#should i tag with all the candidates? maybe but i don't have the patience there's too many of them

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

is it too Controversial™ to ask what you think about the 2020 primary? (answer privately if you like, I just wanna talk)

okay i saved this forever because i couldn’t decide how deep into the analysis i wanted to get, when i barely knew who some candidates were. then when i decided i wanted to ramble about it, it was almost time for the first debate so i figured i should wait til after. NOW I AM READY. :) 

so, here’s my opinions on all the candidates i know are running, without doing extra research and with a dash of humorous exaggeration. 

DISCLAIMER 1: i care about politics and even enjoy it a little, but i don’t have unlimited time and i also like to do other things, so i’m not perfectly informed on every single candidate, and a lot of what i’ve picked up is from random articles i read or tv appearances, rather than say, campaign websites and official press releases. feel free to tell me why i’m wrong about my impressions if you disagree. i know i can’t know everything and i’m not opposed to being educated.

DISCLAIMER 2: the trolls will come for this post. i accept that. as soon as they start to annoy me, i’ll turn notes off so i don’t have to see it any more. if we’re friends and you want to chat about politics, send me asks or PM me anytime, that way i’m guaranteed to actually get your message. if you send me anon hate about this, it’s getting immediately deleted, so save yourself the trouble.

DISCLAIMER 3: i have my favorites in this process, but once we have a nominee, i’m voting for them. whoever they are. happily. every time i read another interview with voters talking about how if their guy doesn’t win they’re not voting for anybody else i want to scream. every one of these candidates would be better than what we have in the white house right now. a duck wearing a top hat would be better than what we have in the white house right now!!! President Duck In A Top Hat wouldn’t be killing little kids in cages so please for the love of whoever, VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS next year.

behold, the 2020 democratic presidential primary field:

michael bennet 

omg, i love him. LOVE him. he is america’s Tired Stepdad and he is FED UP and he just desperately wants us to make better choices. his whole vibe is so done, he acts like a guy who never wanted to be president but felt a sense of duty to be a voice of reason and now by god, he’s going to say what he thinks. do i want him to win? no. but i want him to keep ranting because i enjoy his vibe. idk if he’ll make it through the year, and boy is he a middle aged white dude, but when he’s done running for president he’ll still be that guy who yelled at ted cruz about being a hypocrite once and i respect that.

joe biden 

god, joe. i’ve loved him ever since he ran with president obama, because when he debated sarah palin my spouse and i watched it in a hotel room during a rare break from living in our car and i liked the way he talked about his history, and the way he argued. my feelings for joe biden have always been wrapped up in that terrifying, stressful time of my life, when just watching someone be a democrat and proud of it was kind of comforting. 

but i was so fervently wishing he WOULD NOT RUN this year. and unfortunately he hasn’t given me any reason to feel differently yet. would he be a good president? yeah, probably. i don’t think we’d all end up dead. but he’s not good at countering valid criticisms, and his entire case right now for why we should pick him is because if we do, we can all go back to the halcyon days of ten years ago and pretend none of this ever happened. that’s not good enough! it all DID happen, and we need to face the reasons why it did so we can try to improve things, and i just genuinely don’t think making the exact same argument as trump but choosing a different era to turn back the clock to is going to beat him.

i’m not a moderate voter, so what do i know? there’s a reason he’s the frontrunner. but i’d feel better about him being the frontrunner if he was actually dealing with the fact that he has a long record, not all his past positions make him look good to voters now, and with so many candidates up against him this time, a lot of us need to know that he’ll fight for our lives the way that others would because they have backgrounds more like ours.

cory booker 

i like him, but i don’t think he’s the strongest candidate. his philosophy of love is noble, just not where a lot of the party and the country is at right now. and i’ve heard he’s a great speaker if you’re in the room, but i think other candidates connect more successfully with voters so far. i really do like him!! i hope he’s around long enough to stand out a bit more!! because so far i think he makes a better senator than a presidential candidate–but i’m willing to be persuaded otherwise.

steve bullock

is he a governor? a senator? is he one of the ones that didn’t quite make it into the first debate and complained about it? i feel like he’s that guy. also one of the ‘i have republican supporters and am therefore the party’s best hope for the future’ guys. idk, i’ve heard of him but have only the vaguest picture in my head. it’s not an impressive picture.

pete buttigieg

MAYOR PETE.

look. LOOK. i’ve said it before and i will say it for the rest of his political career, there is nothing that fills my heart with joy the way pete buttigieg does whenever he talks about his HUSBAND or being in the closet or being gay in the military. he is a middle america white guy and i still absolutely fucking love him because in my whole life so far i have never been able to watch an openly gay candidate run for president and be listened to.

