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uncloseted · 5 months

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EFFY’S CLOSET WATCHES SKINS: 307 “JJ”

Hey everyone! I’m back with another recap (finally!). Sorry about the delay as always. I'm going to try and get these out more consistently from now on. Today we’re doing JJ’s series 3 episode.

Before we see anything, we hear the sound of debris clashing around. It’s quickly juxtaposed against Debussy’s “Claire De Lune” and a shot of JJ’s eye looking around nervously. The camera then pans out to show the disaster that JJ’s room is in- his things are everywhere, and he appears to have gotten some baked bean on his face. He looks surprised with himself, like he can’t quite believe that he’s the one who did this, or perhaps like he can’t believe he let this happen again.

The camera’s focus shifts to show us that JJ has an elaborate chart on his wall that tracks the interacts he has in his life. It’s an incredible way to see the sheer amount of anxiety JJ has around social interactions and his friendships. If I recall correctly, JJ’s actor, Ollie Barbieri, made the wall himself.

There’s a lot to unpack in this image, but there are a few things I want to call out because they help us to understand JJ’s perspective. There’s a triangle that has Cook, Freddie, and JJ as the points, and “normal” in the middle, indicating that JJ feels his friends keep him “normal”, and that everything is “normal” as long as the three of them are friends. There’s also “JJ x Y = normal”, which indicates that he’s looking for other variables to stay “normal” without the help of his friends. He’s afraid that his “normal” can’t be maintained the way it used to be. He has, “what is Y?” written in big letters. He tries out “y = Effy”, suggesting that he feels a relationship with Effy would make him normal, perhaps because it’s what both of his best friends want. He also tries out “y = more pills”. This line of thought leads to therapy, “special”, “pills”, and “content”, on his chart, perhaps indicating that JJ thinks that’s a way to become normal. Elsewhere on his wall, he also has “Cook + Effy = a change in friendship/time”, which I think is indicating that he knows Cook and Effy’s relationship is changing the dynamic of his friendships.

He has “Cook x Freddie x Friendship = headbutt”, referring to the way Freddie headbutts Cook in episode 305. There are a lot of different places where JJ seems to be trying to understand Effy’s place in his friendship with Cook and Freddie. He has “Cook-Effy-Freddie headbutt”, “Effy, JJ, Cook, Freddie = Hate”, “Freddie loves Effy yet Cook fucks her. Why?”, “Cook + Freddie/Effy”, and “The 3 + Effy = The 2″, which is attached to a picture of the Three Musketeers. There’s also “Freddie = Funsponge” and “Naomi I Moan”, which are callbacks to previous episodes.

The camera zooms in to show us specifics of how JJ feels. He writes that Cook is “mad, danger, tit” and “85% normal”. Freddie is “reserved, quiet, tall, stoned, skate”. JJ sees himself as, “special, gayJ, weird, unsual,” and has “virgin, virgi, virs” written towards the top of his panel. We see that he’s very preoccupied with girls and sex and his own virginity.

JJ’s alarm beeps, and JJ tells it “acknowledged” to turn it off. The children in his neighborhood taunt him as he goes to school, chanting “Gay J!”. He ignores them, but his fists are balled up- clearly it gets to him. We find that JJ is going to his local model shop to buy more model planes. It’s clear that he’s here a lot, since the sales man clearly knows him. JJ asks for a, “Mitsubishi Zero. I want that in Kamikaze spec,” to which the man replies, “what's happened, JJ? I sold you that one three weeks back.” JJ tells him that the Mitsubishi was “collateral damage” of a “rage incident”. The man says, “another one?” and JJ’s story starts to become clearer. We learn that he has these rage incidents quite frequently, and that he takes olanzapine (an anti-psychotic), risperidone (an atypical anti-psychotic), and dextroamphetamine (a stimulant) to help reduce their frequency. On a side note, the writers did their research- both olanzapine and risperidone have been used to treat hyperactivity, aggressive behavior, and repetitive behaviors in people with autism. The man at the store gives JJ a cruise missile to cheer him up.

JJ heads off to his therapist. The sign outside helpfully says, “Psycho Support” since the rest of the letters have fallen off, giving us the idea that perhaps this is not the most well-run, well-funded mental health clinic ever. JJ sits outside nervously, before his watch’s alarm beeps to remind him to go inside. Behind his head is a sign for a support group for mothers of children with Asperger’s- but notably, no sign for a group for people with Asperger’s themselves. A doctor seems to be talking to a patient, who says, “I'm telling you, I don't like it. I can't come here!”. The doctor tells her not to panic, and we discover that she’s not a patient; she’s the receptionist.

