#snatching paragraph 200 words

[elenyafinwe]

 "Nidaime-sama, I thank you for this lesson," Shisui said. "I have one more question, even though it doesn't really have anything to do with this. But I've been wondering for a while now why everyone always insists I'm a boy. But I'm not, I'm Shisui."

 Tobirama did not answer immediately and pondered this question for quite a while. He didn't feel he was the best person to ask about it.

 It was Kakashi who spoke first. "Because people always like to put everything in boxes. People are just like that, they always want to squeeze everything neatly into boxes without paying attention to whether it really fits. So they look at you and judge that you're a boy, and with me they claim I'm a woman without even asking us what we think in the first place."

 "But why do they do that?" continued Shisui.

 Yes, why did they do that? It occurred to Tobirama that he had never asked that question.

 Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. "Education, socialisation, something in our brains that always wants to put everything into categories. I don't know that exactly either. Some even claim that gender is a biological fact, but that's nonsense. They don't even ask other people how they see themselves, but impose an identity on them that they are not. You can safely throw people like that out of your life, nobody needs them."

 Itachi tilted his head and thought about it. One of the ravens had found him again and sat cawing on a branch in a nearby tree. Casually, the boy tossed a nut to the animal. It had barely hit the ground before the raven had snatched its morsel.

 "But if gender is not a biological fact, what makes me a boy and Shisui not?" asked Itachi then.

 "You'll have to ask Shisui that, not me," Kakashi said. "I cannot define for Shisui what makes Shisui's identity. But in general, it can be said that gender is primarily a social construct. Women are treated differently from men and non-binary identities are still ridiculed and dismissed as imaginary by far too many people. Women are expected to dress a certain way and men a different way, and when someone breaks out of that, most people react with irritation. That's the social aspect and none of it has anything remotely to do with sexual organs."

 Itachi let these words sink in for a moment. "Then what makes me a boy?"

 "No one dictates that to you," Kakashi said. "You can decide that for yourself. If it feels right, then it fits, and if it doesn't, then find something that fits better."

 What actually made Tobirama a man? Another question he had never asked. It was what his parents had ascribed to him when he was born, and he had never questioned it. Maybe he should.

 "I just want to be Shisui," Shisui said. "It's weird that women are supposed to cook and men are supposed to work and that they're supposed to dress a certain way instead of the way they like best."

 "Yes, I also think that the construct of gender as a whole should be abolished. But we as a society are still a long way off." Kakashi dug his hands into his pockets.

 "What would we have to do to abolish it?" asked Shisui.

 Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. "A revolution."

 Ōkami rubbed her head against him. "One step at a time. Everyone should be allowed to be who they want to be, and if someone dislikes you for it, send them to me and I'll eat the person."

 This made Shisui and Itachi giggle.

 "You laugh, but she means exactly that," Kakashi said deadpan.

 As if to confirm his words, she nibbled his hair.

A little excerpt of Underneath the Silence for those who haven’t read my TobiMina timetravel story yet.

And for those who had: I had nothing else to read on my weekend and read my own fanfic, ahem 😅 And while I did so I noticed that at some point and for whatever reason the last paragraphs of chapter 1 got lost. No idea why or how, but I fixed it now.

I plan to continue the story once my lectures are over in two weeks and the stress is a bit less for me. You know what would be cool by then? 200 public bookmarks (currently 197) and 700 kudos (currently 698). Can we manage that? ❤

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #31 - Ammo and the Anti-Glowup

So, the Lost Light disappeared, stranding all the crew in space in their little escape pods. 200-some robots just lost their homes and worldly possessions. That’s absolutely horrible. What a devastating thing to happen.

Anyway, here’s Drift with a flashback sequence.

No hips, fingers all the exact same length, hockey pucks embedded in his forearms- Rojo, this is a crime you’ve committed. When will the long arm of the law stop your sinful, pancake-shaped hands?

About two years prior to current events, Drift, Riptide, and Pipes- yes, Pipes!- were wandering around trying to find a ship for the space yacht trip. The gang’s here to see who owns the big honkin’ ship outside. Problem is, Drift is unintentionally terrifying because he has a great deal of swords.

Now, you may say to yourself “isn’t it a bit odd that the species that has members who literally turn into guns would be nervous around a guy with swords?” This is a valid critique, until you remember that at least some of the folks who turn into guns were born that way, and Drift was very much NOT born bladed the fuck out. There’s an entire miniseries devoted to explaining this, it’s called Drift. The swords are a choice, one that he makes every day.

Drift is willing to pay an honestly absurd amount of money for the ship, if he can just find the dude with the paperwork- don’t ask where he got the money. Pipes isn’t being terribly helpful in finding them, so Riptide decides that now is the time to start practicing being proactive and pulls a Coyote Ugly.

No, no, he doesn’t.

He does climb up on a table and start yelling for the ship’s owners to reveal themselves, though. Which they do.

Now it’s time for the world-building portion of our comic issue. Let’s learn about chirolinguistics.

Drift, staying true to his Mary Sue nature, uses his near-perfect Hand skills to strike up a deal with the owners of the ship. This would be impressive, if it didn’t just look like the most convoluted hand-holding session in the friggin’ universe.

Still, Drift is rich enough to make Jeff Bezos weep with envy, so the arrangements are made and the lads go on their way, talking some mad shit about the original name of the ship as they do.

So it is revealed to us that the Lost Light is named after a festival for honoring the dead and disappeared, which makes the fact that Rewind and Chromedome were there all the more sad.

Back in the present, Megatron tells Riptide to shut up so they can figure out what the hell they’re going to do about this whole “our home and also ride has ceased to exist” situation. He’s putting an awful lot of distance between himself and the rest of the Autobots as he does it, something that isn’t lost on the more bitter people of the crowd.

But why were we even talking about the Lost Light in the first place? Not to reminisce, believe it or not. See, it’s time for Nautica to get a little panel time, and she’s going to use it to be a massive fucking nerd and explain how the quantum engines work. As she does, Ratchet notes that his hands feel funny. Must be the weight of his hand-stealing sins manifesting itself in his joints.

Nautica explains that the engines run off of improbability- it is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that the ship can reach light speed, and riding the fine line between what can happen and what can’t, results in the creation of power for the engines. If this sounds familiar, it’s because Brainstorm gave us a watered down version of this explanation back in issue #2. If it sounds familiar for a different reason, it’s because this is how the Heart of Gold runs in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Again, I’m not sure why it is that the British love this concept so much, but there you are.

Oh, it appears someone has a question. Let’s see what they want to know about, shall we?

…Rojo, what the fuck is this.

Our muppety friend here isn’t too keen on how much of a smarmy asshole Nightbeat is being right now, though I’d assume it actually has something to do with the fact that Nightbeat got smacked around with the pretty-boy stick while Getaway very much did not. While the two bicker- there’s a lot of bickering in Season Two- Nautica presents a theory on what happened to the ship; it went too far in the direction of “can’t” and made itself cease to be.

Megatron gives not a shit about quantum improbability, though. He only cares about how they’re going to get out of this mess. Which, y’know. Valid.

