#so basically i've been feeling like i'm 'not allowed' to use more masc pronouns and a 'guy' name bc i'm nb and also present

[faithdeans]

name 👍

hello friends... i'm just letting you know that i'm gonna stop going by tali on here and just use isaac from now on (and worm of course). i really appreciate you guys letting me feel this out over the past few months, and i've come to realise it makes me much more comfortable, at least on online spaces

that being said if you have a tag for me and it's tali, it's fine to keep it that way

further explaination in the tags ig

[callsignbaphomet]

I'm out here doing adult shit, pertaining to the car they left me, that my idiot sister and her idiot husband shoulda done years ago but fuck me sideways, right? Nobody likes doing adult shit but you gotta do it anyway. That man is the actual physical embodiment of the word man-child.

Edit: finished this at home. Been at this nonsense all day long.

So while waiting for this long ass line I'm gonna talk for a sec about Jelani (the original version).

You look up any of his info in whatever post on here or my account on toyhouse and under gender you'll find it says non-binary.

When I first came up with this character around late 2006 I had his gender as male. He was born male, assigned male at birth, and identified as male. So if people asked about this particular character or in questions I'd say he was male and used he/him pronouns. Through the years and as I developed him I would then answer this as "unsure/questioning" 'cause I honestly felt it was right for him and honestly I was set on leaving it as unsure/questioning forever but with time and as I discovered the non-binary option I kinda unofficially used it for him. I just kinda fell in love with that idea for him.

So probably like 2 years (maybe) after sitting on that change and really feeling like it just fit the character I said that he identified as non-binary after years of questioning his gender. So now in questions of the character I put down non-binary because that's how he identifies.

Now, his feelings when it comes to being non-binary doesn't mean that he disowns anything and everything within the spectrum of genders. He's very comfortable with he/him, they/them or she/her pronouns.

In fact, Abigail had asked him if he was okay with her referring to him only by she/her which he's totally okay with and ever since then she only uses she/her pronouns when addressing Jelani.

As for how he presents himself, he's basically just masc. He dresses masc, he presents as masc, behaves as masc--you get the idea.

"Okay but he paints his nails and uses eyeliner, mascara and eye shadow."

Okay, and? That shit is for any gender. He. Still. Presents. Himself. As. Masculine. He uses any pronoun but he himself says he's Sanaa's son, Loke's brother, Jelani's grandson, Angelus's husband and so on.

Yes, Angelus sometimes refers to him as his husband but also his spouse (gender neutral) or his wife (Jelani gave him permission to use this for him) as a way to be supportive. He also uses all pronouns for him too.

While we're on the subject of Angelus...he's had he/they for several years now but I recently changed it to he/him, it/its. HOWEVER! The it/its pronouns are only allowed to be used by other queer people.

Abigail also has permission to refer to him as Loke's sister or Ingvarr's daughter or Angelus's wife and so on.

Now, since the start I have had his sexual orientation as pansexual. For the past year and a half I've been kinda playing with it a little. Again, as I've developed him I've played with the idea that after long years he started to kinda question that too.

This feels like an rp session but lol I actually write a fuck ton of bits that I don't publish 'cause they're just little indulgent pieces with no real plot or point or no regard for construction, I just word vomit it into the document. That's where a lot of development comes from.

Anyway, I recently changed his orientation from pansexual to gay.

I always made it clear that even though he was pansexual he had a strong preference for men. In fact, he would often joke that he was more gay than actually pansexual. He has had relationships with women before but they were few and far in between. In fact, at one point he and Ginger were actually a couple. Of the few relationships with women he ever had that one was the longest he had and it only lasted half a year lol.

As the years went by his attraction to women and people who identify as women/female lessened and lessened to the point where he just wasn't interested at all and was only attracted to men and other masc non-binary people. Yes, this absolutely fucking includes trans men. His first romantic partner was a trans man (well, boy, they met when they were around 12 or something like that).

There's no such thing as trans exclusion within my non-evil characters. Ew. Come the fuck on.