JJ goes in to his appointment and gets into a conversation with the doctor about why they weigh him at each appointment. The doctor tells him not to worry about it, to which JJ responds that he does, and the doctor tells him “You know what we say about worrying. Just don't." Very useful advice. JJ starts telling the doctor about his problems- nobody likes magic, or maybe his friends just don’t like him enough, and if they liked him, maybe they'd listen to him instead of fighting all the time and hating each other. The doctor doesn’t seem to be listening. JJ says that he’s been getting locked on, breaking stuff, and getting into rages. The doctor tunes back in and helpfully tells him “don’t do that”. The doctor then prescribes more pills, “as well as” the pills he already takes. JJ says that he “thinks he wants to be normal”, and from his wall chart, it’s very clear that he does. The doctor doesn’t seem to understand, telling him that if he takes his medication twice a day, he will be. JJ tries again to explain his situation to the doctor- “No, I… That's not it. Freddie smashed Cook and Cook stole his girl, and they're my best friends…No, you don't… They're my friends and they hate each other because of Effy, and… But we love each other, or at least… That's not it. I do love her, but… But that's not it. I'm feeling angry!…Yes! I'm worrying and… I'm worrying, and…", but the doctor isn’t not listening and he’s not interested in understanding. JJ looks defeated as the doctor repeats the party line again. “Just don't do that, OK?”. He sends JJ on his way. Someone in the Skins writer’s room must have had a really difficult time with mental health professionals, because the characters always have negative experiences when they try to seek help. I would have loved to see at least one example of a mental health professional doing their job over the course of the seven seasons of Skins… anyway.

JJ leaves the office and takes a deep breath, determined to “just not worry”, like the doctor said. His newfound calm lasts approximately two seconds before he begins to trash the waiting room in a rage. Everyone in the waiting room ignores him, in exactly the same way the doctor ignored him, in exactly the way his friends ignore him, and in exactly the same way Effy ignores him. But… “hi, JJ,” a voice pipes up from behind him. For the first time, someone is noticing him. Someone is acknowledging JJ’s pain. And that person is Emily Fitch. JJ is clearly nervous at the idea of seeing someone he knows in his “real life” at the clinic, because “normal people don’t come here,” and above everything, JJ wants to be seen as normal.

JJ turns to walk away from Emily, but Emily, ever a determined cheerleader to the downtrodden, follows him. “I’ve been having a bit of counseling,” Emily says matter-of-factly. People don’t give Emily enough credit for how brave she actually is. Emily isn’t afraid to be herself. She’s gay, she’s in counseling, she’s in love with a girl, and she isn’t afraid of who knows or who’s going to judge her for it. “I asked them to help me be a bit more honest with people, you know?” she says, and Emily, you already have that under control. Emily is plenty honest. This is the girl who responded, “gay”, when Thomas asked whether she was Katie or Emily. So I wonder if maybe she’s trying to understand how to get other people in her life (Naomi) to be honest, too. She says that they just gave her the STUN pills that they also gave JJ, and I think for the first time in his life, JJ doesn’t feel so alone. There’s someone else who takes the medication he takes, and she seems pretty normal. People like her. Maybe if Emily is at the clinic, there’s hope for him, too.

Emily asks JJ if he needs calming down, and for the first time all episode, JJ feels seen. This is why I think Emily would make a great therapist- she’s willing to actually listen to what JJ is struggling with and what he wants, and then to help him figure out how to get that in a way that’s actually reasonable for where he is in his life. JJ responds to her question- “believe me, I totally do. I'm getting overstimulated just talking to you now. I mean, you're exciting me. Wait! That's not… Bugger! Shitification!” And Emily, natural therapist that she is, just says, “It's all right, JJ. It's hard telling people things about yourself, isn't it?” Which is good, but then she continues. “But I'm gonna try. It's no big deal. Probably couldn't care less. About what? I want to have sex with girls. Right. Yeah. I like girls. I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know? There, I've said it and now…”

It turns out that JJ very much could have cared less, because this admission leads him to faint. It’s surprising to me that he faints, because JJ already knows about Emily and Naomi, but maybe hearing it so directly was too much for him. I like that the writers let Emily be overtly sexual. Too often, characters like Emily are portrayed as somewhat asexual. They’re sweet and non-confrontational, so they can’t also have sexual urges. This gets doubled with lesbian characters, where their mere presence is either used for the audience’s titillation or where lesbian sex is seen as too graphic to be discussed. It’s nice that Emily can be herself and be a lesbian and be matter-of-fact lustful at the same time.

