#since I’ve literally never posted fic on tunglr.net in my life

[chase-the-ladybug]

For @fast-moon, happy holidays! It’s your one and only lovely secret santa here for the @noragamisecretsantas event! Here I am on Christmas day to proudly present: your 🕺🙌gift! The prompt I was given for your present was also wonderfully full of potential, perfect opportunities for some fluff AND angst aha… with that, I hope you enjoy reading this. At the very least, I certainly enjoyed writing it x

~

It only took once for him to want to use his ability again. Then again. Then again. He felt he had to test and see if it really was true, the power he’d discovered. Even still, he couldn’t quite believe what a difference it had made, what it can make right now, what it could make in the future.  There was so much potential to what differences he could make.

He could do so much good.

Hagusa had never had much presence while he was alive. That tends to happen when you come from a poor, abusive, broken family; people tend to ignore realities they can’t handle. And yet, with his newfound ability as father’s shinki, he discovered an astounding ability: he could influence people’s actions.

That first encounter at that restaurant is almost like a dream. That poor little kid was getting so much verbal smack from his dad for some pathetic excuse. He was arguing with his son over the change he carried, and that it was not enough for him to drink himself into an even steeper drunken mess. He was already pissed as it was, and the surrounding servers and patrons could only judge and watch as they struggled to intervene.

God, it reminded him so much of his memories of when he was alive, he wanted to puke. But somehow, the room’s atmosphere suddenly changed, like a switch flicked on in the minds of all the bystanders. The waitresses snapped down on him, the customers all defended the poor boy; before he knew it, the drunkard was thoroughly sobered by the audience he’d acquired, with the kid looked after by the rest. They had wanted to do so from the beginning, really: they just didn’t have the courage.

Hagusa, he had discovered, could give the people courage to act. And he just did so for the sake of a poor bullied kid. If he had an ability like this, there was no way assholes like his dad could get away with the way they acted. He could oust every abuser out there, track down exactly where he’s hiding, and finally confront him for the wrongs he committed.

He had to keep going.

The next opportunity he found was outside a convenience store. There was a high school girl who was wearing the uniform belonging to the establishment, being harassed by an apparently frequent customer. He kept insisting on walking her home, much to her adamance that she was fine. Anyone could tell he was not a trusted acquaintance of hers in any sense. Hagusa could feel the unease of passer-bys, latched onto them, and cast them into play.

Next thing you know a co-worker took a moment to step outside of the shop and ward him off. Another bystander, a woman who was passing by, offered to share her cab so she’d get home safely without a chance of him catching up to her. There was a nearby group of other schoolgirls too; they suggested commuting together anyways, since they recognised her from the same bus stop and finish their club activities at a similar time to her work commute.

Another opportunity occurred in a similar time frame: a working-class man was being extorted by his landlord for money. You could tell it was a common occurrence by the way he struggled to turn her away. Even still, the landlord started making a racquet, as entitled as a baby, it seemed. All the neighbours were getting increasingly frustrated, but mostly, just feeling bad for the neighbour. He wasn’t exactly made of money, none of them were in that apartment block.

The empathy was distinct among the neighbours, so it was easy to get a hold of their feelings, and with those he spurred them to do something about it. The residents all headed to the door of the victim, where the landlord had been looming, and pushed him down the hall. One of the people next door threatened to call the police, another claiming to have recorded his previous excursions to extort money unjustly. He was gone in less 5 minutes. The residents all discussed investing in a recording camera to put around the complex, so they’d have a defence if he were to continue coming back.

It carried on throughout the night. For every misdemeanour that he could find, Hagusa could always find at least one other person who wanted to help, to act. And often even, it wasn’t just one person, but many nearby who had wanted to help. The volume of people with the desire to help was simply a marvel!

To be honest, he wishes he could share this discovery with Yato and Hiyori. Knowing them, they’d be so proud of his discovered power, born of the desire to help people. But he shut down the thought. Hiyori wouldn’t approve of it coming from the means of Father, someone who apparently is the enemy of all. It was something he had heeded, cautiously, but also doubted. Afterall, would someone so bad really allow him to inflict this much good? And Yato... He would only be a distraction along his path right now. In this situation, he just can’t see them at this point. Even if he does miss them a whole lot. Father is the only one he can rely on to realise his path now.

Upon seeing these abilities, Father had given him encouragement; he was somewhat expectant towards his newfound power. And still as supportive as ever towards helping him find his dad, it seems. But he doesn’t oversee the entire extent of it, either he’s too busy or it just seems to bore him so. Hagusa almost couldn’t understand why- these continuous acts of good was reaching a phenomenal scale, and yet they never ceased to amaze him every single time. There’s nothing, to him, that was unremarkable about saving people, even if it was occurring so often by his help.

I guess, from his standpoint, Hagusa could understand what it meant. To be helped. In a way, he has been helped by the people around him since he became a shinki, and that’s something he’ll always be grateful for. But, he also started to think about his time before that.

He doesn’t remember a lot from his past yet, but from what he does remember- he was generally neglected. He could’ve come across any kinds of people in his day-to-day life: neighbours; store clerks; teachers; anybody really. If he somehow had this power when he was alive, maybe he could’ve gotten the help he needed. He would’ve been ok. He would’ve been free from his dad, and possibly able to reconnect with his sister. And he definitely wouldn’t’ve winded up where he is now-

He started to shake off his train of thought, which was beginning to wind down an impossible fantasy. That’s all it was: a fantasy. He was dead, he always would be.

The present is what was more important. Closure is something he can achieve, and these abilities help him with that. He could find his dad among all the abusers, the wrongdoers and perpetrators, all the people being confronted for their misdeeds. There is no chance he can’t be found, considering the violation that he had committed. Even if it is a past discrepancy, Hagusa knows that there is no chance he wouldn’t act just as vile as always. He must do, he was sure of it.

He can’t even tempt the idea that he’s not. If he’s dead, there’s no way he can get answers. If he’s changed, if he’s become someone capable of good… that means he can’t be found. And worse, he always was capable of being good. And that is a reality Hagusa truly cannot face. That would only be a reality of despair.

He can’t think about it.

Not in the slightest.

Not at all.

…

He senses a new encounter, ready to be turned around into a better outcome. He follows it. He doesn’t look back.

~