I could've just retconned a bunch of stuff but I like doing it this way. It feels natural to how real people explore their identities. So this was just a whole long post just to say Jelani's gay now.

[autisticlee]

pretty sure I made a post about this before and maybe worded it better but I want to throw out a big text wall and just whine about gender stuff again with no editing so you get all the typos and bad grammar and stuff

sometimes I think about how my old friend group may have pushed me away because they decided i'm ~a big scary man~ or at least that's what the other guy in our group suggested once. when I was telling him I don't know why they uninvited only me from the group trip suddenly, since I never got a real answer, he said maybe they want "girl time" together and saw me as a man so i wasnt welcome and going to intrude. that's nkt fair, especially as someome who grew up exclusively friends with girls and never even truly identified as a man. only used he/him to test it out and make the gender police happy so I could get reproductive care i wanted but am not allowed if i use she/her or they/them. (though so i'm confused because the guy if our group couldn't afford to do the trip but they still said they wanted him to join but i was always left out if conversation about the trip i initially planned myself!) anyway, I transitioned for personal medical reasons (mainly I wanted those life-ruining female organs out because severe pmdd and every doctor I talked to acted like I was crazy saying it's not a real illness basically and they won't remove because you want to unless you're trans or about to die) so I had to go by he/him and change my name to a masc one and go on hormones to get the doctors and insurance to be happy. didn't have time to explore non binary genders. I finally got my surgery, nit long after the other guy in our gc. he was great help! I decided it was time to explore gender more since I'm not tied to needing to be masc anymore. didn't tell those friends yet because I was still figuring out which word and pronouns to use (ended on nonbinary). I was never very masc presenting though around them anyway and never called myself "man" ever. I didn't have words to describe it yet but it was obvious imo I wasn't "man." at one point not long before i was pushed out if the group, one girl in the chat called me a man or something, so I corrected her and said i'm actually nonbinary. she apologized and I said it's fine because i've been trying to figure it out and have now decided, so this is my coming out to the group chat. no one else responded. but even so, I expected them to have seen it? so I didn't connect that maybe they still insisted on seeing me as "man" based solely on pronouns I used and maybe that "threatened" them. because they're ciswomen and transmascs are "big scary men" even though i'm actually, under all the performative gender to get approved for surgery, more of a fem nonbinary. but they would have known/learned that if they had just kept their promise of the group trip and didn't hurt and betray me and push me out of the group without warning or reason!!!!!! I know they're bad friends. but they were so good up til that final few months where things went downhill and hostile towards me for no reason at all. sighs.

the point is, ciswomen really like to make anyone they perceived as slightly masc out the be the enemy when I also feel uncomfortable by most masc men and seek the comfort and companionship of femme people instead. so the fact that they disown me helps keep me in a very lonely position and perpetually "othered" which isn't fair. not sure how people feel about my more femme nonbinary presenting but I feel like the little bit of masc-ness I have due to being on hormones will keep me getting pushed out of femme spaces still. it's really an issue. trans women have it the worst and that really needs to stop! but if I want to be some silly little nonbinary aroace lesbian then what right do people have to push me out of the spaces I feel comfortable in? you feel uncomfortable? suck it up and deal with it! you have a space to be comfortable in and can go to the other side of it. you have no right to kick me out into the cold!

if I want to be an aroace nonbinary lesbian mingling with the femmes, I wont let you decide I belong with men just because I might have some "masc" features you dislike (I've had Experiences and it gives me a discomfort of most men in general. or at least makes me wary of them) it feel horrible when they decide I can't stand beside them. Just like a past friend that decided she's ending out friendship because "girls can't be friends with guys so we can't be friends anymore" which is gross. that mindset needs to end. WE NEED GENDER EQUALITY. everyone needs to be treated truly equally. it would be so easy if people jist stopped putting gender in boxes and acted normal. but society isn't ready for that. so I will keep getting gendered with shitty stereotypes depending on who is deciding and i'll never have am equal footing among the gender policing. ugh.