The scene changes to Emily and JJ sitting on a hill. JJ is showing Emily all of the drugs he’s been prescribed- lorazepam, moraglutomol, tripoline, and Ritalin. I’m not totally sure what moraglutamol is supposed to be, but the other three are real medications. He offers Emily a Vitamin C tablet since they’re “fizzy”, but she causes a kind of Mentos and Coke reaction by mixing it with a soda. JJ gives her the Heimlich maneuver, but then keeps his hand on her breast a little bit too long for comfort. Emily goes to leave, saying that she’s had a lovely time, which JJ interprets as him having “screwed this all up.” It’s clear that JJ has not had a ton of interactions with other people where they end nicely. Emily says he’s nice and JJ protest that he’s “unusual, which is just code for not normal.” He tells her that he’d give anything to be normal for a whole day, and outlines his problems, the same way that he did in the doctor’s office. “I'd lose my virginity first, several times. Then have a Choccy Nut milk shake without going into shock. Then I'd tell Freddie and Cook to stop fighting over Effy before they hate each other for ever, and not make me take sides. And they'd listen to me for once and not fucking ruffle my hair! And then I'd tell Effy I loved her and lose my virginity a few more times.” Unlike the doctor, Emily listens and takes him seriously, but JJ is too far gone- “Retard! I'm a retard! Nut job! Bat case! Spaso! Mong! Autistic fucking fruitcake mental basket! Shitty Looney Tune. One Flew Over… The fucking Cuckoo's Nest!” Emily looks uncomfortable because she can’t calm him down, until she gets an idea- she shows JJ her boobs, which calms him down immediately. Then she says what JJ’s doctor should have said all along- “all those things you want, you don’t ask for them. Why don’t you just ask?” JJ things about that for a minute and then decides to try it, asking if he can see Emily’s breasts again. She says no, “let’s start with the easy stuff”. I don’t think she means it this way, but it foreshadows that once the easy stuff is done, he’ll get to see them again. JJ asks “where do we start” and Emily seems surprised by her inclusion in this quest even though she included herself.

Emily and JJ go to Freddie’s house to start off with something easy. JJ stalls, saying that he’s going to be “normal, normal, normal”, but Emily’s not going to let him get off that easily. She tells him to ring the bell and asks him what he’s going to say to Freddie. JJ says that he’s, “gonna ask him to make up with Cook. Gonna ask him to forget Effy, because she's not good for us. Gonna ask him to stop ruffling my hair.” Emily nods and says, “don’t let anything stop you”. I love how good of a friend she is to JJ, and how just like she pushed Naomi to be her best self, she’ll push JJ, too. Karen opens the door and ruffles JJ’s hair, to which Emily instructs JJ to “tell her.” JJ starts telling Karen to stop ruffling his hair, because he’s determined to ask for what he wants and if he doesn’t do it now, maybe he’ll lose the nerve, but Karen interrupts him. Karen asks what Emily is doing there, but Emily doesn’t know who Karen is. Karen starts laughing, but JJ persists. “I want to see Freddie, and I want to see him now,” he says. Karen follows them to Freddie’s room, looking delighted and saying, “this is going to be good.”

When they get to Freddie’s room, Freddie objects that he’s “a bit busy at the moment,” but Emily refuses to be deterred in her quest to help JJ. She opens the door and finds Katie and Freddie having sex. Emily is hurt because Katie has been lying to her, but clearly Emily has also been lying to Katie about Naomi so… I wonder if that’s part of the reason Katie didn’t feel like she had an obligation to tell Emily. JJ is thrown for a loop because he knows Freddie is in love with Effy, and I think because even though Freddie is in love with Effy, he’s still getting to have sex, underlining how Freddie is “normal” while JJ is not. Katie doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that Freddie is in love with Effy, saying that it’s a “free country”, but she’s clearly upset with Emily because she continues with, “maybe my weirdo sister is up for it” with JJ, and in a moment of not thinking, JJ says, “that’s ridiculous, Emily is gay.” It’s a little bit of a cheap way to move the plot forward, but it works well enough. JJ pushes on, trying to get to the point of the conversation he came to have because now he’s past the point of no return, but it’s too late. “That's not true. Is it Ems? Because you promised me that wasn't true,” and maybe that’s what Emily was at the clinic for- to figure out how to come out to Katie. Emily sighs and runs away.

