#since i look like jacob im assuming his face can do everything mine can

[budugaapologist]

as someone that can wiggle their ears, their nose, move their nostrils independently, and really fuck with my eyebrows i really wanna know if any of the assassins can also do this. like "oh kassandra you're so beautiful" "you havent seen nothin yet" and then she proceeds to move her nose rapidly

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 8: “I’m Tired and feeling reckless” - Jenn [ PART II ]

I've been.... Kind of getting myself into some deep shit but I'm trying to sort out who I can trust and who I can't. I think the problem is that the people I really genuinely want to open up to and trust are people who are going to beat me in the end, and that scares me.

Basically I went to Kait and we pretty much laid everything out there about how Jake was being sketchy and throwing me under the bus when I had nothing to do with it. I don't remember if I talked about this in another confessional or not dsakjhdfs basically Jake lied to Jenn and co. about me and made up shit about me and didn't tell me so that's cool, yeah.

I just talked to Kait a lot last night and was honest with her. I'm not dumb, I know how people perceive things happening in the game. They think Jimmy/Jenn/Kait are close, they know Abbey and Lydia are close, they assume Gage and I are close. And I confronted Kait about it kind of and we talked about how it isn't always best to just pigeonhole yourself into playing with people you're already friends with. She seemed genuinely worried about her other tribe, so I suggested that her and I figure out some way to control what happens on this tribe and keep her safe on the other. Her and Lydia are the only two going to both tribals, so I brought up the fact that they need to stick together, and so the three of us ended up making a group and talking things out and like kjsdhjdfs it was harder than I thought because obviously there are conflicts of interest?

Kait said to me she would vote out Jimmy or Jenn if she got to pick which one. But then Jenn Jimmy and Gage all wanted to vote Abbey this time. I don't want Abbey to leave, because Lydia is my number one and Abbey is a number for us... But there is NO reason for Kait to keep Abbey. Kait says that if Abbey goes this round, Jenn or Jimmy will go the next time we go to tribal, and I think she's telling the truth. But Lydia doesn't want the ONE person she feels close to to leave. And I think that's valid... But also, Gage Jenn and Jimmy are all on my other tribe and they're the ONLY other options. It all comes down to Abbey's lack of challenge skills to me, because I literally do NOT want to go to tribal anymore... But I don't know how to make Lydia pleased with that decision.

Basically... I really do want the group with Lydia and Kait to succeed, it's just harder than I imagined. In sociology today we talked about triads, groups of three people, and the way they interact, and I can see the parallels between that discussion and the game.

In a triad, one of the three people can take on the role of mediator, which is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to resolve conflict and bring the two of them together...

But then that person can also be a tertius gaudens as well, who profits from the disagreement between the two. And ideally, this is what I'd be. I'd like to profit from any conflict between any two people... The only problem is the people themselves. I don't want Kait to go yet, I don't want Lydia to go. I genuinely like them both. I literally feel like Bella in between Edward and Jacob except I'm sexually overactive and want to have both of them dsfkjhdsfj 

I have every intention of sticking by Lydia. I won't go against her. She's been the ONLY person in this game to be honest to me about EVERYTHING before everyone else. 

Kait and I talked a lot about feeling left out and how she felt that way sometimes and I sympathized with that. I felt that way before in this game. And it's that kind of thing that makes me really not want to go against Kait either. And I know how sensitive she can be about things, and I don't want to risk losing her friendship over a game. 

But also I'm not stupid. I'm not going to take people to the end that I can't beat. I'm just focusing on short-term until merge. Once I make it there and I cans top worrying about all the two-game shit, then I can focus on who I want to be at the end with. It's just... A lot of the non-entities in the game are going now because everyone is afraid.

In a triad, there are only two possible outcomes that fit the four main rules of transitivity: In one outcome, all three members of the triad work together, get along, and thrive as a social system. In the second outcome, two of the members do this, and one person is left out completely. 

I feel like this is going to happen... One of these outcomes. Most likely the second. I just need to try not to face any backlash when it does.

I've gotta be the mediator here, so I pushed for Abbey, because I know it's the choice that makes unity as a tribe. I need to talk to Lydia real soon about why I advocated the way I did.

And if we do go to tribal again, I guess that's the real test of Kait's trust.