Blaster picks up a radio from Rodimus, who tells the gang that they’re to meet up on a nearby planet to regroup and figure out their next move. The call drops before he can get more than a couple Megatron-directed insults in, however. Megatron, in response, tries to be the bigger person, and almost immediately fails. We do get a headcount though, which is good, logistically speaking. This information is communicated to us by way of a splash page full of character head shots. We’ve got 20 ‘bots on board this ship.

Yep. 20. No more, no less.

As our friends approach the planet, we’re informed that it’s actually a Lectureworld- a planet devoted to the study of a single field. Except it’s actually a Smartplanet now, and it’s been privatized by the Galactic Council, so you’ve got to pay to go there. Cyclonus thinks that that’s bullshit, and I can’t help but agree. Crosscut tries to network with they guy about his play, probably because word got around that Cyclonus is rich as hell, when the lights cut out. When they come back on, Crosscut is nowhere to be found.

It’s time for a Whodunnit.

Tailgate immediately pegs Megatron as the culprit in this disappearance, and breaks out a gun over the matter. Megatron thinks that this is absolutely adorable, which only serves to further infuriate our marshmallow friend. I guess he’s still mad about the whole “I was a Decepticon for five minutes and got brainwashed over it” thing, and wants someone to pin the anger on who’s socially acceptable to hate.

Cyclonus and Ratchet both think that Tailgate’s not going about this the right way, but the guy is simply too het up to listen to them. Tailgate suggests that they lock Megatron in the engine room for the time being and-

OKAY WHO LET HIM HAVE THAT

Riptide breaks out his gun, and soon we’ve got a standoff going between the three of them. Cyclonus tries to deescalate, which makes Gears and Huffer break out their guns. Then Hound breaks out his gun, though he seems to be doing his own thing, by pointing it in Nautica’s direction.

Broski, I think that might be animal cruelty.

Megatron manages to shoot Ravage “unconscious” and catches him by the friggin’ throat, stating that he has zero idea how this guy got here. With the heat off the two of them for a moment, Megatron communicates to Ravage to play ‘possum for the time being. Ravage responds, and I wonder exactly how he’s doing that, considering I don’t think he has enough fingers to effectively utilize Hand as a language. Or fingers at all, really.

While this is going on, Cyclonus snatches the gun out of Tailgate’s hand, admonishing him for being reckless about picking his fights. Generally speaking, you don’t want to try to go toe-to-toe with a guy who’s responsible for the deaths of literal billions. Getaway swoops in to comfort Tailgate, calling him gutsy. I wonder if this will become a trend.

Swerve says a thing, as he is wont to do, and it’s made known that multiple folks have disappeared during this incredibly brief standoff.

Wow, Chromedome just fucked off, huh? He wasn’t even in that sequence, just left.

Everyone’s positively baffled by the current happenings. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to who’s being taken. I guess we’ve got a mystery on our hands.

And who better to solve a mystery than a detective?

Nightbeat wrangles all the leftover folks into a corner of the room, so they can figure out what the common denominator is with all the disappearees. He starts with the easy stuff.

And by “easy”, I mean the super-special racism Tyrest subscribed to.

If you’ve read Eugenesis, you know that Nightbeat was also part of the first wave of cold-constructed bodies there. However, the general populace wasn’t nearly as chill about it as they were in IDW. Also, Wheeljack was his dad. No word on if that particular tidbit made it into IDW lore.

It’s at this point that we learn about M.T.O.s- made to order soldiers. They were cold-constructed ‘bots created en masse during the war in order to keep up with the demands for troops. Pretty fucked up, if you think about it, being born to die like that.

Now where have we heard that name before…

Chromedome, can your love life not be part of the plot for five minutes, my guy?

Nautica makes the honestly horrific claim that a lot of folks owe their existence to Megatron being a warmongering fuck, and even Megatron himself seems rather uncomfortable with the idea. Some thoughts we keep to ourselves, Nautica, even if they might be technically true. And even if Ammo wants to tack on his two cents on the matter.

What did they DO to you, Ammo? You’re supposed to be hot! Where are my three-paragraphs of description as Hound stares slack jawed the entire time? I miss Polyhex Wars.

Anyway, it’s Megatron’s turn to get poked with the questioning stick, and he’s not having it. He claims that by revealing his mode of creation, he’s risking a repeat of Functionist ideology. This would be valid, if people weren’t literally disappearing without any sort of explanation as to why. As it is, he’s being a stubborn asshole, but I guess he didn’t get his reputation by being a decent person who knew when to back down, now did he?

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers he knows all the info Nightbeat’s looking for, and the conversation on Megatron’s birth is shelved for another day. I’m sure it won’t be a major plot point later, not in the slightest.

As it turns out, Nightbeat’s theory doesn’t hold water, and folks are still popping out of existence. We get another splash page, this time with everyone’s mode of creation listed under their names, and we move on to other theories about what the fuck is going on. While Nightbeat has a minor crisis over what the answer could possibly be, the MTOs in the group reminisce on the Ten-Step Program, a series of tests they were put through to make sure they worked well enough to get handed a gun and shoved out the door. Riptide wasn’t a fan.

Riptide has more wood panelling than a 70’s-style ranch house, and I think that’s very brave of him.

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers it’s been quite a bit since he last shat on religion, and takes the time to do so while informing the reader about Information Creep. This is a concept we’ve seen mentioned previously, during Chromedome’s runaround in Overlord’s brain, but it’s here where we get the juicy implications.

Because memories can become corrupted in the brain due to extreme age, what ought to be objective fact has to be reinterpreted due to missing pieces. This is why nobody knows what the Knights of Cybertron got up to, or if they’re even actually real at all.

The lights go out again, and when they cut back on, Cyclonus is missing, leaving only his sword behind. Tailgate is extremely distraught by this, but Nightbeat gives not a fuck about Tailgate’s impending breakdown. He only cares about the truth!

And then a giant eyeball shows up.

It’s Ultra Magnus, coming to us live from his shuttle, via holomatter avatar! He shrinks down to a far more reasonable size, in a panel reminiscent of the first time IDW readers saw Megatron.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a neat parallel, I’m just… not terribly sure why it’s happening. One could say it reflects a reversal in power dynamics, but that theory gets tossed out the window when you remember that this isn’t actually Verity. I suppose it’s just a cool little thing.

Because the comms aren’t working, Ultra Magnus has been forced to use this avatar to communicate with the folks in the Rod Pod. Megatron asks just what the hell is going on, but unfortunately Magnus isn’t sure either. Then his shuttle disappears, and it’s bye-bye grunge girl Magnus.

It’s at this point that Nightbeat decides it’s time to stop pussyfooting around and get serious. He tells Ratchet to throw HIPPA directly in the garbage and write down everything he knows about the Autobots who crewed the Lost Light. And he does mean everything, as we get the splash page again, this time with lots of neat info on our friends, including spark type.

Spark types will become plot-relevant in the storyline after this, but for now let’s focus on some weird gender essentialism that got slapped into the first print of this issue.

As we know very well by this point, Transformers as a franchise has a tumultuous relationship with the idea of women existing. You would think that the awkward introduction of other genders we got in “Dark Cybertron” would have been the end of things being weird in IDW. However, you would be wrong.