Freddie pulls JJ into the shed so they can talk privately. JJ looks at the same picture of the Three Musketeers that he has on the wall. Freddie angrily gets all up in JJ’s face, I think because Freddie feels like JJ has already picked Cook. Then Freddie changes his demeanor and ruffles JJ’s hair, as if things are the same as they’ve always been. JJ tells Freddie he wants things to change, but Freddie insists they already have. JJ lays down what else he wants- that he, Freddie, and Cook are supposed to be friends forever and he doesn’t want to lose that over a girl. He accuses Freddie of not even wanting Effy, because to JJ, if you want a girl, you’ll wait for her. He doesn’t understand the complexity of Freddie’s relationship with Effy, that he can want her as badly as he does but that doesn’t mean she’ll be able to reciprocate. And JJ doesn’t understand that the fight between Freddie and Cook isn’t about Effy, not really. The problem that Freddie and Cook have with one another runs much deeper than “a girl”, and it’s not something that can be solved just by getting rid of Effy. JJ begs Freddie to tell him what to do, but he doesn’t like the answer- Freddie tells him he has to choose, him or Cook. “What about me? Don’t I count?” JJ asks. And it’s the same problem as Effy and Freddie; JJ doesn’t totally understand that he can want his friends back together as badly as he does, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be able to reciprocate. “I’m the normal one,” JJ says, as he realizes that this complex he’s been carrying around with him isn’t really true. Nobody is normal, and he’s no less normal than anyone else.

JJ goes home and calls for his mum, who he finds asleep on the couch with JJ’s clinical assessments in hand and a wine bottle on the floor. This also feels a bit cheap, because she has no reason to be re-reading this report from 1994, but we find out that JJ has been diagnosed with Lower Spectrum Autism, with possible Asperger’s Syndrome (which they never looked into further), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Acute Hyperactivity, Night Terrors, and possible Bipolar Disorder. We also find out that the results of the diagnostic tests haven’t been verified since 2001, when JJ was about 9. We learn that JJ was excluded from school (suspended, for those of us in the US) for destroying other pupils’ property in a fit of rage. I don’t really know what we’re meant to take away from all of this. Is it that JJ’s behavior is so exhausting for his mother that she’s falling asleep during the day and desperately searching for something else to try? Are we supposed to question whether or not JJ still has those diagnoses, since they haven’t been verified since 2001? I think the point is the same as on the poster in the Psycho Clinic- being the parent of a kid with autism is hard enough that it requires a support group. Or maybe the point is that even if JJ has realized that his friends aren’t “normal” either, he’s the one with the diagnoses. I think in this moment, we also see how much JJ wants to be “normal” for his mother, because he knows how much stress and worry he’s caused her over the years.

JJ sits on his bed and pours out all of his pills, examining them individually. He’s interrupted by a call from Cook, which he hesitates before answering. “Gay J, man, where you been?” It’s interesting that Cook seems to think of “Gay J” as a term of endearment while the neighborhood kids use it as a way to make fun of him. Cook asks JJ how his, “nutty professor thing” was, and although it’s not the best way Cook could have phrased it, JJ is touched because Cook remembered and Freddie didn’t. Cook leans into it, “am I your bestest or what?” only to then tell JJ that going to Thomas’ event is non-negotiable. JJ asks if he can ask Cook something, but Cook brushes him off, saying he’s “got business to attend to.” Cook fails to hang up the phone, so JJ hears the next part, too- “I love that barmy fucker. "Everyone's gotta have a mate who's a twat and who's not gonna try and finger your pussy candy.” He then hears Cook begin having sex with someone that he assumes is Effy.

JJ storms out of the house to go confront Cook. The children taunt him again, with the same nickname Cook calls him- “Gay J, Gay J, Gay J”. JJ has had enough. He goes to punch the leader of the kids, but instead he magically produces a lollipop. It’s weird and unusual and special and the thing he said he was no longer going to do because his friends don’t like magic. It’s JJ embracing the fact that being unusual doesn’t have to mean bad, and sometimes, it’s actually much better than the standard response.

Interestingly, JJ assumes that Cook is at Effy’s house as opposed to Effy being at Cook’s apartment. She doesn’t answer the door, so JJ lets himself in the house. Looking concerned, he wanders through the house, looking for Effy or Cook. “Effy?” he repeats, increasingly concerned. He hesitates for a second before pushing open her door, perhaps afraid that it would be a repeat of opening Freddie’s door earlier, but he’s worried enough about Effy that he goes for it. He finds her sitting on her bed, topless, blasting music at full volume, almost like she’s trying to drown out her thoughts. She doesn’t hear him come in until he accidentally knocks over a bottle, at which point they both scream. Effy says, “JJ, what the fuck?” to which JJ responds, “I got worried…I dunno. I thought you might have… I dunno, OK?“ I think the rest of that sentence was, “I thought you might have hurt yourself/offed yourself.” Because JJ also struggles with his mental health, I think he’s more attuned to when other people are struggling as well, and so he’s the first person to recognize those traits in Effy. JJ continues that he was “pissed at the two of them,” to which Effy responds, “two of who?” She goes on to say that she hasn’t seen Cook for days, and asks JJ if he’s going to “give her some fucked up hint what he’s talking about”. JJ responds that he drinks mango juice when he’s over-stressed, and the scene cuts to her pouring him a glass.