do i wish he was something other than a slightly moderate white guy? i really do. i’m desperate for every kind of representation. but if we’re ever going to get our first openly gay president, i accept that it probably HAS to be somebody who’s otherwise as palatable to majority america as possible. and as a millennial there’s also something great about watching him go. if he’s the future, we could do worse. 

he’s very clearly smart, and a good politician, i get the sense that he genuinely thinks (probably overthinks) about details and complicated issues, and unlike some frontrunners he’s capable of saying ‘yeah i fucked up and i’m sorry and there’s no excuse, i want to do better’ and we need SO MUCH MORE of that in politics, even if it’s politically motivated. he’s capable of at least seeming like he cares about people and will change his mind when he learns new things.

i honestly don’t know if he has a chance in hell in the general, and i think it’s probably too soon for him to actually win the nomination. but he’s young!! and he’s doing so well already!! it feels like joe biden’s been running for president longer than i’ve been alive, so i’m hoping pete bows out gracefully if that time comes, and then tries again in a future primary. 

julián castro

i know he’s an underdog candidate, and lots of people don’t know who he is or get him confused with his congressman brother. but i have loved him since 2012, and of everyone in the field, he’s literally the only one i fervently hoped might run someday. i’ve been waiting nine years for this to happen!! 

i’m biased. just soooo biased. my best friend, my favorite person in the world, who i married, is a latina twin, the eldest just like he is. so watching his keynote address in 2012 stole my heart and he has yet to give it back. he’s got snark, he’s got no patience for white privilege or politics that neglects policy, and literally every time he speaks i’m grateful he’s in public service. 

he would make a good president. i don’t doubt it. i thought he did really well in this first debate, and i appreciate the way he’s both in it to make a difference with the other candidates no matter who wins (see: trying to get them all to agree to decriminalize border crossing) but also not running as a guy who knows he can’t win. he’s still going! he’s gonna fight til the end! that’s pretty cool of a guy running against an incumbent who viscerally hates people who look like him.

i have multiple favorites in this race, but again, i wished he would run nine years ago and never really expected he would. so he has a special place in my heart.

bill de blasio

meh? he’s fine? new yorkers have strong, experienced opinions about him i think, but i’m not from new york so i just don’t know him that well. he was okay in the debates, one of those guys trying to interrupt a lot from the edges of the stage, which is not an endearing trait but also not an automatic strike against him, since when he did speak i liked his positions fine. i’m just not sure why he’s the guy, he hasn’t convinced me that he’s somehow better than the others in this race just because he’s worked hard in new york. unless something changes, i don’t see him breaking out into the front anytime soon.

john delaney

OH. MY. GOD. i went into the debates with an open mind, because he was the only candidate on that night that i’d never heard of. 

he did not impress me. 

i just…i don’t really have words. he was so annoying!!! lol. that’s not a political take, but he just so was, i couldn’t get over it. 

honestly i don’t even remember what i thought of his policy positions so i must not have been impressed by them. he’s at the very top of my ‘why are you even running’ list.

tulsi gabbard

i think the only thing i knew about tulsi gabbard before the debates was her military background, that she’s a woman, and something about her family being in a cult? i read an interesting story about that a month ago and promptly forgot she was the one it was about until recently.

she did really well in the debates, i thought. grading on a curve of ‘she just needed to stand out’–i still only know that she’s got a military background and that informs her big issues, and i would need to hear about more than just her war views in order to really support her, but she did exactly what she needed to at the debate–she answered the questions she was given, and got at least one memorable moment by taking out tim ryan at the knees. 

and like, that’s not the best reason to love a candidate, but as someone who hasn’t served and therefore knows she knows way more than i ever could about it, i respect the way she was not going to give some dude an inch when he was wrong about basic facts.

watching her make her case to be president reminded me that we used to have presidents who were really there to be ‘commander in chief’ first and ceremonial leaders second, and i’m not sure that’s what i want from a president but i can see how she would be able to do that and it got my attention.

kirsten gillibrand

i keep misspelling her name as kristen and i feel bad about that. along with amy klobuchar, she’s here to make the case for moderate female leadership, and i would prefer that to moderate male leadership because those are two different things…but it’s not what really appeals to me. 

she’s done okay so far, i just think that she’s running in the wrong race? because if she weren’t also up against elizabeth warren and kamala harris and there was more room for her to be an appealing female alternative, she’d have a bigger impact. 

if she stays in the race, she may be able to carve out more of a space. we’ll see.

