#sinners on the run // they’re just having some fun (memes)

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hi there! I was wondering if I could request an imagine where a victim “escapes” from the slashers and hurts s/o in the process. What would the slashers do during and after? Thank you!!

Hi! I wasn't sure which slashers you wanted for this, so I put my list into a randomizer and went with the first 5!

Walter Sullivan

Thomas Hewitt

Jason Voorhees

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Erik ("The Phantom")

SLASHERS WHOSE VICTIM HURTS THEIR S/O

cw: mentions of suicide, reader being injured/in mortal peril, mentions of torture and killing etc etc

--

Walter Sullivan

Oh no. Oh dear.

You are possibly the only good, pure thing in this world or the Otherworld and someone hurt you? Walter is ... not happy, to put it lightly. The only person who should ever hurt you is him, and he won't do that unless it's for your own good.

This only enforces his belief that the world and everyone in it are monstrous. It drives home the truth he's already convinced of - this existence in terrible and torturous and needs to be destroyed if anything holy is ever going to be allowed to blossom again.

Whether The Victim is pre- or post- Walter's suicide, he's already stopping at nothing to go after them. He doesn't view it as personal, he doesn't hold any particular hatred for most (most) of his victims; they're simply links in a chain. But this person, the one who hurt you ... it's personal. They'll die in absolute agony.

If the victim in question is pre-suicide, Walter will bring them down and find somewhere to keep them for later. This will not be a quick death.

While they're bound/gagged or knocked out, he'll check on you. You're special, possibly even the Mother Reborn, and he can't let you die until the time is right. If you're seriously injured, he'll see to it that you're taken to the hospital, and pray to a dead God if he has to that you'll be alright. If you're not seriously injured, he'll do his best to patch you up - he lived on the streets for many years and had to take care of himself, so he knows basic first aid.

Once he's certain you're safe, he will put you somewhere where you won't witness what he's about to do. Even if you want to see it, he'll insist you stay hidden, saying the sinner doesn't deserve to be in your presence. You'll have to really convince him if for some reason you want to watch.

Their torture will depend on what they did to you. If it was just a few scrapes and cuts, he'll let them feel every ounce of pain before they die. If they really hurt you, their torture will be prolonged. In his mind, and according to his religion, death is a sacred sacrament, and this evil being doesn't deserve its release. If they did something to seriously traumatize and/or sully you ... the crime scene he leaves behind is going to be grisly, to put it lightly.

If the victim in question is post-suicide, the results will be similar, but he has absolute control over the Otherworld - and he will utilize that. He will have his creations take care of you and keep you somewhere safe ... they may be terrifying, but they won't hurt you unless he wills it. As for the victim, he can twist them into their worst nightmares over and over again before killing them. He will make them see their wrongdoings and pay for their evil. They will beg for mercy and there will be none.

After it all, he will simply move onto the next one, with you somewhere safe ... until it's time. Until it's time. You are so perfect.

Thomas Hewitt

Dammit. If he'd just been quicker or smarter, he could have caught them before they escaped and hurt you. He immediately blames himself.

There's no time to beat himself up over it, though. He briefly checks to make sure you're not bleeding from anywhere vital and sends you (or locks you up) somewhere safe before going after the victim. You're on your own for first aid for now - unless you're literally dying, he can't let them leave the property.

If you are literally dying, he's staying and doing all he can to help you. But if Hoyt yells, he may have to pawn you off on someone else and hope they do a good job taking care of you. He'll hold your face and give you tender kisses goodbye - whether you want them or not - because this might be the last time he ever sees you.

He chases the victim in a fever, much more erratic than you would expect from him. He's faster, less careful, more inclined to put himself at risk just to get a swing in at them. It's not generally anything personal when he kills someone - it's something he does for the good of his family, and because he was told to. This one he's not interested in saving for meat. They hurt you. You, his special person. He's going to grind them into the mud, and he's not even going to let Hoyt have a go at them.

Sometimes, sometimes, he struggles to see the animals in his victims. But this one ... he doesn't even feel the urge to twist them into an animal. That's a whole human, an evil one, one he wants to kill. It's a different feeling for him.

Once it's all over and everything's calmed down, he's rushing directly to your side. People don't come around all too often, so he's comfortable putting down the chainsaw for now. He neglects any skin projects he planned and lets someone else do the butchering, focusing on taking care of you, especially if you're seriously injured and put up in bed.

If you're not as seriously injured and tell him you're fine, he's still keeping an eye on you ... and making sure you're well-fed. You've been through a lot and it was all his fault. He doesn't want you to be exposed like that again. Next time someone comes around, he'll insist you hide somewhere.

Jason Voorhees

It's a toss up whether or not he'll actually notice you're hurt. Not because he doesn't care or anything, but because Camp Crystal Lake is a lot of ground to cover and there's a low chance he'll be in the same area as you at any given time.

For this imagine, though, let's assume you've found your way to him or he's sensed you're in trouble and has rushed to you.

You were supposed to be safe in the cabin, so he's a little irritated that you wandered out, but that's completely overshadowed when he realizes you're hurt. He stops everything he's doing and clinically and thoroughly pats you down, identifying every solitary injury.