She watches expectantly while he drinks and then pours him another one. “So?” she asks. JJ deflects, saying that it must be the new pills they’ve given him, as vivid dreams are a side effect. Effy immediately wants to do them, because she’ll do anything to not have to think about her problems, but JJ says that they “make you tell the truth, allegedly.” Effy doesn’t see anything wrong with that and baits JJ into telling her something true. JJ says that he loves her, and Effy responds, “well, everybody loves me.” A lot of people don’t like this line, but I really do. I think it’s actually Effy showing JJ kindness. She’s trying to make him feel better about liking her, more normal. Like we’ve been talking about through this episode, one of the things that really drives JJ is trying to be normal like Cook and Freddie are. And so by saying that everyone loves her, she’s saying that there’s nothing unusual or creepy about his feelings towards her. It’s normal, the same way that the way Freddie and Cook feel about her is normal, too. JJ’s response is, “that’s a relief”. Not, “but do you love me?” or “but which one of us do you love most?” or “why do you have such a high opinion of yourself?” It’s a relief to him that she’s not put off by his feelings for her and that he’s “normal” because of them.

Since JJ told her something true, Effy reciprocates in her own way- she tells him that she doesn’t think her parents love her, and that she’s “being a total bitch to both of them”. I think at this point, Effy is very lonely- she’s in love with a boy but she thinks she’s screwed up that relationship beyond repair, she’s still having issues with Pandora, she hasn’t seen Cook “in days,” and both her parents seem to be gone. Plus, she’s probably experiencing the beginnings of a depressive episode, so she’s in a place where she’s ready to reach out to anybody who will listen. “I’m officially off the rails, JJ,” she says, foreshadowing what will happen in the next episode. “You should try it.” And in some ways, she’s right. JJ should try letting go of the expectations he has for himself about what it means to be “normal” and what it means to be “good.” But JJ says that his mum needs him to be okay- unlike Effy, he still has a parent that cares and who he feels responsible to, so he can’t just abandon his mental health.

JJ continues on his quest to get what he wants, asking Effy to leave Cook and Freddie alone. He says, “I don't mean to be rude but Cook, Freddie and me, they're the only friends I've ever had and… you've basically ruined everything and I'd like you to stop now.” Again, he doesn’t quite understand that it’s not Effy’s fault, because it’s not about Effy. Effy, for her part, seems to feel guilty about ruining JJ’s friendship with Cook and Freddie, even though I think she knows that it would have happened with or without her. She tells JJ that she can’t do that, and I think that’s the truth. She doesn’t know how to let go of Cook so she can be with Freddie- she can’t allow herself that much vulnerability. JJ asks her to explain why, because he likes for things to be logical and to follow a formula. Instead, she just shakes her head. She can’t quite explain, or maybe she thinks he won’t understand. JJ turns to leave, and Effy says, “thanks for loving me.” I think she means it- it’s both a “thanks for loving me and being my friend even though I’m screwing up your life and I can’t stop,” but also, “thanks for caring and being my friend, because I need someone to care about me right now.” Then she says that she’d like to be JJ’s friend, and I think she means that, too. And in this moment, I think that’s what they both need- a real friend. But JJ just shakes his head in a very Freddie manner and leaves. Unlike Effy, he already has a real friend in Emily. Emily is someone who genuinely listens to him and cares about his opinions, who doesn’t think he’s strange and just wants to see him succeed.

JJ continues on his quest to ask for the things he wants. He goes to Cook’s student accommodation to have a discussion with Cook, but before he can, he catches Pandora and Cook kissing in a rather graphic way. It turns out that this is the mystery woman Cook was having sex with while on the phone with JJ earlier in the episode. He quickly hides, but it’s too late- he’s already seen. Cook opens his door and greets JJ as if nothing is wrong at all. We see that “Chris loves fish” is scrawled on Cook’s wall, indicating that the previous owner was Chris Miles from generation 1.