mike gravel

i….don’t know who this is. his name is vaguely familiar? but so vaguely that i genuinely have no idea why. he’s probably still trying to make it into the next debate. hmm.

kamala harris

kamala came for joe’s head in the first debates and she had a good time. i’m still impressed by that and it was weeks ago now. 

okay, so i didn’t know who kamala harris was a couple of years ago, i’m pretty late to this party. she landed on my radar after trump was elected, with her work on different committees. then i knew she was somebody people were talking about, and i knew she was from california and we live there now so i paid a little more attention.

she’s been kind of overlooked so far in the giant field of candidates, for reasons ranging from racism and sexism to her prosecutor history and making her case primarily on issues but avoiding getting personal. i heard her speak maybe twice, and both times was like ‘whoa, okay, she knows things and takes no shit’–but i was still genuinely stunned by her debate performance. 

she arrived knowing that she wasn’t doing as well in polls and fundraising as she wanted, she came prepared, her attacks and her standout moments were PERFECTLY executed, and the fact that they were obviously rehearsed didn’t lessen the power of them at all. 

i have no trouble imagining her up against trump in the general, and i would fucking love to see it. she is a prosecutor AND a mom AND a woman of color and i’ve never in my life seen someone so done with sleazy white male crap. the fact that she’s good at the political performative stuff (that to me, shouldn’t matter, but of course does) means she really might have a chance. 

i don’t agree with all her positions, but she’s absolutely a fave and her rise in the polls is well deserved.

john hickenlooper

he is in this race to tell all the other democrats to stop being so liberal and make conservatives respect them again. 

i’m not a fan.

every time he insists that it’s the democrats’ fault that their opponents are calling them socialists, as though republican and/or trump insults have anything to do with factual reality, i just need him to shut up. 

i need him to shut up so hard.

JOHN. PLEASE LISTEN TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOLD YOU THAT DEMOCRATS WILL BE TAGGED WITH THAT LABEL NO MATTER WHAT POLICIES THEY DO OR DON’T SUPPORT, BECAUSE IT IS AN INSULT THAT GETS ATTENTION. YOU ARE PLAYING THEIR GAME. STOP.

i probably don’t disagree with everything john hickenlooper stands for, but i wouldn’t know because he won’t stop calling democrats socialists so i cannot take him seriously.

jay inslee

has a good message, ran my home state and made a lot happen on his watch. i have a ton of respect for that and he’s good at explaining why we should care about what he cares about, which is one of the political skills that matters the most to me. 

he’s not standing out that well just being The Climate Guy, but i could see him winning the nomination in a broad appeal sort of way, and i’d be fine with it. not as excited as i would be for other candidates, but i think he’d do a competent job, he has executive experience, and maybe he’d save the planet, who knows.

amy klobuchar

she’s here to represent the common sense midwest, and i don’t remember a single thing she said in the debates. i like her fine, i always have, i’m just not moderate and i’m not sure i buy into the idea that democrats can win back trump voters. so idk if she’s likely to make it out of the primary. 

she seems smart and capable, again, i think anybody would be an improvement in 2020…but she hasn’t really stood out for me. idk if she can.

wayne messam

this one’s NAME isn’t even familiar to me. i didn’t know he was running, because i don’t know who he is. i’m guessing he’s the reason this list has 25 people on it when i thought we had 24 contenders, but who the heck is he???

seth moulton

he wasn’t in the debates and i was grateful. he’s the only candidate i actively dislike. i wasn’t paying much attention tbh when he was part of the campaign to take out nancy pelosi, cuz all i cared about was that it didn’t work.

but i was paying close attention when rachel maddow gave him an opening to explain that challenge and speak to female voters who might not have appreciated it. and he was so SMIRKY and DISMISSIVE and gave off the biggest entitled white dude vibe i’ve seen in this entire primary so far. 

i don’t expect male candidates to appeal to me the same way female candidates do, but i do want at least some attempt on their part? running for president because you just expect that people will see that you’re great and deserve it makes me feel really grossed out. and that brings us to…

beto o’rourke

i really really wish he was in ted cruz’s senate seat right now. not just so ted cruz wouldn’t be in it, but also so beto wouldn’t be running for president at this particular moment in time. 

i like him. i genuinely do. he would be a GOOD senator. and he ran an interesting campaign, in texas, and did it well. 

but it’s way too soon for this presidential run, and his senate campaign strategy isn’t translating super effectively to a presidential race, and as much as i personally enjoy his wandering-through-life livestreaming-his-thoughts aesthetic, he’s not even ready to make a concise case for why he would make a better president than the other 200 people running. 