Just like his mother before him, he is a vengeful soul, so he is not letting this go even if you're just scraped or bruised. If you are critically injured, he'll at least get you to the cabin and get a tourniquet on you.

Otherwise, he leaves you behind. Not very mindful, but you should know that he wants you to get back to the cabin or at least stay out of the way. He is no longer thinking of you - he has established his target and knows what he has to do. He's laser focused and decisive as he stalks after them, using anything at his disposal to get to them.

Their death is quick - he doesn't play around - but he has a lingering sense of irony and playfulness. If there's a particularly interesting weapon nearby, he'll take them out with that; or perhaps he'll hurt them in the way they hurt you, just, you know ... more fatal. And a lot gorier.

After that, he'll move onto their friends, until every last one is dead. Once his objective is completed, he is returning to you directly and finishing the job of patching you up.

He can't help but feel a little guilty that you were hurt. You shouldn't have left the cabin, true, but perhaps he should have been watching for you. He should have locked you up. Pamela might say rude things in his head. Then again, she might comfort him. If she doesn't like you, maybe she'll even wish he'd left you to die.

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Well ... you usually keep him around to scare off other Ghostfaces - something he's very handy at - but you don't usually run into trouble with his victims.

He doesn't really tell you to go anywhere in particular when he's killing. He knows you can take care of yourself. But now he feels stupid for not having a backup plan. Of course some asshole was gonna eventually identify you as his loved one and try to get cute. He should've had something prepared for that.

But, if he's good at anything, it's improvising. He skids into whatever room you're in, drops his weapon, and pulls his mask off right away to check you over. If you're only mildly injured, he's visibly relieved, and tells you to stay put while he deals with whomever hurt you. If you're more seriously injured, he'll grab your phone and shove it in your hand. "Get in the car, get the fuck out of here. Drive to the emergency room if you have to, just leave."

If you're unable to drive, he'll make you call emergency services - or call them for you, if he has to. The game is over, he's done playing; this isn't fun if he's not winning. Everyone in this place is gonna be dead and he'll be long gone by the time the ambulance shows up for you.

The one who hurt you is going to get an extra special surprise. A particularly grisly death, and a bunch of selfies/short videos of Ghostface with the corpse - taken with the victim's own phone, posted to their instagram, tiktok, facebook, sent to any discord groups, and any other social media they have. If he has the time, he'll even make them in meme formats (definitely posting with meme captions, the fucking troll). He'll probably send a copy to you as a "hey, look what I did!"

If there are survivors, especially if that survivor is the one who hurt you, you better believe he is immediately doxxing them. Since he's had a little time to cool down, he might even play the long game, maybe catfishing and blackmailing them. Ruining their pathetic little life even further would be pretty fun. In the end, though, they'll die like all the others.

When all is said and done, he's going to be there for you, helping you recover any way he can. He'd suggest rest (for an amount of time relative to your injury), some movies and candy, maybe some video games. And time spent with your favorite Ghostface, of course, right?

He'll never forget what happened, though. Even though the person is dead, he'll be stewing and pissed off about it for a long, long time. And he won't let something like that happen again, or at least, not without a contingency plan in place.

The hash mark/tally mark he stitches into his costume to symbolize this kill is gonna be twice as long and large as the others, maybe in the place you got hurt as a reminder.

Erik

You already know what's about to happen.

If anyone so much as hurts your feelings they're getting menaced and receiving a strongly worded letter - actually physically harming you? That's suicide.

If he can't immediately kill this person, or if you're seriously injured, his primary objective is helping/comforting you. He has to push down a lot of wrath to do it ... every instinct tells him to immediately dispatch the fiend responsible ... but you are more important to him than anything in this world, even revenge. He will administer any first aid you need and may even drug you with ether to ensure you rest.

Don't think that means your attacker is off the hook, though. As soon as he decides you're well enough, he will put you somewhere safe - lock you away if he has to - and kill them. His preferred method is the Punjab lasso, but if they did something particularly egregious, he'll knock them out and take them to his torture chamber. They have a lesson to learn before they go to Hades.

Another option is, like Deacon, playing the long game ... playing with his food, stalking them, making them live in fear before they die. But he has a lot of wrath in that skinny little body, so it's a toss up as to whether or not he'll actually be able to follow through with that for very long. It depends on his mood, really!

He will keep the killing and torture hidden from you, of course ... unless you express an interest in seeing the vengeance being carried out. He would be worried for you, however, and advise against it. Those sights are not for the faint of heart, and certainly not for someone as beautiful and good as you.

Once all is said and done, it's as if it never happened. As if that person never existed! What a happy thought! Sometimes you even think Erik has completely forgotten the incident ... until he's stalking another victim and he locks you away again, and you remember you are always on his mind. He will never, never let that happen to you again.