In an effort to explain why genders exist, Roberts had the idea to make it spark-based. Nautica, in the solo print of this issue, has an estriol-positive spark. Estriol is a type of estrogen, which is the hormone that develops and maintains feminine secondary sex characteristics, when present in certain levels, in conjunction with other hormones. Biology

This “spark = gender” idea is, generally speaking, not a great idea to be presenting us with, especially when the writer is a cishet male, because it implies biological essentialism- the idea that a personality trait/quality of a person is innate and predetermined by their biology, as opposed to social, cultural, or individual experiences. Because this story doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s irresponsible to reduce the experience of being a woman to a single, physical, unchangable asset, especially when all other assets of the same class have zero effect on one’s gender identity. You don’t exactly see many nonbinary robots running around, now do you? And there are definitely more than two spark types, despite the Transformers as a species being... very binary.

It also makes female Transformers into an “other”, which is a problem that has existed from the very start of the franchise, in some form or fashion, and really doesn’t need to be perpetrated anymore than it already is.

The estriol spark type was removed in the trade edition, and Roberts has expressed regrets over its inclusion, having realized that it was potentially offensive.

Getting back to the story, Swerve, Tailgate, and Ratchet have disappeared, though Ratchet seems to have left his hands behind. His stolen, Pharma-original hands.

That’s still fucked up to me. I don’t think it’ll ever not be fucked up.

Riptide reveals the reason that he wasn’t in Season One of MTMTE was because when he went back to grab a receipt for the ship two years prior, he’d discovered that the original owners were worshipers of Mortilus, Cybertronian god of death, and knew about the nasty little problem that was the sparkeater from the first storyline. When Riptide went to confront them about it, they beat him up so bad he was unconscious for two solid days.

Which is a long-ass time to be unconscious. That might have been a coma, Riptide. Jesus, I hope someone got him to a hospital after this beatdown happened, or at least scraped him off the floor.

With this last piece of the puzzle, we finally have the common denominator in this big ol’ mystery. Everyone who disappeared was on the Lost Light when it took off from Cybertron in issue #1, and everyone left behind- Skids, Getaway, Nightbeat, Nautica, Megatron, and Ravage- didn’t join until afterwords.

Of course, having the answer doesn’t do us much good when everyone is still missing, and Megatron seems to agree with me, because he’s about to throw hands, when Nautica lets them know that they’ve arrived at the rendezvous. Problem is, so has something else.

...

I’m sure it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

If you could change ten things about Teen Wolf what would you change??

OMG BUCKLE DOWN BECAUSE IT’S GONNA BE A LONG ONE! Do asks have a word limit? Guess we gonna find out! (Sometimes I wish I could speak these replies, they sound much funnier when I am speaking out loud to myself and then they are just weird and flat typed up but I DIGRESS! I do that a lot, have you noticed? Doesn’t matter.)

(Also, I did put a “Keep Reading” but for some reason it’s not working. Or it’s not showing as working on my end. But it’s right under this paragraph I swear so if it’s not working, that isn’t on me....)

1) SO! Trauma. People be dealing with their traumas. That’d be a thing I’d like, thank you. Like, I’m sorry, but there is a fuckton of trauma in this show and everyone like, goes to bed at night and wakes up cured. Like MAGIC! I mean, yes, I get that magic is a thing in the show (is it? I mean kind of? Idk, I never saw past season 4, they alluded to magic and then SNATCHED THAT AWAY so, side-note, that’s coming up later!) But yes, I would’ve very much liked for people to, you know, deal with their traumas in a realistic fashion. Let’s get some therapy going, or like, idk, some actual negative reactions to thing! They kind of had that with Stiles every now and then, but he seemed to be up and down episode to episode so like, it’d be like they wrote an episode where he reacts to what happened to him and then four episodes have gone by where he’s fine and the writers were like “OH YEAH SHIT HE JUST MURDERED LIKE A WHOLE HOSPITAL, make him have a panic attack randomly over dropping milk, that balances out, excellent, we’re so smart.” So yes. DEAL. WITH. THE. TRAUMA! Thanks.

2) LESS CHARACTERS, MORE DEVELOPMENT! I mentioned this in another recent ask about relationships but like, they just kept shoving characters in there. Like one of those clown cars. So we got like, 30% character development on the core group and then the rest was like “wait, who are you again?” Like, legit, I have a bad memory, you put too many people in front of me, I ain’t gonna remember them unless they have a good personality or a reason to be there. And like, develop their relationships! Not even romantically, but like, Scott’s mom loves Scott, that is sweet and lovely, but like, we never really… see… that… developed? Idk man, like again, I have a bad memory, but when you really develop relationships WELL (ex: Brooklyn-nine-nine), that shit sticks with you and you CARE about people. The friendships are important, and the familial relationships are important and just developing all the dynamics is important! They spent more time showcasing how much everyone hated each other and lied to each other and stuff and that just got really tiring. Yes, you’re allowed to get mad at your friends, but if you’re a Werewolf, and your human friend is calling you when there is a fucking monster running around killing people, can you maybe stop making out with your girlfriend and answer your phone so your friend isn’t treading water with a 200+ pound Werewolf for 2 hours? Like, JUST SAYING! (Spoiler alert: Me and Scott would not be close friends. Like, I think we’d be friends, but not so much that I’d trust him with my life. If I wanted to grab pizza and a movie, maybe play some video games, he sounds like a treat, but if my life was in danger, thanks I be callin’ someone who answers their phone).

3) Actual consequences for their actions! Okay like, I am also guilty of this in fanfic, but at the same time, my writing is free, I don’t get paid for it, and I write what I want because that’s how it works, so I can do whatever I please (If I wanna make the Hales royalty for the millionth time, ain’t nobody gonna stop me!). But like, when you are a legit paid screenwriter who is writing a show? Consequences! Just because it’s a show about Werewolves doesn’t mean there can’t be any consequences! Like, the best scene, and I feel like we can agree, because fuck it like, hurt my soul and my heart and I was just so like ;~; was when the sheriff got fired (fired? suspended? TEMPORARILY UNEMPLOYED!) because Stiles stole a police van when they locked Jackson up in it. Like, that shit was REAL LIFE CONSEQUENCES for actions, and that shit was intense and it HURT and omg I loved it! Give me more of that! Like, I’m sorry, but you gonna tell me Nogistune!Stiles walked through the hospital murdering a bazillion people and not one camera was working the whole time? Not one? Nobody saw that? Nobody went “hey, isn’t that the sheriff’s kid?” Like, CAN. YOU. IMAGINE?! That would’ve been so amazing, a bunch of episodes of the pack scrambling to keep the Supernatural a secret while also trying to stop Stiles from GETTING ARRESTED because saying “Sorry ma’am, I was possessed by a demon fox who likes chaos and thought murdering a bunch of people would be fun” ain’t gonna fly in court and the FBI sure isn’t gonna believe that but like, UGH! Again, bad memory, but was the fact that Dark!Stiles wandered through the hospital killing people EVER brought up again???? CONSEQUENCES. Woulda really liked that.