in a decade, maybe he’d be better prepared and be a stronger candidate, but he’s running too much on name recognition and not doing his homework enough (this is also my main problem with joe biden tbh). 

if beto doesn’t show us something more, i don’t see him making it in the long run, not when he has julián castro coming for his texas votes and multiple women who have no fucks left to give ready to outplan him.

tim ryan

i don’t think i’d heard of tim ryan before the debates. he did better at arguing his positions than some of the ‘forgettable white guys’ he’s with on the margin of this contest…until tulsi gabbard got her chance at him. 

challenged by a veteran on his terrorism argument, he did not hold up well. i suspect he’s not long for this world, campaign-wise. honestly it’s a fluke of him answering the specific question he did and sharing the stage with the people he did, so that’s his bad luck.

but it was also an unforced error and this primary absolutely should weed out the guys who really have no reason to be here in the first place. no great loss, that.

bernie sanders

oh, god, bernie. 

he’s not actually a democrat? so i give him credit where credit is due for managing to pull the party left with his popular arguments and yelling indoor voice. 

i’ll keep it short and just say that he’s not my favorite for a lot of reasons, some of which involve relitigating the past, thus why i don’t feel like getting into it because that’s not productive or helpful. also i know that the obnoxiousness of his supporters is not entirely within his control.

the most important thing to me about bernie is that he knows his stuff, he really does. he has his positions and he’s willing to fight for them and he would be able to lead the country, i don’t doubt that. so if he manages to win the nomination i’ll support him. 

i’m so tired, though. just so tired and ready to move on. 

joe sestak

who is this. interesting name, but seriously, who is this? i don’t know you.

eric swalwell

eric, god love him, is also on my ‘why are you running’ list. he’s the epitome of a long shot, a random guy with some political experience who under normal conditions would have to wait decades more before he’d be considered a serious candidate.

but, yknow, here we are. 

and i actually like him, as a congressman. he’s great. i was just surprised when he jumped into the race, it felt like a really funny joke because it was so random. dude, what are you doing?

then he made it to the debates, and it became very clear why he’s here. 

he has no chance, and he KNOWS he has no chance, and he’s here to shout ‘let younger people take over’ as many times as he’s allowed to before he goes back to congress and returns to sparring with the gun lobby.

seriously, i’m a fan of eric swalwell!! i like him. i want him to keep fighting the good fight in congress for a long time. 

but until they throw him out of this primary, he’s gonna keep grabbing the mic to tell joe biden he’s old, and i kind of respect his moxie. i will probably continue to do so until he messes with the candidates i like more. then i’ll want him to go away. 

elizabeth warren

oh i love her. i have always loved her. i’ve loved her since she was still just a law professor talking about the economy and fighting for the CFPB, so i’ve believed she would make an excellent president even longer than i’ve felt that way about secretary castro. 

i was so happy when she ran for the senate. i was sad i’m not in her state. 

honestly, i didn’t expect her to run for president this year and i didn’t actually need her to, i liked watching her be a badass in the senate. but she has my support, and she’s doing even better than i expected at this point.

she had a great debate night, she’s showing off her ability not just to bring big ideas, but also explain them in ways that grow her support. she’s too smart to play along with anyone else’s rules, she brings the fight to where she wants it.

she can’t avoid the hillary comparisons, yay sexism, but i wouldn’t bet against her given what i’ve seen so far. she’s kind of what i think joe biden THINKS he is. i’d be thrilled if she were our next president who could make room for younger leaders after that.  

marianne williamson

THE MEME-IEST CANDIDATE. 

i mean, i love her because she’s freaking insane, but that’s so not relevant to anything.

i in no way want her to be president because i have no fucking idea what she would do if she were and that’s already what we have in the white house right now. but she seems very sure of herself. 

i don’t know…what can you even say about marianne williamson? 

she hates plans. we need to stop it with all the plans. we need to fight him with love. but not like cory booker wants to because that guy has plans, and her accent is cooler. 

i knew nothing about her before the debate and i will never be able to forget her now.

so maybe she won?

andrew yang

i also knew nothing about him before the debates, and i thought he did well actually. 

if the point of the debates for unknown candidates is to make a case for what sets them apart and make sure you leave knowing something that’s important to them, honestly he did that better than even my faves. 

he got very little talking time, and he used all of it to sell his universal basic income plan, and staying on message that well is so impressive. 

i’m not a big fan of his tech-focused independent voter thing, but i absolutely know what he wants to do as president and he didn’t spend the debate yelling out of turn, so at least i can also say i respect him. 

if he sticks around, i’ll keep listening.