[milquetoastboy]

post 3-5 songs for your muse || tagged by @craniumcarrus​

narrowing down my playlists is gonna be a struggle. if u start asking about my music and playlists i won’t shut up and this is proof. more rambling under the readmore. i am. so fuckin sorry. 

rigamortus || kendrick lamar

we all are sinners, won't you send us to bible study faster your hypocrite-esque reaction a blasphemy i assassin my casualty and it's casually done and tell 'em my salary come a lump sum of hundreds don't talk to be 'bout no money the sun is under my feet and i come in peace to compete i don't run if you rather leap, my statistics go up in weeks

tous les memes || stromae

quoi toi aussi tu veux finir maintenant? c’est l'monde à l'envers! moi je l'disais pour t'faire réagir seulement...  toi t'y pensais

handclap  || fitz & the tantrums

my flesh is searching for your worst and best, don't ever deny i'm like a stranger, gimme danger, all your wrong and your right secrets on broadway to the freeway, you're a keeper of crimes fear no conviction, grapes of wrath can only sweeten your wine

i will light you on fire || golden shoulders

"don't upset the wealthy, it's unhealthy, " everyone has a price, sometimes I have two and if I lack point or purpose on the surface it's only 'cause I was trying to fit in

c’mon || panic! at the disco feat. fun.

If i should die tonight, may i first just say i'm sorry for i, never felt like anybody i am a man of many hats although i never mastered anything but i am ten feet tall, ive never felt this tall since the fall nobody seems to know my name, so don't leave me and sleep all alone maybe stay lost on our way home

bonus round !! feat. instrumental lo-fi bc i have to or it’s not me

coffee on the beach || halberd

tagging: @phantasmxgora​ @vaciiviity​ (give me ur akechi songs.) @chains-of-rebellion​ @goofyfacade​ (or one of your other muses :3) @princemasked​ @ofsparsilestars​ aaaaaaaaand the person reading this!

more rambling under the cut

rigamortus

i just wanted a song that really gets the vibe of akira’s cockiness- this song is a maxed out, safe mode akira ready to fight god. it’s joker, really, at it’s core. it’s completely self assured and just absolutely jazzy to boot. honorable mentions: monster || kanye west ;; feel it still || portugal the man ;; paper planes || m.i.a.

tous les memes

this song was part of the peak nb crisis. the dramatic nb experience. so clearly, for a nb dramatic akira-- this one falls into the joker category as well. it’s a little cocky, it’s being fed up and angry and bored. it’s his turbulent relationships (parents, friends at home, akechi). honorable mentions: drunk groove || maruv ;; let’s have a kiki || scissor sisters ;; bom bom || sam and the womp ;; bad boy || red velvet

handclap

this song, very specifically, applies in my head to the shido calling card. it’s knowing what he’s doing is right and for good. it’s the boy who stepped in to save that woman, it’s the boy who takes down kamoshida after knowing ryuji for an hour. he’s supportive and a little feral. it’s where akira and joker meet. honorable mentions: alive and kicking || simple minds ;; you’re gonna go far kid || the offspring ;; he’s not a boy || the like

i will light you on fire

this is the akira that’s tired. he’s taking on the problems of literally everyone around him, he’s reforming society, and he’s committed but he’s exhausted. it’s the awkward part, the anxious part that can’t quite fit in- that always feels a step removed after being entirely cut off by his home. he’s still righteous, he still cares, but he’s strung out. ‘why can’t we talk about something good?’ honorable mentions: set fire || carina round ;; new soul || yael naim ;; the death of me || city & colour 

c’mon

the anxiety and unsureness of it all! it’s the part of akira that doens’t actually know if he’s doing the right thing. it’s the part of him that thinks maybe they’re hurtling towards something awful, the part of him that loves his friends so desperately but that also worries he’s going to be the death of them. everything is falling apart but he needs to be strong. he’s juggling so much and he always feels like one day, one of the balls will fall and everything will collapse. honorable mentions: francis forever || mitski ;; body || mother mother ;; devil town || cavetown

coffee on the beach

bro i just write a lot with lo-fi on. gotta have it. here’s some others i considered: it’s time to take my mask off || biosphere ;; cut my hair || mounika ;; i cried during a miyazaki film once || oneohkay ;; you’re in my head || moow

[thebrotherscupheadandmugman]

Double Z’s Fourth Follower Forever!!

Four hundred. Four hundred followers. When did I start this blog? December 13, 2017. That’s four months. Four months. My mind is literally blown rn guys. Ever since I was young, my only dream was to make people smile. I literally cannot even fathom that my words make at least 400 people do that. If you literally told me as a child that I would enjoy writing, I would never have believed you. 

Anyway, the follower forever is going under the cut this time, because the last thing I want is to clog people’s dashes asdghjk

Let’s start things off with the blog that inspired me to join the rpc in the first place. They were recommended to me while I was more active on my Team Skull OC blog, and I would see their writing and was inspired to join once I knew I wanted to write for Cuphead. Miles of @gamblingcxp @playerxwo @islandkitsu @team-strife @vulpinewarrior and probably more that I can’t think of! Miles is honestly such a sweet heart, and such a supportive bean! I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where we stand now with out them! They deserve all the love and support in the world!!

Next is @plate-of-blins! Some of y’all know how selective I am with OC’s, but Blinchik is so creative and the mun is a freakin’ cinnamon roll! Not to mention clever and smart! English is well known to be one of the hardest second languages to learn, yet she speaks it so fluently and comprehensively! She probably speaks it better than some people who are native English speakers! Her and her OC deserve more love and attention!!