4) STOP with unnecessary romances. Like, yeah, I get it, the allos like their romances, but shockingly, you can still have a good show without focussing on the romance. Like, it can be there, I’m not saying don’t put it in, I’m saying DON’T MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Like, the entirety of season one was Scott chasing Allison and Stiles chasing Lydia. This… this does not make an interesting show? Like, is that just me? And then as the season progressed, EVERYONE had to be in a relationship? WHY? Again, haven’t seen past season four, but I mean, I know Scott and Kira were a thing, and then Stiles and Malia, and Liam and some… person? Idk. And Ethan and Danny (congrats Jeff, you get to tick your “I had representation in my show!” box, well done, gold star, or whatever). And Isaac and Allison, and Melissa and Chris (apparently?). And then Stydia was alluded as being canon, and Scott ended up with Malia somehow?? And Derek slept with half the town and all of Mexico, idek. Like, stop it. Stop. Shows work without everything being about everyone banging each other. (See again: Brooklyn-nine-nine, or Avatar the Last Airbender, or The Good Place, or even fucking Supernatural!) You can have a good, interesting story without everyone banging each other. It ain’t necessary.

5) More actual storytelling (again, this woulda worked better without the unnecessary romances taking up 49 of the 50 minutes of air-time). Like, yes, I get it, pilot’s gotta have some pizzaz! Gotta be spicy and sparkly to make people interested (and like, fucking hell, all I can remember of the pilot is sobbing Allison soaking wet–LIKE, WAS THAT NECESSARY???–about the dog she hit and oh noes is it dead well thank God the lead character works for a vet! And somehow has keys and access to the whole clinic like nbd at all hours? Whatever. I wasn’t even allowed inside my blockbuster as a shift lead if it was off-hours but apparently a high school student doing paperwork at a vet clinic is different, I’m not a vet so what do I know? I HAD A BAD DAY OKAY, I GOT FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RN!) I went off-topic, what was I saying? Oh yes, storytelling. You know what woulda been nice? Werewolves! It happens, we find out about Laura, we find out about Werewolves, Scott gets bitten, all that jazz. And then like… ease in the Hunters? Like, why was there Laura/Derek, Peter, AND the Hunters all crammed into the pilot? Yes, I get it, you need the SUSPENSE and the DRAMA, but you can do that without the Hunters right off the bat. Just, how CONVENIENT~ that the same day Derek and Laura come back, Hunters move to town? That’s just lazy, and again, I can be guilty of laziness, I admit to it, but I literally get paid in—like, do hearts count? I get paid in hearts and pats on the back for my fics, I can write whatever I want. If you’re getting paid to write something, try a bit harder, yes? Yes???

What number am I on? Oh good Lord, I got things to say, okay.

6) MAGIC! Can you like—I feel like this one is self-explanatory. Stiles did the whole mountain ash thing in season one, and it was SO PROMISING, and then that just died. It died like Maes Hughes getting shot in a phonebooth (spoiler, but really, you haven’t seen that yet, that’s a you problem). Why even bother introducing magic if you weren’t gonna use it? Like, was it because people like Stiles more than Scott and the showrunner was like “nonono. If we make him magic, he’s TOO cool, and then Scott is unimportant.” I mean, you coulda worked that in your favour, but no. You just murdered the fuck out of it, like straight up took it out back and shot it. Like, yeah, Derek went kiddo again and Jennifer was apparently all magic beauty spell or whatever, but like?? That’s it??? You had a show about Werewolves and you didn’t even try to make it more interesting by making some of the characters magic? Lydia’s basically the closest and they didn’t even explain her powers that well. Magic would’ve been dope and they totally shoved that to the side. That was dumb. Shoulda done something with that.

7) Explain things more? Don’t mention them once and then do nothing? Like, we got some brief stuff about anchors, and emissaries (which are super duper secret according to Deaton but then like, EVERYONE KNOWS HE IS EMISSARY SO WHICH IS IT DEATON? YOU TELL ME!) Like, they had so much opportunity to talk about so many things and again, maybe that comes out more in the later seasons, idk, but they likely coulda done with more explanations and they didn’t and this angers me GREATLY. They mention something once and then it never comes up again. That’s some Lost bullshit right there. Don’t start something if you’re not gonna commit. You tell me the beginning of the story, I wanna fucking know the end, don’t forget halfway through and wander away, that ain’t right, I NEED ANSWERS JEFF! And like, as above, never really got Lydia’s powers. I know what a Banshee is, but her powers did NOT make sense to me. Idk, could just be that I’m dumb, but similarly, don’t write something so convoluted that it confuses people, that is also dumb. As dumb as I am so like, well done there. And also do we get more on Parrish? I know he’s a Hellhound, but how does one get born a Hellhound and not know until you are conveniently lit on fire by someone trying to kill you for money? (Also, you bean, you absolute treasure, “I’m worth five dollars?” You’re so cute. Silly child.) I feel like being a Hellhound is something that woulda come up before getting barbecued in his cruiser. Like, he works a stressful job, you gonna tell me not ONCE while getting shot at he didn’t have a massive heart attack over a close call and like, burst into flames? No? Is that just a me thing? I feel like the slightest annoyance and I’d be fully on fire, not gonna lie. (I’d be on fire a LOT… CLEARLY I AM AN ANGRY PERSON! No, that’s not true. No yes it is, I am angry, but more angry lately because I’m sleep-deprived and work is dumb ANYWAY back to this)

8) EMBRACE THE SIDE CHARACTERS! Okay, so MAYBE Scott is meant to be the golden child. The Dick Grayson of the show, if you will. The original Robin, the creme de la creme. That’s all fine and dandy if he is, no judgement (little judgement), but you know what you don’t do when your side characters are getting a lot of attention and love? What you DO NOT do is give them less screen time. Because then you’re being petty and, shockingly, you get more positive results when you give the fans what they want. I’m not talking about pairings, because everyone is different, and you can’t cater to everyone, but like, the more people moved away from liking Scott, the harder the showrunners pushed him into our faces. And like, that isn’t how this works. If I like side character 87 a lot, and the lead’s getting annoying, you know what’s gonna make me NOT watch the show? Cutting out side character 87 (hey, for shits and gigs, let’s call him DANNY, just, not coincidentally at all) and then just shoving the lead into my face. That is what makes someone go “Well, four seasons is enough, I can happily live knowing I didn’t waste my life watching two more of them.” Like??? I’m not saying cut out Scott, because the show is ABOUT Scott, but the more everyone tried to showcase how amazing and wonderful and pure and perfect he was, the more annoying it got? Like, Scott has flaws. THEY ALL HAVE FLAWS! If you don’t admit that they all have flaws, it gets boring, and you hate the characters. I know that Scott turned into a douche later (apparently, again, haven’t seen it), but even in the early seasons by trying to make him this pure True Alpha golden angel child who spreads love and hope and trusts everyone, it just got boring. He was vanilla, and also a bad friend, because he was too “perfect” to be around someone “imperfect” like Stiles, and even like, the rest of the pack overall. He was always put on a pedestal and it made the show really… irksome? Idk, I just feel like yes, SCOTT is the Teen Wolf, but you added all these damn side characters, maybe use them a bit more? At least Stiles was interesting, and Lydia was fucking badass, and fucking hell, if you’d done right by Boyd and Erica, the actors wouldn’t have left for better shows so like, come on man, you coulda done better. We coulda had such a dope show, why you gotta crush my dreams like that Jeff? What did I ever do to you?

