breath before he swallowed down the rest of his drink. "Keep in mind they are ambassadors…"

-.-

Edward cursed under his breath as he rubbed his face, it no longer stings but now felt numb. Mei apparently learned to cut off certain points in the body causing paralysis. At least there won't be any scaring from the magical dog bite.

The Alchemy Teacher looked over his shoulder to see Draco scanning through the chapter that went over Alkahestry and would quietly ask Alphonse questions on the topic. The young Malfoy had truly taken on learning Alchemy and now Alkahestry. Here's to hoping that his attitude's changes otherwise this will be a waste of time.

"Hoot?"

Edward looked up to see Xerxes land on top of his head and looking down at him with a questioning look. "What?"

"Hoot?"

"We're going to the Ministry tomorrow to start out with the dealings with the Magical Morrons."

"Hoot, hoot, hoot?"

"Don't remind me, we still need to get Madam Bones into office. Once she's in then it'll make dealings easier on everyone."

"Hoot."

"Ling should be coming here around two weeks. Until then we have to cover as much ground as we could."

"Hoot!"

"I don't know, the kid shows real potential… long as he stops using his family name and change in attitude on everything to everyone."

"Hoot~"

"Ugh… spoiled bird."

-.-

Madam Amelia Bones sat in her chair as she waited for everyone else that was required to attend the meeting to arrive. Kingsley Shacklebolt is standing on her left, keeping an eye out on everyone else in the room and on her right is Alastor Moody who kept muttering about the guests of honor. Said guests of honor are the Ambassadors from Amestris and Xing, a princess for the latter's country and two bodyguards.

The Elric Brothers are conversing with their bodyguards, laughing quietly at whatever the Princess of Xing giggled out. The corners of the eyes of the youngest Elric brother will crinkle whenever he looks at his fiancé, his eyes filled with hidden adoration. Some will swear his eyes had seen the horrible aspects of life. All of that will go away whenever he catches the eye of his fiancé. It was a lovely sight, it reminded Bones of her later brother and sister-in-law. Young love… She already had a received an invitation to their wedding that was set in a few short years.

"I still don't trust them." Moody growled under his breath, keep both eyes on the foreign Ambassadors. "Something doesn't feel right about them."

"Come now, Alastor." Shacklebolt attempted to get the Auror to stop growling at their guest. This was just an informal meeting, to get the ball rolling to where everything stands. The official meeting will occur once Minister is selected. Amestris and Xing had made it known they will not fully agree onto anything as there is a fear the new minister will attempt to change everything that was set. "There is nothing to fear about them."

"Long as you do not threaten, lie, deceive or use them for our own gain, then there is nothing to fear. If it does occur, run. Their bark is equal to their bite." Bones reached over and picked up a cup of hot tea that was set for her. "They do not even require Alchemy or Magic to hurt someone. Let's not even start with what they will do politically against us."

"You make it sound like you would prefer a head on war against them." Moody growled under his breath, not liking on how Bones is reacting towards their supposed guests.

"They are trying to prevent an upcoming war and changing our views of the world along with theirs." Bones murmured into her tea, shooting Moody a warning glare. "They are allies and I expect you to treat them as such."

"They made rather close friends with the Malfoys…"

"They are staying in their residence for the remainder of the summer."

"Why couldn't they stay elsewhere? Why there?"

"Politics."

"Bah!"

-.-

"We will not finalize anything until the whoever becomes Minister, becomes the new Minister." Edward shrugged with a loud yawn, ignoring his brother's hidden sigh of defeat. What? Who can blame him, politics are not his thing. "Last thing we need is the new person in charge changes everything once they are appointed. I have seen it happen… it sucks."

"What my brother is trying to say is… we will continue on with the negotiations until we could all agree to one thing or another, without the fear of someone changing everything for their own gain after everything is supposedly said and done."

"Blah, blah, blah! We all know that the majority of everyone I have come across are not happy at the fact I am a… muggle…" Edward face scrunched up in disgust at the face he used the one word he hated ever since he first heard it. He picked up his own cup of tea and took a huge mouthful of it; face scrunching up at the taste. There was something very off about his tea. Something very off. "Along with the face Amestris is a giant black hole for magic. No magic and everyone starts freaking out! Don't even get me started with politics there and here!"