Cook starts talking about how they’re going to go for a “big one” tonight, and then belatedly realizes that JJ may have seen Pandora. JJ insists that he “just arrived”. Cook tries to wind JJ up by asking him if he wants to know who the girl is, but then says that he can’t possibly tell JJ because he knows it’s wrong. JJ asks, “if it’s so wrong, why don’t you stop it?”

Cook tries to avoid the topic by offering up a “YOLO” kind of platitude, but JJ is here on a mission, and he’s going to complete it. “What would be so bad about stopping? What about other people?” Cook says fuck other people, and JJ says that that’s not an answer to his question. JJ tries again. “What would happen if you stopped?” For JJ, this is a simple equation. Doing a bad thing = bad. Stopping the bad thing = good. But for Cook, it’s more complicated than that. Cook looks around, confused and a bit hurt, before saying, “look at me, J. What else have I got?” I think that in this moment, JJ has finally hit the truth. Freddie was really all that Cook had, and now that he doesn’t have Freddie, he doesn’t feel like he has anything left. He doesn’t know who he would be if not a wild party boy.

JJ knows this. He says, “please make up with Freddie, Cook. It doesn’t work.” He understands that Freddie is crucial to Cook’s wellbeing, even if Cook is a detriment to Freddie’s. They start to argue. Cook says that Freddie can go fuck himself because he was asking for it- Cook has something Freddie wants and he’s angry about it. JJ rightly points out that Cook doesn’t actually have feelings for Effy, and so he can leave her alone if he wants, and Cook confirms this by saying, “she likes it mindless. So do I.” Remember this line, because I thinks it makes the next episode kind of strange in retrospect.

Cook is determined to end this confrontation, and tries to move on, but JJ isn’t having a bar of it. He looks disgusted, and finally says, “just care.” Cook, who doesn’t know how to even start expressing how much he cares, says, “about what?” JJ finally loses it, saying, “about me! About me, you twat! You’re all fucking twats!” I think he’s hurt that Cook feels like he has nothing without Freddie, not considering that JJ has been there for him the whole time. JJ seems like he’s always been a bit of a third wheel to Cook and Freddie’s friendship instead of an equal partner, and I think that contributes to his feelings of being weird and different.

Cook immediately switches gears, although it’s unclear how much is genuine and how much is just an attempt to placate JJ. He gives JJ a cuddle and says that, “I pissing love you, J. Nothing is going to change that, man. You’re my very own little fruit bat. Fuck Freddie. It’s just you and me now. Feel the love.” It’s everything that JJ wants to hear, and I do think that Cook does sort of mean it. But JJ isn’t an adequate replacement for Freddie in his eyes, and so he immediately switches gears as soon as the situation seems to have resolved itself. He still doesn’t feel like he has anything outside of this- being a wild party boy- and so, “ right…we’ve got pharmaceuticals to purchase.” JJ stays behind for a beat, looking disappointed and, I think, considering what to do from here. His quest to just ask for what he wants isn’t exactly getting the result he desired, so he may have to choose a new tactic.

Cook takes JJ with him to buy drugs, mostly because he needs JJ to act as his lookout and not really because he wants to spend time with JJ. The police begin to bust Cook’s drug deal, and JJ finally realizes that Cook will never have his best interests at heart, no matter how much JJ loves him. JJ asks Cook why, if he knew things were getting dodgy, he couldn’t just do without the drugs, and Cook essentially says the same thing that he said before- without drugs, what else has he got? Feeling judged, he then accused JJ of “being pilled up every day”, and so JJ offers Cook the STUN pills that the therapist gave him earlier, maybe as retribution for how Cook has been treating him.

The next scene opens on Effy waiting in line for the club. She looks absolutely out of it, lying her head up against a wall as if nothing in the world could possibly matter to her. Naomi immediately clocks this, asking “you okay?” When all she gets in return is a Muppety shrug, she asks where Cook is. Effy says that she’s “fucking him occasionally, [but] not seeing him.” Again, keep this in the back of your mind for next episode. This is how Effy views her relationship with Cook. Naomi asks if there’s a distinction between fucking someone and dating them, and I think this is really genuine question. For Naomi, there is no difference. She’s fucking Emily, so they’re obviously in a relationship. There’s no middle ground for her because her dedication to Emily is so singular. I think this is the first time that she’s realizing perhaps it’s not that obvious for Emily. Maybe they’re not actually secretly dating despite Naomi’s insistences that she’s straight, after all. Effy fires back, saying “no Emily?” and then insists that Naomi give her “the truth” because she already knows. Just like Emily and just like JJ, Effy wants people to be more honest. Naomi insists that she’s straight before giving Effy the truth by asking if she would regret it if she said that she’s not. Effy has a really lovely moment here, giving the truth back to Naomi. She says that Naomi would probably regret it, but not because of her. Effy’s not going to lie to her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. It might be, it might not be. But Effy is there for her no matter what, and that’s what matters. I think what’s interesting here too is that I don’t think what Naomi is asking about is whether she would regret coming out. I think what she’s asking about is whether she would regret allowing herself to admit her feelings for Emily, and allow herself to acknowledge that she feels those feelings as deeply as she does. Like Effy, she’s afraid of the vulnerability and closeness that comes with loving and being loved in return.

