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#since i'm the only person i could perceive as hateable.
haarute
·
2 years
Text
*slides into your DMs* hey babe so are you a "life has been unfair to and filled with abuse" traumatized or a "consumed by loss regret and guilt" traumatized?
#text post
#trauma
#i saw something and started thinking about this earlier
#because i feel like i often see people from the former group around and they're quite bitter. and justifiably so.
#but over here in second group corner i'm like yeah man i have no sense of ego anymore i deserve all of the bad things.
#and we like actively self-sabotage ourselves as a weird form of punishment too because how dare me be happy.
#and logically i know that's bs. and yet feelings operate as they do.
#but i know so many people who are so done with people's bullshit and ready to throw down and stand up for themselves
#and i'm like damn i admire that fighting spirit.
#and from what i can tell from the people i know it's often fueled by their own experiences with people who treated them wrong
#but when nobody has treated you wrong but instead you yourself are the cause of all of the bad things then WELL FUCK ME
#which is why posts that are meant to like pump yourself up to go stand up for yourself are so alien to me.
#or stuff saying that it's totally fine to just be angry and hold grudges at people and i'm like well i don't relate to this at all
#if anything it kinda makes me feel worse about myself in some weird way
#since i'm the only person i could perceive as hateable.
#the whole ''fuck the world i don't owe anyone anything and i should focus on my own happiness first'' mentality is great and all but
#almost a direct opposite to what's going on in my head at all times.
#i feel like i could dedicate my entire life to try and make the world a better place and i still couldn't justify my existence.
#and i don't mean to anyone in particular. just to myself.
#but this is on itself a selfish issue formed entirely on my own emotions.
#... which just makes it worse.
#so yeah.
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