@djimmi-the-great-and-powerful. I’ve gotta be honest. Back in December, Djimmi was a somewhat forgettable boss for someone who hadn’t played it yet. I usually remembered bosses from their music after I bought the soundtrack, and Pyramid Peril was probably my least favorite. But now Djimmi’s a character I really love! Puphead too! You will absolutely adore their Puphead! Sweet wooden boi!! Mun is just an absolutely fantastic person too! Whether you need someone to laugh and make fart jokes with, or you need someone to give you advise, djimmi-the-great-and-powerful is a great partner and friend!! Mun also runs @askredwoodfamily and @the-devils-waiter

@askcupheadthings. Sweet boi. Sweet mun. Whether you need some angst in you life or ketchup, Taco Taako has got you freakin’ covered!! What can I really say about Taco Taako that hasn’t already been said? We may have disagreeing headcanons, but the fact that they are willing to make compromises and work with their partner is glorious! I personally think that’s what every partner should do when it comes to familial characters! Not only that, but they will go out of their way to make sure their partner is comfortable, which is so so important and admirable!! Taako also runs @boristwolf @agentlemanlyscientist @devilish-dishes @merman-cuphead @barry-boxington-the-box-kid @a-home-for-broken-mugs and @the-real-clockwork-queen

I know that @easyriches is on hiatus until they get out of school, but their mun is the frickin’ best! They’re so supportive and will never fail to make you laugh. Or scream. Usually at memes. Heck, they managed to start a war over “Milk and Cookies” vs “Cookie and Milk”...needless to say, I ended up firing them from cookies. They also combined Squeesh and Cronch to create ‘squonch,’ which I later found out upon listening to the sound effect for Goopy’s fight that it was the perfect onomatopoeia for a slime getting crushed by a tombstone falling from the sky. Who knew?

@cutieunderthesea is such a love honestly! I know we don’t talk or interact much, but I seriously love them, and love seeing them pop up in my activity feed! English is also their second language, but you probably wouldn’t have guessed that if they didn’t say so on their blog!! They’re much smarter than me, and they’re also learning how to code and stuff, which I think is really cool! They also run @sent-from-above

@dxmonsxcarnival is such a great friend that looks out for you!! I genuinely feel bad that our threads tend to get dropped before they even get started, but honestly, even if you don’t role-play much they are still a great person to talk to! I mean they keep a folder of cat images for their internet friends when they need a pick-me-up! How awesome and thoughtful is that?! They also run @shyxbrotherxmxgman and @scaredxsightless

@bashfulreptile and I haven’t known each other long, but I really like the way they portray the dragon bean!! I hope we talk more and have more threads in the future!!

@do-or-dice and I think so much alike when it comes to striving for accuracy of the times!! I even headcanon that the events in the game take place in 1934, making this blog take place in 1935- which just so happens to also be the same year that they write in! They’re super fun to share headcanons with too! I know I suck at talking friend, but I hope we interact more in the future!!

@inthediehouse aka @hornedheathen! So much potential for angst! I know I haven’t interacted with you Dice much, but I hope to change that at some point!! I really love our threads together and I hope these two fools can butt heads more in the future!!

@devilishcrybaby I know we haven’t known each other long as well, nor have we had many consistent threads, but I can just tell we’ll get along just great!! 

@cala-marix is such a sweetheart too! Sweet and caring! I’m so glad whenever I see them on my dash no matter what blog they’re using! Whenever I see cat photos on my dash I can’t help but think of them! Good friend! They also run @rxmor-honeybottomx

I think this’ll be my cutoff on saying nice things because it’s been almost two hours since I started this I think. I’m only going to mention their personal since they run so many Cuphead side-blogs and I don’t know them all. I know they caused a bit of controversy a little while back, but given their young age, I’d say it’s more than excusable, and definitely worth giving them a second chance. @eye-tossing-ghostie is really such a nice person to talk to- again even if you don’t end up doing much role-playing. They’re kind and caring and they try their best to be calm and understanding. They really do mean well, and I think they deserve more patience than I see them get. They really are a nice kid, but they’re still growing an learning. I consider them a friend, even if we don’t talk or interact much.

Hold on to your butts cuz we ain’t done yet.

Cuphead: @impvlsive-gxmblcr @porcelainjokers @confidentcuphead @twocupsandacontract (I believe I’ve mentioned the others I’ve interacted with already?)

Mugman: @merrymugsy @porcelainjokers @twocupsandacontract(Again I’ve already mentioned the rest)

King Dice: @six-sided-sinner @snakeiis @gamest-intheland @diceptixn

Root Pack: @psycarota

Goopy le Grande: @bnlgoopywooper

Cagney Carnation: @getouttatherosebush @txtaldomination @twocupsandacontract @sillycxrnxtion 

Ribby&Croaks: @wrongsidefthelilyp4d

Hilda Burg: @a-threatenin-zeppelin

Djimmi the Great: @its-your-pal-djimmi

Baroness Von Bon Bon: @notyoursugarqueen

Wally Jr: @juniorwarbles

Beppi the Clown: @inkwellharlequin (Mentioned the rest I believe?)