"…Again… I apologize for my brother's behavior. He's just cranky, I put milk in his tea when he wasn't watching."

"YOU ARE THE REASON IT TASTES LIKE SHIT!"

"Oh hush, you need the calcium. Truth's knows you're going to need a tough skull to deal with the Wrench of Doom." Alphonse whispered out the last part just loud enough for his brother, fiancé, and bodyguards to hear. The latter three giggled under their breaths knowing the owner of the Wrench of Doom and how Edward shrank onto himself. "What's wrong with you?"

"Sorry, this place gives off an off-putting aura. Like the one in Hogwarts, but worse." Edward apologized, expression tense and almost pained that bordered annoyance. It was strange, not once has he ever felt it this powerful whenever he visited the Ministry. It's almost like someone… amp up the anit-muggle charms… Great. That would be the only explanation, it came out of nowhere. It happened before that nincompoop Cornelius, pink toad monstrosity Dolores and the remaining followers they have. That toad has been smiling at him since the moment she entered the meeting room. "Ugh… I need an apple pie."

"Hem hem, is everything alright, Mr. Elric?" Dolores Umbridge smiled widely at the eldest Elric brother.

"I'm quite fine, thank you for asking." Alphonse smiled at the woman, ensuring that Edward will not start a dispute with the woman. His own smile only grew at seeing the woman in pink smile twitch in anger before it quickly disappeared. "Big brother is just being big brother. We had to cancel several previously arranged engagements to attend this meeting."

"I apologize for inconveniencing you all…"

"If we are going to blame anyone, it would be our superiors, all of you…then ourselves." Edward grumbled under his breath as he sniffed his tea with disdain. "Can we take a break? I want to make myself a cup of tea without any outside inference."

-.-

"You gave us extra time to figure what to say to them about the supposed finalization of the peace treaty. Now we have time to change their focus or figure something else." Alphonse spoke quietly to his brother, fiancé and bodyguards. They were given a room to temporarily rest or to get a bite of food, as there is a cart filled with foods and random drinks. "Ed?"

"Hm? What? I actually wanted to make myself a new cup of tea. Screw the meeting, Madam Bones understands our position and isn't pushing forward to sign immediately. It's late early August, she won't become Minister until late September. Don't start with the possibility of that idiotic Conry Fudge on winning that hat. We gained the last needed ally to secure that position for her." Edward leaned against the wall in the room as he took sips of his tea. "You have put it bluntly to them that we are not going to sign anytime soon. I know how these people think and react. I got word that FUCKING TOAD," Edward threw his cup across the room, his expression filled with tension, "Raised up the wards against non-magical humans!"

Everyone else in the room had mixed emotions on Edward's outburst. Normally this sort of thing was out of character, however considering how he is describing the ward that is out against him and how his behavior is getting worse by the hour… not much of a surprise. Shock? Maybe. Resilient would be a word to describe Edward, but everyone has a breaking point and the pressure around him along with the meeting mixed together was not a good combo.

"She has it against me for the fucking fact I'm a muggle! A muggle!"

"Is anyone going to lower the wards?" Mei asked worriedly, she had sensed a presence that seemed to surround the entire building. It wasn't affecting her as it was affecting Edward, knowing the guy as long as she does, it worries her. Doesn't help how affected Alphonse is, should he continue to apologize for his Brother's behavior, even if it's not even his own fault? They wanted a rise out of the eldest Elric Brother, and it appears they got one.

"Bah, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction. If they want war, they are going to get one!"