I know this is only eight, but this is long enough, if I go two more, this is gonna be IN.SANE. And also it’s late and I haven’t finished my fic for the day (I mean, I’m almost done, but I’m not done yet!) So like, I’ma stop here. But yes, hopefully this answered your question. Sorry I got REALLY PASSIONATE about it but it’s been a day.

Also, I feel this needs to be said, but obviously these are my own personal opinions, and as opinions, you are not obligated to agree with them. But you are also not allowed to tell me my opinion is wrong. You can disagree with it, but this is an opinion, not a law, so there is no right and wrong. Don’t @ me, my day’s been bad enough kthx!

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, BE BACK IN LIKE TWENTY(?) MINUTES!

[soul-music-is-life]

Pls give us some Sammy pls pls pls pls pls pls pls even if it’s like a paragraph? Pls

I’m doing a "try not to hate my fluff writing” challenge. I have a love-hate relationship with my prompts, especially the lighter ones, because I feel like they lack depth. And when I write them I don’t get a chance to obsessively edit them, so they feel unclean and unpolished. It’s such a different vibe than I’m used to with my stories. But I’m trying to own that doubt. Here is my nice little unclean unpolished “inner critic is screaming and pulling her hair out” prompt.

***

The Rosewood High School Bake Sale was one of the biggest sales of the year. Everyone was encouraged to participate. Normally, Grace didn’t go near the kitchen unless there was pizza on the table, but Lily had made it a competition and Grace couldn’t resist. They were further enticed to do well when they found out that the students who sold the most baked goods would get a $200 gift card.

They argued about what to make for almost two days. They’d finally decided on two different recipes. Chocolate chip brownies and snickerdoodles with salted caramel chips. What they weren’t counting on was the extra ingredient of chaos that their little brother would bring to the party.

“Alright, Sam is down for his nap. Let’s get going.” Grace quickly shuffled into the kitchen.

Lily had all of the ingredients separated nicely next to all of the measuring cups. Grace didn’t even bother looking at the recipe. She just started mixing things together.

“The whole point of this is to actually sell the food. No one is going to buy pastries that could be used as a weapon in a war.” Lily snatched the flour from Grace and put it on the counter behind her.

“Okay, Hell’s Kitchen.” Grace scoffed.

“Oooh, Grace said a bad word!” They heard a chipper little voice coming from the living room.

“Sam, you’re supposed to be in bed.”

“NO! I don’t want a nap!” He came toddling into the room. He saw all of the ingredients laid out and his eyes lit up in delight. “I help.”

He walked over to Lily and tugged on her apron. He lifted his arms up.

“How about we read you a story, peanut?” Lily picked him up.

“No.”

“Okay. Let’s do your nursery rhymes. You love your nursery rhymes.”

“No.”

“Why is that his favorite word?” Grace muttered.

“I want a cookie.” Sam reached for the brownie batter.

“Sammy, that’s not…”

Before Lily could stop him he’d dipped his entire hand into the batter. He shoved his fingers in his mouth and smiled at Lily. He licked most of the chocolate off and then pat Lily’s chin, leaving a large brown smudge against her jaw.

“I help,” he said again. He pat Lily’s apron.

Grace snickered at the mess he was making on her fussy clean sister. Lily licked some of the batter off of her lip and then reached for a towel. She handed Sam to Grace and then wiped her face off.

“Okay, big guy. You want to help?” Grace dragged his booster seat over to the counter. “I’ve got a really important job for you.” She put him down in the chair and then handed him a spoon. “I need you to stir something for me.”

She grabbed a plastic bowl and filled it with water. She figured it would be the easiest thing to clean up.

The water distracted him for a little while, leaving Lily and Grace free to bake. But as he watched his sisters he became determined to do more. He watched Grace pour a cup of measured flour into a bowl with milk. Sam saw the bag of flour sitting close to the edge of the counter. He moved to stand up in his chair, reaching for the bag. He managed to grab it without his sisters seeing.

He reached in and pulled out a handful. He really liked the feel of it, so he reached in with his other hand and grabbed another handful. He dropped some into his bowl, but it didn’t look the same as what his sisters were making, so he grabbed more. The sticky pasty mess was getting all over him. He stirred the water, flinging flour everywhere, including in his hair.

“Sissies!” He exclaimed. He was proud of himself.

“Just a second, Sammy.” Grace tapped a button on the stove.

Sam grumbled angrily. He didn’t like that they weren’t paying attention to him. He grabbed the bag of flour, his little hands barely able to grip it.

He looked to see if there was any more white stuff so he could make more food and make his sisters even happier. He couldn’t tell if there was anything in the bag, so he tilted it towards his face.

Flour came pouring out of the bag, painting his face completely white. He closed his eyes in surprise. Some of it got into his nose. He sneezed and dropped the bag next to the bowl, sending the bowl crashing to the floor. Lily and Grace both spun around.

“Oops.” Sam looked down.

When he looked back up he saw his sisters staring at him in shock. He could only see the mess that he’d made on the floor. He couldn’t see what a mess he’d made of himself. He had flour everywhere, including caked into his hair.

Grace snorted.

“Oh my God. He looks like he’s covered in cocaine.” Lily gawked.

“Hey, lil Scarface, how ya doin?” Grace snickered.

“I fix it.” Sam climbed out of his chair.

He smooshed his hands into the watery flour mess on the floor. It was starting to look like a little snowman.

Grace was howling in laughter.

“Where is my phone? I have to get a video of this.” Grace looked around the kitchen.

She grabbed her phone from the table and pointed it at Sam to take a picture. She was still laughing hysterically. Sam picked up a mushy pile of wet flour and hurled it at Grace. It hit her in the face.

Lily doubled over in laughter.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Grace wiped her face off. She grabbed some of the dried powder from the floor and hurled it at Lily.

“Real mature.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Come on, help me get him cleaned up.”

Sam let out a squeal and then started running around the table. He led his sisters on a chase that ended up with him knocking one chair over and using another chair to climb up next to the counter to get to the chocolate. He pelted his sisters with chocolate and caramel chips.

It turned into an all our war between the three of them.

By the time Alison and Emily got home Sam had stripped out of everything but his diaper and he was covered in flour, chocolate, and icing. He was standing on the table shouting out a loud toddler war cry and throwing chocolate chips at his equally messy sisters.

Emily immediately pulled out her camera. She was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. Alison stared at the scene for a few seconds. A confused expression spread across her face.

“I don’t remember doing any acid,” she muttered.

“This is my favorite day ever.” Emily aimed her phone at their kids and snapped a picture.

Lily, Grace, and Sam were so busy creating chaos that they didn’t register that their moms had walked into the kitchen.

“What is going on here?” Alison questioned.

All three of them immediately stopped what they were doing. Sam was still giggling.

Lily and Grace pointed at their little brother and simultaneously said the same thing:

“He started it.”

Emily walked over to their youngest.

“Is that so? Sammy, did you do this?”

Sam grinned at her. He didn’t answer with words. Instead, he scooped a chunk of brownie mix and icing off of his chest and smeared it on his mother’s face.