TL;DR vote for the nominee in the general pls vote for the nominee this is all very fun to talk about but i’m begging you please just make it stop in 2020

[vegandoughnut]

PART 5: Are You Kitting Me?

"You're good to go, Anekke" says Stephen, scribbling on his clipboard as if he were actually using it for something. Anekke frowns.

"I can't just finish the hour?" She presses, nearly pouting.

"Fine but make sure you clock out on the dot. I just don't have the patience this evening" Stephen says, voice laden with an exhaustion that doesn't even make sense. Anekke continues to spray some of the food prep surfaces with the natural mint scented surface cleaner and wipes with the cleaning rag.

Humbert hums in a whiny pitch as he adds the finishing touches to another serving of the Fall Special. Black anise waffles, vibrant orange pumpkin ice cream, chocolate chips and raisins, cat face drawn with chocolate or molasses. The ingredients seem to have plastered themselves all over Anekke's brain. She mutters them to herself as she cleans.

"What's that?" Comes Humbert's voice.

She ignores him, almost laughing with relief when Kitt joins them behind the counter. Kitt looks tired, with dark circles forming under her eyes. She flashes a smile to counter it.

"You need a coffee" Anekke says.

"You've never been more right" Kitt replies, picking up the staff french press off the ceramic hot plate, and pouring herself a mug of aromatic medium roast. "I have like five minutes to snag Gary Nygard's autograph but I just can't bring myself to. This is a once in a lifetime thing. Like. He's going back to Finland at some point. The band doesn't even tour anymore. Today literally feels like a weird dream and I don't know how to move. Like I'm walking through invisible cake batter or something"

"This is not a therapy session. You have a customer Kittie" says Humbert. Kitt sucks her teeth before turning to face the rest of the cafe to take a customer's order.

"You know we already have a supervisor and a manager right?" Anekke says through clenched teeth. Even if Humbert had said it to Kumlyun instead of Kitt, she would still jump in on the defense. She was getting tired of Humbert's antics, and was glad she'd be going home soon.

Humbert grunts and gets back to putting together a catering box.

"Wow" says Anekke, shaking her head.

A customer walks up to the bar holding Salem, the chill black cat purred softly in his arms. He orders an oat milk vanilla shake. She let's Kitt take that order, then goes back to cleaning, annoyed that earlier Kumlyun had implied the mess was made by her, when really it was probably Harper who was often sloppy with the food prep and forgetful of cleaning up. But at least she made Kumlyun look bad by implying she came in on her day off on purpose.

Finally some serenity blankets the cafe when all the customers are seated and eating, drinking or petting or feeding the cats they were paired with. Anekke quickly checks her pocket planner and crosses off a few things she remembered to do.

Memorize the recipe for the blueberry muffins by heart. Check. Disinfect the sink. Check. Renew library checkouts online. Check. Schedule a dentist appointment for next week. Check. Organize the discarded customer cards into her little file folder. Check.

"Anekke"

Anekke nearly jumps out of her skin when Kitt places a hand on her shoulder from behind.

"You scared me Kitt" she says, stealthily shrugging out from under her hand.

"I seem to do that for a lot of people" she says with a frown. "Anyway, what time are you leaving? so I know when to mentally prepare for the next few grueling hours behind this counter"

"Honestly just 30 minutes to go" says Anekke, taking a sneaky bite of the energy bar she hid in her half apron.

"Okay. Thanks" says Kitt.

Carl turns to look at the counter and smiles warmly when he coincidentally catches Anekke's eye. She smiles back quickly but goes back to her resting face just as soon.

"Hey Carl, want to cover for me real quick?" Kitt calls from the bar, undoing her waist apron.

Carl walks over immediately, and almost trips over a feathered pet toy but regains his balance without much embarrassment. Anekke watches intently. Still nervous, that one.

"You'll be working with the pretty blond, she should have no problem drawing in lots of orders so you can take a few pointers" says Kitt to Carl. Anekke's head spins upon hearing the strange sentence, and she wonders what Kitt was really saying. She had to force herself not to spiral into the whirlpool forming inside of her. What does she mean? What does that mean? Is it face value? Is there a joke or jab hidden in the arrangement of the words? Why does Kumlyun complain so much? Does Kumlyun whisper lies about Anekke to Kitt? Is Kitt trustworthy? Is Kitt priming Carl against her? She said "pretty blond". Maybe she should go to HR about Kitt. That'll make things make sense.

Carl and Kitt switch places. Carl ties a waist apron on and picks up a few beechwood mixing spoons. Why?