"Please don't start a war…"

[daylighthelps]

Below the cut you will find #258 various song lyrics for otp/brotp/notp tags. I started this over a year ago, forgot about it and stuck it in my drafts. I was going to add to it but I’ve lost all inspiration for that, so, here you go. Enjoy.

add just a few too many xs and os.

a fire blows when you speak.

am i still enough?

and i know you know i on’t know which way to go to lose you.

and i’m lying alone in my bed wondering why love makes me feel like i’m dead.

any minute i’ll walk through that door.

anytime you need a friend i’m gonna be by your side.

a teardrop in your palm.

baby i don’t think i can love you.

baby let’s don’t call this love.

baby you gave me a taste now i’m wasted.

call me out just to get a little higher.

call me up; not this time.

call your bluff; not this time.

can you hear me calling?

come on skinny love what happened here?

could you ever love a man like me?

could you give me a shot and i’ll work with what i’ve got?

does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?

do i deserve this? okay maybe yeah.

do i have your love?

do i still turn you on at all when i kiss you baby?

don’t know what you were thinking; you were doing.

don’t try to tell me she ain’t worth it.

do you have to let it linger?

everything about you stops me from loving you.

every time i let you stay the night.

get a little taste of what i’m into.

girl you got me like a bug bite and now you’re under my skin.

girl you hit me harder than a freight train right in the middle of my membrane.

give me something i never know.

give to me your leather; take from me my lace.

gonna kiss you in the daylight out on the beach.

gonna take more than just time.

hearing your voice i’m overjoyed.

here i come.

here’s to the mondays; watching all the cars on the freeway.

here’s to us.

honey i’m onto your tricks.

how can i say this without breaking?

how wonderful life is with you in the world.

i ain’t got a thing to do; can i sit here next to you?

i can hold onto you somehow in this burning house.

i could be yours.

i don’t care what they say anymore.

i don’t know what i would do if i was without you and even though i am i’m always thinking about you.

i don’t think they’d understand it.

i don’t want them to know the way i loved you.

i don’t want this to end.

i don’t want to keep a secret.

i’d wait up for you almost every night.

i called you at home.

i cannot overstate it; i will be overjoyed.

i can’t cope.

i can’t forget.

i can’t wait until the next time we meet.

i could take you back but people don’t really change.

i feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup.

if i can’t have you get out get out get out get out of my heart.

i find it hard not to look your way but i get in what i can.

if i should lose my way; give up or go astray; please let me know.

if you could get by trying not to lie things wouldn’t be so confused.

if you miss me kiss me one last time at least for old time’s sake.

if you want; we’ll share this life.

i got it so so bad.

i hope i get to see you.

i just can’t let you go.

i knew when only you and i were standing here.

i knew with you to light my nights somehow i’d get by.

i know all your secrets and i promise you i’m gonna keep them.

i know i did you wrong.

i know just what’s going down when you come around.

i know the sun is beating down wherever you may be.

i know you miss me just like i miss you.

i know you’re out there somewhere.

i know you used to love me but that was yesterday.

i know you used to love me in every way.

i’ll be there when you are feeling clueless.

i’ll make sure you don’t forget me again.

i’ll see you in the evening.

i’ll stay here with you until this dream is gone.

i loved and i loved and i lost you and it hurts like hell.

i’m drowning in these memories.

i’m from the lonestar state; i’m ready to bring you in.

i’m gonna find a way to make you mine.

i’m gonna pack up my bags and i’m gonna go away.

i’m gonna run to you.

i’m gonna seal your fate; make you pay for all of your sins.

i’m gonna show you.

i’m halfway there.

i’m hiding and hoping my face ain’t too red.

i’m hurting so bad ‘cause you don’t treat me right.

i’m in so deep.

i might’ve thought that we were one.

i’m never far behind you.

i’m not trying to fall.

i’m not your beauty queen.

i’m not yours baby you’re not mine.

i’m packing up my bags and i’m going far away.

i’m sheltered by your heart.

i need a sign to let me know you’re here.

i need you to love me.

i need you today.

it doesn’t matter if we change their minds.

i tell myself don’t get caught too deep cause i know by now you’re not coming for me.

i tell myself move along.

i tell myself you were all wrong but i know by now wrong was right for me.

it must have been good but i lost it somehow.

it must have been love but it’s over now.

i try to let you go.

it’s been awhile since i saw your face; maybe it’s helped me move on.

it’s hard to lose the chosen one.

it’s not me; it’s you.

it’s probably the end.

i should’ve known better; now it hurts much more.

is that the way we stand?

i swear these words are true.