Brineybeard: @drunkensxilor

Cala Maria: @highseachighjinxs (mentioned the rest)

Werner Werman: @muriinecorps @vermin-veteran @rat-in-a-can

Dr. Khal: @whoyougonnakahl

Phantom Express: @blxndspxctcr

Casino Bosses: @wheezycigar @rxssian-roulette @poker-chip-cowboy @melty-8ball

Devil: @casinx @whenyouareevil (I know there’s way more but I either can’t find them or already mentioned them)

Demon Cups/Mugs: @goodmugbadmug @diabolical-ceramics

OCs: @cxrtoon-hxnter @saltyocsrp @hellssecretary @doggone-doneit @claireinette @polaroidxcamera @williamstripes @rollthediceheads @drumline-doom @cupfull-o-muses

Whew!! That was a lot!! Now some may be missing because I have the memory of a gnat, and others may have gone on hiatus. There were a couple of people on here that I was going to mention but then I remembered they were on hiatus for one reason or another. So if I mentioned a blog that’s no longer active, I really apologize for that. If I forgot to mention you, I also apologize for that.

That being said, that y’all so much again for 400!! Next follower forever happens at 800!! We can totally do this guys!! I love you all so much!

~ Double Z))

[eurosong]

Eurosong's ESC '17 ranking and commentary

Good afternoon, folks! The clock is ticking down to the final and it's now about that time of the year where I unleash my commentary on all the songs. I tried to limit myself to a few sentences per song, but since there´s 42, this will doubtless be considered by some as a big read. Tongue in cheek in part but very candid about my views on some of the songs - don't proceed if you don't want to see a few songs savaged. As the ancient Romans said, de gustibus non est disputandum, and these are just my views and tastes.

1 Portugal From which planet did this extraterrestrial talent come and why do his people want to break our hearts so exquisitely? I cannot speak highly enough of these three perfect minutes of melancholy, longing, and yet, at the same time, love and hope. This performance speaks to the soul so intimately. It is a pure and timeless composition that I feel like I've known all my life, but have been waiting all this time to hear. Extraördinary and twelve cuts above everything else in the contest in my eyes. 2. Hungary How I love the fearless Magyars and their tendency to dance to the beat of their own drums, sending things that sound like nothing else in the contest. This is one of the most emotional performances in the contest and certainly one of the most meaningful lyrics - talking about the prejudice he faced as a Romani and the salvation he found in songwriting. The music is a sui generis blend of rap, traditional folk and other elements - and the pure passion invested into the lyrics and their delivery gives me goosebumps. 3 Belarus This is what three minutes of unshackled, care-free joy sounds like. Naviband are adorable, their chemistry pure, and their song is so full of joie de vivre. I feel like I’m out in the primordial forests of Belarus hearing the call of the ancients. 4 Armenia Another nation keen to exhibit its traditional music in curious new blends is Armenia, who this year bring us something that sounds at once distinctly Caucasian and East Asian. A curious mélange of genres and influences make this almost as far as you can get from the tired "Melfest reject" mould. I love the non-linearity of this song, and the æthereal feel that makes the song feel like a forgotten psalm to the gods. Great effort. 5 Iceland If you combine dark but infectious electro beats with some of the most subtly meaningful lyrics of the contest, you get this, in my book, one of Iceland's best contributions to the contest in some time. Svala's song is very personal to her and, through an extended metaphor, talks about struggling with accepting yourself for who you are. A very underrated track in my eyes.