“That’s…” Emily wasn’t the least bit surprised, “Thank you, son.” She licked the batter and icing off of her lips.

“I helped,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a huge messy hug.

“Yes, you certainly did.” Grace smiled.

“So much for the bake sale.” Lily shrugged.

Most of their ingredients were all over the floor…or all over them.

“We could always just sell him instead.” Grace suggested.

“Aw, because he’s so sweet?” Lily asked.

“No. Because he has $200 worth of groceries painted all over him.” She looked at Sam offering Emily a chocolate chip. Grace smiled. “And because he’s so sweet…”

They didn’t end up winning the gift card, but they ended up with something priceless that day. Photos and videos that they could one day use to embarrass their little brother on his wedding day. They were awarded with memories to last a lifetime. And a mop bucket and soap to clean up the war zone in the kitchen.

[mckirkish]

Teaching Assistance

(This is very much me writing on my phone and winding down after marking.) ------------------- Leonard should know better by now. At his stage in life he should be able to plan his life better so it doesn't come down to this. "Hey, Bones," Jim's far too cheerful voice prompts Leonard to raise his face from where it had fallen into his hands, and squint in Jim's general direction. "Not that I wouldn't find you attractive either way, but if our keep grabbi your hair like that you're sure to go bald." "Fuck off, Jim," Leonard growls, and reaches for the first PADD. "I'd love to! But perhaps we should wait until your not drowning in PADDs." Leonard shoots Jim a glare that could sizzle skin at one-hundred paces, but Jim just ignores it with his usual aplomb. "I'll get beer. Oh! And pizza! There's this Andorian place-" "Jim," Leonard says with as much care as possible. "Sounds great. Why don't you go out and get it?" Out. As in out of the house. If there's any hope of getting this pile marked on time he's going to have to concentrate. Jim is not exactly conducive to concentrating. "All right. All right. I'm going. But I expect you to take a break when I get back." "Yeah. Sure thing, darlin'," Leonard replies, brow already furrowed as he tries to read the first essay and can't make heads or tails of what the kid's actually trying to say. Lord help him, he's going to die from an attack of bad grammar. By the time Jim returns, Leonard had snapped three stylus', with bits and pieces sticking wildly out of his hair, and his jaw is clenched as he stares down at the latest monstrosity these kids call an "analytical essay." "No shit, kid. Why don't you tell me again that you're focusing on the historical moment? What historical moment? Don't children know how to cite sources anymore?" "Pizza?" Jim offers instead of an answer. "Nah, I'm not hungry yet- That's not even the proper name of the book!" Leonard interrupts himself, and scribbles a note on the PADD. "Beer it is!" Jim pops open two bottles of beer, and places one within easy reach. "Drink. It might be less painful." Three beers in, and it's not less painful. "IT'S A MONOGRAPH, DAMMIT! NOT A NOVEL!" At least it's the stylus flying across the room and not the PADD - the last essay had been so incomprehensible that he'd nearly chucked it at the wall just so he could have an excuse to demand a new one, and give the kid a little leeway for some serious editing. "Find another fucking word," Leonard mumbles as he bends over the PADD. "I get it. It's a source, but do you have to say it three times in one sentence as well as every fucking paragraph." Jim curls up next to Leonard, finishing off the pizza he hadn't touched and getting comfortable. "I...I can't find the conclusion, Jim. Did I miss it?" Jim leans his chin on Leonard's shoulder, pressing up against him to get a look. "Nope. I just don't think the wrote one." "But...they're 200 words under the minimum, that's perfect for a concluding paragraph!" "Just think," Jim says softly, pressing a kiss just behind his ear. "That's one less paragraph you have to look at." "You make a good point," Leonard says gruffly, and reaches for the next PADD on the stack. Jim reaches out with him and lays his fingers lightly over Leonard's wrist. "Maybe you should stop for tonight? During that last one you actually wrote: 'I don't give a god damned hoot about what you believe, think, or what your pansy ass opinion is, make a god damned committed statement!'" Jim smirks. "I think I got that verbatim, good thing you didn't send that off for review." "I can't. I've gotta finish at least half of these." No sooner do Leonard's eyes land on the assignment, than does his eyebrow start twitching. Jim watches in fascinated concern as Bones clearly tries to suppress another outburst.  "THE GODDAMNED HISTORICAL SOURCE IS NOT A FUCKING NOVEL CHILDREN. IT IS NON-FICTIONAL. IT IS A MONOGRAPH, A HISTORICAL TEXT. USE TEXT! NOT NOVEL!" "All right." Jim snatches the PADD out of Leonard's hand and throws it back onto the pile as he climbs into Leonard's lap. "I can't just sit here and watch you give yourself an aneurysm." "I can't actually-" Jim interrupts Bones in the only way he knows will work without fail. He leans in, and brushes his lip over Leonard's, and reaches to guide Leonard's hands to Jim's hips. "Shhh," Jim whispers, pressing another warm, unhurried kiss to Leonard's lips, sliding their lips together slowly. "It's time for me to assist," Jim smirks, threading his fingers through Leonard's hair. "How shall I help you, professor?" Leonard groans, his hands tightening on Jim's hips to pull him more firmly in his lap. His eyes slide half closed and he pulls Jim into a biting kiss. "Oh," he hums in the back of his throat. "I'm sure we can come up with a lesson plan."

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Sometimes Ya Gotta Dump

Turdburglars.

That’s the first word that comes to my mind when I think about the game against the Bucs yesterday.

Turdburglars.

The Eagles, in their own right, almost snatched a turd of a win from the jaws of Fitzmagic, but it wasn’t to be. More compelling, however, is that we’ll collectively revel in the shit from a disappointing and unexpected loss to the surging(?) Tampa Bay Bucs, who now own wins over two of the presumed top teams in the NFC.

But I’m going to start this paragraph with a conjunction, because the first four started with the letter T. The Eagles were playing without, arguably, three of their best offensive players yesterday– Carson Wentz, Alshon Jeffery, Darren Sproles, and then add in large chunks of Jason Peters, Mike Wallace and Jay Ajayi. It’s a borderline miracle they were in contention to pull that one out considering what they were working with offensively.

Sure, you might say that they won the Super Bowl last year without some of those guys, but that doesn’t absolve their absence of meaning. One of Wentz, Sproles, or Jeffery would have been good for an extra touchdown yesterday, which – math – would have led to a tie if you remove ALL CONTEXT and write only in theoreticals. That’s not how things work, and you play the hand you’re dealt, but I find it totally meaningless to overreact about the offense seeing as though it is nothing like it will be in a week or two, personnel-wise, once the gang gets back together and then Howie Roseman gets Josh Gordon. What?

Anyway, the defense was more of the issue yesterday, particularly Jalen Mills. Who…  um… didn’t live up to his pre-game hype:

Jalen Mills @greengoblin hyping up Eagles secondary in team huddle “Put on a bleepin show!”#FlyEaglesFly Earmuffs kids pic.twitter.com/vppedwesGi

— John Clark (@JClarkNBCS) September 16, 2018

Kill that shit today.

Yes, kill it.