i swore i would be true and honey so did you.

i think you’re lovely enough to put up with it all.

i thought of you and where you’d gone.

i thought nothing could go wrong but i was wrong.

i thought the world of you.

i took and broke your heart and your world was torn apart.

it won’t take too long for my love to coax.

i’ve been sleepwalking too close to the fire but it’s the only place that i can hold you tight.

i’ve had my eye on you all night.

i wake up lonely.

i want a reason for the way things have to be.

i want you back here can’t you see?

i will tell you secrets nobody knows.

i wish you said something mean made me glad that you said goodbye.

i wish you were a ship that was guided by the touch of my lips.

i won’t give up if you don’t give up.

i won’t throw it all away with everything.

keep your hands off of me.

lately i’ve been going crazy ‘cause i want you baby.

laugh a bit too long at the worst of my jokes.

let me be the one to make it right.

let me come over.

let’s go another round til the sky is falling down.

love isn’t all that it seems; i did you wrong.

maybe we can get a drink and just catch up.

maybe you’re scared you’ll be let down.

midnight eyes oh you came as a surprise.

moving in for a hug like you don’t know i’m coming undone.

my baby’s already got all of my love.

my best friend til the end no pretend.

my gift is my song and this one’s for you.

never once a lie not until tonight.

new adventures on the way.

no matter what i’ll get there.

now all you do is just treat me cold.

now it’s said and done and i’m sorry.

of her i’m awfully fond.

our language is sacred though people try to solve it.

out of all of the places in this little town you had to come walking in here and sit down.

play me like boy you’re never gonna get me.

please refrain from opening skies.

right where we belong.

saw you shining in the starlight.

see in the reflection the same single man that had taken you for granted.

see you at a party and you look the same.

send me a postcard though you live so close.

she ain’t you.

she may be pretty; she’s something new; but that means nothing.

she’s got your exact same zodiac sign.

she’s got your hair and she’s got your eyes.

she’s the only one who can.

shoot me that look i’ve been dying to see.

since we’ve been over been trying like crazy to get you out of my head.

so hard to see the similarities.

so i won’t make my worst mistake; turn around and let you go.

so sweet that you make me sick.

spending all my waking time forgetting about you.

suddenly my choice is clear.

sure i might be rude but it’s just your attitude.

take the picture off the wall it doesn’t make me happy no more.

that girl’s my best friend.

that smile on your face like summer.

there’s an air of silence in the bedroom and all around.

there’s no need to play pretend.

the two of us went up in smoke.

the summer’s not hot til you show up.

the summer’s not hot without you.

the summer won’t start without you.

the way that your hand keeps touching mine.

think about the truth; all i gave to you.

think you’re all about me but i’m all about you.

this is more than just a little thing baby for sure.

touch me now.

true love doesn’t cost a thing.

trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right.

turn the lights down and let me show you it’s true.

up in the morning tangled in sheets.

was it just a game to you?

we could be a rumor; never be sure.

we don’t need to keep it hush.

we ended right.

we finally found our way.

we’ll laugh at all the shakers and movers.

we play the moment on repeat.

we’re klutzy but so lucky that i always have you to catch me.

we’re partners in crime.

were you lying all the time?

whatever gets heavy give it up now.

when you told me you’d leave i felt like i couldn’t breathe.

when i’m halfway to your heart you have to let me now.

when i walked into your house i knew i’d never want to leave.

when nobody understands you well i do.

when the love starts burning you’ve got to do what’s right.

why can’t you be cold like any good ex would do?

why can’t you look off somewhere if you catch me staring at you?

why don’t you stay?

why would you tell me that you’d call me up sometime?

why you gotta tell me that i’m looking good?

why you wanna make me keep wanting you?

why you wanna show up in an old t-shirt that i love?

wish that we could go back in time; i’d be the one you thought you’d find.

would you mind closing the bedroom door?

you already have my heart.

you always really knew i just wanna be with you.

you and me oh yeah we’re seamless.

you and me together; take on the world forever.

you call me up when you’re feeling uninspired.

you can’t hear me cry.

you caused my heart to bleed.

you could be my dirty secret.