6 Czechia Speaking of underrated, we have the perennially undervalued Czechs sending us one of the most understated and sincere offerings this ESC. Czechia's is a very subtle song about strength in adversity and human connection. The music is very pleasant, and the lyrics are sung with heart. 7 Belgium No matter the disastrous reaction to the rehearsals, City Lights remains for me one of the most unique and meaningful pieces in the contest this year. Whilst last year they sounded like a 90s girl group trying to emulate the 70s, this is year 3000, futuristic cool. There is a powerful minimalism in the lyrics that lets their many nuances sink in. "Are we going to lose it all?" 8 Romania You get instant ESC-snob credit by disavowing this Romanian effort, which on paper - a yodel-rap about breaking away from the 9 to 5 - sounds like it should be a ludicrous mess. But you won't see me doing anything but praising it as it is an instant ray of sunshine in a song. I love how much Alex and Ilinca, an incredibly cute pair, love their song and how they put their heart into each performance. I feel lifted up to the Alpine heights by each listen. 9 Azerbaijan For the first time ever, Azerbaijan stand to get into my top 10. They’re still raising my hackles by importing music from Sweden, but this time they’ve picked a credible and glacially cool artist with a mystifying and dark composition about obsessive love. A step in the right direction. 10 Italy The bookies’ favourite by far, and I can understand why - Francesco exudes cheeky chappie charisma and his song is one that can appeal across generations. Why only 10th then from this bonafide Italophile? I always found the chorus of the song to be very dated, sounding like the theme tune of an early 90s quiz show, whilst the verse and bridge has a much more monumental, anthemic air. I was more able to overlook the repeats of the chorus before they made disastrous cuts and excised most of the first verse and all of the second verse, leaving a song that is still fun, but a lot more repetitive. 11 Netherlands I’m honestly amazed that O’G3ne, a band with such a ridiculous name and a dubious pedigree, are on the cusp of my top 10 this year. They sing songs that are so dated that they wouldn’t have counted as fresh even in the early 90s. And yet, their song has a certain child-like naïveté in its lyrics about their ailing mother that it makes it unbelievably moving. 12 France A nice enough song from France this year, but nowhere near as good as Amir last year in my eyes. What really took the song down a notch was the clunky addition of unneeded, comparatively cacophonous English lyrics, which replaced the existentialist French chorus of the original with some throwaway clichés. 13 Macedonia Some fans consider the Macedonian entry fresh despite its reminding me of 3-4 different 80s’ songs blended together. What it is though is catchy and kitschy in a fun way. I have doubts about the live performance given her scandalous playback in London, though. 14 Finland As Holly Brewer  sang, “I wish I loved you more.” I should love a song like this, but instead I don’t enjoy it as much as I might because I feel they put a distance between themselves and the audience not fitting for such an emotional song. 15 Ukraine It’s no secret that I’m a rocker, but unfortunately, a lot of the rock at the contest has been sub-par in recent years - or has been “rock” in inverted commas. This is not a bad effort from Ukraine, but nowhere near the britrock-inspired heights of Georgia last year. It’s a bit too repetitive for my likes. 16 Latvia Something less to my typical tastes is this unexpected piece of 90s rave revival, a step away from the cool Aminata-penned electronica Latvia has sent in the past two years. It’s a welcome stylistical oasis in a desert of identikit pop ballads, but qualitatively isn’t great, and her nasal, oddly pronounced vocals are an acquired taste which I am yet to acquire. 17 Bulgaria Very nice, relaxing background music but I don’t think of it as much more than that. 18 Ireland This starts out so promisingly with a gloomy and mysterious beginning, but soon degenerates into an early 2000s B-side that was not only rejected by Westlife but also by an assortment of C-list bands imitating Westlife. It’s even complete with the obligatory key change that launches young Brendan into a register so high that it could shatter contact lenses while they're still on your eyes. Yet, I do find some charm in it, and this would be a contender for places 11-15 for me were it not for the god awful last minute. 19 Albania For once, Albania don’t completely destroy a song in its revamp - they maintain most of the rock-ish edges of the original, instead of neutering them like they did with Përallë. As is typical, though, they lumbered Lindita with a bewildering and clunky English translation that takes a lot of my enjoyment away from the song. 20 Germany This couldn’t be more middle of the road if it tried - so it’s apt, I guess, that it has a position almost precisely in the middle of my ranking. Levina was the best of a bad lot in Germany’s insane format of a national final and she soldiers through a song even she seemed like she preferred not to sing. The riff ripped from Titanium is so blatant - and the song is brought down too by some ridiculous lyrics. “Almost a sinner, nearly a saint.” So you’re almost exceptionally holy and almost someone who frequently sins at the same time? *Head explodes* 21 Switzerland An innocuously bland mid-tempo pop ballad. Not much to say about this one.   22 Croatia A man singing a duët with himself, giving a motivational message - to himself. One half in the quivery, syrupy upper ranges of an R&B tenor, the other half in a booming operatic baritone. It’s as ridic as it sounds and yet this Jeckyll and Hyde act is saved from the very bottom by its endearing barminess. 23 Denmark Disposable pop with a shout-sung chorus, albeit by a performer with some charm and connection to the audience. 24 Australia Musically, not so bad at all, but there’s something offputting about a chap young enough to almost be fœtal putting on a drippy voice and ridiculous puppy dog eyes, singing a song of a life of broken hearts and lost love more befitting of an old man. 25 Serbia Serbia used to be one of my favourite countries in the contest. They stuck to their own language and sang songs imbued with Balkan rhythm and tradition... now they send someone sending a poor rip-off of Katy Perry’s Firework. Каква срамота. 26 Moldova Evidently, meme status can open doors and can gift you a return ticket to the ESC. It’s a shame, as even in Moldova, there were better options than this rather misogynistic effort that seems to have been Bing translated, not even Google translated, and which sounds like it was based off a MIDI ringtone. Apparently bound for the final just because it’s upbeat. 27 Austria This exudes that relentless forced cheeriness that makes my blood run cold. It’s such a plim-plom song that bounces along whilst saying nothing. Most songs aim for the top and I can admire that, even if they have no chance - this aims for mid-table mediocrity in the final. 28 Israel Generic dance track with words plucked at random and thrown onto the paper. 29 Norway Robotically cold. Most songs make me feel something, even if it’s annoyance. This just leaves me numb. 30 Poland An oppressive dirge with lyrics that rely on a rhyming dictionary a little too much (rhyming fire, desire, wire and higher in the space of ten words!) and a bizarre song structure with an anti-chorus and no real progression, which make these 3 minutes feel very long indeed. 31 Sweden Predictable, repetitive pop with one of the most laughable performance routines (blokes trying to act “smooth” by doing very silly gestures) and lyrics that read as though written by Jay in the Inbetweeners. Let’s not romanticise uncontrollable lust. 32 Cyprus A rip-off of Rag and Bone Man’s “Human”, but without a message. Instead, some incredibly daft lyrics written by someone who failed physics even in primary school. Hovig likens himself to gravity because he will catch his paramour when she falls - when it is in fact gravity that pulls her down to her grizzly death. 33 United Kingdom Turgid rent-a-ballad delivered in a hammy style with not a whisker of sincerity - compare that with the virtuoso performance of her rival in the final, Holly, who sang like she felt the pain. I’ve been saying since the contest that it will do well, though, but I’m not sold one bit. 34 Spain Many of us Eurovision fans in Spain wasted money voting for other songs in the national final, only to find that the jury - 2/3 comprised of people with vested interest in one of the candidates - was able to override thousands of televoters when it came to a draw. They put the televote’s 3rd place, Manel, first, leaving a considerable bad taste behind. And what for? One of the most inane songs the contest has ever seen, in which either “do it for your lover” (do what?) or “just do it” are repeated on average less than every 4 seconds. It sounds like a homebrand Lazy Song and the songwriters sure were lazy. Playing this on a loop for just 15 minutes could make even the toughest commandos cry for their mammies. 35 Estonia Part of me wants to put this at the very bottom of the pile, but sadly, there are worse horrors yet to come. It’s really disappointing when your favourite ESC country in recent years throws aside a bunch of daring possibilities to represent them in 2017, in favour of something so aggressively bland, a cynical Eurosong by numbers with hackneyed, ultra-repetitive lyrics that mostly consist of entoning “á-a-a-a-à-a-a-a-á-a”, performed by a duo who have as much chemistry as two inert gases and spent most of the time hammishly gurning. 36 Montenegro How does one interpret it when one of the European countries with the biggest problems of homophobia - with 71% of the populace thinking homosexuality is a sickness and where a number of hate crimes have been registered just against people who support LGBT rights - sends such an OTT act with lyrics that are packed to the brim with single entendres? For me, it seems a cynical move. Slavko himself seems a cool guy but the song itself is a hot mess. 37 Lithuania And this is a hot mess, frozen then microwaved, then frozen then set on fire with a flamethrower. Be careful of watching this with pets or small children or they may well end up traumatised for life. Whilst unbelievably sweet in interviews, the lead singer of this act seems like a banshee possessed by demons whilst singing. Her bandmate seems like her creepy “keeper.” They sing a song with about 180 instances of the words “yeah, yeah” and some trumpets that sound like they were taken from Windows 95 sound effects. 38 Slovenia This has to be one of the most overblown and pompous entries in many a year. Omar claims he was waiting to unleash this on the unsuspecting public for over a decade - even back then, this grandiose attempt at a Broadway-style number would have sounded dated. 39 Greece I will never forgive the genius lyrics “rain falls from abooove!” Neither can I forgive the fact that such a completely generic track with lyrics written on the back of a Cornflakes box is probably destined for the final with the help of some gimmicky staging. 40 Malta This song fills me with all the energy of someone who’s been in a coma for 15 years. 41 San Marino Some folk are happy to see Valentina Monetta back for the fourth year. I’m sad to see a talented performer come back for scraps of infamy no matter how bad the song she’s offered. And my god, is this disco rehash fever dream bad. 42 Georgia Georgia is typically one of my favourite nations in the contest, because of their willingness to break away from the mould, to enter things that are very atypical of the contest and often do well with them - like the exhilerating psychadelic-Britrock of last year or the trippy folk of a few years before that. This year, they couldn’t have gone more off into the other direction, into the methane-scented hinterlands of mediocrity.  I find this song disasteful in so many ways. The overt and ham-fisted political nature of it. The creepy music, like the soundtrack to a cheap straight-to-VCR horror movie, which creates an oppressive atmosphere that makes me feel like the music is holding my head down under the ghoul-infested waters of a frigid lake in a winter forest. The ghastly, cliché-ridden lyrics, where “keep the faith” is repeated so many times that by one minute, my faith that the song will ever end is already shaken. Ugly composition.