I’m not a Mills hater by any stretch, but he did not have a good day. His biggest offense, in my opinion, was his coverage (term used loosely, and in air quotes, with a big fucking sad face next to it) of DeSean Jaccson on 2nd and 13 when the Eagles needed to, well, not do this:

That soft of a cushion is bad for your back. What did Mills think ya boi was going to do here– torch him for another 75 yards with a deep-in-their-own-territory bomb for the jugular? No way. This play was all about the first down. It would’ve been made even worse had DeSean turned around and not run out of bounds for reasons that are completely unknown, but whatever, you do you, D-Jac, you earned it.

We can fault Darby for the missed tackle. We can fault Jenkins for not giving help on the first play. But Mills was the worst yesterday, and this play isn’t getting enough attention. That throw effectively won the game.

  Josh Gordon

Kevin made his case against this, but let me just say that I am firmly in the PRO Gordon camp. Vegas… not so much for the Birds:

Thought this was interesting. Already odds on what team Josh Gordon (if he were to be released & not traded obviously) would sign with, per @betmybookie: NE +150 GB +200 TEN +250 JAX +400 DAL +400 INDY +400 NYG +400 NYJ +500 AZ +600 SEA +600 CHI +1000 PHI +1000 SF +1200

— Matthew Berry (@MatthewBerryTMR) September 16, 2018

There’s a reason why the Patriots are number one here– great teams find value and exploit it. There’s little risk to bringing a player like Gordon into a winning culture. And seeing as though the Eagles are the reigning Super Bowl champs and there’s not an undercurrent of mutiny the way there is in New England – who by the way got pounded yesterday – I see not a better place.

The Browns have enough to worry about that Gordon was no longer worth their time or patience. Teams don’t crawl out of the gutter on the back of a troubled wide receiver. But teams can go from good to great with one.

To be clear, I don’t think Gordon is necessary or will even happen. The Browns will try to trade him before 4 p.m. today and they’re undoubtedly trying to create the market. My guess is it doesn’t take much to land him. Therefore, his services would be low-to-medium risk with a potentially high reward. Let’s take a puff of that shit.

  Two good takes

Zach Berman:

You might think otherwise about the defense after those two big plays, but look what the Eagles did a week and a half earlier against Atlanta. Their home/road splits were noticeable a year ago (they allowed nearly 13 more points more on the road than at home). They need to get to the quarterback more than they did Sunday. Of course, that often comes when playing with a lead, which the Eagles didn’t do against the Buccaneers. But it’s not as if the Eagles are going to give up 75-yard touchdowns every week.

Even more: They’ve faced two of the top wide receivers in the league, and maybe the two best receiving units in the NFC, so things will skew back in their favor against the Cololots and the Titans.

.@Buccaneers #RyanFitzMagic is throwing to the best RECEIVING CORP in the @NFL . Do you believe this? #BaldyBreakdowns pic.twitter.com/IoEto5rVNG

— Brian Baldinger (@BaldyNFL) September 17, 2018

Jimmy Kempski:

At the end of the season last year, we determined that the Eagles scored 71 more points by going for it on fourth down than if they had punted (or attempted a field goal).

All season long, Pederson gambled and mostly won. We noted that it was highly unlikely that every Eagles season would have the same level of success on fourth down that they enjoyed in 2017, but that more often than not, going for it is absolutely the right call.

It was the right call on Sunday, too. The Eagles were down 13, they had a manageable distance to go to pick up a first down, and the benefit of scoring a touchdown on that drive outweighed the downside of giving up 35 or so yards of field position to a big-play offense that had already proven it could score from anywhere on the field.

So I’ll just say this. Before you really want to kill that decision, remember how much fun you had at the Eagles’ Super Bowl parade because Doug Pederson has some balls.

Forget about the size of Doug Pederson’s balls for now… as hard as that may be to do… the Philly media usually isn’t smart enough to understand this sort of thinking, but Kempski is. And perhaps the rest of the media is today, too, in the face of how it worked out WELL last year. No issue with any of the fourth down decisions yesterday.

  He sucks

Not sure what was eating Reuben Frank yesterday, but his subtle crusade against Nick Foles was ridiculous. Chew on these tastykakes, er, takes:

Tough day for the o-line. They didn't give Nick a ton of time, but I also felt like he held onto the ball too long too on a number of snaps and got himself into trouble. https://t.co/b2WtVUlgaz

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 17, 2018

Nick Foles once again resembles an NFL quarterback.

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 16, 2018

He had Ertz wide open for a first down. Don't know how he missed him. https://t.co/hsAR1vsUzm

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 16, 2018

That's Nick's first completion of 20 yards or more to a wide receiver in a regular-season game since a 35-yarder to Nelly last year on his only pass against the Broncos.

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 16, 2018

Agholor and Clement both banged up. Just can't throw that pass.

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 16, 2018

WTF? You mean the one on fourth and long with the game on the line when he scrambled around, evaded a sack, bought time, and almost completed a miraculous pass to Corey Clement which would’ve put the Eagles in a position to win the game, that throw? That’s the one he can’t make? OK there, chief, I’ll be sure to note that on his report card and dock him points for “trying to win the game.”

More from Roooooooooooooob:

I’ll never understand Nick Foles. Ever. He can shred Bill Belichick’s defense with 100 million people watching on the greatest stage in sports or he can look like he’s never played the game before. And then he can have games like Sunday where he’s both those guys. I can’t figure him out and I never will. His final numbers look good (35 for 48, 334 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT, 99.5 passer rating), but honestly, he never gave the team a chance to win. Carson needs to get back soon.

Hot take here that he’ll never understand why the backup quarterback is sometimes good and sometimes bad.

Literally the line before this he wrote how you can’t give FITZPATRICK time:

Other than an early Fletcher Cox sack, the Eagles got very little pressure, and when you give Fitzpatrick time, he’s really good. The D-line is the heart of this team, and they have to be better.

While I agree with his assessment of the Eagles’ D-line yesterday (yuckstains), he just described what makes a quarterback a backup. The fact that Foles has band-aided the Eagles to six meaningful wins, including a Super Bowl MVP, is all the more reason we should just slide off his massive dick and thank him for the job he’s done.

Carson now. Frank Reich next week.

The post Bird Droppings: Sometimes Ya Gotta Dump appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Bird Droppings: Sometimes Ya Gotta Dump published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[ocbungou]

Thank you, Lynth, for submitting your application! Both mods have gone over it and accepted it for approval into the ring. Please have your blog ready by September 2nd.

COUNTRY. THE COUNTRY YOU’RE APPLYING FOR.: OC APH Hamburg

NAME. FULL NAME AND PREFERRED NAME.: Kaspar Bäumer

PRONOUNS. SHE/HER/HE/HIM, ETC.: He/Him

AGE. HOW OLD THEY ARE.: 28

ALIGNMENT. ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY? MAFIA? THE GUILD? THE RATS?: The Guild

APPEARANCE. 1-2 PARAGRAPHS DESCRIBING HOW YOUR CHARACTER USUALLY APPEARS TO OTHERS.

Kaspar measures at about 5'11" if not a bit smaller. His barely kempt auburn hair is maintained only to the point where it remains out of Kaspar’s field of view, but other than that, little regard is given to his ever growing head of hair. Despite this however, Kaspar does put significantly more thought into his wardrobe, often having 7-8 outfits for any given occasion. On most days, he can be seen wearing a collared shirt and slacks, along with a vest and a coat should the weather require it.