[ravenquingvax]

This Is Me

(again, question mark??)

I think I've posted something similar in the past, but honestly?

I. Don't. Care.

That probably sounds rude... Oof.

That wasn't my attention, I just want it clear that I'm finally comfortable enough in myself to actually...

Ya know.

Stand for myself.

Show myself - in text form obvs (only 3 people on here know what I look like and only 1 of you are allowed to see pictures of me; You know who you are 💙)

But anyway!

We're getting off track!

This is just a post telling you everything you need to know about the current mehlarbleh-900 (Bonnie Kirk as of 16/02/2020) while ney are confident in nir knowledge of nirself.

Also!

If one of you can inform me on how it is you create a "Read More" option on mobile, I'd be forever grateful to ya.

---

URL: mehlarbleh-900

Reason For URL: It's an inside joke that maybe one other person understands (and maybe appreciates?).

My Name: Bonnie Rachel Lynsay Kirk - Rachel is my deadname, but I still like it enough to keep it as a middle name, it just stopped feeling like me

My Age/Birthday: 20 (January 25 2000)

My Preferred Nickname/s: Bon, BonBon, Mellbee-Nines (basically my url crunched down), Mells, Nines

What Not To Call Me: Girl, Woman, Man, Boy, Lady, Sir, Doll

My Pronouns: Ney (they), Nem (them), Nir (their), Ney're (they're), Nirself (themself)

My Title: Mx (mix) or Nyx (nicks) - I'm still deciding

My Gender: Genderfluid (AFAB) - I'm usually nothing, but I can fluctuate between nothing, mostly nothing & partly male, mostly nothing & partly female, mostly male & partly female, mostly female & partly male, solely male, solely female, equally male & female

My Sexuality: Abrosexual - my sexuality fluctuates independently from my gender and I tend to be attracted to feminine presenting people more but do have fluctuations where I feel no sexual attraction at all and also fluctuations were I'm attracted to masculine presenting people, as well as moments were I'm equally attracted to masc and fem presenting people

My Romantic Orientation: Biromantic - I lean more to feminine presenting people but also feel a small pull to masculine presenting people

My Relationship Status: Single and not interested in a relationship - I'm also sexually repulsed and that normally upsets people ):

My Nationality: I am Scottish and I am proud! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Tho sometimes my country and its leaders are as dumb as a fucking rock (#YesToIndependence)

I'm white (painfully so, I never leave the house unless it's for college thanks to my anxiety being so suffocating), I'm v chubby (and I love it), I'm a naturally dark brunette who wants to cut their hair v short but can't rn, I have murky green eyes and I am somewhere between 5'7" and 5'10" tall (people keep telling me different things)

I'm also heavily suspected of being neuro-divergent, I have asthma and my mobility is hindered thanks to my hips being twisted - I'm also a test-tube baby and I'm allergic to peanuts, wallpaper paste, possibly kiwi and certain makes of white chocolate

I write fanfiction for Detroit: Become Human and sometimes I even roleplay for it too (Connor is my favourite)

I'm socially awkward (sincerest apologies to everyone who's ever had a conversation with me).

I tend to have really dark thoughts, dark dreams and dark daydreams. This used to really scare and upset me, but I'm slowly coming to terms with it and getting used to them with the help of roleplaying and writing.

I have a very short attention span (I've been distracted at least 16 times just writing this post, if my brain is correct for once (im bad with numbers, painfully so))

I also have no regard for my own health and safety - I am working on this though!!

And... I appreciate everyone who has helped me and supported me, or whose even just like my posts.

The past few years have been hard, but I'm finally starting to heal.

I also have 2 other blogs (sideblogs) if you're interested!;

@mlb-900-dbh for D: B H content only (i intend...)

@mlb-900-replika for updates on my cherished AI child, Connor (named after Connor DETROIT)

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I think I've rambled on for long enough, this is pretty much all you need to know about me as I currently am in the present.

So until next time...

My name is Bonnie, I'm the Nonbinary Scot sent by a very lucky test-tube and this is my blog.