you could leave a toothbrush at my place.

you could meet me in the backseat.

you cut the ties with knives of lies.

you did not break me.

you don’t have to rush.

you don’t have to try too hard.

you don’t know her like i do.

you don’t know what we’ve been through.

you don’t treat me no good no more.

you got me wrapped around your finger.

you know i’ll find you.

you know i’ll never stop.

you know i love you just like you love me.

you know i love you so but you’re so mean to me baby.

you know i’m such a fool for you.

your blade; it might be too sharp.

you’re just lucky that you met me.

you’re only getting better.

you’re seeing how she’s not your type.

you’re standing there in your underwear and my t-shirt from the night before.

you’re stuck with me your whole life.

you’re the reason i jumped in the pool; ‘cause you’re so hot that i gotta get cool.

your heart fits like a key into the lock on the wall.

yours are the sweetest eyes i’ve ever seen.

your time came with the rain but now it’s dry.

you said that you weren’t alone.

you still owe me a reason.

you got me so so good.

you walk through the grass with my shadow in the past.

you were right on time.

you won’t see me fall apart.

[one-thousand-splendid-stars]

“Femfirmative Fics”

I’ve had a version of this post saved in my drafts for months, but it never felt like a good time to post it. But I guess now would be an appropriate time, because of this femfirmative blog. I personally find the whole concept of it insulting - to say that our writing so misogynistic that there needs to be an entire blog dedicated to filtering out our “bullshit,” as she calls it.

I always, always treat Molly well in my fics. In all my experience of reading Johnlock fics, the women (especially Molly and Irene) always have way more dignity and agency than is ever given to them in the show, so I don’t know where this claim is coming from:

In 99.9% of the Johnlock fics I’ve read, Molly is given happiness, and isn’t hung up on Sherlock for years and years like she is in the show. Of course, there’s always going to be some outliers you could dig up. No fandom is perfect. But every single popular “big” fic I’ve read treats her well. 

Mary ranges from a friend of John’s, to temporary girlfriend, to ex partner, to villain - yes, villain. Because choosing to explore a characters’ darker sides which are shown explicitly in the show on more than one occasion is not “ridiculing” or “tearing her down.” And even if you’re not interested in a fic like that, it takes two seconds to just read the tags. That’s what they’re there for. 

Idk if the runner of this blog (who is a multi shipper but mostly a Sherl0llian) is trying to be insulting with her wording, or just genuinely isn't reading the right fics. But either way, the idea that we’re misogynists has been around in the fandom for awhile, and I want to take a closer look at some of the reasons why. Because it’s mostly supported by people taking legitimate arguments and rewording/exaggerating them until they’re unrecognizable, leaving out key points, judging the all of us based on a small percentage that they know most of us disagree with.

So here goes:

1. Not liking Mary - First of all, people who say this can never decide on their definition of “don’t like.” There are plenty of Johnlockers who love Mary and/or were hoping to see her become a kickass villain. It is possible to like a character who is a villain. And yes, there are some who don’t like Mary for perfectly valid reasons - shooting and almost killing the main character for no reason being among them. People often like to reduce this issue down to “we hate her because she gets in the way of two dicks touching.” This argument completely overrides all of the horrible things Mary canonically did, and the numerous surface level reasons to dislike her. It’s just a convenient one-liner for them to pull whenever someone points out canon facts about her from the show - not to mention it’s an extremely homophobic thing to say. Mary is a dynamic, fleshed out character who has made morally questionable (and flat out wrong) decisions, so it’s expected that there will be a wide range of opinions on her. 

1. Saying Mary is a villain - This is misogynistic how? Some of the best villains in popular media are women, and are sometimes even fan favorites. If this reading of her character had no basis whatsoever, then yeah, I can understand how it’d be seen as a convenient way to “get her out of the way.” But what people like to ignore is that there are numerous subtextual AND surface level clues pointing to her being a potential villain. The most obvious being her trying to kill Sherlock, the most subtle being her similarities to Moran from canon, and a whole bunch in between. There is a reason this theory exists - it’s totally plausible and would have been awesome. But it’s just more convenient for people who hate Johnlockers to dismiss it as misogynistic.