Naomi notices that Effy is distracted by Freddie, and immediately says, “oh my god, that’s fucked up! You love him. You love the lips… go on, lie to me. I want to see this.” This is the one place where Effy refuses to be honest. She can’t admit to herself or anyone else how deep her feelings for Freddie actually are, even though she knows Naomi fundamentally understands what this all feels like.

Effy gets saved by Thomas, who ushers them up to the front of the queue. Naomi asks Katie if she’s going to be bitchy to her, to which Katie responds, “yeah… sure… give me time” in a way that seems almost affectionate. This is interesting, because just a few hours ago, Katie got confirmation about Emily’s feelings for Naomi. Based on what we know of her, she should be rearing for a fight, but she’s not. She’s struggling so much with what to make of this not-quite-new information that she’s not in a place to fight with Naomi. Cook and JJ appear. Interestingly, both Effy and Freddie look disappointed by this turn of events. Thomas says that Emily is already inside, a fact which seems to surprise both Naomi and Katie.

Emily is absolutely trashed and dancing by herself in the club to try and forget that Katie knows her secret and that everything will be different from here on out. These shots are absolutely gorgeous, and I think perfectly capture what it feels like to be in the headspace Emily is in right now- messy and complicated and just wanting to let go. Cook pops up behind her, apparently elated to see her. Katie pulls her away, I think because she knows that whatever Emily wants, it’s not this. Cook is once again left all by himself with nothing except for his partying. He starts shoving the people around him. JJ looks on, observing the situation he’s created. Freddie gets up in JJ’s face about giving Cook his drugs. Despite his best efforts not to, Freddie does really love and care about Cook, and he’s still worried about him.

Cook’s flight escalates, and Freddie and JJ once again rush to his rescue. Even though Cook has made it clear that he will always prioritize himself over both of them, they can’t help but look out for him. They pull Cook out of the club and take him to an alleyway out back. Cook says, “I knew you’d come for me. Three musketeers.” Freddie tells Cook to fuck off, and Cook says that, “[Effy] loves you, you know…but she can’t stand it…so she’s fucking me instead. She’s taking the piss and it’s hurting me because Cook needs the love too. Cookie’s always getting nothing”. Thomas shows up, but Cook keeps going. “…that’s why I pop Panda… that’s all I get cos I’m shit.” There’s a lot to unpack here. I think this is the first time that Freddie knows for sure that Effy has feelings for him and not for Cook. I think this is Cook’s way of reiterating that without his party-boy persona, he has nothing, and that he wishes he had what everyone else had. He wishes he had the love that Effy and Freddie have for one another, or that Pandora and Thomas have for one another. And maybe that’s why he’s so content breaking that love up- if he can’t have it, nobody can. But Cook is stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy here. He acts out because he feels like he deserves love that’s being withheld from him, but the way he acts out causes people to pull away.

Thomas lunges for Cook, but Freddie is still in protector mode and pushes him back. Thomas storms back into the club. JJ gets to have his moment with Freddie that he didn’t get earlier, but now it’s too late for JJ to ask for what he wants. Too much has changed. JJ says that he got locked on and that everyone pissed him off, before asking if he can still come to Freddie’s shed. We get an interesting parallel to JJ’s scene with Cook earlier. Freddie doesn’t need JJ to be shouting at him before he can hear how much pain JJ is in. Like Cook, Freddie hugs JJ. But unlike Cook, Freddie asks for the space he needs instead of papering everything over and pretending it’s okay. This is big for Freddie, someone who has previously been totally willing to sacrifice his own well-being for other people’s. He’s being honest about his feelings and about what he needs.