[amorremanet]

20! And character of your choice, or All if them

headcanon meme du jour (…which I hope you meant to let me do my oc’s for, nonny, since you didn’t pick a fandom either? sorry in advance, if you didn’t??)

20. “What-ifs/Alternate Timelines”: is a fun prompt for me, because I think about it constantly with my characters. One of the upsides of writing about superheroes is that I could go there, especially since I’ve nixed some more out-there pieces of superhero “science” from my world — like, time travel and time-manipulation (because I hate them and all their inbuilt plot-holes) and aliens (they exist but largely aren’t sure what to do with Earthlings, so they’re leaving us alone for now).

I’m not going to do the infinite timelines or multiverse thing in the first book, because there’s already enough going on in it, but still. This is one of my favorite concepts ever, and I will be surprised if I don’t go there at some point. I will be dead fucking shocked if I go there without addressing the, “would you fuck a clone of yourself?” question, but that’s because I’m garbage (and already know some of the answers — though that list is slightly outdated in a few places, e.g. I was still calling Annie, “Toni”)

Sebastian: Honestly needs to stop thinking about all the, “what ifs” in his life, because yes, there are a lot of them…… but he looks at all the wrong ones.

Like, “What if I hadn’t met Todd and Margot at NYU” — you would’ve made friends with someone else, or maybe gotten closer to some of your other friends from undergrad (e.g., April could be less of a Christmas card friend now), but no, Pretty Boy, you wouldn’t actually be dead.

“What if I’d gone to seminary” — you would’ve quit for all the reasons why you didn’t go to seminary (like, “Holy Mother Church hates gay people, and in addition to being gay, you object to their, ‘Hate the sin, love the sinner’ nonsense” and, “You would’ve gotten annoyed at the lack of doing things outside of the seminary, and also bored”), and then run back to your former life.