More noticeably, Kaspar is missing his left arm and the sleeves that would otherwise have housed it dangle freely. In order to maintain appearances and prevent shirts and coats from being awkwardly positioned, he oftentimes sews his garments together to ensure that his cloths hang from his body in a presentable fashion.

PERSONALITY. HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER INTERACT WITH OTHERS? WHAT DO THEY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES? WHAT ARE THEY INSECURE ABOUT? WHAT ARE THEIR WEAKNESSES (3)? WHAT ARE THEIR STRENGTHS (3)?

Kaspar is a very straightforward person. Rarely keeping secrets or his thoughts to himself at all for that matter, he has landed himself in a spot of bother on more than one occasion. In his mind, life is too short to beat things around the bush and if something needs to be said, then it will be said, barring the most extreme circumstances. A pragmatist at heart, Kaspar does his best to avoid acting on his baser feelings, opting for more of a reasonable and practical solutions to problems rooted in the mires of emotion.

Oftentimes, Kaspar will view himself as a neutral constant in situations and is quick to deduce that those around him were the chaotic variables that upset an otherwise predictable situation, even if that is not even remotely the case. In that way, Kaspar quietly believes himself to be better than others. He believes, that while not exactly the perfect functional and rational machine/god of his fancy, he is more consistent than many of his peers, though he usually keeps those kinds of sentiments to himself.

Strengths: Adaptive, reasonable, cooperative

Weaknesses: Impatient, blunt, prone to violent outbursts if/when his past is discuss in great detail, will get annoyed if you point out his missing arm, maintains and nurtures feelings of superiority towards his fellow man

ABILITY. INCLUDE THE AUTHOR, THE LITERARY WORK THAT YOU ARE BASING YOUR ABILITY OF, AND (OPTIONAL) THE NAME OF YOUR ABILITY (THE NAME OF YOUR ABILITY CAN MERELY BE THE TITLE OF LITERARY WORK). PLEASE INCLUDE AT LEAST A TWO PARAGRAPH SUMMARY OF THE USAGE OF THE ABILITY AND THE DRAWBACKS.:

Author: Erich Maria Remarque.

The work: All Quiet on the Western Front.

Ability Name: Phantom Pains.

Kaspar is capable of conjuring a phantom hand from thin air and control it telepathically. The hand can move almost twice as fast as Kaspar’s other fist and is capable of exerting twice as much force. It is capable of being summoned and dispelled at any time in any place, so long as it is within 20 yards of Kaspar. The hand can be maneuvered into any orientation, regardless of its position in relation to the user and additionally, it need not be in view for it to be active and controllable.

Despite the utility Phantom Pains offers Kaspar, there are a few noticeable flaws. Firstly, should the hand be damaged, all pain is funneled to Kaspar and he would feel it as though it were a regular hand. In the case of grievous injury the hand must be given time to heal, similarly to a normal limb, although it does not need to be manifested in order for it to heal normally. Secondly, Phantom Pains cannot interact with Kaspar’s physical body in any capacity and should he attempt to have it do so, then the hand will simply go through him. Finally, the hand can grow tired and fatigued if used too rigorously for a long enough time and should Kaspar become too exhausted to move or is rendered unconscious while Phantom Pains is manifested, it shall remain corporeal.

BACKGROUND. 3-4 PARAGRAPHS GIVING A SUMMARY OF THEIR LIFE SO FAR. INCLUDE IMPORTANT EVENTS SUCH AS EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE INFLUENCED THEIR BEHAVIOUR AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR SPECIAL SKILL, AS WELL AS HOW THEY CAME TO PORT CITY.

As far as Kaspar is concerned, his life began during his tour of duty in Afghanistan. The 20 odd years leading up to his enlistment were nothing to him but a simmering cesspool of redundancy and unimportant events, all contributing to an unrepresentative worldview that featured humanity as a wondrous and beautiful wellspring of untapped potential. His parents, upbringing in Hamburg and academic years all amounted to but a singular lie that had his grasping for enlistment documents before he even understood what it was he was truly fighting for. He departed for the theatre of war as hapless and naïve as one could ever hope for. That perhaps is what he would look back most disdainfully upon.

With his brothers-in-arms by his side, Kaspar took to the killing grounds with wide eyed positivity. The kind of outlook that detailed only the best of intentions and the most humanistic of ideals. He and his unit were ambushed, only 2 days into his tour of duty. As the debris filled the battlefield and smoke clouded the skies, Kaspar threw himself in front of a hail of gunfire to protect the life of a comrade, whom only moments later, abandoned his bleeding frame. As his unit retreated, a sandstorm claimed whatever was left behind.

And thus, Kaspar Bäumer was borne anew from the burning sands, his powers awakening to dig him out of his former grave. After being medically treated, quietly taken home and discharged from the armed forces, Kaspar sought new employers. Over were the days of living for an ideal or his misplaced love of land and liberty. Over the next few years, he began to make a name for himself acting as the bodyguard for several powerful German politicians until he ran afoul of The Guild during an attempted assassination of one of his clients during which Kaspar executed one of The Guild’s agents.

Rather than resting Kaspar’s head on the chopping block, The Guild made him an offer to come and work for them. An offer that was readily accepted.

SAMPLE WRITING. 200+ WORDS OF WHAT A TYPICAL LIT RP RESPONSE FROM YOU (AS YOUR CHARACTER) WOULD LOOK LIKE! ANY TOPIC OR THEME IS FINE, WE JUST WANT TO GET AN IDEA OF YOUR WRITING ABILITY.

“I had nothing to do with it.” Kaspar folds his legs and stares down the police officer, who’s near foaming mouth was only inches away, “I’ve already given my alibi and I’m ready to leave, so why haven’t I left yet.” The officer snarls and snatches a photo of a corpse from the table, holding it just in front of Kaspar’s face. “You know damn well why not! The man’s been in protective custody for months, and suddenly he decides to break character and talk to you and now he’s dead!! How could anyone not suspect you had something to do with it, you armless freak!” The man jumps back as Kaspar slams the palm of his hand on the table and rises. “I suppose there are a few things I should inform you of, if you’re that thirsty for information. Firstly, you’re being emotional, and like most people that makes you stupid. It’s a bad look, especially when you don’t have looks going for you in the first place” The officer reaches up and touches his face self-consciously as Kaspar continues, “Secondly, as I am not under arrest, I’m leaving. That’s now this works in America, no? I’m going to walk out of those doors and not miss my flight, and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop me.”

Minutes later, Kaspar sits behind the steering wheel of his car as he navigates his way towards the airport, his phone on speaker. “Yes…yes I understand….Yokohama, as in, the city in Japan? Very well, I’ll be there within 48 hours.” The call ends and he heaves a sigh. So many inconveniences, first the police, now another mission immediately after this one. “I wonder what it’ll be this time…” he muses to himself as he recounts all of the various tasks that he had performed for the Guild. Murder, arson, bodyguard duty, all miscellaneous tasks that he was well suited to. He reminds himself that things could be worse and continues on his way.