Effy and Naomi come out to see what happened. Freddie just says “he’s yours, I think” before walking away. This is another good example of Freddie looking out for his own well-being. Now that he’s done what he can and that he knows Cook is okay, he can walk away from the situation instead of continuing to engage. I think in this interaction Freddie is laying down his feelings. This mess, the way Cook is feeling right now, is because of Effy and it’s her responsibility. Until Effy breaks things off with Cook, his feelings are her responsibility, and Freddie can’t be with her. Naomi gives the best sigh and eye roll at this continuing drama. I think she wishes that she could just sort it out for them, but ultimately she knows that they have to work through it on their own, the same way she has to work through her own feelings for Emily. Effy looks scared and confused. She knows she has a decision that she needs to make, no matter how unwilling she is to make it.

The scene switches, and we see Emily sitting on the curb, finally coming down from her high. She seems like she’s trying to work out what to do with herself. The same way the episode began, this episode ends- with Emily and JJ in an emotionally vulnerable position, trying to figure out the best way to help each other. JJ offers Emily his hoodie and says that he’s “liable to social dysfunction” as a way of apologizing for outing Emily. Emily says that JJ did her a favor. In a way, the quest she started at the therapist’s office is complete- she’s been honest with people, even if it was against her will. She follows up by asking JJ how his quest went- did he ask for stuff? JJ says that he did, and it seemed like it went badly, but it’s really too early to say. I think this is important growth for JJ. Throughout this whole episode, he’s wanted simple and straightforward answers. He’s believed asking = things going back to the way they were = everything being fine. But now he’s starting to realize that people are more complicated than an equation. Maybe even though he didn’t get what he wanted and things aren’t going to go back to the way they were, this needed to happen. It’s okay if there’s uncertainty.

Emily says that she doesn’t want to go home- she can’t go home. They ultimately end up back at JJ’s house, and we get another shot of his wall. “Girls + sex” x “friendship”. Emily is nuzzled in JJ’s bed, but before he can join her, JJ changes his wall to reflect the events of the day. “JJ loves Effy” is crossed out, replaced by “Effy likes JJ”. They’re friends now in a way that they didn’t used to be. Emily says that she’s asking for something, just like JJ was asking for things before. Emily says that this is a “once only charity event” because she’s gay, and JJ agrees. She says that she’s “lots of things”, and I like this a lot. I think that, like JJ, Emily has been labeled and put into a box by the people around her. Throughout this episode, JJ learns that he’s lots of things- not just autistic or prone to meltdowns, but also someone who can advocate for himself and ask for what he wants and make friends. And Emily is lots of things, too- she’s not the person that Katie wants her to be, but she’s not the person Naomi wants her to be, either. She’s some of both, but she’s also her own person outside of her relationships with other people or the expectations they have of her. Emily tells JJ that their sleeping together is “between friends”. “Girls x sex = friendship”, indeed.

I know a lot of people don’t like this scene for a variety of reasons, but I don’t have a problem with it. I think in the context of the episode, it works. Emily’s just been rejected by Naomi again, and at that point, JJ is really the only friend she has. She says she doesn’t want to go home because of Katie, and then she makes it very clear that she’s doing JJ a favor because they’re friends. She wants JJ to finally get something that he wants- to “feel normal”- even though he didn’t get anything else he wanted that day. In this moment with JJ, Emily is hurt. She feels rejected by the love of her life and by her family. I think this is her way of letting herself be “lots of things”. It’s the last thing that anyone would expect of her or want her to do, and I think in the moment, that feels empowering to her. I think she also knows that being able to be straight would be easier, even though she also knows it’s not an option for her. I do think she’s hoping a little bit in the back of her mind that having sex with JJ will work out, that she won’t have to confront Naomi or deal with the fact that her family isn’t accepting of her sexuality. I think she’s hoping that she can be with someone else- anyone else- who isn’t Naomi, just like how before, Naomi wasn’t afraid of admitting her sexuality so much as she was afraid of admitting her love for Emily.

The next morning, JJ introduces Emily to his mum as “a friend of [his]”. His mum seems thrilled about this development, and maybe a bit unsure of how to act. JJ has finally found the answer to “JJ x Y = normal”. The equation makes no sense- there is no normal. Throughout the episode, he’s seem that nobody around him is normal. Emily is hiding her sexuality from her sister and her feelings from Naomi. Freddie is sleeping with Katie even though he loves Effy, and Katie is refusing to accept what she already knows. Effy is lonely and “off the rails”, and Cook is sleeping with everyone he can and partying in an attempt to forget that he feels robbed of love. Ironically, through accepting that nobody is really normal at all, he gets what he wanted all along- to have sex with a girl, sure, but also to have a friend who lets him be who he is and encourages him to keep being himself. Both Freddie and Cook have this idea of who JJ is and who they want him to be, but Emily doesn’t have that. Just like JJ lets her be herself, proudly and openly gay, Emily lets JJ be himself without expectation.

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