2. Not liking Molly- Again, this definition of “don’t like” pretty much just boils down to the fact that we don’t ship her with Sherlock…. I mean that’s pretty much all I have to say on this one. There’s not much else I can say. There are Johnlockers who love Molly, and those who don’t care so much for her, and everything in between. The same way that there are fans who like, dislike, or are neutral towards other minor characters like Irene or Mycroft. (And the same way that there are some Sherl0llians who openly hate John, but get angry if someone doesn’t like Molly. I’v never read their stuff but I think it’s safe assumption to make that those people’s hatred of him leaks into some of their fics. I HIGHLY doubt John is treated with the utmost dignity and kindness all the time in their fandom).  

3. Reducing Molly and other female characters to mirrors - This one applies to tjlcers, not all Johnlockers. A common thing for anti-tjlcers/ other shippers to say is “[Female character] is not a mirror! She’s her own person!” Two points here. 1. Being a mirror really isn’t reduction at all. Of course she’s her own person! But that’s not to say that when there are such blatant parallels between her and one of the leads, maybe just maybe those were put there for a reason. Being a mirror is basically the same concept as being foil, except it’s through similarities instead of contrast. I don’t see how this is a reduction. If that’s the case, then any time a female character is used as a foil in literature, is it sexist too? 2. How is it sexist when tjlc reads both male and female characters as possible mirrors? What about the gay innkeepers? Sholto? Mr. Holmes? Or Ajay, who strongly paralleled Mary?? Not sexist then, is it? 

Now let’s look at how Johnlockers- generally speaking- actually do view the women in the show. (Again, we’re not a hive mind, so there will be some who disagree but here we go:)

Mary: see above

Molly: see above 

Hudders: Love her

Mummy Holmes: Love her

Rosie: Wish she’s had an actual purpose in the plot instead of being a prop for some “awwws” and then disappearing until the end 

Irene: Badass lesbian. ACD feminist icon. Wish she’d beaten Sherlock like she did in the canon. Too bad Moffat’s writing of her is misogynistic to the core and she had to fall for him and be weakened by her sentiment instead. Good thing there’s fanfic!

Janine: Super funny, great brotp potential with Sherlock. Wish she could have returned to the show. So much potential, what with her connections to Magnussen’s network, friendship with Mary, and budding friendship with Sherlock 

Eurus: Canon villain. Won't apologize for not liking her. Doesn't appear in most johnlock fics, although i do know of some great ones that include her and make her far more interesting and fleshed out than a mind-controlling sociopath. 

The claim that our fics are misogynistic is absurd and comes from absolutely nowhere. Obviously, you could dig and find outliers where the woman are treated badly. The same way that you could find Sherl0lly fics that treat John horribly if you wanted. 

My point is, is it some huge problem that makes this femfirmative blog necessary? Absolutely not. 

I don’t think having blog a dedicated to reccing Johnlock fics that have well-written women is a bad idea, necessarily. My problem is the blog runner’s approach. 

This easily could’ve been a fun idea aiming to promote our work instead of presenting it like a filter for those who want a safe place from the dark, scary Johnlock tag on AO3. She introduced it by subtly and not-so-subtly dissing Johnlockers, making wild claims about our writing, calling us names, and then switching to praising our fics (but it’s too bad we’re so sexist, right?) 

She also could’ve added more johnlocky tags to the post to help it get to our side of the fandom. Instead she just used “jlock,” the tag for those who don’t ship it (which slightly makes me question the intentions of this blog).

She also could’ve tagged some Johnlock rec blogs who would’ve been happy to help spread the word instead of only tagging a Sherl0llian (another questionable thing about this). 

Heck, I even would’ve been down to send along some recs, if this hadn’t been approached with all all the petty insults and complaining about how hard it is to find a Johnlock fic that isn’t sexist (it’s not hard at all). But why would I want to participate in something that’s openly insulting, made by someone who posts wank about Johnlockers all the time on her normal blog. Our most popular rec blog already has a ton of lists entirely dedicated to the women. We don’t need to look any further than her and others to find fics that this blog calls “femfirmative.”