"Break a leg" Anekke tells Kitt who walks carefully towards Gary Nygard. Kitt flashes a confident cheese smile before heading straight for the Special Guest, the charming gothic rock star who had been in the cafe since before noon.

Anekke had thought he'd looked familiar, then realized he was a member of a band that had been really popular back when she was in high school. Yuck, she thinks, picturing those cringey teenage years in her mind with distaste. It was hard to imagine Kitt was one of the spooky kids who were obsessed with vampires and fingerless gloves, but who would've imagined that "pretty blond" Anekke was a nerd with no friends? The one who, even if she tried to make a joke, it came off as awkward or distasteful? Why were these things bothering her so suddenly?

20 minutes pass. Two customers came. Carl had watched eagerly when Anekke operated the waffle maker which she hated completely. The waffles would sometimes have holes in the outer pockets around the edges if the batter didn't spread perfectly. That's why she hated it.

"See you guys on Thursday" Anekke says, gathering her khaki trench coat, personal mug and backpack. It was without really looking at anyone in particular.

A few co-workers say bye in friendly voices. Why so friendly? Do they think she's stupid? Childish?

Then Carl says, "thanks for the tip about the waffle maker. I'm sure people prefer a perfect waffle over the skeleton of one" he says with a warm smile, trying to make her laugh probably. Anekke nods then goes out the door, relieved beyond words.

Kitt pulls her fingers through her dreads, which were the color of fallen leaves--- the characteristic Autumn hue between plum and red. She felt just slightly embarrassed to meet one of her teenage rock idols looking like a millennial-barista-spoken-word-slam-night-attendee-who-keeps-a-million-potted -succulents-around-their-house person, but so it goes. Some of teen-life's craziest caterpillars emerged from their cocoons as less stand-outy butterflies.

But there he was. Gary Nygard looking exactly the same, though less dressy, as she remembered during the heyday of Finnish metal's popularity in her generation. Jetty curtains of hair. The cozy cat skull sweatshirt over the pants with the boots. Gosh his legs were so perfectly thin. Kitt shakes her head.

"Darling" Nygard's voice steals Kitt's attention as he strokes just under the fuzzy siamese cat Sandra's chin. He is smiling slightly. "Is all well?" he says nodding towards her, like he could sense her trepidation, "this is a lovely place, beautiful really. Tell your boss, see, to keep doing whatever he or she is doing to keep it going. The cats are so dear, and you, all of you, have been lovely hosts"

He's so sweet and down to earth and candid and Scandinavian and beautiful and what inspired that song.... and will the band ever get back together and what does he do now that the band is... omg stop brain, stop it.... Kitt thinks.

"How long has the place been running for? It seems like a very hip sort of thing, an import, from Japan maybe... lovely country, Japan. They're very nice there" he continues as Sandra squirms and scratches at his sweater. But Gary Nygard is on to the silly cat, trying to distract her by scratching behind her ears while her head is turned in the opposite directions.

Kitt's mouth opens and closes. She blinks a mile a minute yet there's no wind in her face.

"Just a few years" Kitt responds, finding her composure again and holding onto it for dear life. "Yeah cat cafes, well, themed cafes in general, seem to be way more popular over there. This is kind of a knock---"

"A knock-off, but very nice" he finishes for her with a chuckle. He scratches his head then throws back the last of his green smoothie, Sandra sitting snugly nuzzled into his side on the velvet highback chair. Kitt watches the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallows the drink, the pale white of his throat exposed and blinding.

Suddenly she forgets that she can language, and just clasps and un-clasps her hands.

"It was lovely. Truly" he says, getting up from the chair. All 5'10 of him. Sandra scampers off across the cafe to bother some of the other kitties. "Kittie? Was that your name? Good girl" he mutters, pulling on his faux fur jacket. Kitt stands there dumbly.

She is frozen as he crosses the room towards the front door. She pretends to go fix tables near there then discreetly says, "wait. Sorry just a minute"

He stops and turns to face her, pulling a dark grey beanie over his hair and looking more and more like a mysterious pedestrian, becoming less and less real at the same despite. He was crossing the threshold of Kitt's world, reality, back into the far away world of teen angst nostalgia and dreams come true and old fires doused.

"I was a big fan when I was high school..." she says, quietly, softly, only he could hear.

He grins. A warm and genuine smile that touches his eyes that turn up slightly at the outer corners, like a cat's. He hands her his VIP customer lanyard and tag with his name and personality notes on there in his real life, almost-neat handwriting. The one thing customers usually toss.