[5:53:45 PM] jakey: guess i gotta do what i gotta do huh [5:53:51 PM] carson (tibet host): what do you mean me [5:53:53 PM] jakey: since youre not vebing honest with me [5:54:06 PM] carson (tibet host): what do you want me to tell you... [5:54:20 PM] jakey: :) [5:54:23 PM] jakey: good luck at tribal im ready to be idoled out huh

So just to keep this mess here

So in case anyone wants to know the story. Here’s what happened! Kait, Jenn, Jessy and I were in an alliance together and after I talked to Jenn and Kait about voting out Jimmy last round, leaving all of us still in the game, they basically said no. So after that Jessy was fighting her ass off to stay and was doing anything she could. She made up some lies, I made up some lies because I love her and I would do anything for her. So yeah I lied to Kait and Jenn after the fact they made it clear that my interests or jessy’s interests were shit to them since they only care about each other. Jenn did this exact same thing to me in another game so like I’m not surprised here. So I get to this new tribe and Kait is here, right. So y’know I feed her bullshit since I’m really mad at her secretly and go along with whatever she tells me. And I’m online all day with my tribe trying to figure out anything to do, but no one is talking. Kait decides to tell Steffen that I was throwing his name out there, which isn’t true at all. Kait and I narrowed it down to Steffen or Jack to who we would fake vote for since obviously we were both being fake as fuck to each other. So I guess Kait manipulates those messages and manipulates Steffen and Lydia in the process. Even tho mind you these were both my allies from my original tribe that I had loyalty to. And even the fact that I’m known to be a loyal player unless you fuck with me (Kait) and Kait is known for being ruthless and doing anything to get to the end, my tribe decides it’s best to get me out. Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances. Anyway I just want to applaud the FUCK out of Kait for literally CLOCKING me. I’m being serious like I’m really impressed with her to turn people who I was with against me like .. oh wow I’m shook. So yeah just wanted EVERYONE to know the situation that happened because boy was it WILD. Kait is playing one hell of a game and I applaud her so much.

i'm. 

i don't even know how to process all of this that has happened today. 

jake? can choke. i am over the disgusting emotional manipulation. i'm OVER him making jenn cry and making her feel like a bad person for voting jessy out. get over it. i'm OVER, him making me cry by also fucking with my emotions. it's not funny, it's not a nice way to play, it's not a smart way to play. it makes you an asshole. i'm tired of it i'm not putting up with it. 

he goes to me this morning saying that i should just vote lydia out of my other tribe and i'm like excuse me? who died and made you the fuckening dictator of this game? so anyways i explain to him that i don't think it wise for me to vote against lydia at this vote since i know for sure she's not leaving in B, like it's just out of the question. it would put me in a bad spot like i'm not going to do that, plus? i'm doing everything in my power to like fix things with lydia and i want to actually work with her and be good with her, so yeah not happening . then all of a sudden jake quits replying to me and i'm like okay........ 

so then my plan of attack is to rat jakey out SDGJKD which is messy but whatever it works. i rat jake out to both jack and steffen because jake is all oh well i don't wanna vote pat and carson then because they're on my other tribe also so then it comes down to jack and steffo. clearly i tell jack this because i was already on the fence about where jack stood in this game prior. so i'm looking at it like ayy lemme just solidify etc with both him and steffen. before long i'm on call with steffen like promising i have his back etc please don't panic because i want this to stay underwraps that we have some grip on like what jake's plan is and as long as we act unaware it shouldn't have any reason to change etc. we make a chat with jack that i have jack under teh impression that steffen wanted to make so that's cool too if that's legit because then that tightens that bond with them and makes things easier for me i think if we end up going back to tribal there! 

then jake apparently finds out that he's getting votes because i hear from owen that he's apparently trying to get my clocked on both tribes and i'm like NO NO HONEY not on my watch. w/e so we get the votes on jake then jake like..........goes off on everyone. i told myself i didn't want to get emotionally involved in this game, like i really didn't want to. but when jake is sitting here making me cry because i'm apparently being a bad friend to him for voting me out when really my voting him out may not have happened if he was just straight up honest with me and not running his mouth about me to like jenn and owen and the rest of the OA (owen's army). it's just irritating because i consider jake a friend of mine and to hear that he's like saying that i'm being a bad friend and stuff like literally hurts my feelings and stuff because none of this was supposed to be like that and i wanted things to be different. idk. 

oh whale.