Despite where Seb focuses, the biggest, “what ifs” for him are actually much less about the big deal events in his life and more about the smaller choices that add up in the long-term (e.g., “What if I was less defensive with my big brother on a constant basis”), because those are the ones that he doesn’t pay attention to, which he’s working on… but it’s hard for him.

Pete: Some of the, “what ifs” that most get Pete’s attention are: “What if my Mama had ever left my Dad” (not that she really had the resources to do so until after Pete’s Dad died and rendered leaving him a moot point, which Pete knows, but he still thinks about it a lot, and has no idea how it could’ve gone);

“What if Sister Mary Ignatius hadn’t made me Princess’s peer-mentor” (a legitimate huge turning point for both of them, and like? They might well have wound up being friends anyway, because they shared a pet-favorite extracurricular — theatre club — but this, “What if” is the one that makes both of them go, “………?” because at this point, not being friends is borderline unfathomable to them, but they’re really not sure how it would’ve shaken out otherwise);

“What if my Dad hadn’t died” (despite what Pete thinks, he wouldn’t still be living in Brooklyn; people he loves needed him back home, and the cost of “superhero insurance” in New York is ridiculous. However, he’d be on-edge all the time and scared shit-less of potentially running into his Dad, and he probably wouldn’t have gone to rehab without an epic crash-and-burn.

Because in the main-canon timeline, Pete went to his Mama to ask for help paying for treatment, and she went, “Yes, but you’re going to inpatient like your friends because I don’t know if I trust the other options you’ve come up with.”

But Pete would not have felt safe enough to ask about this if his Dad had still been alive, so he would’ve carried on until he got an intervention, which most likely would’ve required him to crash and burn somehow);

“What if Grandma Virginia had died sooner”

(Virginia was Pete’s paternal grandmother. He hates her and, on a semi-regular basis, chooses to make sure that everybody knows how much he hates her.

This is fair enough, because she was an emotionally and spiritually abusive piece of shit, who was homophobic as Hell — which really sucked for Pete and his cousin Emerson, because they were two of the grandkids she favored most while pitting them against each other for her affection and approval [ostensibly despite the fact that Emerson’s immediate family situation is one of having two dads and two moms*], and then both of them got outed to the family, and it was a huge mess in both cases.

She was also racist as fuck [which fucked with Pete, because his Mama is Filipina mestizx], and antisemitic as fuck [which fucked with Emerson because his Mother, i.e. bio-mom, and Dad, i.e. his Mother’s brother and biological father’s partner, are Jewish, and Emerson and his siblings were raised both Catholic and Jewish, and Virginia tried her damnedest to get Emerson to erase and ignore his own Jewish heritage]…… and just, yeah.

Grandma Virginia helped make messes out of her grandkids’ lives, and a lot could’ve gone differently, in big and small ways, if she had died sooner. It probably would not have been as unilaterally awesome as Pete likes to think, and on some level, he knows that.

But he really wants to dream that everything would have magically been better if his abusive Grandma had died sooner, and he cordially invites you to just let him have this dream because if you disagree with him about it, you are probably right, but he literally did not ask, so keep it to yourself.

Even if he did ask, Pete would prefer it if you kept any of your dissenting opinions about this situation to yourself)

(*: I say, “ostensibly” because Emerson’s family is: his older brother, Hank [Henry David, but nobody calls him that unless he’s in trouble]; their younger sister, Charlotte; their Father, Nicholas Arden; their Dad, Jacob Halperin, Nicholas’s husband; their Mother, Rachael Halperin, who is Dad’s big sister; and their Mom, Melissa Rosenthal, Rachael’s wife.

So, given that Emerson, Hank, and Charlotte are the children of two gay couples and three of four parents are Jewish, it would make sense for Grandma Virginia to have favored Emerson despite his parents.

But Emerson and Pete’s theory is that Virginia favored Em because of his parents, in a bid to, “save him” from the influence of three of his four parents, just like how she tried to manipulate Pete into walling himself off from his maternal family, to, “save him from their heretical version of Catholicism”… which was a euphemism for, “because she was a racist piece of shit and wanted to drag him away from his Filipinx family by force if necessary”)

(Pete has literally danced on her grave before.

I mean, it quickly progressed into having a meltdown on her grave and needing Seb to literally pick him up off the ground and drive him home — which Pete only didn’t have to wait about, because they’d already been there, done that, with his Dad’s grave, so he took Seb with him that time — but.

Dancing was involved.

He’s working on these feelings with his therapist, but it is…… a process. So, here we are.)

and “What if I’d done something more useful and profitable with my life than going into the theatre” (and he’s concluded that he’d probably still be an addict, but sobriety would be even harder for him because he’d be completely miserable — not that he particularly recommends his life choices to anybody, since his fulfilling career means periodically relying on his Mom’s and/or his dead Dad’s money in ways that he’d rather not. But it also means that his emotional wellbeing is in a better place and he’s happy more often than not, and Pete knows how lucky he is that this worked out for him how it did, so…… yup)

—and this is where I could easily go on, but I’m driving my mom to the airport in the morning, so I’m cutting myself off