"Thank you for today, Kittie" he says, with a brief, too light pat on her shoulder.

Then he's out the door.

Just like that.

A dream.

[onebatch2batch]

I wanted to pop in to tell you how much I adore and value all your writing for this little fandom. You are sincerely one of my favorite writers of the Kastle ship. Also, I don't know if you're still accepting drabble prompts from that list, but if you are, could you please write something for 59. "Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I'll never leave you again."

Hi!!! Thank you so much for this sweet message. I love this fandom so much, everyone is so kind and welcoming and I’ve very happy to be a part of it. For those of you who are waiting for me to answer prompts, I am working on them and they will get done–just not all right away. Thank you for the patience and love xoxo

59. “Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I’ll never leave you again.”

Kastle, post-canon

The the bell above Johnnie’s Hardware’s door jingles happily as Frank steps through, a blast of cool air hitting him in the face. Sarah Lieberman sighs gratefully as she follows him in. He grabs a basket and shoots her an amused look.

“Y’know you didn’t have to come, right?”

Sarah huffs, following him towards the back of the store. “Pete, if I don’t learn this stuff, no one will. And then what will we do when Leo goes off to school? Trust David?”

He chuckles, eyes scanning the shelves. “You got some time before we gotta resort to that. And I’m a good stand-in.”

She hums, adjusting the strap of her purse. “Maybe so. But no way in hell I was staying in that furnace of a house. At least the van has AC. Might as well keep you company.”

Frank shakes his head, stopping before the shelves carrying the parts needing for her air conditioning system. It had gone out the day before and, due to the intense summer, the handyman had a list of clients will the same problem. After a full twenty-four hours of sweltering heat, David had called asking for his help. Frank was glad to do it and while David was at work he’d gone to survey the problem and picked up a tag-along into town.

Said tag-along is currently staring at the shelves critically. She leans forward to read the little labels underneath the parts and Frank steps over, picking up what he needs. He explains each part, what it’s called and what it’s for. Her blank stare tells him she’s regretting her decision to be included, and eventually he huffs. “Alright, that’s it. Ready?”

“I actually wanted to look at shower heads. Do you mind? The kids broke theirs–somehow.” Her frustrated sigh reminds him painfully of one of Maria’s after the kids had caused trouble. He gives her a tight nod and leads her to the opposite side of the store, turning the corner and stopping short.

Sarah collides into his back with a small yelp, and the woman scanning the shelves in front of them turns to look, jolted.

“Frank,” Karen says, eyes widening.

There aren’t many thing that scare a man like Frank Castle, anymore. Standing here with Karen Page in her shorts and tank top, a baffled and hurt expression on her face, is absolutely one of them. “Karen,” he says, but it comes out on a choke.

Her eyes fall to Sarah and the change in her is immediate. Her surprised hurt turns to a polite but confused smile. She lifts her basket on her hip and glances at Frank. He can see the panic in her eyes, and it takes him a moment to realize it’s because she’s said his real name in front of a woman she doesn’t know. Always protecting him, even when she’s hurt.

Sarah steps forward excitedly. “Karen? As in Karen Page? I’ve heard so much about you–I’m Sarah Lieberman. It’s nice to put a name to the face!”

She blinks, digesting the information, and then relaxes slightly. “Oh, hi. It’s nice to meet you.”

Frank shifts awkwardly. It’s been nearly six months since they’ve been face to face. After the carousel and the hospital, he’d sent her a text (I’m fine, it’s over. I need some time.) and then retreated into himself much like before. It had taken weeks and months of group sessions with Curtis, dinners with the Lieberman family, and working as Pete Castiglione for him to work up the nerve to approach her. By that time it had been long enough he was sure she wouldn’t want to see him–she had stopped sending texts and calling weeks before.

He meets her gaze. “What’re, uh, what’re you doin’ here?”

She yanks her hair behind her ear and turns back to the shelves in front of her. It’s a familiar gesture that makes his chest ache. “My stupid sink is clogged and my super is a creepy asshole.”

Sarah’s elbow jabs him in his ribs and he blinks, realizing he’s been staring. “Uh. D’you need some help?”

Karen turns to him with sad, frustrated eyes. She looks like she’s debating on saying no. “If you have better things to do–”

“Oh, he doesn’t.” Sarah grins, plucking the basket from his hand. “Leo should be home from school soon. She can help me. Pete, why don’t you go help Karen?”

Frank feels a familiar panic blossom in his chest as both women look at him, waiting. He nods, a quick jerk of his head. Sarah squeezes his arm and smiles at Karen. “Nice to meet you, Karen! Maybe one day we can get some lunch.”

Karen returns her smile and this time it’s a little softer, a little more genuine. “Thanks, Sarah. I’d like that.”

Sarah waves and walks off towards the shower heads, and Karen’s gaze lands on him again. The air between them is stale with unsaid words, and he eventually looks away at the tools. “You know what kinda leak?”

She describes the problem and he grabs the appropriate parts for her, trying to keep himself busy. Soon enough they’re out the door and into the wet summer heat towards her place.

Her apartment is just as he remembers. Same eclectic bookshelf, same tiny kitchen and same beers pulled from the fridge. It gives him deja vu, taking the bottle from her outstretched hand as she looks at him with searching blue eyes. He lowers his head and mutters, “I should take a look at that” and then he’s under the sink and out of sight. Karen sits on the island opposite him, her flip-flop clad feet swinging into view everytime he looks down the length of his body. Her toes are painted a deep red. He turns to the task at hand.

“Is it fixable?” She calls after a moment.

“Yeah. Easy fix,” he grunts back, tightening and loosening and doing everything he can to keep his mind off the woman not three feet away. When he finishes and stands, he flicks on the tap and washes his hands slowly. It works fine.

Her gaze burns holes in the back of his head. He stares down at the suds on his hands and forces the words out. “…sorry I haven’t been around.”

Karen huffs, half amused and half…something else. Something he can’t quite name. Something close to betrayal, but not quite. “Yeah, well, I guess I should be used to it by now.”

He turns, drying his hands on a towel. The label of her beer bottle is peeled away methodically; scraps of paper fall onto the floor. “What’s that mean?”

She glances up, catches him watching and straightens her spine. She cocks her head, considering her words with an unwavering stare. “It means you and Matt and everybody else I care about seem to think they can just come in and out of my life and I’ll just keep letting them do it.” She pauses, looking away, and then says quietly, “…letting you do it.”

Shame fills him up until he feels like he’s going to drown in it. It’s taken weeks and months of searching to find out who he is, after everything was over. He’s still not entirely sure he knows, but he knows he’s not someone who can just let the people he cares about think he doesn’t. He twists the towel in his hands, then tosses it aside. He runs a hand through his hair and waits until her eyes came back. “I wanted to come back here. Almost did, a couple of times.”

She’s a little taller than him, perched on the counter like she is. She stares down at him, surprised at the admission. “Why didn’t you?”

“I had to get my shit straight.” Frank rubs his neck. He’s getting that feeling at the base of his skull—nervous, on edge, awkward—it’s the same thing he feels every time he opens up in group. “And I couldn’t drag you back into it, y’know? You—you did so much for me. It’s not fair to expect you to clean up this.” He gestures vaguely to his head, scowling. She doesn’t say anything so he looks away, energy draining with one long sigh. “I’ve been goin’ to group, and workin’, yeah? But I wanted to come back and be—…”

Her toes wiggle in his peripheral when he trails off. She shifts. “Be what?”

“…fuck, I don’t know, worthy?” He looks up and catches her raised brows. “I know, shit’s corny but…You’re one of the best people I know and I–…if I were lookin’ in on all this from outside, I’d want me to get my shit together first. Yeah? You’re worth the wait–that’s all.”

He hasn’t been so honest since that first afternoon in group. When he’d looked around the circle of women and men with the same exhausted defeat on their faces and said I’m scared. He’s a little surprised with himself now, if he’s honest, but there’s a gentleness settling in the soft slope of her lips so he can’t regret his candidness too much.

“What are you trying to say, Frank?”

He exhales slow, bracing himself. “I’m sayin’ tell me to go and I will…but tell me to stay and I’ll never leave again.”

Karen gives him a measured look, but her cheeks are lifting into a wide smile. She holds out a hand and he takes it, marvels at the smooth skin there and the beauty mark on her index finger. She tugs him closer, pulls his hand to rest on her thigh and covers his chest with her own. He peers up at her looking wrecked and star struck all at once.

“Promise?” she asks quietly. “Because Frank…I can’t watch you walk away again.”

His hand comes up to cup her face, thumb brushing her cheekbone. Gentleness bleeds out of his eyes, buzzes around her skin. He leans forward and presses his temple to her own, the quietness of the kitchen filling the air around them.

“Promise.”

tagged (if anyone wants to be added let me know!)

@kastleandcoffee @emanationman @frank-castle-loves-karen-page @babsiechap @darknesseyez @marinefrank @tuntematonkorppi @ohmypreciousgirl @killorbekillcd @nina2406 @iamacolor @princesshaleyeve